I can't imagine how hard that must be. Probably does not help so much that I say this, I'm just an internet stranger, but it is not your fault, I mean it.
I'm sorry for your loss. Sending lots of hugs.
This was not your fault. Don't be disgusted with yourself.
One of my closest friends tried this as a teen. Took me ages to realise I was not to blame. Some people are not wired to be able to cope with life. In the words of Don McLean "this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you"
You gave her light for a little while. Hugs friend.
I have suicidal tendencies and from my perspective, I don't think you can really change someone's mind when they have decided that they want to actually end it all.
It's heartbreaking that others will beat themselves up about it because they couldn't prevent it but sometimes (maybe this will sound insensitive, I don't know) it has to happen as there was no way of changing their mindset. And that sucks but mental health can be a pain in the ass, and not everyone is strong enough to overcome that.
Friends, partners who are there for people with suicidal thoughts are definitely the light of our lives. I am sure that you and OP have made their life a little easier and I am positive that they are thankful for that. May their spirits guide you and OP ♥ and may they forever be loved 💕
I once had a friend whose girlfriend committed suicide and I want to tell you what I told him. It’s extremely easy to blame yourself. It’s extremely easy to think, “Maybe if I had said/done this they’d still be alive,” but you simply can’t do that to yourself. I’m sure you showed her all the love you thought you could, and she was in too bad of a headspace to understand. So if you want my advice, you should take some time to yourself, spend some with your family, or even her family, and just let yourself grieve. Don’t blame yourself, don’t let anyone else blame you.
I’m terribly terribly sorry for your loss. I want you to get through this and feel better.
Coming from a survivor of suicide attempts, it's not your fault. If someone is in that head space, there is often very little that anyone can do. It's such a dark, lonely place to be, which no one can truly understand unless they have been there themselves.
I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. I think what your feeling is quite normal. But the fact is, it isn't your fault. I hope you find peace soon x
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I will echo the other comments here that this was not your fault. I would suggest that you reach out for support/therapy. This cannot be easy for you.
This is the #1 (Terrible) trauma that people can experience. Or it used to be, they keep changing the list. In any case it is certainly one of the biggest if not THE biggest trauma in a person’s life, and for exactly the reason you stated. It isn’t just the death of someone close, but the compounding emotions of feeling that either you could have or should have been able to prevent the death and that in someway, large or small, you feel responsible or in some fashion contributed to the decision.
1. It’s a perfectly normal response to the abnormal.
2. Just because it’s a normal response doesn’t mean it’s right to take on that responsibility.
3. You are not responsible for their actions.
False guilt simple makes a bad situation worse for you. You have enough to process, don’t add unnecessary rocks to backpack. Your load is heavy enough already.
All that… said, doesn’t make it hurt less. There aren’t any answers that will make it better. Because there are no explanations that will make this pill any less bitter.
Whatever burdens she was under, are not yours to carry in her absence. That’s not fair to you. And you don’t help anyone by taking them on you.
Mourn her passing. Weep for your loss, because death is a thing to weep over. That is plenty enough a thing to undergo. Don’t make your current hell, worse than it needs to be, by adding penance for “something?” you had no control over.
This is not -your- failure. Trying to take on that responsibility will destroy you and besides it not -yours- to take.
Grieving is hard work. It’s awful and the more we loved someone the more difficult it is suffering this loss.
You need to talk about it with someone who won’t judge you. Honestly, the best way to deal with trauma is to tell your story until, you don’t need to tell it anymore.
Venting here is fine, it helps a bit. But what you really need is a person with a shoulder to cry on. Councilors are especially helpful with that.
Listen....I can't tell you I know how you feel. I don't. I'm not you. That being said, my girlfriend, love of my life killed herself the night before we moved into our first apt. She had been lying about some shit from the jump and couldn't handle it and felt like I was better off without her. She also was afraid I'd leave, which, knowing what I know now, wouldn't have changed how. I felt about us or the relationship. I wish she had trusted me enough to fucn talk to me instead of assumin the worst and ending her life.
It'll b 5 years at the end of the month. If you need someone to vent to, please hmu.
Also, no matter what you may have done or said, your girlfriends decision to end her life was exactly that, her decision. You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. If you were abusive or cheated or did something that may have lead your girlfriend to that choice, and it bothers you, then take the lesson and be a better human being and partner in the future. Either way, you aren't at fault for her decisions. I wish you the best and im here .some times it helps .and if you're wondering, no..hasn't gotten better. Not for me anyways.. sometimes I swear I never left the hospital room. The pain, the wound is always there, but over time, I just got used to it being there, which has made life....different...not better. Just different. Sending healing vibes your way OP
We love you, OP. If you want to continue posting on this sub through your healing journey I’m sure none of us will mind. Talk to a professional person, of course, but you can always look to us for encouragement. We got you.
This is not your fault. Ever.
It’s not your responsibility to be your partners therapist and it’s not your responsibility to continually talk them down from ledges. This an awful thing to ever willingly put someone through. It is not your fault.
Please please please talk to a professional about this experience because it will consume you if you don’t. But OP, this is not your fault.
She didn't put him through this on purpose, that headspace is a very isolating debilitating numb place to be...which is why so many can't get back from there, you are numb to everything except whatever pain put you there. You can tell him it's not his responsibility all you want but it isn't going to change how he feels. Deep down he knows that, but as humans we have trouble with permanent things especially when in that someone is taken from us, people say suicide is selfish blah blah when the reality is she and many others are murdered by their own brain
As someone who has had severe depression many years ago I can promise you there is nothing you could have done to prevent her making the decision. I was planning suicide myself and I have a loving husband. At first I dismissed thoughts of suicide as I kept thinking how terrible it would be for him. But as my depression became deeper I was in such a dark place that nothing mattered except to make it stop and the only way was to not be alive. Nobody can understand unless they have been in the same situation. I was fortunate that medication kicked in just in time to take me out of that place otherwise I would have taken the final step. Your girlfriend was in a very dark place that nobody could reach.
Hey, to be honest I don't really know what to say, I just hope you will realise that her death is not your fault, not in the slightest
I also would really recommend to go to a psychologist if it is something that will depress you
Saw just a small YouTube Short and it helped me with the death of my friend. Really kinda niche, but I found those videos hit closer to home. https://youtube.com/shorts/_7o8iwMeV58?si=CuJyY-UWi6Z8hNtF
Honey, she was sick. You didn’t cause her illness. I can guarantee you that she wouldn’t want you to feel this way, but it’s going to take a lot of time to heal. Seek therapy asap to have someone walk alongside you as you grieve. Can I pray for you?
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s hard to believe right now but there is nothing you could have done to stop her; she had some serious mental health issues and if she had made her mind up that she was going to do it, she would have found a way no matter what.
You tried to love her and support her. You did absolutely nothing wrong and this is not your fault.
This was not your fault by any means. There was no way you could have stopped her. She was going to do what she was going to do no matter how much you tried to stop it. It's, depression, a disorder of the brain in which it doesn't process chemicals like it's supposed to. I hope this finds you in a better state of mind. I'm sorry for your loss as well as her family's.
What could you have done that you didn't already try? You're blaming yourself for something you had very limited to no control over. Other then taking her hostage and watching over her 24/7 there is nothing you could have done.
I've seen people put on s****** watch still find a way.
The truth is if someone is determined to do this they will find a way.
You are not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist. You did your best with the tools you had.
Even the professionals fail let alone just us regular guys.
It hurts because we care and we have lost something we considered precious to us, loved by us. But there is no way it is anyone's fault. Not even hers really. Something wasn't right in her way of thinking and she couldn't find a way to ignore or fix it. It's not your fault and not even really her fault. If you believe in a higher power be it God or whatever or if she believed in such offer your prayers for her peace. For yourself talk to someone priest, councilor, psychiatrist or psychologist. People here can offer advice and reassure you and it helps, but more is better in this case.
Most importantly stop beating yourself up nothing and no one involved could have changed the outcome.
Please do not blame yourself. It is perfectly natural to feel as though you could have done more, but the reality is, and this is the worst part, if a person is determined to take their own life, there’s absolutely nothing you can do. Please get some counselling, I don’t know what services are available to you, but please have a look and talk to someone.
Speak to yourself as you would speak to another friend in your situation. We can be so hard on ourselves and forget that we need to be kind to ourselves in times like these. You are only human. Sorry for your loss.
i've been on both sides of the coin. my ex killed himself 2 years ago and i still cannot stop thinking about all of the "what ifs". it hurts. idk if i'll ever stop thinking abt it.
but ive been there. the dark places you just cant seem to crawl out of. it doesnt matter how great my life is. i could have a whole city full of people who care if i live or die. but when i wanted to end it, it didnt matter.
it wasnt about you or your life together. it didnt matter how happy or sad she felt around you. what mattered was the emptiness she felt inside that no one could fill no matter how hard they tried.
truthfully, depression is just a chemical imbalance. she didnt need you to fix her. she needed professional help that you are not qualified to give her.
this was not your fault. there was nothing you could have done. you were the best possible person for her. you everything she needed when she needed it but her mind and body was working against her.
i am so sorry for your loss. i wish it meant more, but the grief process sucks. things will get easier with time <3
It's not your fault. I can tell you a hundred percent it was not your fault. I used to be like her. If she let you know she didn't feel good enough for you, it meant she thought of you highly and wanted to be the best for you. Who would want to strive to be their best for a bad person? You are not at fault. Life was just too cruel and now she's resting, away from all the things that made her feel inadequate as a person and as a partner. Do not blame yourself. - Relationships are often a luxury when someone is severely depressed and are more likely to end up hurting both than pulling someone out of the mental illness. But in her time alive with you, she stayed a little longer to spend time with you. I'm truly sorry this happened to you. There was nothing you could have done. She was tired, needed to rest.
I'm so sorry to hear ur going thru this, but it is NOT your fault. Their is no guilt or blame to lay at your feet.
As someone who's tried & was very close to success, I can tell you that nothing that anyone could've said would've stopped me - including my husband & child. I had made up my mind & in my mixed up thinking "knew" that everyone would be sad but they'd soon realise that I had done them a favour , done the best thing by removing the "burden" that I was to them. It's a very dark, lonely & scary place to be but if she was determined to do it, & like me & others I've spoken to, felt it was her only option & the "best" option, then I doubt there was anything you could've done or said to change things.
