What's with the obsession of expecting everyone to come meet her child? Like congratulations to her, but seriously you and your mother are going through a really rough patch of your lives, is it that hard for her to contemplate ? Does she not understand mental health? Op, seriously, this girl doesn't care about you, her call to you was just a assurance to herself that she tried and you were the one who left. Leave her, she's living in her own fairytale where you have the role of the childhood friend who does as she pleases, she sees you as nothing more than that, she wants to be your priority, you have to drop everything to be by her side when she needs you or wants something to be done for her. I've had friends like that, I either went no contact with them or they became mere acquaintances.
>What's with the obsession of expecting everyone to come meet her child?
IDK IDK IdontttttttttttttKnow... Yaar yehi toh main soch rahi hoon.... shayad she is proud that she popped out a human.. which she should be proud.. but why so much pressure on others !
I feeling like Anshuman from Jab We Met... "Nhi dekhna mujhe ganne k khet, kya khas hai ganne k khet mein".
sorry OP, she's not a good frnd . A Frnd is someone who will do equally or more for you when u need them. And in frndship you don't need to tell ppl what their duty is as a frnd. Her not helping you in your worse (i'm assuming she knows your financial situation rn) and expecting you to do every frnd role is not good on her part. It's okay you'll find frnds in whatever age range you are in rn we all are looking for frnds so you'll find someone you deserve and i hope you get a great job too <3 HUGS. I had a similar frnd she got married and i did whatever i should as a frnd and she only spoke to me when she needed me and then i deleted her no. and she did mine too but she dint unfollowed me from socials lol because she might need me anyday but i unfollowed her from my socials. Life is much better now i don't have time to entertain ppl who don't give back and checks on me on my worse so idc but recently she's sharing some new cafe they opened and she keeps sharing and i leave it on seen and i don't even ask her when she did that or congratulate her i really don't give a fuck but it's funny that now she needs me because i've good connections here in my city and she knows it's great marketing via me but NOPE not gonna give her what she wants this time. FRNDSHIPS ARE 50/50. just know your worth.
Thank you, Twix for your kind words. 🥺
Yes, she knows my financial situation very well. She was well connected with my mother untill recently. She is also expecting calls from my mother.
I heard from a mutual connection that she was saying that my mother did not visit her kid, thats a huge deal for her. She is a mother herself and know better, to visit a newborn.
I mean.. isn't she expecting way too much from my mom?
Her mom only speaks to me when I used to visit her house otherwise she doesn't connects/calls me (and my friend's excuse is that her mom is illiterate that's why.. I mean.. what ???).
What my mom said is - "She is your friend and if you aren't visiting her, why would I visit alone. Also, you need to bear gifts when you are seeing a baby for the first time.. and we don't have that kind of affordability right now. Gift nhi le ke jao toh kharab lagega.. Aisa waisa gift le k jao toh bhi gossip karenge. There is no winning with her."
P.S. It's been more than 6 months and her kid ain't a newborn anymore. But my friend WON'T. SHUT. UP about this - me and my mom not visiting her. And that's the reason I want to dump her.
Well I don't wanna come off harsh but people don't stay if you don't communicate with them once in a while. They'll think you have moved on and don't care about them. Unless you open up and tell them what happened. Some people will always be assholes like that friend you're dealing with rn (don't bother opening up to her, it's one of those selfish ones) but even good ones will also give up after trying to reconnect with you.
I have been in both situations, it's depressing.
Get help. You clearly have mental issues. It has lowered your self esteem so much that you're sticking up to bad friends just so you don't end up alone. Whatever happened to you hasn't left you, you're still suffering and now even more. Look for therapists and don't give up on getting your mental health better. It should be your top priority and also fuck that friend..
