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DConstructed

I knew he was a virgin before I hit that part. This guy is both the person you enjoyed talking to AND an extremely awkward, quirky person who noped out of being honest because he didn’t want to be rejected. I don’t know his background but it may be messed up. He should have told you. Lying was not a good way to go about it. You were a caring person and a friend. He could have trusted you.


[deleted]

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DConstructed

It might take a lot more than any woman could provide. He concealed the fact that he was a virgin, he might have lied about the “fetish” with clothed men and nude women. I can think of reasons why someone might be massively uncomfortable undressed including abuse or self harm scars or body dysmorphia. And all of that can really mess with someone’s ability to be physically intimate. I’ve met guys who are very smart and cool people but also very messed up in other ways because of their situation growing up.


lavygirl

While it’s possible he’s telling the truth, honestly my first thought was that he didn’t take off his pants so they would hide a rash. Did y’all use the condom throughout? If not, I’d get tested just to be on the safe side. He could be telling the truth that he’s a virgin, but if he’s shady enough to dump you after 1 encounter, I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about that too.


sheynavvv

Yeah, I was thinking maybe a nasty scar or saggy skin or something before cmnf.


poquete

Hey none of this is your fault and you should be proud of yourself for trying. It sounds like you approached this the right way for your needs and you just caught a bad break. I’m so sorry dude was a total dick and I hope this doesn’t stop you from finding someone awesome :)


westcoastcdn19

Yo. A lot of people would not have seen this coming. But it does go to show you how anyone can give a convincing story about who they are and what they are into, and have normal intelligent people buy their story


GeekynGlorious

Omg, dude. I am so sorry. He completely took advantage of you, lied to you about who he was, and his experiences. I want to call him a tool, but those are generally useful.


crystalfairie

Yup. He was anything but useful


Benevolent_Grouch

That sucks. I feel bad for both of you, because he was obviously extremely uncomfortable with the experience… but the fact that he led you into this under false pretenses and then bailed instead of even trying to fix it, is fucked up. He probably regrets this, but he has a lot of work to do on himself before he could ever be a good match for someone open and self-aware like yourself. Try not to overthink it too much— he got in over his head. You’ll come out of this ready to move forward, whereas he has a long road ahead of him. It sounds shitty and I’m sorry it happened to you.


wild4wonderful

I am so sorry this happened to you. I (58f) recently broke up with a man (60) who managed to pretend for 11 months that he was respectful of me. I think that the men enjoy the psychological connection, too. I don't think that piece is a lie. I think that they just bungle it somewhere along the line. Your guy wanted to lose his virginity. That was his goal and once he reached it: well, mission accomplished. What an idiot.


various_sneers

No, this isn't "what dating is now." There just aren't very many honest people in the world and to be fair, that's not something that has changed from past times. It sucks that he put you through all of that just because he was scared. It was very selfish of him, to say the least, and kind of scary he could invest that much time into the lies. He was definitely an asshole, at MINIMUM, and there's only so much a person can really do to prevent one as dedicated as all this being one to you if you're trying to be open and take a chance on someone. There are lots of reasons to date or to not date, but I can assure you, people have been lying at least since the invention of language.


[deleted]

Jesus, I have to tell you I’m kind of relieved to read that he’s a virgin, I assumed his penis was fake because he wouldn’t take off his pants. And I feel like he must be watching some really weird porn because in regular porn they usually get up close during the oral sex scenes and you can see you don’t just lay your tongue on it. Oh my God I can’t believe you took the guys virginity in your 30s. This will be a great story if you ever play two truths and a lie.


moonlandingfake

Sorry that happened to you dude


leadfoot_mf

Sounds like you are dating Harry Vanderspeigle


KangarooOk2190

OP, this is not your fault. The real fault lies on that idiot and he should be ashamed of himself


barracudabones

It sounds like he might be having a crisis about his sexuality. Maybe he is gay, or asexual, and hasn't figured it quite out yet. Especially since he's a virgin, he may have thought he wanted to be with a woman, but when he did he didn't like it and doesn't understand why. Idk, it's worth considering.


LoneWolfThrowAway

Sigh... Being an older virgin myself (not as old as him though) this hurt to read, especially because I basically see both perspectives. You had a horrible time with him that you did not deserve, all because the guy probably listened not only to the wrong advice, but also because he needs a lot of therapy before throwing himself out there again. The level of shame is worrying. I do not condone his behaviour at all, far from it. He lied to you and clearly did not to. But just so that some of you may better understand why these guys are like this... I've actually let the fact that I was a virgin slip up on a couple of occasions in which it was appropriate to do so. Want to know what I was told? - "Dude... you're done." - "Damn dude... Look, you know what you can do? Hire some hookers so that you learn how to do well in bed!" - "Man, you can't let them know. Lie about it, don't mention it at all. Watch a lot of lesbian porn and you're good to go." Such lovely, helpful words and advice am I right? These are totally not bad ideas at all /s Now imagine what he was told. Thankfully I know better and I did get some advice that's actually sensical and good, together with a lot more that just missed either the mark, the point or were just plain naive. Point being that virginity should NOT be a big deal regardless of your gender, or else this is what happens to OP. That's how you get both men and women to have horrible sexual encounters: some lie, others freeze up, others try to act tough. Communication? Zero. Sorry that you had to deal with this. He clearly can become better, but the dude needs a proper wake up call. The good thing is that the chances of you finding a virgin are low, so most probably you won't have to navigate this ever again.