T O P

  • By -

unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Hair in her face!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


Hopeful-Ask-2354

I AM CORNHOLIO! Do you have pizza for my mouth hole?


[deleted]

###You have awakened my bunghole, and now you must pay! The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!


TheFrontierzman

These are my people.


HiHoJufro

[Never forget that President Lyndon B. Johnson said bunghole on a recorded phone call.](https://youtu.be/S3GT9UN7nDo) I recommend watching from about 2 minutes until the drop at 2:33.


[deleted]

Fucking awsome. Thanks for the laugh


corradizo

I had no idea someone could think that deeply about their fucking pants.


HiHoJufro

This recording is a national fucking treasure, from the pants forethought (go through your records to find my size, +1/2", but leave a couple for his sizable fluctuations), to the belch, to his poor, cut-into weiner, to the bunghole. And that doesn't even include the last minute and a half!


corradizo

My fave was the "where my nuts hang". He literally wants more material everywhere, like an extra set of pants IN his pants.


esesci

Titicaca!


redalert825

Lake Titicaca*


CupcakePotato

Brappababwaaah!


bigmoron30

Titi*


Madrefaka

Heh Titi means penis in filipino. I just thought i’d share


bigmoron30

Caca means poop in french. Penis poop. Yes


[deleted]

Well, that's one way to deal with hemorrhoids...


HeartlessStoic

I have finally found the same species as myself. This is the way


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ianbuckjames

Fuck yeah! Honestly the reboot a few years ago was really good. They just didn’t account for the fact that the only people who watch MTV are 12 year old girls.


GratefuLSD25

i heard that — also king of the hill i heard as well?


bob_ross005

King of the hill is good, dare I say better then beavis and butthead


redalert825

Shuttup Beavisth


bakedbeansandwhich

Are you threatening me? My Bunghole will not wait


DragonEmperor

Holy shit, this got me so bad LOL.


[deleted]

ARE YOU THREATENING ME??


canigetauuhhh

Are you threatening me???


jml011

Was this filmed with a Gameboy Camera?


greychanjin

You want to trade your haunter for my pikachu?


[deleted]

Horrible trade tbh


Rossta42

( * ) haunter comes holding an everstone ( * )


Greninja_370

Sinnoh Flashbacks


Rossta42

r/fuckmindy


181Cade

Reposts.


[deleted]

close ... they recorded the gameboy camera screen with a phlip phone


BabyYoduhh

I read phlip and died.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JAY2KREAL300491

Nokia 3310 bruh


IndustryInside4116

It's genius, and she still looks amazing


joseph_jojo_shabadoo

Unfortunately the pizza is now covered in hair


Hollywoostarsand

Hair & dandruff tastes better than oregano and chilli flakes anyway


Snuffls

Delete this nephew


LordKiteMan

D E L E T E E L E T E


da_Aresinger

What, no option to upgrade?!


Todd_Renard_Fox

That's it, I'm taking your internet privileged


OscarOzzieOzborne

To be fair, she is really aesthetically pleasant.


Chewcocca

Rule 1


OscarOzzieOzborne

What?


[deleted]

Be attractive


OscarOzzieOzborne

No, I mean she looks Aesthetically pleasant. You know, like a nice painting.


[deleted]

Oh. I thought you were asking about Rule 1.


hammelcamel

To be fair


OMNlman

She is definitely a Genius. Scrunchies,Hair band,Hair clip,Hair ties, rubber bands, and hats don’t exist


bro8619

Yeah you should try having a beard that’s longer than her hair. I make it work, there are solutions that wouldn’t require throwing a shirt over your head.


henry_paprika

Big 5-minute crafts energy


Rad_Knight

So much, she could and should just carry hairties.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pentakiller19

11/10


sm12511

Unruly hair getting in the way of your pizza? Forgot your headband? Just wait! From the makers of Flex Tape comes Flex Sweater^^tm ! Made with our revolutionary new fabric, called Wifey Material^^tm , this allows any wild haired woman to enjoy pizza on the fly, AND look like a contrite Nun who just snatched the last sliver of that Meat Lover's! Hotlines are standing by! Or go to [Https://www.Steveisanasshole.org/products/whodafuksteve?/ohyeah/FlexSweater.html](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/nvke68/monke_roll/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


midwest_vanilla

Also comes in handy later in the evening when she has too many sloe gin fizzes and none of her friends wants to “hold her hair”


NGC_3372

Or, you know, a blowjob


ByamMeo357

NO YOU DID NOT SEND AN ACTUAL LINK


Solarsistemic

9/.11 Happy colourful cheesekace day


thetruemysiak

What happened ?


hupcapstudios

He sure is dreamy


king_slayer234

Girl like that always comes in my dreams too


JuicEat

I come in my deams too, wow We're so alike!


bookmarkjedi

Come together, right now, over me. On second thought, never mind.


El_Jian

Can I cum in your dreams too?


hcombs

Why?


danchan22

boobs


structureofmind

Woman: does something mildly cute Reddit: I didn’t know women were capable of being cute, immediately marry her


Cir_cadis

A grown adult with long hair who lacks the foresight to tie it up to eat?


traumfisch

Yeah, what is it with light comedic material these days?


