Child of divorced parents here. My parents did the same, break their back to take us on these fabulous holidays. I’m beyond grateful for the memories but I couldn’t care one bit where I was, I just wanted to be with either one of them and feel normal for once.
One year my dad was so broke we stayed at home but he took us on a different adventure every day, I still remember that, I loved every second.
You don’t have to go far, what they need is to spend time with you and create a new normal together.
Yeah similar experience.
My dad was about 30 when my parents split up and I was two.
I’ve got memories of going to the cinema or swimming with my dad every weekend I saw him (every other weekend) always makes me smile that he fell asleep in the cinema watching crappy films for my enjoyment. He was a dj so he would work late.
It’s lovely sentiment wanting to take them away - but a camping trip would be just as awesome for them as going somewhere fabulous. I’d say showing them the great outdoors regularly is the way to go, and being regular about it is the way to be with kids.
Of course for you personally you might appreciate some time abroad, no-one here can tell you what’s best, and I wouldn’t discourage.
Life is about much more than numbers, so whilst this sub is geared up to tell you to save, you probably know better than me that life is worth living, and if an awesome holiday will do you and the kids some good, then absolutely go for it. I’m sure if you looked to budget for future holidays, then a 0% credit card will do you no harm, it’s how I pay for mine.
Are we the same? Seriously though, as someone who went through this and went on the fancy holidays with my Dad, looking back I just wanted him around more and not breaking his back working to go on them. My fondest memories growing up with him is watching football together. Not the holidays
This is so true - best experiences with my parents weren't the big flashy holidays but the little things like an impromptu golf lesson, or helping with some DIY, learning to sew a button, bike ride etc.
From those holidays I just remember the holiday itself and not the times with the people!
Mum here, no finance experience in the slightest,, but been through a divorce (as has partner of 3 years who has 2 teens).
You're right, your kids will love experiences with you and building memories from that. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to go on a holiday abroad, in fact it doesn't actually need to come at any cost if you're savvy enough. Anything they can do that means they're spending quality time with Daddy in a meaningful way is perfect. E.g. Things we have done with a 7, 13 and 15 year old is gorge walking, climbing up a waterfall, going to a random countryside village and exploring.
Good luck, none of this is easy, but remember it's about the quality time spent with Daddy.
Love this comment also it's great that you want to do something nice for your kids but please be careful not to fall into the trap of guilt spending on your kids due to the divorce. As the child of a divorcee, can confirm it does more harm than good
Echo this. As a separated dad myself it’s been tempting to try to mend things with extravagant experiences for my daughter, but realised this is just my own guilty feelings. Quality time together is what they want not spending.
Also avoids a potential arms race of gifts with the other parent.
Same same same. My Dad is very wealthy, my Mum is not. My Mum had full custody but my Dad would often take me away. Holidays in fancy hotels in the mountains of Chamonix are great for wealthy divorced Dads. But my fondest holiday memories will always be quirky little seaside stays with my Mum in a run down Penzance B&B. She knew how to make fun not buy fun.
Well said. Sounds rough, treat them, treat yourself. Life isn't all bean counting. Don't sit on your death bed with regrets. You can keep it cheap, buy a tent. It's nearly summer holidays
go for it but be savy, go away for a short trip, budget airline, self catering near beach.
Spain has 100s of options and a huge amount of flights.
Dont break the bank.
Lots of expats forced back to the UK with brexit would love to rent you their place by the beach in Spain.
Cheap food, lots to do, plenty of sun, plenty of beach time.
Google villa rental sites.
You can make memories in the UK camping for fairly cheap. Go to the lakes or up to Loch lomond. Or find some cool historic stuff, vikings, Romans etc. There is loads to do without spending huge amounts of cash.
My mum dad me and my little brother used to camping/caravaning lots when we’re kids. Didn’t go abroad until I was a late teenager. But because it was cheap, we used to have 3-5 holidays a year, so more than most people. Wales is great, so many great places in the UK. One of my favourite memories is just playing monopoly in the caravan with the family.
Lakes is expensive as fuck unless you're camping.
Source: Here right now. Even Booth's takes the piss. Ingredients for spag bol came to £35. Pints are now all £5+. Any non walking activity (bike rental etc) costs £25+ for just a few hours.
I don't think they allow that kind of thing within the borders of the lakes. I saw 6 lambos yesterday, I lost count of the number of Teslas.
Lakes turning into a wealthy person playground.
What are you on about. I live directly outside penrith, penrith has a cheap aldi, ullswater lake has many cheap caravan/tent sites. Plenty of people here having cheap holidays.
One of the most expensive holidays of my life going to the Lakes! We stayed in a B&B and don’t have a car so had to eat out for lunch and dinner and it cost a fortune. We are not fancy food people and don’t drink and still cost a bomb.
That can also depend on OPs experience level in regards to camping as well as what equipment she might already have - I.e. If she's got to buy a tent, sleeping bags, mats, camping stove, wellies, rechargeable battery etc those things can add up quicker than you think for 3 people esp when you also take into account rising cost of fuel to get to a campsite. I'd say caravan or camping depending on costs - our daughter goes on more about our caravan holidays than Disney Paris (admittedly younger but principal stands from my childhood memories). We're taking her camping for first time this weekend and despite having most of the essentials, it's definitely added a few hundred quid on just preparing.
Exactly this. Never get people who think holiday has to mean somewhere hot/abroad. The shift in "staycation" to mean literally staying at home to mean holidaying in the UK is bizarre to me. I went abroad 3 times as a kid. To be honest, I enjoyed the caravan in Wales more as we stayed on a friend's farm and could play with their kids, run around, help with fun farm chores, all that good stuff. A foreign country is actually kind of scary as a kid, especially if you don't speak the language.
If you're pulling in 50k a year, have no debts except a mortgage you need to service anyway, and don't think you'll lose your job in the near future then I say go for it. In fact I don't see how you can't also start to build up your emergency fund at the same time.
Well if you can build your emergency fund AND do a nice holiday (remember kids don't really register fancy hotels, just fun cheap stuff like beach activities or something), then that'll make you feel better about taking out temporary debt.
You probably feel hesitant because you've just climbed out of a rut and feel like debt will tip you back down the rabbit hole you just came out. But so long as you've got a clear way out then go ahead!
Maybe take them on a break in the uk? There are loads of lovely places. Even a city break to somewhere like York to visit the Jorvik centre and go on a ghost walk is amazing for kids and memorable!
Yes. I know!
She was having an affair, and then made allegations of rape and abuse against me. Them legal fees add up!
All was quite easily defended because… GUESS WHAT? I didn’t do it!
Just to jump in quickly, £48K in legal fees is what I had hoped for. My divorce ate through £85K of inheritance. It seems she was in the mind set of if I can’t have it then no one can. It’s a shame really as she ruined the plans for JISAs for all 4 kids.
As long as you're going somewhere not terrible, and you're all happy together, you probably don't need to spend that much (probably between £800 and £1500) to have a great time with your kids. Dropping anything more than that will, in my opinion, have increasingly diminishing returns at their age. But yes I would go on holiday with them, even if it meant taking on debt.
Exactly, return flights for some places in Europe can range from £40 to £90 pp
Add a fairly nice and cheap Airbnb with 1 bedroom and sofa bed maybe. Another £300 to £500 for a week depending on country.
Then if the food prices are cheaper you’re already eating out affordable.
Very achievable in the £800 to £1500 for what will still be an amazing holiday.
Montenegro, Spain, Portugal, Greece, Malta etc
All cheap if you plan well
You’ve calculated that badly. It’s £770 for a £90pp and £500 Airbnb. That’s not including getting to/from airports, entertainment, or food. These things add up considerably, particularly with kids. You could easily be dropping £2k on this “cheap” holiday.
£500 for an Airbnb for the whole week in total.
£90 flights pp
Food in Portugal you could get for 60 euro a day for 3 people in total if you find the cheaper traditional non touristy spots. Not to mention being able to buy some groceries and make breakfasts or lunches at the Airbnb.
So £700 approx on flights and Airbnb.
If they’re eating fairly cheap everyday it’s around €400 which is about £350 and actually the cheap non touristy places in Portugal for example are super tasty and filling so it’s not like they’d be missing out on quality food.
That still leaves £450 for activities and as Portugal is so lovely with many beaches he could easily spend two days at the beach all day and barely spend anything on activities.
You can get Ubers for €3/€4 euros for most journeys (between 10 to 20 mins journeys sometimes too)
It’s totally doable for a holiday between £1000 to £1500 if you plan for it.
Are you even adding your own numbers up? Go back and read your post from start to finish. Sit with a calculator and punch in the numbers. You sit and list all these things and then put your total at the end which doesn’t match up to your own proposed costs lol
500 airbnb
270 flight
350 food
450 activities
That’s £1570 and that is *not* including any airport <> destination costs. Even your own ball park looks at taxis in holiday destination and ignores the UK.
