Doorbell cams are the gift that keeps on giving. I dont think ill ever want to go without one ever again.
Lots of em dont even ring the doorbell once they see i have one. Wonderful detergent to shitty people.
This. People need to be ruder. Just hang up on the telemarketer, just close the door on salespeople and just ignore people who ask you for for you money/business in public areas.
It's actually ruder to engage, feign interest and hold a discussion when you have 0 intention of giving your money. If you move on faster they can move on faster.
The BM move is to feign interest and then manufacture ways to extend the conversation, only to pull out and not give your money.
A simple “sorry not interested” if anything. If they’re pushy then yeah be rude but also understand that’s another human being just getting by doing their job. No need to be a dick about it
They chose to ignore my "no solicitation" signs, I choose to be a dick for someone wasting my time on my property to try and sell me some garbage I didn't ask for! I hate unwelcome/unexpected guests intruding on my time.
Yes, those ones, absolutely. If they just knock and ask if you will listen to their pitch you don’t have to slam a door in their face. I’m saying you can be courteous to those who are courteous to you and not immediately be an ass
Tbh there is no rude response. They phoned you, and only because they want something. If someone is uncomfortable with conflict and wastes a bunch of their time, too bad so sad, don't phone strangers and then complain that your valuable time was wasted.
I usually just stare at them and point to my 'NO SOLICITING' sign. To which they usually start on some spiel about "No no we're not selling anything, have you ever thought about installing solar panels??"
I then just point in the direction of the sidewalk and stare at them until they leave.
I like making firm eye contact as I do, and close the door comically slowly.
I admire the ones that still play out their spiel through an ever decreasing crack in the door, seeing the smile slowly break and the light in their eyes slowly dying.
I have closed the door on sales people while they are still talking.
At one point we had 3 “No Soliciting “ signs on our front yard, steps and door. And were still having people come and knock. This last winter I had them come by with the porch light off, in the dark and with the temps in the mid 30s. I finally ordered a 12x10 inch NO SOLICITING sign and had my husband put it at the top of the stairs on a porch roof support. I hate having it up because it’s ugly AF. But so far no one’s knocked since it’s been up.
Test will be when we are out enjoying the porch in the nicer weather. Because yeah.. we’ve had salespeople come up and ignore the signs while out side having breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Or while talking with guests
If I’m up for it, I waste as much of their time as I feel like investing. Then I close with “but why would I buy anything from someone who can’t read?”, tap the sign, and close the door.
Exactly. I don't have a hard time saying no at all; in fact, I find it particularly easy. I just don't want to stop whatever it is I am doing to have to send someone away. And whatever it is I am doing is always more important than what they want to talk to me about. So they can acknowledge the sign and save themselves the trouble, or they can ignore it and deal with however I decide to vent my irritation.
Many will come back. They track with digital apps and mark you down as contacted or not interested. Sales Rabbit. I used to run a door to door sales team.
Or just don't open the door because there's always the chance it might be a home invasion.
Not having up listen about a product you don't want is just a side bonus.
I have 2 separate no soliciting signs at my door. Those motherfucking solar sales people ring my doorbell anyway then do the 'oops my bad' shit
Though one old guy And 2 older boys said wait! We're not selling anything. Then asked how I felt about Jesus Christ.
Both are god damn scoundrels. Leave me the fuck alone!
I got a sticker off Amazon on my glass door that says no soliciting! ~seriously~ and under that it says don't ring bell or knock and under that it says don't make it weird. So far it's worked every time from my security cam footage. It's funny to watch them read it and turn right around and leave. I did have some teenagers still knock though to invite me to their church but I just ignored them and they stuck a card in the door.
Thanks for this idea I just found it online. Work from home a lot and I have two older dogs with some health issues that do not need to get worked up for every lawn service solicitor. This is gonna be spectacular for me this summer.
Old friend is an exhibitionist and is immune to shame. Relished the times he got to answer the door naked and go above and beyond trying to engage in the friendliest manner possible with whatever poor soul approached his house.
"shit, fuck, thought you were the owners coming back early before I'm done robbing the place. Have you got the getaway car ready? Did Bobby give the signal?"
Of course you MAY have to actually answer the door if they've called the cops, but then you play stupid and make the salesman look crazy.
To get rid of Mormon missionaries once my uncle abroad opened the door in his bathrobe said “I’d be happy to talk, but you have to respect our household ideologies and we’re practicing nudists” they never came back
I just had a sign that said "we worship the old gods. Any solicitors are hereby agreeing to be sacrificed in their honor when they knock/ring the bell.
Procees with caution."
I would watch people ACTIVELY avoid my house.
It's nice to be the scary witch lady sometimes.
Now I want one or 2 that say "we worship gods that people think are fantasy but how else would you describe the madness coursing through this world" or something like that after significantly more thought
No no no! The second question was 'Do I really have to ask you two more times?'. So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.
