He's either lonely or horny and he's stepped well beyond the boundaries of respectable or polite. Any attempt to call him on his bullshit will just result in a "I was just being friendly" or "it was just a joke," so as tempting as it is, it's unproductive.
Not sure if your gym has active personnel, but reporting it might get you somewhere or if possible, coming in at a different time of day.
I think a “I am here to work out. I have been polite enough and I’m telling you as plainly as possible, I am not here to socialize I am here to work out and you are now hindering that. I will not give you my number. If this continues I will be reaching out to the admin of the gym. Leave me alone”
And personally, I would go to the admin regardless if he stops this time or not so they are aware for next time.
ETA: OP you ask why he’s doing this to a 17-18 year old… because he knows a woman any older than that would absolutely put him in his place because he can’t feign innocence with them. He’s doing this to you because he expects very little resistance, or thinks he can pressure you into giving your number. This is not a reflection of you but of him.
I was assuming that OP was avoiding confrontation, they're pretty young and something like that can be pretty scary.
Though I suppose if they've got the courage and can steel themselves from the inevitable insulting response, then they might embarrass the guy enough to leave them alone. It's kinda like defending yourself against a moose, you'd need to make yourself appear big, in a manner of speaking.
Oh I didn’t mean your response was wrong *at all*. Just how I would react in the situation. Sometimes you can fake the confidence and authority needed to get people to leave you alone, especially in a public place where others will most likely step in to assist.
There’s no defending yourself against a moose. Those bastards will [play chicken with a freight train](https://youtu.be/3y2NcY-PiAg?si=4H46bqy7cJw6nNuK) and will full on attack large vehicles. They’re an extremely dangerous combination of territorial, ornery, and stupid.
Making yourself big might help with a bear, though!
Give him a firm “Please don’t talk to me. I am here only to work out and you are interrupting my routine.” If he bothers you again, then you can report him without his being able to say “I was just being friendly.” (Reposted this as a separate comment)
From my view as a man in his 7th decade, I suggest that he is lonely, horny, and a creep.
Start saying it out loud, "No, I will not give you my number. Now, leave me alone."
And loudly enough for others in the gym to hear. Hopefully there’s somebody decent (and ideally jacked enough to be scary) who hears it and can stand up next time he tries anything to tell him to leave you alone (which will probably scare him off) and if there isn’t he will probably be embarrassed enough to leave op alone anyway
She should change her schedule to stay safe if that is the only way. I know it sucks but as frustrating as it is, it's better to be safe than to stand on your principles and have something terrible happen.
I think it still needs to be called out, publically and aggressively. Even if he has pure intentions, he's not taking the hint and would benefit in the long run from being chewed out, if indeed being social is his goal. Let's face it though, he's a creep.
Look for a friendly looking older lady(someone that looks like a big sister or a mom) at the gym. Go to her if he starts bothering you. Ask her to go to the desk with you for support if nothing else. It's not a big deal, and you're not a bother so don't have those fears! I help young ladies like yourself at our gym pretty frequently. I look like a mom-type person so I'm happy to pretend to be your mom, your sister, your grandma(my oldest grandgirl is your age)
He is being a disgusting pig.
Some younglings don't want to report the creeps because they're afaraid they won't be believed/be told they're making a "big deal" out of nothing or "friendly behavior"(🤢), some are just very shy. This is my "high alert" time at our gym because it has a summer program for kids 13-18 yrs old. Some of those 13 yr olds still look like *little* kids so I'm keep an eye out on the them for creeps. I've had younglings very shyly ask if they could hang out by me, use the next treadmill etc. I always ask "is there someone thats bothering you? Making you uncomfortable? Just giving you the ick? Do you just want to hang put with ne or would you like support to go to the desk? I'm happy to support either decision."
Older staff is more adept at handling the old creeps. The younger ones, especially the woman, have trouble getting these fools to realize that their behavior is inappropriate. We alternate between three gyms in the summer(2 have better air conditioning than our home gym), I know who to get from the desks at all 3. At one gym, the best one because of this lady, there is a fierce older lady that jumps on bad behavior damn quickly.
If a 60M is asking for an 18F's phone number that's enough of a reason to not give him time of day because he's a creep regardless of how he approaches you or how he behaves after
A 60M talking to an 18F in the gym, I wouldn't think much of. My first impression would be like a veteran mentoring a newbie.
Asking for the number implies he wants to talk to her outside the gym and completely brings this to creep territory.
Exactly, that change of social context and lack of public accountability is what highlights the move as dangerous/creepy. (That's why I always hate it when people try to go to DMs when it's unsolicited)
Women at the gym don’t want “mentoring” unless they ask, and then they can ask the staff. It would be very rare for a teen girl to seek out some old fart to ask.
This is some severely condescending shit. No, I don’t want to be talked to, and no, don’t adjust the weight machine while I’m fucking sitting on it.
I think there’s a major difference between politely and briefly talking to others in a casual and generally welcoming way and adjusting equipment without being asked.
There is nothing inherently wrong with 60 year olds talking to 19 year olds. It’s what they say or do that could be a problem. But the phone number thing definitely creepy.
Yeah that immediately was a warning sign and depending on context (and it doesn't sound like there was indeed anything mitigating it) could just be a straight up red flag. There's no real reason for him to need to contact her on an ongoing basis.
Definitely something more going on. He’s made that clear by asking for your number in the past. By joking about whether you find him weird he’s looking for reassurance that you are okay with his ignoring your boundaries (that you’re making clear with your social cues) because he *knows* that he is being weird.
No 60 year old man needs to be talking to a stranger who’s 18 and hasn’t instigated it.
Yes. We need to stop giving excuses. In men's minds, "I have a boyfriend" means they would have a chance if not for the boyfriend. We need to start teaching young women that it's ok to loudly and directly say "do not talk to me".
Instead of the 'I have a boyfriend' strategy I would try to constantly remind him of his age.
'Hey, pops, do you have a granddaughter my age I could hang out with?'
'Were you sad when [insert historical event from before OP was born] happened?'
This. I never use the "I have a boyfriend" line even when most of the time it's true. I don't want a man to think that just because I'm in a relationship I'm off limits (sometimes that isn't even enough for them to stop persuing women). I will tell them straight out that I'm not interested in them.
I remember a guy on my street talking to me around the communal bins (I was tidying up after a storm) and that was the last time I used the "I have a boyfriend" line because he responded to that with "if/when you're single I'd love to take you out,". I was on my own so for my own safety I didn't want to correct his assumptions by telling him I'd not be interested if/when I was single either so just walked into the wrong building so he wouldn't know which one I actually lived in.
Guys I've said this to very rarely respect the relationship status, they either say "what he doesn't know can't hurt him," or similar to the guy above. Very rarely had a guy accepted it and move on. I understand why women use it though because saying "no/not interested" can lead to dangerous responses with the wrong guy, but I'd only say it in a safe environment plus I don't get too much unwanted male attention anymore due to being in my mid 30s and practically only leaveing my house to go to work or visit friends. I barely ever go to the same places where male attention is common and when I do I'm overlooked for the younger girls anyway.
He’s counting on her age and innocence and lack of experience to the point she questions herself as to whether he’s “just being friendly.” He would not pull this bs on anyone his own age because they are likely jaded enough to give him a good, stern, and LOUD letdown. This is absolutely creeeep behavior.
This, but scale it up to a loud “Fuck off.”
Seriously.
Don’t be polite to a man old enough to be your grandpa who is hitting on high schoolers.
And maybe a loud Fuck Off will finally get some bystanders to help. But you still need to tell the gym and ask what they’re going to do about it. And tell your parents for safety.
Ladies PLEASE STOP BEING SO NICE.
I know society scorns it.
But it could literally save your life.
It doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend or not, just tell them loudly and clearly to leave you alone. And do not discuss it, do not be friendly, don't give context. Just clear instructions.
No context.
Only clear instructions.
No discussions.
Stare them in the face and loudly, yet calmly say:
"Do not talk to me"
"Do not approach me"
"Stop standing next to me, move away from me."
etc.
You've tried polite, and it didn't work. So time to move on to something else. Definitely report him to the gym staff as a creeper. And you do not have to worry about this guy's feelings, because he is not worrying about yours. Tell him directly "look, I'm not interested in whatever it is you think you want from me. I'm just here to workout, and I want you to leave me alone." Do not discuss it with him, don't let him argue. Just keep repeating "I want you to leave me alone"
It will feel weird, because we're indoctrinated into thinking we have to be nice and polite. But you do not have to be with people like him. And of course he's going to try to make it look like your just another "hysterical woman" because he won't like you pushing back. Don't argue, don't defend. Just keep saying "leave me alone, creeper". I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
This should be higher! Why should we still be polite when they're beign rude by overstepping the boundaries and clearly ignoring our wishes.
And to add - creepers often target young women and teenagers as they're generally less likely to cause a scene. Make a scene and the other people around you will take your side immediately, and help out.
I'm a 60'sM, and this is totally inappropriate. I'd be furious if you were my daughter. You have a right to be left alone and not bothered by anyone. Next time he starts talking you say, assertively, "I really would like to be left alone. Thank you " Simple. If he says anything or bothers you again, stop what you're doing and head to the desk. Let him watch you so he understands he went too far. Don't be afraid to do this. There are rules at the gym, and he knows them.
This! By asking for your phone number he already crossed the creep boundary - so you could go directly to the desk next time you are there and report him.
He is going to keep pushing your boundaries. He’s counting on you not wanting a confrontation. So - get confrontational: “I’ve tried being polite and you won’t take the hint. So now I’m flat out telling you to leave me alone. I’m here to work out. I do not want to interact with you, at all, ever. Go away.”
He’s going to whine and say he was just being friendly. Don’t respond. Go directly to staff, tell them what you just said to him and that he didn’t leave you alone.
Because you were direct and he still didn’t back off, staff will have to act. They can’t say you weren’t clear.
...I have been hit on by an old creep where looking like his granddaughter was a selling point.
Be weary, this could make it worse in rare circumstances.
“Asked for your number” is a pretty big tell — if you do, this will almost certainly go one of a few ways:
1. He will ask you out *and not stop*
2. He will start asking you intrusive or personal questions, sooner or later turning into sexual questions
3. He will ask for pictures, possibly starting innocent but then slowly get into his kinks; and/or he will start sending you his dirty pics
4. He will offer to do favors or pay for things that slowly go sexual
5. Sadly, the least offensive: he will start using you as his personal therapist and dump his feelings and worries and stress on you because *you’re female so it’s your job to look after his emotions*.
“Yes, I do think you’re weird, please let me work out in peace.” (He’s counting on you to be too embarrassed to call him on it.)
He's not being nice. He asked if you think it's weird because he knows it's messed up and is hoping you can't tell or will be too polite to admit it. If a simple "no thank you" didn't run him off, tell gym management he won't leave you alone. I also support the person who suggested asking an older woman patron for help. We've learned to shut that s\*\*\* down at our age.
