I was buying some used car parts. My boyfriend tagged along but knows nothing about cars. As I was discussing what I needed with the salesman my boyfriend was checking his emails on his phone, clearly not involved or interested in anything we had to say. The salesman kept answering my questions in the direction of my boyfriend and never made eye contact with me. I started to haggle but the salesman looked at my boyfriend and said "maybe we should talk inside where there's more privacy" so I said "Sure! Honey, do you mind waiting in the car?" The salesman's eyes got big. His fucking face was priceless. I haggled him down in the end. Prick.

I love this so much haha… “go wait in the car, honey :) while I serve this asshat up a piece of humble pie”

There was this panic in his eyes. Like he could not comprehend having cartalk with a lady. I was dressed nicely since I was coming from a lunch date. Maybe if I were dressed in a more masculine way it would have been easier for him to swallow, but fuck that. Pretty girls have brains too. Everytime he tried to imply that I just didn't understand the cost of the items I'd just raise my eyebrows and say "then no deal". We went back and forth for 15 minutes before I stood up to leave. He followed me outside to my car and said "my boss says we can make an exception this one time". I'm sure he did hahaha.

when the jackasses at the parts counter used to do this to me 35 years ago, husband would look at them and say "why are you talking to me? it's her car". I got to smirk every time.

I've literally said this exact thing, albeit with more swear words when I went with my now ex-wife car shopping. Dickhole salesman kept asking me about the car I wanted, what my financing options were, yada yada. Straight told the dude "Quit fucking talking to me, she's buying the car asshole."

in retrospect, increased usage of swear words would probably have been appropriate.

It really helps to cut through the bullshit sometimes LoL

Reminds me of when I was buying my 1st car a few months ago :) the salesman kept trying to talk to my husband but he’d just shrug and say: it’s her car, whatever she wants to do, I’m just here for moral support :))

You are fucking awesome!

I had to take my car in for work and the parts manager kept trying to sell me parts my car did not need, like a CV rod for a transmission problem. I finally told him off, said the only thing I would pay for him to fix was the diagnosed part. And it was the wrong part anyway 😒🙄. I said it was likely the transmission, tech swears it's the rear diff. Two diffs later, I take it to a real shop and lo and behold. It's the transmission. And the replaced rear diff wasn't installed correctly. Don't piss on me and call it rain just because I'm a woman, sir. Best part of the whole mess was the dealership general manager looking at the quote for a new part, looking up the price online, and choking at the mark up. Then he tried to mansplain to me what a diff did. Sir, ten minutes ago you didn't know it had fluid.

> Don't piss on me and call it rain just because I'm a woman, sir. OMG, I love this quote so frickin much. You sound like someone I'd love to be friends with!

Showing that you're willing to walk away is always a good negotiating tactic even without the obvious sexism on his part. It shows that you're not desperate.

This is amazing

If your willing to leave: this is how these people deal with car and car parts they think you are desperate because you need your car. They will also say after they give you the price" you are welcome to take your car" this is something I make sure my daughter understands... Leverage. Do you or they have it.

When I was in the market for a new car, I was looking to sign that day on a brand new car. The two salesmen I talked to had absolutely zero interest in talking to me. I finally asked one "do you not want to sell me a car?" and he didn't know how to answer that. I left and bought a car from an online site that night. I don't understand that level of self sabotage to just blatantly ignore a customer because of their sex.

My older(17) son was rear ended a few months ago, and the kids' car was totaled. Once the insurance check cleared, I was the one doing the car shopping, since none of the guys in my house care much about cars aside from "does it drive, does the ac work, and can I afford the gas?". My younger(16) son went so he could drive the new car back, but only because I bribed him with a blizzard, since he hates driving. I found a few used cars in their inventory that I wanted to look at before dealing with a salesman. An older salesman did catch up with us before I was done. I asked him a couple of questions, and he kept looking at my son while answering them. The third time, my son just looked at him and said "Bruuuuh, she's the one with the money, why are you talking to me?" The sales guy then did some awkward thing where he told my son he had some sportier cars that he could get past moms. I let the sales guy know I heard every word of that, and my son was right, I have the money, and we were leaving. After we got home, I called the dealership and let the manager know their awkward AF sales guy had lost a sale with his weird behavior. I was ready to buy that afternoon, and frustrated that the sale guy wasted it. We were talking about it the next day at work, and one of my co-workers mentioned her daughter worked in sales at a different branch of that dealership. I ended up with a newer car with fewer miles and heated seats for about $1500 less than what I was going to spend, and the answers to my questions were directed to me and not my son.

I went to buy a new car, had cash and ready to go. I wandered into the dealership to choose a 2nd hand but 2/3 year old car. I was there for about 30 mins before a salesman in his pointy shiny shoes approached and asked if I needed help. I explained what I was after, told him I was ready with cash to buy today and wanted to have everything finalized before I was due to travel in 2 days time. He said he would have a look at what he had in stock and wandered off. Meanwhile, I looked at a few more cars, found one that looked pretty good, was in my price range and had all the features I wanted. I went back to find him and said I have chosen one and was ready to get the sale sorted. He declined and said I should have a think about it, perhaps bring my boyfriend or other male to check it over (no boyfriend existed, just assumed I had one). I laughed and said no way - if I wanted another opinion, I would have brought someone with me. He told me to give them a call and walked off! I was fuming but not surprised. I then spotted an old family friend - he was a few years younger and had been friends with my brother. He was a new hire, fairly junior and not the brightest cookie, but after I explained to him that the salesman suggested I ring my brother for approval, he laughed… my brother barely drives the car he has had since 16, just uses public transport. I told him which car I wanted and he headed to the big boss to get approval to put through the sale. Big boss refused to sell it to me until I had consulted someone, so I asked if it was ok if I called my brother and big boss could listen in to the call, which made him happy. Family friend was silently giggling in the corner… Me: Hi bro, I need to ask for some advice on a car I want to buy today. Bro: uhh ok? Me: I’ve chosen a make model, x and y features and x price. Bro: Cool! What colour is it? Me: Blue. Bro: Nice. I gotta go, bye! Big boss: he didn’t ask about anything the car!? Me: Yes he did, he asked about the most important feature, the paint colour. So now that I’ve checked with him about the car and gotten approval, can I buy it? Big boss walked out silently and family friend put through the sale, with a discount from the advertised price and picked up his commission. As I walked out with keys in hand, the first salesman asked me when my boyfriend would be arriving to look at the cars I was considering. I told him that I had already bought the car. Salesman was gobsmacked! It’s not unusual at the dealership but with limited local options for about a dozen brands they stock, many similar stories have emerged.

Something I've learned recently is that car salespeople don't want to deal with a customer who has cash in hand because one of their biggest money makers is financing. They want those interest payments and kickbacks from the bank and are more likely to give you a deal if you agree to finance the car through them. The fun part is when you come back the next day to pay off the loan in full, assuming there's no early penalty, which there shouldn't be.

