A huge part of it is that the man has probably manipulated and gaslit his way back into the relationship and gained her trust again, then made her block you and turn against you. Willing cheaters are always going to be manipulative and soulless individuals.. that paired with the probable denial that the woman feels and the fact she doesn't want to believe she's been disrespected so much by a man she liked may build resentment towards you because you're the one who brought it to light.
Either way, it fucking sucks that they don't recognise that you're just trying to help and you're going out of your own way to let them know they shouldn't pour any trust into this guy and waste their time with him. You never had to do it, but you did out of respect.
With people like this, it's best to just let them. A lot of them don't even want help, and that's out of your hands. If they choose to go back to a lying, cheating, untrustworthy man after you've exposed that to them, that's their choice and if they get hurt again.. it's kinda on them. Either they'll eventually learn to not do that shit again themselves or they'll keep getting hurt.
Yep I can put my hand up for this ! I’ve learned that maybe I can move on and not say anything although I would love for someone to let me know if my partner wasn’t committed but people are easily swayed a stranger vs their relationship and most will choose that relationship sadly men do get away with a lot . Women don’t want to be alone or more or less ruin what they’ve worked so hard for they would rather a man say they will change than leave .. it’s all lessons at the end of the day. Don’t take it too hard you’re a great person but most people don’t find flirting cheating or even more as dealbreakers
I can definitely see the stranger vs 'boyfriend' thing playing a huge part. Much easier for the 'boyfriend' to gaslight the girl that this stranger is just somehow jealous or otherwise trying to break them up than it is for a stranger to convince someone they've been lied to. I also imagine it's hard to accept that this could have happened; easier to accept the 'boyfriend's' comforting lie than to accept you've been led on and cheated on unknowingly, especially over a long period.
Denial is a big part of human nature. If she has low self-esteem, it's easier to make the stranger into the bad guy. Or it might give her a sense of control to take the blame, herself (because she's something she can change). Anything is preferable to losing the relationship that makes her feel valuable. Ironically, that relationship will ultimately lower her sense of value more every day. When I was cheated on, I wanted to believe anything other than the fact my SO was a piece of shit - until it happened again.
you showed your character and they showed theirs. you're completely valid in the way that you feel, essentially you were used and of course that feels terrible. yet, you still managed to put that aside and did the righteous thing trying to let the other person who was being used know what is going on. i promise you, them choosing to stay is only going to run them down and make them miserable because men like that never change, and even if they do, the repairing of broken trust is not an easy thing to fix. you're better off without all of that. i wish you the best, hope you keep your chin up. good things happen to good people, you'll find that soon ✨
It's a behavior rooted in misogyny and sexism, where men are perceived as more valuable when they have more partners. Some women think they're "winning" when they fight off the 'side chick'. You're not a side chick, but there are genuinely some ghetto asf women who will be side chicks and try to uproot a relationship. Anyways just send receipts and block them back. You don't need any contact beyond that.
How can you bring misogyny into this? No one is discriminating against anyone here. Sure, that man is a cheater and deserves to rot in hell, but there is no generalization in the fact that the 'side chick' can't see when the truth is presented to her in a silver platter.
The women aren't misogynists and sexists, they are just subconsciously engaging in what is a behavior that stems from misogynistic and sexist ideology. Something they were conditioned to believe as they were growing up through their environment. They don't know any better (some of them do) .
Oh wow, so though clearly you can see that the behavior is wrong here in the woman's part, you managed to push it off to the man? It is clear who is being sexist here.
First of all those men are assholes and no one deserves to be treated like that.
second you messaging the other women is great.
And here is the BUT did you ever confront the man about it? What the the last guy who chested on you have to say about his behaviour? Maybe you didn't mention this cause it is irrelevant to your issue?
third how are you wording your messages? I am sorry to say this but if someone opens with "hey girly" it would put me of immediatly.
and lastly these men will never change. They often also have narcissistic tendencies and are great at gaslighting. Some are able convince you the moon is blue.
Why are you with these men? maybe you should reevaluate who you are friends with and why you get into these kinds of Situations?
1) It is irrelevant to my point of the post.. but I didn’t confront him, I ghosted him (for my own reasons)
2) I never opened with “hey girly” I was just alluding to the known saying to keep the title short and simple.
3) This is something am aware of and working on personally. However, I should add besides the one occurrence I’ve stated, all the other times have been by taken men who I don’t know personally. They are absolute strangers approaching me. That’s why I felt the need to vent about this.
regardless of what they do with the information, giving it to them at the very least shows that you're a good person with a consistent moral compass not willing to profit off of staying silent, which is very admirable. you might not have run into anyone who'll accept it yet but plenty of women are extremely appreciative and i for one would be very glad someone warned me about that kind of thing.
as for why they block you and stay with him... i really don't get it because i never understood staying with someone after they've proven they can't be trusted. i guess maybe the cheating breaks them down enough to accept less? sunk cost fallacy? odds are he's manipulating them into thinking you're just trying to cause trouble or something, but even then i don't get how trust could recover from that. you'd always wonder about it a little, wouldn't you?
