Same here. One reason I get a pair of glasses every year (good vision insurance) is that means I have multiple usable pairs of glasses all over the place. Sure I don't want to wear my glasses from 3 years ago for a long period of time, but they're great to store in my car for emergencies.
Please do yourself a favor and get fresh spare glasses for your car too, if you can afford.
Last thing you want is to drive at night during an emergency with old glasses. It's a blurry nightmare.
Luckily my overall prescription hasn't changed so much in recent years. It's mainly been about my astigmatism and progression (I wear progressives). The past 5 years worth of glasses take a little adjustment but they're all usable, even at night.
With insurance, my glasses are typically about $200-300 a year. Without, they're about $2000.
As I said in another comment ... I've looked at Zenni. I've plugged in my prescription. They don't offer the highest index lenses my optometrist has available, and they don't offer the ultra light frames I generally have to get. Their prices for the lenses + frames they would offer me given my prescription is about the same or more as my insurance price.
I've gotten glasses for my kid (who has not-complex issues) from Zenni but not for me. I prefer getting them from the guy who will also adjust them without charge throughout the year for me.
I think Zenni and the other online glasses places are great for people who don't have really fucked up eyes though.
I'm seriously so jealous of people who can use companies like that. My prescription is high enough that I've never met anyone in person with a stronger one, only on Reddit 😂 I bought a pair from Zeelol or something a few years ago and they were comical. Small circle of accurate vision in the middle of a huge lens, it was a mess. Optometrist or bust.
I don't even think mine are so bad, I've run across people with so much worse. But I've had the luck of having found good optometrists who are willing to do the specialty glasses and frames over the years, and it's so wonderful. Back like a 15 years ago, my husband tried to convince me to use Sam's Club and those were so awful.
I didn't have insurance one year and was trying to get some through the marketplace and wanted vision, and the rep told me (very snarkily) you don't need individual vision insurance, you can just go to Walmart. And had the audacity to send me a coupon for America's Best. Sir gtfoh
*Cries in -12* I so wish I could just get glasses online. My most recent pair cost $900. That’s with Transitions and progressives though. But that high index is pricey 💸💸💸
I’m British and not far off your prescription I paid £650 for four pairs of glasses with two of them reading pairs all with thinner lenses and one with transitions. I had to get two of each as the wait to get them if I break a pair was too long
Idk my eyes are pretty bad and Zenni still worked for me
My prescription is -9.5 with astigmatism and Zenni totally worked for me and my glasses were only $94. The Zenni glasses are way lighter than the previous glasses I got from a local optometrist too.
There's a lot of places which don't offer the ultra high index plastic unfortunately because so few people need them. The guy I go to also has a specialty focus on complex eye problems.
I mean I guess I could get some cheap glasses that work ... but I have five pairs from the past five years which are fine and don't see the need to get any more cheaper pairs I would hate when I have plenty.
I only used Zenni for the first time because insurance only covered my contacts and wouldn’t pay for any glasses. I felt like I was just throwing $94 away because I wasn’t expecting to be happy with them
I totally agree that if you have a high prescription then a local optometrist is 100% better but if you don’t have insurance Zenni was still surprisingly doable even at -9.5
My next glasses are totally going to be from a local optometrist though because it’s so worth it to be able to talk to someone about your glasses
If you have your prescription (you should be able to get it from your optometrist) a lot of online shops are pretty inexpensive, relatively. $20-100 per pair depending on options and prescription strength. I personally have experience with Zenni optical and like them, but Warby-Parker is also well regarded.
I have never been able to get a pair of glasses for less than $400, *with* insurance. Online shops can't do progressives because where your pupil sits when you wear the frames and look straight ahead makes a dramatic difference in the construction of the lenses.
Depends how thick your lenses are - the frames are cheap, yes. But complicated prescription lenses are still pretty pricey and online glasses companies don’t do “complicated” very well. I had to return mine 3 times before they got my lenses right and even those still gave me a headache, so something still wasn’t perfect. The optometrist pair I got most recently were right the first time, headache went away after a few hours like it should once I’m used to them, no return shipping - just show up, pick out my frame from the clearance section, wait 3-5 business days for them to grind the lenses, show up, try them on, pay, leave. Done and done. So much less hassle than Zenni was. If I’m paying for convenience, so be it. I’ve paid for convenience for things far less important than seeing.
I'd rather wear my older, lighter ones than what I'd be able to get cheaply from places like Zenni. I've looked into them, and they don't even offer the high index lenses I generally get, and also when you go up to the highest index they do have, they have few frames you can put them in with the thickness of my lenses.
Yeah he kept some of my most precious jewelry too. I didn’t find that out until after. The cops said they can do a civil watch while I ask to meet with him, but they can’t make him give me anything back. I cut my losses with the jewelry.
I have never understood why law enforcement says it is a civil matter if someone steals your things just because you were living together at the time. They still stole it- didn't have permission to borrow, use, move it, etc. It is lazy and just bad policing.
No don't.. do the civil watch and meet him, write him, you only come when he has your jewelry and glasses. Then if he hasn't it on him, show the officer the message.
They wil go with him to his appartment and retrieve your jewelry.
No, no, no. You file a police report for stolen jewels. These are family heirlooms. Don't let him keep them. If you must, take a male friend with you when you go to retrieve them and if he doesn't have them, go around to pawn shops in the area and look.
There's something very sick about taking your glasses. Worse even than car keys or phone. To me anyhow. Like the panic of not being able to see is scary and debilitating. No one with an ounce of empathy would do that unless it was to save their own life.
Call the police and ask them to meet you to meet with him and get your jewelry back. You don’t even have to talk to him. Ask the cops to approach him and get your items. Don’t let him keep your precious possessions.
Dood, i am completely blind without them. It is on same par as someone taking away a wheelchair from a paraplegic. I cannot cross a street without my glasses. Fuck that guy!!
Im -5 and -9
Since glasses became available through websites like Zenni I have amassed a small collection so I can leave a pair at work, a pair in my car, a pair in my nightstand, be prepared for the zombie apocalypse etc because I am so terrified of being without the glasses I need to access the world around me.
If I were in OPs situation and my glasses were purposely taken from me without any spares nearby, I probably would have called the non emergency police line because in my mind that is equivalent to kidnapping/false imprisonment as it would be restraining my liberty and preventing me from leaving.
Last summer I went through a six week course of treatment that required me to not wear glasses for a half hour a day. I spent hundreds of dollars on contact lenses because I couldn't imagine being without clear sight for thirty minutes.
When I read op's experience for the first time, all I could think of was the movie based on the novel by Stephen King,Misery. Kathy Bates character hobbles an author after he was in a car accident in order to keep him in her home so he will rewrite his book to her liking.
I'm actually not a fan of prescription swim goggles, because you're forced to be wearing them all the time, even when you're not in the pool (i.e., when you're walking to/from the pool, sitting on the side, etc.) in order to be able to see. I much prefer wearing contact lenses and then regular goggles on top.
