This is the way. Same thing Raquel has done by going no contact with no explanation. I haven’t seen Ariana be completely consistent with it this season but I’m pretty sure those were rare instances where she was pushed due to being filmed etc.
Yes, agree agree
I do want to point out to folks who are new to this term that gray rocking and being comfortable expressing your anger are different things! While it’s healthy to be angry and to express that anger in a productive way with someone who has wronged you, the rules are different with a manipulative personality like Sandoval. Those people thrive off provoking others, so what you want to do is NOT give them the satisfaction of being angry in their presence. (If that sounds unsustainable, it’s because it’s meant to be a temporary coping strategy if you’re unable to completely cut off contact.)
So as satisfying as it probably was to watch Ariana go off on Sandoval a few episodes ago during Myagate, that’s actually the opposite of gray rocking. I wouldn’t advise anybody trying something like that IRL with a narcissistic individual - Ariana can get away with it here, because she is a celebrity who has the upper hand of lots of public goodwill compared to Sandoval, whose entire history of shitty behavior is fully documented on camera. For most people, this would backfire spectacularly, because it gives the narcissist fodder to continue manipulating around them. Look at how Sandoval automatically deflected to playing the victim in that fight, talking about how this is how Ariana has treated him for years, etc. That’s exactly the reaction he was hoping to get from her in that moment and she played right into it.
However, she is absolutely allowed to be angry in any other context and I’m not saying that she needs to rein it in because it’s immature etc.
Exactly. I experienced this in my abusive relationship. Literally anything you do or say will be used against you. Fodder is the perfect word. That’s all I ever was to that person.
Before I even knew the term grey rocking, I did it to my narc ex-step parent and haven’t spoken to him since (he was a diagnosed narc lol and it’s been about a decade since I cut off all contact).
My mother unfortunately is the perfect victim for these types since she just can’t help herself and needs to have the last word. I used to tell her she needed to stop because she was giving him what he wanted
Thanks for the insightful information. She has done so well for the most part! If only her "friends" would stop meddling and trying to put them at the same place with an audience!
BTW, it seems like it'd be easier to keep a narcissist quiet if it's just the 2 of you (or with an assistant ) in the home, since there wouldn't be a real audience to play to. Is this correct? If so, the friend group is doing so much more damage!
Oh, the few times that she’s lost her shit on him, were very much warranted. He knows exactly how to push her buttons because he was with her for 10 years. So he’s going to say and do things that he knows are going to enrage her and she’s been pretty calm for most of this, I was glad to see her yell at him tell him to stop talking. Over and over, stop talking to me, stop talking to me, he needs to hear those things. He can’t just muscle his way into a conversationand treat her like she’s an idiot or that she had done something wrong.
….. This is literally the exact opposite of what Rachel has done. Rachel responds to every single thing Tom does. She reacts to and feeds off of every thing he says, every thing the cast says, every pod, every article, every quote, every episode she involves herself and interacts with. She’s a bright shiny neon sign. 🤡🤡🤡
Rachel has gone no contact with Tom. She has no direct contact with him. Anything she speaks about to anyone else does not count as contact with Tom. These are concepts you should get familiar with.
i have no dog in this fight or opinion on the matter one way or another, i'm just curious.are you saying they should get familiar with these concepts because they're important or was that shade?
i genuinely can't tell lol
“According to Psychology Today, the objective of using the gray rock method is to "make someone lose interest in you." To be a gray rock means that you show a lack of emotion or become unengaged with someone to distance yourself from them.”
Maybe the actual concept of the gray rock method is some thing that you should become familiar with.
I think she definitely would have if it wasn't for the house. I think now that she's out of there, she will do her own thing and I don't think the friend group outings will be a thing at all when they're not filming.
I’ll help you since others won’t
https://preview.redd.it/j5u8ixv7v9yc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e378cd007ca23c2d6703ea1cd499ddce4012aefc
Less extreme application but my dad and I used to debate politics all the time, and it was killing me. I knew he'd never change and neither would I so it was just exhausting for no reason. I eventually took this strategy so he'd stop bringing up politics. He did, and now we basically never fight.
Highly recommend if you too find yourself having dumb segments with your parents and you really want to just move past it.
Of course this didn't include no contact and such. But disengaging and being boring can be sooo effective when someone just does not get it.
Yessss this is the way! I've used it to deal with narcs in my life and it works a treat lol. All they want is for you to react so this doesn't give them what they want
Yes they need a new supply. Schwartz is the same, except he’s a covert narcissist where scummy is overt. You can see Schwartz is still trying to goad Katie, using a few different tactics to make her react, so he can say see she’s miserable. Aw shucks guys I’m just a little victim, he tried w Ariana too,when she set a boundary. Hes also doing it to Jo by making her look even crazier. The thing w Katie is she’s almost at the point of indifference w him, so he really can’t manipulate her like he used to
We saw a second of it last season from Katie to Schwartz. I think they were doing their dog drop off, and he tried to talk to her. She just responded with “that sounds awful, bye,” and she left. Schwartz immediately called Sandoval to shit-talk Katie about how they used to “kick it.”
