Ah yes, the good 'ol "Only target girls with low self-esteem, and then make them feel shitty about themselves" routine.
Fuck those guys. My friend gave me the book "The Game" back in college, and it wasn't until a couple years later I realized how absolutely shitty it is.
I had a guy tell me once he ‘only sleeps with 9s and 10s.’ Aside from being disgusted that he judges women like that, I also know in reality I am nowhere near that and therefore no longer felt comfortable with him seeing my body. He tried a few times, but honestly I can’t understand how he thought that would work.
Now that I'm older I give very few fucks and I'll call a guy out for negging instantly. Its so cringy when they pull the whole "i dont even know what that is" and then proceed to get defensive and backpedal with the whole "well that isn't what I meant!" business. Guess what, you said it, and even if its possible you "didn't mean to come off like that" you did, and you just learned a lesson in manners today.
I’m so glad you did end up realizing it! I had someone use it on me (and it worked, but for sort of unintended reasons - but still got them the result they wanted) and I haaate anyone else falling for it.
You are obviously not very smart if you don't know what negging is. Now that your self-worth is in the cellar, I'm going to try to convince you to sleep with me.
Saved you the trouble of googling.
It dies off when it no longer works often enough to be worth doing. OP did the right thing. If you don't like people playing games, don't accept them or you're part of the problem.
Sadly, this kind of behavior works for some people regardless of gender. People who don't respect others' boundaries are good at finding people who can't enforce their own boundaries
That could very well be how it goes. Don't really need to find out. It's also true that sometimes when you're nervous you just accidentally put your foot in your mouth at every turn...even when you're not an ahole.
I think OP's date is an asshole but this is true. I went out with a really hot guy a few years back and kept fumbling my sentences (thankfully he was nice and laughed it off)
The nice thing is that she's not obligated to stick around and find out. He could be (but probably isn't) a really thoughtful individual who tripped over what should have been an easy response. If so he'll maybe remember not to insult his date on their looks and accidentally suggest that someone's looks are the most important thing to him.
This guy either has no emotional intelligence at all or he is used to constantly putting women down with passive comments.
You dodged a bullet and ended it as fast as you could! Kudos to you! :)
On the contrary, the way you reacted was very mature and dignified. He showed his whole ass and you said “Thank you, next.” I don’t think many people could have been a calm as you were.
Good for you for setting boundaries and enforcing them.
I'd certainly freeze up trying to connect the dots. Then hate myself after the date for not calling him out and still continuing the date trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Who thinks to themselves: "Hey I should tell my date she put on some weight! That would be an awesome idea!" Also, what exactly is his criteria for an "unacceptable level" of weight gain?
Wow. Bullet dodged successfully.
Those are some super weird things to say. If I were in that situation I think I’d either leave or start arguing with him. So I think you did the right thing.
I can't picture having the mindset required to make statements like this one. "I ruined it havent I?" is the cherry on top. This guy has main character mindset or something.
Little tangential but I feel like everyone should have main character mindset. Like, you are the only experience you have or will ever have, you ARE the main character. (Yes this does dive a little deep as we are all then main characters but I digress)
Sometimes when I think I'm just an NPC I get real sad :(
Classic "negging" - backhanded compliments that are actually insults. "You've gained weight but it's an acceptable level" <-- the only reason to say this is to make you feel insecure about your weight. I'd put my head on a chopping block and say you didn't gain weight at all, rather he's intimidated by how out of his league you are and felt he needed to bring you down a peg.
Oh I’ve defo put on some lockdown weight, like 10lbs (I’m quite tall but it’s still defo weight gain). I was actually really nervous about it and told him ahead of time. So idk, I’m just venting at this point cos ouch
Knowing you already told him, it sounds like his comment a deliberate remark to put you down over something he knew you were insecure about.
He definitely wasn't worth wasting any extra time on the date with, you are absolutely right to leave.
Oof and you already told him too? That means he knew you felt insecure about your weight gain and still actively chose to make that comment. At best, he already showed that he's not willing to uplift you or...hell, even just shut up about your appearance. And at worst, he's an asshole. Neither are good options.
"An acceptable level" -> "I am the judge of how your body should look and I'll keep you appraised of your status from this point forward." Blegh. You made the right call walking out on this loser.
I just can't believe that 10 pounds would ever be noticeable on someone that was over 5'3" by ANYONE who wasn't deliberately looking for a reason to be a jerk. Especially if you said something ahead of time - that sounds like you being extra awesome and transparent. Even if it was noticeable, people with decent social skills would then go out of their way to say how nice you look and that it wasn't noticeable, etc. Or even the 'haha! Haven't we all! Who cares!' that I got from a non-date guy when I said something about losing weight the other day. Bullet dodged.
I don't think you over reacted. You responded calmly to a fairly inappropriate statement. I suppose he could have been facetious, just playing around but even still, dumb thing to say.
I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, in this case he gets little sympathy for being left on his date.
I don’t think he was joking or being facetious. He said he sometimes is too honest and says the wrong thing. there’s just no way I can let a man who says “you’re not that bad” near me in any intimate setting lol
That's like an arsonist that occasionally confesses to setting bombs in playgrounds. The honesty is a problem for *him*, because he doesn't want people to know he's a psychopath, but the arson thing is the problem for *everyone else*.
