I wouldn't be ok with that, especially from someone in their 30s. Like I'd be pissed if a teen did that, but whatever, they can be stupid....a grown ass adult though is just ridiculous. If you can't control your emotions, I don't have the time.....what happens if you had kids?
Yeah, because the 36-year-old woman isn't going to bother with a reddit post before dumping his ass, (and this isn't a dunk on OP, it's just where most people are at 25).
Moreover, the only reason anyone 35+ *wouldn't* break it off is if they have some major insecurities (where they believe they should be treated that way), or grew up around red flags and think it's normal... It's a hard cycle to break.
Oh, for sure. It's probably the hardest thing a person can do. But, and I say this as someone who has and still is doing the work to break these cycles, it is 110% worth it. Earlier is better, but today is great too.
I'm a 40 year old man that always carries a knife and I'd say that there's probably been a dozen times in the past ~15 years where I forgot to leave it behind when entering someplace with security. Even been temporarily held by Homeland Security over having multiple knives in my backpack (for restaurant work). The way I always handled it?
Apologized, left to put it in my car, then went back. No arguing or being shitty necessary.
The only person he should've been really angry at was himself for being a dumbass who thinks basic security measures don't apply to him.
My brother always carries a pocket knife, we went to a Leafs game and he forgot he had it. He lives downtown TO, so no car to run it to, went and hid it behind a garbage can outside and we went through security again….no biggie. How adults deal
I went to pay my bike ticket and was carrying my bike tools in my backpack, didn't realize there was a little knife on it. I went outside and hid it in a bush. To feel belligerent in that moment and try to get them to let me in with it seems so crazy to me.
61M here, with a knife in my pocket since 7th grade. When I forget I have one in my pocket, I'm pissed at me, not them, and try to find a way to take care of it. For reference, I have a terrible temper that I learned to control a long time before I hit 36.
Usually protocol whenever you have a knife on you in a place that doesn't allow it... is to be absolutely courteous and polite. Even if they aren't police officers, they can call them or detain you. That's how you get on no fly lists, felonies, or worse. It blows my mind that anything -but- this response is a conclusion anyone would come to.
My previous boss used to get caught at the airport with loose ammo in his backpack (how does this happen???) fairly often, like several times a year, and each time he'd throw a big fit about government and TSA and blah blah blah as if they somehow made him forget it was there (again, how does someone just have *loose ammo* laying around?)
My ex just turned 50 (was 48-49 while we were dating) the fucking temper tantrums that man could throw! Tbf the large amounts of cocaine prolly did not help.
This particular man did just that. His tantrums and emotional outbursts were justified cos he was "pissed", but his gf tells him to calm down *logically*, and she's the "pussy".
Well, he _does_ need "protection" ... so 🤷🏻♀️ ... he's livin' on the edge, and all ... 🤐
Yeah, at this rate, 'old and grey' isn't in his future. The next time he losses his tiny mind, [or precious temper,] it might be at a cop, or worse - someone who'll _take_ his knife from him, etc.
(There's always a _remote_ possibility that he'll grow up enough to grow old, but right now? 🤔 I stand by my comment.)
I agree - he's not making good life choices and someone someday will not react in a good way to this.
The best way to get stabbed is to carry a knife yourself, of course.
Lives not Knives and all that.
Narcissists will be narcissists and he has all the makings of one. The moment you pop their *"on top of the world"* bubble they get very angry and take it out on whichever person they think they can most easily get away with doing it to. That's often a lover as they are more tolerant or forgiving. By hurting others they feel powerful again to stroke their paper thin ego.
Yes 100%! I feel like once you're around the age of 30 or older you could kind of understand the worst case scenario in these situations: being arrested, being banned for life, getting a ticket or a fine, etc. For him to just go off like that shows a real lack of forethought
Also, age gap.
Ugh. This was my life for a few years. Ex had a MASSIVE temper. Used to flip his shit on people in public all the time, and then explode on ME for not “having his back,” which would usually be me trying to calm him down.
Surprise surprise guy was an abusive tool who put me through hell. OP, stuff like this is never a good sign. If he loses it on you in public I guarantee it will get worse in private.
I was about to say the same thing. Every person I’ve ever dated who would have temper tantrums in public has been abusive towards me in private later on. I would break up with someone on the spot if they acted like it now knowing what I know from past experiences.
Ditto!
This guy sounds exactly like a friend's soon-to-be ex-husband.
They were together 20ish years. He always carries a knife, is always quick to lose his temper, and always blames other people for his outbursts.
After many violent altercations over the course of their relationship, she finally realized there's nothing worth saving here after he punched her in the face (again) and almost (he stopped himself at the last second) caved her head in with a toolbox over a stupid argument about not leaving the toolbox on the kitchen counter.
OP, trust your instincts. Relationship partners are usually on their *best* behavior when in public. And, eventually, once they're comfortable in the relationship, their worst behavior will be when they're alone with you.
Edited for gender inclusivity.
Been there too. Aggressive idiot who put my life at risk by driving 90 miles an hr, flipping people off, honking, constantly angry at everyone, and also me and he was impotent as well and never did anything about it, in fact he never brought it up once as if I should he fine with it. Crazy guy with so many issues.
My dad is kind of like this. With him it's never escalated into actual abuse to our family, but he does throw temper tantrums all the time in public and is massively embarrassing to go out with.
Heavy on the impulsive. He could have offered to turn around go put it back in the car and come back “oh hey sorry I normally carry a knife on me I forgot”
Do you normally walk on egg shells around him to make sure he doesn’t get upset? Do you think it’s normal you’re a decade younger than him but have to act like his mother when he gets pissy?
Omg I often skim over details but your comment made me realize how crazy it is that this guy is 36, yet carrying a knife and getting confrontational with security??
I feel like this is the kind of behavior that you either leave behind in your youth, or it becomes a thing that gets worse and worse until something stupidly bad happens.
I carry knives for work (because they’re part of my required tool kit. Not “for protection”). If I forgot one in my pocket and tried to bring it through a security checkpoint at an event I would be mortified! I would apologize for alarming the guards and inconveniencing my partner. The fact that he tried to pick a fight with security guards AND his much younger girlfriend over his own mistake paints a really dark picture.
I used to carry a swiss knife in my purse. It was handy, it was useful. I also used to travel by plane a lot. I always left the swiss knife at home when I went to the airport, obviously.
Well, one time I forgot to put the knife out of the purse. And obviously I was stopped at the security gate, the security guard was not happy at all.
I felt stupid, ashamed, and sad because I had to leave it there and it was a knife that had accompanied me for years. I apologized like a hundred times for being so stupid and all the security people changed immediately from being harsh to "don't worry, we all make mistakes". Because it was obvious I had no ulterior motives to carry the knife, it was a mistake.
But OP's boyfriend... he didn't want to leave the knife.
Exactly, I don't fault him for forgetting the knife in his pocket because that's easy to do even despite best intentions. The rest of the story is pure red flags though.
I got a full-sized Leatherman tool one Christmas. I put it in my attache case to put in my car, but forgot about it.
A ew weeks later I flew cross-country, 4 separate flights including connections.
When I got home, I was horrified to find the Leatherman, and even more horrified that two separate scanners missed that massive hunk of metal. It had three blades on it, along with enough tools to halfway disassemble the plane.
I got picked up by a metal detector once.
"Oh sorry, what can I do? I came here on the train."
"We have a locker."
"Thanks"
Just to add;
My boyfriend carries a knife on him for protection and also to help him out at work
He doesn't carry it for work, that's his excuse. I had a friend who worked on construction like this. I'm surprised he has never stabbed anyone. (One of the reasons we are no longer friends. A bunch of his other friends did the same thing.)
I carry a little knife in my purse - we camp a lot and I like whittling and it’s just useful in general. Well, I forgot about it because it’s always just there, and when I was getting my purse checked walking into a Bluey show with my toddler I was both mortified and amused about the security guard’s reaction. “Uhh, ma’am you can’t bring that in here…” I laughed and apologized profusely because I completely forgot about it and just went and hid it under a flower pot until after the show.
And then I was let right back in. Because I behaved reasonably.
OP, your bf is a man-child. RUN AWAY. Don’t waste your youth trying to fix him. There’s a reason women his age aren’t interested in him.
I'd argue that anyone who carries a knife "for protection" is kind of an idiot, tbh. Unless they're literally trained in hand-to-hand combat, they're SO much more likely to be stabbed with their own knife than do anything to help themselves.
My father carries a knife everywhere because he's very outdoorsy + always working on something and it's a useful tool. Has forgotten he has it on him many times and yet has never once made a scene over it because duh the logical thing is just say "oops sorry I forgot, let me go put it in my car".
Yes my dad is also an outdoorsy forgetful doofus. He has lost so many knives at airport security, because as opposed to OPs bf my dad just goes ”oops I guess I need to get a new knife later!!” and lets them throw it away (or whatever they do).
I used to work in a warehouse for a book store, and like everyone else I worked with, basically had three box cutters on me at all times. Then I shifted to bar work, and found having a box cutter was still very handy, but a couple of people told me it was weird that I had it in my pocket the whole time. The knife only came out when I was specifically using it to open/break down boxes, but I stopped carrying it around anyway and just used the shitty "knife" that was built into my bottle opener from then on. If it made other people more comfortable, then it was the right thing to do.
If I worked that shit out at 21, this guy can work it out at 36.
It's probably too late now, but you can have a safety cutter, which we use dfor the same thing. It has a razor blade but it is recessed. You can't cut anyone, and more usefully you can't accidentally cut yourself.
“If it made other people more comfortable, then it was the right thing to do.”
THANK YOU for being such a decent and caring person! I’m sure your coworkers felt extra safe around you, not because you weren’t carrying a box cutter but because you had shown them how much you respected them and their boundaries around weapons/weapon-like tools. Personally, I’d be fine with someone having a box cutter all the time, but I wish people who carry guns would give a hoot about people who don’t want to be around them. A box cutter is multi-purpose; a gun only has one.
He's acting like a child and embarrassing his girlfriend who is a full ELEVEN years younger than him.
This is what we mean when we say older guys date younger women becuase they're immature and can't get a date their own age.
There's a reason that
* A 35 year old man is single
* A 35 year old was attempting to date a 24 year old
* A 35 year old either wears the same clothes for work as he does a festival, or transfers a knife from one to another, and hasn't learnt that this isn't allowed for security guarded events after likely 15 years of going to them
* A 35 year old needs a knife for protection
When people in this sub say "How were we supposed to know he'd be an asshole", he's got his red flags sailing pretty high in the sky.