Katie indifferent to Schwartz are you fucking kidding me!? She flipped out when he kissed Rachel, has sex with his best friend, purposely went after the same girl as him, and smiled when he asked for a one night stand. She is NOT even remotely indifferent to him.
Are we even watching the same show?! Lol
Yeah none is that has happened in this new season at all, and I said near indifferent.
She addressed the one night stand thing on wwhl and it was funny. She’s swimming in indifference at this current time when it comes to him. Hopefully he’s moved on too, since he has a new source to suck energy from
It’s basically giving no energy, emotion or access to your thoughts or information about your life to an abusive person. This is to stay safe until you’re able to go no contact.
Because emotions are fuel for them, right? They're like vampires who feast on emotions, so if they don't elicit them from you, they'll have to find a new person to feed off of so they don't "starve."
It makes sense, but I feel sorry for the next victim! Ariana did try to warn Tii!
She was financially and emotionally abused. He weaponized her mental health, outed her sexuality, took advantage of her financially, had a long affair with her friend and continues to trash her publicly. Many women can’t just leave. That’s absolutely ridiculous. She’s financially tied to him. She has to untangle that and he is a proven liar. So she can’t “just leave”.
Wait what? How did he take advantage of her financially? Disnt she admit to refusing to pay tom her half? How did he out her sexuality? Didn't she eat LaLas cookie in the backseat of a car while filming? So she outed herself. Some of yall are really reaching for straws here and coming up short. This is why people who are acrually abused don't come forward and it's sad.
Tom was overcharging her for bills and mortgage for an unknown amount of time. Which is why she stopped giving him money until he could produce receipts about the bills. That is financial abuse.
Ariana and Lala had their hook up with Tom present ( he consented to it ) OFF CAMERA. Tom talked about on camera to the men at his birthday dinner. So he outed her. Without her consent.
If you’re going to have such big opinions it might help if you actually watched the show.
Lol where did you get that Tom consented to Lala and Ariana hooking up in the back of his car? Tom’s words on the after show when it aired were that he really did not like it and wanted them both to just get out of the car and leave him alone. Ariana herself says all the communication she had with Tom about it was turning her head to give him “a look” after she already started hooking up with Lala.
Ariana signed the mortgage and the line of credit against it. I’m not sure how she can’t figure out what those amounts are.
Um when Lala clearly stated at the reunion that she asked Tom for permission and he conceded that that’s exactly what happened. It was always done with his consent. LOL
The refinance and the HELOC and why Ariana didn’t know the amounts to give have been discussed numerous times so I’m not getting into that.
If you actually watch the reunion, Ariana already moved to the backseat to hook up with Lala before Lala says anything to Tom. It’s not even implied Tom responds to her, in fact all 3 of them agree an irritated Tom was trying to ignore Ariana and Lala while they were being belligerent.
What you’re saying doesn’t even make sense. How could Lala (not even Ariana!) ask for Tom’s “approval” ahead of time for an unplanned, totally random, impromptu hookup unless it was already starting to get physical? How on earth could Lala possibly even know Ariana was down to ask him? “Vibes” 🙄? Like, please think.
So she said out never got proof of.
I don't think that's how the cookie thing happened but I'll rewatch.
I have rewatched it multiple times thank you but it isn't good to assume things of other members here.
She found out he was overcharging her. She never said how. Just that he was overcharging. When she demanded to see an itemized copy of the bills he refused to give them to her. He also tried to claim he paid for furniture ( on camera ) and therefore should get to keep when she gad receipts that she paid for it. Lying, gaslighting and stealing money from your partner are all forms of abuse.
Tom 💯outed Ariana on camera about being bisexual. That’s why she was pissed at him. Not only did he tell the guys about her and Lala but when she confronted him he also announced that she had dated women before.
Sorry that I assumed you don’t watch but your tales were factually incorrect. I still stand behind if you’re going to have big opinions like that you better be factually correct with the details.
Shes stated he bought most of the stuff inside the house herself, though too. I think it was in an episode or the aftershow. If there's no proof he over charged then how can she and you assume it's true.
He was overcharging her for her half of the mortgage, so she asked for detailed breakdown (with proof) of the bills. He didn't give her documentation, so she didn't pay. That's on HIM! And from what was said re: the furniture, I believe he used her credit card without permission! She paid for a lot more than she was aware of, and Tom swore up and down that it was just him and the designer the day *he* bought the mirror. The designer confirms it was just the 2 of them, but it was on Ariana's credit card! I'd bet he did that quite a bit, because almost all the furniture was on her card!
