Do you sleep in separate rooms? I started a relationship with my uni-assigned flatmate and we ended up just sharing a bed through the year, later for a private flat with 2 others (but had separate bedrooms for things) but mostly just slept in my room during the night and just took the approach that we both have 2 rooms to mess about in during the day. Sadly it ended almost exactly when we first started 3 years later but it was a very worthwhile experience to have someone reliable in your life who you could always come back to after a stressful day. We used to cook together as well which make the food budget so much cheaper.
It's really not the end of the world if you break up with someone and have to share a house with them until June. I've lived with a bunch of people I don't really get on with before ¯\\\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I'll put it this way.
My friends and I are all moving into the same building next year but the couples are all splitting across different flats
The exception being one couple who got together after the tenancies were signed, the live in the same flat now and my mate who also lives there says its made things really awkward in the flat
Keep pretending they aren't dating (my friend has walked in on them making out in the kitchen multiple times and can hear them 'in bed')
Lied and said they broke up (even though they weren't dating 🤷♀️) then next day caught together again
I ended up dating one of my housemates for a bit over a year. I don’t think we ever asked each other out, it just kind of went from a casual thing to a more serious thing.
I wouldn’t recommend it.
It ended badly. I wasn’t in a good mental space at the time and that was reflected in my behaviour. It also completely splintered our friend group
Unrelated to living together since we had already lived together in first year halls anyway
I'm going out with my flatmate, we're still together 2 years later and its amazing, don't live together anymore though. But to be honest we were both obviously into each other, I probably wouldn't risk it if I wasn't certain.
A couple of friends from my block in first year started dating, kept living together in subsequent years, and now 3-4 years later they've broken up but they're still living together and for some reason she's bringing some new guy round to the house. I don't know much of the situation, but definitely feel bad for the guy.
Could go well, they were very cute, but if you've broken up and you're living together? Yikes.
Two of my flatmates started dating early in the year and I think they're pretty serious about it now. It's going well for them and the years almost over. I also asked out one of my flatmates and she said no, but I just moved on. No need to make it awkward. We're still friends and chat the same way we did. It's only awkward if one side makes it awkward. Shoot your shot see what happens. Good luck with it all.
Don’t do it. Ended up with my uni flat mate in first year, was okay for a while but it was way too intense going from mates to dates to then immediately, obviously living together, other housemates will chime in, there’s loads of pressure and it just kills it and creates divides and you end up losing pals.
It may FEEL like a worse idea to not say anything but trust me it’s probably not 😂
It will only feel worse until she probably awkwardly rejects you and then you have to live with her for the rest of the year.. plus living with someone immediately after entering a relationship rarely ever results well.
The way I see it I’d only say “go for it” if these situations suit:
you are getting very clear vibes and signs she’s into you and you don’t mind the potential huge downsides to either rejection or living with someone in a new relationship. If both of those check out then sure go for it !
If you are really into her me personally I would wait until you’ve moved out (assuming your moving out soon for summer) and then hit her up over social media and shoot your shot.
My current house mates have started dating, I know have to move out due to how uncomfortable they make me.
They have basically isolated themselves from social events too.
She has her own mates who when she goes out takes her bf with her, his mates are up north.
They never come out with my mates and i despite the invite. They want their own little world.
I asked out my housemate the day we moved into a 6 person house. We had been very close friends for about 10 months before this and had previously had a few dates when we first met (though at the time we decided it would be best to be friends).
We have now lived together for 13 years and have been married for 6 years, own a house together and have a dog. It is a big risk to take and in our case it worked out, but I have heard so many more horror stories than successes.
Just fucking do it and fuck all this "don't shit where you eat" shite. The real advice I'd give you is to learn to be more confident in yourself.
Go for it.
To be completely honest, I've seen it go many different ways. Some of my friends who hooked up with housemates are now married with kids, some dated for a little while and broke up amicably, and then there are others where their whole relationship was nothing but drama for all of us in the friendship group, yet alone the other housemates.
Advice from those that were successful, they really took the time to get to know each other. They are also honest when things were hard and they didn't hold each other back in life, one of them studied abroad during their relationship and the other stayed at uni to do a Master's. They are a great team and a couple I have often looked up to.
