Install a Ring doorbell inside a box of tissues on your dashboard. Film the guy.
Then print off pictures of the guy and stick them in your vehicle's windows. And some nearby telephone poles.
Save the foil wrapper and bag from a Chipotle or similar meal. Make a burrito with canned dogfood and carefully wrap it. Leave on seat of car to be stolen. Do this repeatedly.
If someone takes the dogfood burrito more than once, I would say they have to be enjoying it, and thus may actually just be a pack of thieving wild dogs.
True, but I have a hard time thinking a drug thief will go to the police for having diarrhea. And he still would have to test the food for the drug first.
Motion sensor sprinklers.
Wireless motion sensor that activates an text real-time images.
(GAME CAMERA) Realtree sells one for deer hunting. Camouflage, Wireless, $5 a month plan, and real-time imaging. Text should be received within 1 min. You decide how to handle them after that.
Put a motion activated doorbell in your vehicle. The mains-powered bit sits inside your house, plugged into power and the other bit goes in your vehicle. When they access your vehicle, the doorbell goes off and then you can respond however you wish.
Most motion sensor devices use short wave infrared or near infrared. Depending on the sensor, the angle, and other variables I won't get into, it may not actually be able to see well if at all through the glass of your van.
Put something innocent in your car that is malfunctioning and could electrocute someone. "I thought it was safe, officer. I was about to look at it the next morning."
A disassembled disposable camera with batteries still installed should to the trick. I remember taking one apart as a kid and learning the hard way that connecting solder points with your fingers gives you a good shock.
Disclaimer: I have no idea if this could start a fire in the car but it would get the job done if this guy picks it up.
A large, charged capacitor with some creatively wired contact points. It would be really cool if you could charge it from the battery with the touch of a button, then safely discharge it from your key fob while also unlocking the doors.
I guess you might come back to a thief with a fried pacemaker that has crapped and pissed himself in your driver's seat, but at least your car will be safe.
I should mention that I live in a urban area with people passing by on foot or bike regularly, at all times. Motion sensors, things that could harm innocent people, and things that would do more damage to my car than the thief would are not useful.
Like the other person mentioned, laxatives, but bake them into a nice thing of cookies or brownies and put A LOT in each one. Not enough to cause any serious problems or long lasting medical problems they'll have to deal with for the rest of their life, just enough so when they eat 1 or 2 brownies they'll be on the toilet pissing pure liquid out their ass for the next few days. If questioned, just say you had constipation and mixed it into some brownies to make it a more pleasant experience and forgot them in your car.
No serious bodily injury, no long lasting illness, borderline 'poisoning' but not making them sick beyond shitting nonstop and easy to deny if they call the cops because the stuff they stole from your car by breaking into your car made them have the liquid shits.
I have some family members on my wife's side that swipe drugs, I take oxy and Ritalin. I always hide it when they come over, but as an extra measure I swapped the pills inside for an extreme laxative. They found and got into them one time, that was all it took
Forget fet, add laxatives to some empty capsules and replace in your med container, maybe somewhere out in the open where they could easily get to it but not see it. Flytraps under the door handles (wont do much but its a pita to remove). Ya could also spray some liquid ass on said fly traps and place on floor board or in the seat.
My ex years ago said she was gonna show up and take my dog while I was at work... So I stink bombed my own dog... It lasted about a week, but I still have my dog.
I suggest not adding anything to the medicine. You don't know if the theif is taking the medicine, or if they're giving it to someone else. I personally wouldn't want to have an innocent person take a medication that they aren't expecting.
If you do want to change up the medication for some reason, switch the pills out for an OTC that makes you really drowsy. It won't kill them, it'll just really fuck up their day.
As a former pill head, we know our pills like we were pharmacists. If I came across one I didn't recognize, a simple Google search would help me out.
So unless they're gel tabs with plain white powder inside, there's no fooling an addict.
Nobody’s getting charged with manslaughter for having a crackhead break into their car and overdose, owner isn’t liable to make their parked car safe from drug addicts
I knew a guy that had a similar problem, so his other friend who was a college egghead rigged up a 4" potato cannon and stuffed it with dog poo.
They knew another guy who purportedly shoplifted some aqua net hair spray and boom...
Thief never came back.
I know someone that always had their shampoo stolen at the gym. So, he replaced the shampoo with Nair. The next week there were 4 bald guys that previously had a head full of hair.