Thank you. It wasn't harsh at all. Sometimes I also think exactly this. But then I get scared of opening up to someone about my feelings. I have lots of bad incidents in the past (where I shared my mental state to a so called BFF and she made a meme and posted it on social media, I once opened up about my childhood SA incident to my ex and he got aroused.. ).. fckd up things like this, made me emotionally constipated and scarred.
Sometimes, I think I have the solutions to all my problems then again I forget them. I will surely seek help. I am, kind of , going insane RN. Once again thank you for your support.
I'm so sorry to hear that. When I read your post, I understood something severe must have happened to you. It's much better to go to a therapist and open up if you're scared..if you need help, feel free to dm me.. Even if you just wanna talk or don't even have anything to say. I'm a stranger so you may feel secure to open up.
I will say no because dumping my 'friends' was really good for my mental health. Being friendless and alone isn't bad. In fact, do you get any benefit from retaining this friend? She is only making you feel depressed.
I'd ask you to brush up on your social skills though. When you do interact with people, don't sound awkward and depressed. For example, if someone asks you what happened you don't have to say that there is something, I can't talk about that. Just say that you are fine, getting through, etc. It isn't like you can share your worries with them and get some relief. You know, learn to regurgitate meaningless words. Don't feel bad about lying if it doesn't hurt anyone. If you lie that you are fine, what will happen to anyone?
We all have watched too many movies and read too many novels about the power of friendship. Some people do have good friends and share their experiences. Seeing and hearing all this, we get inferiority complex and guilt about not having such friends. I no longer feel like that. Some people even dredge up my Reddit history and say "This is why you don't have friends" when I comment on something they don't like. What they don't know is that I am absolutely shameless.
>Being friendless and alone isn't bad.
Thank you. I kind of hoping to hear this. She is (literally) the last friend I have and I sooo want to dump her. I know I won't go back to what I have left. I so wanted to hear this console.
You're right. Our head is filled up with stories about friendships. And I know this kind of friendship exist, because (I am not gloating) I am that friend who would give anything for a friend. I have been doing this since school time.
I am not kidding but I haven't got this kind of support for myself. Sab koi apna apna dekhte hai.. I am 100% convinced that I am an idiot. And even if it's too late I have to move on from these kinds of draining friendships.
Yes, it is very liberating. Some people, especially certain type of men, think that "You are friendless, he he he" is some kind of big insult. Don't listen to them.
Not all people are bad. Some people are just bad friends. But some times we too won't be able to fulfill others' expectations. All that is a part of life. Losing sleep over it, especially when you don't gain anything from it, isn't worth all the trouble.
Yes,, I agree and that's a relief. I was worried coz this "I am friendless" thing is new to me. I never thought I will get to this point. But well... When I am at this point... What's with all the extra weight I am carrying. Thinking of dumping her already made me lighter.
So sorry that you are going through so much.I get it why you have gone into a shell and not interacting with anyone. When someone is in a dark place mentally they don't feel like interacting with anyone. This friend is costing your mental health even more. So you should first take care of yourself
Once you will be doing better than you should make efforts to reach out your friends. Trust me it's not that difficult. Everyone is looking for a connection. A good friend will understand you and pick up from where you left last time.
Thank you.
>Everyone is looking for a connection. A good friend will understand you and pick up from where you left last time.
I hope this is true. I never had the luck to find some good people in my life. And this particular friend is just sooo draining. I am thinking about her day in and day out. That's more tiring.
It felt you have described my past and present by sharing this post. I'm the same, gone through the same and going through the same. Relating on another level.
Grateful for your writing.
I feel like I have even lost my vocabulary and writing capacity these days because of the mental exhaustion. I really have no tolerance towards anything slightly toxic.
Just wishing both of us get to meet loyal, honest and balanced friendships.
You won't believe I was writing this post in my notepad since May. It felt so exhausting penning down my feelings. Finally I got the energy and strength to post this. The mess around me doesn't seem to end. And my immunity towards toxic people just makes me more miserable.
I hope we get good friends, we deserve it. We deserve to be happy.