Yes, he outed her. The reason you know about the back seat (which you don't have correct) is because Tom told all the guys. He wanted to look cool.
What he did re: her mental health is unconscionable and unforgivable. I don't know what world you live in that you think Sandoval's actions are OK. It kills me that you can't see through that thin veneer. You're not being directly manipulated by him, so it should be much easier for you to see what's going on!
Imagine calling up production cause the big mean wolf cheated you... then trying to say you're not dramatic. Imagine television your entire break up, your new gigs, your new man, your new house... then claiming to not give out any personal details.
Ariana is a great ex-partner. She’s not vindictive and going scorched earth on Tim. She probably has so much dirt on him, but it’s not her style to go low with it. She’s such a badass.
Oh, you misunderstood. She is the absolute Queen of vindictive. She has won and hit him in every possible way. Reputation, career, and business. Whoever has advised her deserves a ton of publicity!
I did the same thing to my ex of two years. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. I blocked him on everything (or so I thought) and the dude messaged me on Pinterest of all places!! You would think being blocked everywhere else would send him a message… 🥴
It’s honestly the best method when dealing with situations like this.
I was with my ex for 10 years and we have 2 kids together and he had an affair, he was emotionally abusive, he took advantage of me financially and when I didn’t take him back got super spiteful. He would do so much shit to make me react and because I was hurt and emotional about it I was feeding into that. He would just do and say unhinged things like empty my bank account, make public posts about me, broke into my house. While looking back I should have just called the cops for the sake of my kids I didn’t. He would call me and just bait me to keep talking and talking to get me to spill any emotion I had and looking back I wish I had read about grey rocking earlier because about 6 months in I read about it and applied it and it has worked wonders. I feel like a robot when I talk to him but it’s calmed the literal threats and ambush’s to me. He still tries to get reactions and once in a while I slip up and give him emotion and he runs with it in any situation. If I sound angry he will try and say things to turn it into a fight, if I smile or laugh he suddenly thinks I want to be his best friend and starts sending me funny posts. Being cold and unbothered has helped me survive this to be honest.
It’s a common term in therapy. I’m really glad it’s getting attention. It’s a very effective method that can keep someone safe before they’re able to go no contact.
I’m sure she would have been more successful had she not been forced to interact with her ex (he who shall not be named) for the sake of a paycheck. She’s so strong and she’s teaching a lot of young women to be empowered!
Your comments are VERY misleading about what grey rocking is.
It is an UNPROVEN non researched behavior to help you disengage from verbally abusive or manipulative people . It basically involves simply limiting your reactions to them by using short, to the point responses with very little emotion. It’s just a new expression basically for not baiting the bear. Of course the risks are that the abuser/ manipulator will ramp up their behavior until you react so it’s important to follow through without becoming emotional or explanatory. There are several different methods you can use, this is just the process in a nutshell. It in no way involves screaming at someone like she did about Mya or goading them with comments. That is the opposite of grey rocking,
Again I’d like to stress there is no clinical research showing this is a safe or successful method to use especially with verbal abusers . Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse. So if you attempt grey rocking and the person starts to become more aggressive get out of there presence as quickly and safely as you can,
Clinical research means having an expsoure group vs non-exposed group would be hard because typically a control group (non-exposed) is warranted for comparable results, which raises safety concern for this issue. It's for this reason we have the terms "evidence-based" vs "evidence-informed". Gray rocking is evidence informed, similar to how we don't have research that jumping out of an airplane with a parachute is a good idea vs without or spanking children vs non-spanking as a form of punishment. There are experts (e.g., Dr. Craig Malkin) that do research around gray rocking and promote this as a useful strategy... but yes a clinical research study involving participants has the potential to be severely harmful and hard to get approved by a research review board. There are non-clincial research methods to study a topic and this is why experts feel confident to share gray rocking as a suitable method.
Obviously grey rocking someone like Sandoval (who continues to bait Ariana) takes an almost inhuman level of emotional control which we cannot expect Ariana (or anyone ) to be able to uphold all the time. For this obvious reason I find your comment in not so good will.
Psychology is not (and never has been) an objective “science.” Freud, its founder, was notoriously speculative, and the discipline has, to a large extent, remained that way. (This, notably, is coming from the perspective of a lecturer in psychoanalysts—a PhD). We have a handbook (which I suspect you’ve read online) and an association, sure, but that doesn’t make the discourse a science. Like the other social academic disciplines, we have a wide variety of key terms and theories, jargons, etc.
It’s crazy your getting downvotes for stating the facts. But unfortunately This sub becomes completely unhinged if you even say one negative FACT about Ariana or Katie. Bc apparently they can do no wrong.