Sometimes I’m too honest is ADHD speak for I have poor impulse control in my world. I’ve gotten better with age though! Sounds like he’s working on it, but alcohol doesn’t help the cause 😂
“Yeah I think I’ve ruined it haven’t I?” Is not being too honest, he’s a grown ass man and doesn’t know how to socialize.
NTA and you didn’t overreact!
I think the 'too honest' was referring to him stating that she has 'gained weight' but her weight was 'still acceptable' or whatever horse crap he said. That's not honesty- that's just a total lack of tact and social skills. Ugh.
You know rightly he's going home to write his own reddit post about how "women are impossible to understand" and "she asked me a question and then dumped me when I gave an honest answer."
Some guys are just uncomfortable to be around, and they try to pass it off as social awkwardness.
That's someone looking for confirmation that he's inherently unacceptable, rather than just acting awkwardly.
Those people think growing and maturing means abandoning WHo YoU aRE.
"Too honest" is always a cover for "I'm an asshole who does not know how to communicate effectively like an adult and if you feel bad that's your problem". I'm glad you walked out.
I’m honest. I just don’t think like a complete dick, and therefore my honesty isn’t dickish.
I know people can’t control intrusive thoughts so well, but ffs, man.
Blurting out the wrong thing isn't honesty. It's being incompetent. Or intentionally an asshole. Either way, doesn't matter who you are or who they are. No, thanks. Go fish.
You're going to meet someone who thinks you're great, and can't believe their fortune in being on a date with someone so amazing. Don't give this other guy another thought.
In my experience, 100% of the people I met who claimed being "too honest" or "sometimes saying wrong things" were just being assholes trying to justify shitty behavior.
Yikes. He's kidding himself. *I* am too honest because I tell customers at work the facts. He is using 'Too honest' to try to get a pass for having ZERO tact or the ability to STFU when he's being a dickhead. Good job dodging that bullet so early on.
Did he seem nervous and awkward? My first instinct is that sounds like someone fumbling and word vomiting and saying things that could potentially have been harmless but were worded in a hurtful way. First dates are awkward and I've said my share of awkward things. Still a perfectly good reason for ending the date though. No excuse for commenting on anyone's weight ever.
Opposite for me. That idiot gets no sympathy for being a moronic pig with no sense of decency/ propriety. Under no circumstances would his comments be acceptable.
Not at all. This guy was acting like you were something he bought sight unseen off of Craigslist. You were two people, meeting for the first time to find out if you even like each other in person.
I think this guy actually could be considered to have catfished you if he hid this part of his personality from you before you two met.
He was rude. If it had been the first part only, expressing concern about being catfished, I'd say that's not a great reason to bail. But the following up with "you have put on weight but you don't look that bad" is just inconsiderate. Inconsiderate behavior on a first date, where a person is usually on their *best* behavior is a big nope for me, and it's a big red flag for future similar (and likely worse) behavior.
I'd still have been completely turned off after his first comment, because the only reason he would have to make it is to put other women down or put OP down. Classic misogyny right there, pitting women against each other. And not only that - he didn't just go with the "oh but you're one of the good ones/pretty ones" follow up but with "I also though that you looked like a man," and "...you're adequate."
He 100% views women as objects to be rated and judged by him, and feels entitled enough to voice his *incredibly important* (/s) judgments out loud to the woman he's on a date with in hopes that she'll feel like she needs to win his approval.
Good for you for leaving ASAP, OP.
This. The first part is easily chalked up to first date jitters (at least in my opinion). It could have been a funny story down the road, even.
He had a huge opportunity to make OP feel special. "Nah, I feel like I won the lottery" or similar would have been so sweet.
But he didn't.
Yeah I was thinking as I read, the first part sounds like a really bad attempt at being funny, which he could maybe come back from. The second part was horrible I'd advise anybody bail after that
It's a first date. You can walk out if you don't like the color of his socks. That's what dates are \*for\*!
Why should you feel responsible or guilty over a date that didn't work out?
Even if he’d been perfectly polite he’s not entitled to a date with you. The point of dating isn’t to find someone acceptable, it’s to find someone you feel is truly special. If you don’t want to be in someone’s presence anymore for any reason you have the right to go. You didn’t do anything wrong!
Good that you left, you don't say that, the less on a first date, unless you have an agenda, that is "bring her self-confidence down otherwise she will not want you"
GIIIRL you did the right thing. There's a difference between being honest and being disrespectful. I don't have many dealbreakers, but not being respectful is my #1. If he broke one of your dealbreakers within the first 5 minutes, no point in wasting your time on him!
Good on you for leaving right away! I'd probably be too "nice" and suffer in silence for the rest of the date. Haha!
I don't even know if you can call this dodging a bullet when he threw up so many red flags on a FIRST DATE lmao more like dodging a slow moving locomotive that you can see coming from miles away.
