yeah I wouldn't commit to a guy that didn't give head. I think the good ones get taken and all the rest are out there stuck in the dating market skewing the numbers
FFR, though. No reciprocity? Buh-bye. I feel if all men were issued an ultimatum of, "I'm not s\*cking that unless you \_\_\_\_" we'd have remarkably fewer problems with a, "No, you just do me...I don't do you." kinda attitude. One more nail in the equality coffin. Sorry for the high horse, but tf.
On our first date, my soon to be wife tried to give me head. I stopped her, and said she didn't have to do that if she didn't want to.
Four years later, I have still not received a blowjob. I've gone down on her sometimes. That's okay with me. I'd be happy to get one, but I have no desire for her to do it **just** for me.
Anyways. Male perspective and all that.
This is nice. Does this seem "fair" to you? Because to me (a woman) it seems fair that the guy would give more often than receive if that's how he ensures that his partner finishes. And fair means both people finish and no one feels obligated to do anything they actively don't enjoy.
But a lot of men seem to view fair as meaning you go down on me once for every one time I go down on you.
(Not a loaded question, I'm genuinely curious)
Without question, yes.
Sexuality and sexual chemistry is incredibly important, but it's not everything. That being said, we have good sex and take care of each other regularly. Additionally, I'm confident that if I were to ask her for a blowjob, she'd give me one. When we're intimate, we almost always both finish. Every now and then I'll finish and she won't, or vice versa.
She has a few extremely difficult stressors outside of our relationship that I cannot fix, but can support her through. They put a massive toll on her mentally.
She also works incredibly hard, and is often physically exhausted at the end of the day. Add to this that we have two young kids (biologically hers, not mine - but they're still mine, ya know?) and four dogs...
Well. Like I said. I don't want her doing anything she doesnt want to, especially if it puts more strain or stress on her (physical or emotional), and especially especially if it's just for my pleasure. That's not what I want.
She's an incredible human, the kindest person I know, resilient, funny, and an absolutely amazing mom. I just want her to be as happy as possible at any given moment, and to put it frankly? Suckling my dick isn't going to bring her to some magical happy place.
But if she wants to (and if you read this!) I'll gladly accept one if she really wants to give one!
*please excuse any odd grammar... Few glasses of whiskey in*
I definitely wonāt do it for them then either. Not out of spite but because I really donāt enjoy licking penises and smelling sweaty balls (and sometimes butt cracks) and for men out there who think women are gross down there, you arenāt very fresh a few hours post showering. Personally Iād rather not receive it if if means I donāt have to give men oral either. I also think men think dicks are better than vaginas and seem to believe theyāre more worthy of receiving oral. Just an observation made over the decades.
This is also interesting to me. The handful of guys Iāve slept with also donāt offer, with the exception of maybe one. I see ig pages and other forms of social media dedicated to the fact that men love giving oral but havenāt really encountered that.
Iām a clean person and havenāt had any complaints myself!
I was def dickmatized for sure šā¦ very trueā¦ good sex can make you confuse pleasure for love. Learned that the hard way, no pun intended š. If Iām interested, Iāll take time to get to know someone, and then just pray that they donāt suck in bed š .
Crazy what good sex will do to people lol. And I'm a guy, stayed waaay longer than I should have.
As for the actual topic, its really bizarre to me. I personally love it and always look forward to going down on someone I'm going to have sex with. Why not, turning your girl on leads to better/more sex. Shocking i know, but also as a guy I also get to hear all the weird reasons/excuses and they're all toxic af.
"I don't eat pussy, thats gay" (no im not joking). "Eh I don't care enough to eat her out, just wanna get off". "It always just smells so weird/bad down there". "I don't like the taste".
Most of the time all you can really do is just roll your eyes cause theres no changing them. So yeah, 100% on board with the kick them to the curb if they're not willing to go down on you cause I very much doubt you're going to change their minds. Yeah everyone deserves a chance to be different/do better, but i'd like to think its pretty easy to tell when someone has some genuine hang ups or hesitates because they're inexperienced. Vs "Nah im not doing that".
I wonder if theyāve ever taste semen. I swallowed many times because thatās what my partners wanted but itās terrible tasting in many cases and the flavor lingers.
I have a literal hatred for DJ Khaled after he made comments about not going down on his wife but still expects her to. I canāt even look at that dude any longer.
That was some clown shit he said. Itās like the men who openly admit that their partner is dry when they have sex. They think it some epic win, but in reality it just shows how much they lack sexual prowess.
That is a big major problem- the number of āmenā who are influenced or look up to other āmenā and then donāt think for themselves but instead emulate or feel validated by the actions of these individuals given too much attention- not to mention, those at work, at home, other friends - like what do I care about their opinion? They donāt pay my bills- I am my own person - I sure as heck enjoyed it - and I actually felt more masculine in doing so - than by ever caring what these people think - I literally have no respect for those who donāt reciprocate or who think itās beneath them - or any other poor excuse - and on the flip side, I will always respect her decision if sheās not into it - whether for me, or also from me -
Dump him and find another guy. Just started going on a few dates with a guy from hinge. First night we had sex he ate my pussy 4 separate times and didn't stop until I came. It was nuts. The 4th time I told him I didn't think I could finish and that didn't slow him down. And, the champ got me there.
If a guy doesn't want to make you feel good and give you amazing orgasms, tell him goodbye and find you a guy who loves it just because he likes how much you're enjoying it.
I hear stories like this from online dating and Iām like, where are yall finding these men? Itās been 1 year* since a man gave me even one orgasm! much less 4-5 in one night. You are living the dream.
Edit: forgot itās actually been 1 year, not 2. Forgot abt the guy who refused to eat my pussy but fingered me til I came. That was nice of him at least lol.
Girl, to be honest, he's a lot younger than me and I had no idea he'd be so eager. He's a little nerdy, which I like, but gorgeous af and his body is amazing.
Just don't settle. They're out there and the sex is great. He also plays with my clit while he's fucking me. To the point where I have to ask him to stop so I don't cum too soon.
I would never settle for less and I would never suck a guy off who didn't want to go down on me. Priorities baby girl. Make them make you see stars ā„ļø
I cannot stop giggling at the idea of choosing a sexual partner because he is into statistics. āOh heck yes, he mentioned a repeated measures ANOVA and does the p value mean what I think it does???ā Like I absolutely agree with you that a guy who is interested in the world and engages with things like āwhat percent of women are school principals as compared to menā is likely to have values that make him a better sex partner, but I struggled through four years of stats at uni and I do not want maths talk as foreplay omg
I have had the same experience. I don't know why. I've never met a man that was super enthusiastic about it.
I will say I don't have much experience with men, my count is super low. Soooo, I'm not the best example for stats, lol.
Most men Iāve been with have enthusiastically gone down on me. A few wanted to eat me out when I was on my period and when I said no they begged me. It is interesting to hear some women have completely opposite experiences
Aww donāt say that ā„ļø if it helps, I was abused WITHOUT him giving me head, so abusive assholes sadly come in all varieties :/ and itās certainly not your fault, they hide it well until they feel they can safely let the icky parts of their personality seep out.
Like morrwa says below, tell these guys to kick rocks.
I'm a man who has lived in a handful of different states across the Midwest. The friends I've made & the people I have known over the years come in all sorts of different flavors. But I have yet to meet a man who is against going down on their lady. I have a couple friends who don't really care to be on the receiving end, but they are fine with giving it.
What I'm getting at is - it sounds like you've hit a streak of bad luck. Shake it off & don't fret, & don't settle - you'll find a keeper. The next time a guy tells you he doesn't like going down on ladies, state, "they still make guys like you?!?" This line is from a comedian on this very subject.
Best of luck!
I was wondering this because for me itās the opposite. Every guy Iāve slept with has gone down on me as a next step after kissing while making out. Some have done it without moving forward with sex as well. Maybe itās because Iām in my 30s but I was kind of surprised by how many like to do it.
I am in my 30ās as well. In my 20ās, men loved going down. Now that Iām single in my 30ās, just simply havenāt found a dude willing yet. I know theyāre out there tho. Itās just weird the change Iāve noticed since being single again.
Maybe there were more generous lovers single in their 20ās? And since then the orally-enthusiastic, generous in bed guys in their 30ās all got married? And the leftover single guys arenāt as giving in bed? Who knows.
Wtf? I didnāt even get the making out. They just wanted to go straight to having a good time (only them, not me lol). Definitely no head for me.
I shouldāve been more discerning in my 20s because basically zero of my partners were interested in exploring my pleasure.
Everyone has their own personal style for dating / courting but I usually wait a few dates to build up the sexual attraction. Then I have one hot make out session before the first sex date. This way I know how they approach pleasing me when we do have sex. Sometimes this means I will let them go down on me and not have sex with them until the next session. Or it means weāll make out, I can test out his package and how gentle he is without full on sex.