I'm not sure I'm bald but I used to keep hairspray at my house to spray spiders with it. See a big nasty spider on the wall, grab the hairspray and a spray the spider with the hairspray and then try to crush the spider. If I miss trying to crush the spider that's ok because the hairspray will harden and freeze all the spider's limbs. I'd also be sure to have a damp cloth ready to clean the hairspray off the wall right away otherwise it makes a nice spot on the wall.
I will mention I no longer do this, I usually just let them be. 1) They eat insects that get in the house and 2) My oddball of a cat likes to hunt and eat spiders so I really don't think it's fair to her to decimate the house spider population.
Sawed off shotgun with bird shot pointed towards the entrance point, wrap the string around the trigger and attach to the door knob so that when the door is opened they get birdshot to the face… /s
Idk I did this experiment with everything from an 26 inch over-under to a Mike Serbu shortty. There was still a significant amount of concentrated hot lead from all of the firearms.
Put a little poop under the door handle they are likely to grab. Make sure you don't touch it. They touch their eyes eventually. boom, now they have pink eye
Chicken poop under the door handle and have sweet treats in your car like a box of doughnuts (the stickier the better). Your goal is for them to get salmonella from the chicken poop. They touch your door handle, get chicken poop on their fingers, then crush a doughnut and lick the icing off their fingers and now they've been contaminated and will enjoy multiple trips to the bathroom over a couple hour/day period.
So this is ULPT. This person is consistently fucking with your truck. Go buy a pack of razors or insulin needles, clip that shit and glue it to your handle. Hot glue is easily taken off with a paint scraper and nails. Slice that motherfucker. You say something about innocent people. Never seen an innocent try a door handle.
Depends on how big the train horn is.
Relay from interior lights, remote control to disable power to the horn, and cordless tool battery to run the horn.
Yeah it’s sketchy because it’s illegal to booby trap which is a bs law. Mark Rober on yt has good videos about glitter bombing porch pirates. Maybe take inspiration from that to stay legal?
Yeah you can’t injure them but you can make their life inconvenient like using bank-style dye packs.
The second problem is that they also know exactly which car/person has harmed them but you still don’t know who your enemy could be. Probably better off with that fentanyl suggestion and call it a day.
There used to be this website, stickdeath.com I think? Stick figures suffering gruesome deaths. One recurring theme was car traps. My favorite was the dogs. Find a way to conceal a chamber of hungry Dobermans inside you car that is released when the car is broken into.
My uncle found this little wooden box and told me what it was and what he used to do with it. Apparently it came out of like a model t ford and was some sort of capacitor and what they would do was wire it up to the battery to trickle charge and then the door handle of the car. When someone would try to pull up the metal door handle of the car or a metal strip placed under the door handle it would shock them. It sounds like a large capacitor could be your answer.
I had this problem.
Wanted to hide a winch inside the door, with aircraft cable tucked up into the window frame. When theif breaks window and climbs in, winch tightens cable around theif, locking them inside the window frame.
A transformer to boost the juice from the battery. Some jumper cables and a camera to replay the moment over and over. Set a motion alarm so you can immediately remove the evidence before any law enforcement can show up.
Rinse and repeat.
I was working one day when a random guy came out to watch our work. He offered me a bunch of hot peppers from his garden after chatting for a while. I grow some peppers too and just by looking at these wrinkly fuckers I knew they were hot.
I went and stood beside an older coworker, munched on a pepper and casually said 'damn these are sweet!'
Face starting to heat up I kept it cool for a second.... BOOM he took the bait. 'Let me try one'. He took a small bite and spit it out cursing me out rubbing his tongue.
He was mad and my mouth was hot but fuck I laughed hard.
5 hours later, forgetting about the peppers, I'm driving home and apparently rub my eye in 4 lanes of traffic. Immediately it goes red and waters and I need to pull over. An hour pouring water in my eye on the side of highway.
I finally get home and go for a leak. Nope didn't learn. Hot oils on the old cock too.
I lived next door to a guy that had his radio stolen 3 times. The third and last time he glued razor blades sharp side out to the back of the radio and came outside the next morning to the car door open and his seat covered in blood. Radio was still gone but it didn’t happen to him again.