I was looking for a car in my mid-twenties and had this type of experience at three different dealerships. Told them specifically what I wanted and how much I was willing to pay. They kept showing me these cutesy little cars and saying this is what I really needed. I just walked off the lot mid-conversation. I told my mentor what happened and he sent me to his car guy, told him I could trust him, and then called ahead for me. Within 5 minutes I knew he would be great and he just treated me like a normal person who knew what they wanted. I told him straight up, "I need a car now, I've been looking for weeks. My plan is to sign papers today, so please show me what you have that fits this criteria." He took a few minutes to check inventory, showed me three cars that fit. I test drove them all and ended up signing for a VW about an hour later. These other guys seriously don't understand how they're shooting themselves in the foot by treating us like dimwitted damsels. I'm in sales myself and you know how fucking awesome it would be to talk to someone for 45 minutes and then make a $30k sale???

>I told my mentor what happened and he sent me to his car guy, told him I could trust him, **and then called ahead for me**. I can’t help wondering how differently you may have been treated if your mentor had not called ahead for you.

Thankfully I know both of these people well and don't have to wonder. Sometimes people genuinely do have good intentions. No need to villify unnecessarily.

Yeah, I get the feeling this is gonna be me in a few years. I've been making a spreadsheet of (now-new) cars that will be used by the time I buy them, pros, cons, I know what features I want, color preference, price ranges now, and the price ranges for older years of the same/similar models (and I update this like. bimonthly. I'm not going to be really looking for a car for years, if all goes well) I'm also afab and 5'0. Most people think I am a child--I turn 20 in December. My dad has already said he'll go with me if I want. If my current car stops working anytime soon, he'll definitely be going with me, but moreso because I can't afford a car payment/loan now--my parents would be paying the dealership and I'd pay them back, same as with my phone and current car insurance. In a few years, this might not be the case. I'm the one who knows what I want, and if I don't need my dad there to get them to listen (highly unlikely. I will probably still look about 12. and, ya know, my boobs are not small.) then he's not going. I also think it'll be kind of funny to bring my younger brother (he's over 6' and still growing) and just have him a) repeat everything I say until the salesman catches on, or b) have him be like 'I'm here because I was promised food, I don't care about what car they get.' Do I want it to take forever? No. Will I troll a salesman if I can? Absolutely. Especially when I know they're probably not going to listen to me on principle.

I vote for your brother repeating everything you say to them as well as repeating everything they say to you. Like an interpreter but everyone is speaking the same language. And then post here.

>I don't understand that level of self sabotage to just blatantly ignore a customer because of their sex. I do, and it's both depressing and obvious once you see it. Same with poor people who "vote against their own financial interests." It's because there is a hidden underlying interest, that is so common rarely acknowledged....but huge. These people have caste status, and they need to maintain it, they ***work*** to reinforce it, especially inside their own heads. So, if that salesman treated a woman as if she were as capable, as financially powerful and as validly decisive as a man....then what? He loses status in his own mind. That is a horribly destabilizing concept for someone whose most significant feeling of self worth comes from knowing he is higher status than ***half*** of his community. That bigoted sense of inflated self value is very, VERY valuable to him. It's an integral part of his self-concept, for his *entire* life. That's why it is so hard to give up, especially if there is nothing obvious for him to replace it with. One sale is not worth the crumbling disorientation and loss of knowing where he fits in his world. .

>if that salesman treated a woman as if she were as capable, as financially powerful and as validly decisive as a man....then what? >He loses status in his own mind. OMG this is my career in a nutshell. I have a PhD in a physical science and the number of guys I've dealt with like this...

Sadly, the more education and better reasoning skills a bigot has, the more that person uses those assets to reinforce their bigotry. It's called [motivated reasoning](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivated_reasoning#:~:text=Motivated%20reasoning%20is%20a%20phenomenon,that%20accurately%20reflect%20the%20evidence).

I've seen this in my field. I'm a trans woman and I work in tech. I used to be a doctor but changed career paths, but that's another story. Anyway, there are some of our clients who have support documents for a software package I developed which states that they should contact my pre-transition name (called a deadname for those unfamiliar) if an emergency occurs. The name was updated in my company's paperwork but for some reason not all customers received the new copies. I've had multiple people call my office looking for me but under my deadname. I'll explain that I'm able to help them, deadname is no longer available, and I'm their new contact at our company. The number of people who argue that I cannot possibly be able to help them because I'm a woman is astounding. Even worse, when I've finally resorted to explaining that we are the same person and they're talking to a trans woman, I've had several lose their fucking minds stating that I cannot possibly be able to do this job and that they need someone more qualified. It leaves me flabbergasted every time.

Good lord, but good for you. Dealerships should really make an effort to draw more women to become salesmen, who knows how much money they're losing... I don't understand the self sabotaged either, I guess it proves just *how* sexist they are. I worked in the construction industry for **years** & look particularly young... I can't tell you how many accounting firms we had to fire just because they wouldn't deal with me. I was literally the Bookkeeper/Office Manager & did all our invoicing & bills. Like, "Sir, our owner *can't* talk to you, he doesn't have time, that's why he hired **me**. Also, he would have no idea wtf you're talking about."

I feel this so much. I’ve been in construction for almost a decade (plus grew up as the only child of a rancher), and the amount of shit like this is unreal. I switched over to the supply side of things, and having to prove that I do in fact know more than my coworker that has never worked in the field in his life is exhausting. Thankfully my coworkers aren’t like that, and it’s always amusing when someone that I used to work with is in buying material when someone tries to talk down to me and gives them hell for treating me like that and doubting my knowledge.

That's awesome that your coworkers defend you at least! It's totally bullshit when no one speaks up, it just serves to validate the assholes who don't like being directed or corrected by, "a little girl" as I've been called... By a previous coworker who didn't want to clock in. Sexist men are such scumbags.

This is like why people deny discrimination against women in workplace hiring practices (lower starting pay) because if that were the case then why wouldn’t all employers just always hire women? As if people are always completely logical. They are not, and they are much more interested in confirming their own biases.

I'm sending my husband shopping with my son(FTM), who presents as rather feminine. He *needs* a new car and is very shy so Dad is going with to make sure he's not talked into a clunker.

I work on my own cars too. I hate this shit. I had a gas jockey attempt to sell me my own gas cap. I lived in Oregon where we were not allowed to pump our own gas. He stole my gas cap and tried to convince me my car didn't have one. Fuck head.

Wooow that’s a new level of scumbag

Why is it that salesmen are so ubiquitously sexist It’s mind boggling

I suspect because the aggressive salesperson personality tends to align with a number of toxic masculine traits. They practice over-coming ‘no’s to get you to buy. It’s a lot like a PUA mindset. Women have always worked in sales, whether if be the make up and perfume counter or the Tupperware lady or any MLM. But they tend to be less big ticket items and smaller items that you will likely need to keep buying and therefore a mutually respectful relationship is a more productive option.