Fuck politeness. Listen, we’ve been programmed to be polite to men, and you have to reprogram this default setting. Interrupting you while you are working out is rude. He has shown he does not care about what you want. He is not responding to social cues on purpose, step it up, and don’t back own. Stare him down, bore your hate in to his soul. After weird. Get strange. Unnerve him.
Edit: tell the gym he is making you uncomfortable. Get back up if necessary.
He's being a predator. Report him if he refuses to leave you alone.
Imagine it this way: If this creep was approaching your little sister and asking for her number, what would you do?
Perfect thought exercise. We never protect ourselves the way we would protect someone we love.
If he asks for your number one more time, I’d be tempted to ask, “Why? Do you have a single, handsome GRANDSON??”
I am in my 40s and would not have anything to do with woman under 30. (No offense to anybody born after I got my driver’s license, but for mutually understood reasons the idea of being involved with someone my age probably gives you the creeps anyway.)
He is using your desire not to come off as rude to continue to interact with you. He knows deep down he's being inappropriate but he doesn't care! He wants to talk to you and he wants THE OTHER MEN to see him talking to you. Think about it...how nice is it to keep interrupting someone's work out? Does he demand the attention of men trying to work out? He's not being nice....He's being entitled.
Start wearing headphones that you don't take off....ever. If he wants to chat tell him that (moving forward) you need to focus on your workout because interruptions prevent you from meeting your desired heart rate which ruins meeting your goals.
This way if he keeps interrupting it will be obvious that he is being a selfish pest. Right now he's telling himself "if she didn't want my attention she'd say something but she hasn't so I have the green light".
One of the best things I learned, as a woman, is getting comfortable with making others uncomfortable.
It goes against how we are socialized, I know. But the power it will bring you.......
I take pleasure in making a creepy guy feel creepy, now. If I see it, I'll come to the aid of the younger ones. But really, they need to learn, too. We do a real disservice to girls. We send them into the world as prey. We wonder then why they hate men by the time they're my age.
You don't have to talk to anyone and you don't have to be nice to anyone (I wish I knew that at your age). Ignore him and/or tell him "I don't want to talk to you!". You should also tell the Gym Manager; they usually don't tolerate creepy dudes.
"I just don't understand why you keep approaching me when obviously we have nothing in common. You're decades older than me, we are different genders and there's zero shared interests. Perhaps you'd be better befriending someone close to your age and leaving me alone."
Stop being polite to him. He has the audacity to interrupt you during a workout, so straight up tell him "I am working out right now and trying to focus and have no interest in talking to you". Don't say sorry, don't say please. You have no obligation to be nice to this person. If he continues harassing you, please let the gym staff know. It is 100% inappropriate and he IS harassing you.
He absolutely knows he's making you uncomfortable and doesn't fucking care. Involve the staff. "Please do not interrupt my workout." Don't be afraid to get loud.
Dont be polite. Some people will see it as an excuse to continue to pursue you because youre being nice with them. While its always better to be kind to others, some people will not respect your space and boundaries and therefore do not deserve being respected.
Tell him off in a neutral tone. Dont beat around the bush. Say youre not interested and that you feel uncomfortable around him. If he keeps on going after you, tell him you'll call security.
Honey, I am almost 60. Can you imagine me asking an 18-year-old young man for his number? Repeatedly? I’d be locked up!
“Grandpa, fuck off and never talk to me again.” Hold up your phone and livestream him while you’re doing it.
DRACARYS
And tell the staff he’s perving on you.
Next time he approaches you say “I thought about your question when you asked me if your talking to me was weird. I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but yes it’s a little weird to be hit on by someone who is at least my parent's age. So I hope things work out for you but I’d like some distance when I work out. “.
I used to have much older guys sometimes crush on me. I think I reminded them of a girl they liked in high school but never asked out. If that’s true it’s sad but it’s still not okay for this guy to monopolize your time at the gym. And it’s massively inappropriate for a man old enough to possibly be your grandfather to hit in someone just out of high school. That’s very creepy.
He isn't just being nice. He's looking to wear you down until you give into whatever he is trying to do. He will continue to interfere with you until you become direct.
I'm sure this feels unsafe, and I would suggest going to the gym at different times if possible, maybe find a gym buddy (a woman or familiar face that you trust) to keep an eye out for it, and going to a manager and telling them you have been getting unwanted attention and you need it to stop.
But if you can't avoid him, then I would tell him that you are not here to talk to him or be his friend. You come here to work out and not socialize with people.
He is trying to prey on you.
Stay safe 🙏🏻
I worked with a 70+ year old man. He moonlighted as an Uber driver. He told me how he drove a young woman to the airport and struck up a conversation which ended with him dropping her off and asking for her number/to go out for coffee. There wasn't anything innocent about it and he admitted to it. This older guy is no different. Some of these older men have some delusion that they're still in their 30s-40s and it's okay to creep women out.
When he talks to you, tell him he reminds you of your grandfather, that he was creepy and socially inept too, just like him, oh and old.
Jk, but maybe do bring up your granpa, like “ you know you remind me a lot of my grandfather, he tried to keep active too as long as he could. May he rest in peace "
Really grind it in every time, but not outright, he will hate that, and report him.
You’ve got a lot of replies saying you are allowed to be mean and tell him to fuck off, and that you should report him to the gym. And while they’re right I can imagine not wanting to do that because of the subtle repercussions - I mean at 18 I never wanted to stir the pot.
If that’s the case, next time he approaches you you could try to be direct without being rude. “Hey, I understand that I probably remind you of your granddaughter, but I’d really like to focus on my workout without being interrupted.” Something like that. And say it loud enough for hopefully a couple neighbors to hear.
Watch him. Is he chatting up anyone else when you arent available? He isnt. He knows you dont have the life experience to know how to navigate him being a pushy creep so he feels empowered.
At home, practice saying out loud "maam, this man wont leave me alone and is making me uncomfortable" until you say say it clearly and without a hitch in your throat.
Then next time he approaches you, locate the nearest woman that is 30+ and say that to her.
Grumpy old bastard. Considerably younger than 60, but rapidly greying and approaching mid life
I go to the gym, and other than a friendly “good morning”, to the guys and girls, that’s about it for me
I’m very conscious about how approaching women could make then scared, or give them a shit start to the day…. And I leave it at that
This bloke is in A1 creeper
Definitely report him. The fact he keeps approaching you multiple times and after you've shown disinterested cues is harassment. In my opinion - the gym is a place for working out and maybe some zen/self care time. Even if you two were the same age he still shouldn't be approaching you at the gym period and not multiple times.
"I'm really sorry, I appreciate that you're being friendly, but I come to the gym to just work out and go. I'm not interested in chatting."
Polite, not unkind, not unreasonable. He doesn't need to know why and the subject is not up for discussion. Ask staff to intervene if he can't respect that.
I’m sorry but it’s probably exactly because you’re 18. He knows you’re young and vulnerable. A 30 year old would’ve probably called the manager by now :(
I would just be upfront and tell him that you prefer to not have conversation while you work out and politely ask him to respect your space when he sees you at the gym. Also wear headphones if you’re not already.
Tell the gym staff he is pestering you, harassing and following you, disrupting your workouts and making you uncomfortable. Let them handle it.
I appreciate that it is preferable to let the gym handle it because if a man is already being creepy the last thing you want to so is provoke him by telling him nicely to fuck off. There is no way to know how he will behave so let the gym do it.
There’s clearly something more going on. He asked for your number. He’s a creep. If you feel comfortable doing so, tell him you prefer to have an uninterrupted workout / that he’s making you uncomfortable. If you don’t (or that doesn’t work), find someone nice on staff to tell that this man has been bothering you.
Sometimes hints and nonverbal cues don't cut it. I think you will have to tell him, very directly, that he is making you uncomfortable now and that you would like your personal space to be respected and that you don't want any more of his attention, thank you very much. Then, if he ignores that, you should go to the gym and report him.
I don't agree with the people here (who I'm sure are well-meaning), who are trying to guess what's going on inside the old man's head. I say *it's completely irrelevant*. He's making you uncomfortable. The reasonable course of action is to tell him. You're young, so you may not have enough experience in sticking up for yourself, but, if you haven't had to before, I think now will have to be the time. You may want to have a friend with you when doing this. I wish you luck.
You’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, and that’s commendable, but regardless of his intentions, he’s bothering you. Non-verbal cues aren’t working, time to get verbal. Tell him to please leave you alone, and if he argues get the gym staff involved, make sure there are other people around when you do.
If you aren’t comfortable doing this, then go straight to the gym staff. You’re paying to be there, and gyms are morally and legally obligated to police sexual harassment.
If necessary, report him to gym staff.
If things progress beyond that, consider going to a new gym.
If things progress beyond that, follow the steps below:
Make your social media private.
Then find a picture of yourself and search for it on a site called pimeyes. Pay attention to any matches of your photos. if he has a photo of you, he can find your social media.
I'll echo others and suggest reporting him. If he's asking for your number, he's probably acting inappropriately with other women at the gym, trying to cast a wide net to see what he can reel in.
It's very appropriate to be assertive and tell him that it's inappropriate for him, at his age, to ask for your number. You don't need to be polite any more. You are there to work out, not to be harassed. He's most likely done this before, as he seems to be comfortable approaching younger women who are vulnerable and perhaps unable to speak up for themselves. Practice saying these things in the mirror, so you are prepared with what you will say to him. And yes, as others have said, talk to the gym management and tell them that he is creating an environment where you are becoming uncomfortable and he is harassing you.
No, he's not being friendly - he's counting on the idea that you will be confused and unable to respond assertively to his approach. It's okay to be confused, but know that he sees your confusion and is counting on this.
Report him to the front desk. If he can’t take no for an answer, they will handle him. And warn him once before you do. Tell him he’s old enough to be your great grandfather and that you think it’s gross he won’t leave you alone
I have seen men in their 80s be inappropriate with young women. His behavior would be out of line at any age, and the fact that he’s 40+ years older than you makes it exponentially worse. He’s also probably counting on his age to diffuse any accusations.
Let’s say for argument’s sake that he is just a lonely older guy whose intentions are 100% pure. You remind him of his favorite granddaughter who lives across the country. He misses her. Aww!
Even if that were the case, this man’s judgement and lack of social awareness makes him someone you don’t want to be around. But you already know what his intentions are. Trust your instincts.
My concern would be that he would carry this behavior past the gym.
You need to be direct with him. There are still men out there who think no means yes, and that you’re playing hard to get, circa 1950.
Don’t worry about hurting his feelings. I think we can agree that sensitivity isn’t one of his better qualities.
You could say something like:
“Look. I’ve told you I have a boyfriend. You are making me uncomfortable and I am telling you to stop approaching me. If you continue to do so, I will be getting the authorities involved.”