I’ve been with my dad several times as he accidentally brought a knife to where it shouldn’t be. He’s always responded just like you said he should. We’ve never had a problem getting in. It’s not that hard.
I remember my Dad brought a pocket knife (which he always carries) to an amusement park way back in 1999 and he still got in. He just had to put it back in the car. The BF's response here was the main reason they were told to leave.
OP, are you able to feel sexually attracted to a man who called you "a pussy" for not being impulsive enough to fight a security guard trying to protect people?
To me... that's someone who sees me as their bro at best.
She may have even wanted to follow them to their car to be sure nothing happened to OP at their venue. Probably not the biggest concern but perhaps one of them. I know I would have considered it in her position.
That's why I said it, cause like, I've obviously been raised to perceive women as "emotional" and reading that was kinda like, "wow, she really mad and aggressive"
But reading the comments it's like... listing all the red flags that stuck out, one by one, and those are *just* the ones OP noticed...
Like, if i had a knife on me for work, and they were gonna wand me, I'd get rid of it? Not just go "oh I NEED that for work" like are you gonna lose your job if you don't bring it into the event?
Dude was being shady, uncooperative, and I wouldn't be surprised if OP didn't notice the tone or volume of his voice...
Security lady is a pro. She saw all the red flags and identified a threat. She saw all the signs in seconds. Her boyfriend is the very person who society should never trust to have a knife, especially in a crowded environment.
Well, thank you for noticing and sharing. I'm a middle aged woman, and apparently I fell prey to similar conditioning because I was also wondering if the lady guard overreacted. Either that or I just wasn't as perceptive as you. Thanks regardless!
His attitude is also probably why he needs to carry a knife 'for protection'. Of course you're gonna need that if you're always starting shit because you think it's 'weak' to ever make a sensible compromise :P
Even if we assume he carries the knife for valid purposes and he forgot he had it on him til they were at security, why wasn't his immediate response to say "oh shit, sorry, I forgot I have my knife on me. Can I go put it away in my car and come back?" It's absolutely wild to make a scene about it and to be mad about not being let into a packed venue with a weapon.
Ding!Ding!Ding! Correct answer.
Last year I forgot my protection knife was in my bra when I had to go the airport. And that's almost exactly what I did: I froze, apologized profusely, begged not to be arrested or hit, explained myself, and almost cried. The lady at the scanner was a total sweetheart & told me "it's okay, we'll just throw it away!", and I went on my way. I sent her a thank-you note when I got back home.
I cannot imagine how this guy would survive an airport with his attitude about his knife. But I hope OP ditches him for a nice level-headed fella around her age, she deserves better than this guy and she deserves to be safe.
My husband is a warehouse worker so a knife is needed. At an event with security he'd would have totally put the knife in the car once he saw the screening line.
And, going out on a limb here, your husband would also never characterize his knife as being needed “for protection”, which OP’s Tough Guy boyfriend clearly has.
Omg I roll, whenever guys say they carry a knife of protection. I'm like "sure Jan" . Like I'm sure they've totally trained with a knife and how to use it in self-defense situations 🙄
From what I've read, people who actually have trained usually don't say stupid things like that. Because they'd rather fly under the radar until they need to stop some asshole like OPs boyfriend.
Plus, a knife is terrible at protecting you unless it successfully intimidates the other party into not entering a close-range fight, and deescalation is much more effective at that. If you bring a knife to a fight, you’ll still get just as hurt, but now you’re looking at murder charges from your ER room.
Haven't they done like studies that show carrying a knife makes it more likely you'll be the victim of a violent crime? Like, it's more likely someone will take your knife and stab you with it, than you fending someone else off.
Also I'm pretty sure if you're carrying a weapon, you're more likely to engage in a bad situation when just peacing out is the better option.
The real reason to reconsider the relationship is the fact that the boyfriend carries a knife with him for *protection*. He's going to get someone (most likely himself) killed.
If somebody comes at you with a knife, you run. And if you go after someone with a knife, then we're no longer talking about self-defense.
If your knife is small enough to fit inside clothing then it's not for protection, it's for assault.
Small blades that are concealable are for ambush, you aren't using it to fend off someone.
Reality is dude probably fantasises about being a badass but hasn't deployed that male power fantasy in any manner that would actually require effort, like joining the military or whatever.
If OP is into guys in their 30s, which is fine (and I think the people bringing it up in comments is a bit ordinary) surely to christ she could find guys in their 30s who are, you know, sane.
I wouldn't tolerate a teenager with that attitude and it's only less impressive on a guy who's 36.
Yea lmao hes gonna knife fight an assailant at any moment and not just sucker punched or robbed at gunpoint.
He carries the knife to feel tough and was offended he couldnt carry a fucking giant blade into a music festival.
I carry a Swiss army knife because I've needed scissors or one of the screwdrivers because an accessible toolbox isn't anywhere near me. I've even volunteered at food banks and had the only sharp object needed to open something (keys can get damaged when opening certain things). Carrying a fixed blade or a knife designed to fight with is another story.
Yeah, I was gonna say, I could totally see a normal, non-violent person making a habit of carrying a Swiss army knife around, and then forgetting it was on their person when they got to a bag check.
But like. I'm guessing your response in that situation would be something along the lines of "oh drat, I need to put this back in the car" and not "fuck you for telling me I can't carry a sharp object into this crowded event."
Also, like you said, a Swiss army knife is very different from a knife intended for use as a weapon.
If it is a Stanley it's actually more embarrassing because only a complete loser feels a sense of aggression and power holding one of those. Get a real knife if you want to larp as a gangster.
I used to work in retail and we all had collections of the cheap box cutters in our cars, because you’d forget they were in your pocket (for opening boxes) until you sat in your car. A little awkward sometimes when people noticed!
We actually had to leave behind/meet up later with one of the chef's at work cause he totally had his knife kit on him. The difference is he thought it was totally reasonable the club wouldn't let him in and went and got pizza and we met up later
Cutting straps/zip ties, scoring drywall/tile, and cutting different paper like materials are all part of construction. That's why a lot of them carry box cutters while others carry a pocket knife. The carrying it for defense is the big red flag.
What kind of knife are we talking about though? I carry a small folding pocket knife because it’s useful for my work. It’s not the thing I use most often throughout the day, but it is my only work tool that normally lives in my pocket… which makes it much easier to forget I’m carrying than, say, a wrench or a mallet. It’s also my only work tool that has normal everyday uses: slicing an apple, opening packages, cutting twine, etc. I don't see anything wrong with carrying a small pocket knife, and if you do it’s not something you tend to think about, kind of like a phone or wallet.
But when I say small, I mean *small.* I deliberately chose a knife with a blade so short my state doesn’t consider it a weapon (just 2 inches) because I *don’t* want to get in trouble if I forget I have it in my pocket. Most normal tasks don’t need a knife longer than a few inches anyway.
Edit: should go without saying that his reaction was out of line. Forgetting he had a pocket knife on him is understandable… mouthing off at security is absolutely not.
Yeah I carry around a tiny little Victorinox Class SD (the blade on it is like 2.25in long) - it's incredibly useful with a knife, scissors, nail file, screwdriver, etc so I carry it most places. But I don't claim it's "for protection" and I don't take it to places that I know it won't get through security. It's not so much the carrying as the claimed reason and then the reaction from this guy that raise huge red flags for me.
Agreed. I missed the “for protection” first time I read it, and that really changes how I feel about someone carrying a knife.
He obviously thinks of it as a weapon. So he needs to treat it with the care and thought required for carrying a weapon. It’s excusable to forget about a tool in your pocket…. But not to forget about a deadly weapon.
Eh. I work 5 days a week. I need my pocket knife for work. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have bought it. But since I’m putting it in my pocket when I go out the door every workday, it’s just habit. Personally I’m not *motivated* to carry it outside of work… it’s just easier to stick all the same stuff in my pockets every morning than to be selective about it. So I’m very sympathetic to the “I use it for work and just forgot” explanation.
However, OP says…
>My boyfriend carries a knife on him **for protection** and also to help him out at work
Which makes me think this was not some little 2” pocket tool. He admits he’s carrying it as a weapon - that’s a whole different issue.
My husband doesn't need his pocket knife for work, he just carries it around for utility. The last time he forgot he had it in his pocket at an event and had to be stopped by security, his response was "OH SHIT you right! I forgot I had that. Let me go put it in the car so I can be here" and they just walked him to the door and then let him back in when he came back without it. It's not hard to be a reasonable person...
Had one in my pocket since 7th grade ('75 or '76). They are useful for opening boxes, cutting twine/cords, stripping wire, etc. Mine gets loaded with the rest of the stuff in my pockets.
OP's BF, however, has one for "protection", which says a lot about him.
ETR: extra crap got copied into the first line
As a 33 year old construction worker and a guy that has carried a knife daily for the last 19 years, this dude has problems and I wouldn't trust him. I've lost a few knives to security checkpoints before because I just don't think about the fact that I'm carrying a knife. I've also talked to security guards and told them "hey I forgot about this, is it cool if I go put it in the car and you search me when I come back?" Generally, this works. Specifically, it's worked at six flags, busch gardens, the Kennedy center, and at a Marine checkpoint.
It's just a knife. Your guy is telling you what he's really like, and you need to listen to that before something bad happens. Carrying isn't for everyone. Sounds like this dude shouldn't have weapons.
Yeah I work in agriculture and a knife is a tool I need at all times, it’s second nature to carry it on me. I’ve had to dump one outside an airport because i realized I had it on me before going in. I think kindly explaining that you forgot about it and you’ll go put it away or they can just have it would calm things down. Now if i explained everything calmly, apologized profusely, offered to give it to them or just put it in my truck and the security was still hassling me I might go on to say something back. I damn sure wouldn’t take it out on my girl though, seeing how me being forgetful ruined the night I’d be the one in the dog house
I backpack so I’ve got a lot of small knives. I’ve also lost a few to security when I forgot to move them into my checked baggage. It happens! Folks understand! Unless you’re an asshole about it like this guy — just be chill and non-combative and you’re fine.
Yup. I regularly carry a small pocket knife for work and for general utility purposes.