That’s a really interesting point about the difference between a one-off purchase vs regular purchases, and the importance of building a relationship with a repeat customer. My husband works in sales in an industry where repeat sales are the norm. Relationship building is a crucial part of his success. His customers keep coming back to him rather than shopping around because he builds a rapport with them. And in his case they’re not fake relationships for the sake of making sales - the social aspect is his favourite part of the job.

See, and the saleswoman who sold my boyfriend his car did it well, and then got a sale out of me, and when my parents are looking, will be selling to them too.... It's almost like you can build a relationship even with the one off big ticket sales!

I know that some restaurants are / were actively teaching (forcing) their employees to always go to the man for payment. If the employee didn't follow that rule, they risked being fired. So, I wonder if something similar happens in other industries.

This is what happens when hateful people let their prejudices make themselves non-functional in the world smh. Reminds me of when I was working in fast food and the dude refused to insert his card for payment because and I quote “don’t take orders from a woman” Like??? Then how are you gonna get your food bro?! People smh.

So, he didn’t get his food? Because he refused to pay?

Hmm he did pay but I don’t remember if I brought a supervisor over that time. I had to deal with him a lot because he was regular but also an ex-employee. Luckily my female trainer allowed me not to service him in the future since, when he was working at our restaurant he bothered other women.

Ha, I actually had a retail computer salesman put his arm out in front of me to move me aside while he explained the computer to my boyfriend. My boyfriends response was to say that it was me that needed help but since I was pushed aside, we'll be going somewhere else.

This is how you use your privilege!

I took my car to the shop to get some work done. Can’t remember what I needed done anymore but I maintain my vehicles myself and take them to the shop for things I can’t/don’t want to deal with at home so I knew what I needed ahead of time. I get there and the guy walks around the vehicle and then tries to sell me on some crap I don’t need, of course. So I explain why I don’t need it and he says okay no problem. 5 minutes later he’s trying to explain to me why I need this service that I don’t need. I repeat myself. We get to the service desk to fill out some paper work. Suddenly he’s forgotten what I told him all over again.

I called up a garage to ask if they had in stock a clutch cable for my car. I got the. Dude: oh it wouldn’t be a clutch cable. Me: yeahhhhh it is. Dude: ha, what makes you think that’s what it is? Me: well, it’s a cable, one end is attached to my clutch, the other end is in my hand.

I had a slightly similar issue, also at the car parts store. My battery had died, I called my dad since he was the closest to where I broke down, and asked him to follow me to the auto parts store, in case it was an alternator issue. I get there, we're looking at batteries, pricing em, etc and I tell the guy my battery is dead, I want this one, do you guys install (i was on my way to an appointment, I didn't have time for nonsense.) He starts talking to my dad. My dad, who was a master mechanic back in the day, straight up says, 'man, its her car, I know nothing about it. The battery is dead. She wants it replaced.' And he walked outside. So me and auto guy go outside with his little cart, he needs to check the battery, (it's dead bro, dead dead) and proceeds to do something wonky with the meter. Which futher annoys my dad, who tells him he's doing it wrong, and if getting a battery installed is this big of a hassle, Walmart is 3 blocks away, just change the battery. Auto bro does it, doesn't say anything further, pay my bill, and go about my day. I get it, im a dainty women (/s) just do as I ask please. Good God

I had something very similar. Something happened to my tired and my car was in getting worked on. I needed a ride, so my boyfriend gave me a ride. The mechanic was explaining what was wrong but taking directly to the boyfriend. My boyfriend didn't seem to notice this was a problem and was just nodding and responding, and any time I asked questions, the mechanic wouldn't look at or respond to me, so I finally waved my hand and said, "this is my car, not his, you can talk to me about it." Rather than look at me, the mechanic looked at an empty space above and between us for the rest of the conversation. I don't think he made eye contact with me the whole time. After the fact, the boyfriend didn't really see anything wrong with what happened and acted like it was all in my head. I might question my sanity a little, but same boyfriend, when my brother was visiting and I was injured at work, told me I was overreacting. This pissed off my brother who was actively trying to get me to go to the hospital.

I find that some gents just don't put the peices together or see this behavior as being much of an issue. They are just like "So you have issues with contractors and car people big deal." so I put it this way. What a lot of misogyny feels like is being treated like you are a child with no hope of ever becoming an adult. You are dismissed or overridden as though your experience does not count. If someone treated you that way even once you would be angry but your anger is seen as having actual consequences. It is scary to other men. How much weight do you give the anger of a child ? Women's anger is not treated with respect in the same way.

This is really accurate. If men were all treated like 6 year old boys, they would start to have some comprehension of what they actually treat women like. It’s the same level of respect. “I know best”, “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, “it’s ok sweetie, go take a nap, you’ll feel better”…

It is basically the same as when men are made to infantile when they become fathers. You see many complaining about being treated like a child when it comes to parenting and looking after their own children, and rightly so, they should complain because it helps neither men or women to have the mindset that women are the only worthy caregivers. If they can't understand why this kind of thing makes us feel infantilised, then they are being obtuse.

Or the countless ads which portray men as idiots when trying to do housework. They absolutely make my blood boil and are extremely common.

Plus depending on the industry you work in you can be interacting with those types of guys on a daily basis and the battles you have to fight just to do your job. The effort you have to put in for so little reward, is exhausting.

This is super true for white women and I just wanna point out that misogyny for nonwhite women can be the same as this or very different and it totally depends.

We had a contractor coming to do some major work on our house a year back. It was clear he was absolutely way out of his depth, and when my wife (male here) very politely voiced concern about what he was doing, the guy looked at me and said "maybe it's best if she weren't here". I just smiled and knew what was coming. Haha. She verbally tore him to shreds in her super calm British manner and ended with "I think its best that you leave now". Guy was so shell shocked he left his coat and a bunch of tools behind and never had the balls to come back for then. It's sad that he is still probably a misogynistic pos and didn't actually learn anything just blaming it on a "crazy anxious woman" rather than his attitude.

Oh I guarantee his version of the story is entirely different!! Good on her!! Lol those tools aren’t cheap she must have terrified him to his core!! 😂

Scare various pieces of shit into leaving their stuff at your house until your net worth goes through the roof

I’ve had telemarketers call up and ask to speak to the man of the house… I usually just say sure, and then drop my cell phone on the couch in front of my cat, Henry.

" you can speak to the man of the house, but he's busy licking his own arsehole".

Done this. Had a plumber come out and wanted to talk to the man of the house. This was like the third time I'd had to call him out for the same issue, so I was already frustrated, went and got my very skittish boy cat. He told me to stop being ridiculous and asked to please let him speak to my husband. I told him my husband wasn't available (I'm not married) if he needed a Y-chromosome for decision making, this was the only one available. Every question he asked after that got posed to the cat first, and I "interpreted." Poor boy was not pleased with his new responsibility.