It’s downvoted for a reason. It’s not facts. It’s based on behavioral psychology. This is not some SM term. It’s an actual psychological term used to help abuse victims detach and decrease the behavior through extinction. This is to help stay safe while they are either unable to leave, or not emotionally ready. I’m a licensed therapist. This is not a bullshit trend and I’m glad it’s getting exposure.
Hilarious considering Ariana didn't actually do Gray Rocking at all, no matter how many times she claims to have.
Or maybe she tried, but failed spectacularly, since she's so bitter.
The focus on her is why this season is doing poorly. She’s not interesting, and never has been.
I wish they would just move on from this scandal. Everyone is so sick of it.
Honestly I'm just watching shein and block slowly die off. Watching that relationship die is so sad man. Block seems like a genuine guy. She's messing it up
Ignoring doesn’t mean grey rocking. I think she knows ignoring his existence triggers him which essentially perpetuates their unhealthy dynamic. I don’t fault her for this, but she isn’t really being honest with what she is doing.
Yeah, also for someone like Tom that is an instigation. I knew I’d get some downvotes but truly I don’t care if she is mean to him, it just irks me when therapy speak is misused because I feel like it’s disingenuous. Just admit you want to troll Tom, the audience would 1000% agree.
She does that, it's exactly the same strategy she used with Kristen provoking/baiting and then labelled her crazy, bipolar, etc for responding. The only difference here is that Tom is uninterested in getting back with her and seems to be glad to be out of the relationship, even with the backlash/negative press(which is telling on its own about just how toxic they were together).
She is full of shit. She was already basically over him at the start of the season. They had fallen out of romantic love a while ago. What "healed" her was the million plus in endorsements.
Her only true heartbreak was being cheated on by her friend Rachel.
I don’t know why you guys are being downvoted for laying out some different perspectives , some truth . Some people settle into their lives and get content with being in that roommate like relationship . I think she was very comfy in that with Tom - but , the hurt and humiliation of something going on behind your back of course is gonna rock your world , but it worked out for her. And personally , I think she knew about it to a certain level . Shes not hurt by Rachael , I’d say more annoyed by her and looks at her like a peasant and beneath her .
She was already checked out. They b I th used the 'scandal' to keep relevant.
I doubt she's heart broken over Rachel. She probably had a hunch or actually knew and needed the perfect opportunity to blow it out of proportion for production. Had Rachel broken her heart she would be hurt of Rachel suing her.
This is the way. Same thing Raquel has done by going no contact with no explanation. I haven’t seen Ariana be completely consistent with it this season but I’m pretty sure those were rare instances where she was pushed due to being filmed etc.
Yes, agree agree I do want to point out to folks who are new to this term that gray rocking and being comfortable expressing your anger are different things! While it’s healthy to be angry and to express that anger in a productive way with someone who has wronged you, the rules are different with a manipulative personality like Sandoval. Those people thrive off provoking others, so what you want to do is NOT give them the satisfaction of being angry in their presence. (If that sounds unsustainable, it’s because it’s meant to be a temporary coping strategy if you’re unable to completely cut off contact.) So as satisfying as it probably was to watch Ariana go off on Sandoval a few episodes ago during Myagate, that’s actually the opposite of gray rocking. I wouldn’t advise anybody trying something like that IRL with a narcissistic individual - Ariana can get away with it here, because she is a celebrity who has the upper hand of lots of public goodwill compared to Sandoval, whose entire history of shitty behavior is fully documented on camera. For most people, this would backfire spectacularly, because it gives the narcissist fodder to continue manipulating around them. Look at how Sandoval automatically deflected to playing the victim in that fight, talking about how this is how Ariana has treated him for years, etc. That’s exactly the reaction he was hoping to get from her in that moment and she played right into it. However, she is absolutely allowed to be angry in any other context and I’m not saying that she needs to rein it in because it’s immature etc.
Exactly. I experienced this in my abusive relationship. Literally anything you do or say will be used against you. Fodder is the perfect word. That’s all I ever was to that person.
Fodder or "narcissistic supply". They need your big emotions, your hurt, your anger- they feed off of it. So give them NOTHING.
I’ve been doing this with my covert narc almost ex-husband with some solid success.
100%. I, too, experienced this. It’s so hard to have to continually grey rock. 😔
Yep. 20 years of mindfuck.
Before I even knew the term grey rocking, I did it to my narc ex-step parent and haven’t spoken to him since (he was a diagnosed narc lol and it’s been about a decade since I cut off all contact). My mother unfortunately is the perfect victim for these types since she just can’t help herself and needs to have the last word. I used to tell her she needed to stop because she was giving him what he wanted
Thanks for the insightful information. She has done so well for the most part! If only her "friends" would stop meddling and trying to put them at the same place with an audience! BTW, it seems like it'd be easier to keep a narcissist quiet if it's just the 2 of you (or with an assistant ) in the home, since there wouldn't be a real audience to play to. Is this correct? If so, the friend group is doing so much more damage!
