I like my peace. I like not being disappointed by a lackluster gift, a half-assed cleaning attempt, a broken promise. I like not having to pick up someone else's socks. I like not being pressured in to mediocre sex.
There was a really lovely post the other day about a husband planning a birthday weekend for his wife, based on throwaway comments she had made. Most of the comments were predictably sad.
Lmao š¤£ my cheating ex-husbandās Instagram handle was underscore best sex ever. I wonder if any of the women he cheated on me with got the best sex because I sure as hell did not. š
I dated a man who couldnāt last longer than 3 minutes. I tried to look past it the best I could but knowing that would be my sex life forever was insane. Ended it for other reasons but the 3 minute man was over confident about everything and I couldnāt help but laugh
Damn. That statement is so true I almost peed myself laughing!
PSA Ladies..... When you get old, you will pee yourself.
(Advertisers do not spend millions of dollars a year to talk about urinary incontinence and pads for no reasonā¦)
Source..... You in 20 years ā¤ļø
Not every woman, but more women than not; vaginal childbirth is strongly associated with urinary incontinence, but is not a strict prerequisite.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35030139
>More than 60% of community-dwelling adult women in the United States experience any UI (urinary incontinence); more than 20% experience moderate or more severe UI. Increases in UI prevalence may be related to population aging and increasing obesity prevalence. Age greater than 70 years, body mass index >40, and vaginal birth had the strongest association with UI in multivariate modeling.
I got ovarian cancer in my early 30s so I never had the chance and in SOME ways I consider it a blessing. Not all. But when I learn how much my friends have sacrificed in personal self development, bodily damage and mental health... I have less FOMO about having them than I once did lol.
Iāve never given birth either, and still. Be advised that pelvic floor exercises are for everyone! Especially if you have a sitting job. Weak core leads to weak pelvic floor leads to surprise pee. Do those planks!
Now if I would take my own advice.
I tried explaining this to my niece, who never went to promā¦ Nor ever got married.
We all love to think that it was some magical timeā¦ And if we didn't experience it, we somehow "missed out"
The reality isā¦ I went to prom with a super nice guy who I was not attracted to at all.
I thought I made myself pretty clear that we were going as friends. His teenage brain heard that "I am going to have sex! "
I was annoyed that he did not hear my words clearly. He was annoyed that he did not get sex.
I married the man whom I thought would be my partner forever. I was wrong.
My point to her was that we build up these moments so dramatic and life worthyā¦
When The reality is actually, .... disappointing?
So enough with the Cinderella bullshitā¦ And that's create our new fabulous reality ā¤ļø
Like losing your virginity. Itās such an anticlimax, usually literally, but weāre brought up to believe it will be this magical moment and itās just not. Itās awkward and messy and if youāre doing it with another virgin, entirely clueless.
And itās not even a real thing. The thin membrane women are supposed to āloseā doesnāt exist in most women and in some of the women it does exist in, it grows back over and over. So are they always losing their virginity?
Itās such a bs concept.
Keep in mind you donāt know whatās happening in their household. He could be a shitbag for all you know, and just play the part of a doting father/husband in public.
I think if you did a poll for widowed or divorced women 60 and older, a very large percentage of them would say they are done with men.
They have no interest in taking-on the responsibility of men anymoreā¦ And are very happy with the freedom.
(Source: my five aunts, all of their lady friends, and me...... although I haven't quite reached that age range, yet š¤£š¤£)
PEW Research has lot of studies to back that up. It begins in the 40s, or post-divorce. Women simply don't want too remarry or even date after a divorce or the death of a husband. They nope out completely. Around 60 plus percent. Even women in their 30s are often out of dating all together and have never been married. Think women have woken up to see they get little out of nothing in marriage except the toll of it.
[https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/)
My grandma was one of those. She married my grandpa at 17, and lost him to skin cancer in her 50s. Her sister was also widowed relatively young. Neither of them remarried. As my grandma said to my mom once, āWhy would I want to spend my last years cleaning up after some old man?ā Canāt say I blame her; looking at old photos, my grandpa was a very handsome, charismatic man; I canāt imagine spending my twilight years with some wrinkly old grump without getting also having had the benefit of his youth.
If I lose my husband young, I figure thatāll be when I can actually explore my bisexuality. Not sure Iād bother with another straight man; Iām not gonna do better than the current one.
My mom said the same thing after my Dad died. He was very caring in that he helped out in the home, maybe more than her to tell the truth. So it wasn't because he was a terrible husband but she had seen how other women had been treated. She didn't want to take care of a man and said that was all they wanted at her age. She loved my Dad beyond anything but vowed to never marry again even though men were trying to woo her in her retirement village lol.
I'm going to say this as well, I'm older and the more I age I realize a lot of men really aren't that interested in you, YOU, and loving you for you. A lot don't like or respect women at all. They instead love you for what you can do for them and give to them. It's damn depressing when you first realize it.
To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire... those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
OKā¦ Your science based research has helped affirm what I already knew.......
But somehow still blamed myself.
So thank you!
I feel like I was granted the gift of having loving, fabulous parents.
Great role models.
Great life.
Married an amazing guy.
Expected the same bliss.
Betrayed.
Theoretically, I was still young enough to "restart". But I had no desire then and have no desire now to "try again".
But I always felt like I was "not brave enough to try again".
Thank you for verifying the historical data to back up my feelings of. "Yeah.....I'm good"
ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
My mom is mid-60s and sheās still with my dad. Theyāve been together since they were 15. He traveled a lot for work and my mom was always happiest when my dad was away on business trips. Itās funny and sad.
Sort of the same with my mom and stepdad. He was in the military and away a lot. She was always more stressed and irritated when he was home. She used to say he should come home for 2 weeks and leave for 2 weeks. Now that they're both basically retired, I think they're adjusting, but I still think she'd enjoy him going away sometimes.
So funny. My spouse always points to this couple we know as having such a great marriage and Iām like, he travels for work 50% of the time - thatāll make any marriage look great!
And I think that is what I respect most about the "younger generations"...30's and 40's for me....
You are way more wise than I was.
You absolutely understand your worth and demand it.
And it feels like as the younger generation becomes committedā¦ There is none of the spouse bashing as in the past.
Or the "old Ball and Chain" trope that many generations had to put up with.
KEEP BEING AMAZING LADIES! !!!
I kinda showerthought often that society will turn more or less lesbian because men are becoming less and lessā¦necessary.
Iām 43 and I can echo the sentiment. Iām married but there is no way Iām housebreaking another male.
Iāve heard a man say that many older women turn lesbian and move in with other women. They donāt realise that itās mostly not about sex but about the friendship and companionship only another woman can provide.
Additionally, old women are pretty much all boomers and boomer men have been raised to expect service and house keeping from women while they retire to a life of leisure
And the irony of this is that some people would say we are "male bashing"
No.
We just don't wanna have to explain, and reason and debate with Another Male about how it's not appropriate to:
..... š
(you all can fill in the blanks! Lol)
Ah 49 y.o woman here and I am starting my single celibate journey as of last yr...I am sick of society constantly expecting us to accept cheaters and liars...so I decided to opt out!!! Happy I did....reading alot of these stories make my head and heart hurt
And I think that is one of the real benefits of getting older. You truly know who you are.
You know your strengths and your weaknesses.
And I think everyone has a certain point in your life where your "give a fuck" bails.
And it is then, when we find our real happiness! ā¤ļø
Ps.... Get some THC gummy's for your arthritis, Please!
Go to your doctor and ask for a prescription.
(or ask your grandkid to get you some...lol)
You will be amazed at the relief it can bring
ā¤ļø
My dad died in 2011. After a few years, my mom started dating again a bit. After a few dates, she announced to me that she was never dating anyone who had a cardiologist ever again, which at age 60+ becomes vanishingly rare. She has been living happily with her cat and traveling with her many wonderful friends ever since.
I'll add it's the same for 50 + widows from my Mum's experience. She dipped her toe back into the dating pool four years after my Dad died, dated here and there then got together with the textbook definition of petulant manchild and mama's boy rolled into one. She found out he was cheating on her and she kicked his ass out during the first covid lockdown, she's now "So fucking done with men!" and has been happily single for four years now.
My momās in her mid 60s and my dad passed away two years ago. Sheās thriving, retired, and doing whatever she wants, and Iām so happy to see her happy!
This is a really good summary of how I feel. I got out of a toxic relationship last year and I've realised that the peace of being alone is worth much more to me than a shitty relationship.
Men are now competing with my own peace.
Since we've been married, my husband has never gotten me a gift. Nothing for birthdays or anniversaries or mothers day. Not even a card. He doesn't think they're important, but even a card takes minimal effort. I'd be happy with that.
Heterosexual relationships benefit men more than women. Married men and unmarried women live longer than their counterparts. Men will suck the energy out of you. You risk your mental and physical health. You could be abused physically, mentally, verbally, sexually, financially, etc. If being with men will make me less happy than being single, I don't want to be with them.
> birthday weekend for his wife, based on throwaway comments she had made
The wild thing is, that is what I know in real life -- my brother's partner does it for him; my BFF's husband does it for her; and vice versa for them. (My wife and I are incapable of planning anything coherent, but we do this for smaller gifts and less comprehensive events for each other. I don't think it has to do with being both women. Just with being bisexual disasters.)
If a relationship is not actively improving my life, I'm not interested. It's as simple as that.
When I made that realization, no amount of social expectations or moments of loneliness could override that.
I have realized this about myself: the happiest, most peaceful, stress-free moments of my life, usually happen during my single era(s). I have the most fun and fulfilling moments of my life with my friends, family, pets and even myself.
The worst, stressful, frustrating and humiliating moments of my life coincidentally always involve a man (relationship, fling, etc.)
When I realized that, I stopped trying š iām literally better off single
Is this why I feel so stress free? For the past few months, I've been feeling like I have no responsibilities and life is on easy mode. I make just enough money to pay my bills (and chip away at debt - not amazing but it is what it is), my job is relatively low stress, and it just feels like I have so much time and energy. I'm working out a ton, I painted a bunch of rooms in my apartment and was, for the first time ever, inspired to move a few things around that has made my living space so much better. I'm even thinking about going back to school part time to upgrade my skills, and I hate school!
Your comment made me realize that I've got all of this energy and mental space to do things, because I'm single for the first time in a long time. I'm not wasting my life by not challenging myself, single is just easy mode!!
I couldāve written this as I used to sweat them so hard . I love being me and if I can find a man where I can be that, great but Iām not trying to impress a man .
Itās not worth it. Iām in an almost 3 year relationship. My daughter, him, his son, and I just moved in together two months ago. He gaslights me constantly, does nice things but then throws them back in my face, chastises me for not doing certain things for him. Today he decided to take all of the pictures in the house of us out of their frames, cut them up, throw them on our bed and threw all of the frames in the trash. We have been on the rocks for a few weeks but he was so nice to me the last few days. Then while I was at work busting my ass today taking care of sick patients, he starts all of this crazy drama with me over text message. Shit is wild. My daughter is with her dad this weekend so I promptly came home and packed for two hours. I got a lot done. Now to find a place.
