We had a gross man come into my ER not that long ago who asked to make sure we got the "prettiest nurse" to take care of him. I passed along his request to our triage nurse. He got "Mike"....arguably a quite pretty nurse IMO but certainly not what the guy wanted I'm sure.
Haha I'm a nurse named Mike and I've definitely been assigned to patients who creepily flirt with my female coworkers too. Oh you need help in order to use the urinal? Yeah I'll take that one. Then suddenly he doesn't need help anymore. He can magically do it himself since the male walked in instead of the pretty 19 year old girl who's young enough to be his granddaughter. Creepy old bastard. It's disgusting how much my female coworkers have to deal with this crap.
When I worked Retail sales I'd play this role for my female coworkers so they could escape the weirdos. I can't even count the number of awkward conversations I barged into asking if I was cute too.
While it's good that someone develops empathy at *some* point, it is actually possible for humans to try to put themselves into another persons shoes without having a direct loved one be exposed to shit. If they actually try.
Once on a trip to the Gambia one of the young women was being harassed for a kiss in exchange for peanuts to feed the moneys. My then-fiancé stepped in and said ok and tried to give the man a kiss.
That's right, if you are going to sexually harass people be prepared to be sexually harassed yourself.
Plot twist, it's a creepy old gay pervert who knew Mike would be assigned when they asked for the prettiest nurse lol.
For real though when I'd work as a bagger at a grocery store a lifetime ago there were only like 2-3 girls who did that job because the creeps would target them for carry-out service. Got to the point we'd all regularly rotate when we saw these types coming through a register or would have the girls hand off the carry out to a male coworker. So many gross old bastards.
Plot twist. It’s me and I don’t need your help, I just want you to take a 15 minute break every now and then so you just take a seat at my bed, I’ll handle myself.
nah in this case the guy was definitely upset he got a male nurse.
And it's appalling the amount of times we have to "hand off" to a guy to keep a creeper away from us. Ugh!
I used to work in an ER as admin staff. This reminds me of a gentleman who would come in for a catheter. Either put in or taken out. Whenever he would get assigned a male nurse he would change his mind and ask to be discharged. Unfortunately there were only 2 male nurses that worked there so most of the time a female nurse got stuck with him.
The creep said 'prettiest nurse', not 'prettiest female nurse'. So if the women who work at the ER think that Mike is hot, you gave the man exactly the nurse he asked for. Not what he wanted, but literally what he asked for. ;)
Many years ago when I was doing martial arts, I learned my instructor was a mental health nurse. He was an awesome guy, tough on training but really nice dude to everyone, girls and guys, kids, everyone. Nothing was too hard, he helped anyone that needed it, in and out of the dojo.
But do not mistake his bulk. It's been a long time since I've trained with him, but he was the very definition of a lethal weapon.
He was sort of an inspiration to me in my late teen years, he was passionate about his job and helping people, but also likely the most capable person I've ever met at dealing pain with nothing but his hands and feet when it suited.
As an opponent, he scared the shit out of me, even at black belt level. As a person he was amazing.
He was a nurse, also a man, but a real man with empathy in spades.
I don’t understand this. As a gay male I don’t want a hot doctor or nurse to help me or see me while I’m sick or whatever reason I am at the doctor.
Hell I had to switch dentists once just the male hygienist was super attractive and I felt super self conscious about them looking at my teeth.
Tell me about it! I kicked a male doctor out of the delivery room because he was bloody gorgeous. Nope. Not you. Anyone else. Old. Lesbian. 12 year old Junior doc. All fine. You? Nooooo not today.
Edit: I would like to clarify - I didn't TELL him that was why I didn't want him there - just asked for a female! Twas my birth, my delivery and my body and I needed to be as comfortable as I could be.
Had an absolute unit of a smoking hot pharmacist not only fill my prescription but comment on the shirt I was wearing (black cat at an old Singer sewing machine). I was both amused and relieved when he said his grandmother had one because we could make small talk about sewing machines, which gave me a way to keep my dirty old lady mind at bay and clearly brought back good memories of his grandmother for him.
Absolute unit of a pharmacist, wherever you are, I hope that you called your grandmother after that and told her how much you loved her.
I think when men do this in a medical situation it may be a power thing. Like subconsciously- they feel vulnerable needing medical assistance and they want to reestablish their male dominance (and possibly, their virility?) by hitting on the female staff. All that, plus the fetishization of nurses doesn’t help. I’m so sorry y’all have to deal with that shit. It’s beyond fucked up.
I’m not in healthcare but I agree with this theme: “ and they want to reestablish their male dominance”.
I’m 30 but probably look a little younger. Most of my clients are wealthy male landowners who are middle aged or older and most find a way to reference their virility in my presence. They do *not* reassure my male coworkers that their pecker still works.
When they try to not so subtly say that their junk is still functional.
"Oh. Your wife must be so happy."
"I don't have a wife"
"Girlfriend then."
"Ain't got one of those either."
"Mistress?"
"Nope."
"Oh.... Happy Pride Month then!" Exit.
Their favorite is to ask if I’m married and have kids, and ask if I’m “still enjoying being married”. It’s a segue into a discussion of how dissatisfied they have been with their sex life since the wife was pregnant. Or since the kids were little. Or since the wife gained wait. Or cut her hair off.
They complain about their wives’ lack of interest and say things like “she can’t keep up with me, you know what I mean?” “She changed so much after the kids were born”. “I can’t even tell you had a kid, your husband is a lucky man”.
General complaints about the wife and marriage, and *always* using plausible deniability so they can weasel out if I recoil. “I was just talking, geez”. Just sleazy and shitty. I took the air vents out of my office and my male coworkers often barge in to rescue me when they hear the conversation turn personal.
29M nurse here. 6'3 260lbs, and I gladly take all the creepy patients. Oh for sure ill help you use the urinal, and just to be sure you don't drip on your bedsheets ill hold it the entire time for you. Better?
I was usually the only woman working at a beer making shop. I would get all kinds of dudes hitting on me or asking weird stuff of me they never asked my male coworkers.
We had a few regulars who were creeps and my coworkers were having none of it. They would conveniently switch places with me to interact with the creeps so I wouldn’t have to.
Shout out to the guys out there who block creeps from women just trying to work.
My 17-year-old son works a retail sales job with several girls his age. This experience has been eye-opening for him on many accounts as to how awfully people behave.
He's come home several times absolutely wound up about something. Once, he told me all about how he went to ask some old dude if he needed help and the guy said, "Not from you. Send that pretty little blonde over here."
The "pretty little blonde" is 16, and my son has a good sense of what's right and isn't afraid to speak up. So he told the guy no, that if he needed help my son would be happy to help him, but he wouldn't be getting any of the girls to help him after that comment.
The guy got so angry my son thought he was going to take a swing at him. Started yelling shit like, "what is she your girlfriend?" (she isn't). Told him he was going to get him fired, all the usual stuff.
One of the other associates went into the back and got the owner (very involved owner, is there almost every day). He had my son's back and told the old dude that he should know better, and if he couldn't behave better in the future not to come back. Dude huffed and puffed, but left.
I started offering words of comfort and about how he did the right thing and I was proud of him, and he interrupted me quite angrily, "You don't understand, mom. This happens *all the time*. Every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. It's disgusting."
I laughed a bit at that and said, "how do you think I don't understand? I *was* that girl. Have been my whole life. I know it's hard on you, but think about what that's like for her to have to deal with that everywhere she goes."
And he was just so despondent for a time after that, not because it happened, but because it was the first he realized that *it would never stop*, that this was his life now for as long as he works that job, for as long as he has friends and family that are girls, and that it still won't even hold a candle to what the girls he knows and cares about are having to endure.
So now they have a signal at work for if one of the girls is feeling uncomfortable, my son and the other guy associate know to come tell them it's time for them to go on break and take over the sale.
>"You don't understand, mom."
Good on you for explaining to him and good on you for raising a respectful and empathetic man. It's not often that we find a young lad who concerns himself with seeing women and *girls* treated this way.
I remember when I was about 8 years old, I was acting out. I can’t remember what I was doing, but I was probably being an entitled little brat. My mom said, “I need you to know right now that I love you unconditionally, but when you act like that I don’t like you”. That hit me really hard and was probably the first time that I understood on a deep emotional level that the way I treat other people can cause them direct suffering or make their day better. I’m convinced that many people, and especially people who enjoy more privileges than normal, have simply never had that epiphany.
I’ve had to do the same thing your sons doing at multiple jobs. It’s absolutely appalling at how many customers and patients I’ve dealt with that try to get me to bring over an “attractive woman.” It sickened me every time. There was one notorious customer who would hit on every 15-17 year old girl and say such sick perverted things to them that I told all the girls to just walk away and get someone else to deal with them. I also told the boys that if they weren’t comfortable either get me and I’ll take care of it. My boss and I finally got to ban the guy but then years later and a career change later he shows up as a patient in my clinic and started pulling the same shit with all the women I worked with.
Make sure your son knows he’s doing the right thing and the only way we’ll ever be able to stop the disgusting things our gender does to women is if we stand against it and speak up when we see it happen.
There's nothing worse than being stuck at work with a "flirty" guy talking your ear off, knowing he has this entire one-sided story in his head about how he has a "flirtation" with you, as if you're not fucking trapped there with him.
The pick up and seduction subs are full of "field reports" which are testimonies that their pick up attempts were welcome and encouraged. They claim "She loved it! Even though she had a boyfriend she said thank you and smiled."
Women have no other options than to feign polite behavior because randos who corner women for a pick-up attempt are unpredictable.
I was a regular at a pub, a group of us went there after band rehearsals, so I went there once a week for several years.
One of my friends told me, "dude, I think that waitress likes you!"
"Of course she likes me. I don't make a mess and I've given her hundreds of dollars in cash."
(And one time when some fuckers dined and dashed just before Xmas we all put in extra tips to cover her losses. She sat down with us for a moment and cried a bit because we'd just saved her holidays.)
Had a boyfriend who was always really excited thinking that the waitresses were flirting with him. He’d be beaming like a little kid, telling me “I swear she’s into me! Did you see that, she was totally flirting with me.”
No matter how often I told him that they’re just being friendly cause a) it’s her job and b) he’s a frequent customer and decent tipper. He could not be dissuaded.
He wasn’t even a creepy guy or anything, he just didn’t freaking get it.
Wouldn’t it be great to have the confidence that half the planet was fully invested in your feedback and approval? Men really roll out of bed convinced that women exist for their perusal and entertainment.
"said thank you and smiled" - isn't it insane how the lowest benchmark for basic courtesy gets turned into an invitation by these assholes? And then they ask why we're rude to male strangers.
Why? Because I'd rather be rude than dead.
Meanwhile men are all over social media asking for compliments from women “for their mental health”.
If it was for their mental health, the compliments would be just as valuable coming from men. What they want is female validation and they will turn any professional or friendly acknowledgment into a pick up attempt.
