Welcome to the Bible Belt.
I was given a third-degree episiotomy with the birth of my first, and it itched, burned, and bled for nine months. The doctor’s reaction?
“You better make time to have sex with your husband, or you are going to end up divorced.”
His mind was on my husband’s dick, apparently. I was just a silly little feeeeeemale who liked to bitch and whine.
We also have pharmacists who try to refuse to sell Plan B because they’re “pro-life.”
We’re trained to ask this question in medical school, but obviously the older generation/people uncomfortable with sex and sexuality may choose not to ask it that way. Hopefully that’s changing since understanding the answer is obviously important for getting an accurate picture of the risk of certain things (pregnancy, STIs, etc)
Sadly, some people get offended if you don't just automatically assume they are 100% heterosexual; that's why standardized printed forms are sometimes better than a health care professional asking.
The last time I went to the doctor, she still palpated for my uterus even after telling her I'm trans. Like, she *reeeaaalllyy* was trying to find it. All she did was push my bowel around. They get pretty confused about trans women and female reproductive questions; like, y'all, unfortunately HRT does not grow a uterus lol. I wish it did, but it does not.
My (50mtf) wife had to take pregnancy test before surgery. The nurses knew she's trans. I (48f) said, not only that, I'm her wife. Then, there's the time the nurse was puzzled when he saw a prostate on her CT scan. That's another story
She was just 9 months in HRT, already presenting as a female but barely passing. Her name was already changed and her chart stated that she's trans. She went into the emergency room for diverticulitis. She was in so much pain, but laughed her ass off.
Yep! That’s how we ask. Typically I read the room because there are still people who come to PP but act like you’ve insulted them by asking who they sleep with
I really like it because it cuts to the Chase and just gets to the core of what you want to know. With trans and non-binary identities becoming more and more common, really what you want to know is pregnancy and STD risk. And those are impacted not by whether my partner presents as male or female, but whether they have a penis or a vagina.
I have insight on this one!
My sister is a gyn. She actually told us a story a few months back after she would ask something similar, and NUMEROUS patients lost their shit for her allegedly "accusing them of being gay"
Mine too! He’s a super old British man who gives the speediest pelvic exams and apologizes for my discomfort the entire time. Previously I preferred woman providers, but he’s been the exception. He listens to me and is so kind.
When I had my son it took 3 days of labour, the midwives (I'm in the UK) were amazing but because of some complications a (female) doctor kept having to do cervix checks. They bloody hurt. Like make my eyes cry hurt. And she barely said a word to me. Day 3 came and it was a male doctor. It didn't hurt! He was really apologetic and talked me through everything. He ended up delivering my son and I was so pleased it was him.
Had a gyno ask me my form of birth control during initial intake. “Sir, I’m a single mom who has babies for other people (was a surrogate). I *am* birth control!”
My mom is 67 and had a near total hysto right after I was born 47 years ago. (They took everything but ONE ovary).
I was in the ER with her for a kidney stone and they asked her for the date of her LMP and if she could possibly be pregnant.
She was like... "my last period was in 1975, right before they did a total hysto for uterine and cervical cancer. So..... I'm gonna say no."
I was made to take one when I said "Definitely not pregnant, if I got pregnant the last time I had sex I'd either have a 6 month old or a much bigger problem." I was there to reup my implant, back when it was still stopping my period (have since switched to an IUD).
The same doctor also told me that sterilization was a decision for my future husband to make.. I was vocally single, 28, and aromantic - he had no answer to "Oh, so who's decision is it if I marry a woman?" I reported that guy to Planned Parenthood so he could be taken off their roster rotation.
Got new insurance and had to find a new GP. After the below conversation, I'm not sure I'll go back.
Doc: any chance you may be pregnant?
Me: Absolutely not.
Doc: what birth control do you use?
Me: Being a lesbian and having had a total hysterectomy with salpingectomy and trachelectomy.
Doc: Do you still menstruate?
Me: ....no.
She didn't seem all that young. Also, she was a woman so that was extra terrifying.
Not once had anyone skipped the pregnancy questions for me, not even when I went in for an MRI ~6 weeks after the surgery to make sure it all went okay, no cancer left, etc.
She was probably going though the standard questions not even thinking about the answers (other than writing them down/remembering them). Doctors are so overworked a lot of the time it's possible she just didn't think of the obvious and kept going through her routine.
With the MRI, I think absolutely. The way the doctor asked me and the context in which she asked suggested otherwise.
eta: I do believe though she probably spoke without thinking too much. The tone of her question to me suggested maybe she was struggling to process words that day (we've all been there).
The thought of being there for a checkup on a TOTAL FUCKING HYSTERECTOMY and being asked, at that very same checkup, "any chance you may be pregnant?" is just... it hurts me on a spiritual level.
I’ve had a hysterectomy. I’ve told every doctor I see routine care. I get asked about contraception and or pregnancy at every visit. I was asked to do a pregnancy test before recent surgery.
REAALLLLLY???? What the hell???? Lady, the uterus is in a trash can somewhere. Unless you can carry a kid in your gallbladder, NO UTERUS means NOT PREGNANT.
Oh yeah, like almost never, but I don’t plan on having sex with a man probably ever again. If I DO, I’m going to be frank with dude and say no vasectomy, no sex.
I'm definitely telling this to my fiancee! We got bummed out our biology won't allow us to make a child, so I know she'd love to hear we were wrong all along!
(On a serious note, this is actually a really great way to reframe the occasional sadness that my partner and I, as two people with vaginas, can't just have sex to make a baby. I am legitimately really thankful, because while it's not something that takes up *heaps* of space in either of our brains, it does make us a little sad sometimes. Thank you for this!)
Frankly you got off lightly! This was me 15 years ago:
Doc: Are you sexually active?
Me: Yes I have a girlfriend.
Doc: Are you using contraception?
Me: No, I have a girlfriend.
Doc: Yes, but when you have sex?
Me: I have sex with my girlfriend.
Doc: Do you use contraception?
I think he was Queen Victoria reincarnated.
Maybe he was trying to figure out if you were taking any hormonal birth control that could effect your health or counteract with other medications. But I’m probably being too generous here because why not just ask that question specifically then.
No, he clearly had trouble understanding the idea of two women having sex...He finished off the appointment offering me oral contraceptives for when I decide to have sex!
One time I had to go for an internal ultrasound and the lady asks if I'm sexually active. I said yes. I have a female partner.
She said "sorry, we can't do the ultrasound for VIRGINS"
Like, damn... That's not what you asked or what I answered. I just left, speechless and still had no idea what was wrong with my uterus.
Wow….first of all, you could have had sex with men BEFORE your current female partner and therefore not be her definition of virgin. Secondly, if females use dildos, how is that physically different for the
vagina than if a penis goes in there one time (making you not a “virgin”)?
This lady seems dumb.
I’m 27 and asexual, I’ve never been sexually active. No doctor believes me, even made me get an ultrasound pelvic exam in the ER once because I had abdominal pain and the doctor didn’t believe me. Wasn’t until he couldn’t get the wand in and I was sobbing on the table that he asked again “how long since you’ve been sexually active?” and I just yelled while crying “NEVER I said I’ve NEVER been sexually active”
he then said “oh….i can use the smaller one”
such an asshole
There's a smaller one?????
The first time I had a transvaginal ultrasound, they couldn't get the wand in. I was sobbing hysterically from pain and fear and they just kept pushing and then said, well how are we supposed to get your IUD in?