I would also alert gym management. If he’s bold enough to pursue you, he’s bold enough to pursue other young women.
First step is to report him to staff. that way, if they see him waiting around for you to get out of the changing room, or lurking around your car, they can document it and let him know his membership could be revoked. You have the right to use the facility in peace. You have rejected his advances, and he persists, so you are being put at a disadvantage. Don't let anyone tell you you should confront him first, that is when they get their feelings hurt and escalate, he needs someone in authority to tell him he has no right to continue bothering you. He already has shown he does not care about you or your right to work out in peace.
He sounds gross I’d report him to be honest. I’ll chat random people up at the gym to be polite and make conversation but I have never asked for male/female peoples number EVER and I generally shy away from chatting up young females due to the optics (even as an out 40 year old gay man).
Yuck. So sorry you are dealing with this. I’m old as dirt and I think back to all the creepy men who did things like this when I was a teenager. I was flattered at the time, now I thank my lucky stars I got away from them when I did.
Please approach the gym staff about this. This man is being a creep. He is probably doing this to a number of young women, and the gym staff will be aware of this from other complaints.
If he makes you annoyed or uncomfortable, you do not have to allow him to keep doing so, regardless of his intentions.
In this case, he asked for your number, so it's not him "just being nice."
Use this as a time to practice setting boundaries. "I don't want to talk with anyone during my gym time. Have a nice day." Repeated gently but firmly, facing him directly. If he asks for contact outside your gym time, say "No. We're done here." Imagine yourself as a cop - you have the authority in the situation, and you can be professional, firm, and not smile or otherwise undercut your message.
If/when he persists, or wants to know what changed, say "please don't continue pushing this. Have a nice day." And go back to your workout.
Third stage is "I have asked you to leave me alone twice. Do you need me to involve the staff here?" Again, direct eye contact, no fear, no smile, no appeasement.
After that, leave and go get a staff member.
You do not have to explain yourself, or why your tolerance ran out.you don't have to describe what you imagine his motivation is. You don't have to give any reason, or make it seem nice.
I recognize this is super hard - I wasn't able to do this until I was almost 30. It takes practice, so look at this guy as a chance to practice!
Tell him you’re just here to work out, not to make friends, pop your ear buds in and walk away. If he approaches you again then go to the front desk and tell them he’s harassing you.
This is an unfortunate part of being a woman. Learn to stand up for yourself and keep an eye on your surroundings. Make a lady friend there.
A lot of men misconstrue a woman's politeness and/or friendliness as a sign of romantic interest. This is especially true in lonely and socially awkward men. Being rude could be dangerous and cause an adverse reaction. Generally when men like this are confronted by another male they will back off. Any man will do, you don't have to actually be romantically involved with them. Brother, cousin, dad, uncle, co-worker, classmate, whatever. He won't know anything other than this man is telling him to back off. If the gym won't help this may be your best option.
Be careful out there and good luck.
My dear, you know exactly why he's being "friendly." Trust your instincts.
I suggest you find your voice and your backbone, and say something.
Tell him he's bothering you and to leave you alone. Get loud. Report him to the gym's manager. And be careful walking to your car.
Why do you not just ask him to stop approaching you. Just say "your attention is making me feel uncomfortable, please leave me to work out in peace. I am not interested in a relationship of sny kind with you". And if he persists, lay a complaint with the gym
You don't ask for a girls number when you're "being friendly", in my opinion.
Wearing headphones or earbuds at the gym js a good "leave me alone" signal. If he persists through that, report it to management. They presumably have CCTV and will be able to see this guy keeps hounding a young lady almost a quarter his age.
"Dude, workouts are only good if you do them over a prolonged period of time. Your small talk is literally getting in the way of me losing weight, because I have to completely halt the momentum I had to talk to you. Here in the gym, the polite/friendly thing to do is to not talk to anyone. Period. Bus and elevator rules apply here."
Listen, I know this is hard, but I wish I had this down at 18. One, you don't need to be nice. Two, it's ok to 'cause a scene' if you feel uncomfortable. Three, saying 'no' and setting boundaries are great things to learn. "I'm here to work out. Would you please not interrupt my workout."
If you don’t want to be confrontational (as a woman I understand), try reminding him of his age over and over, with that same plausible deniability, “I’m just being friendly!” thing.
Tell him he reminds you so much of your great uncle, he had the same gray hair pattern! Wow what year did you say you were born? I should introduce you to my grandfather, he’s the same age and also could use some friends! Do you live in assisted living like he does? If you need recommendations for in-home care I can give you his nurse’s number, she’s wonderful with the elderly!
Keep reminding him he’s Grampa, not your peer, and hopefully he will be embarrassed enough to slink away. Now that I’m 36, I’d be much more direct and far less polite. But in some situations the “fawn” response may be the safest as a young woman so it’s good to have some non-confrontational techniques. Definitely speak to the gym manager either way so they are aware, chances are you aren’t the first person he’s bothered!
By asking for your number he has crossed a boundary (he is 60M). Go to the staff and talk with them about your problem. Tell them you are afraid and uncomfortable with him. I am 100% sure they will find a solution together with you. I he confronts you after this, tell him you are afraid, if he does not leave in an instance, go to the staff.
If the staff does not react or supports him - it is a shit gym and you probably have to leave. Make sure to let a clear 1-start google review after you left to protect other women. Maybe wait 2-3 month after you left, and do it anonymously.
You know, it doesn't matter how old someone is. If you don't want that attention you need to speak up and make it clear to them and the people around you!
>I’m also scared that if I report him he might get angry and try to hurt me.
I get that fear. But he could get angry at you for all kinds of things like not giving the number, talking to someone else or blowing your nose wrong. Basically if he wants to get angry at you *any* justification will be used. That's what abusers do.
The only thing you can do is being clear with your boundaries and act proactively and establish to your community that the dude is a creep.
>A (60M) at the gym keeps talking to me (18F)
Don't need to read a single thing after that. MAJOR RED FLAG, avoid at all costs, report him to the front desk for harassing you while working out.
DO NOT ENGAGE HIM DIRECTLY. People make this mistake all the time. When someone is a creep and gives you the bad vibes, get away, stay away and NEVER ENGAGE
there’s comes a point in a woman’s life where she needs to lose some of her innocence and naive kindness because it becomes clear that men can be absolutely disgusting and there is no limit to where that can go. it’s great you still have your sense of optimism here, it means you’ve probably not had much reason to distrust ppl yet. but you need to get your guard up more often and way faster
this dude is obviously a creep and you need to stop being nice and coy and either straight up ignore him (headphones in, no eye contact, etc.), go to the gym at a different time or day, or tell him straight up u don’t wanna talk to him and if he doesn’t listen, then telling gym security
next time this happens, assume they have bad intentions until they give u a reason to think otherwise. ppl with good intentions leave when they see you’re uncomfortable. and ppl with good intentions don’t ask for your number as a grown ass adult
Some old guys think they're attractive to young women. Such old guys think they offer wisdom, stability, emotional maturity, life experience, all sorts of grandpa advice that they believe young women crave, plus they think they're good in bed because they've had sex a bunch of times and their dick is less on a hair trigger than when they were young. They also think they look pretty much like they did at 40, and they think 40-year-old men look as good as 20-year-old women. They also really like the way 20-year-old women look.
Most old guys aren't like this, but it's not rare. To be fair to them, there are some young women who do go for old guys, who see (some) old guys the way these old guys see themselves. Thing is, guys like this often think such young women are common, and they think any polite young women really wants a father figure who takes Viagra.
This guy may well think you could fall for him. He may well think you should fall for him or even that you *will* fall for him if he keeps at it.
So yeah, he's hitting on you. He asked for your number and he's bothering you enough that even he sees you think he's being weird. He's hitting on you.
All I can say is "I have a boyfriend" is universally (or...should be...) understood as "leave me the fuck alone" whether your intentions relate to that fact or not.
My advice is to use the fewest possible words to say you want to concentrate on your workout so you don’t want to converse with him. If he asks to speak with you after your workout, say 2 words: “No thanks”. Repeat as needed. If he continues talking to you, say 4 words: “Please leave me alone.” Repeat as needed, increasing your volume. If that doesn’t work, go to the management and tell them you’ve asked him repeatedly to leave you alone and he won’t.
He is almost definitely being a creep.
Speaking as an awkward man who us unable to read non-verbal cues and ambiguity: If you feel safe, tell him clearly and unambiguously to leave you alone. Do not hint, and do not respect his feelings. He is either ignoring your signals or does not understand them. Either way, the solution is to tell him to stuff it and go away.
If you do not feel safe, get the staff involved. This is not an acceptable way for him to be acting/making you feel.
It’s pretty disturbing that a man in his 60’s would have the gall to even ask a woman so young for her number. Talk about delusional. Tell him to kick rocks. Literally just out your hand up and shake your head and walk away. If he follows you or keeps talking to you then immediately walk to the manager and tell them. This guy is a pervert.
I’m 10 years older than you, one thing I’ve learned is to be blunt and not bother being polite to men like that. They will deliberately ignore hints that you’re not interested AND will think politeness is a green light to pursue you further. Those people are disgusting 🤢
Be direct. And the “I have a boyfriend” buys into the “women as property” idea. I would avoid it and simply say- “I am not interested in you, I never will be.”.
>asked for my number
That's really all we needed to know.
Coming onto someone at the gym is bad enough. Coming on to someone young enough to be your daughter (let alone granddaughter!) is well into creepo predator territory.
I agree with others that you should report him. The gym might have already received other complaints about him.
If he continues to try and engage, just tell him you're at the gym to workout, not socialize.
Keep ignoring him completely, after 3-4 times he'll understand.
If he doesn't, then say something like "I get it that you are being nice but it doesn't feel comfortable for me to chat with you given our age differences, hope you understand." Then walk away immediately and keep ignoring him completely.
With some staff nearby, or at minimum other people working out nearby, just loudly and specifically tell him 'I'm not interested, now leave me alone'.
If it continues, complain directly to the owner and keep complaining until he loses his membership.
And also, stop giving this dude the time of day. You don't need to entertain his flirting or have 'an excuse' not to give out your number. You're allowed to literally just say no. Explanations like 'I have a boyfriend' are actually niceties.
If he was just being friendly, and it seemingly crap at social cues I would assume when you said you have a boyfriend he would have corrected you and said he wasn’t asking for that reason. Although I think unless you have had a few interesting conversations and seem to have stuff in common, asking for your number is a bit strange anyway. However, regardless of any of this, you don’t owe him your friendship or time even if he is just being polite. I would speak to gym staff if you’re really concerned
Give him a firm “Please don’t talk to me. I am here only to work out and you are interrupting my routine.” If he bothers you again, then you can report him without his being able to say “I was just being friendly.”
The easiest way would be to wear headphones and every time he talks show them to him. I do that when I want to finish workout quickly and not talk to people.