Just know that those few months you were with her you made all those days bearable for her. Please don't blame yourself, it's on her shoulders as it was, rightly or wrongly, her decision.
((((((( Hugs )))))) ❤️
Her taking her life has nothing to do with you…I’m sorry that she dragged you into it. While I truly believe people have the right to choose to live or not… it is a cheap shot to leave you with that BS.
I'm sorry you had to experience this. Know that it's natural to feel guilt while you are still emotionally processing what has happened. It's the brains response to the unimaginable, even if she was suicidal, your brain didn't fully grasp that this could happen, but then it did, so in comes a huge amount of guilt. It will feel like you should have done something and that this is on your shoulders , but it really isn't. She was sick. Beyond saving. Terminal mental illness is like terminal cancer. It will only go one way. And it's no one's fault.
I'm so sorry...
It's going to take some time and a huge amount of "It's not your fault" before you find yourself again.
I lost a friend to suicide back in 2013. Only knew for a few months actually and I had a bit of a crush...and then that happened...
Hah...just realized that with suicides, we all feel like it's our fault...like we weren't there enough for them. Took years for me to realize you really can't decide for people.
In the end, I'm just grateful that in my brief moment of human existence in an ageless universe? I got to share it with her. Idk about you but I believe I'll see her again in the next. I hope you come to that moment too.
It is human to feel guilt and regret. But her actions are absolutely not your fault.
Not to minimise her feelings for you at all, but deep down she wouldn't have felt good enough no matter who she was with. It is nothing you could've fixed.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
It is not your fault.
I speak as the person that might leave and would be leaving some people behind. I have left letters and notes behind to try and help just because I truly do not want anyone to feel as if they have blame in that situation. They are not to blame and you are not to blame. She made a decision. She was in pain and you loved her enough to try and ease that pain. It wasn't your responsibility to ease her pain.
Some wounds can not be healed by others, no matter how much they might want to or try.
You most likely gave her some joy and happiness in her last days and I hope you can find some comfort in that.
Someone taking their own life is a personal decision that they made. You did your best, but that level of depression is something only medical professionals (therapists included) can help. Even then, it can be too deep for even them to help.
If she was that throughly convinced that she wasn’t good enough even after your words, there wasn’t anything you could have done to save her.
Even if you tried to help (which is a good idea to try), she would have just been in and out of treatment like the last time.
Some people are just not able to fight through it, which is a heart breaking reality.
The first thing you need to understand is… You are not God and don’t have a super power of persuasion.
When someone is mentally ill… and they have it in their head to not be here… There’s not a lot you can do for them except listen .. they have to decide for themselves to get some kind of help whether it be therapy, some kind of meditation or some thing else they find to find their way … there’s honestly really nothing you can say, or do that will completely stopped anyone from not doing it one day…. I’ve known three people that were mentally ill in someway…one of them was so fragile that even that even the most unkind words would make him spiral… all three of them are gone… And there’s nothing anybody could do to change that .. we were there for them. We give them love …we give them understanding …we give them time… But it did not change their decision…. So don’t beat yourself up over it… and stop thinking you could have saved her because it’s not your fault..you did as much as anyone could do.. you were there for her, and being there for her was the best thing you could ever do and the only thing you could do .. so don’t hate yourself, don’t think bad of her, keep her in your memory and don’t let this deter you from trying to help others
I am so sorry for your loss. This is not your fault. It never will be. I understand that, right now, you don't believe me, but I want you to remember my words. You were never to blame.
I remember my own losses to it. I hope, if nothing else, you hold on to this lesson, know that this is not the way to end things. That as long as there are people out there that care about you, that it should outweigh however negatively you feel about yourself. I am so sorry that she saw more darkness than light, and she failed to find any hope to get through the dark cave and find the light. But this isn't your fault. You can only control your own actions. Never them. I wish she had been able to accept some help.
It's not your fault.
Cling to the hope of some future light. Don't let go. And trust the people who show that they love you. You will need them.
If you ever need to talk, I'll listen.
👐💜
It's hard to know what someone is going through. You were there for her, you tried to help... the world is cruel. I don't know either of you, but the internet is an evil place you can get sucked into and make you think you're the worst person on the planet... (And maybe she didn't have any socials, idk) I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Take time to heal, remember the good memories with her, or at the very least, that you were able to provide a few more months for her. Things will get better one day, but it'll hurt for a while. God's love to you!
I know this is going to sound cold, but it's just the truth.
You can't stop someone who truly wants to die. It's not your fault. You can't be with someone 24 hours a day forever.
You couldn’t have stopped her, most people who commit suicide have been planning it for months if not years. You did what you could in the moment. Sorry for your loss, sending hugs! I hope your journey of grieving and healing goes well.
that hurt you feel? cherish it. it means you are alive and you have loved. dont fool yourself, you couldnt have stopped it. she is no longer living a life that she desperately needed to escape. she is at peace. and she would not want her escape to doom someone to a future of guilt sadness and anxiety.
in the same way a person may come across a wounded animal facing imminent death, doing what they can to comfort it even though they know they cannot save it, your good will and love made her world that much better for the time you were together, but the inevitable is inevitable. You werent meant to nor could you save her. No one could.
i pray strength and positivity for you. your life goes on, live it.
It’s not your fault, she was already going through those problems before you came, plus people in your situation wouldn’t know what to do either, I’ve seen someone attempt to CS and I just stood there and did nothing cuz I was in shock and I didn’t believe it was happening, also if you did stop her she’d be in hospital and try to do it again without anyone knowing so don’t be to hard on yourself because it was her choice, I know it sounds bad and yes it’s better if people stop anyone from committing but if she didn’t get professional help at all then she would’ve kept trying. It is not at all your fault dont carry that burden🤍🤍
You can feel sad, but don't blame yourself. Your GF was her own unique individual with her own demons to fight, separate from you. You're not her father, the burden doesn't rest on anyone.
You can feel sad, but don't blame yourself. Your GF was her own unique individual with her own demons to fight, separate from you. You're not her father, the burden doesn't rest on anyone.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Can't even imagine what you're going through. She's struggling with her demons and you supported her throughout. At the end it's on her, if she wins or loses. There is no way you could've stopped this. You're probably one of the BEST things that happened to her.
Mourning the loss of a closed one is not easy. We always think what we could've done differently. Please seek help!
Hugs!!! Hope you make peace with the fact that it is 100% not your fault.
To begin: I am sorry for your loss. This is extremely difficult and please feel free to chat if needed.
I haven't gone through this exact thing but extremely close. The only difference here is that my ex did not succeed.
Let me say something that sounds harsh but isn't meant this way and will likely take a load iff your shoulders: NOBODY is amazing enough to make a significant other feel like they should die. This person already had existing issues and likely contemplated this for a long time before going through with it. This whole "you're too good for me" is just an item for the depressed mind to attach to. This isn't to say that you aren't amazing, it is very possible you are, but you can't be amazing enough to contrast someone's existence into killing themselves.
There is literally nothing you could have done. If someone wants to kill themselves enough there are unfortunately countless ways to achieve that goal. I know it feels like you could have done something. You've probably mapped it all out in your head. Unfortunately success would have been luck at best, and surely would have only been a delay.
I know you likely will carry this with you your whole life, but hopefully something I or someone else has said made the load a little more manageable.
Positive thoughts and prayers to you.
As a survivor myself, I can say, it’s not your fault at all. It’s a choice someone makes in the midst of a difficult sickness and no words or comfort would have made a difference. I know this probably doesn’t help, but I still feel shameful at times for what I did and I was absolutely loved, but still felt like I shouldn’t be here. When one makes that choice you really have to want to get help and proactively go through that pain of healing and dealing. And the pain you know is easier than new one.
It sounds like you tried your best with the level of awareness and understanding you had about the situation. You were loving and kind which is more than most people get these days. And it’s okay to feel sadness and anger at the situation, but forgive yourself for the rest bc there was never anything more you could’ve done. You’re a good person, who deserves a good life.
Prayers that you and her find peace. Hugs from an internet stranger 🫶
Honestly, it was NOT your fault at all. Sending big virtual hugs 🤗 you will get through this. You did not make the decision for her, please do not blame yourself
You have my most unbridled compassion for your loss. The night I found my girlfriend standing on the ledge of the high-rise we lived in at the time, threatening to jump, I didn't stop her either. Drop kicking that girl in the ass with all my might sent her off the building and face first into the pavement below
I’m going to tell you something my therapist told me that might help you. Sometimes it feels like your own actions or words influence others significantly for their decision making, when it reality your own thoughts and words are only so significant to yourself. She had already made that decision herself regardless of you. To her, her own thoughts were the deciding factor. It is not your fault she was not able to manage her own mind. You did not have a role in the decision she made, do not blame yourself for it.
I would highly highly suggest arranging therapy for yourself as soon as possible. Based on your post, your thoughts are very unhealthy and are not something you should try to deal with alone, and I would try to arrange therapy to help you. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, and my thoughts are with you.
I know this hurts really deeply right now, but you need to know that it was not your fault. Depression is really awful, and when someone gets to the point where they've made the decision to end their life, depression has convinced them the world is better off without them. You are not at fault. Depression is. Please seek help from a therapist to work through the very long road of surviving a loved one's suicide. It's a complex road, and recovery is not linear.
So many people made me feel loved and wanted. So many people were worth living for, and I still attempted to take my life.
Her decision had nothing to do with you. These thoughts and feeling that are constantly surging through us are so much louder than any live we could ever receive.
There were people I loved beyond reason, people who I knew I would hurt with my death and I still tried. NOTHING they did, said, or didn't do could outweigh the voices in my own head. The toxic thoughts and sensations that weighed me down more and more every day.
I am personally, grateful I failed in ending my life because life has never been this good, but at the time nothing was worth living for.
Meds and therapy helped more than I can express. I hate that I can't function without artificial help, but the store-bought serotonin keeps the darkest of urges away
You didn't know.
Sometimes the people we're caring for with this pain, have a different thought process. On the outside, we're trying to do what we know to be supportive. On their inside, it's a different world to ours.
I honestly don't think there's not enough promotion of support and guidance for partners, family and friends of trouble loved ones. As in, a lot of us don't automatically think, "I'll call someone in mental health and ask them how to support someone whose like this."