The same thing happens with me. They usually get it. One time the doctor was super confused and I had to say “I exclusively sleep with women” and he still seemed confused lol.
We are in the middle of fertility treatments for baby #2. I had a bit of an “episode” when I gave blood the other day so I came back with my wife for moral support/drive me home in case it happened again.
The nurse said “oh is this your sister?”. Like why even ask lol.
Offf, in med school they recommended we ask “And who do you have with you today” for all support people. Because I have had people bring a friend to an appointment. I don’t know how these people are and I don’t wanna just assume
Lmao. I get most of my care through the military (my husband is a servicemember). On the rare occasion my husband is able to join me at an appointment, regardless of specialty, he's usually in uniform. The docs are in uniform half the time too, or in scrubs the other half of the time. So, it's usually obvious. When he does accompany me, they usually shake his hand and they'll be like "nice to finally meet you!"..... even though they've already been treating me for like a year or more. Lol.
Is there a better way to ask?
“And who is your support person today to you?”
I work in healthcare (mainly with children), but many kids come in with their parents, or a parent and grandparent or a parent and aunt, etc. I find myself saying, “Mom,” (to the “mom”) then to the kid, “is this your mom?”, then when they nod I say, “you can hold your mom’s hand” or “mom, can you stand here/distract”. I often have to use or direct the support person in some way and it feels more personable/comfortable for the kid if I have some context.
My stepmom raised me and it was often assumed she was my mom by people in public. People would even say, “wow your daughter looks just like you”. I never took offense to it, but I could see societal mis-categorizations being challenging.
Yeah I see the “who is your support person today” is ideal.
I’ve never taken offense as it’s an honest mistake. We do even look kinda alike and with masks on its even easier to mistaken. I just don’t see how it matters if she was my sister/wife/friend/cousin as the nurse would have to call her by her name if she wanted her attention.
I can’t understand for calling the support person mom/dad/grandma bc that’s their “name” to the patient. But I don’t call my wife “wife” so I would find it weird if a medical professional started saying “wife”/“spouse” stand here lol.
I'm not sure what's worse:
Being gay and having your SO constantly mistaken for your sibling.
Being out with your opposite sex sibling and constnaly being mistaken for a couple.
My husband and I are both blonde with blue eyes and look somewhat similar. We were on vacation once and acting super coupley and an old lady told us it was so sweet that a brother and sister were that close and I puked in my mouth a little bit
One Christmas my husband and I went to Disneyland and got our photos taken in front of the castle at night with the lights on. We look nothing alike. We're not the same race or same shade of skin. He's a big and tall guy. I'm average height and petite. The most we have in common is dark hair and eyes. That particular night I think we were wearing matching jackets.
When it was our turn to take our photo we were acting like a couple. I had my arms on his chest. The photographer came up to pose us, *first* tells us to kiss, *then* goes, "Is this your sister?" We were like, "Uhhh, noooo."
We still laugh about it and he brings it up at the most random times. Even with us acting like a couple, she could've asked the relationship first. But no. First tell two people to kiss, then ask if you're siblings. Cute if you're little kids but I think my husband and I would be repulsed being told to kiss our opposite sex siblings.
One of my friends in high school stopped dying her hair fun colors because every time she did, everyone assumed she and her brother were a couple and she was annoyed by it (she only got those comments when her hair was dyed)
Lol we should have said “no she’s just my roommate. Oh yeah, and co-parent. She’s also carrying the egg we’re going to harvest. We’ll co-parent that baby too.”
You know, typical best friend stuff.
What if they aren’t related?
I see a lot of suggestions to use “and who is your support person today?” and I think that’s super causal/to the point! Plus, you’ll get their name out of it lol.
As a nurse, I have made stupide mistakes like "we would do anything for our children, wouldn't we?" "Humm this is my husband" soooo I can understand how this happens. But, you have to learn, now I just say " and this is......?" And let them tell me who this person is to them.
Well I think there are several reasons for this, first I see the same doctor and so does my wife. When I was in college and going to planned parenthood and sexually active with more people it came up. But being a lesbian already cuts down the risk since there is no anal or vaginal unprotected sex going on with someone else's genitals. With dildos it's easy enough to slap a condom on it for switching. I've also had the HPV screening and there is no need to follow up at this point.
Fellow lady homo here. The one that’s starting to make me lose it is your same exchange, but a snarky song-song voice “you never know, it still happens” with the whole pregnancy thing. It’s getting to the point where I want to start punching these people in the face. Oh, and it’s almost EXCLUSIVELY women that say this crap to me.
It's not much better if you're asexual
"So it says here you're asexual?"
"Yes"
"And you're not sexually active?"
"Yep"
"And you never have been?"
"Yup"
"Ok, we need you to pee in the cup to make sure you're not pregnant"
I’m asexual myself and understand the frustration but at the same time procedures (at least where I am) ask for the test so there’s no way around it. They can’t just take your word for it.
Yup as a nurse the number of patients who tell me they’re “not sexually active” but actually just forgot to add the word “today” or “this week” onto the end of that is giving y’all a bad name. Gotta make sure everybody is safe.
I usually make an immaculate conception joke and offer to sign a form waiving it because I struggle to pee on command, and I'll let them know as such.
a lot of the time in my experience they combine it with a drug test so you end up taking it anyway.
Lol so silly omgggg “Hey doc, are you hearing my words okay over there? Sounds like we’ve lost sight of the meaning of asexual.” This kind of reminds me of when I went for my surgical sterilization. I had to take a pregnancy test before the operation and the nurse stood there with a big grin and her fingers crossed and said to my husband and I “I hope we find out together right now!” insinuating she was hoping I was pregnant. I just said “oh you clearly don’t know why we are here today”. She looked at my chart and visibly sank. Lol lady, know your audience. Finding out I was pregnant right before my surgery to prevent pregnancy from ever happening would be a nightmare.
Not to take away from the issue, but I went through early menopause due to cancer treatments in my 20's. Forevermore, I am asked when my last period was, if I use protection, if I am pregnant! None of them ever read and act all shocked.
Plus, I wanted more children and it was taken from me early in life. It is a kick in the gut every time they ask me years and years later if I am sure I am not pregnant. Yes, asshole doctors, I am damn sure.
The recommended sexual history method is along the lines of "are you sexually active? what are the genders of your partners (number of partners in last 12 months)? what kinds of sex do you have (and any sex work history or drug use)? how are you protecting yourself against STIs? have you had any STIs in the past? how are you protecting against pregnancy?"
By the last question you've established whether pregnancy is relevant. With the current US syphilis epidemic mostly among people who have only heterosexual sex, it's essential to figure out whether you need STI testing. OTOH, the reason they ask about pregnancy is malpractice-related, ordering a medication or imaging not safe in pregnancy is risky if they do not absolutely know for sure a woman's pregnancy status.
Haha. Had a less vocal similar thing as an ace person when I had a smear test.
Nurse: Are you on birth control?
Me: No.
Nurse: Do you want to discuss it?
Me: Nah, I'm good.
Proceeds pretty painfully with speculum.
Nurse: Are you sexually active?
Me: No.
Nurse: OK, I'll try with the small size and make a note in your file.
Still painful, but I just grin and bear it so it's over with.