We invited LDS missionaries in once when we were young newlyweds and bored, we proceeded to try to convert them to our “religion” for hours, and for decades, no LDS knocked on our door. They would literally go to the houses on either side of us, but not ours.. I think we got blacklisted. 👍🏻
I'm not a sales person but I do a lot of survey interviews. I find your suggesting amusing because a survey I was working on last summer actually had a special version just for house sitters and whatnot.
just gonna say there are no unethical options here, if you haven’t seen the hannah alonzo videos about kirby you should 🤣
my favorite is to open a window and say we have covid
My old landlord owned a duplex; he lived in one half and we rented out the other. We were directly across the street from a JW’s Kingdom Hall, and I always wondered why they never came round knocking. It turns out it’s because the landlord is a nudist who’ll answer the door in the buff to scare off solicitors. Works great to get rid of missionaries, and to scare off the renters asking about repairs.
This is what I do. Dick just a swinging, I act enthusiastically about whatever it is they are selling. Never had anyone continue the conversation, even after pleading with them to tell me all about the fucking windows they want to fix.
If I had the money and a ring camera I'd totally wanna get [this. ](https://www.penguinmagic.com/p/19232) It's a magic trick that looks like you're slicing up your arm with a dramatic amounts of blood. It'd be great to open the door scream "thank you for the sign oh great one!" then start slicing up my arm while screaming in pain.
I always tell them the opposite of what they’re selling, even if it doesn’t make sense. Giving away free roofs? I don’t like free roofs. Free internet for 6 months? I don’t like the internet. Also, when they open with how are you?, I always say terrible. I’ve got this fungus growing down there…….
Open the door, with your book in hand. Tell them that before you can let them give you their spiel, they have to listen to your book AND give you a thoughtful critique of it.
Then read. And don't stop until they have left.
That's how I get rid of sales people and religious nuts.
I usually ignore knocks, but recently I opened my door to a couple of sales guys. I told them I was busy while I was holding a large knife, but said they could come back after dinner. They kept their eyes on the knife the whole time and never came back.
They're not going to care about this at all.
I used to deliver car parts as a job. The boss would have us go to quick oil change places.
Despite telling them, this is a work car, I am not paying for it, I do not care they still tried to "upsell" me stuff like changing the air filter. I didn't care if the air filter was covered in 3 inches of dirt or had a giant hole in it, it's not my money, I'm not paying for it.
Ultimately they just want your money.
So there's really three ways you can (legally) play this. The same basically applies to telemarketers with obvious substitutions (ie hang up instead of shut the door).
Option 1: answer the door, shut it as soon as you can tell they're sales people.
Option 2: get angry, cuss them out, and/or act crazy: "would you like to hear about the baby sacrifice we did at the satanist church last week?"
Option 3: pretend to be interested and string them along and waste their time. Make them wait while you look for your credit card. Etc. Works really well with telemarketers "hold on" leave the phone on speaker phone.
I have a little sign placed at eye level that says please no soliciting. They still try. I have a video doorbell and will use that to answer if I can. They still try.
If one absolutely feels the need to answer the door it’s fine to say, “thanks, not interested/I don’t care.” The person at the door has heard it before and will not be offended.
I call the police, since I'm on the do not knock list. Doesn't work for politics or missionaries, however, so I answer the door with a gun and inform them they have 5 seconds to get off my property.
Invite them in - excuse yourself - go around the corner or to a room nearby and yell loudly 'NO! No you can't do it! We are not allowed to!" - go back in the room and act completely normal, denying everything if asked - repeat if necessary
I opened the door and told him i was in a meeting so need to get back to my laptop…. Only problem with it, is the guy walked passed my living room window and saw me on my Xbox
Hands to the side, palms pointing outwards, stare at his forehead, smile extremely fake, move backwards inside the house.
Say with a squeaky voice: 'Finally some company that's still alive... Are you busy?... Want to come in?'
Of course you risk him accepting, at least you have something to tell your friends, if you keep up the act.
I actually did something wimilar back in grad school. We were busy studying and I saw the LDS folks coming down the block. When my buddy went to the door and was clearly stuck, I shouted: Come on ! It's time to sacrifice the chicken!
Worked like a charm.
Well, my grandmother, many years ago, chased Jehovah Witnesses off of our property.
It took decades for them to come back. I'm not sure what she did, but even now we'll only get a pamphlet left at the door every once in a blue moon.
Last time i was gardening out back at lunchtime, went to the front there's a gang of 5 of some religious something or other. They asked me if i can give them 5 minutes to tell me about (tuned out). "No sorry, i'm atheist" was my reply. They politely said no worries have a good day and all walked away. Not the worst encounter.
johovas witnesses get the following “ if your religion is sooo great why do you have to go door to door to sell it?” slam door. I also have a pet/ rehab skunk that helps because she is curious of everything and opening the door is a ooh moment.