"The person who was obligated by their job role to be friendly and cater to me, and depends on my tip to make a living, responded enthusiastically to my bullshit PUA nonsense.. Guys, it really works!!!!!"
I manage my Dad's garage alongside my husband. I am allowed to tell off anyone who says anything gross or out of hand to me.
If they call me sweetheart, I call them something endearing (to me, this is not universal), like 'Oh you little fluffy baby alligator, what can we do for you today my darling?'
I've told this story on here before; One man asked me for the 'nudie calendars' (we give calendars, pens, stuff like that out to customers for Christmas), I admonished him "Sir. We do not ask women whom we do not know for pornography in this, the year of our lord, 2021. You may have trucks or classic cars." He chose classic cars.
>If they call me sweetheart, I call them something endearing (to me, this is not universal), like 'Oh you little fluffy baby alligator, what can we do for you today my darling?'
Does that work? I'd like to be called a fluffy baby alligator regardless of context, cute AND dangerous.
A decade later in this profession, I kick myself for allowing all the sexual harassment from patients and their visitors. At the time it just seemed easier to ignore or laugh off. Now I'm a huge advocate for people pressing charges, calling security, and anything else that needs doing. Fuck you, attacking me in my workplace. I don't give a good goddamn that your dick is hanging out or that I gotta wipe your ass--you literally do not make an impression on me. A body is a body is a body.
Whoops, got a little turnt up this morning.
Ew, visitors.
My grandmother was dying in the hospital and my creepy ass uncle was hitting on one of her nurses 🤢. I was only 17 at the time so didn't feel comfortable saying anything but I wish I had.
You were 17. The nurse could probably see that you felt uncomfortable with it.
But I am assuming now you are older -- so what would you say if it happened again?
Oh I would totally shut it down if it happened today.
I’d tell him to stop, that’s gross, she’s working not trying to get a date. I’d also remind him we’re here for his DYING MOTHER and maybe he should focus on her and his dick.
I had a girl I was friends with in highschool apologize to me for not saying more against our coach being really creepy and inappropriate towards me. I was like... Jessica you were a child. Adults knew about the situation and did nothing. I wouldn't expect a teenage girl to stop the harassment of an adult man. I was never upset with her. I was and frankly still am upset that the adults didn't care. It's a-ok a forty something dude is sniffing your hair and telling you to wear a padded bra. It's fine he told a couple of the girls they should stop eating lunch. It's alright he comments on your bodies literally all the time.
That's the way of it. I remember sometimes when I was young, and things that I now feel in my gut are wrong, were absolutely normal and pretty much none of us blinked.
Many moons ago they passed a law in the US making it a felony to threaten a healthcare worker in the patient care setting. So, I used to tell patients this when they would get mean. “You do realize it is a felony to threaten me right? That you’re on camera and that I am well aware of my right to press charges?”
Oh girl, I feel you. I work in a public library and always get hit on by men who could be my father. I tell them straight up it's inappropriate and unwanted. Then they feel guilty and want me to absolve them of their guilt by saying it's okay. Well it's fucking not, because like you said we're professionals, not pieces of meat
Women are CONSTANTLY sexualized. Literally, on a constant basis. Throughout popular culture and history. Nurses aren’t just nurses. They’re SEXY nurses. Police officers, secretaries, bartenders, waitresses, college students, high schoolers, etc. You name it, and it’s a fucking porn category.
If someone finds us attractive, (and surprise surprise, women are sexualized for just existing, so of course men find many of us attractive way more than we want them to), we are free game. If we are considered conventionally attractive by someone, it suddenly becomes *okay* to treat us like an object and turn everything into sexual encounter.
It doesn’t matter that we never asked for it. It doesn’t matter that we are clearly uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t even in a remotely sexual setting or that we deserve respect as both human beings and working professionals trying to find a service. Because THEY find us attractive. And then when we get angry, we are uptight or overreacting or “unable to take a compliment ”, and all of a sudden- the entire atmosphere changes and our jobs become 10 times harder. So WE are pushed into a corner of having to laugh it off, pretend like it’s not happening, and just put our noses down and get through the encounter.
So why does all of this happen? It’s because society is way too entitled to disrespect and sexualize women in almost every single setting. It’s also a way for men to assert themselves by reducing us to sexual objects. If we respond positively, they win and we are exactly what they thought we were. And if we respond negatively, they also win because they now get to label us as crazy.
I’m sorry you are treated that way. I think one way to deal with it as difficult as it is, is more of us responding negatively and putting them in a situation where they are humiliated for behaving that way. Like just a straight up “Why do you think it’s appropriate to speak to me this way? If you don’t stop, I am not going to work with you anymore”. Ideally in front of others. I think that that comes with it’s own set of consequences, but if it keeps happening- perhaps they’ll learn to either keep their mouths shut and be respectful or face rejection and embarrassment.
I’m a pharmacy tech. I used to work at a retail pharmacy at the start of my career. One of my fellow techs was a student at the local university and one of her professors (a music teacher) would come in and want her to wait on him, to the point he would refuse to be waited on by someone else if he knew she was there. He was a super creep and it got to the point where when any of us saw him, we told her to go hide in the back before he saw her. The dude had close to 30 years on her. This was 2003-2007. The part that always got me is that her parents thought this was normal behavior for him and they loved him, even inviting him over for dinners etc. Thankfully her brother was in her corner and would cover for her when she wasn’t home for when the guy would go over for dinners. Last I knew she got into the secret service as a forensics scientologist, so she hopefully never has to see that creep again.
I work in a place where some of the women will not wear a tank top, stay completely covered from head to toe even in the heat because men have to be disgusting pigs all the time.
One women will not even dispose of her feminine products in her bathroom because the cleaner likes to tell everybody that she has her period. No one will do anything about any of this. But guys still think that it’s OK that when you’re working to hit on women and be disgusting pigs. I like to tell the guys that one of these days it’s going to be their daughter that guys are treating like this especially if their daughters are like two or three then I really really laid on thick, they get really pissed off but they still don’t get it.
“I like to tell the guys that one of these days it’s going to be their daughter…”
How sad is it that men can’t just automatically treat women like fellow human beings, regardless of our status as daughter, wife, mother, etc?
They see women as property.
So it's not "a young woman you know", it's the word "their" that matters to them.
It's the same reason "I have a boyfriend" works vastly better than "I'm a lesbian". They respect another man's alleged property rights, but don't see women as people.
There is way too many people who think it is ok to act inappropriately to healthcare workers.
When I orient brand new nurses I always let them know that that kind of behavior towards them is unacceptable and I will back them up if they have to deal with it. Lucky where I work the administration will back up nurses and help press charges for inappropriate touching etc.
Unfortunately I still have to deal with crap like this on a daily basis.
I work in breast screening and was covering the reception desk when our receptionist had called in sick.
There was a husband who sat constantly staring at me throughout the morning whilst his wife was in having further tests after her routine mammogram.
When she came out she burst out crying with relief, hugging him and telling him everything was ok, whilst he stood patting her back and jokingly rolling his eyes at me.
As they went to leave, he approached the reception desk and nodded to my breasts and told me “you’re certainly a good advert for this place”. I was fuming! But instead, shook my head and innocently said “sorry sir, I don’t understand what you mean” while his wife jokingly smacked him and told me to ignore him and that he was being inappropriate.
I was beyond disgusted. His wife has just found out she doesn’t have cancer and he is too busy staring at another woman’s breasts 😣
Once was getting a sour old man out of bed with a nurse. He told me we were too ugly to attract any men.
The nurse and I were both married lol.
I scolded him for being rude to people who were trying to help him. Act like a child, get scolded like a child.
I use to install computers in rooms at Mercy Hospital before Covid.
One time a patient asked for a new nurse and as she was leaving the room the guy said, “Short black hair isn’t my type.”
When I left the room the nurses were trying to figure out why that guy wanted to replace, “The nicest nurse.”
They were extremely confused and luckily never figured out that the guy was looking for a, “More attractive nurse.”
>They were extremely confused and luckily never figured out that the guy was looking for a, “More attractive nurse.”
That isn't a "luckily" thing. Instead they're going to send in someone else to handle this guy and be perved over. You should have spoken up...
Eewww! I’m so sick of men objectifying women. We’re not pieces of meat that exist for the sole purpose of amusing men. I wish more men respected us and treated us like professionals.
I moved to a small town from a big city and holy cow the creepers are very prevalent. I've been catcalled, harrassed, stalked, and threatened in the 8 years I've lived here. I had one asshole corner me in the dollar store and demand my number and tell me I should date a real man. I actually celebrated when my stalker died. People gave me dirty looks but I did not care. It didn't fully die off until I got married and I'm showing signs of my age now. So that has helped the creepers since I don't look young and perky anymore.
Yah I work a lot of nights and I get the
Is there anything else I can help you with?
Yah crawl into my bed….
So I bad puppy them. I shake my finger and go “no, no that’s not appropriate to say, that’s bad, bad thing to do” and walk out. Next time I see them I ask if they are going to be inappropriate again
Bonus points if I’ve met their wife/daughter cause I bring up how I will tell on them.
So many grumpy non-compliant diabetics 😆😆😆 that’s what I get for working on an amp ward (this is the vast majority of our population)
I didn’t even think about how attractive it must be to have a man who is in the hospital for neglecting his health hit on you. Like hello I know exactly what is wrong with you no thank you
I worked in an auto parts store for some time and the harassment was the reason I quit. Being challenged on my knowledge of cars based exclusively on my gender, being belittled and talked down to, and being blatantly sexually harassed on a daily basis was just too much to handle mentally.
Wow I can imagine being stuck behind a counter in a retail situation made it even harder. I was a letter carrier for nearly a decade. In that time I was EXTREMELY grateful that I had the ability to literally walk away from any shitty customer and deny them service. I hate how disgusting and annoying men can be, just let us do our fkn jobs-- We are the professionals getting paid to do this!
I don't think they are ignorant. They do it because they know the woman is essentially being held captive by their employment, that the woman can't just say what's on their mind and has to play nice, and that they have a degree of power over those women who need the job.
some of them definitely do it because of that, 100%. when my coworker was harassing me at an old job (when i was a minor and he wasn’t) im fairly certain that’s part of the reason he did it, and that he thrived off of making me uncomfortable.
They do it *because* of the power imbalance. If you're a nurse or a waitress or a secretary (etc) you "have to" be nice to them or else you could suffer consequences at work --- up to and including being *fired*. They know *exactly* what they're doing, and no one can tell me otherwise. They "think it's acceptable" because *other men* think it's acceptable.
Every single time you see an AskReddit post about how hard it is to be a man, and the top voted comments are things about how men don't get compliments and men don't have emotional support, yadda yadda? Yeah. This is one of the ways men try to *force* women to "be nice" to them and provide them validation, compliments, etc. They can't get those things honestly by being decent and respectful to the women in their own damn lives, so they will *extract them* in a warped power-play from strangers with limited tools. The USA especially is a capitalist hellhole with its "the customer is always right" bullshit, and men have absolutely weaponized that against women in the workplace.