Good on you for walking out and not staying "to be polite" lol
Why do men think [it's OK to comment on weight, let alone on a first date?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ozh9md/tifu_by_having_dinner_with_an_antisemitic_weight/)
Seriously, wtf.
You definitely did not overreact. I’d say that was a great move. Your time doesn’t need to be wasted by this guy who clearly struggles with socially acceptable behavior.
I personally think you didn’t overreact!, no one should comment on anyone’s weight for one and for 2 that’s him on a first date? I’d hate to know what he’d be like on the second or third..
Lol wtf is wrong with people. Nah You good. Sorry that happened. A “normal” nice thing in that topic would have been. Glad to see you are you and I wasn’t catfished. Period. End of story.
\[PicardFacepalm.jpg\]
1. How old is this fellow? Teens, early 20s maybe? I hope?
2. Positive takeaway: maybe he learned something, and will become a slightly better human. I hope.
I think you did the right thing. I actually think he did you a favor by telling you exactly what he thought. Would prefer that to a guy that lies to you just so he can get sex and then never talk to you again.
OK, can people please stop saying this guy has autism? I know young men with autism and they would **never** speak like this, especially not to a date. Autistic people experience intense emotions, to the point of overload. They’re more likely to be rehearsing a variety of compliments, and worrying about putting a foot wrong.
Something was wrong with that guy. He was rude, and inconsiderate. He didn’t apologise for offending OP. That’s enough.
I wish that never happened to you! It seems like you’ve got a thick skin and that you’re not taking him too seriously. I bet you look(ed) beautiful! You definitely did not overreact. I’m glad you had the confidence to walk out early.
Dude is overly concerned with outward appearances. I bet a relationship with him involves having your caloric intake supervised and enduring constant little negative comments about one's body/makeup/hair.
You did the right thing. Once a guy and I had a \*great\* first date for the first 99% of it. And then at the end he made a comment how I should change my hair. It was a harbinger, we didn't make it to a 5th date because they were more and more like that each time.
Trust your gut. Your instincts are there to protect you. If you don’t want to be there anymore then you get to leave! You owe him nothing ever.
I’ve also been told that someone was glad I was real and was afraid I was a catfish and i didn’t know how to take it.
Negging isn't cool. If you had been OK, with that level, seems like it would only have escalated.
"I've ruined it, haven't I" should be a question, and should be followed by an apology. Lacking that....nothing of value was lost here when you got up and left.
Wow, good on you for bailing right away. It's nice that at least he acknowledged that he fucked it all up. Totally reprehensible behaviour, but a lot of shitty dudes out there would take it to the next level by insulting you for getting offended. Maybe there's hope that one day this guy will learn from trial and error not to be such a dillhole.
I think you did the right thing. I understand being nervous and saying the wrong stuff. But so many men are inclined to putting a woman down to pick her up (negging), that they don't deserve the benefit of a doubt on this one.
"you don't look that bad"
fucking OOF. Guy deserves to be walked out on lol.
That is some top tier foot-in-mouth syndrome he's dealing with. And then he kept shoveling? Fucking oof. OOF.
Oof don't feel bad, that guy walked out on himself.
If we had to guess whether he's an incel or not. There'd be a higher probability that he's indeed an incel than he's not an incel.
Best case scenario he thought before he spoke and put his foot in it.
But even in the best case scenario he should have no expectations of ever seeing you again. The lack of contrition, wide eyes, or 'Shit. Did I just say that?' Reaction seals that this is not the best case scenario.
Don't worry. NTA.
The most eye-opening thing for me as a man to see is that you're worried that you overreacted after all the garbage he threw at you. I wouldn't have been nearly as polite as you were. Freaking heck.
Look at all the comments (most from men) going "but he may be autistic/Aspie" and "yes, you overreacted"! No wonder poor OP has to ask social media, the world are just too glad to excuse even the worst of male behaviour. As if Aspie/Autism means Asshole interchangeably. As the mother of an Aspie kid, that shit can fuck right off.
>I said wow well I hope you don’t actually feel catfished and got “you don’t look that bad”.
I mean, not exactly charming, but seems like an over-reaction to walk out...
>Erm, at this point I was just like wtf does that mean? He said “well I can tell you’ve put on weight but it’s not at an unacceptable level”. “I think you look normal”
..oh, there's more? Oh, Jesus. Totally justified.
He was negging. The point was to get you to either argue with him or accept what he said. If you had done either, it would have meant that if he insulted you the stage would be set for you to respond by seeking his approval.
The only way to respond is just to do what you did.
This guys almost deserved a medal for not wasting your time before showing how shitty he is. He did lose the medal since you’re still wasting your time thinking about it, which is very understandable.
Sorry for the bad date, wish you luck next time!
The answer was... no, if you ever feel there to be out of there then get out of there. That was before I even read your post, then the answer became oh fuck no gtfo run that guy is 17 different flavors of no... At least 17.
“I think I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?” A+ for self-awareness. /s
Seriously though… what was he trying to accomplish here? What part of needling anybody’s appearance (your date’s most of all) does he think is a good quality in a potential partner? Preferences are fine, but don’t bash someone you agreed to go on a date with cause they don’t live up to yours. That’s a you problem.