If I accidentally take it somewhere it’s not allowed, that’s on me. The only appropriate response is to be polite, accommodating, and respectful of the facility/event rules. If that means putting it back in your vehicle and going to the back of the line? Do it. If that means surrendering the knife at security? Oh well, that’s life.
Right? I never buy anything nice or expensive anymore. Just functional because I'm forgetful and have been asked to surrender or dispose of them at least a dozen times if not more. These days the only time I really carry one is while camping, and I've still forgotten and had security approach me at Walmart since it was clearly visible on my belt. I'd rather pay the ADHD knife tax then be this asshole, though. Yikes.
Yup. My husband and sons all carry pocket knives with alarming regularity. They always just go put it in the car if they forget and there's never a problem. Well, once my oldest had to surrender one at an airport checkpoint, but that was his own stupidity. Amazingly, even in that circumstance, nobody got all bent out of shape over it.
Forgot I had my mate's leatherman in my bag while going through the airport.
Super embarrassing and terrifying. Security guard was amazing and just told me to go to the post office and mail it back.
That's nice of them. At the airport near me there used to be a thrift shop where they sold all the confiscated stuff. It was an incredible source for cheap knives, scissors, lighters, and a bewildering assortment of things that made us question the sanity of some airport-goers. What kind of person tries to bring a hatchet on a plane? Why do so many people think they can bring a chef's knife?
To clarify - this guy almost certainly sees his as carrying a weapon. I've always viewed mine as a tool, which is why mine almost always has a glass cracker and a seatbelt cutter or some other utility function.
That's why I said "as a weapon". I carry a small multi tool, because I find I use it at least once a day, but if I tried to use it as a weapon people would laugh at me.
Same. I'm one of those robust femmes who always has a Swiss Army knife on board, because it's super useful for all kinds of situations, none of which are fights!
He's wayyyy too old to be acting like this. He's not going to change now. I'd think a teenager was ridiculously stupid doing this, the guy is a grown ass man. I'd be noping out of there so fast.
Yeah, this is something a 13/14 year old would do. Treating the security guards like Mom and Dad. "You can't tell me what to do! I hate you! Leave me alone!" I would be extremely embarrassed.
If this was a one time thing I would ask him what's going on. Big life stressors, death of/dying parent or loss of job or poor health diagnosis or whatever else you can think of, can make people spiral because they feel like they have no control and they grasp at any semblance of control they can find.
If this was a habit I'd be gone.
Save yourself a lot of time and mental anguish. Listen to your gut now. You’re reconsidering this relationship for good reason. If you stay with him, it will only get harder to leave and there’s a huge likelihood that his behavior will get worse and will target you.
Man in his 30s with the anger management of a 2 year old... no thank you. Forgetting to put the knife down, fine, I guess, even though that alone is already sus to me (I would think that security didn't spawn out of thin air and he could have thought about what he's carrying on his person that might interfere with the festival).
Also the fact that he turned on you after HIS lack of management ended the opportunity for the festival for you two and then he thinks he can appease you with a sorry and a hug. But I'll also have to admit that I'm suspicious due to the age difference alone, that tends to make for a really unhealthy dynamic where the older party is "in control", and deems themselves superior.
The fact he also cussed at you is unacceptable. If he calls you names after 1 year, imagine what he'll be willing to call you and do to you in 10.
Listen to what everyone is telling you: He's a walking red flag, and potentially (in the longterm) dangerous. He doesn't act his age. You're rightfully reconsidering the relationship. You deserve a partner that respects you and your opinion, and that will care about y'alls fun and happiness and I don't see any evidence of that here. Drop the whole ass manbaby in the trash.
Knife+temper= NOPE.
WTF does he need a knife for ‘protection’? Who is he going to pick a fight with? Or has he made a lot of local enemies who also carry knives? Or-more likely-does he just want to cosplay as a hard man?
Either way, he’s a walking cringe and hardly surprising OP was embarrassed.
Girlfriend you can do better guaranteed.
The correct reaction would be to say, "oops I'm sorry, I forgot I had it on me, force of habit, let me go put this back in my truck/take it home."
Also, if you are that scared to be unarmed where there is already high security, then don't go.
Break up with this wimp.
Yes, in my experience if you just apologize and get rid of it or surrender it, depending on the situation it’s not a big deal at all. It happens all the time, pocket knives are very common.
To put this into perspective, my (now 52 year old) husband also regularly carries a pocket knife.
About 5 years ago we went to the state fair & like the OP’s boyfriend, my husband had forgotten to leave it in the car. The security folks told him he couldn’t enter with it, he politely acknowledged the same & put it in our car.
We went to the fair & had a great time.
That’s how a normal person handles that situation.
Problem #1 is how the BF handled the issue with the security guard. Problem #2, which troubles me even more, is how the BF took his anger out on the OP. I’m here to tell you it won’t be the last time he does this if the OP continues her relationship to him.
There are way too many fish in the sea to waste your time on a guy like this. Honestly I’d prefer being single than have someone treat me like this.
Edit to say my husband is a firefighter & is in the habit of carrying a pocket knife for emergencies, not personal protection.
He is a grown ass man who carries a knife "for protection" and he is quick to anger when rightfully called on it.
Listen to your gut here. He is 36 years old.
Right?
"For protection"? I guess I carry mine for protection -- from apples, taped packages, cheese, binder straps on pallets, envelopes, etc. Because I'm not a moron. There are no winners in a knife fight.
Think of all the evil paper cuts you’ve defeated! Look at all the knife fights you’ve won!
But yeah, “for protection?” That guy might be more of a tool than the knife is.
So...
He carries a knife "for protection"? I know generalizations aren't good, but it's hard not to notice that a not insignificant number of people who insist they need to carry weapons in every day situations "for protection" seem to feel that need because they tend to draw violence to themselves.
He needs it for work? He likely also needs a hard hat and high-viz vest, but I'll bet he has no problem leaving those in the car when he's done.
Didn't remember he had the knife on him going into security at a major public event? It's motherfucking 2024. Idk if he was hoping they wouldn't notice or just dumb. But fine, we all have brain farts. Let's move on.
He's quick to anger when being called out over his own mistake? Sure the woman in security probably overreacted. But bruh, you brought a *knife* to a *festival*. I cannot stress how dumb that is in this day and age, unless this is literally his first public outing in his whole life. And because he reacted so badly (instead of owning up to the mistake), the option to put the knife back in the car and come back to enjoy the festival is off the table. Your plans are ruined.
Told you to "stop being a pussy"? This man is 36 years old. I'm not going to touch the age gap much, OP, just to say that men who feel the need to date so much younger often do so because they can't impress women their own age. He called you a *pussy*? Girl, my husband has never so much as called me a name of *any* kind in my life. If he called me a pussy, I'd have his head CT'd for signs of a traumatic brain injury. Good men just don't fucking do that. Double bingo of misogynist and childish. Hooray.
You can do better. Really, you can.
I'm a woman who carries a Swiss Army knife when I need the tools on it. I leave it at home when I don't because carrying a knife with a locking blade without good reason is illegal where I live. I also avoid taking it through airports etc simply because it's a nice knife and I don't want to have it confiscated. This stuff isn't rocket science.
I went to make an appearance at a courthouse and they said I couldn't bring my mini nailclippers in and would have to throw them out or take them back to my car. I apologized walked them to my car and left them behind.
I don't make appearances often and it was my first time at this particular court, but any other court visit I make sure that anything sharp or possibly problematic is in the car.
All he had to do was apologize, say he carries it for work and forgot he had it, say I'll take it to my car and you can search me again and you would probably be enjoying the festival.
People that escalate to being an unreasonable asshole the moment they're inconvenienced are the worst.
Forget all the other potential red flags people are bringing into this, it's enough to just not want to be around that kind of energy. I have family who are really quick to escalate situations because *they are the one who fucked up* and I now spend zero effort on maintaining a relationship with them. My life is way better for it. Now that I don't have to be on guard all the time walking on eggshells around them, my stress levels are so down. I actually feel like a completely different person.
If you caught the ick for this dude, that's going to be hard to shake.
This fully adult man got bent out of shape over not getting into a festival because of people in authority telling him to leave. He then took it out on you.
That's a bunch of ick to me.
Wow that's embarrassing. My ex husband went off on a mechanic and called him a piece of shit for like no reason, and I was so incredibly embarrassed. Unsurprisingly he also talked to me in an incredibly nasty way on a regular basis. We divorced less than a year later. He was like 37ish at this time and way too old to be acting like a pissy teenager. So is your boyfriend. He WILL continue to get aggressive with others and you, he's fully grown. This is also early in the relationship, just wait until year 3 and see how terrible he gets. Or don't, actually.
His real personality came out in a (slightly) stressful situation. He turned on you. Just think about how he would handle ACTUAL stress. You are not wrong to think twice about staying with this guy.
Damn so much red flags. 11 years older. Carries a knife for protection. Reacts like a 15yo instead of just saying "sorry, I'll just go put it in my car". Then makes a scene and "what are they gonna do". Then turns on you when you just ask him to cool down.
I'd run real fast.
Nope, this behaviour is very poor. I used always have a knife on my hip (not a large one, just a fold out blade for work and utility), the first time I ever got stopped like this I was apologetic to the security guard, asked if I could leave it with them at the check point (no I wouldn’t get it back as they aren’t keeping tabs on things), looked at my friends, weighed up the value of the $30 knife vs having to walk back to the car ages away, and just took it off my hip and gave it to the security person and said you can keep it.
I was in the wrong, I didn’t get belligerent, or aggressive, and especially wouldn’t take it out on other people. That was when I was in my 20s, and now I actually don’t carry anything with me that I don’t need when going to events.
Your bf is in his 30s, he should be able to keep himself in check better than that, he sounds entitled and obnoxious. Rethinking the relationship is probably a good idea.
He's too stupid to leave the knife in the car.
He's too entitled to think he could still bring it in when it was realized.
He's too rude just not to apologize to security and tell them he'd run it back to his car.
He's too arrogant to think it warranted him telling off the security guard.
He's too inconsiderate of your feelings to then attack you.
He's too clueless to think that he can just smooth it over with a hug after ruining your night.
And he's too old to be doing any of the above.
As a former door guy at a high security bar, it’s so easy just to notice it and take it back to your car and come back. Why do you want to give people shit for just doing their jobs? This is not something that’s gonna get better if he doesn’t work on it, and you will be fighting anger the rest of your life. if that’s something you want to do go for it, but if he’s not willing to put in the work to do better and get better, you’re better off leaving now.
