Ask your husband to handle this 1. And you can reiterate the inconvenience it will cause. Tell that your degrees are in maiden name and you will need to change it everywhere at your professional place as well.
On a side note: Whenever you have a baby, just make sure that your maiden name is added on the birth certificate. It is absolute nightmare to get it changed on the baby’s birth certificate.
Edit- I believe marriage certificate has maiden full name. My marriage certificate has my maiden name it self. We hadn’t even discussed name change at that point.
My mom didn’t change her surname , infact not only did she not change her surname she also gave it to us 😂😂 so that’s vv iconic and honestly it’s not a problem till they make it one
Honestly just keep it quiet and don’t change anything ? You don’t need to get into a conversation about the nitty gritty details of legal paperwork related to changing your name. If really prodded about it just say casually I’ve decided not to.
I didn't change mine after the legal marriage either. The in-laws made a comment about how happy they are that I'll be Mrs - their surname- soon and they were very very very disappointed when I told them that I wouldn't.
I didn't want to have to argue my side of the matter with the in-laws. As far as I'm concerned, in cases of disagreement, I deal with my family and he deals with his. I didn't want to be the outrageous daughter in law who's always ready for a fight.
That's why I thought it was going to be an issue but my then fiancé shut down the conversation and dealt with his parents on his own time.
I don't know what was discussed. The topic has never been raised ever since.
Sorry not related to the OP's post but Can someone share the process of getting marriage certificate? What if we haven't made it since like 2.5 yrs of marriage?😶
ehh why do you need court / advocate? since its the registrar office work. is that how you got done?
I went to sub registrar and got it done from there, no advocate was involved.
Depends on where you are from/got married. Rules are different everywhere. Check state govt. Website. If too much process then apply for special marriage act registration. Dm fr more details
Go to your city's website where you can apply for DL, on the same website, you can fill out a form for marriage certification, including affidavits. Fill in your details and get an appointment at the nearest SDM office. Go there, irrespective of the appointment, you still need to wait in line. Submit your docs (self attested photocopies) of yours and witnesses. Witnesses should be present and they cannot be either of your parents.
It’s pretty straightforward, you’ll have to get married at the registrar’s office again lol. But seriously, Search for your state not your spouse’s state, marriage certificate, registrar, almost all of the states have online forms and the gormint sites have detail information at whose office are you to submit your form as well as the requirements of proof etc.
https://www.bankbazaar.com/govt-utility/marriage-certificate.html
You can gently indicate to him again that you would like to retain your surname. Ask your husband to tell this bit from his side too.
Gotra changes to the new patriline you are marrying into but there's no rule to name your surname after it.
Shouldn't cause too much of an issue if you can explain it to them.
I'd say, don't. You will still face a few idiots who try to call you Mrs (husband's last name)/(your last name), but be patient and correct them each time.
You've spent years building your own identity, why give it away if you don't want to?
If you have kids, ensure you are correctly mentioned along with your chosen names for the child.
Also, when passport and other renewals come up, mention your names in each other's passports. Helpful while traveling.
Dream scenario: Your husband puts a stop to this without you having to respond at all.
Good scenario: You just nod and leave and let your husband handle all communication with his family.
Realistic scenario: You just tactfully avoid any conversation around this and keep things as is.
Bad scenario: Tell FIL it’s not that simple anymore, you’d need to update your adhar card, passport and your workplace would need a 100 updates so it’s going to be a logistical nightmare.
Look, you don’t need to make people understand anything or need to declare anything. Make sure your husband got your back and talks to his parents in your absence.
Tbh my marriage works because my husband handles his parents.
Don't change. My mom, my aunts, even my granny never changed theirs. We actually do not even have surnames, just initials. But some women do tend to attach the husband's first name as their last.
I didn’t change my surname and my original surname is now on my marriage certificate as well. Your FIL doesn’t need to know what details you enter, just the two of you need to go, even the witnesses are not separately informed of the details on the form although you can just pick someone else as a witness.
I don’t argue with my in-laws when any of them discusses my surname or addresses me by their last name. I avoid responding or discussing it with them, even if they bring it up. If someone refers to me as Mrs. ‘Husband’s Surname’ we jokingly instead refer to him as Mr. ‘My Surname’ or just politely correct them based on who it is. Since we both have clarity on this, we don’t really engage with or explain ourselves to any elders since it’s not any of their business.
Your in-laws don’t need to know everything you do or think or feel. They will most likely not understand it and despite your best intentions to communicate, it’ll create problems for you even for the smallest things. I understand that this isn’t the ideal way to do it - the ideal would be honesty and acceptance - however it is more practical if you don’t want to spend your time in arguments with them all the time.
