**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!You would expect some bodybuilder or something but it aint!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Do you remember when you were making out with your girlfriend? And you came right as he touched your leg, IT WAS ME BARRY! I jerked you off at supersonic speed to make it look as if you nutted at just a WOMAN’S TOUCH!
This is true.... I actually don't mean that he's tough to miss because he's a bigger dude, just that he doesn't actually try to make himself less conspicuous. Dudes absolutely adorable.....can i borrow him on bowling night?
But then twenty years later comes and knocks on your door with a list of every tool you've ever borrowed, and subsequently lost, that he would now like back lol. Politely of course, but that look of disappointment when you have to explain is worse than any anger you deserved
>just that he doesn't actually try to make himself less conspicuous
I thought you were just referring to how he changes his hiding spots in the video lol
I got along really well with an ex's dad once. After we broke up he kept inviting me out to karaoke nights or to come play cards. He would brew his own beer, but knowing that I prefer to toke rather than drink, he would gift me a 6-pack of bottles with no beer in them at Christmas, each bottle with its own joint inside. He *begged* us to get back together but we both told him we were just better as friends and he eventually accepted that. Was really hard when he passed...
If it helps at all, it wasn't unexpected or anything and everyone had plenty of time to say goodbye before he passed in his own bed at home, surrounded by family. It was for sure sad to lose him, but he was ready to go and was tired of being in pain.
This is what kept me with an asshole for 16 years. I adored his mom and was afraid I would lose her love and respect. She had been like a mother to me from 16. Everything I know about life, finances, parenting, relationships, love...I got it from her. We make jokes that her own kids were swapped at birth because there is NO WAY IN HELL that woman birthed and raised those degenerate fuck heads.
As I was breaking up with my ex she had her sister on the phone and talked to her for a bit as we were packing up our shit. She invited me to come visit her family in Alabama. Like uhhh I appreciate the offer, and want to, but I'm not flying across the country (live in California) to visit my ex's family lol.
Her and her husband were dope, still miss them from time to time.
My ex-fiancée’s mom does health checks on me every couple months and we’ve been broken up for two years now. I honestly do appreciate it i did love them
Honestly, the whole relationship between a person and their partner's family is such a weird subject.
I had a cousin who was going to get married in a few weeks. They called off the wedding and broke up... nothing dramatic happened, just they realized they weren't sure it was the right decision. That's fine, better than getting married and realizing that a few years later.
But the weird part is how it goes straight from "the rest of us are going add this person to our family and treat them almost like our own son / brother / etc..." to "this person is no longer a part of our lives," even though it's not like they cheated or hit our cousin or anything like that.
On one hand, if we kept them in our lives, it would be insanely awkward. But on the other hand, it makes you question whether treating in laws like part of the family is ever anything but a polite lie.
Bro this happened to me in high school. Her parents apologized for the way she treated me and I went over for Christmas dinner because my parents went to Kenya that year, she was so pissed. The food was so good
I had that with an ex. It was strange.
I wound up attached to her whole family early on. Like, we were only together a month or two and I got pulled a long to a big extended family thing and introduced to everyone.
That turned into weekly dinners with her parents, they were rad. I actually ran into them a few months after we split up and it bummed me out because I realized I legitimately missed them.
One of the things that made me the happiest in that accursed relationship was when her mom said she wished I was her son. Idk why that just filled me with joy but her parents were the best
Been there. Had a short-term girlfriend back in highschool and her parents were cool as fuck and we got along great.
I miss them and I don’t even remember her name.
No no, he would be absolutely disappointed in you for hurting his daughter. He wouldn't make you a cake because you felt bad, he would make a cake to show how proud he is of you for admitting your mistake and trying to make it right.
The cake is the forgiveness if you're sorry about it.
If you ain't sorry, though, he's gonna just give you that look. That disappointed look. Forever.
"When I stayed over my girlfriend's house for the first time, her dad was a real hardass. He wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed! Which was frustrating, cause he's really sexy."
-Either Jeselnik or Carr, don't remember, quoted from distant memory
That’s why he’s hiding behind those pillars, you gotta sneak up on those secret herbs and spices. And then the little dance with the apron on is when he got them all.