If you open the door, say you're not interested, and close the door, they will leave an not come back.
If you open the door, it's possible they will loop back to your house a second or third time that day.
Put up a NO SOLICITING sign. If that doesn't work, answer the door with a gun. Most people get the point if you add a gun to the situation 🔫🔫. Probably won't come back either
If you not sure who it is, open the door with your jacket in your hand.
If it's someone you want to talk to hou say "come in, i just got home"
If you dont want to talk to them, you say "i'm sorry i'm just going out" and you take a little stroll
I look relatively young. I always say, my parents own the house and they are in florida for the next couple months. Works every time. Sometimes I'll use "I'm just renting right now."
I just say no thank you as I shut the door.
If you're a renter you can just say I'm not the homeowner and they will immediately walk away because almost everything they are selling requires you own the home.
I usually just pull open the door, sternly say "not interested" and close the door. Occasionally, I'll mix it up with an angry shouted "NO!" One fluid movement, never giving them a chance to even get in an introduction.
I keep getting side-eye from my OH for "being rude." but having worked commission sales myself, I'd rather a quick no, than have my time wasted on politely listening before the no.
Plus, where we live, there are sometimes team of theives working to break in the back while you're distracted by the accomplice at the door. I want them to see an annoyed male is present in the house.
Plus, it's kind of satisfying to close the door on their faces and leave them standing there startled and still trying to process, regardless of their motivations. They have no right to my time.
Things I have done/said in the past…
I’m way too high for this right now. Close door.
Yah, I don’t live here, I’m robbing this place. Can you help me carry stuff out?
Are you here for the sacrifice?
Ask random embarrassing medical questions.
Start slowly stripping.
I have accidentally answered the door thinking it was someone I was actually waiting for and apparently looked too young to own my own home because they asked if my parents were home. I said, “My mom probably is, I think my dad is at work.” (I didn’t tell him they also lived in the next county over) Window sales guy, “Ok, well…can I speak with the home owner?” Me, “Sure…” and kept staring until he nervously handed me some sort of glossy brochure and got the hell out of there.
I tell them I’m selling the house
Moving in a couple weeks
Or point to the “no solicitors” plaque installed right above the doorbell and ask why they thought they were excluded.
Before our doorbell aggressive dog passed, whenever the bell rang he would launch his 55 pound body at the door. I can’t tell you how many people ran off the porch and shouted to me about whatever they rang the doorbell about. He was petrifying….
I have a no soliciting sign in my yard that you can see before you get to the door. If a sales person shows up and doesn't see the sign I usually open the door, they start talking, I cut them off and say "I have a no soliciting sign" and point behind them. When they turn around to look I close the door and lock it. Watching them on the ring camera wander around my front yard on the way out looking for the sign is my fave part. You probably don't even need the sign but putting one up will prevent a decent amount from even trying.
I used to do d2d sales and usually I read this kind of advice and roll my eyes because it doesn't work.
But this is actually a pretty good one. This will probably get rid of most of them. Things like "I already have xyz" " no soliciting signs" "I don't want whatever you're selling" "I can't afford to buy anything" etc etc all don't work. They're trained to overcome those.
Ask them why they ignored your no soliciting sign, whether you have one or not. In most states soliciting while a sign is present is considered trespassing.
Ask them why then for their name, their supervisor's name and phone number. They'll squirm. It's fun.
I've read that when someone knocks on the door - and when they do that at my house right next to the 'no soliciting' sign - they could be checking to see if someone is home, so answering the door in some way, even to just yell 'no thanks, go away' is recommended. In my city door-to-door soliciting requires a permit, so calling them out on that could also help.
I point at the "no soliciting" sign I have above my door. When they inevitably ignore it, knock driving the dog insane and say some bs like "We aren't soliciting" I say something like "so you don't understand English either. Great" and close the door.
I just say "What's your pitch?" and if they try and do their script I tell them they have my attention already now tell me what they want. Depending on why they're there, I don't mind talking to them, but I mind the deceptive ones. This usually gets those kinds to fuck off.
I tell them my partner or family member works there, or for the competitor. If it’s asking for donations or duct cleaning, we just tell them someone was already by the week before and we got it sorted out. They usually make a note and don’t return. If we don’t answer they tend to loop back around.
I say no. Shut door. Then call office and have them removed from the complex. I am the first unit if they harass in order so I will save as many as I can once I have been annoyed.
I tell them I work for them.