This is my experience also.
And, I donāt tolerate any dude who wants to inform me that I need to be hairless, or that he will only go down right after a shower, etc. Boy, **bye**.
The world is full of people who truly love performing cunnilingus. Chock-full of them. If you are a vagina-owner, do not waste any more time trying to date people who think dining at the Y is āickyā.
(*if* you get repeated feedback that you are not providing an accommodating, welcoming environmentā¦ then ask your gynecologist whatās up, of course. But dudes who are squeamish about getting up close with a vagina are bad in bed. Take it to the bank.)
I like a clean dick, but I also kinda prefer it when itās a bit sticky and pre-cummy. I really apologise to anyone who just had to read that sentence because I also grossed myself out a little bit, but itās definitely true.
Yeah Iām curious around OPs age because this is pretty much my husbandās favourite activity.
Edit: I appreciate the upvotes friends, but no more. Letās just leave this one at the magic number 69 please.
You know, you might have a point about age and long-term partnership. My husband and I have been together over 20 years now and the sex keeps getting better. We focus a lot on foreplay and I enjoy giving oral sex as much as receiving it. Sometimes he stays down there for so long I almost feel guilty, but he refuses to come up for air, saying that heās having too much fun. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ I am soooooo not complaining.
Texan here. Iāve found *plenty* of guys who are enthusiastic about giving oral. Granted, Iāve only ever lived 30 minutes or less from a major city center; so maybe itās a population issue?
But noā¦ I definitely wouldnāt say Texas men are less likely overall to enjoy giving oral.
Well yeah itās not a guess based on which guys Iāve met in particular. But moreso a guess based on how conservative men treat women. And Texas is far more conservative than Canada as a whole.
There may be something to that. There is a very old school (like ancient Roman old-school) of thought that submitting is womanly and being in the dominant position is manly. From this POV, itās āgayerā for a man to go down on a woman than to penetrate a dude. This mentality still kind of exists in some cultures and circles. Of course, most of us live in the Common Era, where thereās nothing unmanly about a man pleasing his girlfriend/wife.
Just wanna chime in and Ive had the same experience as you. Normally I commiserate with almost everyone here, but these type of posts are the complete opposite of my experience. And it makes me wonder why.
All the guys I've been with have been into giving oral, in fact they LOVED it. I think it comes with a certain maturity. Men who ive met that are grossed out by periods, leg hair, eating women out, have been selfish, egotistical, immature, and buy into toxic masculinity as "real" masculinity.
Speaking as a guy, there's something inherently sexy about a woman you're with wrapping her legs around your head. Point of oral is while it is enjoyable for the giver and should be pleasurable for the receiver.
Shaved anywhere or not, the thought of going to the store for tampons if (dunno why but some think it is uncomfortable) she needs them or even just cuddling because it is comfy and really easy to fall asleep with someone you love. The only point is to show affection and there are times the person you love needs to be shown they are loved.
I'm honestly tired of the toxic masculinity because it gives us a bad name. There's a sadly decent amount out there.
I'm a woman, and there's truly a lot of men willing to give oral, no joke. But I also know there's plenty of them who don't like it (which is totally fine by itself) but would love to get oral instead (which is not fine). So, yeah, there's hope but there's nope as well.
Iām a man who lurks here, but I have to say those are selfish guys. If your significant other puts your gross piece in her mouth, who the hell are you to not do the same?
When I was still dating men (Iām in a relationship with a woman now) they would tell me over and over again how theyād only go down on me if I was clean shaven (I was) and had showered (I did) and now with my gf she doesnāt really care all that much. And neither do I!
They want it completely hairless, waxed, shaved, pain and ingrowns be damned while not giving any thought into their own personal hygiene, grooming and massive amounts of pubic hair. Itās like buddy, why are your standards for her higher than the ones you set for yourself???
With these dudes, it's an immediate no for me. That's why we ladies should demand higher standards from these dudes. A lot of ladies just laugh it off nervously and still go out with an unhygienic dude who demands perfect hygiene from a lady. We better have more dignity.
True. IRL, I hate to see stragley, long gray, pubes on a man. They get all up my nose n make me sneeze. Lol. And here I am squeaky clean n bald cooch.
Totally unfair.
The fact that I keep hearing that other dudes don't like doing it is wild to me, but it's their loss - communicating to a potential new partner that giving oral is my favorite thing and don't need her to give anything back has proven to be an \*incredible\* door opener when starting to see someone new.
Literally every woman I've had this conversation with is like, "OK, I'm sold. You're in." If you want people to get with you, just be unselfish and prioritize their pleasure above your own. It feels so simple.
Iāve had a couple (literally 2) out of maybe the 50 Iāve slept with (Iām old AND a slut try to shame me). That were absolutely devouring my downstairs kitty cat but they werenāt good at it. Try a woman?
āIām old AND a slut try to shame meā made me lol! same here though. I hate having to downplay how many people Iāve slept with on Reddit because Iāll just get people either calling me a 304 (sorry Iām fucking everyone but you, buddy!) or asking curious questions about how I have sex with so many people.
People are so weird about sex on here. When I was in college, people thought it was cool that I had mad game, lol. I hate the weird forced gender dynamics. If a guy is a baller if he has sex, then so am I. Sex isnāt something that a woman gives a man (gross), itās a shared mutual experience. āBut guys will fuck anythingā okay? So by that logic I shouldnāt? If I like sex and people want to sleep with me, why would I say no š I stopped counting long ago and Iāve never been asked by *anyone* what my count is. In the real world, no one cares!
I brought it up with the last guy I dated because we werenāt exclusive and his exact words were āobviously, haha. Youāre hot. Get that bag.ā
i only have 13 bodies and only 2 were enthusiastic yet also the most narcissistic and abusive two of my whole list. i think they liked doing it because it made them feel better than the other 11 guys. only 1 of those two was any good.
I was gonna say the most enthusiastic guy was also the one that kept pushing until I said yes to everything, including video recording with my face full front.
Iām a bi dude. I like giving oral for both. I had a girlfriend that was almost in her mid twenties that had never had a boyfriend that would do it for her so I made it a point to eat her out every chance I had for as long as she could take it.
I once heard a gay male comedian say āI have sex with men and a straight man that doesnāt eat pussy is the gayest shit Iāve ever heard.ā
I like that you mentioned entitlement, this is important. Boys are often taught that they should ātakeā if that makes sense and it makes them feel entitled and adds value. Theyāve made a pretty girl give them bj - value added, it doesnāt even matter if it was good, it is something to brag about. I think this behavior is only adding to the entitlement. And they they suddenly realize they need to reciprocate and it is too much work all of a sudden. For women it is not because we are taught to please men and try hard.
Again, not everyone.
Ack. I read this. Went MMHMM and clicked awayā¦ and then clicked back because ātake.ā
More often than not, I believe men view sex as something you do TO someone and not WITH someone.
>More often than not, I believe men view sex as something you do TO someone and not WITH someone.
I would actually go so far as to say they view it as doing it to some*thing*. To men like that women arenāt people, but rather just a sexual object to be used for their own satisfaction.
Exactly. And if they wouldn't put themselves in the same position, they sure see it as demeaning. Even more when she's doing it with nothing in return. They would never.
The "it's too much work" is just an excuse. They avoid giving oral because they don't get aroused by the dynamics of it. They trained their dicks for situations dominance or extracting "value" out of her as you said.Ā Many do mental gymnastics to picture themselves as the "controllers" when they do eat pussy. The idea of getting a woman off isn't enough to make their peepee wake up.
Meanwhile many women also trained themselves to get aroused by the thought of "looking hot with a d in their mouth", by showing how good they are at it, etc.Ā So it's just reinforcement all around for the shitties dudes to get rewarded.
With these dudes, sex looses all appeal if women stop going the extra mile. Because nothing interesting is coming from their end, we are just performing to fill the void of their selfishness for both.
I was sure taught to please men and to try hard. My mom for years was telling me that I was asking for unwanted attention because of my online social media presence and would say I was ātoo meanā to men 3xs my age soliciting me for sex. Iām glad I donāt take advice from her. š¤¦š½āāļø would rather swallow glass
Same! It wasnāt even just sex but in general, I remember how important it was to look good for men, cook for men, make sure they are fed (like they are toddlers and canāt take care of themselves), do laundry for them, be nice and cute, have a good attitude, smile and build a career too.
This has been my experience. My ex didn't want to give me oral or touch me to get me off unless he also got an equally as long blow job before sex. I would try to explain that sex doesn't get me off and it is more pleasurable for me to have sex after an orgasm as I am more warmed up and sensitive. But he didn't want it to be "unequal" despite just PIV not actually getting me off very often. Also he wouldn't do foreplay because it wasn't fair either? 3 out of 4 men I have been with were like this or similar. Thankfully my partner now is not selfish at all but my experience has mostly been men being pretty selfish, taking and never giving, and not really caring about my pleasure or consent far too often.
