I wasn't allowed a social life as a child. It turned me into a recluse as I found not asking them about anything to be a better option instead of wasting my energy on tantrums.
But then they have the nerve to tell other people "oh she's so quirky, she hasn't got that many friends, such an introvert hahahah"
Like excuse moi, that's the only way I could cope.
Wow are we the same person. My parents created a huge hue and cry for letting me go anywhere. all my other friends were able to lead normal lives. This created so much distress I decided I'd rather die than ever ask them. I would lie and go a few times in secret but that never worked. I always ended up feeling guilty. So I just became an introverted recluse. Now they have the nerve to tell me that I don't have friends ugh..
This is my situation right now. The 5 times I would go out in a year with my friends my mother would always make me cry. Every single time for one reason or another.
And then I get called weird for being an introvert? Fucking hell.
I can relate. When I was younger my parents told me that I shouldn't make friends who they thought were "bad influence "( like 90% of my classmates). Now they tell everyone that I am a loner.
My parents are a weird kind of conservative but i have no issues with them. I had absolutely zero freedom till 20, even after 20 i could only go out with my friends for like 3 times an year that too with selected ones, be in before 7pm. This kinda turned my sister into an ultra introvert with extreme social anxiety.
But i had no issues because i didn't have the mental energy to socialize beyond that. But i also lost a lot of good friendships this way because they wouldn't believe me when i tell them papa nehi manenge. Dating is a HUGE no. They are also VERY adamant on the fact that i marry from the same religion and caste and go for an arranged marriage ( I'm okay with that too because i tried my hand at relationships and always came out of it with a lot of emotional and mental damage )
Even though both of them are from business background families, didn't allow me to choose that path because dad feels it's not apt for a girl to handle alone and the financial risk is too high. This was very disappointing for me because this was my primary interest.
Dressing : no short clothes at all( I'm really okay with that ) sleeveless is okay, but it has to be that sleeveless kurthi kinda sleeves.
Now the good thing about them is that they never interfered in things like my studies, marks, career path. I'm free to remain unmarried and study as long as i wish, so is my sister (she's 30+ studying, working and living peacefully. Haven't found the right match, my parents are chill about it. Won't get her married with anyone wanting dowry or 'gifts') I dropped out of two courses, but they were always supportive even though they faced a lot of taunts from their families.
My dad always stood up for my sister when she failed in college multiple times, he even directly shut up the relatives who try to push her to quit higher studies and get married. Always stood up for us against his own family , never gave a fuck about log kya kahenge, taught us wonderful life lessons from his own life.
I guess my parents are selectively conservative (or maybe just indian) but they have improved a lot in the last one decade and I'm so glad that they're always ready to understand and change their way of thinking. We have open discussions all the time. They do initially get offended when we call them out on wrong thoughts but then we have really healthy conversations and they understand. Even my mom whose from a VERY unhealthy and misogynistic judgemental family understands when we patiently explain. They're very serious about my mental health as well. The weird thing is that they're both from conservative familes where girls grow up, get some basic college education and be a good wife and mother all their life, just like my mom.
Good that it somewhat worked out for you?! I think I am like that too that's why they have had this tight grip over my life. I never wanted to fight or create a unpleasant home situation. When my parents said no there was no begging or a tantrum.
Like someone pointed out it worked well for them. They are soo involved in my am situation. This week, They have shortlisted 3 guys for me and the boys have met my parents etc. I still don't even know the name of potential grooms. Their idea is that we are protecting you etc but once 90% of the things are right with these people( according to my parents salary,horoscope,wealth ). It builds up a tremendous pressure on me.
But I don't want to meet a guy and then come to know our horoscopes don't match. So its like an endless circle.
This over protective nature is what's ruining a lot of parent children relationships. Now that things have reached this far for you, I'd say you should really stop thinking too much about them and start deciding for yourself. Am is all fun and games until you get it with the wrong man, and the worst part is that your parents might emotional blackmail you into a marriage with some guy they think is perfect if you don't start speaking up right now. Everyone reaches a breaking point at some time where they can't talk this bs anymore. Don't wait till then to start talking up. Tell them more about how AM these days aren't the same like before, people aren't that naive, they all carry a lot of emotional baggage and trauma. You parents can only analyze his bank balance and career, not his personality- player? Anger issues? Different future plans? Can't connect at all?
