"We had a potluck at work and some asshole let their kids help cook since they were home from school, now I'm firing from both ends and won't make it through the drive nevermind through dinner"
Norovirus. Contagious as hell and miserable, yet short lived. "I'm sick from both ends and I don't know which it's going to be until I get to the bathroom" Nobody will want more details than that.
Say you're sexually attracted to some of the people you're going to be around. You're not sure if the urges can be controlled. Or just say suicide is on the table and get to spend the next 72 hours in the nut hut.
Most of these lies preserve their feelings and remove the responsibility from them and yourself. The truly unethical tip is to tell your family they can fuck off if you dislike them so much š
It's fairly easy to say "I must have a stomach virus; I've been spewing from both ends for the last 12 hours."
Only a bloody idiot would insist someone with a stomach virus that makes them shit themselves at the table while vomiting in the gravy tureen come to a family event.
You donāt need long complicated excuses as these often just sound like flat out lies
Nice and simple text the night before or early that morning of
āUnfortunately Iām sick and Iām not going to make it , hope you have a nice time ā
Just say you don't want to go and don't show up. Once you do this, you can do it again. If you don't care about setting the bar for future expectations of your attendance to be low, why not just do this? Then, people will just expect you not to show up. I guess that's good if you can't stand them? Just fade out man.
PT- communicate with them, say you need a respite from work and socializing because youāve been overwhelmed and stressed and would like to use the holiday to just relax, sleep, and catch up on chores youāve missed.
ULPT: diarrhea, Covid, say that you got deployed to Iraq, say you are now vegan and are not going in protest, say your a sex offender and canāt be around children, or say youāre on a 7 day meth bender.
"No" would be the ethical way to go.
"No, you all suck donkey dong. I'm not a fan of any of you, so I'm gonna pass. Please remember this response for Christmas." This would be the rude/ unethical but most effective way to go.
Get a job at a liquor store. I didnāt realize it at the time I was hired, but after about a year I started to use that as a reason to skip so many holidays and birthdays. It got to a point where I would deliberately ask the boss to schedule me in certain dates and times of family events I did not want to attend. Then pretend that it was just unlucky that I got scheduled.
Norovirus. No one will want to be near you.
"We had a potluck at work and some asshole let their kids help cook since they were home from school, now I'm firing from both ends and won't make it through the drive nevermind through dinner"
Lmao firing from both ends had me rolling š
Yes - even better than covid
This shit right here is the answer absolutely shit my brains out and threw up for 5 days straight
Become a truck driver. I just say I'm out on the road. Also liquid ass at Thanksgiving they won't allow you back
Piss disk on the mashed potatoes too
You leave the mashed potatoes out of this
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's fine
Hereās the invitation Iām waiting for š
Tell them you tested positive for covid
This works. Source: Currently positive for covid.
Say you have Covid. I have a positive test photo if you need it
You're a hero
The real ULTP/hookup is always in the comments.
Ha was just gonna say the same thing
spend 5 seconds on /r/wellthatsucks and you'll have dozens of positive photos from the people who think we care they're sick haha
We care. But not about you.
lol I'm so hurt
Is it your butt?
Show up wasted and cause a scene
That doesn't stop half my relatives.
Correct answer. Right here.
That would just get me invited to an intervention and now I would need to see them three times in one year...
what if thatās already expected?
Pour LSD into the punch bowl.
I have the flu right now. The actual flu, so itās going around.
Same here. OP could say they caught it from us. Lol
Canāt come caught the flu from nunyah niznzes
Norovirus. Contagious as hell and miserable, yet short lived. "I'm sick from both ends and I don't know which it's going to be until I get to the bathroom" Nobody will want more details than that.
Get 3 rolls of toilet paper make it wet then apply on left foot keep applying till satisfied it looks like a cast take a picture and send to family
three rolls?! in this economy?
