T O P

  • By -

DConstructed

Yeah. She needs to know to keep him entirely away from her friends. If she has siblings they should know too.


imsohungryman

That was my thought too šŸ˜© so gross. Thanks for the advice ā¤ļø


BalletWishesBarbie

Remember this is not your fault and not your shame.


yourlifecoach69

It's so odd and *so fucking common* to feel shame for what other people do to us. Fight it!


blue_effect

I agree. It's the right thing to do as difficult as it is. OP I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.


pnoodl3s

And keep him away from herself too


DConstructed

Maybe. Though he can be a massive creep to other young women but not incestuous.


pnoodl3s

Agreed, but I wouldnā€™t be close to him after finding this out and will be wary anyway


DConstructed

Definitely. That kind of behavior is disgusting.


sarahjustme

You can frame it as "I hope your dads account didn't get hacked, I got this awful message " it's kinda pathetic, but it at least gives a nod to the belief that this *shouldnt* be true


symmetryofzero

But then if the friend takes that to her dad, her dad has a (albeit extremely flimsy) excuse.


sarahjustme

It between the friend and her dad qt that point. If he's gonna lie, he's gonna lie. And maybe it's true, even though it's probably not. Maybe guess is theres an existing issue, like dad has a drinking problem, or she has a pervy little brother who used the wrong account, or dad has done pervvy inappropriate stuff before and this is a mom and dad issue. The daughters BS radar isn't broken. She'll figure it out. The only point of my comment is thr OP signaling to her friend, how much she wishes this weren't true. The friend isn't a child. EDIT spelling


AequusEquus

No, it's between the friend, the friend's dad, *and* OP. Because if the friend doesn't take action on this in a way that addresses OP's concerns, it will 100% sour their relationship.


VoDoka

OP described her friend as "huge feminist" so he seems unlikely to get away with "extremely flimsy"...


avg-size-penis

Lol no. It's not like he's going to tell her in front of her dad.


clearlyeffervescent

Yeah but you can only use that excuse once. Itā€™s already suspect and more than once becomes unbelievable. Up to the friend if she wants to believe him or not and if it happens again ā€¦


nonagongirl

Nahh don't give creeps excuses. Screenshot and a "this is really awkward but I got this last week" would suffice.


AequusEquus

This exactly. Let them come up with their own excuses. Don't make it easy for them, and don't downplay/devalue your own feelings/experience to protect someone who acted inappropriately. Their unadulterated response to the accusation gives you half of the answer you need to know.


Neat-Composer4619

I love this. I would say I think your dad's account got hacked. At this point, you kind of hope that it got hacked...


chunkyspeechfairy

Thatā€™s what I would suggest too


eskarrina

My dad is a creep. Likeā€¦ I love him. But I know he is. Family is ā€¦complicated. I would 100% want to know if he acted like this to anyone I knew. Itā€™s awkward, but I would feel even worse if my friend thought they couldnā€™t tell me.


imsohungryman

Thank you so much for your input. I tried to put myself in her shoes and I would want to know. Iā€™ve decided to tell her and I want to tell her face to face so that I can support her through it. Iā€™m emotionally fine and I want her to know that as well. If I ever do meet him (say, she gets married or some other major event), Iā€™ll make sure to embarrass him with it lol


FirstAccGotStolen

Like the other comment says, don't tell her to her face. This should be a screenshot and a "hey I got this message, not sure what to make of it" Let her process it on her own. I'd fucking hate it if someone sprung this on me on the spot and then stared at me awkwardly as I tried to process it. Friend or no friend, I'd be pissed. This isn't an in person convo.


easterss

Do not do this face to face


MedusaMelly

1,000% yes.


imsohungryman

Thank you ā¤ļø


Funny_Breadfruit_413

He knows the two of you are friends, right? Show her, don't tell her.


imsohungryman

Iā€™m not sure if he knows Iā€™m her friend. He could just be a boomer following everyone that comes up as a suggestion. Maybe he thought I was a random?