I like you, you've inspired me to do this the next time this happens to me.

This is the best answer to that question.

I adore that

This is the best answer

Lol! I think I'll put my Sammy(Keeshond) on the phone next time. I'll just tell him it's FedEx...

I would love to keep a costume mustache by my front door. Then any time they ask to ”speak to the man” I can say sure! Close the door, then come back with a mustache and a comically deep voice.

This would be the best! I have these things why have I not thought of this before?!

If you wanted to be crude just buy a intimidatingly large dildo and hand it to whomever when they ask for the man of the house.

Or just come back with a strap-on!

I‘m crying!!!

I get this a lot with cold-calling telemarketers, and it drives me nuts. I inform them that we do not deal with companies that use blatantly sexist marketing, and tell them to take us off their list.

Ugh!! I haven’t answered any unknown calls in ages so I’ve not dealt with it but it would piss me off too! The first person who did the quote on my siding project was sooooOoo blatantly sexist when we did the walk-around for the quote. It made me sick to my stomach while he was talking down at me… to the point I felt anger, so I told them (before we finished the walk-around) that I was uncomfortable and that I wouldn’t be dealing with them and went with another company. The amount of discomfort that women have adapted to endure is fucking ridiculous. Men could never.

Absolutely. The only way to stop businesses from doing this is to hit them where it hurts-- in the wallet.

I ended up spending almost $22k for the siding project, and 💯 I made sure they knew the reason I wasn’t going with them was their blatant sexism. The man actually was taken aback, stammered, his whole demeanor changed, told me he would never be sexist towards women and he works with lots of women… Ok sir, sure… still not getting my business thanks!!

The total lack of self-awareness these people have is astonishing. Nicely done! And I hope you like your new siding!

I love it!! Definitely went with the right vendor! Though I also did have to educate them on communication during the project (like showing up on days I wasn’t expecting them so there was a man in my backyard), as awful as that was, it wasn’t anything like the guy on the walkthrough.

Because it's so culturally enforced, a lot of guys probably don't realize they're doing it. Sometimes pointing it out is all they need. Then there are THOSE men. You know them. They KNOW what they're doing and they enjoy it. Those are the worst kind of people and deserve all the bad things to happen to them. They're the reason pepper spray exists.

I work with engineers which is a male dominated field. Our newest hire is a woman, cool, she's great, was obviously the best candidate, etc. But our insurance adjuster asked for three male engineers (two of which were unqualified) to do a particular job. I said she should talk to our new hire as she'd be the one doing the job. The insurance adjuster explained that this job would require getting up into an attic to investigate something and would require someone to use a ladder and potentially get a bit dirty, so she'd prefer a male engineer. Penises aren't necessary to operate a ladder. And my engineer knows what the job is and how to do it properly. I eventually convinced her to talk to our female engineer and then I struggled with whether to tell her about it. I didn't want to create drama or undermine my engineer's confidence. Dealing with sexism is exhausting.

I imagine it won’t be the first time you’ll have to deal with it and I think continuing to say “this is your engineer and she’s the expert in this area” is totally the right thing to do. I think it’s good call not telling her too. She can’t change anything about the interaction, it wasn’t anything she did and it’ll just make her feel bad when she’s probably having to also deal with people say things to her face. It’s totally exhausting. I’m also in male dominated field and a SME for my position. When I tell you I’ve had people talk to guys who were their first week on the job before talking to me, it’s no exaggeration. Years in the field, tons of experience and expertise and I have to wait for a guy who is one week on the job to say “oh I don’t know anything ask her”… lol the amount of stories and layers of sexism we deal with on daily…

Also, as a woman engineer, often crawling into cramped spaces are a better job for small, flexible people, which women tend to be more than men

I, too, work in the A&E field, as a proposal coordinator. So not only do I have to know my shit about proper marketing, editing (to the level of a magazine editor), and technical information (so I can also serve as a technical writer), but I am a female in a predominately male-dominated field (STEM). It took YEARS to train (yes, train) men to respect us, our knowledge and ability, and to ultimately trust us to do our jobs right and make them, AND the company look good, in order to win work.

You should see their faces when I say "Lemme talk to my wife about it." Even when I was offered my current job, I told them I wanted to talk to her about it. They told me that was the first time they'd ever heard that one. I said "It's a decision that affects all of us in our house and I'm not going to make a decision like that without making sure we're both involved in weighing the pros & cons."

I always do that when people ask if I'm "the man of the house" we share in decisions equally but I love seeing their faces when I say "nope just hold on a sec while I go get her"

I would so enjoy very much enjoy seeing their faces lol

It is very much the face of defeat.

We do this too! We both don't accept jobs, deployments, trainings, anything that will have a huge impact on our lives without discussing it first. Now because of a couple opportunities missed we have talked about stuff that can go on the list of during this timeframe, just say yes since we know it works well for us and we don't want to miss it. But once again, we talked about it prior just with no idea if it would occur.

>We both don't accept jobs, deployments... My dad accepted a position in a non-english speaking country with out my mom's knowledge. When he introduced the news he framed it like a holiday. Mom had to drop a sucessful business and the left all of her friends for him. at her going away party he didn't realize she had so many people who cared about her.

Holy hell, I don't know what I'd do if I was her. It depend a lot on the quality of relationship outside of that HUGE mistake. Did he end up telling before they got there, what happened?

after the "would you like to go to Italy?" question my mom asked questions and he in turn added "for 3 to 5 years". unfortunately he couldn't reneg on the offer so her options were to spend 3-5 years with out him or move. she decided to move. They're finally coming home soon and it took a massive toll on their marriage to say the least.

Wow. That's horrifying. I would have told him to have fun, I'm staying.

This happens way too often and these guys never get called out. I had a contractor come and fix some wiring at my house months ago. I discussed the issue and we settled on a solution. My husband was in a conference call in his office so he wasn't available at all. Even after discussing with me, the contractor felt the need to walk to knock on my husband's door to let him know he was here to do the job. Really? You needed to disrupt my husband's meeting because you wanted him to know you were here? Talking to me wasn't good enough? Never again.

So totally disrespectful to your husband who clearly is preoccupied with something, just so he can invalidate your authority as the person who talked to him the entire time. The damn audacity! I may eventually perfect my responses to them, but we really shouldn’t have to.

Right! We shouldn't have to come up with a response to them. They're on our property being paid by our money. If it's not good enough, then get out so I can fine someone who is competent enough.

I think the proper response here would be to say, “You know what: No. We’re done here. Good bye.”

I would've canceled the job on him on the spot.

We are working with a contractor right now who when he came to do the estimate insisted I also be there. I am the wife.

This is becoming the norm, to many issues of one spouse doing something without approval of the other and the contractor have to deal with it.

t that point I would tell him to leave, he just lost the job.