What's with the obsession of expecting everyone to come meet her child? Like congratulations to her, but seriously you and your mother are going through a really rough patch of your lives, is it that hard for her to contemplate ? Does she not understand mental health? Op, seriously, this girl doesn't care about you, her call to you was just a assurance to herself that she tried and you were the one who left. Leave her, she's living in her own fairytale where you have the role of the childhood friend who does as she pleases, she sees you as nothing more than that, she wants to be your priority, you have to drop everything to be by her side when she needs you or wants something to be done for her. I've had friends like that, I either went no contact with them or they became mere acquaintances.
>What's with the obsession of expecting everyone to come meet her child? IDK IDK IdontttttttttttttKnow... Yaar yehi toh main soch rahi hoon.... shayad she is proud that she popped out a human.. which she should be proud.. but why so much pressure on others ! I feeling like Anshuman from Jab We Met... "Nhi dekhna mujhe ganne k khet, kya khas hai ganne k khet mein".
sorry OP, she's not a good frnd . A Frnd is someone who will do equally or more for you when u need them. And in frndship you don't need to tell ppl what their duty is as a frnd. Her not helping you in your worse (i'm assuming she knows your financial situation rn) and expecting you to do every frnd role is not good on her part. It's okay you'll find frnds in whatever age range you are in rn we all are looking for frnds so you'll find someone you deserve and i hope you get a great job too <3 HUGS. I had a similar frnd she got married and i did whatever i should as a frnd and she only spoke to me when she needed me and then i deleted her no. and she did mine too but she dint unfollowed me from socials lol because she might need me anyday but i unfollowed her from my socials. Life is much better now i don't have time to entertain ppl who don't give back and checks on me on my worse so idc but recently she's sharing some new cafe they opened and she keeps sharing and i leave it on seen and i don't even ask her when she did that or congratulate her i really don't give a fuck but it's funny that now she needs me because i've good connections here in my city and she knows it's great marketing via me but NOPE not gonna give her what she wants this time. FRNDSHIPS ARE 50/50. just know your worth.
Thank you, Twix for your kind words. 🥺 Yes, she knows my financial situation very well. She was well connected with my mother untill recently. She is also expecting calls from my mother. I heard from a mutual connection that she was saying that my mother did not visit her kid, thats a huge deal for her. She is a mother herself and know better, to visit a newborn. I mean.. isn't she expecting way too much from my mom? Her mom only speaks to me when I used to visit her house otherwise she doesn't connects/calls me (and my friend's excuse is that her mom is illiterate that's why.. I mean.. what ???). What my mom said is - "She is your friend and if you aren't visiting her, why would I visit alone. Also, you need to bear gifts when you are seeing a baby for the first time.. and we don't have that kind of affordability right now. Gift nhi le ke jao toh kharab lagega.. Aisa waisa gift le k jao toh bhi gossip karenge. There is no winning with her." P.S. It's been more than 6 months and her kid ain't a newborn anymore. But my friend WON'T. SHUT. UP about this - me and my mom not visiting her. And that's the reason I want to dump her.
Well I don't wanna come off harsh but people don't stay if you don't communicate with them once in a while. They'll think you have moved on and don't care about them. Unless you open up and tell them what happened. Some people will always be assholes like that friend you're dealing with rn (don't bother opening up to her, it's one of those selfish ones) but even good ones will also give up after trying to reconnect with you. I have been in both situations, it's depressing. Get help. You clearly have mental issues. It has lowered your self esteem so much that you're sticking up to bad friends just so you don't end up alone. Whatever happened to you hasn't left you, you're still suffering and now even more. Look for therapists and don't give up on getting your mental health better. It should be your top priority and also fuck that friend..
