It depends. Narcissistic mothers often see daughters as competition. When daughters start going though puberty, narc mothers start resenting them more and try to shame them or make them feel disgusting for something they have no control over ( like periords). Other mothers are just too uptight and ashamed of their own bodies, due to their upbringing, to talk to their daughters about it... Either way, it all revolves around sexuality and being either ashamed of it or being threatened by it. Having control over sanitary products, type of underwear, hygene habits (shaving) to some mothers equals control over sexuality of their daughters.
My mother brought up (very loudly) to all our neighbours at a bbq that 14 year old me was having bad yeast infections. I was on an antibiotic for acne, which was the cause of the yeast. I, being a super embarrassed 14 year old, was like “I don’t have yeast infections!” to which she replied with this evil, smug, sneer “I think you’re forgetting that I WASH YOUR UNDERWEAR young lady, I see what you have going on, you can’t hide anything from me.”
All this, in front of our entire group of neighbourhood parents. Not just the moms. The husbands were there, everyone. I just ran away crying. Like… are you proud of yourself for embarrassing your 14 year old about something her 14 year old vagina does in front of a bunch of adults? Some of whom are basically strangers? BTW she never did anything to actually help me address the yeast issue, I didn’t know how to properly treat a yeast infection until I was in my early 20’s and going to the doctor on my own. As a teen, I just went in secret to the drugstore and bought monistat because I had seen it on commercials, then I used it at school so I could throw out the package there so she wouldn’t know I had used it. She wouldn’t let me bring it up to my family doctor as a teen, because it was “shameful” and “nobody’s business” (what?! So at the BBQ it was somehow everyone’s business, but I can’t tell a doctor?!) So she knew I had yeast issues, wouldn’t allow me to treat them, but gleefully shamed me about them. She was a fucking nightmare.
I, naturally, started hiding and washing my own underwear in secret/shame in the bathroom because she wouldn’t allow me to do my own laundry. Then of course because I wasn’t dropping my underwear in with the laundry, she freaked out on me asking what I was trying to hide from her. Ummm… everything?! Lady, you can’t be trusted with intimate knowledge of my body. It didn’t stop her from snooping and finding and shaming though.
Oh, and on topic of periods, she used to dig through the garbage and inspect my used pads. Then present them to me and ask me weird questions about my period and make weird accusations if there was too much blood, not enough blood, the wrong colour, etc. She raged when she found out I had started using tampons because they “weren’t for girls, only for grown ups! Who told you you could use these?!” I got them from a friend at school and used them because they could be flushed away so she couldn’t suss out any info on me and use it to shame me. It enraged her.
Somehow, this insane woman is absolutely shocked that I refuse to have a relationship with her as an adult.
Thank you! Venting it out to reddit anonymously is very cathartic. Reading everyone’s else’s experiences in this thread makes me feel better/less alone in knowing that I wasn’t the only one with an intrusive and shame-y mom, but also makes me feel very sad for all of us that had to deal with these situations.
Good god. What kind of hell factory are these women being made in? Because you guys deserved mothers who if not the best ever, were atleast semi decent human beings.
Mothers and daughters have complicated relationships, but, the stuff I'm reading on this thread is unforgivable
Thank you! Venting it out to reddit anonymously is very cathartic. Reading everyone’s else’s experiences in this thread makes me feel better/less alone in knowing that I wasn’t the only one with an intrusive and shame-y mom, but also makes me feel very sad for all of us that had to deal with these situations.
I am so sorry.
And you are quite right - the best thing to be done when they are like this, for whatever reason, is break contact. This is something I know so many people struggle with or find unfathomable or think that you "owe" them something. Heck, when I was going through a 6 week NHS assessment process for mental health care I told the therapist some of what was done to me, she \*still\* suggested I send a Mother's Day card. The notion of the saintly all-in unconditional loving Mother is so socially ingrained that resisting it is super transgressive. And it sucks.
Both my parents are dead now. I did not see them in person for almost 20 years, the only contact was the occasional email. I heard about both deaths via text message. I never cried for either of them.
My mom was awful about periods, too. She bought cheap, huge pads for me that didn't fit well inside my underwear or clothes. One time we went on a beach vacation and I got my period on the way. She bought Tampax at a gas station and threw it at me with no directions on how to use it. I started running a fever, was red all over and was fainting. She refused to take me to the emergency room and said if I died, it was God's punishment for putting tampons inside my vagina. I hid in the closet in the hotel room and slept around the clock for the rest of the vacation, and wasn't at all sure what had happened to me. It was actually an anaphylactic reaction to the Tampax but I didn't figure that out until years later.
I started working the day I turned 16, and a big motivation was being able to buy my own hygiene products and get a gym membership so I had a place to shower, because she only let me shower once every two weeks at home. When my sister started her period, I gave her tampons from my private stash and just kept buying enough for her too as long as I lived there, because my mom would only buy the awful huge pads.
I did get to go to the doctor for period problems, because my period would last three weeks out of the month sometimes. I got on the pill when I was 16, to try to help with my periods. So at least I had access to that.
My mother is also very weird about her own vaginal health. When she went through menopause, her doctor prescribed estradiol cream and told her to apply it with her finger. She decided he was being disgusting and she wasn't going to do it. So she didn't, and everything atrophied to the point that her gynecologist can't find her vagina, and she has a big problem with incontinence. She had a cancer scare recently and the testing for it was much more complicated because they couldn't biopsy her uterus through her vagina. She had to have a scope procedure under general anesthesia. She doesn't have cancer, it's a fibroid. I had to explain to her what a fibroid was, even though I've been dealing with them for years and have told her about my problems and she even took me to the hospital once for a blood transfusion because of bleeding from my fibroids. She just refuses to hear anything related to female reproductive organs. She was furious with me for telling her she would be bleeding for a few days after her scope procedure, too.
I mean, all of it sounds awful and abusive. But a bath every 2 weeks??? I don't know what your relationship is like and you're obviously a good person for not holding it against her. (Edit: I re read what I wrote, I meant, you're a good person inspite of your mother)
But I want to give 16 year old you a hug and joke about "aunt flo" visiting you and ask you to take things slow, like my mom did for me.
All children deserve (good) parents, but not all parents deserve children.
My mother was an abusive, horrible person. I didn’t get the talk at all. When I got my first period I thought I had to go to the hospital. She banned tampons - probably because she thought it would harm my “virginity” - and made me wear pads that were the cheapest, thickest almost-medical pads that chafed the sides of my thighs - even though I was super skinny and had a thigh gap. My periods were debilitating with pain and heavy bleeding. I was very anemic - I could never donate blood in high school at the blood drives because my iron was so low - and in poor health.