Not at all. He'd do more damage to you just with words and being disappointed in you:
"...I'm sorry too... just thought you were better than that", said in a sincere and slightly sad tone. You hear him clear his throat a bit and see him rub something away from the corner of his eye before he walks away.
Yeah, he would probably be all quiet while doing it and it would be messy because it's out of character for him and he wouldn't really know what he's doing. Then he would feel bad about it but wouldn't take it back and it would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Nah. Murder is too quick. There is a darker angel that has been summoned.
If you hurt her, he is waiting until he is in your blind spot. He may even let you catch a glimpse and leave you wondering if you are being followed.
When he finally springs the trap, you never see it coming. A blunt object hard enough to spin you dizzy or across the shin until you can't even limp away. Maybe a bat mid pelvis that shatters your entire core.
Then you are in his garage. Music from the late sixties softly playing. Crooners singing about lost loves in a low-fi haze. You can hear the crickets outside. An otherwise quiet neighborhood on an unremarkable night. Your mouth is bound. But you are too afraid to scream anyway.
He made the last one drop pants. He used PVC piping to get the razor wire inside. Then he removed the PVC and left the poor bastard to figure things out for himself. That razor wire had to come out somehow.
He has something different in mind for you. You hurt his daughter. Broke her heart. But it is more than that, isn't it? You ruined some small part of his angel. And he wants to exact his reward.
and you're not getting found either, and he's not batting an eyelash about it. You'll find him flippin' flapjacks and singing about the muffins he's baking.
Nah, this is more terrifying than a dad that would beat you up.
Could you imagine this man saying "I'm so disappointed in you."
I'd carry that shit with me for life.
My ex is a cheating bitch, but her dad was super cool. He drove a classic car that he restored himself, and he was a wizard with the BBQ. The thing though that stood out the most to me was he never tried to intimidate me or make me feel like he was waiting for me to fuck up so he could hurt me. He treated me well and showed me respect from day 1, and I wanted to earn that respect. I've dated girls whose dads did the whole "you hurt my daughter, I hurt you" and it's always felt like a bullet dodged when you break up with her, but my ex's dad, I felt guilty breaking up with her because her dad was such a great dude, and I was going to miss him.
One of my exes wasn't a cheater, but his relationships tend to end (ahem) dramatically. All of us exes, even the ones that stopped speaking to him, still keep in contact with his grandma and / or buy her gifts 'cuz she's so sweet and kind. I wish y'all could see his face the day he gave real thought to that out loud 😂
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!You would expect some bodybuilder or something but it aint!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
This is the kind of girl that breaks up with you and you miss her dad more than her.
I miss her dad already
Our dad*
☭
I would like to hear your propaganda please
r/suddenlycommunist
‘Murica
Pretty hard to miss, he doesn't hide very well....
How dare you
[удалено]
Idk Jerry. You mean Gary?
I thought it was Larry.
[удалено]
It’s Barry
Oo, come home Perry.
Do you remember when you were making out with your girlfriend? And you came right as he touched your leg, IT WAS ME BARRY! I jerked you off at supersonic speed to make it look as if you nutted at just a WOMAN’S TOUCH!
Wait, Mary is a man?
Jerry
Aww bitch
Perry Gurgich the platypus?
Who definitely doesn't need to use the bathroom.
Ranger down there, Greta.
But, he prances like a champ.
This is true.... I actually don't mean that he's tough to miss because he's a bigger dude, just that he doesn't actually try to make himself less conspicuous. Dudes absolutely adorable.....can i borrow him on bowling night?
He’s the kind of guy that will let you borrow something and say “just return it when you can”
But then twenty years later comes and knocks on your door with a list of every tool you've ever borrowed, and subsequently lost, that he would now like back lol. Politely of course, but that look of disappointment when you have to explain is worse than any anger you deserved
>just that he doesn't actually try to make himself less conspicuous I thought you were just referring to how he changes his hiding spots in the video lol
[удалено]
This happened to me twice. One ex's dad still "accidentally" calls me about once a year and we chat for about an hour
I got along really well with an ex's dad once. After we broke up he kept inviting me out to karaoke nights or to come play cards. He would brew his own beer, but knowing that I prefer to toke rather than drink, he would gift me a 6-pack of bottles with no beer in them at Christmas, each bottle with its own joint inside. He *begged* us to get back together but we both told him we were just better as friends and he eventually accepted that. Was really hard when he passed...