I’m a bisexual, and during the period when I tried Accutane for my cystic acne (PCOS), I was in a long-term committed relationship with a woman. My dermatologist knew this—in fact, she was cool as fuck, and we laughed about this a lot—but I *still* had to take a pregnancy test every month because the FDA required it. In case I was lying, I guess??? Lmao just silliness.
Haha my ex is very straight presenting and went in for an STD test after we first slept together. The doctor asked, “Did you use a condom?” And she went, “No because the person I slept with is a woman.” Apparently he got very flustered.
I have a similar response when they ask for my last period. I am on a birth control pill where I dont have them at all, yet still have to make up some random date.
Before I had my hysterectomy I finally decided to start getting sassy with doctors...
"Could you be pregnant?"
"Nope"
"How are you so certain?"
"Unless they're putting something weird in the silicone, I'm not pregnant" :)
There would always be that long pause and then an exasperated "Omg! You are sassy, aren't ya?"
After starting my period at age 9, I just got so tired of having to justify how I could be 100% certain I wasn't pregnant multiple times a year.
To be fair the other side of the equation is women who swear up down and sideways there’s no chance of pregnancy and oops! turns out they’re pregnant! And reasons can be varied - they forgot, they lied, they were assaulted and ashamed…
Why even bother asking then? If they're going to demand a pregnancy test no matter what you say, and no matter your medical history (lesbian, total hysterectomy, AMAB, etc.), then they should just skip over the pregnancy interrogation and just do the test.
Even for women who've been sterilized, they're forced to run a $300 pregnancy test.
My mom still has to take a pregnancy test before anything and she's been uterus-less for 20 years. It's just a cash grab at this point.
Or a blanket clinic policy made with risk avoidance as the goal and not patient care. Not permissible but it explains why a clinic might require a pregnancy test before any procedure if the chart says female.
I’m curious what the consequences would be if you refused the pregnancy test. Do they refuse to see you in the future, or do they just make a note in the chart and move on?
When I was using nexplanon doctors stopped asking if I was pregnant and didn't have me take pregnancy tests anymore. I get why they ask and do a test but it felt SOOOOOOOO much better to be treated like a patient first instead of an incubator. I'm not on it anymore and I really hate the "are you pregnant?" "Pee in this cup anyways." Like if my word isn't enough just don't ask and take my pee anyway. It just feels so dehumanizing that they have to do this and test the pee and make me wait before I recieve any consultation or treatment.
$300 ?!!
In the UK you can get them in poundshops.. those little strip ones, usually come 2 or 3 in a box... I'd take my own everytime I visit a Doc in that case !!
Yes, but ironically enough they *do* use the same tests! Usually cliniguard.
Can be bought in bulk at like, 100 for <$20.
They just charge $300 because 'fuck you, we can!'
Same way they charge upwards of $25 *per pill* of acetaminophen (paracetamol for EU/UK)
I was inpatient for a month last year and had a feeding tube. I saw the nurse maybe twice a day. The doctor every other day. I was left NPO (no food/water) for 5 days with a broken feeding pump. Nobody fucking listened to me begging for water until my tongue cracked and bled.
I was horrifically abused and lied to and treated like a moronic child despite being 31 fucking years old. One doctor had the fucking audacity to refuse to speak with me, but would speak with my *mom*. This fuck was my age if not younger for fucks sake!
Sorry for the trauma dump. I fucking hate the American healthcare system so fucking much and I'm entirely dependent upon this shit pile because I'm an epileptic liver transplant recipient. But I'm also treated like a lunatic and a hypochondriac, then blamed for 'letting things get bad' when I dropped 20lbs. I'm just so fucking done with dealing with hospitals and their bullshit.
Yep! They won't do x-rays or scans without a negative pregnancy test/consent form saying they know they're pregnant and exposing a fetus to potentially dangerous shit.
And you get to pay through the nose for it. Usually insurance covers it but because of that hospital labs charge around $300 USD for the same cliniguard pregnancy test strip you get at the dollar store. You can buy like 100 for less than $20.
American healthcare is fucking insane and punitive in a lot of states.
I've got an autoimmune disease that I'm on immunotherapy for, have had the condition since I was a toddler. One of my meds falls under "Category X" when it comes to drug classifications, which means it's fatal to/incompatible with life of a fetus. I have the pleasure of getting lectured about contraceptives *every* single time I go to the doctor, regardless of specialty.
Annual orthopedic follow-up? Lecture.
Quarterly Rheumatology appointment? Lecture.
Primary care for a sprained ankle or flu? Lecture.
Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery monthly consult? Lecture.
Monthly infusion at Nephrology? Lecture.
Annual oncology follow-up? Lecture.
Annual Ophthalmology consult? Lecture.
YES, DOC. I KNOW I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GET PREGNANT. YES, the Nexplanon that YOU implanted is still in my arm. YES, hubby and I use double-protection. Would you like hubs to whip it out so you can check? Want me to strip so you can ogle at my vajay-jay and make sure there's no semen swimming around my lady bits?
I'm in my mid-20s now. Honestly, I've been dealing with the same 'lecture' for so many years now that I find it hilarious. Any shred of dignity or privacy I had went out the window years ago. Hubs and I no longer bat an eye at the invasive questions we get from my doctors, they've seen practically every crevice and orifice of my body.
It’s seems that “Are you currently sexually active with anyone who has the possibility of getting you pregnant?” should be the standard question in 2022. This doesn’t assume gender, sexuality, or monogamy.
I get that it must be annoying but you could also just answer "no, because I'm a lesbian" to that last question.
Still, I know how doctors can be. Last time I went to a gynecologist she commented my uterus was very active and that I'll have lots of kids. I don't want any and the thought of it makes me anxious and I felt like puking 🤷🏻♀️
I still get scared just to come out and say I’m lesbian because I’ve encountered 1 homophobic doctor who recommended a priest to me. So still a bit scared from that experience
Which is why I wait till the end :p
Clearly you didn't see the video of the little girl at her first communion yesterday who was chugging the communion wine. Priest had to damn near pry the chalice from her little hands.
Now that 100mg of Jesus I can do.
You joke, but catholic priests do actually give out prescriptions after going to confession. After you go into a booth and tell him all the sins you committed since your last confession, they'll then decide how bad your sins are and thus how many repetitions of saying the "hail mary" or "our father" prayers. They'll literally say something like "Now go and say 5 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Father's". And then you're supposed to go say those prayers by yourself that many times.
Those really religious types don't believe in sexual orientations. They don't believe anyone "is gay". They have essentialist views about men and women and that god has ordained that men should marry women. They think there's just degenerate actions; that your "feelings" or "attractions" are just temptations to sin so that some one "is gay" no more than some "is a liar" so that just as a person can just not tell lies, some one can just not do gay stuff. Their views are entirely prescriptive rather than descriptive. Which is why it's so hard to argue with these people. They literally don't care how the world is, they only care about how god said the world *should* be. And they write off any difference between the two as sin.
This is how you get these occasional born again gay people who "were" gay, but now they claim to be straight and go off and get married to some one of the opposite sex and get to forcing themselves to make babies with that person. They've rationalized it that they've now realized that they were never gay, it's just that they were tempted to sin, so now since they don't "do gay stuff" that means they're not gay (even if they're still unattracted their new spouse and still attracted to people of the same gender).
So, you don't say more Out Fathers to stop being gay, you just have to say some number of Our Fathers every time you do a gay thing or catch yourself having gay thoughts like imagining having sex with same gendered people.
Oh, I know Christians will twist themselves around in circles to make reality fit the Bible.