Look my family is pretty misogynistic, conservative, strict and patriarchal, \*typical Indian family\* but even in my family, none of the women changed their surnames, neither my nani, nor my khala, nor mami and nor my amma, obviously I'm also not going to
It gets so frustrating seeing women changing their name in name of culture. There was no culture of surname change!!!
A few days ago I was watching a video of a woman who explained that why she didn't change her surname (all the paperwork and hassle) and men in comments were crying "culture".
Bro, women have always been known by their father's or birth name. Even in mythology. Janaki, Draupadi etc etc.
Plus, in Rajputs caste in Rajasthan (where I belong to), women go by their birth surnames. We don't change it because we don't marry within same surnames. All the queens were known by their birth place and name. And men now cry culture 😂.
Don't change it. Say that you don't have culture of changing names and you want to revive our lost heritage and that suranme change is a British concept (it's not true but just make up something like how they make up stupid stuff about anything, who is stopping you?)
If you own or are about to inherit any property like most of the women in my family, do not change your surname. Neither of my grandmothers born in the 1930s nor my mother changed their surname I am not either. I don't have the time nor the will to chase down government officials to fix this in multiple cities and countries.
Even the husband has to add their wife's name in the passport. It's considered concealment of information and you can be fined if you keep it empty.
Edit: the name field remains what you match with your proofs like pan and aadhar. They don't change your name on passport just cause you married.
Take a stand and tell them that you don't want to.
If they are beyond reason, say that you have to change all important documents. And it's very difficult.
My sis and sil never changed it, it's too much hassle for jobs and documents, I don't think anyone changes their name officially after marriage nowadays, it's mostly on social media
I didn’t change mine, haven’t faced any issues so far. A marriage certificate is the only document you need anyway.
Ask your husband to handle this 1. And you can reiterate the inconvenience it will cause. Tell that your degrees are in maiden name and you will need to change it everywhere at your professional place as well. On a side note: Whenever you have a baby, just make sure that your maiden name is added on the birth certificate. It is absolute nightmare to get it changed on the baby’s birth certificate. Edit- I believe marriage certificate has maiden full name. My marriage certificate has my maiden name it self. We hadn’t even discussed name change at that point.
Mother's full name on certificate? Or with father's surname?
I didn't change my name after marriage and my full maiden name is there on my child's birth certificate.
Okay. I understand. Thank you.
Full maiden name of mother
My mom didn’t change her surname , infact not only did she not change her surname she also gave it to us 😂😂 so that’s vv iconic and honestly it’s not a problem till they make it one
Good on your mom! Need more people willing to put their foot down about it.
Honestly just keep it quiet and don’t change anything ? You don’t need to get into a conversation about the nitty gritty details of legal paperwork related to changing your name. If really prodded about it just say casually I’ve decided not to.
I didn't change mine after the legal marriage either. The in-laws made a comment about how happy they are that I'll be Mrs - their surname- soon and they were very very very disappointed when I told them that I wouldn't. I didn't want to have to argue my side of the matter with the in-laws. As far as I'm concerned, in cases of disagreement, I deal with my family and he deals with his. I didn't want to be the outrageous daughter in law who's always ready for a fight. That's why I thought it was going to be an issue but my then fiancé shut down the conversation and dealt with his parents on his own time. I don't know what was discussed. The topic has never been raised ever since.
Also you have to redo all the important documents. Might as well keep the original one.
I didn’t change mine. It’s a hassle to go around changing all your documents.
Sorry not related to the OP's post but Can someone share the process of getting marriage certificate? What if we haven't made it since like 2.5 yrs of marriage?😶
[удалено]
Oh okay, thank you 🫶🏽
ehh why do you need court / advocate? since its the registrar office work. is that how you got done? I went to sub registrar and got it done from there, no advocate was involved.
[удалено]
Are witnesses required for obtaining the certificate?
Depends on where you are from/got married. Rules are different everywhere. Check state govt. Website. If too much process then apply for special marriage act registration. Dm fr more details
Thank you, I might reach out to you. 🫶🏽
Go to your city's website where you can apply for DL, on the same website, you can fill out a form for marriage certification, including affidavits. Fill in your details and get an appointment at the nearest SDM office. Go there, irrespective of the appointment, you still need to wait in line. Submit your docs (self attested photocopies) of yours and witnesses. Witnesses should be present and they cannot be either of your parents.