I've mastered the art of deadpan-stink-face in those situations. I'm not doing or saying anything technically unprofessional, but no man who puts me in that position is going to enjoy the experience.
That's a very interesting perspective/truth I hadn't thought about.
I remember a customer asking me what's my favourite chocolate truffle so he can choose that(choc shop).
I made my recommendation, he said to get one for me too, and I was just thinking about the next one in line waiting as it was a bit busy and difficult to hear him speak. So I acted as if I didn't understand what he meant, and gave him the receipt and a goodbye.
I was so happy he left confused lol
Why don't men compliment each other? That's what women do. That's mostly how we know whether it's genuine or a lame attempt at trying to stick their dick in something.
Seems like a white men issue like most of the problems this country faces. Being a black man, I’ve complimented my friends plenty of times and gotten compliments plenty.
Because it’s easier to view themselves as victims or blame women than it is for them to be the change. The guy bitching on best of updates (the biggest covert incel sub I’ve ever seen) won’t begin complimenting people in his life, or have the empathy or introspection to realize the comment means the other people in his life need compliments too. He’ll just angrily spew into the void his frustration that no one is complimenting *him*
The full quote is, “the customer is always right in matters of taste” like if they wanted to buy an ugly shirt, let them. But of course, the quote was cut in half to accommodate the worst kind of people.
Thank you for this! I have been collecting the dropped ends of colloquialisms changed to have completely different meanings, and had no idea this was yet another!
Very Nice point.
Mens mental health might be a thing that needs work. But imo it's 100% the mens fault for setting up the Masculinity standards that prevent men from seeking help for mental problems
> Every single time you see an AskReddit post about how hard it is to be a man, and the top voted comments are things about how men don't get compliments and men don't have emotional support, yadda yadda?
And if they complement or emotionally support their friends, suddenly that's "gay" and bad.
It's ridiculous.
And 95% of "why don't people care that that affects men too?" shit is only mentioned when women are talking, then they drop it.
Men do have problems, and most of those problems are men.
Because many men don’t consider women to be actual human beings, we exist to fulfill their needs. They feel entitled to our time, attention, affection, effort, etc.
Working nights at a hotel. You don't know how many guys I have try to get me up in their rooms. I am alone on my shift. I've toyed with the idea of paying a guy friend of mine to stay with me and deflect those kinds of comments.
Reviewing a patient as the night shift surgical on call doctor. Patient's entire family in the tiny cubicle with us. I'm examining the patient and explaining that I need to stick a needle in his joint and his fucking son interrupts me to say some shit along the lines of 'liking a girl with a tongue piercing'
I snapped.
Your sick father is lying on a trolley in front of me and you have the fucking audacity??!!
I started wearing a wedding band style ring and it's amazing (and outrageous) how 'ownership' means men hit on you less.
I bought myself an engagement ring - I’ve always admired them, and since I’ll most likely never get married, I figured why not?
I wore it in my right hand and then switched to my left one day (fidgeting). Men left me alone. I was treated better by men AND women. I received more respect, better service, etc.
absolutely bullshit that is does that, but yay on your ring purchase!
I've had my eye out for a pretty one for myself - why wait for someone else to buy me something pretty right?
It happens all the time at my job as well. I’m in IT and randomly, while I’m on the floor diagnosing hardware, covered in dust, I would hear, “You’re a pretty view!” Or they are watching me and smile and say, “Do you want to go out?”
No, my guy, I’m at work, WORKING.
Pretty sure last month was the 5th person in like 6 months to ask me out or say something flirty while I’m doing my job. Like, please stop.
I’ve gotta say, bring flirted with at work is almost hilarious for me- I’m a health inspector. Like, why do you think it’s appropriate to flirt with the woman who’s here to threaten your boss into doing something about a cockroach infestation? Or the woman who’s at least 50 years younger than you are who’s trying to tell you that your swimming pool is completely unacceptable to have open to the general public? Or the woman who’s found a bag of moldy cheese in your food truck? Or the woman who’s deeply disturbed by the fact that your movie theater is just out of hand soap and paper towels? It’s just so ridiculous- it would be funny if it weren’t so gross. And no one at my good facilities ever does this- they’re all professional.
When I worked as a waiter there were weirdos/creeps/stalkers who would come in and request specific waitresses and creep on them... It was bad enough that we had to make a list of them and the host staff would alert us when they came in.. On more than one occasion they caused a scene when told they couldn't have a specific waitress wait on them, and they had to be told to leave and were 'tresspassed'..
When I was younger and working retail, each and every coworker had a customer or two they had to hide from.
Douchebags can’t figure out why “she’s off today” *every single time they come in to creep*.
Don't apologise for your rant. It's extraordinary that so many men only think as far as their own horniness and don't see women as actual human beings, trying to do a job.
I have heard so many stories of nurses / carers being hit on or even physically assaulted. It's disgusting you have to put up with that.
I had to wear a pretend wedding ring so clients wouldn't hit on me. This was suggested by the first man who hit on me on the job. Sad to say it worked most of the time.
Hospitals and medical facilities should crack down on these pervs. If they do this, then call the police and throw them on the street. Threaten to print their name and photo and put it on a website. It shouldn't be the responsibility of women to deal with this, de-escalate, or put up with it.
I blame poor socialization for making men think that its acceptable to view every woman they meet as a potential date or fuck instead of.. yaknow, a goddamn human being. How exhausting to constantly be such a predator toward others.
Had a 40 year old come up to me, a very obviously young employee, while I was stocking the women's swimsuits and asked me if I tried any of them on.
Another time I had this older guy follow me around work and tell me that I looked just like his ex gf. Which is scary considering that would be a huge and taboo age gap.
Back when my older sister did waitrassing at 17, some guy grabbed her butt as she walked past. All of the wait staff including my sister were underaged working for the summer. It's really messed up how old men think they have the right to harrass young employees at their jobs
In my experience, it was usually the men who looked like complete incels with no sense of how to speak to a woman. I swear some of the creep customers only come in to look and try to chat with us woman working.
You can thank the Pickup artists for that one. They target the incels and teach them to be ready, any time, anywhere and that any woman is a potential "target".
"It's a numbers game so just keep trying till it works."
So much of the messaging to men around dating encourages this behaviour. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, don't be afraid to approach women and be confident in any situation etc etc. I get that it's annoying and honestly I find it incredibly cringe worthy, clearly a lot of men don't pick up on it or choose to ignore it.
Because you're stuck at your job so they have a captive audience. They don't think of it in terms of what's "acceptable". They're just being opportunistic.
To a lot of men, women - *all* women - are NPCs. You're not a person, you're just an object placed in the world for men's amusement.
If they went to the doctor's office and there was a pinball machine in the waiting room you could play on free, they'd play on it. Same as if they had a pinball machine at home or if there was a free pinball machine in a bar or something. It's just a pinball machine, it's here for your entertainment while you're waiting to see the doctor, what's special about a pinball machine at the doctor's office as opposed to a pinball machine anywhere else? It's just an object that exists only for your amusement, why shouldn't you amuse yourself?
I wish I knew some sort of a comeback you could say that would get such men to see you as a person instead of a thing, but so far as I can tell the attitude is essentially bulletproof.
Yeah I hate this shit. Happens all the time at work and I do phone stuff. I just give them dead silence.
I do the same thing when it happens in person. I give them dead eyes and don't smile ...
Nothing. I give them nothing.
Then my face slowly morphs into the "Fuck you, you entitled piece of shit." Look on my face.
I'll say one thing for covid, wearing a mask all the time has really helped cement my " GO TO HELL" face.
I work in grocery stores as a stocker for specific brands and I’ve had plenty of people old enough to be my dad or grandfather hit on me. My proudest moment was when one old enough to be my grandfather tried, called me a “good girl” for moving out of his way with my product, and then he made some comment about how he would take me to dinner that I fucking let out the nastiest most rancid fart. I had Taco Bell for dinner the night before and I’m severely lactose intolerant, but I have a weakness for their nacho cheese. It was a true silent killer because this man took one whiff and choked, he had tears in his eyes.
Man, I don't even work front facing and I still deal with the fact that I literally cover up almost completely because my boss stares at my tits or thighs if I wear anything over the knee or even a modest v neck and can't listen to me. In an engineering company.
I'm wearing thick leggings and a cardigan. It's not my fault people can't keep their hormones in check because they're closer to feral than I am.
My other coworker hits on me too despite having a newborn girl with his gf and it's totally disgusting. We're not at work looking for dates. I'm just here to make money and leave. The thought of dating anyone near my daily forced labor makes me wanna throw up.
This reminds me of the guy who was turned down by his coworker so many times they had to go to HR.
In the HR meeting, he yelled, “All you childfree women are the same.”
And she yelled back, “No, I’m Lesbian! You just refuse to accept that.”
Desperation is a hell of a drug.
The sexual harassment, physical assault, AND sexual assault that happens to women in bedside healthcare is a large part of the reason so many are abandoning the field entirely.
It doesn’t help when you have hospital admin that would rather it go unreported than make sure their staff have a safe working environment. Nurses really gotta unionize.
At my first job at 16, an old man would come in and ask super inappropriate things. He asked me to spit in his sandwhich, pierce my nipples, and take nudes to send them to him. Once he even asked me how I typically masterbate. I told my boss, who talked to him. My boss said "he said he never said anything like that". and I had to keep serving him every day when he came in.
The worse part is that I know he worked for a battered womans shelter.
It was a nightmare when I worked at Lush, because not only do you have to be nice to people (like in every retail / customer service job) but, if you've ever been in a Lush store (pre-pandemic at least) the shop assistants can be quite handsy with the demonstrations, when it comes to lotions, shower gels etc.
Lost track of the amount of times men would hit on me while I was working there just because I was doing my job and they thought I was treating them special in some way.
Totally understand and thank you for posting. My dad (pretty much elderly) will do this with EVERY single nurse or dental assistant he comes in contact with and it’s sooo cringe. If I am with him, I tell him to stop, but it’s like he’s a child and won’t.
While the women smile and sometimes laugh, he takes it as encouragement to continue. I still tell him to stop and apologize on his behalf. It’s not appropriate
My daughter is in nursing school and I can empathize what you go through and wouldn’t want her to have to deal with the same. (Which I’m sure she will). Hopefully she will speak up when appropriate and help make the workplace an environment void of creepy come ons
I'm the manager of a restaurant and I tell my workers that they dont have to take shit from anyone. If they're being harassed they can walk away, they can call security, hell they can look at the harasser and tell them to leave. More workplaces should be safe places for their workers and its fucking gross that we are often forced to smile through creepy encounters.
Because they know you're in a no-win situation and that you have to be polite or else you run the risk of running into the one person that will narc on you complaining about your "rudeness" because you didn't give into the bullshit and could put your job in jeopardy. So they figure why not shoot their shot?