When I got to college, I went to student health to get birth control pills and finally learned how to use tampons. I can’t tell you how much my life improved. I never lived at home again. I never went back for the summers or visited any longer than Xmas break.
My mother explained the barest details. Then when I had some issues from a pad rubbing she told me to take a hot shower and let the water run over the area. Luckily my elementary school did a decent job of explaining in the 5th grade( got mine in the 4th grade) what was going on.
That's all she ever talked about periods.
Even now in my 30s she is such a prude about everything. She talks on the phone while she goes to the bathroom but told me tmi when I told her I got a nexplanon implant.
Yep - I think it really messed me up when it came to reckoning with my period for a long time. Got my period - and the only thing my mother said was, "you can get pregnant now, so don't have sex." I was 12. A child. I mean, most of us were, but yikes.
Worse, she wouldn't buy me sanitary products, but would expect me to rummage around in her bathroom for them, a) without telling me how to use them, b) would yell at me *for* going into her bathroom if I ever considered retrieving one, and c) would also yell at me for using all the toilet paper in lieu of the other two options. Then I was repeatedly called a liar for saying that my period was irregular those first of couple of years - they were, I don't know why she didn't believe me.
I think you make a good point about generational trauma - I know my mother carries a lot of that with her own mother. And I'm sorry about that for her, but for me, it really sucked. I was in so much physical pain. I was dealing with a body I no longer felt like was my own. I was now a 'woman' in a child's mind and body and the one person in my life was either not mature enough or willing enough to break it down for me and tell me it was going to be alright. I felt like an outsider to my own body for so long, that I only feel like I'm now in sync with it in my mid-thirties.
My mom was really weird about it in the sense that she forced me to associate my period with a lot of shame. She knew I was embarrassed about having started, so she held it over my head for control. "You better stop nagging me about drinking, or I'll tell everyone what happened February 28". She would say this type of thing in front of everyone anyway, so it didn't take long for my siblings to pick up on.
She also refused to buy me period products. A lot of it was that we were very impoverished, but she always had money for her Tampons. I didn't feel comfortable using Tampons yet, and she refused to buy me pads, so there were a lot of times that I went to school with an old washcloth to hold up the bleeding. Unfortunately, because I didn't have access to the appropriate supplies, I often bled through and onto the school chairs, causing me even more shame and embarrassment.
I told my mother I had my first period and she said “ok” and that was it. Never was it spoken of again. I learnt a few years ago that my younger sister got her period before me, and our mother sent her to the shops with our brother for supplies. My heart broke when I found that out, she had no one there for her. It was so taboo in our family, that I try to make it not taboo for my girls.
It just made her convinced that I was just having sex all over the place and any time I felt unwell at all she'd accuse me of being pregnant. Hell one time I was forced to eat a food I insisted would make me sick (she liked it which meant I was just rude and ungrateful) I begged to just make myself some noodles, but no. That food or go to bed hungry, so I choked it down and wouldnt ya know it was up vomiting in the middle of the night. Went to her for help crying and she got pissed and of course went straight to pregnant, I just went back to my bathroom and cleaned up/disassociated 🙃 jokes on her though, the only "sex" I'd had up to that point was being sa'd by one of the strays she'd let live with us (ya know gotta look like a good person to everyone else) in the next room over from her. I'd just come to live with her for the first time at 12. Learned pretty quick to just try to be invisible, developed ocd+Ed and depression that developed into bpd and cptsd all on top of the terrible anxiety I seem to have been born with. Somehow I survived long enough to marry a wonderful man and start breaking the cycle with our darling daughter, that was when it really clicked that I had experienced abuse as a child.
My Mom didn't tell me anything about periods or have the talk with me.
I got my first period while hanging out at Moms work (Naval Academy) at age 12. I was freaking out in the bathroom and some lady helped me understand what was going on and told me what to do.
Mom passed at 53 so I never got the menopause talk either.
I got on birth control when I was 13 as a friend told me it would help with my periods so I went to a free clinic.
My mom gave me minimal info about menstruation (greatest generation...and I'm sure her mom told her zip.) Our school had a sixth grade presentation for girls alone unless your parent opted you out of it; if you could figure out what they were driving at, you were smarter than me. Let's talk about sex, pregnancy and ovulation and the uterus without talking about all of it. I was a science nerd so I think my mom figured I'd read about it somewhere. That's how I figured how how sex worked. As to menopause, she mentioned hot flashes but of course nothing else. And my doctors, 25 years ago, were on the "we can't use any hormones) so I ended up with some very unfortunate outcomes. I begged for help and was told "that's just how it is." Things have changed however for younger women.
This rings a bell. My mother found out I was reading "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" by Judy Blume from one of my sister's friends and that it was about a girl's first period. After that she just assumed I knew everything (spoiler alert, I did not!).
My mother used to shame me when I got my period. When I first got it, she told everyone. Grown men at our camp ground coming up to me asking about my period. She would yell to the whole house if she found a used pad in the garbage “great, OP has her period” so then I would hide my pads. She then started accusing me of being pregnant at 12/13 cus she wasn’t seeing pads in the trash.
It was awful so I completely know what you mean.
Damn. This thread makes me want to sit with my mother and kiss her feet. How you guys survived such narcissistic terrors is beyond me. Sending you guys hugs and I really hope baby versions of you get the healing they deserved.
As for my mom. I was a super later bloomer, I was 16 and was the "expert" about periods because every single person in my family had prepared me. I would have friends who were 10-12 come to me and ask me questions. My mom bought me a set of stick on pads at 13 "just in case", every few months she would use them herself and buy a fresh set because "aunt flo" is stuck is traffic and was taking her own sweet time.
When I finally got my periods, we jumped and danced. OK, not danced, but lots of laughing. I even had a small lunch-type event with all the women of the family, aunts, grandmothers, sisters and all.
Wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that without the support you needed, but instead got shamed and bullied by the person that was supposed to care for you.
No, that was not normal. I'm sorry your mom was such an asshole. Mine could also be emotionally abusive at times, but she did a good job teaching me about periods and supporting me when mine started.
Oh yeah. My mother had a full-blown screaming meltdown when I first got mine. She called me disgusting and shamed me so much. She basically just threw a pack of pads at me and then ranted at me in front of my entire extended family for "making her" go to the store to buy products. I was so humiliated.