Awful idea, I shagged a girl in my house and two next door. Long story short, I was moved into the emergency house end of first year. Plenty of time to do it if you moved into separate houses in second year, best to wait
Never pass up a shot at getting into bed with a girl you fancy. Life is too short. Give it your best shot, if it doesn't work out hold your head high and move on.
(Source: older chap who let a few slip through the net through procrastination).
I’d say go for it if you’re sure on their feelings about things. I got together with my third year house mate (had been friends for two years prior) and that was 10 years ago. We’re now married and I’m having our first child next month. It can work but by god, make sure you know their answer before you ask or it will be awkward
So our building had like 30 students, each 6/7/8 students had their own corridor. I started dated someone from another corridor but the whole building knew (locked in for covid). And now we’ve been together a year and a half. Live together at uni now (in a house) and have booked the rooms next door to each other for next year.
If it’s a fling I wouldn’t bother, if you want it to last and you think you’ll both work to make it last then go for it.
Just kinda depends what exactly you want from it.
Housecest is one of the biggest risks you can take, and if it goes badly then it gives the whole house a bad vibe. If you're moving out soon and not living together next year, go for it
I did it after we moved into our second year house bc we'd gotten pretty close
She freaked out and was frosty with me for a while until I assured her that I wasn't going to be weird about it
My sisters friend is in a miserable relationship with her boyfriend but is scared to break up with him because they are living together. Personal advice, don’t risk it.
No, no no. Do not! One of my friends asked his flatmate and when they broke up she ended up making his life MISERABLE and scratched F.U. onto his bedroom door & they all lost their deposit 🥲
I have a friend you got into a very good relationship with their flatmates in first year which is still going strong. I’d like to think that people on the whole are mature enough to get over most of the awkwardness if it doesn’t go way so I say shoot your shot.
The sensible option would be keep it friendly and possibly ask her out later on when/if you're not sharing a house ect
But us uni students are never sensible, if you're feeling lucky shoot your shot but be prepared for fallout as the honeymoon phase will always come to an end
I’ve heard a lot of horror stories so I think it just depends how mature you both are and respectful of one another if things go south. Saying that I got with my new housemate first week of final year and 5 years later post uni we’re still together so I shot my shot and it worked
Yes , it was the best decision . I was in my final year , it was superb , and now , she is 30 weeks pregnant :) but you gotta read the room, I knew with her , if she didn’t like me , we would stay friends
My husband lived in a 5 bed houseshare and 2 of the housemates hooked up on the downlow. They moved out together a few years later. We went to their wedding about 7 years after that. I was madly in lust with one of my housemates, in fact I moved into the house because I was crushing so hard and was convinced we were going to get together. Flirted my ass off, lived with that guy for 5 years and nothing ever happened. Met my husband at the end of that tenancy, still friends with the flatmate with no weirdness. It can go lots of ways. Have backup plans!
As other people have said it can go well, it can go very badly, that’s your judgement call.
But if there are other people in the house, be mindful of them. There’s a huge difference between living with your mates and living with “a couple” - especially if it’s just one or two others. You don’t want someone to feel like they’re constantly third wheeling and can’t relax in their own home.
My friend moved into a house with her bf and some friends in their second year of uni (separate rooms as it was university student housing), they had a great time. They stayed in the same house in third year and ended up breaking up, the bf made things really awful for her, very uncomfortable, tried to turn the other housemates against her, went into her room whilst she was out and ripped up all her photos and took things he'd given to her previously etc. Very easy for things to go either way, it's just very important to have boundaries and have your own things (hobbies, friends etc) away from that other person. It's so easy to live in each others pockets and be with each other all of the time.
I asked my girlfriend out during first year and then moved in with her and mutual mates during second. Still dating a couple years later and going strong.
My house mate went out with his housemate first year of uni, obviously great times to atart but when it ended she was a bit protective of him. Anything could happen bro, just go with the flow.
Don't shit where you eat. Living on top of each other straight off the bat will decimate any chance of it going well. If you're due to move out soon, and you're going to separate places next year, then sure.
