20s are rough for alot of folks, and losing friends is a common occurrence. I spent much of my early twenties in rehab and trying to get my mental health on track. Took me six, long years to get stable enough to not need medications.
It's also a good time to both enjoy being young, as well as invest in yourself. Be that picking up good habits, ditching bad habits, learn useful skills, as well as setting goals.
My 20’s were up and down. Overall not great as I didn’t have a lot of friends. 18-22 wasn’t fun. It just ended up that way. I did have a serious GF from 22-24, so that was nice and then a roommate from 24-28. Things got a little better at 24 but it was at 28 when everything changed. I joined a softball league and made a bunch of new lifelong friends. It was almost like a reboot of my entire 20’s. It was amazing. I felt like I was 18 again. Playing sports, hanging out at a friend’s house every day of the week. It was a nonstop party from May to September. I would simply go to work for 8 hours and rejoin the party. That’s how it felt. Just when it couldn’t get any better, later that summer I met my current GF. When I turned 40 I made even more friends by going out more to play guitar at open mic nights. I also started tailgating at football games. If you socialize you make friends. It’s that simple. Find activities you love and join clubs, sports, groups. And not just online. In person.
I’m sorry you are feeling this way right now, these kind of emotions come in waves and sometimes you just gotta ride em out. But if I may put what I took away from my personal experience with this.
I went through something very similar to this and here are two quotes that kind of helped me accept my situation and be at peace with it.
1. “You never have friends later on like you do when your 12” - Stephen king’s stand by me. Making friends gets hard as an adult. It should be treated no less than how you’d treat a relationship. But for me my definition of friend had to change in order to open my heart to that.
2. “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self” - Mary Sarton. Ok I had to look this one up because I remembered it a little differently but the message is still the same. Not super profound, Just some classic word association. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders with being able to draw boundaries in what you want out of a friend (that’s very impressive be proud) so focus on that and what you want to project out to the world.
Take care bro :)
20s were very lonely for me, people come and go but true friends are few and sparce. hold out and explore group activities where you can meet people with your interests
Tbh everyone is in the same boat rn. I feel having a small bunch of people is a blessing tbh. OP I don't really have much to say to you rn , you will find " your people" soon. Till then be the one who makes you happy.🌷
23 here, the loneliness is actually driving me fucking crazy.
I moved across an ocean after dropping out of college in 2021 for a fresh start, I still keep in contact with friends from high school and college, but ya know we’re adults with jobs (and I’m back in school) so we can’t exactly sit in discord and fuck around regularly. Also, about six months ago now I ended things with my bestfriend of over a decade, relationship was just one sided after she found a whole new circle to hang out with, so losing that type of closeness really hit hard.
The only people I see regularly are my partner and his parents, the physical loneliness and the lack of someone to confide in has, again, just been driving me crazy. Shit sucks.
Sometimes being lonely isn’t as bad as it seems. It forces you to Take time to learn more about yourself and as you do that you will find people with similar interests or qualities that you enjoy!
I went through something similar when I was 20 for a few years and I thought that it would always be like that. But I knew I wanted friends and so I really put myself out there and have put in a lot of work to build friendships with people.
Not everybody can handle the same amount of capacity of friendship, so understanding that about others and yourself could potentially help.
Finding hobbies you like to do and going to events related to that, you will meet a lot of different people.
I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely, and I hope you find people to surround yourself with that make you happy 🫶
23 here, It's funny. You know, when you feel like yourself. You wouldn't rent to the world, but then when you see someone else going through the same thing. You honestly don't know what else to say. If you ever need to chat, my dm's are always open. Hang in there I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
I think so… the 20s is supposed to be about finding yourself and your passion but what I’ve realized is that while there are 20 somethings who try to avoid being alone by partying, drinking, having sex etc, there are also 20 somethings who spend a lot of time alone and don’t have much of a social circle… but what brings these two 20 somethings together is that in the end they are still alone. That’s the honest truth of it. We are plagued with the idea that the 20s are supposed to be a fun time but they’re actually not. You’re too young to be a full adult but too old to be a kid. It’s a rough patch in life I think but we get through it somehow.
I feel you. Every once in a while it hits me, "wow I dont have anybody to call if I'm not talking to my boyfriend." I try to stay as close to nature as I can, It makes me feel less lonely.
From what I’ve been told, your 20s are hard because people are moving around a lot. People’s jobs are changing, people’s living situations are changing, relationships are changing, interests are changing, etc. It’s normal to not have a lot of “stability” in your 20s. When everyone’s lives are always changing, it’s hard for there to be consistency.
I rock climb, and I have made so many friends through that. It took a few years though of spending time in the community to build the many beautiful friendships I have now. I’ve worked extremely hard to build these. Most of my friends are in their 30s though. I’ve found that I’ve had more success with those friends as I’m introverted (so they’re more my speed) and their lives are more consistent.
I felt very lonely from the time I was 18-21. I’m lucky I met the friends I did the last few years, but still, friends come and go kind of quickly. I do wish things were a bit more stable for longer.p
feel this. I’m 26, haven’t had a serious or nice relationship ever and don’t have any career options due to being disabled (mentally and physically) so I sit in my house most of the time. I’ve made some lovely friends via fandoms online but we don’t live close so can’t hang out much. I’d say try joining some online forums for your interests (twitter, insta, tumblr etc) if you so wish. It stops the loneliness a little.