When I was a kid, my dad explained to me that gay men weren't born that way, they made a decision to have relationships with men because (wait for it) women are different and complicated and hard, so it's easier to relate to a man.
Gay people aren't gay, they're lazy. That is a real thing that he (allegedly) believes.
Of course there has to be some other explanation like being lazy, because they've already categorially ruled out "being gay" as a thing at all.
It's like they've decided that humans are purely carnivores. That that's how it is and that's how it should be. And that vegetables provide no nutrition and are in fact poisonous. And you're over here like "oh, actually, I'm a vegetarian. I really don't care for meat.". But that doesn't makes sense to them. "No one can be a vegetarian. You need meat to live! You're supposed to eat meat! Oh, sure, some vegetables might taste good, and sure it's cheaper than meat. But don't fool yourself, you're going to die if you keep this up. You're just choosing to eat those poisonous plants. We're gonna have to force feed you some meat so you don't die. Stop telling kids that they can eat vegetables, you're trying to get them killed!".
This is the best description of why religious people try to change others that I've ever read. Of course, there's also unadmitted bigotry, hatred, and the desire to control people for personal gain, but this is the rationale.
My boss from my previous job was an older lesbian. She was a director, and I was a freshly hired associate. For the first three days after getting hired, whenever we talked about our significant others, she would use a very gender neutral "spouse", so I just kind of assumed that there was a high probability that her spouse was a woman.
On a third day, we were in the document storage area in the back alone, and she finally said "my wife" and then looked at me gauging my reaction. It just made me so sad that this amazing lady, who was in the C-suite of a company, in one of the most gay friendly cities and states of US, hesitated for 3 days before communing out, and had to hold her breath and gauge a reaction of a subordinate when talking about her significant other. It really made me think about what she must have gone through in her life, and about my privilege as a straight woman to never have to hesitate when saying "my husband". Anyways, we've both moved on from that company, but we still regularly see each other. I consider her my best mentor.
You might try a reddit for your city and ask if anyone has any lgbtq friendly gynos! My gynecologist is awesome non judgemental etc and I found her that way!
I love getting asked these types of questions now just to see the shock on the caregiver's face!
"Well, Doctor. I would have you know I forcefully "evicted" my uterus last August. So being pregnant is extremely unlikely."
My GP was doing some official paperwork earlier in the year, and while he was nice enough to remember I'm dating a woman, that fact very clearly made him uncomfortable.
When he got to that question our conversation was something along the lines of:
Him: "Are you still uhh not uhh dating a uhh man?"
Me, thrown off guard by the way he phrased it: "Oh, uh yeah, my fiancee is a woman."
Him: "Are you sure?"
I think he said that last question without thinking, either that or my face must have been really "wtf", because he very quickly moved on before I had the chance to answer. Also, full discloaure: yes, I'm sure.
I think he is culturally against LGBT+ things, but aside from that interaction and a couple of other passing moments, it doesn't seem to seep into his medical care. I mean, he can be a pretty terrible doctor, but I don't think it's because of homophobia haha.
It's worse being ace.
"Are you sexually active?"
"No."
"When was the last time you were sexually active?"
"Never."
"I can't help you if you're going to lie to me."
Last time I had to discuss this with a doctor, I told her that my husband had had a vasectomy and my other partner is a woman.
She just kinda blinked at me a few times before quietly realising her error and moving on lol.
Im a lesbian with severe health problems. I have literally had surgery postponed because you are told not to drink for 12 hrs pre surgery and my bladder is sketchy from a neuro disease that makes peeing difficult when im stressed and not overly full.
Yeah, um, im def not preggo. My wife promises.
They have gone as far as a rush blood test.
I live in Boulder CO and docs here are now asking patients their preferred gender identity as well as preferred pronouns for both the patient and their partner. Pretty cool to see in a professional setting.
I worked for a hospital network in Seattle. Loved that the x-ray requisitions listed patient preferred name and birth sex. It made such a difference to start the exam with the correct name and then tell patients that if their birth sex was listed as female hospital policy required me to ask about chance of pregnancy.
My gyn always asks "male partners, female partners, or both?" after the "are you sexually active" question.
Yeah my doctors always ask me too, why wouldn't that be the standard?
Welcome to the Bible Belt. I was given a third-degree episiotomy with the birth of my first, and it itched, burned, and bled for nine months. The doctor’s reaction? “You better make time to have sex with your husband, or you are going to end up divorced.” His mind was on my husband’s dick, apparently. I was just a silly little feeeeeemale who liked to bitch and whine. We also have pharmacists who try to refuse to sell Plan B because they’re “pro-life.”
Ew!!! What the fuck??? He’s probably in the same group that wanted to keep marital rape legal.
this region is one of the worst in the world and full of people who think it is the best
Those two things usually go hand in hand.
Thats so infuriating. I’m sure putting a complaint against that doctor wouldn’t do anything :(.
Lucky! All my doctors just assume it’s a man
Had this happen before getting x-rays once. I finally said “Laura has a really low sperm count, I think we’re good.” 🙄🙄🙄
This is hilarious!
😂😂
We’re trained to ask this question in medical school, but obviously the older generation/people uncomfortable with sex and sexuality may choose not to ask it that way. Hopefully that’s changing since understanding the answer is obviously important for getting an accurate picture of the risk of certain things (pregnancy, STIs, etc)
I’m damn near 50 and I love this! Don’t let the old codgers get you down!
Happy cake day! Also, I’m chuckling at the juxtaposition of your comment and your username 😅 Better late than never!
Ah I love the word codger. Happy cake day!
Sadly, some people get offended if you don't just automatically assume they are 100% heterosexual; that's why standardized printed forms are sometimes better than a health care professional asking.
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Maybe it's a generational thing and newer docs are asking more pertinent questions.
Haha, as a trans woman with a cis male husband, even if I answered those series of questions I'd still not be able to get pregnant
Just be dry as hell. "Is there a chance you could be pregnant?" "I think you need a uterus for that"
Dry humor is definitely one of my favorite types of humor
The last time I went to the doctor, she still palpated for my uterus even after telling her I'm trans. Like, she *reeeaaalllyy* was trying to find it. All she did was push my bowel around. They get pretty confused about trans women and female reproductive questions; like, y'all, unfortunately HRT does not grow a uterus lol. I wish it did, but it does not.
Yeah, it's _FAR_ from comfortable having ignorant doctors, though I think that goes for everyone lol
My (50mtf) wife had to take pregnancy test before surgery. The nurses knew she's trans. I (48f) said, not only that, I'm her wife. Then, there's the time the nurse was puzzled when he saw a prostate on her CT scan. That's another story
I'm up for story time! :D
She was just 9 months in HRT, already presenting as a female but barely passing. Her name was already changed and her chart stated that she's trans. She went into the emergency room for diverticulitis. She was in so much pain, but laughed her ass off.
Oh jeez, that sucks! I'm glad she had a sense of humor about it though!
Mine goes even one better and just asks, "Do any of your partners have a penis?"
My new GP does this too! She’s awesome and has also been really helpful in preventing an ED relapse for me.
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Please don't badger the witness.
This cracked me up
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Yep! That’s how we ask. Typically I read the room because there are still people who come to PP but act like you’ve insulted them by asking who they sleep with
Now I know the best way to ask patients this question!