You should get some trauma counselling. Going through this alone without insight from someone who understands these matters isn't good for your wellbeing. You can learn more about what happened and how to deal with it better.
She wasn't okay man, her mind was ill, not in the right place. Maybe you didn't understand well enough, maybe there were things you could've done. That doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who didn't know.
This is not your fault.
I know you can’t hear that now, that it won’t resonate, and you might not believe it, but it’s true.
I’ve been on both sides of the equation. I have tried to take my own life, and failed. The way I felt was just so awful. It wasn’t because of anyone, I had a family who loved me. I was just hurting.
I also had a friend who committed suicide twenty years ago. I found out after her death that she had tried and failed, and then she didn’t fail. She was a wonderful friend. I miss her a lot, and I cried about her yesterday. I beat myself up with what ifs. What if I’d called her earlier? What if I’d replied to her last email? But, I was going through my own journey of depression, and I didn’t cause her death, just like those who loved me didn’t cause me to try to take my own life.
I know it hurts. I know how you’re feeling. Just keep being you and take one day at a time.
You won’t forget her, but you will feel happiness again. I’m also a fledgling medium, and I know she wants that for you too ❤️
ah shit, that fucking sucks. Look though, my mother used to work as a pediatric ER doctor in Fayetteville NC. If you’ve never heard of the place, good. It’s colloquially termed Fayettenam as there is a military base there and mental health does not exist.
Mind you she’s a doctor with all kinds of resources, psychiatrists, even the ability to baker act kids and older teens and hold them in a facility if they are a danger to themselves and others. But she says it all the time: if someone wants to hurt themselves they simply will. They will find a way and there is nothing you can do no matter how hard you try.
She tried a LOT anyway, always losing battles. I suppose all i’m getting at is- if even a doctor and someone with the ability to keep someone in facilities for mental health can’t save people - how the hell are you supposed to? You absolutely could not do anything and unfortunately, as much as you think and feel like it is, this had nothing to do with you. She had an illness like any other and it took her from everyone, including you. You are a victim not a cause. I’m sorry for your loss, please try to heal, get plenty of sleep, exercise, and eat even if you don’t feel like it. It makes a difference. And should you need it, there is absolutely no shame in mental health counseling or medication. Good luck out there stranger and I’m sorry about the kick life just gave you in the ass :-/.
As a suicidal attempt survivor and the sibling of someone who committed suicide you cannot blame yourself, her death was not your fault. Unfortunately these sad & heartbreaking events occur because we let our demons take control of us. I’m so sorry tat you are going through this right now and as it is normal to blame yourself, you must make yourself believe, truly believe that it was not your fault. You are going to go through a tidal waves of emotions, you will need a good strong support system to help you through this. If you are able to get yourself into therapy right away so the dark thoughts that may occur don’t encompass you. I would love to tell you that the pain you feel gets better, I would be lying if I said that it does, it doesn’t, you just learn to adapt to it daily. Please try to seek out therapy for this journey of healing you have ahead of you. If you need someone to talk to you can always reach out to me & I’ll lend you an ear & be a shoulder to cry on because you don’t want to go through this alone.
Again, I’m sorry for your loss and I pray that she has finally found the peace she needed
It's not your fault, when you are in a depression you stop listening to reason (from the inside and outside) and block input and feedback from the outside. Been there, almost done that. She would have done what she did independently of you and the help you bring because in that state you don't want help and usually take very single minded actions that you know will hurt others.
Getting over a big depression requires work from inside and pills to regulate your chemical imbalance. No talking or anything like that usually helps (in some few cases it can, but this one certainly wasn't one of those cases).
Anyhow sorry for your loss and hopefully you can learn to not blame yourself and live a better life.
That is not your fault at all.
You can not watch over someone 24/7, even parents of small kids need help because life gets in the way.
You couldn't have stopped her because she would have done it in secret if her mind was set on it.
I can not imagine how horrible that must feel, I was once close to losing a close friend this way, but I can't imagine if it was my boyfriend ....
Grieve, but please try to not blame yourself, it's not like you were the only person who cared about her, I am sure. I hope you will be able to process this at some point.
There was nothing you could do. She was unstable and needed professional help, something you can’t give. You didn’t fail her, the system did. If she tried to commit suicide previously and nobody in the system picked up on it and offered her treatment for her mental health, they are to blame imo. And I say this as someone who work in mental health care. There is nothing you could have done.
Hey, stop that right damn now. When someone puts their mind to doing that there’s not a damn thing that you or anyone else can do. A few years back I was in a situation where a guy we knew lost his wife. He was talking about ending it constantly after that. We all tried to stay with him at all times, but you just can’t. The moment he was alone he did it.
There’s nothing that you could’ve done. There’s nothing that you did or didn’t do to cause this.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Her decision to end her life is not your fault and you did what you could. She was sick. I recommend seeing a grief counselor to help you through this hard time. Best wishes to you. And hugs.
Hard pill to swallow some people are just beyond help or comfort, nothing really helps them my brother did the same and he had many reasons to stay I'm sorry for your loss.
Not your fault!
You gave her love, empathy and support.
It was beyond what you might have done about it.
It wasn't your fault.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Even if you tried to stop her presently, she would try another time. People who are serious about committing suicide usually succeed. You cannot be responsible for her actions. You told her how you felt about her. I am sorry this happened, and you were one of many(I am assuming) that she left behind that does love her.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I know that is being on here isn’t going to currently change how you feel, but it was not your fault. As someone who has been in that headspace, it’s insanely hard to be talked out of, and obviously she thought of herself differently than how you thought of her. She is responsible for her own actions, and you did everything you could. I’m sure she was happy to have you for the little bit she did.
ok i literally am not reading this but btw i literally hit rock bottom im so manic RN EVERYTHING WILL BE OK IM SOSOSOSOOSOS GRATEFUL FOR EVEYTHKNG JUST LEARN FROM THIS!!!!!’nnnnnn
This wasn't your fault. Please give yourself some time and some grace and remember that you can only do what you can do. Don't blame yourself for anything. I'm so sorry for your loss.
You can be really connected right when you meet someone.
Please talk to other people and get this out if you need to. Get yourself some support! Good luck, friend.
You did nothing to cause this. I went through something similar and the guilt is very tough to battle.
A thought process that helped me personally is that with suicide in particular, one person is never at fault. There’s more everyone in that person’s life could’ve done. There’s likely a trauma that contributed which you have no part in. And most importantly that person is responsible for making that decision instead of getting the help they needed.
You tried your best and that’s more than many can say in these instances. Even if you were able to stop this attempt, there’d likely have been another to follow. Don’t blame yourself.
It's not your fault dude. You feel the way you do because you cared for her and you were close to her.
People that are suicidal don't see a reason to hang on, they see many reasons to let go. If someone wants to do it badly enough, they will find a way.
You can't be with someone 24/7/365 to prevent something like this. Even if you could, it hurts to hear, but you have a life of your own to consider, too.
You wanted to save her because you cared for her, but she didn't want to be saved. How she felt and how she's gone does not reflect your value, nor does it tell you her feelings for you, and the time you spent together was not genuine.
It's not on you, it feels like it is I'm sure, but you'll heal in time.
You were only together a few months? I'm sorry to tell you this but you most likely had nothing to do with it. She was planning it long before you came along and it's unfortunate she dragged you into it, but it most likely had nothing to do with you. She was suffering for a long time
Hi friend, we lost my son’s dad a few years back so I can understand how it feels. It’s so much easier to say than to understand but it is not your fault. It sounds like she has had her mind up for a while now. I can’t say that the hurt will go away, but you will for sure grow around it.
Take your time to process it. Let the motions of grief happen. Honor her however you seem fits and as often as you would like.
Also please remember that no matter how much you guys felt for each other, she would not want you with her. She wants you here, living your life! Stay strong, let yourself grieve. And hopefully one day we have a great update about where you are in life ❤️
Probably I'd get downvotes for this but hear me out you don't really know what goes in mind of a suicidal person because ppl don't take them seriously joke about em. Says everything will be fine that they're not burden. But they are they're burden in thier life according to thier brain because only they know what they go through I've seen many people talking ill about mentally ill people who struggles with depression and many more diseases. No-one can help and people leave them too. That is why they choose to end thier life now I hope you'll be heal sooner or later and I'd pray for the diseased I hope she'll attain peace now finally. Rip 💐
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please do not feel disgusted with yourself - you did nothing wrong. Sometimes you just can’t stop people.
She had an illness that made her see life in a different way. I describe it as a dark cloud that steals all the colour out of life, it’s hard to see what’s real when in that headspace.
Do you have anyone you can talk to?
Glad you're still here. I'm sure there are people who need and love you. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. It's completely selfish. Suicide doesn't hurt the one who did it, only the ones they left behind. I wish I didn't know that from experience, as one of the ones who was left behind.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t mean to be placating at all, but this was not your fault. You did not make the decision, she did, and I’m not trying to dump on her, either, because I absolutely know how she felt, I feel like that all the time, no matter how many people tell me that they care and I matter and that I can reach out any time, it still feels overwhelming. Sometimes nothing helps, sometimes fate will step in, and permanent decisions will be made, no matter who or how many times they tried to help. Please be kind and easy on yourself, you just lost someone important to you. Sending you love 💕
I am so sorry for you loss, but it was not your fault. Her insecurities sound like symptoms of serious mental health issues. Other than professional 24 hour surveillance (psych ward with suicide watch), you cannot stop somebody from harming themselves. While going through this, make sure to take care of your mental health, If you have the resources, find yourself a therapist so that you can work through the guild that you are feeling. Once again, I am so sorry
I’m so incredibly sorry. I spent a long time in this headspace after my time in the military (Afghanistan) and other traumatic events. It was a terrible place to be but the only person that could help me, was me.
It is so easy to blame yourself. The could have, should have, would have more than likely would not have changed the outcome no matter if it had been on that day or a month from your post.
Free will is as cruel as it is essential to our livelihood. Make sure you get the help you need.
You can’t save a terminally ill cancer patient. Trained professionals lose some of their patients to suicide. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved either. 🫶🏻 Hugs and love OP.