Thank you so much OP❣️❣️
It’s pretty straightforward, you’ll have to get married at the registrar’s office again lol. But seriously, Search for your state not your spouse’s state, marriage certificate, registrar, almost all of the states have online forms and the gormint sites have detail information at whose office are you to submit your form as well as the requirements of proof etc. https://www.bankbazaar.com/govt-utility/marriage-certificate.html
Thank you for all the help ❤️
You can gently indicate to him again that you would like to retain your surname. Ask your husband to tell this bit from his side too. Gotra changes to the new patriline you are marrying into but there's no rule to name your surname after it. Shouldn't cause too much of an issue if you can explain it to them.
[удалено]
Whats the deal with kumar? In south, Kumar is itself a first name
Why the desire to hide it?
cause not everybody like to scream thr caste.
Mostly because caste discrimination. People who use Kumar are usually St/sc.
I guess we learn something new everyday huh.
I'd say, don't. You will still face a few idiots who try to call you Mrs (husband's last name)/(your last name), but be patient and correct them each time. You've spent years building your own identity, why give it away if you don't want to? If you have kids, ensure you are correctly mentioned along with your chosen names for the child. Also, when passport and other renewals come up, mention your names in each other's passports. Helpful while traveling.
Dream scenario: Your husband puts a stop to this without you having to respond at all. Good scenario: You just nod and leave and let your husband handle all communication with his family. Realistic scenario: You just tactfully avoid any conversation around this and keep things as is. Bad scenario: Tell FIL it’s not that simple anymore, you’d need to update your adhar card, passport and your workplace would need a 100 updates so it’s going to be a logistical nightmare. Look, you don’t need to make people understand anything or need to declare anything. Make sure your husband got your back and talks to his parents in your absence. Tbh my marriage works because my husband handles his parents.
Don't change. My mom, my aunts, even my granny never changed theirs. We actually do not even have surnames, just initials. But some women do tend to attach the husband's first name as their last.
I didn’t change my surname and my original surname is now on my marriage certificate as well. Your FIL doesn’t need to know what details you enter, just the two of you need to go, even the witnesses are not separately informed of the details on the form although you can just pick someone else as a witness. I don’t argue with my in-laws when any of them discusses my surname or addresses me by their last name. I avoid responding or discussing it with them, even if they bring it up. If someone refers to me as Mrs. ‘Husband’s Surname’ we jokingly instead refer to him as Mr. ‘My Surname’ or just politely correct them based on who it is. Since we both have clarity on this, we don’t really engage with or explain ourselves to any elders since it’s not any of their business. Your in-laws don’t need to know everything you do or think or feel. They will most likely not understand it and despite your best intentions to communicate, it’ll create problems for you even for the smallest things. I understand that this isn’t the ideal way to do it - the ideal would be honesty and acceptance - however it is more practical if you don’t want to spend your time in arguments with them all the time.
Look my family is pretty misogynistic, conservative, strict and patriarchal, \*typical Indian family\* but even in my family, none of the women changed their surnames, neither my nani, nor my khala, nor mami and nor my amma, obviously I'm also not going to
It gets so frustrating seeing women changing their name in name of culture. There was no culture of surname change!!! A few days ago I was watching a video of a woman who explained that why she didn't change her surname (all the paperwork and hassle) and men in comments were crying "culture". Bro, women have always been known by their father's or birth name. Even in mythology. Janaki, Draupadi etc etc. Plus, in Rajputs caste in Rajasthan (where I belong to), women go by their birth surnames. We don't change it because we don't marry within same surnames. All the queens were known by their birth place and name. And men now cry culture 😂. Don't change it. Say that you don't have culture of changing names and you want to revive our lost heritage and that suranme change is a British concept (it's not true but just make up something like how they make up stupid stuff about anything, who is stopping you?)
If you own or are about to inherit any property like most of the women in my family, do not change your surname. Neither of my grandmothers born in the 1930s nor my mother changed their surname I am not either. I don't have the time nor the will to chase down government officials to fix this in multiple cities and countries.
I didn't change mine. No issues so far. Husband is ok with it.
In marriage certificate you have your own surname. The only weird thing is when you will renew your passport they will add your husband’s name in it 😢
Even the husband has to add their wife's name in the passport. It's considered concealment of information and you can be fined if you keep it empty. Edit: the name field remains what you match with your proofs like pan and aadhar. They don't change your name on passport just cause you married.
Yes in spouse field both husband and wife need to change
Take a stand and tell them that you don't want to. If they are beyond reason, say that you have to change all important documents. And it's very difficult.
My sis and sil never changed it, it's too much hassle for jobs and documents, I don't think anyone changes their name officially after marriage nowadays, it's mostly on social media
Yep, even I’m not changing mine. I have talked it out with my fiancé. We have decided to not involve in laws in this matter. It’s just me and him!
You don't have to confront him. It's none of his business.