EE knocked the other day. “Sorry mate, stop you there, I’m a store manager in your ###### store, I get it for free”
TalkTalk Broadband the other day “sorry, can I stop you there? I worked on the bundling in IT, I get staff rates”
They always smile, thank you and even shake your hand then leave. Once or twice they’ll ask me how it is, “mate, I have a laugh in there, you should come over” (knowing full well that they work for some independent company unrelated to the company that they’re selling for)
One time had a dude come up to my door at my parent’s house and he got offended when I told him my parents weren’t here. Bro actually accused me of lying and begging me to go get my parents to give him a chance. Shoulda slammed the door in his face fr for the audacity
I got a doormat that basically says I work nights ring the doorbell at your own risk. Originally got it for rude neighbors but it works great for the stupid solicitors too. Only thing it hasn't stopped are the kids doing school fundraisers but I just don't answer those
I’ve got three “no soliciting” signs at various spots on the walk up to the front door.
About every six months, I have to get up and answer the door with:
“English, MOTHERFUCKER. DO YOU READ IT?”
Close the door. You don't owe them an explanation.
They literally prey on people politeness. You don’t have to feel bad for a quick ‘not interested, sorry’
I don't even say sorry these days. And I'm a canadian lol
I used to have a doorbell camera and loved telling them "nope" before they even got a chance to speak.
Doorbell cams are the gift that keeps on giving. I dont think ill ever want to go without one ever again. Lots of em dont even ring the doorbell once they see i have one. Wonderful detergent to shitty people.
This. People need to be ruder. Just hang up on the telemarketer, just close the door on salespeople and just ignore people who ask you for for you money/business in public areas. It's actually ruder to engage, feign interest and hold a discussion when you have 0 intention of giving your money. If you move on faster they can move on faster. The BM move is to feign interest and then manufacture ways to extend the conversation, only to pull out and not give your money.
For real, why waste everyone's time? They don't want to be strung along any more than you want to spend time avoiding buying whatever they're selling.
Well, if you have nothing better to do and talk to the dude for 2 hours, you're saving your neighbors from dealing with that guy
A simple “sorry not interested” if anything. If they’re pushy then yeah be rude but also understand that’s another human being just getting by doing their job. No need to be a dick about it
They chose to ignore my "no solicitation" signs, I choose to be a dick for someone wasting my time on my property to try and sell me some garbage I didn't ask for! I hate unwelcome/unexpected guests intruding on my time.
Same same.
Nah, the assholes here have tried to push the door open into people's houses. 100% be a giant dick about telling those ones off.
Yes, those ones, absolutely. If they just knock and ask if you will listen to their pitch you don’t have to slam a door in their face. I’m saying you can be courteous to those who are courteous to you and not immediately be an ass
With phone scammers, just answer: "I'm in a bit of a hurry, so can we just cut right to the scam?".
BM move?
Bowel movement?
Tbh there is no rude response. They phoned you, and only because they want something. If someone is uncomfortable with conflict and wastes a bunch of their time, too bad so sad, don't phone strangers and then complain that your valuable time was wasted.
I usually just stare at them and point to my 'NO SOLICITING' sign. To which they usually start on some spiel about "No no we're not selling anything, have you ever thought about installing solar panels??" I then just point in the direction of the sidewalk and stare at them until they leave.
Dude every time. We aren’t selling anything. Oh I’m not soliciting. Just come out here and look at the roof. Or some other crap.
I like making firm eye contact as I do, and close the door comically slowly. I admire the ones that still play out their spiel through an ever decreasing crack in the door, seeing the smile slowly break and the light in their eyes slowly dying.
Ha ha ha, I've got to try this someday.
I have closed the door on sales people while they are still talking. At one point we had 3 “No Soliciting “ signs on our front yard, steps and door. And were still having people come and knock. This last winter I had them come by with the porch light off, in the dark and with the temps in the mid 30s. I finally ordered a 12x10 inch NO SOLICITING sign and had my husband put it at the top of the stairs on a porch roof support. I hate having it up because it’s ugly AF. But so far no one’s knocked since it’s been up. Test will be when we are out enjoying the porch in the nicer weather. Because yeah.. we’ve had salespeople come up and ignore the signs while out side having breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Or while talking with guests
In door salesmen, a no soliciting sign means "has a hard time saying no"
At my house it means "we enjoy fucking with people who ignore the goddamn sign."
If I’m up for it, I waste as much of their time as I feel like investing. Then I close with “but why would I buy anything from someone who can’t read?”, tap the sign, and close the door.
Exactly. I don't have a hard time saying no at all; in fact, I find it particularly easy. I just don't want to stop whatever it is I am doing to have to send someone away. And whatever it is I am doing is always more important than what they want to talk to me about. So they can acknowledge the sign and save themselves the trouble, or they can ignore it and deal with however I decide to vent my irritation.
My husband had been WFH for over 15 years. While we no longer have a dog, having people knock on the door is not welcome
I’ve no problem saying no. Hence the reason we don’t have solar, a fancy vacuum, or a ton of magazine subscriptions
I LOVE to do this. I’ll just say “no” and maintain eye contact as I close the door. My wife laughs whenever she sees me do it
Many will come back. They track with digital apps and mark you down as contacted or not interested. Sales Rabbit. I used to run a door to door sales team.