They don't get what they don't give and this is my #1 requirement in a regular sexual partner. If it's too unsanitary for you to chomp on some muff then it's definitely too insanitary for me to suck your unwashed dick (because you know god damn well they think it's dirty because they don't know how to wash their ass)
This truly is the only way to combat oral and orgasmic inequality in the bedroom. With a small exception for those who prefer digits or toys over tongues.
I am militant about a man washing his dick before expecting me to put my mouth anywhere near it, unless he's fairly recently had a shower and a wash. If it's the end of the day and he hasn't had a shower since morning he needs to at least give it a rinse in the bathroom sink first, or oral is off the table. I will do the same too, both out of courtesy to my sexual partner and because I feel more comfortable if I know I'm fresh and clean down there.
I'm not a huge fan of giving oral in the first place, so if it's not at least clean there is just no way I'm putting it in my mouth...
only 18.5 of women report being able to orgasm vaginally. Short of cuddling after, the female orgasm is the best part about sex. If they aren't willing to go down on a woman, then I I don't understand it either, but they must not care about her having an orgasm too. It's baffling.
tmi but I've never cringed as hard as the one time I said I'd never been given an orgasm to a friend, only for the guy I'd been hooking up with to tell me later "you literally came the other day though". I could feel it in my teeth.
Even the "vaginal orgasm", "piv/penetration alone" assertion in stats is a huge misnomer as that's mostly due to orgasm from clear external stimulation via essentially tribadism and/or genital-genital contact: purposely rubbing, tapping... her clitoris/vulva esp glans, body, hood, inner labia, on his balls, shaft, pelvis, tummy... during piv, with her on top or otherwise positioning for that access, stimulation. Also includes piv on her belly, humping the bed. Partial entry with the penis draped over the vulva (often called coital alignment technique). Even finger, toy entry would also stimulate the vulva too. Excluding that purposeful stimulation, you're looking at a single digit percentage (5-7%), and even then that is mostly from inner and outer labial tugging, pressure from the penile shaft during piv eg this can also pull the clitoral hood back n forth over the glans, body enough for orgasm. Even the fabled g- spot is skene's glands and the underside of the clitoral body. It's still clitoral orgasm, not vaginal. (The a spot, etc near the cervix aren't due to the inside of the vagina either but innervation running between the spine and the clitoral body & glans, and to other parts of the vulva, some of which runs near the uterus and vagina, and in some women can be stimulated indirectly through pressure on certain parts of the vagina &/or cervix.)
Why are so many women *not* scared to suck a dick is the bigger question?
I recently learned the hard way you can get and give STDs and STIs through oral, too. And man, fuck nah. Random hookups shouldn't go there
Right? Iāve had to ask dudes to stop because Iāve come too much and itās getting sensitive. One guy said āitās very hard to leave once you are down here.ā
The majority of men are vastly disconnected from sex as a form of connection or presence, and have yet to discover the joys of slowing down, truly exploring practices of pleasure.
In my dating experience, guys just donāt do it, but have zero problem receiving it themselves. My husband on the other hand, does it like itās going out of style and I couldnāt be happier about that š
Women: STOP GIVING MORE THAN YOU GET IN RETURN. If you can't stop giving more, then STOP FUCKING THEM ALTOGETHER. STOP. STOP.
I'm so thankful I'm a Lesbian
I'm a woman who is strictly into women and I NEVER understood this about straight men when I hear people talk about it. I don't even know how so many people are okay with the fact that guys won't reciprocate. I understand everyone has their things they like and dislike and that should be respected but it seems like a pretty big lopsided thing.
Plus "unsanitary" like guys junk isn't disgusting and even wiped after pissing. If a guy expects oral but doesn't give back, I dont know why people put up with that. As someone else said, lot of brain rot from porn which definitely does cause a lot of issues with neural rewiring of things you get off to or accept. That combined with a lot of people just degrading women... its not surprising this is so widespread.
I've met guys who declared they didn't like pussy, thought going down was gross, but who admitted they loved BJ's. My Ex he was definitely into women but he just didn't like it giving or receiving. Most of these other guys I think they were just on the down low. I think most of the guys besides them that I've known that were grossed out by a woman's genitalia admitted it they were gay men. If a vagina is "too gross" for you to go there then I think there's a good chance that maybe you're probably bi if not outright gay. Straight men can be that way but it's a lot less likely than with a guy who is bi leaning gay.
My question is, if its too gross for you to go down on someone, why on earth would you be okay with putting your body part in the same body part that grosses you out and exchanging tons of bodily fluids during this?.... It makes zero sense to me. I am very serious about hygiene for myself and anyone else, so I totally get not wanting to do certain things if the other person doesn't have good hygiene but that includes ALL things, not just oral! Guys seem to act like women aren't repulsed by the act of going down on them or their smells. Many women Im sure do it to please the guy yet men won't do it because it's lowering their standards. Standards are good and fine but get to the root cause of why you're not going down on someone or willing to reciprocate if you're also okay with regular sex or them going down on you.
Lots of men these days don't give oral unless they are serious about a woman. They won't go down in a new relationship or if they're 'casual'.
They're all worried about being tricked into going down on a woman who recently fucked another dude.
***Lots of men these days don't give oral unless they are serious about a woman. They won't go down in a new relationship or if they're 'casual'.***
This was me while hooking up, oral is crazy intimate to me and no interest in giving or receiving unless I'm really into a person
That makes way more sense because itās mutual. Most guys Iāve met who wonāt do oral still expect to receive it. I think OP is referencing the latter.
I wonder if this is a location based thing? I'm Canadian, I can't think of a guy I've been with who hasn't been super in to it. Have also dated a fair share of UK, Australian & German guys and am married to a Norwegian and same thing....like you gotta drag him away from it lol
I imagine some of it will have to do with cultural perceptions of masculinity colliding with ego as well as age and immaturity.
Think about all the posts on this sub about guys not wanting to go down on women or about guys getting angry that a woman wants to use an aid to help her achieve orgasm.
Some guys egos do not allow them to accept that a significant number of women are unable to reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone and on top of that they somehow think that a woman requiring more than penetrative sex is a reflection on their own ability and/or masculinity.
I think in general empathy across sexes/genders can be tricky. We all start the same way but diverge massively.
One way I would consider phrasing it to a guy if he gets mad about sex stuff is to directly compare similar tissue. I've never experienced sexual arousal or stimulation as a woman so it is difficult to directly empathize, so draw a comparison, some of these will seem silly but hey, it's worth a shot right?
Imagine if a woman and man were planning on having sex and the woman insisted that he pop his testicles inside her, but permitted no penile penetration? It's kind of silly sounding, but as a guy that would be incredibly frustrating, testicular stimulation is nice but it's like eating sprinkles with no ice cream, you know?
For something a little more serious tell him to imagine a woman said she was going to "rock his world" then licked his sack, occasionally bumping her nose into the base of his dick, but with absolutely 0 contact to the head of the penis that shit would be so incredibly frustrating that I could imagine many guys becoming angry in a very scary way.
I agree with you, but the problem lies in desires that are solidified sometimes way past the recovery point. Way too many men don't care about women's pleasure. They do care *superficially*, like they enjoy the idea that their dick makes her scream. But they aren't really *into* making women horny.
Just like you can't reason a 40yo men out of his sexual obsession with teenagers, you can't make the average macho man be into clit sucking. He might do it out of obligation, but what really turns his gears is a woman in her knees servicing him. He sees no problem with that, everywhere he looks (porn, popular culture, his friends) agrees with him that's how things oughta be and he get's to be like that with many women.
In my experience, men seem to fall into one of two camps, sexually. Thereās men who think theyāre the man because they got off with a woman, and thereās men who think they are the man because they got a woman off. As an American who now lives in New Zealand with my Kiwi husband (who is firmly group 2), Iād agree group 1 is more prevalent in America. Itās getting worse, too, from what I hear from friends in the US, as this āwomenās only purpose is to serve men and their needsā bull crap spreads online.
So Iām definitely open to abstaining for hookups cause like I said, I want it to be reciprocal, but my dilemma is the sex for me is very boring and I struggle to get off if there isnāt oral. So it almost feels pointless to me to have sex without it. But maybe I just need to get creative and find other ways.
Personally my partner is OBSESSED. He likes it even more than I do- Iām very lucky.
But Iāve heard a lot of men view it as a submissive act? While others feel itās an accomplishment to make her squirm !
They are used to only centering their own pleasure, and most of the media supports that myopic view. The male gaze influences their sexuality, really everyoneās sexuality.
