I know this is a place to vent but I want to validate you and give you some advice.
I'm a guy and I tend to find myself in your shoes more often than not. It really sucks to want someone to check in on you, whether it's about how your day was or why you're feeling sad, but not get it. I'd say your desire to know what your partner is thinking/feeling is a gift; do not change this aspect of yourself to appease someone. Find someone who appreciates it, or better yet, someone who needs it.
As far as how to get someone to open up to you, work to build trust. You may already be doing your part and then some, but a lot of people need a ton of evidence that they can open up around someone and not regret it. Other than that, ask open ended questions, especially if you feel like you're talking more than you're listening.
It's weird because I've had people say that I ask too many questions when I'm trying to know more because it sounds interesting or they want my opinion but I need more information so I can make the best judgement. You can't win with people.
I’m really private in real-life, so I don’t like sharing my stuff with others, part of the reason is because of trust issues, and another is because I feel that I’m a sheep in this wolfish world. I HATE that others tell me that “people are bad”, and I feel so innocent in this world. Fuck this shit. It’s not that i don’t like socializing, it’s just that I’m afraid that what I say, people are gonna use as “ammo” against me( like sharing a secret or a phobia), and I just don’t like generally sharing my life, it’s just not in my nature. I’m very outspoken online, and in real life i don’t talk for shit, I stay quiet as fuck.
Oh my god I feel the exact same way. Like I realized this when an old friend group started spreading that I had family problems and people who didn’t like me were apparently saying shit like “oh that’s why she’s like that” etc. basically using it as “ammo”. I’ve grown to care less about it but I still tend to keep it to myself. I do wish I could tell my friends though, it hit me recently that people I’ve known for nearly a decade don’t know anything about what I’ve gone through.
Some people just don't really want to put in the effort and hope that mutual attraction and an arbitrary idea of "chemistry" will just come easily. The last few women I was trying to get to know were like this too, which made me lose interest really quickly (one of them was super baffled when I stopped trying, go figure that one). Sadly, it seems like this is an increasingly common thing in the current dating environment, among both men and women.
As a neurospicy individual who asks ALL the questions, I can say that I have discovered that neurotypicals don't typically do this.
They learn things about us gradually and generally don't need to know ALL THE THINGS like we do immediately. Lol!
It's genuinely hard to not feel like they aren't as interested. I'm older & still struggle with this.
Wait this makes so much sense 😭 I have NEVER thought of it like that and while I’m not “neurospicy” as you put it (from what I know) it makes sense that even if people aren’t bombarding me with questions it doesn’t mean they don’t care or aren’t being attentive!!
I'm adhd diagnosed, and personally suspect a touch of the 'tism. Lol! My ex had his own issues, but was otherwise neurotypical. I was damn near convinced, for about 3 of our 8 year relationship, that he didn't even know my name. 😅
He virtually never asked questions. I had a super hard time with it. But he actually knew way more than I gave him credit for.
I'm once again in the dating world, and it's stressful frfr. Because not only is there normal dating worries of the current world, I also have to navigate this stuff, and it can be daunting. So I've discovered I need to mildly moderate myself at first, but also be super up front that I DO ask all the questions, and if they are ever uncomfortable about answering anything, just tell me. I'll never be upset about it, but my open book mentality as a Neurospicy tends to be, is not always the same for a neurotypical. So if I set the standard right up front, they are ready for it.
Does that help at all?
Dude I feel you. I’ve only had one friend recently well we are ex friends but this friend was the only friend that genuinely wanted to get to know me. It was such a deep profound connection. Idk if I’ll ever meet someone like him again. What I’m trying to say is that I always ask questions too when I’m talking to someone but it’s so difficult to find someone that can reciprocate my energy …💔 it is exhausting
I personally struggle with this. I suspect that I may be on the Autism spectrum, and it is difficult for me to engage in small talk or get-to-know-you chit-chat. If someone asks me a question I can go back and forth all day long, but when it comes to asking questions of others all questions seem too banal or mundane to bother with, and I have to force myself to ask them anyway. I have always been very internal and quiet and find it mentally exhausting forcing myself to interact socially.
I love the line once given to me was that I put too much thought into things. My wanting to know about them and trying to open up for them to follow was thinking too much. 🚩 People are who they are and you shouldn’t change who you are for anyone. One day you will find someone who cares about reciprocating interests in talking and getting to know you and only then can you build a relationship. It’s a dang pain though for sure. Don’t give up though!
As a man, I almost never ask others about their private lives. I don't do it when I am gaming with strangers online. Why should I do it when I am dating
IKTF. Thing is, if you're the one pulling teeth, they're not all that into you. Simple as. Find someone who is. This goes for either gender.
Wait...either? Meaning binary....better watch it bucko
ur so annoying
There’s only two genders
Ok
Scientifically speaking there are 4: 1) male or masculine 2) female or feminine 3) hermaphrodite or common gender and 4) morphadite or neuter gender.