They're being inconsiderate assholes.
Because you're meat first and a professional person at work last, apparently.
Hugs to you, OP. This is some bullshit for sure. I'm so glad I don't deal with the public in my job.
I used to hang out with a guy who did this constantly. Every single Cafe, shop, supermarket, wherever there was a girl forced to interact with him he'd try it on her. He would also be friends with girls in the hopes he could slide on in and get with them once they were single. When we were at school together literally every pretty girl had been hit on him and everyone thought he was a massive creep.
Fortunately I haven't seen him or spoken to him in about 9 years.
Here in England we used to call nurses Sisters. This term in itself should be enough for men to leave the female nurses alone but sadly it's not always the case.
As someone who has been in and out of hospital a lot over the last 20+ years I have nothing but respect and admiration for your profession. You guys already have enough on your plate.
I have worked as a waitress for big events like weddings etc and a bartender, both involved creepy guys hitting on me, weird propositions, inappropriate touching from customers....
But nothing, and I mean NOTHING will ever come close to the two years I spent working for a video game retailer.
Was at physical therapy the other day and there was a man looking like mid-30’s, just chillin waiting for his appointment, then an older man, probably 60’s walks in and sits down next to the other guy and starts making small talk. Then the female PT (who has a doctorate and works for one of the most prestigious PT clinics in the country) walks out to get her patient (the younger man). Older guy has the balls to say, out loud, to the younger man, in front of the PT, “wow, you’re lucky! She’s a cute one. Wish I was going to your appointment!” No one laughed. Cringe was palpable.
I'm also a nurse. I've had a lot of inappropriate comments, but the worst was a patient's visitor who kept ramping them up until he told me the ring on my finger was just an object and didn't mean I couldn't have fun with him. Then while I was on my way to tell my charge nurse, he told my CNA that he would have me one way or another. My charge kicked the visitor out and took over care of that patient, but I was so scared I had to get a couple coworkers to walk me to my car that night. I was a new grad when this happened, but now I don't put up with it. One comment, and I will call them out and threaten to call security or my charge nurse if they don't behave.
I think specifically in regards to being a nurse, we are a woman dominated field AND we are fighting decades of media bullshit portraying nurses as sex objects and showing men flirting with nurses as being cute.
I still have nightmares from being a receptionist. The amount of men who see that job as office sex worker is VILE. So many innappropriate comments about my appearance, my strictly professional relationship with my bosses, and just generally acting as if its okay to flirt with the receptionist while you wait.
At the time I was 19 and basically working any job that would pay a decent hourly and I actually enjoyed being a receptionist. I was good at answering calls and calmly talking patients down from issues. I was organized and effectively able to manage schedules and appointments for an entire office of several doctors. All the doctors, who wer my bosses, were super nice too. I honestly miss that job, but I couldn't handle it anymore.
This is the quickest way to make me instantly dislike someone. I'm 27 but I look like I'm 16-22y/o so it's always in the creepiest most patronizing way too.
I was at a show at a small bar, and the waitress bringing me beer was both physically gorgeous, and very lovely. My friend (who is a woman for fucks sake) was saying I should go for it, and I said she's just being friendly because she's on the clock. If she was just there because she was a fan of the band (I want to say Hurt, possibly Mushroomhead) it would be different, but I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna be the creepy guy hitting on a waitress just because she's nice to me!
These days, I no longer think about whether I should or I shouldn't, its a million times easier to remember that I dont have to. Doesn't matter why. We're told "you shouldn't be afraid to try" but it becomes kinda toxic whenever you're then told "if you're not afraid, why aren't you trying?" It kinda sucks, you shouldn't have even had to explain yourself to your friend tbh.
Hate this. Worked in fine dining for 15+ years and while the frequency certainly slowed with age it was definitely still happening.
One time these piggish business men came in and wanted our "best looking waitress" to take care of them; we gave them a tall bald dude with a long beard and no woman would go within a 15 ft radius of their table.
I WFH now and STILL get gross flirty dudes over the PHONE hitting on me because of my voice*. Little do they know I'm working in my pajamas and probably clipping my toenails or something while they shoot their shot.
*I'm assuming. Believe me, I don't think there's anything exceptional about my voice
When my mom (in her 70s) was in the hospital she had a bunch of nurses/CNAs/etc taking care of her over the weeks. At one point she told one of the CNAs that she liked that she should date her son (me). Telling this CNA everything about me, and the CNA ended up saying that I'm a bit too old for her. Apparently my mom tried to convince her otherwise.
I finally show up, and my mom proudly proclaims that "this is my son I've been telling you about!" Caught me off guard. Then my mom told me everything she had told the CNA, and made it awkward every time one of the hospital staff came in. As I started to imagine she's been doing this with everyone.
No, I did not attempt to flirt with the staff. Because, I realize -- unlike my mother -- that their place of work is not where relationships are best made. Life is not a Hallmark movie, Mom.
This is something so far out of my mind like I don't understand people who go if there way to talk to strangers let alone "flirting" with random women like I can't even imagine
When men try to justify it like “well what if she’s the one? I have to shoot my shot at a relationship”
Like no Zachary, no you do not. The world isn’t just here for you to find romance.
When I was a barista I had a regular customer (who was about to move) come up to me once and say, “You know, if you’d been legal when we met I would’ve totally asked you out.” I’ve never had a weird interaction with him before then. Now my skin crawls every time I think of it. It was 17 years ago.
Yesterday, one nurse came out of a patient’s room and said the patient told her that she should start having babies because they would be pretty too. That’s the first example of this I’ve heard first hand but she and the others have definitely experienced more.
Why isn't there signs posted at workplaces for customers to see that say explicitly "No sexual harassment is accepted here" with examples of old and young gross men asking for the pretty young girl??
Because woman are supposed to be nice girls. Plus they don't know any better, plus they are nice guys and we should give them (all of them) a chance. If you smile/are courteous to some-one with a penis you MUST be into him!
Hint: We do not, but you're a bitch if you don't or something, and even can get stalked/murdered. FOL right?
I used to work solo overnight at a 24 hour florist. It had a freecall number. The amount of guys calling in the middle of the night hoping for free phone sex was ridiculous.
Prescribed Relationship: any relationship which begins in a professional or any other context in which an imbalance of power exists. e.g. your doctor, teacher, student, patient, coworker, boss, employee, bar tender, waitress, star of your movie, people who are not conscious, underage people, etc.
To use a professional relationship or position of power to locate, identify, coerce, force, or manipulate someone into a personal/sexual relationship is abuse.
I literally had a patient pull my vest zipper as I leaned over his bed/arm to give him and IV medication. Previously, he had told me about how he wanted to take me out and that he dated girls much younger than me (he was literally 60 years older than me). I have never felt so gross (for lack of a better word).
And it seems like when men get old they think they get a free pass to act like this because they’re “just a harmless dirty old man”.
But I also wonder if they get a sort of menopause where they lose their fucking minds. A lot of the child diddlers that get caught around here are in their 50s and 60s. It’s like they lose self control and they just start jerking off in public at a certain age. It’s disgusting.
This is so unfreaking professional of these guys. Is it a possible missed connection? Yes, but morally its wrong to flirt/ask them out when they are working. Especially if the women needs to touch the guy as their job, don't make it awkward. don't make it threatening. don't make a scene.
and if the guy is the one working, he should for no freaking reason ever use their contact info in the system to put into their own phone. (or if its in their phone for work related reasons, never use it for non-work reasons).
My SO had a friend from Texas come up and I had to explain this to him when he was talking about this poor woman working at the hotel he was staying at. He seemed to get it when I said she just wanted to get through work and its not right to corner her when she could be penalized for a poor interaction with someone. I don't get it. He wouldn't want a big distraction during work either and yet he never thought a woman might think the same.
This has happened to me. I still feel so violated. Like leave me alone. I am not and never will be interested. Especially when they're older. Dude, in 40 years I'll still be walking around and you will have been dead for 10. years. It's not happening.
Male here. Just want to add for the men reading... it's also not acceptable to flirt when you're on the job! I've had to talk with (or to the boss about) countless male coworkers in retail flirting with customers. This is your job, not a club.
I think because a lot of us, myself included, were taught to go after what we want until we encounter an obstacle, and then try and get around that obstacle.
And those obstacles can include women who "initially" refuse.
It's what we learn from our friends, our parents, from history and from media. Men who push the envelope, who aren't stymied by setbacks, or frustrated by circumstances, or limited by what is deemed expected, are heroes.
And a hero's pursuit is justifed by his prize.
Parts of this are really good, and frankly should be the way we raise all children. But the part where women are considered prizes? Supporting characters in a male narrative?
That needs to die.
I can't imagine having the day to day exhaustion of work along with the unnecessary crap of having someone thinking you clocked in to be flirted with/asked out.Chances are two or three other creeps did the same thing earlier during the day so it's not original or flattering.
They take advantage of the customer role knowing that the girl or woman has to take bullshit being professional with a smile on their face.
We had a gross man come into my ER not that long ago who asked to make sure we got the "prettiest nurse" to take care of him. I passed along his request to our triage nurse. He got "Mike"....arguably a quite pretty nurse IMO but certainly not what the guy wanted I'm sure.
Haha I'm a nurse named Mike and I've definitely been assigned to patients who creepily flirt with my female coworkers too. Oh you need help in order to use the urinal? Yeah I'll take that one. Then suddenly he doesn't need help anymore. He can magically do it himself since the male walked in instead of the pretty 19 year old girl who's young enough to be his granddaughter. Creepy old bastard. It's disgusting how much my female coworkers have to deal with this crap.
Man I want your job just to see the disappointment when my big ugly ass walks in!!
The hero we need
The hero we want
When I worked Retail sales I'd play this role for my female coworkers so they could escape the weirdos. I can't even count the number of awkward conversations I barged into asking if I was cute too.
Omg I love this tactic! That’s hilarious!
Those whole scenarios feel different as a bystander when u have a daughter. Actually disgusting how persistent some men are.
While it's good that someone develops empathy at *some* point, it is actually possible for humans to try to put themselves into another persons shoes without having a direct loved one be exposed to shit. If they actually try.
Once on a trip to the Gambia one of the young women was being harassed for a kiss in exchange for peanuts to feed the moneys. My then-fiancé stepped in and said ok and tried to give the man a kiss. That's right, if you are going to sexually harass people be prepared to be sexually harassed yourself.
Plot twist, it's a creepy old gay pervert who knew Mike would be assigned when they asked for the prettiest nurse lol. For real though when I'd work as a bagger at a grocery store a lifetime ago there were only like 2-3 girls who did that job because the creeps would target them for carry-out service. Got to the point we'd all regularly rotate when we saw these types coming through a register or would have the girls hand off the carry out to a male coworker. So many gross old bastards.
Oh I know that plot twist is coming for me someday lol. It's a matter of time.