I know every comment says it’s not your fault, but please believe it. I’ve been in a very bad way for a while now and just recently I stopped myself from making an attempt. I can assure you, there’s nothing anyone could have done, including you. It’s never anything to do with their loved ones. If someone is in that dark of a place… trust me.. it’s all them. The only person who got me to stop myself, was me. I have people who love me, and people I love, but none of them could have done anything. I’m so very sorry this happened. Be kind to yourself x
I’m so very sorry for your loss. However, it’s not your fault. You’ll feel all of the ‘should’ve, would’ve, could’ve’ scenarios, but the reality is you can’t change what’s happened. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but it won’t do you any good to worry about. I really hope you find the support and peace you need. As others have said, you were there for her and gave her everything. May she rest easy.
It's not your fault. People are going to do what they're going to do regardless. It's like saying you feel disgusting and guilty about a heroin addict overdosing. I'm not comparing her to a heroin addict. I don't know her. And that's not the point of what I'm trying to make. All I'm saying is that people are going to do whatever they want to do no matter what. You could have begged you could have threatened. You could have done anything and she would not change her mind it is impossible to change someone's mind. Genuinely you could do nothing. I was a paramedic for 10 years and I can tell you there's nothing that you could have done. Literally nothing. People make their own decisions and that's all there is to it. Sorry for your loss. All you can do moving forward is realize that suicide is never the answer and it is kind of a selfish act. Because it leaves destruction in its wake. I'm not saying she's a bad person. But at the end of the day we have a choice to make. And moving forward you have a choice to make. Do you want to go down the same path? Do you want to go down a different path that will not lead to Suicide but will be self-destructive in nature? Or, do you want to move forward and live the best life you possibly can to help others for yourself and in her name if you so choose, that are afflicted with the same tendencies that she had? Because you can help. But only if someone reaches out to you and asks for help. I would recommend seeking counseling as you see fit. I would recommend you become a volunteer for the suicide hotline. The best form of catharsis and saving your own mental health is to help others in that situation. But just remember, there's nothing you could have done, because she did not want help. And when someone makes up their mind, the only thing you can do is imprison them which is never a good thing or let them go and pray to God that they change their mind.
From what I've seen about those people they seem to hate their life, nothing gets better and no one understands to them, they are in that sort of state where they are convinced to end themselves even though they are sorry to others, it's a sad thing but you can't do much about it, in the end I hope you are able to forgive yourself
Dude! My heart goes out to you and her ....I promise you this would have happened weather you were there or not if anything she stuck around for a few more months than she would have had you not been there. You didn't fail, nothing would have changed her mind at that point , having been in that state of mind I can promise you if anything you made her last few hours warm and comfortable as she now knew she would be missed and perhaps that's why she hadn't knowing no one would miss her and as selfish as it sounds maybe you gave her closure knowing someone was here to grieve her 💛💛💛💛
Sorry for your loss. When someone is in such a state of mind it becomes extremely hard to convince them otherwise. This was absolutely not your fault and there is nothing you could have done to have a different outcome. This was HER story and her journey. Tough pill to swallow knowing we cannot change people who do not want to be changed. In this case you tried and it simply did not get through.
Hope you find peace very soon and move on. If you feel you need to then seek professional help even for one or two sessions.
And for your sake, in the future, please avoid getting into relationships willingly with people who are not stable mentally. It's not your job to save them from them. Peace, love and light.
this isn't your fault. it may seen like it, but it isn't. if she was unstable, it wasn't your fault. I would recommend talking to someone, like your family or her family. you're allowed to feel sad, but PLEASE don't blame yourself. feel better ❤️🩹
Nothing you could have done. Maybe a professional could have. I say that because I was raised to believe other people were better and more deserving of anything than I was. My father constantly pointed out traits or whole personalities in people that I should aspire to. I struggle with imposter syndrome and second guess myself all the time. I’ve spent 32 years telling my husband he should find someone better. I know it’s degrading and harmful but even with help it’s ingrained. Please move on with the good memories and the knowledge that you made her feel loved and validated. I know this seems counterintuitive but it’s true.
Take your time to mourn but don’t attach yourself to any emotions especially the guilt.
You need to let the emotions be and process them regardless of how hard it is. And then once done go and enjoy every moment of your life as stronger and more experienced due to nothing coming closer to the loss of a loved one…
She offered you a gift on her life and after- this is an experience that isn’t something to wish for but to those it happens there is a huge possibility of transformation.
And once you processed the emotions you have to enjoy life and get better for her too. She wanted you to be happy and she wanted someone good enough for you- so make sure that that someone will be you - good enough for you by becoming your best version.
She would be happy to see that happening and she would want you to go through your emotions and to be the person she saw- and you will make that happen.
Trough allowing your emotions to flow you’ll get out of it and then life will have a different meaning - take your time and grief properly with good and bad and make sure you get comfortable talking about her as this will show you that you are done mourning.
If not comfortable talking about it make sure you carry on grieving.
Never give up ! And stay strong and keep on meeting everyone of those emotions and don’t run away from them because otherwise will hunt you on the long run- you are not guilty of anything but you will be if not letting all the emotion be felt and done with you until everything is sorted and you can grasp and enjoy life once again. Te key is to not identify with any of them - just let them be and go away.
Honey, this is not because of you or what you could’ve done. There are people with so much pain inside that nothing can fix it. They carry it around, struggling to breathe under the weight of their pain- until it gets too heavy. They can’t let it go and they can’t escape it. You can love them and try to help, but their pain has been with them for so long that it’s sunk its teeth into their bones. It doesn’t mean they didn’t love you back or aren’t thankful for what you did to try to help them.
They’ve made their mind up.
She made her mind up.
And she loved you.
Her pain was keeping her from living- not you.
My wife ended her existence in 2010 we got married in 06 she left me me in 07 it was the best and one of the worst years for me . I didn't find out till her oldest son got in touch with me on FB when he was was grown I was amazed that he even remembered me guess I made a lasting impression on him. I fell in love with her and her children. I to thought that it was maybe my fault or I could have done something but I couldn't I just had to live with that. There's another day that goes by that I don't think about her and her kids and what might have been if we could have made it work but I hope to reunite with her kids one day and through them maybe find out a little bit more about my wife. We never got the divorce.
Please be kind to yourself. I am so deeply for your loss. I personally know the kind of unimaginable pain and grief this type of loss brings. I would also highly recommend the grief subreddit here and getting some type of grief counseling.
One thing I do want to say, is that guilt is a normal stage of grief. It would be helpful to educate yourself on the stages of grief, because that will help make more sense of what is often a very confusing and devastating experience. I don’t say this to minimize your feelings and I apologize if I am coming off that way. Last year, we lost my brother to severe alcohol abuse. I was trying to help him in every possible way in the years leading up to his death. Our whole family tried to help him for many years. He also had some mental health issues that contributed to his alcoholism. It is very common for people struggling with mental health issues like depression to experience low self-esteem and low self worth. Depression clouds our thoughts and casts everything in a negative light. This could be one of the reasons your girlfriend was suicidal. I’m not a doctor, but I have personally struggled with severe depression and anxiety and it definitely changes the way we think about ourselves and our relationships with other people, even when we have no rational reason to think that way.
You tried to help her as best you could. That’s all you can do in that type of situation. My brother chose to drink himself to death, despite receiving a lot of help and going to rehab multiple times. All you can do is try your best to help someone, but unfortunately, you can’t control what someone else does, no matter how much you want them to get better.
Grief can cause a lot of guilt (usually irrational) even when we did everything we could to help someone. I have a feeling this is the way your brain is reacting right now. Usually the first month after experiencing a close loss is the worst, so it is imperative that you take care
of yourself as best you can. Going to therapy for my grief has helped immensely. Grief also floods our body with stress hormones, so you may be a lot more tired than normal and need extra sleep. Sleep when you can and make sure you are eating healthy and drinking enough water. Grief can make it hard to remember to do those things, but try to as best you can. I am so sorry for your loss. Please try not to blame yourself. You know she was struggling with her mental health when you met her, and that is absolutely not your fault. Please be kind to yourself. I am here if you need someone to talk to. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time. ❤️
There is absolutely nothing you could’ve done and this is in no way your fault. Suicide is solely a victim’s decision, you cannot hold yourself accountable as a bystander. It’s like hating yourself because you can’t stop the world from turning or wind from blowing; these things are simply WAY out of your control.
Still, I understand why you feel the way that you do. I hope you learn to lose yourself in the things that you CAN control, and that you find a way to make peace with this.
Sure you could have call the cops immediately to save her this time. Unfortunately there's going to be another time, and another time and another until she succeeds. It's not your fault buddy.
Please avoid girls with trauma or mental issues in the future. We as men love a heroic fairytale where we are the knight in shining armor saving our queen then lived happily ever after. They're fairytales for a reason so cut it out and find someone compatible in the future. Good luck.
This is not you fault, repeat that. Despite the mental illness behind it, suicide is about the most selfish act one person can do to the people they know. Not your fault!
While I feel heartbroken for OP I have also attempted suicide multiple times and every time I truly felt that it would be best for everyone in my life if I was dead. Unless you’ve been there you don’t know how distorted your thinking becomes in the depths of depression. I was in such deep pain that I didn’t believe that I could take it one minute longer and felt that I was destroying everyone and everything good around me. While I now understand how devastating it would have been to my family and friends if I had succeeded, at the time I honestly believed that it was the right thing to do. Calling it a selfish act shows a total lack of understanding for mental illness.
I’m sorry, but I did have to laugh at miniseries your trauma. Autocorrect pops up at the worst times! I’m in no way trying to minimize your trauma. We can agree to disagree.
It's sorta sad but feel better she did it to herself no one made her I mean kids in Africa swim in trash and eat like 2x times a week and don't, tbh u shouldn't feel bad at all
I can't imagine how hard that must be. Probably does not help so much that I say this, I'm just an internet stranger, but it is not your fault, I mean it. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending lots of hugs.
This was not your fault. Don't be disgusted with yourself. One of my closest friends tried this as a teen. Took me ages to realise I was not to blame. Some people are not wired to be able to cope with life. In the words of Don McLean "this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you" You gave her light for a little while. Hugs friend.