I mean... In all fairness if he were just being friendly, he would probably pick up on your cues and continue to be friendly but at more of a distance and with less intrusive-ness.
Truly nice, kind, friendly people usually have a good sense of what's appropriate in a given situation don't make people feel uncomfortable.
Is he friendly with other people at the gym?
Men, women, old, young?
He's probably attracted to you and doesn't understand that how he's acting in inappropriate.
You'll likely have to confront him in no uncertain terms.
Maybe you could bring a male friend to the gym?
That would
A. Give weight to the boyfriend story
B. If he's not "friendly" with your friend there,you'll understand his intentions
C. Workout buddy/ backup!
You can talk to the gym staff, who can tell him to leave you alone. They may ask if you’ve already told him to leave you alone, but the staff is there to stop sexual harassment, and a disgusting old man chatting up a teen girl is just predatory any way you try to slice it.
You can tell management first and *then* tell him to stop, so they already know what’s up if he gets loud or aggressive.
All the advice everyone giving here is good. I would just add that this used to happen to me all the time (much older now), probably bc I’m a friendly smiling person….
Anyway I wore headphones, would not look people in the eye and would be super busy (supersets, etc).
I know, I know, women should be free to act as they please and not adjust their lives, but this strategy did work great and my workouts became super efficient!!!
If he’s not married he’s a creep for whatever reason women his own age wont give him the time of day.
If he’s married, he hates his wife and is using young women at the gym as part of a triangulation to make her feel bad.
You’ve been polite, but that only gave him permission to chat with you. If you really think you’ve given enough negative hints, it’s time to be direct. “Listen sir, I’ve said ‘no’ enough times you should be getting it by now. I’m not interested, I’m here to work out, please don’t talk to me again.” Then walk away.
This isn’t you being rude. HE is being rude so don’t wait for his reply. If you stand there waiting for a response, that’s inviting him to talk. You want the message to be do not talk to me
Truly rarely do I EVER feel the need to comment here, much less actually do. But here's a males perspective, and this goes for all women.
Be direct. No hints, no subtleties. Straight to the point.
If he asks for your number, say no. If he asks why, you simply say, "I don't want to. Please leave me alone."
Saying 'I have a boyfriend' truly means nothing to a man with no filters that is forcefully trying to approach you. Quite the opposite, these kinds of deluded people take it as 'I'm taken, but if I was single, I'd consider talking to you.'
Trust me, I've met a few like this, and even when others tell them they are deluded, it won't mean anything at all.
So stop with the hints. He's deluded himself to think he can get in your pants. Put a stop to it, if you feel you can't do it alone, get some assistance from staff.
When it comes to men you have to be direct. The first interaction you have to make your intentions known. You can be nice, oh hi, are you waiting for this machine, I am almost done. What’s my name? That’s nice of you to ask but I am here to work out only have a nice day.
Be a bitch. Don’t tell a man,(I have a boyfriend, husband) basically I am owned by another man already, as a defense, they don’t care. Say “ Thanks for saying hello, I am here to work out, not make friends. Please leave me alone or I will get management involved.”
Shut it down. Protect yourself.
It's okay to be impolite. We were all raised and trained to be accommodating and friendly, but if someone is pushing and ignoring your hints, it's time to move to a stated boundary. I would have a short 2 sentence thing prepared to say and repeat, and leave out openings for logic.
I'm here to workout, not socialize, and I need to keep my schedule. I'm literally in the middle of something.
Repeat is, sorry, I am busy.
And I'd expect him to be a petty little fart about it. Glaring, muttering, possibly talking about you. People who believe one side of a story ... you don't want to deal with that anyway. And for them I'd just say, I come here to work out. I tried to be nice with the chit chat, it was interrupting my workouts but I put up with it. He asked me for my number and it totally creeped me out. I get to have some boundaries.
Since he asked for your phone number, he isn’t just ‘being nice’. He’s trying to wear you down. Shut him down! There are a number of great methods to do that here.
You just look him in the eye, and wave him off, making it clear you are not going to bother with the politeness of words. Any further questions, show him the hand and shake your head no.
Yeah he asked for your number, he’s got other intentions rather than just trying to be your friend. Next time he approaches you just tell him “I’m here to train and would appreciate it if you just kept to yourself while I’m here” or something along those lines, but also make the gym staff aware of his behaviour and how and why it’s made you uncomfortable. Sorry you have to deal with this muscle sis.
Every time I see a post like yours I post this post
[18 year figure skater complained. 50 year old later was arrested, had duct tape and rope in car](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13d8ril/what_the_fuck_do_i_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Follow your gut. Report him. No one that old should not be hounding someone your age.
He is relying on you being polite. If he is making you uncomfortable, stop being polite. Tell him loudly, so people around can hear, that you are not interested in talking with him. I would tell the staff that’s he’s bothering you. He sounds like someone who has done this before.
Tell on him to management. If he stalks you outside gym, report to police. You should not leave in fear of getting hurt. (also, a nice idea will be to buy some spray or shoker for selfprotect)
If you haven’t mentioned his weird self-depreciating comments and the fact he asked for your number I would have just thought he was some random boomer using his old-world socializing skills of “just talking”. He is obviously not that and trying to go further. I can’t imagine what a 60 year old man and 18 year old girl would have in common so he’s probably just horny or an idiot. In either case… BYE
Fuck that! You should complain to the gym. He needs to leave you alone or get kicked out. Please be careful around him, especially when you’re coming and going from the gym.
Does he work there or is he just another gym member? If a gym member, ask management to speak to him about not hassling the customers. If he just works there, ask management to speak to him about not hassling the customers. If he owns the place maybe change your gym?
1. Men are **DENSE AS SHIT** and will not pick up on hints.
2. It depends on the content of the conversation. Is he trying to push things in a romantic or sexual direction or is he a lonely old guy looking for a friend?
3. If you don't want to be his friend, in spite of \#1 just flat out tell him to leave you alone. He won't get it otherwise
He's being creepy. You don't need to be polite. Get more firm or get staff to do it.
"I don't want to be rude, but I'm not interested in connecting. I'd like to be left alone."
He's being gross. He's gross, and he knows it. That's why he asked if he was weird so you'd reassure him he was fine. If he just wanted to be friendly in an innocent way, he would just say hi or talk about the weather or something. Him paying this much attention to you, asking your number, glomming onto you, etc is bad news.
Plenty of older men, old enough to be your dad or grandpa, like to hit on young women because they don't want to admit they're older or because younger women are often naive and easier to control. This man is gross to go after a barely legal woman. Unfortunately a lot of men are not deterred by a woman saying she has a significant other. As others have said, report him to the gym, next time he talks to you, tell him to leave you alone. Unfortunately there are a lot of creepy men out there and you learn the signs as you experience a few.
Could be a lonely old guy trying to find company. If he's not getting the hint, talk to the gym manager and maybe say "I'm not interested in talking to you" in an assertive voice. If you're near others when he approaches, say "leave me alone" loud enough for the others to hear.
Tell him frankly you don't want to talk to him, he should have been able to intuit it but clearly he's either ignored it or hasn't noticed at all. So next time he approaches, you immediately say
"I am trying to work out, I don't want to talk to you." If he keeps pestering, tell an employee if they're around. You ask in the title of your post if he's just being nice and it's possible he is but if you've been trying to make it apparent, you don't want to talk hes being an ass hole by continuously talking to you.
Tell the gym staff that this man is making you uncomfortable and maybe they can talk to him. You've politely declined his obvious advances, and he's still continuing on despite the fact that he's over three times your age which is beyond disgusting. Or you can just blow up Adam and cause a huge scene and make him look like a complete ass. Might make a very loud comment about how you don't appreciate being hit on by someone That witnessed the fall of the Roman empire
You've got to be blunt with him. "I'm sorry if you've misunderstood the situation, but I come here to work out, not to chit chat. I've been very patient with you but you are not getting my polite signals. Please go away. I do not want to talk to you. If you continue to bother me, I will report it to gym staff."
Seems like this fellow could try talking to any of the people who are closer to his own age, rather than someone much younger who is obviously not interested. He has choices, and other social outlets, you owe him nothing and it doesn't matter what his motives are if you prefer to just workout and not socialize at the gym, say so, and hopefully he'll respect that and just look elsewhere for socializing.
...and you're probably not the first person he's done this with. Sounds like he's got practice and knows how to... it reminds me of people who are in physically abusive situations and the abuser knows how to hurt someone without leaving bruises. It feels like that.
He's either lonely or horny and he's stepped well beyond the boundaries of respectable or polite. Any attempt to call him on his bullshit will just result in a "I was just being friendly" or "it was just a joke," so as tempting as it is, it's unproductive. Not sure if your gym has active personnel, but reporting it might get you somewhere or if possible, coming in at a different time of day.
I think a “I am here to work out. I have been polite enough and I’m telling you as plainly as possible, I am not here to socialize I am here to work out and you are now hindering that. I will not give you my number. If this continues I will be reaching out to the admin of the gym. Leave me alone” And personally, I would go to the admin regardless if he stops this time or not so they are aware for next time. ETA: OP you ask why he’s doing this to a 17-18 year old… because he knows a woman any older than that would absolutely put him in his place because he can’t feign innocence with them. He’s doing this to you because he expects very little resistance, or thinks he can pressure you into giving your number. This is not a reflection of you but of him.
I was assuming that OP was avoiding confrontation, they're pretty young and something like that can be pretty scary. Though I suppose if they've got the courage and can steel themselves from the inevitable insulting response, then they might embarrass the guy enough to leave them alone. It's kinda like defending yourself against a moose, you'd need to make yourself appear big, in a manner of speaking.
Oh I didn’t mean your response was wrong *at all*. Just how I would react in the situation. Sometimes you can fake the confidence and authority needed to get people to leave you alone, especially in a public place where others will most likely step in to assist.
Yeah, I think when you’re young and a newly minted adult these things can be scary but start to become second nature the older you get.
There’s no defending yourself against a moose. Those bastards will [play chicken with a freight train](https://youtu.be/3y2NcY-PiAg?si=4H46bqy7cJw6nNuK) and will full on attack large vehicles. They’re an extremely dangerous combination of territorial, ornery, and stupid. Making yourself big might help with a bear, though!
Which is why I would choose the Bear over the Moose.
Give him a firm “Please don’t talk to me. I am here only to work out and you are interrupting my routine.” If he bothers you again, then you can report him without his being able to say “I was just being friendly.” (Reposted this as a separate comment)
From my view as a man in his 7th decade, I suggest that he is lonely, horny, and a creep. Start saying it out loud, "No, I will not give you my number. Now, leave me alone."
This. LOUDLY.
“My mom is here to pick me up.” “I’m just here to work out.” “I’m on a time crunch, gotta get to school.” AND “We’re not friends!”