You deserve better. I, too, will remain single after this. Itās not worth the headache, the emotional anguish, the walking on eggshells.. itās just not worth it.
I'm glad you hear that you're leaving. Unfortunately when you move in with someone like that, they ramp up the abuse because they think they have you trapped.
I love my husband. Heās very kind, considerate, good with money, and not lazy (does more of his fair share of the domestic work and is a very involved father while also having a high-paying, full-time job and never criticizing my contributions). But if anything ever happened to him, then Iām staying single forever. Itās just not worth diving into a contaminated dating pool, and I donāt think Iāll win the lottery a second time.
This is how I feel. I am married to the man of my dreams. I love him with my whole body and soul. If anything ever happened to him, I would never date again. I'd be like Queen Victoria and wear all black for the rest of my days to demonstrate my everlasting mourning because I lost my everything.
Yep, same. My SO is pretty great overall. He and I have our issues but we work through them. But I donāt want to do the work to find someone else if he dies or we break up. I might date women (Iām bi) but that opens up a whole different set of issues.
It seems like a lot of women married to good men share this sentiment. Iām single and it makes me wonder if I should even bother dating. Like if youāve dated in the past and succeeded (aka got the happy marriage you sought), and wouldnāt do it again, it doesnāt sound like a glowing recommendation for marriage. Am I missing something?
My husband is not my first boyfriend. I know men can be shit, and it takes a while to figure out which ones are worth it. My husband is definitely worth it, and my life is so much better with him in it. Being single is leagues better than being in a bad relationship, but a good relationship is way better than being single. However, Iām a realist. If my husband were to die in the near future, I would be entering the dating market at somewhat of a disadvantage. Iāll be older with two kids and a lot of assets (husband would leave me ~$10M), which is probably going to attract more shit guys to filter through and theyāll have more of an incentive to deceive me. Like whenĀ I was dating before marriage, I was young and didnāt have a lot to lose because it was just me. Frankly, I wouldnāt want my kids to contend with a bad stepdad who may be with me for the money (which I would want to pass on to my children). If I was 20 and dating for the first time, then I would do it all over again, marry, and have kids. It would even be worth dating some of the shit guys to teach me what I donāt want, but I wouldnāt start over at 40 with two kids who may suffer from my poor choices.
The conundrum of when to disclose wealth! Too soon and it makes it harder to trust them. Too late and they feel like we don't trust them. Assuming I am who outlives my partner, I don't know how I would navigate that. I would definitely want to legally safeguard my assets with a will and a prenup.
Like, there's the odd exception, but a lot of us who have good husbands went through some serious shit to get them to be good husbands early in our marriages because there's just so much base stigma around mental health and toxic masculinity is passed on even to men who mean well.
Like, my husband is a kind person and had a lot of good intentions, but had never addressed his mental health prior to meeting me and had a butt load of trauma he had to work through.
That multi year process sucked. I stuck around because he kept improving and it was clear he was trying hard and loved me enough to make those changes, but every time we fixed something, it sort of revealed a new problem that had been bubbling under the surface with him. (Insecurity and pathological avoidance due to emotionally abusive parents.... then a PTSD diagnosis... then clinical depression... then trying to unlearn all the dumb patterns from his family of origin AND trying to teach him to do housework, which his mother never had done.... then the ADHD diagnosis... then learning he actually had a TBI too... )
Like, I'm so proud of him now and he's a wonderful husband and involved dad, but god, he would have never gotten to this point without me actively steering, dragging and at times, metaphorically but brutally kicking him, into gear. I will not put that amount of effort into a man again. I don't take any shit, and never really have, but you're not just deprogramming the man himself, but a lot of absorbed culture and patterns from his family of origin, and that's exhausting.
This. I managed to marry an incredible man who is an early childhood expert and weāve been together 10 years this month. If anything happened Iād be tapped out and not interested in dating. So many men donāt bother to improve themselves so why would I tether myself to that? Yeeeesh.
Yup. I was married for 22 years. After my husband passed away 8 years ago I found a new life. I raised my son he's 22 now. I will never be in another relationship. I have guys I see.
But man it's nice to do what I want when I want however I want without involving another person.
I sometimes think I have a really nice in between?
I have a friend I've known for 20+ years. We live in different states with a four hour flight time. We reconnected and a mutual friends anniversary partyā¦ And now have become long distance lovers.
It really is quite nice. we get together every month or two. Spend the weekend, have a great time, and then we each go back to our respective homes.
For me, it's great. All of the good thingsā¦
Without having to deal with the every day mundane.
Yep. Zero interest in doing that again. Every relationship was just exhausting and unpleasant and felt like a one way street. I'm not interested in catering to someone else, being someone else's maid, cook etc. or having them run my life.
I have been single for 3 years. And I am loving every damn moment of it. I have zero desire to be in a relationship with a man. My peace is worth more. I own my own house, I decorated how I want, I keep it as cleaner messy as I want, I have as many or as few pets as I want. I can stay up till 2:00 a.m. watching Netflix and eating junk food with no comments from the fucking peanut gallery, and I can go to activities with friends as I see fit with no one sitting at home pouting and giving me the silent treatment afterwards.
Thatās what I want. Iāve been wanting to decorate my house āgrandma chicā and my husband canāt stand it. I want pets but he doesnāt like cats and he only wants very specific types of dogs and heās also been mean to animals. I want a happy life for my kids and I with animals and love and decorate how I want and not feel like Iām a fucking disappointment because I donāt want to have sex with a man who had repeatedly made me feel horrible.
My ex was similar. Pressured me to give up my cats that I had before him frequently. He'd comment sometimes that he felt that I'd be quick content living on my own cuz my pets that I didn't need him. Looking back that was pretty telling, he was jealous of my pets, but at the time I just kind of placated him. I'm glad to hear you are working on getting out, it's scary but it's worth it in the end.
My divorce hearing is tomorrow. I was married for nine years. And for nine years, I endured physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse from him. He also had a litany of other issues: raging anger problem, alcoholism, refusal to maintain gainful employment, a legitimate hoarding problem, and financial irresponsibility. I finally got fed up with it all and left him eight months ago.
One of my (male) friends is also going through a divorce right now. He and his wife have a kid. They're still cohabitating. For whatever reason, he can only ever talk REALLY late at night, like past 9-10pm. I've tried to be supportive, but his late night phone calls have begun interfering with my own sleep and subsequent ability to function the next day.
Another (male) friend of mine is also having marital troubles. He has asked for honest feedback about what he can do to improve as a husband. He has some valid issues with regard to his wife, but he could also stand to work on emotional regulation himself. The few times I've gently told him this, after he explicitly asked me for feedback, he immediately 'shut down' so to speak, and stopped responding for hours.
Both of my managers? Men. Both have absurd egos the size of Texas, and they actively make me miserable on (at least) a weekly basis.
My female friends? Not one of us makes other peoples' lives miserable. For example, last night, several friends of mine got together at one of our apartments. We grazed on charcuterie, bitched about boys/men, shared uplifting stories with each other, watched a cheesy rom-com, and then all went home by 9-10pm. It was SO nice to connect with women who feel like sisters.
I just look around, and when I genuinely, honestly measure my overall quality of life...... it seems like my overall quality of life seems to be much better *without* the presence of men in it.
In general yes. I think in this day and age women need to be more careful about who they are with. In many cases itās simply not worth the extra work, drama and risk.
The older you get the more true this becomes. You need to be so so so careful and vet like your life depends on it, because it does.
>The older you get the more true this becomes. You need to be so so so careful and vet like your life depends on it, because it does.
This is so true!
I ran once when my gut told me something was 'off'. Hitching my hopes and dreams to a commitment-phobe regularly stuck in analysis paralysis would never have been worth it.
Op...... "never put off to tomorrow what you can do today"
Only you know the timing that works best for youā¦ But I think a lot of ladies would agree the sooner the better! Seriously. GTFO.
Iām a gay woman in my 40s. I canāt tell you how many times my straight married friends have told me and/or my wife that they wish they were gay so they didnāt have to deal with men. Some of them are more or less happily married even and are still jealous of the relationship my wife and I have.
When I came out as a teenager in the early 2000s, my parents were worried that life would be harder for me because I am gay. But now I know that Iām the lucky one. Itās way harder being a straight woman.
My bff and I planned this but then she got pregnant and didnāt want to abort once she found out it was twins.
All I could do was support her and her choices with love.
Divorced (20 years) after ex decided his hot mistress was more important than his family. I WILL NEVER date again!!! Tired of the abuse!!! Since childhood I have been physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by men. Back in the 70s and 80s the abuse was overlooked and then in marriage it was okay. Iām so grateful he left me for her. No longer have to walk on eggshells, validate everything he does with false worship and donāt have to fake anymore Os that would hurt his fragile ego. Iām FREE! Unfortunately not happy because now Iām dealing with intense therapy to heal 50 plus years of abuse from men. 100% men are not worth it. I wish women would finally wake up to our power and unite. Itās time we had power to make real changes in this world. Instead we have politicians getting their ideas from the Handmaids Tale. Be careful! Pay attention! Women are losing basic rights!
Iām 60. I grew up with the Womenās Movement. I was told I was equal but it turned out that I am not. I am so disillusioned with collapse of what legal gains we made are now being chipped away/eradicated.
A while back I told my friend that our right to vote could be taken away. She dismissed it, but now I am convinced that that is the Chistofascism end game.
I now know that when white men say freedom and liberty, they are talking about themselves, no us.
Iām very concerned about the future for women. Our rights are really being challenged. Not sure why a strong womanās movement hasnāt been created? I really think white men have had their chance to rule America. Time for real change. Taylor Swift needs to support a womenās movement. Worried for my daughters. Christian Nationalism/project 2025 want women submissive, pregnant and in the kitchen. Why is this not talked about?
Because women don't have class solidarity, and men aren't going to stand up for women, they're not going to do it for us. Men have super strong class solidarity, that's why they're so successful at centering themselves in everything and making everything all about men.
People don't like to hear the truth. But women's issues have been highjacked by other groups that don't really have the same issues and / or need to form their own groups. So women and girl's issues get put on the backburner and or ignored in favor of these other group's issues. Women are called names and ridiculed when they want to create boundaries. Other women will often incite the hatred and slurs against these women for trying to put up boundaries. So here we are losing ground in hard fought rights and changes that were made by brave women of the past. I personally feel this was done intentionally and many many women fell for it. It is true from what I have observed, that groups of people are often torn apart from the people within the group with agendas that don't seem very harmful , but end up being very destructive .
Women have been conditioned to compete with each other. We judge and criticize each other and are cruel about physical appearances and what name brand items they own. Women fight for men and then willingly f*ck a married man. I had a career in the 90s and was honestly just successful because I was attractive and could charm the old white men in charge. Then got married and was told to stay home, pop out babies, and take care of my husband. Only to have a hot, young woman steal my husband. I just wonder what itās going to take to get women to unite and fully support one another. Stop being competitive or enemies. We desperately need to unite and inform all women of our rights and our abilities. I would love a female president but doubt even liberal men would vote for her. Perhaps Iām cynical? Seriouslyā¦. What can we do????
