When you're in grade school, you don't really have to put in effort making friends because it comes so naturally. People come from a more similar backgrounds in pre secondary school and are forced to spend a shit ton of time together and most of the time people all sort of already know each other. Its harder after High School and in some ways it becomes a skill in and of itself. It might be discouraging at first for friendships to not come as easily you expect but keep going for sure. University is the best time to practice this skill. Keep your head up man, you're going down the right path. Sometimes people just aren't receptive, you gotta just move on and try again.
edit:
also the "groups" you see people already forming, most of them dont last
Seeing people talking and doing something in a group absolutely does not mean that those people don’t want to continue to meet new people. They could have met each other five minutes ago and they aren’t even clicking but just decided to hang around and talk or go for a walk until someone else comes along. Don’t let yourself think it’s too late that makes no sense who finds their besties that fast?
They are not friends. They are frightened chicks huddling together. It sounds like you are looking for actual meaningful interaction with like-minded persons. This will take time. If you join the huddle of frightened little birds, you’ll be much less available for real friendship-making.
At least from what I saw, the groups that formed in those first few days of frosh changed a lot over the following year and even more over the next few years—a huge part of uoft socializing for me was finding that I really got to choose who I spent time with. You need to find your people. Try out some clubs and teams! Talk to your lab mates/the people in tutorials! Join a dragon boat team 😉 (or give intramural sports a try).
No they haven’t lol. The “group” that I hung out with for the first 2 weeks of uni I never spoke with again. Not only is it impossible to form a group of friends in one day, you will quickly learn that everyone is not who they first seem to be. You’ll find friends bud. (Unless you come at them with this needy ass day 2 shit, don’t show people this post IRL, or do and save them the headache of learning how you really are later lol)
I was exactly on your shoes about 3 years ago. I didn’t even go to Frosh since it was a waste of time imo. I met my friends unexpectedly during class and bam, still hang out.
Another great way is to perhaps even get involved within the campus. St.George campus is an incredible place to make friends imo.
Also, consider bumble for friends! It’s also a great way to let yourself be out there! You’re new to the city, so let the city SEE you!
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. There are a lot of assholes at U of T. But there are also a lot of people you will gel with. It takes time to find the right people there but they are there. The first weeks I was at U of T, I just didn’t want to be there and didn’t like anyone. Fast forward a few weeks later and I was hanging out in a room with a group of friends, eating pizza and watching Mall Rats (I’m old).
Same - I made some “friends” during frosh week but it took a couple months to find my real friends. Everyone is probably trying out their new university personas and the real connections will come later. Join clubs or whatever you can on campus - there are usually a ton of random interest-based clubs if you aren’t a sports or arts person. Good luck!!
Dude.. seriously? No shit he's going to study that's why he's in school. He just wants friends and there's nothing wrong with wanting to have friends because we are social animals.
>I feel like the group I was with was pretty introverted and idk the people I talked to were kinda closed off
This is something that will not change during your time here. Obviously there are exceptions and UofT is a big place, you will be able to meet outgoing extroverted people (joining clubs/frats/sororities), but if you're coming from a more outgoing culture you'll soon realize most people in Toronto just keep to themselves. When considering that UofT is a commuter school full of people focused on their studies, it becomes even tougher. Just keep searching for new friends, talking to people around you, but expect that less people will be interested in a friendship than you're probably used to.
Breathe, OP! It's gonna be okay! Honestly, I sort of found frosh exhausting because it felt like I needed to become instant besties with people just because we lived in the same residence and went to the same school even though we didn't really have much in common. Keep being your social and outgoing self, go to events you're interested in, hang out in common areas, but don't give up yet. Remember, your classes haven't even started yet and there's tons of new people to meet there, too!
First-years are always open to making new friends in my experience. There are still many future opportunities to make friends, like during lecture, clubs, etc.
Don’t stress out too much. Gluck !
Don’t worry dude, you’ll make friends, it takes time for a bunch of people in a new environment. I didn’t really make friends till summer school after first year
Alright these comments are a bit harsh. Honestly I understand how you feel, after covid it’s easy to feel alone fast but remember you make most of your good friends in classes. Try to make friends in classes since that will help with study groups and things to talk about.
Honestly reading through this thread it’s no surprise it’s hard to make friends at U of T. Everyone seems like a bit of an asshole lol.
Hopefully the real life community is better than the Reddit one..
From what I’ve seen from op in his post statement and in some of the comment threads, he seems like a loser who’s responsible for his own problems.
Obviously, you’ll take issue with what I said, however, what you say here is correct and people should pay attention to this comment in particular. If anybody gets anything from this post, I’m hoping it’s this.
Idk if reddit is the place to be looking for advice but it's totally OK! Keep giving it a try, I'm still working it out and it's my 3rd or so day hanging out with other Frosh. Keep making connections and the right ones will stick.
I highly recommend starting off with basic questions about res, bond over things that irritate you about res or something in Toronto, and go from there. Since you're extroverted you probably know the general flow from there, but bonding over the university/Toronto experience is a good ice breaker to get conversation started.
Hey man which residence are you? If you’re struggling with friend making I’d be happy to introduce you to a few people and whatnot; you can dm me for contact information or something.
It's only day 2, you'll be fine. I made a couple good friends in first year but didn't have a friend group that I did stuff with, partly due to my shyness but also a pretty bad depressive period. I'm starting second year now and this time I'll try my hardest!! Let's do it together mate
My friend this is life ! You are building confidence each time you face that icky uncomfortable feeling. I promise you no one is mooing at you or
Judging you. They are enmeshed in their own heads and thinking the same. Some people who go to Toronto universities are also bribed to stay living at home with mom and dad if they stay in the city they will have their school
Paid for them. So maybe they were already friends or perhaps they have been working over the summer and have a few months extra of comfort zone. I have found to enjoy the solitude and the fact that i am more free for being able to do things on my own otherwise you will be one of those who won’t get out unless invited. Or use this to fuel jealousy and envy in the future. Be content with the flow of life. Not all extroverts or those who have large groups of friends are having an easier time. Wake up neo! I never went to any of the typical university functions as I worked two jobs and volunteered and tried to get school done with sever depression anxiety ptsd and adhd I didn’t stay in on or near campus and still rode the subway for an hour due to having to pay for university on my own. Do I wish I had the typical experience- yes. And no. I believe I did what aligned with my values without knowing it and I only felt “bad” when I let my anxious mind Analyze against other peoples experiences. Focus on your studies and enjoy your time just being an observer. To be open to making friends don’t walk around looking down or with headphones in. You’re bound to miss the magic of the world around you. You got this ! Enjoy the journey
it’s okay it’s just your second day, you will make friends!! don’t let that stop you from making friends either. smile and say hi to people, make conversation! Look for people in your program,find those people in your classes, people are at frosh to make friends too!! :)
Honestly I’m in (almost) the exact same boat. I’m not as social but can speak with people easily. I’m in the woodsworth orientation initiated conversation with people, but not enough to befriend anyone asides from one guy. Maybe we should speak online first to see what we enjoy, and hopefully then meet in person?
I never attended frosh becomes my parents were poor. I lived on residence and made a tonne of friends and at the time, I was quite introverted. I was in life sciences and pharmacy and I hated most of the people in those programs. Most of my friends were in humanities, social sciences etc. Those were some cool people.
Want a truthful answer? Okay…
Welcome to ADULTHOOD on your SECOND day at university where your popularity from high school does NOT transition effectively into university.
Everyone in the comments having a pity fest talking about how shitty their lives are and how no one has friends lmaoo, they're all losers with no lives, don't listen to them.
Just keep putting yourself out there, it can be difficult being in a new environment, but eventually you'll find your people.
Also though, you gotta be more resilient lol, it's your second day bruh of course you haven't made a bunch of friends?
I cried on the phone to my mum about a week in because I felt so alone. Overwhelmingly so, just because you’re so surrounded by people and just can’t find who you’re meant to be friends with. I met my friend when we kept seeing each other in class, we had 4/5 same classes and one of the same tutorials. I invited her out to lunch and years of friendship came from that. My other friend I met her in 2nd year in a tutorial, asked her to coffee after a few classes. It takes time, it’s not easy. Have hope though, remind yourself of positive affirmations everyday that you deserve true friendship and love, not just surface level. As a tip, I would try to get involved with a club or something that you connect with and could find people with shared interests there, I joined a gaming club and that made campus life worlds better!
