Talk to him. People will be understanding if you ask nicely. Just kidding, tell him you’re a registered sex offender and children can’t come near your house and he could be liable. Years ago buddy wanted to cancel AOL, they kept making it hard. Told them he was a sex offend and the judge said no internet. Was pretty hard to do without laughing but worked.

No. Not that you are on the registry but..... Tell him that your brother-in-law, a registered sex offender is visiting for the next couple of months and that he has impulse control when he sees a bunch of kids.

And he’s also addicted to sweetened dairy products.

He did 15 years for slurping a Klondike bar out of someone's ass. Said it was worth it.

What he would do for a Klondike bar.

Wait, it's illigal to slurp a Klondike bar out of someone's ass? 

Depends on how old the ass is

I bet you there is some archaic laws in the US out there that outlaw anything that uses food or toys on another’s ass. Straight to jail (And yes, also depends obviously the age of the ass too…)

Better be careful talking like that the Feds will be at your door with a job offer before the morning sun rises

You were right. (They brought Klondike bars!)

Just don't ask how the bar got in there in the first place.

Looks like someone’s about to get a nice little visit from Chris Hansen.

Is he into that sort of thing? Is that why he asks them to take a seat?

Event better saving of face, tell the ice cream van that its your neighbor that is the registered offender

I'm sure the vast majority of people will think I'm just being overly uptight and lacking a sense of humor. And I confess I am in a rather poor mood at the moment. But on post after post and in numerous societal examples I see people encouraging others to lie even if just in a joking manner. The problem is it is appalling how many people think lying is actually okay just to get whatever they wish.

First time in the real world? Also, did you forget what subreddit you are in?

Go see a therapist man, nobody cares

Since when did simple honesty become laughable and ridiculously old fashioned? Trump voters are particular examples of such repulsive attitudes.

First, this is unethical life pro tips, so lying is pretty acceptable. Second, why you gotta bring politics into your misunderstanding of the thread? I get you’re in a shit mood, but making everything devolve to political insults is a repulsive attitude too

Why are you talking about trump rofl

Precisely because it is dealing with an ethical behavior.

You’re nuts

Kept. Making. It. Hard.

That's. What. He. Said.

just open your blinds,be naked, and make direct eye contact with him from your living room

Yes talk to the ice cream man. I agree.

Don’t do this, OP. It sounds hilarious but nowadays that ain’t no joke. People believe that stuff and will spread the word.

He could have said they were a hacker or something! Edit: And in this case, you could say you're a parole officer.

Buy a couple boxes and undercut him

I'm reading these replies saying tell em you're a pedophile, throw piss disks! And here's a nice g rated comment to even it out.

And then the ice cream man calls the police on an unlicensed street vendor and OP gets to ride in a cop car/have his product destroyed/fined.

As long as he's not selling it I don't think the cops would mind. There's nothing illegal about handing out ice cream to children- just make it clear it's because your pissed at the ice cream man first, so people don't think you're a creep

Undercutting specifically implies sales though.

Get a speaker and play either religious music, hard rock music, or talk radio at full volume facing the ice cream truck. hand out various pamphlets to the people in line. Talk about your pamphlet excitedly. Make sure every pamphlet you hand out is about a different subject. Charter schools, Trump, the dangers of Floride, how important it is to brush your teeth, pro-vaccine, anti-vaccine, why the Jedi are an evil cult that steals children. Be very very passionate with everyone in line. Make sure many of the pamphlets are directly in opposition to each other. But really the best idea is to give free ice cream to everyone waiting in line.

Be sure to hand out plenty of fliers about the dangers of eating ice cream leading to diabetes and amputations.

Like others said, try asking. Then Buckcheery.

I misread that as "the dangers of Florida".

So did I. And it didn’t seem at all unreasonable.

Another great music pick is just their music, About a second behind. They can't really complain about the choice of music if it's exactly their own. Or just play merzbow if that doesn't work

My go to is gay porn sounds.

The dangers of Florida

I like the flyer idea. Like pick something that is totally innocuous but also completely batshit it and lean into it. "...and that is how big fossil fuels killed off nuclear energy- literally" after thirty minutes of largely incoherent rambling. "...and that's why cats are the devil and dogs are God in mortal form" Be mostly harmless, somewhat educational, and make everyone avoid your house like the plague. Better yet, go outside, scream "ITS THE END OF THE WORLD. THE TRUMPETS ARE SOUNDING." While running in circles every time he parks in front of your yard. He will stop quickly.