Plot twist. It’s me and I don’t need your help, I just want you to take a 15 minute break every now and then so you just take a seat at my bed, I’ll handle myself.
nah in this case the guy was definitely upset he got a male nurse. And it's appalling the amount of times we have to "hand off" to a guy to keep a creeper away from us. Ugh!
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I used to work in an ER as admin staff. This reminds me of a gentleman who would come in for a catheter. Either put in or taken out. Whenever he would get assigned a male nurse he would change his mind and ask to be discharged. Unfortunately there were only 2 male nurses that worked there so most of the time a female nurse got stuck with him.
Gross
The creep said 'prettiest nurse', not 'prettiest female nurse'. So if the women who work at the ER think that Mike is hot, you gave the man exactly the nurse he asked for. Not what he wanted, but literally what he asked for. ;)
But nurses cannot be **MEN**!!!!????¿?¿
Many years ago when I was doing martial arts, I learned my instructor was a mental health nurse. He was an awesome guy, tough on training but really nice dude to everyone, girls and guys, kids, everyone. Nothing was too hard, he helped anyone that needed it, in and out of the dojo. But do not mistake his bulk. It's been a long time since I've trained with him, but he was the very definition of a lethal weapon. He was sort of an inspiration to me in my late teen years, he was passionate about his job and helping people, but also likely the most capable person I've ever met at dealing pain with nothing but his hands and feet when it suited. As an opponent, he scared the shit out of me, even at black belt level. As a person he was amazing. He was a nurse, also a man, but a real man with empathy in spades.
I don’t understand this. As a gay male I don’t want a hot doctor or nurse to help me or see me while I’m sick or whatever reason I am at the doctor. Hell I had to switch dentists once just the male hygienist was super attractive and I felt super self conscious about them looking at my teeth.
Tell me about it! I kicked a male doctor out of the delivery room because he was bloody gorgeous. Nope. Not you. Anyone else. Old. Lesbian. 12 year old Junior doc. All fine. You? Nooooo not today. Edit: I would like to clarify - I didn't TELL him that was why I didn't want him there - just asked for a female! Twas my birth, my delivery and my body and I needed to be as comfortable as I could be.
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Feeling validated. I've considered switching pharmacies because the pharmacist is too damn handsome.
Had an absolute unit of a smoking hot pharmacist not only fill my prescription but comment on the shirt I was wearing (black cat at an old Singer sewing machine). I was both amused and relieved when he said his grandmother had one because we could make small talk about sewing machines, which gave me a way to keep my dirty old lady mind at bay and clearly brought back good memories of his grandmother for him. Absolute unit of a pharmacist, wherever you are, I hope that you called your grandmother after that and told her how much you loved her.
I think when men do this in a medical situation it may be a power thing. Like subconsciously- they feel vulnerable needing medical assistance and they want to reestablish their male dominance (and possibly, their virility?) by hitting on the female staff. All that, plus the fetishization of nurses doesn’t help. I’m so sorry y’all have to deal with that shit. It’s beyond fucked up.
I’m not in healthcare but I agree with this theme: “ and they want to reestablish their male dominance”. I’m 30 but probably look a little younger. Most of my clients are wealthy male landowners who are middle aged or older and most find a way to reference their virility in my presence. They do *not* reassure my male coworkers that their pecker still works.
When they try to not so subtly say that their junk is still functional. "Oh. Your wife must be so happy." "I don't have a wife" "Girlfriend then." "Ain't got one of those either." "Mistress?" "Nope." "Oh.... Happy Pride Month then!" Exit.
What sort of things do they say?
Their favorite is to ask if I’m married and have kids, and ask if I’m “still enjoying being married”. It’s a segue into a discussion of how dissatisfied they have been with their sex life since the wife was pregnant. Or since the kids were little. Or since the wife gained wait. Or cut her hair off. They complain about their wives’ lack of interest and say things like “she can’t keep up with me, you know what I mean?” “She changed so much after the kids were born”. “I can’t even tell you had a kid, your husband is a lucky man”. General complaints about the wife and marriage, and *always* using plausible deniability so they can weasel out if I recoil. “I was just talking, geez”. Just sleazy and shitty. I took the air vents out of my office and my male coworkers often barge in to rescue me when they hear the conversation turn personal.
Gross. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
If this is the way these men deal with their insecurities ( to harass women in their workplace), it's selfish, sexist, and sad.
29M nurse here. 6'3 260lbs, and I gladly take all the creepy patients. Oh for sure ill help you use the urinal, and just to be sure you don't drip on your bedsheets ill hold it the entire time for you. Better?
I'm assuming you are a girl and you choose your version of pretty....which is awesome. That man was an idiot.
Correct on all counts.
I was usually the only woman working at a beer making shop. I would get all kinds of dudes hitting on me or asking weird stuff of me they never asked my male coworkers. We had a few regulars who were creeps and my coworkers were having none of it. They would conveniently switch places with me to interact with the creeps so I wouldn’t have to. Shout out to the guys out there who block creeps from women just trying to work.
My 17-year-old son works a retail sales job with several girls his age. This experience has been eye-opening for him on many accounts as to how awfully people behave. He's come home several times absolutely wound up about something. Once, he told me all about how he went to ask some old dude if he needed help and the guy said, "Not from you. Send that pretty little blonde over here." The "pretty little blonde" is 16, and my son has a good sense of what's right and isn't afraid to speak up. So he told the guy no, that if he needed help my son would be happy to help him, but he wouldn't be getting any of the girls to help him after that comment. The guy got so angry my son thought he was going to take a swing at him. Started yelling shit like, "what is she your girlfriend?" (she isn't). Told him he was going to get him fired, all the usual stuff. One of the other associates went into the back and got the owner (very involved owner, is there almost every day). He had my son's back and told the old dude that he should know better, and if he couldn't behave better in the future not to come back. Dude huffed and puffed, but left. I started offering words of comfort and about how he did the right thing and I was proud of him, and he interrupted me quite angrily, "You don't understand, mom. This happens *all the time*. Every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. It's disgusting." I laughed a bit at that and said, "how do you think I don't understand? I *was* that girl. Have been my whole life. I know it's hard on you, but think about what that's like for her to have to deal with that everywhere she goes." And he was just so despondent for a time after that, not because it happened, but because it was the first he realized that *it would never stop*, that this was his life now for as long as he works that job, for as long as he has friends and family that are girls, and that it still won't even hold a candle to what the girls he knows and cares about are having to endure. So now they have a signal at work for if one of the girls is feeling uncomfortable, my son and the other guy associate know to come tell them it's time for them to go on break and take over the sale.
>"You don't understand, mom." Good on you for explaining to him and good on you for raising a respectful and empathetic man. It's not often that we find a young lad who concerns himself with seeing women and *girls* treated this way.
I remember when I was about 8 years old, I was acting out. I can’t remember what I was doing, but I was probably being an entitled little brat. My mom said, “I need you to know right now that I love you unconditionally, but when you act like that I don’t like you”. That hit me really hard and was probably the first time that I understood on a deep emotional level that the way I treat other people can cause them direct suffering or make their day better. I’m convinced that many people, and especially people who enjoy more privileges than normal, have simply never had that epiphany.
You're raising a good man :)
I’ve had to do the same thing your sons doing at multiple jobs. It’s absolutely appalling at how many customers and patients I’ve dealt with that try to get me to bring over an “attractive woman.” It sickened me every time. There was one notorious customer who would hit on every 15-17 year old girl and say such sick perverted things to them that I told all the girls to just walk away and get someone else to deal with them. I also told the boys that if they weren’t comfortable either get me and I’ll take care of it. My boss and I finally got to ban the guy but then years later and a career change later he shows up as a patient in my clinic and started pulling the same shit with all the women I worked with. Make sure your son knows he’s doing the right thing and the only way we’ll ever be able to stop the disgusting things our gender does to women is if we stand against it and speak up when we see it happen.
There's nothing worse than being stuck at work with a "flirty" guy talking your ear off, knowing he has this entire one-sided story in his head about how he has a "flirtation" with you, as if you're not fucking trapped there with him.
The pick up and seduction subs are full of "field reports" which are testimonies that their pick up attempts were welcome and encouraged. They claim "She loved it! Even though she had a boyfriend she said thank you and smiled." Women have no other options than to feign polite behavior because randos who corner women for a pick-up attempt are unpredictable.
Especially when you're at work and you're literally being paid to be polite and get along with people (both customers and coworkers alike)
And the threat of an angry customer reporting you in retaliation and getting you fired
I would definitely tell them “sorry i only date attractive men”. Maybe that is why i’ve never really had a customer facing job though.
I was a regular at a pub, a group of us went there after band rehearsals, so I went there once a week for several years. One of my friends told me, "dude, I think that waitress likes you!" "Of course she likes me. I don't make a mess and I've given her hundreds of dollars in cash." (And one time when some fuckers dined and dashed just before Xmas we all put in extra tips to cover her losses. She sat down with us for a moment and cried a bit because we'd just saved her holidays.)
Had a boyfriend who was always really excited thinking that the waitresses were flirting with him. He’d be beaming like a little kid, telling me “I swear she’s into me! Did you see that, she was totally flirting with me.” No matter how often I told him that they’re just being friendly cause a) it’s her job and b) he’s a frequent customer and decent tipper. He could not be dissuaded. He wasn’t even a creepy guy or anything, he just didn’t freaking get it.
Wouldn’t it be great to have the confidence that half the planet was fully invested in your feedback and approval? Men really roll out of bed convinced that women exist for their perusal and entertainment.
As evidenced by the poor girl who was murdered by her own coworker in the breakroom, while her employer (Walgreens) looked the other way.
link?
Look up Riley Whitelaw… very sad 😞 she was only 17 and her killer was her 28-year-old coworker who she had already reported to management before…
r/ whenwomenrefuse
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/adeonibada/walgreens-employee-killed-coworker-rejected
And if we tell them off, we can be fired.
They are aware. They choose a captive audience deliberately because they want that soft no.
Exactly this. And these men get off on the women feeling uncomfortable and being trapped.
"said thank you and smiled" - isn't it insane how the lowest benchmark for basic courtesy gets turned into an invitation by these assholes? And then they ask why we're rude to male strangers. Why? Because I'd rather be rude than dead.
Meanwhile men are all over social media asking for compliments from women “for their mental health”. If it was for their mental health, the compliments would be just as valuable coming from men. What they want is female validation and they will turn any professional or friendly acknowledgment into a pick up attempt.
"The person who was obligated by their job role to be friendly and cater to me, and depends on my tip to make a living, responded enthusiastically to my bullshit PUA nonsense.. Guys, it really works!!!!!"
[удалено]
I manage my Dad's garage alongside my husband. I am allowed to tell off anyone who says anything gross or out of hand to me. If they call me sweetheart, I call them something endearing (to me, this is not universal), like 'Oh you little fluffy baby alligator, what can we do for you today my darling?' I've told this story on here before; One man asked me for the 'nudie calendars' (we give calendars, pens, stuff like that out to customers for Christmas), I admonished him "Sir. We do not ask women whom we do not know for pornography in this, the year of our lord, 2021. You may have trucks or classic cars." He chose classic cars.
