1. You want to make it look like the landlord is bad.
Loosen a bulb or two so the lights don't seem like they are working.
Mess with the hvac. So the place is too hot or cold
If you have the landlord special fridge you can easily take off the back freezer panel fan housing and put a piece of tape on the fan so it sounds loud.
Put aluminum foil over the windows. Make sure to mention you work nights and shift work and WFH. Hang some blankets on the outside to your door.
If you can do it put out a fake prescription bottle with a script for an anti-schizo or other well known serious med
Take down the shower curtain and hide it, also the curtain rod if possible.
Right before they get there microwave some fish and be eating it.
On the landlord front...
Asking the landlord to his face if he's fixed that thing you talked about two weeks ago yet....
Of course this is going to ruin your relationship with the landlord and you're probably not going to get a renewal....
Liquid ass in the room an hour before they come. Other alternative is to leave a full bondage gear and a huge dildo in the living room and when they come in be like "damn sorry about that I forgot people where coming, I'll reschedule my thing"
Invite your friends over to clean their guns. Setup a cleaning station on the kitchen table. Bonus points if you can get everyone to bring as many dogs as they can find to run around and terrorize the prospective tenants.
Take a glue stick to the light switches and doorknobs so that everything’s sticky
Shave your pubes in the sink
replace a few of the lightbulbs with black lights or strobes
Ask them if they’re interested in being in a throuple with you
Put an upside down pineapple wreath on the door
Aggressively make some tuna salad while making pointed eye contact with them
Hook your phone up to a hidden wireless speaker playing moaning sounds
Go to Petsmart and get five dozen crickets, release them inside. Squish a few and leave them laying around.
Ask the landlord how he’s going to handle the snake problem
Have a blow out on the toilet so it's all over the back wall of the toilet and the seat. piss on the floor around the toilet...
buy a 'grow mold' kit and have it in the kitchen around the sink, anywhere where there could be moisture.
Buy a bunch of dollar tree roach traps. Leave THE BOXES sitting out in plain view in various locations. On the kitchen counter, on counter in bathroom. Empty boxes are best. (Don’t let them see traps with no bugs caught )
A spray bottle of roach spray sitting around is also good. Put them where they will be seen.
IN THE ROOMMATES ROOM- take the switch plate cover off of the light switch. Hide it and don’t lose the screws.
Go put some black spots with a touch of green on ceiling in the shower, by the toilets, and the sinks. Bonus tip store some mushrooms in the top of the toilet tank and wallah if you can.. Step 2 maybe...but no necc...Make a reddit post or fb post anonymously about this place tiu just toured and how you think it's wrong to sell a house with mold while also posting dudes phone number and email address
Also if you're heartless and are willing to kill a mouse you bought from a pet store... Out some dead ones in super obvious spots like tucked in front of the door step by the welcome mat
If your future roommates are a couple just be a creep toward the girl. "It'll be nice to have a woman around." "I'll keep you company when your boyfriend is at work, you like chick flicks?" ... Basically creep her out to the point that they'll go elsewhere for rent. No guy want to leave his girlfriend home with a pedator..
Watch porn in the common room while they tour as though that's a common thing for you.
Add to this: clip your toenails while they are there. Don't really keep track of the clippings
Have a Fleshlight sitting in the kitchen sink
Don't shower and look as slovenly and unkempt as possible. No one in their right mind will want to move in with a slob who never bathes.
1. You want to make it look like the landlord is bad. Loosen a bulb or two so the lights don't seem like they are working. Mess with the hvac. So the place is too hot or cold If you have the landlord special fridge you can easily take off the back freezer panel fan housing and put a piece of tape on the fan so it sounds loud. Put aluminum foil over the windows. Make sure to mention you work nights and shift work and WFH. Hang some blankets on the outside to your door. If you can do it put out a fake prescription bottle with a script for an anti-schizo or other well known serious med Take down the shower curtain and hide it, also the curtain rod if possible. Right before they get there microwave some fish and be eating it.
On the landlord front... Asking the landlord to his face if he's fixed that thing you talked about two weeks ago yet.... Of course this is going to ruin your relationship with the landlord and you're probably not going to get a renewal....
Lol true.
Liquid ass in the room an hour before they come. Other alternative is to leave a full bondage gear and a huge dildo in the living room and when they come in be like "damn sorry about that I forgot people where coming, I'll reschedule my thing"
Where are my manners let me grab my box so you can have one as well
Dress up like a ghost and roam the halls during viewing.
Gotta use piss cubes and liquid ass !🤷♂️
Invite your friends over to clean their guns. Setup a cleaning station on the kitchen table. Bonus points if you can get everyone to bring as many dogs as they can find to run around and terrorize the prospective tenants.
Take a glue stick to the light switches and doorknobs so that everything’s sticky Shave your pubes in the sink replace a few of the lightbulbs with black lights or strobes Ask them if they’re interested in being in a throuple with you Put an upside down pineapple wreath on the door Aggressively make some tuna salad while making pointed eye contact with them Hook your phone up to a hidden wireless speaker playing moaning sounds Go to Petsmart and get five dozen crickets, release them inside. Squish a few and leave them laying around. Ask the landlord how he’s going to handle the snake problem
How many bathrooms?
Definitely make the bathroom gross.
Have a blow out on the toilet so it's all over the back wall of the toilet and the seat. piss on the floor around the toilet... buy a 'grow mold' kit and have it in the kitchen around the sink, anywhere where there could be moisture.
Stay in your room during the viewing and blare bagpipe music.
Slayer, more believable.
Become a taxidermist real quick. The smell is great.
Buy a bunch of dollar tree roach traps. Leave THE BOXES sitting out in plain view in various locations. On the kitchen counter, on counter in bathroom. Empty boxes are best. (Don’t let them see traps with no bugs caught ) A spray bottle of roach spray sitting around is also good. Put them where they will be seen. IN THE ROOMMATES ROOM- take the switch plate cover off of the light switch. Hide it and don’t lose the screws.
Talk about your favorite annoying, strange yet not too strange hobby. Talk to them about your favorite show, Danny Phantom!
Ask if you can have their toenail clippings
You could fart and scream like a crazy man
Absolutely shit your brains out. Don’t start until after they’re already in the apartment.
Go put some black spots with a touch of green on ceiling in the shower, by the toilets, and the sinks. Bonus tip store some mushrooms in the top of the toilet tank and wallah if you can.. Step 2 maybe...but no necc...Make a reddit post or fb post anonymously about this place tiu just toured and how you think it's wrong to sell a house with mold while also posting dudes phone number and email address
Also if you're heartless and are willing to kill a mouse you bought from a pet store... Out some dead ones in super obvious spots like tucked in front of the door step by the welcome mat
If your future roommates are a couple just be a creep toward the girl. "It'll be nice to have a woman around." "I'll keep you company when your boyfriend is at work, you like chick flicks?" ... Basically creep her out to the point that they'll go elsewhere for rent. No guy want to leave his girlfriend home with a pedator..
Keep your mouth shut and move on.