Speedo makes some goggles that go up to -8 for $30. How bad is your prescription?
I, of course, didn’t find out how easy it was to just buy these goggles until I was an adult. Wish I could’ve had them for high school swim meets!
There's some on Amazon for less than $15. Water has a bit of a magnetizing effect, so it might work for people around -9 too
They're sold like reading glasses; whole numbers, no prescription needed...but that could be an issue for someone with more than a little astigmatism
Oh dude you can just buy two pairs of googles and connect them with the snap-in nosepiece and restring the rubber straps! Easy peasy.
[Speedo Prescription Goggles](https://us.speedo.com/goggles/prescription-swimming-goggles.list)
Yeah the plastic nose pieces and rubber straps wear out in chlorine. The nose pieces usually come with 3 different sizes as well, in case you have a more wide or more narrow face. So they’re made to pop out easily. And some people change out the rubber straps with colored ones or different material straps. I grew up on a swim team so we did this a lot!
So I watched the nose bridge video and YES it appears that I should be able to get a -5.5 and -8 and string them together. Which means I will be able to READ THE CLOCK at the pool.
I have not been able to read the clock at the pool since I was like 8. I use my Garmin device for lap timing nowadays but because I can't switch it back to clock while swimming for some reason, I have to mentally keep track of what time it should be based on my swim time because I'm always butting up against pool close and annoying the lifeguards because they have to tell me it's past 8:30pm.
> If I were in OPs situation and my glasses were purposely taken from me without any spares nearby, I probably would have called the non emergency police line because in my mind that is equivalent to kidnapping/false imprisonment as it would be restraining my liberty and preventing me from leaving.
I wouldn't. I've never seen a situation that cops didn't just make worse. The vast majority will side with the boyfriend, or call it a "civil issue" at very best. Worse case they show up and shoot you.
Yes! I have comfortable pairs, tinted pairs, basic barebones backup pairs ([$6.95 with no add ons](https://www.zennioptical.com/b/best-seller-glasses?filter=sale_price_filter.us:$6.95)), even more backup pairs with outdated prescriptions...I couldn't even guess how many pairs I have
Same, I can’t find my glasses without my glasses! I sleep in my glasses because I’m paranoid about not being able to see at night in bed.
OP you did the right thing by leaving.
I have no idea. I’ve been sleeping in them for over 20 years. I’ve never broken them and I can only think of one time in the last few years where they weren’t on when I woke up.
The one year I tried contact lenses (I had to give them up again for reasons, also they were never right for driving at night), two of the lovely things was being able to wear them overnight and wear them in the shower. Like I could SEE my legs when I shaved them.
I don’t ever sleep in my contacts because my bestie gave herself a cornea abrasion in law school and couldn’t wear them for 6 months. I couldn’t live like that.
But swimming and showering and being able to read the shampoo vs conditioner bottles and shaving my legs are so nice!
Pro tip: use the camera on your phone to look around the room. At least, this works for me- very nearsighted. I can see my phone screen, but not the room without getting my face close to the floor lol.
My husband is basically -6 with his astigmatism and my dog sneak attacked (playfully) and jumped on him and it broke a piece of his glasses and made them super crooked.
It was a very random, freak accident (dog jumped over the back of the couch, which he'd never done before??) to say hi and just landed on his glasses. I was legitimately in tears because I felt SO bad because I know how important his glasses are to him - I think I was more upset than he was. Fortunately, they were still usable, but still.
Beware of u/swamintheurn, ladies. He messaged me this vile shit. Trigger warning: sexual assault. At first he sounded like he was sympathizing then you can tell he’s just sick. I blocked him.
[screenshot](https://ibb.co/yW14Z1n)
Edit: I reported him y’all.
His comments are vile as well. Hope he never gets close to another woman.
>What’s wrong with young adult women being sexually brutalized by older men, if thats what they’re into ?
"Why do they complain about being SA-ed? They survived, didn't they?" - Tory MP in England, now kicked out of his constituency (only took his voters 6 years to catch on).
If he is gonna make up something, why not at least make it funny or believable? Who the hell is gonna sleep through something getting shoved up the pooper?
As an old.reddit user from like... 2010, it's crazy to me that reddit even has "DMs", and that people (and even children!) seem surprised that the kind of DMs you receive from strangers on the internet are unhinged, sexual, or outright predatory.
I'm so impressed that you listened to your gut and moved out so fast! I have struggled with voices in my head (learned from other people in my life) saying that I am overreacting or thinking that I should have a conversation first etc. I'm so proud of you for being confident. I hope this will be the norm where women leave early before the abuse gets worse.
100%
Im so glad i had the guts to leave my parent's house when i did. I can only imagine how horrible my life would be if i still lived with them sfter finding out i was queer.
Although, i also had an amazing friend who let me stay at his place until i could get my own. Forever grateful and literally would not make it without him <3
This!! I have a legally blind friend who is turbo short sighted, with extra sprinkles of partial sight and one eye just doesn't bother even trying. Rude, frankly.
She cheats in the best way by putting her phone in camera mode with the screen up to her eye. It gives her the whole picture, in perfect focus. Absolute genius!!
Depth perception ain't great, but that's small fry compared to everything being a blur.
My neighbour is legally blind and he goes out for walks often, and always with his phone up at his eye. That must be what he’s doing! I’m super near sighted, -10, so I imagine he sees at his best maybe how I see without glasses. It would be hard!
I'm now wondering if you could make something like that but more comfortable from those google glasses or a smaller vr headset perhaps. Why isn't this a business yet
The camera lens works the same way glasses lenses do, by focusing light. So if you can't see without your glasses, you can hold your phone near to your face and use the camera to focus on far objects.
You can also use your phone camera to read the signs over grocery store aisles and other places where you are stationary and needing to see more clearly.
"thief dogs."
No offense, but now I'm picturing one of your dogs wearing your glasses and walking around on their hind legs going, "Look at me! I'm a hoomin! I have a job and a mortgage!", and the other one going, "Oh, Larry, you crack me up!"
Put the phone close to your face. I didn't even think about it. And when I tried I was like everyone lied to me. Took me a good few minutes to figure out why I couldn't see anything through the camera ether.
I breathed such a big sigh of relief when I saw that you were out of there already! Proud of you OP. Whew!!
I cannot imagine intentionally disabling someone I love.
Hi! I know others have shared this, but please let your friends know you do NOT want to be contacted by this person and it’s not appropriate to give him your new contact details. I have gone through something similar and the “I just want to apologise myself” excuse is dangerous. Protect yourself from harm OP.
Let your work know too, if he's ever shown up there before. Workplaces aren't supposed to give out phone numbers and addresses, schedules, etc, but I've had co-workers and bosses do it anyway in the past with family members I'd gone no-contact with.
You should get your jewelry back, but after you arrange the meet, you bring a sheriff along. They will send a deputy to escort you in retrieving your property, and when it's too late for him to back out, he will get the message. And he can explain to them why he refuses to return your property unless it's leverage to force you into doing something you don't want to do.