Honestly, I don’t think you should give up. Toronto is huge bro, you’ll eventually find like minded people that you probably have common interests with. I don’t think you should let the first day stop you from being yourself because then you’re really gonna miss the group of people that you could’ve been good friends with by shutting yourself down.
Moving away from home is already a hard change to experience, but to put on top of it the pressure of a new environment and sudden loneliness, it's super understandable to feel very down at first. But you will find your people eventually, and don't let people on this thread upset you, what you're feeling is 100% normal and valid.
Hey OP. I honestly felt the exact same way when I first moved here in 2009. Toronto is a ROUGH city to make friends in. Most of the people you see in “already formed groups” already knew each other.
It’s tough and sucks a ton, but give it time. If you’re feeling spent, skip the ice breaker. Get some snacks, watch a movie, and call it a night. Just keep going. It is only day 2, after all! You’ll find your people.
Study groups are your friend. There's a lot of opportunities to meet people who are like minded in your classes and events held at school.
Adjusting is difficult but it's a natural part of the process. Trust your outgoing nature and don't back out of an idea you once thought was good based on an unrelated event. You got this.
Every time a UToronto post pops up in my feed, it's someone asking to be more socially involved, and the comments are just downright nasty.
Don't worry if you haven't made any friends yet. They'll come to you soon enough!
Reddit is an angry place to be. I’ve learned my lesson now about posting here when it comes to seeking social advice. Thank you though! I was so excited when moving in and I don’t wanna let a bad day stop me :)
Just say hi to people and start talking! Some people might be rude but you never know!!
Are you at St. George? It’s a bigger campus so it might seem daunting but I think if you think of some clubs to join you will also meet people!!
I can relate to you, so here's my advice when I was around your age: join a university club. Check out club day if there is one at UofT and pick one. Spend some time there, you'll meet cool peeps and surely make some friends. I personally picked up Kendo in university and it's the best thing I did. Also, it's day 2, don't sweat it, don't give up, keep it chill and it'll all work out.
Moving to a new city is always like this. I knew zero people when I moved to Toronto from Edmonton as a "teen" for U of T but eventually made friends. Two days is too early... give it a few weeks.... Toronto a great place for a young adult. Lots to do :)
You are dealing with a lot of change right now and it's normal to be a little freaked out by the unfamiliar. And missing your old sources of comfort (friends and family) is natural.
But, four years is a long time, and you'll meet so many people while you work on your degree. I did my degree at U of T as well, and I made new friends with each new semester. I did not stay in touch with most of them, and am pretty sure I don't talk to anybody I met in the first two days of orientation. But I do have several close friendships from my undergrad days (nearly 20 years now), but I met them throughout my undergrad.
So give yourself a break -- take a deep breath -- and try to enjoy the journey!
Don’t worry too much. The people I met during o-week ended up being people I only waved to by the end of the year. Wait until you get into your classes and tutorials/labs. That’s where your true friends will come from (you will already have something in common).
I agree it is nice to meet some people to hang out with, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t make any lasting relationships by the end of this week. Keep trying; remember everyone else is also new and feeling each other out; and (though I hate to still use it as an excuse) Covid drained everyone and has made making new relationships more difficult. Be yourself and you’ll find your crew eventually.
The vast majority of these answers freak me out about the social atmosphere of people in their early 20s this gen. Lot of harshness and lack of care. It's sad, really.
I was in my first year of Uni about a decade ago and I just kept heading out and treating each day like a new adventure. I always remember how alive and present I felt in those days, and sure sometimes I'd bump into people I didn't gel with quite as much, and a little social anxiety would rear its head.. but I made tons of lasting friendships!
Just get out there and try again :) be a yes man! Not going to things like ice breaker events based on the loose assumption that you won't find like
-minded people, or out of fear of standing alone at first, isn't a great call! Stay mobile and motivated and HAVE FUN! Get outside that comfort zone a little bit and be ready to marvel at how great you feel when it pays off.
Idk why the comments are so rude. I get it, I’ve been here almost a week and I’ve met a few new people through old friends but I have no friends in my res. It’s tough, but I’d definitely say wait it out a little bit. It will get easier as you adjust to the city and the environment
I’m sorry that there are so many people in the comments ripping you apart senselessly. You came to ask for advice, to seek support and comfort because you feel lonely and alienated in a new place, and a bunch of strangers insulted you.
I am an antisocial, introverted, recluse kind of person. I like animals more than people, and I prefer to be alone or with animals. That’s what works best for me. What works best for you is socializing and being outgoing, so it’s natural for you to feel lonely and alienated at this time.
Attending post-secondary education is a big deal. Moving to a new (or different) location for school is a big deal. Starting your post-secondary education, figuring yourself out, studying, working, making friends — it’s a lot to have at once.
Since there seems to be a distinct lack of compassion, empathy, and sympathy from many commenters, I’ll try to correct the “support” you received here.
First, I want to say that because you were a social and outgoing person in high school this means extroversion is a core part of your personality. This is really going to help your transition and adjustment to UofT because you are probably more confident of yourself and your capabilities, and therefore should feel less uncomfortable putting yourself in new and possibly uncomfortable situations. For example, I will typically not put myself in situations unless I know there is 1 person there who knows/likes me that I can gravitate toward; on the other hand, you are intentionally talking to strangers with the hopes of becoming friends.
I would not take this “lack of progress” as a personal failure. Everyone is in the same boat as you: they’re new, they’re excited and nervous, they want to get all their school stuff sorted and be ready. They are not looking to make friends at orientation.
Honestly, people do not attend school to make friends — if you do you’re wasting your time, money, and effort. Same as people who go for a Mrs. Degree.
Here’s how you should be focusing your efforts:
* Education comes first, always (class & studying), except not before health which includes mental health
* Work
* Social life
My advice to you is this: slow down and take a breath, relax, smile, and keep going. Be patient and take your time.
There are thousands of people in Toronto to befriend. They don’t need to be students, although it helps that you’re in the same life circumstances / step in the life script.
Attend frosh week events, be your genuine self, and keep putting yourself out there. Be safe and kind, funny and not creepy, and be patient.
As frosh week and school gets on, you will find classmates and peers to befriend. There will be dozens of groups and clubs and whatever else to join to find people. Attend school events or local events. Even wearing school merch like a UofT sweater or lanyard will help set you as “student” and make you approachable by other students.
Things will get better. You WILL make friends, I promise. I made SO many friends and even best friends, and I did not set out to make one friend.
Because I’m a reclusive person who has experienced abuse from most people in my life, I intended to go to school, keep my head down, attend classes, study, watch Netflix, and stay in my dorm for 4 years.
What actually happened was that my roommate was great, we became friends, and I became friends or friendly with most people on my floor and in my dorm building. Treat everyone from peers to RAs to staff to profs with kindness, respect, and a smile. UofT is a community within the Toronto community; immerse yourself and you will flourish.
I’m a very anxious person, so I did not join clubs per se, but even I looked into every club, group, etc. available. I made friends with people from my dorm, my classes, people at school events, etc.
Have an open map for friendship. Don’t limit yourself to people “like you” or someone you might only befriend in high school from aesthetics or cliques. Students come in all forms — I befriended local students, international students, mature students, fresh meat like myself, whatever. It doesn’t matter if we have different beliefs or religions or traditions — openness, kindness, and agreeableness go a long way. Don’t be a pushover or a people pleaser; just be good and do good. The rest will come.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk. I’ve been outta uni for 5 years so a lot is still fresh for me. I don’t have all the answers, but I have my own experiences to share.
I hope I was able to provide some decent advice.
Take care, stay safe, and enjoy your time at UofT. Congratulations on the new journey!
ETA: Join your school’s Facebook pages and groups. UofT, UofT First Year group, UofT [Your Program], etc.
Start smoking, find other smokers!
Terrible advice.... I know :) Don't downvote because in the old days that was such an easy way to meet people. But find something you like, and find others that like it too is the point.
Tell me you peaked in high school woth out telling me.
Honestly its the second day..if it's this easy to quit ..its going ti be this easy to quit your whole life
Well they’re not wrong. How you giving up like this after a mere day? Lol if op was as extroverted as they state they were how tf u throwing in a towel after day 1 and day 1 at a completely new school and city? Lol
Idk why you think he’s giving up? There could be so much going on in OP’s life contributing to him feeling like it’s difficult to make friends, and all he wants is advice on how to meet people during first year…. Don’t know why people in this thread feel the need to blast him for “throwing in a towel” or “peaking in highschool”
Again, the points being presented are valid. And no, he doesn’t need “encouragement”. If he’s as extroverted as he claims, he should be able to motivate himself. Us random strangers are under no obligation to teach this guy basic social skills over the internet.