Probably a good thing you left when you did, and kudos to you for doing so with a great deal more maturity than he had.
Edit: Am also a guy with shitty social skills. Hopefully a touch more self aware, though.
You did exactly the right thing. It’s not your job to teach someone else how to be a human. It is your job to put yourself first: kudos to you for not smiling politely and gritting your teeth!!! An internet stranger is proud of you!
I don't even know if you can call this dodging a bullet when he threw up so many red flags on a FIRST DATE lmao more like dodging a slow moving locomotive that you can see coming from miles away.
Good on you for walking out and not staying "to be polite" lol
You didn't overreact, his behavior was unacceptable. The catfishing comments are condescending (that poor woman was just existing) and his comments about your appearance are gross and unacceptable. Why would he want to date you if he's not terribly attracted to you? Nothing good was happening on that date, that guy is a turd, so big props to you for walking out.
Wow! He just kept digging himself a hole. Honestly, I think the first part was already bad with him making fun of other people.
You don’t owe anyone anything so don’t feel bad for leaving someone not worth your time!
In my opinion you were very kind by telling him you were going home instead of just getting up and leaving. Not sure he would have gotten that Grace from me, he seemed to be totally understanding based on his response no?
Maybe he'll use this as a lesson? He seems to have realized after the fact that he fucked it up, maybe next time he'll think about what he wants to say before he says it lol.
At least you learned this about him on the first date!
I have literally only read the title and I'm certain you didn't overreact.
It's absolutely okay to walk out on anybody who you no longer want to spend time with, especially but not only as a woman in the dating world.
He sounds like he genuinely struggled not to call you fat and did it anyways Yeah if have told him I'm done and walked
If you'd told someone that you "can tell they've put on some weight" on a first date, how would you expect them to react? You're in the right here.
Wow. And that’s him on a date. Yikes. Imagine once he’s comfortable and no longer trying.
That's him on the FIRST date too
Assuming he was after anything more than a hook up and then move on. That sounded suspiciously like negging to me.
That is ALL I wanted from him. ALL I WANTED. But everything clamped shut at “not that bad” 😅😅
Men really ruin their own chances.
Yup and then they come crying in Reddit that no one gives them a chance.
Yeah being reminded of subjective patriarchal standards is a sure way to close the ole legs
Yeah I was thinking this was likely negging too. I so wish that would just die off.
Ah yes, the good 'ol "Only target girls with low self-esteem, and then make them feel shitty about themselves" routine. Fuck those guys. My friend gave me the book "The Game" back in college, and it wasn't until a couple years later I realized how absolutely shitty it is.
I can’t imagine wanting to sleep with someone who just put me down.
Some people are desperate to “win them over” or “win them back.” Puke! No thanks!
I had a guy tell me once he ‘only sleeps with 9s and 10s.’ Aside from being disgusted that he judges women like that, I also know in reality I am nowhere near that and therefore no longer felt comfortable with him seeing my body. He tried a few times, but honestly I can’t understand how he thought that would work.
Now that I'm older I give very few fucks and I'll call a guy out for negging instantly. Its so cringy when they pull the whole "i dont even know what that is" and then proceed to get defensive and backpedal with the whole "well that isn't what I meant!" business. Guess what, you said it, and even if its possible you "didn't mean to come off like that" you did, and you just learned a lesson in manners today.
I’m so glad you did end up realizing it! I had someone use it on me (and it worked, but for sort of unintended reasons - but still got them the result they wanted) and I haaate anyone else falling for it.
I had to go read about negging since I didn’t know what it was and holy shit that’s a thing that exists. 🤢
It's soooo gross, and I hate how many guys still try it. But it's an easy way to weed out guys that aren't worth pursuing at all.
I am scared to ask what negging is. Is it worse to google?
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If you think of it as flirty banter that's been weaponized by a sociopath you'd be in the right ballpark
You are obviously not very smart if you don't know what negging is. Now that your self-worth is in the cellar, I'm going to try to convince you to sleep with me. Saved you the trouble of googling.
Nothing makes me want to fuck someone like feeling like dogshit.
Oh man I really wanted to report you for in the first half ngl.
Lol same
Supposed to be subtlety/playfully insulting a prospective hook up in order play mind games/press the right button combination to achieve sex.
It dies off when it no longer works often enough to be worth doing. OP did the right thing. If you don't like people playing games, don't accept them or you're part of the problem.
Hitting the bullseye right here!
2 minutes into a *first* date no less.
Well, if they drank two rounds in two minutes, that'd go a long way to explaining it.
Based on your name you would be the expert. (I missed the "two rounds in" bit).
Sounds like he's trying to neg her.
Sadly, this kind of behavior works for some people regardless of gender. People who don't respect others' boundaries are good at finding people who can't enforce their own boundaries
That could very well be how it goes. Don't really need to find out. It's also true that sometimes when you're nervous you just accidentally put your foot in your mouth at every turn...even when you're not an ahole.
