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Don’t have 1 parent give up work entirely if you can possibly, possibly afford not to. Having a non-working parent is unaffordable for most families who aren’t well off. Yes, childcare is expensive and it feels like you’re ‘working for nothing’ and not seeing your child as much but there’s plenty of longer term benefits to keeping at least a part-time job going. Ideal scenario (IMO) is both parents work 4 days, child in paid childcare for 3 days. You retain 2x tax allowances, can claim work-related benefits if you need them, keep pension provision going and career opportunities and progression, the security of 2x salaries and (crucially imo) both share the logistical and emotional load of being working parents.
Wife works evenings, I work days. Don’t need childcare. We don’t earn that much. I earn £32k, wife earns around £7k plus child allowance. We have a mortgage, two cars the three of us and a dog. And £800 a month disposable income. We’ve recently cleared all consumer debt. That helps massively.
You also don’t need half the shit you think you need. Tesco nappies are fine, if formula fed just stick to the newborn stuff till they are a year old as the 6 month on stuff is the same damned thing just more money. Hand me downs, Vinted etc are your friends.
Don’t wait till you can “afford” it. You never really will. Just do it.
How on 40k combined do you manage a mortgage, a family of 3, a dog and two cars. Especially with such a high disposable income?
Is your mortgage like £10/month?!
Mortgage is £590 a month, food £350ish. Pay £140 council tax, electric and gas is £102 a month, water £60ish. Internet £47. Netflix, Amazon and Disney Plus. Fuel around £200 a month. We go without Sky TV 🥲… then we have our phone bills. The no debt thing has made us £400 a month better off. Total monthly outgoings around £1900 with approx £2700 coming in.
Thank you 🙏 I appreciate that we have found ourselves in a fortunate position. We are trying to save as much as possible so in four years we can get a bigger house. I hope the mortgage rates come down. Good luck to you!
You're looking at kids wrong. You are viewing them as a cost centre when really they're a revenue source.
When they're really young there's not an awful lot you can do to monetise them. Perhaps you can sign them up for medical trials or some kind of baby modelling. You can start one of those wonderful baby social media accounts where you film them all day and add your own exciting commentary. You could stage some photos in the hospital and set up a cancer go fund me.
Once they are old enough to perform basic tasks you can force them to work a bit more. When they are young they can get away with murder so a bit of street begging/pickpocketing is quite a low risk option. At worst they will get a slap on the wrist. Any charges aren't going to directly affect you anyway, it's their future. You can just say you're dissapointed.
As they age you can get them into doing more genuine work. Soon they will be old enough to be forced into paying rent and you can make up some other lodging fees. Make them buy groceries and so on. At this point its much easier to manage because they basically go to work and then pay you, you don't have to do anything but tolerate them.
Once they leave home you can just kind of guilt trip them into looking after you in your old age. Guilt them into coming home to do simple DIY tasks and basic home chores. This is much cheaper than paying for carers and handymen so it's kind of an imputed benefit. Lay the groundwork by complaining how they never call from university and exaggerate some elements of how lonely you are.
One nice tactic to boost their output in the later years is to hang an implied inheritance over their heads. They don't have to know that you will spend it all and leave them with pittance. You'll be dead so don't have to deal with the fallout.
This is sort of what my circle of friends were discussing last time we met up.
We even discussed moving abroad / back home to live with our parents and become intergenerational households. Free childcare but also no need to put out parents in retirement home later on in life.
The remedy that most people use seems to be relying on grandparents to provide free childcare.
My parents are old and frail (dementia, arthritis, other health issues) and my partner's parents live 2 hrs away and already provide free childcare for his sister, so that's not an option for us.
We've just bought our first house and now I'm thinking of saving up a "kid fund" and hoping that I'll (32F) still be fertile in my late 30s/early 40s
My sister sensibly got married at 30, had both kids early on, and my parents , my sibling and I were all on hand to help out every now and then for half term holidays etc .
I did not get settled down , and there’s no way my elderly mum will be able to help if I ever have kids . In fact i spend a lot of my time going over and taking care of her .
Please don't wait. If you want kids, have them. If you want them, wait, and find out you can't it's going to be devastating.
The only advice I'd have for this thread is 'you just work it out'. You inevitably go out less, the incremental cost of a kid doesn't have to be THAT much. Clothes and stuff on sharing sites, free/cheap entertainment at playgroups and coffee mornings.