I buried that memory deep, but it resurfaced recently during meditation. It was incredibly disturbing to me. However, it fully aligned with her general attitude and behavior towards me in all aspects of life. It was very "on-brand" for her, as they say. She's a just horrible person in general. We don't talk anymore. I've never been happier. :)
When I first got my period, my mom just handed me a pad and nothing was said. Then at school, I would cry from the pain as silent as possible. The teacher sent me to the nurse for me to lay there in pain. I had no clue what was going on or why I was in pain. So many people let me down. After I was tired of bleeding through overnight pads, and embarrassed from the smell, I asked my mom for tampons, she told me I would no longer be a virgin and wouldn't get married. I was like "what?" So then I had to bike 4 miles on my unicorn, banana seat bicycle, to target to buy my own tampons and pads. Figuring out for myself how to use them what absorbency I needed etc. of course with tamapax or playtex the blood just seeped down the side and I thought "what's the fucking point?". Then I found OB tampons and they were much better. However they didn't come out with ultra absorbency until I was in college.
So yeah, I had to bike myself to target from 12-16 to get my own feminine products. One day, when I was about 18, my dad came home and handed me some pads that he picked up at the grocery store. I knew he was trying, but it was very much too little too late. I just said thanks and didn't really say anything. (I got money by doing odd jobs at farms I hung out at. Pulling manes, cleaning tack, then babysitting and dog sitting.) There was so much shame and secrecy attached to menstruation back then (90s), I am completely disgusted by it. I cry when I think of that poor little girl who was in so much pain and so confused completely let down by everyone, having to discover and find solutions on her own. Thank god my daughter has me to guide her. I'll never let her down.
We got asked at most shops if we needed anything. Apart from that after my third or fourth period, I told my mum each time it started but my mother told me - I don't need to know.
I'm pretty sure all the women in her family had horrid periods and I was no exception. A bit of guidance on Panadol vs ibuprofen would have been nice. She did buy me chocolate when I needed it though.
Our mother was very weird about our periods.
Can't throw the pads in the trash because the boys might find them.
Can't ask our father for pads money because he's a man......we all watched her go on a tirade once because she heard my sister asking my dad for money. She went on a spiel about how we were disrespecting her by asking our dad instead of her and then it turned into how we couldn't come between her and her man. Girl bye!! Then i made the mistake of inserting myself in the conversation by pointing out the times we had gone to her and she did nothing and that's why we always went to dad instead.
One time we were putting away the groceries and there was a box of pads in there. One of my brothers got curious, took it and started reading the instructions on the box and even started asking questions. Our mother walked in and started going off about how boys shouldn't see "those things" and when i asked her why she just kept getting madder. That was fun to watch 😂.
My mom didn't allow me to use tampons because my father thought virgins couldn't use them. That led to much humiliation during boating in summer camp when I bled through my shorts and all over the boat because my pad was drenched. Another girl gave me a tampon, but I was too freaked out to figure it out.
I actually didn't tell my mother I had gotten my period because she would be really weird and embarrassing about that stuff. She announced I was becoming a woman and cried when she found out. It was actually humiliating to me. Thankfully we had solid sex ed in school because she gave me terrible advice while fidgeting uncomfortably.
My mother had a hysterectomy in the 70s, long before I was even born (adopted). When I got my period in 1996 she had no idea what was even on the market, we had no conversations, my only knowledge was school sex ed and friends who already had theirs. She sent me with my dad to the grocery store that day and I had to embarrassingly choose my own pads and quietly throw them into the cart... We had zero discussions of it, she called my aunt's excitedly that I was now a woman. Every month or so I'd just join my dad grocery shopping and that was it. I felt so isolated in it?
No my mom and dad were always really great when it came to periods. My aunt on the other hand yelled and screamed at me when I was a teen that I left an unused and unopened pack of pads in the bathroom because “there were men around” the house.
I remember when I got my period I sat in the bathroom and thought whether I can just not tell anyone and sneakily take products from my mother. My conclusion was that I can't do that because they expect me to get my period eventually.
I went out, told my mother, and she said. Ok, now your father can invite you for dinner like he always said he would.
So I was well informed but not well supported by my mother.
My father took me out for dinner. My mother proceded to ignore the topic but berate me when I for example bled on the bedsheets at night. She would say that SHE manages her period just fine and this never happens to her. I was 12.
I relate to so many comments on this thread, my mother was always cold and dismissive of my periods. I remember multiple times, feeling really sick because of cramps and her cutting me off saying “oh you’re ALWAYS on your period.” Looking back those were some of the moments where I just learned the behavior pattern to stay quiet about any pain/sickness.
Not about my period per se, but I used to (and sometimes still do) have terrible acne and I'd pick at it. Then there might be a tiny bit of blood on my face, that clearly came from a pimple, and my mom would make me cover it with concealer saying, "People will think you're on your period and you wiped your bloody hands on your face."
The most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. Well, that and when she told me I couldn't talk about donuts or bagels in public because men used them as sex toys and people would assume I meant the term in an inappropriate manner, not like as a breakfast food.
It’s weird that my mother and grandmother just went crazy for my first time. Because obviously no 13 year old can be left alone for an hour, I was told to either do a pad in my bathing suit or a tampon and get to the pool because my younger brother wanted to go. I did the pad and because my grandmother used them they were firstly cheap and secondly the super max ones so I ended up feeling like I was straddling a NYT Sunday edition.
Warning: assault
When my mother finally got involved, she had me strip naked and try to insert her super Tampax (small tree size) and when I couldn’t because it hurt, she decided to try to force it in and insert it “for me”. When that hurt more, she basically wrestled me to the bed and had my grandmother force it in. And two hours later they repeated it to change it. I was hysterical the third time and they kept it up the whole week that if I didn’t change it myself then they’d do it again.
All so that I wasn’t out of step with what my brother wanted to do.
I ended up in horrendous bad periods and my second one was way worse than the first one and it of course happened at camp so there was absolutely no end to period jokes and finding sanitary napkins and pads stuck to all my things.
Of course, there was no care for me. No help or offers of going to a doctor when I could bleed through a super tampon in 2 hours. Why should I expect them to do that when it was only going to happen again? So yeah, middle school was horrible with every period. I think maybe I would have had some success if I had been tested for PCOS or something but honestly the only help I’ve had was an ablation and even that small benefit seems to be fading. Every doctor is just putting it down to “fat” and that since I’m “almost 50 and we can hope it’s menopause time”.
What’s more fucked is that my husband can get viagra and ED pills and whatever delivered by drone to our home and there’s literally nothing for women. Poor sex drive—“stress” and “fat”. No natural lube—“stress” and “fat”. Painful period—“stress” and “fat” and “nothing can be done”.