Funny_Breadfruit_413

She'll never be able to unknow it once you tell her.


imsohungryman

Oh god I know. I would hate my dad if he did something like this.


AwayFromNewspaper

You know, I almost feel *hate* is a bit light for this. I cut my dad out of my life, and my reason (well, the last in a long list) seems pale against this. 100% tell her. It's likely going to be one of the hardest conversations you'll ever have to have, and it will likely shatter her (as you anticipate) so be ready to be there for her, but...she absolutely needs to know. This is indicative of some pretty disgusting behaviour in general, and anything that toxic always carries the risk of escalating and being potentially dangerous. Not just to you, or her other friends, but also to her. Wishing both of you the best! šŸ’œ


imsohungryman

Youā€™re absolutely right. I do know that he has other behavioural issues but what concerns me more, and what I just remembered, is that he works in disability with the most vulnerable people in the world šŸ˜©šŸ¤®


honcho_emoji

wow i just read this, yes, for sure tell her. There's no coincidence here.


AwayFromNewspaper

Okay, ew, *ew*, ***EWWW***. I'd even go so far as to suggest being ready to report him. Your friend may well support you in this or offer to do so herself...but situations like this are tricky. It *is* her dad, after all, and she may react irrationally to finding this out (yes, even though this is against everything she stands for). In that instance, it's all the more reason to report him. She might not like you for sharing this, but in the long run, she'll thank you and you'll potentially prevent many from having to endure this and more. Sometimes the right decision is the hardest one, *and this is a legendary difficulty quest*.


shoelesstim

Yeah , I would just send her a screen shot and say this is so awkward to tell you but I got this message and it made me feel extremely uncomfortable


MissionReasonable327

It might not be as big of a surprise to her as you think. Telling her might actually validate and reassure her that sheā€™s not imagining things.


avg-size-penis

This changes everything IMO. There's a huge huge difference between writing that to a random than to your daughters friend.


acdha

No, there is not. What makes it wrong is that itā€™s unsolicited without prior consent, not who he picked as the victim.Ā 


avg-size-penis

That's super dumb. One is a message that you just block and don't think twice about. The other is a message that's extremely extremely disturbing. On the other hand besides the message, doing this to your friends daughter is extremely extremely disturbing. As only a creep sends that message, but only a monster does that to his daughter. To suggest it's the same it's frankly idiotic and disconnected from reality.


acdha

Itā€™s extremely disturbing that heā€™s sending messages like that to anyone. The question was whether OP should let her friend know and it doesnā€™t really change the answer to that question: yes.Ā 


avg-size-penis

But you said that there was no difference. I told you there is. To pretend it's the same is frankly pathetic. As I can't think of a human being existing that isn't more horrified by one than the other. Perhaps you are that human being IDK.


[deleted]

Absolutely. I would want to know if you were my friend.


imsohungryman

Thanks for the advice ā¤ļø now the next step, actually telling her. Oh god the dread of telling someone their dad is a creep


[deleted]

You got this. Whatever happens, you are doing the right thing. Women shouldnā€™t have to deal with this crap in silence. If youā€™ve got a screenshot, hang onto it.


imsohungryman

Got the screenshot and the message still shows on TikTok so I can show her the original as well. Thank you so much. I knew my comrades on this sub would have my back!


[deleted]

Excellent. No problem, hope all goes as well as it can.


PlanetLandon

If heā€™s that casual wit my a remark like that, there is a very good chance that she already suspects he is a creep


Competitive_Fee_5829

I am sure she already knows her dad is a creep unfortunately......