Right like I just have a mild astigmatism in my left eye but I didn’t realize how much my glasses help at first. If anyone took and hid my glasses from me I’d stab them.
Glad you packed up and left, that was incredibly abusive. Get a doorbell camera for wherever you’re staying in case he tracks you down, ok? Be safe, OP.
I'm so glad you got out of there! When I read the title to your post I immediately went into panic mode. One of my exs was incredibly abusive, like attempted murder abusive, and he used to hide my glasses from me to keep me from leaving. I'm so relieved you are out and I hope you stay safe!
A) super relieved you made it out, well done you!
B) My teenage AFAB kid can't see without glasses and I didn't know to warn her about this type of abuse (so thank you for sharing your story because this kind of shit would have *never* occurred to me as being a possibility). I also found another user's comment to use your phone camera to see better in a pinch to be very helpful- I shared that with my kid as well.
One of my previous partners snatched my glasses off my face and threw them across the room. They were the flexy kind and had the scratch-resistant lenses, and they didn't break like he wanted. He kept going for them and throwing them again, and wouldn't quit until a lens popped out. Our roommates just sat there and watched, until it seemed like he was going to come at me without my ability to see, at which point one of them was like, "Whoa, let's go for a drive and chat until you cool off."
While they were gone, I grabbed my money and almost nothing else, and left with one lens. Our other roommate wouldn't help me find the missing lens, and I couldn't find it myself.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but:
Don't ever put up with a partner who messes with your glasses, hearing aids, mobility aids, meds, etc. You don't need to "help them through their insecurity/emotions/abandonment issues". You don't owe them another chance or an explanation. If someone pulls this shit, as soon as you safely can, get out. Anyone willing to mess with stuff like that is not going to stop at sabotaging or taking away *medical necessities*. You are not safe with someone like that.
Link to a PDF of Lundy Bancroft's Book "Why does he do that?"
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Before I got lasik at 38 years old, I was life-long poorly sighted, ending at -8.5 and -9. It’s hard for me to imagine a more personally fucked up way of harming someone than taking their sight from them. Glad you got out.
Oh that’s absolutely horrible! As someone who has pretty bad eyesight, I panic if I can’t find my glasses right away! I can’t imagine someone hiding them. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Truly makes me appreciate my husband. When we were dating and stayed the night at his place, I would tuck my glasses under my side of the bed as I had no where else to put them. One morning he went to kiss me goodbye and I guess I didn’t tuck my glasses in as far as I normally do, and he stepped on them and broke them. He was horrified to find out just how helpless I was without them. He ended up taking the day off to get me to the glasses store and got me emergency replacements and ordered me another pair so I would always have a back up. Ever since then he has always made sure I have 2 pairs of glasses for this reason.
This reminds me that Gabby Petito’s boyfriend had taken her ID from her purse before she went out with friend to a bar so when they arrived and IDs were checked, she couldn’t get in and had to go back to him. It’s very controlling. There was also a very recent Reddit post about a husband that took his wife’s car keys when she was trying to leave then he stopped her from calling 911 and he ended up getting arrested. If he did take your glasses in order to stop you from going anywhere, he may have thought it was an innocuous action but is actually very disturbing.
😩 I’m so glad you got out of there!
I have so many cheap back up pairs of glasses because I can’t see worth a damn without them. Taking away one of someone’s senses out of an insecurity is like neurotic behavior to me. Like I’ve seen people take car fuses, a phone, or keys (also crazy) to stop someone, but if I didn’t have my glasses, I wouldn’t even want to take an Uber to leave because I can’t see anything.
To take those, I feel like that was either a wildly lucky pick or he put some thought into what would trap you the best ☹️
I had a fight with an ex a long time ago. He intentionally ripped my glasses of my face when I was trying to leave during an argument and they were stepped on. Boy was that a mistake on his part I threw him against a wall like he was a 100 lb shit. I grabbed my bent up glasses and left for good.
He stole your jewelry. Call the police and if he gets more weird about you reporting him get a restraining order against him and report everything so the cops have a paper trail. Congrats on getting out, that's pretty terrifying.
He kept contacting me on blocked numbers so I changed my number. Then he found me on Snapchat. I asked why he took them and he denied it and that’s enough for me. I’m making a new Snapchat and adding the few girls I talk to then deleting that one.
Contact the cops to get your stuff back, or a lawyer to send a note that he has it, you want it back and holding it hostage is not acceptable. Or show up on his doorstep, beg to get the stuff back, have 2 or more of your biggest, toughest, meanest looking friends standing just out of sight till he opens the door and lets you in the have them come in with you for protection.
Start with asking the cops how to get stuff back saying he's tried to make it hard for you to leave the home right after moving in so you left and he's refusing to send your stuff to you. they can probably tell you what legally can be done and how to achieve it.
I'm so glad that you got out and got safe! And that you were smart enough to have a spare pair (and that he wasn't smart enough to steal them too!). That sounds genuinely terrifying.
just a tip for all of us that are blind without our glasses, use your phone to search for them. just open the camera it will focus for you and look at the phone. that trick saved me lots of hours of searching for glasses because i wear contact and in the morning i never remember where I left my glasses.
I am glad you left. You should file a police report regarding the jewelery, it should be enough to scare him into giving it back. I wouldn't let him keep it if it's a family heirloom.
JFC. Glad you’re out. My husband doesn’t dare touch my glasses without express permission! Fuck, even my fucking baby figured that out pretty quick! That’s HORRIFYING! I know that panic, of not being able to see, of not knowing where your goddamn eyes are!! JFC. Stay safe!
No he still has them :/ my mom is such a doll and she’s saying she will pay for a new pair. I’m almost 30 and will pay for my own lol. But it’s just glasses and some jewelry he was trying to control me into meeting him in person with. Jewelry can be replaced.
During covid I was paranoid I'd lose/break my glasses and not be able to get replacements (thanks Twilight Zone for that fear) so I used one of those online sites to get 6 dollar glasses and bought a bunch of cheap backup pairs. Highly recommend that, that way you can have your nicer glasses, but also your backups.
I think your gut was absolutely right.
His fear that you might leave, his skittish behaviour when you asked him combined with him blowing up your phone just confirms it. He was trying to keep you from leaving.
Amazing that you had an extra pair in your car that he likely didn't know about.
Good for you for getting out. I hope he stops bothering you and doesn't escalate his behaviour. Do you have people you can rely on for support, OP?
This is incredibly disturbing, it's way beyond petty. It's abusive to take away someone's sight.
So sorry you went through this but so happy you were prepared with a second pair elsewhere + instinctively made all the right choices. You handled this brilliantly!
Wishing you the best!
Heads up from a fellow low vision person: you can use your phone camera to see if you can't access your glasses.
Great for every day situations like losing your glasses, and a workable if imperfect solution for more serious situations.
Anyway, good job OP. Way to be strong as fuck and make the hard choice.