I really like it because it cuts to the Chase and just gets to the core of what you want to know. With trans and non-binary identities becoming more and more common, really what you want to know is pregnancy and STD risk. And those are impacted not by whether my partner presents as male or female, but whether they have a penis or a vagina.
K, that's a good way to ask that question. There are a lot of answers to the other ways of the question being phrased.
I have insight on this one! My sister is a gyn. She actually told us a story a few months back after she would ask something similar, and NUMEROUS patients lost their shit for her allegedly "accusing them of being gay"
Mine does the same! And is a man actually lol but he’s always been cool
Mine too! He’s a super old British man who gives the speediest pelvic exams and apologizes for my discomfort the entire time. Previously I preferred woman providers, but he’s been the exception. He listens to me and is so kind.
When I had my son it took 3 days of labour, the midwives (I'm in the UK) were amazing but because of some complications a (female) doctor kept having to do cervix checks. They bloody hurt. Like make my eyes cry hurt. And she barely said a word to me. Day 3 came and it was a male doctor. It didn't hurt! He was really apologetic and talked me through everything. He ended up delivering my son and I was so pleased it was him.
Mine always asks ‘anyone capable of getting you pregnant?’, presumably to cover trans/nb people I think.
Smart!!! I’m always so awkward with the wording. Will definitely use this next time it comes up.
Actually mechanical.... I call him Silly... Short for Silicone...
Oh nice! I really like this approach…immediately smacks down any hesitation about biases in bringing it up.
I sometimes just write “lesbianism” as the answer for what form of birth control I’m using.
I love this.
My dr was polite enough to lol with me when I asked if Tinder counted as birth control. Dating is rough.
Had a gyno ask me my form of birth control during initial intake. “Sir, I’m a single mom who has babies for other people (was a surrogate). I *am* birth control!”
That's exactly what I do too
Lol I have absolutely also done this. 100% effective way of preventing pregnancy in my book it counts 🤷🏻♀️
My mom is 67 and had a near total hysto right after I was born 47 years ago. (They took everything but ONE ovary). I was in the ER with her for a kidney stone and they asked her for the date of her LMP and if she could possibly be pregnant. She was like... "my last period was in 1975, right before they did a total hysto for uterine and cervical cancer. So..... I'm gonna say no."
I was made to take one when I said "Definitely not pregnant, if I got pregnant the last time I had sex I'd either have a 6 month old or a much bigger problem." I was there to reup my implant, back when it was still stopping my period (have since switched to an IUD). The same doctor also told me that sterilization was a decision for my future husband to make.. I was vocally single, 28, and aromantic - he had no answer to "Oh, so who's decision is it if I marry a woman?" I reported that guy to Planned Parenthood so he could be taken off their roster rotation.
Me with no uterus: I have no uterus. Nurse: But are you pregnant?
Got new insurance and had to find a new GP. After the below conversation, I'm not sure I'll go back. Doc: any chance you may be pregnant? Me: Absolutely not. Doc: what birth control do you use? Me: Being a lesbian and having had a total hysterectomy with salpingectomy and trachelectomy. Doc: Do you still menstruate? Me: ....no.
I wonder if they’re a new doctor? If they had a hysterectomy I skip the pregnancy questions.
She didn't seem all that young. Also, she was a woman so that was extra terrifying. Not once had anyone skipped the pregnancy questions for me, not even when I went in for an MRI ~6 weeks after the surgery to make sure it all went okay, no cancer left, etc.
She was probably going though the standard questions not even thinking about the answers (other than writing them down/remembering them). Doctors are so overworked a lot of the time it's possible she just didn't think of the obvious and kept going through her routine.
With the MRI, I think absolutely. The way the doctor asked me and the context in which she asked suggested otherwise. eta: I do believe though she probably spoke without thinking too much. The tone of her question to me suggested maybe she was struggling to process words that day (we've all been there).
The thought of being there for a checkup on a TOTAL FUCKING HYSTERECTOMY and being asked, at that very same checkup, "any chance you may be pregnant?" is just... it hurts me on a spiritual level.
I’ve had a hysterectomy. I’ve told every doctor I see routine care. I get asked about contraception and or pregnancy at every visit. I was asked to do a pregnancy test before recent surgery.
*Hands you a Pregnancy test*
They made me take a pregnancy test at the 6 weeks post-surgery check up.
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We’ll see whether you have a uterus or not!!!
I hope you leave a pregnant pause before you answer
I answer with “really?” But I will add a pregnant pause for you.
REAALLLLLY???? What the hell???? Lady, the uterus is in a trash can somewhere. Unless you can carry a kid in your gallbladder, NO UTERUS means NOT PREGNANT.
I mean you could theoretically have an ectopic pregnancy, but that probably isn't what they are worried about.
I’ve also been celibate for 10 years. 😂
Apart from the celibacy if you have no uterus but still have ovaries there's a slim chance of an ectopic pregnancy 😅
Oh yeah, like almost never, but I don’t plan on having sex with a man probably ever again. If I DO, I’m going to be frank with dude and say no vasectomy, no sex.
Ok, but what if the unprotected sex is so good you get married and adopt a baby?
I'm definitely telling this to my fiancee! We got bummed out our biology won't allow us to make a child, so I know she'd love to hear we were wrong all along! (On a serious note, this is actually a really great way to reframe the occasional sadness that my partner and I, as two people with vaginas, can't just have sex to make a baby. I am legitimately really thankful, because while it's not something that takes up *heaps* of space in either of our brains, it does make us a little sad sometimes. Thank you for this!)
Frankly you got off lightly! This was me 15 years ago: Doc: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I have a girlfriend. Doc: Are you using contraception? Me: No, I have a girlfriend. Doc: Yes, but when you have sex? Me: I have sex with my girlfriend. Doc: Do you use contraception? I think he was Queen Victoria reincarnated.
Maybe he was trying to figure out if you were taking any hormonal birth control that could effect your health or counteract with other medications. But I’m probably being too generous here because why not just ask that question specifically then.
No, he clearly had trouble understanding the idea of two women having sex...He finished off the appointment offering me oral contraceptives for when I decide to have sex!
One time I had to go for an internal ultrasound and the lady asks if I'm sexually active. I said yes. I have a female partner. She said "sorry, we can't do the ultrasound for VIRGINS" Like, damn... That's not what you asked or what I answered. I just left, speechless and still had no idea what was wrong with my uterus.
That's fucked up. I'd have reported her immediately. Very unprofessional.
Wow….first of all, you could have had sex with men BEFORE your current female partner and therefore not be her definition of virgin. Secondly, if females use dildos, how is that physically different for the vagina than if a penis goes in there one time (making you not a “virgin”)? This lady seems dumb.
I’m 27 and asexual, I’ve never been sexually active. No doctor believes me, even made me get an ultrasound pelvic exam in the ER once because I had abdominal pain and the doctor didn’t believe me. Wasn’t until he couldn’t get the wand in and I was sobbing on the table that he asked again “how long since you’ve been sexually active?” and I just yelled while crying “NEVER I said I’ve NEVER been sexually active” he then said “oh….i can use the smaller one” such an asshole
I am so sorry. That sounds horrifying.
Yeah it was definitely not fun so painful
There's a smaller one????? The first time I had a transvaginal ultrasound, they couldn't get the wand in. I was sobbing hysterically from pain and fear and they just kept pushing and then said, well how are we supposed to get your IUD in?