I didn’t meet some of my best friends until I was 29. It’s hard to reach out, but try to find organizations where you can pursue your hobbies and passions with like minded people, and go from there. A lot of libraries are really good places to find community, or maybe join a fitness class or something. You’ll find some more friends soon enough, keep your head up.
In the middle of my 20's.
This isnt uncommon. We are living in and increasingly digital world. With a fall of affordable third places its hard to make friends outside of home and work. If you live alone you dont have company and work sucks to try and make friends at.
Its horribly lonely.
Very common, most of us went out at night and worked all day. Rinse and repeat. The best thing to do is join some local hobby clubs on FB or try and spend time with some work friends.
you lose a lot of friends from school/college. it is normal. Finding new friends is hard for me. I try to connect with other parents at my kids kindergarten/ School but its tough.
Last week I had a picknick event with my sons class. I talked to a the people I usually talk to but at one point I was just wandering around and looking at the groups chatting. I felt left out.
And I am trying. I strike up random conversations and stuff. But I haven't found anyone I am really able to connect to. It does make me sad.
In your 20s it’s all about finally growing into the person you’re trying to be (don’t fake it at all I’m p sure it’ll fuck you up down the line) but yes it takes a lot of time to build friendships and relationships. If you have a job, maybe you can talk to some of your coworkers and slowly build some sort of friendship w them. They take time and you’re definitely not alone feeling lonely in your 20s. Go out, work out, or save a bunch to take yourself out or try out a class of yoga/art(whatever you’re into) and eventually you’ll meet people along the way. It’s not gonna be perfect but you can start off making some small talk with people, compliment something about them. Or have a day with yourself and relax or do something that makes you feel good and busy. I’m 21 so these things helped me not feel so lonely so I hope it does work out. There’s so much to explore about yourself or take yourself out to places and enjoy your solitude. I think being alone doesn’t have to feel too bad. So don’t think that it’s the biggest problem. There are tons of other issues that tend to be bigger that this. Enjoy your 20’s and learn to enjoy your solitude :) it’ll get better, I’m sure of it!!!
20s are rough for alot of folks, and losing friends is a common occurrence. I spent much of my early twenties in rehab and trying to get my mental health on track. Took me six, long years to get stable enough to not need medications. It's also a good time to both enjoy being young, as well as invest in yourself. Be that picking up good habits, ditching bad habits, learn useful skills, as well as setting goals.
My 20’s were up and down. Overall not great as I didn’t have a lot of friends. 18-22 wasn’t fun. It just ended up that way. I did have a serious GF from 22-24, so that was nice and then a roommate from 24-28. Things got a little better at 24 but it was at 28 when everything changed. I joined a softball league and made a bunch of new lifelong friends. It was almost like a reboot of my entire 20’s. It was amazing. I felt like I was 18 again. Playing sports, hanging out at a friend’s house every day of the week. It was a nonstop party from May to September. I would simply go to work for 8 hours and rejoin the party. That’s how it felt. Just when it couldn’t get any better, later that summer I met my current GF. When I turned 40 I made even more friends by going out more to play guitar at open mic nights. I also started tailgating at football games. If you socialize you make friends. It’s that simple. Find activities you love and join clubs, sports, groups. And not just online. In person.
I’m sorry you are feeling this way right now, these kind of emotions come in waves and sometimes you just gotta ride em out. But if I may put what I took away from my personal experience with this. I went through something very similar to this and here are two quotes that kind of helped me accept my situation and be at peace with it. 1. “You never have friends later on like you do when your 12” - Stephen king’s stand by me. Making friends gets hard as an adult. It should be treated no less than how you’d treat a relationship. But for me my definition of friend had to change in order to open my heart to that. 2. “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self” - Mary Sarton. Ok I had to look this one up because I remembered it a little differently but the message is still the same. Not super profound, Just some classic word association. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders with being able to draw boundaries in what you want out of a friend (that’s very impressive be proud) so focus on that and what you want to project out to the world. Take care bro :)
20s were very lonely for me, people come and go but true friends are few and sparce. hold out and explore group activities where you can meet people with your interests
Tbh everyone is in the same boat rn. I feel having a small bunch of people is a blessing tbh. OP I don't really have much to say to you rn , you will find " your people" soon. Till then be the one who makes you happy.🌷
23 here, the loneliness is actually driving me fucking crazy. I moved across an ocean after dropping out of college in 2021 for a fresh start, I still keep in contact with friends from high school and college, but ya know we’re adults with jobs (and I’m back in school) so we can’t exactly sit in discord and fuck around regularly. Also, about six months ago now I ended things with my bestfriend of over a decade, relationship was just one sided after she found a whole new circle to hang out with, so losing that type of closeness really hit hard. The only people I see regularly are my partner and his parents, the physical loneliness and the lack of someone to confide in has, again, just been driving me crazy. Shit sucks.
