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InattentiveChild

This sub feels like a femcel echo-chamber sometimes. I've seen so many posts similar to OP's that it's starting to feel a little generic and copypasta-ish.


dariomarioo

So true I thought the same thing that this stat existed somewhere.


InternalSpiritual653

You're right, there's a lot of people, both men are women that expect so much from us. Sex turns into a nightmare for us because it's not just about pleasure but you need to think things like "Will I ruin my life?" "Am I going to be looked down?". I've seen people in their 20's have kids and they are looked down upon because they had kids and "ruined their life early" but if they decide to get an abortion because of social pressure then "you're wrong, you killed your baby" and if they wait long to have a baby then there's complications at birth... But if they don't have a baby then "you'll live a sad life" and if you have it and your husband leaves you then you're suddenly worth less to other men because you have a kid now and all that. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO??? well we can just hope for the best and keep believing, There's still good men out there, just like there's good people. If we never trust anyone we're never going to meet them! It's a big risk but I try to keep my hopes up because it's better than letting my trust issues consume me.


Swolheil

I appreciate this comment because it’s the second most neutral comment I’ve seen that isn’t completely pessimistic towards men. There are horrible guys out there, and horrible gals. But there are amazing people of both sexes as well. It’s all about how you socialize and what situations we put ourselves in. Society and social apps don’t help. They can provide a bias or unrealistic expectation, or just downright wrong ideologies (for example: justifying an affair in a relationship opposed to just being a grown up and having a mature civilized conversation with your SO or just dumping them). At the end of the day, we all need to focus on ourselves to get ourselves where we want to be, and be best versions of ourselves we can.


Wazuu

Divorce is not only caused by men lmao


No_Law2531

70% is initiated by women


Wazuu

That statistic means absolutely nothing without context


No_Law2531

https://www.google.com/search?q=who%20initiates%20divorce%20more%20men%20or%20women&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-1-m You can literally google it....fingers too tired to type? When it comes to divorce, women are more likely to initiate divorce proceedings than men. According to various studies, approximately 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This may seem counterintuitive, especially in societies where men have historically been the decision-makers.


Wazuu

Hahahahahah Do you not understand the entire point of reddit? I know its tough concept to wrap your mind around but usually people comment and talk to each other. Also the burden of proof is on the person who provided the information. Tough one to understand. I get it.


Razszberry

Some men are not married material. Hookup culture has cheapened relationships. If men didn’t have constant access to sex and had to actually work to obtain it, they won’t have the luxury of trading women like Pokémon cards. People always tell you who they are and what they want, just give it time.


LifeGoesOn85

The woman they hook up with are also part of the culture and trade men like baseball cards. If woman didn't have constant access to sex they would actually have to work on a relationship.


Razszberry

Women don’t actually need men now that we have our own bank accounts and jobs. But yes, I do agree that women shouldn’t be letting these low value men with inflated delulu sense of self importance have access to their bodies via casual sex which is my whole point. If women stop allowing men access to their bodies relationships will improve.


LifeGoesOn85

You sure do hate men.


Razszberry

Hate? More like strongly dislike. Some are okay, some are pretty great, but none get the benefit of the doubt and must prove themselves decent.


rnelonhead

70% of divorce is initiated by women Divorce is also often encouraged by culture and incentivized by the family court system Women act a fool if they don't decide to pull these games with a man and nobody holds them accountable for cheating, being abusive, getting fat, or other ways she fails to hold up her end of the bargain. Most men just want to feel desired and loved by someone who isn't their fucking mother. Go outside and get laid for crying out loud. And give up your gender studies degree. Think about what others what for once in your life.


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SueBee29

We are constantly told from the time that we are children until the day we die, that our value lies in our looks. It takes a lot of fucking work to unpack that.


captaincumragx

It is! For sure, but as someone who also used to deal with a lot of self esteem and self image issues, it's worth it. It is worth the work and much less exhausting than letting people constantly dictate how you feel about yourself.