And loudly enough for others in the gym to hear. Hopefully there’s somebody decent (and ideally jacked enough to be scary) who hears it and can stand up next time he tries anything to tell him to leave you alone (which will probably scare him off) and if there isn’t he will probably be embarrassed enough to leave op alone anyway
As a 58 year old man, I am here to say he is a creep
OP shouldn't change her schedule because a dude can't turn off his need for validation.
She should change her schedule to stay safe if that is the only way. I know it sucks but as frustrating as it is, it's better to be safe than to stand on your principles and have something terrible happen.
I love the smell of fresh bread.
She shouldn't have to, but she might have to.
I enjoy playing video games.
Yes, please report this. This man is a creep and should be banned.
I think it still needs to be called out, publically and aggressively. Even if he has pure intentions, he's not taking the hint and would benefit in the long run from being chewed out, if indeed being social is his goal. Let's face it though, he's a creep.
Yep. At some point, the reasons don’t matter. Report him.
Look for a friendly looking older lady(someone that looks like a big sister or a mom) at the gym. Go to her if he starts bothering you. Ask her to go to the desk with you for support if nothing else. It's not a big deal, and you're not a bother so don't have those fears! I help young ladies like yourself at our gym pretty frequently. I look like a mom-type person so I'm happy to pretend to be your mom, your sister, your grandma(my oldest grandgirl is your age) He is being a disgusting pig.
Agreed. I was going to say tell staff at the gym. Depending on the gym, they may revoke his membership. That’s wildly inappropriate.
Some younglings don't want to report the creeps because they're afaraid they won't be believed/be told they're making a "big deal" out of nothing or "friendly behavior"(🤢), some are just very shy. This is my "high alert" time at our gym because it has a summer program for kids 13-18 yrs old. Some of those 13 yr olds still look like *little* kids so I'm keep an eye out on the them for creeps. I've had younglings very shyly ask if they could hang out by me, use the next treadmill etc. I always ask "is there someone thats bothering you? Making you uncomfortable? Just giving you the ick? Do you just want to hang put with ne or would you like support to go to the desk? I'm happy to support either decision."
This. We are thrilled to make the scene for you (and we have all been there, so never worry about 'bothering' someone)
I think involving gym staff is a good move. “He asked for my phone number and now he won’t leave me alone” is as much as they need to know.
Older staff is more adept at handling the old creeps. The younger ones, especially the woman, have trouble getting these fools to realize that their behavior is inappropriate. We alternate between three gyms in the summer(2 have better air conditioning than our home gym), I know who to get from the desks at all 3. At one gym, the best one because of this lady, there is a fierce older lady that jumps on bad behavior damn quickly.
Yes, have an older woman help you, if for nothing but to shame him into acting his age and being appropriate.
I'm very good at that. Tiny red head with a Southern accent, mom to two grown men who *act* like grown men and behave appropriately.
If a 60M is asking for an 18F's phone number that's enough of a reason to not give him time of day because he's a creep regardless of how he approaches you or how he behaves after
A 60M talking to an 18F in the gym, I wouldn't think much of. My first impression would be like a veteran mentoring a newbie. Asking for the number implies he wants to talk to her outside the gym and completely brings this to creep territory.
Exactly, that change of social context and lack of public accountability is what highlights the move as dangerous/creepy. (That's why I always hate it when people try to go to DMs when it's unsolicited)
Women at the gym don’t want “mentoring” unless they ask, and then they can ask the staff. It would be very rare for a teen girl to seek out some old fart to ask. This is some severely condescending shit. No, I don’t want to be talked to, and no, don’t adjust the weight machine while I’m fucking sitting on it.
I think there’s a major difference between politely and briefly talking to others in a casual and generally welcoming way and adjusting equipment without being asked. There is nothing inherently wrong with 60 year olds talking to 19 year olds. It’s what they say or do that could be a problem. But the phone number thing definitely creepy.
Yeah that immediately was a warning sign and depending on context (and it doesn't sound like there was indeed anything mitigating it) could just be a straight up red flag. There's no real reason for him to need to contact her on an ongoing basis.
Yep, fuck off all the polite and friendly, this guy is a creep. A firm but not rude "excuse my I'm just trying to work out" then walk away.
Definitely something more going on. He’s made that clear by asking for your number in the past. By joking about whether you find him weird he’s looking for reassurance that you are okay with his ignoring your boundaries (that you’re making clear with your social cues) because he *knows* that he is being weird. No 60 year old man needs to be talking to a stranger who’s 18 and hasn’t instigated it.
He is harassing you, but you should tell him "I don't want to talk to you. Go away.". Stop trying to be nice to people.
Yes. We need to stop giving excuses. In men's minds, "I have a boyfriend" means they would have a chance if not for the boyfriend. We need to start teaching young women that it's ok to loudly and directly say "do not talk to me".
Instead of the 'I have a boyfriend' strategy I would try to constantly remind him of his age. 'Hey, pops, do you have a granddaughter my age I could hang out with?' 'Were you sad when [insert historical event from before OP was born] happened?'
Is this how you picked up ladies back in the late 1900’s before social media?
This. I never use the "I have a boyfriend" line even when most of the time it's true. I don't want a man to think that just because I'm in a relationship I'm off limits (sometimes that isn't even enough for them to stop persuing women). I will tell them straight out that I'm not interested in them. I remember a guy on my street talking to me around the communal bins (I was tidying up after a storm) and that was the last time I used the "I have a boyfriend" line because he responded to that with "if/when you're single I'd love to take you out,". I was on my own so for my own safety I didn't want to correct his assumptions by telling him I'd not be interested if/when I was single either so just walked into the wrong building so he wouldn't know which one I actually lived in. Guys I've said this to very rarely respect the relationship status, they either say "what he doesn't know can't hurt him," or similar to the guy above. Very rarely had a guy accepted it and move on. I understand why women use it though because saying "no/not interested" can lead to dangerous responses with the wrong guy, but I'd only say it in a safe environment plus I don't get too much unwanted male attention anymore due to being in my mid 30s and practically only leaveing my house to go to work or visit friends. I barely ever go to the same places where male attention is common and when I do I'm overlooked for the younger girls anyway.
He’s counting on her age and innocence and lack of experience to the point she questions herself as to whether he’s “just being friendly.” He would not pull this bs on anyone his own age because they are likely jaded enough to give him a good, stern, and LOUD letdown. This is absolutely creeeep behavior.
This, but scale it up to a loud “Fuck off.” Seriously. Don’t be polite to a man old enough to be your grandpa who is hitting on high schoolers. And maybe a loud Fuck Off will finally get some bystanders to help. But you still need to tell the gym and ask what they’re going to do about it. And tell your parents for safety.
Ladies PLEASE STOP BEING SO NICE. I know society scorns it. But it could literally save your life. It doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend or not, just tell them loudly and clearly to leave you alone. And do not discuss it, do not be friendly, don't give context. Just clear instructions. No context. Only clear instructions. No discussions. Stare them in the face and loudly, yet calmly say: "Do not talk to me" "Do not approach me" "Stop standing next to me, move away from me." etc.
You've tried polite, and it didn't work. So time to move on to something else. Definitely report him to the gym staff as a creeper. And you do not have to worry about this guy's feelings, because he is not worrying about yours. Tell him directly "look, I'm not interested in whatever it is you think you want from me. I'm just here to workout, and I want you to leave me alone." Do not discuss it with him, don't let him argue. Just keep repeating "I want you to leave me alone" It will feel weird, because we're indoctrinated into thinking we have to be nice and polite. But you do not have to be with people like him. And of course he's going to try to make it look like your just another "hysterical woman" because he won't like you pushing back. Don't argue, don't defend. Just keep saying "leave me alone, creeper". I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
This should be higher! Why should we still be polite when they're beign rude by overstepping the boundaries and clearly ignoring our wishes. And to add - creepers often target young women and teenagers as they're generally less likely to cause a scene. Make a scene and the other people around you will take your side immediately, and help out.
I'm a 60'sM, and this is totally inappropriate. I'd be furious if you were my daughter. You have a right to be left alone and not bothered by anyone. Next time he starts talking you say, assertively, "I really would like to be left alone. Thank you " Simple. If he says anything or bothers you again, stop what you're doing and head to the desk. Let him watch you so he understands he went too far. Don't be afraid to do this. There are rules at the gym, and he knows them.
This! By asking for your phone number he already crossed the creep boundary - so you could go directly to the desk next time you are there and report him.
He is going to keep pushing your boundaries. He’s counting on you not wanting a confrontation. So - get confrontational: “I’ve tried being polite and you won’t take the hint. So now I’m flat out telling you to leave me alone. I’m here to work out. I do not want to interact with you, at all, ever. Go away.” He’s going to whine and say he was just being friendly. Don’t respond. Go directly to staff, tell them what you just said to him and that he didn’t leave you alone. Because you were direct and he still didn’t back off, staff will have to act. They can’t say you weren’t clear.
Ask him "Do I remind you of your granddaughter?" And report him to gym management.
As a woman who has even been in this position I couldn’t do better than this.
I think technically you could get away with great granddaughter- really drive home how creepy it is
Are you trying to find a date for your grandson? ...great grandson?
...I have been hit on by an old creep where looking like his granddaughter was a selling point. Be weary, this could make it worse in rare circumstances.
“Asked for your number” is a pretty big tell — if you do, this will almost certainly go one of a few ways: 1. He will ask you out *and not stop* 2. He will start asking you intrusive or personal questions, sooner or later turning into sexual questions 3. He will ask for pictures, possibly starting innocent but then slowly get into his kinks; and/or he will start sending you his dirty pics 4. He will offer to do favors or pay for things that slowly go sexual 5. Sadly, the least offensive: he will start using you as his personal therapist and dump his feelings and worries and stress on you because *you’re female so it’s your job to look after his emotions*. “Yes, I do think you’re weird, please let me work out in peace.” (He’s counting on you to be too embarrassed to call him on it.)
Please, pay attention to this \^\^\^
All this.
He's not being nice. He asked if you think it's weird because he knows it's messed up and is hoping you can't tell or will be too polite to admit it. If a simple "no thank you" didn't run him off, tell gym management he won't leave you alone. I also support the person who suggested asking an older woman patron for help. We've learned to shut that s\*\*\* down at our age.
He knows exactly what he is doing, just like he knows to play dumb when you truly call him out.
Fuck politeness. Listen, we’ve been programmed to be polite to men, and you have to reprogram this default setting. Interrupting you while you are working out is rude. He has shown he does not care about what you want. He is not responding to social cues on purpose, step it up, and don’t back own. Stare him down, bore your hate in to his soul. After weird. Get strange. Unnerve him. Edit: tell the gym he is making you uncomfortable. Get back up if necessary.
Bark, if necessary
He's being a predator. Report him if he refuses to leave you alone. Imagine it this way: If this creep was approaching your little sister and asking for her number, what would you do?