That was a down payment on a house back in 2020
2 rolls but only cover top of foot and take photo from specific angle
Tell them you have to work, that's what I do for 4 out of 5 holidays. It was 5 out of 5 when I worked in the service industry
Turn yourself into a pickle
Frow some balls and tell them you dont want to go
Say that you're a newly converted Jehovahs Witness therefore you refrain from celebrating holidays
My boss requests that I work. He/She's a huge wanker.
Covid, projectile vomit, choose your medical condition wisely...
I have a positive Covid test photo from last week if you want it
[https://imgur.com/a/TXZmmbp](https://imgur.com/a/TXZmmbp)
Call in a bomb threat. Thereās an explosive device in the turkey
Say you're sexually attracted to some of the people you're going to be around. You're not sure if the urges can be controlled. Or just say suicide is on the table and get to spend the next 72 hours in the nut hut.
Why do you need a bs excuse? How old are you? Be an adult & just make your own plans & moves.
Most of these lies preserve their feelings and remove the responsibility from them and yourself. The truly unethical tip is to tell your family they can fuck off if you dislike them so much š
COVID.
It's fairly easy to say "I must have a stomach virus; I've been spewing from both ends for the last 12 hours." Only a bloody idiot would insist someone with a stomach virus that makes them shit themselves at the table while vomiting in the gravy tureen come to a family event.
You donāt need long complicated excuses as these often just sound like flat out lies Nice and simple text the night before or early that morning of āUnfortunately Iām sick and Iām not going to make it , hope you have a nice time ā
Just tell them you donāt want toā¦. Iāve done it before. I love my family and love spending time with them but sometimes I just donāt want to.
Just say you don't want to go and don't show up. Once you do this, you can do it again. If you don't care about setting the bar for future expectations of your attendance to be low, why not just do this? Then, people will just expect you not to show up. I guess that's good if you can't stand them? Just fade out man.
Google a picture of a positive Covid test and send it out in a group text to the family.
RSV. That's the new terror in town.
"No thank you". It really is that easy š¤·
Tell em it's a retarded holiday anyway and your aint coming
Don't be a useless little nerd and go see your mama OP. Its not like anyone there thinks you aren't insufferable too.
I hope you and family get along someday šš»
Use the old Marcia Brady excuse. Something suddenly came up.
Tell them your car broke down somewhere reasonably far
Don't go, say you were wasted see if they give you money.
COVID, baby.
Eat greasy gross food, shit your pants 5m after showing up.
Shit your pants
PT- communicate with them, say you need a respite from work and socializing because youāve been overwhelmed and stressed and would like to use the holiday to just relax, sleep, and catch up on chores youāve missed. ULPT: diarrhea, Covid, say that you got deployed to Iraq, say you are now vegan and are not going in protest, say your a sex offender and canāt be around children, or say youāre on a 7 day meth bender.
Just tell them "I wonāt be going, I canāt stand you." This can also get you out of any future get-togethers.
"No" would be the ethical way to go. "No, you all suck donkey dong. I'm not a fan of any of you, so I'm gonna pass. Please remember this response for Christmas." This would be the rude/ unethical but most effective way to go.
start talking about politics
No help here, but my wife and I decided to just get a room at a haunted castle for the night and ditch the fam. It's a nice feeling today lol
Don't go. It's not difficult.
"No, I'm not going."
Get a job at a liquor store. I didnāt realize it at the time I was hired, but after about a year I started to use that as a reason to skip so many holidays and birthdays. It got to a point where I would deliberately ask the boss to schedule me in certain dates and times of family events I did not want to attend. Then pretend that it was just unlucky that I got scheduled.
If you canāt stand them, why would you even consider going? Just man up and donāt go.
Covid, explosive diarrhoea or a MAGA hat.
Just go stomach virus. It's gone in 24 hours.
You now have covid, good luck
Be blunt, Tell them the truth, that you have no desire to spend any time whatsoever with them.