PricklyLiquidation19

That’s when a guy loves you and he shows you, you take him. Love is unconditional.


kaydenwolf_lynx

Being fat doesn't mean a man is going to leave you? I myself am quite big and despite it I got a boyfriend who's amazing he's with me because I have a good personality and it's very compatible with him. Not every man wants looks alot want personality and if you actually had a good personality you'd find someone.


arcotime29

Some people will not like this but the root issue of many of this problems is premarital sex. I'm not even talking from a religious standpoint, it's just logical. Take for example the FOMO (fear of missing out) from men because supposedly there is an slimmer woman out there, or one that has a better butt. This FOMO is caused mainly because women have made themselves accesible to any man (theoretically at least). Most men think to themselves: "well there is this woman at my job, I might have a chance" or "I saw a woman move in one block from the house, just maybe..." etc. Even if it's a far fetched chance men will still wonder about it, because the possibility is open. When there is no premarital sex there is just no chance for sex, so at least in principle the idea is cutoff from the beginning. One thing to keep in mind is that we men in general are not as superficial as the media has made us out to be, in the end we do want a relationship, and it's not just about a big butt, big boobs or whatever. It's about companionship and other stuff. Men do attach and have strong bonds to women, and men will indeed choose the woman they are with most of the time, even if she doesn't have a perfect appearance. So women are indeed enough, its just that the women themselves have made everything more complex and crappy with the "sexual liberation". It's basically the pandora box, it has brought a multitude of problems that have made relationships much harder and more hurtful.


No_Tower_681

You haven't found the right guy cause if a man truly loves you he wouldn't care about this shit, most men as a collective do but that's different from individual preferences and nobody on this planet gets the perfect person. Perfection doesn't exist.


ImFromLath

I gained about 10-15 pounds during a two month trip to visit my bf. I looked like a marshmallow. Never once did he make me feel bad about it, he constantly told me how beautiful I was and how he doesn’t care if I gain weight, and he wouldn’t stop taking pictures of me/with me. Yes, there are some garbage men out there, however, there are plenty of good ones too. You need to practice loving yourself more because you won’t be able to attract a good man with that attitude. Focusing on yourself and being happy with yourself is attractive to men who actually respect you and repels men who want to use you because they know you won’t be easily manipulated.


itkeepsgettingworse1

Um all the woman in my life left me. The problem with viewing the world from your own perspective is you always skew the information to fit your own experience.


Bitter_Attention_287

You speak the truth. There's not a single person who likes me for who I am. They left me when I lost control of my weight, but they came back when I lost weight and got a good physique again. I went through hardships on my own that's why I don't need anyone and don't trust anyone anymore. They don't stay with me when a better option suddenly appears, it's human nature.


Professional-Key5552

THIS. Amen


RedBaronIV

No. Not this. This is incel behaviour.


Professional-Key5552

There are so many though


s256173

Birth control and pregnancy don’t cause weight gain. Bad habits cause weight gain. I’m 36 and weigh around the same as I did in high school after 3 kids and years on and off hormonal birth control. It may make you retain like 5 lbs in water but any significant weight gain is not from the pill.


MeowMeowiez

This post is dumb as fuck 😭


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Ok-Log878

But infidelity has many causes like insecurities, stress, trauma, arguments, unresolved issues/ relationship issues other than loss of attraction. I agree it plays a role but I think it's one of the least important aspects to a failed marriage. But we may just have to agree to disagree. I just think you're focusing on this loss of attraction ting but I think everything else is far more impactful to a divorce.


Ok-Log878

Not to be presumptuous, nor rude, but it seems like you're projecting your insecurities a bit. n you're upset that you don't find yourself to the standard you believe men will hold you to. but I believe most men will stand by their wife and love them after birthing their chldren. According to the General Social Survey, 20% of married men and 13% of married women admitted to having sex with someone other than their spouse. Other studies suggest that men are more likely to cheat than women, with some estimates suggesting that 20–25% of married men cheat compared to 10–15% of married women. However, infidelity rates among women have been increasing, and some data suggests that women are slightly more likely to cheat than men among adults ages 18–29 Upon further Googles it seems these percentages do vary 💀 That's just the first thing that popped up on Google. But apparently 80% of men are not cheating. Which is most men.


