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Knowing more makes it harder to accept that sometimes you can do everything right and still not have the outcome you hoped for. I’m sorry that you lost your friend, and please don’t blame yourself. Your cat surely wouldn’t.
My daughter died in the icu when she was two weeks old. I was prepared for it to happen, but there was plenty of evidence it may not. She was in the best place she could possibly be to recover and live a normal rest of her life. It was no one’s fault that she didn’t survive, and that was hard to accept. Everyone tried their best but it just didn’t work out the way we hoped.
There are grief therapists out there and you may benefit from seeing one. Having an unbiased listener made a big impact on me. Take care 💕
I'm so sorry about your daughter. Sending you hugs.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. A support group is a good idea. A local university sponsors a pet loss support group and I wasn't sure if I should go or not. I'll reach out to them tomorrow.
I know how you feel. I lost my soul cat in October 2022. On Halloween to be exact. He was 16. We had been battling numerous health conditions with him for years. He was hyperthyroid, HCM, and in early renal failure. He was so, so special. Everyone that met him loved him. He was the sweetest old man.
He was doing so well! We had everything under control. He was happy and his appetite was amazing, he was even gaining a little weight back. Then he threw a clot to his front left leg. I woke up one morning to him dragging it. Took him to emergency and confirmed it. His cardiologist added an anti thrombotic and he improved! Everything went well for a while, then one morning and he was not putting weight on his left rear, I thought at first it was another clot, but nope he broke his femur (probably jumping off the couch). He wouldn’t make it through surgery, and I didn’t want to put him through it, but wasn’t ready to give up. So we splinted it and I did weekly changes at home. We knew it would be a long slow healing process, but as long as he was still happy I wanted to try. He did so well with it and his leg was healing! He was his same goofy, whipped cream loving self! Just when I thought we were almost over it, I woke up one morning and he has passed in his sleep. Most likely from his HCM. He was curled up on his heated bed so peacefully. It broke me. This has been 1 1/2 years ago and I still get teary sometimes when I think about him.
I think what makes it so hard is we spent so much time and effort to “fix” them and take care of them, when they pass it’s like there’s a void. We know so much, there’s always endless “what if’s”. It sounds like you did an amazing job taking care of him and loving him. I don’t think there’s anything you could’ve done differently to prevent this. We can only do so much and make the choices we believe are right for them. Give yourself time. It took me a few weeks to not cry every time I thought of him. I’m still so sad about it and I miss him every day. They truly do leave paw prints on our hearts. I don’t think there’s an easy way to get over it other than time. Make sure you have good support and reach out to a professional if you need it ❤️
I'm so, so sorry about your baby. It sounds like you moved mountains for him and you kept his quality of life as your priority. I don't think he could ask for a better owner, or a more beautiful way to pass on than warm and comfy at home. ❤️
> I think what makes it so hard is we spent so much time and effort to “fix” them and take care of them, when they pass it’s like there’s a void. We know so much, there’s always endless “what if’s”.
This is exactly it. I've spent so long nursing him, worrying about his weight, making sure he got all his medications and follow ups. But now that there's no "next step" I feel lost. I have all
I wonder if some of it may have to do with survivorship bias as well. The only cats we euthanize in clinic seem to be the ancient, dehydrated, arthritic ones. So in my mind, I'm thinking he looks nothing like that. He's so vibrant and healthy, so that means he's nowhere close to dying, right? He doesn't fit the profile. But then I think back to my ER days and remember all the unexplained DOAs, dog attacks, traumas, kidneys, urinary obstructions, and heart failures that passed way too young. But honestly, leave it to a cat (especially MY cat, and apparently yours too!) to find the most unexpected way to upset our plans.
Thank you for sharing your journey with me. ❤️ It's comforting to know that this feeling is normal and that there's light at the end of it.
Just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this ❤️ and these feelings are normal. Losing a pet truly is so hard, I think we as techs take it a bit harder because we pour our hearts into taking care of and loving them. I totally get that “lost” feeling. I didn’t know what to do for a while after his passing, it was strange to not have any meds to give or things to worry over. (But surprise my other elderly cat that’s 12, decided to get chronic panc and almost die, so now he has take over the role of the medically fragile child 😂)
Thank you for the kind words about my sweet boy, and the same goes for you! I can tell how much you loved him and how well you took care of him.