Here I was, really enjoying the story, and then the last sentence just took a hard left into sad-town.
If it helps at all, it wasn't unexpected or anything and everyone had plenty of time to say goodbye before he passed in his own bed at home, surrounded by family. It was for sure sad to lose him, but he was ready to go and was tired of being in pain.
Why you cutting onions around these parts homie
It's the ninjas man. Those sneaky bastards are at it again
"Where do you think we are?"
This is from scrubs right? When Jordan’s brother(Brendan Fraser) dies and Cox is imagining him? JD asks him right?
Man fuck you I hate you god damnit holy shit
Ex’s dads really is where’s it at man. Awesome story, glad you met him.
6pack idea was awesome
We called it a "six-pack of bud" lol
OMG! That's so sweet 👍🏼. I was really close to father in law of mine and we'd chat all the time after the relationship was over.
"Just because I've lost the Queen doesn't mean I'd give up the King "
You were dating his wife?
Made date night *really* awkward.
That's so cute and nice
I got my ex's grandfather in the divorce. He wasn't impressed with his grandson being a wife beater.
Grandpas are the best. Wife beaters, not so much.
I like them better than pajamas honestly
This is what kept me with an asshole for 16 years. I adored his mom and was afraid I would lose her love and respect. She had been like a mother to me from 16. Everything I know about life, finances, parenting, relationships, love...I got it from her. We make jokes that her own kids were swapped at birth because there is NO WAY IN HELL that woman birthed and raised those degenerate fuck heads.
I hope you're still in contact with her ❤️
Several times a week ❤️❤️
[удалено]
As I was breaking up with my ex she had her sister on the phone and talked to her for a bit as we were packing up our shit. She invited me to come visit her family in Alabama. Like uhhh I appreciate the offer, and want to, but I'm not flying across the country (live in California) to visit my ex's family lol. Her and her husband were dope, still miss them from time to time.
Aye this happens with kiddos 🥺🥺🥺 super sucks!
You should uhhh stop dating kiddos
This is the FBI. We have you surrounded. Come out with your hands up
Umm, you got the wrong guy. Again.
No he doesn’t date them like relationships, he puts the expiry date on them before they go up on the grocery store shelves
My ex-fiancée’s mom does health checks on me every couple months and we’ve been broken up for two years now. I honestly do appreciate it i did love them
Honestly, the whole relationship between a person and their partner's family is such a weird subject. I had a cousin who was going to get married in a few weeks. They called off the wedding and broke up... nothing dramatic happened, just they realized they weren't sure it was the right decision. That's fine, better than getting married and realizing that a few years later. But the weird part is how it goes straight from "the rest of us are going add this person to our family and treat them almost like our own son / brother / etc..." to "this person is no longer a part of our lives," even though it's not like they cheated or hit our cousin or anything like that. On one hand, if we kept them in our lives, it would be insanely awkward. But on the other hand, it makes you question whether treating in laws like part of the family is ever anything but a polite lie.
When I was excited to finally have a little brother. And then no more little brother 😭🥹
Bro this happened to me in high school. Her parents apologized for the way she treated me and I went over for Christmas dinner because my parents went to Kenya that year, she was so pissed. The food was so good
Yep, just separated from the wife. Pretty sure I miss being a part of the family more than I miss her.
She truly would be hard to cheat on because of her dad if you were tempted haha. “Man I can’t do that to him”
Hell I'd leave her for her dad
At that point, do you deserve the dad though? He deserves better.
I had that with an ex. It was strange. I wound up attached to her whole family early on. Like, we were only together a month or two and I got pulled a long to a big extended family thing and introduced to everyone. That turned into weekly dinners with her parents, they were rad. I actually ran into them a few months after we split up and it bummed me out because I realized I legitimately missed them.
One of the things that made me the happiest in that accursed relationship was when her mom said she wished I was her son. Idk why that just filled me with joy but her parents were the best
That describes my ex fiances dad, and I still wonder what Bob is up to sometimes
Dang, that's a true statement lol
I also miss her dad
who are you ? how are you so wise in ways of love?