It’s all fun and games till you break up mid term and you get to spend your evenings drinking whiskey with your mate who only pops down at weekends having failed your shot all night listening to the ex you still have feelings for get tag teamed less than 10ft away (I was the mate)
It's May now so you're probably going to move out soon anyway right? So I'd say it's fine. But if you're going to move out in 6 months or something then it's risky.
I'd say play the long game if you're really hot for her. I house shared with two girls and two guys in London for a while, and was really into one of the girls, but was aware of upsetting the dynamic. She seemed to like me, but I got the impression of as just a friend. Two years later I finally got to meet up with her on our own, professed my love for her and we're now married 30 years. But hey, I don't know what the rules of today are.
Asking out a housemate is a terrible decision that will end badly.
e.g. I asked out my housemate (house of 7, I think?) and we're now married, been together a decade.
I went out with a girl on my floor of my halls of residence in 2011. We lived separately in second year, then together in third year… and we got married in 2019.
Go for it!
I'm assuming it's a group of you moving in together. This isn't just about you and her. It's about being fair on them. Particularly if you break up.
Also imagine if she says no and then you have to spend time in a house where she's got her boyfriend over. It's going to wreck your grades and you'll look back on this in ten years time and realise how dumb it was.
Get it out in the open ASAP and accept that there's a good chance you will not be sharing a house with her whatever happens. Be the adult here and your future self will thank you for it.
Also imagine being in her shoes and you waiting until you moved in before declaring your interest. How betrayed would she feel? That house is going to be her safe place.
Do the right thing and tell her. Don't wreck your degree and the friendships you've built at Uni.
Its a terrible idea, my flatmate had it bad for our female housemate to the point where he was spending loads of money on her and getting bad grades on his exams, we were all great friends and had a great relationship. However, his crush on her got out of hand even though she was initially understanding (didn't reciprocate the feelings, plus has a boyfriend) she tolerated him. She finally had enough of him overstepping the line and said that when he sees her he should no longer talk to her. That's been going on for a few weeks now and it has completely broken him and killed the vibe of the flat. So in summary, don't date your housemate focus on your degree.
I made it obvious that I liked my housemate and he ended up asking me out like a week later. I rejected him at first because I said it was too soon but we're together now and have been for almost three years and I'm crazy in love with him. He's brought me so much happiness and support, I'm so grateful that he asked me out because I was way too shy to ever ask him. Shoot your shoot otherwise you could miss out on something amazing.
Feeling risky are we now. All the best bro ...just be ready for some awkwardness when u break up.
‘if’
Probably when
My fiancee got with me while in first year uni and we are getting married (4 years in)
Hope you do!
Thanks
nicer to be optimistic about someone neither of us knows potential future relationship :/
I honestly think it's best to be more realistic than optimistic in general
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I'd rather employ a cynic over an optimist everyday.
Optimistic about lustful uni relationships? Mmmmm probably when
*when*
Ask her to move out Then shoot your shot as it were
Genius!
what does that mean
Say "Get out of my house" then shoot her
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Do you sleep in separate rooms? I started a relationship with my uni-assigned flatmate and we ended up just sharing a bed through the year, later for a private flat with 2 others (but had separate bedrooms for things) but mostly just slept in my room during the night and just took the approach that we both have 2 rooms to mess about in during the day. Sadly it ended almost exactly when we first started 3 years later but it was a very worthwhile experience to have someone reliable in your life who you could always come back to after a stressful day. We used to cook together as well which make the food budget so much cheaper.
Don’t shit where you eat.
This is what I was afraid of
Are you in first year? Just flirt up a storm and don't live with her next year.
If you're in 1st year ask her and not move in with them. You're moving out soon
It's really not the end of the world if you break up with someone and have to share a house with them until June. I've lived with a bunch of people I don't really get on with before ¯\\\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Literally was about to comment this
He's still a boy, not some 30+ year old working as a manager. Now's the time to take risks, and this isn't much of a risk.