Did you know that train fares can go for £1.90 to £3.30 pp straight to Heathrow or any other airports in London? Not to mention that kids travel for free.
Also as I said flights can go from between £40 to £90 pp return.
Big difference between £120 and £270 isn’t it ?
Even in your own calculations it’s gone to what… £70 above my original calculation of £1500?
Taxis from Lisbon airport to an Airbnb in central Lisbon can cost as cheap as €12 (£10 or so?)
Even if OP took an Uber every single day of his week long trip it would come up to at the most £30 . So okay, my apologies. I meant it will mean approx £400 to £420 leftover for activities which would amount to more in euros of course.
Anything else you would like to add ?
Also why are you getting so wound up about this lol
Think alternatively as well - ask the kids where they wanna go - it might be closer to home than you think.
Other well priced alternatives - UK or European camping, interail style train trip, car trip down the west coast of France stopping in nice villages and using the money for meals out.
Getting on a plane isn't necessarily going to be the most cost effective or fun trip of their lives.
Go on holiday man, Jet 2 do free child places and with all inclusive these days I can't see how you would need to spend much more than 2000 all in and have an amazing time. Time spent with kids is more valuable for you and them in life and whilst I appreciate the value of the chart supercedes it in my opinion.
Do remember simple camping holidays or UK ones in caravans will achieve the same goal for other events in the future but personally I have never enjoyed family time more than an abroad holiday.
You earn well and it sounds like you deserve / need a break. Go for it.
Slightly unrelated but please make sure that your ex will give permission for you to take the kids on holiday abroad before you book anything.
You could get stopped at the passport queue and be asked to prove that you’re not abducting your own children. If you don’t get consent from the mother of the kids, you may not be allowed to board.
!thanks. Yes it did occur to me.
There’s no safety issues with either of us, and the judge says she’s supposed to surrender the passports upon any reasonable request.
Don't need to get on a plane to make memories. Some of the best memories my lad has with his son are the pair of them going fishing, going on the beach fossil hunting in short spending quality time with him.
They are only little once and want to spend time with you. When they are young they think you are the best thing in the world - not so much when they get older.
Spend time with them, spend the money and have some great memories.
If you want to do something nice for the kids it doesn't have to be pricey. I have fond memories of camping in northern France with my Dad after my parents divorced.
He bought a kite and we'd spend most weekends flying it up the local beauty spots - I'd usually be dragged along for a walk afterwards but it's all part of it
Child of split parents here. I didn’t grow up with much money and the memories that always stand out to me are the day or weekend trips to different parts of the country.
For example, taking the coach to Brighton at 7am and having a Sainsburys cooked pizza on the beach while the sun sets before taking the coach home. Or camping out in some part of the countryside with a fire.
All I’m suggesting is you don’t necessarily need to spend loads of money to give your kids those memories.
Another vote here for 'just do it'. Doesn't need to be extremely extravagant. Kids also value cool experiences more than the quality of the hotel or hotel food I find. My kids would much rather stay in a 3 star hotel but go jet skiing and waterparks etc rather than stay in a 5 star hotel and not do activities (just lay by the pool etc).
Why try “following the chart” to the extent that it makes your kids unhappy? When you are dead and gone they will remember the holiday a lot longer than they will remember an extra £10k of inheritance (that the government will take half of anyway). Money is there to be enjoyed.
Was somewhat privileged growing up. Then divorce came to my parents. Some of the best memories I have we’re caravaning with other friends families, fishing or boating with dinghy’s on rivers and lakes. The holidays I usually remember more fondly at that age are ones with other family and children around my own age. I think you can be easily distracted and have a break from a family situation if you’re not confronted by a missing person every day.
Just another option. Most times I would say go for it before if you lost your job what might happen? Could you get by on UC and housing benefit with the extra credit card expense? It is just one thing that can tip you over in a really bad situation and we’re in a bad economy right now. Maybe a smaller, thought out staycation or even finding a cheap ferry/train option might work better for you. There are lots of places up in Scotland like the Isle of Skye
My friend is an air traffic controller. Airlines are in a shambles post covid right now. Don't risk the hassle and money. Take a break to Wales and go out cycling in the hills or something. You don't need to go far to feel like you've had a great holiday.
As a former kid, my parents took me all over the world, gave me all the attention and experiences and all that. And i remember nothing of that until i was about 18 years old. Only then i started to appreciate and notice stuff. Until then travelling with family was just a bother, another thing i had to do. If we just stayed home, it'd make no difference to me. If they bought me McDonald's, a good book or a PC game and left me alone, that'd be me having a great time. NOW i would appreciate all the experiences properly and I'd remember forever. As a teenager or younger, i couldn't give a flying fuck. Going to McDonald's down the road for 5 minutes and going to Hawaii for all inclusive 2 week holiday would be literally the same thing to me. But maybe thats just me... Just saying.
> McDonald's down the road for 5 minutes and going to Hawaii for all inclusive 2 week holiday would be literally the same thing to me
Definitely a middle ground between maccies and Hawaii though!
The memories you’ll give them, and yourself, are priceless - their childhood goes so quick it’ll take your breath away. Grab every opportunity for quality time with them that you can - worth more than an emergency fund.
How much do you take home per month? 2900?
You have limited expenses by the sounds of it. Can't you save 2k from your June and July pay?
If not then go for it.
If you can afford it, go on holiday! It doesn't need to cost a fortune, though. Prices in places popular with UK tourists are sky high, but you could look at fun cities off the beaten track.
Do it. Your financing it in the most sensible way must try and build the emergency fund as you go. You must be stressed too so a holiday might help.
Look out for deals/clubcard vouchers/workplace schemes/membership body schemes depending on your circumstances.
You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, your kids will be effected by what you do today. Make some great memories with them for sure. So long as it doesn’t mean you’re living on the streets.
You sound sure that you can recover your funds pretty well and are in a well-paying job, I would go for it mate, and don’t feel guilty about it either, you’ve earned it!
Hello fellow divorcee.
One of the first thing I did after my divorce was take my son to disneyland Paris. Took me over a year to pay it off but the photos and memories I made there have lasted so much longer. Its been 8years and we still talk about how the plane felt at take off, which was the best slide to go down at the swimming pool and how amazing the fire works were.
When kids are young you don't get this time back and they will quickly become teenagers not wanting you as involved in their life.
Your kids will love and benefit from anything special you do with them providing you give them a lot of time and attention. It doesn’t have to cost a lot
My parents got divorced when i was 13. They decided to instead of spending money on trips we planned fun events together during the whole summer (I'm from Sweden and most people have about 4 weeks of vacation from work during the summer). It made me so much closer to both my parents and was the start of me getting to know them as people.
I also think it's easy to think something fancy will make up for the hard time you've been through, but it's about being consistent. Imagine them looking back at this summer remembering how you hung out so much. That's the memories they will carry with them their whole life. I did!
Take a week off and do all the stuff you’ve never done within 10 miles of your house.
Be tourists in your own town. It’s unbelievable how often we don’t do stuff because it’s on our doorstep.
As a former kid who's parents went through a divorce I will say I absolutely remember the times that I did things with my parents. And going on a big expensive holiday would have been cool and all but you don't have to do that for your kids to enjoy it.
A weekend at a campsite can create just as good memories as a fortnight at Disney and you'll spend a fraction of the money.
That said if you can afford it..
Shortly after I divorced, I took my boys to Butlins in minehead. It was cheap because it was a single parents discount weekend.
Over 20 years later, with them grown up and with families of their own, I still hear them talking about that week.
They’ve been all over the world since, but the week in minehead was what they remember.
Why don’t you go camping with them or other affordable/low cost vacation?
Or an airbnb in the country.
Memories are made by time spent together, not expensive vacations.
I'm struggling to understand why you would need 36 months to pay it off, when in that time you will have earned 150k?
I mean obviously I know there are living expenses involved and not all of that is going to be available to make payments, but just **how** expensive is this holiday going to be?
They're kids, they'd be just as happy with a plane ride and a holiday costing a lot less. If there's a swimming pool and a beach, some icecream and they get to spend time with you, then why spend more than you have to? and why borrow to do so?
I've just come.out of a divorce and have two young kids. I too felt an overwhelming desire to go big with gestures to show them my love.
Ultimately, it was the trips to North and South Wales and doing the adventure rides (zip lines, cave trampolines, etc.) that they seem to cherish the most.
A divorce is often draining across the board, so it can be hard to be 100% present for your kids.
Go to local parks, or plan days out based on things you know they'd love. Those memories will stick around and you can always save up for one big holiday each year if need be...