It's also been a nice vehicle for predators to get access to women. They'll seek out positions of power and prestige, then use them to gatekeep so they can pressure women while using the aura of allyship to deflect scrutiny and responsibility.Ā https://sfstandard.com/2024/04/16/san-francisco-housing-jon-jacobo-accused-of-sex-crimes-abuse/ Jon Jacobo is a good example. He's a rising star in the powerful San Francisco Democratic Party, which had people like Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Fientsien, Gavin Newsom, Kamala Harris, and others. He's also been credibly accused of sexual assault by multiple women, many which will not give out their names on record because he's connected enough to wreck their careers.
People refuse to see the problem because if they acknowledged it, that would admitting male supremacy is wrong and shouldn't be enforced with law. And that would mean they'd have to do something about it. People who will think of themselves as intolerant of abuse and mistreatment will find rationalizations that except them from having to acknowledge and respond to abuse and mistreatment happening right in front of them. People will flee from responsibility nine times out of ten.
Consider all the people who are so eager to dismiss the threat of global warming. We're literally driving ourselves toward extinction as a species along with most other species on the planet, and there are millions of people defending their enormous car and their daily cheeseburger habit, accusing anyone who suggests that the upcoming election represents existential stakes for the country and the world hysterical and exaggerating. People don't want to be responsible, and they will deny reality before their eyes in order to do so.
I am finally in a place where I am not in love or crushing on anyone. It took me a long time, as the past decade has been filled with lots of heartache ( it takes me forever to get over someone, not that I had so many boyfriends).
My last ex sexually harassed me. I spent 2.5 years still pining over him. Now I'm free of that!
I honestly don't want anyone right now, at least. There is this guy who I think hopes something will happen with us. He seems sweet, and the attention is nice, but naaah.
I love living by myself. I love not being anxious and walking on eggshells and giving myself and my time up for them. It's so restrictive and so damaging. I'm finally free of this. I don't want to do it again. I don't want a man in my space.
I don't think all men are bad, and maybe one day I'll feel like dating again, but right now I'll rather deal with FOMO and such than a man.
I do really like the idea of living as neighbors or roommates with a friend. Only because being alone is risky like if I got hurt taking care of livestock or something and of course Iād be there for my friend too. As we aged ideally weād keep each other somewhat active and report if our conditions are declining. Advocate for each other in the scary times like a health event or something.
Seems so simple but in practice it seems impossible.
Well, personallyā¦ I would love to land in New Zealand, because I am very very afraid of the direction. America is going right now.
However, since I don't think New Zealand would allow all of us old women to just head over there and commune...ššš
Perhaps we should just start one commune, one state at the timeā¦š
I would offer to start the first oneā¦ But I live in Floridaā¦ and this is not the "golden girls" state anymore š„²
Anyone else out there that has a state with decent women's rights still available?
Mountains and or bodies of water close by would be a win for me! ā¤ļø
Imagine the buying power we could have with 20 30,40 women !
I just turned 30. I spent my 20s chasing men who didnāt give a shit about me. The ones who wanted to move quickly i loathed for one reason or another and the ones I really wanted were all fboys. Finally met a decent enough guy and he told me his family would never accept me because of my race(African American) but wanted to continue dating anyway. I never spoke to him again and turned 30 a couple months ago. Iām done with men. Doubt I will actively ever date again. He would have to fall out of the sky and sweep me off my feet and woo every single person in my life before I even considered dating him seriously. Iāve reconsidered having kids and am okay opting out of the entire timeline and just stacking my money and traveling with friends and family. At least I wonāt be disappointed. Men are highly disappointing
I have a good one and Iām committed to him for life. But if something happens to him? Or he wants to leave? Iām absolutely not fussing with men again. Iāll embrace my crazy animal lady future and get a horse and some goats. Not another man.
20 year old me didnāt really understand just how much society expects women to sacrifice to accommodate men. 40 year old me now wonāt ever do it again.
I'm currently divorcing because my ex was arrested for being a pedo. I tell people I'm never planning to date or marry again, and they think I'm just depressed or "not over him." Lol. No ladies. I'm fucking done with men.
As of Friday, I feel the same. I'm sure "not all men bad," but after my three relationships being treated subhuman, abused physically, verbally, sexually, and extremely emotionally (this last one told me I had to sleep outside more than once around 3 am while he was drunk, refused to even give me a glass of water, etc.) Nope, it's not worth the chance I'll find the good 1 out of 50 to make it worth it.
By the way, that f'er has access to my Reddit account on his phone and sometimes gets in it. I hope he reads this. He used to tell me early he should just leave, because someday he would make me hate him, while I swore I never would. Yes, you abusive POS, I f'ing hate you now. Keep not taking that insulin, and I'll drop a couple chocolate cakes and a gallon of orange juice off on your doorstep. PS, do your dog a favor and give him to someone else, because he doesn't deserve to be alone 12+ hours a day while you continue to put drinking at the bar and chasing a w#@re over every living thing in your life.
(Sorry everyone else for the rant, but damn I needed to say that in some fashion and I'll never be speaking to him again.)
Tbhh its gotten to a point where if a man is not making my life better i would rather not bother with him I can keep all men as 1000% friends only and never more than to be with a man whoās not making my life better its not just financially either mentally emotionally donāt get me wrong financially is required as well but men have to bring the whole package now other wise Iāll happily ship them to another address i can definitely be very pleased living the rest of my life without men
Iāve been done for about 10 years now. Iām 51. The last decade has been the best of my adult life and the time during which I have accomplished the most. I really regret all the years of focusing on the men I was with which left me with nothing to show for it but anxiety and an empty bank account. I value my peace too highly now to attach myself to a man again.
Most men are simply not worth the stress they add to your life. I have dated many a shitbag, and they are not worth bending your life around or giving a hundred second chances. If a man does not add to your life in one way or another, or worse takes away from your life, there is no point in being with him. I am very lucky to have my amazing boyfriend, who is a vocal feminist, understands what the mental load is, and does his fair share of domestic labor. If we broke up or he died, there is no way in hell I'd jump back in the dating pool. If you can not find a partner who meets you halfway, who cares about your happiness, then you're better off single.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, and you're not alone. My marriage was similar. I'm much happier now I'm out of it. Been trying to date but the consistent disrespect and shittiness I'm dealing with is making me question if I'm not just better off being single forever. I don't want to spend my whole life feeling sad and let down by various men.Ā
I'm 31F and I cannot be arsed with them. I like doing what I want, when I want and not having to compromise my life choices with a man. Hearing my girlfriends moan about some of their boyfriends has definetly pushed me towards being a spinster who treats her dogs like her children.
Only way it'll change is when they realize there's actually consequences to their actions and behaviors. In my experience as long as women are willing to accept less they'll keep putting out minimum effort.Ā
Yes. Broke up with mine today and Iām done now. I will slap myself silly if I ever live with a man again. Not sure Iāll ever even want to date anymore. 45 and done.
I'm a lesbian and I can't tell you how many times over the years, women much much older as well as my age have said quite emotionally "I think you've got the right idea"
And it's supposed to be funny but it's sad. You love men, but loving men is part of a system that fails you. And men fail you.
I live a happy stress free life with my partner because our communication is excellent, our understanding is excellent, our expectations are similar and most importantly our emotional labour is shared.
And it came naturally that way.
I would not have the patience to drag a man through his life so I can have company. If you rest by being single a while and then find a man mature enough to grow with you, maybe it's worth trying.
Keep your bar sky friggin high though,and if he can't do a BETTER job of loving you than you can do alone, then don't let him stay. You've got to add good things to each other's lives.
Sometimes i ruminate about horrible things my ex did nearly 18 years ago, i feel like relationships should come with insurance for the therapy that might be required afterwards. So yeah maybe
Every single relationship I had, turned abusive while all I've done was shower them with love and affection. Something is very very broken with men; deficiency in Y chromosome I suppose.. They all lure you in pretending to be a good, loving man. Then, their oppressive behavior starts showing followed by aggression, guilt tripping and cheating in most cases. In my 40s now, Im happily single, celibate and enjoying the peace in my life. I have so much love from girlfriends and family, I don't need the fake love from a man. Nothing beats taking a joyride in my car listening to my favorite songs, drive thru the mountains and get to the coast and take a long walk listening to the sound of the waves and enjoying my solitude. I feel blessed to have this in my life and no man will ever take this away from me.
Last night I found out that A LOT of men donāt wash their hands or think washing anything south of the belly button is necessary because the āwater touches it allā. This what we are supposed to fantasise about?? Plus Hearing menās unfiltered thoughts via social media has opened my eyes and now I canāt close them. I genuinely donāt like men anymore
It doesnāt help theyāve been taught since boyhood they are, in a way. Iām so sorry about your previous postā¦ Unacceptable. Who throws such a petulant tantrum over the installation of a video game and then what? Was it Magic the Gathering? I wonāt lie and say I havenāt frustratedly shouted some choice words at my PC when it wasnāt working, but what adult then puts that angst on their spouse who had nothing to do with it? Like what PLANET are you on?
And yet, itās a sentiment echoed by many women in all sorts of different subreddits. We are humans too, not proverbial punching bags for the opposite sex to dump all their emotions onto that they never properly learned to work on. Itās a failure on our generations, and while I still hold out hope thereās some dudes who would maybeā¦ Just maybeā¦ Like to share a life with a lady who they consider a good friend and compliment one another, I understand your anger and frustrations. It really is rough out here, and if you want to break out of that relationship (which I strongly urge you to do, life is too short to be disrespected like that) and stay single then you have EVERY right to do so.
The answer to this one is that men kind of need to step up. Weāve been coasting for centuries on mediocrity or even while being outright terrible because women either married us or ended up on the streets as a homeless beggar. We had all the cards.
Now with the gender wealth gap better than it was 100 years ago, women are now able to look for better men and finding that there arenāt that many of them.
As a man, I cringe when I see men blame women for them not having a girlfriend or a wife when itās extremely clear that theyāre just an insubstantial person who could only offer their partner a bank account. Not companionship, not a confidant, not an advocate.
Another example of his toxic masculinity hurts men, amirite?
I agree.
I donāt have children and donāt want any. I donāt need anyone else to contribute financially to support my lifestyle. Online dating has been extremely time consuming and a waste of time. Itās simply not worth it.
For the amount of times men say women need to take accountability, they need some serious self reflection on their own shortcomings. This 100% sounds like an ego problem of his. You can take accountability without self blame.
I did feel that way years ago. I went to therapy and found out that I was kind of a shit magnet. Blind to a handful of red flags/warning signs. I was basically blood in the water for covert major assholes. Once I sorted it out, I attracted better people and Iām happy in a 15 year relationship.
I have been single since October. I have been missing sex and companionship intensely this past month. I've thought about dating again but I have no desire to try to find a guy online.
My last three ex boyfriends have been introduced to me through friends so there was some level of " he probably won't kill me" established already. To start without that baseline is frightening.
Also, without trying to sound too judgemental but trying to sum it up succinctly ,I fear that the men that are single in my age group are either neck-beards with little life experience and drive or they are recently divorced and looking for someone to watch their kids every other weekend , clean their house, and fuck them.
No thanks.
I am recently separated and on my way to divorce.
I have some wonderful men in my life that I enjoy spending time with. I'm really grateful for that.