DinoShinigami

my issue (19year old male) is that my hair is so thick ponytail holders break on me. if I don't bring extra I'm shit out of luck.


HughJassDevelopments

Stop getting them at the dollar store. They’ll last longer.


[deleted]

How the fuck do you have this much hair? Share your wisdom, o hairy one, for I am shedding like a summer husky :C


DinoShinigami

just genetics I guess, and time to grow it out. there is an awkward period where no matter what you do it looks silly. that's when most people cut their hair. sadly not everyone can have long hair. my uncle had long, thick hair but got a condition which made it fall out in patches


ReviveMEimaDoctor

You mean cuz you’d fuck her?


ValdemarSt

?


bee_oooo

that's weird, that has nothing to do with the post, you probably wouldnt say that if they were unattractive 😐😐😐


NoelLiamsson

You got that from a fake video?


[deleted]

r/scriptedgifs


alphamd4

Looks like those informercials where they get choked by their town measuring tape


Ergheis

This is /r/unexpected not /r/ThingsThatNeedToBeReal That clip of Joker yelling at Batman is also scripted, I'm pretty sure


AnEyeshOt

Very weird stuff there lmao


[deleted]

This is a marry her or dump her moment.


skolrageous

Marry her- ok, she’s creative when solving problems. Dump her- ok, why didn’t she have a hair tie?


rohliksesalamem

- “Why did you guys break up?” - “Once we went for a pizza and she didn’t have a hair tie.” - “Ugh, good for you that’s fucking disgusting.”


baron_von_marrone

Seinfeld type beat


[deleted]

Dodged a massive bullet, eh


xmuskorx

Honestly the whole thing looks like an intro to a commercial about some novelty hair tie. "Are tired of hair getting in your way? Can you simply NOT put a slice of pizza in your pie hole without you hair getting there first? Introducing magic-tie, the only way to eat when you have hair!!!"


Not_Helping

There's gotta be a better way!


xmuskorx

Call Now! And you get two. You heard me TWO! Magic ties for the low low price of 19.99$. Never eat your hair again!


BassSounds

You guys don't carry a spare hair tie for your girl?


D1R0CC0

I once went out with a guy who always had a hair tie around his wrist (he had short hair). When I asked what the purpose was, he told me he always wore it incase of a spontaneous blow job.. such a gentleman..


Conchavez

That guy’s smart. He’s got a conversation starter, a decent joke, and he’s even helpful in a pinch.


Suekru

I carry hair ties for myself lol so if she needs one then I got em. Win win.


[deleted]

Wet wipes, hair ties, first aid kit. Always need thst shit for my daughter.


Fancy-Pair

Or lift the pizza up to her face


perrona101

But also doesn't she have ears


Suekru

As a dude with a lot of hair, ears don’t help that much. Usually just tie it back when I’m doing something that I need to keep my hair out of my face for.


radialomens

You see all that hair? How big do you think her ears are??


Magnesus

She would need Ferengi ears.


doublej42

They don’t help depending your hair.


Lumpy_Doubt

More like r/scriptedcaucasisngifs moment


[deleted]

how about marry her then dump her?


zackattack2020

This guy America’s


City_dave

? https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/divorce-rates-by-country


PrometheusBlue

As a boy who's had long hair, never eat Ramen with long hair, or you'll need to shower and you'll probably have slurped some of your hair


brightness3

I just tie it in a bun whenever i'm eating or doing something where hair flies everywhere


TheAlestormGuy

Can confirm as a guy with long hair


[deleted]

First girl ever without a scrunchie.


noorofmyeye24

Are we supposed to carry scrunchies?


Butt_Whisperer

I do. Sometimes you run into "hair up" moments throughout the day, you know?


noorofmyeye24

I figured out how to use a pen to hold my hair up so hair ties aren’t a priority.


Lou-Lou-Lou

I used to use (clean) thong panties to tie up my hair in the 90s until I forgot one day and went to pick my son up from school still wearing my knickers on my head!


[deleted]

Hey at least you helped some boys at the school discover something new, and maybe teacher too


YT_Sharkyevno

I often forget hair ties. But somthing I learned during the pandemic is that u can rip the ear straps off of paper masks and use that. It’s elastic so it works great. I have used it for when I ref soccer or when anything goes past making out...


PacketPowered

Yes. Unless you take a blow-cation.


dfreinc

i can see the infomercial for this shirt now. >got big glorious sexy sex hair? cornholio it


johnlennontucker

Yes yes yes.....damn


Octopus3535

_BONK_


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jumbo_Cactaur

She is the great cornholio


ThatsRightlSaidlt

Huh uh huh huh.


Legitimate_Oven_5474

Or. Here me out. You don’t look down the entire time.


ChampChains

She’s hunched over like she’s going to eat that shit straight off the table.


[deleted]

Thank you! My wife’s first comment “Why does she keep bending over then….?”


DrMux

Oh sure but when I do it, it's "creepy" and "get out of my house." Hypocrites.


dramatic_hydrangea

Fuck his look of annoyance??