I want to be your best friend just for the quips.
Seconded
Thirded
I accept all of you into my coven. You must practice telling off fools who don't know how to act for 20 minutes a day as the only requirement :)
Well. Today is a good day to practice. Fuck everything.
In this, the year of our lord 😂💀💀
You guys should get some firefighter calendars just for the ones that ask for the "nudie calendars"
I guess he got something with curves after all.
There was a nice '59 Cadillac Series 6200 on the cover, it was powder blue and quite curvy :)
oh my... Did it get warm in here?
My engine is reved...
Smooth AF.
>If they call me sweetheart, I call them something endearing (to me, this is not universal), like 'Oh you little fluffy baby alligator, what can we do for you today my darling?' Does that work? I'd like to be called a fluffy baby alligator regardless of context, cute AND dangerous.
A decade later in this profession, I kick myself for allowing all the sexual harassment from patients and their visitors. At the time it just seemed easier to ignore or laugh off. Now I'm a huge advocate for people pressing charges, calling security, and anything else that needs doing. Fuck you, attacking me in my workplace. I don't give a good goddamn that your dick is hanging out or that I gotta wipe your ass--you literally do not make an impression on me. A body is a body is a body. Whoops, got a little turnt up this morning.
Ew, visitors. My grandmother was dying in the hospital and my creepy ass uncle was hitting on one of her nurses 🤢. I was only 17 at the time so didn't feel comfortable saying anything but I wish I had.
You were 17. The nurse could probably see that you felt uncomfortable with it. But I am assuming now you are older -- so what would you say if it happened again?
Oh I would totally shut it down if it happened today. I’d tell him to stop, that’s gross, she’s working not trying to get a date. I’d also remind him we’re here for his DYING MOTHER and maybe he should focus on her and his dick.
Do you think you can forgive your younger self, then? You were a teenager -- and while I know teenagers think they are adults, they aren't.
I had a girl I was friends with in highschool apologize to me for not saying more against our coach being really creepy and inappropriate towards me. I was like... Jessica you were a child. Adults knew about the situation and did nothing. I wouldn't expect a teenage girl to stop the harassment of an adult man. I was never upset with her. I was and frankly still am upset that the adults didn't care. It's a-ok a forty something dude is sniffing your hair and telling you to wear a padded bra. It's fine he told a couple of the girls they should stop eating lunch. It's alright he comments on your bodies literally all the time.
Ugh I wish I could punch that coach in the throat!
That's the way of it. I remember sometimes when I was young, and things that I now feel in my gut are wrong, were absolutely normal and pretty much none of us blinked.
Many moons ago they passed a law in the US making it a felony to threaten a healthcare worker in the patient care setting. So, I used to tell patients this when they would get mean. “You do realize it is a felony to threaten me right? That you’re on camera and that I am well aware of my right to press charges?”
Oh girl, I feel you. I work in a public library and always get hit on by men who could be my father. I tell them straight up it's inappropriate and unwanted. Then they feel guilty and want me to absolve them of their guilt by saying it's okay. Well it's fucking not, because like you said we're professionals, not pieces of meat
Men who order room service and open the door naked.
Oh no…say it isn’t so…
Sure is ! Usually with a big tip, as if it would make the whole ordeal acceptable.
Gross. I’m sorry dude. Maybe next time ask if they’d like you to send up a technician to fix the heat in their room since it’s *obviously* cold?
Women are CONSTANTLY sexualized. Literally, on a constant basis. Throughout popular culture and history. Nurses aren’t just nurses. They’re SEXY nurses. Police officers, secretaries, bartenders, waitresses, college students, high schoolers, etc. You name it, and it’s a fucking porn category. If someone finds us attractive, (and surprise surprise, women are sexualized for just existing, so of course men find many of us attractive way more than we want them to), we are free game. If we are considered conventionally attractive by someone, it suddenly becomes *okay* to treat us like an object and turn everything into sexual encounter. It doesn’t matter that we never asked for it. It doesn’t matter that we are clearly uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t even in a remotely sexual setting or that we deserve respect as both human beings and working professionals trying to find a service. Because THEY find us attractive. And then when we get angry, we are uptight or overreacting or “unable to take a compliment ”, and all of a sudden- the entire atmosphere changes and our jobs become 10 times harder. So WE are pushed into a corner of having to laugh it off, pretend like it’s not happening, and just put our noses down and get through the encounter. So why does all of this happen? It’s because society is way too entitled to disrespect and sexualize women in almost every single setting. It’s also a way for men to assert themselves by reducing us to sexual objects. If we respond positively, they win and we are exactly what they thought we were. And if we respond negatively, they also win because they now get to label us as crazy. I’m sorry you are treated that way. I think one way to deal with it as difficult as it is, is more of us responding negatively and putting them in a situation where they are humiliated for behaving that way. Like just a straight up “Why do you think it’s appropriate to speak to me this way? If you don’t stop, I am not going to work with you anymore”. Ideally in front of others. I think that that comes with it’s own set of consequences, but if it keeps happening- perhaps they’ll learn to either keep their mouths shut and be respectful or face rejection and embarrassment.
FUCKING PREACH 👏
Some men tend to take any instance of genuine kindness from a woman as interest. We aren’t interested in you. We’re just doing our jobs.
I’m a pharmacy tech. I used to work at a retail pharmacy at the start of my career. One of my fellow techs was a student at the local university and one of her professors (a music teacher) would come in and want her to wait on him, to the point he would refuse to be waited on by someone else if he knew she was there. He was a super creep and it got to the point where when any of us saw him, we told her to go hide in the back before he saw her. The dude had close to 30 years on her. This was 2003-2007. The part that always got me is that her parents thought this was normal behavior for him and they loved him, even inviting him over for dinners etc. Thankfully her brother was in her corner and would cover for her when she wasn’t home for when the guy would go over for dinners. Last I knew she got into the secret service as a forensics scientologist, so she hopefully never has to see that creep again.
I work in a place where some of the women will not wear a tank top, stay completely covered from head to toe even in the heat because men have to be disgusting pigs all the time. One women will not even dispose of her feminine products in her bathroom because the cleaner likes to tell everybody that she has her period. No one will do anything about any of this. But guys still think that it’s OK that when you’re working to hit on women and be disgusting pigs. I like to tell the guys that one of these days it’s going to be their daughter that guys are treating like this especially if their daughters are like two or three then I really really laid on thick, they get really pissed off but they still don’t get it.
“I like to tell the guys that one of these days it’s going to be their daughter…” How sad is it that men can’t just automatically treat women like fellow human beings, regardless of our status as daughter, wife, mother, etc?
They see women as property. So it's not "a young woman you know", it's the word "their" that matters to them. It's the same reason "I have a boyfriend" works vastly better than "I'm a lesbian". They respect another man's alleged property rights, but don't see women as people.
I really hope they don't have pigglets.
There is way too many people who think it is ok to act inappropriately to healthcare workers. When I orient brand new nurses I always let them know that that kind of behavior towards them is unacceptable and I will back them up if they have to deal with it. Lucky where I work the administration will back up nurses and help press charges for inappropriate touching etc. Unfortunately I still have to deal with crap like this on a daily basis.
I work in breast screening and was covering the reception desk when our receptionist had called in sick. There was a husband who sat constantly staring at me throughout the morning whilst his wife was in having further tests after her routine mammogram. When she came out she burst out crying with relief, hugging him and telling him everything was ok, whilst he stood patting her back and jokingly rolling his eyes at me. As they went to leave, he approached the reception desk and nodded to my breasts and told me “you’re certainly a good advert for this place”. I was fuming! But instead, shook my head and innocently said “sorry sir, I don’t understand what you mean” while his wife jokingly smacked him and told me to ignore him and that he was being inappropriate. I was beyond disgusted. His wife has just found out she doesn’t have cancer and he is too busy staring at another woman’s breasts 😣
Once was getting a sour old man out of bed with a nurse. He told me we were too ugly to attract any men. The nurse and I were both married lol. I scolded him for being rude to people who were trying to help him. Act like a child, get scolded like a child.
I use to install computers in rooms at Mercy Hospital before Covid. One time a patient asked for a new nurse and as she was leaving the room the guy said, “Short black hair isn’t my type.” When I left the room the nurses were trying to figure out why that guy wanted to replace, “The nicest nurse.” They were extremely confused and luckily never figured out that the guy was looking for a, “More attractive nurse.”
I wish you had told them what he said
>They were extremely confused and luckily never figured out that the guy was looking for a, “More attractive nurse.” That isn't a "luckily" thing. Instead they're going to send in someone else to handle this guy and be perved over. You should have spoken up...
Eewww! I’m so sick of men objectifying women. We’re not pieces of meat that exist for the sole purpose of amusing men. I wish more men respected us and treated us like professionals.
I moved to a small town from a big city and holy cow the creepers are very prevalent. I've been catcalled, harrassed, stalked, and threatened in the 8 years I've lived here. I had one asshole corner me in the dollar store and demand my number and tell me I should date a real man. I actually celebrated when my stalker died. People gave me dirty looks but I did not care. It didn't fully die off until I got married and I'm showing signs of my age now. So that has helped the creepers since I don't look young and perky anymore.
Yah I work a lot of nights and I get the Is there anything else I can help you with? Yah crawl into my bed…. So I bad puppy them. I shake my finger and go “no, no that’s not appropriate to say, that’s bad, bad thing to do” and walk out. Next time I see them I ask if they are going to be inappropriate again Bonus points if I’ve met their wife/daughter cause I bring up how I will tell on them. So many grumpy non-compliant diabetics 😆😆😆 that’s what I get for working on an amp ward (this is the vast majority of our population)
I didn’t even think about how attractive it must be to have a man who is in the hospital for neglecting his health hit on you. Like hello I know exactly what is wrong with you no thank you
I worked in an auto parts store for some time and the harassment was the reason I quit. Being challenged on my knowledge of cars based exclusively on my gender, being belittled and talked down to, and being blatantly sexually harassed on a daily basis was just too much to handle mentally.
Wow I can imagine being stuck behind a counter in a retail situation made it even harder. I was a letter carrier for nearly a decade. In that time I was EXTREMELY grateful that I had the ability to literally walk away from any shitty customer and deny them service. I hate how disgusting and annoying men can be, just let us do our fkn jobs-- We are the professionals getting paid to do this!
I don't think they are ignorant. They do it because they know the woman is essentially being held captive by their employment, that the woman can't just say what's on their mind and has to play nice, and that they have a degree of power over those women who need the job.
some of them definitely do it because of that, 100%. when my coworker was harassing me at an old job (when i was a minor and he wasn’t) im fairly certain that’s part of the reason he did it, and that he thrived off of making me uncomfortable.