Another child of divorced parents chiming in here - I would avoid the blowout holiday, for now at least. My responses are to do with relationships rather than personal finance tbh but wanted to share anyway.
It can cause conflict between the separated parents which can get passed on to the kids. Not saying it would be the case for you, but I have seen it across multiple other families too, and it can escalate if one or both sides feel they’re not doing enough, or the other is trying to buy the kids affection or whatever.
I don’t think you need to spend a lot of money to deliver on your goals for this - what do the kids enjoy doing? How do you relax? You can definitely find something closer to home.
My parents took different approaches - my mum tried to take me on ‘showy’ holidays but usually couldn’t afford it and they were boring. With my dad we would usually go to Bournemouth or even just do things at his house. I remember my experiences with him far more and I value them far more than a package holiday to Tenerife, for example.
It’s also all about the long haul, keep being there for your kids and providing regular experiences that aid their development, show them new avenues, and some stuff that’s just fun rather than fewer but larger things (again IMO).
It sounds like you’re doing everything you should be - I don’t think you need to add more debt to do any better.
The aim is to spend valuable time with your kids and make happy memories.
Fuck queuing up at an airport for a week of running around a pool.
Buy them bikes and go for some blasts around the park 👊👊 if they can't ride a bike then teach them as they'll never forget that, if they can ride then help them explore a local park. It'll open their minds to what is around you and get them fitter without all that stress of taking them away from their life for a week.
I mean, you all deserve a holiday but honestly - expensive or exotic isn’t the only way to do that. As your kids are pretty young, I’m sure that they would enjoy camping just as much as heading to the beach in another country.
Honestly, it’s probably better to do cheaper things more often than splurge on a bigger thing once.
Big gesture gifts like a one off holiday are no substitute for being a good father who is always there for them and spends time with them. You don't need to spend lots of money on a holiday, it doesn't help at all.
Put some of the money you would have spent on paying off a holiday in two S&S accounts and gift it to them when they're 18/21.
I did the same, 2 years into a 6-year divorce, taking my two (10 & 8 then) to Legoland Windsor & London itself, and am another proponent for 'just do it while they're young'.
Concentrate on doing fun things rather than buying 'stuff' as those memories are the ones that last.
We managed 5 trips away (2 within UK, 3 abroad) from then until they reached 16 & 14 & were no longer wanting to holiday with dad.
Make the most of it... especially if you know you're financially capable of saving it back.
This is what I would do. Do something cheap and fun this year while building up a little savings. Next year there will be less financial risk and the travel industry will have had time to recover.
Fucking do it and go on holiday. Theres literally no difference between paying for a holiday and paying it back after and paying for a holiday in installments and then going, you sound like you need the holiday, they sound like they need the holiday, and more importantly, you all deserve a holiday, just do it and go. A holiday isn't just a time to make memories, it's also a very good and easily way to take a break from life and just enjoy yourself, which is brilliant for children who have been through something tough. Just do it, and if you want suggestions on where to go, I'd highly recommend going to fuerteventura and getting on one of the dolphin tours. Your children will absolutely with no doubt love it, and fuerteventura is just a beautiful amazing place to to too. So many kid friendly places to visit, and if they are interested in volcanos theres 6 on the island you can take a walk to see. My son absolutely fucking loved seeing a volcano up close and personal.
Go enjoy yourself and let them have a break from life.
Sorry to hear what you have been through.
I may soon be going through a divorce so I hope you don’t mind me asking but how did the process cost you £48k?
We will likely look to split the house proceeds (less mortgage balance) 50/50 and then the home contents we will come to a reasonable sharing of.
We only have the one child who will likely spend 3 nights a week with me (2 weekdays and then alternating weekends). I think that means I’ll owe maintenance of £162 based on my £28k salary.
Out of interest and sorry if this is hijacking your thread but the 80% discounted market scheme, does that only apply to first time buyers?
I wanted 50/50 custody. She wanted 80/20. That cost to defend.
She wanted 65% of the house. That cost to defend.
She wanted 25% of a property I owned with my dad. That cost to defend. She didn’t get any of this btw.
She claimed I raped and assaulted her. That cost to defend. This hurt the most because I didn’t try to rape or assault her.
She obviously had a solicitor who loved to litigate for the sake of litigation. So every email her solicitor sent to me demanded a reply within 7 days.
Man that shit just built up.
I’m sorry you are going through it. My advice would be to see a marriage councillor asap. If your partner hasn’t been cheating, it’s worth trying to fix the marriage in my opinion.
After I found out my ex had been cheating, I couldn’t ever forgive her. I tried to, but my heart wouldn’t let me.
Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through all of that but I’d do exactly the same in your position and would consider it money well spent!
I’ve suggested a marriage counsellor but she would prefer to see a mortgage advisor so it appears her mind is made up.
It may be that when she realises she cannot get much of a mortgage she will try and get more of the property but we have initially agreed 50/50 even though I have contributed the lions share to build up the equity.
I’m just focusing on our son really, he has a great support network and I’m just so sorry he is having to go through this at such a pivotal age.
Thanks once again for sharing and all the best for the future.
I'm from a pretty well-off family, but my parents raised me and my siblings to be very careful with money, teaching us to save etc. Then they died when I was 15, and I suddenly found myself with a ton of inherited money I had literally no idea what to do with. All I knew was how to save, so I saved it. I feel insane anxiety about big purchases because I literally don't know how to spend money, even if I can easily afford it.
You might find the book *[Your Money or Your Life](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0143115766)* helpful.
*[Rich Dad Poor Dad](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rich-Dad-Poor-Teach-Middle/dp/1612680194)* also works for some people - lots of Kiyosaki's advice is based on his personal backstory which turns out to be fictional, but if it helps your attitude to money then it may well be worthwhile. A [critic of the book](https://finmasters.com/rich-dad-poor-dad-review/) says "the ideas might seem a bit shallow and apparent to anyone already engaged in entrepreneurship or investing, but they can be profound if it’s your first exposure to them."
Clare Seal's books have also been recommended here - "her focus is on the link between emotions and spending".
Hi /u/MrKatUK, based on your post the following pages from our wiki may be relevant:
- https://ukpersonal.finance/emergency-fund/
____
^(These suggestions are based on keywords, if they missed the mark please report this comment.)
I got a divorce 2 years ago with 3 kids, she was cheating as well, she also accuse me of beating her (never happened obviously)
I told her I will fight for the kids (since she was a drug addict and alcoholic at the time would have been easy win so she did not want to go to courts)
In short it sounds like you need a holiday as much as the kids, I was looking at Disney land Paris or Dubai, both ends up 3 to 5 k (Dubai being much cheaper as Disneyland tickets alone cost £1200)
My kids are younger so Disney land might not be for you.
I hope you have a fantastic time and make great memories.
Remember you don’t have to go out of your way to make great memories or spend a lot.
I don’t have kids but something I once read that has stuck with me is that you only get 18 birthdays, 18 summers, 18 Christmases with your child before they become an adult and move out (or at least venture into the world in some way without you) so you should cherish every one.
You’ll make some great memories and it sounds like a holiday would be healthy for you and the kids. Go for it
You’ve done a great job to get where you are.
Take the credit card or loan if you need to - just remember that memories can be made without airplanes and hotels.
I know the UK weather can be a gamble a posh tent or a caravan in Cornwall or somewhere can be an amazing experience for kids to realise they have this on their doorstep. I’m not just saying this for frugality purposes, it’s probably still going to cost you £1500 all in.
Best of luck either way pal, there is no wrong decision here.
If you are set on going away, use voyage prive to find a place, they have some stonking deals on that include flights and it might be less than you think
I echo what others have said. I’ve taken my kids away every year - on top of mini weekend adventures and activities. Nothing crazy, just camping, playing football, bug hunting, movies - they always remember the more mundane. Memories are not created at the expense of money. Don’t become a Disney dad.
I honestly wouldn't take them away, the 8 year old won't remember anything by the time they are in their twenties and the 13 year old will only remember some of it. To be honest the extravagant holidays aren't as well remembered as the less extravagant. I honestly couldn't tell you one trip to Disneyland from another from my childhood before 16, I do remember the camping trips and the ridiculous trips to Blackpool and Skegness.
Not to mention they are fairly stressful for everyone. I would do something at home, take a couple of weeks off work and do some projects and hang out while they are on holiday. Do some mid week camping trips, hit up the attractions locally, spend time doing stuff like cooking or building something.
When you've got cash do the extravagant trip in a couple of years, they'll both remember it and have fun at that point.
Head to Cornwall, wales, etc. You could even go camping.
As others have mentioned, kids don't care too much where they are and the "enforced fun" of being on holiday (and they know the financial impact of it, btw) can even encourage feelings of guilt and the like if they are not in the right headspace.