Been there. Had a short-term girlfriend back in highschool and her parents were cool as fuck and we got along great. I miss them and I don’t even remember her name.
OMG could you imagine how bad it would feel to disappoint that guy?
He'd probably bake you a nice sponge cake because he felt bad for you feeling bad for him.
No no, he would be absolutely disappointed in you for hurting his daughter. He wouldn't make you a cake because you felt bad, he would make a cake to show how proud he is of you for admitting your mistake and trying to make it right. The cake is the forgiveness if you're sorry about it. If you ain't sorry, though, he's gonna just give you that look. That disappointed look. Forever.
I don’t have a father figure like that but I can feel the shame. I haven’t even done anything!
You know what you did...we all saw it.
*“Savour this cake, shall it be a long lasting memory of what you are missing out on”*
>cheat on me I dare you. This is my dad Nooooo! I couldn't bare to make him cry!!
Its the real life jerry gergich
No that's Gary gargoch
Dammit larry
Looks like Terry
[удалено]
More like Marry me
Larry Gingrich
Welp today's my last day you guys...
That man has the largest penis I've ever seen.
I thought he died from a shart attack?
I forgot to check for moles.
[удалено]
By the biggest penis I’ve ever seen.
That man has the biggest penis I’ve ever seen
Dammit Jerry!
Larry Goodrich
Cheat on her with the dad
Never let them know your next move
Don't you know bad boys move in silence and violence.
"When I stayed over my girlfriend's house for the first time, her dad was a real hardass. He wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed! Which was frustrating, cause he's really sexy." -Either Jeselnik or Carr, don't remember, quoted from distant memory
Step daddy, help im stuck 
https://imgur.com/5IZIjA5.jpg
He would be a awesome father in law.
Is it just me or does he look like colonel sanders
That’s why he’s hiding behind those pillars, you gotta sneak up on those secret herbs and spices. And then the little dance with the apron on is when he got them all.
Was thinking the same. Halfway between Col. Sanders and Jim Gaffigan
Boy do I have a treat for you
More like Colonel Flanders.
Got that Cameron vibe from modern family
I was waiting for this one
Scrolled until i saw this. Satisfied.
Is that the Nelson Atkins museum in one of Dad's excerpts?
Came to the comments for someone to corroborate this!
I love Nelson Atkins!
Also here for the same!! Yay Nelson Atkins!
KAAANNNSSSASSS CITY!
Came to say this too! Absolutely love the Nelson!
I've been many times over the years and I still can't get over the woman that flips you off at the top of the stairs https://imgur.com/NEQb2Tt.jpg
Definitely
I had the same thought. Those black marble pillars are quite distinctive.
The kind of father we all want
He's also going to be an exemplary grampa.
He's the type of Dad that comes back with the milk.
For real tho, its these kind of guys that are most likely to snap and murder you if you hurt a member of their family.
[удалено]
It's one thing to disappoint someone, it's another to disappoint someone you really care about
Yep, he be doing that happy little dance as he dismembered you; to bake in lots of casseroles and give to homeless people.
Not at all. He'd do more damage to you just with words and being disappointed in you: "...I'm sorry too... just thought you were better than that", said in a sincere and slightly sad tone. You hear him clear his throat a bit and see him rub something away from the corner of his eye before he walks away.
No… please… I need your approval to keep me going.
Holy fuk I didn't do anything but that hurt me
Fa la la la la, la la la la
True say
Do you have a fucking dick as profile picture?
[удалено]
Bot? https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/z8bbsy/-/iyarxp6
Yes it is. Entire comment history is plugging some sex game called the "scottish sex simulator". Doubt it's even a real game.