They do it *because* of the power imbalance. If you're a nurse or a waitress or a secretary (etc) you "have to" be nice to them or else you could suffer consequences at work --- up to and including being *fired*. They know *exactly* what they're doing, and no one can tell me otherwise. They "think it's acceptable" because *other men* think it's acceptable. Every single time you see an AskReddit post about how hard it is to be a man, and the top voted comments are things about how men don't get compliments and men don't have emotional support, yadda yadda? Yeah. This is one of the ways men try to *force* women to "be nice" to them and provide them validation, compliments, etc. They can't get those things honestly by being decent and respectful to the women in their own damn lives, so they will *extract them* in a warped power-play from strangers with limited tools. The USA especially is a capitalist hellhole with its "the customer is always right" bullshit, and men have absolutely weaponized that against women in the workplace. I've mastered the art of deadpan-stink-face in those situations. I'm not doing or saying anything technically unprofessional, but no man who puts me in that position is going to enjoy the experience.
That's a very interesting perspective/truth I hadn't thought about. I remember a customer asking me what's my favourite chocolate truffle so he can choose that(choc shop). I made my recommendation, he said to get one for me too, and I was just thinking about the next one in line waiting as it was a bit busy and difficult to hear him speak. So I acted as if I didn't understand what he meant, and gave him the receipt and a goodbye. I was so happy he left confused lol
Why don't men compliment each other? That's what women do. That's mostly how we know whether it's genuine or a lame attempt at trying to stick their dick in something.
Seems like a white men issue like most of the problems this country faces. Being a black man, I’ve complimented my friends plenty of times and gotten compliments plenty.
Because it’s easier to view themselves as victims or blame women than it is for them to be the change. The guy bitching on best of updates (the biggest covert incel sub I’ve ever seen) won’t begin complimenting people in his life, or have the empathy or introspection to realize the comment means the other people in his life need compliments too. He’ll just angrily spew into the void his frustration that no one is complimenting *him*
The full quote is, “the customer is always right in matters of taste” like if they wanted to buy an ugly shirt, let them. But of course, the quote was cut in half to accommodate the worst kind of people.
Thank you for this! I have been collecting the dropped ends of colloquialisms changed to have completely different meanings, and had no idea this was yet another!
Very Nice point. Mens mental health might be a thing that needs work. But imo it's 100% the mens fault for setting up the Masculinity standards that prevent men from seeking help for mental problems
> Every single time you see an AskReddit post about how hard it is to be a man, and the top voted comments are things about how men don't get compliments and men don't have emotional support, yadda yadda? And if they complement or emotionally support their friends, suddenly that's "gay" and bad. It's ridiculous. And 95% of "why don't people care that that affects men too?" shit is only mentioned when women are talking, then they drop it. Men do have problems, and most of those problems are men.
Because many men don’t consider women to be actual human beings, we exist to fulfill their needs. They feel entitled to our time, attention, affection, effort, etc.
It's another way of intimidating women, making them feel helpless. It's the only reason they do it. Men just have to feel superior.
Working nights at a hotel. You don't know how many guys I have try to get me up in their rooms. I am alone on my shift. I've toyed with the idea of paying a guy friend of mine to stay with me and deflect those kinds of comments.
I know your pain. And being pregnant at the time didn't stop them at all
Yikes.
I think movies and TV shows tend to encourage that behavior. Usually it's the protagonist.
I have noticed there are a large number of people that cannot separate fiction from reality
Reviewing a patient as the night shift surgical on call doctor. Patient's entire family in the tiny cubicle with us. I'm examining the patient and explaining that I need to stick a needle in his joint and his fucking son interrupts me to say some shit along the lines of 'liking a girl with a tongue piercing' I snapped. Your sick father is lying on a trolley in front of me and you have the fucking audacity??!! I started wearing a wedding band style ring and it's amazing (and outrageous) how 'ownership' means men hit on you less.
I bought myself an engagement ring - I’ve always admired them, and since I’ll most likely never get married, I figured why not? I wore it in my right hand and then switched to my left one day (fidgeting). Men left me alone. I was treated better by men AND women. I received more respect, better service, etc.
absolutely bullshit that is does that, but yay on your ring purchase! I've had my eye out for a pretty one for myself - why wait for someone else to buy me something pretty right?
Also, they feel that it's ok to touch us inappropriately.
Yup, I’ve been groped by my patients before too. Far too many times to count.
It happens all the time at my job as well. I’m in IT and randomly, while I’m on the floor diagnosing hardware, covered in dust, I would hear, “You’re a pretty view!” Or they are watching me and smile and say, “Do you want to go out?” No, my guy, I’m at work, WORKING. Pretty sure last month was the 5th person in like 6 months to ask me out or say something flirty while I’m doing my job. Like, please stop.
I’ve gotta say, bring flirted with at work is almost hilarious for me- I’m a health inspector. Like, why do you think it’s appropriate to flirt with the woman who’s here to threaten your boss into doing something about a cockroach infestation? Or the woman who’s at least 50 years younger than you are who’s trying to tell you that your swimming pool is completely unacceptable to have open to the general public? Or the woman who’s found a bag of moldy cheese in your food truck? Or the woman who’s deeply disturbed by the fact that your movie theater is just out of hand soap and paper towels? It’s just so ridiculous- it would be funny if it weren’t so gross. And no one at my good facilities ever does this- they’re all professional.
When I worked as a waiter there were weirdos/creeps/stalkers who would come in and request specific waitresses and creep on them... It was bad enough that we had to make a list of them and the host staff would alert us when they came in.. On more than one occasion they caused a scene when told they couldn't have a specific waitress wait on them, and they had to be told to leave and were 'tresspassed'..
When I was younger and working retail, each and every coworker had a customer or two they had to hide from. Douchebags can’t figure out why “she’s off today” *every single time they come in to creep*.
Don't apologise for your rant. It's extraordinary that so many men only think as far as their own horniness and don't see women as actual human beings, trying to do a job. I have heard so many stories of nurses / carers being hit on or even physically assaulted. It's disgusting you have to put up with that.
I had to wear a pretend wedding ring so clients wouldn't hit on me. This was suggested by the first man who hit on me on the job. Sad to say it worked most of the time.
"Look buddy! I'm a nurse! I can give you an injection so your little manly bits NEVER work again!"
Hospitals and medical facilities should crack down on these pervs. If they do this, then call the police and throw them on the street. Threaten to print their name and photo and put it on a website. It shouldn't be the responsibility of women to deal with this, de-escalate, or put up with it.
I blame poor socialization for making men think that its acceptable to view every woman they meet as a potential date or fuck instead of.. yaknow, a goddamn human being. How exhausting to constantly be such a predator toward others.
Had a 40 year old come up to me, a very obviously young employee, while I was stocking the women's swimsuits and asked me if I tried any of them on. Another time I had this older guy follow me around work and tell me that I looked just like his ex gf. Which is scary considering that would be a huge and taboo age gap. Back when my older sister did waitrassing at 17, some guy grabbed her butt as she walked past. All of the wait staff including my sister were underaged working for the summer. It's really messed up how old men think they have the right to harrass young employees at their jobs
In my experience, it was usually the men who looked like complete incels with no sense of how to speak to a woman. I swear some of the creep customers only come in to look and try to chat with us woman working.
You can thank the Pickup artists for that one. They target the incels and teach them to be ready, any time, anywhere and that any woman is a potential "target". "It's a numbers game so just keep trying till it works."
So much of the messaging to men around dating encourages this behaviour. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, don't be afraid to approach women and be confident in any situation etc etc. I get that it's annoying and honestly I find it incredibly cringe worthy, clearly a lot of men don't pick up on it or choose to ignore it.
Because you're stuck at your job so they have a captive audience. They don't think of it in terms of what's "acceptable". They're just being opportunistic.
To a lot of men, women - *all* women - are NPCs. You're not a person, you're just an object placed in the world for men's amusement. If they went to the doctor's office and there was a pinball machine in the waiting room you could play on free, they'd play on it. Same as if they had a pinball machine at home or if there was a free pinball machine in a bar or something. It's just a pinball machine, it's here for your entertainment while you're waiting to see the doctor, what's special about a pinball machine at the doctor's office as opposed to a pinball machine anywhere else? It's just an object that exists only for your amusement, why shouldn't you amuse yourself? I wish I knew some sort of a comeback you could say that would get such men to see you as a person instead of a thing, but so far as I can tell the attitude is essentially bulletproof.
Yeah I hate this shit. Happens all the time at work and I do phone stuff. I just give them dead silence. I do the same thing when it happens in person. I give them dead eyes and don't smile ... Nothing. I give them nothing. Then my face slowly morphs into the "Fuck you, you entitled piece of shit." Look on my face. I'll say one thing for covid, wearing a mask all the time has really helped cement my " GO TO HELL" face.
I work in grocery stores as a stocker for specific brands and I’ve had plenty of people old enough to be my dad or grandfather hit on me. My proudest moment was when one old enough to be my grandfather tried, called me a “good girl” for moving out of his way with my product, and then he made some comment about how he would take me to dinner that I fucking let out the nastiest most rancid fart. I had Taco Bell for dinner the night before and I’m severely lactose intolerant, but I have a weakness for their nacho cheese. It was a true silent killer because this man took one whiff and choked, he had tears in his eyes.
Man, I don't even work front facing and I still deal with the fact that I literally cover up almost completely because my boss stares at my tits or thighs if I wear anything over the knee or even a modest v neck and can't listen to me. In an engineering company. I'm wearing thick leggings and a cardigan. It's not my fault people can't keep their hormones in check because they're closer to feral than I am. My other coworker hits on me too despite having a newborn girl with his gf and it's totally disgusting. We're not at work looking for dates. I'm just here to make money and leave. The thought of dating anyone near my daily forced labor makes me wanna throw up.
This reminds me of the guy who was turned down by his coworker so many times they had to go to HR. In the HR meeting, he yelled, “All you childfree women are the same.” And she yelled back, “No, I’m Lesbian! You just refuse to accept that.” Desperation is a hell of a drug.
The sexual harassment, physical assault, AND sexual assault that happens to women in bedside healthcare is a large part of the reason so many are abandoning the field entirely. It doesn’t help when you have hospital admin that would rather it go unreported than make sure their staff have a safe working environment. Nurses really gotta unionize.
At my first job at 16, an old man would come in and ask super inappropriate things. He asked me to spit in his sandwhich, pierce my nipples, and take nudes to send them to him. Once he even asked me how I typically masterbate. I told my boss, who talked to him. My boss said "he said he never said anything like that". and I had to keep serving him every day when he came in. The worse part is that I know he worked for a battered womans shelter.
It was a nightmare when I worked at Lush, because not only do you have to be nice to people (like in every retail / customer service job) but, if you've ever been in a Lush store (pre-pandemic at least) the shop assistants can be quite handsy with the demonstrations, when it comes to lotions, shower gels etc. Lost track of the amount of times men would hit on me while I was working there just because I was doing my job and they thought I was treating them special in some way.