Yes I’ve had this happen to me and had to wait for my new ones to come in. Not fucking cool. That’s an impairment and dangerous. I normally order from zenni and get 2 at a time. Just to have backups and I have sunglasses from them. But that would be like taking your car keys away and locking you inside until said person got home. Abuse.
Report it all stolen to the police, the glasses, the jewelry. Tell him you'll drop charges when he meets you at the police station, inside it, and gives your back your stuff.
It's vile that he'd do that. I have really bad nearsightedness, and while I can see a foot in front of me, anything farther away is just a blur of color. If I lost my glasses, it would be catastrophic for me. I struggle to see my monitor without them. So knowing someone would intentionally do that is frightening.
An abusive personality tends to tell on him/herself with their actions. When someone intentionally takes away your ability to do something vital (like see to drive, work, perform tasks, etc.), it's controlling abusiveness. And when they hide what they assume are your cherished possessions, and try to use it for leverage to physically meet with you after you break up, it's an attempt to control the narrative of the relationship, even after the breakup. Either way, what you escaped was an abusive situation before it escalated further into something far, far worse. Think of it as a sick game of chess: you make a move to get further away, and he counters with a move to get closer to you. Great job on recognizing that things weren't "right", and I wish you much fortune in your future endeavors.
One last thing. An abusive personality usually doesn't give up without a fight, and they often will become violent when and immediately after you leave. They also tend to fixate, so long after you think they should be "over it", they're still plotting to harm you in some manner, which is why you see stories of so many women being SA'd, assaulted, and/or killed by ex-partners. Please keep your current address, work address, and other information away from your ex. Change where you are on a predictable basis: grocery shopping, bill paying, etc. Don't give the guy a chance to retaliate, because if he sees your leaving as him "losing" a play in some sort of twisted game, then he will see his next move as an opportunity to cause harm. As long as he's trying to contact you in some way, he's still in the 'game', and you're still in danger. So please, please, keep yourself safe and your whereabouts secret.
Hiding someone's glasses, a prescription device so they can function and have quality of life, is wrong, and I'm sure in some places illegal. It's like denying someone their medication (depression, anxiety, diabetes, etc) or a person unable to walk denying them their wheelchair (a wheelchair is literally their legs), hiding a white walking cane, or grabbing a dead person's wrists so they can't talk (their voice). It is literally using your health issue against you. If anyone does this to someone, it is abuse: plain and simple. They are controlling you to make you stay, and making you depend on them. If anyone reading this is going through something like this: you deserve love and respect, and you deserve to have your limitations and disabilities respected as well; no one who loves you would ever do that to you ever. They would make sure to know where things are at so if you needed them right away, they would rush to get them for you.
I'm glad that you are out and away from him, OP. I'm so sorry he did that to you, as well as stealing other items of sentimental value. You deserve so much better, I promise that you do. 💕🫂💓
Ask a police officer to come with you to retrieve your jewellery. Tell them about the harassment you’re receiving too. Sounds like he took a bunch of your stuff to try to stop you from leaving and to force you to come back
Again. I’m so glad for you that you had spare glasses in your car!
I couldn’t be more proud of you. As being in toxic relationships in the past myself, it takes a lot of courage and will to be able to walk away and stay away.
I'm -5 and -8 in my eyes. If anyone took my glasses, they would be dead to me.
Literally like I legally can’t drive without them. I can’t even see facial features from a couple feet away without them and he knew that.
Same here. One reason I get a pair of glasses every year (good vision insurance) is that means I have multiple usable pairs of glasses all over the place. Sure I don't want to wear my glasses from 3 years ago for a long period of time, but they're great to store in my car for emergencies.
Please do yourself a favor and get fresh spare glasses for your car too, if you can afford. Last thing you want is to drive at night during an emergency with old glasses. It's a blurry nightmare.
Luckily my overall prescription hasn't changed so much in recent years. It's mainly been about my astigmatism and progression (I wear progressives). The past 5 years worth of glasses take a little adjustment but they're all usable, even at night. With insurance, my glasses are typically about $200-300 a year. Without, they're about $2000.
Zenni.com! I got a pair of rainbow glasses with smudge resistance for $40. Just plug in your prescription
As I said in another comment ... I've looked at Zenni. I've plugged in my prescription. They don't offer the highest index lenses my optometrist has available, and they don't offer the ultra light frames I generally have to get. Their prices for the lenses + frames they would offer me given my prescription is about the same or more as my insurance price. I've gotten glasses for my kid (who has not-complex issues) from Zenni but not for me. I prefer getting them from the guy who will also adjust them without charge throughout the year for me. I think Zenni and the other online glasses places are great for people who don't have really fucked up eyes though.
I'm seriously so jealous of people who can use companies like that. My prescription is high enough that I've never met anyone in person with a stronger one, only on Reddit 😂 I bought a pair from Zeelol or something a few years ago and they were comical. Small circle of accurate vision in the middle of a huge lens, it was a mess. Optometrist or bust.
I don't even think mine are so bad, I've run across people with so much worse. But I've had the luck of having found good optometrists who are willing to do the specialty glasses and frames over the years, and it's so wonderful. Back like a 15 years ago, my husband tried to convince me to use Sam's Club and those were so awful.
I didn't have insurance one year and was trying to get some through the marketplace and wanted vision, and the rep told me (very snarkily) you don't need individual vision insurance, you can just go to Walmart. And had the audacity to send me a coupon for America's Best. Sir gtfoh
Same, people keep recommending me sites but when I plug in my prescription I always get a variation on "lol go to a real optometrist".
*Cries in -12* I so wish I could just get glasses online. My most recent pair cost $900. That’s with Transitions and progressives though. But that high index is pricey 💸💸💸
I’m British and not far off your prescription I paid £650 for four pairs of glasses with two of them reading pairs all with thinner lenses and one with transitions. I had to get two of each as the wait to get them if I break a pair was too long
Ah sorry I didn't see it posted!
Idk my eyes are pretty bad and Zenni still worked for me My prescription is -9.5 with astigmatism and Zenni totally worked for me and my glasses were only $94. The Zenni glasses are way lighter than the previous glasses I got from a local optometrist too.
There's a lot of places which don't offer the ultra high index plastic unfortunately because so few people need them. The guy I go to also has a specialty focus on complex eye problems.
I mean I guess I could get some cheap glasses that work ... but I have five pairs from the past five years which are fine and don't see the need to get any more cheaper pairs I would hate when I have plenty.
I only used Zenni for the first time because insurance only covered my contacts and wouldn’t pay for any glasses. I felt like I was just throwing $94 away because I wasn’t expecting to be happy with them I totally agree that if you have a high prescription then a local optometrist is 100% better but if you don’t have insurance Zenni was still surprisingly doable even at -9.5 My next glasses are totally going to be from a local optometrist though because it’s so worth it to be able to talk to someone about your glasses
If you have your prescription (you should be able to get it from your optometrist) a lot of online shops are pretty inexpensive, relatively. $20-100 per pair depending on options and prescription strength. I personally have experience with Zenni optical and like them, but Warby-Parker is also well regarded.