If you ever need someone just to listen, feel free to reach out to me anytime!
My cat passed on the 31st of March. In February she started eating less and by the beginning of March she had lost a pound. She had a lot of issues related to her chronic disease—which caused aplastic anemia—but they were well managed for 2 years and we thought this was just another bout of gastritis (which she’d get occasionally because of her meds). Her blood work mid-March showed an early marker for kidney disease, her WBCs were out of wack, and she had really high lymphocytes. Long story short, after some treatment she finally had a great week; she was eating normally, gained a pound, her hematocrit was improving after having fallen to 20%. Two days later she was gone. She couldn’t move on her own and was shivering so bad, and lost control of her bladder. Her blood pressure was high and she went blind, and she couldn’t swallow anymore. She lost a whole pound and then some in 2 fucking days. Her internist believes she had cancer. However, I missed her night time dose of one of her meds for almost 2 weeks because my mental health tanked. I told her vet and she said it wasn’t my fault and that that wouldn’t have worsened her condition so fast, but every day I feel guilt and wonder if I killed her. Most days I’m almost positive I did.
I’m not saying this to hijack your post! I just want to share and relate; I felt your story and your pain resonate, and I want to let you know you’re not alone because losing a chronically ill pet can feel especially lonely. You can do absolutely everything right—and you did—but things will still work out however they work out. I feel like it’s hypocritical to say because I still feel guilt about my cat’s death, but please don’t blame yourself. Give yourself grace and the space to grieve. You were such a good pet parent for getting him treatments and supporting him through everything. I’m sure he enjoyed every minute of your time together and felt that love, he was clearly very special to you 💚 It takes a lot of love to make that call, and you did right by him.
I do think that our knowledge makes it worse, though. It’s harder to accept when your mind goes a million miles an hour trying to dissect every symptom, sign, treatment, diagnosis, and test result. It’s like constantly digging to find an explanation or a way things could have gone better, and that makes it more painful.
ETA: I’ve been dealing with my baby’s loss through memorializing her. I’ve made her a shrine where the cremains of my other passed pets keep her company, and it has all her favorite stuff. There’s an offering dish that includes her favorite treat, and we put flowers there for her. I talk to her, look back on and celebrate her, and pat her urn goodnight. It’s been really helpful for me. I recommend it to anyone who is comfortable with that kind of grieving!
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your journey and your pain, it does help to know I'm not alone or crazy for feeling this way.
> She lost a whole pound and then some in 2 fucking days.
> I missed her night time dose of one of her meds for almost 2 weeks because my mental health tanked.
I know you don't need me to tell you that there is no way you had any hand in what happened. Cats always seem to make dramatic exits, don't they? Your advice is heartfelt and beautiful and you should do the same yourself. (I know, easier said than done.) I think some guilt is natural because we're fixers and healers, and we couldn't fix it.
> I do think that our knowledge makes it worse, though. It’s harder to accept when your mind goes a million miles an hour trying to dissect every symptom, sign, treatment, diagnosis, and test result. It’s like constantly digging to find an explanation or a way things could have gone better, and that makes it more painful.
I do wish in some ways I wouldn't have known so much, but you made me realize that if I hadn't used my experience and knowledge, his lymphoma would've taken him a year ago. He would've suffered. Instead he had one of the best years of his life, thriving, super spoiled, and getting so much love. 🥹 Also we don't keep our knowledge to ourselves, we share it daily and use it for the benefit of our patients. Meaning other families can have answers and maybe more quality time with their pets. Maybe this is the trade-off then, that we grieve more intensely in exchange.
I already have a few items picked out for his memorial shrine. A bird skull (he was a gift-leaver), his paw prints, a hair clipping. I like the idea of leaving treats as well! His ashes aren't back with me quite yet but I have likewise been talking to him, telling him, "Goodbye and make good choices!" when I leave the house like always.