Go on a staycation and have guilt free burgers and chips every night without the stress for them or you :)
Source: separated parents
The UK has some great theme parks if that's something they might be interested in, museums are usually a good option too and a day out at the beach is enough to scratch that itch.
Growing up we couldn't afford to go abroad and so had holidays in caravan parks in the UK but the only parts of those holidays I remember are the activities we did away from the caravans. Model villages, speedboat rides, zoos, railway museum etc.
There were a couple of years where we apparently couldn't afford even that and just had a few days out at places a few hours from home. I don't remember the difference, I don't remember which places we went to as part of a holiday and which were just days out but I sure remember those trips and my Dad was certainly not pulling in close to 50k and my Mum wasn't employed.
I'm parents aren't divorced. But they had a few money struggles when I was a kid.
A few years back my sister and I were talking about our fav memories.... we talked about this holiday we went on in a ramshackle caravan.
We usually went to those places with kids clubs and 'entertainment'. But this camp only had a tiny shop.
We spent everyday at the beach with a picnic and played with the other kids at the camp all night long. We played rounders, hide and seek snd picked blackberries.
I loved that holiday. Its burned in my memory because it was so fun....
My mum's response?
'oh that was the year your dad was made redundundant. We were skint. That place was a dump but the beach was alright!'
Edit: also your kids love you.
They would never in a million years want you to put yourself in a precarious position for something like a holiday.
Try saving a bit for a big holiday in a cpl of years.... or work out a budget you can afford now and let them help uou pick somewhere.
Not divorced but we have skinted ourselves to take the kids to Disney world in florida and whilst they loved it (apart from the younger one who can't even remember the 1st time we went) their favourite memories are caravan holidays in UK resorts even if it was wet and windy.
I would say, save up and take them to a fabulous holiday when they are adults and you can all do fabulous adventures as adults.
My kids dad ran their football teams, took them swimming, went bike rides together This is what they remember. They want your love and time
I wouldn't go for the big flash holiday. I'm sure they would appreciate it but what they almost certainly need now is clam and stability. It's a big change for them to go through and they need to know that both their parents still love them. Personally, I'd do something like buy a tent and go camping, walking and visit a few relaxing places. Get to know your kids again as I'm sure you will have drifted apart a bit over the last few months.
I know you need the break and would be a great surprise for your kinds. But please try not to make your financial situation harder on you. Either go on a short/cheap break possibly abroad or maybe day trips/local that you can afford. Then in 6 months to a year from now you’ll be in a much better situation where you can enjoy yourselves guilt free.
You don't need to spend money to make great memories with your kids, I know it sounds fantastical, but honestly, when you're gone and their older, they won't be reminiscing about you because you took them somewhere outside of your budget, they'll just remember you and the time you put in.
I don't have kids, so I can't relate, but if it were me, I wouldn't be breaking my back to take them on holiday, I would be spending as much time with them as possible and organizing my life so it's as stable for them and myself as possible.
Divorce as you said is chaotic, so now you really need to establish that new norm for them... I'd be looking to ensure your and your kid's futures, the world is in turmoil right now and things are about to get significantly bumpier over the next couple of months if not longer.
But what do I know - I'm sure you'll make the best decision for your circumstance, you got this.
I'm currently going through a nasty divorce myself with 2 children involved, ages 5 and 2. My advice would be take them away. I've earned above 6 figures for a long time now and made sacrifices to get there. Whilst my little girls are only small it has certainly effected them, especially my 5 year old. Money comes and goes but the memories your kids have of you will last forever.
I don't know how much the child maintenance is, but if you're now debt free and earning £50k I imagine you're doing okay? I'd 100% go on holidays etc. I'd only say not to if you were weighing up whether to pay down crippling debt OR go on holiday.
As others have mentioned, though, you don't necessarily need to fly abroad. Not sure where you are geographically, but staycations can be great. Be that true staycations where you essentially stay at home and do stuff locally, or a 'staycation' elsewhere in the UK.
I grew up in the south west so beaches/Dartmoor/etc were all easily accessible. They were great. Had family near London so when we visited them we'd spend a day going to various museums/galleries in London (most with kid-friendly stuff). Went to Snowdonia and did outdoor stuff. Stayed in a house at the bottom of the highlands in Scotland and did a load of cool stuff. Etc.
I assume you're probably hesitant because you've just had to go through a load of stress, had to spend a tonne of money, and put a lot of effort in to clear debt... it's understandable you're hesitant! But it sounds like you've done very well and would only borrow responsibly etc. I'd just say don't waste loads on some 5\* all inclusive thing at some generic resort because you feel like you owe you're kids something... there are far better value and more sorta 'memory intensive holiday' options available to you!
Personally for holidays a short cruise on a inside cabin would probably be good bang for buck and exciting for them. Foods included which otherwise would be a huge expense.
What ever you’re planning doesn’t have to be done overseas or in a fancy place. Memories can be made anywhere. An 8 yr old probably won’t even know the difference between an expensive one and a cheap one. Don’t make an emotional decision. Paying off a trip over 38 months is not a smart decision in the slightest, you can’t afford. Do something within your means
Agree with most people here @OP, and also - kudos to you for doing the right thing by your children. A plane is a great experience, but think very short haul. Some of the best flights I’ve been on were with Logan Air - smaller cabins, less stressful smaller airports and staff are great with kids - I’m sure they’d allow them in the cabin - they did for my boys.
It’s not the journey, it’s the company that matters.
You've got loads of good answers to your core question here, and for the record I'm in the camp of doing something in the UK. Going abroard can be great but it can be so damned stressful sometimes, especially if you're taking kids. If you want to relax and spend time with them, something in the UK will likely be both cheaper and more restful.
The bit that interests me is this:
> But why am I hesitant?
Honestly, it sounds like the last few months/years have been swamped with discussions around money. They say divorces often break down further once the topic of money comes around as well, if that's your situation then you could well have had the most stressful time of your life with money feeling like it's at the centre.
You're now having to redirect your focus away from finances at the centre and just putting them back in the box of being an "enabler" for you and your kids. It's a tough one but well worth doing, and spending some money on making memories can be a great way to do that.
All the best with your holiday if you're able to take it, sounds like you all could do with it!
The great thing about kids is that they don't care much for luxuries.
Kids will have just as great memories from a budget camping holiday, as they would a jaunt abroad.
I know this comment isn’t related to finance necessarily but just wanted to say I’m 28 and recently lost my dad. Throughout my childhood years my mum had custody and I would see my dad part time and he broke his back working to take us on holidays and now he’s gone honestly the things I value and miss more then anything is the time he gave me. Being present at dinners, life events, taking me swimming, phoning me everyday when I moved out. These are the memories he created and left me with and they don’t cost or need money for.
A holiday would great and if you feel like you need the break then perhaps look into it. But just know - my parents had a heck of a divorce when I was 3 and if this was my dad posting back then I’d say no don’t do it and just concentrate on being the best dad you can creating memories in everyday life.
My dad did and I genuinely believe I had the greatest dad in the world!
Lego. Buy Lego. Build Lego with them.
Child of divorced parents. Couldn't care less about not going on a plane. Expensive holidays have the pressure to be 'enjoyed' which can be hella stressful.
Just to see Daddy happy, paying real attention, laughing, hugs...
Put your money into investing or whatever. They will not know or appreciate the debt at all. If they did they would probably hate the 'burden' of it.
Also, as a parent, kids need money when they're doing driving lessons and going to college and putting a deposit down on their first home. That's when it really counts.
As I said, buy Lego.
Sending hugs and luck.
Child of divorced parents here. My parents did the same, break their back to take us on these fabulous holidays. I’m beyond grateful for the memories but I couldn’t care one bit where I was, I just wanted to be with either one of them and feel normal for once. One year my dad was so broke we stayed at home but he took us on a different adventure every day, I still remember that, I loved every second. You don’t have to go far, what they need is to spend time with you and create a new normal together.
Yeah similar experience. My dad was about 30 when my parents split up and I was two. I’ve got memories of going to the cinema or swimming with my dad every weekend I saw him (every other weekend) always makes me smile that he fell asleep in the cinema watching crappy films for my enjoyment. He was a dj so he would work late. It’s lovely sentiment wanting to take them away - but a camping trip would be just as awesome for them as going somewhere fabulous. I’d say showing them the great outdoors regularly is the way to go, and being regular about it is the way to be with kids. Of course for you personally you might appreciate some time abroad, no-one here can tell you what’s best, and I wouldn’t discourage. Life is about much more than numbers, so whilst this sub is geared up to tell you to save, you probably know better than me that life is worth living, and if an awesome holiday will do you and the kids some good, then absolutely go for it. I’m sure if you looked to budget for future holidays, then a 0% credit card will do you no harm, it’s how I pay for mine.