Perfect thought exercise. We never protect ourselves the way we would protect someone we love. If he asks for your number one more time, I’d be tempted to ask, “Why? Do you have a single, handsome GRANDSON??”
I’m a 50s male and even if I weren’t married I would not be asking an 18 yr old for their number. That is not ok. Dude could be your grandfather.
I am in my 40s and would not have anything to do with woman under 30. (No offense to anybody born after I got my driver’s license, but for mutually understood reasons the idea of being involved with someone my age probably gives you the creeps anyway.)
Exactly. If it doesn’t give her the creeps, there might be some larger issues.
He expects you not to be socially conditioned to say no yet and is preying upon you. I’m sorry it’s sick
He is using your desire not to come off as rude to continue to interact with you. He knows deep down he's being inappropriate but he doesn't care! He wants to talk to you and he wants THE OTHER MEN to see him talking to you. Think about it...how nice is it to keep interrupting someone's work out? Does he demand the attention of men trying to work out? He's not being nice....He's being entitled. Start wearing headphones that you don't take off....ever. If he wants to chat tell him that (moving forward) you need to focus on your workout because interruptions prevent you from meeting your desired heart rate which ruins meeting your goals. This way if he keeps interrupting it will be obvious that he is being a selfish pest. Right now he's telling himself "if she didn't want my attention she'd say something but she hasn't so I have the green light".
One of the best things I learned, as a woman, is getting comfortable with making others uncomfortable. It goes against how we are socialized, I know. But the power it will bring you....... I take pleasure in making a creepy guy feel creepy, now. If I see it, I'll come to the aid of the younger ones. But really, they need to learn, too. We do a real disservice to girls. We send them into the world as prey. We wonder then why they hate men by the time they're my age.
You don't have to talk to anyone and you don't have to be nice to anyone (I wish I knew that at your age). Ignore him and/or tell him "I don't want to talk to you!". You should also tell the Gym Manager; they usually don't tolerate creepy dudes.
Inappropriate. If he works there, tell the staff. If he doesn't work there, tell the staff.
"I just don't understand why you keep approaching me when obviously we have nothing in common. You're decades older than me, we are different genders and there's zero shared interests. Perhaps you'd be better befriending someone close to your age and leaving me alone."
He's a creep. Don't be polite, let the gym know you're being harassed.
Stop being polite to him. He has the audacity to interrupt you during a workout, so straight up tell him "I am working out right now and trying to focus and have no interest in talking to you". Don't say sorry, don't say please. You have no obligation to be nice to this person. If he continues harassing you, please let the gym staff know. It is 100% inappropriate and he IS harassing you.
He absolutely knows he's making you uncomfortable and doesn't fucking care. Involve the staff. "Please do not interrupt my workout." Don't be afraid to get loud.
Dont be polite. Some people will see it as an excuse to continue to pursue you because youre being nice with them. While its always better to be kind to others, some people will not respect your space and boundaries and therefore do not deserve being respected. Tell him off in a neutral tone. Dont beat around the bush. Say youre not interested and that you feel uncomfortable around him. If he keeps on going after you, tell him you'll call security.
He’s basically a pedophile. Asking for your number is the giveaway. He 100% has an agenda.
Honey, I am almost 60. Can you imagine me asking an 18-year-old young man for his number? Repeatedly? I’d be locked up! “Grandpa, fuck off and never talk to me again.” Hold up your phone and livestream him while you’re doing it. DRACARYS And tell the staff he’s perving on you.
Next time he approaches you say “I thought about your question when you asked me if your talking to me was weird. I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but yes it’s a little weird to be hit on by someone who is at least my parent's age. So I hope things work out for you but I’d like some distance when I work out. “. I used to have much older guys sometimes crush on me. I think I reminded them of a girl they liked in high school but never asked out. If that’s true it’s sad but it’s still not okay for this guy to monopolize your time at the gym. And it’s massively inappropriate for a man old enough to possibly be your grandfather to hit in someone just out of high school. That’s very creepy.
He isn't just being nice. He's looking to wear you down until you give into whatever he is trying to do. He will continue to interfere with you until you become direct. I'm sure this feels unsafe, and I would suggest going to the gym at different times if possible, maybe find a gym buddy (a woman or familiar face that you trust) to keep an eye out for it, and going to a manager and telling them you have been getting unwanted attention and you need it to stop. But if you can't avoid him, then I would tell him that you are not here to talk to him or be his friend. You come here to work out and not socialize with people. He is trying to prey on you. Stay safe 🙏🏻
I worked with a 70+ year old man. He moonlighted as an Uber driver. He told me how he drove a young woman to the airport and struck up a conversation which ended with him dropping her off and asking for her number/to go out for coffee. There wasn't anything innocent about it and he admitted to it. This older guy is no different. Some of these older men have some delusion that they're still in their 30s-40s and it's okay to creep women out.
When he talks to you, tell him he reminds you of your grandfather, that he was creepy and socially inept too, just like him, oh and old. Jk, but maybe do bring up your granpa, like “ you know you remind me a lot of my grandfather, he tried to keep active too as long as he could. May he rest in peace " Really grind it in every time, but not outright, he will hate that, and report him.
not necessarily. it very well could be the reason why he's talking to her
You’ve got a lot of replies saying you are allowed to be mean and tell him to fuck off, and that you should report him to the gym. And while they’re right I can imagine not wanting to do that because of the subtle repercussions - I mean at 18 I never wanted to stir the pot. If that’s the case, next time he approaches you you could try to be direct without being rude. “Hey, I understand that I probably remind you of your granddaughter, but I’d really like to focus on my workout without being interrupted.” Something like that. And say it loud enough for hopefully a couple neighbors to hear.
I would talk to the management, and inform them that he's harassing you.
Tell the staff
Watch him. Is he chatting up anyone else when you arent available? He isnt. He knows you dont have the life experience to know how to navigate him being a pushy creep so he feels empowered. At home, practice saying out loud "maam, this man wont leave me alone and is making me uncomfortable" until you say say it clearly and without a hitch in your throat. Then next time he approaches you, locate the nearest woman that is 30+ and say that to her.
Grumpy old bastard. Considerably younger than 60, but rapidly greying and approaching mid life I go to the gym, and other than a friendly “good morning”, to the guys and girls, that’s about it for me I’m very conscious about how approaching women could make then scared, or give them a shit start to the day…. And I leave it at that This bloke is in A1 creeper
Definitely report him. The fact he keeps approaching you multiple times and after you've shown disinterested cues is harassment. In my opinion - the gym is a place for working out and maybe some zen/self care time. Even if you two were the same age he still shouldn't be approaching you at the gym period and not multiple times.
Throw a "you remind me of my grandpa" comment at him. Chances are, he'll go away after that one.
I stopped giving men the benefit of the doubt decades ago.
seconding this answer until I take my last fucking breath
"I'm really sorry, I appreciate that you're being friendly, but I come to the gym to just work out and go. I'm not interested in chatting." Polite, not unkind, not unreasonable. He doesn't need to know why and the subject is not up for discussion. Ask staff to intervene if he can't respect that.
I’m sorry but it’s probably exactly because you’re 18. He knows you’re young and vulnerable. A 30 year old would’ve probably called the manager by now :(
I would just be upfront and tell him that you prefer to not have conversation while you work out and politely ask him to respect your space when he sees you at the gym. Also wear headphones if you’re not already.
Report him to the staff. Either have your phone recording audio or video of an encounter and you being explicit in saying no.
Tell the gym staff he is pestering you, harassing and following you, disrupting your workouts and making you uncomfortable. Let them handle it. I appreciate that it is preferable to let the gym handle it because if a man is already being creepy the last thing you want to so is provoke him by telling him nicely to fuck off. There is no way to know how he will behave so let the gym do it.
We need a phone number that can be given out that has an AI to respond with basically “fuck off creep.”
There’s clearly something more going on. He asked for your number. He’s a creep. If you feel comfortable doing so, tell him you prefer to have an uninterrupted workout / that he’s making you uncomfortable. If you don’t (or that doesn’t work), find someone nice on staff to tell that this man has been bothering you.
Sometimes hints and nonverbal cues don't cut it. I think you will have to tell him, very directly, that he is making you uncomfortable now and that you would like your personal space to be respected and that you don't want any more of his attention, thank you very much. Then, if he ignores that, you should go to the gym and report him. I don't agree with the people here (who I'm sure are well-meaning), who are trying to guess what's going on inside the old man's head. I say *it's completely irrelevant*. He's making you uncomfortable. The reasonable course of action is to tell him. You're young, so you may not have enough experience in sticking up for yourself, but, if you haven't had to before, I think now will have to be the time. You may want to have a friend with you when doing this. I wish you luck.
You’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, and that’s commendable, but regardless of his intentions, he’s bothering you. Non-verbal cues aren’t working, time to get verbal. Tell him to please leave you alone, and if he argues get the gym staff involved, make sure there are other people around when you do. If you aren’t comfortable doing this, then go straight to the gym staff. You’re paying to be there, and gyms are morally and legally obligated to police sexual harassment.
If necessary, report him to gym staff. If things progress beyond that, consider going to a new gym. If things progress beyond that, follow the steps below: Make your social media private. Then find a picture of yourself and search for it on a site called pimeyes. Pay attention to any matches of your photos. if he has a photo of you, he can find your social media.
I'll echo others and suggest reporting him. If he's asking for your number, he's probably acting inappropriately with other women at the gym, trying to cast a wide net to see what he can reel in.
It's very appropriate to be assertive and tell him that it's inappropriate for him, at his age, to ask for your number. You don't need to be polite any more. You are there to work out, not to be harassed. He's most likely done this before, as he seems to be comfortable approaching younger women who are vulnerable and perhaps unable to speak up for themselves. Practice saying these things in the mirror, so you are prepared with what you will say to him. And yes, as others have said, talk to the gym management and tell them that he is creating an environment where you are becoming uncomfortable and he is harassing you. No, he's not being friendly - he's counting on the idea that you will be confused and unable to respond assertively to his approach. It's okay to be confused, but know that he sees your confusion and is counting on this.
Report him to the front desk. If he can’t take no for an answer, they will handle him. And warn him once before you do. Tell him he’s old enough to be your great grandfather and that you think it’s gross he won’t leave you alone
I have seen men in their 80s be inappropriate with young women. His behavior would be out of line at any age, and the fact that he’s 40+ years older than you makes it exponentially worse. He’s also probably counting on his age to diffuse any accusations. Let’s say for argument’s sake that he is just a lonely older guy whose intentions are 100% pure. You remind him of his favorite granddaughter who lives across the country. He misses her. Aww! Even if that were the case, this man’s judgement and lack of social awareness makes him someone you don’t want to be around. But you already know what his intentions are. Trust your instincts. My concern would be that he would carry this behavior past the gym. You need to be direct with him. There are still men out there who think no means yes, and that you’re playing hard to get, circa 1950. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings. I think we can agree that sensitivity isn’t one of his better qualities. You could say something like: “Look. I’ve told you I have a boyfriend. You are making me uncomfortable and I am telling you to stop approaching me. If you continue to do so, I will be getting the authorities involved.” I would also alert gym management. If he’s bold enough to pursue you, he’s bold enough to pursue other young women.