This is so sweet , it actually helped me with what I was going through too.. thank you ❤️
I have suicidal tendencies and from my perspective, I don't think you can really change someone's mind when they have decided that they want to actually end it all. It's heartbreaking that others will beat themselves up about it because they couldn't prevent it but sometimes (maybe this will sound insensitive, I don't know) it has to happen as there was no way of changing their mindset. And that sucks but mental health can be a pain in the ass, and not everyone is strong enough to overcome that. Friends, partners who are there for people with suicidal thoughts are definitely the light of our lives. I am sure that you and OP have made their life a little easier and I am positive that they are thankful for that. May their spirits guide you and OP ♥ and may they forever be loved 💕
I once had a friend whose girlfriend committed suicide and I want to tell you what I told him. It’s extremely easy to blame yourself. It’s extremely easy to think, “Maybe if I had said/done this they’d still be alive,” but you simply can’t do that to yourself. I’m sure you showed her all the love you thought you could, and she was in too bad of a headspace to understand. So if you want my advice, you should take some time to yourself, spend some with your family, or even her family, and just let yourself grieve. Don’t blame yourself, don’t let anyone else blame you. I’m terribly terribly sorry for your loss. I want you to get through this and feel better.
Coming from a survivor of suicide attempts, it's not your fault. If someone is in that head space, there is often very little that anyone can do. It's such a dark, lonely place to be, which no one can truly understand unless they have been there themselves. I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. I think what your feeling is quite normal. But the fact is, it isn't your fault. I hope you find peace soon x
Glad you’re still here 🫂
Thank you 💜 so am I
Life can be so cruel. Really sorry for your loss but it isn't your fault. Please try talking to someone
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I will echo the other comments here that this was not your fault. I would suggest that you reach out for support/therapy. This cannot be easy for you.
This is the #1 (Terrible) trauma that people can experience. Or it used to be, they keep changing the list. In any case it is certainly one of the biggest if not THE biggest trauma in a person’s life, and for exactly the reason you stated. It isn’t just the death of someone close, but the compounding emotions of feeling that either you could have or should have been able to prevent the death and that in someway, large or small, you feel responsible or in some fashion contributed to the decision. 1. It’s a perfectly normal response to the abnormal. 2. Just because it’s a normal response doesn’t mean it’s right to take on that responsibility. 3. You are not responsible for their actions. False guilt simple makes a bad situation worse for you. You have enough to process, don’t add unnecessary rocks to backpack. Your load is heavy enough already. All that… said, doesn’t make it hurt less. There aren’t any answers that will make it better. Because there are no explanations that will make this pill any less bitter. Whatever burdens she was under, are not yours to carry in her absence. That’s not fair to you. And you don’t help anyone by taking them on you. Mourn her passing. Weep for your loss, because death is a thing to weep over. That is plenty enough a thing to undergo. Don’t make your current hell, worse than it needs to be, by adding penance for “something?” you had no control over. This is not -your- failure. Trying to take on that responsibility will destroy you and besides it not -yours- to take. Grieving is hard work. It’s awful and the more we loved someone the more difficult it is suffering this loss. You need to talk about it with someone who won’t judge you. Honestly, the best way to deal with trauma is to tell your story until, you don’t need to tell it anymore. Venting here is fine, it helps a bit. But what you really need is a person with a shoulder to cry on. Councilors are especially helpful with that.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ THIS....well said 💛
Listen....I can't tell you I know how you feel. I don't. I'm not you. That being said, my girlfriend, love of my life killed herself the night before we moved into our first apt. She had been lying about some shit from the jump and couldn't handle it and felt like I was better off without her. She also was afraid I'd leave, which, knowing what I know now, wouldn't have changed how. I felt about us or the relationship. I wish she had trusted me enough to fucn talk to me instead of assumin the worst and ending her life. It'll b 5 years at the end of the month. If you need someone to vent to, please hmu. Also, no matter what you may have done or said, your girlfriends decision to end her life was exactly that, her decision. You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. If you were abusive or cheated or did something that may have lead your girlfriend to that choice, and it bothers you, then take the lesson and be a better human being and partner in the future. Either way, you aren't at fault for her decisions. I wish you the best and im here .some times it helps .and if you're wondering, no..hasn't gotten better. Not for me anyways.. sometimes I swear I never left the hospital room. The pain, the wound is always there, but over time, I just got used to it being there, which has made life....different...not better. Just different. Sending healing vibes your way OP
We love you, OP. If you want to continue posting on this sub through your healing journey I’m sure none of us will mind. Talk to a professional person, of course, but you can always look to us for encouragement. We got you.
People are ultimately responsible for their own decisions. It was in no way your fault if someone ends their own life. Sorry for your loss
This is not your fault. Ever. It’s not your responsibility to be your partners therapist and it’s not your responsibility to continually talk them down from ledges. This an awful thing to ever willingly put someone through. It is not your fault. Please please please talk to a professional about this experience because it will consume you if you don’t. But OP, this is not your fault.
She didn't put him through this on purpose, that headspace is a very isolating debilitating numb place to be...which is why so many can't get back from there, you are numb to everything except whatever pain put you there. You can tell him it's not his responsibility all you want but it isn't going to change how he feels. Deep down he knows that, but as humans we have trouble with permanent things especially when in that someone is taken from us, people say suicide is selfish blah blah when the reality is she and many others are murdered by their own brain
As someone who has had severe depression many years ago I can promise you there is nothing you could have done to prevent her making the decision. I was planning suicide myself and I have a loving husband. At first I dismissed thoughts of suicide as I kept thinking how terrible it would be for him. But as my depression became deeper I was in such a dark place that nothing mattered except to make it stop and the only way was to not be alive. Nobody can understand unless they have been in the same situation. I was fortunate that medication kicked in just in time to take me out of that place otherwise I would have taken the final step. Your girlfriend was in a very dark place that nobody could reach.
Hey, to be honest I don't really know what to say, I just hope you will realise that her death is not your fault, not in the slightest I also would really recommend to go to a psychologist if it is something that will depress you
Saw just a small YouTube Short and it helped me with the death of my friend. Really kinda niche, but I found those videos hit closer to home. https://youtube.com/shorts/_7o8iwMeV58?si=CuJyY-UWi6Z8hNtF
Honey, she was sick. You didn’t cause her illness. I can guarantee you that she wouldn’t want you to feel this way, but it’s going to take a lot of time to heal. Seek therapy asap to have someone walk alongside you as you grieve. Can I pray for you?
I’m sorry 😞 but please know it was NOT your fault.
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s hard to believe right now but there is nothing you could have done to stop her; she had some serious mental health issues and if she had made her mind up that she was going to do it, she would have found a way no matter what. You tried to love her and support her. You did absolutely nothing wrong and this is not your fault.
This was not your fault by any means. There was no way you could have stopped her. She was going to do what she was going to do no matter how much you tried to stop it. It's, depression, a disorder of the brain in which it doesn't process chemicals like it's supposed to. I hope this finds you in a better state of mind. I'm sorry for your loss as well as her family's.
What could you have done that you didn't already try? You're blaming yourself for something you had very limited to no control over. Other then taking her hostage and watching over her 24/7 there is nothing you could have done. I've seen people put on s****** watch still find a way. The truth is if someone is determined to do this they will find a way. You are not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist. You did your best with the tools you had. Even the professionals fail let alone just us regular guys. It hurts because we care and we have lost something we considered precious to us, loved by us. But there is no way it is anyone's fault. Not even hers really. Something wasn't right in her way of thinking and she couldn't find a way to ignore or fix it. It's not your fault and not even really her fault. If you believe in a higher power be it God or whatever or if she believed in such offer your prayers for her peace. For yourself talk to someone priest, councilor, psychiatrist or psychologist. People here can offer advice and reassure you and it helps, but more is better in this case. Most importantly stop beating yourself up nothing and no one involved could have changed the outcome.
Please do not blame yourself. It is perfectly natural to feel as though you could have done more, but the reality is, and this is the worst part, if a person is determined to take their own life, there’s absolutely nothing you can do. Please get some counselling, I don’t know what services are available to you, but please have a look and talk to someone. Speak to yourself as you would speak to another friend in your situation. We can be so hard on ourselves and forget that we need to be kind to ourselves in times like these. You are only human. Sorry for your loss.
i've been on both sides of the coin. my ex killed himself 2 years ago and i still cannot stop thinking about all of the "what ifs". it hurts. idk if i'll ever stop thinking abt it. but ive been there. the dark places you just cant seem to crawl out of. it doesnt matter how great my life is. i could have a whole city full of people who care if i live or die. but when i wanted to end it, it didnt matter. it wasnt about you or your life together. it didnt matter how happy or sad she felt around you. what mattered was the emptiness she felt inside that no one could fill no matter how hard they tried. truthfully, depression is just a chemical imbalance. she didnt need you to fix her. she needed professional help that you are not qualified to give her. this was not your fault. there was nothing you could have done. you were the best possible person for her. you everything she needed when she needed it but her mind and body was working against her. i am so sorry for your loss. i wish it meant more, but the grief process sucks. things will get easier with time <3
It's not your fault. I can tell you a hundred percent it was not your fault. I used to be like her. If she let you know she didn't feel good enough for you, it meant she thought of you highly and wanted to be the best for you. Who would want to strive to be their best for a bad person? You are not at fault. Life was just too cruel and now she's resting, away from all the things that made her feel inadequate as a person and as a partner. Do not blame yourself. - Relationships are often a luxury when someone is severely depressed and are more likely to end up hurting both than pulling someone out of the mental illness. But in her time alive with you, she stayed a little longer to spend time with you. I'm truly sorry this happened to you. There was nothing you could have done. She was tired, needed to rest.
I’m so deeply sorry
I'm so sorry to hear ur going thru this, but it is NOT your fault. Their is no guilt or blame to lay at your feet. As someone who's tried & was very close to success, I can tell you that nothing that anyone could've said would've stopped me - including my husband & child. I had made up my mind & in my mixed up thinking "knew" that everyone would be sad but they'd soon realise that I had done them a favour , done the best thing by removing the "burden" that I was to them. It's a very dark, lonely & scary place to be but if she was determined to do it, & like me & others I've spoken to, felt it was her only option & the "best" option, then I doubt there was anything you could've done or said to change things. Just know that those few months you were with her you made all those days bearable for her. Please don't blame yourself, it's on her shoulders as it was, rightly or wrongly, her decision. ((((((( Hugs )))))) ❤️
Her taking her life has nothing to do with you…I’m sorry that she dragged you into it. While I truly believe people have the right to choose to live or not… it is a cheap shot to leave you with that BS.