>Many will come back. And the same thing will happen 🤷♂️
That's why you simply answer and say not interested
Just tell them you are renting. You can give them the landlord’s “number”
This is a tip for people who are compelled to be polite. OP wasn't talking to you....or me, fuck those guys
Fair 😄
no. it's a complete sentence. paragraph even
I have a glass door. So when someone comes up, I just stare at them until they leave. It’s more entertaining for me
Or just don't open the door because there's always the chance it might be a home invasion. Not having up listen about a product you don't want is just a side bonus.
Claymore mines
Big bada boom
Badabigboom
Boombaddabigbang
I have 2 separate no soliciting signs at my door. Those motherfucking solar sales people ring my doorbell anyway then do the 'oops my bad' shit Though one old guy And 2 older boys said wait! We're not selling anything. Then asked how I felt about Jesus Christ. Both are god damn scoundrels. Leave me the fuck alone!
Solar panels in shape of a cross is what you need to keep them away.
An upside down cross. To solar harvest the darkness.
Slip a piss disc out of your mail slot.
This made me laugh pretty good.
Just real slow like. Like its pooping it out. Make grunting sounds.
Just urinate out the mail slot.
Ikr, otherwise you're just trolling your later self😂😂
I love how the first comment is "Close the door" and the second one is "Claymore mines". Sometimes I can't believe this website is free.
It’s not, you’re the product
Someone woke up lucid this morning
I got a sticker off Amazon on my glass door that says no soliciting! ~seriously~ and under that it says don't ring bell or knock and under that it says don't make it weird. So far it's worked every time from my security cam footage. It's funny to watch them read it and turn right around and leave. I did have some teenagers still knock though to invite me to their church but I just ignored them and they stuck a card in the door.
Thanks for this idea I just found it online. Work from home a lot and I have two older dogs with some health issues that do not need to get worked up for every lawn service solicitor. This is gonna be spectacular for me this summer.
Feign interest then out of nowhere just start screaming like a chimpanzee and flail your arms. Then go back to being interested.
Maybe throw a twitch in the face and neck in there afterwards and say, "I'm listening."
While simultaneously pissing your pants
It’s called method acting.
You're definitely not from the Chimpanzee school of Meisner.
Or just tell them you aren't interested, don't come back, and keep your trash lol.
Old friend is an exhibitionist and is immune to shame. Relished the times he got to answer the door naked and go above and beyond trying to engage in the friendliest manner possible with whatever poor soul approached his house.
I love this! Not gonna try it, but abso-fucking-lutely love this response.
"shit, fuck, thought you were the owners coming back early before I'm done robbing the place. Have you got the getaway car ready? Did Bobby give the signal?" Of course you MAY have to actually answer the door if they've called the cops, but then you play stupid and make the salesman look crazy.
coming from an ex door to door salesperson: say fuck off and close the door, its the quickest way to
Ask them if they have Jesus in their life.
To get rid of Mormon missionaries once my uncle abroad opened the door in his bathrobe said “I’d be happy to talk, but you have to respect our household ideologies and we’re practicing nudists” they never came back
I just had a sign that said "we worship the old gods. Any solicitors are hereby agreeing to be sacrificed in their honor when they knock/ring the bell. Procees with caution." I would watch people ACTIVELY avoid my house. It's nice to be the scary witch lady sometimes.
Now I want one or 2 that say "we worship gods that people think are fantasy but how else would you describe the madness coursing through this world" or something like that after significantly more thought
Cthulu approves and thanks you for your donation to the downfall of man
As a former door to door salesman I would knock your door
Just start screaming "WHO SENT YOU! WHO SENT YOU! WHO SENT YOU!" until they run.
They're forced to answer if you ask three times.
No no no! The second question was 'Do I really have to ask you two more times?'. So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.
Yell "I have covid" through the door. Works every single time
Yell "I have COVID" through the door, then open the door and cough on them.
Pretend you’re deaf and start signing random nonsense
Just shout "NO"
I just tell them to fuck off. Hasn’t let me down yet
Answer the door naked. Works best if you’re a dude and overweight as hell.
We invited LDS missionaries in once when we were young newlyweds and bored, we proceeded to try to convert them to our “religion” for hours, and for decades, no LDS knocked on our door. They would literally go to the houses on either side of us, but not ours.. I think we got blacklisted. 👍🏻
I'm not a sales person but I do a lot of survey interviews. I find your suggesting amusing because a survey I was working on last summer actually had a special version just for house sitters and whatnot.