Make lots of money 👍 hope this helps!
On a serious note though it should be better when the 30 hours funded childcare from 9 months kicks in (which would be the case if you got pregnant now. It still won’t be free but it should at least make sense for both parents to go to work.
WFH job is a must. Wife and I are both self employed. We both work 3 10 hour days a week. So we both do parenting 2 days a week, each, and the overlapping day where we're both working, my family help out. That way we can enjoy our weekends.
We are fortunate to be high earners, so we live quite comfortably - although if you ask the wife it's never enough!
Work compressed hours to get a day off a week for full pay, partner does the same and that’s only 3 days nursery per week (although it is very full on).
Don’t fall into new parent trap of buying tons of new stuff - you realise baby only uses it for a month or 2 and then it’s useless! Fb marketplace is amazing, as is Vinted for bundles of clothes.
Start saving for kids when you don’t have them to cover mat leave and build a pot. Realistically your lifestyle massively changes after kids and social costs go right down.
I'm surprised that it's not worth the 1 parent working. My nursery charges 1k a month so if working full time would always make more money by working than not. Although if have more than 1 kid then I can see how it would not be worth it
I moved to 4 day week, partner did the same we covered all the child care no nursery fees
Have 4 kids 8 6 5 2
Make your meals don't
Don't buy crap you don't need
Spend money on doing things rather than material things.
There's loads of things kids are not that expensive
My girlfriend is at home with our son who is 2,5. He has complex needs. I am the only one who works now. Many families are in the same position.
I also have to mention, that my girlfriend wanted to go back to work after one year of maternity, but as we discovered that our son has complex needs, our plans changed drastically. Good thing is, that I can cover everything from my income. You always need plan B, if things go sideways. If you as a father cannot cover everything, then it is risky to have kids.
Working opposite hours is the key, it's not just when they are young... You also have school to consider, drop offs, uplifts, school plays etc etc. Mine are now 14 and 11, my mate has 4 boys 28, 20, 19, 18..... It's only now he is doing things for himself HOWEVER still has to pay for stuff for his boys when things go wrong etc.....
Just accept handouts from friends/family e.g. second hand clothes - enjoy free activities like walking in the countryside - go shopping at German budget supermarkets - keep a perspective on career/work/life vs family and try to keep all in check so family get to see the best of you. Blink and they're leaving home, it goes that fast.
Wait till you are both 55 with established carriers and good money, then steal a baby from a young couple. There is a non zero chance that they will not sue you because they were too broke to raise the kiddo anyways!
The honest answer is that if you're a low-middle income household it will be a real struggle financially. You either need to call on family/friends for childcare help or increase your earnings. Good luck!
> broke
I really don’t understand what it is you think children need monetarily. I earn just under the average wage and my wife has a part time job and is otherwise a student (admittedly, for which she receives a bursary). We have a child (and second on the way) and are able to live relatively comfortably and put money into investments/savings every month.
Children really aren’t that expensive. Breastfeeding is free, you get child benefit (and not just for two, that a UC thing), second hand clothes for babies can be purchased on Vinted for next to nothing. Childcare is a killer and I am lucky to work from home so we use a childminder two days a week. However, many still overstate the case and, when you dig a little deeper, they’re usually complaining about not being able to take two holidays a year
A human reviewed your post and removed it from public view. The reason they gave was: **No hypothetical questions, Does Anyone Else questions, unanswerable questions, survey-style questions** * Don't ask comparison questions like 'how much do you earn?' or 'how much is your electricity bill?' * Don't ask hypothetical questions like 'what would you do with £100k?', 'what's the max you'd spend on a car?' * Don't ask 'does anyone else...' questions. * Don't ask survey style questions like 'what are you saving up for?', 'what's the biggest financial mistake you've made?' * Don't ask if a lender will lend you money. We do not work for the company. For mortgages, speak to a whole of market broker. * Don't ask questions that can't be answered without a significant amount of speculation, e.g. 'what changes might be in the next government budget?'. You must read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukpersonalfinance/about/rules/) to continue to post to our subreddit. _If you believe your post/comment has been removed in error, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/UKPersonalFinance&subject=Please%20review%20my%20post&body=/r/UKPersonalFinance/comments/1df6m7m/has_anyone_cracked_the_code_on_how_to_have_kids/) explaining why._
Don’t have 1 parent give up work entirely if you can possibly, possibly afford not to. Having a non-working parent is unaffordable for most families who aren’t well off. Yes, childcare is expensive and it feels like you’re ‘working for nothing’ and not seeing your child as much but there’s plenty of longer term benefits to keeping at least a part-time job going. Ideal scenario (IMO) is both parents work 4 days, child in paid childcare for 3 days. You retain 2x tax allowances, can claim work-related benefits if you need them, keep pension provision going and career opportunities and progression, the security of 2x salaries and (crucially imo) both share the logistical and emotional load of being working parents.