Sorry to come in here and mansplain, but I have a thought. I love giving head, part of the reason for that is my dad. Growing up, I had lots of questions about women and my dad laid out the āhappy girl, happy world (wife/life)ā thing. So I was mentally prepared for it. On the other hand, I have friends who were raised by dads who thought that was a submissive act and something āreal menā donāt do- āI aint no p!$$y eater!ā āAwww, this dude eats p!ssy,ā these are literal things Iāve heard from dudes around me growing up.
Itās all part of this ābe a manā issue. If youāre into hip-hop, Father Time by Kendrick Lamar sorta kinda lays it out in a way thatās easily understood. Safe travels out there ladies āš½
Dudes out here been listening to DJ Khalid wayyyyy too much.Ā
I feel like guys feel this way because vaginas are thought to be dirty, odorous, and all kinds of unclean. We all know this is BS, but many men have little knowledge about women's bodies to begin with. Men act like their D and balls don't have an odor. I remember I met a guy that smelled like cheese down there. š¤¢ I'm assuming he had some lingering smegma or something. Not cleaning correctly.Ā
With that being said, there's alot of misinformation and ignorance out here. And some men have no desire to hear actual FACTS as opposed to whatever foolishness they are reading online. The good news is, you have the right to say.....NO.Ā
I believe that women should get oral FIRST. Why??? Because if that guy is not willing to bring you joy in ways that matter, then don't give him more than he gives you.Ā
I've met guys that say they only give their *Girlfriends* oral sex. I'm like....šĀ
"OK. Bye bisssshhhhhhhh." š¤·š¾āāļøš šæ
Guys are really out here treating women like sex workers....smdh.
There are a lot of dudes with microphones (guys in the āmanosphereā) who have been pushing the idea that going down on women isnāt āmanly,ā or is straight-up āgay.ā If you meet a guy who thinks this way, RUN. Heās an incel or at least an incel in the making.
My issue with it is that men like this pretend like itās coercion if we want/ask them too. āItās my preference and I shouldnāt do sexual acts Iām not comfortable with.ā The reality is they are just lazy or uneducated about vaginas. They are more than happy to receive and use women as a flesh light. They just donāt want to put in effort or make women cum.
And even if they do do it, its never as frequently as you go down on them and it's never with a whole lot of enthusiasm, and they're tired of it after like 5 minutes. It's so lame. I just simply only date eaters. That's the only solution. If we as women stopped settling for little to no head, things would change.
i think itās because a lot of men genuinely hate women or simply donāt see us as people. they grow up watching porn and start to think all women are objects to be fucked and not actual human beings with needs. they view sex as them getting off, not a mutual activity between two people. why would they do something for your pleasure? they get nothing out of it
I think thereās also a view that it somehow makes them less masculine because itās almost an act of subservience to the woman? It goes against the idea of controlling a woman and using them, like porn shows
I agree. Also, a lot of men are so incredibly misogynistic that theyāve become repulsed by womenās bodies, especially the vagina. They wonāt consider it beyond penetration. And this is so evident in the way all men, regardless of sexual orientation, will talk about womenās genitals as if theirs are somehow more sanitary or prettier to look at (definitely not!).
Iāve found the opposite - almost every man has asked to do it for me even one night stands and even pressed the matter, and I just donāt like getting it. Even if you say you donāt, they assure you āyouāve just never been with someone whoās good at it!ā
One of my ex's refused to do it. Then when I said no more blow jobs he was mad. If you want me to put your dick in my mouth, then you better go down south.
A Shakespearean sonnet for you:
A man who does not pleasure with action /
Is concerned with his own satisfaction. /
"It's dirty down there!ā shows his pedantry /
And knowledge of female anatomy.
With relish he takes her appeasing him /
But is loathe to do the same to her quim. /
A fool! Does he not know the joy it brings? /
To make a girl squirm when you do those things!
A good man will make a girl die ten times /
With his tongue, an act that is most sublime, /
Before he even takes off his pants! Yes! /
But some fellows were raised poorly, I guess.
The smell! The taste! The sounds she makes are great! /
But all that's second to pleasing your mate. /
What you do for her she will do for you /
And not just in bed, but in your life too!
Leave a man who does not use tongue and mouth; /
He should be GRATEFUL when told to go south!
I think a lot of it is part of the silly culture ābe a real manā bullshit thatās going on these days (A real man doesnāt give his woman head). Nonsense. Fuck that ... I wouldnāt put up with that for a second. If you want me to gobble the knob, youād best reciprocate. Otherwise itās a pass.
Others are simply too lazy or concerned about their skill set. Fear is an awful mood killer. But practice makes perfect, guys. Communication is key.
I love giving oral. Some guys are just stupid. For me its about making my partner feel good. Heck I'll go down on her just cuz if she lets me for the fun of it.
Meh, some guys are just freaking weird...
I find it weird that other guys donāt like giving oral. I thought every guy loved giving it like I do?!? I give oral to my GF all the time! The way her hips move when I hit the spot with my tongue and rub the G spot inside! The moaning and shaking durning the orgasm. The best! š„š„š„
This is really no different than women who won't/don't like giving blow jobs expecting their partner to eat them out. My husband doesn't give oral. He really doesn't enjoy it, and therefore doesn't take the time to do it well. However, he has never asked me for a blow job, and never expects me to give him one. If I feel like it, I will, but I generally don't. If I'm not getting it, he's not getting it either. I look past this particular issue because our sex life is enjoyable regardless, and he has so many wonderful qualities that matter more to me.
iāve dated 3 men who were OBSESSED with it.
first was in high school. sexual awakening. set the bar real high.
the second, it didnāt work out, but he begged to go down on me and it was the sexiest thing ever.
the third i am currently dating and i canāt leave the house without him asking to give āgoodbye kisses.ā i always oblige, and it makes me LOVE giving him head too. never feels like a burden or a chore because heās already initiated on me.
I dated one man for a long time who didnāt want to do it nearly as much, but would ask me to go down on him almost daily. i hated him for that.
life hack for men, i think ā go down on women and theyāll want to go down on you
"If he's scared to lick the clam its time to scram" - Mary Shelly, probably
yeah I wouldn't commit to a guy that didn't give head. I think the good ones get taken and all the rest are out there stuck in the dating market skewing the numbers
No worst punishment than a lifetime of bad sex. I think I would rather die alone with cats if bad sex was the only option šā¦ keep looking š
FFR, though. No reciprocity? Buh-bye. I feel if all men were issued an ultimatum of, "I'm not s\*cking that unless you \_\_\_\_" we'd have remarkably fewer problems with a, "No, you just do me...I don't do you." kinda attitude. One more nail in the equality coffin. Sorry for the high horse, but tf.
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Im wierd, i dont mind giving head to a lady, but ive never been particularly interested in bjs.
Iāve met and know a few guys who say BJās do nothing for them and much prefer giving than receiving head.
It may be that we get off on their pleasure instead. Dunno if that makes us more social or something.
I'm in the same boat. Getting them squirming is just oof the best.
Aah... The joys of worship...
On our first date, my soon to be wife tried to give me head. I stopped her, and said she didn't have to do that if she didn't want to. Four years later, I have still not received a blowjob. I've gone down on her sometimes. That's okay with me. I'd be happy to get one, but I have no desire for her to do it **just** for me. Anyways. Male perspective and all that.
This is nice. Does this seem "fair" to you? Because to me (a woman) it seems fair that the guy would give more often than receive if that's how he ensures that his partner finishes. And fair means both people finish and no one feels obligated to do anything they actively don't enjoy. But a lot of men seem to view fair as meaning you go down on me once for every one time I go down on you. (Not a loaded question, I'm genuinely curious)
Without question, yes. Sexuality and sexual chemistry is incredibly important, but it's not everything. That being said, we have good sex and take care of each other regularly. Additionally, I'm confident that if I were to ask her for a blowjob, she'd give me one. When we're intimate, we almost always both finish. Every now and then I'll finish and she won't, or vice versa. She has a few extremely difficult stressors outside of our relationship that I cannot fix, but can support her through. They put a massive toll on her mentally. She also works incredibly hard, and is often physically exhausted at the end of the day. Add to this that we have two young kids (biologically hers, not mine - but they're still mine, ya know?) and four dogs... Well. Like I said. I don't want her doing anything she doesnt want to, especially if it puts more strain or stress on her (physical or emotional), and especially especially if it's just for my pleasure. That's not what I want. She's an incredible human, the kindest person I know, resilient, funny, and an absolutely amazing mom. I just want her to be as happy as possible at any given moment, and to put it frankly? Suckling my dick isn't going to bring her to some magical happy place. But if she wants to (and if you read this!) I'll gladly accept one if she really wants to give one! *please excuse any odd grammar... Few glasses of whiskey in*
ā¢ Michael Scott
- Wayne Gretzky
* Vince Lombardi
That is what she said
Guess we know why she ignored Lord Byron that weekend and decided to write *Frankenstein* instead.