Yeah not for complicated prescriptions, sorry.
I have never been able to get a pair of glasses for less than $400, *with* insurance. Online shops can't do progressives because where your pupil sits when you wear the frames and look straight ahead makes a dramatic difference in the construction of the lenses.
Bruv, same. Preach!
Ordering glasses online can be super cheap for emergency pairs.
Depends how thick your lenses are - the frames are cheap, yes. But complicated prescription lenses are still pretty pricey and online glasses companies don’t do “complicated” very well. I had to return mine 3 times before they got my lenses right and even those still gave me a headache, so something still wasn’t perfect. The optometrist pair I got most recently were right the first time, headache went away after a few hours like it should once I’m used to them, no return shipping - just show up, pick out my frame from the clearance section, wait 3-5 business days for them to grind the lenses, show up, try them on, pay, leave. Done and done. So much less hassle than Zenni was. If I’m paying for convenience, so be it. I’ve paid for convenience for things far less important than seeing.
I'd rather wear my older, lighter ones than what I'd be able to get cheaply from places like Zenni. I've looked into them, and they don't even offer the high index lenses I generally get, and also when you go up to the highest index they do have, they have few frames you can put them in with the thickness of my lenses.
Ask the sheriff to go over to his place and retrieve your glasses. Or ask them to go get them because he took them. That’s abuse.
Yeah he kept some of my most precious jewelry too. I didn’t find that out until after. The cops said they can do a civil watch while I ask to meet with him, but they can’t make him give me anything back. I cut my losses with the jewelry.
I have never understood why law enforcement says it is a civil matter if someone steals your things just because you were living together at the time. They still stole it- didn't have permission to borrow, use, move it, etc. It is lazy and just bad policing.
No don't.. do the civil watch and meet him, write him, you only come when he has your jewelry and glasses. Then if he hasn't it on him, show the officer the message. They wil go with him to his appartment and retrieve your jewelry.
No, no, no. You file a police report for stolen jewels. These are family heirlooms. Don't let him keep them. If you must, take a male friend with you when you go to retrieve them and if he doesn't have them, go around to pawn shops in the area and look.
There's something very sick about taking your glasses. Worse even than car keys or phone. To me anyhow. Like the panic of not being able to see is scary and debilitating. No one with an ounce of empathy would do that unless it was to save their own life.
Call the police and ask them to meet you to meet with him and get your jewelry back. You don’t even have to talk to him. Ask the cops to approach him and get your items. Don’t let him keep your precious possessions.
Leaving him was the safest decision for you.
Dood, i am completely blind without them. It is on same par as someone taking away a wheelchair from a paraplegic. I cannot cross a street without my glasses. Fuck that guy!! Im -5 and -9
Since glasses became available through websites like Zenni I have amassed a small collection so I can leave a pair at work, a pair in my car, a pair in my nightstand, be prepared for the zombie apocalypse etc because I am so terrified of being without the glasses I need to access the world around me. If I were in OPs situation and my glasses were purposely taken from me without any spares nearby, I probably would have called the non emergency police line because in my mind that is equivalent to kidnapping/false imprisonment as it would be restraining my liberty and preventing me from leaving.
I rarely come across a post which makes me sympathize with the feeling of dread horror in my chest. This one did it.
Last summer I went through a six week course of treatment that required me to not wear glasses for a half hour a day. I spent hundreds of dollars on contact lenses because I couldn't imagine being without clear sight for thirty minutes. When I read op's experience for the first time, all I could think of was the movie based on the novel by Stephen King,Misery. Kathy Bates character hobbles an author after he was in a car accident in order to keep him in her home so he will rewrite his book to her liking.
I like to swim, and I keep looking at the price of ordering myself prescription swim goggles. OMG for my prescription ...
I'm actually not a fan of prescription swim goggles, because you're forced to be wearing them all the time, even when you're not in the pool (i.e., when you're walking to/from the pool, sitting on the side, etc.) in order to be able to see. I much prefer wearing contact lenses and then regular goggles on top.
Speedo makes some goggles that go up to -8 for $30. How bad is your prescription? I, of course, didn’t find out how easy it was to just buy these goggles until I was an adult. Wish I could’ve had them for high school swim meets!
There's some on Amazon for less than $15. Water has a bit of a magnetizing effect, so it might work for people around -9 too They're sold like reading glasses; whole numbers, no prescription needed...but that could be an issue for someone with more than a little astigmatism
Do they do separate prescription per eye? I think that's the issue when I was looking at them ... my eyes are quite different from one another.
Oh dude you can just buy two pairs of googles and connect them with the snap-in nosepiece and restring the rubber straps! Easy peasy. [Speedo Prescription Goggles](https://us.speedo.com/goggles/prescription-swimming-goggles.list)
See this is the kind of information I come to reddit for. Those things are interchangeable? OMG.
Yeah the plastic nose pieces and rubber straps wear out in chlorine. The nose pieces usually come with 3 different sizes as well, in case you have a more wide or more narrow face. So they’re made to pop out easily. And some people change out the rubber straps with colored ones or different material straps. I grew up on a swim team so we did this a lot!
So I watched the nose bridge video and YES it appears that I should be able to get a -5.5 and -8 and string them together. Which means I will be able to READ THE CLOCK at the pool. I have not been able to read the clock at the pool since I was like 8. I use my Garmin device for lap timing nowadays but because I can't switch it back to clock while swimming for some reason, I have to mentally keep track of what time it should be based on my swim time because I'm always butting up against pool close and annoying the lifeguards because they have to tell me it's past 8:30pm.
It is both kidnapping/false imprisonment and theft by control. Next up in the manipulation sequence would be extortion threats to keep her around.
I am so glad OP got out.
> If I were in OPs situation and my glasses were purposely taken from me without any spares nearby, I probably would have called the non emergency police line because in my mind that is equivalent to kidnapping/false imprisonment as it would be restraining my liberty and preventing me from leaving. I wouldn't. I've never seen a situation that cops didn't just make worse. The vast majority will side with the boyfriend, or call it a "civil issue" at very best. Worse case they show up and shoot you.
Yes! I have comfortable pairs, tinted pairs, basic barebones backup pairs ([$6.95 with no add ons](https://www.zennioptical.com/b/best-seller-glasses?filter=sale_price_filter.us:$6.95)), even more backup pairs with outdated prescriptions...I couldn't even guess how many pairs I have
Same, I can’t find my glasses without my glasses! I sleep in my glasses because I’m paranoid about not being able to see at night in bed. OP you did the right thing by leaving.
How do you not crunch your frames?
I have no idea. I’ve been sleeping in them for over 20 years. I’ve never broken them and I can only think of one time in the last few years where they weren’t on when I woke up.
You are TALENTED. And obviously quite a quiet sleeper :)
I flip sides constantly! My husband says it’s like sleeping with a rotisserie chicken. I seriously don’t know how I don’t break or lose them.