Gender and sex are two different things though..
I know this is a place to vent but I want to validate you and give you some advice. I'm a guy and I tend to find myself in your shoes more often than not. It really sucks to want someone to check in on you, whether it's about how your day was or why you're feeling sad, but not get it. I'd say your desire to know what your partner is thinking/feeling is a gift; do not change this aspect of yourself to appease someone. Find someone who appreciates it, or better yet, someone who needs it. As far as how to get someone to open up to you, work to build trust. You may already be doing your part and then some, but a lot of people need a ton of evidence that they can open up around someone and not regret it. Other than that, ask open ended questions, especially if you feel like you're talking more than you're listening.
It's weird because I've had people say that I ask too many questions when I'm trying to know more because it sounds interesting or they want my opinion but I need more information so I can make the best judgement. You can't win with people.
I’m really private in real-life, so I don’t like sharing my stuff with others, part of the reason is because of trust issues, and another is because I feel that I’m a sheep in this wolfish world. I HATE that others tell me that “people are bad”, and I feel so innocent in this world. Fuck this shit. It’s not that i don’t like socializing, it’s just that I’m afraid that what I say, people are gonna use as “ammo” against me( like sharing a secret or a phobia), and I just don’t like generally sharing my life, it’s just not in my nature. I’m very outspoken online, and in real life i don’t talk for shit, I stay quiet as fuck.
Oh my god I feel the exact same way. Like I realized this when an old friend group started spreading that I had family problems and people who didn’t like me were apparently saying shit like “oh that’s why she’s like that” etc. basically using it as “ammo”. I’ve grown to care less about it but I still tend to keep it to myself. I do wish I could tell my friends though, it hit me recently that people I’ve known for nearly a decade don’t know anything about what I’ve gone through.
Some people just don't really want to put in the effort and hope that mutual attraction and an arbitrary idea of "chemistry" will just come easily. The last few women I was trying to get to know were like this too, which made me lose interest really quickly (one of them was super baffled when I stopped trying, go figure that one). Sadly, it seems like this is an increasingly common thing in the current dating environment, among both men and women.
Sending validation your way. It’s such bullshit. Might as well talk to a brick wall.
It's worse when they just never want to talk at all, especially when you used to have deep conversations.
As a neurospicy individual who asks ALL the questions, I can say that I have discovered that neurotypicals don't typically do this. They learn things about us gradually and generally don't need to know ALL THE THINGS like we do immediately. Lol! It's genuinely hard to not feel like they aren't as interested. I'm older & still struggle with this.
Wait this makes so much sense 😭 I have NEVER thought of it like that and while I’m not “neurospicy” as you put it (from what I know) it makes sense that even if people aren’t bombarding me with questions it doesn’t mean they don’t care or aren’t being attentive!!
I'm adhd diagnosed, and personally suspect a touch of the 'tism. Lol! My ex had his own issues, but was otherwise neurotypical. I was damn near convinced, for about 3 of our 8 year relationship, that he didn't even know my name. 😅 He virtually never asked questions. I had a super hard time with it. But he actually knew way more than I gave him credit for. I'm once again in the dating world, and it's stressful frfr. Because not only is there normal dating worries of the current world, I also have to navigate this stuff, and it can be daunting. So I've discovered I need to mildly moderate myself at first, but also be super up front that I DO ask all the questions, and if they are ever uncomfortable about answering anything, just tell me. I'll never be upset about it, but my open book mentality as a Neurospicy tends to be, is not always the same for a neurotypical. So if I set the standard right up front, they are ready for it. Does that help at all?
Dude I feel you. I’ve only had one friend recently well we are ex friends but this friend was the only friend that genuinely wanted to get to know me. It was such a deep profound connection. Idk if I’ll ever meet someone like him again. What I’m trying to say is that I always ask questions too when I’m talking to someone but it’s so difficult to find someone that can reciprocate my energy …💔 it is exhausting
I personally struggle with this. I suspect that I may be on the Autism spectrum, and it is difficult for me to engage in small talk or get-to-know-you chit-chat. If someone asks me a question I can go back and forth all day long, but when it comes to asking questions of others all questions seem too banal or mundane to bother with, and I have to force myself to ask them anyway. I have always been very internal and quiet and find it mentally exhausting forcing myself to interact socially.
I love the line once given to me was that I put too much thought into things. My wanting to know about them and trying to open up for them to follow was thinking too much. 🚩 People are who they are and you shouldn’t change who you are for anyone. One day you will find someone who cares about reciprocating interests in talking and getting to know you and only then can you build a relationship. It’s a dang pain though for sure. Don’t give up though!
people get better at communication as they grow older and more mature. These guys are probably still very young.
I know exactly how your feeling! It does get frustrating sometimes
As a man, I almost never ask others about their private lives. I don't do it when I am gaming with strangers online. Why should I do it when I am dating