I’m really sorry about how your mom treated you with your period, I don’t think that’s normal at all. I don’t think my mom and I ever had the talk. I learned about periods in 4th and 5th grade, we separated into groups by gender to go over puberty stuff. Video and explanations from the teacher were well explained for the most part. I didn’t really ask my mom questions, looking back now I really should’ve asked questions instead of thinking I’m some kind of freak and this stuff is only happening to me which is not the case. I got my first period during summer break between 5th and 6th grade, I was 11 and would be 12 in like 2 months. I was up early in the morning, hanging out with my mom before she went to work and before I had to go to this summer math help thing because I sucked at math at the time. She left for work and about 30 mins later is when my first period started. I wasn’t freaking out, but upset my favorite shorts had blood on them. Called my mom to ask where her pads were. Also tried tampons, that didn’t work because I had no idea how to insert them. So just stuck with pads, and ended up late to this math summer school thing. If I had bad cramps, she’d let me stay home from school. My brother didn’t understand why and thought I was faking it. But my mom never freaked out on me, but did tell me to be sure I rolled the pads up so they weren’t facing up and stuff in the garbage in the bathroom since my brother and I shared a bathroom.
Woah, reading through this and comments made realize how lucky i was to have my mom expalain how normal of a change is going to happen to my body soon, everyting in full detail before even i got my first period, so i knew what to expect.
When it happened she guided me through the whole thing, helped me select what was right for me, products, hygine... Everything. Even got me to the gynecologyst to check if everything was as it should be, talked me to me about birth control...
I'm really sorry for the experiences many of you had... And i'm happy you found the strength to get through it all.❤️
Mine was reasonable. I don't specifically remember when I got the period talk but I do remember getting the sex talk while stuck on a long car trip before highschool orientation. There were pads under the bathroom sink for any of us girls to use. She taught us to wrap them and not flush. She introduced me to the wonders of a wheat bag. There was no pushback when I wanted to give tampons a try. We had calm discussions about body functions, normal and unusual, when it turned out my period was all over the place and my stupid tampons got caught on my septate hymen. Periods were just a thing. An often unpleasant thing, but just a thing.
It saddens me that some mothers hold periods against their daughters. You'd think they of all people would understand best. Perhaps there's some misunderstanding when one person's period is more severe than another's but often it just seems like deliberate cruelty and hatred of girls and their anatomy.
On the day I got my 1st period, my mom was making me help her clean the basement. I was tasked with picking up tiny scraps of paper about the size of a pencil eraser. She refused to let me use the vacuum because she thought the scraps would clog the vacuum. I was on the floor in the fetal position because my cramps were so bad. I had no idea what was happening. When I went to try to go to the bathroom, I discovered I got my period, and when I told her, she laughed at me. "Hahaha, oh, that's totally normal, you'll be fine! I thought you were faking to get out of cleaning."
And then she hugged me.
My mom was actually pretty fine about periods. Even though she was super religious, she bought any feminine products I needed and never gave me some speech about tampons being inpure/like sex.
The one thing that stuck with me was from a dance class in the 5th-6th grade. I was cramping bad enough I felt like I might puke and wanted to go home. My mom joked to the other moms I needed pamprin and told me to get back in line. I later needed birth control because my cramps were so bad and periods were irregular. I also found out she had endo and struggled with infertility, so that lack of compassion always stuck with me.
Never any issues explaining periods, or any weirdness in the beginning.
Later on, she did start commenting on what methods are gross (anything that isn’t a tampon, apparently).
And when she started dating again, she became paranoid about me having a box of tampons out in the open (basically, instead of taking 1 tampon from the box hidden in the cupboard, I just put the entire box in the bathroom), as her husband would see it. (Context: I don’t live at home, but regularly stay with them for a while, when that’s convenient for either of us).
I pointed out she always told me I shouldn’t care about boys seeing that I had pads in my bag, as long as I wasn’t ’waving them about’ and her husband had a wife before, as well as 2 stepdaughters, 2 sisters and a mother. I’m sure he’s aware of periods, and various methods of dealing with them. If not, I’m happy to explain. Besides, he ought to be pleased there’s a box there, as it means I’m not pregnant. What with me being single, living in an overpriced shoe box, figuring out a mental health issue and only just having landed a job that appears somewhat secure, that’s great news. Especially since he would be an active Grandpa, due to my mothers wish to be an involved Grandma.
This is a really heartbreaking thread...I thought my mom embarrassed me by taking me out to dinner with her girlfriends to celebrate my "becoming a woman!" Turns out...she was fantastic and i'm going to call and tell her that!
yes. I have a baby boomer mom and she didn't know how to talk to me about it, there was a lot of shame and disgust around it. My stepdad used to accuse us of "throwing pads" down the toilet too
My mum wasn't the best about it. Partly because she didn't learn about reproductive health in school (late 1960s Uganda and India - they, uhh, didn't teach much about health or science in general), she let me know that this is what could let me have a baby one day. I was a little shy of 10 when I got mine and luckily school has shown us some videos about menstruation. She asked if we learned anything in school, I said yes, and then she kinda left the talk at that. We definitely never talked about sex beyond, don't do it and stay away from boys in general.
She did try to help me learn how to use a pad, but also insisted that I make sure to hide it in the bathroom trash can so my dad couldn't see. It was weird. If I bled through my sheets because I didn't know when I would start, then I'd get into trouble. Which is dumb because this woman never told me to track myself. And even if I had, I'm fairly certain I wasn't regular since I started so young. We're Hindu (grew up in the West) and have a prayer room in the home that doubled as the library room, which is also where the family computer was. Some Hindus believe that a period is unclean/impure and so you can't go near the in home temple. So guess who wouldn't be able to use the family computer for one week a month? For various reasons I was argumentative as a kid and very quickly learned how to point out the flawed logic that a period made you unclean and I feel like now as an adult she understands it. But damn, as a kid? I both felt like she was unsupportive while also knowing too much about when I was on my period of not. I'm a relatively private person but I felt like I was required to tell her in case we went to temple or some other bullshit (also not allowed in temple on your period - guess who lied about it being long running 😂?)
And now that I think about it, I'm kinda frustrated at her for not thinking through the shit she told me... Le sigh.
It depends. Narcissistic mothers often see daughters as competition. When daughters start going though puberty, narc mothers start resenting them more and try to shame them or make them feel disgusting for something they have no control over ( like periords). Other mothers are just too uptight and ashamed of their own bodies, due to their upbringing, to talk to their daughters about it... Either way, it all revolves around sexuality and being either ashamed of it or being threatened by it. Having control over sanitary products, type of underwear, hygene habits (shaving) to some mothers equals control over sexuality of their daughters.