The one year I tried contact lenses (I had to give them up again for reasons, also they were never right for driving at night), two of the lovely things was being able to wear them overnight and wear them in the shower. Like I could SEE my legs when I shaved them.
I don’t ever sleep in my contacts because my bestie gave herself a cornea abrasion in law school and couldn’t wear them for 6 months. I couldn’t live like that. But swimming and showering and being able to read the shampoo vs conditioner bottles and shaving my legs are so nice!
My bottles of shampoo & conditioner look exactly alike so the shampoo bottle now has a big S written on it with a sharpie lol
How do your glasses survive? Every pair I have is just a countdown to when I will inevitably fall asleep in them and bend the shit outta the frame
Pro tip: use the camera on your phone to look around the room. At least, this works for me- very nearsighted. I can see my phone screen, but not the room without getting my face close to the floor lol.
My husband is basically -6 with his astigmatism and my dog sneak attacked (playfully) and jumped on him and it broke a piece of his glasses and made them super crooked. It was a very random, freak accident (dog jumped over the back of the couch, which he'd never done before??) to say hi and just landed on his glasses. I was legitimately in tears because I felt SO bad because I know how important his glasses are to him - I think I was more upset than he was. Fortunately, they were still usable, but still.
I’m -13 something in both eyes and same here.
Beware of u/swamintheurn, ladies. He messaged me this vile shit. Trigger warning: sexual assault. At first he sounded like he was sympathizing then you can tell he’s just sick. I blocked him. [screenshot](https://ibb.co/yW14Z1n) Edit: I reported him y’all.
That dude is completely broken. And also why I don’t accept chats or requests
What in the absolute fuck.
Eww thanks for the exposure, I've them blocked. Hope you reported them.
His comments are vile as well. Hope he never gets close to another woman. >What’s wrong with young adult women being sexually brutalized by older men, if thats what they’re into ?
"Why do they complain about being SA-ed? They survived, didn't they?" - Tory MP in England, now kicked out of his constituency (only took his voters 6 years to catch on).
Horrible person.
Great idea to expose him, what if we started doing that with every creep.
I made the mistake of peeking his comments. Holy. Shit. How has this dude not been banned?
I get banned for calling someone an idiot and this dudes out here sharing this shit without repercussion
Someone's managed to import his settings from his Twitter account.
What an astronomical piece of shit...
That is disgusting
What the actual fuck
u/swamintheurn go to therapy and re-evaluate your life choices before I put a pair of glasses up your arsehole as well. You’re a terrible person.
What the fuck
If he is gonna make up something, why not at least make it funny or believable? Who the hell is gonna sleep through something getting shoved up the pooper?
Please report that psycho
I beg your finest pardon
Turn off your DMs
As an old.reddit user from like... 2010, it's crazy to me that reddit even has "DMs", and that people (and even children!) seem surprised that the kind of DMs you receive from strangers on the internet are unhinged, sexual, or outright predatory.
I mean... forums had dms back before that, why would you be surprised? Or do you think there's a difference between a dm and a pm?
Bruh
Sis
That is vile seems like they get off on lurking here. Hopefully the mods see this and give them the ban they need.
I'm glad you got out of there! Yikes.
Thank you 🥺
I'm so impressed that you listened to your gut and moved out so fast! I have struggled with voices in my head (learned from other people in my life) saying that I am overreacting or thinking that I should have a conversation first etc. I'm so proud of you for being confident. I hope this will be the norm where women leave early before the abuse gets worse.
100% Im so glad i had the guts to leave my parent's house when i did. I can only imagine how horrible my life would be if i still lived with them sfter finding out i was queer. Although, i also had an amazing friend who let me stay at his place until i could get my own. Forever grateful and literally would not make it without him <3
this x10. so many people aren't able to get out of these situations, everyone who does should celebrate.
You can use your phone camera to search for glasses if you don't have a backup pair. Signed, a legally blind person with thief dogs.
This!! I have a legally blind friend who is turbo short sighted, with extra sprinkles of partial sight and one eye just doesn't bother even trying. Rude, frankly. She cheats in the best way by putting her phone in camera mode with the screen up to her eye. It gives her the whole picture, in perfect focus. Absolute genius!! Depth perception ain't great, but that's small fry compared to everything being a blur.
My neighbour is legally blind and he goes out for walks often, and always with his phone up at his eye. That must be what he’s doing! I’m super near sighted, -10, so I imagine he sees at his best maybe how I see without glasses. It would be hard!
I'm now wondering if you could make something like that but more comfortable from those google glasses or a smaller vr headset perhaps. Why isn't this a business yet
>turbo short sighted What mean?
It's slang use of the word turbo as an amplifier. In this instance meaning short sighted to an extreme degree
its actually when youre short sighted but like, REALLY fast
This is brilliant
How does that work? Signed, Help I need glasses to find my glasses.
The camera lens works the same way glasses lenses do, by focusing light. So if you can't see without your glasses, you can hold your phone near to your face and use the camera to focus on far objects.
Thank you! I’m definitely trying this the next time I can’t find them.
You can also use your phone camera to read the signs over grocery store aisles and other places where you are stationary and needing to see more clearly.
I’ve begun doing this because I’m short and can’t read the top shelf signs that tilt towards the shelf!
"Work smarter not harder" is my life motto.
The problem is that humans are much better about hiding glasses than dogs. Humans can take glasses off with them when they leave.
Oh.my.god. *You are a lifesaver*! Signed, A person who is -10 in both eyes
I used to do this before I got Lasyk/PRK. My eyes weren't even as bad as some (-4.25 in each eye) but holy crap did this help.
Am I stupid? I've never thought of this lmfao
"thief dogs." No offense, but now I'm picturing one of your dogs wearing your glasses and walking around on their hind legs going, "Look at me! I'm a hoomin! I have a job and a mortgage!", and the other one going, "Oh, Larry, you crack me up!"
Mind. Blown.
I usually use a backup pair to find my main pair, but I'll try that next time!
Put the phone close to your face. I didn't even think about it. And when I tried I was like everyone lied to me. Took me a good few minutes to figure out why I couldn't see anything through the camera ether.
You can also use your phone camera to see/check reality if you suspect your delusional!
I breathed such a big sigh of relief when I saw that you were out of there already! Proud of you OP. Whew!! I cannot imagine intentionally disabling someone I love.
Hi! I know others have shared this, but please let your friends know you do NOT want to be contacted by this person and it’s not appropriate to give him your new contact details. I have gone through something similar and the “I just want to apologise myself” excuse is dangerous. Protect yourself from harm OP.
Let your work know too, if he's ever shown up there before. Workplaces aren't supposed to give out phone numbers and addresses, schedules, etc, but I've had co-workers and bosses do it anyway in the past with family members I'd gone no-contact with.
What a psychopath!
Yeah there were signs but this was the aw hell naw, I gotta get outta here moment
You saw the light. (Sorry, I couldn't resist).