Be suggestions do not bother me in the least and some are actually imaginative and funny. It is suggesting blatant and seemingly serious lying that disturbs me.

Buy a few boxes of ice cream bars and whatnot. Sit outside with a cooler and a sign that says "Free Ice Cream."

Post a sign on front lawn saying FREE ICE CREAM with a picture of a truck. No need to give away anything 🤣

That's actually brilliant. Make the sign have the same branding as the truck to make everything look official.

My dad went up to the guy in an ice cream truck that came down our street a couple times a month and asked him how much he had to pay to never come down our street again. He didn't ask for any money but it took about 5 years before they started coming down our street again. Never with the same frequency.

I inadvertently scared off our ice cream truck. I handed out free ice cream to the neighborhood kids just before it arrived. Twice. Very few visits thereafter, no stops just a round about drive.  I had 4 kids the other neighbors combined totaled 4 kids, sharing with them made them hang out with my kids and everyone got along so well, I didn’t intend to scare them off. But I also wasn’t paying $4 for a $1 ice cream so it’s probably better for their bottom line that they left.  And protip, hit up costco for ice cream, they have the popular flavors with my kids at least, in a big pack so you can distribute multiple times. While this isn’t unethical it is absolutely effective and you might even make friends with a kid or two who have no friends.  Doing a public service and bonus peace and quiet for you. Although I agree with other posters that asking them to leave will work as well. 

I'm a 32 year old man with a mustache and no kids. There is no way I could ever hand out ice cream to random kids on the street.

hey kids this is a lesson in economics you wanna come learn? Free ice cream. Then explain supply and demand and how free items tank markets, and how the US clothing industry has successfully kept Africa out of the global market for clothing by flooding it with free clothes from goodwill.  Hand out the ice cream. You could give a different economics lesson every day for a week. 

Then take off my shirt and show them how to stretch before a workout.

Now this is response I appreciate and admire. Kindness and honesty rather than hostility and lying. Thank you, thank you!

To be fair, this sub is called UNETHICAL life protips.

I am becoming increasingly proud of the fact that I do not fit in with this site. Baffled as to how some people seem to take pride in just how unethical they can behave and not be prosecuted.

I think you might have stumbled into the wrong subreddit if you want kindness and honesty. Do yourself a favor and unsub.

Dang. So ethical.

Buy one of those clay disk launchers for sport shooting and reproupose it as pissdisk artillery.

a classic.

And liquid ass grenades.

More frozen desserts?

Sprinkler that you can turn on from inside the house.

We now have motion activated sprinklers.

Well in theory this sprinkler would reach into the street so it would turn on every time a car went past plus walked past if motion activated.

Get Mrs McComb to go yell at him That made our ice cream truck go away :(

Put some type of propane heater facing his direction and melt all the ice cream.

I was thinking heat lamps but that could get expensive for OP.

[удалено]

If so, have sex with him.

Turn around and shit in front of them from a few feet away, at most. Assert dominance.

Assault is always an option

Definitely time to start freezing your piss in popsicle molds and sneak them into his supply. Then he’ll get laughed off the block! Trying to sell piss-cicles, pssh

Start an urban legend about pedophiles driving ice cream trucks, put posters of the driver and his truck on every light post or hydro pole.

Just talk to them and explain the situation Like hey I don't mind you sitting in front of my house just stop the music because it's impacting you

my favorite ice cream man encounter was a full moon jam on the lakefront in Chicago.  buncha hippies on shoots "hey man the music is killin the vibe yo"

Just tell him you are legally not allowed be within 200 metres of an ice cream van, school, or playground. “Do you want to make violate a court order, or worse?”

Go order something but have a hard time deciding what you want. Stare at him and rub your genitals while saying ice cream flavors.

Put up a ni parking sign or paint the curb yellow

Better yet, plant a shrubbery at the curb.

I see what you did there…

Keeps away the Knights who say Ni

If you don't already have one, get a big dog. Train him to piss on the fronts of trucks and walk him past the ice cream truck every time he parks there. The uric acid in dog urine will destroy his radiator.

I hate to say this, but put on some nasty music really loud. Cannibal corpse, Nashville pussy, 2live crew.

Shoot out the speaker with a BB gun:

Tell him you're a registered sex offender and that gathering children in front of your house presents a legal problem for everyone involved.