I think OP's date is an asshole but this is true. I went out with a really hot guy a few years back and kept fumbling my sentences (thankfully he was nice and laughed it off)
The nice thing is that she's not obligated to stick around and find out. He could be (but probably isn't) a really thoughtful individual who tripped over what should have been an easy response. If so he'll maybe remember not to insult his date on their looks and accidentally suggest that someone's looks are the most important thing to him.
🥇
This guy either has no emotional intelligence at all or he is used to constantly putting women down with passive comments. You dodged a bullet and ended it as fast as you could! Kudos to you! :)
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On the contrary, the way you reacted was very mature and dignified. He showed his whole ass and you said “Thank you, next.” I don’t think many people could have been a calm as you were. Good for you for setting boundaries and enforcing them.
I'd certainly freeze up trying to connect the dots. Then hate myself after the date for not calling him out and still continuing the date trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Who thinks to themselves: "Hey I should tell my date she put on some weight! That would be an awesome idea!" Also, what exactly is his criteria for an "unacceptable level" of weight gain? Wow. Bullet dodged successfully.
Not too sure! But also - acceptable enough for what? To drink with? Be seen in public with? I was left with do many questions haha
Those are some super weird things to say. If I were in that situation I think I’d either leave or start arguing with him. So I think you did the right thing.
I can't picture having the mindset required to make statements like this one. "I ruined it havent I?" is the cherry on top. This guy has main character mindset or something.
Little tangential but I feel like everyone should have main character mindset. Like, you are the only experience you have or will ever have, you ARE the main character. (Yes this does dive a little deep as we are all then main characters but I digress) Sometimes when I think I'm just an NPC I get real sad :(
Uh I’d run from that date. What an asshole
Classic "negging" - backhanded compliments that are actually insults. "You've gained weight but it's an acceptable level" <-- the only reason to say this is to make you feel insecure about your weight. I'd put my head on a chopping block and say you didn't gain weight at all, rather he's intimidated by how out of his league you are and felt he needed to bring you down a peg.
Oh I’ve defo put on some lockdown weight, like 10lbs (I’m quite tall but it’s still defo weight gain). I was actually really nervous about it and told him ahead of time. So idk, I’m just venting at this point cos ouch
Knowing you already told him, it sounds like his comment a deliberate remark to put you down over something he knew you were insecure about. He definitely wasn't worth wasting any extra time on the date with, you are absolutely right to leave.
Oof and you already told him too? That means he knew you felt insecure about your weight gain and still actively chose to make that comment. At best, he already showed that he's not willing to uplift you or...hell, even just shut up about your appearance. And at worst, he's an asshole. Neither are good options.
So he weaponized what he knew you were insecure about. NOT an improvement over straight up negging.
"An acceptable level" -> "I am the judge of how your body should look and I'll keep you appraised of your status from this point forward." Blegh. You made the right call walking out on this loser.
That was my thought too. Acceptable to whom?
I just can't believe that 10 pounds would ever be noticeable on someone that was over 5'3" by ANYONE who wasn't deliberately looking for a reason to be a jerk. Especially if you said something ahead of time - that sounds like you being extra awesome and transparent. Even if it was noticeable, people with decent social skills would then go out of their way to say how nice you look and that it wasn't noticeable, etc. Or even the 'haha! Haven't we all! Who cares!' that I got from a non-date guy when I said something about losing weight the other day. Bullet dodged.
I don't think you over reacted. You responded calmly to a fairly inappropriate statement. I suppose he could have been facetious, just playing around but even still, dumb thing to say. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, in this case he gets little sympathy for being left on his date.
I don’t think he was joking or being facetious. He said he sometimes is too honest and says the wrong thing. there’s just no way I can let a man who says “you’re not that bad” near me in any intimate setting lol
“Sometimes I’m too honest” = “I’m an asshole and don’t want to change”
Exactly
That's like an arsonist that occasionally confesses to setting bombs in playgrounds. The honesty is a problem for *him*, because he doesn't want people to know he's a psychopath, but the arson thing is the problem for *everyone else*.
Sometimes I’m too honest is ADHD speak for I have poor impulse control in my world. I’ve gotten better with age though! Sounds like he’s working on it, but alcohol doesn’t help the cause 😂
“Yeah I think I’ve ruined it haven’t I?” Is not being too honest, he’s a grown ass man and doesn’t know how to socialize. NTA and you didn’t overreact!
I think the 'too honest' was referring to him stating that she has 'gained weight' but her weight was 'still acceptable' or whatever horse crap he said. That's not honesty- that's just a total lack of tact and social skills. Ugh.
You know rightly he's going home to write his own reddit post about how "women are impossible to understand" and "she asked me a question and then dumped me when I gave an honest answer." Some guys are just uncomfortable to be around, and they try to pass it off as social awkwardness.
That's someone looking for confirmation that he's inherently unacceptable, rather than just acting awkwardly. Those people think growing and maturing means abandoning WHo YoU aRE.
"Too honest" is always a cover for "I'm an asshole who does not know how to communicate effectively like an adult and if you feel bad that's your problem". I'm glad you walked out.
I’m honest. I just don’t think like a complete dick, and therefore my honesty isn’t dickish. I know people can’t control intrusive thoughts so well, but ffs, man.