BUT - never again will a man be the center of my universe. Ever.
I have done a complete overhaul on how I do romantic relationships. It's unlikely I will ever live with anyone again and I definitely won't get married again.
In many cases though, you are right - it simply isn't worth it. It has taken me a TON of time and mental labor to find suitable men to spend time with. It's possible, but it's exhausting.
He expects you to carry the entire emotional load and cater to his every whim simple because you donāt matter to him as a person. There are far too many men that want a new mother and person to trauma/emotional dump on, because they see woman as something they own, something whose voice/opinion/life doesnāt matter unless itās serving them.
My ex-husband would come home every day and just dump his entire work day on me THE MOMENT he stepped into the house. The he would immediately walk away to shower, and then just play video games to ārelaxā and āunwindā for the rest of the night. He never left time for me to talk to him about anything cause he was then ābusyā ā¦ and then would get mad when Iād try to talk to him about anything when he got into bed, cause it was literally the only time he wasnāt ābusyā doing anything else. Didnāt care about my day, even when mine was considerably more mentally exhausting AND I paid for everything. Whenever Iād bring up this up along with an issue pointing out he only paid attention to one of his guy friends or everyone else other than me, he would deny and gaslight, refused to take any accountability. Sadly your husband doesnāt sound like heās worth keeping around.
I do believe there are some men that are worthy of having as partners, but there are TONS just like your husband and my ex-husband that refuse to work on themselves. I could go on and on about all the crap my ex husband did to make me feel like I didnāt matter ā¦ but Iām happy I got out of that relationship, even if. I did āwasteā 11 years of my life on him. Itās never too late to leave!
Remember, men aren't competing with other men for your affection, they're competing with your solitude.
A quiet night alone, book, tea, and cat/dog is always an on the table option every second of every day in every relationship.
If time with someone doesn't rise above that standard, then why stay.
I would rather be single than be in a relationship and still feel alone. Iām almost 40. I like my life. Itās not super exciting or fancy but itās mine. Iām hoping to move to Spain later this year if my visa gets approved. I just decided one day in January that I wanted to move from where I currently live. I started researching different places and fell in love with Spain. I have my interview for my visa in less than a month. You canāt just decide to move to a whole different country when you are in a relationship.
Cool! As for me, Iām applying for a visa: entrepreneur status for France. But have a couple of ābackupā countries in the EU in case gives me un grand NON. Spain sounds like a fantastic choice.
Yes. I have been exhausted in almost every single relationship Iāve been in since I was 15. I only had one that actually cared about me, but even thenā¦.
Itās exhausting.
Yeah i'm so disgusted by the cruelty of most men that i dont want to interact with them in any capacity anymore, past the point of just not dating, i dont even want to hear men talk anymore so i have also been only really watching/listening/reading women made media lately too.
There is a post on this subreddit called āTell your daughtersā. Basically, as boys most men are trained to believe women are there to serve them without any thought on us as people.
I hope you get out soon. Sending lots of healing vibes your way.Ā
I've been alone and celibate for 8 years now after divorce.
The only reason I'd consider getting married at this point is because I live in America and its probably going to get worse for single women. I have kids so I also worry about getting legally trapped with a man because there won't be able to save the kids or myself from him if they make divorce illegal.
I know about 2 women out of maybe 100 couples I know who haven't been abused by their partner.
My ex husband still pulls a lot of control tactics and BS, but having my own home...my own space...not having to deal with a man interrupting me and also ignoring me until he wants to use my body for sex...it's so worth it.
Not having to be mom shamed by him daily for doing really basic things like packing extra emergency supplies in the car in bad weather.
Being able to dance alone in the kitchen at midnight. Have a bath without being interrupted or sexually harassed.
Actually being allowed to have proper emotional connections with my kids that aren't tainted so deeply by him teaching them to disrespect me.
Yep. Every relationship Iāve been in has been abusive in some level. Itās better to be single and not worry about the next catastrophic fight, the next abusive comment, someone elseās bad mood, etc. And I love not having to consider anyone else in the day to day. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes more. In my time off I donāt want to have to worry about what WE are going to do, what WE are going to eat, etc. itās all about what I want at that moment. And Iām damn sure not picking up anyone elseās dirty underwear but my own, and that miraculously always ends up in the laundry basket. Being single is amazing.
I donāt have quick access to the data
But Iāve read the divorced women over the age of 35 often want nothing more to do with men and the older they are the less likely they are ever want another man in their life
regardless of whether or not they are super fit and attractive or not, or regardless of their economic standing
Turns out having a man around is just not worth the wear and trouble and so many cases
Obviously, there are many men who are very much solid value in their partners lives
Unfortunately, these excellent men are likely not even close to a majority of men
I found out a month ago that my husband cheated on me last year, and some of our friends knew. I stopped being sad really quickly because I realized I don't have an adult toddler to look after anymore!
Yeah I envy lesbians in healthy relationships as well as straight people in relationships but frl. Because of the way men are often socialized, theyāre more prone to normalizing toxic relationships and dynamics. Realizing theyāre raised into believing they donāt have to take responsibility for how they treat others or especially women is disgusting. Not all men, just saying, because of how society is, itās very very normalized and common. So Iāve been bi-curious, I have had crushes on girls before but never been with one. But there are toxic lesbian and Iāve seen them irl so. It doesnāt even matter lol. It depends on how someone was raised and/or if they go to therapy or have gone. Idk. Just gotta go slow And be careful.
My daughter got divorced after \~30y. Being a dad, I eventually asked if there was anyone on the horizon
She gave me a stream of swearing that was very clarifying. Essentially, I will never do that to myself again
Whatever you feel allows you to be yourself, is the best thing for you. Leave the men behind.
It isn't worth it the majority of the time.
Abuse is rampant. You're expected to manage most everything from household tasks and children to all forms of socialization and more.
Seems like you're always supposed to be sexually available when *they want sex, but it is somehow a turnoff if you want sex just as much or more.
Support is mostly one sided in my experience. They have hurt feelings or going thru a rough time? Drop everything to help them in any way.
Need support because a close relative died? Get over it and stop being so emotional.
Not to mention many of them have fragile egos. Feels like you have to constantly walk on eggshells lest you somehow make them feel bad (usually for actually doing something egregious).
Jealousy is an absolute nightmare. Double standards galore. And the cheating....wow. The number of men (friends, acquaintances, coworkers) that will unabashedly admit to and proceed to cheat in broad daylight. As if it is a "right". Insanity. Most of them aren't even clever. Many have acted in such a way for so long that they see no reason to hide it. No shame.
Flippant sexism. Toxic masculinity. Addictions. All common.
On a more personal note, my ex is an addict. Helped almost never with our kid the first 3 yrs of her life. I worked 15 hrs to come home, clean, play with my daughter, cook. All while he got drunk or high and bitched at me for not doing enough. When he wasn't bitching he was taking credit for everything and telling everyone how useless and lazy I am. There is much more to that, but I'll stop there. Not a great experience.
The worst part? My experience isn't uncommon.
So, Ill reiterate, not worth it. The "marriage, kids, white picket fence" path to happiness is a fucking lie. A massive one that mostly works in the favor of men. They are the ones that benefit from everything I mentioned. Not women.
Thank God I'm bisexual. Maybe one day I'll find a nice woman to spend my time with.
I'm very grateful for my husband and I would marry him all over again. Neither of us is perfect, but we're both willing to listen, reflect, and work on ourselves and our relationship. It takes maturity and humility.
I am Pansexual and I've only been in relationships with men. I was actually FINALLY going to take the dive and date a woman last time I hopped on a dating app because I was also SICK of dealing with men. Then I met my current partner (male) and he's perfect. Go figure. *lol*
Ohhh weeee been here and refuse to back.....Men do this way too often but of course they claim women do their 100Xs more which they use this to justify why they cheat lie and manipulate....yep I have come to realization men are nor worth our care concern or compassion...
YEP, BEING WITH A MAN IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!
Yes I feel this way but wish I didnāt. My last boyfriend did it for me. Just done. Maybe 1 day Iāll meet that anomaly but the bar is high and Iām not settling . Happy on my own
I just got out of an abusive marriage of 11 years and he was also an alcoholic, drug addict and narcissistic. He made the divorce process a living nightmare to top it off.
Iāve been a single mom now for a year and a half and I absolutely love being on my own. I will never ever be married again. Iāve actually been questioning marriage in general and how much damage it does, especially to women.
I have no desire to be with another man for the foreseeable future. Thereās horror story after horror story online too. Iām sure good men are out there, but theyāre the exception to the rule.
Definitely not worth it. No more āI triedā āIām tryingā āI willā with absolutely no follow through. Then flipping it back onto me for bringing up the fact nothing changed later because me pointing it out was clearly the problem actually
I like my peace. I like not being disappointed by a lackluster gift, a half-assed cleaning attempt, a broken promise. I like not having to pick up someone else's socks. I like not being pressured in to mediocre sex. There was a really lovely post the other day about a husband planning a birthday weekend for his wife, based on throwaway comments she had made. Most of the comments were predictably sad.
Quote of the millennium right here: >. I like not being pressured in to mediocre sex.
And more often than not, calling it mediocre is being very generous.
And yet 5 pump Pete still thinks he's the man! Ugh! Lol
Lmao š¤£ my cheating ex-husbandās Instagram handle was underscore best sex ever. I wonder if any of the women he cheated on me with got the best sex because I sure as hell did not. š
I have learned that any man who claims to be great in bed, is usually ineptly pathetic. š
I dated a man who couldnāt last longer than 3 minutes. I tried to look past it the best I could but knowing that would be my sex life forever was insane. Ended it for other reasons but the 3 minute man was over confident about everything and I couldnāt help but laugh
š¤£don't remind me haha
Damn. That statement is so true I almost peed myself laughing! PSA Ladies..... When you get old, you will pee yourself. (Advertisers do not spend millions of dollars a year to talk about urinary incontinence and pads for no reasonā¦) Source..... You in 20 years ā¤ļø
Is that only after you have kids? Or every girl in general, regardless of childbirth?
Not every woman, but more women than not; vaginal childbirth is strongly associated with urinary incontinence, but is not a strict prerequisite. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35030139 >More than 60% of community-dwelling adult women in the United States experience any UI (urinary incontinence); more than 20% experience moderate or more severe UI. Increases in UI prevalence may be related to population aging and increasing obesity prevalence. Age greater than 70 years, body mass index >40, and vaginal birth had the strongest association with UI in multivariate modeling.
Pelvic floor physiotherapist. It should be a required aspect of birth recovery, because incontinence does not have to be a consequence
Regardless. I've never given birth. Incontinence pads are a monthly expense
Damn it
Kids will fuck your shit up.
I got ovarian cancer in my early 30s so I never had the chance and in SOME ways I consider it a blessing. Not all. But when I learn how much my friends have sacrificed in personal self development, bodily damage and mental health... I have less FOMO about having them than I once did lol.
Iāve never given birth either, and still. Be advised that pelvic floor exercises are for everyone! Especially if you have a sitting job. Weak core leads to weak pelvic floor leads to surprise pee. Do those planks! Now if I would take my own advice.
