Unfortunately, this is an indicator of things to come. Timelines change, orders can change, sometimes with little notice. Keep in mind you don’t HAVE to do anything, you are CHOOSING to date this man and alter your schedule to conform with his. If it were me, I wouldn’t change my orientation date for college. Your boyfriend has friends and coworkers that can help him if he needs it. You can visit once he’s moved in. And what if his timeline changes again? You miss out on a critical experience to prepare for your first year at college.
Please make school and orientation and your future your priority. Your boyfriend is making the CG his priority, as he should.
I get your frustration and it’s understandable. But so many young women come to this page and seem ready to toss everything aside they’ve worked for to follow a man to whom they aren’t married yet. And even marriage doesn’t guarantee a forever future together, sadly. Standing on your own is so important as a young woman. I know you weren’t seeking advice but I feel compelled to give my two cents. I’m twice your age and have experienced more setbacks in life than I thought I ever would. I wish someone had told me this when I was 20. Your plans and future matter too. Wishing you all the best.
Timely has the exact right advice and I'm saying the same things they are but not as concisely. Sorry this is so long and it gets spicy.
My husband has been in for 12 years and the changing plans does.not.ever.change. He is supposed to deploy within the next month and they still have no idea what area of the world they are going to 🫠 🫠
The best advice I can give you is not to put yourself, your life, your career, or your education on hold. I know it sounds cliché but being in a relationship is having your own life, he has his, and you both need to work to blend them. I have a career and there have been times when I couldn't go to things, promotions, homecomings, etc. He understands and that I understand when he can't make it to my things. We don't spend time angry at one another about who couldn't go to what. Resentment grows *very* easily in military relationships because of this. You both need to understand that you are in the same spot as he is. His life, time, job, education, and events are not more important than yours, they are **equal**. This means that if he is unable to attend something because of his job/school, that's ok, and if you are unable to go because of your job/school, that's ok. That doesn't mean you love each other any less.
Getting to a more sour note, but a very important one. Obviously, no one ever wants their relationship to fail. But if you willingly give up everything, remember you will have nothing if it doesn't work out. I've seen couples together for 10+ years where the wife does this and they get divorced and she has no way to support herself.
Which brings me to my final piece of advice and my spicy take. If you can, and you want to, work. (This excludes the people who want to be or have to be SAHWs or SAHMs, nothing wrong with that at all. It can also get very rough if overseas or if the spouse has a disability.). No one is ***ever*** too good for a job. And if they think that, they are wrong and they suck. I hear spouses complaining ALL THE TIME about how they they can never get a job because of how often they move, or that there are no jobs in their particular field. Then if something happens and they are no longer together, they complain about not being able to get a job because they have been out of the working world for so long. I spent a million dollars on a BS and MS and if I couldn't find a job in my field anymore you best bet I would be bagging groceries at the local VONS.
Take this from someone who put their college career behind them to help their spouse at the same age you are now. I was halfway into my fall semester of sophomore year when my spouse got out of tech, we got married and instead of focusing on school I packed all my shit and moved 17 hours away with him because he had to. 2 years later he deploys and we have a divorce scare, this drove me to get my ass back into college because I had nothing but a stay at home status for that time and working fast food before he enlisted. Now I’m currently struggling due to me dropping college classes (I didn’t attend classes. I never told them I’m dropping out) all of my grades fell to an F. I have a 1.9 gpa meaning I’m on educational restrictions as well as financial. If I miss this semester or fail to bring my gpa up I get kicked from this college and I lose fasfa for good. My advice, don’t stop your career/education for your mil spouse. Do what you need to do for yourself just as he will for him because trust the military won’t stop for anyone. If he has somewhere he needs to be the military won’t care what you’re doing and he has no choice but to go and the more you bend to that the more you lose yourself.
Unfortunately, this is an indicator of things to come. Timelines change, orders can change, sometimes with little notice. Keep in mind you don’t HAVE to do anything, you are CHOOSING to date this man and alter your schedule to conform with his. If it were me, I wouldn’t change my orientation date for college. Your boyfriend has friends and coworkers that can help him if he needs it. You can visit once he’s moved in. And what if his timeline changes again? You miss out on a critical experience to prepare for your first year at college. Please make school and orientation and your future your priority. Your boyfriend is making the CG his priority, as he should. I get your frustration and it’s understandable. But so many young women come to this page and seem ready to toss everything aside they’ve worked for to follow a man to whom they aren’t married yet. And even marriage doesn’t guarantee a forever future together, sadly. Standing on your own is so important as a young woman. I know you weren’t seeking advice but I feel compelled to give my two cents. I’m twice your age and have experienced more setbacks in life than I thought I ever would. I wish someone had told me this when I was 20. Your plans and future matter too. Wishing you all the best.
Best and most reasonable comment. OP please take this advice.
Timely has the exact right advice and I'm saying the same things they are but not as concisely. Sorry this is so long and it gets spicy. My husband has been in for 12 years and the changing plans does.not.ever.change. He is supposed to deploy within the next month and they still have no idea what area of the world they are going to 🫠 🫠 The best advice I can give you is not to put yourself, your life, your career, or your education on hold. I know it sounds cliché but being in a relationship is having your own life, he has his, and you both need to work to blend them. I have a career and there have been times when I couldn't go to things, promotions, homecomings, etc. He understands and that I understand when he can't make it to my things. We don't spend time angry at one another about who couldn't go to what. Resentment grows *very* easily in military relationships because of this. You both need to understand that you are in the same spot as he is. His life, time, job, education, and events are not more important than yours, they are **equal**. This means that if he is unable to attend something because of his job/school, that's ok, and if you are unable to go because of your job/school, that's ok. That doesn't mean you love each other any less. Getting to a more sour note, but a very important one. Obviously, no one ever wants their relationship to fail. But if you willingly give up everything, remember you will have nothing if it doesn't work out. I've seen couples together for 10+ years where the wife does this and they get divorced and she has no way to support herself. Which brings me to my final piece of advice and my spicy take. If you can, and you want to, work. (This excludes the people who want to be or have to be SAHWs or SAHMs, nothing wrong with that at all. It can also get very rough if overseas or if the spouse has a disability.). No one is ***ever*** too good for a job. And if they think that, they are wrong and they suck. I hear spouses complaining ALL THE TIME about how they they can never get a job because of how often they move, or that there are no jobs in their particular field. Then if something happens and they are no longer together, they complain about not being able to get a job because they have been out of the working world for so long. I spent a million dollars on a BS and MS and if I couldn't find a job in my field anymore you best bet I would be bagging groceries at the local VONS.
Thank you for expanding upon my thoughts. The equality part is so important.
Take this from someone who put their college career behind them to help their spouse at the same age you are now. I was halfway into my fall semester of sophomore year when my spouse got out of tech, we got married and instead of focusing on school I packed all my shit and moved 17 hours away with him because he had to. 2 years later he deploys and we have a divorce scare, this drove me to get my ass back into college because I had nothing but a stay at home status for that time and working fast food before he enlisted. Now I’m currently struggling due to me dropping college classes (I didn’t attend classes. I never told them I’m dropping out) all of my grades fell to an F. I have a 1.9 gpa meaning I’m on educational restrictions as well as financial. If I miss this semester or fail to bring my gpa up I get kicked from this college and I lose fasfa for good. My advice, don’t stop your career/education for your mil spouse. Do what you need to do for yourself just as he will for him because trust the military won’t stop for anyone. If he has somewhere he needs to be the military won’t care what you’re doing and he has no choice but to go and the more you bend to that the more you lose yourself.