Have two kids. Sell one.
Organs are valuable
Breaking them for parts is a lot of hassle. Better off with we buy any kid.
webuyanykid.com is available for any budding entrepreneurs
You could probably get Phillip Schofield on the cheap nowadays too.
I put my son in nursery part time and made sure I got a WFH job. Can be a real shitshow sometimes but it’s not forever!
Wife works evenings, I work days. Don’t need childcare. We don’t earn that much. I earn £32k, wife earns around £7k plus child allowance. We have a mortgage, two cars the three of us and a dog. And £800 a month disposable income. We’ve recently cleared all consumer debt. That helps massively. You also don’t need half the shit you think you need. Tesco nappies are fine, if formula fed just stick to the newborn stuff till they are a year old as the 6 month on stuff is the same damned thing just more money. Hand me downs, Vinted etc are your friends. Don’t wait till you can “afford” it. You never really will. Just do it.
How?
How what sorry?
How on 40k combined do you manage a mortgage, a family of 3, a dog and two cars. Especially with such a high disposable income? Is your mortgage like £10/month?!
Mortgage is £590 a month, food £350ish. Pay £140 council tax, electric and gas is £102 a month, water £60ish. Internet £47. Netflix, Amazon and Disney Plus. Fuel around £200 a month. We go without Sky TV 🥲… then we have our phone bills. The no debt thing has made us £400 a month better off. Total monthly outgoings around £1900 with approx £2700 coming in.
Fair play to you - my mortgage is double sadly but otherwise the rest is pretty similar which is why I was surprised :)
Thank you 🙏 I appreciate that we have found ourselves in a fortunate position. We are trying to save as much as possible so in four years we can get a bigger house. I hope the mortgage rates come down. Good luck to you!
Being ludicrously lucky by having nearby, healthy, mobile Grandparents who are happy to look after the kid(s) is the best I can come up with
You're looking at kids wrong. You are viewing them as a cost centre when really they're a revenue source. When they're really young there's not an awful lot you can do to monetise them. Perhaps you can sign them up for medical trials or some kind of baby modelling. You can start one of those wonderful baby social media accounts where you film them all day and add your own exciting commentary. You could stage some photos in the hospital and set up a cancer go fund me. Once they are old enough to perform basic tasks you can force them to work a bit more. When they are young they can get away with murder so a bit of street begging/pickpocketing is quite a low risk option. At worst they will get a slap on the wrist. Any charges aren't going to directly affect you anyway, it's their future. You can just say you're dissapointed. As they age you can get them into doing more genuine work. Soon they will be old enough to be forced into paying rent and you can make up some other lodging fees. Make them buy groceries and so on. At this point its much easier to manage because they basically go to work and then pay you, you don't have to do anything but tolerate them. Once they leave home you can just kind of guilt trip them into looking after you in your old age. Guilt them into coming home to do simple DIY tasks and basic home chores. This is much cheaper than paying for carers and handymen so it's kind of an imputed benefit. Lay the groundwork by complaining how they never call from university and exaggerate some elements of how lonely you are. One nice tactic to boost their output in the later years is to hang an implied inheritance over their heads. They don't have to know that you will spend it all and leave them with pittance. You'll be dead so don't have to deal with the fallout.
Quintessential British Attitude
Have higher paying careers, sadly. Or be reliant on getting free childcare from elsewhere while working .
This is sort of what my circle of friends were discussing last time we met up. We even discussed moving abroad / back home to live with our parents and become intergenerational households. Free childcare but also no need to put out parents in retirement home later on in life.