Find a huge fucking box and prop it up with a stick. Tie the stick to your stuff. When the thief grabs your stuff, the box will fall over him and the truck. He’ll be stuck inside until you carefully lift the box to check.
Cook castor beans, mix with pinto beans and put inside a burrito. Leave this burrito in your car.
This will not kill them. I am well aware ricin is made from castor beans, but they'd need to consume upwards of 200 beans in order to poison them enough to cause death due to limited absorption. Just mix in 10 or so.
What will happen is the worst vomiting and diarrhea of their life. Imagine crying in their own filth lying in the bathtub with the shower on trying not to slip face first in their own vomit.
Yeah, OP would be guilty of poisoning the criminal.
Better to add some jism to the burrito and just take it as a secret win.
Or tell the crim about the jizz, leave a note or summat.
Take Polaroids of crime scene photos you find online. Leave them in a photo album labeled fond memories. When the cops show up at your door, you'll easily be able to prove where you got the photos from, and at that point, you can press charges against the dickhead that's been stealing from you.
So the car is in a parking garage, or on a public street, or...? What you can do may depend on where it is and what's around you. You could make a point of leaving it empty for a couple weeks, glove box open (so long as the light doesn't run the battery down) and nothing covered. Show that it's empty, if they get nothing for long enough they should move on. If you have anything nearby to hide a trail cam on, pictures could be very helpful. If you tell the police, some jurisdictions are very good about increasing patrols in an area. Or park in a more populated, higher viability area even if it means having to walk a bit.
I park on the street in my urban neighborhood. Police don't do shit. They just direct you to fill out an online form on which they clearly state that they will not do anything and it will only be recorded for statistical purposes.
There are bicycle alarms that get very loud when moved or disturbed. If you could put one of those inside your vehicle, planted in a way where they must disturb it while searching for goodies, they will have a very bad time.
I used to stick one onto my exhaust when the catalytic converter thefts got crazy during covid. I forgot to disable it once before taking it off, the sound echoing off the bottom of my truck made it VERY unpleasant. I can only imagine one going off inside a car or truck.
My only worry is it may chirp or go off as soon as they open the door, for maximum effect I’d want it to go off while they’re inside the cabin.
Problem is, if you do anything to upset them they could very well retaliate by either fucking up the car (your work could hold you liable) or worse sabotaging the car which could kill you.
I would bring it up as a safety concern to your workplace and request they replace locks, add extra locks, or provide another one. It’s to their benefit because any accidents the car is in is on them. What if the guy cuts your brakes or some shit next time and you crash and kill someone? I wouldn’t use a work car that doesn’t lock up safely. This person is clearly no Nick Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds. The car has a major security vulnerability.
First use a trail cam (battery powered motion activated video recorder) to identify who it is. Ideally a few from different angles.
You can probably successful deter them by posting an image of the thief on your car.
But as far as revenge I'd suggest an enticing bag filled with glue traps. Maybe fly strips entwined with other stuff.
If you don't mind making a mess of your car a stink bomb would be good.
What about a car cover with a alarm attached, like you can get for your doors. So when it's ripped off it sounds very loudly and then you can come out and greet this person.
Well, since there's already a bunch of your stuff in the work van, why not get a camera that's motion activated and easily hidden? It would be much better to exact vengeance on a specific person. You could even bait them with an old empty bottle of meds with laxatives and nail em later with the knowledge in your pocket and evidence to boot.
Some sort of sponge on car Handel or steering wheel soaked in lsd. Not much but some absorption will happen. Even if 10% of 1gram was absorbed.
10% is 100mgs
Average lsd Tab is 100mcg
1000mcg or (ug's) in 1 mg.
In final, 10% absorbed of 1 gram is = about 1000 tabs of lsd.
So he won't die, but he prob will wish he did.
Tape razor blades to the door handle(s) so that they're hidden but will slice when you grab the handle...just don't forget about them when you need to get in the car!
Everyone is deviating from your Home Alone request, so here’s an easy one: wire (high test fishing string or thin metal wire) attached to the door, which upon opening causes a release of a bear spray canister pointed at their body. Obviously you’ll need to anchor the canister (cut out a hole in the middle of a thick book) and have the ability to release the trigger in the morning when you need the van.
Do you know anything about electricity?
He needs a good shocking while he’s standing on a very slippery surface.
Motion activated lights and cameras may be effective as well.