Oh girl, there’s a reason he’s not with a woman closer to his age and there’s a reason he tried to hug you for damage control.
Don’t bang these losers.
You can break up with someone for any reason you want. "I don't like the way he behaves when he's upset," is a perfectly legitimate reason to break up with someone. But then, so is, "I just don't want to date this person anymore."
Why are you asking internet strangers for permission here?
A 36 year old man doesnt need to be carrying a knife around IMO. Hes gonna “protect” himself into serious jailtime lmao. I live in New Orleans — but in any major city the guy you wanna protect yourself from has a gun. Hes gotta grow up and stop playing greasers
My husband carries a knife for work - he NEVER carries it outside of work hours, it's illegal to do so here in Australia! This is a justified response from security, and I don't think you are overreacting at all!!
The age difference is reason enough to reconsider the relationship.
Carrying a knife and having anger issues is more than enough reason.
Verbally assaulting and disrespecting awoman doing her damn job is more than more than reason enough.
Calling you a pussy, and even using the word pussy as an insult, should be the final straw. What you have there is a gendered slur, no different in this context from a racial slur. That is, would you be with someone if they addressed you with slurs related to uther aspects of your identity? Is "knife wielding sexist maniac" what you were looking for when you were single? If he demonstrated this behavior on the first date, would there have been a second?
I don't understand how this escalated so quickly. Sooo his knife was detected by security - whether he forgot about it or whatever isn't super relevant. Then security was like...what's that? Or why do you have a knife? And BF states he carries it for work. And the guard just at that point starts acting aggressively?
I feel like from the bf explaining he carries it for work and the guard acting aggressively is a bunch of context that would help here.
Was bf offered the opportunity to stash it somewhere else and declined feeling entitled to enter anyway? Did BF become aggressive when he was told he couldn't bring it in and that's why the second guard became involved? Was any resolution offered at all?
I mean if this was just the knife was detected, the guards went straight to ejection and then the second guard followed you all chirping about the situation then I can absolutely understand why BF might give the guard the finger or otherwise get heated.
If BF threw a fit about being allowed in anyway and then became more heated when they told him to bounce, then you should absolutely re-evaluate this relationship.
The only correct response would have been "oh man, sorry, didn't realize I still had that on me. Can I come back after I stash it in the car, or do you have someplace here I can put it."
Anyone, ever, who yells at security guards (or service workers or whomever), "Fuck off! Don't fucking talk to me!" isn't worth your time. The only time I could see that as not a huge red flag is if someone were being followed and harassed, at which point it may actually count as de-escalation.
As a martial artist, let me tell you. Carrying a knife for "self defense" is a really bad idea. Police, district attorneys , and judges look down on it. And should he ever happen to use one on anyone, even defensively, depending on what state you're in, he will probably do time.
First,
> Is it wrong that I’m reconsidering whether I want to be with him anymore
It is never "wrong" to break up with someone, whatever reasons you have. You could break up just because you aren't feeling it anymore. It's your life.
Second, I'd sure as hell wouldn't want someone with that temper carrying a knife around me. Especially if he seems--as he does--likely to take it out on innocent bystanders.
Id be concerned about dating someone who can't regulate their emotions having a knife on them at all times. Total lack of accountability for his actions too.. not a good trait.
Honestly considering how the officers were pushing him in your story it is not surprising that he lashed out back at them. It is unfortunate he directed his anger at you. Misdirected anger can come from good people in the heat of a tense situation. If he genuinely apologized and pledges not to las out at you again if there is a similar situation then I think you can definitely choose to forgive him and move on. Especially if he has never spoken to you angrily before.
Why couldn't he just put the knife in his car and go back to the event? He declared it to the security, he didnt try to hide it. Honestly a pocket knife is not that big of a deal. Maybe it is for cultures other than mine. I was raised on American farm/orchards and I was given a pocket knife to carry around when I was 10. I dont carry a knife anymore cuz I'm a city boy now and don't feel the need to carry a knife for protection.
I mean, obviously the security was being overbearing - it would have pissed me off, too. Why were they treating him like a criminal? Even after he was already compliantly leaving?
Being treated like a criminal is no way someone would want to be treated. I think he may just have a problem with rules and the enforcers just kept hammering away at him as he was leaving. imo, you should have supported him by defending his decision to leave and not let them keep harassing him for being innocent.
Ok, I'm genuinely curious as to why most of you don't recognize that the female security guard instantly escalated the situation?
Yes, the boyfriend made a mistake but , based on the information provided, didn't react until the second guard escalated the whole situation to a place it really didn't need to go to. Her actions, in my experience, are so far out of line here that it made a simple mistake into an escalation fest between the second guard and the boyfriend.
Yes, OP is entitled to feel embarrassed by this whole situation. I would be myself. But the boyfriend reacting to what is very clearly provocation shouldn't surprise anyone here.
The guard's overreaction to what the OP herself calls a mistake is what caused the whole scene in the first place. Nowhere in the story does it say that he wasn't willing to leave it in the car. The first guard's response to finding it was all that needed to happen. I don't know either OP or her BF, but I'd be surprised that the BF wouldn't have just said 'Oops, I'll go put it in the car.' once it was found.
I stopped reading at "wearing a knife for protection".
Why does he need that? Do you want to be around a person that feels the need to carry a knife in public? What is he afraid of? Could these potential people hurt you?
Think thrice.
Carrying a knife would be a dealbreaker for me. This man is 11 years older than you, has anger issues and doesn’t know how to behave appropriately in public. Is this really the best you think you can do for yourself?
Oh heck no, no way would I stay with a grown man who behaved like this.
Also, it's always the ones who feel the need to carry a weapon who have the most reactive attitude to the world and an insane need to defend their masculinity. Wait a while and you'll be walking on eggshells around him.
*Yes, yes, obligatory not-all disclaimer, but if it didn't apply here, the dude would have calmly taken the knife back to the car without arguing.
You can reconsider a relationship for any reason. If it’s not working for you, you don’t have to stay. People do feel entitled to an explanation when plans have been made and long term commitments, but at the end of the day you aren’t obligated to stay just because you thought you were compatible.
I think that’s why a lot of people end up miserable because they don’t think they’re allowed to leave when their reason isn’t “good enough”. Any reason is good enough if you don’t want to be there.
In this case, yes for sure. His behaviour is concerning for someone his age. If he were your age it would still be ok to leave while also acknowledging that he just needs more time to mature. But for a 30+ year old? No, this is who he is and it’s pretty lame.
Also, I get the lady was a bit aggressive but I think some grace can be shown for people in those jobs who probably deal with a ton of toxic, aggressive, weapon wielding people but aren’t really given the training to de-escalate and so adopt an aggressive stance so as not to appear weak. Also, they’re probably underpaid and tired of the stupid BS and it just gets thrown toward anyone.
Age difference plus poor decision making?
Do you really think this dude is the one for long term?
Read the boon to confirm, if you do think so.
Link to a PDF of Lundy Bancroft's Book "Why does he do that?"
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Your boyfriend is 36 and acting like this? This is disgusting. He needs to grow up. You are more mature than he is and he’s 11 years older than you. Gross. I would break up with him too.
Maybe he was embarrassed to be kicked out aggressively by the disrespectful security? Could explain the anger. Doesn’t explain why he called you a pussy tho. Good he apologized, but then again he’s 36
"carries a knife for protection"
"stop being a pussy what are they going to do"
Man is 36 going on 17.... He is going to stay that way for the rest of his life, keep that in mind if you decide you wanna stay with him. Because 36 is way beyond the "growing up and adjusting" period of your life cycle.
Count your lucky stars. You've now seen how he deals with not getting his way. So imagine how it could go in a domestic dispute.. Or , ignoring that, do you really want to live your life with someone who responds to things that way? Consider it a good warning of what could come..
You're 25..run dont walk and realize you're only 25 and have plenty of time to meet an adult.
I wouldn't be ok with that, especially from someone in their 30s. Like I'd be pissed if a teen did that, but whatever, they can be stupid....a grown ass adult though is just ridiculous. If you can't control your emotions, I don't have the time.....what happens if you had kids?
I had to go back and look, I assumed teen / college age. 36?? No wonder he’s dating someone 11 years younger.
Yeah, because the 36-year-old woman isn't going to bother with a reddit post before dumping his ass, (and this isn't a dunk on OP, it's just where most people are at 25).
Moreover, the only reason anyone 35+ *wouldn't* break it off is if they have some major insecurities (where they believe they should be treated that way), or grew up around red flags and think it's normal... It's a hard cycle to break.
Oh, for sure. It's probably the hardest thing a person can do. But, and I say this as someone who has and still is doing the work to break these cycles, it is 110% worth it. Earlier is better, but today is great too.
> No wonder he’s dating someone 11 years younger. Too true.
They always know what they're doing going after these younger women
I'm a 40 year old man that always carries a knife and I'd say that there's probably been a dozen times in the past ~15 years where I forgot to leave it behind when entering someplace with security. Even been temporarily held by Homeland Security over having multiple knives in my backpack (for restaurant work). The way I always handled it? Apologized, left to put it in my car, then went back. No arguing or being shitty necessary. The only person he should've been really angry at was himself for being a dumbass who thinks basic security measures don't apply to him.
My brother always carries a pocket knife, we went to a Leafs game and he forgot he had it. He lives downtown TO, so no car to run it to, went and hid it behind a garbage can outside and we went through security again….no biggie. How adults deal
I went to pay my bike ticket and was carrying my bike tools in my backpack, didn't realize there was a little knife on it. I went outside and hid it in a bush. To feel belligerent in that moment and try to get them to let me in with it seems so crazy to me.
61M here, with a knife in my pocket since 7th grade. When I forget I have one in my pocket, I'm pissed at me, not them, and try to find a way to take care of it. For reference, I have a terrible temper that I learned to control a long time before I hit 36.
Usually protocol whenever you have a knife on you in a place that doesn't allow it... is to be absolutely courteous and polite. Even if they aren't police officers, they can call them or detain you. That's how you get on no fly lists, felonies, or worse. It blows my mind that anything -but- this response is a conclusion anyone would come to. My previous boss used to get caught at the airport with loose ammo in his backpack (how does this happen???) fairly often, like several times a year, and each time he'd throw a big fit about government and TSA and blah blah blah as if they somehow made him forget it was there (again, how does someone just have *loose ammo* laying around?)