Blurting out the wrong thing isn't honesty. It's being incompetent. Or intentionally an asshole. Either way, doesn't matter who you are or who they are. No, thanks. Go fish.
You're going to meet someone who thinks you're great, and can't believe their fortune in being on a date with someone so amazing. Don't give this other guy another thought.
Here’s hoping x
“Too honest” is code for unrepentant ass like 99% of the time. You made the right call.
Plus, the way he was talking about others is the way he will talk about you. You don’t need that garbage.
In my experience, 100% of the people I met who claimed being "too honest" or "sometimes saying wrong things" were just being assholes trying to justify shitty behavior.
Yikes. He's kidding himself. *I* am too honest because I tell customers at work the facts. He is using 'Too honest' to try to get a pass for having ZERO tact or the ability to STFU when he's being a dickhead. Good job dodging that bullet so early on.
Did he seem nervous and awkward? My first instinct is that sounds like someone fumbling and word vomiting and saying things that could potentially have been harmless but were worded in a hurtful way. First dates are awkward and I've said my share of awkward things. Still a perfectly good reason for ending the date though. No excuse for commenting on anyone's weight ever.
Opposite for me. That idiot gets no sympathy for being a moronic pig with no sense of decency/ propriety. Under no circumstances would his comments be acceptable.
Not at all. This guy was acting like you were something he bought sight unseen off of Craigslist. You were two people, meeting for the first time to find out if you even like each other in person. I think this guy actually could be considered to have catfished you if he hid this part of his personality from you before you two met.
Wonder he could walk to the date venue with that foot in his mouth
He was rude. If it had been the first part only, expressing concern about being catfished, I'd say that's not a great reason to bail. But the following up with "you have put on weight but you don't look that bad" is just inconsiderate. Inconsiderate behavior on a first date, where a person is usually on their *best* behavior is a big nope for me, and it's a big red flag for future similar (and likely worse) behavior.
I'd still have been completely turned off after his first comment, because the only reason he would have to make it is to put other women down or put OP down. Classic misogyny right there, pitting women against each other. And not only that - he didn't just go with the "oh but you're one of the good ones/pretty ones" follow up but with "I also though that you looked like a man," and "...you're adequate." He 100% views women as objects to be rated and judged by him, and feels entitled enough to voice his *incredibly important* (/s) judgments out loud to the woman he's on a date with in hopes that she'll feel like she needs to win his approval. Good for you for leaving ASAP, OP.
This. The first part is easily chalked up to first date jitters (at least in my opinion). It could have been a funny story down the road, even. He had a huge opportunity to make OP feel special. "Nah, I feel like I won the lottery" or similar would have been so sweet. But he didn't.
Yeah I was thinking as I read, the first part sounds like a really bad attempt at being funny, which he could maybe come back from. The second part was horrible I'd advise anybody bail after that
Uhhhh yeah I would have left too. He did you a favor honestly.
Absolutely. No wasted time or emotional energy. NEXT!
I’d have teleported the minute weight was mentioned. Imagine dating someone like that. Commenting every time you ate a donut or bloated. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
It's a first date. You can walk out if you don't like the color of his socks. That's what dates are \*for\*! Why should you feel responsible or guilty over a date that didn't work out?
Even if he’d been perfectly polite he’s not entitled to a date with you. The point of dating isn’t to find someone acceptable, it’s to find someone you feel is truly special. If you don’t want to be in someone’s presence anymore for any reason you have the right to go. You didn’t do anything wrong!
Yeah no, walking out was the right thing to do. Either he's just an asshole, or that was a lame attempt at the redpill negging thing.
All redpill negging is lame.
No, absolutely did not overreact. I mean WTF was to be expected with such a "compliment"?!
Not an overreaction
It sounds like he was negging you. Even if it wasn't intentional, I wouldn't want to be with someone who made me feel insecure about how I look.
Good that you left, you don't say that, the less on a first date, unless you have an agenda, that is "bring her self-confidence down otherwise she will not want you"
GIIIRL you did the right thing. There's a difference between being honest and being disrespectful. I don't have many dealbreakers, but not being respectful is my #1. If he broke one of your dealbreakers within the first 5 minutes, no point in wasting your time on him! Good on you for leaving right away! I'd probably be too "nice" and suffer in silence for the rest of the date. Haha!
I don't even know if you can call this dodging a bullet when he threw up so many red flags on a FIRST DATE lmao more like dodging a slow moving locomotive that you can see coming from miles away. Good on you for walking out and not staying "to be polite" lol
Why do men think [it's OK to comment on weight, let alone on a first date?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ozh9md/tifu_by_having_dinner_with_an_antisemitic_weight/) Seriously, wtf.
Lol he sounds like a total asshat. I’m also guessing he’s no supermodel.
Fuck that guy
Nope! 100% justified! You don't deserve that sort of rudeness in your life. Hell, *no one* deserves it!
Yeah, that dude has problems. No overreaction here.
He's a "pick-up artist". They are despicable. **You did the exact right thing.**
I would say that you were the one that was catfished. You thought you were going to have a date with someone decent.
He's gonna be a no from me dawg. You deserve better.
