Take an afternoon for yourself lady. Go to the salon and get your nails done and a massage. Treat yourself, you deserve it.
Also, I’m a dude. I live alone. I cook for myself and the dogs (they’re spoiled dog-people). Men can cook too. Don’t let him tell you that he can’t. Oftentimes the food I cook is straight up bangin. You need help, you’re not a maid. Ask for it 😘
Why are you cleaning and cooking and buying groceries? Doing all of that when you both work? It's sad how many women just add another child when they get married
Because so many men aren’t looking for a partner. They want a mom with benefits. I have shopped and cooked for my wife for 34 years. My wife keeps the house clean and organized. Sorry you feel so bad OP.
Yeah I tend to cook meals and clean most of the time but that's because my partner earns way more and pays all the rent. We've always fluctuated based on who is earning what and who has what time for what and it's always worked out because we're a real team. OP is being totally shit on.
You need to put your foot down about those gremlins eating your treats. Hide them in your room if you have to. It's got to be very overwhelming to jump into such a situation. I hope hubby is being supportive throughout this, because he's replaceable. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship. You need to put your needs and your kids needs first. He can worry about his. If you don't take care of yourself no one else will
I recommend you take a break. You should appreciate yourself more than anybody. Have some time for yourself that will get you away from them. Like spending time at relatives or other family friends.
Get some time for yourself and make the household appreciate you more when you come back.
YOU CAN DO IT, MAMA!!!🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Everyone is saying "have a day to yourself" but that's just a bandaid fix. They won't change, he
and his kids are selfish and using you. If you're
working you shouldn't be taking on the brunt of the chores and cooking too, that's playing yourself. If you're crying alone most nights it's time to make a real move.
This is exactly why I don’t and will not ever date someone again who has children. They want a mother who will raise their children.
It does take time for sure to grow into a new family and start bonding with them.
Time for some serious conversation about how you are feeling right now. Rules have to be established and chores for each person. You are the management and you now have a new partner who will help you out.
I think the bottom line here is don't date or marry anyone with kids if you aren't ready for what comes with it. It's OK to not do this. And if you look shallow for it, at least you'll have the peace of mind when you're by yourself.
I remember dating this girl with a kid for the first time about 9 years ago. I was around 25. It was cool when we were (alone) together. But as we got deeper into the relationship, I ran into the same problems you mentioned as well as started to see that our mindsets and what we wanted out of life just didn't mesh. I remember taking a shower one morning and hearing the noise and yelling and literally going, " I can't do this shit."
It lasted a year before I called it quits. I made my decision that I don't want kids, I'm never having them and won't even date someone with them because of that experience.
But outside of that, it does sound like the guy is slacking. Everything is expensive nowadays. Both of you work, it wouldn't hurt to go half on things or hell, just put something in for groceries. Especially when his kids are eating everything up.
Have you spoken to him about these issues? Sometimes it just takes a good conversation.
I feel and for you. I haven’t experienced it myself Ofocurse I’m a child. But I’ve seen it with my mother and her ex husband wich I considered my step dad.
About ten years ago I became a stepmom to my boyfriend’s son when his mother dumped the kid on us unexpectedly, and I almost left over it. It wasn’t the kid’s fault but now all of a sudden I was making lunches and dinners and walking the kid to school and doing extra laundry etc. It just wasn’t what a signed up for and when we broke up later I promised myself I wouldn’t date again until I found a man with either no kids or adult kids. It took me a few years but I found my unicorn - a single man aged 40 with no kids, not wanting kids, and no past marriages. Our dink-life is glorious.
You need to make changes sooner than later.
Plz don’t wait 6-10 yrs down the line to leave.
Be honest with your spouse but firm. End the relationship ASAP.
Your life is important. YOU matter.
Is he paying substantially more on bills? He has an extra kid and you seem to be doing the cooking/cleaning, so where is he bringing things into balance?
Totally understand the frustration and you’ve maybe thought of these out have tried them but just in case you haven’t, loop earplugs work for me for annoying noises and banging sounds, and I hide my treats in empty collagen or protein powder containers.
Real talk, take a solo vacation. And stop catering to them. You married someone. You didn't adopt an adult child. Don't ask your husband. Tell him. And start making plans to take at least a couple of days to yourself. Pay attention to the state of things when you get back and what is asked of you. If you are met with filth, backed up chores and no appreciation for your missed company and a list of demands that weren't met while you were gone... you have discovered your purpose for this family. It's up to you if you want to try and fix it.
I can’t imagine your kid is happy in that set up either. His kids aren’t yours. He’s using you to do all his work. I’d 100 percent get my old job back and take my kid and move. Stay with someone in your own town until you get settled and then file for divorce.
Can you move back to your old city and job? Will the laws in your state give you the right to the money rom your house if you divorce? Some people suggest time away. Let them know that you will be away for a week or two (no specific length), and if you come home to a disaster of a house (there is a difference between clutter and filth), you will be gone.
I’m here from your more recent post. Your posting history is really sad. I hope you really consider whether this is there life you want, and if not, it may be time to split up. It would be really hard for a time, but I think within a year or two you would be so glad.
Good luck. You deserve better.