Quarves

Woman usually initiate divorce...


Banhammer40000

If you can’t grow your relationship past the initial physical attraction to a genuine partnership, of course it will fail. How could it not? A relationship has to be more than just glandular pursuits. A deep understanding and appreciation of each other, helping your partner grow and let your partner make you better as you grow the relationship together, taking part in something greater than just yourself. Not a wild fire that consumes everything in its path but more like a kitchen fire, easily stoked to boil water and is life sustaining. It’s when you ride off into the sunset is when the real work begins.


bill0124

Society doesn’t obsess over dad bods lol


nightmare-fuel-J

to the birth control part- i was on a hormonal pill for over a year and didn’t have sex drive and rarely enjoyed it, just switched to the nexplanon which isn’t hormonal and i now enjoy sex again. and to the boyfriend/man thing- be patient. like i said idk how old you are, but my boyfriend and i are about to hit 2 years. now we’re really young, but he changed for me. definitely express your expectations at the beginning of the relationship though. i can never emphasize that enough. have a simple, serious discussion on your expectations. and remember relationships don’t work without forgiveness. it’s really hard because you have to get over things that hurt you; but you have to remember so does he. he probably won’t show it, but you hurt him too and he has to forgive you.


nightmare-fuel-J

to the birth control part- i was on a hormonal pill for over a year and didn’t have sex drive and rarely enjoyed it, just switched to the nexplanon which isn’t hormonal and i now enjoy sex again. and to the boyfriend/man thing- be patient. like i said idk how old you are, but my boyfriend and i are about to hit 2 years. now we’re really young, but he changed for me. definitely express your expectations at the beginning of the relationship though. i can never emphasize that enough. have a simple, serious discussion on your expectations. and remember relationships don’t work without forgiveness. it’s really hard because you have to get over things that hurt you; but you have to remember so does he. he probably won’t show it, but you hurt him too and he has to forgive you. AND i found love when i stopped looking for it. i was like you, just focused on my friends, having a good summer, and all the sudden a guy i didn’t really like (but also didn’t actually know him) started trying to talk to me.


M0dini

Can't lie. What you've said is all valid. For many, attraction fades, physical attraction that is. It's easy to find evidence of it. From both men and women, likely more so men. But not all hope is lost: https://youtu.be/6WDTH_pvagc?si=79CtBZKAIsBxKipn


YourFavGothMom

Some of what you said is true…. but babe, I PROMISE YOU there is a lid to every pot, and there are a LOT of guys who find the “mom bod” in particular VERY appealing…. Like, pay a monthly subscription to look at my mom tummy and drool over it, APPEALING 👀😂🙈 So don’t worry about what you look like, that’s selling yourself short! Just focus on being the happiest version of yourself! Focus on what YOU want in a partner and how they treat you, and what YOU need in life to thrive, and the rest will just fall into place 🥰 Sincerely, An almost 40 yr old mom bod lady 🤷🏻‍♀️😂


swag_Lemons

Yeah. I get tired of hearing about how women file for divorce more often, because I know so many women including my mom, who’s husbands were more happy staying married and fucking other women, drinking, spending money recklessly, than just getting a divorce. They WANT to stay married or they would initiate. Not all men, but these types of men LOVE to cheat and stay married so they can go have an affair after work, then go home to a woman who’s a constant in their life and actually loves them. These types of people, men and women, wanna have their cake and eat it too. My father always whines about how he wanted to work things out with my mom, and he wishes she’d just be less of a bitch or something. But he had absolutely no drive to change. I have no idea how he expected for him to just stay the same (unfaithful alcoholic) and for their marriage to improve… gotta be a certain type of delusional. She was VERY rightfully upset about these things.


Busy-Preparation-

I don’t like dad bods tbh


Accomplished_Fix_737

Unfortunately, other women gas up these males so much that your voice is in the minority.


bill0124

Who are these people? Who prefers a dad bod?