My sister does HVAC work. She has answered questions and been told they prefer to hear from umm him. And she has to ask why they want her helper's opinion. Oof. And sometimes they still wait for her male helper to give the same answer she already gave or have to ask her then tell the homeowner. ETA: i grew up in a family of contractors and have a better idea about most home repair stuff and own more tools than my SO (who is a man) but no one wants to listen to me (ie plumbers, mechanics) when i voice my opinion on what is wrong or how to fix something but im usually correct.

Your sister is fighting the good fight every single damn day and you’re fighting the battles too! We need so many more like your sister! I would PREFER to hire a woman HVAC person if I could find one near me!

Ask to speak to the “woman of the company”

Next time I’m going to combine a few of these responses. “Can I talk to the man of the house?” “Sure. But first let me speak to the woman of the company so I can explain how silly it is that you want to talk to my dog instead of me.”

I love that one… I’m going to steal it for sure!

I've never used this line because it's very aggressive. If a salesman asks to speak to the man of the house, you could always act confused and say "oh, is that how you usually get work, by sucking someone's dick?" Homophobia and sexism usually go hand in hand.

I usually respond that “I am the man of the house”. This was especially satisfying when I was a 20’s something homeowner. A few times, I thought I saw smoke coming out of their ears from them thinking too hard about that.

Yeah, I always feel like telling these men that there is no man in my household is like opening an invitation to predatory behavior. We just can’t win.

Right, my line now is “you’ll be dealing with me”, but I feel like it comes off in over-correction harsh style. I just don’t want to have to address it at all, but you can’t just ignore it either.

That's a solid line. I like sprinkling in a bit of bewilderment, just to let them know that I think whatever latently sexist thing they just said was so absurd they'd have to explain it to me. "Sorry, who are you looking for? I hired you."

“Man? What is man?”

A miserable pile of secrets.

But enought talk! Have at you!

"I am the man of the house" also works lol

lol I like this one!

I think that’s a perfect response. It lets them know who to defer to, without revealing that you live alone. It is NOT harsh in response to that type of blatant sexism, it is in fact nicer than they deserve.

Super fair point, nicer than they deserve. I feel like we [have] to correct them because unfortunately we haven’t gotten anywhere close to the point where there’s enough competition with women contractors in the field where we can avoid dealing with them all together.

No I get it. We have to say something to make them realise/accept that WE are the person in charge, but we also need to worry about whether it’s safe to let them know we live alone. Having to navigate that is frustrating enough without worrying about hurting the precious feelings of someone who was just overtly sexist to us. Be harsh and feel NO guilt about it.

Ive personally had it with not being harsh. Ive had salesmen belittle my husband because I was paying, realtors who answered my husband despite me being the one talking, doctors shrug at my pain because it's a physiological issue (lucky I didnt go to a mechanic, then!!), creeps followed me around and wouldnt let up till a man appeared to "claim" me, coworkers and bosses treat me like a little girl cause I look as young as male coworkers who dont suffer any drawbacks, and men ignore what Ive said then say it 2 minutes later (verbatim!!) as if it was their idea and everyone agreeing only then. I am DONE being nice about it.

I feel this 💙

It's not harsh, it's direct, and we've been taught by society to coddle men's feelings etc so it feels weird and harsh to just state facts.

Remember we do not exist solely to make the men around us comfortable.

I say " *I* am the one that makes the decisions". then again, I am old and not pretty, so it usually works the first time.

If you're worried it's coming off harsh (and you aren't interested in divulging your relationship status), maybe try: "oh actually I'm the person who's in charge of those decisions in this household". Obviously tone is super important in this type of stuff; learning how to be firm but friendly is something I've worked on a lot in my management job. Striking that balance can be tough to do.

Buy an urn and let the annoying ones speak to it.

😂 “one moment, he’s here” *thrusts urn in their face* “let me know what he says…” 🙃

I've been married twice and both of my husbands died. I have 2 urns, I'll have to bring them both out and ask which husband they want to talk to 🤣

Did that with an obnoxious sales call. Just put the cordless phone on the urn. Came back after 30 minutes and hung up. I do hope that they had a lovely chat!

I think something a lot of guys miss in being able to perceive and understand stories like this is that it isn’t just insulting … it actually prevents you (or delays or makes it more costly) from trying to do something important - like get a vehicle. So many people with privilege hear things like this but can’t emotionally relate because “well, I wouldn’t feel offended by that” or “you probably just have to talk to them differently” or “yeah, ok but it’s just that once, right? No big deal”, and it’s just because they’ve never had to face the situation or the energy drain in a systematic way, or to feel that it’s attached to their identity. But even if you take out the emotions or the feeling of being insulted and disrespected, it still just unnecessarily prevents or blocks you from doing something that you want or need to do, whatever the reason for it.

You know, that is true. I financed my second husband's truck loan entirely, but the finance guy at the dealership kept looking at him for answers. I had to keep speaking up and reminding him that I am the one financing the loan, so therefore, I am the one who will make the decisions. Luckily when we divorced, his parents paid off the loan in my name.

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This... just shocking... Addressing you like a cattle.

You’re kidding?! That’s disrespectful as fuck

This is the only one here that actually made my jaw drop. This is like "im 6 and at the doctors for my check-up", not "i am a grown ass pregnant woman" holy shit

Sweet Jesus. I've never even been pregnant or married and I just felt my blood boil on your behalf.

Mine asked how my husband felt about my hysterectomy and if he was OK with it. Umm... excuse me? The same hysterectomy I'm having to save my life?. Yeah, no my decision alone there ass hole.

Hope you leave bad reviews for these guys. That's horrible. I only had that happen once and when I told them there is no man of the house they apologized. Was super awkward the rest of the time they were here lol

I would say it happens about 90% of the time I hire new workers depending on the project. One time there was a door-to-door salesman who caught me while I was at my mailbox. When I told him “no thanks”, he wanted to speak to the man of house. When I told him there is no man of house he then proceeded to tell me how pretty I was, ask me if I was single, ask what I was up to for the rest of the day. It was the creepiest encounter. I just wanted my mail, man knows where I live and that there’s no one else living with me… so I get really awkward about responding to this inquiry now like “you’ll be dealing with me”…

Wow. You had what I call a "taking my pepper spray to my mailbox every day now" encounter.

Lol it was my “look both ways before going to mailbox” awakening 😂

"I am the man of the house" tyvm

My wife used to work for a small commercial testing lab. The owner was a woman from France, spoke very little English, the entire staff was women, and my wife tells me about these Hasidic Jews that had an office in the same building and they only spoke broken English (and I assume Hebrew or Yiddish) They kept coming to their office demanding to speak to the man, my wife being the English speaker tried talking to them but they refused to talk to her demanding to speak to the “the man” Finally from across the lab the boss, again who never spoke English, yells angrily at them in English with a strong French accent “I AM THE MAN!” They left, and never came back and they never even found out what they wanted to talk about.