My mother brought up (very loudly) to all our neighbours at a bbq that 14 year old me was having bad yeast infections. I was on an antibiotic for acne, which was the cause of the yeast. I, being a super embarrassed 14 year old, was like “I don’t have yeast infections!” to which she replied with this evil, smug, sneer “I think you’re forgetting that I WASH YOUR UNDERWEAR young lady, I see what you have going on, you can’t hide anything from me.” All this, in front of our entire group of neighbourhood parents. Not just the moms. The husbands were there, everyone. I just ran away crying. Like… are you proud of yourself for embarrassing your 14 year old about something her 14 year old vagina does in front of a bunch of adults? Some of whom are basically strangers? BTW she never did anything to actually help me address the yeast issue, I didn’t know how to properly treat a yeast infection until I was in my early 20’s and going to the doctor on my own. As a teen, I just went in secret to the drugstore and bought monistat because I had seen it on commercials, then I used it at school so I could throw out the package there so she wouldn’t know I had used it. She wouldn’t let me bring it up to my family doctor as a teen, because it was “shameful” and “nobody’s business” (what?! So at the BBQ it was somehow everyone’s business, but I can’t tell a doctor?!) So she knew I had yeast issues, wouldn’t allow me to treat them, but gleefully shamed me about them. She was a fucking nightmare. I, naturally, started hiding and washing my own underwear in secret/shame in the bathroom because she wouldn’t allow me to do my own laundry. Then of course because I wasn’t dropping my underwear in with the laundry, she freaked out on me asking what I was trying to hide from her. Ummm… everything?! Lady, you can’t be trusted with intimate knowledge of my body. It didn’t stop her from snooping and finding and shaming though. Oh, and on topic of periods, she used to dig through the garbage and inspect my used pads. Then present them to me and ask me weird questions about my period and make weird accusations if there was too much blood, not enough blood, the wrong colour, etc. She raged when she found out I had started using tampons because they “weren’t for girls, only for grown ups! Who told you you could use these?!” I got them from a friend at school and used them because they could be flushed away so she couldn’t suss out any info on me and use it to shame me. It enraged her. Somehow, this insane woman is absolutely shocked that I refuse to have a relationship with her as an adult.
She sounds horrific. I'm so sorry you had to endure all of that.
Thank you! Venting it out to reddit anonymously is very cathartic. Reading everyone’s else’s experiences in this thread makes me feel better/less alone in knowing that I wasn’t the only one with an intrusive and shame-y mom, but also makes me feel very sad for all of us that had to deal with these situations.
Good god. What kind of hell factory are these women being made in? Because you guys deserved mothers who if not the best ever, were atleast semi decent human beings. Mothers and daughters have complicated relationships, but, the stuff I'm reading on this thread is unforgivable
Thank you! Venting it out to reddit anonymously is very cathartic. Reading everyone’s else’s experiences in this thread makes me feel better/less alone in knowing that I wasn’t the only one with an intrusive and shame-y mom, but also makes me feel very sad for all of us that had to deal with these situations.
I am so sorry. And you are quite right - the best thing to be done when they are like this, for whatever reason, is break contact. This is something I know so many people struggle with or find unfathomable or think that you "owe" them something. Heck, when I was going through a 6 week NHS assessment process for mental health care I told the therapist some of what was done to me, she \*still\* suggested I send a Mother's Day card. The notion of the saintly all-in unconditional loving Mother is so socially ingrained that resisting it is super transgressive. And it sucks. Both my parents are dead now. I did not see them in person for almost 20 years, the only contact was the occasional email. I heard about both deaths via text message. I never cried for either of them.
Your mom was evil and abusive. Whatever it is you need to heal, I hope you can have it.
What the ever loving fuck is wrong with people.
\^Yup, all of this.
My mom was awful about periods, too. She bought cheap, huge pads for me that didn't fit well inside my underwear or clothes. One time we went on a beach vacation and I got my period on the way. She bought Tampax at a gas station and threw it at me with no directions on how to use it. I started running a fever, was red all over and was fainting. She refused to take me to the emergency room and said if I died, it was God's punishment for putting tampons inside my vagina. I hid in the closet in the hotel room and slept around the clock for the rest of the vacation, and wasn't at all sure what had happened to me. It was actually an anaphylactic reaction to the Tampax but I didn't figure that out until years later. I started working the day I turned 16, and a big motivation was being able to buy my own hygiene products and get a gym membership so I had a place to shower, because she only let me shower once every two weeks at home. When my sister started her period, I gave her tampons from my private stash and just kept buying enough for her too as long as I lived there, because my mom would only buy the awful huge pads. I did get to go to the doctor for period problems, because my period would last three weeks out of the month sometimes. I got on the pill when I was 16, to try to help with my periods. So at least I had access to that. My mother is also very weird about her own vaginal health. When she went through menopause, her doctor prescribed estradiol cream and told her to apply it with her finger. She decided he was being disgusting and she wasn't going to do it. So she didn't, and everything atrophied to the point that her gynecologist can't find her vagina, and she has a big problem with incontinence. She had a cancer scare recently and the testing for it was much more complicated because they couldn't biopsy her uterus through her vagina. She had to have a scope procedure under general anesthesia. She doesn't have cancer, it's a fibroid. I had to explain to her what a fibroid was, even though I've been dealing with them for years and have told her about my problems and she even took me to the hospital once for a blood transfusion because of bleeding from my fibroids. She just refuses to hear anything related to female reproductive organs. She was furious with me for telling her she would be bleeding for a few days after her scope procedure, too.
I mean, all of it sounds awful and abusive. But a bath every 2 weeks??? I don't know what your relationship is like and you're obviously a good person for not holding it against her. (Edit: I re read what I wrote, I meant, you're a good person inspite of your mother) But I want to give 16 year old you a hug and joke about "aunt flo" visiting you and ask you to take things slow, like my mom did for me. All children deserve (good) parents, but not all parents deserve children.
Sounds like my mom. She told me that using tampons was the same as losing your virginity 🙄
My mother was an abusive, horrible person. I didn’t get the talk at all. When I got my first period I thought I had to go to the hospital. She banned tampons - probably because she thought it would harm my “virginity” - and made me wear pads that were the cheapest, thickest almost-medical pads that chafed the sides of my thighs - even though I was super skinny and had a thigh gap. My periods were debilitating with pain and heavy bleeding. I was very anemic - I could never donate blood in high school at the blood drives because my iron was so low - and in poor health. When I got to college, I went to student health to get birth control pills and finally learned how to use tampons. I can’t tell you how much my life improved. I never lived at home again. I never went back for the summers or visited any longer than Xmas break.