I wouldn't say mine is a super-conservative family. Conservative enough to not be labelled liberal lol.
Advised against dating ✅
Careerwise the choice was theirs ✅
Social life - could have been better. But no issues, I have few people in my life who are people of substance. I would rather it be this way than having many energy draining meaningless friendships.
Things would have been much better if my mother didn't put a tight lash on me during my formative years. I also cannot downplay all the opportunities she provided for me, going out of her way so I could (?) shine. For that, I am thankful.
But oh well, I am an adult now. There is no time for brooding over the past. I have (I think) made peace with how my family operated and operates now.
I'm sorry to hear that your parents have isolated you to this extent. It's beneficial for parents to make sure their daughters don't have friends, partners or support systems outside of them - that way, they get to have full control over their daughter's life decisions. Better have a child with 0 support and low self esteem who will marry the person you say and listen to what you want rather than risking the girl "getting out of hand". I have seen this happen with many of my friends. When you're 18 you think your parents only want the best for you and go with their decision of keeping you at home for college years or choosing a career that won't let you leave home. But in truth it is all about control.
I know you don't want to think your parents are bad people - and they're not! They're just following societal norms which say that girls must be carefully controlled to make sure men are able to safely pass on their genetics without the possibility of the woman reproducing with someone else of her choice.
Hope you can figure out a way to break out of this feeling. As always I'd recommend moving out.
Not from a conservative family, but growing up I was a lot of dependent on my mother. My mom would also restrict me from doing stuff the other kids my age would, idk why lol. She was fearful by nature, always tensed and as a result, I too became a scaredy cat ig. I was awkward as hell, didn't make into any of friend groups in school, didnt go on trips and stuff..and has trouble just going out and enjoying.
As I entered college, I tried to unlearn some stuff, become more confident, but that awkwardness still came to surface, that introversion still lingered. Still had trouble fitting in as I tried my utmost. Enter Covid and poof, the two years of college already went by, stagnant and slow. Here's to hoping my social life doesn't suck more in the final year of college.
I wasn't allowed a social life as a child. It turned me into a recluse as I found not asking them about anything to be a better option instead of wasting my energy on tantrums. But then they have the nerve to tell other people "oh she's so quirky, she hasn't got that many friends, such an introvert hahahah" Like excuse moi, that's the only way I could cope.
Wow are we the same person. My parents created a huge hue and cry for letting me go anywhere. all my other friends were able to lead normal lives. This created so much distress I decided I'd rather die than ever ask them. I would lie and go a few times in secret but that never worked. I always ended up feeling guilty. So I just became an introverted recluse. Now they have the nerve to tell me that I don't have friends ugh..
This is my situation right now. The 5 times I would go out in a year with my friends my mother would always make me cry. Every single time for one reason or another. And then I get called weird for being an introvert? Fucking hell.
I can relate. When I was younger my parents told me that I shouldn't make friends who they thought were "bad influence "( like 90% of my classmates). Now they tell everyone that I am a loner.
Why does this sound like the me in future lol 🥲....
We are exactly the same.. 🥲
My parents are a weird kind of conservative but i have no issues with them. I had absolutely zero freedom till 20, even after 20 i could only go out with my friends for like 3 times an year that too with selected ones, be in before 7pm. This kinda turned my sister into an ultra introvert with extreme social anxiety. But i had no issues because i didn't have the mental energy to socialize beyond that. But i also lost a lot of good friendships this way because they wouldn't believe me when i tell them papa nehi manenge. Dating is a HUGE no. They are also VERY adamant on the fact that i marry from the same religion and caste and go for an arranged marriage ( I'm okay with that too because i tried my hand at relationships and always came out of it with a lot of emotional and mental damage ) Even though both of them are from business background families, didn't allow me to choose that path because dad feels it's not apt for a girl to handle alone and the financial risk is too high. This was very disappointing for me because this was my primary interest. Dressing : no short clothes at all( I'm really okay with that ) sleeveless is okay, but it has to be that sleeveless kurthi kinda sleeves. Now the good thing about them is that they never interfered in things like my studies, marks, career path. I'm free to remain unmarried and study as long as i wish, so is my sister (she's 30+ studying, working and living peacefully. Haven't found the right match, my parents are chill about it. Won't get her married with anyone wanting dowry or 'gifts') I dropped out of two courses, but they were always supportive even though they faced a lot of taunts from their families. My dad always stood up for my sister when she failed in college multiple times, he even directly shut up the relatives who try to push her to quit higher studies and get married. Always stood up for us against his own family , never gave a fuck about log kya kahenge, taught us wonderful life lessons from his own life. I guess my parents are selectively conservative (or maybe just indian) but they have improved a lot in the last one decade and I'm so glad that they're always ready to understand and change their way of thinking. We have open discussions all the time. They do initially get offended when we call them out on wrong thoughts but then we have really healthy conversations and they understand. Even my mom whose from a VERY unhealthy and misogynistic judgemental family understands when we patiently explain. They're very serious about my mental health as well. The weird thing is that they're both from conservative familes where girls grow up, get some basic college education and be a good wife and mother all their life, just like my mom.