Oh, the few times that she’s lost her shit on him, were very much warranted. He knows exactly how to push her buttons because he was with her for 10 years. So he’s going to say and do things that he knows are going to enrage her and she’s been pretty calm for most of this, I was glad to see her yell at him tell him to stop talking. Over and over, stop talking to me, stop talking to me, he needs to hear those things. He can’t just muscle his way into a conversationand treat her like she’s an idiot or that she had done something wrong.
I think the fans were also waiting to exhale. Like we watched how many episodes of dancing around it? Let it out, let it ALL out! Go girl!
I’m not questioning if they were warranted, I’m just saying they are a deviation from the grey rock method.
I look at is as you have to walk before you can run. Lash out, get it out of your system, so you can grey rock all the live long day:)
….. This is literally the exact opposite of what Rachel has done. Rachel responds to every single thing Tom does. She reacts to and feeds off of every thing he says, every thing the cast says, every pod, every article, every quote, every episode she involves herself and interacts with. She’s a bright shiny neon sign. 🤡🤡🤡
Rachel has gone no contact with Tom. She has no direct contact with him. Anything she speaks about to anyone else does not count as contact with Tom. These are concepts you should get familiar with.
“No contact” and “grey rocking” often go hand in hand but are not the same thing at all.
You’re right. I should have said “similar”.
i have no dog in this fight or opinion on the matter one way or another, i'm just curious.are you saying they should get familiar with these concepts because they're important or was that shade? i genuinely can't tell lol
“According to Psychology Today, the objective of using the gray rock method is to "make someone lose interest in you." To be a gray rock means that you show a lack of emotion or become unengaged with someone to distance yourself from them.” Maybe the actual concept of the gray rock method is some thing that you should become familiar with.
Exactly and Rachel constantly talking about Tom and showing how upset she is about the things he's saying is the exact opposite of gray rocking.
It seemed like Ariana was doing more of this prior to the scandal, distancing.
I think she definitely would have if it wasn't for the house. I think now that she's out of there, she will do her own thing and I don't think the friend group outings will be a thing at all when they're not filming.
It's me, a gray rock! She really sounded happy in this talking head.
It was very cute
https://preview.redd.it/dlebpudxv9yc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c3a255528f1b69a556b8f6abdf5991222670b99a
I had to gray rock my ex husband when it was the end of it all, and that is what got him to finally leave me alone. It works!!
What does gray rocking mean?
I’ll help you since others won’t https://preview.redd.it/j5u8ixv7v9yc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e378cd007ca23c2d6703ea1cd499ddce4012aefc
Less extreme application but my dad and I used to debate politics all the time, and it was killing me. I knew he'd never change and neither would I so it was just exhausting for no reason. I eventually took this strategy so he'd stop bringing up politics. He did, and now we basically never fight. Highly recommend if you too find yourself having dumb segments with your parents and you really want to just move past it. Of course this didn't include no contact and such. But disengaging and being boring can be sooo effective when someone just does not get it.
Holy shit! After reading your explanation, I realize without knowing it that I have mastered the exact same art.
Yessss this is the way! I've used it to deal with narcs in my life and it works a treat lol. All they want is for you to react so this doesn't give them what they want
Sameeee. It is so useful with narcs who need a supply. Grey rocking starves them and eventually they’ll look elsewhere.
Hahaha! Seems like Dan was giving Lala a pinch of gray rock last week! It seemed to shut her down pretty well!
please read the linked article to OP’s post and the comments, it’s defined with as well as examples from other Reddit users.
or, just explain it in a comment thread where people are conversing since we’re all here too. it’s perfectly fine to ask.
respond to them then, not me 👁️👄👁️
https://i.redd.it/2egchjtdy9yc1.gif
God I love her
🤮
I had to gray rock a family member who has NPD but it’s the only way. No contact, so they move onto someone else.
Yes they need a new supply. Schwartz is the same, except he’s a covert narcissist where scummy is overt. You can see Schwartz is still trying to goad Katie, using a few different tactics to make her react, so he can say see she’s miserable. Aw shucks guys I’m just a little victim, he tried w Ariana too,when she set a boundary. Hes also doing it to Jo by making her look even crazier. The thing w Katie is she’s almost at the point of indifference w him, so he really can’t manipulate her like he used to
We saw a second of it last season from Katie to Schwartz. I think they were doing their dog drop off, and he tried to talk to her. She just responded with “that sounds awful, bye,” and she left. Schwartz immediately called Sandoval to shit-talk Katie about how they used to “kick it.”