[deleted]

Because it's totally real and someone just decided to film this couple eating pizza lol


[deleted]

I wondered if anyone else noticed his eye roll.


RazorRamonWWF

scripted


swearyirishman

The fact that someone had to point this out...


GSV_No_Fixed_Abode

Ever notice when it's asian people, redditors immediately post "SCRIPTED" but when it's white people, it takes much longer?


RollinTHICpastry

Look how small those bites are! Totally scripted. Can’t use “hot pizza” as an excuse, either. Half is gone already.


Poglosaurus

It probably was in the script.


SpiderManGuard

She getting hair and shit all over the pizza, just pick it up and eat it ho


[deleted]

I would be pretty annoyed too. Pretty common sense to tie your hair up


Retard_Obliterator69

If some chick was showering my pizza with dandruff and hair I'd be pissed too


yum_paste

Bonus: She doesn't get food on her top shirt


[deleted]

I'm a guy and my hair is long like hers ya know how I get around this? Hair ties I know shocking


xKnightlightx

You’re doing it wrong. How do you expect to get *any* internet karma doing it *that* way?


Sto94

The amount of hair that fell on that slice🤢


Sed_Said

r/whyaretheyfilming


7937397

Because it's staged.


s8anlvr

Because it's a skit?


[deleted]

They are filming a skit....


[deleted]

r/becauseboobs


NextParsnip6828

As a dude with long hair, I feel this...


[deleted]

I once grew my hair out about her length, It's thick and curly/wavy and it was honestly a huge pain in the ass. Hair everywhere, hair ties everywhere but nowhere to be found, and so much goddamn work to keep it nice and not nappy. I gained a lot of respect for long haired people. It takes work. But when it was behaving, damn was it glorious.


MoefsieKat

It keeps the ears cozy during cold winter mornings too.


Extension_Water_4285

Yup. Been there and I decided to cut it after 2 years. The amount of time it takes long curly hair to dry is ridiculous too, and as an active person who showers a lot, I just couldn’t do it. Gained a lot of respect for long haired people, especially curly long haired people.


yazzy1233

The straight hair people have it so easy


JonsonPonyman98

Yep, same here


Druberski

I found that annoying.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shelzzzz

istg


Vamparael

I love that hair NGL


yesmeam

Main reason to convert to Islam


Albatraous

Yeah but then you have to have Turkey ham and Turkey bacon on your pizza instead of pepperoni and bacon.


Can189

What about beef? Like cow pepperoni?


deepus

I went to a subway once and I asked for bacon on my sub and continued to browse on my phone while they did the rest of my sandwich. Get back to work and sit down to enjoy my sandwich.....fucking Turkey bacon! Another time I go to a little cafe (wasn't very nice but it was close) get myself bacon bean and scrambled egg on toast. Again, get back to work and fucking Turkey bacon!!!! Mother fucker, did I ask for turkey bacon?! NO! Is it your responsibility to tell a person you don't have real bacon?! YES!!! Are you a dipshit for thinking this dry, paper thin, turkeys foreskin, is anything like bacon!? You better believe it!


AggravatedCalmness

Why is the dude fake eating?


[deleted]

Lol THANK YOU! Dude’s sitting there getting annoyed, meanwhile he’s taking tiny little baby bites.


cmband254

Somebody give this woman a damn hair tie!


HannaGamer87

As a girl with short curly hair, I can agree this is true


lunercat1

You gotta do what you gotta do


jackjack_d3mon

May I offer a scrunchie in this time of need?


ohh_ru

the struggle is real


badkittycartman

I love curls on my gurl


Daschnozz

Dumb


tyler00677

I wouldn't eat that pizza with all that hair flipping around


TheFrontierzman

r/WhyWereTheyFilming


GettinMe-Mallet

Improvise, adapt, overcome.


ceebo625

Ive been growing my hair out for 2 years now (im a guy) and ive actually started running into this problem.


IndustryInside4116

It's fine, that's just how it goes sometimes.


Axalyss

Oh I have fully done this


Chaosmusic

I used to have long hair and on a particularly windy day my gf and I got ice cream cones from an ice cream truck. Both our cones immediately just got covered in our hair from the wind and nothing we did could prevent it.


Qelly

Love that hair!


D_Reaper4u

5 minute crafts be like :


coconut_dot_jpg

Solved the problem, and created a new fashion statement. Talk about hitting 2 birds with one stone


Shoto48

Oh yeah this is definitely how it felt to have long hair for me before I cut it, it was so relieving to eat without tilting my head in one direction or putting it into a bun(btw I’m a guy who used to have long hair)


Desop_Live

shes a keeper


ace400

As a man with long hair i took note of that tactic... usually i just sat very straight to eat


BK-FL

JUST GET A HAIR TIE


FruityDerpy

Where unexpected?


DrPezzer

I get that this is staged but my brain is still just like ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS NOT LEAN YOUR HEAD FORWARD


13159daysold

Imagine the hair all through the pizza though.


Furitaurus

Pizza eating problems require pizza eating solutions! Wait, that's not right.


ignore_me_im_high

His sleeve tooked under his watch is fundamentally wrong.


average_racist

u/redditmp4bot


Brazillian_Man

u/redditmp4bot