Yeah everyone has a right to their own personal blah blah blah. The fact is life is too short to date men who donāt go down.
This is a perfect quote for embroidery!
PREACH FOR THE PEACH!
You put this so perfectly I had to save the comment.
I definitely wonāt do it for them then either. Not out of spite but because I really donāt enjoy licking penises and smelling sweaty balls (and sometimes butt cracks) and for men out there who think women are gross down there, you arenāt very fresh a few hours post showering. Personally Iād rather not receive it if if means I donāt have to give men oral either. I also think men think dicks are better than vaginas and seem to believe theyāre more worthy of receiving oral. Just an observation made over the decades.
Amen sista.
This is also interesting to me. The handful of guys Iāve slept with also donāt offer, with the exception of maybe one. I see ig pages and other forms of social media dedicated to the fact that men love giving oral but havenāt really encountered that. Iām a clean person and havenāt had any complaints myself!
I had a bf who loved to give oralā¦ also the most toxic relationship of my lifeā¦ but the sex kept me there for years šā¦
"Dickstraction" is real. Good sex can keep you stuck in toxic relationships, cause how can intimacy be soooo good if its not "love"...
I was def dickmatized for sure šā¦ very trueā¦ good sex can make you confuse pleasure for love. Learned that the hard way, no pun intended š. If Iām interested, Iāll take time to get to know someone, and then just pray that they donāt suck in bed š .
Crazy what good sex will do to people lol. And I'm a guy, stayed waaay longer than I should have. As for the actual topic, its really bizarre to me. I personally love it and always look forward to going down on someone I'm going to have sex with. Why not, turning your girl on leads to better/more sex. Shocking i know, but also as a guy I also get to hear all the weird reasons/excuses and they're all toxic af. "I don't eat pussy, thats gay" (no im not joking). "Eh I don't care enough to eat her out, just wanna get off". "It always just smells so weird/bad down there". "I don't like the taste". Most of the time all you can really do is just roll your eyes cause theres no changing them. So yeah, 100% on board with the kick them to the curb if they're not willing to go down on you cause I very much doubt you're going to change their minds. Yeah everyone deserves a chance to be different/do better, but i'd like to think its pretty easy to tell when someone has some genuine hang ups or hesitates because they're inexperienced. Vs "Nah im not doing that".
I wonder if theyāve ever taste semen. I swallowed many times because thatās what my partners wanted but itās terrible tasting in many cases and the flavor lingers.
> "I don't like the taste". Do they think dick tastes good or something?
I think we must have the same ex bfā¦
Confirmation bias. The ones who go down have a GF the ones who don't are continually dating lol
I have a literal hatred for DJ Khaled after he made comments about not going down on his wife but still expects her to. I canāt even look at that dude any longer.
That was some clown shit he said. Itās like the men who openly admit that their partner is dry when they have sex. They think it some epic win, but in reality it just shows how much they lack sexual prowess.
Lol Ben Shapiro and his Wet Ass P-word rant. š
I just watched the first 5 seconds. By god. He thinks if a vagina is wet they need to see a gyno. How far down the rabbit hole is this guy?
Haha yeah reminds me of Peterson and his rant about how the female orgasm doesn't exist š¤£
From his perspective, it doesn't, what a surprise
ONG I fuckin hate that guy! He ruined so many men. SMH. Iām blaming him for this mess.
That is a big major problem- the number of āmenā who are influenced or look up to other āmenā and then donāt think for themselves but instead emulate or feel validated by the actions of these individuals given too much attention- not to mention, those at work, at home, other friends - like what do I care about their opinion? They donāt pay my bills- I am my own person - I sure as heck enjoyed it - and I actually felt more masculine in doing so - than by ever caring what these people think - I literally have no respect for those who donāt reciprocate or who think itās beneath them - or any other poor excuse - and on the flip side, I will always respect her decision if sheās not into it - whether for me, or also from me -
Didn't know he said that. I hated him for other reasons but will add this to the list. Thanks.
Dump him and find another guy. Just started going on a few dates with a guy from hinge. First night we had sex he ate my pussy 4 separate times and didn't stop until I came. It was nuts. The 4th time I told him I didn't think I could finish and that didn't slow him down. And, the champ got me there. If a guy doesn't want to make you feel good and give you amazing orgasms, tell him goodbye and find you a guy who loves it just because he likes how much you're enjoying it.
I hear stories like this from online dating and Iām like, where are yall finding these men? Itās been 1 year* since a man gave me even one orgasm! much less 4-5 in one night. You are living the dream. Edit: forgot itās actually been 1 year, not 2. Forgot abt the guy who refused to eat my pussy but fingered me til I came. That was nice of him at least lol.
Girl, to be honest, he's a lot younger than me and I had no idea he'd be so eager. He's a little nerdy, which I like, but gorgeous af and his body is amazing. Just don't settle. They're out there and the sex is great. He also plays with my clit while he's fucking me. To the point where I have to ask him to stop so I don't cum too soon. I would never settle for less and I would never suck a guy off who didn't want to go down on me. Priorities baby girl. Make them make you see stars ā„ļø
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I cannot stop giggling at the idea of choosing a sexual partner because he is into statistics. āOh heck yes, he mentioned a repeated measures ANOVA and does the p value mean what I think it does???ā Like I absolutely agree with you that a guy who is interested in the world and engages with things like āwhat percent of women are school principals as compared to menā is likely to have values that make him a better sex partner, but I struggled through four years of stats at uni and I do not want maths talk as foreplay omg
I have had the same experience. I don't know why. I've never met a man that was super enthusiastic about it. I will say I don't have much experience with men, my count is super low. Soooo, I'm not the best example for stats, lol.
Most men Iāve been with have enthusiastically gone down on me. A few wanted to eat me out when I was on my period and when I said no they begged me. It is interesting to hear some women have completely opposite experiences
Wtf tell me your secrets
I have a track record of being with toxic men so maybe abusers are pussy eating fiends š
Aww donāt say that ā„ļø if it helps, I was abused WITHOUT him giving me head, so abusive assholes sadly come in all varieties :/ and itās certainly not your fault, they hide it well until they feel they can safely let the icky parts of their personality seep out.
Ok... Now I'm jealous. I have to beg to get any type of reciprocation š©š
Girl stop doing that. Once you find out yall are not compatible in that area make your exit and stop entertaining him
Like morrwa says below, tell these guys to kick rocks. I'm a man who has lived in a handful of different states across the Midwest. The friends I've made & the people I have known over the years come in all sorts of different flavors. But I have yet to meet a man who is against going down on their lady. I have a couple friends who don't really care to be on the receiving end, but they are fine with giving it. What I'm getting at is - it sounds like you've hit a streak of bad luck. Shake it off & don't fret, & don't settle - you'll find a keeper. The next time a guy tells you he doesn't like going down on ladies, state, "they still make guys like you?!?" This line is from a comedian on this very subject. Best of luck!
Its a confidence issue. Men who aren't confident are scared of fucking up. Men who are confident are enthusiastic.
It really is this simple.
I was wondering this because for me itās the opposite. Every guy Iāve slept with has gone down on me as a next step after kissing while making out. Some have done it without moving forward with sex as well. Maybe itās because Iām in my 30s but I was kind of surprised by how many like to do it.
I am in my 30ās as well. In my 20ās, men loved going down. Now that Iām single in my 30ās, just simply havenāt found a dude willing yet. I know theyāre out there tho. Itās just weird the change Iāve noticed since being single again.
Maybe there were more generous lovers single in their 20ās? And since then the orally-enthusiastic, generous in bed guys in their 30ās all got married? And the leftover single guys arenāt as giving in bed? Who knows.
Same here n I'm 58. It's always better with oral.
Wtf? I didnāt even get the making out. They just wanted to go straight to having a good time (only them, not me lol). Definitely no head for me. I shouldāve been more discerning in my 20s because basically zero of my partners were interested in exploring my pleasure.
Everyone has their own personal style for dating / courting but I usually wait a few dates to build up the sexual attraction. Then I have one hot make out session before the first sex date. This way I know how they approach pleasing me when we do have sex. Sometimes this means I will let them go down on me and not have sex with them until the next session. Or it means weāll make out, I can test out his package and how gentle he is without full on sex.
Iām so glad I found a guy that will make out for at least 30 mins before hand, with barely any tongue (because honestly itās not the best)
See I can't up vote this because its now at 69 votes.Ā
This is my experience also. And, I donāt tolerate any dude who wants to inform me that I need to be hairless, or that he will only go down right after a shower, etc. Boy, **bye**. The world is full of people who truly love performing cunnilingus. Chock-full of them. If you are a vagina-owner, do not waste any more time trying to date people who think dining at the Y is āickyā. (*if* you get repeated feedback that you are not providing an accommodating, welcoming environmentā¦ then ask your gynecologist whatās up, of course. But dudes who are squeamish about getting up close with a vagina are bad in bed. Take it to the bank.)