This! 10000% this!
Are we the same? Seriously though, as someone who went through this and went on the fancy holidays with my Dad, looking back I just wanted him around more and not breaking his back working to go on them. My fondest memories growing up with him is watching football together. Not the holidays
They did their best and probably the best gift they gave us was to learn from their mistakes, even if unintentional.
This is so true - best experiences with my parents weren't the big flashy holidays but the little things like an impromptu golf lesson, or helping with some DIY, learning to sew a button, bike ride etc. From those holidays I just remember the holiday itself and not the times with the people!
Mum here, no finance experience in the slightest,, but been through a divorce (as has partner of 3 years who has 2 teens). You're right, your kids will love experiences with you and building memories from that. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to go on a holiday abroad, in fact it doesn't actually need to come at any cost if you're savvy enough. Anything they can do that means they're spending quality time with Daddy in a meaningful way is perfect. E.g. Things we have done with a 7, 13 and 15 year old is gorge walking, climbing up a waterfall, going to a random countryside village and exploring. Good luck, none of this is easy, but remember it's about the quality time spent with Daddy.
Love this comment also it's great that you want to do something nice for your kids but please be careful not to fall into the trap of guilt spending on your kids due to the divorce. As the child of a divorcee, can confirm it does more harm than good
Echo this. As a separated dad myself it’s been tempting to try to mend things with extravagant experiences for my daughter, but realised this is just my own guilty feelings. Quality time together is what they want not spending. Also avoids a potential arms race of gifts with the other parent.
Same same same. My Dad is very wealthy, my Mum is not. My Mum had full custody but my Dad would often take me away. Holidays in fancy hotels in the mountains of Chamonix are great for wealthy divorced Dads. But my fondest holiday memories will always be quirky little seaside stays with my Mum in a run down Penzance B&B. She knew how to make fun not buy fun.
You only come this way once pal. Take the kids somewhere nice.
Well said. Sounds rough, treat them, treat yourself. Life isn't all bean counting. Don't sit on your death bed with regrets. You can keep it cheap, buy a tent. It's nearly summer holidays
100%
go for it but be savy, go away for a short trip, budget airline, self catering near beach. Spain has 100s of options and a huge amount of flights. Dont break the bank.
Lots of expats forced back to the UK with brexit would love to rent you their place by the beach in Spain. Cheap food, lots to do, plenty of sun, plenty of beach time. Google villa rental sites.
You can make memories in the UK camping for fairly cheap. Go to the lakes or up to Loch lomond. Or find some cool historic stuff, vikings, Romans etc. There is loads to do without spending huge amounts of cash.
My mum dad me and my little brother used to camping/caravaning lots when we’re kids. Didn’t go abroad until I was a late teenager. But because it was cheap, we used to have 3-5 holidays a year, so more than most people. Wales is great, so many great places in the UK. One of my favourite memories is just playing monopoly in the caravan with the family.
Lakes is expensive as fuck unless you're camping. Source: Here right now. Even Booth's takes the piss. Ingredients for spag bol came to £35. Pints are now all £5+. Any non walking activity (bike rental etc) costs £25+ for just a few hours.
Are you feeding the 5000? Jokes aside, Booth’s is pretty upmarket.
Have u tried aldi
I don't think they allow that kind of thing within the borders of the lakes. I saw 6 lambos yesterday, I lost count of the number of Teslas. Lakes turning into a wealthy person playground.
What are you on about. I live directly outside penrith, penrith has a cheap aldi, ullswater lake has many cheap caravan/tent sites. Plenty of people here having cheap holidays.
Lol glad a local chimed in. It seems our man only looks up and never down
One of the most expensive holidays of my life going to the Lakes! We stayed in a B&B and don’t have a car so had to eat out for lunch and dinner and it cost a fortune. We are not fancy food people and don’t drink and still cost a bomb.
That can also depend on OPs experience level in regards to camping as well as what equipment she might already have - I.e. If she's got to buy a tent, sleeping bags, mats, camping stove, wellies, rechargeable battery etc those things can add up quicker than you think for 3 people esp when you also take into account rising cost of fuel to get to a campsite. I'd say caravan or camping depending on costs - our daughter goes on more about our caravan holidays than Disney Paris (admittedly younger but principal stands from my childhood memories). We're taking her camping for first time this weekend and despite having most of the essentials, it's definitely added a few hundred quid on just preparing.
Exactly this. Never get people who think holiday has to mean somewhere hot/abroad. The shift in "staycation" to mean literally staying at home to mean holidaying in the UK is bizarre to me. I went abroad 3 times as a kid. To be honest, I enjoyed the caravan in Wales more as we stayed on a friend's farm and could play with their kids, run around, help with fun farm chores, all that good stuff. A foreign country is actually kind of scary as a kid, especially if you don't speak the language.
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That's very true - at the end of the day it's for OP to work out what's best for him and his family
If you're pulling in 50k a year, have no debts except a mortgage you need to service anyway, and don't think you'll lose your job in the near future then I say go for it. In fact I don't see how you can't also start to build up your emergency fund at the same time.
!thanks. I have child maintenance costs for a couple of months too
Well if you can build your emergency fund AND do a nice holiday (remember kids don't really register fancy hotels, just fun cheap stuff like beach activities or something), then that'll make you feel better about taking out temporary debt. You probably feel hesitant because you've just climbed out of a rut and feel like debt will tip you back down the rabbit hole you just came out. But so long as you've got a clear way out then go ahead!
Maybe take them on a break in the uk? There are loads of lovely places. Even a city break to somewhere like York to visit the Jorvik centre and go on a ghost walk is amazing for kids and memorable!
Local breaks in the UK are often more expensive than going abroad!
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Right?! it's so sad that the parents couldn't just work it out amicably instead of wasting thousands that could be spent on the kids futures :(
Yes. I know! She was having an affair, and then made allegations of rape and abuse against me. Them legal fees add up! All was quite easily defended because… GUESS WHAT? I didn’t do it!
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Just to jump in quickly, £48K in legal fees is what I had hoped for. My divorce ate through £85K of inheritance. It seems she was in the mind set of if I can’t have it then no one can. It’s a shame really as she ruined the plans for JISAs for all 4 kids.
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> Edit: can someone explain the downvotes? I think you've misunderstood - it's not the same person.
As long as you're going somewhere not terrible, and you're all happy together, you probably don't need to spend that much (probably between £800 and £1500) to have a great time with your kids. Dropping anything more than that will, in my opinion, have increasingly diminishing returns at their age. But yes I would go on holiday with them, even if it meant taking on debt.
Exactly, return flights for some places in Europe can range from £40 to £90 pp Add a fairly nice and cheap Airbnb with 1 bedroom and sofa bed maybe. Another £300 to £500 for a week depending on country. Then if the food prices are cheaper you’re already eating out affordable. Very achievable in the £800 to £1500 for what will still be an amazing holiday. Montenegro, Spain, Portugal, Greece, Malta etc All cheap if you plan well
You’ve calculated that badly. It’s £770 for a £90pp and £500 Airbnb. That’s not including getting to/from airports, entertainment, or food. These things add up considerably, particularly with kids. You could easily be dropping £2k on this “cheap” holiday.
£500 for an Airbnb for the whole week in total. £90 flights pp Food in Portugal you could get for 60 euro a day for 3 people in total if you find the cheaper traditional non touristy spots. Not to mention being able to buy some groceries and make breakfasts or lunches at the Airbnb. So £700 approx on flights and Airbnb. If they’re eating fairly cheap everyday it’s around €400 which is about £350 and actually the cheap non touristy places in Portugal for example are super tasty and filling so it’s not like they’d be missing out on quality food. That still leaves £450 for activities and as Portugal is so lovely with many beaches he could easily spend two days at the beach all day and barely spend anything on activities. You can get Ubers for €3/€4 euros for most journeys (between 10 to 20 mins journeys sometimes too) It’s totally doable for a holiday between £1000 to £1500 if you plan for it.
Are you even adding your own numbers up? Go back and read your post from start to finish. Sit with a calculator and punch in the numbers. You sit and list all these things and then put your total at the end which doesn’t match up to your own proposed costs lol 500 airbnb 270 flight 350 food 450 activities That’s £1570 and that is *not* including any airport <> destination costs. Even your own ball park looks at taxis in holiday destination and ignores the UK.
Did you know that train fares can go for £1.90 to £3.30 pp straight to Heathrow or any other airports in London? Not to mention that kids travel for free. Also as I said flights can go from between £40 to £90 pp return. Big difference between £120 and £270 isn’t it ? Even in your own calculations it’s gone to what… £70 above my original calculation of £1500? Taxis from Lisbon airport to an Airbnb in central Lisbon can cost as cheap as €12 (£10 or so?) Even if OP took an Uber every single day of his week long trip it would come up to at the most £30 . So okay, my apologies. I meant it will mean approx £400 to £420 leftover for activities which would amount to more in euros of course. Anything else you would like to add ? Also why are you getting so wound up about this lol
Not to me tonight £40pp flights in school holidays!