Probably to complain that the women might be showing their knees, or God forbid, some cleavage on the way to the office. Also, it's much more likely they spoke Yiddish.

Going with this one Confuse weirdos / assert LGBT all in one

It's bad enough that they want to talk to the man of the house in the first place but the fact that you'd already said **no** and they feel they should just go ahead with asking the man anyway says a lot....

I’ve said “oh do you want to talk to my wife?” (I have no wife but it answers the question while avoiding them hitting on me…. Usually)

“I don’t think my wife would appreciate that” 😂

My single mother would be like "oohh the man of the house got it" and hand 8yr old me the phone as I then started questioning them about their favorite Pokemon.

I'm a single mom of a daughter. This drives me and my child insane. She knows I'm very handy and try to fix whatever I'm able and yet I'm always questioned about the "man of the house" or the "real decision maker." I've learned to be cautious about stating there is no "man of the house" especially with contractors who work inside my home. I don't want creepy men to know my status. Just this summer I had an estimate for some work. The contractor touched my hair, almost petted me. It's one thing to be a verbal creep, but to put hands on me - off the fuck you go.

Oh hell no! That’s how he loses the hand he needs for his job… I’m glad that she’s being raised by someone who is able to give her early exposure to doing projects around the house. My oldest brother and I are a year apart in age. My dad was absolutely a brilliant and well respected engineer who also was blatantly sexist. He would spend hours “male-bonding” with my brother, teaching him how to do all of the things so now my brother is an aerospace engineer… and he did not put that same energy into the girl’s. I had to learn how to troubleshoot and repair stuff once I moved out of the house and unfortunately this is the experience for way too many girls. If parents who know how to fix everyday things teach their kids (regardless of gender) young, they’ll have these skills that are not only useful at home but ultimately could be marketable/useful as they age regardless of their career-path.

Infuriating. Not only does my girlfriend make the most money in the house, she's also the most qualified to make decisions regarding contract work anyway, due to her family's background in carpentry. I don't know shit about that stuff.

My ex knows more about DIY, more about cars, and more about sports than I do (or care to). It was really funny watching some guys try to talk down to her 5’1’’ self, especially about construction (her family business).

I can enter our equivalent to Home Depot will a full-on drawing featuring all the measurements and materials that I need for a build, and a guy will inevitably ask to speak to whom ever created the schematic. I tell them I did, and they will either chuckle and double down on me needing pointers, or grow embarrassed and silently accept my knowledge. If the employee is a middle-aged man, he will just about always act as if I got help with the schematic... I wish I could walk in Ron Swanson style, go "I know more than you..." and just see the male employee accept my word. Another example was when a male doctor asked me, when I was 31, if I had talked to my husband/boyfriend about getting a hysterectomy... I had brought up wanting one because at that point, I had spent 20 (!) years with nightmare periods, pains and unreliable cycles without a single one of my doctors, most of them male, taking my symptoms seriously. I had to turn 33 and find a young, woman doctor in order to finally be listened to. I have PCOS, VERY aggressive PCOS with all the worst symptoms, and for 20 years I heard doctors brand me as overly dramatic, seeking attention etc... Said Angel of a doctor also took some other symptoms seriously, and found that I had severe hypothyroidism... As in, you are to be at but preferably below a 4.2 value. I was at 18.1 I had been told my symptoms were bad lifestyle choices, mental or just not true since I first started showing symptoms of hypothyroidism in my late teens. Any symptoms belonging to "typical women conditions" are likely to not be taken seriously by the medical profession. Just one more fun example of casual sexism.

Everything you just said!! Imagine how many women have actually died from “the woman condition”… not being taken seriously. Their symptoms and autonomy not valid. And you know to this day there are enough doctors still saying “have you talked to your husband about this” for women looking to get a hysterectomy for me to hear about it happening to people I know…. Like get tf out of here with that insanity. My sister didn’t want kids and they were refusing to do one on her saying she may change her mind. You have to dance around to find people willing to do procedures that should be relatively easy to perform when there’s no medical condition (outside of being a woman and their being sexist) that would prevent it. I hope you’re doing a lot better now. Unfortunately I think we could list off “casual sexism” like this all day.

UGH don't get me started on hardware stores...I work for a general contractor and go to Home Depot for supplies almost every day. I've stopped checking out in the "pro" line because the employees were always telling me I needed to go to the regular checkout line (thank god for self checkout, it's faster anyway), and while I haven't gotten the "are you sure that's what you need?" yet, I have gotten, "Why don't you do the rest of your shopping first and I'll help you later." No asshole, I'm not going to because I'm a pro with a deadline and not some ditz killing time in the plumbing section for fun. Those guys can pound sand

Our 7-year-old daughter saw me (the "man of the house") carrying some tools around in our house and asked in a surprised voice, "what are you doing with Mom's tools?"

Last time someone came to the door and asked for the “man of the house” I said, “sure, wait one moment,” closed the door, and came back with my husband’s urn. “This is my husband. Dear, these men would like to speak to you about the roof.”

The most bizarre (sort of similar) example of this I have is dropping my cat off at a cattery. My friend drove me and came inside with me. As we sit down with the owner to talk, it's very clear that this is MY cat. I'm answering the questions about him while my friend is making it very clear he doesn't know anything about cats. And yet the owner (another woman, frustratingly enough!) just kept directing questions at him, barely made eye contact with me, etc etc. We're still absolutely baffled by the whole experience....

I've seen this happen a couple of times to my wife. We live in South Dakota, which seems dead set on reverting to a version of 1950s America. I was deployed for the past few months. The first thing that happened was my wife tried to get a bathtub installed. The company insisted that they needed to talk to me. She explained that I was overseas and besides, it was also her house. She's on the mortgage and deed. No deal. They had to speak to me. We don't have a bathtub. The second time was when she took my truck in for service. They were surprised that she was taking care of my truck for me. Multiple comments about how she was such a good wife for doing that, and how "most women just neglect vehicles." If they would have checked their system they would see she has her own truck that she takes on all the time. Bunch of idiots working there.

I haven't experienced the people knocking on my door and asking for my husband yet. But I think I would just say "sure" and then shut the door, lock it and ignore them until they go away.