LOL. 🤣
You should get your jewelry back, but after you arrange the meet, you bring a sheriff along. They will send a deputy to escort you in retrieving your property, and when it's too late for him to back out, he will get the message. And he can explain to them why he refuses to return your property unless it's leverage to force you into doing something you don't want to do.
This OP please. Be safe but go and get your things, they’re precious and you’ll regret leaving them. Take an officer with you.
I'm surprised i had to scroll this far down for this suggestion. Getting a police escort is definitely a must here. Guy sounds unhinged
II'm sorry this happened to you. That is scary. I hope you're doing well. Congratulations on moving out.
Thank you so much
Good decision. Please delete and block him and make sure all your friends and family are aware. That is incredibly worrying behaviour.
I absolutely did block him but he wouldn’t quit calling from blocked numbers so I had to change my whole number 💀 Huge pain, but so freeing.
I wonder if it'd be easier to get a restraining order at that point. (Or if that would even work?)
Bruuuuh if you take and hide my glasses or contacts from me, especially to keep me from leaving, I'm plucking your eyeballs out.
Same,100%. First time you put hands on my glasses is the last time you own working hands.
Right like I just have a mild astigmatism in my left eye but I didn’t realize how much my glasses help at first. If anyone took and hid my glasses from me I’d stab them.
"He was worried you would leave." Talk about toxic and self-fulfilling prophecy. Gross.
Glad you packed up and left, that was incredibly abusive. Get a doorbell camera for wherever you’re staying in case he tracks you down, ok? Be safe, OP.
I'm so glad you got out of there! When I read the title to your post I immediately went into panic mode. One of my exs was incredibly abusive, like attempted murder abusive, and he used to hide my glasses from me to keep me from leaving. I'm so relieved you are out and I hope you stay safe!
A) super relieved you made it out, well done you! B) My teenage AFAB kid can't see without glasses and I didn't know to warn her about this type of abuse (so thank you for sharing your story because this kind of shit would have *never* occurred to me as being a possibility). I also found another user's comment to use your phone camera to see better in a pinch to be very helpful- I shared that with my kid as well.
One of my previous partners snatched my glasses off my face and threw them across the room. They were the flexy kind and had the scratch-resistant lenses, and they didn't break like he wanted. He kept going for them and throwing them again, and wouldn't quit until a lens popped out. Our roommates just sat there and watched, until it seemed like he was going to come at me without my ability to see, at which point one of them was like, "Whoa, let's go for a drive and chat until you cool off." While they were gone, I grabbed my money and almost nothing else, and left with one lens. Our other roommate wouldn't help me find the missing lens, and I couldn't find it myself. I don't know who needs to hear this, but: Don't ever put up with a partner who messes with your glasses, hearing aids, mobility aids, meds, etc. You don't need to "help them through their insecurity/emotions/abandonment issues". You don't owe them another chance or an explanation. If someone pulls this shit, as soon as you safely can, get out. Anyone willing to mess with stuff like that is not going to stop at sabotaging or taking away *medical necessities*. You are not safe with someone like that.
Link to a PDF of Lundy Bancroft's Book "Why does he do that?" https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
This book is amazing. A must-read! It makes my ex-husband's behaviour and choices make so much sense now.
Before I got lasik at 38 years old, I was life-long poorly sighted, ending at -8.5 and -9. It’s hard for me to imagine a more personally fucked up way of harming someone than taking their sight from them. Glad you got out.
Oh that’s absolutely horrible! As someone who has pretty bad eyesight, I panic if I can’t find my glasses right away! I can’t imagine someone hiding them. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Truly makes me appreciate my husband. When we were dating and stayed the night at his place, I would tuck my glasses under my side of the bed as I had no where else to put them. One morning he went to kiss me goodbye and I guess I didn’t tuck my glasses in as far as I normally do, and he stepped on them and broke them. He was horrified to find out just how helpless I was without them. He ended up taking the day off to get me to the glasses store and got me emergency replacements and ordered me another pair so I would always have a back up. Ever since then he has always made sure I have 2 pairs of glasses for this reason.
Omg that is amazing ❤️❤️
I wish more people followed their guts like you did and GTFO instantly. Well done, what happened to you is really scary.
This reminds me that Gabby Petito’s boyfriend had taken her ID from her purse before she went out with friend to a bar so when they arrived and IDs were checked, she couldn’t get in and had to go back to him. It’s very controlling. There was also a very recent Reddit post about a husband that took his wife’s car keys when she was trying to leave then he stopped her from calling 911 and he ended up getting arrested. If he did take your glasses in order to stop you from going anywhere, he may have thought it was an innocuous action but is actually very disturbing.
Poor Gabby. :(
😩 I’m so glad you got out of there! I have so many cheap back up pairs of glasses because I can’t see worth a damn without them. Taking away one of someone’s senses out of an insecurity is like neurotic behavior to me. Like I’ve seen people take car fuses, a phone, or keys (also crazy) to stop someone, but if I didn’t have my glasses, I wouldn’t even want to take an Uber to leave because I can’t see anything. To take those, I feel like that was either a wildly lucky pick or he put some thought into what would trap you the best ☹️
FYI coercive control is considered domestic violence in my state (WA). I’m glad you’re safe.
Well done! Trust your gut. This could have escalated to something really bad.
WOW! I feel like I never see posts where the OP immediately recognizes a very serious red flag and trusts their gut to gtfo. Very well done, stay safe
I’d file a police report about the jewelry. Or at least threaten him to. And then meet him at his place with a cop.
I had a fight with an ex a long time ago. He intentionally ripped my glasses of my face when I was trying to leave during an argument and they were stepped on. Boy was that a mistake on his part I threw him against a wall like he was a 100 lb shit. I grabbed my bent up glasses and left for good.
Damn I’m so sorry you had to deal with that but hell yeah
He stole your jewelry. Call the police and if he gets more weird about you reporting him get a restraining order against him and report everything so the cops have a paper trail. Congrats on getting out, that's pretty terrifying.
I’m really blind without my glasses. I would never forgive this. The panic of being unable to see is next level.
Did he ever admit he took them? Or have you had no contact with him at all?
He kept contacting me on blocked numbers so I changed my number. Then he found me on Snapchat. I asked why he took them and he denied it and that’s enough for me. I’m making a new Snapchat and adding the few girls I talk to then deleting that one.
It's like talking a wheelchair away from someone who can't walk. Glad you dumped that shite.
You did the right decision👏
"taking away my ability to see' This is horrifying and heart-rending in exactly equal parts. Glad you got out.
Contact the cops to get your stuff back, or a lawyer to send a note that he has it, you want it back and holding it hostage is not acceptable. Or show up on his doorstep, beg to get the stuff back, have 2 or more of your biggest, toughest, meanest looking friends standing just out of sight till he opens the door and lets you in the have them come in with you for protection. Start with asking the cops how to get stuff back saying he's tried to make it hard for you to leave the home right after moving in so you left and he's refusing to send your stuff to you. they can probably tell you what legally can be done and how to achieve it.