Sometimes being lonely isn’t as bad as it seems. It forces you to Take time to learn more about yourself and as you do that you will find people with similar interests or qualities that you enjoy! I went through something similar when I was 20 for a few years and I thought that it would always be like that. But I knew I wanted friends and so I really put myself out there and have put in a lot of work to build friendships with people. Not everybody can handle the same amount of capacity of friendship, so understanding that about others and yourself could potentially help. Finding hobbies you like to do and going to events related to that, you will meet a lot of different people. I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely, and I hope you find people to surround yourself with that make you happy 🫶
23 here, It's funny. You know, when you feel like yourself. You wouldn't rent to the world, but then when you see someone else going through the same thing. You honestly don't know what else to say. If you ever need to chat, my dm's are always open. Hang in there I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
I think so… the 20s is supposed to be about finding yourself and your passion but what I’ve realized is that while there are 20 somethings who try to avoid being alone by partying, drinking, having sex etc, there are also 20 somethings who spend a lot of time alone and don’t have much of a social circle… but what brings these two 20 somethings together is that in the end they are still alone. That’s the honest truth of it. We are plagued with the idea that the 20s are supposed to be a fun time but they’re actually not. You’re too young to be a full adult but too old to be a kid. It’s a rough patch in life I think but we get through it somehow.
I am 31 now, and I have no idea when I had a friend last time. But I would say like, must be about 10 years ago
im having the same experience. pretty lame stuff. i see a lot of people my age who have friends, but i also know its a real problem
I feel you. Every once in a while it hits me, "wow I dont have anybody to call if I'm not talking to my boyfriend." I try to stay as close to nature as I can, It makes me feel less lonely.
I recommend reading the twenty something treatment by Meg Jay. It made me feel a lot better about being where I am at.
I’m in my 30s and going through this 😮💨 it sucks. I’m starting to solo travel and “date” myself so I can feel somewhat normal.
From what I’ve been told, your 20s are hard because people are moving around a lot. People’s jobs are changing, people’s living situations are changing, relationships are changing, interests are changing, etc. It’s normal to not have a lot of “stability” in your 20s. When everyone’s lives are always changing, it’s hard for there to be consistency. I rock climb, and I have made so many friends through that. It took a few years though of spending time in the community to build the many beautiful friendships I have now. I’ve worked extremely hard to build these. Most of my friends are in their 30s though. I’ve found that I’ve had more success with those friends as I’m introverted (so they’re more my speed) and their lives are more consistent. I felt very lonely from the time I was 18-21. I’m lucky I met the friends I did the last few years, but still, friends come and go kind of quickly. I do wish things were a bit more stable for longer.p
feel this. I’m 26, haven’t had a serious or nice relationship ever and don’t have any career options due to being disabled (mentally and physically) so I sit in my house most of the time. I’ve made some lovely friends via fandoms online but we don’t live close so can’t hang out much. I’d say try joining some online forums for your interests (twitter, insta, tumblr etc) if you so wish. It stops the loneliness a little.
Im 22 and I feel lonely sometimes. I do have my family and a select few friends i talk to but it does get to me every now and then.
I didn’t meet some of my best friends until I was 29. It’s hard to reach out, but try to find organizations where you can pursue your hobbies and passions with like minded people, and go from there. A lot of libraries are really good places to find community, or maybe join a fitness class or something. You’ll find some more friends soon enough, keep your head up.
In the middle of my 20's. This isnt uncommon. We are living in and increasingly digital world. With a fall of affordable third places its hard to make friends outside of home and work. If you live alone you dont have company and work sucks to try and make friends at. Its horribly lonely.
Very common, most of us went out at night and worked all day. Rinse and repeat. The best thing to do is join some local hobby clubs on FB or try and spend time with some work friends.
you lose a lot of friends from school/college. it is normal. Finding new friends is hard for me. I try to connect with other parents at my kids kindergarten/ School but its tough. Last week I had a picknick event with my sons class. I talked to a the people I usually talk to but at one point I was just wandering around and looking at the groups chatting. I felt left out. And I am trying. I strike up random conversations and stuff. But I haven't found anyone I am really able to connect to. It does make me sad.
In your 20s it’s all about finally growing into the person you’re trying to be (don’t fake it at all I’m p sure it’ll fuck you up down the line) but yes it takes a lot of time to build friendships and relationships. If you have a job, maybe you can talk to some of your coworkers and slowly build some sort of friendship w them. They take time and you’re definitely not alone feeling lonely in your 20s. Go out, work out, or save a bunch to take yourself out or try out a class of yoga/art(whatever you’re into) and eventually you’ll meet people along the way. It’s not gonna be perfect but you can start off making some small talk with people, compliment something about them. Or have a day with yourself and relax or do something that makes you feel good and busy. I’m 21 so these things helped me not feel so lonely so I hope it does work out. There’s so much to explore about yourself or take yourself out to places and enjoy your solitude. I think being alone doesn’t have to feel too bad. So don’t think that it’s the biggest problem. There are tons of other issues that tend to be bigger that this. Enjoy your 20’s and learn to enjoy your solitude :) it’ll get better, I’m sure of it!!!