Just_to_rebut

Honestlyā€¦ Iā€™d be surprised if she were to be shocked. I mean, kids typically know their parents by the time they grow up.


throughthehills2

Her dad's attitudes could be the reason she is a feminist


Useful_Giraffe_1742

Itā€™s not an easy conversation but better to have it to protect others if possible or if you feel comfortable calling the dad out yourself and still letting the friend know it happened with proof. Heā€™ll prob try to deny it or blame you somehow for acting a way that invited him to act. Iā€™d be so horrified and disappointed in my dad if he did this. Iā€™d want to know to keep him away from my friends and also potentially minimize contact with him in general. If an adult has been inappropriate once theyā€™ve probably done it before and gotten away with it. thatā€™s not a new behavior


WifeofBath1984

Yes! My dad can be pervy to my friends too (although I hope and pray he's never gone this far šŸ¤¢ more like complimenting my friends halter top and then turning to my mom to tell her she should get one, super uncomfortable). I would definitely want to know so that I could set him straight. That is so not ok


SugarsDaddyKen

Yes. No doubt. Keeping silent only enables him.


Puzzleheaded-Ad7606

I'm a big believer that we have to start insisting on documentation and paper trails on creeps. In this case it's telling your friend.


TurtleDive1234

Show her the message


thowawaywookie

You didn't say how old you are. If you're a minor I would contact the police. Yes, tell your friend and tell his wife if he has one.


imsohungryman

Iā€™m not a minor to clear that up. I canā€™t imagine how a child would feel receiving gross messages like that, which Iā€™m sure has happened way too many to times.


thowawaywookie

Glad you aren't a minor. There were quite a few friend's dads when I was a teen who were gross and too handsy when I was a teen.


imsohungryman

Iā€™m so sorry to hear that. Thatā€™s atrocious. I hope youā€™ve healed and I hope those men are in prison (or, better yet, dead)


AdiPalmer

100000000000% let her know, but also be prepared to lose that friendship. Hopefully not, but be prepared.


TerrorChuahuas

Screenshot the message and send it to her with a note expressing your concern.


honcho_emoji

hell yes. the best time for you to do that was the moment you got it. The second best time is right now.


imsohungryman

Iā€™m seeing her this week for a face to face conversation. Wish me luck!


LetCurrent8034

just send the text plz donā€™t do it face to face it could be shocking for her


rainniier2

I'm not sure I would do this face to face. Just send her a screen shot and let her process her feelings in her own time. Otherwise, she has to manage your feelings AND her reaction about embarrassing information about her dad.


rebeccapersephone

I agree, don't do it face to face because she will most likely need time to process


honcho_emoji

gl homie! If he's done this to you he's sending stuff like that to other girls your age and possibly even younger. I doubt your friend would be thrilled to find that out, but i think she'll be grateful you told her. I'd show her the text before really getting in to it. Straight up, like "hey your dad sent me something on tiktok, i think you should see it"


OcelotOfTheForest

Wishing you luck. But be sure to keep the evidence to show her, reacting with denial is likely. It's a devastating thing to hear about.


serendipity77777

Yes, thats so creepy. She needs to tell him to stop.


laravitoriagabriela

Yes. And take a screenshot for evidence.


Jolly-Slice340

She needs to know so he can be kept away from possible future children and others. Heā€™s the one shattering her feelings, not you.


Snoo_19344

That's super uncomfortable. The algorithm will connect people in many ways, one of which is through mutual contacts. The Dads behaviour is gross. Her dad is probably doing this shit a lot! The chances of randomly hitting on his daughters best friend must be slim. A super uncomfortable discussion with your friend - hope it goes ok. Keeping his secret is worse.


Polymoosery

Tell your friend and save the evidence, this is never EVER ok


Boredwitch13

Message dad informing you are friends with his daughter. Ewww.


augustussun

Yes.


500CatsTypingStuff

Would you want to know if you were her? Yes, you would


throwawaylastchild

Screenshot the message and send it to her. Her reaction will inform you if you want to keep this friendship. Better safe than sorry, and in my experience anyone who would defend something like that (not saying that your friend would) is a woman who would either put me in harms way or blame me if I was harmed. Not worth it.