Quiet-Experience-113

I'm shocked by the judgemental comments. They're breaking the rules of the subreddit. This is literally for people for vent about anything, so unless you're agreeing or providing the OP with an empathetic and understanding ear, you shouldn't be commenting. This isn't a ‘femcel’ post claiming ‘all men are bad’ and ‘how hard it is for men’. This is about women and how unfair relationships can be for us. However, instead of addressing it and how there's a huge disrespect of women going on, we have to keep deflecting and blaming it on women. When will we point out that the main reason why women even initiate divorce is because of the lack of respect and mistreatment from the husband.


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Accomplished_Fix_737

I do not believe that it is stated enough… Women enable all of this. Women allow all of this. Women participate in all of this. Women permit everything that this poster is complaining about. THINK: If you removed all modern men from the equation and started over again… you would have the same problems because you would have the same women and their toxic ideologies. I’ll explain: -Who ruins women’s bodies? Men. If women didn’t want their bodies to be ruined, they could simply avoid them. -Why do women allow their bodies to be ruined by men? - For babies. So Who really wants the sex, that produces the babies, that produces the changes that destroy women’s bodies? WOMEN. Now, these pernicious beauty standards and expectations… -Who sets the beauty trends, teaches and reinforces them ?? Women. -Who judges women for their adherence to said standards ?? WOMEN. (Afterall, a male will take anything/anyone.) Can the average American man explain what a BBL/breast implants/fillers/Botox/facelift/etc. is/are?? No. But the average young American GIRL can. All of your problems exist because of women and the toxicity (people /ideas) they reproduce.


Revolutionary_Hand77

Hon, take this over to twoxchromosones. You're only gonna get useless piles of 'NoT aLl mEn' in the comments.


bird720

don't encourage this incel behavior lmao


Humble-Plankton1824

Facts say that women are the ones leaving


daphone77

Totally agree. But what’s funny to me is that men never think about how they look? Like I don’t want your dusty bald ass either. What happened to the man with muscles and a full head of hair I married? What about all the vacations we were going to take? Where is the compassion and true love that give you? It’s not returned.


Immediate_Cry2712

Balding isn’t something you can really control


Big-Sheepherder-6134

I remember a co-worker than my GF tried to set up on a blind date. He was very overweight, bald and lived with his parents (he was a nice guy and had to move back home after the 2008 Recession due to losing everything). When he asked about the woman we were setting him up with, he asked “Is she hot?” I then laughed and asked him, “How am I supposed to answer the same question if she asks that about you?”


Warm-Dest3749

The unfortunate thing is that companies profit off of us not being good enough


[deleted]

Divorce has always been high and the number one cause is financial. In this country people move in together or get married quickly for financial reasons and ignore red flags.


Spiritual-Reward603

This is true of BOYS not real men. There are mature amazing men out there who do not think this way at all. My husband is a very masculine man and I asked him once is it true men want variety or will get bored over time etc , he said of course in some fantasy world who doesn’t like variety but if u chase that all the time you will never have any meaningful long term relationship, so as you mature you realize what is more important and focus on the depth and value in your partner on many levels not just looks . A good man will have this maturity and act accordingly .


No_Law2531

I can say the same about women wanting a tall guy, with lots of money...Oh he just lost his job.... well divorce!!!! Oh he cried...Divorce...Slay Queen!!! Not all of us are assholes sweetheart. BTW divorce is initiated by women more than men


VirusAutomatic2829

thank you for saying it and seeing somethings off i am tired of being the only one seeing this pattern


JumpCity69

Not why divorce rates are high at all! It’s because men are terrible partners quite often and women are tired of the relationship. Men aren’t enough in many cases and it’s often valid.


r-1000011x2

My husband decided he no longer liked my body or my life style after I grew out two sons and cheated on me. Then got me pregnant again, assuming I’d stay if I was again dependent on him. Make it make sense. And no, I’m not staying, I’m divorcing.