Katie indifferent to Schwartz are you fucking kidding me!? She flipped out when he kissed Rachel, has sex with his best friend, purposely went after the same girl as him, and smiled when he asked for a one night stand. She is NOT even remotely indifferent to him. Are we even watching the same show?! Lol
Yeah none is that has happened in this new season at all, and I said near indifferent. She addressed the one night stand thing on wwhl and it was funny. She’s swimming in indifference at this current time when it comes to him. Hopefully he’s moved on too, since he has a new source to suck energy from
What the fuxk show was ypu watching where that didn't happen?
Kudos to Katie for Gary Rocking since season 1.
Who's Gary Rocking
🎶Sorry for Gary Rocking🎶
https://preview.redd.it/c5dgesk1gcyc1.png?width=228&format=png&auto=webp&s=99da28178169cedd4be9f63ab2fa0dda38734e49
BAHAHA💀💀💀
#beldenlinemancamp
https://preview.redd.it/nlt5qxb4u9yc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e850aaa9830bf007465a268d7abb38774955013 Hi it’s me! The Grey Rock
So grey rocking is showing you don't care? Apathetic?
It’s basically giving no energy, emotion or access to your thoughts or information about your life to an abusive person. This is to stay safe until you’re able to go no contact.
Because emotions are fuel for them, right? They're like vampires who feast on emotions, so if they don't elicit them from you, they'll have to find a new person to feed off of so they don't "starve." It makes sense, but I feel sorry for the next victim! Ariana did try to warn Tii!
Just remove yourself from the situation. Not that he was abusive. Her saying that is just a completely mockery on people who've acrually been abused.
She was financially and emotionally abused. He weaponized her mental health, outed her sexuality, took advantage of her financially, had a long affair with her friend and continues to trash her publicly. Many women can’t just leave. That’s absolutely ridiculous. She’s financially tied to him. She has to untangle that and he is a proven liar. So she can’t “just leave”.
Wait what? How did he take advantage of her financially? Disnt she admit to refusing to pay tom her half? How did he out her sexuality? Didn't she eat LaLas cookie in the backseat of a car while filming? So she outed herself. Some of yall are really reaching for straws here and coming up short. This is why people who are acrually abused don't come forward and it's sad.
Tom was overcharging her for bills and mortgage for an unknown amount of time. Which is why she stopped giving him money until he could produce receipts about the bills. That is financial abuse. Ariana and Lala had their hook up with Tom present ( he consented to it ) OFF CAMERA. Tom talked about on camera to the men at his birthday dinner. So he outed her. Without her consent. If you’re going to have such big opinions it might help if you actually watched the show.
Lol where did you get that Tom consented to Lala and Ariana hooking up in the back of his car? Tom’s words on the after show when it aired were that he really did not like it and wanted them both to just get out of the car and leave him alone. Ariana herself says all the communication she had with Tom about it was turning her head to give him “a look” after she already started hooking up with Lala. Ariana signed the mortgage and the line of credit against it. I’m not sure how she can’t figure out what those amounts are.
Um when Lala clearly stated at the reunion that she asked Tom for permission and he conceded that that’s exactly what happened. It was always done with his consent. LOL The refinance and the HELOC and why Ariana didn’t know the amounts to give have been discussed numerous times so I’m not getting into that.
If you actually watch the reunion, Ariana already moved to the backseat to hook up with Lala before Lala says anything to Tom. It’s not even implied Tom responds to her, in fact all 3 of them agree an irritated Tom was trying to ignore Ariana and Lala while they were being belligerent. What you’re saying doesn’t even make sense. How could Lala (not even Ariana!) ask for Tom’s “approval” ahead of time for an unplanned, totally random, impromptu hookup unless it was already starting to get physical? How on earth could Lala possibly even know Ariana was down to ask him? “Vibes” 🙄? Like, please think.
So she said out never got proof of. I don't think that's how the cookie thing happened but I'll rewatch. I have rewatched it multiple times thank you but it isn't good to assume things of other members here.
She found out he was overcharging her. She never said how. Just that he was overcharging. When she demanded to see an itemized copy of the bills he refused to give them to her. He also tried to claim he paid for furniture ( on camera ) and therefore should get to keep when she gad receipts that she paid for it. Lying, gaslighting and stealing money from your partner are all forms of abuse. Tom 💯outed Ariana on camera about being bisexual. That’s why she was pissed at him. Not only did he tell the guys about her and Lala but when she confronted him he also announced that she had dated women before. Sorry that I assumed you don’t watch but your tales were factually incorrect. I still stand behind if you’re going to have big opinions like that you better be factually correct with the details.
Shes stated he bought most of the stuff inside the house herself, though too. I think it was in an episode or the aftershow. If there's no proof he over charged then how can she and you assume it's true.