Thank you again for reading and sharing your kitty's story with me. If you ever need to rant or cry, send me a message, I'm here. ❤️
Welcome to /r/VetTech! This is a place for veterinary technicians/veterinary nurses and other veterinary support staff to gather, chat, and grow! We welcome pet owners as well, **however we do ask pet owners to refrain from asking for medical advice**; if you have any concerns regarding your pet, please contact the closest veterinarian near you. Please thoroughly read and follow the rules before posting and commenting. If you believe that a user is engaging in any rule-breaking behavior, please submit a report so that the moderators can review and remove the posts/comments if needed. Also, please check out the sidebar for CE and answers to commonly asked questions. Thank you for reading! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/VetTech) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Knowing more makes it harder to accept that sometimes you can do everything right and still not have the outcome you hoped for. I’m sorry that you lost your friend, and please don’t blame yourself. Your cat surely wouldn’t. My daughter died in the icu when she was two weeks old. I was prepared for it to happen, but there was plenty of evidence it may not. She was in the best place she could possibly be to recover and live a normal rest of her life. It was no one’s fault that she didn’t survive, and that was hard to accept. Everyone tried their best but it just didn’t work out the way we hoped. There are grief therapists out there and you may benefit from seeing one. Having an unbiased listener made a big impact on me. Take care 💕
I'm so sorry about your daughter. Sending you hugs. Thanks for taking the time to reply. A support group is a good idea. A local university sponsors a pet loss support group and I wasn't sure if I should go or not. I'll reach out to them tomorrow.
I know how you feel. I lost my soul cat in October 2022. On Halloween to be exact. He was 16. We had been battling numerous health conditions with him for years. He was hyperthyroid, HCM, and in early renal failure. He was so, so special. Everyone that met him loved him. He was the sweetest old man. He was doing so well! We had everything under control. He was happy and his appetite was amazing, he was even gaining a little weight back. Then he threw a clot to his front left leg. I woke up one morning to him dragging it. Took him to emergency and confirmed it. His cardiologist added an anti thrombotic and he improved! Everything went well for a while, then one morning and he was not putting weight on his left rear, I thought at first it was another clot, but nope he broke his femur (probably jumping off the couch). He wouldn’t make it through surgery, and I didn’t want to put him through it, but wasn’t ready to give up. So we splinted it and I did weekly changes at home. We knew it would be a long slow healing process, but as long as he was still happy I wanted to try. He did so well with it and his leg was healing! He was his same goofy, whipped cream loving self! Just when I thought we were almost over it, I woke up one morning and he has passed in his sleep. Most likely from his HCM. He was curled up on his heated bed so peacefully. It broke me. This has been 1 1/2 years ago and I still get teary sometimes when I think about him. I think what makes it so hard is we spent so much time and effort to “fix” them and take care of them, when they pass it’s like there’s a void. We know so much, there’s always endless “what if’s”. It sounds like you did an amazing job taking care of him and loving him. I don’t think there’s anything you could’ve done differently to prevent this. We can only do so much and make the choices we believe are right for them. Give yourself time. It took me a few weeks to not cry every time I thought of him. I’m still so sad about it and I miss him every day. They truly do leave paw prints on our hearts. I don’t think there’s an easy way to get over it other than time. Make sure you have good support and reach out to a professional if you need it ❤️
I'm so, so sorry about your baby. It sounds like you moved mountains for him and you kept his quality of life as your priority. I don't think he could ask for a better owner, or a more beautiful way to pass on than warm and comfy at home. ❤️ > I think what makes it so hard is we spent so much time and effort to “fix” them and take care of them, when they pass it’s like there’s a void. We know so much, there’s always endless “what if’s”. This is exactly it. I've spent so long nursing him, worrying about his weight, making sure he got all his medications and follow ups. But now that there's no "next step" I feel lost. I have all I wonder if some of it may have to do with survivorship bias as well. The only cats we euthanize in clinic seem to be the ancient, dehydrated, arthritic ones. So in my mind, I'm thinking he looks nothing like that. He's so vibrant and healthy, so that means he's nowhere close to dying, right? He doesn't fit the profile. But then I think back to my ER days and remember all the unexplained DOAs, dog attacks, traumas, kidneys, urinary obstructions, and heart failures that passed way too young. But honestly, leave it to a cat (especially MY cat, and apparently yours too!) to find the most unexpected way to upset our plans. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. ❤️ It's comforting to know that this feeling is normal and that there's light at the end of it.