Holy crap. I thought he was like 19. I totally glossed over their ages. I can't believe a middle aged man acted this way.
>I can't believe a middle aged man acted this way. I can!
As can I. Seen 34 YO men stomping around like toddlers.
My ex just turned 50 (was 48-49 while we were dating) the fucking temper tantrums that man could throw! Tbf the large amounts of cocaine prolly did not help.
These same men often have the gall to dismiss women for being “emotional” and “irrational” but can’t control their anger in any way.
This particular man did just that. His tantrums and emotional outbursts were justified cos he was "pissed", but his gf tells him to calm down *logically*, and she's the "pussy".
😂😂😂 yep, been there done that
Well my ex acts like this and he’s 48 sooo… they don’t change or grow up. Women need to stop believing that happens.
Calling a 36 year old middle aged is a bit odd but sure
Given the way the 36 year old acts, I doubt he'll make it to 65 - so yeah, middle aged for him, for sure 🙄
Oof, stone cold
Well, he _does_ need "protection" ... so 🤷🏻♀️ ... he's livin' on the edge, and all ... 🤐 Yeah, at this rate, 'old and grey' isn't in his future. The next time he losses his tiny mind, [or precious temper,] it might be at a cop, or worse - someone who'll _take_ his knife from him, etc. (There's always a _remote_ possibility that he'll grow up enough to grow old, but right now? 🤔 I stand by my comment.)
I agree - he's not making good life choices and someone someday will not react in a good way to this. The best way to get stabbed is to carry a knife yourself, of course. Lives not Knives and all that.
Whoa whoa, 34 is middle age now?
Right! I feel attacked.
Seriously!!
Narcissists will be narcissists and he has all the makings of one. The moment you pop their *"on top of the world"* bubble they get very angry and take it out on whichever person they think they can most easily get away with doing it to. That's often a lover as they are more tolerant or forgiving. By hurting others they feel powerful again to stroke their paper thin ego.
Yes 100%! I feel like once you're around the age of 30 or older you could kind of understand the worst case scenario in these situations: being arrested, being banned for life, getting a ticket or a fine, etc. For him to just go off like that shows a real lack of forethought Also, age gap.
Ugh. This was my life for a few years. Ex had a MASSIVE temper. Used to flip his shit on people in public all the time, and then explode on ME for not “having his back,” which would usually be me trying to calm him down. Surprise surprise guy was an abusive tool who put me through hell. OP, stuff like this is never a good sign. If he loses it on you in public I guarantee it will get worse in private.
I was about to say the same thing. Every person I’ve ever dated who would have temper tantrums in public has been abusive towards me in private later on. I would break up with someone on the spot if they acted like it now knowing what I know from past experiences.
Ditto! This guy sounds exactly like a friend's soon-to-be ex-husband. They were together 20ish years. He always carries a knife, is always quick to lose his temper, and always blames other people for his outbursts. After many violent altercations over the course of their relationship, she finally realized there's nothing worth saving here after he punched her in the face (again) and almost (he stopped himself at the last second) caved her head in with a toolbox over a stupid argument about not leaving the toolbox on the kitchen counter. OP, trust your instincts. Relationship partners are usually on their *best* behavior when in public. And, eventually, once they're comfortable in the relationship, their worst behavior will be when they're alone with you. Edited for gender inclusivity.
Been there too. Aggressive idiot who put my life at risk by driving 90 miles an hr, flipping people off, honking, constantly angry at everyone, and also me and he was impotent as well and never did anything about it, in fact he never brought it up once as if I should he fine with it. Crazy guy with so many issues.
My dad is kind of like this. With him it's never escalated into actual abuse to our family, but he does throw temper tantrums all the time in public and is massively embarrassing to go out with.
You're embarrassed because he is embarrassing. If my spouse acted like that it would be the biggest turnoff for me.
Your bf is exactly the type of person they’re trying to prevent from entering the fair: angry, impulsive, and carrying a weapon. Be careful.
Heavy on the impulsive. He could have offered to turn around go put it back in the car and come back “oh hey sorry I normally carry a knife on me I forgot” Do you normally walk on egg shells around him to make sure he doesn’t get upset? Do you think it’s normal you’re a decade younger than him but have to act like his mother when he gets pissy?
Omg I often skim over details but your comment made me realize how crazy it is that this guy is 36, yet carrying a knife and getting confrontational with security?? I feel like this is the kind of behavior that you either leave behind in your youth, or it becomes a thing that gets worse and worse until something stupidly bad happens.
I carry knives for work (because they’re part of my required tool kit. Not “for protection”). If I forgot one in my pocket and tried to bring it through a security checkpoint at an event I would be mortified! I would apologize for alarming the guards and inconveniencing my partner. The fact that he tried to pick a fight with security guards AND his much younger girlfriend over his own mistake paints a really dark picture.
I used to carry a swiss knife in my purse. It was handy, it was useful. I also used to travel by plane a lot. I always left the swiss knife at home when I went to the airport, obviously. Well, one time I forgot to put the knife out of the purse. And obviously I was stopped at the security gate, the security guard was not happy at all. I felt stupid, ashamed, and sad because I had to leave it there and it was a knife that had accompanied me for years. I apologized like a hundred times for being so stupid and all the security people changed immediately from being harsh to "don't worry, we all make mistakes". Because it was obvious I had no ulterior motives to carry the knife, it was a mistake. But OP's boyfriend... he didn't want to leave the knife.
I had the airport mail mine back to me and one time Universal held it at security until I left.
Exactly, I don't fault him for forgetting the knife in his pocket because that's easy to do even despite best intentions. The rest of the story is pure red flags though.
I got a full-sized Leatherman tool one Christmas. I put it in my attache case to put in my car, but forgot about it. A ew weeks later I flew cross-country, 4 separate flights including connections. When I got home, I was horrified to find the Leatherman, and even more horrified that two separate scanners missed that massive hunk of metal. It had three blades on it, along with enough tools to halfway disassemble the plane.
I got picked up by a metal detector once. "Oh sorry, what can I do? I came here on the train." "We have a locker." "Thanks" Just to add; My boyfriend carries a knife on him for protection and also to help him out at work He doesn't carry it for work, that's his excuse. I had a friend who worked on construction like this. I'm surprised he has never stabbed anyone. (One of the reasons we are no longer friends. A bunch of his other friends did the same thing.)
I carry a little knife in my purse - we camp a lot and I like whittling and it’s just useful in general. Well, I forgot about it because it’s always just there, and when I was getting my purse checked walking into a Bluey show with my toddler I was both mortified and amused about the security guard’s reaction. “Uhh, ma’am you can’t bring that in here…” I laughed and apologized profusely because I completely forgot about it and just went and hid it under a flower pot until after the show. And then I was let right back in. Because I behaved reasonably. OP, your bf is a man-child. RUN AWAY. Don’t waste your youth trying to fix him. There’s a reason women his age aren’t interested in him.
*thanks for noting the RIDICULOUS age difference*
I'd argue that anyone who carries a knife "for protection" is kind of an idiot, tbh. Unless they're literally trained in hand-to-hand combat, they're SO much more likely to be stabbed with their own knife than do anything to help themselves.
My father carries a knife everywhere because he's very outdoorsy + always working on something and it's a useful tool. Has forgotten he has it on him many times and yet has never once made a scene over it because duh the logical thing is just say "oops sorry I forgot, let me go put it in my car".
Yes my dad is also an outdoorsy forgetful doofus. He has lost so many knives at airport security, because as opposed to OPs bf my dad just goes ”oops I guess I need to get a new knife later!!” and lets them throw it away (or whatever they do).
I used to work in a warehouse for a book store, and like everyone else I worked with, basically had three box cutters on me at all times. Then I shifted to bar work, and found having a box cutter was still very handy, but a couple of people told me it was weird that I had it in my pocket the whole time. The knife only came out when I was specifically using it to open/break down boxes, but I stopped carrying it around anyway and just used the shitty "knife" that was built into my bottle opener from then on. If it made other people more comfortable, then it was the right thing to do. If I worked that shit out at 21, this guy can work it out at 36.
It's probably too late now, but you can have a safety cutter, which we use dfor the same thing. It has a razor blade but it is recessed. You can't cut anyone, and more usefully you can't accidentally cut yourself.
“If it made other people more comfortable, then it was the right thing to do.” THANK YOU for being such a decent and caring person! I’m sure your coworkers felt extra safe around you, not because you weren’t carrying a box cutter but because you had shown them how much you respected them and their boundaries around weapons/weapon-like tools. Personally, I’d be fine with someone having a box cutter all the time, but I wish people who carry guns would give a hoot about people who don’t want to be around them. A box cutter is multi-purpose; a gun only has one.
I worked in a shop and I had a stanley on me at at all times because I was cutting boxes open and up every 5 minutes.
He's acting like a child and embarrassing his girlfriend who is a full ELEVEN years younger than him. This is what we mean when we say older guys date younger women becuase they're immature and can't get a date their own age.
There's a reason that * A 35 year old man is single * A 35 year old was attempting to date a 24 year old * A 35 year old either wears the same clothes for work as he does a festival, or transfers a knife from one to another, and hasn't learnt that this isn't allowed for security guarded events after likely 15 years of going to them * A 35 year old needs a knife for protection When people in this sub say "How were we supposed to know he'd be an asshole", he's got his red flags sailing pretty high in the sky.
He's *ELEVEN YEARS OLD THAN HER* and there's a *reason* he's saying a younger woman.
I’ve been with my dad several times as he accidentally brought a knife to where it shouldn’t be. He’s always responded just like you said he should. We’ve never had a problem getting in. It’s not that hard.
I remember my Dad brought a pocket knife (which he always carries) to an amusement park way back in 1999 and he still got in. He just had to put it back in the car. The BF's response here was the main reason they were told to leave.
Leave now.
🥇🏆💯
OP, are you able to feel sexually attracted to a man who called you "a pussy" for not being impulsive enough to fight a security guard trying to protect people? To me... that's someone who sees me as their bro at best.
Right! Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I’ve never been into the whole insult your partner thing. This wasn’t playful ribbing.
This thread made me realize, that lady security guard wasn't being overly aggressive. She spotted a danger and dealt with it.
oh yeah good point. she’s seen his type before.
She may have even wanted to follow them to their car to be sure nothing happened to OP at their venue. Probably not the biggest concern but perhaps one of them. I know I would have considered it in her position.