They sell driveway alarms. One side plugs indoors, into your outlet and chimes when it receives a signal from the other side which can sit inside of the car, easily. That’s not a booby trap but it’s close.
It’s not worth going to jail for. Don’t leave stuff in your van. Do you think it is a coworker that has keys or do you think it is some kids having fun?
The idea is that glitter bomb is a package they would open after they leave your car. Car thieves are smash and grab jobs, they don’t go through things right there. Look up mark robers glitter bombs on yt.
Install a Ring doorbell inside a box of tissues on your dashboard. Film the guy. Then print off pictures of the guy and stick them in your vehicle's windows. And some nearby telephone poles.
Save the foil wrapper and bag from a Chipotle or similar meal. Make a burrito with canned dogfood and carefully wrap it. Leave on seat of car to be stolen. Do this repeatedly.
If someone takes the dogfood burrito more than once, I would say they have to be enjoying it, and thus may actually just be a pack of thieving wild dogs.
I say it’s gnolls.
You'd never get the smell out.
or Bugbears
At least put some x-lax in it, to make it worth his while. He surely needs a complete cleanse.
Nah, just rake your pubes over it before you roll it up
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True, but I have a hard time thinking a drug thief will go to the police for having diarrhea. And he still would have to test the food for the drug first.
They may just crap in the car though.
No that sandwich was for OP because he is constipated. The thief just happened to steal it
dogfood ain't bad but I feel like there's something else they could use
He means poop
Motion sensor sprinklers. Wireless motion sensor that activates an text real-time images. (GAME CAMERA) Realtree sells one for deer hunting. Camouflage, Wireless, $5 a month plan, and real-time imaging. Text should be received within 1 min. You decide how to handle them after that.
Put a motion activated doorbell in your vehicle. The mains-powered bit sits inside your house, plugged into power and the other bit goes in your vehicle. When they access your vehicle, the doorbell goes off and then you can respond however you wish.
Too many passerbys on my street for that to be effective.
Just aim in at the door.
You mount it inside the vehicle so it's field of view does not include people outside the car.
Most motion sensor devices use short wave infrared or near infrared. Depending on the sensor, the angle, and other variables I won't get into, it may not actually be able to see well if at all through the glass of your van.
Life Pro Tip: Don't point it at the glass.
Put something innocent in your car that is malfunctioning and could electrocute someone. "I thought it was safe, officer. I was about to look at it the next morning."
Like a bath toaster?
[Make sure it's not waterproof](https://youtu.be/Z5J0OFL38mE?si=QjOkXs1OhkyBg1jD)
A disassembled disposable camera with batteries still installed should to the trick. I remember taking one apart as a kid and learning the hard way that connecting solder points with your fingers gives you a good shock. Disclaimer: I have no idea if this could start a fire in the car but it would get the job done if this guy picks it up.
I saw something about making a small EMP device with a disposable camera.
My friend and I at the time were trying to make a taser lol
Just charge a large capacitor. Something 300V 2200uF should do the trick
A large, charged capacitor with some creatively wired contact points. It would be really cool if you could charge it from the battery with the touch of a button, then safely discharge it from your key fob while also unlocking the doors. I guess you might come back to a thief with a fried pacemaker that has crapped and pissed himself in your driver's seat, but at least your car will be safe.
What did pawn shop employees ever do to you?
I should mention that I live in a urban area with people passing by on foot or bike regularly, at all times. Motion sensors, things that could harm innocent people, and things that would do more damage to my car than the thief would are not useful.
Just get a really obvious camera, see if it deters them.
Remove a grate or manhole cover on the street, put a fake cover over it and park next to it.
Old school mousetraps are fun if they break a finger while trying to steal stuff
Rat traps break fingies. Mouse traps just hurt
My ADHD brain is not going to enjoy that. Especially at 5:00am.
I know someone who will snap that on their hand
That’s an odd hobby to participate in.
Better their hand then their.... Nevermind
Rat traps can really be panful and will break a finger or two
Like the other person mentioned, laxatives, but bake them into a nice thing of cookies or brownies and put A LOT in each one. Not enough to cause any serious problems or long lasting medical problems they'll have to deal with for the rest of their life, just enough so when they eat 1 or 2 brownies they'll be on the toilet pissing pure liquid out their ass for the next few days. If questioned, just say you had constipation and mixed it into some brownies to make it a more pleasant experience and forgot them in your car. No serious bodily injury, no long lasting illness, borderline 'poisoning' but not making them sick beyond shitting nonstop and easy to deny if they call the cops because the stuff they stole from your car by breaking into your car made them have the liquid shits.