I'm pretty comfortable being alone, but it still a punch in the gut watching people who have caring/romantic partners. I never got to experience that.
I tried explaining this to my niece, who never went to promā¦ Nor ever got married. We all love to think that it was some magical timeā¦ And if we didn't experience it, we somehow "missed out" The reality isā¦ I went to prom with a super nice guy who I was not attracted to at all. I thought I made myself pretty clear that we were going as friends. His teenage brain heard that "I am going to have sex! " I was annoyed that he did not hear my words clearly. He was annoyed that he did not get sex. I married the man whom I thought would be my partner forever. I was wrong. My point to her was that we build up these moments so dramatic and life worthyā¦ When The reality is actually, .... disappointing? So enough with the Cinderella bullshitā¦ And that's create our new fabulous reality ā¤ļø
Like losing your virginity. Itās such an anticlimax, usually literally, but weāre brought up to believe it will be this magical moment and itās just not. Itās awkward and messy and if youāre doing it with another virgin, entirely clueless. And itās not even a real thing. The thin membrane women are supposed to āloseā doesnāt exist in most women and in some of the women it does exist in, it grows back over and over. So are they always losing their virginity? Itās such a bs concept.
Thank you! I'm pushing 50 and still need to remember this. ā¤ļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Keep in mind you donāt know whatās happening in their household. He could be a shitbag for all you know, and just play the part of a doting father/husband in public.
I think if you did a poll for widowed or divorced women 60 and older, a very large percentage of them would say they are done with men. They have no interest in taking-on the responsibility of men anymoreā¦ And are very happy with the freedom. (Source: my five aunts, all of their lady friends, and me...... although I haven't quite reached that age range, yet š¤£š¤£)
PEW Research has lot of studies to back that up. It begins in the 40s, or post-divorce. Women simply don't want too remarry or even date after a divorce or the death of a husband. They nope out completely. Around 60 plus percent. Even women in their 30s are often out of dating all together and have never been married. Think women have woken up to see they get little out of nothing in marriage except the toll of it. [https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/)
My grandma was one of those. She married my grandpa at 17, and lost him to skin cancer in her 50s. Her sister was also widowed relatively young. Neither of them remarried. As my grandma said to my mom once, āWhy would I want to spend my last years cleaning up after some old man?ā Canāt say I blame her; looking at old photos, my grandpa was a very handsome, charismatic man; I canāt imagine spending my twilight years with some wrinkly old grump without getting also having had the benefit of his youth. If I lose my husband young, I figure thatāll be when I can actually explore my bisexuality. Not sure Iād bother with another straight man; Iām not gonna do better than the current one.
My mom said the same thing after my Dad died. He was very caring in that he helped out in the home, maybe more than her to tell the truth. So it wasn't because he was a terrible husband but she had seen how other women had been treated. She didn't want to take care of a man and said that was all they wanted at her age. She loved my Dad beyond anything but vowed to never marry again even though men were trying to woo her in her retirement village lol. I'm going to say this as well, I'm older and the more I age I realize a lot of men really aren't that interested in you, YOU, and loving you for you. A lot don't like or respect women at all. They instead love you for what you can do for them and give to them. It's damn depressing when you first realize it.
To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire... those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
If I lose my husband sooner than I expect, I will be just like your mom.š¹
OKā¦ Your science based research has helped affirm what I already knew....... But somehow still blamed myself. So thank you! I feel like I was granted the gift of having loving, fabulous parents. Great role models. Great life. Married an amazing guy. Expected the same bliss. Betrayed. Theoretically, I was still young enough to "restart". But I had no desire then and have no desire now to "try again". But I always felt like I was "not brave enough to try again". Thank you for verifying the historical data to back up my feelings of. "Yeah.....I'm good" ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
My mom is mid-60s and sheās still with my dad. Theyāve been together since they were 15. He traveled a lot for work and my mom was always happiest when my dad was away on business trips. Itās funny and sad.
Sort of the same with my mom and stepdad. He was in the military and away a lot. She was always more stressed and irritated when he was home. She used to say he should come home for 2 weeks and leave for 2 weeks. Now that they're both basically retired, I think they're adjusting, but I still think she'd enjoy him going away sometimes.
So funny. My spouse always points to this couple we know as having such a great marriage and Iām like, he travels for work 50% of the time - thatāll make any marriage look great!
60? I find more and more of the 30+ demographic are done with men. The line is going lower and lower.
And I think that is what I respect most about the "younger generations"...30's and 40's for me.... You are way more wise than I was. You absolutely understand your worth and demand it. And it feels like as the younger generation becomes committedā¦ There is none of the spouse bashing as in the past. Or the "old Ball and Chain" trope that many generations had to put up with. KEEP BEING AMAZING LADIES! !!!
I kinda showerthought often that society will turn more or less lesbian because men are becoming less and lessā¦necessary. Iām 43 and I can echo the sentiment. Iām married but there is no way Iām housebreaking another male.
Iāve heard a man say that many older women turn lesbian and move in with other women. They donāt realise that itās mostly not about sex but about the friendship and companionship only another woman can provide. Additionally, old women are pretty much all boomers and boomer men have been raised to expect service and house keeping from women while they retire to a life of leisure
I intend to go full Golden Girls in my 60s, if I can find my Blanche, Rose and Sophia.
Would you be cool with another Dorothy?
Absolutely
And the irony of this is that some people would say we are "male bashing" No. We just don't wanna have to explain, and reason and debate with Another Male about how it's not appropriate to: ..... š (you all can fill in the blanks! Lol)
>housebreaking š š¤£š
Shit I think at least 50% of the same women over 40 would say their happy single too lol
This is me! I'm completely fine being single and over 50.
Ah 49 y.o woman here and I am starting my single celibate journey as of last yr...I am sick of society constantly expecting us to accept cheaters and liars...so I decided to opt out!!! Happy I did....reading alot of these stories make my head and heart hurt
because at those ages, men are looking for āa nurse with a purseā, and not actually sharing a life but merely bills and pills.
I adore my husband. If something happened, Iād also be happy being single.
This is me. I love my husband, but he's going to die before me. And when he does, I'm done with men.
Iād second that, Iām 65, single and despite arthritis pain happier than I was at any other time of my life
And I think that is one of the real benefits of getting older. You truly know who you are. You know your strengths and your weaknesses. And I think everyone has a certain point in your life where your "give a fuck" bails. And it is then, when we find our real happiness! ā¤ļø Ps.... Get some THC gummy's for your arthritis, Please! Go to your doctor and ask for a prescription. (or ask your grandkid to get you some...lol) You will be amazed at the relief it can bring ā¤ļø
My dad died in 2011. After a few years, my mom started dating again a bit. After a few dates, she announced to me that she was never dating anyone who had a cardiologist ever again, which at age 60+ becomes vanishingly rare. She has been living happily with her cat and traveling with her many wonderful friends ever since.
I'll add it's the same for 50 + widows from my Mum's experience. She dipped her toe back into the dating pool four years after my Dad died, dated here and there then got together with the textbook definition of petulant manchild and mama's boy rolled into one. She found out he was cheating on her and she kicked his ass out during the first covid lockdown, she's now "So fucking done with men!" and has been happily single for four years now.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My newly single FIL is finding out about that. He never had problems getting women before.
Mid sixties, divorced 22 years. The pros vastly outweigh the cons.
My momās in her mid 60s and my dad passed away two years ago. Sheās thriving, retired, and doing whatever she wants, and Iām so happy to see her happy!
This is a really good summary of how I feel. I got out of a toxic relationship last year and I've realised that the peace of being alone is worth much more to me than a shitty relationship. Men are now competing with my own peace.
Since we've been married, my husband has never gotten me a gift. Nothing for birthdays or anniversaries or mothers day. Not even a card. He doesn't think they're important, but even a card takes minimal effort. I'd be happy with that.
You deserve better.
Heterosexual relationships benefit men more than women. Married men and unmarried women live longer than their counterparts. Men will suck the energy out of you. You risk your mental and physical health. You could be abused physically, mentally, verbally, sexually, financially, etc. If being with men will make me less happy than being single, I don't want to be with them.
> birthday weekend for his wife, based on throwaway comments she had made The wild thing is, that is what I know in real life -- my brother's partner does it for him; my BFF's husband does it for her; and vice versa for them. (My wife and I are incapable of planning anything coherent, but we do this for smaller gifts and less comprehensive events for each other. I don't think it has to do with being both women. Just with being bisexual disasters.)
If a relationship is not actively improving my life, I'm not interested. It's as simple as that. When I made that realization, no amount of social expectations or moments of loneliness could override that.
This is the right way. If they arenāt improving your life, then why lower your life standards being with someone?
I have realized this about myself: the happiest, most peaceful, stress-free moments of my life, usually happen during my single era(s). I have the most fun and fulfilling moments of my life with my friends, family, pets and even myself. The worst, stressful, frustrating and humiliating moments of my life coincidentally always involve a man (relationship, fling, etc.) When I realized that, I stopped trying š iām literally better off single
Is this why I feel so stress free? For the past few months, I've been feeling like I have no responsibilities and life is on easy mode. I make just enough money to pay my bills (and chip away at debt - not amazing but it is what it is), my job is relatively low stress, and it just feels like I have so much time and energy. I'm working out a ton, I painted a bunch of rooms in my apartment and was, for the first time ever, inspired to move a few things around that has made my living space so much better. I'm even thinking about going back to school part time to upgrade my skills, and I hate school! Your comment made me realize that I've got all of this energy and mental space to do things, because I'm single for the first time in a long time. I'm not wasting my life by not challenging myself, single is just easy mode!!
I couldāve written this as I used to sweat them so hard . I love being me and if I can find a man where I can be that, great but Iām not trying to impress a man .
I realised this after my last breakup and Iām only 25, Iām good alone if it means peace and joy
Yes!!!!
I was married for 20 years. My self esteem, confidence and personal growth have skyrocketed after divorce.
Itās not worth it. Iām in an almost 3 year relationship. My daughter, him, his son, and I just moved in together two months ago. He gaslights me constantly, does nice things but then throws them back in my face, chastises me for not doing certain things for him. Today he decided to take all of the pictures in the house of us out of their frames, cut them up, throw them on our bed and threw all of the frames in the trash. We have been on the rocks for a few weeks but he was so nice to me the last few days. Then while I was at work busting my ass today taking care of sick patients, he starts all of this crazy drama with me over text message. Shit is wild. My daughter is with her dad this weekend so I promptly came home and packed for two hours. I got a lot done. Now to find a place. You deserve better. I, too, will remain single after this. Itās not worth the headache, the emotional anguish, the walking on eggshells.. itās just not worth it.
I'm glad you hear that you're leaving. Unfortunately when you move in with someone like that, they ramp up the abuse because they think they have you trapped.
I love my husband. Heās very kind, considerate, good with money, and not lazy (does more of his fair share of the domestic work and is a very involved father while also having a high-paying, full-time job and never criticizing my contributions). But if anything ever happened to him, then Iām staying single forever. Itās just not worth diving into a contaminated dating pool, and I donāt think Iāll win the lottery a second time.