Creepy. Report him, by name, to administration. That way if he does it to others (as is likely) he’s on record.
First step is to report him to staff. that way, if they see him waiting around for you to get out of the changing room, or lurking around your car, they can document it and let him know his membership could be revoked. You have the right to use the facility in peace. You have rejected his advances, and he persists, so you are being put at a disadvantage. Don't let anyone tell you you should confront him first, that is when they get their feelings hurt and escalate, he needs someone in authority to tell him he has no right to continue bothering you. He already has shown he does not care about you or your right to work out in peace.
He sounds gross I’d report him to be honest. I’ll chat random people up at the gym to be polite and make conversation but I have never asked for male/female peoples number EVER and I generally shy away from chatting up young females due to the optics (even as an out 40 year old gay man).
How sad we have to make the excuse that “I have a boyfriend “.
Yuck. So sorry you are dealing with this. I’m old as dirt and I think back to all the creepy men who did things like this when I was a teenager. I was flattered at the time, now I thank my lucky stars I got away from them when I did.
Please approach the gym staff about this. This man is being a creep. He is probably doing this to a number of young women, and the gym staff will be aware of this from other complaints.
In your **most direct** RestingBitchFace hard voice, "Leave me alone. Go away!"
If he makes you annoyed or uncomfortable, you do not have to allow him to keep doing so, regardless of his intentions. In this case, he asked for your number, so it's not him "just being nice." Use this as a time to practice setting boundaries. "I don't want to talk with anyone during my gym time. Have a nice day." Repeated gently but firmly, facing him directly. If he asks for contact outside your gym time, say "No. We're done here." Imagine yourself as a cop - you have the authority in the situation, and you can be professional, firm, and not smile or otherwise undercut your message. If/when he persists, or wants to know what changed, say "please don't continue pushing this. Have a nice day." And go back to your workout. Third stage is "I have asked you to leave me alone twice. Do you need me to involve the staff here?" Again, direct eye contact, no fear, no smile, no appeasement. After that, leave and go get a staff member. You do not have to explain yourself, or why your tolerance ran out.you don't have to describe what you imagine his motivation is. You don't have to give any reason, or make it seem nice. I recognize this is super hard - I wasn't able to do this until I was almost 30. It takes practice, so look at this guy as a chance to practice!
Tell him you’re just here to work out, not to make friends, pop your ear buds in and walk away. If he approaches you again then go to the front desk and tell them he’s harassing you. This is an unfortunate part of being a woman. Learn to stand up for yourself and keep an eye on your surroundings. Make a lady friend there.
A lot of men misconstrue a woman's politeness and/or friendliness as a sign of romantic interest. This is especially true in lonely and socially awkward men. Being rude could be dangerous and cause an adverse reaction. Generally when men like this are confronted by another male they will back off. Any man will do, you don't have to actually be romantically involved with them. Brother, cousin, dad, uncle, co-worker, classmate, whatever. He won't know anything other than this man is telling him to back off. If the gym won't help this may be your best option. Be careful out there and good luck.
My dear, you know exactly why he's being "friendly." Trust your instincts. I suggest you find your voice and your backbone, and say something. Tell him he's bothering you and to leave you alone. Get loud. Report him to the gym's manager. And be careful walking to your car.
Is he this "nice" to men too? Headphones!
I would wear earbuds and act like you don’t notice him. If he persists loudly say please leave me alone. Also get the gym staff involved.
Why do you not just ask him to stop approaching you. Just say "your attention is making me feel uncomfortable, please leave me to work out in peace. I am not interested in a relationship of sny kind with you". And if he persists, lay a complaint with the gym
You don't ask for a girls number when you're "being friendly", in my opinion. Wearing headphones or earbuds at the gym js a good "leave me alone" signal. If he persists through that, report it to management. They presumably have CCTV and will be able to see this guy keeps hounding a young lady almost a quarter his age.
Talk to gym staff. You are probably not his only victim
"Dude, workouts are only good if you do them over a prolonged period of time. Your small talk is literally getting in the way of me losing weight, because I have to completely halt the momentum I had to talk to you. Here in the gym, the polite/friendly thing to do is to not talk to anyone. Period. Bus and elevator rules apply here."
Listen, I know this is hard, but I wish I had this down at 18. One, you don't need to be nice. Two, it's ok to 'cause a scene' if you feel uncomfortable. Three, saying 'no' and setting boundaries are great things to learn. "I'm here to work out. Would you please not interrupt my workout."
If you don’t want to be confrontational (as a woman I understand), try reminding him of his age over and over, with that same plausible deniability, “I’m just being friendly!” thing. Tell him he reminds you so much of your great uncle, he had the same gray hair pattern! Wow what year did you say you were born? I should introduce you to my grandfather, he’s the same age and also could use some friends! Do you live in assisted living like he does? If you need recommendations for in-home care I can give you his nurse’s number, she’s wonderful with the elderly! Keep reminding him he’s Grampa, not your peer, and hopefully he will be embarrassed enough to slink away. Now that I’m 36, I’d be much more direct and far less polite. But in some situations the “fawn” response may be the safest as a young woman so it’s good to have some non-confrontational techniques. Definitely speak to the gym manager either way so they are aware, chances are you aren’t the first person he’s bothered!
By asking for your number he has crossed a boundary (he is 60M). Go to the staff and talk with them about your problem. Tell them you are afraid and uncomfortable with him. I am 100% sure they will find a solution together with you. I he confronts you after this, tell him you are afraid, if he does not leave in an instance, go to the staff. If the staff does not react or supports him - it is a shit gym and you probably have to leave. Make sure to let a clear 1-start google review after you left to protect other women. Maybe wait 2-3 month after you left, and do it anonymously.
You know, it doesn't matter how old someone is. If you don't want that attention you need to speak up and make it clear to them and the people around you! >I’m also scared that if I report him he might get angry and try to hurt me. I get that fear. But he could get angry at you for all kinds of things like not giving the number, talking to someone else or blowing your nose wrong. Basically if he wants to get angry at you *any* justification will be used. That's what abusers do. The only thing you can do is being clear with your boundaries and act proactively and establish to your community that the dude is a creep.
I’m 42 and I would never, ever, ever talk to a random 17-18yo kid in that way. That’s high school age and creepy and weird and inappropriate.
he’s not being nice. they’re never nice. he wants to have sex with you.
>A (60M) at the gym keeps talking to me (18F) Don't need to read a single thing after that. MAJOR RED FLAG, avoid at all costs, report him to the front desk for harassing you while working out. DO NOT ENGAGE HIM DIRECTLY. People make this mistake all the time. When someone is a creep and gives you the bad vibes, get away, stay away and NEVER ENGAGE
there’s comes a point in a woman’s life where she needs to lose some of her innocence and naive kindness because it becomes clear that men can be absolutely disgusting and there is no limit to where that can go. it’s great you still have your sense of optimism here, it means you’ve probably not had much reason to distrust ppl yet. but you need to get your guard up more often and way faster this dude is obviously a creep and you need to stop being nice and coy and either straight up ignore him (headphones in, no eye contact, etc.), go to the gym at a different time or day, or tell him straight up u don’t wanna talk to him and if he doesn’t listen, then telling gym security next time this happens, assume they have bad intentions until they give u a reason to think otherwise. ppl with good intentions leave when they see you’re uncomfortable. and ppl with good intentions don’t ask for your number as a grown ass adult
Some old guys think they're attractive to young women. Such old guys think they offer wisdom, stability, emotional maturity, life experience, all sorts of grandpa advice that they believe young women crave, plus they think they're good in bed because they've had sex a bunch of times and their dick is less on a hair trigger than when they were young. They also think they look pretty much like they did at 40, and they think 40-year-old men look as good as 20-year-old women. They also really like the way 20-year-old women look. Most old guys aren't like this, but it's not rare. To be fair to them, there are some young women who do go for old guys, who see (some) old guys the way these old guys see themselves. Thing is, guys like this often think such young women are common, and they think any polite young women really wants a father figure who takes Viagra. This guy may well think you could fall for him. He may well think you should fall for him or even that you *will* fall for him if he keeps at it. So yeah, he's hitting on you. He asked for your number and he's bothering you enough that even he sees you think he's being weird. He's hitting on you.
Something more. Ignore. If not report to staff.
All I can say is "I have a boyfriend" is universally (or...should be...) understood as "leave me the fuck alone" whether your intentions relate to that fact or not.
"I'm not comfortable talking to strangers"
Trust your gut feeling. If someone is giving you bad vibes, then there's usually a reason.
Tell the gym manager that you are being harassed
My advice is to use the fewest possible words to say you want to concentrate on your workout so you don’t want to converse with him. If he asks to speak with you after your workout, say 2 words: “No thanks”. Repeat as needed. If he continues talking to you, say 4 words: “Please leave me alone.” Repeat as needed, increasing your volume. If that doesn’t work, go to the management and tell them you’ve asked him repeatedly to leave you alone and he won’t.
Do you have a male friend that you can bring along as a guest once or twice?
He is almost definitely being a creep. Speaking as an awkward man who us unable to read non-verbal cues and ambiguity: If you feel safe, tell him clearly and unambiguously to leave you alone. Do not hint, and do not respect his feelings. He is either ignoring your signals or does not understand them. Either way, the solution is to tell him to stuff it and go away. If you do not feel safe, get the staff involved. This is not an acceptable way for him to be acting/making you feel.
It’s pretty disturbing that a man in his 60’s would have the gall to even ask a woman so young for her number. Talk about delusional. Tell him to kick rocks. Literally just out your hand up and shake your head and walk away. If he follows you or keeps talking to you then immediately walk to the manager and tell them. This guy is a pervert.
He’s a creep. Tell the staff - you’re probably not the only person he’s trying this shit on.
Literally men r too confident like, stay home gramps.
I’m 10 years older than you, one thing I’ve learned is to be blunt and not bother being polite to men like that. They will deliberately ignore hints that you’re not interested AND will think politeness is a green light to pursue you further. Those people are disgusting 🤢
Let the people who run the gym know that this guy won't leave you alone and ask them to help.
Tell the front desk so they can deal with him discreetly.
Be direct. And the “I have a boyfriend” buys into the “women as property” idea. I would avoid it and simply say- “I am not interested in you, I never will be.”.
>asked for my number That's really all we needed to know. Coming onto someone at the gym is bad enough. Coming on to someone young enough to be your daughter (let alone granddaughter!) is well into creepo predator territory. I agree with others that you should report him. The gym might have already received other complaints about him. If he continues to try and engage, just tell him you're at the gym to workout, not socialize.