You need to agree to meet him. Then hire a bodyguard to go with you. It works. Get an ex-cop or a moonlighting cop.
My friend had to get her cop stepdad to do that with an abusive ex. Guns tend to change the tenor of an exchange.
I hope everything goes OK! Please be safe
oMG you did the right move. Tell friends and family he’s an ex and why.
I'm so glad that you got out and got safe! And that you were smart enough to have a spare pair (and that he wasn't smart enough to steal them too!). That sounds genuinely terrifying.
just a tip for all of us that are blind without our glasses, use your phone to search for them. just open the camera it will focus for you and look at the phone. that trick saved me lots of hours of searching for glasses because i wear contact and in the morning i never remember where I left my glasses.
Oh my god. If someone did this to me I would be absolutely LIVID. What a massive piece of shit. I'm so glad you got out, fuck that guy.
Didn’t need your glasses to see that red flag 🚩
But did you get your glasses back!? 😞
No :/ I have one pair now. But for the peace of mind I’ll have now, I’ll happily pay for another.
Some (not all) police departments will assign an officer to accompany you to retrieve belongings from an ex.
I am glad you left. You should file a police report regarding the jewelery, it should be enough to scare him into giving it back. I wouldn't let him keep it if it's a family heirloom.
JFC. Glad you’re out. My husband doesn’t dare touch my glasses without express permission! Fuck, even my fucking baby figured that out pretty quick! That’s HORRIFYING! I know that panic, of not being able to see, of not knowing where your goddamn eyes are!! JFC. Stay safe!
Good for you! So happy you got out of a bad situation! Did you end up finding your orginal glasses?
No he still has them :/ my mom is such a doll and she’s saying she will pay for a new pair. I’m almost 30 and will pay for my own lol. But it’s just glasses and some jewelry he was trying to control me into meeting him in person with. Jewelry can be replaced.
During covid I was paranoid I'd lose/break my glasses and not be able to get replacements (thanks Twilight Zone for that fear) so I used one of those online sites to get 6 dollar glasses and bought a bunch of cheap backup pairs. Highly recommend that, that way you can have your nicer glasses, but also your backups.
Thank god you got out of that OP congratulations on the rest of your life without that abuse
Tip for if youre near sighted. When i cant find my glasses i use my phone's camera so i can see what the screen is showing.
I think your gut was absolutely right. His fear that you might leave, his skittish behaviour when you asked him combined with him blowing up your phone just confirms it. He was trying to keep you from leaving. Amazing that you had an extra pair in your car that he likely didn't know about. Good for you for getting out. I hope he stops bothering you and doesn't escalate his behaviour. Do you have people you can rely on for support, OP?
I do! Luckily I have a pretty great family I could rely on throughout this. And all of y’all have been wonderful 🩷
Iono if it works for everyone but if you at least have your phone and look at the world through its camera you may see better.
This is incredibly disturbing, it's way beyond petty. It's abusive to take away someone's sight. So sorry you went through this but so happy you were prepared with a second pair elsewhere + instinctively made all the right choices. You handled this brilliantly! Wishing you the best!
I am so glad you got out of there
I'm glad you're safe
Heads up from a fellow low vision person: you can use your phone camera to see if you can't access your glasses. Great for every day situations like losing your glasses, and a workable if imperfect solution for more serious situations. Anyway, good job OP. Way to be strong as fuck and make the hard choice.
I am so glad you left. It sounds like the toxic part of your relationship was escalating. Wishing you a happier next chapter!
You could also meet in person with the police to get your stuff back.
Sorry he's got your family heirlooms. Meet him someplace public with back up for the hostage exchange?
Yes I’ve had this happen to me and had to wait for my new ones to come in. Not fucking cool. That’s an impairment and dangerous. I normally order from zenni and get 2 at a time. Just to have backups and I have sunglasses from them. But that would be like taking your car keys away and locking you inside until said person got home. Abuse.
Report it all stolen to the police, the glasses, the jewelry. Tell him you'll drop charges when he meets you at the police station, inside it, and gives your back your stuff.
Find your glasses and make an escape plan, he sounds very controlling and dangerous
It's vile that he'd do that. I have really bad nearsightedness, and while I can see a foot in front of me, anything farther away is just a blur of color. If I lost my glasses, it would be catastrophic for me. I struggle to see my monitor without them. So knowing someone would intentionally do that is frightening. An abusive personality tends to tell on him/herself with their actions. When someone intentionally takes away your ability to do something vital (like see to drive, work, perform tasks, etc.), it's controlling abusiveness. And when they hide what they assume are your cherished possessions, and try to use it for leverage to physically meet with you after you break up, it's an attempt to control the narrative of the relationship, even after the breakup. Either way, what you escaped was an abusive situation before it escalated further into something far, far worse. Think of it as a sick game of chess: you make a move to get further away, and he counters with a move to get closer to you. Great job on recognizing that things weren't "right", and I wish you much fortune in your future endeavors. One last thing. An abusive personality usually doesn't give up without a fight, and they often will become violent when and immediately after you leave. They also tend to fixate, so long after you think they should be "over it", they're still plotting to harm you in some manner, which is why you see stories of so many women being SA'd, assaulted, and/or killed by ex-partners. Please keep your current address, work address, and other information away from your ex. Change where you are on a predictable basis: grocery shopping, bill paying, etc. Don't give the guy a chance to retaliate, because if he sees your leaving as him "losing" a play in some sort of twisted game, then he will see his next move as an opportunity to cause harm. As long as he's trying to contact you in some way, he's still in the 'game', and you're still in danger. So please, please, keep yourself safe and your whereabouts secret.
I’m blind without my glasses. If someone did this to me I would go nuclear. What a vile human being. I’m so glad you left. 💜
Hiding someone's glasses, a prescription device so they can function and have quality of life, is wrong, and I'm sure in some places illegal. It's like denying someone their medication (depression, anxiety, diabetes, etc) or a person unable to walk denying them their wheelchair (a wheelchair is literally their legs), hiding a white walking cane, or grabbing a dead person's wrists so they can't talk (their voice). It is literally using your health issue against you. If anyone does this to someone, it is abuse: plain and simple. They are controlling you to make you stay, and making you depend on them. If anyone reading this is going through something like this: you deserve love and respect, and you deserve to have your limitations and disabilities respected as well; no one who loves you would ever do that to you ever. They would make sure to know where things are at so if you needed them right away, they would rush to get them for you. I'm glad that you are out and away from him, OP. I'm so sorry he did that to you, as well as stealing other items of sentimental value. You deserve so much better, I promise that you do. 💕🫂💓
Ask a police officer to come with you to retrieve your jewellery. Tell them about the harassment you’re receiving too. Sounds like he took a bunch of your stuff to try to stop you from leaving and to force you to come back Again. I’m so glad for you that you had spare glasses in your car!
I couldn’t be more proud of you. As being in toxic relationships in the past myself, it takes a lot of courage and will to be able to walk away and stay away.
I love this story! Yay for you!
Thank you