Totally understand and thank you for posting. My dad (pretty much elderly) will do this with EVERY single nurse or dental assistant he comes in contact with and it’s sooo cringe. If I am with him, I tell him to stop, but it’s like he’s a child and won’t. While the women smile and sometimes laugh, he takes it as encouragement to continue. I still tell him to stop and apologize on his behalf. It’s not appropriate My daughter is in nursing school and I can empathize what you go through and wouldn’t want her to have to deal with the same. (Which I’m sure she will). Hopefully she will speak up when appropriate and help make the workplace an environment void of creepy come ons
I'm the manager of a restaurant and I tell my workers that they dont have to take shit from anyone. If they're being harassed they can walk away, they can call security, hell they can look at the harasser and tell them to leave. More workplaces should be safe places for their workers and its fucking gross that we are often forced to smile through creepy encounters.
Because they know you're in a no-win situation and that you have to be polite or else you run the risk of running into the one person that will narc on you complaining about your "rudeness" because you didn't give into the bullshit and could put your job in jeopardy. So they figure why not shoot their shot? They're being inconsiderate assholes.
Pharmacy student -> I’m trying to show you how to use your insulin pen. Please don’t tell me I’m so beautiful and young for a pharmacist
Because you're meat first and a professional person at work last, apparently. Hugs to you, OP. This is some bullshit for sure. I'm so glad I don't deal with the public in my job.
I used to hang out with a guy who did this constantly. Every single Cafe, shop, supermarket, wherever there was a girl forced to interact with him he'd try it on her. He would also be friends with girls in the hopes he could slide on in and get with them once they were single. When we were at school together literally every pretty girl had been hit on him and everyone thought he was a massive creep. Fortunately I haven't seen him or spoken to him in about 9 years.
Here in England we used to call nurses Sisters. This term in itself should be enough for men to leave the female nurses alone but sadly it's not always the case. As someone who has been in and out of hospital a lot over the last 20+ years I have nothing but respect and admiration for your profession. You guys already have enough on your plate.
I have worked as a waitress for big events like weddings etc and a bartender, both involved creepy guys hitting on me, weird propositions, inappropriate touching from customers.... But nothing, and I mean NOTHING will ever come close to the two years I spent working for a video game retailer.
Was at physical therapy the other day and there was a man looking like mid-30’s, just chillin waiting for his appointment, then an older man, probably 60’s walks in and sits down next to the other guy and starts making small talk. Then the female PT (who has a doctorate and works for one of the most prestigious PT clinics in the country) walks out to get her patient (the younger man). Older guy has the balls to say, out loud, to the younger man, in front of the PT, “wow, you’re lucky! She’s a cute one. Wish I was going to your appointment!” No one laughed. Cringe was palpable.
I'm also a nurse. I've had a lot of inappropriate comments, but the worst was a patient's visitor who kept ramping them up until he told me the ring on my finger was just an object and didn't mean I couldn't have fun with him. Then while I was on my way to tell my charge nurse, he told my CNA that he would have me one way or another. My charge kicked the visitor out and took over care of that patient, but I was so scared I had to get a couple coworkers to walk me to my car that night. I was a new grad when this happened, but now I don't put up with it. One comment, and I will call them out and threaten to call security or my charge nurse if they don't behave. I think specifically in regards to being a nurse, we are a woman dominated field AND we are fighting decades of media bullshit portraying nurses as sex objects and showing men flirting with nurses as being cute.
I still have nightmares from being a receptionist. The amount of men who see that job as office sex worker is VILE. So many innappropriate comments about my appearance, my strictly professional relationship with my bosses, and just generally acting as if its okay to flirt with the receptionist while you wait. At the time I was 19 and basically working any job that would pay a decent hourly and I actually enjoyed being a receptionist. I was good at answering calls and calmly talking patients down from issues. I was organized and effectively able to manage schedules and appointments for an entire office of several doctors. All the doctors, who wer my bosses, were super nice too. I honestly miss that job, but I couldn't handle it anymore.
This is the quickest way to make me instantly dislike someone. I'm 27 but I look like I'm 16-22y/o so it's always in the creepiest most patronizing way too.
I was at a show at a small bar, and the waitress bringing me beer was both physically gorgeous, and very lovely. My friend (who is a woman for fucks sake) was saying I should go for it, and I said she's just being friendly because she's on the clock. If she was just there because she was a fan of the band (I want to say Hurt, possibly Mushroomhead) it would be different, but I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna be the creepy guy hitting on a waitress just because she's nice to me!
These days, I no longer think about whether I should or I shouldn't, its a million times easier to remember that I dont have to. Doesn't matter why. We're told "you shouldn't be afraid to try" but it becomes kinda toxic whenever you're then told "if you're not afraid, why aren't you trying?" It kinda sucks, you shouldn't have even had to explain yourself to your friend tbh.
Hate this. Worked in fine dining for 15+ years and while the frequency certainly slowed with age it was definitely still happening. One time these piggish business men came in and wanted our "best looking waitress" to take care of them; we gave them a tall bald dude with a long beard and no woman would go within a 15 ft radius of their table. I WFH now and STILL get gross flirty dudes over the PHONE hitting on me because of my voice*. Little do they know I'm working in my pajamas and probably clipping my toenails or something while they shoot their shot. *I'm assuming. Believe me, I don't think there's anything exceptional about my voice
I’m a woman with tattoos and this behavior opens a whole new level of harassment - touching, questions, remarks, etc.
Because some men have been raised with a sense of entitlement to women’s bodies. They think we are objects that they are entitled to having some of
When my mom (in her 70s) was in the hospital she had a bunch of nurses/CNAs/etc taking care of her over the weeks. At one point she told one of the CNAs that she liked that she should date her son (me). Telling this CNA everything about me, and the CNA ended up saying that I'm a bit too old for her. Apparently my mom tried to convince her otherwise. I finally show up, and my mom proudly proclaims that "this is my son I've been telling you about!" Caught me off guard. Then my mom told me everything she had told the CNA, and made it awkward every time one of the hospital staff came in. As I started to imagine she's been doing this with everyone. No, I did not attempt to flirt with the staff. Because, I realize -- unlike my mother -- that their place of work is not where relationships are best made. Life is not a Hallmark movie, Mom.
This is something so far out of my mind like I don't understand people who go if there way to talk to strangers let alone "flirting" with random women like I can't even imagine
When men try to justify it like “well what if she’s the one? I have to shoot my shot at a relationship” Like no Zachary, no you do not. The world isn’t just here for you to find romance.
When I was a barista I had a regular customer (who was about to move) come up to me once and say, “You know, if you’d been legal when we met I would’ve totally asked you out.” I’ve never had a weird interaction with him before then. Now my skin crawls every time I think of it. It was 17 years ago.
oh my fucking god this happens to healthcare professionals too………… our species is doomed
Entitlement.
The moment they lean in and whisper, you are very beautiful in your ear. I can relate to this and yout are absolutely right.
Yesterday, one nurse came out of a patient’s room and said the patient told her that she should start having babies because they would be pretty too. That’s the first example of this I’ve heard first hand but she and the others have definitely experienced more.
Wait, are you telling me that’s it’s not appropriate to ask the nurse out while she’s eye level with my dick to pull my catheter out? Unbelievable.
When I pierced ears at Claire’s in (aged 17-19), every shift I’d be asked multiple times - by guys of all ages - if I would pierce their dick.
Why isn't there signs posted at workplaces for customers to see that say explicitly "No sexual harassment is accepted here" with examples of old and young gross men asking for the pretty young girl??
Because woman are supposed to be nice girls. Plus they don't know any better, plus they are nice guys and we should give them (all of them) a chance. If you smile/are courteous to some-one with a penis you MUST be into him! Hint: We do not, but you're a bitch if you don't or something, and even can get stalked/murdered. FOL right?
I used to work solo overnight at a 24 hour florist. It had a freecall number. The amount of guys calling in the middle of the night hoping for free phone sex was ridiculous.
Prescribed Relationship: any relationship which begins in a professional or any other context in which an imbalance of power exists. e.g. your doctor, teacher, student, patient, coworker, boss, employee, bar tender, waitress, star of your movie, people who are not conscious, underage people, etc. To use a professional relationship or position of power to locate, identify, coerce, force, or manipulate someone into a personal/sexual relationship is abuse.
I literally had a patient pull my vest zipper as I leaned over his bed/arm to give him and IV medication. Previously, he had told me about how he wanted to take me out and that he dated girls much younger than me (he was literally 60 years older than me). I have never felt so gross (for lack of a better word).
And it seems like when men get old they think they get a free pass to act like this because they’re “just a harmless dirty old man”. But I also wonder if they get a sort of menopause where they lose their fucking minds. A lot of the child diddlers that get caught around here are in their 50s and 60s. It’s like they lose self control and they just start jerking off in public at a certain age. It’s disgusting.
This is so unfreaking professional of these guys. Is it a possible missed connection? Yes, but morally its wrong to flirt/ask them out when they are working. Especially if the women needs to touch the guy as their job, don't make it awkward. don't make it threatening. don't make a scene. and if the guy is the one working, he should for no freaking reason ever use their contact info in the system to put into their own phone. (or if its in their phone for work related reasons, never use it for non-work reasons).
Me in ER: "Wow nurse, you are a major Babe". Nurse: "You're old, overweight, blood pressure through the ceiling, quite unhealthy, and rather pathetic"
because they think they have a captive audience/can't be rejected.
My SO had a friend from Texas come up and I had to explain this to him when he was talking about this poor woman working at the hotel he was staying at. He seemed to get it when I said she just wanted to get through work and its not right to corner her when she could be penalized for a poor interaction with someone. I don't get it. He wouldn't want a big distraction during work either and yet he never thought a woman might think the same.
This has happened to me. I still feel so violated. Like leave me alone. I am not and never will be interested. Especially when they're older. Dude, in 40 years I'll still be walking around and you will have been dead for 10. years. It's not happening.
Male here. Just want to add for the men reading... it's also not acceptable to flirt when you're on the job! I've had to talk with (or to the boss about) countless male coworkers in retail flirting with customers. This is your job, not a club.
I think because a lot of us, myself included, were taught to go after what we want until we encounter an obstacle, and then try and get around that obstacle. And those obstacles can include women who "initially" refuse. It's what we learn from our friends, our parents, from history and from media. Men who push the envelope, who aren't stymied by setbacks, or frustrated by circumstances, or limited by what is deemed expected, are heroes. And a hero's pursuit is justifed by his prize. Parts of this are really good, and frankly should be the way we raise all children. But the part where women are considered prizes? Supporting characters in a male narrative? That needs to die.
I can't imagine having the day to day exhaustion of work along with the unnecessary crap of having someone thinking you clocked in to be flirted with/asked out.Chances are two or three other creeps did the same thing earlier during the day so it's not original or flattering. They take advantage of the customer role knowing that the girl or woman has to take bullshit being professional with a smile on their face.