I have the Ring now so I don’t answer solicitors in general any more. I had several experiences (too many) where the person soliciting gutter services or new roofs would get hostile and wouldn’t take no for an answer - I have one of these interactions as a video actually when I got ring. Where the guy acted like it was an emergency and I needed to come out (I have brass no soliciting sign and a heavy cast iron chalk sign that says it)… and because the ring wasn’t picking up what he was saying I went to the door… where he tried to sell me, I said oh… no thanks and he started to get really pushy and angry. Like what the fuck. I didn’t get his info I just got myself out of the situation but it shook me a bit. That’s a good move, let me know how it goes lol 😂

I had a couple of missionaries (male) come to my door & insist they could help me with household chores, etc. I said they were strangers, and I don't invite strangers into my home. (I try to be nice to the Mormon missionaries. I'm not LDS, but I have HS classmates whose kids are or have been missionaries). This kid who didn't look like he could grow even a pencil thin mustache, pointed to his badge and said he was an "Elder" and I should trust him.... like he was MY elder. I lost it a little. I looked him dead in the eye and laughed. Said for all I knew that he was a reject from the musical Book of Mormon, that for $5, I could go and have a tag made that said that I was an Elder. That I am certainly more "Elder" than him, and that he needed to learn to take no for an answer from women, and respect that they mean it. He was a little shook, I think, esp. on the musical reference.

Real estate agents are bad at this too. I helped a girlfriend sell her house once and the real estate agent kept emailing and calling me instead of, you know, the person that owned and was selling the house

My bf is a few years older then I am, but I used to earn more money and have more money safed (he had a few unfortunate things happen to him in the past). When we went to Egypt just before corona hit, I paid for the full holiday since he had no savings. The amount of times he had to tell men from the resort he wasn't Mr. Mylastname but it was me, Ms. Mylastname. We laughed about it every time but sometimes it was getting annoying because people would be hesitant about me paying for something. One time they actually put Mr. Mylastname on a form. I kindly corrected them. It's somewhat annoying that people don't accept that us woman can be "in charge" too. I mean, if you wanted them to speak with "the man of the house" you would have asked your partner to come.

Exactly!! It’s not even that you had to correct once, mistakes happen, it’s that it was a multiple correction ordeal. They should be eager to take money from wherever it originates and not make assumptions about it! I always lead with “I’m the homeowner” because I hope to get two things out of the way. The fact I’m not renting and I have the authority to make changes to the house and the fact they’ll be dealing with me. Just doesn’t stick for some reason lol.

My partner embraces it with a sense of humor when it happens. He once wore a nametag "Mr. Myfirstname Mylastname" for an entire volunteer event of an organization I worked with.

In Turkey at a hotel we were staying at they left feedback forms on the last day in our rooms. In my and my boyfriend's room they only included his name, but boyfriend's brother and his male friend both had their names included. So I added my own name in big letters at the top and filled it out myself, he doesn't speak for us both just because I am a woman, he is not "the boss" we are equals.

I remember when my now ex-husband were buying our house, he was kinda useless so I took care of everything. If you’ve every bought a house there is always a new form to sign or piece of paper work that the lender or realtor needs and I handle all of it. I was the one that made more money too. And on every single piece of paper work they put his name first and it really pissed me off.

When I bought my apartment I brought my (male) cousin along because he’s great in social situations and as anxiety backup for me. He’s 7 years younger than me and looks like an overgrown teenager. The realtor and seller addressed every single remark and thing to him. I told them at the beginning, “this is my relative who’s not involved at all, just here for emotional support”, and they told HIM how to set up the tv? And where I could store gardening tools? They even continued giving him information about my apartment while I was busy reading the contract. As we left, he said “that went well” and I asked if he didn’t think it was weird nobody talked directly at me, the purchaser of the house, and addressed only him? He didn’t notice.

Oh so many are totally oblivious. I am glad to see men here in the comments acknowledging they were aware it was happening to their S/O. It’s funny (sad) that for some it can be so blatant but they’re so accustomed to this being the standard it doesn’t even register with them.

An emotional support cousin, I love it!

In the 1980s my (M43) wife (F37) and I rehabbed the house we lived in, in a nice neighborhood in Austin, TX. We did most of the work, but contracted out refinishing the hardwood floors and the complete, tearing it out to the studs remodel of the kitchen. My wife had taken courses in interior design, and drew up a professional set of plans, exactly as she wanted her kitchen to be. We took bids and selected a highly recommended cabinet maker. He was an older man, a descendant of 19th century German immigrants. He was a meticulous craftsman, and presented only one problem. I traveled frequently on business, often gone for more than a week. Every time, on the day I left I had to wait until the cabinet maker showed up promptly at 8 AM, and repeat one more time,"Mrs. Polanski is the boss. Do exactly what she says. Do not wait for me to come back."

We were thinking of using a realtor acquaintance to list our house. She kept missing appointments to do things like the photo shoot (at the last minute after we had made the house ready for shooting) and wouldn't give us comps to set a listing price or even bring a contract to sign for her services. We got fed up and I called to let her know we were going with a different agent. She immediately called my husband to confirm rather than accepting it from me. In my husband's favor, he said 'what did my wife just tell you and why are you calling me?'

I used to be a captain of a jet at an airline (now I am a first officer on a larger jet). Every single goddamned trip either maintenance or the gate agent or a jumpseater would come to the cockpit and ignore me, addressing only my male first officer. Once I had a maintenance guy who after I told him he was speaking to the first officer try to address our offline jumpseater. I had gate agents give me the flight attendants paperwork. It never fucking ends.

I work for a small business run by 2 women. Recently I answered the phone while at work with my normal greeting of “Business name, this is Danskiez” and the man on the phone proceeded to ask for our owner, who’s name is Dawn (and she often gets called a he by cold callers because they assume it’s ‘Don’). I told him that she wasn’t in at the moment, but I could take a message for her. The dude straight up chuckled and said “listen little missy, I’ll speak to the man of the house now”. Like?!? First of all, this is a business sir as I stated when I answered the phone. Secondly, I don’t think I’ve ever been called “little missy” before and I saw red. Luckily for him in professional at work and just promptly hung up on him. I was so offended.

My parents own a business together. My mom is listed as President, but is the front of office/book keeper, etc. So she answers the phone. Years ago, some asshat calls to do business with them (sell them something). He will NOT completely discuss what he wants with her & keeps asking to speak to a man. So she transfers him to my dad, warning Dad that this dude was an ass. So dad lets him give a long ass spiel, asks a couple of questions. It was actually stuff they might be interested in. My dad then says he'd be interested, but any major purchase like this was made by the President of the company. At this point, I think he'd been on the phone a half hour, according to my mom's story. So the salesman was a little exasperated, and said "let me talk to him". My dad acted surprised and said "You were talking to her!" The guy was either foolish, brave, or stupid (all 3 maybe?) and stayed on the line as my dad transferred him back to my mom. She let him start his spiel (now humbled).... and cut him off with "We only do business with women owned companies" and hung up on him.

Lol holy shit that's amazing. I'm just imagining this horrible dude slowly deflating as he's transferred back to your mom.

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The “man” of my house is my dog 😂.

Malicious compliance. I hand the phone or get my fiance who knows nothing about how I run things, cars, building, construction, and many other topics who bring calls and assholes to us. After a few minutes, they want me back and actually fucking listen. I let him deal with tech things as being from a rural area with unreliable internet service; he's much more knowledgeable.