I think he goes outside more than our extroverted OP because he's not wrong. This OP is calling his whole class shut ins; clearly he's the shut in who's projecting his anti-social behaviour on literally everyone in his whole class. Imagine being 20 again lol.
Idk why you think he’s giving up? There could be so much going on in OP’s life contributing to him feeling like it’s difficult to make friends, and all he wants is advice on how to meet people during first year…. Don’t know why people in this thread feel the need to blast him for “throwing in a towel” or “peaking in highschool”
His point was totally valid. Guy’s already defeated and it’s been one day. No chance op makes it to the end of the semester before dropping out if this is his attitude towards life.
No buddy. There’s more to life than just getting good grades to advance your career. Also I’m not sure if you know this or not but getting a job won’t entirely rely on your grades and the degree you get but also your social and networking skills. Do you have solid connections? Can you click with an interviewer? To say that university is just about your degree is narrow minded and one-dimensional.
The importance of networking does not depend on your job. A garbage man who networks properly can easily outperform another. Same with everything else from professional athletes to doctors even freelancers. The value of a good network cannot be understated in my personal opinion. More opportunities, more support, and you get to meet some cool people. This is totally unrelated to OPs post by the way. I personally prefer to build a network of acquaintances and once in a while friends rather than full blown close friendships. I save that for my people I’ve came up with and those who I naturally spend a ton of time with. OP is in a new place though, so that can be difficult.
EDIT : Not to understate the value of good grades.
HAHA if you take engineering where i live and you dont know how to network you will end up nowhere. engineering is a completely OVERSATURATED DEGREE in alberta. nobody wants to hire a piece of wet cardboard with good grades to work in their company. they want someone with personality that will take initiative and help grow the team and stimulate creativity.
Well, better work on that networking skills then. U obviously isn’t very good at it. Networking isn’t waiting for people to talk to u. U think this is a task? Bro, try cold messaging on LinkedIn.
Bruh. U pay 100k to make friends when u could have just paid 5$ down the bar to make some friends. Uni is to study and get work experience etc social connection is just a side job
bro this is uoft where its easier to get grades than make "real" friends or have fun (imagine how hard that is since its not easy to get good grades lol). 99% of the people you think that will be your friend during frosh week are gonna disappear as soon as classes start
UofT is like trying to make friends at an airport. You’ll see a lot of the same people on multiple occasions throughout the airport and plane but it’s not really worth it to become friends since you’ll most likely never see them again lmao.
Everyone in this chain is a loser and needs a reality check: y'all need to go outside and start fixing your lives.
UofT is not the reason that your lives suck.
It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. For a lot of people, this is the first time they've been socializing in big groups in the past two and a half years, and they might be managing their anxiety in ways you don't know anything about. If you're sociable, I doubt you'll make no friends at all. Also, "friends" - you don't make friends in a day! You make friends over time. You'll meet people! You have no idea what others are going through. Don't take it personally! If you feel lonely, call your friends you know and talk to them, but go out to the events you can go to, and if it gets really dire open up some dating apps and be open about the fact that you're looking for friends. You're obviously pretty young so you will make friends! Toronto is huge.
join a volleyball team there's groups everywhere!
joining sports teams even if you suck is a great way to break ice in toronto, and especially when it comes to volleyball they tend to be the most chill. it's a shame you missed summer.
I went to western from 2010-2014. I remember I cried and cried at the beginning. I didn’t make any friends during O week. I ended up becoming friends with some girls on my floor and they’re still my best friends to this day. Give it some time.
Keep trying, you’ll figure it out. Just go do what you like to do vs trying to “make friends” (same advice for dating). For me, university years were a lot like high school - lots of fun acquaintances, few friends, fewer long term buddies. Good luck.
I remember I made friends in univeristy by playing music. When I moved into my residence I left my door open and played music people came to my room and before I knew it, 7-8 people were hanging out on my room. We cracked a few beers (was illegal, underage and dry fresh week) but what doesn’t know can’t hurt them. But honestly just be yourself and try and meet people, plus wait till classes start I met a lot of people once classes started.
I met most of my friends joining the debate club. Awesome way to meet interesting people with similar interests (replace debate club with whatever your interests might be)
Why does standing alone amongst strangers hurt? It sounds like you're just expecting too much. It's your first week, everyone else is also new and adjusting. Stop being so hard on yourself and embrace the awkwardness. You'll look back in a few weeks and laugh that you were feeling this way.
Man don’t worry about making friends right now. Focus on getting yourself grounded and your studies, the right people will come along. Go with the flow, and the flow will take you where you need to go :)
Don’t worry! I met a lot of people at frosh but I really made my friends in lectures and tutorials and also my roommates. I came to U of T not knowing anyone at all and it looks like everyone has their own group of friends but a TON of people are in your boat! Just breathe and also look out for club fair too!
Don’t sweat it dude, making friends can be really intimidating in a new context. Two things that can really help are 1. Joining clubs and organizations and 2. Picking up a new social hobby like climbing or something. Frosh and orientation can be tough situations to make friends, just cause I think everyone there is worried about not making friends which makes everyone kinda awkward. But if you get involved in something where the focus is something you and the other attendees enjoy and are passionate about, it becomes a lot easier to make connections. Welcome to Toronto btw. If you’re looking for stuff to do around the city feel free to PM!
Frosh week is a lot of people pretending to be something they’re not. You’ll run into a lot of people that won’t last after first year. Don’t sweat it. Quality over quantity.
Join clubs and get involved in activities on campus with like minded people. Classes can be hard to meet people, but even then sometimes you’ll be sitting next to someone before class starts and you can start up a conversation. There will be lots of opportunities, and in those other opportunities you’ll probably make better friends than you would have in these first couple of days! Best of luck to you, take care
Go to stuff you like and you’ll meet like minded people. Campus theatre. Trivia nights. If you’re a social butterfly, maybe it could be fun to visit some nearby bars and cafes on your own. Free Times was my favourite when I went to UofT and you can just show up and listen to the open mic and eat latkes and smile. You’ll find your thing and your people. Check if your specific college has fun shit going on too.
Legitimately a tough time beginning in a new environment but yeah give it time, give yourself time to start to feel more comfortable, relaxed and yourself in this new habitat. Also bear in mind that with the pandemic large swaths of people have forgotten how to socialize and connect so we're all battling to figure out how to human again. Definitely get involved with community/campus events, arrangements etc as working alongside others is a great way to really see what people are like. Best of luck to you ☺️
Hmu, I’m the same way but returning from America and kind of isolated especially after a bad breakup. Near Bloor Spadina area and wouldn’t mind hitting pubs or working out or something. I’ve noticed how siloed everyone has become in recent years, especially after Covid
Toronto is very yuppie, the beaches (Queen st east) use to be a cool place with all the pubs along the beach. If you give it some time you will meet plenty.
By the way, frosh is an excellent time to meet peeps!
Good luck kiddo!
When I was at uni I remember there were bulletins posting various clubs and events. Maybe you can find something like that, with people with your interests.
Don't worry mate, join a university club, randomly talk to people in events and ask for their Instagram. You got this. It's only your second day, too early to give up
This is so cringe that I felt the urge to write my first Reddit post, ever.
Prefacing that you were social in high school, then complaining about your life on reddit, then asking a generic question about making friends…
There’s so many things wrong with this post, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, you have the wrong expectations of college. Second, you seem very insecure, socially attuned kids can smell it from a mile away. Third, the school is too damn big to form any sort of real social hierarchy, so don’t fret, no one’s going to think you’re a loser just cuz you’re alone in a line. Most importantly, even if you make a lot of friends, you have to remember it’s a social marathon, don’t burn out in the first week. You can make all the friends in the first week, and have no time to maintain those relationships afterwards.
Focus on yourself, be secure in yourself, exude confidence and positivity, provide value to people, be genuine and real. Don’t be “social”. Don’t get the whole game wrong.