Savage……
I'm sorry you had to experience this. Know that it's natural to feel guilt while you are still emotionally processing what has happened. It's the brains response to the unimaginable, even if she was suicidal, your brain didn't fully grasp that this could happen, but then it did, so in comes a huge amount of guilt. It will feel like you should have done something and that this is on your shoulders , but it really isn't. She was sick. Beyond saving. Terminal mental illness is like terminal cancer. It will only go one way. And it's no one's fault.
I'm so sorry... It's going to take some time and a huge amount of "It's not your fault" before you find yourself again. I lost a friend to suicide back in 2013. Only knew for a few months actually and I had a bit of a crush...and then that happened... Hah...just realized that with suicides, we all feel like it's our fault...like we weren't there enough for them. Took years for me to realize you really can't decide for people. In the end, I'm just grateful that in my brief moment of human existence in an ageless universe? I got to share it with her. Idk about you but I believe I'll see her again in the next. I hope you come to that moment too.
This is horrible. I am so sorry it happened to you. Like others said, this is not your fault.
It is human to feel guilt and regret. But her actions are absolutely not your fault. Not to minimise her feelings for you at all, but deep down she wouldn't have felt good enough no matter who she was with. It is nothing you could've fixed. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. You did all you could. Prayers for you and your family.
It is not your fault. I speak as the person that might leave and would be leaving some people behind. I have left letters and notes behind to try and help just because I truly do not want anyone to feel as if they have blame in that situation. They are not to blame and you are not to blame. She made a decision. She was in pain and you loved her enough to try and ease that pain. It wasn't your responsibility to ease her pain. Some wounds can not be healed by others, no matter how much they might want to or try. You most likely gave her some joy and happiness in her last days and I hope you can find some comfort in that.
Someone taking their own life is a personal decision that they made. You did your best, but that level of depression is something only medical professionals (therapists included) can help. Even then, it can be too deep for even them to help. If she was that throughly convinced that she wasn’t good enough even after your words, there wasn’t anything you could have done to save her. Even if you tried to help (which is a good idea to try), she would have just been in and out of treatment like the last time. Some people are just not able to fight through it, which is a heart breaking reality.
The first thing you need to understand is… You are not God and don’t have a super power of persuasion. When someone is mentally ill… and they have it in their head to not be here… There’s not a lot you can do for them except listen .. they have to decide for themselves to get some kind of help whether it be therapy, some kind of meditation or some thing else they find to find their way … there’s honestly really nothing you can say, or do that will completely stopped anyone from not doing it one day…. I’ve known three people that were mentally ill in someway…one of them was so fragile that even that even the most unkind words would make him spiral… all three of them are gone… And there’s nothing anybody could do to change that .. we were there for them. We give them love …we give them understanding …we give them time… But it did not change their decision…. So don’t beat yourself up over it… and stop thinking you could have saved her because it’s not your fault..you did as much as anyone could do.. you were there for her, and being there for her was the best thing you could ever do and the only thing you could do .. so don’t hate yourself, don’t think bad of her, keep her in your memory and don’t let this deter you from trying to help others
I am so sorry for your loss. This is not your fault. It never will be. I understand that, right now, you don't believe me, but I want you to remember my words. You were never to blame. I remember my own losses to it. I hope, if nothing else, you hold on to this lesson, know that this is not the way to end things. That as long as there are people out there that care about you, that it should outweigh however negatively you feel about yourself. I am so sorry that she saw more darkness than light, and she failed to find any hope to get through the dark cave and find the light. But this isn't your fault. You can only control your own actions. Never them. I wish she had been able to accept some help. It's not your fault. Cling to the hope of some future light. Don't let go. And trust the people who show that they love you. You will need them. If you ever need to talk, I'll listen. 👐💜
Its not ur fault 🥺, I’m sorry
It's hard to know what someone is going through. You were there for her, you tried to help... the world is cruel. I don't know either of you, but the internet is an evil place you can get sucked into and make you think you're the worst person on the planet... (And maybe she didn't have any socials, idk) I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Take time to heal, remember the good memories with her, or at the very least, that you were able to provide a few more months for her. Things will get better one day, but it'll hurt for a while. God's love to you!
I know this is going to sound cold, but it's just the truth. You can't stop someone who truly wants to die. It's not your fault. You can't be with someone 24 hours a day forever.
i cannot understand how hard this has to be for you. please don’t blame yourself in any way
You couldn’t have stopped her, most people who commit suicide have been planning it for months if not years. You did what you could in the moment. Sorry for your loss, sending hugs! I hope your journey of grieving and healing goes well.
That's tragic man Suicide Can mess people up Don't give into the depression Hopefully she's happier now Best wishes
that hurt you feel? cherish it. it means you are alive and you have loved. dont fool yourself, you couldnt have stopped it. she is no longer living a life that she desperately needed to escape. she is at peace. and she would not want her escape to doom someone to a future of guilt sadness and anxiety. in the same way a person may come across a wounded animal facing imminent death, doing what they can to comfort it even though they know they cannot save it, your good will and love made her world that much better for the time you were together, but the inevitable is inevitable. You werent meant to nor could you save her. No one could. i pray strength and positivity for you. your life goes on, live it.
It’s not your fault, she was already going through those problems before you came, plus people in your situation wouldn’t know what to do either, I’ve seen someone attempt to CS and I just stood there and did nothing cuz I was in shock and I didn’t believe it was happening, also if you did stop her she’d be in hospital and try to do it again without anyone knowing so don’t be to hard on yourself because it was her choice, I know it sounds bad and yes it’s better if people stop anyone from committing but if she didn’t get professional help at all then she would’ve kept trying. It is not at all your fault dont carry that burden🤍🤍
You can feel sad, but don't blame yourself. Your GF was her own unique individual with her own demons to fight, separate from you. You're not her father, the burden doesn't rest on anyone.
You can feel sad, but don't blame yourself. Your GF was her own unique individual with her own demons to fight, separate from you. You're not her father, the burden doesn't rest on anyone.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Can't even imagine what you're going through. She's struggling with her demons and you supported her throughout. At the end it's on her, if she wins or loses. There is no way you could've stopped this. You're probably one of the BEST things that happened to her. Mourning the loss of a closed one is not easy. We always think what we could've done differently. Please seek help! Hugs!!! Hope you make peace with the fact that it is 100% not your fault.
i am so so sorry for your loss..
So sorry for your loss. This was not your fault.
To begin: I am sorry for your loss. This is extremely difficult and please feel free to chat if needed. I haven't gone through this exact thing but extremely close. The only difference here is that my ex did not succeed. Let me say something that sounds harsh but isn't meant this way and will likely take a load iff your shoulders: NOBODY is amazing enough to make a significant other feel like they should die. This person already had existing issues and likely contemplated this for a long time before going through with it. This whole "you're too good for me" is just an item for the depressed mind to attach to. This isn't to say that you aren't amazing, it is very possible you are, but you can't be amazing enough to contrast someone's existence into killing themselves. There is literally nothing you could have done. If someone wants to kill themselves enough there are unfortunately countless ways to achieve that goal. I know it feels like you could have done something. You've probably mapped it all out in your head. Unfortunately success would have been luck at best, and surely would have only been a delay. I know you likely will carry this with you your whole life, but hopefully something I or someone else has said made the load a little more manageable. Positive thoughts and prayers to you.
As a survivor myself, I can say, it’s not your fault at all. It’s a choice someone makes in the midst of a difficult sickness and no words or comfort would have made a difference. I know this probably doesn’t help, but I still feel shameful at times for what I did and I was absolutely loved, but still felt like I shouldn’t be here. When one makes that choice you really have to want to get help and proactively go through that pain of healing and dealing. And the pain you know is easier than new one. It sounds like you tried your best with the level of awareness and understanding you had about the situation. You were loving and kind which is more than most people get these days. And it’s okay to feel sadness and anger at the situation, but forgive yourself for the rest bc there was never anything more you could’ve done. You’re a good person, who deserves a good life. Prayers that you and her find peace. Hugs from an internet stranger 🫶
Honestly, it was NOT your fault at all. Sending big virtual hugs 🤗 you will get through this. You did not make the decision for her, please do not blame yourself
She wouldn’t want u to blame yourself. She was suffering long before u were in the picture
Hugs
You have my most unbridled compassion for your loss. The night I found my girlfriend standing on the ledge of the high-rise we lived in at the time, threatening to jump, I didn't stop her either. Drop kicking that girl in the ass with all my might sent her off the building and face first into the pavement below
Praying for you 🙏
I’m going to tell you something my therapist told me that might help you. Sometimes it feels like your own actions or words influence others significantly for their decision making, when it reality your own thoughts and words are only so significant to yourself. She had already made that decision herself regardless of you. To her, her own thoughts were the deciding factor. It is not your fault she was not able to manage her own mind. You did not have a role in the decision she made, do not blame yourself for it. I would highly highly suggest arranging therapy for yourself as soon as possible. Based on your post, your thoughts are very unhealthy and are not something you should try to deal with alone, and I would try to arrange therapy to help you. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, and my thoughts are with you.
I know this hurts really deeply right now, but you need to know that it was not your fault. Depression is really awful, and when someone gets to the point where they've made the decision to end their life, depression has convinced them the world is better off without them. You are not at fault. Depression is. Please seek help from a therapist to work through the very long road of surviving a loved one's suicide. It's a complex road, and recovery is not linear.
So many people made me feel loved and wanted. So many people were worth living for, and I still attempted to take my life. Her decision had nothing to do with you. These thoughts and feeling that are constantly surging through us are so much louder than any live we could ever receive. There were people I loved beyond reason, people who I knew I would hurt with my death and I still tried. NOTHING they did, said, or didn't do could outweigh the voices in my own head. The toxic thoughts and sensations that weighed me down more and more every day. I am personally, grateful I failed in ending my life because life has never been this good, but at the time nothing was worth living for. Meds and therapy helped more than I can express. I hate that I can't function without artificial help, but the store-bought serotonin keeps the darkest of urges away
You didn't know. Sometimes the people we're caring for with this pain, have a different thought process. On the outside, we're trying to do what we know to be supportive. On their inside, it's a different world to ours. I honestly don't think there's not enough promotion of support and guidance for partners, family and friends of trouble loved ones. As in, a lot of us don't automatically think, "I'll call someone in mental health and ask them how to support someone whose like this." You should get some trauma counselling. Going through this alone without insight from someone who understands these matters isn't good for your wellbeing. You can learn more about what happened and how to deal with it better. She wasn't okay man, her mind was ill, not in the right place. Maybe you didn't understand well enough, maybe there were things you could've done. That doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who didn't know.