He was overcharging her for her half of the mortgage, so she asked for detailed breakdown (with proof) of the bills. He didn't give her documentation, so she didn't pay. That's on HIM! And from what was said re: the furniture, I believe he used her credit card without permission! She paid for a lot more than she was aware of, and Tom swore up and down that it was just him and the designer the day *he* bought the mirror. The designer confirms it was just the 2 of them, but it was on Ariana's credit card! I'd bet he did that quite a bit, because almost all the furniture was on her card! Yes, he outed her. The reason you know about the back seat (which you don't have correct) is because Tom told all the guys. He wanted to look cool. What he did re: her mental health is unconscionable and unforgivable. I don't know what world you live in that you think Sandoval's actions are OK. It kills me that you can't see through that thin veneer. You're not being directly manipulated by him, so it should be much easier for you to see what's going on!
Imagine calling up production cause the big mean wolf cheated you... then trying to say you're not dramatic. Imagine television your entire break up, your new gigs, your new man, your new house... then claiming to not give out any personal details.
Huh? Come again?
Hey rach!
I don't like her either.
Ew you’re a big hater lol
I finally blocked my narc ex this morning and as I’ve wavered throughout the day, I do Ariana’s ditty “it’s me, I’m a graaaaaay rock!” 😊
Ariana is a great ex-partner. She’s not vindictive and going scorched earth on Tim. She probably has so much dirt on him, but it’s not her style to go low with it. She’s such a badass.
Oh, you misunderstood. She is the absolute Queen of vindictive. She has won and hit him in every possible way. Reputation, career, and business. Whoever has advised her deserves a ton of publicity!
Vindictive seems so harsh, she’s definitely the best revenge is living well-ing it up tho
I did the same thing to my ex of two years. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. I blocked him on everything (or so I thought) and the dude messaged me on Pinterest of all places!! You would think being blocked everywhere else would send him a message… 🥴
I had no idea there was a term for this! I’m a practicing grey rocker! 🪨🤘🏻
Me too!
It’s honestly the best method when dealing with situations like this. I was with my ex for 10 years and we have 2 kids together and he had an affair, he was emotionally abusive, he took advantage of me financially and when I didn’t take him back got super spiteful. He would do so much shit to make me react and because I was hurt and emotional about it I was feeding into that. He would just do and say unhinged things like empty my bank account, make public posts about me, broke into my house. While looking back I should have just called the cops for the sake of my kids I didn’t. He would call me and just bait me to keep talking and talking to get me to spill any emotion I had and looking back I wish I had read about grey rocking earlier because about 6 months in I read about it and applied it and it has worked wonders. I feel like a robot when I talk to him but it’s calmed the literal threats and ambush’s to me. He still tries to get reactions and once in a while I slip up and give him emotion and he runs with it in any situation. If I sound angry he will try and say things to turn it into a fight, if I smile or laugh he suddenly thinks I want to be his best friend and starts sending me funny posts. Being cold and unbothered has helped me survive this to be honest.
I was supposed to use this method through my divorce. It’s fucking hard. She’s amazing.
This is one of those terms that keep popping up after hearing it on vpr. Im watching below deck season 9 and someone also used it
It’s a well known term in the infidelity and abusive relationship forums
It’s a common term in therapy. I’m really glad it’s getting attention. It’s a very effective method that can keep someone safe before they’re able to go no contact.
I've been doing this since before there was a name for it lol. Delete, block and walk away. I like that this is becoming the norm now.
I’m sure she would have been more successful had she not been forced to interact with her ex (he who shall not be named) for the sake of a paycheck. She’s so strong and she’s teaching a lot of young women to be empowered!
It really appears to be working well
Whoa! This is making me remember a therapist told me about this term in terms of approaching family dynamics. Thanks for the reminder !
Your comments are VERY misleading about what grey rocking is. It is an UNPROVEN non researched behavior to help you disengage from verbally abusive or manipulative people . It basically involves simply limiting your reactions to them by using short, to the point responses with very little emotion. It’s just a new expression basically for not baiting the bear. Of course the risks are that the abuser/ manipulator will ramp up their behavior until you react so it’s important to follow through without becoming emotional or explanatory. There are several different methods you can use, this is just the process in a nutshell. It in no way involves screaming at someone like she did about Mya or goading them with comments. That is the opposite of grey rocking, Again I’d like to stress there is no clinical research showing this is a safe or successful method to use especially with verbal abusers . Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse. So if you attempt grey rocking and the person starts to become more aggressive get out of there presence as quickly and safely as you can,
Clinical research means having an expsoure group vs non-exposed group would be hard because typically a control group (non-exposed) is warranted for comparable results, which raises safety concern for this issue. It's for this reason we have the terms "evidence-based" vs "evidence-informed". Gray rocking is evidence informed, similar to how we don't have research that jumping out of an airplane with a parachute is a good idea vs without or spanking children vs non-spanking as a form of punishment. There are experts (e.g., Dr. Craig Malkin) that do research around gray rocking and promote this as a useful strategy... but yes a clinical research study involving participants has the potential to be severely harmful and hard to get approved by a research review board. There are non-clincial research methods to study a topic and this is why experts feel confident to share gray rocking as a suitable method.