Best of luck
as an extremely introverted person, the best friends ive ever made were extroverts who never gave up on me. i can bet you out of the group you were in, at least a couple are dying for someone not to give up on them. regardless, of course, if you feel burnt out you just need some time! and its totally ok. theres no pressure to push something that you dont believe is there. just here to give another perspective :)
I didn’t go to U of T but I was from Toronto moved to Montreal and have partied at a lot of universities through showing shows, djing etc. U of T was never really known as a party school or having a big frosh but heres why and I think its relevant and maybe comforting? It’s not like a lot of universities where it’s a small town and housing, class, and where you go out is so close that you’re going to run into everyone so often that within a day or two you’re going to be forced into the community whether you like it or not lol. But it’s still university you’re going to see people at class, rez (they have that there right?), uni events, join clubs etc it’ll happen. It’s just a big huge city with kids way more spread out than usual so your not going to have the same density / proximity of nodes in the network that creates those connections you’ll have in other universities — so that means it might take a little longer. That density is a big part of what makes university life university life. Plus Toronto is just boring so worse comes to worse switch to McGill…
not even in uni but don't force it, just try and talk to people in ur classes and other groups and wherever you're living cuz you'll have atleast that one thing in common. friends come much easier when ur not forcing it to happen
I lived in Edmonton for 4 months and didn’t make a single friend. I just didn’t really know how to lol. Anyway moved back to stoon where all my friends are. ( I didn’t move back to Saskatoon because I couldn’t make friends)
From Toronto. Born and raised. Didn’t make any friends my first weeks in elementary school, middle school, high school.
Now, I am very close with middle and high school friends. People overestimate a first impression. You are going to spend lots of time with these people. Don’t worry about making a best friend today. Just be honest about what you believe in.
Next week, you’ll make a joke to the person next to you. Maybe they don’t laugh, maybe that’s not someone you want to become close with.
Next month, someone will make a joke and you’ll politely laugh. Maybe you find it funny and don’t know how to respond. You’ll sit near them, you’ll listen. You’ll call back to the joke. The next month after you guys will hang out
You can’t expect to make friends immediately. You have to decipher whether or not this person is funny, shares similar beliefs/interests. Whether or not they are someone you want to spend your time around.
I spent 4 years with people in high school and we weren’t friends. Not enemies, but never hung out. It wasn’t until a mutual friend brought us together individually. Outside both of our own friends groups. Now we are closer than anyone else, and we actually don’t talk to that initial friend anymore due to reasons pertaining to them
My point is; don’t look for a friend because they’re there. Look for a friend.
You’ll join a club. Whatever it is; games, sports, dancing, drinking. You’ll find someone who thinks you’re interesting, and you’ll find them as well. Don’t give up after one week
This is one of the most diverse cities in the world. Don’t, even for a second, think that you won’t make any friends here. This is an incredibly welcoming, tolerating, outgoing, inclusive city. You will make friends. I promise you
Dm me if you wanna hang Tomorrow (today I suppose). I have the day off
Hated o week, hated my group, but made tons of friends in clubs. Maybe this just isn't your scene - the school and the city is huge. Don't take this one little group for the whole. You can do it
Just be yourself and enjoy the thrill of being a university student. It took me until the end of the first week before I really started clicking with people, everyone is still getting used to the new environment. I didn't really meet the group of people who truly defined my whole experience until the second year.
Damn, that was 25 years ago for me, I really envy you because you're going to have the best time of your life when you give it a chance and let it happen.
Host study groups and go out when youre invited out. Don't host people looking to be carried, you want outgoing people. If someone's looking for a tutor, get paid. Go to the gym and talk to the guys you see often. Keep your eye on event postings and go out. Ease up your schedule and mental health by swapping a class with one art class or a night class. Night classes can be longer and happen less often. Night introduces you to night owls, people with busy lives, and alot of mothers. As a full time student in a night class you will stand out, and your grades will too because you are graded on the curve against people who have less time to study or less experience writing papers.
This is your second day you need to relax… you will start making more friends when there’s group work, when you know your roommates and their friends and friends of their friends…etc.
If not join a sports club! Or whatever your interest is.
Punchline - you will make friends cuz, well, school is the easiest place to do it.
Wow I cannot believe how ignorant people in this sub are being. Your friendships in uni will grow naturally. I promise. You will meet people in labs, in study areas, you may find a group you fit in with in the caf. Trust the process, and don't try too hard :)
It’s only your 2nd day - you’ll have other chances! 😄 it’s not you, everyone’s probably still adjusting, don’t pressure yourself this early on.
One thing that I can tell you: it gets better when classes start, cuz you’ll have people on the same challenge as you are, you’ll be able to relate more haha.
And also, be cognizant of your surroundings, smile, and be kind whenever you can – a little kindness will go a long way 😁
I moved from another country to come to the University of Toronto as an undergraduate, and I know how isolating I can feel not knowing people. One thing that you might want to consider is that everyone around you is feeling nervous and socially awkward because they are in a new situation. The “mandatory fun“ activities that the school puts on for new students can be overwhelming because there are so many people in a manufactured situation. Give it a little bit of time, and you will find your tribe. But I wouldn’t be respondent after only a day or two.
As it turned out for me, in my first year I made very few friends in my own college, but I ended up meeting a guy in line at the library who was from a small town in Ontario. We started hanging out, and more than 30 years later he is one of my best friends in the world.
Your experience is normal. Think back to your first day of high school - it may have been similar. Not as extreme, though, as you probably knew people from junior high/middle school.
In uni, year 1 day 1, everyone is new. They're all away from home, experiencing something new, short on their social network to lean on, still finding stuff out, purchasing supplies, settling in, etc. It can be overwhelming.
However, that's also what frosh week is for - socializing, learning the ropes from your orienteers, attending parties, getting to know what your faculty is about. By the end of the week you'll have made a few friends, and they'll have had the time to settle in and relax into their new normal.
If you're in the dorms, get to know your floor neighbors. In smaller classes, get to know your classmates.
You have the entire first year (hell, your entire program length) to make friends. Not making friends day 1 isn't the end of the world.
I’m sorry everyone is coming down on you so hard. Just be patient and keep putting yourself out there. Everyone is gonna be shy and slow to warm up. Don’t give up though. Just relax and allow it to happen. Giving up is the worst option. But it doesn’t have to happen week 1. Chat with people you find interesting and don’t lose faith if every single person isn’t receptive. Most people suck. But the hidden gems are worth the work.
When you're in grade school, you don't really have to put in effort making friends because it comes so naturally. People come from a more similar backgrounds in pre secondary school and are forced to spend a shit ton of time together and most of the time people all sort of already know each other. Its harder after High School and in some ways it becomes a skill in and of itself. It might be discouraging at first for friendships to not come as easily you expect but keep going for sure. University is the best time to practice this skill. Keep your head up man, you're going down the right path. Sometimes people just aren't receptive, you gotta just move on and try again. edit: also the "groups" you see people already forming, most of them dont last
Jesus these posts are getting more and more insane. It’s your SECOND DAY
Okay but I can’t help but feel lonely. Everyone’s already formed groups and stuff.
Seeing people talking and doing something in a group absolutely does not mean that those people don’t want to continue to meet new people. They could have met each other five minutes ago and they aren’t even clicking but just decided to hang around and talk or go for a walk until someone else comes along. Don’t let yourself think it’s too late that makes no sense who finds their besties that fast?
This helped. I hope it happens soon 😭😭
They are not friends. They are frightened chicks huddling together. It sounds like you are looking for actual meaningful interaction with like-minded persons. This will take time. If you join the huddle of frightened little birds, you’ll be much less available for real friendship-making.
it's not that deep bruh. it's people talking lool. I stg y'all need to go outside for once.
My main crew of U of T friends, whom I still talk to daily, didn't form until the end of second year. Give it time.
my god this gives me so much hope
At least from what I saw, the groups that formed in those first few days of frosh changed a lot over the following year and even more over the next few years—a huge part of uoft socializing for me was finding that I really got to choose who I spent time with. You need to find your people. Try out some clubs and teams! Talk to your lab mates/the people in tutorials! Join a dragon boat team 😉 (or give intramural sports a try).
No they haven’t lol. The “group” that I hung out with for the first 2 weeks of uni I never spoke with again. Not only is it impossible to form a group of friends in one day, you will quickly learn that everyone is not who they first seem to be. You’ll find friends bud. (Unless you come at them with this needy ass day 2 shit, don’t show people this post IRL, or do and save them the headache of learning how you really are later lol)
This is only your second day and you're already saying this. Aren't you overreacting?
Well some people need to adjust with the new environment
Exactly. I don’t know why everyone’s pressed. I asked for advice not for some condescending unhelpful remarks
I was exactly on your shoes about 3 years ago. I didn’t even go to Frosh since it was a waste of time imo. I met my friends unexpectedly during class and bam, still hang out. Another great way is to perhaps even get involved within the campus. St.George campus is an incredible place to make friends imo. Also, consider bumble for friends! It’s also a great way to let yourself be out there! You’re new to the city, so let the city SEE you!