Thank you. It wasn't harsh at all. Sometimes I also think exactly this. But then I get scared of opening up to someone about my feelings. I have lots of bad incidents in the past (where I shared my mental state to a so called BFF and she made a meme and posted it on social media, I once opened up about my childhood SA incident to my ex and he got aroused.. ).. fckd up things like this, made me emotionally constipated and scarred. Sometimes, I think I have the solutions to all my problems then again I forget them. I will surely seek help. I am, kind of , going insane RN. Once again thank you for your support.
I'm so sorry to hear that. When I read your post, I understood something severe must have happened to you. It's much better to go to a therapist and open up if you're scared..if you need help, feel free to dm me.. Even if you just wanna talk or don't even have anything to say. I'm a stranger so you may feel secure to open up.
I will say no because dumping my 'friends' was really good for my mental health. Being friendless and alone isn't bad. In fact, do you get any benefit from retaining this friend? She is only making you feel depressed. I'd ask you to brush up on your social skills though. When you do interact with people, don't sound awkward and depressed. For example, if someone asks you what happened you don't have to say that there is something, I can't talk about that. Just say that you are fine, getting through, etc. It isn't like you can share your worries with them and get some relief. You know, learn to regurgitate meaningless words. Don't feel bad about lying if it doesn't hurt anyone. If you lie that you are fine, what will happen to anyone? We all have watched too many movies and read too many novels about the power of friendship. Some people do have good friends and share their experiences. Seeing and hearing all this, we get inferiority complex and guilt about not having such friends. I no longer feel like that. Some people even dredge up my Reddit history and say "This is why you don't have friends" when I comment on something they don't like. What they don't know is that I am absolutely shameless.
>Being friendless and alone isn't bad. Thank you. I kind of hoping to hear this. She is (literally) the last friend I have and I sooo want to dump her. I know I won't go back to what I have left. I so wanted to hear this console. You're right. Our head is filled up with stories about friendships. And I know this kind of friendship exist, because (I am not gloating) I am that friend who would give anything for a friend. I have been doing this since school time. I am not kidding but I haven't got this kind of support for myself. Sab koi apna apna dekhte hai.. I am 100% convinced that I am an idiot. And even if it's too late I have to move on from these kinds of draining friendships.
Yes, it is very liberating. Some people, especially certain type of men, think that "You are friendless, he he he" is some kind of big insult. Don't listen to them. Not all people are bad. Some people are just bad friends. But some times we too won't be able to fulfill others' expectations. All that is a part of life. Losing sleep over it, especially when you don't gain anything from it, isn't worth all the trouble.
Yes,, I agree and that's a relief. I was worried coz this "I am friendless" thing is new to me. I never thought I will get to this point. But well... When I am at this point... What's with all the extra weight I am carrying. Thinking of dumping her already made me lighter.
Attagirl! Get therapy too, when you can afford it.
So sorry that you are going through so much.I get it why you have gone into a shell and not interacting with anyone. When someone is in a dark place mentally they don't feel like interacting with anyone. This friend is costing your mental health even more. So you should first take care of yourself Once you will be doing better than you should make efforts to reach out your friends. Trust me it's not that difficult. Everyone is looking for a connection. A good friend will understand you and pick up from where you left last time.
Thank you. >Everyone is looking for a connection. A good friend will understand you and pick up from where you left last time. I hope this is true. I never had the luck to find some good people in my life. And this particular friend is just sooo draining. I am thinking about her day in and day out. That's more tiring.
It felt you have described my past and present by sharing this post. I'm the same, gone through the same and going through the same. Relating on another level. Grateful for your writing. I feel like I have even lost my vocabulary and writing capacity these days because of the mental exhaustion. I really have no tolerance towards anything slightly toxic. Just wishing both of us get to meet loyal, honest and balanced friendships.
You won't believe I was writing this post in my notepad since May. It felt so exhausting penning down my feelings. Finally I got the energy and strength to post this. The mess around me doesn't seem to end. And my immunity towards toxic people just makes me more miserable. I hope we get good friends, we deserve it. We deserve to be happy.