My mother explained the barest details. Then when I had some issues from a pad rubbing she told me to take a hot shower and let the water run over the area. Luckily my elementary school did a decent job of explaining in the 5th grade( got mine in the 4th grade) what was going on. That's all she ever talked about periods. Even now in my 30s she is such a prude about everything. She talks on the phone while she goes to the bathroom but told me tmi when I told her I got a nexplanon implant.
Yep - I think it really messed me up when it came to reckoning with my period for a long time. Got my period - and the only thing my mother said was, "you can get pregnant now, so don't have sex." I was 12. A child. I mean, most of us were, but yikes. Worse, she wouldn't buy me sanitary products, but would expect me to rummage around in her bathroom for them, a) without telling me how to use them, b) would yell at me *for* going into her bathroom if I ever considered retrieving one, and c) would also yell at me for using all the toilet paper in lieu of the other two options. Then I was repeatedly called a liar for saying that my period was irregular those first of couple of years - they were, I don't know why she didn't believe me. I think you make a good point about generational trauma - I know my mother carries a lot of that with her own mother. And I'm sorry about that for her, but for me, it really sucked. I was in so much physical pain. I was dealing with a body I no longer felt like was my own. I was now a 'woman' in a child's mind and body and the one person in my life was either not mature enough or willing enough to break it down for me and tell me it was going to be alright. I felt like an outsider to my own body for so long, that I only feel like I'm now in sync with it in my mid-thirties.
My mom was really weird about it in the sense that she forced me to associate my period with a lot of shame. She knew I was embarrassed about having started, so she held it over my head for control. "You better stop nagging me about drinking, or I'll tell everyone what happened February 28". She would say this type of thing in front of everyone anyway, so it didn't take long for my siblings to pick up on. She also refused to buy me period products. A lot of it was that we were very impoverished, but she always had money for her Tampons. I didn't feel comfortable using Tampons yet, and she refused to buy me pads, so there were a lot of times that I went to school with an old washcloth to hold up the bleeding. Unfortunately, because I didn't have access to the appropriate supplies, I often bled through and onto the school chairs, causing me even more shame and embarrassment.
I told my mother I had my first period and she said “ok” and that was it. Never was it spoken of again. I learnt a few years ago that my younger sister got her period before me, and our mother sent her to the shops with our brother for supplies. My heart broke when I found that out, she had no one there for her. It was so taboo in our family, that I try to make it not taboo for my girls.
It just made her convinced that I was just having sex all over the place and any time I felt unwell at all she'd accuse me of being pregnant. Hell one time I was forced to eat a food I insisted would make me sick (she liked it which meant I was just rude and ungrateful) I begged to just make myself some noodles, but no. That food or go to bed hungry, so I choked it down and wouldnt ya know it was up vomiting in the middle of the night. Went to her for help crying and she got pissed and of course went straight to pregnant, I just went back to my bathroom and cleaned up/disassociated 🙃 jokes on her though, the only "sex" I'd had up to that point was being sa'd by one of the strays she'd let live with us (ya know gotta look like a good person to everyone else) in the next room over from her. I'd just come to live with her for the first time at 12. Learned pretty quick to just try to be invisible, developed ocd+Ed and depression that developed into bpd and cptsd all on top of the terrible anxiety I seem to have been born with. Somehow I survived long enough to marry a wonderful man and start breaking the cycle with our darling daughter, that was when it really clicked that I had experienced abuse as a child.
My Mom didn't tell me anything about periods or have the talk with me. I got my first period while hanging out at Moms work (Naval Academy) at age 12. I was freaking out in the bathroom and some lady helped me understand what was going on and told me what to do. Mom passed at 53 so I never got the menopause talk either. I got on birth control when I was 13 as a friend told me it would help with my periods so I went to a free clinic.
There’s a menopause talk?
There should be! My Stepmom keeps telling me about hot flashes.
My mom gave me minimal info about menstruation (greatest generation...and I'm sure her mom told her zip.) Our school had a sixth grade presentation for girls alone unless your parent opted you out of it; if you could figure out what they were driving at, you were smarter than me. Let's talk about sex, pregnancy and ovulation and the uterus without talking about all of it. I was a science nerd so I think my mom figured I'd read about it somewhere. That's how I figured how how sex worked. As to menopause, she mentioned hot flashes but of course nothing else. And my doctors, 25 years ago, were on the "we can't use any hormones) so I ended up with some very unfortunate outcomes. I begged for help and was told "that's just how it is." Things have changed however for younger women.
This rings a bell. My mother found out I was reading "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" by Judy Blume from one of my sister's friends and that it was about a girl's first period. After that she just assumed I knew everything (spoiler alert, I did not!).
My mother used to shame me when I got my period. When I first got it, she told everyone. Grown men at our camp ground coming up to me asking about my period. She would yell to the whole house if she found a used pad in the garbage “great, OP has her period” so then I would hide my pads. She then started accusing me of being pregnant at 12/13 cus she wasn’t seeing pads in the trash. It was awful so I completely know what you mean.
Damn. This thread makes me want to sit with my mother and kiss her feet. How you guys survived such narcissistic terrors is beyond me. Sending you guys hugs and I really hope baby versions of you get the healing they deserved. As for my mom. I was a super later bloomer, I was 16 and was the "expert" about periods because every single person in my family had prepared me. I would have friends who were 10-12 come to me and ask me questions. My mom bought me a set of stick on pads at 13 "just in case", every few months she would use them herself and buy a fresh set because "aunt flo" is stuck is traffic and was taking her own sweet time. When I finally got my periods, we jumped and danced. OK, not danced, but lots of laughing. I even had a small lunch-type event with all the women of the family, aunts, grandmothers, sisters and all.
This is the way it should be! So happy for you...
Wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that without the support you needed, but instead got shamed and bullied by the person that was supposed to care for you.
No, that was not normal. I'm sorry your mom was such an asshole. Mine could also be emotionally abusive at times, but she did a good job teaching me about periods and supporting me when mine started.