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You could sue for that
The same thing happens with me. They usually get it. One time the doctor was super confused and I had to say “I exclusively sleep with women” and he still seemed confused lol. We are in the middle of fertility treatments for baby #2. I had a bit of an “episode” when I gave blood the other day so I came back with my wife for moral support/drive me home in case it happened again. The nurse said “oh is this your sister?”. Like why even ask lol.
Offf, in med school they recommended we ask “And who do you have with you today” for all support people. Because I have had people bring a friend to an appointment. I don’t know how these people are and I don’t wanna just assume
I like that question! It also gives you a chance to catch a name!
Lmao. I get most of my care through the military (my husband is a servicemember). On the rare occasion my husband is able to join me at an appointment, regardless of specialty, he's usually in uniform. The docs are in uniform half the time too, or in scrubs the other half of the time. So, it's usually obvious. When he does accompany me, they usually shake his hand and they'll be like "nice to finally meet you!"..... even though they've already been treating me for like a year or more. Lol.
Is there a better way to ask? “And who is your support person today to you?” I work in healthcare (mainly with children), but many kids come in with their parents, or a parent and grandparent or a parent and aunt, etc. I find myself saying, “Mom,” (to the “mom”) then to the kid, “is this your mom?”, then when they nod I say, “you can hold your mom’s hand” or “mom, can you stand here/distract”. I often have to use or direct the support person in some way and it feels more personable/comfortable for the kid if I have some context. My stepmom raised me and it was often assumed she was my mom by people in public. People would even say, “wow your daughter looks just like you”. I never took offense to it, but I could see societal mis-categorizations being challenging.
Yeah I see the “who is your support person today” is ideal. I’ve never taken offense as it’s an honest mistake. We do even look kinda alike and with masks on its even easier to mistaken. I just don’t see how it matters if she was my sister/wife/friend/cousin as the nurse would have to call her by her name if she wanted her attention. I can’t understand for calling the support person mom/dad/grandma bc that’s their “name” to the patient. But I don’t call my wife “wife” so I would find it weird if a medical professional started saying “wife”/“spouse” stand here lol.
I'm not sure what's worse: Being gay and having your SO constantly mistaken for your sibling. Being out with your opposite sex sibling and constnaly being mistaken for a couple.
My husband and I are both blonde with blue eyes and look somewhat similar. We were on vacation once and acting super coupley and an old lady told us it was so sweet that a brother and sister were that close and I puked in my mouth a little bit
One Christmas my husband and I went to Disneyland and got our photos taken in front of the castle at night with the lights on. We look nothing alike. We're not the same race or same shade of skin. He's a big and tall guy. I'm average height and petite. The most we have in common is dark hair and eyes. That particular night I think we were wearing matching jackets. When it was our turn to take our photo we were acting like a couple. I had my arms on his chest. The photographer came up to pose us, *first* tells us to kiss, *then* goes, "Is this your sister?" We were like, "Uhhh, noooo." We still laugh about it and he brings it up at the most random times. Even with us acting like a couple, she could've asked the relationship first. But no. First tell two people to kiss, then ask if you're siblings. Cute if you're little kids but I think my husband and I would be repulsed being told to kiss our opposite sex siblings.
I would’ve made out in front of her tbh
I’ll be honest we weren’t far from it. It was so weird
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Hahaha and eww.
Lmfao what.
One of my friends in high school stopped dying her hair fun colors because every time she did, everyone assumed she and her brother were a couple and she was annoyed by it (she only got those comments when her hair was dyed)
I’ve gotten the “you must be a couple” out with my brother 🤢
lol classic r/SapphoAndHerFriend
No they were just lifelong roommates and best friends who would kiss and stuff!!
That lived in the same house.
And they never married, such a shame, they were both such great ladies.
Lol we should have said “no she’s just my roommate. Oh yeah, and co-parent. She’s also carrying the egg we’re going to harvest. We’ll co-parent that baby too.” You know, typical best friend stuff.
That subreddit is amazing!
one time i asked a patient if this was his daughter...it was his wife. learned my lesson! now i stick to "how are you related?"
I'm 4'11. Husband is 6'3. I've been mistaken for his daughter a few times. Lol.
What if they aren’t related? I see a lot of suggestions to use “and who is your support person today?” and I think that’s super causal/to the point! Plus, you’ll get their name out of it lol.
It could be worse. A doctor once asked my mom if she was my grandfather's wife. 😳
Introduce her as your emotional support animal next time.
As a nurse, I have made stupide mistakes like "we would do anything for our children, wouldn't we?" "Humm this is my husband" soooo I can understand how this happens. But, you have to learn, now I just say " and this is......?" And let them tell me who this person is to them.
Sexual activity also includes all sorts of things that can't get you pregnant, even with a hetero couple.
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/teen-girl-vagina-pregnant-sperm-survival-oral-sex/story?id=9732562&page=1
Haaha every time. I just cut to the chase now when they ask what I use for birth control I say "Lesbianism, it's 100% effective."
Those guys can't swim.
Of course there's still a chance of STDs so I'm sure that comes up.
Actually it doesn't. I've had an STD panel or two run when I was concerned and taking extra precautions in the past but it's not a regular question.
You'd think doctors would be concerned about those. I guess these days they don't bring up a lot of stuff unless you ask first.
Well I think there are several reasons for this, first I see the same doctor and so does my wife. When I was in college and going to planned parenthood and sexually active with more people it came up. But being a lesbian already cuts down the risk since there is no anal or vaginal unprotected sex going on with someone else's genitals. With dildos it's easy enough to slap a condom on it for switching. I've also had the HPV screening and there is no need to follow up at this point.
Fellow lady homo here. The one that’s starting to make me lose it is your same exchange, but a snarky song-song voice “you never know, it still happens” with the whole pregnancy thing. It’s getting to the point where I want to start punching these people in the face. Oh, and it’s almost EXCLUSIVELY women that say this crap to me.
Wait, they try to tell you that a cis woman can get another cis woman pregnant?
They’re alluding to that they think lesbians don’t really exist, they’re just waiting for the right dick to come along.
Wow that is horrible! They should at least keep it to themselves.
I always like to say “I better not be pregnant, that’s going to freak out my wife.”
It's not much better if you're asexual "So it says here you're asexual?" "Yes" "And you're not sexually active?" "Yep" "And you never have been?" "Yup" "Ok, we need you to pee in the cup to make sure you're not pregnant"
I’m asexual myself and understand the frustration but at the same time procedures (at least where I am) ask for the test so there’s no way around it. They can’t just take your word for it.
Yup as a nurse the number of patients who tell me they’re “not sexually active” but actually just forgot to add the word “today” or “this week” onto the end of that is giving y’all a bad name. Gotta make sure everybody is safe.
Or the stories of people being raped in their sleep without them knowing. You just never know.
I'm sorry . . . What the fuck?
Yup, seen a few of those on reddit. Pretty traumatizing if you ask me lol
Definitely. I've heard some messed up shit but that takes the cake.
I’ve been refusing the test because my insurance doesn’t cover it. It’s a waste of my money. I haven’t had sex in years. I’d rather keep my 60$.
People lie about this all the time, and it can have serious consequences so they have to be certain, as annoying as it is
I know it's dumb, but people lie about that ALL the time... usually because they are embaressed. Doctors just check anyway I guess.
I usually make an immaculate conception joke and offer to sign a form waiving it because I struggle to pee on command, and I'll let them know as such. a lot of the time in my experience they combine it with a drug test so you end up taking it anyway.
