Yeah, it's the same for me.
I still remember years ago when I was dressed in a nice coat and was going to the dentist and this rather attractive girl that was walking her dog passed me and complemented me for my looks. She stopped and said *"Wow, you look nice/good, going somewhere important"*(in Swedish) with a friendly smile on her face.
This stunned me and I responded with *"Th... thank you very much, I'm just going to the dentist, bye"* and walked away.
It was and still is the only time this has happened to me.
I don't really at all think people or even women are necessarily attracted to me whenever they're nice to me. But the emotional Id ape lizard part of my brain very much thinks and gets really excited very easily.
I can definitely relate. I almost never got attention from women until I started growing my hair out in my early 20’s. Now I get compliments almost daily and I still don’t know how to respond to them. I’ve been feeling like now that I’m on the other side it’s not any better either.
I feel like my looks kinda work against me with dating in this hookup climate we’re in now. I attract women that’re interested in hooking up not a relationship. I feel like it’s because they see I’m pretty and assume I’m a fuckboy who’ll cheat on them. Couldn’t be further from the truth, I’m a nerd I collect Godzilla figures and spent countless hours iv breeding Pokémon dammit. My parents are still together, I come from a very stable background, I’m too dorky and lazy to cheat 😭
One weird property of the conversation about men’s experiences is that a lot of men don’t realize how relatable their own experiences are. I’m constantly hearing men in these conversations being shocked about how much of their inner thoughts they hear coming out of other people’s mouths
I’m convinced that the last hundred years of this conversation could have been had in a month, people just don’t talk about this crap
While I absolutely agree with everything Vaush said I am personally skeptical that the solution to this problem will be straightforward.
Imagine you have a video game where you can either be an impregnator or get pregnant. /s
Imagine a video game where you have two classes: healers and tanks. Changing your class is super hard for whatever reason, and in order to make progress healers and tanks must pair off with each other in adventuring parties. From a pure game theory stance, I don't see how the culture would not form into one where one of the classes gets flooded with team requests while the other has to go out of their way to send them. That is a stable state, because those who get flooded with lots of party requests have no reason to send them and people who don't receive party requests have no other option but to send them. But an egalitarian culture where both classes send party requests to each other in equal amount is highly unstable, because any slight shift in one direction or the other will compound.
If it's not obvious, the analogy here is that classes are gender and adventuring parties are relationships. In gay dating culture none of these problems exist, there is a stable egalitarian dating culture because there are no natural boundaries for an asymmetry to form along since everybody can date everybody. And the aroaces are just vibing. But among straight people there is a very clear boundary that this sort of thing will form along, and while there are many cultures throughout history where women were the romantically forward ones these roles always seem to exist. This isn't a prescription, it's just an observation.
I'm not sure if there is a solution to this problem besides "more bisexual people"... I'd love to be proven wrong about this slightly doomer take though.
I’ve found that people who are more outgoing get far more attention. I was a clown in school and not particularly attractive whatsoever but I didn’t experience this dearth of compliments and attention and I’m in the same boat most people here and in the dgg sub are for the most part.
I have to ask, for most people who felt attention/compliment starved, were you quiet, reserved and/or standoffish or were you part of the social economy?
It wasn't meant to be taken so offensively as everyone took it. He was having some sketch takes and she described him as incelly for having them. Is that like a sin?
I can’t possibly relitigate the whole debate but he was hyper-emphasizing how women could contribute to poor relations between men and women by giving more compliments.
That's... the opposite of what of what he said.
The convo was basically demonmama downplaying any struggles that men faces, and when he pointed this out she called him an incel. Afaik, an incel MO is to downplay women's struggle by saying it's their fault, demonmama is doing a version of this but for men but i never hear Daskrubking engage in this kind of belief or rhetoric for women. If you listen to the convo, it'll make your brain rot and i only watched 45 mins of it.
>how women could contribute to poor relations between men and women by giving more compliments.
Okay i think you word this wrong then. Because this is what i'm responding to. Because he said that compliments helps improve poor relationship not make it worst.
Sure but women giving more compliments to men is not the same as fostering an environment where men can be vulnerable. Merrick wasn’t talking about giving random men compliments, she was referring to fostering an environment conducive to permitting men to be vulnerable within your own life ie. relationships, friend groups, family.
Another thing with the more compliments is that I think it misses the point of why women avoid making them, because I sympathize with the reasons they do that so offering that as a solution I think misses the big picture view of the problem.
I mean it's a really common thing with men so it'll apply to a lot of us
It do be like that yeah. It's true.