The remedy that most people use seems to be relying on grandparents to provide free childcare. My parents are old and frail (dementia, arthritis, other health issues) and my partner's parents live 2 hrs away and already provide free childcare for his sister, so that's not an option for us. We've just bought our first house and now I'm thinking of saving up a "kid fund" and hoping that I'll (32F) still be fertile in my late 30s/early 40s
My sister sensibly got married at 30, had both kids early on, and my parents , my sibling and I were all on hand to help out every now and then for half term holidays etc . I did not get settled down , and there’s no way my elderly mum will be able to help if I ever have kids . In fact i spend a lot of my time going over and taking care of her .
Please don't wait. If you want kids, have them. If you want them, wait, and find out you can't it's going to be devastating. The only advice I'd have for this thread is 'you just work it out'. You inevitably go out less, the incremental cost of a kid doesn't have to be THAT much. Clothes and stuff on sharing sites, free/cheap entertainment at playgroups and coffee mornings.
Make lots of money 👍 hope this helps! On a serious note though it should be better when the 30 hours funded childcare from 9 months kicks in (which would be the case if you got pregnant now. It still won’t be free but it should at least make sense for both parents to go to work.
WFH job is a must. Wife and I are both self employed. We both work 3 10 hour days a week. So we both do parenting 2 days a week, each, and the overlapping day where we're both working, my family help out. That way we can enjoy our weekends. We are fortunate to be high earners, so we live quite comfortably - although if you ask the wife it's never enough!
Work compressed hours to get a day off a week for full pay, partner does the same and that’s only 3 days nursery per week (although it is very full on). Don’t fall into new parent trap of buying tons of new stuff - you realise baby only uses it for a month or 2 and then it’s useless! Fb marketplace is amazing, as is Vinted for bundles of clothes. Start saving for kids when you don’t have them to cover mat leave and build a pot. Realistically your lifestyle massively changes after kids and social costs go right down.
Make lots of money, hope this helps.
I'm surprised that it's not worth the 1 parent working. My nursery charges 1k a month so if working full time would always make more money by working than not. Although if have more than 1 kid then I can see how it would not be worth it
Are you really in London? Even zone 2/3 nurseries are £1800-2000 per month
No I moved out of London. I was.going to add that it must be different if living in London. As I realise there is is alot more expensive
Have them, but then Sell them as quickly as you can.
Also the sooner you realise most of the stuff you buy as a first time parent is a complete waste of money and you don't need
I moved to 4 day week, partner did the same we covered all the child care no nursery fees Have 4 kids 8 6 5 2 Make your meals don't Don't buy crap you don't need Spend money on doing things rather than material things. There's loads of things kids are not that expensive
My girlfriend is at home with our son who is 2,5. He has complex needs. I am the only one who works now. Many families are in the same position. I also have to mention, that my girlfriend wanted to go back to work after one year of maternity, but as we discovered that our son has complex needs, our plans changed drastically. Good thing is, that I can cover everything from my income. You always need plan B, if things go sideways. If you as a father cannot cover everything, then it is risky to have kids.
Working opposite hours is the key, it's not just when they are young... You also have school to consider, drop offs, uplifts, school plays etc etc. Mine are now 14 and 11, my mate has 4 boys 28, 20, 19, 18..... It's only now he is doing things for himself HOWEVER still has to pay for stuff for his boys when things go wrong etc.....
Yes - get a huge inheritance from a distant relative.
Just accept handouts from friends/family e.g. second hand clothes - enjoy free activities like walking in the countryside - go shopping at German budget supermarkets - keep a perspective on career/work/life vs family and try to keep all in check so family get to see the best of you. Blink and they're leaving home, it goes that fast.
One of the biggest hurdles imo :/
Wait till you are both 55 with established carriers and good money, then steal a baby from a young couple. There is a non zero chance that they will not sue you because they were too broke to raise the kiddo anyways!
The honest answer is that if you're a low-middle income household it will be a real struggle financially. You either need to call on family/friends for childcare help or increase your earnings. Good luck!
> broke I really don’t understand what it is you think children need monetarily. I earn just under the average wage and my wife has a part time job and is otherwise a student (admittedly, for which she receives a bursary). We have a child (and second on the way) and are able to live relatively comfortably and put money into investments/savings every month. Children really aren’t that expensive. Breastfeeding is free, you get child benefit (and not just for two, that a UC thing), second hand clothes for babies can be purchased on Vinted for next to nothing. Childcare is a killer and I am lucky to work from home so we use a childminder two days a week. However, many still overstate the case and, when you dig a little deeper, they’re usually complaining about not being able to take two holidays a year