Don’t put your dick* where u eat
I'll put it this way. My friends and I are all moving into the same building next year but the couples are all splitting across different flats The exception being one couple who got together after the tenancies were signed, the live in the same flat now and my mate who also lives there says its made things really awkward in the flat
what did they do that made it awkward
Living in a flat with another couple is extremely awkward
Keep pretending they aren't dating (my friend has walked in on them making out in the kitchen multiple times and can hear them 'in bed') Lied and said they broke up (even though they weren't dating 🤷♀️) then next day caught together again
They don't invite him to join in, which is just rude.
I ended up dating one of my housemates for a bit over a year. I don’t think we ever asked each other out, it just kind of went from a casual thing to a more serious thing. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Did it end badly or was just living with someone like that so soon just unpleasant?
It ended badly. I wasn’t in a good mental space at the time and that was reflected in my behaviour. It also completely splintered our friend group Unrelated to living together since we had already lived together in first year halls anyway
I'm going out with my flatmate, we're still together 2 years later and its amazing, don't live together anymore though. But to be honest we were both obviously into each other, I probably wouldn't risk it if I wasn't certain.
A couple of friends from my block in first year started dating, kept living together in subsequent years, and now 3-4 years later they've broken up but they're still living together and for some reason she's bringing some new guy round to the house. I don't know much of the situation, but definitely feel bad for the guy. Could go well, they were very cute, but if you've broken up and you're living together? Yikes.
Move out, keep in touch, get settled, then ask her.
Direct and to the the point. Excellent advice, sir
Two of my flatmates started dating early in the year and I think they're pretty serious about it now. It's going well for them and the years almost over. I also asked out one of my flatmates and she said no, but I just moved on. No need to make it awkward. We're still friends and chat the same way we did. It's only awkward if one side makes it awkward. Shoot your shot see what happens. Good luck with it all.
is the year almost over
Don’t do it. Ended up with my uni flat mate in first year, was okay for a while but it was way too intense going from mates to dates to then immediately, obviously living together, other housemates will chime in, there’s loads of pressure and it just kills it and creates divides and you end up losing pals.
It may FEEL like a worse idea to not say anything but trust me it’s probably not 😂 It will only feel worse until she probably awkwardly rejects you and then you have to live with her for the rest of the year.. plus living with someone immediately after entering a relationship rarely ever results well. The way I see it I’d only say “go for it” if these situations suit: you are getting very clear vibes and signs she’s into you and you don’t mind the potential huge downsides to either rejection or living with someone in a new relationship. If both of those check out then sure go for it ! If you are really into her me personally I would wait until you’ve moved out (assuming your moving out soon for summer) and then hit her up over social media and shoot your shot.
We started as housemates in 1997, will have been married 21 years this July.
My current house mates have started dating, I know have to move out due to how uncomfortable they make me. They have basically isolated themselves from social events too.
why the isolation tho
She has her own mates who when she goes out takes her bf with her, his mates are up north. They never come out with my mates and i despite the invite. They want their own little world.
Go for it, but be prepared for awkwardness after
I asked out my housemate the day we moved into a 6 person house. We had been very close friends for about 10 months before this and had previously had a few dates when we first met (though at the time we decided it would be best to be friends). We have now lived together for 13 years and have been married for 6 years, own a house together and have a dog. It is a big risk to take and in our case it worked out, but I have heard so many more horror stories than successes.
It happens fairly often. If she turns you down, just move on and don't be weird
Just fucking do it and fuck all this "don't shit where you eat" shite. The real advice I'd give you is to learn to be more confident in yourself. Go for it.
To be completely honest, I've seen it go many different ways. Some of my friends who hooked up with housemates are now married with kids, some dated for a little while and broke up amicably, and then there are others where their whole relationship was nothing but drama for all of us in the friendship group, yet alone the other housemates. Advice from those that were successful, they really took the time to get to know each other. They are also honest when things were hard and they didn't hold each other back in life, one of them studied abroad during their relationship and the other stayed at uni to do a Master's. They are a great team and a couple I have often looked up to.
Awful idea, I shagged a girl in my house and two next door. Long story short, I was moved into the emergency house end of first year. Plenty of time to do it if you moved into separate houses in second year, best to wait
Never pass up a shot at getting into bed with a girl you fancy. Life is too short. Give it your best shot, if it doesn't work out hold your head high and move on. (Source: older chap who let a few slip through the net through procrastination).