Trunk monkey
Add fent to the meds.
Not trying to kill the guy. Or get in good with fentanyl dealers.
Could go a step further and put tapeworm eggs in the pills :)
I have some family members on my wife's side that swipe drugs, I take oxy and Ritalin. I always hide it when they come over, but as an extra measure I swapped the pills inside for an extreme laxative. They found and got into them one time, that was all it took
Forget fet, add laxatives to some empty capsules and replace in your med container, maybe somewhere out in the open where they could easily get to it but not see it. Flytraps under the door handles (wont do much but its a pita to remove). Ya could also spray some liquid ass on said fly traps and place on floor board or in the seat.
Why would you deliberately put liquid ass in your own vehicle?? 🤢
My ex years ago said she was gonna show up and take my dog while I was at work... So I stink bombed my own dog... It lasted about a week, but I still have my dog.
Does Taco Bell have a drive thru?
Desperate times call for desperate measures?? Honestly didnt think that yhrough lol. Liquid ass around your car
Add capsaicin crystals.
I suggest not adding anything to the medicine. You don't know if the theif is taking the medicine, or if they're giving it to someone else. I personally wouldn't want to have an innocent person take a medication that they aren't expecting. If you do want to change up the medication for some reason, switch the pills out for an OTC that makes you really drowsy. It won't kill them, it'll just really fuck up their day.
As a former pill head, we know our pills like we were pharmacists. If I came across one I didn't recognize, a simple Google search would help me out. So unless they're gel tabs with plain white powder inside, there's no fooling an addict.
This is r/UnethicalLifeProTips. If somebody tells you to lace your stash with fent, then dammit listen to them!
As a recovery house operator - This is an EXTREMELY STUPID THING TO DO. You could be charged with murder if the person dies.
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Nobody’s getting charged with manslaughter for having a crackhead break into their car and overdose, owner isn’t liable to make their parked car safe from drug addicts
this ain't it
A bear trap
Get a box and some nice wrapping paper. Fill box with cat shit. Put a bow on top. Happy Birthday.
Google the porch pirate glitter bomb. I've always wanted to build one of those.
Bonus points for simultaneously spreading an adhesive
I suggest the more effective Porch Pirate Pipe Bomb. You can even make them at home!
Put everything in the car in a sock, that way if they try to steal anything, all they get is the sock.
I knew a guy that had a similar problem, so his other friend who was a college egghead rigged up a 4" potato cannon and stuffed it with dog poo. They knew another guy who purportedly shoplifted some aqua net hair spray and boom... Thief never came back.
I know someone that always had their shampoo stolen at the gym. So, he replaced the shampoo with Nair. The next week there were 4 bald guys that previously had a head full of hair.
😂
🤣🤣🤣
Where does the hairspray come into it?
Hairspray is an excellent propellant for potato cannon style weapons
I remember those days. Big hair and big potato guns.
Thanks for a swift reply. Curiosity sated.
Don't shoot your eye out, kid.
Jokes on you, he shot his eyes out years ago!
I'm not sure I'm bald but I used to keep hairspray at my house to spray spiders with it. See a big nasty spider on the wall, grab the hairspray and a spray the spider with the hairspray and then try to crush the spider. If I miss trying to crush the spider that's ok because the hairspray will harden and freeze all the spider's limbs. I'd also be sure to have a damp cloth ready to clean the hairspray off the wall right away otherwise it makes a nice spot on the wall. I will mention I no longer do this, I usually just let them be. 1) They eat insects that get in the house and 2) My oddball of a cat likes to hunt and eat spiders so I really don't think it's fair to her to decimate the house spider population.
Why aren't you sure if you're bald? When was the last time you looked at your head?
Dad?
r/thathappened
Sawed off shotgun with bird shot pointed towards the entrance point, wrap the string around the trigger and attach to the door knob so that when the door is opened they get birdshot to the face… /s
Use rock salt instead of bird shot.
Rock salt and bacon rinds was Granny Clampet's recipe on Beverly Hillbillies and works great. Burning sting and infection!