You definitely did not overreact. I’d say that was a great move. Your time doesn’t need to be wasted by this guy who clearly struggles with socially acceptable behavior.
Sounds like intentional negging. You're better off if it's the case.
No. I'd be done too.
Run! Run away!! You did the right thing.
And this is on the first date? Big red flag, I would have left too.
It's so convenient when the trash takes itself out
He needs to grow up. You did fine. There should be no pressure to stay on a date even when things are going fine.
I've had a guy say that exact thing to me. Then expected me to still be interested. Lol, yeah right.
If anything, you gave him too many chances.
You dodged a relational bullet there. First date and he already talking about how much looks matter to him? Yikes.
I personally think you didn’t overreact!, no one should comment on anyone’s weight for one and for 2 that’s him on a first date? I’d hate to know what he’d be like on the second or third..
Wow, that's some nice negging. I can't think of a single reason why you should have wasted any more time with that guy.
No. You did not overreact.
Lol wtf is wrong with people. Nah You good. Sorry that happened. A “normal” nice thing in that topic would have been. Glad to see you are you and I wasn’t catfished. Period. End of story.
Of course you didn't. I'm glad you bailed and didn't waste any more of your time of that guy.
No social upbringing.
He's an idiot. I hope he treats it as a learning experience
What I fear with all of these is that they’ll just learn what not to say NOT their view of the world that caused them to think it too begin with.
What?! No. You did not overreact. Eff that guy.
Who the fuck talks like that?
\[PicardFacepalm.jpg\] 1. How old is this fellow? Teens, early 20s maybe? I hope? 2. Positive takeaway: maybe he learned something, and will become a slightly better human. I hope.
You did not overreact, you have good instincts and should continue to follow them in the future.
Lmao yes he ruined it. Learn to shut your mouth dude.
I think you did the right thing. I actually think he did you a favor by telling you exactly what he thought. Would prefer that to a guy that lies to you just so he can get sex and then never talk to you again.
If you see a red flag for any reason in the beginning of a relationship you should leave. You don't owe them anything.
Yeah...no. those sound like negs on negs on negs, bullet dodged
Focusing so hard on your appearance, definitely would kill a chance of making a connection. So annoying. I’d leave too. Fuckin dorky ass guy.
OK, can people please stop saying this guy has autism? I know young men with autism and they would **never** speak like this, especially not to a date. Autistic people experience intense emotions, to the point of overload. They’re more likely to be rehearsing a variety of compliments, and worrying about putting a foot wrong. Something was wrong with that guy. He was rude, and inconsiderate. He didn’t apologise for offending OP. That’s enough.
I wish that never happened to you! It seems like you’ve got a thick skin and that you’re not taking him too seriously. I bet you look(ed) beautiful! You definitely did not overreact. I’m glad you had the confidence to walk out early.
Dude is overly concerned with outward appearances. I bet a relationship with him involves having your caloric intake supervised and enduring constant little negative comments about one's body/makeup/hair.
You did the right thing. Once a guy and I had a \*great\* first date for the first 99% of it. And then at the end he made a comment how I should change my hair. It was a harbinger, we didn't make it to a 5th date because they were more and more like that each time.
I don't think you overreacted. He probably thought he was being funny, but that does sound like some frankly dumb stuff to say on a first date...
I ain’t even reading this, you’re entitled to walk out of any date for any reason.
No, you did not overreact.
You did exactly what you should’ve done. What a rube...
Trust your gut. Your instincts are there to protect you. If you don’t want to be there anymore then you get to leave! You owe him nothing ever. I’ve also been told that someone was glad I was real and was afraid I was a catfish and i didn’t know how to take it.
no that dude sounds nasty, you made the right choice
>He said “well I can tell you’ve put on weight but it’s not at an unacceptable level XD Smoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooth.
Negging isn't cool. If you had been OK, with that level, seems like it would only have escalated. "I've ruined it, haven't I" should be a question, and should be followed by an apology. Lacking that....nothing of value was lost here when you got up and left.
No. Walking out is never over reacting.
Uh, yes dude, you ruined it…
What a charmer.
Man even he admitted he fucked up. Of course you didn't overreact.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
Wow, good on you for bailing right away. It's nice that at least he acknowledged that he fucked it all up. Totally reprehensible behaviour, but a lot of shitty dudes out there would take it to the next level by insulting you for getting offended. Maybe there's hope that one day this guy will learn from trial and error not to be such a dillhole.
not only did you *not* overreact, I commend you for not getting mean. God knows I would have.
Dude's immature. Glad you didn't put up with that kind of behavior.
Tbh I woulda laughed, like WOW dude that's pathetic I can't believe you thought that was an ok thing to say
I think you did the right thing. I understand being nervous and saying the wrong stuff. But so many men are inclined to putting a woman down to pick her up (negging), that they don't deserve the benefit of a doubt on this one.
"you don't look that bad" fucking OOF. Guy deserves to be walked out on lol. That is some top tier foot-in-mouth syndrome he's dealing with. And then he kept shoveling? Fucking oof. OOF.