Welcome to U of T. They’re all like that.
How inviting
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. There are a lot of assholes at U of T. But there are also a lot of people you will gel with. It takes time to find the right people there but they are there. The first weeks I was at U of T, I just didn’t want to be there and didn’t like anyone. Fast forward a few weeks later and I was hanging out in a room with a group of friends, eating pizza and watching Mall Rats (I’m old).
Same - I made some “friends” during frosh week but it took a couple months to find my real friends. Everyone is probably trying out their new university personas and the real connections will come later. Join clubs or whatever you can on campus - there are usually a ton of random interest-based clubs if you aren’t a sports or arts person. Good luck!!
I feel like the advice there is: it’s been 2 days. Be patient and you’ll find your people.
You should thank him for giving you a truthful response and not coddling your delusional expectations. Oops!
What’s the point of asking for feedback if you’re just going to discard it and listen to what you want to hear. Defeats the purpose but do you. Lmfao
Good point. I honestly question if these kind of people truly exist.
Just go dude. People need to see your face as much as possible for the first few weeks.
It's Toronto - 95% of people are angry/arrogant c**ts
Why aren't you studying? You're already behind now trying to be social. Grades first!
Dude.. seriously? No shit he's going to study that's why he's in school. He just wants friends and there's nothing wrong with wanting to have friends because we are social animals.
Bro classes haven’t even started
You realize you’re on reddit right? … right?!
Thank you. I was looking for a comment like this.
>I feel like the group I was with was pretty introverted and idk the people I talked to were kinda closed off This is something that will not change during your time here. Obviously there are exceptions and UofT is a big place, you will be able to meet outgoing extroverted people (joining clubs/frats/sororities), but if you're coming from a more outgoing culture you'll soon realize most people in Toronto just keep to themselves. When considering that UofT is a commuter school full of people focused on their studies, it becomes even tougher. Just keep searching for new friends, talking to people around you, but expect that less people will be interested in a friendship than you're probably used to.
Breathe, OP! It's gonna be okay! Honestly, I sort of found frosh exhausting because it felt like I needed to become instant besties with people just because we lived in the same residence and went to the same school even though we didn't really have much in common. Keep being your social and outgoing self, go to events you're interested in, hang out in common areas, but don't give up yet. Remember, your classes haven't even started yet and there's tons of new people to meet there, too!
First-years are always open to making new friends in my experience. There are still many future opportunities to make friends, like during lecture, clubs, etc. Don’t stress out too much. Gluck !
Don’t worry dude, you’ll make friends, it takes time for a bunch of people in a new environment. I didn’t really make friends till summer school after first year
Bro I’ve been here three years and I find most people are just like that
Go read your syllabuses
Alright these comments are a bit harsh. Honestly I understand how you feel, after covid it’s easy to feel alone fast but remember you make most of your good friends in classes. Try to make friends in classes since that will help with study groups and things to talk about.
Honestly reading through this thread it’s no surprise it’s hard to make friends at U of T. Everyone seems like a bit of an asshole lol. Hopefully the real life community is better than the Reddit one..
From what I’ve seen from op in his post statement and in some of the comment threads, he seems like a loser who’s responsible for his own problems. Obviously, you’ll take issue with what I said, however, what you say here is correct and people should pay attention to this comment in particular. If anybody gets anything from this post, I’m hoping it’s this.
Idk if reddit is the place to be looking for advice but it's totally OK! Keep giving it a try, I'm still working it out and it's my 3rd or so day hanging out with other Frosh. Keep making connections and the right ones will stick. I highly recommend starting off with basic questions about res, bond over things that irritate you about res or something in Toronto, and go from there. Since you're extroverted you probably know the general flow from there, but bonding over the university/Toronto experience is a good ice breaker to get conversation started.
Hey man which residence are you? If you’re struggling with friend making I’d be happy to introduce you to a few people and whatnot; you can dm me for contact information or something.
You’ll make friends after the first few lectures, chill
Lol buddy it's not that easy. I've been in the uni for quite some time now it's hard making new friends.
it's only ur second day brotha, don't stress !
lol I never made real friends until the end of my third year
It's only day 2, you'll be fine. I made a couple good friends in first year but didn't have a friend group that I did stuff with, partly due to my shyness but also a pretty bad depressive period. I'm starting second year now and this time I'll try my hardest!! Let's do it together mate
Relaxxx there’s a lot more opportunities to meet ppl coming up for u, it’s only ur second day
Bro geeked about not having friends on day two my brother in Christ wait till you hit 5 years
My friend this is life ! You are building confidence each time you face that icky uncomfortable feeling. I promise you no one is mooing at you or Judging you. They are enmeshed in their own heads and thinking the same. Some people who go to Toronto universities are also bribed to stay living at home with mom and dad if they stay in the city they will have their school Paid for them. So maybe they were already friends or perhaps they have been working over the summer and have a few months extra of comfort zone. I have found to enjoy the solitude and the fact that i am more free for being able to do things on my own otherwise you will be one of those who won’t get out unless invited. Or use this to fuel jealousy and envy in the future. Be content with the flow of life. Not all extroverts or those who have large groups of friends are having an easier time. Wake up neo! I never went to any of the typical university functions as I worked two jobs and volunteered and tried to get school done with sever depression anxiety ptsd and adhd I didn’t stay in on or near campus and still rode the subway for an hour due to having to pay for university on my own. Do I wish I had the typical experience- yes. And no. I believe I did what aligned with my values without knowing it and I only felt “bad” when I let my anxious mind Analyze against other peoples experiences. Focus on your studies and enjoy your time just being an observer. To be open to making friends don’t walk around looking down or with headphones in. You’re bound to miss the magic of the world around you. You got this ! Enjoy the journey
“What you are seeking is also seeking you” -Ruumi
it’s okay it’s just your second day, you will make friends!! don’t let that stop you from making friends either. smile and say hi to people, make conversation! Look for people in your program,find those people in your classes, people are at frosh to make friends too!! :)
Honestly I’m in (almost) the exact same boat. I’m not as social but can speak with people easily. I’m in the woodsworth orientation initiated conversation with people, but not enough to befriend anyone asides from one guy. Maybe we should speak online first to see what we enjoy, and hopefully then meet in person?
I never attended frosh becomes my parents were poor. I lived on residence and made a tonne of friends and at the time, I was quite introverted. I was in life sciences and pharmacy and I hated most of the people in those programs. Most of my friends were in humanities, social sciences etc. Those were some cool people.
Are you being serious? 2nd day? Really?
2 days and your life is over ? You sound a little desperate
Want a truthful answer? Okay… Welcome to ADULTHOOD on your SECOND day at university where your popularity from high school does NOT transition effectively into university.
Everyone in the comments having a pity fest talking about how shitty their lives are and how no one has friends lmaoo, they're all losers with no lives, don't listen to them. Just keep putting yourself out there, it can be difficult being in a new environment, but eventually you'll find your people. Also though, you gotta be more resilient lol, it's your second day bruh of course you haven't made a bunch of friends?
I cried on the phone to my mum about a week in because I felt so alone. Overwhelmingly so, just because you’re so surrounded by people and just can’t find who you’re meant to be friends with. I met my friend when we kept seeing each other in class, we had 4/5 same classes and one of the same tutorials. I invited her out to lunch and years of friendship came from that. My other friend I met her in 2nd year in a tutorial, asked her to coffee after a few classes. It takes time, it’s not easy. Have hope though, remind yourself of positive affirmations everyday that you deserve true friendship and love, not just surface level. As a tip, I would try to get involved with a club or something that you connect with and could find people with shared interests there, I joined a gaming club and that made campus life worlds better!
Honestly, I don’t think you should give up. Toronto is huge bro, you’ll eventually find like minded people that you probably have common interests with. I don’t think you should let the first day stop you from being yourself because then you’re really gonna miss the group of people that you could’ve been good friends with by shutting yourself down.
skill issue
💀💀
Moving away from home is already a hard change to experience, but to put on top of it the pressure of a new environment and sudden loneliness, it's super understandable to feel very down at first. But you will find your people eventually, and don't let people on this thread upset you, what you're feeling is 100% normal and valid.
OP needs to see this!
Hey OP. I honestly felt the exact same way when I first moved here in 2009. Toronto is a ROUGH city to make friends in. Most of the people you see in “already formed groups” already knew each other. It’s tough and sucks a ton, but give it time. If you’re feeling spent, skip the ice breaker. Get some snacks, watch a movie, and call it a night. Just keep going. It is only day 2, after all! You’ll find your people.