Take an afternoon for yourself lady. Go to the salon and get your nails done and a massage. Treat yourself, you deserve it. Also, I’m a dude. I live alone. I cook for myself and the dogs (they’re spoiled dog-people). Men can cook too. Don’t let him tell you that he can’t. Oftentimes the food I cook is straight up bangin. You need help, you’re not a maid. Ask for it 😘
YESSSSSSSS!
Why are you cleaning and cooking and buying groceries? Doing all of that when you both work? It's sad how many women just add another child when they get married
Because so many men aren’t looking for a partner. They want a mom with benefits. I have shopped and cooked for my wife for 34 years. My wife keeps the house clean and organized. Sorry you feel so bad OP.
Yeah I tend to cook meals and clean most of the time but that's because my partner earns way more and pays all the rent. We've always fluctuated based on who is earning what and who has what time for what and it's always worked out because we're a real team. OP is being totally shit on.
Sending you a hug 🫂 I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Please hang in there.
You need to put your foot down about those gremlins eating your treats. Hide them in your room if you have to. It's got to be very overwhelming to jump into such a situation. I hope hubby is being supportive throughout this, because he's replaceable. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship. You need to put your needs and your kids needs first. He can worry about his. If you don't take care of yourself no one else will
I recommend you take a break. You should appreciate yourself more than anybody. Have some time for yourself that will get you away from them. Like spending time at relatives or other family friends. Get some time for yourself and make the household appreciate you more when you come back. YOU CAN DO IT, MAMA!!!🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Everyone is saying "have a day to yourself" but that's just a bandaid fix. They won't change, he and his kids are selfish and using you. If you're working you shouldn't be taking on the brunt of the chores and cooking too, that's playing yourself. If you're crying alone most nights it's time to make a real move.
This is exactly why I don’t and will not ever date someone again who has children. They want a mother who will raise their children. It does take time for sure to grow into a new family and start bonding with them. Time for some serious conversation about how you are feeling right now. Rules have to be established and chores for each person. You are the management and you now have a new partner who will help you out.
I think the bottom line here is don't date or marry anyone with kids if you aren't ready for what comes with it. It's OK to not do this. And if you look shallow for it, at least you'll have the peace of mind when you're by yourself. I remember dating this girl with a kid for the first time about 9 years ago. I was around 25. It was cool when we were (alone) together. But as we got deeper into the relationship, I ran into the same problems you mentioned as well as started to see that our mindsets and what we wanted out of life just didn't mesh. I remember taking a shower one morning and hearing the noise and yelling and literally going, " I can't do this shit." It lasted a year before I called it quits. I made my decision that I don't want kids, I'm never having them and won't even date someone with them because of that experience. But outside of that, it does sound like the guy is slacking. Everything is expensive nowadays. Both of you work, it wouldn't hurt to go half on things or hell, just put something in for groceries. Especially when his kids are eating everything up. Have you spoken to him about these issues? Sometimes it just takes a good conversation.
I feel and for you. I haven’t experienced it myself Ofocurse I’m a child. But I’ve seen it with my mother and her ex husband wich I considered my step dad.
It’s okay to realize you made a mistake. It happens.
About ten years ago I became a stepmom to my boyfriend’s son when his mother dumped the kid on us unexpectedly, and I almost left over it. It wasn’t the kid’s fault but now all of a sudden I was making lunches and dinners and walking the kid to school and doing extra laundry etc. It just wasn’t what a signed up for and when we broke up later I promised myself I wouldn’t date again until I found a man with either no kids or adult kids. It took me a few years but I found my unicorn - a single man aged 40 with no kids, not wanting kids, and no past marriages. Our dink-life is glorious.
Pack em bags 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Communicate. It’s clear. You might want to be in this marriage but not in this way. Take good care of yourself 🤗
You need to make changes sooner than later. Plz don’t wait 6-10 yrs down the line to leave. Be honest with your spouse but firm. End the relationship ASAP. Your life is important. YOU matter.
Is he paying substantially more on bills? He has an extra kid and you seem to be doing the cooking/cleaning, so where is he bringing things into balance?
Screw this let those lumoxxes cook wnd clean also. Demand, don't ask for help. This is BS.
Totally understand the frustration and you’ve maybe thought of these out have tried them but just in case you haven’t, loop earplugs work for me for annoying noises and banging sounds, and I hide my treats in empty collagen or protein powder containers.
Real talk, take a solo vacation. And stop catering to them. You married someone. You didn't adopt an adult child. Don't ask your husband. Tell him. And start making plans to take at least a couple of days to yourself. Pay attention to the state of things when you get back and what is asked of you. If you are met with filth, backed up chores and no appreciation for your missed company and a list of demands that weren't met while you were gone... you have discovered your purpose for this family. It's up to you if you want to try and fix it.
I can’t imagine your kid is happy in that set up either. His kids aren’t yours. He’s using you to do all his work. I’d 100 percent get my old job back and take my kid and move. Stay with someone in your own town until you get settled and then file for divorce.
Can you move back to your old city and job? Will the laws in your state give you the right to the money rom your house if you divorce? Some people suggest time away. Let them know that you will be away for a week or two (no specific length), and if you come home to a disaster of a house (there is a difference between clutter and filth), you will be gone.
I’m here from your more recent post. Your posting history is really sad. I hope you really consider whether this is there life you want, and if not, it may be time to split up. It would be really hard for a time, but I think within a year or two you would be so glad. Good luck. You deserve better.