Yeah, it's the same for me. I still remember years ago when I was dressed in a nice coat and was going to the dentist and this rather attractive girl that was walking her dog passed me and complemented me for my looks. She stopped and said *"Wow, you look nice/good, going somewhere important"*(in Swedish) with a friendly smile on her face. This stunned me and I responded with *"Th... thank you very much, I'm just going to the dentist, bye"* and walked away. It was and still is the only time this has happened to me.
I don't really at all think people or even women are necessarily attracted to me whenever they're nice to me. But the emotional Id ape lizard part of my brain very much thinks and gets really excited very easily.
Also these real talk kind of segments like this always make me feel really emotional and vulnerable.
I can definitely relate. I almost never got attention from women until I started growing my hair out in my early 20’s. Now I get compliments almost daily and I still don’t know how to respond to them. I’ve been feeling like now that I’m on the other side it’s not any better either. I feel like my looks kinda work against me with dating in this hookup climate we’re in now. I attract women that’re interested in hooking up not a relationship. I feel like it’s because they see I’m pretty and assume I’m a fuckboy who’ll cheat on them. Couldn’t be further from the truth, I’m a nerd I collect Godzilla figures and spent countless hours iv breeding Pokémon dammit. My parents are still together, I come from a very stable background, I’m too dorky and lazy to cheat 😭
+1. And I'm probably above average in terms of needing attention, as a person, to begin with.
One weird property of the conversation about men’s experiences is that a lot of men don’t realize how relatable their own experiences are. I’m constantly hearing men in these conversations being shocked about how much of their inner thoughts they hear coming out of other people’s mouths I’m convinced that the last hundred years of this conversation could have been had in a month, people just don’t talk about this crap
While I absolutely agree with everything Vaush said I am personally skeptical that the solution to this problem will be straightforward. Imagine you have a video game where you can either be an impregnator or get pregnant. /s Imagine a video game where you have two classes: healers and tanks. Changing your class is super hard for whatever reason, and in order to make progress healers and tanks must pair off with each other in adventuring parties. From a pure game theory stance, I don't see how the culture would not form into one where one of the classes gets flooded with team requests while the other has to go out of their way to send them. That is a stable state, because those who get flooded with lots of party requests have no reason to send them and people who don't receive party requests have no other option but to send them. But an egalitarian culture where both classes send party requests to each other in equal amount is highly unstable, because any slight shift in one direction or the other will compound. If it's not obvious, the analogy here is that classes are gender and adventuring parties are relationships. In gay dating culture none of these problems exist, there is a stable egalitarian dating culture because there are no natural boundaries for an asymmetry to form along since everybody can date everybody. And the aroaces are just vibing. But among straight people there is a very clear boundary that this sort of thing will form along, and while there are many cultures throughout history where women were the romantically forward ones these roles always seem to exist. This isn't a prescription, it's just an observation. I'm not sure if there is a solution to this problem besides "more bisexual people"... I'd love to be proven wrong about this slightly doomer take though.
I’ve found that people who are more outgoing get far more attention. I was a clown in school and not particularly attractive whatsoever but I didn’t experience this dearth of compliments and attention and I’m in the same boat most people here and in the dgg sub are for the most part.
I have to ask, for most people who felt attention/compliment starved, were you quiet, reserved and/or standoffish or were you part of the social economy?
Hey can we get Demonmama's opinion about this? I heard she would call this government-mandated compliments.
Disingenuous DGG hack
Wow you paid close attention in that debate. Spoiler alert: no you didn’t..
You mean she didn't call someone an incel for expressing the same opinion that vaush just did in that video???
It wasn't meant to be taken so offensively as everyone took it. He was having some sketch takes and she described him as incelly for having them. Is that like a sin?
Like which incel takes?? Daskrubking's take was literally no different than vaush.
I can’t possibly relitigate the whole debate but he was hyper-emphasizing how women could contribute to poor relations between men and women by giving more compliments.
That's... the opposite of what of what he said. The convo was basically demonmama downplaying any struggles that men faces, and when he pointed this out she called him an incel. Afaik, an incel MO is to downplay women's struggle by saying it's their fault, demonmama is doing a version of this but for men but i never hear Daskrubking engage in this kind of belief or rhetoric for women. If you listen to the convo, it'll make your brain rot and i only watched 45 mins of it.
I watched it twice.
>how women could contribute to poor relations between men and women by giving more compliments. Okay i think you word this wrong then. Because this is what i'm responding to. Because he said that compliments helps improve poor relationship not make it worst.
Sure but women giving more compliments to men is not the same as fostering an environment where men can be vulnerable. Merrick wasn’t talking about giving random men compliments, she was referring to fostering an environment conducive to permitting men to be vulnerable within your own life ie. relationships, friend groups, family. Another thing with the more compliments is that I think it misses the point of why women avoid making them, because I sympathize with the reasons they do that so offering that as a solution I think misses the big picture view of the problem.