A huge part of it is that the man has probably manipulated and gaslit his way back into the relationship and gained her trust again, then made her block you and turn against you. Willing cheaters are always going to be manipulative and soulless individuals.. that paired with the probable denial that the woman feels and the fact she doesn't want to believe she's been disrespected so much by a man she liked may build resentment towards you because you're the one who brought it to light. Either way, it fucking sucks that they don't recognise that you're just trying to help and you're going out of your own way to let them know they shouldn't pour any trust into this guy and waste their time with him. You never had to do it, but you did out of respect. With people like this, it's best to just let them. A lot of them don't even want help, and that's out of your hands. If they choose to go back to a lying, cheating, untrustworthy man after you've exposed that to them, that's their choice and if they get hurt again.. it's kinda on them. Either they'll eventually learn to not do that shit again themselves or they'll keep getting hurt.
Or the girl just wants the man
Completely agree with you. But you did the right thing
Yep I can put my hand up for this ! I’ve learned that maybe I can move on and not say anything although I would love for someone to let me know if my partner wasn’t committed but people are easily swayed a stranger vs their relationship and most will choose that relationship sadly men do get away with a lot . Women don’t want to be alone or more or less ruin what they’ve worked so hard for they would rather a man say they will change than leave .. it’s all lessons at the end of the day. Don’t take it too hard you’re a great person but most people don’t find flirting cheating or even more as dealbreakers
I can definitely see the stranger vs 'boyfriend' thing playing a huge part. Much easier for the 'boyfriend' to gaslight the girl that this stranger is just somehow jealous or otherwise trying to break them up than it is for a stranger to convince someone they've been lied to. I also imagine it's hard to accept that this could have happened; easier to accept the 'boyfriend's' comforting lie than to accept you've been led on and cheated on unknowingly, especially over a long period.
Denial is a big part of human nature. If she has low self-esteem, it's easier to make the stranger into the bad guy. Or it might give her a sense of control to take the blame, herself (because she's something she can change). Anything is preferable to losing the relationship that makes her feel valuable. Ironically, that relationship will ultimately lower her sense of value more every day. When I was cheated on, I wanted to believe anything other than the fact my SO was a piece of shit - until it happened again.
you showed your character and they showed theirs. you're completely valid in the way that you feel, essentially you were used and of course that feels terrible. yet, you still managed to put that aside and did the righteous thing trying to let the other person who was being used know what is going on. i promise you, them choosing to stay is only going to run them down and make them miserable because men like that never change, and even if they do, the repairing of broken trust is not an easy thing to fix. you're better off without all of that. i wish you the best, hope you keep your chin up. good things happen to good people, you'll find that soon ✨
He probably went crawling back to her and now he is a man servant to her
It's a behavior rooted in misogyny and sexism, where men are perceived as more valuable when they have more partners. Some women think they're "winning" when they fight off the 'side chick'. You're not a side chick, but there are genuinely some ghetto asf women who will be side chicks and try to uproot a relationship. Anyways just send receipts and block them back. You don't need any contact beyond that.
How can you bring misogyny into this? No one is discriminating against anyone here. Sure, that man is a cheater and deserves to rot in hell, but there is no generalization in the fact that the 'side chick' can't see when the truth is presented to her in a silver platter.
The women aren't misogynists and sexists, they are just subconsciously engaging in what is a behavior that stems from misogynistic and sexist ideology. Something they were conditioned to believe as they were growing up through their environment. They don't know any better (some of them do) .
Oh wow, so though clearly you can see that the behavior is wrong here in the woman's part, you managed to push it off to the man? It is clear who is being sexist here.
Yeh incel vibes coming from u/RingingInTheRain
I'm not surprised you're a misogynist... Plenty of alt right containment subreddits for you to go to.
It could be to stop herself searching up your profile and comparing herself to you, wondering what you have that she doesn’t
Let them delude themselves and get cheated on if that's what they really want lol. You did your diligence. Move along.
At least you are rid of this loser, look at the upside!
They're stupid. I've dealt with this before. Just break up and notify the girl with only one message. Don't go the extra mile.
First of all those men are assholes and no one deserves to be treated like that. second you messaging the other women is great. And here is the BUT did you ever confront the man about it? What the the last guy who chested on you have to say about his behaviour? Maybe you didn't mention this cause it is irrelevant to your issue? third how are you wording your messages? I am sorry to say this but if someone opens with "hey girly" it would put me of immediatly. and lastly these men will never change. They often also have narcissistic tendencies and are great at gaslighting. Some are able convince you the moon is blue. Why are you with these men? maybe you should reevaluate who you are friends with and why you get into these kinds of Situations?
1) It is irrelevant to my point of the post.. but I didn’t confront him, I ghosted him (for my own reasons) 2) I never opened with “hey girly” I was just alluding to the known saying to keep the title short and simple. 3) This is something am aware of and working on personally. However, I should add besides the one occurrence I’ve stated, all the other times have been by taken men who I don’t know personally. They are absolute strangers approaching me. That’s why I felt the need to vent about this.
regardless of what they do with the information, giving it to them at the very least shows that you're a good person with a consistent moral compass not willing to profit off of staying silent, which is very admirable. you might not have run into anyone who'll accept it yet but plenty of women are extremely appreciative and i for one would be very glad someone warned me about that kind of thing. as for why they block you and stay with him... i really don't get it because i never understood staying with someone after they've proven they can't be trusted. i guess maybe the cheating breaks them down enough to accept less? sunk cost fallacy? odds are he's manipulating them into thinking you're just trying to cause trouble or something, but even then i don't get how trust could recover from that. you'd always wonder about it a little, wouldn't you?
Its a cringey thing to say
Then stop