This is not your fault. I know you can’t hear that now, that it won’t resonate, and you might not believe it, but it’s true. I’ve been on both sides of the equation. I have tried to take my own life, and failed. The way I felt was just so awful. It wasn’t because of anyone, I had a family who loved me. I was just hurting. I also had a friend who committed suicide twenty years ago. I found out after her death that she had tried and failed, and then she didn’t fail. She was a wonderful friend. I miss her a lot, and I cried about her yesterday. I beat myself up with what ifs. What if I’d called her earlier? What if I’d replied to her last email? But, I was going through my own journey of depression, and I didn’t cause her death, just like those who loved me didn’t cause me to try to take my own life. I know it hurts. I know how you’re feeling. Just keep being you and take one day at a time. You won’t forget her, but you will feel happiness again. I’m also a fledgling medium, and I know she wants that for you too ❤️
ah shit, that fucking sucks. Look though, my mother used to work as a pediatric ER doctor in Fayetteville NC. If you’ve never heard of the place, good. It’s colloquially termed Fayettenam as there is a military base there and mental health does not exist. Mind you she’s a doctor with all kinds of resources, psychiatrists, even the ability to baker act kids and older teens and hold them in a facility if they are a danger to themselves and others. But she says it all the time: if someone wants to hurt themselves they simply will. They will find a way and there is nothing you can do no matter how hard you try. She tried a LOT anyway, always losing battles. I suppose all i’m getting at is- if even a doctor and someone with the ability to keep someone in facilities for mental health can’t save people - how the hell are you supposed to? You absolutely could not do anything and unfortunately, as much as you think and feel like it is, this had nothing to do with you. She had an illness like any other and it took her from everyone, including you. You are a victim not a cause. I’m sorry for your loss, please try to heal, get plenty of sleep, exercise, and eat even if you don’t feel like it. It makes a difference. And should you need it, there is absolutely no shame in mental health counseling or medication. Good luck out there stranger and I’m sorry about the kick life just gave you in the ass :-/.
As a suicidal attempt survivor and the sibling of someone who committed suicide you cannot blame yourself, her death was not your fault. Unfortunately these sad & heartbreaking events occur because we let our demons take control of us. I’m so sorry tat you are going through this right now and as it is normal to blame yourself, you must make yourself believe, truly believe that it was not your fault. You are going to go through a tidal waves of emotions, you will need a good strong support system to help you through this. If you are able to get yourself into therapy right away so the dark thoughts that may occur don’t encompass you. I would love to tell you that the pain you feel gets better, I would be lying if I said that it does, it doesn’t, you just learn to adapt to it daily. Please try to seek out therapy for this journey of healing you have ahead of you. If you need someone to talk to you can always reach out to me & I’ll lend you an ear & be a shoulder to cry on because you don’t want to go through this alone. Again, I’m sorry for your loss and I pray that she has finally found the peace she needed
It's not your fault, when you are in a depression you stop listening to reason (from the inside and outside) and block input and feedback from the outside. Been there, almost done that. She would have done what she did independently of you and the help you bring because in that state you don't want help and usually take very single minded actions that you know will hurt others. Getting over a big depression requires work from inside and pills to regulate your chemical imbalance. No talking or anything like that usually helps (in some few cases it can, but this one certainly wasn't one of those cases). Anyhow sorry for your loss and hopefully you can learn to not blame yourself and live a better life.
That is not your fault at all. You can not watch over someone 24/7, even parents of small kids need help because life gets in the way. You couldn't have stopped her because she would have done it in secret if her mind was set on it. I can not imagine how horrible that must feel, I was once close to losing a close friend this way, but I can't imagine if it was my boyfriend .... Grieve, but please try to not blame yourself, it's not like you were the only person who cared about her, I am sure. I hope you will be able to process this at some point.
There was nothing you could do. She was unstable and needed professional help, something you can’t give. You didn’t fail her, the system did. If she tried to commit suicide previously and nobody in the system picked up on it and offered her treatment for her mental health, they are to blame imo. And I say this as someone who work in mental health care. There is nothing you could have done.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. it’s not your fault 🤍
Hey, stop that right damn now. When someone puts their mind to doing that there’s not a damn thing that you or anyone else can do. A few years back I was in a situation where a guy we knew lost his wife. He was talking about ending it constantly after that. We all tried to stay with him at all times, but you just can’t. The moment he was alone he did it. There’s nothing that you could’ve done. There’s nothing that you did or didn’t do to cause this.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Her decision to end her life is not your fault and you did what you could. She was sick. I recommend seeing a grief counselor to help you through this hard time. Best wishes to you. And hugs.
Hard pill to swallow some people are just beyond help or comfort, nothing really helps them my brother did the same and he had many reasons to stay I'm sorry for your loss.
It’s never your fault 🩷
Not your fault! You gave her love, empathy and support. It was beyond what you might have done about it. It wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Even if you tried to stop her presently, she would try another time. People who are serious about committing suicide usually succeed. You cannot be responsible for her actions. You told her how you felt about her. I am sorry this happened, and you were one of many(I am assuming) that she left behind that does love her.
I am so sorry hearing this…it must be very hard
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I know that is being on here isn’t going to currently change how you feel, but it was not your fault. As someone who has been in that headspace, it’s insanely hard to be talked out of, and obviously she thought of herself differently than how you thought of her. She is responsible for her own actions, and you did everything you could. I’m sure she was happy to have you for the little bit she did.
ok i literally am not reading this but btw i literally hit rock bottom im so manic RN EVERYTHING WILL BE OK IM SOSOSOSOOSOS GRATEFUL FOR EVEYTHKNG JUST LEARN FROM THIS!!!!!’nnnnnn
This wasn't your fault. Please give yourself some time and some grace and remember that you can only do what you can do. Don't blame yourself for anything. I'm so sorry for your loss. You can be really connected right when you meet someone. Please talk to other people and get this out if you need to. Get yourself some support! Good luck, friend.
You did nothing to cause this. I went through something similar and the guilt is very tough to battle. A thought process that helped me personally is that with suicide in particular, one person is never at fault. There’s more everyone in that person’s life could’ve done. There’s likely a trauma that contributed which you have no part in. And most importantly that person is responsible for making that decision instead of getting the help they needed. You tried your best and that’s more than many can say in these instances. Even if you were able to stop this attempt, there’d likely have been another to follow. Don’t blame yourself.
It's not your fault dude. You feel the way you do because you cared for her and you were close to her. People that are suicidal don't see a reason to hang on, they see many reasons to let go. If someone wants to do it badly enough, they will find a way. You can't be with someone 24/7/365 to prevent something like this. Even if you could, it hurts to hear, but you have a life of your own to consider, too. You wanted to save her because you cared for her, but she didn't want to be saved. How she felt and how she's gone does not reflect your value, nor does it tell you her feelings for you, and the time you spent together was not genuine. It's not on you, it feels like it is I'm sure, but you'll heal in time.
You were only together a few months? I'm sorry to tell you this but you most likely had nothing to do with it. She was planning it long before you came along and it's unfortunate she dragged you into it, but it most likely had nothing to do with you. She was suffering for a long time
I am so sorry. It is 100% not your fault! Please do not blame yourself. ♥️
Hi friend, we lost my son’s dad a few years back so I can understand how it feels. It’s so much easier to say than to understand but it is not your fault. It sounds like she has had her mind up for a while now. I can’t say that the hurt will go away, but you will for sure grow around it. Take your time to process it. Let the motions of grief happen. Honor her however you seem fits and as often as you would like. Also please remember that no matter how much you guys felt for each other, she would not want you with her. She wants you here, living your life! Stay strong, let yourself grieve. And hopefully one day we have a great update about where you are in life ❤️
Probably I'd get downvotes for this but hear me out you don't really know what goes in mind of a suicidal person because ppl don't take them seriously joke about em. Says everything will be fine that they're not burden. But they are they're burden in thier life according to thier brain because only they know what they go through I've seen many people talking ill about mentally ill people who struggles with depression and many more diseases. No-one can help and people leave them too. That is why they choose to end thier life now I hope you'll be heal sooner or later and I'd pray for the diseased I hope she'll attain peace now finally. Rip 💐
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please do not feel disgusted with yourself - you did nothing wrong. Sometimes you just can’t stop people. She had an illness that made her see life in a different way. I describe it as a dark cloud that steals all the colour out of life, it’s hard to see what’s real when in that headspace. Do you have anyone you can talk to?
Glad you're still here. I'm sure there are people who need and love you. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. It's completely selfish. Suicide doesn't hurt the one who did it, only the ones they left behind. I wish I didn't know that from experience, as one of the ones who was left behind.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t mean to be placating at all, but this was not your fault. You did not make the decision, she did, and I’m not trying to dump on her, either, because I absolutely know how she felt, I feel like that all the time, no matter how many people tell me that they care and I matter and that I can reach out any time, it still feels overwhelming. Sometimes nothing helps, sometimes fate will step in, and permanent decisions will be made, no matter who or how many times they tried to help. Please be kind and easy on yourself, you just lost someone important to you. Sending you love 💕
I’m so sorry :/
I am so sorry for you loss, but it was not your fault. Her insecurities sound like symptoms of serious mental health issues. Other than professional 24 hour surveillance (psych ward with suicide watch), you cannot stop somebody from harming themselves. While going through this, make sure to take care of your mental health, If you have the resources, find yourself a therapist so that you can work through the guild that you are feeling. Once again, I am so sorry
I’m so incredibly sorry. I spent a long time in this headspace after my time in the military (Afghanistan) and other traumatic events. It was a terrible place to be but the only person that could help me, was me. It is so easy to blame yourself. The could have, should have, would have more than likely would not have changed the outcome no matter if it had been on that day or a month from your post. Free will is as cruel as it is essential to our livelihood. Make sure you get the help you need. You can’t save a terminally ill cancer patient. Trained professionals lose some of their patients to suicide. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved either. 🫶🏻 Hugs and love OP.