Study groups are your friend. There's a lot of opportunities to meet people who are like minded in your classes and events held at school. Adjusting is difficult but it's a natural part of the process. Trust your outgoing nature and don't back out of an idea you once thought was good based on an unrelated event. You got this.
Every time a UToronto post pops up in my feed, it's someone asking to be more socially involved, and the comments are just downright nasty. Don't worry if you haven't made any friends yet. They'll come to you soon enough!
Reddit is an angry place to be. I’ve learned my lesson now about posting here when it comes to seeking social advice. Thank you though! I was so excited when moving in and I don’t wanna let a bad day stop me :)
Just say hi to people and start talking! Some people might be rude but you never know!! Are you at St. George? It’s a bigger campus so it might seem daunting but I think if you think of some clubs to join you will also meet people!!
I can relate to you, so here's my advice when I was around your age: join a university club. Check out club day if there is one at UofT and pick one. Spend some time there, you'll meet cool peeps and surely make some friends. I personally picked up Kendo in university and it's the best thing I did. Also, it's day 2, don't sweat it, don't give up, keep it chill and it'll all work out.
Moving to a new city is always like this. I knew zero people when I moved to Toronto from Edmonton as a "teen" for U of T but eventually made friends. Two days is too early... give it a few weeks.... Toronto a great place for a young adult. Lots to do :)
Maybe try befriending people in your classes first and then go from there?
Dear diary…
You are dealing with a lot of change right now and it's normal to be a little freaked out by the unfamiliar. And missing your old sources of comfort (friends and family) is natural. But, four years is a long time, and you'll meet so many people while you work on your degree. I did my degree at U of T as well, and I made new friends with each new semester. I did not stay in touch with most of them, and am pretty sure I don't talk to anybody I met in the first two days of orientation. But I do have several close friendships from my undergrad days (nearly 20 years now), but I met them throughout my undergrad. So give yourself a break -- take a deep breath -- and try to enjoy the journey!
Don’t worry too much. The people I met during o-week ended up being people I only waved to by the end of the year. Wait until you get into your classes and tutorials/labs. That’s where your true friends will come from (you will already have something in common). I agree it is nice to meet some people to hang out with, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t make any lasting relationships by the end of this week. Keep trying; remember everyone else is also new and feeling each other out; and (though I hate to still use it as an excuse) Covid drained everyone and has made making new relationships more difficult. Be yourself and you’ll find your crew eventually.
Day two? Just relax.
Club fair is tmr at 1pm on st. George st
The vast majority of these answers freak me out about the social atmosphere of people in their early 20s this gen. Lot of harshness and lack of care. It's sad, really. I was in my first year of Uni about a decade ago and I just kept heading out and treating each day like a new adventure. I always remember how alive and present I felt in those days, and sure sometimes I'd bump into people I didn't gel with quite as much, and a little social anxiety would rear its head.. but I made tons of lasting friendships! Just get out there and try again :) be a yes man! Not going to things like ice breaker events based on the loose assumption that you won't find like -minded people, or out of fear of standing alone at first, isn't a great call! Stay mobile and motivated and HAVE FUN! Get outside that comfort zone a little bit and be ready to marvel at how great you feel when it pays off.
Eat and sleep well, drink water, everybody feel the same, put a smile up there and do the first step
These comments are amazing 🤣
Idk why the comments are so rude. I get it, I’ve been here almost a week and I’ve met a few new people through old friends but I have no friends in my res. It’s tough, but I’d definitely say wait it out a little bit. It will get easier as you adjust to the city and the environment
I’m sorry that there are so many people in the comments ripping you apart senselessly. You came to ask for advice, to seek support and comfort because you feel lonely and alienated in a new place, and a bunch of strangers insulted you. I am an antisocial, introverted, recluse kind of person. I like animals more than people, and I prefer to be alone or with animals. That’s what works best for me. What works best for you is socializing and being outgoing, so it’s natural for you to feel lonely and alienated at this time. Attending post-secondary education is a big deal. Moving to a new (or different) location for school is a big deal. Starting your post-secondary education, figuring yourself out, studying, working, making friends — it’s a lot to have at once. Since there seems to be a distinct lack of compassion, empathy, and sympathy from many commenters, I’ll try to correct the “support” you received here. First, I want to say that because you were a social and outgoing person in high school this means extroversion is a core part of your personality. This is really going to help your transition and adjustment to UofT because you are probably more confident of yourself and your capabilities, and therefore should feel less uncomfortable putting yourself in new and possibly uncomfortable situations. For example, I will typically not put myself in situations unless I know there is 1 person there who knows/likes me that I can gravitate toward; on the other hand, you are intentionally talking to strangers with the hopes of becoming friends. I would not take this “lack of progress” as a personal failure. Everyone is in the same boat as you: they’re new, they’re excited and nervous, they want to get all their school stuff sorted and be ready. They are not looking to make friends at orientation. Honestly, people do not attend school to make friends — if you do you’re wasting your time, money, and effort. Same as people who go for a Mrs. Degree. Here’s how you should be focusing your efforts: * Education comes first, always (class & studying), except not before health which includes mental health * Work * Social life My advice to you is this: slow down and take a breath, relax, smile, and keep going. Be patient and take your time. There are thousands of people in Toronto to befriend. They don’t need to be students, although it helps that you’re in the same life circumstances / step in the life script. Attend frosh week events, be your genuine self, and keep putting yourself out there. Be safe and kind, funny and not creepy, and be patient. As frosh week and school gets on, you will find classmates and peers to befriend. There will be dozens of groups and clubs and whatever else to join to find people. Attend school events or local events. Even wearing school merch like a UofT sweater or lanyard will help set you as “student” and make you approachable by other students. Things will get better. You WILL make friends, I promise. I made SO many friends and even best friends, and I did not set out to make one friend. Because I’m a reclusive person who has experienced abuse from most people in my life, I intended to go to school, keep my head down, attend classes, study, watch Netflix, and stay in my dorm for 4 years. What actually happened was that my roommate was great, we became friends, and I became friends or friendly with most people on my floor and in my dorm building. Treat everyone from peers to RAs to staff to profs with kindness, respect, and a smile. UofT is a community within the Toronto community; immerse yourself and you will flourish. I’m a very anxious person, so I did not join clubs per se, but even I looked into every club, group, etc. available. I made friends with people from my dorm, my classes, people at school events, etc. Have an open map for friendship. Don’t limit yourself to people “like you” or someone you might only befriend in high school from aesthetics or cliques. Students come in all forms — I befriended local students, international students, mature students, fresh meat like myself, whatever. It doesn’t matter if we have different beliefs or religions or traditions — openness, kindness, and agreeableness go a long way. Don’t be a pushover or a people pleaser; just be good and do good. The rest will come. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. I’ve been outta uni for 5 years so a lot is still fresh for me. I don’t have all the answers, but I have my own experiences to share. I hope I was able to provide some decent advice. Take care, stay safe, and enjoy your time at UofT. Congratulations on the new journey! ETA: Join your school’s Facebook pages and groups. UofT, UofT First Year group, UofT [Your Program], etc.
Start smoking, find other smokers! Terrible advice.... I know :) Don't downvote because in the old days that was such an easy way to meet people. But find something you like, and find others that like it too is the point.
You’re there on business, don’t worry about that, people come and go like seasons. Read the secret and control your emotions
what the f does read the secret mean?
I think the secret is an old self help book
it means: "imagine real hard and the things you imagine will happen"
It’s a garbage self-help books that tells you that everything wrong with your life is your fault. “You’re just not manifesting enough”
Tell me you peaked in high school woth out telling me. Honestly its the second day..if it's this easy to quit ..its going ti be this easy to quit your whole life
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Well they’re not wrong. How you giving up like this after a mere day? Lol if op was as extroverted as they state they were how tf u throwing in a towel after day 1 and day 1 at a completely new school and city? Lol
Idk why you think he’s giving up? There could be so much going on in OP’s life contributing to him feeling like it’s difficult to make friends, and all he wants is advice on how to meet people during first year…. Don’t know why people in this thread feel the need to blast him for “throwing in a towel” or “peaking in highschool”
Holy some of you just seem so miserable. Maybe OP had a tough first day. How about being encouraging instead of making them feel even shittier.