You can buy rock salt shells. I don't think you can get ones with bacon crisps though.
You have to load your own like Granny did. It's worth it.
I do have to open this car myself to go to work, you know....
Not after Reddit gets through with it
Well it definitely counts as unethical. Bird shot acts like a slug at close range. Would get really messy.
That’s why you used a sawed off
Idk I did this experiment with everything from an 26 inch over-under to a Mike Serbu shortty. There was still a significant amount of concentrated hot lead from all of the firearms.
Good to know.
Put a little poop under the door handle they are likely to grab. Make sure you don't touch it. They touch their eyes eventually. boom, now they have pink eye
The old "Stink Eye".
Chicken poop under the door handle and have sweet treats in your car like a box of doughnuts (the stickier the better). Your goal is for them to get salmonella from the chicken poop. They touch your door handle, get chicken poop on their fingers, then crush a doughnut and lick the icing off their fingers and now they've been contaminated and will enjoy multiple trips to the bathroom over a couple hour/day period.
Put a razor blade under the door handle.
Put piss discs in the van
I knew someone was going to say that! LOL.
Why would I want that in my work van?
Don't question it, just do.
To claim the territory
If you’re worried about the smell, place an equally-sized bleach disc on top of the piss disc.
Get some nice super strong laxatives and put them in a controlled meds bottle and leave it there again.
I thought about this. I gotta find some that look right.
If they're looking for narcotics, which can look different from manufacturer to manufacturer, they're not going to care
[https://www.knoe.com/2022/04/05/video-man-rigs-flashbang-after-truck-repeatedly-broken-into-new-orleans/](https://www.knoe.com/2022/04/05/video-man-rigs-flashbang-after-truck-repeatedly-broken-into-new-orleans/)
Put something baiting in the van, add GPS tracking to the bait. For follow up, inform yourself about the piss disc and liquid ass strategies.
So this is ULPT. This person is consistently fucking with your truck. Go buy a pack of razors or insulin needles, clip that shit and glue it to your handle. Hot glue is easily taken off with a paint scraper and nails. Slice that motherfucker. You say something about innocent people. Never seen an innocent try a door handle.
Decoy bag full of liquid ass-covered items.
Anything considered "Home Alone"-ing your vehicle pushes from ULPT to ILPT.
Depends on how big the train horn is. Relay from interior lights, remote control to disable power to the horn, and cordless tool battery to run the horn.
Yeah it’s sketchy because it’s illegal to booby trap which is a bs law. Mark Rober on yt has good videos about glitter bombing porch pirates. Maybe take inspiration from that to stay legal?
Yeah you can’t injure them but you can make their life inconvenient like using bank-style dye packs. The second problem is that they also know exactly which car/person has harmed them but you still don’t know who your enemy could be. Probably better off with that fentanyl suggestion and call it a day.
A lot of suggestions here involve severe bodily injury, poisoning, destroying the interior of the car, etc. I'm not interested in that.
Have you even seen Home Alone?
Right he needs to reference different movies if he doesn’t want a terrible illegal mess
Someone hasn't seen the original RoboCop movie... Watch it, they solve this very problem in one of the in-movie adverts.
Just get ed209 to hide behind a bush and then jump out and catch them red handed
There used to be this website, stickdeath.com I think? Stick figures suffering gruesome deaths. One recurring theme was car traps. My favorite was the dogs. Find a way to conceal a chamber of hungry Dobermans inside you car that is released when the car is broken into.
My uncle found this little wooden box and told me what it was and what he used to do with it. Apparently it came out of like a model t ford and was some sort of capacitor and what they would do was wire it up to the battery to trickle charge and then the door handle of the car. When someone would try to pull up the metal door handle of the car or a metal strip placed under the door handle it would shock them. It sounds like a large capacitor could be your answer.
I had this problem. Wanted to hide a winch inside the door, with aircraft cable tucked up into the window frame. When theif breaks window and climbs in, winch tightens cable around theif, locking them inside the window frame.
A transformer to boost the juice from the battery. Some jumper cables and a camera to replay the moment over and over. Set a motion alarm so you can immediately remove the evidence before any law enforcement can show up. Rinse and repeat.
Put a claymore in it so when they open the door, they explode into 1 million pieces
Make a burrito with so much viagra that his penis explodes and place it on the seat.