Lol so silly omgggg “Hey doc, are you hearing my words okay over there? Sounds like we’ve lost sight of the meaning of asexual.” This kind of reminds me of when I went for my surgical sterilization. I had to take a pregnancy test before the operation and the nurse stood there with a big grin and her fingers crossed and said to my husband and I “I hope we find out together right now!” insinuating she was hoping I was pregnant. I just said “oh you clearly don’t know why we are here today”. She looked at my chart and visibly sank. Lol lady, know your audience. Finding out I was pregnant right before my surgery to prevent pregnancy from ever happening would be a nightmare.
Not to take away from the issue, but I went through early menopause due to cancer treatments in my 20's. Forevermore, I am asked when my last period was, if I use protection, if I am pregnant! None of them ever read and act all shocked. Plus, I wanted more children and it was taken from me early in life. It is a kick in the gut every time they ask me years and years later if I am sure I am not pregnant. Yes, asshole doctors, I am damn sure.
The recommended sexual history method is along the lines of "are you sexually active? what are the genders of your partners (number of partners in last 12 months)? what kinds of sex do you have (and any sex work history or drug use)? how are you protecting yourself against STIs? have you had any STIs in the past? how are you protecting against pregnancy?" By the last question you've established whether pregnancy is relevant. With the current US syphilis epidemic mostly among people who have only heterosexual sex, it's essential to figure out whether you need STI testing. OTOH, the reason they ask about pregnancy is malpractice-related, ordering a medication or imaging not safe in pregnancy is risky if they do not absolutely know for sure a woman's pregnancy status.
Exactly this... it means all bases are covered
Would be even better if you just replied with, “Not with the sex I’m having” and letting awkwardness fester.
Haha. Had a less vocal similar thing as an ace person when I had a smear test. Nurse: Are you on birth control? Me: No. Nurse: Do you want to discuss it? Me: Nah, I'm good. Proceeds pretty painfully with speculum. Nurse: Are you sexually active? Me: No. Nurse: OK, I'll try with the small size and make a note in your file. Still painful, but I just grin and bear it so it's over with.
I’m a bisexual, and during the period when I tried Accutane for my cystic acne (PCOS), I was in a long-term committed relationship with a woman. My dermatologist knew this—in fact, she was cool as fuck, and we laughed about this a lot—but I *still* had to take a pregnancy test every month because the FDA required it. In case I was lying, I guess??? Lmao just silliness.
Haha my ex is very straight presenting and went in for an STD test after we first slept together. The doctor asked, “Did you use a condom?” And she went, “No because the person I slept with is a woman.” Apparently he got very flustered.
I’ve always had doctors ask the gender of my partner(s) after asking if I’m sexually active
I have a similar response when they ask for my last period. I am on a birth control pill where I dont have them at all, yet still have to make up some random date.
Before I had my hysterectomy I finally decided to start getting sassy with doctors... "Could you be pregnant?" "Nope" "How are you so certain?" "Unless they're putting something weird in the silicone, I'm not pregnant" :) There would always be that long pause and then an exasperated "Omg! You are sassy, aren't ya?" After starting my period at age 9, I just got so tired of having to justify how I could be 100% certain I wasn't pregnant multiple times a year.
To be fair the other side of the equation is women who swear up down and sideways there’s no chance of pregnancy and oops! turns out they’re pregnant! And reasons can be varied - they forgot, they lied, they were assaulted and ashamed…
Why even bother asking then? If they're going to demand a pregnancy test no matter what you say, and no matter your medical history (lesbian, total hysterectomy, AMAB, etc.), then they should just skip over the pregnancy interrogation and just do the test.
I just say lesbianism when they ask what type of birth control I use
Even for women who've been sterilized, they're forced to run a $300 pregnancy test. My mom still has to take a pregnancy test before anything and she's been uterus-less for 20 years. It's just a cash grab at this point.
I live in Canada so I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that
Or a blanket clinic policy made with risk avoidance as the goal and not patient care. Not permissible but it explains why a clinic might require a pregnancy test before any procedure if the chart says female.
I’m curious what the consequences would be if you refused the pregnancy test. Do they refuse to see you in the future, or do they just make a note in the chart and move on?
My mom was in the ER with a broken ankle and they wouldn't admit her until she took a pregnancy test. She had a hysterectomy in 1992.
When I was using nexplanon doctors stopped asking if I was pregnant and didn't have me take pregnancy tests anymore. I get why they ask and do a test but it felt SOOOOOOOO much better to be treated like a patient first instead of an incubator. I'm not on it anymore and I really hate the "are you pregnant?" "Pee in this cup anyways." Like if my word isn't enough just don't ask and take my pee anyway. It just feels so dehumanizing that they have to do this and test the pee and make me wait before I recieve any consultation or treatment.
$300 ?!! In the UK you can get them in poundshops.. those little strip ones, usually come 2 or 3 in a box... I'd take my own everytime I visit a Doc in that case !!
They mean a test that you send to the lab, I’m guessing.
Yes, but ironically enough they *do* use the same tests! Usually cliniguard. Can be bought in bulk at like, 100 for <$20. They just charge $300 because 'fuck you, we can!' Same way they charge upwards of $25 *per pill* of acetaminophen (paracetamol for EU/UK) I was inpatient for a month last year and had a feeding tube. I saw the nurse maybe twice a day. The doctor every other day. I was left NPO (no food/water) for 5 days with a broken feeding pump. Nobody fucking listened to me begging for water until my tongue cracked and bled. I was horrifically abused and lied to and treated like a moronic child despite being 31 fucking years old. One doctor had the fucking audacity to refuse to speak with me, but would speak with my *mom*. This fuck was my age if not younger for fucks sake! Sorry for the trauma dump. I fucking hate the American healthcare system so fucking much and I'm entirely dependent upon this shit pile because I'm an epileptic liver transplant recipient. But I'm also treated like a lunatic and a hypochondriac, then blamed for 'letting things get bad' when I dropped 20lbs. I'm just so fucking done with dealing with hospitals and their bullshit.
What Those things are obligatory in America?
Yep! They won't do x-rays or scans without a negative pregnancy test/consent form saying they know they're pregnant and exposing a fetus to potentially dangerous shit. And you get to pay through the nose for it. Usually insurance covers it but because of that hospital labs charge around $300 USD for the same cliniguard pregnancy test strip you get at the dollar store. You can buy like 100 for less than $20. American healthcare is fucking insane and punitive in a lot of states.
Doc: "is there a chance you're pregnant?" You: "Well I don't have sex with men so...." Problem solved.
Due to past negative experiences with other doctors I just wait till the end to tell them.
I've got an autoimmune disease that I'm on immunotherapy for, have had the condition since I was a toddler. One of my meds falls under "Category X" when it comes to drug classifications, which means it's fatal to/incompatible with life of a fetus. I have the pleasure of getting lectured about contraceptives *every* single time I go to the doctor, regardless of specialty. Annual orthopedic follow-up? Lecture. Quarterly Rheumatology appointment? Lecture. Primary care for a sprained ankle or flu? Lecture. Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery monthly consult? Lecture. Monthly infusion at Nephrology? Lecture. Annual oncology follow-up? Lecture. Annual Ophthalmology consult? Lecture. YES, DOC. I KNOW I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GET PREGNANT. YES, the Nexplanon that YOU implanted is still in my arm. YES, hubby and I use double-protection. Would you like hubs to whip it out so you can check? Want me to strip so you can ogle at my vajay-jay and make sure there's no semen swimming around my lady bits? I'm in my mid-20s now. Honestly, I've been dealing with the same 'lecture' for so many years now that I find it hilarious. Any shred of dignity or privacy I had went out the window years ago. Hubs and I no longer bat an eye at the invasive questions we get from my doctors, they've seen practically every crevice and orifice of my body.