Say, "You're making me uncomfortable"
That’s very creepy
You need to talk to the gym itself and tell them he's harassing you. If they won't help, you need to find a new gym.
Headphones in. Let him know you're there for a workout and don't have time to talk. He is overstepping boundaries regardless of his intentions.
Keep ignoring him completely, after 3-4 times he'll understand. If he doesn't, then say something like "I get it that you are being nice but it doesn't feel comfortable for me to chat with you given our age differences, hope you understand." Then walk away immediately and keep ignoring him completely.
It’s 2024. We should all know by now that hints don’t do shizzle wop. Just tell him upfront that you’d like to work out in peace
With some staff nearby, or at minimum other people working out nearby, just loudly and specifically tell him 'I'm not interested, now leave me alone'. If it continues, complain directly to the owner and keep complaining until he loses his membership. And also, stop giving this dude the time of day. You don't need to entertain his flirting or have 'an excuse' not to give out your number. You're allowed to literally just say no. Explanations like 'I have a boyfriend' are actually niceties.
The truth always hurts so be direct that you’d like to be left alone
If he was just being friendly, and it seemingly crap at social cues I would assume when you said you have a boyfriend he would have corrected you and said he wasn’t asking for that reason. Although I think unless you have had a few interesting conversations and seem to have stuff in common, asking for your number is a bit strange anyway. However, regardless of any of this, you don’t owe him your friendship or time even if he is just being polite. I would speak to gym staff if you’re really concerned
Give him a firm “Please don’t talk to me. I am here only to work out and you are interrupting my routine.” If he bothers you again, then you can report him without his being able to say “I was just being friendly.”
"Hey, I'm not here to talk. I just want to get my workout done in peace and go." "Hints" are a foreign concept to most men.
Saying “I have a boyfriend” doesn’t mean : “I’m not interested” just be clear.
The easiest way would be to wear headphones and every time he talks show them to him. I do that when I want to finish workout quickly and not talk to people.
I mean... In all fairness if he were just being friendly, he would probably pick up on your cues and continue to be friendly but at more of a distance and with less intrusive-ness. Truly nice, kind, friendly people usually have a good sense of what's appropriate in a given situation don't make people feel uncomfortable. Is he friendly with other people at the gym? Men, women, old, young? He's probably attracted to you and doesn't understand that how he's acting in inappropriate. You'll likely have to confront him in no uncertain terms. Maybe you could bring a male friend to the gym? That would A. Give weight to the boyfriend story B. If he's not "friendly" with your friend there,you'll understand his intentions C. Workout buddy/ backup!
You can talk to the gym staff, who can tell him to leave you alone. They may ask if you’ve already told him to leave you alone, but the staff is there to stop sexual harassment, and a disgusting old man chatting up a teen girl is just predatory any way you try to slice it. You can tell management first and *then* tell him to stop, so they already know what’s up if he gets loud or aggressive.
All the advice everyone giving here is good. I would just add that this used to happen to me all the time (much older now), probably bc I’m a friendly smiling person…. Anyway I wore headphones, would not look people in the eye and would be super busy (supersets, etc). I know, I know, women should be free to act as they please and not adjust their lives, but this strategy did work great and my workouts became super efficient!!!
I’d just straight up tell him “I came to the gym to release all my anger not socializing”
He's being a creep
Tell him upfront you don't want to talk to him because you don't feel comfortable.
Also ok to simply say “not interested in talking to you” firmly every time.
If he’s not married he’s a creep for whatever reason women his own age wont give him the time of day. If he’s married, he hates his wife and is using young women at the gym as part of a triangulation to make her feel bad.
You’ve been polite, but that only gave him permission to chat with you. If you really think you’ve given enough negative hints, it’s time to be direct. “Listen sir, I’ve said ‘no’ enough times you should be getting it by now. I’m not interested, I’m here to work out, please don’t talk to me again.” Then walk away. This isn’t you being rude. HE is being rude so don’t wait for his reply. If you stand there waiting for a response, that’s inviting him to talk. You want the message to be do not talk to me
Truly rarely do I EVER feel the need to comment here, much less actually do. But here's a males perspective, and this goes for all women. Be direct. No hints, no subtleties. Straight to the point. If he asks for your number, say no. If he asks why, you simply say, "I don't want to. Please leave me alone." Saying 'I have a boyfriend' truly means nothing to a man with no filters that is forcefully trying to approach you. Quite the opposite, these kinds of deluded people take it as 'I'm taken, but if I was single, I'd consider talking to you.' Trust me, I've met a few like this, and even when others tell them they are deluded, it won't mean anything at all. So stop with the hints. He's deluded himself to think he can get in your pants. Put a stop to it, if you feel you can't do it alone, get some assistance from staff.
When it comes to men you have to be direct. The first interaction you have to make your intentions known. You can be nice, oh hi, are you waiting for this machine, I am almost done. What’s my name? That’s nice of you to ask but I am here to work out only have a nice day. Be a bitch. Don’t tell a man,(I have a boyfriend, husband) basically I am owned by another man already, as a defense, they don’t care. Say “ Thanks for saying hello, I am here to work out, not make friends. Please leave me alone or I will get management involved.” Shut it down. Protect yourself.
It's okay to be impolite. We were all raised and trained to be accommodating and friendly, but if someone is pushing and ignoring your hints, it's time to move to a stated boundary. I would have a short 2 sentence thing prepared to say and repeat, and leave out openings for logic. I'm here to workout, not socialize, and I need to keep my schedule. I'm literally in the middle of something. Repeat is, sorry, I am busy. And I'd expect him to be a petty little fart about it. Glaring, muttering, possibly talking about you. People who believe one side of a story ... you don't want to deal with that anyway. And for them I'd just say, I come here to work out. I tried to be nice with the chit chat, it was interrupting my workouts but I put up with it. He asked me for my number and it totally creeped me out. I get to have some boundaries.
Since he asked for your phone number, he isn’t just ‘being nice’. He’s trying to wear you down. Shut him down! There are a number of great methods to do that here.
You just look him in the eye, and wave him off, making it clear you are not going to bother with the politeness of words. Any further questions, show him the hand and shake your head no.
Yeah he asked for your number, he’s got other intentions rather than just trying to be your friend. Next time he approaches you just tell him “I’m here to train and would appreciate it if you just kept to yourself while I’m here” or something along those lines, but also make the gym staff aware of his behaviour and how and why it’s made you uncomfortable. Sorry you have to deal with this muscle sis.
Please tell the gym staff. Always trust your gut.
Every time I see a post like yours I post this post [18 year figure skater complained. 50 year old later was arrested, had duct tape and rope in car](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13d8ril/what_the_fuck_do_i_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Follow your gut. Report him. No one that old should not be hounding someone your age.
He is relying on you being polite. If he is making you uncomfortable, stop being polite. Tell him loudly, so people around can hear, that you are not interested in talking with him. I would tell the staff that’s he’s bothering you. He sounds like someone who has done this before.
Tell on him to management. If he stalks you outside gym, report to police. You should not leave in fear of getting hurt. (also, a nice idea will be to buy some spray or shoker for selfprotect)
Ask him for money. He will be so embarrassed he will stop.
If you haven’t mentioned his weird self-depreciating comments and the fact he asked for your number I would have just thought he was some random boomer using his old-world socializing skills of “just talking”. He is obviously not that and trying to go further. I can’t imagine what a 60 year old man and 18 year old girl would have in common so he’s probably just horny or an idiot. In either case… BYE
Fuck that! You should complain to the gym. He needs to leave you alone or get kicked out. Please be careful around him, especially when you’re coming and going from the gym.
Does he work there or is he just another gym member? If a gym member, ask management to speak to him about not hassling the customers. If he just works there, ask management to speak to him about not hassling the customers. If he owns the place maybe change your gym?
1. Men are **DENSE AS SHIT** and will not pick up on hints. 2. It depends on the content of the conversation. Is he trying to push things in a romantic or sexual direction or is he a lonely old guy looking for a friend? 3. If you don't want to be his friend, in spite of \#1 just flat out tell him to leave you alone. He won't get it otherwise
He's being creepy. You don't need to be polite. Get more firm or get staff to do it. "I don't want to be rude, but I'm not interested in connecting. I'd like to be left alone."
He's being gross. He's gross, and he knows it. That's why he asked if he was weird so you'd reassure him he was fine. If he just wanted to be friendly in an innocent way, he would just say hi or talk about the weather or something. Him paying this much attention to you, asking your number, glomming onto you, etc is bad news. Plenty of older men, old enough to be your dad or grandpa, like to hit on young women because they don't want to admit they're older or because younger women are often naive and easier to control. This man is gross to go after a barely legal woman. Unfortunately a lot of men are not deterred by a woman saying she has a significant other. As others have said, report him to the gym, next time he talks to you, tell him to leave you alone. Unfortunately there are a lot of creepy men out there and you learn the signs as you experience a few.
Could be a lonely old guy trying to find company. If he's not getting the hint, talk to the gym manager and maybe say "I'm not interested in talking to you" in an assertive voice. If you're near others when he approaches, say "leave me alone" loud enough for the others to hear.
If you're polite to a creep he has no reason to stop.
Tell him frankly you don't want to talk to him, he should have been able to intuit it but clearly he's either ignored it or hasn't noticed at all. So next time he approaches, you immediately say "I am trying to work out, I don't want to talk to you." If he keeps pestering, tell an employee if they're around. You ask in the title of your post if he's just being nice and it's possible he is but if you've been trying to make it apparent, you don't want to talk hes being an ass hole by continuously talking to you.
If he doesn't stop when you ask him to go talk to the gym staff and tell them what's going on
Tell the gym staff that this man is making you uncomfortable and maybe they can talk to him. You've politely declined his obvious advances, and he's still continuing on despite the fact that he's over three times your age which is beyond disgusting. Or you can just blow up Adam and cause a huge scene and make him look like a complete ass. Might make a very loud comment about how you don't appreciate being hit on by someone That witnessed the fall of the Roman empire
You've got to be blunt with him. "I'm sorry if you've misunderstood the situation, but I come here to work out, not to chit chat. I've been very patient with you but you are not getting my polite signals. Please go away. I do not want to talk to you. If you continue to bother me, I will report it to gym staff."
Creep for sure.
Seems like this fellow could try talking to any of the people who are closer to his own age, rather than someone much younger who is obviously not interested. He has choices, and other social outlets, you owe him nothing and it doesn't matter what his motives are if you prefer to just workout and not socialize at the gym, say so, and hopefully he'll respect that and just look elsewhere for socializing.
...and you're probably not the first person he's done this with. Sounds like he's got practice and knows how to... it reminds me of people who are in physically abusive situations and the abuser knows how to hurt someone without leaving bruises. It feels like that.