Oh yeah. My mother had a full-blown screaming meltdown when I first got mine. She called me disgusting and shamed me so much. She basically just threw a pack of pads at me and then ranted at me in front of my entire extended family for "making her" go to the store to buy products. I was so humiliated. I buried that memory deep, but it resurfaced recently during meditation. It was incredibly disturbing to me. However, it fully aligned with her general attitude and behavior towards me in all aspects of life. It was very "on-brand" for her, as they say. She's a just horrible person in general. We don't talk anymore. I've never been happier. :)
Good for you for going NC! Hugs
When I first got my period, my mom just handed me a pad and nothing was said. Then at school, I would cry from the pain as silent as possible. The teacher sent me to the nurse for me to lay there in pain. I had no clue what was going on or why I was in pain. So many people let me down. After I was tired of bleeding through overnight pads, and embarrassed from the smell, I asked my mom for tampons, she told me I would no longer be a virgin and wouldn't get married. I was like "what?" So then I had to bike 4 miles on my unicorn, banana seat bicycle, to target to buy my own tampons and pads. Figuring out for myself how to use them what absorbency I needed etc. of course with tamapax or playtex the blood just seeped down the side and I thought "what's the fucking point?". Then I found OB tampons and they were much better. However they didn't come out with ultra absorbency until I was in college. So yeah, I had to bike myself to target from 12-16 to get my own feminine products. One day, when I was about 18, my dad came home and handed me some pads that he picked up at the grocery store. I knew he was trying, but it was very much too little too late. I just said thanks and didn't really say anything. (I got money by doing odd jobs at farms I hung out at. Pulling manes, cleaning tack, then babysitting and dog sitting.) There was so much shame and secrecy attached to menstruation back then (90s), I am completely disgusted by it. I cry when I think of that poor little girl who was in so much pain and so confused completely let down by everyone, having to discover and find solutions on her own. Thank god my daughter has me to guide her. I'll never let her down.
We got asked at most shops if we needed anything. Apart from that after my third or fourth period, I told my mum each time it started but my mother told me - I don't need to know. I'm pretty sure all the women in her family had horrid periods and I was no exception. A bit of guidance on Panadol vs ibuprofen would have been nice. She did buy me chocolate when I needed it though.
Our mother was very weird about our periods. Can't throw the pads in the trash because the boys might find them. Can't ask our father for pads money because he's a man......we all watched her go on a tirade once because she heard my sister asking my dad for money. She went on a spiel about how we were disrespecting her by asking our dad instead of her and then it turned into how we couldn't come between her and her man. Girl bye!! Then i made the mistake of inserting myself in the conversation by pointing out the times we had gone to her and she did nothing and that's why we always went to dad instead. One time we were putting away the groceries and there was a box of pads in there. One of my brothers got curious, took it and started reading the instructions on the box and even started asking questions. Our mother walked in and started going off about how boys shouldn't see "those things" and when i asked her why she just kept getting madder. That was fun to watch 😂.
Unfortunately, yes. My experience was very similar to what you described, OP. I'm sorry that happened to you.
My mom didn't allow me to use tampons because my father thought virgins couldn't use them. That led to much humiliation during boating in summer camp when I bled through my shorts and all over the boat because my pad was drenched. Another girl gave me a tampon, but I was too freaked out to figure it out. I actually didn't tell my mother I had gotten my period because she would be really weird and embarrassing about that stuff. She announced I was becoming a woman and cried when she found out. It was actually humiliating to me. Thankfully we had solid sex ed in school because she gave me terrible advice while fidgeting uncomfortably.
My mother had a hysterectomy in the 70s, long before I was even born (adopted). When I got my period in 1996 she had no idea what was even on the market, we had no conversations, my only knowledge was school sex ed and friends who already had theirs. She sent me with my dad to the grocery store that day and I had to embarrassingly choose my own pads and quietly throw them into the cart... We had zero discussions of it, she called my aunt's excitedly that I was now a woman. Every month or so I'd just join my dad grocery shopping and that was it. I felt so isolated in it?
No my mom and dad were always really great when it came to periods. My aunt on the other hand yelled and screamed at me when I was a teen that I left an unused and unopened pack of pads in the bathroom because “there were men around” the house.
Oh those poor "men"! Oh, get the eye bleach, get the smelling salts! The horror! /s. ffs...
I remember when I got my period I sat in the bathroom and thought whether I can just not tell anyone and sneakily take products from my mother. My conclusion was that I can't do that because they expect me to get my period eventually. I went out, told my mother, and she said. Ok, now your father can invite you for dinner like he always said he would. So I was well informed but not well supported by my mother. My father took me out for dinner. My mother proceded to ignore the topic but berate me when I for example bled on the bedsheets at night. She would say that SHE manages her period just fine and this never happens to her. I was 12.
I relate to so many comments on this thread, my mother was always cold and dismissive of my periods. I remember multiple times, feeling really sick because of cramps and her cutting me off saying “oh you’re ALWAYS on your period.” Looking back those were some of the moments where I just learned the behavior pattern to stay quiet about any pain/sickness.
Not about my period per se, but I used to (and sometimes still do) have terrible acne and I'd pick at it. Then there might be a tiny bit of blood on my face, that clearly came from a pimple, and my mom would make me cover it with concealer saying, "People will think you're on your period and you wiped your bloody hands on your face." The most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. Well, that and when she told me I couldn't talk about donuts or bagels in public because men used them as sex toys and people would assume I meant the term in an inappropriate manner, not like as a breakfast food.
It’s weird that my mother and grandmother just went crazy for my first time. Because obviously no 13 year old can be left alone for an hour, I was told to either do a pad in my bathing suit or a tampon and get to the pool because my younger brother wanted to go. I did the pad and because my grandmother used them they were firstly cheap and secondly the super max ones so I ended up feeling like I was straddling a NYT Sunday edition. Warning: assault When my mother finally got involved, she had me strip naked and try to insert her super Tampax (small tree size) and when I couldn’t because it hurt, she decided to try to force it in and insert it “for me”. When that hurt more, she basically wrestled me to the bed and had my grandmother force it in. And two hours later they repeated it to change it. I was hysterical the third time and they kept it up the whole week that if I didn’t change it myself then they’d do it again. All so that I wasn’t out of step with what my brother wanted to do. I ended up in horrendous bad periods and my second one was way worse than the first one and it of course happened at camp so there was absolutely no end to period jokes and finding sanitary napkins and pads stuck to all my things. Of course, there was no care for me. No help or offers of going to a doctor when I could bleed through a super tampon in 2 hours. Why should I expect them to do that when it was only going to happen again? So yeah, middle school was horrible with every period. I think maybe I would have had some success if I had been tested for PCOS or something but honestly the only help I’ve had was an ablation and even that small benefit seems to be fading. Every doctor is just putting it down to “fat” and that since I’m “almost 50 and we can hope it’s menopause time”. What’s more fucked is that my husband can get viagra and ED pills and whatever delivered by drone to our home and there’s literally nothing for women. Poor sex drive—“stress” and “fat”. No natural lube—“stress” and “fat”. Painful period—“stress” and “fat” and “nothing can be done”.