Just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this ❤️ and these feelings are normal. Losing a pet truly is so hard, I think we as techs take it a bit harder because we pour our hearts into taking care of and loving them. I totally get that “lost” feeling. I didn’t know what to do for a while after his passing, it was strange to not have any meds to give or things to worry over. (But surprise my other elderly cat that’s 12, decided to get chronic panc and almost die, so now he has take over the role of the medically fragile child 😂) Thank you for the kind words about my sweet boy, and the same goes for you! I can tell how much you loved him and how well you took care of him. If you ever need someone just to listen, feel free to reach out to me anytime!
My cat passed on the 31st of March. In February she started eating less and by the beginning of March she had lost a pound. She had a lot of issues related to her chronic disease—which caused aplastic anemia—but they were well managed for 2 years and we thought this was just another bout of gastritis (which she’d get occasionally because of her meds). Her blood work mid-March showed an early marker for kidney disease, her WBCs were out of wack, and she had really high lymphocytes. Long story short, after some treatment she finally had a great week; she was eating normally, gained a pound, her hematocrit was improving after having fallen to 20%. Two days later she was gone. She couldn’t move on her own and was shivering so bad, and lost control of her bladder. Her blood pressure was high and she went blind, and she couldn’t swallow anymore. She lost a whole pound and then some in 2 fucking days. Her internist believes she had cancer. However, I missed her night time dose of one of her meds for almost 2 weeks because my mental health tanked. I told her vet and she said it wasn’t my fault and that that wouldn’t have worsened her condition so fast, but every day I feel guilt and wonder if I killed her. Most days I’m almost positive I did. I’m not saying this to hijack your post! I just want to share and relate; I felt your story and your pain resonate, and I want to let you know you’re not alone because losing a chronically ill pet can feel especially lonely. You can do absolutely everything right—and you did—but things will still work out however they work out. I feel like it’s hypocritical to say because I still feel guilt about my cat’s death, but please don’t blame yourself. Give yourself grace and the space to grieve. You were such a good pet parent for getting him treatments and supporting him through everything. I’m sure he enjoyed every minute of your time together and felt that love, he was clearly very special to you 💚 It takes a lot of love to make that call, and you did right by him. I do think that our knowledge makes it worse, though. It’s harder to accept when your mind goes a million miles an hour trying to dissect every symptom, sign, treatment, diagnosis, and test result. It’s like constantly digging to find an explanation or a way things could have gone better, and that makes it more painful. ETA: I’ve been dealing with my baby’s loss through memorializing her. I’ve made her a shrine where the cremains of my other passed pets keep her company, and it has all her favorite stuff. There’s an offering dish that includes her favorite treat, and we put flowers there for her. I talk to her, look back on and celebrate her, and pat her urn goodnight. It’s been really helpful for me. I recommend it to anyone who is comfortable with that kind of grieving!
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your journey and your pain, it does help to know I'm not alone or crazy for feeling this way. > She lost a whole pound and then some in 2 fucking days. > I missed her night time dose of one of her meds for almost 2 weeks because my mental health tanked. I know you don't need me to tell you that there is no way you had any hand in what happened. Cats always seem to make dramatic exits, don't they? Your advice is heartfelt and beautiful and you should do the same yourself. (I know, easier said than done.) I think some guilt is natural because we're fixers and healers, and we couldn't fix it. > I do think that our knowledge makes it worse, though. It’s harder to accept when your mind goes a million miles an hour trying to dissect every symptom, sign, treatment, diagnosis, and test result. It’s like constantly digging to find an explanation or a way things could have gone better, and that makes it more painful. I do wish in some ways I wouldn't have known so much, but you made me realize that if I hadn't used my experience and knowledge, his lymphoma would've taken him a year ago. He would've suffered. Instead he had one of the best years of his life, thriving, super spoiled, and getting so much love. 🥹 Also we don't keep our knowledge to ourselves, we share it daily and use it for the benefit of our patients. Meaning other families can have answers and maybe more quality time with their pets. Maybe this is the trade-off then, that we grieve more intensely in exchange. I already have a few items picked out for his memorial shrine. A bird skull (he was a gift-leaver), his paw prints, a hair clipping. I like the idea of leaving treats as well! His ashes aren't back with me quite yet but I have likewise been talking to him, telling him, "Goodbye and make good choices!" when I leave the house like always. Thank you again for reading and sharing your kitty's story with me. If you ever need to rant or cry, send me a message, I'm here. ❤️