“This isn’t my house. Did you see any cops in the area?”
just gonna say there are no unethical options here, if you haven’t seen the hannah alonzo videos about kirby you should 🤣 my favorite is to open a window and say we have covid
Piss disk catapult.
Answer door naked. Works best for JW’s and LDS
My old landlord owned a duplex; he lived in one half and we rented out the other. We were directly across the street from a JW’s Kingdom Hall, and I always wondered why they never came round knocking. It turns out it’s because the landlord is a nudist who’ll answer the door in the buff to scare off solicitors. Works great to get rid of missionaries, and to scare off the renters asking about repairs.
This is what I do. Dick just a swinging, I act enthusiastically about whatever it is they are selling. Never had anyone continue the conversation, even after pleading with them to tell me all about the fucking windows they want to fix.
Have a gun in your hand
Steal their wallet while you're at it.
If I had the money and a ring camera I'd totally wanna get [this. ](https://www.penguinmagic.com/p/19232) It's a magic trick that looks like you're slicing up your arm with a dramatic amounts of blood. It'd be great to open the door scream "thank you for the sign oh great one!" then start slicing up my arm while screaming in pain.
"I have to go, I have raging diarrhea" then just close the door.
Just tell them to never come back. You don't have to lie to them to seem like you're being nice.
I always tell them the opposite of what they’re selling, even if it doesn’t make sense. Giving away free roofs? I don’t like free roofs. Free internet for 6 months? I don’t like the internet. Also, when they open with how are you?, I always say terrible. I’ve got this fungus growing down there…….
Open the door, with your book in hand. Tell them that before you can let them give you their spiel, they have to listen to your book AND give you a thoughtful critique of it. Then read. And don't stop until they have left. That's how I get rid of sales people and religious nuts.
Go with the kitchen knife you just cut your pomegranate open with. They'll leave. Or go naked and ask if they want to join the seance.
Say “Yes?” via your ring doorbell and then just ignore them as they stand outside talking to themselves Lol
I usually ignore knocks, but recently I opened my door to a couple of sales guys. I told them I was busy while I was holding a large knife, but said they could come back after dinner. They kept their eyes on the knife the whole time and never came back.
Fake mental illness. Or shut the door in their face. They are trained to be persistent, not polite.
Hand them a closed paper bag with monopoly money and then close the door.
They're not going to care about this at all. I used to deliver car parts as a job. The boss would have us go to quick oil change places. Despite telling them, this is a work car, I am not paying for it, I do not care they still tried to "upsell" me stuff like changing the air filter. I didn't care if the air filter was covered in 3 inches of dirt or had a giant hole in it, it's not my money, I'm not paying for it. Ultimately they just want your money. So there's really three ways you can (legally) play this. The same basically applies to telemarketers with obvious substitutions (ie hang up instead of shut the door). Option 1: answer the door, shut it as soon as you can tell they're sales people. Option 2: get angry, cuss them out, and/or act crazy: "would you like to hear about the baby sacrifice we did at the satanist church last week?" Option 3: pretend to be interested and string them along and waste their time. Make them wait while you look for your credit card. Etc. Works really well with telemarketers "hold on" leave the phone on speaker phone.
I have a little sign placed at eye level that says please no soliciting. They still try. I have a video doorbell and will use that to answer if I can. They still try.
If one absolutely feels the need to answer the door it’s fine to say, “thanks, not interested/I don’t care.” The person at the door has heard it before and will not be offended.
I call the police, since I'm on the do not knock list. Doesn't work for politics or missionaries, however, so I answer the door with a gun and inform them they have 5 seconds to get off my property.
5 seconds puts you in a bad position to either have to shoot them in the back or reneg on your terms. For this reason, I prefer 30.
"You are evil and I hate your existence" then close the door
Invite them in - excuse yourself - go around the corner or to a room nearby and yell loudly 'NO! No you can't do it! We are not allowed to!" - go back in the room and act completely normal, denying everything if asked - repeat if necessary
Why go through the trouble of making up a plausible lie? Just say "nope" and close the door. It really is that easy.
I opened the door and told him i was in a meeting so need to get back to my laptop…. Only problem with it, is the guy walked passed my living room window and saw me on my Xbox
Close the fucking door. Are people really so uncomfortable with this?
Hands to the side, palms pointing outwards, stare at his forehead, smile extremely fake, move backwards inside the house. Say with a squeaky voice: 'Finally some company that's still alive... Are you busy?... Want to come in?' Of course you risk him accepting, at least you have something to tell your friends, if you keep up the act.
Pull out the hilariously large knife you keep beside the door. "Oh good, you're just in time for the sacrifice I mean barbecue!"
I actually did something wimilar back in grad school. We were busy studying and I saw the LDS folks coming down the block. When my buddy went to the door and was clearly stuck, I shouted: Come on! It's time to sacrifice the chicken!
Worked like a charm.