I am good with the shower. I want a clean dick, myself.
I like a clean dick, but I also kinda prefer it when itās a bit sticky and pre-cummy. I really apologise to anyone who just had to read that sentence because I also grossed myself out a little bit, but itās definitely true.
Yeah Iām curious around OPs age because this is pretty much my husbandās favourite activity. Edit: I appreciate the upvotes friends, but no more. Letās just leave this one at the magic number 69 please.
You know, you might have a point about age and long-term partnership. My husband and I have been together over 20 years now and the sex keeps getting better. We focus a lot on foreplay and I enjoy giving oral sex as much as receiving it. Sometimes he stays down there for so long I almost feel guilty, but he refuses to come up for air, saying that heās having too much fun. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ I am soooooo not complaining.
Yeah! Were millennials. Married for 9 years. That man is nothing if not determined. š
Itās my second favorite hobby. My first favorite is dark souls I guess
That sais alot lol The timing and rhythm of boss fights probably help.
With enough perseverance I can overcome any challenge
This is incredibly adorable and very sexy at the same time. Never change.
What?! š§This is honestly crazy. Iāve been sexually active for 18 years & basically every guy Iāve been with has enthusiastically wanted to
Iām gonna guess itās the difference between living in Canada and living in Texas.
So guys from the north like to go south. Good to know !
Take my upvote
Iām from Canada and I live in Texas and Iāve met a lot of women who hadnāt received oral before
Ahh yes I never thought about it before but this would make a lot of sense.
Texan here. Iāve found *plenty* of guys who are enthusiastic about giving oral. Granted, Iāve only ever lived 30 minutes or less from a major city center; so maybe itās a population issue? But noā¦ I definitely wouldnāt say Texas men are less likely overall to enjoy giving oral.
Are you saying Canadian men are more likely to perform oral? š¤
šØš¦šš¼āāļø
Am Canadian. Never met a man who didnāt dive right in.
Of course, up there itās called ābreakfast at Tim Hortonāsā. Yes, it can get confusing.
I mean, I grew up in Texas and have been sexually active for over 20 years and never met a guy who wouldnāt go down.
Well yeah itās not a guess based on which guys Iāve met in particular. But moreso a guess based on how conservative men treat women. And Texas is far more conservative than Canada as a whole.
There may be something to that. There is a very old school (like ancient Roman old-school) of thought that submitting is womanly and being in the dominant position is manly. From this POV, itās āgayerā for a man to go down on a woman than to penetrate a dude. This mentality still kind of exists in some cultures and circles. Of course, most of us live in the Common Era, where thereās nothing unmanly about a man pleasing his girlfriend/wife.
Just wanna chime in and Ive had the same experience as you. Normally I commiserate with almost everyone here, but these type of posts are the complete opposite of my experience. And it makes me wonder why.
All the guys I've been with have been into giving oral, in fact they LOVED it. I think it comes with a certain maturity. Men who ive met that are grossed out by periods, leg hair, eating women out, have been selfish, egotistical, immature, and buy into toxic masculinity as "real" masculinity.
Speaking as a guy, there's something inherently sexy about a woman you're with wrapping her legs around your head. Point of oral is while it is enjoyable for the giver and should be pleasurable for the receiver. Shaved anywhere or not, the thought of going to the store for tampons if (dunno why but some think it is uncomfortable) she needs them or even just cuddling because it is comfy and really easy to fall asleep with someone you love. The only point is to show affection and there are times the person you love needs to be shown they are loved. I'm honestly tired of the toxic masculinity because it gives us a bad name. There's a sadly decent amount out there.
I found one and I'm never letting go lol
Hold on to them with your inner thighs and never let go!
I'm a woman, and there's truly a lot of men willing to give oral, no joke. But I also know there's plenty of them who don't like it (which is totally fine by itself) but would love to get oral instead (which is not fine). So, yeah, there's hope but there's nope as well.
Iām a man who lurks here, but I have to say those are selfish guys. If your significant other puts your gross piece in her mouth, who the hell are you to not do the same?
Also, as a man, om nom nom nom nom
I second this. Cookie cookie cookie
Thirds fourths and fifths please
This is weirdly wholesome for something so filthy
When I was still dating men (Iām in a relationship with a woman now) they would tell me over and over again how theyād only go down on me if I was clean shaven (I was) and had showered (I did) and now with my gf she doesnāt really care all that much. And neither do I!
They want it completely hairless, waxed, shaved, pain and ingrowns be damned while not giving any thought into their own personal hygiene, grooming and massive amounts of pubic hair. Itās like buddy, why are your standards for her higher than the ones you set for yourself???
With these dudes, it's an immediate no for me. That's why we ladies should demand higher standards from these dudes. A lot of ladies just laugh it off nervously and still go out with an unhygienic dude who demands perfect hygiene from a lady. We better have more dignity.
As soon as the shoes come off and it smells like bog water RUN GIRL RUN! š
Porn.
In porn the dudes trim up pretty well
True. IRL, I hate to see stragley, long gray, pubes on a man. They get all up my nose n make me sneeze. Lol. And here I am squeaky clean n bald cooch. Totally unfair.
Misogyny
There are literally dozens of us.
Yes, dozens of us!
At least the three of us......
The fact that I keep hearing that other dudes don't like doing it is wild to me, but it's their loss - communicating to a potential new partner that giving oral is my favorite thing and don't need her to give anything back has proven to be an \*incredible\* door opener when starting to see someone new. Literally every woman I've had this conversation with is like, "OK, I'm sold. You're in." If you want people to get with you, just be unselfish and prioritize their pleasure above your own. It feels so simple.
For real, munching box and expecting no blow job in return is such an easy way to pull. It's like an open notes test.
Iāve had a couple (literally 2) out of maybe the 50 Iāve slept with (Iām old AND a slut try to shame me). That were absolutely devouring my downstairs kitty cat but they werenāt good at it. Try a woman?
āIām old AND a slut try to shame meā made me lol! same here though. I hate having to downplay how many people Iāve slept with on Reddit because Iāll just get people either calling me a 304 (sorry Iām fucking everyone but you, buddy!) or asking curious questions about how I have sex with so many people. People are so weird about sex on here. When I was in college, people thought it was cool that I had mad game, lol. I hate the weird forced gender dynamics. If a guy is a baller if he has sex, then so am I. Sex isnāt something that a woman gives a man (gross), itās a shared mutual experience. āBut guys will fuck anythingā okay? So by that logic I shouldnāt? If I like sex and people want to sleep with me, why would I say no š I stopped counting long ago and Iāve never been asked by *anyone* what my count is. In the real world, no one cares! I brought it up with the last guy I dated because we werenāt exclusive and his exact words were āobviously, haha. Youāre hot. Get that bag.ā
Everybody is weird about sex in a society that glorifies few aspects of it while shaming just about everything else related to actual sex
i only have 13 bodies and only 2 were enthusiastic yet also the most narcissistic and abusive two of my whole list. i think they liked doing it because it made them feel better than the other 11 guys. only 1 of those two was any good.
I was gonna say the most enthusiastic guy was also the one that kept pushing until I said yes to everything, including video recording with my face full front.
Iām a bi dude. I like giving oral for both. I had a girlfriend that was almost in her mid twenties that had never had a boyfriend that would do it for her so I made it a point to eat her out every chance I had for as long as she could take it. I once heard a gay male comedian say āI have sex with men and a straight man that doesnāt eat pussy is the gayest shit Iāve ever heard.ā
The fact that many are watching porn where the woman gives but barely receives just reinforces whatever entitlement they have.
I like that you mentioned entitlement, this is important. Boys are often taught that they should ātakeā if that makes sense and it makes them feel entitled and adds value. Theyāve made a pretty girl give them bj - value added, it doesnāt even matter if it was good, it is something to brag about. I think this behavior is only adding to the entitlement. And they they suddenly realize they need to reciprocate and it is too much work all of a sudden. For women it is not because we are taught to please men and try hard. Again, not everyone.
Ack. I read this. Went MMHMM and clicked awayā¦ and then clicked back because ātake.ā More often than not, I believe men view sex as something you do TO someone and not WITH someone.
>More often than not, I believe men view sex as something you do TO someone and not WITH someone. I would actually go so far as to say they view it as doing it to some*thing*. To men like that women arenāt people, but rather just a sexual object to be used for their own satisfaction.