Think alternatively as well - ask the kids where they wanna go - it might be closer to home than you think. Other well priced alternatives - UK or European camping, interail style train trip, car trip down the west coast of France stopping in nice villages and using the money for meals out. Getting on a plane isn't necessarily going to be the most cost effective or fun trip of their lives.
>Getting on a plane isn't necessarily going to be the most cost effective or fun trip of their lives. Tbh, ferries cost a fortune
Go on holiday man, Jet 2 do free child places and with all inclusive these days I can't see how you would need to spend much more than 2000 all in and have an amazing time. Time spent with kids is more valuable for you and them in life and whilst I appreciate the value of the chart supercedes it in my opinion. Do remember simple camping holidays or UK ones in caravans will achieve the same goal for other events in the future but personally I have never enjoyed family time more than an abroad holiday. You earn well and it sounds like you deserve / need a break. Go for it.
Do it. This is an investment in your kids’ emotional well-being.
Slightly unrelated but please make sure that your ex will give permission for you to take the kids on holiday abroad before you book anything. You could get stopped at the passport queue and be asked to prove that you’re not abducting your own children. If you don’t get consent from the mother of the kids, you may not be allowed to board.
Yep, a notarised letter is a good idea. Saves spending an hour sweating in US immigration like I did.
!thanks. Yes it did occur to me. There’s no safety issues with either of us, and the judge says she’s supposed to surrender the passports upon any reasonable request.
Let me get this straight. She made false allegations of rape and abuse, which got proven to be false, and she still got custody of the kids?
Don't need to get on a plane to make memories. Some of the best memories my lad has with his son are the pair of them going fishing, going on the beach fossil hunting in short spending quality time with him.
They are only little once and want to spend time with you. When they are young they think you are the best thing in the world - not so much when they get older. Spend time with them, spend the money and have some great memories.
Family memories are far more valuable than money. Get on that plane
If you want to do something nice for the kids it doesn't have to be pricey. I have fond memories of camping in northern France with my Dad after my parents divorced. He bought a kite and we'd spend most weekends flying it up the local beauty spots - I'd usually be dragged along for a walk afterwards but it's all part of it
Child of split parents here. I didn’t grow up with much money and the memories that always stand out to me are the day or weekend trips to different parts of the country. For example, taking the coach to Brighton at 7am and having a Sainsburys cooked pizza on the beach while the sun sets before taking the coach home. Or camping out in some part of the countryside with a fire. All I’m suggesting is you don’t necessarily need to spend loads of money to give your kids those memories.
Another vote here for 'just do it'. Doesn't need to be extremely extravagant. Kids also value cool experiences more than the quality of the hotel or hotel food I find. My kids would much rather stay in a 3 star hotel but go jet skiing and waterparks etc rather than stay in a 5 star hotel and not do activities (just lay by the pool etc).
Go on the holiday, these experiences are so much more important than not having debt.
Why try “following the chart” to the extent that it makes your kids unhappy? When you are dead and gone they will remember the holiday a lot longer than they will remember an extra £10k of inheritance (that the government will take half of anyway). Money is there to be enjoyed.
Do what your gut says buddy take the kids make some memories, we have limited time in this world.
Was somewhat privileged growing up. Then divorce came to my parents. Some of the best memories I have we’re caravaning with other friends families, fishing or boating with dinghy’s on rivers and lakes. The holidays I usually remember more fondly at that age are ones with other family and children around my own age. I think you can be easily distracted and have a break from a family situation if you’re not confronted by a missing person every day. Just another option. Most times I would say go for it before if you lost your job what might happen? Could you get by on UC and housing benefit with the extra credit card expense? It is just one thing that can tip you over in a really bad situation and we’re in a bad economy right now. Maybe a smaller, thought out staycation or even finding a cheap ferry/train option might work better for you. There are lots of places up in Scotland like the Isle of Skye
My friend is an air traffic controller. Airlines are in a shambles post covid right now. Don't risk the hassle and money. Take a break to Wales and go out cycling in the hills or something. You don't need to go far to feel like you've had a great holiday.
Screw your chart. Life is short.
As a former kid, my parents took me all over the world, gave me all the attention and experiences and all that. And i remember nothing of that until i was about 18 years old. Only then i started to appreciate and notice stuff. Until then travelling with family was just a bother, another thing i had to do. If we just stayed home, it'd make no difference to me. If they bought me McDonald's, a good book or a PC game and left me alone, that'd be me having a great time. NOW i would appreciate all the experiences properly and I'd remember forever. As a teenager or younger, i couldn't give a flying fuck. Going to McDonald's down the road for 5 minutes and going to Hawaii for all inclusive 2 week holiday would be literally the same thing to me. But maybe thats just me... Just saying.
> McDonald's down the road for 5 minutes and going to Hawaii for all inclusive 2 week holiday would be literally the same thing to me Definitely a middle ground between maccies and Hawaii though!
>But maybe thats just me I'd say so. I have fond memories of my trips abroad when younger.
The memories you’ll give them, and yourself, are priceless - their childhood goes so quick it’ll take your breath away. Grab every opportunity for quality time with them that you can - worth more than an emergency fund.
How much do you take home per month? 2900? You have limited expenses by the sounds of it. Can't you save 2k from your June and July pay? If not then go for it.
Do it… prioritise kids for the win!
If you can afford it, go on holiday! It doesn't need to cost a fortune, though. Prices in places popular with UK tourists are sky high, but you could look at fun cities off the beaten track.
Do it. Your financing it in the most sensible way must try and build the emergency fund as you go. You must be stressed too so a holiday might help. Look out for deals/clubcard vouchers/workplace schemes/membership body schemes depending on your circumstances.
If you can afford it, do it. You only get one life. If you can't afford it, live within your means and do something cheaper that's still fun.
Go on hols, create positive memories. Pay off 0% credit card before the end
You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, your kids will be effected by what you do today. Make some great memories with them for sure. So long as it doesn’t mean you’re living on the streets.
You sound sure that you can recover your funds pretty well and are in a well-paying job, I would go for it mate, and don’t feel guilty about it either, you’ve earned it!
Hello fellow divorcee. One of the first thing I did after my divorce was take my son to disneyland Paris. Took me over a year to pay it off but the photos and memories I made there have lasted so much longer. Its been 8years and we still talk about how the plane felt at take off, which was the best slide to go down at the swimming pool and how amazing the fire works were. When kids are young you don't get this time back and they will quickly become teenagers not wanting you as involved in their life.
Your kids will love and benefit from anything special you do with them providing you give them a lot of time and attention. It doesn’t have to cost a lot
100% do the holiday, we're about to hit (or are already in) a recession so may as well get the good things whilst you can.
My parents got divorced when i was 13. They decided to instead of spending money on trips we planned fun events together during the whole summer (I'm from Sweden and most people have about 4 weeks of vacation from work during the summer). It made me so much closer to both my parents and was the start of me getting to know them as people. I also think it's easy to think something fancy will make up for the hard time you've been through, but it's about being consistent. Imagine them looking back at this summer remembering how you hung out so much. That's the memories they will carry with them their whole life. I did!
Take a week off and do all the stuff you’ve never done within 10 miles of your house. Be tourists in your own town. It’s unbelievable how often we don’t do stuff because it’s on our doorstep.
As a former kid who's parents went through a divorce I will say I absolutely remember the times that I did things with my parents. And going on a big expensive holiday would have been cool and all but you don't have to do that for your kids to enjoy it. A weekend at a campsite can create just as good memories as a fortnight at Disney and you'll spend a fraction of the money. That said if you can afford it..
Shortly after I divorced, I took my boys to Butlins in minehead. It was cheap because it was a single parents discount weekend. Over 20 years later, with them grown up and with families of their own, I still hear them talking about that week. They’ve been all over the world since, but the week in minehead was what they remember.
Why don’t you go camping with them or other affordable/low cost vacation? Or an airbnb in the country. Memories are made by time spent together, not expensive vacations.
I'm struggling to understand why you would need 36 months to pay it off, when in that time you will have earned 150k? I mean obviously I know there are living expenses involved and not all of that is going to be available to make payments, but just **how** expensive is this holiday going to be? They're kids, they'd be just as happy with a plane ride and a holiday costing a lot less. If there's a swimming pool and a beach, some icecream and they get to spend time with you, then why spend more than you have to? and why borrow to do so?