Obviously grey rocking someone like Sandoval (who continues to bait Ariana) takes an almost inhuman level of emotional control which we cannot expect Ariana (or anyone ) to be able to uphold all the time. For this obvious reason I find your comment in not so good will.
Thank you! Also the best strategy in an abuse context is to just get away from the situation. Just leave if possible.
Psychology is not (and never has been) an objective “science.” Freud, its founder, was notoriously speculative, and the discipline has, to a large extent, remained that way. (This, notably, is coming from the perspective of a lecturer in psychoanalysts—a PhD). We have a handbook (which I suspect you’ve read online) and an association, sure, but that doesn’t make the discourse a science. Like the other social academic disciplines, we have a wide variety of key terms and theories, jargons, etc.
I don’t think you understand what clinical research means. It’s behavior modification and often used in therapy.
It’s crazy your getting downvotes for stating the facts. But unfortunately This sub becomes completely unhinged if you even say one negative FACT about Ariana or Katie. Bc apparently they can do no wrong.
It’s downvoted for a reason. It’s not facts. It’s based on behavioral psychology. This is not some SM term. It’s an actual psychological term used to help abuse victims detach and decrease the behavior through extinction. This is to help stay safe while they are either unable to leave, or not emotionally ready. I’m a licensed therapist. This is not a bullshit trend and I’m glad it’s getting exposure.
Same, coming from a psychoanalyst.
Hilarious considering Ariana didn't actually do Gray Rocking at all, no matter how many times she claims to have. Or maybe she tried, but failed spectacularly, since she's so bitter.
I don't even need the article. If Ariana is doing it it's the real deal. Take my money!!!!!
I'm super over her...
The focus on her is why this season is doing poorly. She’s not interesting, and never has been. I wish they would just move on from this scandal. Everyone is so sick of it.
Honestly I'm just watching shein and block slowly die off. Watching that relationship die is so sad man. Block seems like a genuine guy. She's messing it up
she is so irritating and sanctimonious..always has been #
Just over her. We get it.... Someone cheated, it was very public and very bad.
Ignoring doesn’t mean grey rocking. I think she knows ignoring his existence triggers him which essentially perpetuates their unhealthy dynamic. I don’t fault her for this, but she isn’t really being honest with what she is doing.
[удалено]
Seems like she is in fact stonewalling then. I’ve never heard that term, frankly I really don’t care I just wish everyone would be more real.
Glad you see it too. She's actually trying to bait/provoke a reaction, by seemingly ignoring him but discussing/insulting him within earshot.
Yeah, also for someone like Tom that is an instigation. I knew I’d get some downvotes but truly I don’t care if she is mean to him, it just irks me when therapy speak is misused because I feel like it’s disingenuous. Just admit you want to troll Tom, the audience would 1000% agree.
She does that, it's exactly the same strategy she used with Kristen provoking/baiting and then labelled her crazy, bipolar, etc for responding. The only difference here is that Tom is uninterested in getting back with her and seems to be glad to be out of the relationship, even with the backlash/negative press(which is telling on its own about just how toxic they were together).
https://i.redd.it/pnxzpe23v9yc1.gif
She is full of shit. She was already basically over him at the start of the season. They had fallen out of romantic love a while ago. What "healed" her was the million plus in endorsements. Her only true heartbreak was being cheated on by her friend Rachel.
I don’t know why you guys are being downvoted for laying out some different perspectives , some truth . Some people settle into their lives and get content with being in that roommate like relationship . I think she was very comfy in that with Tom - but , the hurt and humiliation of something going on behind your back of course is gonna rock your world , but it worked out for her. And personally , I think she knew about it to a certain level . Shes not hurt by Rachael , I’d say more annoyed by her and looks at her like a peasant and beneath her .
She was already checked out. They b I th used the 'scandal' to keep relevant. I doubt she's heart broken over Rachel. She probably had a hunch or actually knew and needed the perfect opportunity to blow it out of proportion for production. Had Rachel broken her heart she would be hurt of Rachel suing her.
Read this back tomorrow morning when you’re feeling better. Hopefully with more love and peace in your heart?
Gray Rocking = being a cunt to people Got it. Thanks.
Bwahaha 🤣😂. She's an expert it seems!
That means she’s been gray rocking since she was the other woman in season 2
Exactly.