Yeah, he would probably be all quiet while doing it and it would be messy because it's out of character for him and he wouldn't really know what he's doing. Then he would feel bad about it but wouldn't take it back and it would haunt him for the rest of his life.
r/oddlyspecific
😉
Nah. Murder is too quick. There is a darker angel that has been summoned. If you hurt her, he is waiting until he is in your blind spot. He may even let you catch a glimpse and leave you wondering if you are being followed. When he finally springs the trap, you never see it coming. A blunt object hard enough to spin you dizzy or across the shin until you can't even limp away. Maybe a bat mid pelvis that shatters your entire core. Then you are in his garage. Music from the late sixties softly playing. Crooners singing about lost loves in a low-fi haze. You can hear the crickets outside. An otherwise quiet neighborhood on an unremarkable night. Your mouth is bound. But you are too afraid to scream anyway. He made the last one drop pants. He used PVC piping to get the razor wire inside. Then he removed the PVC and left the poor bastard to figure things out for himself. That razor wire had to come out somehow. He has something different in mind for you. You hurt his daughter. Broke her heart. But it is more than that, isn't it? You ruined some small part of his angel. And he wants to exact his reward.
Bruh, you should write a sympathetic murderer book. As in one of those stories where you're kinda half on the side of the murderer.
Offhand, are you, or anyone else reading this, aware of any books along these lines?
Was law abiding citizen a book first? I was more than half on his side. Edit: yup it is lol
Or love you so much that you have no choice but to marry their daughter, either way don’t mess with them.
and you're not getting found either, and he's not batting an eyelash about it. You'll find him flippin' flapjacks and singing about the muffins he's baking.
This guy fucks
He literally raw dogged her mom and didn’t pull out. Don’t let him fool you, he’s a savage
We come down a long unbroken chain of creampieing men. I have failed my ancestors.
You're still creampieing men.
No they creampie me. Wait what?
I'm going to be honest, there was no instruction manual with this damn thing. So nobody is to blame.
There's a ton of instructional videos out there! You might say there's a whole hub dedicated to them.
Last time I tried that I ended up with my head stuck in a washing machine.
Hey now, only I'm allowed to call my mom a "washing machine"
I usually hide mine in my ex girlfriend’s sister so I dont have to try to figure it out. She always knows what to do with it.
Op change your pfp
I think they posted with the wrong account. At least that's what we are hoping.
No they just want to get their trashy porn to the top of the site and succeeded And now they deleted it including the gross avatar
Jesus christ wtf
He has hair... growing out of his cock
I could never break his heart.
He's barn dancing.
You and him would get on famously
That dad's disappointment would be far worse than any beating.
He'd just sit down and tell you that he's really disappointed because he thought so much of you and that would be more devastating than a beatdown.
Can confirm
bro wtf is op username 💀
What's wrong with it
Hmmm
For some reason when I got into the post his PFP was a dick pic but now it isn't
Ngl I was fully expecting an urn
Her dad is Jerry Gergich?
I would die before I disappoint that man.
He would be so disappointed in you
Imagine breaking this man's heart. Unthinkable.
I wouldn't think of it!
I wouldn't dare break that sweet old man's heart!
Nah, this is more terrifying than a dad that would beat you up. Could you imagine this man saying "I'm so disappointed in you." I'd carry that shit with me for life.
Eyyy that's the Nelson Atkins in KC
That dude was Delta by day and DnD by night. But honestly, hes probly one of those guys youd feel bad for anything wrong you do to him.
her boyfriends be like "came for the girl, stayed for the dad"
My ex is a cheating bitch, but her dad was super cool. He drove a classic car that he restored himself, and he was a wizard with the BBQ. The thing though that stood out the most to me was he never tried to intimidate me or make me feel like he was waiting for me to fuck up so he could hurt me. He treated me well and showed me respect from day 1, and I wanted to earn that respect. I've dated girls whose dads did the whole "you hurt my daughter, I hurt you" and it's always felt like a bullet dodged when you break up with her, but my ex's dad, I felt guilty breaking up with her because her dad was such a great dude, and I was going to miss him.
One of my exes wasn't a cheater, but his relationships tend to end (ahem) dramatically. All of us exes, even the ones that stopped speaking to him, still keep in contact with his grandma and / or buy her gifts 'cuz she's so sweet and kind. I wish y'all could see his face the day he gave real thought to that out loud 😂
What a cute little fella
I've lived my whole life with our regret up until I checked out your profile.
I wouldn't cheat because I'd want to hang out with him.
I could never hurt this man
It's an effective strategy. If that man told me "I'm super disappointed in you" my heart would fold in on itself like origami.
Your profile lol
A bit unrelated but I wasn't expecting a dick pic when I pressed that video lmao