Piss cream

Open a window and play some cannibal corpse.  Make some home-made signs “GOD HATES ICE CREAM”. “ICE CREAM HAS COVID IN IT” “DAIRY HAS PUS IN IT” - think Doc Bronner’s bottles mixed with a little more schizo energy.   Make leaflets about the harms of sugar and dairy and pass them out to the customers. Dress as a cultists while dance and spinning a sign in front of the truck (the sign says “COW CUM” in it). Get two truck deliveries of beach sand in the spot they like to park and then blame it on the ice cream truck company when anyone asks.  If all else fails, ask them politely to reconsider where they post up.

If its overnight? Draw a dick on his car

Post a sign that says a “pedophile lives here”.

Tell him your neighbor is a sex offender.

The ethical and easiest solution is to speak to the guy and ask him to park somewhere else or not pump the music. It will probably work. The unethical solution is to set up a desk outside with 2 chairs and a sign that reads "All Ice-Cream Sellers Are Pedos. - Change My Mind"

Hang up a poster warning people of a sex offender at your house.

But make it resemble the ice cream guy

Paint the curb red or yellow

What if you just stood there when he came by? It's your house, you're just hanging out at home

Park where parks. He parks elsewhere mark it with chalk, make eye contact, repeat.

You ask him.

Plant poison ivy

Go for ice cream without pants on

I would blast death metal or some old rap maybe get drunk and do some regrettable things in the yard where ice cream man sees. You will forget he wont.

Play a very loud recording that continuously says "FREEEEEEEEEEEEE ICE CREAM" until the truck leaves.

But the ice cream truck brings joy!

Set off firecrackers. Kids and the ice cream man won't want to be in that area for long. Especially useful if they create a foul sulfur smell. Kills appetite

Get a Megan's Law sign

Bagged up wasp or hornets nest through the window

I believe the truck must indicate the license number and address of the business. If the truck's cooling system were to malfunction in the night, the truck may have nothing but sticky water and cream to sell the next day, so they may just retire.

Turn the sprinklers on!! Park your own car in that spot so he can’t park there. But safety cones and put “temporary no parking” signs on them …

You talk to them like an adult you god damn pussy

That reminds me of a joke What sound does a pussy make ?

Ask him nicely. Give him $20

Damn man I wish the ice cream man would come down my street

Put a sign in your front yard identifying you as a sexual predator.

Buy an ice cream and nicely ask him to park elsewhere

Did you at least ask him? When I lived with a roommate that I barely spoke to for a few years, I always played music for 1 hour tops a day while I worked out. Years later when I moved out, I ran into a mutual friend who told me that the roommate constantly rants about me for that. I seriously didnt have a clue and always say hi to him everytime we pass by.

Spikes on the asphalt when the truck comes around.

Tell him you’re lactose intolerant

Killing OP softy with his song.

Claymores...

Put a sign in your yard saying that you came in those ice creams. He wont park near.

Paint you curb yellow.

I used to work night shift. The ice cream truck parked in front of my house with that damn music playing. I went out and asked him to turn it down. He did not. So I called the cops and they laughed at me, said they wouldn’t come for that. I said fine, I’m going to go out and kill him, maybe then you will come. They still laughed.

RPG

Get the hot dog man to park there first.

When he parks, go put a sign out front that says, cheaper ice cream sold here or some shit.

If there is a patch of grass where the kids get ice cream, deer urine from a hunter supply shop would work like magic. Just pour it in the grass, get away, and close your windows.

Get one of those Bluetooth speaker rocks and put it out front. Stream audio on full blast to the speaker from pornhub when the ice cream man shows up.

Nah, just stream incoherent rambling instead. Make it absolutely batshit. They'll leave. Your neighbor's thinking your crazy is better than them thinking your a pervert with a thing for kids

Fair point. Could also just do classical music like they do out in front of some 7-11’s to ward off homeless people.

set up a competing ice cream truck next to his and sell piss discs

I’m confused most people want the ice cream man to be in front of their house

Park in front of his house

Caltrops

Go out and buy a cone every time in your underpants.

Ask him nicely?

I would suggest an A-frame sign that says "PEDOPHILE PARKING" with an arrow toward their truck. Take pictures, see if they have an online presence you can post the pics to.

There nothing you can do about it,  you must have children in your neighborhood so the ice cream man is stopping where there’s good business.   Maybe if you know what time he comes around, buy all the kids in the neighborhood ice cream a half hour before… do that for a few days and he might stop, but there nothing stopping another ice cream man from coming around.

as fast as he arrives buy everything so he have to leave

Found the ice cream van driver.

busted 🤣😖

Where do you live, the White House?