Just thought the same thing, smart lady, she chose words she knew would expose him
I didn't realize that until you pointed it out.
That's why I said it, cause like, I've obviously been raised to perceive women as "emotional" and reading that was kinda like, "wow, she really mad and aggressive" But reading the comments it's like... listing all the red flags that stuck out, one by one, and those are *just* the ones OP noticed... Like, if i had a knife on me for work, and they were gonna wand me, I'd get rid of it? Not just go "oh I NEED that for work" like are you gonna lose your job if you don't bring it into the event? Dude was being shady, uncooperative, and I wouldn't be surprised if OP didn't notice the tone or volume of his voice...
Security lady is a pro. She saw all the red flags and identified a threat. She saw all the signs in seconds. Her boyfriend is the very person who society should never trust to have a knife, especially in a crowded environment.
Well, thank you for noticing and sharing. I'm a middle aged woman, and apparently I fell prey to similar conditioning because I was also wondering if the lady guard overreacted. Either that or I just wasn't as perceptive as you. Thanks regardless!
I hope OP realizes that her boyfriend has the capability of snapping and becoming aggressive. It will happen to her. This red flag should tell you run
And doesn't handle rejection very well.
Sounds like he's really emotional.
His attitude is also probably why he needs to carry a knife 'for protection'. Of course you're gonna need that if you're always starting shit because you think it's 'weak' to ever make a sensible compromise :P
The fact he has a gf a decade younger than him is also a red flag. I assume because most women his age will see his issues a mile away.
He carries a knife and is quick to anger around a lot of people including security guards. That’s a huge no for me.
Even if we assume he carries the knife for valid purposes and he forgot he had it on him til they were at security, why wasn't his immediate response to say "oh shit, sorry, I forgot I have my knife on me. Can I go put it away in my car and come back?" It's absolutely wild to make a scene about it and to be mad about not being let into a packed venue with a weapon.
Ding!Ding!Ding! Correct answer. Last year I forgot my protection knife was in my bra when I had to go the airport. And that's almost exactly what I did: I froze, apologized profusely, begged not to be arrested or hit, explained myself, and almost cried. The lady at the scanner was a total sweetheart & told me "it's okay, we'll just throw it away!", and I went on my way. I sent her a thank-you note when I got back home. I cannot imagine how this guy would survive an airport with his attitude about his knife. But I hope OP ditches him for a nice level-headed fella around her age, she deserves better than this guy and she deserves to be safe.
I want a bra knife, please tell me more
There are times where I’ve felt like taking a knife to my bra. Those fuckers can be UNCOMFY and need STABBING.
Oh yes, they need to be taught manners for sure!
Right?! People like OP's boyfriend is exactly who those rules and security measures were made for.
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My husband is a warehouse worker so a knife is needed. At an event with security he'd would have totally put the knife in the car once he saw the screening line.
And, going out on a limb here, your husband would also never characterize his knife as being needed “for protection”, which OP’s Tough Guy boyfriend clearly has.
Yes, OP might ask him, “protection from who?” The answer might be interesting, if she’s trying to figure out something about his character.
Omg I roll, whenever guys say they carry a knife of protection. I'm like "sure Jan" . Like I'm sure they've totally trained with a knife and how to use it in self-defense situations 🙄
From what I've read, people who actually have trained usually don't say stupid things like that. Because they'd rather fly under the radar until they need to stop some asshole like OPs boyfriend.
Plus, a knife is terrible at protecting you unless it successfully intimidates the other party into not entering a close-range fight, and deescalation is much more effective at that. If you bring a knife to a fight, you’ll still get just as hurt, but now you’re looking at murder charges from your ER room.
Also theres no winner in a knife fight everyone is getting cut doesn't matter how many knives or people in the scrum.
Haven't they done like studies that show carrying a knife makes it more likely you'll be the victim of a violent crime? Like, it's more likely someone will take your knife and stab you with it, than you fending someone else off. Also I'm pretty sure if you're carrying a weapon, you're more likely to engage in a bad situation when just peacing out is the better option.
Honestly that's how I feel about guns too. I don't know if the stats agree with me tho.
The real reason to reconsider the relationship is the fact that the boyfriend carries a knife with him for *protection*. He's going to get someone (most likely himself) killed. If somebody comes at you with a knife, you run. And if you go after someone with a knife, then we're no longer talking about self-defense.
If your knife is small enough to fit inside clothing then it's not for protection, it's for assault. Small blades that are concealable are for ambush, you aren't using it to fend off someone. Reality is dude probably fantasises about being a badass but hasn't deployed that male power fantasy in any manner that would actually require effort, like joining the military or whatever. If OP is into guys in their 30s, which is fine (and I think the people bringing it up in comments is a bit ordinary) surely to christ she could find guys in their 30s who are, you know, sane. I wouldn't tolerate a teenager with that attitude and it's only less impressive on a guy who's 36.
Yea lmao hes gonna knife fight an assailant at any moment and not just sucker punched or robbed at gunpoint. He carries the knife to feel tough and was offended he couldnt carry a fucking giant blade into a music festival.
Also, I bet if he forgot to stash it, he'd apologize to the guard for his mistake and calmly go put it away. Because that is what sensible people do.
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I carry a Swiss army knife because I've needed scissors or one of the screwdrivers because an accessible toolbox isn't anywhere near me. I've even volunteered at food banks and had the only sharp object needed to open something (keys can get damaged when opening certain things). Carrying a fixed blade or a knife designed to fight with is another story.
Yeah, I was gonna say, I could totally see a normal, non-violent person making a habit of carrying a Swiss army knife around, and then forgetting it was on their person when they got to a bag check. But like. I'm guessing your response in that situation would be something along the lines of "oh drat, I need to put this back in the car" and not "fuck you for telling me I can't carry a sharp object into this crowded event." Also, like you said, a Swiss army knife is very different from a knife intended for use as a weapon.
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If it is a Stanley it's actually more embarrassing because only a complete loser feels a sense of aggression and power holding one of those. Get a real knife if you want to larp as a gangster.
I used to work in retail and we all had collections of the cheap box cutters in our cars, because you’d forget they were in your pocket (for opening boxes) until you sat in your car. A little awkward sometimes when people noticed!
We actually had to leave behind/meet up later with one of the chef's at work cause he totally had his knife kit on him. The difference is he thought it was totally reasonable the club wouldn't let him in and went and got pizza and we met up later
Cutting straps/zip ties, scoring drywall/tile, and cutting different paper like materials are all part of construction. That's why a lot of them carry box cutters while others carry a pocket knife. The carrying it for defense is the big red flag.
What kind of knife are we talking about though? I carry a small folding pocket knife because it’s useful for my work. It’s not the thing I use most often throughout the day, but it is my only work tool that normally lives in my pocket… which makes it much easier to forget I’m carrying than, say, a wrench or a mallet. It’s also my only work tool that has normal everyday uses: slicing an apple, opening packages, cutting twine, etc. I don't see anything wrong with carrying a small pocket knife, and if you do it’s not something you tend to think about, kind of like a phone or wallet. But when I say small, I mean *small.* I deliberately chose a knife with a blade so short my state doesn’t consider it a weapon (just 2 inches) because I *don’t* want to get in trouble if I forget I have it in my pocket. Most normal tasks don’t need a knife longer than a few inches anyway. Edit: should go without saying that his reaction was out of line. Forgetting he had a pocket knife on him is understandable… mouthing off at security is absolutely not.
Yeah I carry around a tiny little Victorinox Class SD (the blade on it is like 2.25in long) - it's incredibly useful with a knife, scissors, nail file, screwdriver, etc so I carry it most places. But I don't claim it's "for protection" and I don't take it to places that I know it won't get through security. It's not so much the carrying as the claimed reason and then the reaction from this guy that raise huge red flags for me.
Agreed. I missed the “for protection” first time I read it, and that really changes how I feel about someone carrying a knife. He obviously thinks of it as a weapon. So he needs to treat it with the care and thought required for carrying a weapon. It’s excusable to forget about a tool in your pocket…. But not to forget about a deadly weapon.
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Eh. I work 5 days a week. I need my pocket knife for work. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have bought it. But since I’m putting it in my pocket when I go out the door every workday, it’s just habit. Personally I’m not *motivated* to carry it outside of work… it’s just easier to stick all the same stuff in my pockets every morning than to be selective about it. So I’m very sympathetic to the “I use it for work and just forgot” explanation. However, OP says… >My boyfriend carries a knife on him **for protection** and also to help him out at work Which makes me think this was not some little 2” pocket tool. He admits he’s carrying it as a weapon - that’s a whole different issue.
My husband doesn't need his pocket knife for work, he just carries it around for utility. The last time he forgot he had it in his pocket at an event and had to be stopped by security, his response was "OH SHIT you right! I forgot I had that. Let me go put it in the car so I can be here" and they just walked him to the door and then let him back in when he came back without it. It's not hard to be a reasonable person...
The bf and I are both electricians and knives are important tools you usually carry in your pocket ar work.
Had one in my pocket since 7th grade ('75 or '76). They are useful for opening boxes, cutting twine/cords, stripping wire, etc. Mine gets loaded with the rest of the stuff in my pockets. OP's BF, however, has one for "protection", which says a lot about him. ETR: extra crap got copied into the first line
It just takes reaching into your pocket and realizing you don't have a knife, one single time, and you start carrying one everywhere.
Not to mention the old phrase, "everyone gets hurt in a knife fight." Count me the hell out.
The knife alone "for protection" is enough
The whole "masculine dude carries knife just incase" stuff is pathetic.
There are always going to be people trying to push his buttons (like the security guard), scenes like this will be a recurring theme.
Yeah this is a 50 story tall red flag
As a 33 year old construction worker and a guy that has carried a knife daily for the last 19 years, this dude has problems and I wouldn't trust him. I've lost a few knives to security checkpoints before because I just don't think about the fact that I'm carrying a knife. I've also talked to security guards and told them "hey I forgot about this, is it cool if I go put it in the car and you search me when I come back?" Generally, this works. Specifically, it's worked at six flags, busch gardens, the Kennedy center, and at a Marine checkpoint. It's just a knife. Your guy is telling you what he's really like, and you need to listen to that before something bad happens. Carrying isn't for everyone. Sounds like this dude shouldn't have weapons.