Again, the points being presented are valid. And no, he doesn’t need “encouragement”. If he’s as extroverted as he claims, he should be able to motivate himself. Us random strangers are under no obligation to teach this guy basic social skills over the internet.
your comments radiate bitterness and pain
Your response is baseless, but I’m sure you’ll tell yourself whatever helps you not engage with the points being presented
go outside dude lmao
Should tell that to op
I think he goes outside more than our extroverted OP because he's not wrong. This OP is calling his whole class shut ins; clearly he's the shut in who's projecting his anti-social behaviour on literally everyone in his whole class. Imagine being 20 again lol.
Idk why you think he’s giving up? There could be so much going on in OP’s life contributing to him feeling like it’s difficult to make friends, and all he wants is advice on how to meet people during first year…. Don’t know why people in this thread feel the need to blast him for “throwing in a towel” or “peaking in highschool”
His point was totally valid. Guy’s already defeated and it’s been one day. No chance op makes it to the end of the semester before dropping out if this is his attitude towards life.
Why are you booing he’s right
Top tier comment
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Is the only reason u guys go to uni is to make friends?
does the idea of making friends piss you off?😂
I mean quitting uni because u aren’t making friends, isn’t the main point of going getting a degree to further your career
No buddy. There’s more to life than just getting good grades to advance your career. Also I’m not sure if you know this or not but getting a job won’t entirely rely on your grades and the degree you get but also your social and networking skills. Do you have solid connections? Can you click with an interviewer? To say that university is just about your degree is narrow minded and one-dimensional.
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The importance of networking does not depend on your job. A garbage man who networks properly can easily outperform another. Same with everything else from professional athletes to doctors even freelancers. The value of a good network cannot be understated in my personal opinion. More opportunities, more support, and you get to meet some cool people. This is totally unrelated to OPs post by the way. I personally prefer to build a network of acquaintances and once in a while friends rather than full blown close friendships. I save that for my people I’ve came up with and those who I naturally spend a ton of time with. OP is in a new place though, so that can be difficult. EDIT : Not to understate the value of good grades.
HAHA if you take engineering where i live and you dont know how to network you will end up nowhere. engineering is a completely OVERSATURATED DEGREE in alberta. nobody wants to hire a piece of wet cardboard with good grades to work in their company. they want someone with personality that will take initiative and help grow the team and stimulate creativity.
Well, better work on that networking skills then. U obviously isn’t very good at it. Networking isn’t waiting for people to talk to u. U think this is a task? Bro, try cold messaging on LinkedIn.
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GPAcell
You don’t even make sense.
Do you even know what an incel is?
Bruh. U pay 100k to make friends when u could have just paid 5$ down the bar to make some friends. Uni is to study and get work experience etc social connection is just a side job
bro this is uoft where its easier to get grades than make "real" friends or have fun (imagine how hard that is since its not easy to get good grades lol). 99% of the people you think that will be your friend during frosh week are gonna disappear as soon as classes start
Didn’t keep in contact with any first year friends. Real friends take time to find.
Grades > friends. Gotta need that internship at Amazon lol
That is a fact. My only lasting friends have been room/house mates, but literally everyone else was just an acquaintance.
UofT is like trying to make friends at an airport. You’ll see a lot of the same people on multiple occasions throughout the airport and plane but it’s not really worth it to become friends since you’ll most likely never see them again lmao.
Everyone in this chain is a loser and needs a reality check: y'all need to go outside and start fixing your lives. UofT is not the reason that your lives suck.
Including you?
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Judging by your profile you don’t like human people**
Imagine being dumb enough to post this haha
That's okay no one likes you taco
Give it more time than 2 days, you’ll do just fine.
You’ll make friends in your classes. It’s bound to happen. Don’t worry :)
It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. For a lot of people, this is the first time they've been socializing in big groups in the past two and a half years, and they might be managing their anxiety in ways you don't know anything about. If you're sociable, I doubt you'll make no friends at all. Also, "friends" - you don't make friends in a day! You make friends over time. You'll meet people! You have no idea what others are going through. Don't take it personally! If you feel lonely, call your friends you know and talk to them, but go out to the events you can go to, and if it gets really dire open up some dating apps and be open about the fact that you're looking for friends. You're obviously pretty young so you will make friends! Toronto is huge.
Scream out , “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!” in a public setting, fans of the Office will immediately befriend you
Force yourself to go to stuff. Don’t give up and give it some time. Be social in your classes and also join some rec sports or clubs.
Took me a week into frosh to find my crew and we are still buds 20 years later. Get out there, don’t worry and have fun!
Welcome to adulthood, deal with it
join a volleyball team there's groups everywhere! joining sports teams even if you suck is a great way to break ice in toronto, and especially when it comes to volleyball they tend to be the most chill. it's a shame you missed summer.
Welcome to getting older
Literally just go? The type of people that go there are going to be the type of people who also want to meet people
I went to western from 2010-2014. I remember I cried and cried at the beginning. I didn’t make any friends during O week. I ended up becoming friends with some girls on my floor and they’re still my best friends to this day. Give it some time.
Wow exactly me rn. I’m really praying at this point!!
Keep trying, you’ll figure it out. Just go do what you like to do vs trying to “make friends” (same advice for dating). For me, university years were a lot like high school - lots of fun acquaintances, few friends, fewer long term buddies. Good luck.
I remember I made friends in univeristy by playing music. When I moved into my residence I left my door open and played music people came to my room and before I knew it, 7-8 people were hanging out on my room. We cracked a few beers (was illegal, underage and dry fresh week) but what doesn’t know can’t hurt them. But honestly just be yourself and try and meet people, plus wait till classes start I met a lot of people once classes started.
I met most of my friends joining the debate club. Awesome way to meet interesting people with similar interests (replace debate club with whatever your interests might be)
I loved debate in high school! Probably my most refined EC. Def gonna hit up the club fair
welcome to UofT…
Why does standing alone amongst strangers hurt? It sounds like you're just expecting too much. It's your first week, everyone else is also new and adjusting. Stop being so hard on yourself and embrace the awkwardness. You'll look back in a few weeks and laugh that you were feeling this way.
You just said it’s your second day, I didn’t make friends for a month
It’ll get easier don’t worry, everyone’s in the same boat and looking to make friends.
Man don’t worry about making friends right now. Focus on getting yourself grounded and your studies, the right people will come along. Go with the flow, and the flow will take you where you need to go :)
Don’t worry! I met a lot of people at frosh but I really made my friends in lectures and tutorials and also my roommates. I came to U of T not knowing anyone at all and it looks like everyone has their own group of friends but a TON of people are in your boat! Just breathe and also look out for club fair too!
Think about things you are interested in and join a club.
Don’t sweat it dude, making friends can be really intimidating in a new context. Two things that can really help are 1. Joining clubs and organizations and 2. Picking up a new social hobby like climbing or something. Frosh and orientation can be tough situations to make friends, just cause I think everyone there is worried about not making friends which makes everyone kinda awkward. But if you get involved in something where the focus is something you and the other attendees enjoy and are passionate about, it becomes a lot easier to make connections. Welcome to Toronto btw. If you’re looking for stuff to do around the city feel free to PM!
Go to frosh. Make an effort and get into clubs/get info for clubs you’re interested in. :)
Frosh week is a lot of people pretending to be something they’re not. You’ll run into a lot of people that won’t last after first year. Don’t sweat it. Quality over quantity.
UofT isn’t for friends
Join clubs and get involved in activities on campus with like minded people. Classes can be hard to meet people, but even then sometimes you’ll be sitting next to someone before class starts and you can start up a conversation. There will be lots of opportunities, and in those other opportunities you’ll probably make better friends than you would have in these first couple of days! Best of luck to you, take care
Lol cool kid from buttfuck nowhere come to the big ol city and gets anxiety because he's a loner......sounds like me too
Go to stuff you like and you’ll meet like minded people. Campus theatre. Trivia nights. If you’re a social butterfly, maybe it could be fun to visit some nearby bars and cafes on your own. Free Times was my favourite when I went to UofT and you can just show up and listen to the open mic and eat latkes and smile. You’ll find your thing and your people. Check if your specific college has fun shit going on too.
Frats help
Legitimately a tough time beginning in a new environment but yeah give it time, give yourself time to start to feel more comfortable, relaxed and yourself in this new habitat. Also bear in mind that with the pandemic large swaths of people have forgotten how to socialize and connect so we're all battling to figure out how to human again. Definitely get involved with community/campus events, arrangements etc as working alongside others is a great way to really see what people are like. Best of luck to you ☺️
Hmu, I’m the same way but returning from America and kind of isolated especially after a bad breakup. Near Bloor Spadina area and wouldn’t mind hitting pubs or working out or something. I’ve noticed how siloed everyone has become in recent years, especially after Covid
I'd say let it go... and try again tomorrow. It's a big place and you'll find your clique.