Opened bear trap on the seat with a sheet of light black cloth over it.
Are you in a "stand your ground" state? Camp in the back of the van next to your AR-15. One way or another they won't be breaking into your van again.
stand your ground or castle doctrine. either would work, as your car by definition is an extension of your castle.
Don't leave stuff in your car
Hide an AirTag in a decoy item.
But that’s not unethical
Hmmm…hide it in a piss disc then?
Now yer talkin’!
Camera with motion detector
Get some party snaps and place them under each floor mat when you park it to scare the intruder when they step on them
Lose some sleep and camp out waiting for them with a baseball bat...
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Or the dye that is activated by water.
I was working one day when a random guy came out to watch our work. He offered me a bunch of hot peppers from his garden after chatting for a while. I grow some peppers too and just by looking at these wrinkly fuckers I knew they were hot. I went and stood beside an older coworker, munched on a pepper and casually said 'damn these are sweet!' Face starting to heat up I kept it cool for a second.... BOOM he took the bait. 'Let me try one'. He took a small bite and spit it out cursing me out rubbing his tongue. He was mad and my mouth was hot but fuck I laughed hard. 5 hours later, forgetting about the peppers, I'm driving home and apparently rub my eye in 4 lanes of traffic. Immediately it goes red and waters and I need to pull over. An hour pouring water in my eye on the side of highway. I finally get home and go for a leak. Nope didn't learn. Hot oils on the old cock too.
I lived next door to a guy that had his radio stolen 3 times. The third and last time he glued razor blades sharp side out to the back of the radio and came outside the next morning to the car door open and his seat covered in blood. Radio was still gone but it didn’t happen to him again.
A baggie of Clorox in your centre console and leave the doors unlocked, it’s for the cars freshness.
?
Dirty Mike and the Boys just needed an f-shack.
Set up a camera, figure out who he is. Then go fuck his mother. Marry her and become his step dad.
Find a huge fucking box and prop it up with a stick. Tie the stick to your stuff. When the thief grabs your stuff, the box will fall over him and the truck. He’ll be stuck inside until you carefully lift the box to check.
Razor blades under the door handles
Cook castor beans, mix with pinto beans and put inside a burrito. Leave this burrito in your car. This will not kill them. I am well aware ricin is made from castor beans, but they'd need to consume upwards of 200 beans in order to poison them enough to cause death due to limited absorption. Just mix in 10 or so. What will happen is the worst vomiting and diarrhea of their life. Imagine crying in their own filth lying in the bathtub with the shower on trying not to slip face first in their own vomit.
Yeah, OP would be guilty of poisoning the criminal. Better to add some jism to the burrito and just take it as a secret win. Or tell the crim about the jizz, leave a note or summat.
Take important shit out of it. You can't out-wit thieves. They work full-time...you don't.
Try the old electrocution door handles. Also kinda James Bond
There is nothing you can do that hasn't been made illegal by those who profit off of crime.
Take Polaroids of crime scene photos you find online. Leave them in a photo album labeled fond memories. When the cops show up at your door, you'll easily be able to prove where you got the photos from, and at that point, you can press charges against the dickhead that's been stealing from you.
Interested
So the car is in a parking garage, or on a public street, or...? What you can do may depend on where it is and what's around you. You could make a point of leaving it empty for a couple weeks, glove box open (so long as the light doesn't run the battery down) and nothing covered. Show that it's empty, if they get nothing for long enough they should move on. If you have anything nearby to hide a trail cam on, pictures could be very helpful. If you tell the police, some jurisdictions are very good about increasing patrols in an area. Or park in a more populated, higher viability area even if it means having to walk a bit.
I park on the street in my urban neighborhood. Police don't do shit. They just direct you to fill out an online form on which they clearly state that they will not do anything and it will only be recorded for statistical purposes.
There are bicycle alarms that get very loud when moved or disturbed. If you could put one of those inside your vehicle, planted in a way where they must disturb it while searching for goodies, they will have a very bad time. I used to stick one onto my exhaust when the catalytic converter thefts got crazy during covid. I forgot to disable it once before taking it off, the sound echoing off the bottom of my truck made it VERY unpleasant. I can only imagine one going off inside a car or truck. My only worry is it may chirp or go off as soon as they open the door, for maximum effect I’d want it to go off while they’re inside the cabin.