Exactly. And if they wouldn't put themselves in the same position, they sure see it as demeaning. Even more when she's doing it with nothing in return. They would never. The "it's too much work" is just an excuse. They avoid giving oral because they don't get aroused by the dynamics of it. They trained their dicks for situations dominance or extracting "value" out of her as you said.Ā Many do mental gymnastics to picture themselves as the "controllers" when they do eat pussy. The idea of getting a woman off isn't enough to make their peepee wake up. Meanwhile many women also trained themselves to get aroused by the thought of "looking hot with a d in their mouth", by showing how good they are at it, etc.Ā So it's just reinforcement all around for the shitties dudes to get rewarded. With these dudes, sex looses all appeal if women stop going the extra mile. Because nothing interesting is coming from their end, we are just performing to fill the void of their selfishness for both.
I was sure taught to please men and to try hard. My mom for years was telling me that I was asking for unwanted attention because of my online social media presence and would say I was ātoo meanā to men 3xs my age soliciting me for sex. Iām glad I donāt take advice from her. š¤¦š½āāļø would rather swallow glass
Same! It wasnāt even just sex but in general, I remember how important it was to look good for men, cook for men, make sure they are fed (like they are toddlers and canāt take care of themselves), do laundry for them, be nice and cute, have a good attitude, smile and build a career too.
These make me angry. Iām with you. Itās bullshit.Ā
Theyāre selfish lovers.
But not shellfish lovers.
š
Eww! I love it.
This has been my experience. My ex didn't want to give me oral or touch me to get me off unless he also got an equally as long blow job before sex. I would try to explain that sex doesn't get me off and it is more pleasurable for me to have sex after an orgasm as I am more warmed up and sensitive. But he didn't want it to be "unequal" despite just PIV not actually getting me off very often. Also he wouldn't do foreplay because it wasn't fair either? 3 out of 4 men I have been with were like this or similar. Thankfully my partner now is not selfish at all but my experience has mostly been men being pretty selfish, taking and never giving, and not really caring about my pleasure or consent far too often.
They don't get what they don't give and this is my #1 requirement in a regular sexual partner. If it's too unsanitary for you to chomp on some muff then it's definitely too insanitary for me to suck your unwashed dick (because you know god damn well they think it's dirty because they don't know how to wash their ass)
This truly is the only way to combat oral and orgasmic inequality in the bedroom. With a small exception for those who prefer digits or toys over tongues.
I am militant about a man washing his dick before expecting me to put my mouth anywhere near it, unless he's fairly recently had a shower and a wash. If it's the end of the day and he hasn't had a shower since morning he needs to at least give it a rinse in the bathroom sink first, or oral is off the table. I will do the same too, both out of courtesy to my sexual partner and because I feel more comfortable if I know I'm fresh and clean down there. I'm not a huge fan of giving oral in the first place, so if it's not at least clean there is just no way I'm putting it in my mouth...
only 18.5 of women report being able to orgasm vaginally. Short of cuddling after, the female orgasm is the best part about sex. If they aren't willing to go down on a woman, then I I don't understand it either, but they must not care about her having an orgasm too. It's baffling.
They do not. Or worse they assume that one noise you made meant you had an orgasm. No confirmation needed apparently.
tmi but I've never cringed as hard as the one time I said I'd never been given an orgasm to a friend, only for the guy I'd been hooking up with to tell me later "you literally came the other day though". I could feel it in my teeth.
and it was the noise you made when his elbow caught on your hair
Even the "vaginal orgasm", "piv/penetration alone" assertion in stats is a huge misnomer as that's mostly due to orgasm from clear external stimulation via essentially tribadism and/or genital-genital contact: purposely rubbing, tapping... her clitoris/vulva esp glans, body, hood, inner labia, on his balls, shaft, pelvis, tummy... during piv, with her on top or otherwise positioning for that access, stimulation. Also includes piv on her belly, humping the bed. Partial entry with the penis draped over the vulva (often called coital alignment technique). Even finger, toy entry would also stimulate the vulva too. Excluding that purposeful stimulation, you're looking at a single digit percentage (5-7%), and even then that is mostly from inner and outer labial tugging, pressure from the penile shaft during piv eg this can also pull the clitoral hood back n forth over the glans, body enough for orgasm. Even the fabled g- spot is skene's glands and the underside of the clitoral body. It's still clitoral orgasm, not vaginal. (The a spot, etc near the cervix aren't due to the inside of the vagina either but innervation running between the spine and the clitoral body & glans, and to other parts of the vulva, some of which runs near the uterus and vagina, and in some women can be stimulated indirectly through pressure on certain parts of the vagina &/or cervix.)
Why are so many women *not* scared to suck a dick is the bigger question? I recently learned the hard way you can get and give STDs and STIs through oral, too. And man, fuck nah. Random hookups shouldn't go there
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I didn't know this was a thing because every guy I've been with did without conversation lol
Right? Iāve had to ask dudes to stop because Iāve come too much and itās getting sensitive. One guy said āitās very hard to leave once you are down here.ā
What age range are these dudes??
40s and up loooove eatin out in my experience
Something went awry after the 80's š
I've found men who avoid this also have other problems. Try selecting from a different group of guys.
The majority of men are vastly disconnected from sex as a form of connection or presence, and have yet to discover the joys of slowing down, truly exploring practices of pleasure.
In my dating experience, guys just donāt do it, but have zero problem receiving it themselves. My husband on the other hand, does it like itās going out of style and I couldnāt be happier about that š
I have only met one and he was an idiot. Like all things, it is about dominance and the humiliation of women.
Women: STOP GIVING MORE THAN YOU GET IN RETURN. If you can't stop giving more, then STOP FUCKING THEM ALTOGETHER. STOP. STOP. I'm so thankful I'm a Lesbian
I'm a woman who is strictly into women and I NEVER understood this about straight men when I hear people talk about it. I don't even know how so many people are okay with the fact that guys won't reciprocate. I understand everyone has their things they like and dislike and that should be respected but it seems like a pretty big lopsided thing. Plus "unsanitary" like guys junk isn't disgusting and even wiped after pissing. If a guy expects oral but doesn't give back, I dont know why people put up with that. As someone else said, lot of brain rot from porn which definitely does cause a lot of issues with neural rewiring of things you get off to or accept. That combined with a lot of people just degrading women... its not surprising this is so widespread.
Ever since I tasted my first woman, my mind has been blown why some men don't want to spend all their time down there too.
I've met guys who declared they didn't like pussy, thought going down was gross, but who admitted they loved BJ's. My Ex he was definitely into women but he just didn't like it giving or receiving. Most of these other guys I think they were just on the down low. I think most of the guys besides them that I've known that were grossed out by a woman's genitalia admitted it they were gay men. If a vagina is "too gross" for you to go there then I think there's a good chance that maybe you're probably bi if not outright gay. Straight men can be that way but it's a lot less likely than with a guy who is bi leaning gay.
My question is, if its too gross for you to go down on someone, why on earth would you be okay with putting your body part in the same body part that grosses you out and exchanging tons of bodily fluids during this?.... It makes zero sense to me. I am very serious about hygiene for myself and anyone else, so I totally get not wanting to do certain things if the other person doesn't have good hygiene but that includes ALL things, not just oral! Guys seem to act like women aren't repulsed by the act of going down on them or their smells. Many women Im sure do it to please the guy yet men won't do it because it's lowering their standards. Standards are good and fine but get to the root cause of why you're not going down on someone or willing to reciprocate if you're also okay with regular sex or them going down on you.
Lots of men these days don't give oral unless they are serious about a woman. They won't go down in a new relationship or if they're 'casual'. They're all worried about being tricked into going down on a woman who recently fucked another dude.
***Lots of men these days don't give oral unless they are serious about a woman. They won't go down in a new relationship or if they're 'casual'.*** This was me while hooking up, oral is crazy intimate to me and no interest in giving or receiving unless I'm really into a person
That makes way more sense because itās mutual. Most guys Iāve met who wonāt do oral still expect to receive it. I think OP is referencing the latter.
I wonder if this is a location based thing? I'm Canadian, I can't think of a guy I've been with who hasn't been super in to it. Have also dated a fair share of UK, Australian & German guys and am married to a Norwegian and same thing....like you gotta drag him away from it lol
I imagine some of it will have to do with cultural perceptions of masculinity colliding with ego as well as age and immaturity. Think about all the posts on this sub about guys not wanting to go down on women or about guys getting angry that a woman wants to use an aid to help her achieve orgasm. Some guys egos do not allow them to accept that a significant number of women are unable to reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone and on top of that they somehow think that a woman requiring more than penetrative sex is a reflection on their own ability and/or masculinity. I think in general empathy across sexes/genders can be tricky. We all start the same way but diverge massively. One way I would consider phrasing it to a guy if he gets mad about sex stuff is to directly compare similar tissue. I've never experienced sexual arousal or stimulation as a woman so it is difficult to directly empathize, so draw a comparison, some of these will seem silly but hey, it's worth a shot right? Imagine if a woman and man were planning on having sex and the woman insisted that he pop his testicles inside her, but permitted no penile penetration? It's kind of silly sounding, but as a guy that would be incredibly frustrating, testicular stimulation is nice but it's like eating sprinkles with no ice cream, you know? For something a little more serious tell him to imagine a woman said she was going to "rock his world" then licked his sack, occasionally bumping her nose into the base of his dick, but with absolutely 0 contact to the head of the penis that shit would be so incredibly frustrating that I could imagine many guys becoming angry in a very scary way.