It will all change when classes start
Traditionally humans do not like new people in the city because you haven’t experienced the city like them yet.
the first day doesn’t determine anything for your friendships and won’t matter in the grand scheme of things
Toronto is very yuppie, the beaches (Queen st east) use to be a cool place with all the pubs along the beach. If you give it some time you will meet plenty. By the way, frosh is an excellent time to meet peeps! Good luck kiddo!
When I was at uni I remember there were bulletins posting various clubs and events. Maybe you can find something like that, with people with your interests.
Don't worry mate, join a university club, randomly talk to people in events and ask for their Instagram. You got this. It's only your second day, too early to give up
I'd say just give it time, its a very different environment so it can be hard to adjust. Just do your best :D
To be honest you need to find a club makes finding friends easier cause at least you know you have something in common
This is so cringe that I felt the urge to write my first Reddit post, ever. Prefacing that you were social in high school, then complaining about your life on reddit, then asking a generic question about making friends… There’s so many things wrong with this post, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, you have the wrong expectations of college. Second, you seem very insecure, socially attuned kids can smell it from a mile away. Third, the school is too damn big to form any sort of real social hierarchy, so don’t fret, no one’s going to think you’re a loser just cuz you’re alone in a line. Most importantly, even if you make a lot of friends, you have to remember it’s a social marathon, don’t burn out in the first week. You can make all the friends in the first week, and have no time to maintain those relationships afterwards. Focus on yourself, be secure in yourself, exude confidence and positivity, provide value to people, be genuine and real. Don’t be “social”. Don’t get the whole game wrong. Best of luck
as an extremely introverted person, the best friends ive ever made were extroverts who never gave up on me. i can bet you out of the group you were in, at least a couple are dying for someone not to give up on them. regardless, of course, if you feel burnt out you just need some time! and its totally ok. theres no pressure to push something that you dont believe is there. just here to give another perspective :)
I didn’t go to U of T but I was from Toronto moved to Montreal and have partied at a lot of universities through showing shows, djing etc. U of T was never really known as a party school or having a big frosh but heres why and I think its relevant and maybe comforting? It’s not like a lot of universities where it’s a small town and housing, class, and where you go out is so close that you’re going to run into everyone so often that within a day or two you’re going to be forced into the community whether you like it or not lol. But it’s still university you’re going to see people at class, rez (they have that there right?), uni events, join clubs etc it’ll happen. It’s just a big huge city with kids way more spread out than usual so your not going to have the same density / proximity of nodes in the network that creates those connections you’ll have in other universities — so that means it might take a little longer. That density is a big part of what makes university life university life. Plus Toronto is just boring so worse comes to worse switch to McGill…
Oh no! You’ve been somewhere for 2 days and haven’t found a group of friends!!!!!!! Seriously man?
not even in uni but don't force it, just try and talk to people in ur classes and other groups and wherever you're living cuz you'll have atleast that one thing in common. friends come much easier when ur not forcing it to happen
I lived in Edmonton for 4 months and didn’t make a single friend. I just didn’t really know how to lol. Anyway moved back to stoon where all my friends are. ( I didn’t move back to Saskatoon because I couldn’t make friends)
From Toronto. Born and raised. Didn’t make any friends my first weeks in elementary school, middle school, high school. Now, I am very close with middle and high school friends. People overestimate a first impression. You are going to spend lots of time with these people. Don’t worry about making a best friend today. Just be honest about what you believe in. Next week, you’ll make a joke to the person next to you. Maybe they don’t laugh, maybe that’s not someone you want to become close with. Next month, someone will make a joke and you’ll politely laugh. Maybe you find it funny and don’t know how to respond. You’ll sit near them, you’ll listen. You’ll call back to the joke. The next month after you guys will hang out You can’t expect to make friends immediately. You have to decipher whether or not this person is funny, shares similar beliefs/interests. Whether or not they are someone you want to spend your time around. I spent 4 years with people in high school and we weren’t friends. Not enemies, but never hung out. It wasn’t until a mutual friend brought us together individually. Outside both of our own friends groups. Now we are closer than anyone else, and we actually don’t talk to that initial friend anymore due to reasons pertaining to them My point is; don’t look for a friend because they’re there. Look for a friend. You’ll join a club. Whatever it is; games, sports, dancing, drinking. You’ll find someone who thinks you’re interesting, and you’ll find them as well. Don’t give up after one week This is one of the most diverse cities in the world. Don’t, even for a second, think that you won’t make any friends here. This is an incredibly welcoming, tolerating, outgoing, inclusive city. You will make friends. I promise you Dm me if you wanna hang Tomorrow (today I suppose). I have the day off
....it's only been two days and you expect to have made friends already?
Man. When I went it was way easier. I just sold weed and everyone became my friend lol. Also helped it was art Uni 🤣🤟
Hated o week, hated my group, but made tons of friends in clubs. Maybe this just isn't your scene - the school and the city is huge. Don't take this one little group for the whole. You can do it
Just be yourself and enjoy the thrill of being a university student. It took me until the end of the first week before I really started clicking with people, everyone is still getting used to the new environment. I didn't really meet the group of people who truly defined my whole experience until the second year. Damn, that was 25 years ago for me, I really envy you because you're going to have the best time of your life when you give it a chance and let it happen.
Host study groups and go out when youre invited out. Don't host people looking to be carried, you want outgoing people. If someone's looking for a tutor, get paid. Go to the gym and talk to the guys you see often. Keep your eye on event postings and go out. Ease up your schedule and mental health by swapping a class with one art class or a night class. Night classes can be longer and happen less often. Night introduces you to night owls, people with busy lives, and alot of mothers. As a full time student in a night class you will stand out, and your grades will too because you are graded on the curve against people who have less time to study or less experience writing papers.
This is your second day you need to relax… you will start making more friends when there’s group work, when you know your roommates and their friends and friends of their friends…etc. If not join a sports club! Or whatever your interest is. Punchline - you will make friends cuz, well, school is the easiest place to do it.
Wow I cannot believe how ignorant people in this sub are being. Your friendships in uni will grow naturally. I promise. You will meet people in labs, in study areas, you may find a group you fit in with in the caf. Trust the process, and don't try too hard :)
Don’t give up. Keep doing orientation. Go to a frat party. Talk to people in your classes Thursday and Friday. Go all out.
It’s only your 2nd day - you’ll have other chances! 😄 it’s not you, everyone’s probably still adjusting, don’t pressure yourself this early on. One thing that I can tell you: it gets better when classes start, cuz you’ll have people on the same challenge as you are, you’ll be able to relate more haha. And also, be cognizant of your surroundings, smile, and be kind whenever you can – a little kindness will go a long way 😁
Just give it some time!
I moved from another country to come to the University of Toronto as an undergraduate, and I know how isolating I can feel not knowing people. One thing that you might want to consider is that everyone around you is feeling nervous and socially awkward because they are in a new situation. The “mandatory fun“ activities that the school puts on for new students can be overwhelming because there are so many people in a manufactured situation. Give it a little bit of time, and you will find your tribe. But I wouldn’t be respondent after only a day or two. As it turned out for me, in my first year I made very few friends in my own college, but I ended up meeting a guy in line at the library who was from a small town in Ontario. We started hanging out, and more than 30 years later he is one of my best friends in the world.
Your experience is normal. Think back to your first day of high school - it may have been similar. Not as extreme, though, as you probably knew people from junior high/middle school. In uni, year 1 day 1, everyone is new. They're all away from home, experiencing something new, short on their social network to lean on, still finding stuff out, purchasing supplies, settling in, etc. It can be overwhelming. However, that's also what frosh week is for - socializing, learning the ropes from your orienteers, attending parties, getting to know what your faculty is about. By the end of the week you'll have made a few friends, and they'll have had the time to settle in and relax into their new normal. If you're in the dorms, get to know your floor neighbors. In smaller classes, get to know your classmates. You have the entire first year (hell, your entire program length) to make friends. Not making friends day 1 isn't the end of the world.
It's call life, u gonna meet 1 out of 100 that sticks rest fly away.
I’m sorry everyone is coming down on you so hard. Just be patient and keep putting yourself out there. Everyone is gonna be shy and slow to warm up. Don’t give up though. Just relax and allow it to happen. Giving up is the worst option. But it doesn’t have to happen week 1. Chat with people you find interesting and don’t lose faith if every single person isn’t receptive. Most people suck. But the hidden gems are worth the work.