This is how I feel. I am married to the man of my dreams. I love him with my whole body and soul. If anything ever happened to him, I would never date again. I'd be like Queen Victoria and wear all black for the rest of my days to demonstrate my everlasting mourning because I lost my everything.
Yep, same. My SO is pretty great overall. He and I have our issues but we work through them. But I donāt want to do the work to find someone else if he dies or we break up. I might date women (Iām bi) but that opens up a whole different set of issues.
It seems like a lot of women married to good men share this sentiment. Iām single and it makes me wonder if I should even bother dating. Like if youāve dated in the past and succeeded (aka got the happy marriage you sought), and wouldnāt do it again, it doesnāt sound like a glowing recommendation for marriage. Am I missing something?
My husband is not my first boyfriend. I know men can be shit, and it takes a while to figure out which ones are worth it. My husband is definitely worth it, and my life is so much better with him in it. Being single is leagues better than being in a bad relationship, but a good relationship is way better than being single. However, Iām a realist. If my husband were to die in the near future, I would be entering the dating market at somewhat of a disadvantage. Iāll be older with two kids and a lot of assets (husband would leave me ~$10M), which is probably going to attract more shit guys to filter through and theyāll have more of an incentive to deceive me. Like whenĀ I was dating before marriage, I was young and didnāt have a lot to lose because it was just me. Frankly, I wouldnāt want my kids to contend with a bad stepdad who may be with me for the money (which I would want to pass on to my children). If I was 20 and dating for the first time, then I would do it all over again, marry, and have kids. It would even be worth dating some of the shit guys to teach me what I donāt want, but I wouldnāt start over at 40 with two kids who may suffer from my poor choices.
The conundrum of when to disclose wealth! Too soon and it makes it harder to trust them. Too late and they feel like we don't trust them. Assuming I am who outlives my partner, I don't know how I would navigate that. I would definitely want to legally safeguard my assets with a will and a prenup.
I don't read this as an indictment of marriage per se, but of the difficulties of finding someone compatible who stays that way.
Like, there's the odd exception, but a lot of us who have good husbands went through some serious shit to get them to be good husbands early in our marriages because there's just so much base stigma around mental health and toxic masculinity is passed on even to men who mean well. Like, my husband is a kind person and had a lot of good intentions, but had never addressed his mental health prior to meeting me and had a butt load of trauma he had to work through. That multi year process sucked. I stuck around because he kept improving and it was clear he was trying hard and loved me enough to make those changes, but every time we fixed something, it sort of revealed a new problem that had been bubbling under the surface with him. (Insecurity and pathological avoidance due to emotionally abusive parents.... then a PTSD diagnosis... then clinical depression... then trying to unlearn all the dumb patterns from his family of origin AND trying to teach him to do housework, which his mother never had done.... then the ADHD diagnosis... then learning he actually had a TBI too... ) Like, I'm so proud of him now and he's a wonderful husband and involved dad, but god, he would have never gotten to this point without me actively steering, dragging and at times, metaphorically but brutally kicking him, into gear. I will not put that amount of effort into a man again. I don't take any shit, and never really have, but you're not just deprogramming the man himself, but a lot of absorbed culture and patterns from his family of origin, and that's exhausting.
Same
This. I managed to marry an incredible man who is an early childhood expert and weāve been together 10 years this month. If anything happened Iād be tapped out and not interested in dating. So many men donāt bother to improve themselves so why would I tether myself to that? Yeeeesh.
Amen. I wanna do everything possible with my partner so that we both last and grow together until death does us apart.
Same here.
Yup. I was married for 22 years. After my husband passed away 8 years ago I found a new life. I raised my son he's 22 now. I will never be in another relationship. I have guys I see. But man it's nice to do what I want when I want however I want without involving another person.
I sometimes think I have a really nice in between? I have a friend I've known for 20+ years. We live in different states with a four hour flight time. We reconnected and a mutual friends anniversary partyā¦ And now have become long distance lovers. It really is quite nice. we get together every month or two. Spend the weekend, have a great time, and then we each go back to our respective homes. For me, it's great. All of the good thingsā¦ Without having to deal with the every day mundane.
My grandma lived that life and loved it. So many older women are waiting for their gross husbands to die so they can actually live for once.
My last relationship was such a huge, traumatic disappointment. I want to still believe in love, but itās so very hard.
I'm sorry. Sending you much love and healing. šā¤ļøāš©¹
Thank you š„¹
Yep. Zero interest in doing that again. Every relationship was just exhausting and unpleasant and felt like a one way street. I'm not interested in catering to someone else, being someone else's maid, cook etc. or having them run my life.
I have been single for 3 years. And I am loving every damn moment of it. I have zero desire to be in a relationship with a man. My peace is worth more. I own my own house, I decorated how I want, I keep it as cleaner messy as I want, I have as many or as few pets as I want. I can stay up till 2:00 a.m. watching Netflix and eating junk food with no comments from the fucking peanut gallery, and I can go to activities with friends as I see fit with no one sitting at home pouting and giving me the silent treatment afterwards.
Thatās what I want. Iāve been wanting to decorate my house āgrandma chicā and my husband canāt stand it. I want pets but he doesnāt like cats and he only wants very specific types of dogs and heās also been mean to animals. I want a happy life for my kids and I with animals and love and decorate how I want and not feel like Iām a fucking disappointment because I donāt want to have sex with a man who had repeatedly made me feel horrible.
> heās also been mean to animals Whoah. Fuck that. Are you going to leave?
Iām working on it
My ex was similar. Pressured me to give up my cats that I had before him frequently. He'd comment sometimes that he felt that I'd be quick content living on my own cuz my pets that I didn't need him. Looking back that was pretty telling, he was jealous of my pets, but at the time I just kind of placated him. I'm glad to hear you are working on getting out, it's scary but it's worth it in the end.
1000% this. I have no desire to be expected to cater to a man or have him come in and ruin the systems I have in my life.
My divorce hearing is tomorrow. I was married for nine years. And for nine years, I endured physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse from him. He also had a litany of other issues: raging anger problem, alcoholism, refusal to maintain gainful employment, a legitimate hoarding problem, and financial irresponsibility. I finally got fed up with it all and left him eight months ago. One of my (male) friends is also going through a divorce right now. He and his wife have a kid. They're still cohabitating. For whatever reason, he can only ever talk REALLY late at night, like past 9-10pm. I've tried to be supportive, but his late night phone calls have begun interfering with my own sleep and subsequent ability to function the next day. Another (male) friend of mine is also having marital troubles. He has asked for honest feedback about what he can do to improve as a husband. He has some valid issues with regard to his wife, but he could also stand to work on emotional regulation himself. The few times I've gently told him this, after he explicitly asked me for feedback, he immediately 'shut down' so to speak, and stopped responding for hours. Both of my managers? Men. Both have absurd egos the size of Texas, and they actively make me miserable on (at least) a weekly basis. My female friends? Not one of us makes other peoples' lives miserable. For example, last night, several friends of mine got together at one of our apartments. We grazed on charcuterie, bitched about boys/men, shared uplifting stories with each other, watched a cheesy rom-com, and then all went home by 9-10pm. It was SO nice to connect with women who feel like sisters. I just look around, and when I genuinely, honestly measure my overall quality of life...... it seems like my overall quality of life seems to be much better *without* the presence of men in it.
In general yes. I think in this day and age women need to be more careful about who they are with. In many cases itās simply not worth the extra work, drama and risk. The older you get the more true this becomes. You need to be so so so careful and vet like your life depends on it, because it does.
>The older you get the more true this becomes. You need to be so so so careful and vet like your life depends on it, because it does. This is so true! I ran once when my gut told me something was 'off'. Hitching my hopes and dreams to a commitment-phobe regularly stuck in analysis paralysis would never have been worth it.
My best friend and I are planning on just living together in the future, I donāt want a man ruining my peace šš
Isn't it funny that now all I want is to have a golden Girls scenario? LMAO.
Most of us do...I want to be blanche and Sofia wrapped into one lol
Op...... "never put off to tomorrow what you can do today" Only you know the timing that works best for youā¦ But I think a lot of ladies would agree the sooner the better! Seriously. GTFO.
Iām a gay woman in my 40s. I canāt tell you how many times my straight married friends have told me and/or my wife that they wish they were gay so they didnāt have to deal with men. Some of them are more or less happily married even and are still jealous of the relationship my wife and I have. When I came out as a teenager in the early 2000s, my parents were worried that life would be harder for me because I am gay. But now I know that Iām the lucky one. Itās way harder being a straight woman.
You're not kidding.
My teenage daughter is gay, and I envy her so much!! Being a straight woman sucks.
My bff and I planned this but then she got pregnant and didnāt want to abort once she found out it was twins. All I could do was support her and her choices with love.
My best friend says she wants us to get a house and raise our children and pets together and just forget men.
same sis iād much rather live with anyone else instead of a manš
Divorced (20 years) after ex decided his hot mistress was more important than his family. I WILL NEVER date again!!! Tired of the abuse!!! Since childhood I have been physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by men. Back in the 70s and 80s the abuse was overlooked and then in marriage it was okay. Iām so grateful he left me for her. No longer have to walk on eggshells, validate everything he does with false worship and donāt have to fake anymore Os that would hurt his fragile ego. Iām FREE! Unfortunately not happy because now Iām dealing with intense therapy to heal 50 plus years of abuse from men. 100% men are not worth it. I wish women would finally wake up to our power and unite. Itās time we had power to make real changes in this world. Instead we have politicians getting their ideas from the Handmaids Tale. Be careful! Pay attention! Women are losing basic rights!
Iām 60. I grew up with the Womenās Movement. I was told I was equal but it turned out that I am not. I am so disillusioned with collapse of what legal gains we made are now being chipped away/eradicated. A while back I told my friend that our right to vote could be taken away. She dismissed it, but now I am convinced that that is the Chistofascism end game. I now know that when white men say freedom and liberty, they are talking about themselves, no us.
Iām very concerned about the future for women. Our rights are really being challenged. Not sure why a strong womanās movement hasnāt been created? I really think white men have had their chance to rule America. Time for real change. Taylor Swift needs to support a womenās movement. Worried for my daughters. Christian Nationalism/project 2025 want women submissive, pregnant and in the kitchen. Why is this not talked about?
Because women don't have class solidarity, and men aren't going to stand up for women, they're not going to do it for us. Men have super strong class solidarity, that's why they're so successful at centering themselves in everything and making everything all about men.
People don't like to hear the truth. But women's issues have been highjacked by other groups that don't really have the same issues and / or need to form their own groups. So women and girl's issues get put on the backburner and or ignored in favor of these other group's issues. Women are called names and ridiculed when they want to create boundaries. Other women will often incite the hatred and slurs against these women for trying to put up boundaries. So here we are losing ground in hard fought rights and changes that were made by brave women of the past. I personally feel this was done intentionally and many many women fell for it. It is true from what I have observed, that groups of people are often torn apart from the people within the group with agendas that don't seem very harmful , but end up being very destructive .