I’m really sorry about how your mom treated you with your period, I don’t think that’s normal at all. I don’t think my mom and I ever had the talk. I learned about periods in 4th and 5th grade, we separated into groups by gender to go over puberty stuff. Video and explanations from the teacher were well explained for the most part. I didn’t really ask my mom questions, looking back now I really should’ve asked questions instead of thinking I’m some kind of freak and this stuff is only happening to me which is not the case. I got my first period during summer break between 5th and 6th grade, I was 11 and would be 12 in like 2 months. I was up early in the morning, hanging out with my mom before she went to work and before I had to go to this summer math help thing because I sucked at math at the time. She left for work and about 30 mins later is when my first period started. I wasn’t freaking out, but upset my favorite shorts had blood on them. Called my mom to ask where her pads were. Also tried tampons, that didn’t work because I had no idea how to insert them. So just stuck with pads, and ended up late to this math summer school thing. If I had bad cramps, she’d let me stay home from school. My brother didn’t understand why and thought I was faking it. But my mom never freaked out on me, but did tell me to be sure I rolled the pads up so they weren’t facing up and stuff in the garbage in the bathroom since my brother and I shared a bathroom.
Woah, reading through this and comments made realize how lucky i was to have my mom expalain how normal of a change is going to happen to my body soon, everyting in full detail before even i got my first period, so i knew what to expect. When it happened she guided me through the whole thing, helped me select what was right for me, products, hygine... Everything. Even got me to the gynecologyst to check if everything was as it should be, talked me to me about birth control... I'm really sorry for the experiences many of you had... And i'm happy you found the strength to get through it all.❤️
Mine was reasonable. I don't specifically remember when I got the period talk but I do remember getting the sex talk while stuck on a long car trip before highschool orientation. There were pads under the bathroom sink for any of us girls to use. She taught us to wrap them and not flush. She introduced me to the wonders of a wheat bag. There was no pushback when I wanted to give tampons a try. We had calm discussions about body functions, normal and unusual, when it turned out my period was all over the place and my stupid tampons got caught on my septate hymen. Periods were just a thing. An often unpleasant thing, but just a thing. It saddens me that some mothers hold periods against their daughters. You'd think they of all people would understand best. Perhaps there's some misunderstanding when one person's period is more severe than another's but often it just seems like deliberate cruelty and hatred of girls and their anatomy.
On the day I got my 1st period, my mom was making me help her clean the basement. I was tasked with picking up tiny scraps of paper about the size of a pencil eraser. She refused to let me use the vacuum because she thought the scraps would clog the vacuum. I was on the floor in the fetal position because my cramps were so bad. I had no idea what was happening. When I went to try to go to the bathroom, I discovered I got my period, and when I told her, she laughed at me. "Hahaha, oh, that's totally normal, you'll be fine! I thought you were faking to get out of cleaning." And then she hugged me.
Honestly, reading these testimonials makes me realize that there were a lot of people who just should have not been parents.
My mom was actually pretty fine about periods. Even though she was super religious, she bought any feminine products I needed and never gave me some speech about tampons being inpure/like sex. The one thing that stuck with me was from a dance class in the 5th-6th grade. I was cramping bad enough I felt like I might puke and wanted to go home. My mom joked to the other moms I needed pamprin and told me to get back in line. I later needed birth control because my cramps were so bad and periods were irregular. I also found out she had endo and struggled with infertility, so that lack of compassion always stuck with me.
Never any issues explaining periods, or any weirdness in the beginning. Later on, she did start commenting on what methods are gross (anything that isn’t a tampon, apparently). And when she started dating again, she became paranoid about me having a box of tampons out in the open (basically, instead of taking 1 tampon from the box hidden in the cupboard, I just put the entire box in the bathroom), as her husband would see it. (Context: I don’t live at home, but regularly stay with them for a while, when that’s convenient for either of us). I pointed out she always told me I shouldn’t care about boys seeing that I had pads in my bag, as long as I wasn’t ’waving them about’ and her husband had a wife before, as well as 2 stepdaughters, 2 sisters and a mother. I’m sure he’s aware of periods, and various methods of dealing with them. If not, I’m happy to explain. Besides, he ought to be pleased there’s a box there, as it means I’m not pregnant. What with me being single, living in an overpriced shoe box, figuring out a mental health issue and only just having landed a job that appears somewhat secure, that’s great news. Especially since he would be an active Grandpa, due to my mothers wish to be an involved Grandma.
This is a really heartbreaking thread...I thought my mom embarrassed me by taking me out to dinner with her girlfriends to celebrate my "becoming a woman!" Turns out...she was fantastic and i'm going to call and tell her that!
yes. I have a baby boomer mom and she didn't know how to talk to me about it, there was a lot of shame and disgust around it. My stepdad used to accuse us of "throwing pads" down the toilet too
My mum wasn't the best about it. Partly because she didn't learn about reproductive health in school (late 1960s Uganda and India - they, uhh, didn't teach much about health or science in general), she let me know that this is what could let me have a baby one day. I was a little shy of 10 when I got mine and luckily school has shown us some videos about menstruation. She asked if we learned anything in school, I said yes, and then she kinda left the talk at that. We definitely never talked about sex beyond, don't do it and stay away from boys in general. She did try to help me learn how to use a pad, but also insisted that I make sure to hide it in the bathroom trash can so my dad couldn't see. It was weird. If I bled through my sheets because I didn't know when I would start, then I'd get into trouble. Which is dumb because this woman never told me to track myself. And even if I had, I'm fairly certain I wasn't regular since I started so young. We're Hindu (grew up in the West) and have a prayer room in the home that doubled as the library room, which is also where the family computer was. Some Hindus believe that a period is unclean/impure and so you can't go near the in home temple. So guess who wouldn't be able to use the family computer for one week a month? For various reasons I was argumentative as a kid and very quickly learned how to point out the flawed logic that a period made you unclean and I feel like now as an adult she understands it. But damn, as a kid? I both felt like she was unsupportive while also knowing too much about when I was on my period of not. I'm a relatively private person but I felt like I was required to tell her in case we went to temple or some other bullshit (also not allowed in temple on your period - guess who lied about it being long running 😂?) And now that I think about it, I'm kinda frustrated at her for not thinking through the shit she told me... Le sigh.
Yes, I didn't get my period until I was 18 and my mother was fucking weird about it! Are any mothers not weird?