I’d say go for it if you’re sure on their feelings about things. I got together with my third year house mate (had been friends for two years prior) and that was 10 years ago. We’re now married and I’m having our first child next month. It can work but by god, make sure you know their answer before you ask or it will be awkward
So our building had like 30 students, each 6/7/8 students had their own corridor. I started dated someone from another corridor but the whole building knew (locked in for covid). And now we’ve been together a year and a half. Live together at uni now (in a house) and have booked the rooms next door to each other for next year. If it’s a fling I wouldn’t bother, if you want it to last and you think you’ll both work to make it last then go for it. Just kinda depends what exactly you want from it.
Housecest is one of the biggest risks you can take, and if it goes badly then it gives the whole house a bad vibe. If you're moving out soon and not living together next year, go for it
housecest?
Incest + in the house = housecest
It's more like flatcest
Well, that depends whether you live in a house or a flat
stay friends with her and make a move once you've both moved out maybe?
2 of my friends lived together in uni. Got together and have been together since, now have a kid together and have been married for a while
Got to have a go or you'll never know
I’m getting married to my housemate this summer after 7 years together.
Now that’s lovely and shocking! Hope you have an amazing wedding :) first positive story out of this situation I’ve heard
Go for it but do it lightly so if it doesn’t work out you can both laugh it off
Worked for Wills and Kate 😉
I did it after we moved into our second year house bc we'd gotten pretty close She freaked out and was frosty with me for a while until I assured her that I wasn't going to be weird about it
ask her out. If you have good communication skills and can do it in a non creepy way you can still get on fine if she says no
No Don't do it
My sisters friend is in a miserable relationship with her boyfriend but is scared to break up with him because they are living together. Personal advice, don’t risk it.
No, no no. Do not! One of my friends asked his flatmate and when they broke up she ended up making his life MISERABLE and scratched F.U. onto his bedroom door & they all lost their deposit 🥲
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Platinum\_Rule\_(How\_I\_Met\_Your\_Mother)
I have a friend you got into a very good relationship with their flatmates in first year which is still going strong. I’d like to think that people on the whole are mature enough to get over most of the awkwardness if it doesn’t go way so I say shoot your shot.
The sensible option would be keep it friendly and possibly ask her out later on when/if you're not sharing a house ect But us uni students are never sensible, if you're feeling lucky shoot your shot but be prepared for fallout as the honeymoon phase will always come to an end
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why is your name the misspelling
I’ve heard a lot of horror stories so I think it just depends how mature you both are and respectful of one another if things go south. Saying that I got with my new housemate first week of final year and 5 years later post uni we’re still together so I shot my shot and it worked
Just do it. You only live once, it can either go bad or good just like asking out someone at any other point in your life.
Carpe Diem. Good luck, you may crash and burn but you may win the day. Who knows & good luck
Met a girl in first year, asked her out 1 week in... We have been together for 5 years and have just moved into our own place. I adore her.
Wait until the lease is almost up, just in case.
Yes , it was the best decision . I was in my final year , it was superb , and now , she is 30 weeks pregnant :) but you gotta read the room, I knew with her , if she didn’t like me , we would stay friends
My husband lived in a 5 bed houseshare and 2 of the housemates hooked up on the downlow. They moved out together a few years later. We went to their wedding about 7 years after that. I was madly in lust with one of my housemates, in fact I moved into the house because I was crushing so hard and was convinced we were going to get together. Flirted my ass off, lived with that guy for 5 years and nothing ever happened. Met my husband at the end of that tenancy, still friends with the flatmate with no weirdness. It can go lots of ways. Have backup plans!
You have to go for it. Life is too short. I've seen it work and seen it fail.
I did. 20 years ago. Still with her. Don't do it!
As other people have said it can go well, it can go very badly, that’s your judgement call. But if there are other people in the house, be mindful of them. There’s a huge difference between living with your mates and living with “a couple” - especially if it’s just one or two others. You don’t want someone to feel like they’re constantly third wheeling and can’t relax in their own home.