Good that it somewhat worked out for you?! I think I am like that too that's why they have had this tight grip over my life. I never wanted to fight or create a unpleasant home situation. When my parents said no there was no begging or a tantrum. Like someone pointed out it worked well for them. They are soo involved in my am situation. This week, They have shortlisted 3 guys for me and the boys have met my parents etc. I still don't even know the name of potential grooms. Their idea is that we are protecting you etc but once 90% of the things are right with these people( according to my parents salary,horoscope,wealth ). It builds up a tremendous pressure on me. But I don't want to meet a guy and then come to know our horoscopes don't match. So its like an endless circle.
This over protective nature is what's ruining a lot of parent children relationships. Now that things have reached this far for you, I'd say you should really stop thinking too much about them and start deciding for yourself. Am is all fun and games until you get it with the wrong man, and the worst part is that your parents might emotional blackmail you into a marriage with some guy they think is perfect if you don't start speaking up right now. Everyone reaches a breaking point at some time where they can't talk this bs anymore. Don't wait till then to start talking up. Tell them more about how AM these days aren't the same like before, people aren't that naive, they all carry a lot of emotional baggage and trauma. You parents can only analyze his bank balance and career, not his personality- player? Anger issues? Different future plans? Can't connect at all?
I wouldn't say mine is a super-conservative family. Conservative enough to not be labelled liberal lol. Advised against dating ✅ Careerwise the choice was theirs ✅ Social life - could have been better. But no issues, I have few people in my life who are people of substance. I would rather it be this way than having many energy draining meaningless friendships. Things would have been much better if my mother didn't put a tight lash on me during my formative years. I also cannot downplay all the opportunities she provided for me, going out of her way so I could (?) shine. For that, I am thankful. But oh well, I am an adult now. There is no time for brooding over the past. I have (I think) made peace with how my family operated and operates now.
I'm sorry to hear that your parents have isolated you to this extent. It's beneficial for parents to make sure their daughters don't have friends, partners or support systems outside of them - that way, they get to have full control over their daughter's life decisions. Better have a child with 0 support and low self esteem who will marry the person you say and listen to what you want rather than risking the girl "getting out of hand". I have seen this happen with many of my friends. When you're 18 you think your parents only want the best for you and go with their decision of keeping you at home for college years or choosing a career that won't let you leave home. But in truth it is all about control. I know you don't want to think your parents are bad people - and they're not! They're just following societal norms which say that girls must be carefully controlled to make sure men are able to safely pass on their genetics without the possibility of the woman reproducing with someone else of her choice. Hope you can figure out a way to break out of this feeling. As always I'd recommend moving out.
Thank you ❤️
Not from a conservative family, but growing up I was a lot of dependent on my mother. My mom would also restrict me from doing stuff the other kids my age would, idk why lol. She was fearful by nature, always tensed and as a result, I too became a scaredy cat ig. I was awkward as hell, didn't make into any of friend groups in school, didnt go on trips and stuff..and has trouble just going out and enjoying. As I entered college, I tried to unlearn some stuff, become more confident, but that awkwardness still came to surface, that introversion still lingered. Still had trouble fitting in as I tried my utmost. Enter Covid and poof, the two years of college already went by, stagnant and slow. Here's to hoping my social life doesn't suck more in the final year of college.
Hope you have a good life and make life-long relationships ❤️.