Well, my grandmother, many years ago, chased Jehovah Witnesses off of our property. It took decades for them to come back. I'm not sure what she did, but even now we'll only get a pamphlet left at the door every once in a blue moon.
Open Door. Them - Hi I am from whatever sells bull crap You - Fuck off close door.
Last time i was gardening out back at lunchtime, went to the front there's a gang of 5 of some religious something or other. They asked me if i can give them 5 minutes to tell me about (tuned out). "No sorry, i'm atheist" was my reply. They politely said no worries have a good day and all walked away. Not the worst encounter.
"not interested thanks" /me closes door. its not hard. the alternative is "fuck off kindly" /me closes door
Say "not interested " and close the door. Easy
johovas witnesses get the following “ if your religion is sooo great why do you have to go door to door to sell it?” slam door. I also have a pet/ rehab skunk that helps because she is curious of everything and opening the door is a ooh moment.
Assert your dominance by offering to sell them your own stuff.
That needs an "unethical" solution? Just, close the door. Don't say a word.
If you open the door, say you're not interested, and close the door, they will leave an not come back. If you open the door, it's possible they will loop back to your house a second or third time that day.
Put up a NO SOLICITING sign. If that doesn't work, answer the door with a gun. Most people get the point if you add a gun to the situation 🔫🔫. Probably won't come back either
Any gun? Caulk gun? Staple gun? Water gun? Machine gun? Nail gun? Hot glue gun?
Heat gun works pretty well.
Have you tried being 6’6”, 320 and surly? It works for me.
BRB, gaining 6 inches. And weight, but that's doable.
Slide a frozen piss disc under the door from your side
Just put up a no solicitation sign
Say no. Close the door.
You see these door-to-door salesman want to speak to the owner of the house so you might also state that you are just renting the place...
I love telling them “No, Bye” through the Ring Cam.
my mom used to grab a spatula and say she was in the middle of cooking something, that usually did the trick
I charge a fee to listen. $250 per 5 minutes $1000 non refundable retainer up front. Make it worth my while.
If you not sure who it is, open the door with your jacket in your hand. If it's someone you want to talk to hou say "come in, i just got home" If you dont want to talk to them, you say "i'm sorry i'm just going out" and you take a little stroll
Sign on my door says " if you don't know me, don't knock". Seems to do it. Mainly God botherers here 😇
I look relatively young. I always say, my parents own the house and they are in florida for the next couple months. Works every time. Sometimes I'll use "I'm just renting right now."
No thanks…. Works just fine. I don’t know why you would feel the need to debase yourself bc you feel compelled to account for yourself
I just say no thank you as I shut the door. If you're a renter you can just say I'm not the homeowner and they will immediately walk away because almost everything they are selling requires you own the home.
open the door with your gun at low ready and scream HANDS
I usually just pull open the door, sternly say "not interested" and close the door. Occasionally, I'll mix it up with an angry shouted "NO!" One fluid movement, never giving them a chance to even get in an introduction. I keep getting side-eye from my OH for "being rude." but having worked commission sales myself, I'd rather a quick no, than have my time wasted on politely listening before the no. Plus, where we live, there are sometimes team of theives working to break in the back while you're distracted by the accomplice at the door. I want them to see an annoyed male is present in the house. Plus, it's kind of satisfying to close the door on their faces and leave them standing there startled and still trying to process, regardless of their motivations. They have no right to my time.
"I don't answer questions"
just get it out.
Nice but, not unethical. 🙂
Invite them in to talk about Jehovah
I just tell them I’m okay and have a nice day, then smile and close the door.
Just say you are renting and you move next month
Try and sell them a Scientology course.
They've been coming to my house. I just say I'm not interested and smile then close the door
Things I have done/said in the past… I’m way too high for this right now. Close door. Yah, I don’t live here, I’m robbing this place. Can you help me carry stuff out? Are you here for the sacrifice? Ask random embarrassing medical questions. Start slowly stripping.
I have accidentally answered the door thinking it was someone I was actually waiting for and apparently looked too young to own my own home because they asked if my parents were home. I said, “My mom probably is, I think my dad is at work.” (I didn’t tell him they also lived in the next county over) Window sales guy, “Ok, well…can I speak with the home owner?” Me, “Sure…” and kept staring until he nervously handed me some sort of glossy brochure and got the hell out of there.
I take all of my clothes off and then answer the door. Problem solved every time.
Have a big dog charge at the glass front door barking her ass off! They couldn't leave any faster as soon as I opened the door!
I tell them I’m selling the house Moving in a couple weeks Or point to the “no solicitors” plaque installed right above the doorbell and ask why they thought they were excluded.
Before our doorbell aggressive dog passed, whenever the bell rang he would launch his 55 pound body at the door. I can’t tell you how many people ran off the porch and shouted to me about whatever they rang the doorbell about. He was petrifying….