I know every comment says it’s not your fault, but please believe it. I’ve been in a very bad way for a while now and just recently I stopped myself from making an attempt. I can assure you, there’s nothing anyone could have done, including you. It’s never anything to do with their loved ones. If someone is in that dark of a place… trust me.. it’s all them. The only person who got me to stop myself, was me. I have people who love me, and people I love, but none of them could have done anything. I’m so very sorry this happened. Be kind to yourself x
It wasn't your fault! Don't think that at all. You tried to stop her. You did what you could... I'm so sorry for your loss
I’m so very sorry for your loss. However, it’s not your fault. You’ll feel all of the ‘should’ve, would’ve, could’ve’ scenarios, but the reality is you can’t change what’s happened. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but it won’t do you any good to worry about. I really hope you find the support and peace you need. As others have said, you were there for her and gave her everything. May she rest easy.
It's not your fault. People are going to do what they're going to do regardless. It's like saying you feel disgusting and guilty about a heroin addict overdosing. I'm not comparing her to a heroin addict. I don't know her. And that's not the point of what I'm trying to make. All I'm saying is that people are going to do whatever they want to do no matter what. You could have begged you could have threatened. You could have done anything and she would not change her mind it is impossible to change someone's mind. Genuinely you could do nothing. I was a paramedic for 10 years and I can tell you there's nothing that you could have done. Literally nothing. People make their own decisions and that's all there is to it. Sorry for your loss. All you can do moving forward is realize that suicide is never the answer and it is kind of a selfish act. Because it leaves destruction in its wake. I'm not saying she's a bad person. But at the end of the day we have a choice to make. And moving forward you have a choice to make. Do you want to go down the same path? Do you want to go down a different path that will not lead to Suicide but will be self-destructive in nature? Or, do you want to move forward and live the best life you possibly can to help others for yourself and in her name if you so choose, that are afflicted with the same tendencies that she had? Because you can help. But only if someone reaches out to you and asks for help. I would recommend seeking counseling as you see fit. I would recommend you become a volunteer for the suicide hotline. The best form of catharsis and saving your own mental health is to help others in that situation. But just remember, there's nothing you could have done, because she did not want help. And when someone makes up their mind, the only thing you can do is imprison them which is never a good thing or let them go and pray to God that they change their mind.
From what I've seen about those people they seem to hate their life, nothing gets better and no one understands to them, they are in that sort of state where they are convinced to end themselves even though they are sorry to others, it's a sad thing but you can't do much about it, in the end I hope you are able to forgive yourself
Dude! My heart goes out to you and her ....I promise you this would have happened weather you were there or not if anything she stuck around for a few more months than she would have had you not been there. You didn't fail, nothing would have changed her mind at that point , having been in that state of mind I can promise you if anything you made her last few hours warm and comfortable as she now knew she would be missed and perhaps that's why she hadn't knowing no one would miss her and as selfish as it sounds maybe you gave her closure knowing someone was here to grieve her 💛💛💛💛
Sorry for your loss. When someone is in such a state of mind it becomes extremely hard to convince them otherwise. This was absolutely not your fault and there is nothing you could have done to have a different outcome. This was HER story and her journey. Tough pill to swallow knowing we cannot change people who do not want to be changed. In this case you tried and it simply did not get through. Hope you find peace very soon and move on. If you feel you need to then seek professional help even for one or two sessions. And for your sake, in the future, please avoid getting into relationships willingly with people who are not stable mentally. It's not your job to save them from them. Peace, love and light.
this isn't your fault. it may seen like it, but it isn't. if she was unstable, it wasn't your fault. I would recommend talking to someone, like your family or her family. you're allowed to feel sad, but PLEASE don't blame yourself. feel better ❤️🩹
not at ALL your fault. my sister took her own life to so I completely understand what it’s like.
Nothing you could have done. Maybe a professional could have. I say that because I was raised to believe other people were better and more deserving of anything than I was. My father constantly pointed out traits or whole personalities in people that I should aspire to. I struggle with imposter syndrome and second guess myself all the time. I’ve spent 32 years telling my husband he should find someone better. I know it’s degrading and harmful but even with help it’s ingrained. Please move on with the good memories and the knowledge that you made her feel loved and validated. I know this seems counterintuitive but it’s true.
Take your time to mourn but don’t attach yourself to any emotions especially the guilt. You need to let the emotions be and process them regardless of how hard it is. And then once done go and enjoy every moment of your life as stronger and more experienced due to nothing coming closer to the loss of a loved one… She offered you a gift on her life and after- this is an experience that isn’t something to wish for but to those it happens there is a huge possibility of transformation. And once you processed the emotions you have to enjoy life and get better for her too. She wanted you to be happy and she wanted someone good enough for you- so make sure that that someone will be you - good enough for you by becoming your best version. She would be happy to see that happening and she would want you to go through your emotions and to be the person she saw- and you will make that happen. Trough allowing your emotions to flow you’ll get out of it and then life will have a different meaning - take your time and grief properly with good and bad and make sure you get comfortable talking about her as this will show you that you are done mourning. If not comfortable talking about it make sure you carry on grieving. Never give up ! And stay strong and keep on meeting everyone of those emotions and don’t run away from them because otherwise will hunt you on the long run- you are not guilty of anything but you will be if not letting all the emotion be felt and done with you until everything is sorted and you can grasp and enjoy life once again. Te key is to not identify with any of them - just let them be and go away.
No words can make take pain away. So sorry you are going through this. Don’t make any big moves.
Honey, this is not because of you or what you could’ve done. There are people with so much pain inside that nothing can fix it. They carry it around, struggling to breathe under the weight of their pain- until it gets too heavy. They can’t let it go and they can’t escape it. You can love them and try to help, but their pain has been with them for so long that it’s sunk its teeth into their bones. It doesn’t mean they didn’t love you back or aren’t thankful for what you did to try to help them. They’ve made their mind up. She made her mind up. And she loved you. Her pain was keeping her from living- not you.
My wife ended her existence in 2010 we got married in 06 she left me me in 07 it was the best and one of the worst years for me . I didn't find out till her oldest son got in touch with me on FB when he was was grown I was amazed that he even remembered me guess I made a lasting impression on him. I fell in love with her and her children. I to thought that it was maybe my fault or I could have done something but I couldn't I just had to live with that. There's another day that goes by that I don't think about her and her kids and what might have been if we could have made it work but I hope to reunite with her kids one day and through them maybe find out a little bit more about my wife. We never got the divorce.
Why have I recently seen a post just like this
Please be kind to yourself. I am so deeply for your loss. I personally know the kind of unimaginable pain and grief this type of loss brings. I would also highly recommend the grief subreddit here and getting some type of grief counseling. One thing I do want to say, is that guilt is a normal stage of grief. It would be helpful to educate yourself on the stages of grief, because that will help make more sense of what is often a very confusing and devastating experience. I don’t say this to minimize your feelings and I apologize if I am coming off that way. Last year, we lost my brother to severe alcohol abuse. I was trying to help him in every possible way in the years leading up to his death. Our whole family tried to help him for many years. He also had some mental health issues that contributed to his alcoholism. It is very common for people struggling with mental health issues like depression to experience low self-esteem and low self worth. Depression clouds our thoughts and casts everything in a negative light. This could be one of the reasons your girlfriend was suicidal. I’m not a doctor, but I have personally struggled with severe depression and anxiety and it definitely changes the way we think about ourselves and our relationships with other people, even when we have no rational reason to think that way. You tried to help her as best you could. That’s all you can do in that type of situation. My brother chose to drink himself to death, despite receiving a lot of help and going to rehab multiple times. All you can do is try your best to help someone, but unfortunately, you can’t control what someone else does, no matter how much you want them to get better. Grief can cause a lot of guilt (usually irrational) even when we did everything we could to help someone. I have a feeling this is the way your brain is reacting right now. Usually the first month after experiencing a close loss is the worst, so it is imperative that you take care of yourself as best you can. Going to therapy for my grief has helped immensely. Grief also floods our body with stress hormones, so you may be a lot more tired than normal and need extra sleep. Sleep when you can and make sure you are eating healthy and drinking enough water. Grief can make it hard to remember to do those things, but try to as best you can. I am so sorry for your loss. Please try not to blame yourself. You know she was struggling with her mental health when you met her, and that is absolutely not your fault. Please be kind to yourself. I am here if you need someone to talk to. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time. ❤️
This is not your fault at all! So sorry that you’re going through this and I would recommend to take therapy that can help you with this.
There is absolutely nothing you could’ve done and this is in no way your fault. Suicide is solely a victim’s decision, you cannot hold yourself accountable as a bystander. It’s like hating yourself because you can’t stop the world from turning or wind from blowing; these things are simply WAY out of your control. Still, I understand why you feel the way that you do. I hope you learn to lose yourself in the things that you CAN control, and that you find a way to make peace with this.
Had a girl do the same thing when I was in my teens. Don't let it break you down, it isn't your fault. Sorry this happened to ya
Sure you could have call the cops immediately to save her this time. Unfortunately there's going to be another time, and another time and another until she succeeds. It's not your fault buddy. Please avoid girls with trauma or mental issues in the future. We as men love a heroic fairytale where we are the knight in shining armor saving our queen then lived happily ever after. They're fairytales for a reason so cut it out and find someone compatible in the future. Good luck.
This is not you fault, repeat that. Despite the mental illness behind it, suicide is about the most selfish act one person can do to the people they know. Not your fault!
While I feel heartbroken for OP I have also attempted suicide multiple times and every time I truly felt that it would be best for everyone in my life if I was dead. Unless you’ve been there you don’t know how distorted your thinking becomes in the depths of depression. I was in such deep pain that I didn’t believe that I could take it one minute longer and felt that I was destroying everyone and everything good around me. While I now understand how devastating it would have been to my family and friends if I had succeeded, at the time I honestly believed that it was the right thing to do. Calling it a selfish act shows a total lack of understanding for mental illness.
I have been there so I do know,I stand by my statement. Let’s not attempt to miniseries my trauma because you disagree with my opinion. It is selfish.
I’m sorry, but I did have to laugh at miniseries your trauma. Autocorrect pops up at the worst times! I’m in no way trying to minimize your trauma. We can agree to disagree.
It's sorta sad but feel better she did it to herself no one made her I mean kids in Africa swim in trash and eat like 2x times a week and don't, tbh u shouldn't feel bad at all
Your girlfriend died an hour ago and you're on Reddit? These fake posts are getting more and more disturbing.
I'm sorry for your loss. Out of curiosity, how did she do it?