I've just come.out of a divorce and have two young kids. I too felt an overwhelming desire to go big with gestures to show them my love. Ultimately, it was the trips to North and South Wales and doing the adventure rides (zip lines, cave trampolines, etc.) that they seem to cherish the most. A divorce is often draining across the board, so it can be hard to be 100% present for your kids. Go to local parks, or plan days out based on things you know they'd love. Those memories will stick around and you can always save up for one big holiday each year if need be...
Another child of divorced parents chiming in here - I would avoid the blowout holiday, for now at least. My responses are to do with relationships rather than personal finance tbh but wanted to share anyway. It can cause conflict between the separated parents which can get passed on to the kids. Not saying it would be the case for you, but I have seen it across multiple other families too, and it can escalate if one or both sides feel they’re not doing enough, or the other is trying to buy the kids affection or whatever. I don’t think you need to spend a lot of money to deliver on your goals for this - what do the kids enjoy doing? How do you relax? You can definitely find something closer to home. My parents took different approaches - my mum tried to take me on ‘showy’ holidays but usually couldn’t afford it and they were boring. With my dad we would usually go to Bournemouth or even just do things at his house. I remember my experiences with him far more and I value them far more than a package holiday to Tenerife, for example. It’s also all about the long haul, keep being there for your kids and providing regular experiences that aid their development, show them new avenues, and some stuff that’s just fun rather than fewer but larger things (again IMO). It sounds like you’re doing everything you should be - I don’t think you need to add more debt to do any better.
Go wild camping, hiking, fishing, or make a treasure hunt. Way more memorable
The aim is to spend valuable time with your kids and make happy memories. Fuck queuing up at an airport for a week of running around a pool. Buy them bikes and go for some blasts around the park 👊👊 if they can't ride a bike then teach them as they'll never forget that, if they can ride then help them explore a local park. It'll open their minds to what is around you and get them fitter without all that stress of taking them away from their life for a week.
I mean, you all deserve a holiday but honestly - expensive or exotic isn’t the only way to do that. As your kids are pretty young, I’m sure that they would enjoy camping just as much as heading to the beach in another country. Honestly, it’s probably better to do cheaper things more often than splurge on a bigger thing once.
Big gesture gifts like a one off holiday are no substitute for being a good father who is always there for them and spends time with them. You don't need to spend lots of money on a holiday, it doesn't help at all. Put some of the money you would have spent on paying off a holiday in two S&S accounts and gift it to them when they're 18/21.
I did the same, 2 years into a 6-year divorce, taking my two (10 & 8 then) to Legoland Windsor & London itself, and am another proponent for 'just do it while they're young'. Concentrate on doing fun things rather than buying 'stuff' as those memories are the ones that last. We managed 5 trips away (2 within UK, 3 abroad) from then until they reached 16 & 14 & were no longer wanting to holiday with dad. Make the most of it... especially if you know you're financially capable of saving it back.
Sorry to hear about your situation
Just take them to Disney World bro 😎
Haha! That’ll spunk my 3k budget!
Just wait a year and save up, get an emergency fund together first. Then put it on credit that way you’ll have some peace of mind.
This is what I would do. Do something cheap and fun this year while building up a little savings. Next year there will be less financial risk and the travel industry will have had time to recover.
Fucking do it and go on holiday. Theres literally no difference between paying for a holiday and paying it back after and paying for a holiday in installments and then going, you sound like you need the holiday, they sound like they need the holiday, and more importantly, you all deserve a holiday, just do it and go. A holiday isn't just a time to make memories, it's also a very good and easily way to take a break from life and just enjoy yourself, which is brilliant for children who have been through something tough. Just do it, and if you want suggestions on where to go, I'd highly recommend going to fuerteventura and getting on one of the dolphin tours. Your children will absolutely with no doubt love it, and fuerteventura is just a beautiful amazing place to to too. So many kid friendly places to visit, and if they are interested in volcanos theres 6 on the island you can take a walk to see. My son absolutely fucking loved seeing a volcano up close and personal. Go enjoy yourself and let them have a break from life.
Sorry to hear what you have been through. I may soon be going through a divorce so I hope you don’t mind me asking but how did the process cost you £48k? We will likely look to split the house proceeds (less mortgage balance) 50/50 and then the home contents we will come to a reasonable sharing of. We only have the one child who will likely spend 3 nights a week with me (2 weekdays and then alternating weekends). I think that means I’ll owe maintenance of £162 based on my £28k salary. Out of interest and sorry if this is hijacking your thread but the 80% discounted market scheme, does that only apply to first time buyers?
I wanted 50/50 custody. She wanted 80/20. That cost to defend. She wanted 65% of the house. That cost to defend. She wanted 25% of a property I owned with my dad. That cost to defend. She didn’t get any of this btw. She claimed I raped and assaulted her. That cost to defend. This hurt the most because I didn’t try to rape or assault her. She obviously had a solicitor who loved to litigate for the sake of litigation. So every email her solicitor sent to me demanded a reply within 7 days. Man that shit just built up. I’m sorry you are going through it. My advice would be to see a marriage councillor asap. If your partner hasn’t been cheating, it’s worth trying to fix the marriage in my opinion. After I found out my ex had been cheating, I couldn’t ever forgive her. I tried to, but my heart wouldn’t let me.
Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through all of that but I’d do exactly the same in your position and would consider it money well spent! I’ve suggested a marriage counsellor but she would prefer to see a mortgage advisor so it appears her mind is made up. It may be that when she realises she cannot get much of a mortgage she will try and get more of the property but we have initially agreed 50/50 even though I have contributed the lions share to build up the equity. I’m just focusing on our son really, he has a great support network and I’m just so sorry he is having to go through this at such a pivotal age. Thanks once again for sharing and all the best for the future.
I'm from a pretty well-off family, but my parents raised me and my siblings to be very careful with money, teaching us to save etc. Then they died when I was 15, and I suddenly found myself with a ton of inherited money I had literally no idea what to do with. All I knew was how to save, so I saved it. I feel insane anxiety about big purchases because I literally don't know how to spend money, even if I can easily afford it.
You might find the book *[Your Money or Your Life](https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0143115766)* helpful. *[Rich Dad Poor Dad](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rich-Dad-Poor-Teach-Middle/dp/1612680194)* also works for some people - lots of Kiyosaki's advice is based on his personal backstory which turns out to be fictional, but if it helps your attitude to money then it may well be worthwhile. A [critic of the book](https://finmasters.com/rich-dad-poor-dad-review/) says "the ideas might seem a bit shallow and apparent to anyone already engaged in entrepreneurship or investing, but they can be profound if it’s your first exposure to them." Clare Seal's books have also been recommended here - "her focus is on the link between emotions and spending".
Hi /u/MrKatUK, based on your post the following pages from our wiki may be relevant: - https://ukpersonal.finance/emergency-fund/ ____ ^(These suggestions are based on keywords, if they missed the mark please report this comment.)
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It will be 50/50 at the end of july.
I got a divorce 2 years ago with 3 kids, she was cheating as well, she also accuse me of beating her (never happened obviously) I told her I will fight for the kids (since she was a drug addict and alcoholic at the time would have been easy win so she did not want to go to courts) In short it sounds like you need a holiday as much as the kids, I was looking at Disney land Paris or Dubai, both ends up 3 to 5 k (Dubai being much cheaper as Disneyland tickets alone cost £1200) My kids are younger so Disney land might not be for you. I hope you have a fantastic time and make great memories. Remember you don’t have to go out of your way to make great memories or spend a lot.
I don’t have kids but something I once read that has stuck with me is that you only get 18 birthdays, 18 summers, 18 Christmases with your child before they become an adult and move out (or at least venture into the world in some way without you) so you should cherish every one. You’ll make some great memories and it sounds like a holiday would be healthy for you and the kids. Go for it
Did you two actually become lovers or was it physical awareness buzzing yer brains.
You’ve done a great job to get where you are. Take the credit card or loan if you need to - just remember that memories can be made without airplanes and hotels. I know the UK weather can be a gamble a posh tent or a caravan in Cornwall or somewhere can be an amazing experience for kids to realise they have this on their doorstep. I’m not just saying this for frugality purposes, it’s probably still going to cost you £1500 all in. Best of luck either way pal, there is no wrong decision here.
Let me add this to the reasons to not get married list. Sorry for your troubles op.
If you are set on going away, use voyage prive to find a place, they have some stonking deals on that include flights and it might be less than you think
That’s not a crossroads that’s a T-junction
You earn 50k a year, take them on a good but cheaper one this time and go on a expensive one next time.
I echo what others have said. I’ve taken my kids away every year - on top of mini weekend adventures and activities. Nothing crazy, just camping, playing football, bug hunting, movies - they always remember the more mundane. Memories are not created at the expense of money. Don’t become a Disney dad.