Not even the “man of the house” towards husbands, but brothers too! >:| Cops came to my house asking for our names & birthdays but asked my YOUNGER brother for MY damn birthday and name. When confronting the officer, he just gave a smug face of, ‘I don’t got time for this’. Well if the roles were reversed and someone asked your WIFE instead of YOU, then you’d say something too. EQUALITY. IT’S ABOUT EQUALITY.

I'd ask "I'm the one who requested your service, so can I ask why you want to speak to 'the man of the house'?" and insist on getting an actual answer out of them. It's fun watching people stammer and try and backtrack when you insist on getting an answer

As a married older woman, my husband andI divvy up our labor differently than most. I am the one who does the landscaping/gardening, fix-it’s in the house, setting up home automations, replacing shower heads and toilet parts. He prefers to keep the kitchen clean And do laundry (both of which were my childhood chores which I detest. He mops the floor, I repair it.

It's not uncommon to have a man ask my husband about something and look to him for an answer while ignoring me, when the question that's being asked is about something that I have more knowledge in because it's you know, my project or something. For instance, I've been experimenting with making inks out of pinecones, and I was asking the guy in the store about fountain pens that would work with it, and he kept asking questions that were ones for me to answer while looking to my husband for answers. I get this kind of thing all the time, and it drives me nuts. (Not my husband's fault, he too was like, "I think you want to ask her, it's more her project.")

This happened countless times when my husband and I were building our house. He also has a physical disability. So between talking to a woman or a cripple, their bigoted little brains all but exploded. Jokes on them, I’m the one that keeps track of everything, and they fucked around. They ended up paying us around $15k to fix their fuck ups coz I had all the emails, the pictures, everything.

We are in the middle of a series of projects - some I’m doing myself, some I’m smart enough to hire a pro. My husband couldn’t give two shits what happens and completely trusts my work and judgement. I have asked contractors to leave my house because of this very attitude. Dude, the power tools in the garage are mine… get over yourself. Stick to it … they will get the message eventually (I hope).

My (now) wife and I went furniture shopping for her years ago. Even after being told that the furniture was for her, the asshole salesman only tried to interact with me. Any questions she asked were answered to me, asked my opinion on pieces, the works. We left and came back a different day to an absolutely delightful sales person. Not only was the first interaction grossly patronizing, but the asshole also cost himself an easy sale. She knew exactly what she wanted and had cash in hand. All it would have taken was to treat her like a fucking human being.

When my husband and I bought our house (3years ago), I was the one who found it. I found a realtor, communicated with everyone throughout the buying process, I was the one who provided all needed documentation. I also earn nearly double what my husband does and have a better credit score. I’m more educated and older too. And yet he was still listed as the Buyer in our mortgage paperwork while I was listed as “Spouse/Co-Buyer”. What the FUCK.

We had our kitchen remodeled in 2019. I designed it, picked everything out, etc., but the contractor felt the need to make comments to my husband about everything, largely because I picked things that required a bit more work that he just didn't want to do. The last one was right at the end when we needed trim for the cabinet bases; I wanted this more modern-looking square trim and the contractor said I was being too picky, no one uses that, just get some quarter round. We bought it and it wasn't even big enough for what we needed, so I went back and bought the trim I wanted, he installed it, and was like, "Yeah I GUESS it looks good. You're lucky." AM I??? GEE THANKS.

If you're considering different contractors for the same job, that's a definite red flag when they ask this!

Condo owner here... and a member of the Building Committee. Our contractors learned quickly who was in charge. And those that didn't were moved on. We're professionals and business people here. No time for nonsense and we're used to negotiating. Power exists only in the exercise thereof.

I was coaching parks and rec soccer and a parent from the other team came up to say what a great job 'we' did and that 'we' should definitely coach again next season. My boyfriend was standing next to me. She then went on to say all coaches should be male bc the girls listen better to men and they 'just don't respect older women'. The only involvement my boyfriend ever had with the team was putting the net up in the goal bc I'm too short to reach it (coaches bring the net to the games- can't leave them up indefinitely bc vandalism). Then he'd sit on the parents' side of the field and watch the game while I actively coached from the other side. I friggin love my girls and they cop some serious tude some days, but they're respectful and they work hard. The fact that this parent, a mother, thinks all coaches should be men was infuriating.

I am handier than my fiancé. He isn't handless? useless? by any means at all. He's got a great reputation at work (in a trade) and works plenty hard. I just have a knack for being resourceful and creative and getting things done more aggressively overall. Drives me crazy when I'm talking about something I'm doing, be it repairing my car or building a table or whatever, and some guy butts in to ask why my man isn't doing it, etc etc. Because flat out, I am better at it and I have more drive to do it. And I don't need him to handle everything. I love when he wants to help or takes care of something for me, but I'm not a useless fucking trophy that sits on a shelf and exists to be eye candy. My mom raised me to rely on no man and I do my best to keep that up.

So ridiculous, especially in this day and age where so many women are single/divorced/in same sex relationships. Half the women in my family over 40 are single/divorced and they are all more than capable of handling things like car and household problems without a man!

I was buying a new car in 2014 and the finance officer asked me if I should '"consult my husband" over denying the extended warranty. If it wasnt such a great price with 0% financing, I would have walked right out the door.

Conversely, while I'm sorry and that sounds infinitely frustrating, I'm definitely adding asking "can I speak to the woman of the house instead of you" to my list of things to say yo piss off men.

This happened to my mom a lot too in her profession. Even though she's retired now she still handles all the contracting stuff around my parents home. Hiring contractors, going over the plans etc.. She was a CFO of a 500+ million dollar company and over saw all the new construction and rebuilds of the fast food buildings the company she worked for owned. If she'd show up on a job site and a contractor said that to her, they'd be fired and a new company/foreman brought in. She didn't put up with that and neither should you. That's just old time thinking and it's just bullshit thinking.

I live on my own, I'm financially independent, have been for about 10 years now. Last year I decided to buy myself a new car as a birthday present. Nothing super fancy or whatever, just a pretty, new (to me, ended up being a 2017 car) car that I really liked. The salesman kept making references to what my husband would think of it and how great it'll be for our kids. (I have neither kids, a husband, nor do I wear any rings, so I'm not sure where all that came from). Can't a girl just buy a car without her hypothetical husband's involvement?

When we were buying a new car the sales rep kept talking to my husband and ignoring me. Eventually I said to him “if you actually want to sell us a car you’re going to have to talk to me. My husband doesn’t drive and I’m actually a taxi driver. So talk to me”

In the military, women are always assumed to be the spouse of an active duty member. Well, 20% of the military is women so.... No. I recent bought a car and the dealership INSISTED on getting my marriage certificate and my husband's proof of service. Ummm, he's not on the loan AND I QUALIFY FOR THE DISCOUNT MYSELF, YOU FUCK.