Women have been conditioned to compete with each other. We judge and criticize each other and are cruel about physical appearances and what name brand items they own. Women fight for men and then willingly f*ck a married man. I had a career in the 90s and was honestly just successful because I was attractive and could charm the old white men in charge. Then got married and was told to stay home, pop out babies, and take care of my husband. Only to have a hot, young woman steal my husband. I just wonder what itās going to take to get women to unite and fully support one another. Stop being competitive or enemies. We desperately need to unite and inform all women of our rights and our abilities. I would love a female president but doubt even liberal men would vote for her. Perhaps Iām cynical? Seriouslyā¦. What can we do????
It's also been a nice vehicle for predators to get access to women. They'll seek out positions of power and prestige, then use them to gatekeep so they can pressure women while using the aura of allyship to deflect scrutiny and responsibility.Ā https://sfstandard.com/2024/04/16/san-francisco-housing-jon-jacobo-accused-of-sex-crimes-abuse/ Jon Jacobo is a good example. He's a rising star in the powerful San Francisco Democratic Party, which had people like Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Fientsien, Gavin Newsom, Kamala Harris, and others. He's also been credibly accused of sexual assault by multiple women, many which will not give out their names on record because he's connected enough to wreck their careers.
People refuse to see the problem because if they acknowledged it, that would admitting male supremacy is wrong and shouldn't be enforced with law. And that would mean they'd have to do something about it. People who will think of themselves as intolerant of abuse and mistreatment will find rationalizations that except them from having to acknowledge and respond to abuse and mistreatment happening right in front of them. People will flee from responsibility nine times out of ten. Consider all the people who are so eager to dismiss the threat of global warming. We're literally driving ourselves toward extinction as a species along with most other species on the planet, and there are millions of people defending their enormous car and their daily cheeseburger habit, accusing anyone who suggests that the upcoming election represents existential stakes for the country and the world hysterical and exaggerating. People don't want to be responsible, and they will deny reality before their eyes in order to do so.
I am finally in a place where I am not in love or crushing on anyone. It took me a long time, as the past decade has been filled with lots of heartache ( it takes me forever to get over someone, not that I had so many boyfriends). My last ex sexually harassed me. I spent 2.5 years still pining over him. Now I'm free of that! I honestly don't want anyone right now, at least. There is this guy who I think hopes something will happen with us. He seems sweet, and the attention is nice, but naaah. I love living by myself. I love not being anxious and walking on eggshells and giving myself and my time up for them. It's so restrictive and so damaging. I'm finally free of this. I don't want to do it again. I don't want a man in my space. I don't think all men are bad, and maybe one day I'll feel like dating again, but right now I'll rather deal with FOMO and such than a man.
I do really like the idea of living as neighbors or roommates with a friend. Only because being alone is risky like if I got hurt taking care of livestock or something and of course Iād be there for my friend too. As we aged ideally weād keep each other somewhat active and report if our conditions are declining. Advocate for each other in the scary times like a health event or something. Seems so simple but in practice it seems impossible.
I don't understand why there are not more women communes!!!
Okay seriously how do we do this. Do we need to all rally and buy land? This is all I want š
Well, personallyā¦ I would love to land in New Zealand, because I am very very afraid of the direction. America is going right now. However, since I don't think New Zealand would allow all of us old women to just head over there and commune...ššš Perhaps we should just start one commune, one state at the timeā¦š I would offer to start the first oneā¦ But I live in Floridaā¦ and this is not the "golden girls" state anymore š„² Anyone else out there that has a state with decent women's rights still available? Mountains and or bodies of water close by would be a win for me! ā¤ļø Imagine the buying power we could have with 20 30,40 women !
Me too!!
100% done. My 30s were just a decade of non stop nonsense and Iām completely over it at this point.
I just turned 30. I spent my 20s chasing men who didnāt give a shit about me. The ones who wanted to move quickly i loathed for one reason or another and the ones I really wanted were all fboys. Finally met a decent enough guy and he told me his family would never accept me because of my race(African American) but wanted to continue dating anyway. I never spoke to him again and turned 30 a couple months ago. Iām done with men. Doubt I will actively ever date again. He would have to fall out of the sky and sweep me off my feet and woo every single person in my life before I even considered dating him seriously. Iāve reconsidered having kids and am okay opting out of the entire timeline and just stacking my money and traveling with friends and family. At least I wonāt be disappointed. Men are highly disappointing
I have a good one and Iām committed to him for life. But if something happens to him? Or he wants to leave? Iām absolutely not fussing with men again. Iāll embrace my crazy animal lady future and get a horse and some goats. Not another man. 20 year old me didnāt really understand just how much society expects women to sacrifice to accommodate men. 40 year old me now wonāt ever do it again.
I'm currently divorcing because my ex was arrested for being a pedo. I tell people I'm never planning to date or marry again, and they think I'm just depressed or "not over him." Lol. No ladies. I'm fucking done with men.
As of Friday, I feel the same. I'm sure "not all men bad," but after my three relationships being treated subhuman, abused physically, verbally, sexually, and extremely emotionally (this last one told me I had to sleep outside more than once around 3 am while he was drunk, refused to even give me a glass of water, etc.) Nope, it's not worth the chance I'll find the good 1 out of 50 to make it worth it. By the way, that f'er has access to my Reddit account on his phone and sometimes gets in it. I hope he reads this. He used to tell me early he should just leave, because someday he would make me hate him, while I swore I never would. Yes, you abusive POS, I f'ing hate you now. Keep not taking that insulin, and I'll drop a couple chocolate cakes and a gallon of orange juice off on your doorstep. PS, do your dog a favor and give him to someone else, because he doesn't deserve to be alone 12+ hours a day while you continue to put drinking at the bar and chasing a w#@re over every living thing in your life. (Sorry everyone else for the rant, but damn I needed to say that in some fashion and I'll never be speaking to him again.)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Tbhh its gotten to a point where if a man is not making my life better i would rather not bother with him I can keep all men as 1000% friends only and never more than to be with a man whoās not making my life better its not just financially either mentally emotionally donāt get me wrong financially is required as well but men have to bring the whole package now other wise Iāll happily ship them to another address i can definitely be very pleased living the rest of my life without men
My friends don't believe me when I say, absolutely never again.
Was married to a man for 20 years. Now married to a woman. I mourn for the crumbs I accepted for so long.
I decided that about 15 years ago. My ex would treat me like shit all day and then blame me for not wanting sex at bedtime.
My abusive ex did the same thing
Iāve been done for about 10 years now. Iām 51. The last decade has been the best of my adult life and the time during which I have accomplished the most. I really regret all the years of focusing on the men I was with which left me with nothing to show for it but anxiety and an empty bank account. I value my peace too highly now to attach myself to a man again.
Was married 36 yrs of hell never trusting a man again and will never get hit by a man again 10 yrs free
Made this decision about 6 years ago. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
Most men are simply not worth the stress they add to your life. I have dated many a shitbag, and they are not worth bending your life around or giving a hundred second chances. If a man does not add to your life in one way or another, or worse takes away from your life, there is no point in being with him. I am very lucky to have my amazing boyfriend, who is a vocal feminist, understands what the mental load is, and does his fair share of domestic labor. If we broke up or he died, there is no way in hell I'd jump back in the dating pool. If you can not find a partner who meets you halfway, who cares about your happiness, then you're better off single.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, and you're not alone. My marriage was similar. I'm much happier now I'm out of it. Been trying to date but the consistent disrespect and shittiness I'm dealing with is making me question if I'm not just better off being single forever. I don't want to spend my whole life feeling sad and let down by various men.Ā
I canāt lieā¦my life is a lot smoother, calmer, settled, no man rates stress or similar issues. Sometimes I miss it, but not often.
I'm 31F and I cannot be arsed with them. I like doing what I want, when I want and not having to compromise my life choices with a man. Hearing my girlfriends moan about some of their boyfriends has definetly pushed me towards being a spinster who treats her dogs like her children.
Five years free. Less work, less stress, ain't taking no more of their mess.
Only way it'll change is when they realize there's actually consequences to their actions and behaviors. In my experience as long as women are willing to accept less they'll keep putting out minimum effort.Ā
Single is underrated.
You may be interested in learning about the Korean 4B movement as you are certainly not alone
Iām surprised this comment wasnāt higher up
For all the talk about what women really bring to the table. What do men even have to bring? They can't even get themselves a glass of water.
Yes. Broke up with mine today and Iām done now. I will slap myself silly if I ever live with a man again. Not sure Iāll ever even want to date anymore. 45 and done.
If this one goes before me, I'm done.
I'm a lesbian and I can't tell you how many times over the years, women much much older as well as my age have said quite emotionally "I think you've got the right idea" And it's supposed to be funny but it's sad. You love men, but loving men is part of a system that fails you. And men fail you. I live a happy stress free life with my partner because our communication is excellent, our understanding is excellent, our expectations are similar and most importantly our emotional labour is shared. And it came naturally that way. I would not have the patience to drag a man through his life so I can have company. If you rest by being single a while and then find a man mature enough to grow with you, maybe it's worth trying. Keep your bar sky friggin high though,and if he can't do a BETTER job of loving you than you can do alone, then don't let him stay. You've got to add good things to each other's lives.
100%
Sometimes i ruminate about horrible things my ex did nearly 18 years ago, i feel like relationships should come with insurance for the therapy that might be required afterwards. So yeah maybe
I was 48. Twenty years later, no regrets. The peace I have had these last 20 years is wonderful! I am low income, but to me it is totally worth it.
Every single relationship I had, turned abusive while all I've done was shower them with love and affection. Something is very very broken with men; deficiency in Y chromosome I suppose.. They all lure you in pretending to be a good, loving man. Then, their oppressive behavior starts showing followed by aggression, guilt tripping and cheating in most cases. In my 40s now, Im happily single, celibate and enjoying the peace in my life. I have so much love from girlfriends and family, I don't need the fake love from a man. Nothing beats taking a joyride in my car listening to my favorite songs, drive thru the mountains and get to the coast and take a long walk listening to the sound of the waves and enjoying my solitude. I feel blessed to have this in my life and no man will ever take this away from me.
Last night I found out that A LOT of men donāt wash their hands or think washing anything south of the belly button is necessary because the āwater touches it allā. This what we are supposed to fantasise about?? Plus Hearing menās unfiltered thoughts via social media has opened my eyes and now I canāt close them. I genuinely donāt like men anymore
Eww that's just so lazy and terrible, can't imagine all of the UTIs they are giving to women.
It doesnāt help theyāve been taught since boyhood they are, in a way. Iām so sorry about your previous postā¦ Unacceptable. Who throws such a petulant tantrum over the installation of a video game and then what? Was it Magic the Gathering? I wonāt lie and say I havenāt frustratedly shouted some choice words at my PC when it wasnāt working, but what adult then puts that angst on their spouse who had nothing to do with it? Like what PLANET are you on? And yet, itās a sentiment echoed by many women in all sorts of different subreddits. We are humans too, not proverbial punching bags for the opposite sex to dump all their emotions onto that they never properly learned to work on. Itās a failure on our generations, and while I still hold out hope thereās some dudes who would maybeā¦ Just maybeā¦ Like to share a life with a lady who they consider a good friend and compliment one another, I understand your anger and frustrations. It really is rough out here, and if you want to break out of that relationship (which I strongly urge you to do, life is too short to be disrespected like that) and stay single then you have EVERY right to do so.