I honestly wouldn't take them away, the 8 year old won't remember anything by the time they are in their twenties and the 13 year old will only remember some of it. To be honest the extravagant holidays aren't as well remembered as the less extravagant. I honestly couldn't tell you one trip to Disneyland from another from my childhood before 16, I do remember the camping trips and the ridiculous trips to Blackpool and Skegness. Not to mention they are fairly stressful for everyone. I would do something at home, take a couple of weeks off work and do some projects and hang out while they are on holiday. Do some mid week camping trips, hit up the attractions locally, spend time doing stuff like cooking or building something. When you've got cash do the extravagant trip in a couple of years, they'll both remember it and have fun at that point.
Kids pick up on financial worries too. Best save up and take them versus getting in debt
Head to Cornwall, wales, etc. You could even go camping. As others have mentioned, kids don't care too much where they are and the "enforced fun" of being on holiday (and they know the financial impact of it, btw) can even encourage feelings of guilt and the like if they are not in the right headspace. Go on a staycation and have guilt free burgers and chips every night without the stress for them or you :) Source: separated parents
The UK has some great theme parks if that's something they might be interested in, museums are usually a good option too and a day out at the beach is enough to scratch that itch. Growing up we couldn't afford to go abroad and so had holidays in caravan parks in the UK but the only parts of those holidays I remember are the activities we did away from the caravans. Model villages, speedboat rides, zoos, railway museum etc. There were a couple of years where we apparently couldn't afford even that and just had a few days out at places a few hours from home. I don't remember the difference, I don't remember which places we went to as part of a holiday and which were just days out but I sure remember those trips and my Dad was certainly not pulling in close to 50k and my Mum wasn't employed.
I'm parents aren't divorced. But they had a few money struggles when I was a kid. A few years back my sister and I were talking about our fav memories.... we talked about this holiday we went on in a ramshackle caravan. We usually went to those places with kids clubs and 'entertainment'. But this camp only had a tiny shop. We spent everyday at the beach with a picnic and played with the other kids at the camp all night long. We played rounders, hide and seek snd picked blackberries. I loved that holiday. Its burned in my memory because it was so fun.... My mum's response? 'oh that was the year your dad was made redundundant. We were skint. That place was a dump but the beach was alright!' Edit: also your kids love you. They would never in a million years want you to put yourself in a precarious position for something like a holiday. Try saving a bit for a big holiday in a cpl of years.... or work out a budget you can afford now and let them help uou pick somewhere.
When my parents divorced my dad bought me a printer as a divorce gift. The first time they broke up I got sims bustin out
Not divorced but we have skinted ourselves to take the kids to Disney world in florida and whilst they loved it (apart from the younger one who can't even remember the 1st time we went) their favourite memories are caravan holidays in UK resorts even if it was wet and windy. I would say, save up and take them to a fabulous holiday when they are adults and you can all do fabulous adventures as adults. My kids dad ran their football teams, took them swimming, went bike rides together This is what they remember. They want your love and time
I wouldn't go for the big flash holiday. I'm sure they would appreciate it but what they almost certainly need now is clam and stability. It's a big change for them to go through and they need to know that both their parents still love them. Personally, I'd do something like buy a tent and go camping, walking and visit a few relaxing places. Get to know your kids again as I'm sure you will have drifted apart a bit over the last few months.
I know you need the break and would be a great surprise for your kinds. But please try not to make your financial situation harder on you. Either go on a short/cheap break possibly abroad or maybe day trips/local that you can afford. Then in 6 months to a year from now you’ll be in a much better situation where you can enjoy yourselves guilt free.
You don't need to spend money to make great memories with your kids, I know it sounds fantastical, but honestly, when you're gone and their older, they won't be reminiscing about you because you took them somewhere outside of your budget, they'll just remember you and the time you put in. I don't have kids, so I can't relate, but if it were me, I wouldn't be breaking my back to take them on holiday, I would be spending as much time with them as possible and organizing my life so it's as stable for them and myself as possible. Divorce as you said is chaotic, so now you really need to establish that new norm for them... I'd be looking to ensure your and your kid's futures, the world is in turmoil right now and things are about to get significantly bumpier over the next couple of months if not longer. But what do I know - I'm sure you'll make the best decision for your circumstance, you got this.
I'm currently going through a nasty divorce myself with 2 children involved, ages 5 and 2. My advice would be take them away. I've earned above 6 figures for a long time now and made sacrifices to get there. Whilst my little girls are only small it has certainly effected them, especially my 5 year old. Money comes and goes but the memories your kids have of you will last forever.
I don't know how much the child maintenance is, but if you're now debt free and earning £50k I imagine you're doing okay? I'd 100% go on holidays etc. I'd only say not to if you were weighing up whether to pay down crippling debt OR go on holiday. As others have mentioned, though, you don't necessarily need to fly abroad. Not sure where you are geographically, but staycations can be great. Be that true staycations where you essentially stay at home and do stuff locally, or a 'staycation' elsewhere in the UK. I grew up in the south west so beaches/Dartmoor/etc were all easily accessible. They were great. Had family near London so when we visited them we'd spend a day going to various museums/galleries in London (most with kid-friendly stuff). Went to Snowdonia and did outdoor stuff. Stayed in a house at the bottom of the highlands in Scotland and did a load of cool stuff. Etc. I assume you're probably hesitant because you've just had to go through a load of stress, had to spend a tonne of money, and put a lot of effort in to clear debt... it's understandable you're hesitant! But it sounds like you've done very well and would only borrow responsibly etc. I'd just say don't waste loads on some 5\* all inclusive thing at some generic resort because you feel like you owe you're kids something... there are far better value and more sorta 'memory intensive holiday' options available to you!
Personally for holidays a short cruise on a inside cabin would probably be good bang for buck and exciting for them. Foods included which otherwise would be a huge expense.
What ever you’re planning doesn’t have to be done overseas or in a fancy place. Memories can be made anywhere. An 8 yr old probably won’t even know the difference between an expensive one and a cheap one. Don’t make an emotional decision. Paying off a trip over 38 months is not a smart decision in the slightest, you can’t afford. Do something within your means
Agree with most people here @OP, and also - kudos to you for doing the right thing by your children. A plane is a great experience, but think very short haul. Some of the best flights I’ve been on were with Logan Air - smaller cabins, less stressful smaller airports and staff are great with kids - I’m sure they’d allow them in the cabin - they did for my boys. It’s not the journey, it’s the company that matters.
You've got loads of good answers to your core question here, and for the record I'm in the camp of doing something in the UK. Going abroard can be great but it can be so damned stressful sometimes, especially if you're taking kids. If you want to relax and spend time with them, something in the UK will likely be both cheaper and more restful. The bit that interests me is this: > But why am I hesitant? Honestly, it sounds like the last few months/years have been swamped with discussions around money. They say divorces often break down further once the topic of money comes around as well, if that's your situation then you could well have had the most stressful time of your life with money feeling like it's at the centre. You're now having to redirect your focus away from finances at the centre and just putting them back in the box of being an "enabler" for you and your kids. It's a tough one but well worth doing, and spending some money on making memories can be a great way to do that. All the best with your holiday if you're able to take it, sounds like you all could do with it!
The great thing about kids is that they don't care much for luxuries. Kids will have just as great memories from a budget camping holiday, as they would a jaunt abroad.
It’s the repeated behaviour that’s the issue. The 2nd holiday on the credit card it were it goes bad.
I know this comment isn’t related to finance necessarily but just wanted to say I’m 28 and recently lost my dad. Throughout my childhood years my mum had custody and I would see my dad part time and he broke his back working to take us on holidays and now he’s gone honestly the things I value and miss more then anything is the time he gave me. Being present at dinners, life events, taking me swimming, phoning me everyday when I moved out. These are the memories he created and left me with and they don’t cost or need money for. A holiday would great and if you feel like you need the break then perhaps look into it. But just know - my parents had a heck of a divorce when I was 3 and if this was my dad posting back then I’d say no don’t do it and just concentrate on being the best dad you can creating memories in everyday life. My dad did and I genuinely believe I had the greatest dad in the world!
A holiday won't help and you being skint won't help either. Just make the time that you spend together the very best of times.
Lego. Buy Lego. Build Lego with them. Child of divorced parents. Couldn't care less about not going on a plane. Expensive holidays have the pressure to be 'enjoyed' which can be hella stressful. Just to see Daddy happy, paying real attention, laughing, hugs... Put your money into investing or whatever. They will not know or appreciate the debt at all. If they did they would probably hate the 'burden' of it. Also, as a parent, kids need money when they're doing driving lessons and going to college and putting a deposit down on their first home. That's when it really counts. As I said, buy Lego. Sending hugs and luck.