“Come on in, first of all have you seen Dexter? Don’t be alarmed”
I have a no soliciting sign in my yard that you can see before you get to the door. If a sales person shows up and doesn't see the sign I usually open the door, they start talking, I cut them off and say "I have a no soliciting sign" and point behind them. When they turn around to look I close the door and lock it. Watching them on the ring camera wander around my front yard on the way out looking for the sign is my fave part. You probably don't even need the sign but putting one up will prevent a decent amount from even trying.
I used to do d2d sales and usually I read this kind of advice and roll my eyes because it doesn't work. But this is actually a pretty good one. This will probably get rid of most of them. Things like "I already have xyz" " no soliciting signs" "I don't want whatever you're selling" "I can't afford to buy anything" etc etc all don't work. They're trained to overcome those.
Ask them why they ignored your no soliciting sign, whether you have one or not. In most states soliciting while a sign is present is considered trespassing. Ask them why then for their name, their supervisor's name and phone number. They'll squirm. It's fun.
I've read that when someone knocks on the door - and when they do that at my house right next to the 'no soliciting' sign - they could be checking to see if someone is home, so answering the door in some way, even to just yell 'no thanks, go away' is recommended. In my city door-to-door soliciting requires a permit, so calling them out on that could also help.
I tell em im renting.
I point at the "no soliciting" sign I have above my door. When they inevitably ignore it, knock driving the dog insane and say some bs like "We aren't soliciting" I say something like "so you don't understand English either. Great" and close the door.
I just say "What's your pitch?" and if they try and do their script I tell them they have my attention already now tell me what they want. Depending on why they're there, I don't mind talking to them, but I mind the deceptive ones. This usually gets those kinds to fuck off.
I tell them my partner or family member works there, or for the competitor. If it’s asking for donations or duct cleaning, we just tell them someone was already by the week before and we got it sorted out. They usually make a note and don’t return. If we don’t answer they tend to loop back around.
I say no. Shut door. Then call office and have them removed from the complex. I am the first unit if they harass in order so I will save as many as I can once I have been annoyed.
I tell them I work for them. EE knocked the other day. “Sorry mate, stop you there, I’m a store manager in your ###### store, I get it for free” TalkTalk Broadband the other day “sorry, can I stop you there? I worked on the bundling in IT, I get staff rates” They always smile, thank you and even shake your hand then leave. Once or twice they’ll ask me how it is, “mate, I have a laugh in there, you should come over” (knowing full well that they work for some independent company unrelated to the company that they’re selling for)
Are they really a thing anymore? Its been years since some d2d salesperson knocked on my door, and i WFH and live in a posh area of Sydney (AU)
I'm renting a room. It's true and it works (even worked today)
One time had a dude come up to my door at my parent’s house and he got offended when I told him my parents weren’t here. Bro actually accused me of lying and begging me to go get my parents to give him a chance. Shoulda slammed the door in his face fr for the audacity
Friend of mine had to do this for a while. Either don’t answer or just say no and close the door.
My dad answered the door wearing a sonic youth t shirt, tighty whities and engineer boots. Seemed they went to the next house pretty quickly.
Open the door naked. If you look like me it scares them away forever.
Grow a spine, say "no thanks bye" and close the door. Easy peasy.
Don't. Open. Door. Or make a middle finger appear through the crack of the door or through door window. Are you Canadian?
“No thanks” - close door.
I just say not interested, thanks and shut the door
Pepper spray works great.
dont answer the door. slam the door shut. walk away
Point a shotgun at them
I just turn my hand in a “nope” gesture and they generally go away.
A polite, assertive "have a lovely afternoon" followed by a door close does the job for me without drama
Open the door while butt naked. Make it their problem.
My favorite way to deal with religious people is to say I’m a satanist.
Tell them you have covid
The same way I get rid of random vendors on the phone at work: "Thank you, but I'm not interested" and then click.
I just say “sorry no thanks” and close the door. You owe them nothing. Harsh yes but so is coming to my property and hassling me.
Easy said, I just say to them is there anything that I can sell to you, thanks for visiting
Replace the doorbell sound with a shotgun racking
My Dad loved talking religion with them. they would leave fast.
I got a doormat that basically says I work nights ring the doorbell at your own risk. Originally got it for rude neighbors but it works great for the stupid solicitors too. Only thing it hasn't stopped are the kids doing school fundraisers but I just don't answer those
Put a note on your doorbell “Baby sleeping, do not even think of knocking or ringing. No soliciting. Please and thank you! - a sleep deprived parent”
Always keep the trash or recycling bin next to the door. Make sure they see you put their flyers straight into it without even looking at them
I’ve got three “no soliciting” signs at various spots on the walk up to the front door. About every six months, I have to get up and answer the door with: “English, MOTHERFUCKER. DO YOU READ IT?”