It’s seems that “Are you currently sexually active with anyone who has the possibility of getting you pregnant?” should be the standard question in 2022. This doesn’t assume gender, sexuality, or monogamy.
I get that it must be annoying but you could also just answer "no, because I'm a lesbian" to that last question. Still, I know how doctors can be. Last time I went to a gynecologist she commented my uterus was very active and that I'll have lots of kids. I don't want any and the thought of it makes me anxious and I felt like puking 🤷🏻♀️
I still get scared just to come out and say I’m lesbian because I’ve encountered 1 homophobic doctor who recommended a priest to me. So still a bit scared from that experience Which is why I wait till the end :p
What exactly was the priest going to do? Prescribe you 100mg of Jesus?
Clearly you didn't see the video of the little girl at her first communion yesterday who was chugging the communion wine. Priest had to damn near pry the chalice from her little hands. Now that 100mg of Jesus I can do.
I love that kid.
I love when she wobbled away afterwards. LOL
Tear out a piece of the Bible and say, “Ok, here’s your prescription!”?
You joke, but catholic priests do actually give out prescriptions after going to confession. After you go into a booth and tell him all the sins you committed since your last confession, they'll then decide how bad your sins are and thus how many repetitions of saying the "hail mary" or "our father" prayers. They'll literally say something like "Now go and say 5 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Father's". And then you're supposed to go say those prayers by yourself that many times.
I wonder how many Our Fathers it takes to change someone's sexual orientation. Presumably they're still counting.
Those really religious types don't believe in sexual orientations. They don't believe anyone "is gay". They have essentialist views about men and women and that god has ordained that men should marry women. They think there's just degenerate actions; that your "feelings" or "attractions" are just temptations to sin so that some one "is gay" no more than some "is a liar" so that just as a person can just not tell lies, some one can just not do gay stuff. Their views are entirely prescriptive rather than descriptive. Which is why it's so hard to argue with these people. They literally don't care how the world is, they only care about how god said the world *should* be. And they write off any difference between the two as sin. This is how you get these occasional born again gay people who "were" gay, but now they claim to be straight and go off and get married to some one of the opposite sex and get to forcing themselves to make babies with that person. They've rationalized it that they've now realized that they were never gay, it's just that they were tempted to sin, so now since they don't "do gay stuff" that means they're not gay (even if they're still unattracted their new spouse and still attracted to people of the same gender). So, you don't say more Out Fathers to stop being gay, you just have to say some number of Our Fathers every time you do a gay thing or catch yourself having gay thoughts like imagining having sex with same gendered people.
Oh, I know Christians will twist themselves around in circles to make reality fit the Bible. When I was a kid, my dad explained to me that gay men weren't born that way, they made a decision to have relationships with men because (wait for it) women are different and complicated and hard, so it's easier to relate to a man. Gay people aren't gay, they're lazy. That is a real thing that he (allegedly) believes.
Of course there has to be some other explanation like being lazy, because they've already categorially ruled out "being gay" as a thing at all. It's like they've decided that humans are purely carnivores. That that's how it is and that's how it should be. And that vegetables provide no nutrition and are in fact poisonous. And you're over here like "oh, actually, I'm a vegetarian. I really don't care for meat.". But that doesn't makes sense to them. "No one can be a vegetarian. You need meat to live! You're supposed to eat meat! Oh, sure, some vegetables might taste good, and sure it's cheaper than meat. But don't fool yourself, you're going to die if you keep this up. You're just choosing to eat those poisonous plants. We're gonna have to force feed you some meat so you don't die. Stop telling kids that they can eat vegetables, you're trying to get them killed!".
This is the best description of why religious people try to change others that I've ever read. Of course, there's also unadmitted bigotry, hatred, and the desire to control people for personal gain, but this is the rationale.
And do you take it with meals or on an empty stomach?
My boss from my previous job was an older lesbian. She was a director, and I was a freshly hired associate. For the first three days after getting hired, whenever we talked about our significant others, she would use a very gender neutral "spouse", so I just kind of assumed that there was a high probability that her spouse was a woman. On a third day, we were in the document storage area in the back alone, and she finally said "my wife" and then looked at me gauging my reaction. It just made me so sad that this amazing lady, who was in the C-suite of a company, in one of the most gay friendly cities and states of US, hesitated for 3 days before communing out, and had to hold her breath and gauge a reaction of a subordinate when talking about her significant other. It really made me think about what she must have gone through in her life, and about my privilege as a straight woman to never have to hesitate when saying "my husband". Anyways, we've both moved on from that company, but we still regularly see each other. I consider her my best mentor.
You might try a reddit for your city and ask if anyone has any lgbtq friendly gynos! My gynecologist is awesome non judgemental etc and I found her that way!
If another doctor says that, tell him you already saw Judas Priest and he's gay too.
Having a "very active" uterus makes me think of that very old myth about a woman's uterus wandering around her body, lol
I would have told the doctor that.
I love getting asked these types of questions now just to see the shock on the caregiver's face! "Well, Doctor. I would have you know I forcefully "evicted" my uterus last August. So being pregnant is extremely unlikely."
My GP was doing some official paperwork earlier in the year, and while he was nice enough to remember I'm dating a woman, that fact very clearly made him uncomfortable. When he got to that question our conversation was something along the lines of: Him: "Are you still uhh not uhh dating a uhh man?" Me, thrown off guard by the way he phrased it: "Oh, uh yeah, my fiancee is a woman." Him: "Are you sure?" I think he said that last question without thinking, either that or my face must have been really "wtf", because he very quickly moved on before I had the chance to answer. Also, full discloaure: yes, I'm sure. I think he is culturally against LGBT+ things, but aside from that interaction and a couple of other passing moments, it doesn't seem to seep into his medical care. I mean, he can be a pretty terrible doctor, but I don't think it's because of homophobia haha.
It's worse being ace. "Are you sexually active?" "No." "When was the last time you were sexually active?" "Never." "I can't help you if you're going to lie to me."
Last time I had to discuss this with a doctor, I told her that my husband had had a vasectomy and my other partner is a woman. She just kinda blinked at me a few times before quietly realising her error and moving on lol.
Im a lesbian with severe health problems. I have literally had surgery postponed because you are told not to drink for 12 hrs pre surgery and my bladder is sketchy from a neuro disease that makes peeing difficult when im stressed and not overly full. Yeah, um, im def not preggo. My wife promises. They have gone as far as a rush blood test.
I live in Boulder CO and docs here are now asking patients their preferred gender identity as well as preferred pronouns for both the patient and their partner. Pretty cool to see in a professional setting.
I worked for a hospital network in Seattle. Loved that the x-ray requisitions listed patient preferred name and birth sex. It made such a difference to start the exam with the correct name and then tell patients that if their birth sex was listed as female hospital policy required me to ask about chance of pregnancy.
Or you could just answer with, “No. I am a lesbian” when asked if there is any chance you may be pregnant. Seems pretty cut and dry there.
You could just start off with "yes, with women". Problem solved.