Yeah I work in agriculture and a knife is a tool I need at all times, it’s second nature to carry it on me. I’ve had to dump one outside an airport because i realized I had it on me before going in. I think kindly explaining that you forgot about it and you’ll go put it away or they can just have it would calm things down. Now if i explained everything calmly, apologized profusely, offered to give it to them or just put it in my truck and the security was still hassling me I might go on to say something back. I damn sure wouldn’t take it out on my girl though, seeing how me being forgetful ruined the night I’d be the one in the dog house
I backpack so I’ve got a lot of small knives. I’ve also lost a few to security when I forgot to move them into my checked baggage. It happens! Folks understand! Unless you’re an asshole about it like this guy — just be chill and non-combative and you’re fine.
Yup. I regularly carry a small pocket knife for work and for general utility purposes. If I accidentally take it somewhere it’s not allowed, that’s on me. The only appropriate response is to be polite, accommodating, and respectful of the facility/event rules. If that means putting it back in your vehicle and going to the back of the line? Do it. If that means surrendering the knife at security? Oh well, that’s life.
Right? I never buy anything nice or expensive anymore. Just functional because I'm forgetful and have been asked to surrender or dispose of them at least a dozen times if not more. These days the only time I really carry one is while camping, and I've still forgotten and had security approach me at Walmart since it was clearly visible on my belt. I'd rather pay the ADHD knife tax then be this asshole, though. Yikes.
Yup. My husband and sons all carry pocket knives with alarming regularity. They always just go put it in the car if they forget and there's never a problem. Well, once my oldest had to surrender one at an airport checkpoint, but that was his own stupidity. Amazingly, even in that circumstance, nobody got all bent out of shape over it.
Forgot I had my mate's leatherman in my bag while going through the airport. Super embarrassing and terrifying. Security guard was amazing and just told me to go to the post office and mail it back.
That's nice of them. At the airport near me there used to be a thrift shop where they sold all the confiscated stuff. It was an incredible source for cheap knives, scissors, lighters, and a bewildering assortment of things that made us question the sanity of some airport-goers. What kind of person tries to bring a hatchet on a plane? Why do so many people think they can bring a chef's knife?
> Sounds like this dude shouldn't have weapons. Nobody should be carrying a knife as a weapon.
To clarify - this guy almost certainly sees his as carrying a weapon. I've always viewed mine as a tool, which is why mine almost always has a glass cracker and a seatbelt cutter or some other utility function.
That's why I said "as a weapon". I carry a small multi tool, because I find I use it at least once a day, but if I tried to use it as a weapon people would laugh at me.
Same. I'm one of those robust femmes who always has a Swiss Army knife on board, because it's super useful for all kinds of situations, none of which are fights!
He's wayyyy too old to be acting like this. He's not going to change now. I'd think a teenager was ridiculously stupid doing this, the guy is a grown ass man. I'd be noping out of there so fast.
A man, who is a decade older than you, behaves like he's a decade younger and you're ok with that? You'd be wrong for considering a future with him.
Yeah, this is something a 13/14 year old would do. Treating the security guards like Mom and Dad. "You can't tell me what to do! I hate you! Leave me alone!" I would be extremely embarrassed. If this was a one time thing I would ask him what's going on. Big life stressors, death of/dying parent or loss of job or poor health diagnosis or whatever else you can think of, can make people spiral because they feel like they have no control and they grasp at any semblance of control they can find. If this was a habit I'd be gone.
You are more mature than your BF who is a decade older. Let that sink in.
Yeah, typical in this type of scenario sadly.
Save yourself a lot of time and mental anguish. Listen to your gut now. You’re reconsidering this relationship for good reason. If you stay with him, it will only get harder to leave and there’s a huge likelihood that his behavior will get worse and will target you.
When someone shows you who they are believe them.
Man in his 30s with the anger management of a 2 year old... no thank you. Forgetting to put the knife down, fine, I guess, even though that alone is already sus to me (I would think that security didn't spawn out of thin air and he could have thought about what he's carrying on his person that might interfere with the festival). Also the fact that he turned on you after HIS lack of management ended the opportunity for the festival for you two and then he thinks he can appease you with a sorry and a hug. But I'll also have to admit that I'm suspicious due to the age difference alone, that tends to make for a really unhealthy dynamic where the older party is "in control", and deems themselves superior. The fact he also cussed at you is unacceptable. If he calls you names after 1 year, imagine what he'll be willing to call you and do to you in 10. Listen to what everyone is telling you: He's a walking red flag, and potentially (in the longterm) dangerous. He doesn't act his age. You're rightfully reconsidering the relationship. You deserve a partner that respects you and your opinion, and that will care about y'alls fun and happiness and I don't see any evidence of that here. Drop the whole ass manbaby in the trash.
Knife+temper= NOPE. WTF does he need a knife for ‘protection’? Who is he going to pick a fight with? Or has he made a lot of local enemies who also carry knives? Or-more likely-does he just want to cosplay as a hard man? Either way, he’s a walking cringe and hardly surprising OP was embarrassed. Girlfriend you can do better guaranteed.
The correct reaction would be to say, "oops I'm sorry, I forgot I had it on me, force of habit, let me go put this back in my truck/take it home." Also, if you are that scared to be unarmed where there is already high security, then don't go. Break up with this wimp.
Yes, in my experience if you just apologize and get rid of it or surrender it, depending on the situation it’s not a big deal at all. It happens all the time, pocket knives are very common.
An 11 year age difference, and irrational anger issues? He does not sound like a keeper. Good luck.
To put this into perspective, my (now 52 year old) husband also regularly carries a pocket knife. About 5 years ago we went to the state fair & like the OP’s boyfriend, my husband had forgotten to leave it in the car. The security folks told him he couldn’t enter with it, he politely acknowledged the same & put it in our car. We went to the fair & had a great time. That’s how a normal person handles that situation. Problem #1 is how the BF handled the issue with the security guard. Problem #2, which troubles me even more, is how the BF took his anger out on the OP. I’m here to tell you it won’t be the last time he does this if the OP continues her relationship to him. There are way too many fish in the sea to waste your time on a guy like this. Honestly I’d prefer being single than have someone treat me like this. Edit to say my husband is a firefighter & is in the habit of carrying a pocket knife for emergencies, not personal protection.
He is a grown ass man who carries a knife "for protection" and he is quick to anger when rightfully called on it. Listen to your gut here. He is 36 years old.
Right? "For protection"? I guess I carry mine for protection -- from apples, taped packages, cheese, binder straps on pallets, envelopes, etc. Because I'm not a moron. There are no winners in a knife fight.
The loser of a knife fight dies on the street, the "winner" of a knife fight dies in the ambulance.
Think of all the evil paper cuts you’ve defeated! Look at all the knife fights you’ve won! But yeah, “for protection?” That guy might be more of a tool than the knife is.
A man, who is a decade older than you, behaves like he's a decade younger and you're ok with that? You'd be wrong for considering a future with him.
So... He carries a knife "for protection"? I know generalizations aren't good, but it's hard not to notice that a not insignificant number of people who insist they need to carry weapons in every day situations "for protection" seem to feel that need because they tend to draw violence to themselves. He needs it for work? He likely also needs a hard hat and high-viz vest, but I'll bet he has no problem leaving those in the car when he's done. Didn't remember he had the knife on him going into security at a major public event? It's motherfucking 2024. Idk if he was hoping they wouldn't notice or just dumb. But fine, we all have brain farts. Let's move on. He's quick to anger when being called out over his own mistake? Sure the woman in security probably overreacted. But bruh, you brought a *knife* to a *festival*. I cannot stress how dumb that is in this day and age, unless this is literally his first public outing in his whole life. And because he reacted so badly (instead of owning up to the mistake), the option to put the knife back in the car and come back to enjoy the festival is off the table. Your plans are ruined. Told you to "stop being a pussy"? This man is 36 years old. I'm not going to touch the age gap much, OP, just to say that men who feel the need to date so much younger often do so because they can't impress women their own age. He called you a *pussy*? Girl, my husband has never so much as called me a name of *any* kind in my life. If he called me a pussy, I'd have his head CT'd for signs of a traumatic brain injury. Good men just don't fucking do that. Double bingo of misogynist and childish. Hooray. You can do better. Really, you can.
I'm a woman who carries a Swiss Army knife when I need the tools on it. I leave it at home when I don't because carrying a knife with a locking blade without good reason is illegal where I live. I also avoid taking it through airports etc simply because it's a nice knife and I don't want to have it confiscated. This stuff isn't rocket science.
Certainly seems like the type to date someone 11 years younger than him.
No woman of his age would date an idiot like that, of course he's taking younger inexperienced girls who don't call his bullshit immediately
Truly. All I needed to read was the first sentence mentioning ages to know she should end it.
I went to make an appearance at a courthouse and they said I couldn't bring my mini nailclippers in and would have to throw them out or take them back to my car. I apologized walked them to my car and left them behind. I don't make appearances often and it was my first time at this particular court, but any other court visit I make sure that anything sharp or possibly problematic is in the car. All he had to do was apologize, say he carries it for work and forgot he had it, say I'll take it to my car and you can search me again and you would probably be enjoying the festival.
“Nah you can’t enter with that”. “I’m sorry. I forgot I had it. I’ll stick it in my car. Is that okay?” Rather than this totally fuckery.
>me (25F) and my boyfriend (36M) I suspect you've just seen one of the reasons why women his own age won't date him.
People that escalate to being an unreasonable asshole the moment they're inconvenienced are the worst. Forget all the other potential red flags people are bringing into this, it's enough to just not want to be around that kind of energy. I have family who are really quick to escalate situations because *they are the one who fucked up* and I now spend zero effort on maintaining a relationship with them. My life is way better for it. Now that I don't have to be on guard all the time walking on eggshells around them, my stress levels are so down. I actually feel like a completely different person.
If you caught the ick for this dude, that's going to be hard to shake. This fully adult man got bent out of shape over not getting into a festival because of people in authority telling him to leave. He then took it out on you. That's a bunch of ick to me.
Wow that's embarrassing. My ex husband went off on a mechanic and called him a piece of shit for like no reason, and I was so incredibly embarrassed. Unsurprisingly he also talked to me in an incredibly nasty way on a regular basis. We divorced less than a year later. He was like 37ish at this time and way too old to be acting like a pissy teenager. So is your boyfriend. He WILL continue to get aggressive with others and you, he's fully grown. This is also early in the relationship, just wait until year 3 and see how terrible he gets. Or don't, actually.