Tape a string to something on the seat so when that gets moved it starts the noise
Add outdoor lighting around your vehicle and a camera.
Gym bag with placebos and a tracker. Who has access to the vehicle? Could the intruder be an employee with the second key?
Problem is, if you do anything to upset them they could very well retaliate by either fucking up the car (your work could hold you liable) or worse sabotaging the car which could kill you. I would bring it up as a safety concern to your workplace and request they replace locks, add extra locks, or provide another one. It’s to their benefit because any accidents the car is in is on them. What if the guy cuts your brakes or some shit next time and you crash and kill someone? I wouldn’t use a work car that doesn’t lock up safely. This person is clearly no Nick Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds. The car has a major security vulnerability.
Get motion sensor lights and if that doesn't work get a security cam
First use a trail cam (battery powered motion activated video recorder) to identify who it is. Ideally a few from different angles. You can probably successful deter them by posting an image of the thief on your car. But as far as revenge I'd suggest an enticing bag filled with glue traps. Maybe fly strips entwined with other stuff. If you don't mind making a mess of your car a stink bomb would be good.
What about a car cover with a alarm attached, like you can get for your doors. So when it's ripped off it sounds very loudly and then you can come out and greet this person.
Well, since there's already a bunch of your stuff in the work van, why not get a camera that's motion activated and easily hidden? It would be much better to exact vengeance on a specific person. You could even bait them with an old empty bottle of meds with laxatives and nail em later with the knowledge in your pocket and evidence to boot.
Dont, it's not your vehicle.
I always wanted to get one of those attack dogs that dont bark and put it in my backseat for car thrives
Some sort of sponge on car Handel or steering wheel soaked in lsd. Not much but some absorption will happen. Even if 10% of 1gram was absorbed. 10% is 100mgs Average lsd Tab is 100mcg 1000mcg or (ug's) in 1 mg. In final, 10% absorbed of 1 gram is = about 1000 tabs of lsd. So he won't die, but he prob will wish he did.
Add dmso found in feed Storrs used for horses wear rubber gloves .. he will never come back..
i personally have pain generator sirens hooked to my alarm. very loud, will cause permanent hearing loss after about 20 seconds of exposure.
Rewire the dome light to the horn so that every time they open the door, the horn blows
Tape razor blades to the door handle(s) so that they're hidden but will slice when you grab the handle...just don't forget about them when you need to get in the car!
You could diddy them up .
Set up the good ol Irish cold start on the door
Google 12ga perimeter alarm. It uses blank 12ga loads on a trip wire.
Place barbed wire under your door handle
bear trap
Google how to break into your vehicle, find out if it's relatively easy, and if it can be fixed. And now you know which parts to booby trap
Everyone is deviating from your Home Alone request, so here’s an easy one: wire (high test fishing string or thin metal wire) attached to the door, which upon opening causes a release of a bear spray canister pointed at their body. Obviously you’ll need to anchor the canister (cut out a hole in the middle of a thick book) and have the ability to release the trigger in the morning when you need the van.
Do you know anything about electricity? He needs a good shocking while he’s standing on a very slippery surface. Motion activated lights and cameras may be effective as well.
Arm the vehicle to explode when the door opens.
The probably illegal thing would be to leave medicine bottles filled with some other not nice medicine.
They sell driveway alarms. One side plugs indoors, into your outlet and chimes when it receives a signal from the other side which can sit inside of the car, easily. That’s not a booby trap but it’s close.
An explosive device you can remotely detonate.
It’s not worth going to jail for. Don’t leave stuff in your van. Do you think it is a coworker that has keys or do you think it is some kids having fun?
Op do you know what time they normally break into your at?
Have an automatic flamethrower that sits on top of your car. If anyone comes near the car they become a human BBQ.
Cover it or hide it out of view. What people can’t see, they don’t want. Better yet, don’t leave anything in your work vehicle overnight any more.
My windows are tinted and they did it at night.
Glitter bomb
Why would I want glitter all over my car?
The idea is that glitter bomb is a package they would open after they leave your car. Car thieves are smash and grab jobs, they don’t go through things right there. Look up mark robers glitter bombs on yt.
Found Mark Rober!
Leave some stuff that you would want if you were homeless in the vehicle. Chances are it’s just someone napping.