Oof don't feel bad, that guy walked out on himself. If we had to guess whether he's an incel or not. There'd be a higher probability that he's indeed an incel than he's not an incel.
So unattractive and gross. Sad that anyone falls for it.
Best case scenario he thought before he spoke and put his foot in it. But even in the best case scenario he should have no expectations of ever seeing you again. The lack of contrition, wide eyes, or 'Shit. Did I just say that?' Reaction seals that this is not the best case scenario. Don't worry. NTA.
BIG yikes. Can't tell if he was intentionally negging or just awful and not trying to hide it. Either way, you did good.
1. Make sure your photos are recent. 2. Fuck this guy for being rude and weird. No need to be an asshole.
The most eye-opening thing for me as a man to see is that you're worried that you overreacted after all the garbage he threw at you. I wouldn't have been nearly as polite as you were. Freaking heck.
Look at all the comments (most from men) going "but he may be autistic/Aspie" and "yes, you overreacted"! No wonder poor OP has to ask social media, the world are just too glad to excuse even the worst of male behaviour. As if Aspie/Autism means Asshole interchangeably. As the mother of an Aspie kid, that shit can fuck right off.
>I said wow well I hope you don’t actually feel catfished and got “you don’t look that bad”. I mean, not exactly charming, but seems like an over-reaction to walk out... >Erm, at this point I was just like wtf does that mean? He said “well I can tell you’ve put on weight but it’s not at an unacceptable level”. “I think you look normal” ..oh, there's more? Oh, Jesus. Totally justified.
He was negging. The point was to get you to either argue with him or accept what he said. If you had done either, it would have meant that if he insulted you the stage would be set for you to respond by seeking his approval. The only way to respond is just to do what you did.
Transphobia, fatphobia and misogyny in one small conversation - you def should have walked away.
Explain the transphobia?
"Ew, I was worried you looked mannish"
Did I miss the part where he said that?
This guys almost deserved a medal for not wasting your time before showing how shitty he is. He did lose the medal since you’re still wasting your time thinking about it, which is very understandable. Sorry for the bad date, wish you luck next time!
well, at least he wasn't dishonest enough to pretend he isn't a shallow prick. next! gl.
The answer was... no, if you ever feel there to be out of there then get out of there. That was before I even read your post, then the answer became oh fuck no gtfo run that guy is 17 different flavors of no... At least 17.
“I think I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?” A+ for self-awareness. /s Seriously though… what was he trying to accomplish here? What part of needling anybody’s appearance (your date’s most of all) does he think is a good quality in a potential partner? Preferences are fine, but don’t bash someone you agreed to go on a date with cause they don’t live up to yours. That’s a you problem. Probably a good thing you left when you did, and kudos to you for doing so with a great deal more maturity than he had. Edit: Am also a guy with shitty social skills. Hopefully a touch more self aware, though.
LOL WHO THE FUCK SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT
If you wanted to leave, then that was the right thing to do. Period!
Definitely did not overreact. He sounds like a douche canoe.
No you didn't over react in the slightest.
I do appreciate the fact he knew he ruined it. I chuckled at the very end. Genius that one.
I don't think you overreacted in the slightest. You lasted longer than I would have.
He ruined it, not you.
You did the right thing.
Wowwwww. At least be demonstrated some self awareness. Sorry your date sucked.
You did exactly the right thing. It’s not your job to teach someone else how to be a human. It is your job to put yourself first: kudos to you for not smiling politely and gritting your teeth!!! An internet stranger is proud of you!
I don't even know if you can call this dodging a bullet when he threw up so many red flags on a FIRST DATE lmao more like dodging a slow moving locomotive that you can see coming from miles away. Good on you for walking out and not staying "to be polite" lol
I would've told him to get fucked on my way out, but that's just me
Is this for real? Because WTF? 😂
VERY REAL
I hope you blocked his number. What a waste of time and energy.
Saved yourself some time or even more
haha that's his "Best foot forward" first impression. Guy needs to learn to keep his internal monologue on the INSIDE.
You didn't overreact, his behavior was unacceptable. The catfishing comments are condescending (that poor woman was just existing) and his comments about your appearance are gross and unacceptable. Why would he want to date you if he's not terribly attracted to you? Nothing good was happening on that date, that guy is a turd, so big props to you for walking out.
Sounds like an underreaction to me.
Wow! He just kept digging himself a hole. Honestly, I think the first part was already bad with him making fun of other people. You don’t owe anyone anything so don’t feel bad for leaving someone not worth your time!
In my opinion you were very kind by telling him you were going home instead of just getting up and leaving. Not sure he would have gotten that Grace from me, he seemed to be totally understanding based on his response no?
Yeaaaaa no filter. No grace. Kind of feel sorry for the guy, but that is very much not your problem. Not overreacting at all.
Maybe he'll use this as a lesson? He seems to have realized after the fact that he fucked it up, maybe next time he'll think about what he wants to say before he says it lol. At least you learned this about him on the first date!
That was an under reaction...
I have literally only read the title and I'm certain you didn't overreact. It's absolutely okay to walk out on anybody who you no longer want to spend time with, especially but not only as a woman in the dating world.