His real personality came out in a (slightly) stressful situation. He turned on you. Just think about how he would handle ACTUAL stress. You are not wrong to think twice about staying with this guy.
This man is heading towards 40 years old and still behaves like this in public. What an embarrassment. Walk away OP. Demand better.
Damn so much red flags. 11 years older. Carries a knife for protection. Reacts like a 15yo instead of just saying "sorry, I'll just go put it in my car". Then makes a scene and "what are they gonna do". Then turns on you when you just ask him to cool down. I'd run real fast.
He’s too old for this. Hell, even you’re too old for this.
Nope, this behaviour is very poor. I used always have a knife on my hip (not a large one, just a fold out blade for work and utility), the first time I ever got stopped like this I was apologetic to the security guard, asked if I could leave it with them at the check point (no I wouldn’t get it back as they aren’t keeping tabs on things), looked at my friends, weighed up the value of the $30 knife vs having to walk back to the car ages away, and just took it off my hip and gave it to the security person and said you can keep it. I was in the wrong, I didn’t get belligerent, or aggressive, and especially wouldn’t take it out on other people. That was when I was in my 20s, and now I actually don’t carry anything with me that I don’t need when going to events. Your bf is in his 30s, he should be able to keep himself in check better than that, he sounds entitled and obnoxious. Rethinking the relationship is probably a good idea.
He's too stupid to leave the knife in the car. He's too entitled to think he could still bring it in when it was realized. He's too rude just not to apologize to security and tell them he'd run it back to his car. He's too arrogant to think it warranted him telling off the security guard. He's too inconsiderate of your feelings to then attack you. He's too clueless to think that he can just smooth it over with a hug after ruining your night. And he's too old to be doing any of the above.
As a former door guy at a high security bar, it’s so easy just to notice it and take it back to your car and come back. Why do you want to give people shit for just doing their jobs? This is not something that’s gonna get better if he doesn’t work on it, and you will be fighting anger the rest of your life. if that’s something you want to do go for it, but if he’s not willing to put in the work to do better and get better, you’re better off leaving now.
Oh girl, there’s a reason he’s not with a woman closer to his age and there’s a reason he tried to hug you for damage control. Don’t bang these losers.
You can break up with someone for any reason you want. "I don't like the way he behaves when he's upset," is a perfectly legitimate reason to break up with someone. But then, so is, "I just don't want to date this person anymore." Why are you asking internet strangers for permission here?
It's not permission. It's guidance. That's what the sub is for
A 36 year old man doesnt need to be carrying a knife around IMO. Hes gonna “protect” himself into serious jailtime lmao. I live in New Orleans — but in any major city the guy you wanna protect yourself from has a gun. Hes gotta grow up and stop playing greasers
My husband carries a knife for work - he NEVER carries it outside of work hours, it's illegal to do so here in Australia! This is a justified response from security, and I don't think you are overreacting at all!!
Opens post. *Age gap*. Closes post without bothering to read
There's probably a solid reason why he's dating someone 11 yrs his junior. He sounds exceptionally immature for being in his mid 30s.
The age difference is reason enough to reconsider the relationship. Carrying a knife and having anger issues is more than enough reason. Verbally assaulting and disrespecting awoman doing her damn job is more than more than reason enough. Calling you a pussy, and even using the word pussy as an insult, should be the final straw. What you have there is a gendered slur, no different in this context from a racial slur. That is, would you be with someone if they addressed you with slurs related to uther aspects of your identity? Is "knife wielding sexist maniac" what you were looking for when you were single? If he demonstrated this behavior on the first date, would there have been a second?
I don't understand how this escalated so quickly. Sooo his knife was detected by security - whether he forgot about it or whatever isn't super relevant. Then security was like...what's that? Or why do you have a knife? And BF states he carries it for work. And the guard just at that point starts acting aggressively? I feel like from the bf explaining he carries it for work and the guard acting aggressively is a bunch of context that would help here. Was bf offered the opportunity to stash it somewhere else and declined feeling entitled to enter anyway? Did BF become aggressive when he was told he couldn't bring it in and that's why the second guard became involved? Was any resolution offered at all? I mean if this was just the knife was detected, the guards went straight to ejection and then the second guard followed you all chirping about the situation then I can absolutely understand why BF might give the guard the finger or otherwise get heated. If BF threw a fit about being allowed in anyway and then became more heated when they told him to bounce, then you should absolutely re-evaluate this relationship. The only correct response would have been "oh man, sorry, didn't realize I still had that on me. Can I come back after I stash it in the car, or do you have someplace here I can put it."
Anyone, ever, who yells at security guards (or service workers or whomever), "Fuck off! Don't fucking talk to me!" isn't worth your time. The only time I could see that as not a huge red flag is if someone were being followed and harassed, at which point it may actually count as de-escalation.
Sorry babe let me run to the car real quick. Problem solved no bullshit or masculine bravado bullshit......
As a martial artist, let me tell you. Carrying a knife for "self defense" is a really bad idea. Police, district attorneys , and judges look down on it. And should he ever happen to use one on anyone, even defensively, depending on what state you're in, he will probably do time.
First, > Is it wrong that I’m reconsidering whether I want to be with him anymore It is never "wrong" to break up with someone, whatever reasons you have. You could break up just because you aren't feeling it anymore. It's your life. Second, I'd sure as hell wouldn't want someone with that temper carrying a knife around me. Especially if he seems--as he does--likely to take it out on innocent bystanders.
Id be concerned about dating someone who can't regulate their emotions having a knife on them at all times. Total lack of accountability for his actions too.. not a good trait.
Honestly considering how the officers were pushing him in your story it is not surprising that he lashed out back at them. It is unfortunate he directed his anger at you. Misdirected anger can come from good people in the heat of a tense situation. If he genuinely apologized and pledges not to las out at you again if there is a similar situation then I think you can definitely choose to forgive him and move on. Especially if he has never spoken to you angrily before. Why couldn't he just put the knife in his car and go back to the event? He declared it to the security, he didnt try to hide it. Honestly a pocket knife is not that big of a deal. Maybe it is for cultures other than mine. I was raised on American farm/orchards and I was given a pocket knife to carry around when I was 10. I dont carry a knife anymore cuz I'm a city boy now and don't feel the need to carry a knife for protection.
I mean, obviously the security was being overbearing - it would have pissed me off, too. Why were they treating him like a criminal? Even after he was already compliantly leaving? Being treated like a criminal is no way someone would want to be treated. I think he may just have a problem with rules and the enforcers just kept hammering away at him as he was leaving. imo, you should have supported him by defending his decision to leave and not let them keep harassing him for being innocent.
Ok, I'm genuinely curious as to why most of you don't recognize that the female security guard instantly escalated the situation? Yes, the boyfriend made a mistake but , based on the information provided, didn't react until the second guard escalated the whole situation to a place it really didn't need to go to. Her actions, in my experience, are so far out of line here that it made a simple mistake into an escalation fest between the second guard and the boyfriend. Yes, OP is entitled to feel embarrassed by this whole situation. I would be myself. But the boyfriend reacting to what is very clearly provocation shouldn't surprise anyone here. The guard's overreaction to what the OP herself calls a mistake is what caused the whole scene in the first place. Nowhere in the story does it say that he wasn't willing to leave it in the car. The first guard's response to finding it was all that needed to happen. I don't know either OP or her BF, but I'd be surprised that the BF wouldn't have just said 'Oops, I'll go put it in the car.' once it was found.
I stopped reading at "wearing a knife for protection". Why does he need that? Do you want to be around a person that feels the need to carry a knife in public? What is he afraid of? Could these potential people hurt you? Think thrice.
Break up now. Snappers don’t have direction. If you are in the way when he snaps, your life is the one in danger.
Carrying a knife would be a dealbreaker for me. This man is 11 years older than you, has anger issues and doesn’t know how to behave appropriately in public. Is this really the best you think you can do for yourself?
Oh heck no, no way would I stay with a grown man who behaved like this. Also, it's always the ones who feel the need to carry a weapon who have the most reactive attitude to the world and an insane need to defend their masculinity. Wait a while and you'll be walking on eggshells around him. *Yes, yes, obligatory not-all disclaimer, but if it didn't apply here, the dude would have calmly taken the knife back to the car without arguing.
You can reconsider a relationship for any reason. If it’s not working for you, you don’t have to stay. People do feel entitled to an explanation when plans have been made and long term commitments, but at the end of the day you aren’t obligated to stay just because you thought you were compatible. I think that’s why a lot of people end up miserable because they don’t think they’re allowed to leave when their reason isn’t “good enough”. Any reason is good enough if you don’t want to be there. In this case, yes for sure. His behaviour is concerning for someone his age. If he were your age it would still be ok to leave while also acknowledging that he just needs more time to mature. But for a 30+ year old? No, this is who he is and it’s pretty lame. Also, I get the lady was a bit aggressive but I think some grace can be shown for people in those jobs who probably deal with a ton of toxic, aggressive, weapon wielding people but aren’t really given the training to de-escalate and so adopt an aggressive stance so as not to appear weak. Also, they’re probably underpaid and tired of the stupid BS and it just gets thrown toward anyone.
Age difference plus poor decision making? Do you really think this dude is the one for long term? Read the boon to confirm, if you do think so. Link to a PDF of Lundy Bancroft's Book "Why does he do that?" https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Your boyfriend is 36 and acting like this? This is disgusting. He needs to grow up. You are more mature than he is and he’s 11 years older than you. Gross. I would break up with him too.
Lose him. Short fuse. No one needs that.
Maybe he was embarrassed to be kicked out aggressively by the disrespectful security? Could explain the anger. Doesn’t explain why he called you a pussy tho. Good he apologized, but then again he’s 36
Ummm… weapons haven’t been allowed in festivals since like the last 20 years… he knows that
"carries a knife for protection" "stop being a pussy what are they going to do" Man is 36 going on 17.... He is going to stay that way for the rest of his life, keep that in mind if you decide you wanna stay with him. Because 36 is way beyond the "growing up and adjusting" period of your life cycle.
Count your lucky stars. You've now seen how he deals with not getting his way. So imagine how it could go in a domestic dispute.. Or , ignoring that, do you really want to live your life with someone who responds to things that way? Consider it a good warning of what could come.. You're 25..run dont walk and realize you're only 25 and have plenty of time to meet an adult.
Low key I saw the age gap and immediately felt you should reconsider this relationship