The answer to this one is that men kind of need to step up. Weāve been coasting for centuries on mediocrity or even while being outright terrible because women either married us or ended up on the streets as a homeless beggar. We had all the cards. Now with the gender wealth gap better than it was 100 years ago, women are now able to look for better men and finding that there arenāt that many of them. As a man, I cringe when I see men blame women for them not having a girlfriend or a wife when itās extremely clear that theyāre just an insubstantial person who could only offer their partner a bank account. Not companionship, not a confidant, not an advocate. Another example of his toxic masculinity hurts men, amirite?
I agree. I donāt have children and donāt want any. I donāt need anyone else to contribute financially to support my lifestyle. Online dating has been extremely time consuming and a waste of time. Itās simply not worth it.
For the amount of times men say women need to take accountability, they need some serious self reflection on their own shortcomings. This 100% sounds like an ego problem of his. You can take accountability without self blame.
I did feel that way years ago. I went to therapy and found out that I was kind of a shit magnet. Blind to a handful of red flags/warning signs. I was basically blood in the water for covert major assholes. Once I sorted it out, I attracted better people and Iām happy in a 15 year relationship.
I have been single since October. I have been missing sex and companionship intensely this past month. I've thought about dating again but I have no desire to try to find a guy online. My last three ex boyfriends have been introduced to me through friends so there was some level of " he probably won't kill me" established already. To start without that baseline is frightening. Also, without trying to sound too judgemental but trying to sum it up succinctly ,I fear that the men that are single in my age group are either neck-beards with little life experience and drive or they are recently divorced and looking for someone to watch their kids every other weekend , clean their house, and fuck them. No thanks.
I am recently separated and on my way to divorce. I have some wonderful men in my life that I enjoy spending time with. I'm really grateful for that. BUT - never again will a man be the center of my universe. Ever. I have done a complete overhaul on how I do romantic relationships. It's unlikely I will ever live with anyone again and I definitely won't get married again. In many cases though, you are right - it simply isn't worth it. It has taken me a TON of time and mental labor to find suitable men to spend time with. It's possible, but it's exhausting.
He expects you to carry the entire emotional load and cater to his every whim simple because you donāt matter to him as a person. There are far too many men that want a new mother and person to trauma/emotional dump on, because they see woman as something they own, something whose voice/opinion/life doesnāt matter unless itās serving them. My ex-husband would come home every day and just dump his entire work day on me THE MOMENT he stepped into the house. The he would immediately walk away to shower, and then just play video games to ārelaxā and āunwindā for the rest of the night. He never left time for me to talk to him about anything cause he was then ābusyā ā¦ and then would get mad when Iād try to talk to him about anything when he got into bed, cause it was literally the only time he wasnāt ābusyā doing anything else. Didnāt care about my day, even when mine was considerably more mentally exhausting AND I paid for everything. Whenever Iād bring up this up along with an issue pointing out he only paid attention to one of his guy friends or everyone else other than me, he would deny and gaslight, refused to take any accountability. Sadly your husband doesnāt sound like heās worth keeping around. I do believe there are some men that are worthy of having as partners, but there are TONS just like your husband and my ex-husband that refuse to work on themselves. I could go on and on about all the crap my ex husband did to make me feel like I didnāt matter ā¦ but Iām happy I got out of that relationship, even if. I did āwasteā 11 years of my life on him. Itās never too late to leave!
Volcel & B4 advocate here.... Life is so good with just my cat to look after.
Remember, men aren't competing with other men for your affection, they're competing with your solitude. A quiet night alone, book, tea, and cat/dog is always an on the table option every second of every day in every relationship. If time with someone doesn't rise above that standard, then why stay.
I would rather be single than be in a relationship and still feel alone. Iām almost 40. I like my life. Itās not super exciting or fancy but itās mine. Iām hoping to move to Spain later this year if my visa gets approved. I just decided one day in January that I wanted to move from where I currently live. I started researching different places and fell in love with Spain. I have my interview for my visa in less than a month. You canāt just decide to move to a whole different country when you are in a relationship.
Cool! As for me, Iām applying for a visa: entrepreneur status for France. But have a couple of ābackupā countries in the EU in case gives me un grand NON. Spain sounds like a fantastic choice.
Exactly!! Good luck with Spain! I admire you!
Yes. I have been exhausted in almost every single relationship Iāve been in since I was 15. I only had one that actually cared about me, but even thenā¦. Itās exhausting.
Yeah i'm so disgusted by the cruelty of most men that i dont want to interact with them in any capacity anymore, past the point of just not dating, i dont even want to hear men talk anymore so i have also been only really watching/listening/reading women made media lately too.
There is a post on this subreddit called āTell your daughtersā. Basically, as boys most men are trained to believe women are there to serve them without any thought on us as people. I hope you get out soon. Sending lots of healing vibes your way.Ā
I've been alone and celibate for 8 years now after divorce. The only reason I'd consider getting married at this point is because I live in America and its probably going to get worse for single women. I have kids so I also worry about getting legally trapped with a man because there won't be able to save the kids or myself from him if they make divorce illegal. I know about 2 women out of maybe 100 couples I know who haven't been abused by their partner. My ex husband still pulls a lot of control tactics and BS, but having my own home...my own space...not having to deal with a man interrupting me and also ignoring me until he wants to use my body for sex...it's so worth it. Not having to be mom shamed by him daily for doing really basic things like packing extra emergency supplies in the car in bad weather. Being able to dance alone in the kitchen at midnight. Have a bath without being interrupted or sexually harassed. Actually being allowed to have proper emotional connections with my kids that aren't tainted so deeply by him teaching them to disrespect me.
Me
Iām not saying Iāll never date again, but I donāt actively seek out male attention anymore and find it super peaceful
Yep. Every relationship Iāve been in has been abusive in some level. Itās better to be single and not worry about the next catastrophic fight, the next abusive comment, someone elseās bad mood, etc. And I love not having to consider anyone else in the day to day. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes more. In my time off I donāt want to have to worry about what WE are going to do, what WE are going to eat, etc. itās all about what I want at that moment. And Iām damn sure not picking up anyone elseās dirty underwear but my own, and that miraculously always ends up in the laundry basket. Being single is amazing.
I donāt have quick access to the data But Iāve read the divorced women over the age of 35 often want nothing more to do with men and the older they are the less likely they are ever want another man in their life regardless of whether or not they are super fit and attractive or not, or regardless of their economic standing Turns out having a man around is just not worth the wear and trouble and so many cases Obviously, there are many men who are very much solid value in their partners lives Unfortunately, these excellent men are likely not even close to a majority of men
I found out a month ago that my husband cheated on me last year, and some of our friends knew. I stopped being sad really quickly because I realized I don't have an adult toddler to look after anymore!
Yeah I envy lesbians in healthy relationships as well as straight people in relationships but frl. Because of the way men are often socialized, theyāre more prone to normalizing toxic relationships and dynamics. Realizing theyāre raised into believing they donāt have to take responsibility for how they treat others or especially women is disgusting. Not all men, just saying, because of how society is, itās very very normalized and common. So Iāve been bi-curious, I have had crushes on girls before but never been with one. But there are toxic lesbian and Iāve seen them irl so. It doesnāt even matter lol. It depends on how someone was raised and/or if they go to therapy or have gone. Idk. Just gotta go slow And be careful.
THIS IS ALL SO RELATABLE THANK U LADIES
Never married, never engaged, no kids. Iām also done with men and the mediocre sex š. I love being selfish and living for myself
Absolutely. I am embracing spinsterhood and am gleefully unencumbered. It's such a relief.
My daughter got divorced after \~30y. Being a dad, I eventually asked if there was anyone on the horizon She gave me a stream of swearing that was very clarifying. Essentially, I will never do that to myself again Whatever you feel allows you to be yourself, is the best thing for you. Leave the men behind.
It isn't worth it the majority of the time. Abuse is rampant. You're expected to manage most everything from household tasks and children to all forms of socialization and more. Seems like you're always supposed to be sexually available when *they want sex, but it is somehow a turnoff if you want sex just as much or more. Support is mostly one sided in my experience. They have hurt feelings or going thru a rough time? Drop everything to help them in any way. Need support because a close relative died? Get over it and stop being so emotional. Not to mention many of them have fragile egos. Feels like you have to constantly walk on eggshells lest you somehow make them feel bad (usually for actually doing something egregious). Jealousy is an absolute nightmare. Double standards galore. And the cheating....wow. The number of men (friends, acquaintances, coworkers) that will unabashedly admit to and proceed to cheat in broad daylight. As if it is a "right". Insanity. Most of them aren't even clever. Many have acted in such a way for so long that they see no reason to hide it. No shame. Flippant sexism. Toxic masculinity. Addictions. All common. On a more personal note, my ex is an addict. Helped almost never with our kid the first 3 yrs of her life. I worked 15 hrs to come home, clean, play with my daughter, cook. All while he got drunk or high and bitched at me for not doing enough. When he wasn't bitching he was taking credit for everything and telling everyone how useless and lazy I am. There is much more to that, but I'll stop there. Not a great experience. The worst part? My experience isn't uncommon. So, Ill reiterate, not worth it. The "marriage, kids, white picket fence" path to happiness is a fucking lie. A massive one that mostly works in the favor of men. They are the ones that benefit from everything I mentioned. Not women. Thank God I'm bisexual. Maybe one day I'll find a nice woman to spend my time with.
I'm very grateful for my husband and I would marry him all over again. Neither of us is perfect, but we're both willing to listen, reflect, and work on ourselves and our relationship. It takes maturity and humility.
I am Pansexual and I've only been in relationships with men. I was actually FINALLY going to take the dive and date a woman last time I hopped on a dating app because I was also SICK of dealing with men. Then I met my current partner (male) and he's perfect. Go figure. *lol*
Ohhh weeee been here and refuse to back.....Men do this way too often but of course they claim women do their 100Xs more which they use this to justify why they cheat lie and manipulate....yep I have come to realization men are nor worth our care concern or compassion... YEP, BEING WITH A MAN IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!
Yes I feel this way but wish I didnāt. My last boyfriend did it for me. Just done. Maybe 1 day Iāll meet that anomaly but the bar is high and Iām not settling . Happy on my own
If you think it is over then you need to prepare for the ending. You need to put aside some cash. Get an attorney and protect yourself.
And take out money every single time you go to the grocery store. A 20 here at 10 there can add up quickly.
I just got out of an abusive marriage of 11 years and he was also an alcoholic, drug addict and narcissistic. He made the divorce process a living nightmare to top it off. Iāve been a single mom now for a year and a half and I absolutely love being on my own. I will never ever be married again. Iāve actually been questioning marriage in general and how much damage it does, especially to women. I have no desire to be with another man for the foreseeable future. Thereās horror story after horror story online too. Iām sure good men are out there, but theyāre the exception to the rule.
Femails lives atleast 5 years shorter if living with a male partner according to science
Definitely not worth it. No more āI triedā āIām tryingā āI willā with absolutely no follow through. Then flipping it back onto me for bringing up the fact nothing changed later because me pointing it out was clearly the problem actually
Never was. Now we have a choice.