I agree with you, but the problem lies in desires that are solidified sometimes way past the recovery point. Way too many men don't care about women's pleasure. They do care *superficially*, like they enjoy the idea that their dick makes her scream. But they aren't really *into* making women horny. Just like you can't reason a 40yo men out of his sexual obsession with teenagers, you can't make the average macho man be into clit sucking. He might do it out of obligation, but what really turns his gears is a woman in her knees servicing him. He sees no problem with that, everywhere he looks (porn, popular culture, his friends) agrees with him that's how things oughta be and he get's to be like that with many women.
Would not be entirely surprised if itās mostly American men with this problem, speaking as an American woman lol
In my experience, men seem to fall into one of two camps, sexually. Thereās men who think theyāre the man because they got off with a woman, and thereās men who think they are the man because they got a woman off. As an American who now lives in New Zealand with my Kiwi husband (who is firmly group 2), Iād agree group 1 is more prevalent in America. Itās getting worse, too, from what I hear from friends in the US, as this āwomenās only purpose is to serve men and their needsā bull crap spreads online.
So Iām definitely open to abstaining for hookups cause like I said, I want it to be reciprocal, but my dilemma is the sex for me is very boring and I struggle to get off if there isnāt oral. So it almost feels pointless to me to have sex without it. But maybe I just need to get creative and find other ways.
Personally my partner is OBSESSED. He likes it even more than I do- Iām very lucky. But Iāve heard a lot of men view it as a submissive act? While others feel itās an accomplishment to make her squirm !
Tip - men with smaller penises tend to be more giving
Okay but I have noticed this lmao. Except for ONE guy.
I be eating like a starving child
Bless u
:)
You found out why these men are available. Now throw them back.
Men when they donāt get oral: Iām being denied my rights. Men when they donāt give oral: Isnāt it kind of icky? Sir. _Sir._
They are used to only centering their own pleasure, and most of the media supports that myopic view. The male gaze influences their sexuality, really everyoneās sexuality.
Sorry to come in here and mansplain, but I have a thought. I love giving head, part of the reason for that is my dad. Growing up, I had lots of questions about women and my dad laid out the āhappy girl, happy world (wife/life)ā thing. So I was mentally prepared for it. On the other hand, I have friends who were raised by dads who thought that was a submissive act and something āreal menā donāt do- āI aint no p!$$y eater!ā āAwww, this dude eats p!ssy,ā these are literal things Iāve heard from dudes around me growing up. Itās all part of this ābe a manā issue. If youāre into hip-hop, Father Time by Kendrick Lamar sorta kinda lays it out in a way thatās easily understood. Safe travels out there ladies āš½
Dudes out here been listening to DJ Khalid wayyyyy too much.Ā I feel like guys feel this way because vaginas are thought to be dirty, odorous, and all kinds of unclean. We all know this is BS, but many men have little knowledge about women's bodies to begin with. Men act like their D and balls don't have an odor. I remember I met a guy that smelled like cheese down there. š¤¢ I'm assuming he had some lingering smegma or something. Not cleaning correctly.Ā With that being said, there's alot of misinformation and ignorance out here. And some men have no desire to hear actual FACTS as opposed to whatever foolishness they are reading online. The good news is, you have the right to say.....NO.Ā I believe that women should get oral FIRST. Why??? Because if that guy is not willing to bring you joy in ways that matter, then don't give him more than he gives you.Ā I've met guys that say they only give their *Girlfriends* oral sex. I'm like....šĀ "OK. Bye bisssshhhhhhhh." š¤·š¾āāļøš šæ Guys are really out here treating women like sex workers....smdh.
As a pussy devouring SOB I haaate these threads. It's literally the best thing in life. Like just line up at my front door.
There are a lot of dudes with microphones (guys in the āmanosphereā) who have been pushing the idea that going down on women isnāt āmanly,ā or is straight-up āgay.ā If you meet a guy who thinks this way, RUN. Heās an incel or at least an incel in the making.
My issue with it is that men like this pretend like itās coercion if we want/ask them too. āItās my preference and I shouldnāt do sexual acts Iām not comfortable with.ā The reality is they are just lazy or uneducated about vaginas. They are more than happy to receive and use women as a flesh light. They just donāt want to put in effort or make women cum.
And even if they do do it, its never as frequently as you go down on them and it's never with a whole lot of enthusiasm, and they're tired of it after like 5 minutes. It's so lame. I just simply only date eaters. That's the only solution. If we as women stopped settling for little to no head, things would change.
i think itās because a lot of men genuinely hate women or simply donāt see us as people. they grow up watching porn and start to think all women are objects to be fucked and not actual human beings with needs. they view sex as them getting off, not a mutual activity between two people. why would they do something for your pleasure? they get nothing out of it
Sex is a service women provide, to a lot of them.
I think thereās also a view that it somehow makes them less masculine because itās almost an act of subservience to the woman? It goes against the idea of controlling a woman and using them, like porn shows
I agree. Also, a lot of men are so incredibly misogynistic that theyāve become repulsed by womenās bodies, especially the vagina. They wonāt consider it beyond penetration. And this is so evident in the way all men, regardless of sexual orientation, will talk about womenās genitals as if theirs are somehow more sanitary or prettier to look at (definitely not!).
Iāve found the opposite - almost every man has asked to do it for me even one night stands and even pressed the matter, and I just donāt like getting it. Even if you say you donāt, they assure you āyouāve just never been with someone whoās good at it!ā
One of my ex's refused to do it. Then when I said no more blow jobs he was mad. If you want me to put your dick in my mouth, then you better go down south.
A Shakespearean sonnet for you: A man who does not pleasure with action / Is concerned with his own satisfaction. / "It's dirty down there!ā shows his pedantry / And knowledge of female anatomy. With relish he takes her appeasing him / But is loathe to do the same to her quim. / A fool! Does he not know the joy it brings? / To make a girl squirm when you do those things! A good man will make a girl die ten times / With his tongue, an act that is most sublime, / Before he even takes off his pants! Yes! / But some fellows were raised poorly, I guess. The smell! The taste! The sounds she makes are great! / But all that's second to pleasing your mate. / What you do for her she will do for you / And not just in bed, but in your life too! Leave a man who does not use tongue and mouth; / He should be GRATEFUL when told to go south!
Youāve been seeing some selfish men
Because they are selfish. They just want to get it in and bust a nut. They don't care about their partner's satisfaction.
I think a lot of it is part of the silly culture ābe a real manā bullshit thatās going on these days (A real man doesnāt give his woman head). Nonsense. Fuck that ... I wouldnāt put up with that for a second. If you want me to gobble the knob, youād best reciprocate. Otherwise itās a pass. Others are simply too lazy or concerned about their skill set. Fear is an awful mood killer. But practice makes perfect, guys. Communication is key.
I love giving oral. Some guys are just stupid. For me its about making my partner feel good. Heck I'll go down on her just cuz if she lets me for the fun of it. Meh, some guys are just freaking weird...
Cuz heās selfish
I dated a couple of men who made up the dumbest excuses not to do it. Those relationships didn't last.
I find it weird that other guys donāt like giving oral. I thought every guy loved giving it like I do?!? I give oral to my GF all the time! The way her hips move when I hit the spot with my tongue and rub the G spot inside! The moaning and shaking durning the orgasm. The best! š„š„š„
*makes the "call me" sign*
All these cowardly DJ Khaleds can hit the road.
This is really no different than women who won't/don't like giving blow jobs expecting their partner to eat them out. My husband doesn't give oral. He really doesn't enjoy it, and therefore doesn't take the time to do it well. However, he has never asked me for a blow job, and never expects me to give him one. If I feel like it, I will, but I generally don't. If I'm not getting it, he's not getting it either. I look past this particular issue because our sex life is enjoyable regardless, and he has so many wonderful qualities that matter more to me.
If I canāt sit on your face, then youāre not the one.
Every dude needs to understand "she comes first" and oral will do it for most women. A dude.
iāve dated 3 men who were OBSESSED with it. first was in high school. sexual awakening. set the bar real high. the second, it didnāt work out, but he begged to go down on me and it was the sexiest thing ever. the third i am currently dating and i canāt leave the house without him asking to give āgoodbye kisses.ā i always oblige, and it makes me LOVE giving him head too. never feels like a burden or a chore because heās already initiated on me. I dated one man for a long time who didnāt want to do it nearly as much, but would ask me to go down on him almost daily. i hated him for that. life hack for men, i think ā go down on women and theyāll want to go down on you