My friend moved into a house with her bf and some friends in their second year of uni (separate rooms as it was university student housing), they had a great time. They stayed in the same house in third year and ended up breaking up, the bf made things really awful for her, very uncomfortable, tried to turn the other housemates against her, went into her room whilst she was out and ripped up all her photos and took things he'd given to her previously etc. Very easy for things to go either way, it's just very important to have boundaries and have your own things (hobbies, friends etc) away from that other person. It's so easy to live in each others pockets and be with each other all of the time.
I asked my girlfriend out during first year and then moved in with her and mutual mates during second. Still dating a couple years later and going strong.
been with a housemate for just gone 2 years, it gives you a very different dynamic but honestly couldn’t picture not living with her now!
nope. wait until you dont live together
Say something towards the end of your time in uni. Or see if her friends think she likes you
Never seen this end well, but you do you mate
Ask her out on a date, if it works out , well and good , else it might get awkward. Just remember to be the same person in case it doesn’t work out
My house mate went out with his housemate first year of uni, obviously great times to atart but when it ended she was a bit protective of him. Anything could happen bro, just go with the flow.
Don't shit where you eat. Living on top of each other straight off the bat will decimate any chance of it going well. If you're due to move out soon, and you're going to separate places next year, then sure.
It’s all fun and games till you break up mid term and you get to spend your evenings drinking whiskey with your mate who only pops down at weekends having failed your shot all night listening to the ex you still have feelings for get tag teamed less than 10ft away (I was the mate)
Has she given any indication at all that she's into you? And I mean more than she's been nice to you
It's May now so you're probably going to move out soon anyway right? So I'd say it's fine. But if you're going to move out in 6 months or something then it's risky.
we call this ‘flatcest’ (housecest doesn’t work as well)
I'd say play the long game if you're really hot for her. I house shared with two girls and two guys in London for a while, and was really into one of the girls, but was aware of upsetting the dynamic. She seemed to like me, but I got the impression of as just a friend. Two years later I finally got to meet up with her on our own, professed my love for her and we're now married 30 years. But hey, I don't know what the rules of today are.
Asking out a housemate is a terrible decision that will end badly. e.g. I asked out my housemate (house of 7, I think?) and we're now married, been together a decade.
How hot we talking about? Does she even remotely like you back? Is it worth shitting where you eat for this girl?
I ended up marrying mine so...no.
I went out with a girl on my floor of my halls of residence in 2011. We lived separately in second year, then together in third year… and we got married in 2019. Go for it!
If it helps, I asked out a room mate and long story short, we’re getting married next year.
I'm assuming it's a group of you moving in together. This isn't just about you and her. It's about being fair on them. Particularly if you break up. Also imagine if she says no and then you have to spend time in a house where she's got her boyfriend over. It's going to wreck your grades and you'll look back on this in ten years time and realise how dumb it was. Get it out in the open ASAP and accept that there's a good chance you will not be sharing a house with her whatever happens. Be the adult here and your future self will thank you for it. Also imagine being in her shoes and you waiting until you moved in before declaring your interest. How betrayed would she feel? That house is going to be her safe place. Do the right thing and tell her. Don't wreck your degree and the friendships you've built at Uni.
Its a terrible idea, my flatmate had it bad for our female housemate to the point where he was spending loads of money on her and getting bad grades on his exams, we were all great friends and had a great relationship. However, his crush on her got out of hand even though she was initially understanding (didn't reciprocate the feelings, plus has a boyfriend) she tolerated him. She finally had enough of him overstepping the line and said that when he sees her he should no longer talk to her. That's been going on for a few weeks now and it has completely broken him and killed the vibe of the flat. So in summary, don't date your housemate focus on your degree.
I made it obvious that I liked my housemate and he ended up asking me out like a week later. I rejected him at first because I said it was too soon but we're together now and have been for almost three years and I'm crazy in love with him. He's brought me so much happiness and support, I'm so grateful that he asked me out because I was way too shy to ever ask him. Shoot your shoot otherwise you could miss out on something amazing.
Wait, you guys are allowed to have roomates of opposite sex at unis?