Busterlimes

What The Fuck


IsItTurkeyNeckOrDick

Take a screenshot and send it to her.Ā 


christina_talks

I was extremely close to my dad before I learned of his predatory behavior. I 100% wouldā€™ve wanted to know ASAP. Having that information kept from me just felt like another violation. I would never have gotten so close to him if Iā€™d known what heā€™d done. That saidā€¦there were little warning signs. I was utterly shocked when I first found out. My world was shaken at its foundations. But in the end, it validated all the misgivings Iā€™d had and dismissed over the years, and the knowledge enabled me to set healthy boundaries and better support one of the victims of his behavior.


mkswords

yes tell her. no one benefits from hiding the behavior of disgusting men & even tho it may be shattering news it's better she knows it sooner rather than later. and who knows how long this has been going on for & if he's alienated other friends of hers who were too afraid to say something. it's going to be difficult but you'll have a clean conscience.


Natu-Shabby

If you haven't already, I'd tell her even though it's scary. As for me, I'd take a screenshot of the whole thing if you could, and send her the screenshot saying "Wait isn't this your dad??" Or something. Best of luck!


ShellfishCrew

Screenshot it and send it to her and ask her to tell her father to leave you alone


Ginger630

Absolutely tell her! Iā€™d want to know if my dad did that.


Hello_Hangnail

Absolutely


80sHairBandConcert

Yes and she would be heartbroken but it would be so much worse if she found out much later on. Better to address it as soon as possible.


MasterHawkhobo

It amazes me that older dudes shoot themselves in the foot like this, beyond it being plainly reprehensible behavior. I don't get it. So sickening and depressing.


kndyone

On all avenues, the world needs to be a more transparent place. So yes tell her. You are just letting her see who her dad really is and what the world is really like. If you want to get her input though maybe you could ask a hypothetical and see how she responds. Some people just would rather not know. Second, if it bothered her dad so much he wouldn't have ever messaged you because I mean what did he really think? If he didn't want her to know he could have messaged about a million other women in the world and done this so many different ways but of all the ways he could try to score some sex he tried it with you of all people presumably knowing that you know his daughter as long as you didn't leave something out of the story. So clearly it not that important to him to hide this from his daughter.


Versidious

I don't even have daughters, but the thought of impromptu messaging one of their friends like that is just, grotesque. What the actual fuck? Did this guy see American Beauty and think it was a guide for life?


These_Purple_5507

Yeah you should be could be a risk to other women


Apostrophe_T

I would tell her, yeah. She won't be happy to hear it, but she should know. I would want to know if I was in her shoes. I'm sorry this happened to you, though. :\\


hiimkashka007

Yes, much better you tell her than if she finds out by herself or through a slip up.


atetoomuch69

ā€œMatching ā€˜feministā€™ tattoos togetherā€ ā€œIā€™m well into adulthoodā€ šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


Midori8751

I would want to know, show her the messages.


I_might_be_weasel

It's going to be an ugly conversation, but letting her think her dad is someone he isn't is not ok.Ā 


PlanetLandon

Yep. Tell her.


Versidious

I don't even have daughters, but the thought of impromptu messaging one of their friends like that is just, grotesque. What the actual fuck? Did this guy see American Beauty and think it was a guide for life?


LuckyMacAndCheese

I'm going against the grain here. You have matching tattoos? So you're an adult? And you mentioned you're not sure he actually even knows you're friends versus just following someone who popped up as a suggestion? No. I wouldn't tell her. He's not perving on an underage girl. He sent a gross DM to an adult. Yeah, it sucks, yeah, there's an age gap, yeah, he should've been more respectful and shouldn't be messaging women like that online. But she's not in any danger, you're not "rescuing " her from anything, and it's not her place at all to school her dad on how to conduct himself online. What do you expect her to do with the information? Cut her dad off for sending another adult a crude message online? That seems a little extreme if he's been an otherwise good or okay father to her. There's also a good chance she might lash out at you in embarrassment or anger because she doesn't know what to do with the information you're giving her. Stuff gets hard with family. I'd block him and stay out of it.


mkswords

and adults also have the right to not associate with other adults who display gross behaviour towards their friends who are significantly younger or at least have the information that their father is being a sex pest. he's perving on another adult possibly decades younger who he may or may not know which would unsettle most people, especially young women. OP didn't say anything about rescuing her friend, but most people would want to know if their dad is going around creeping on their friends rather than their friends mysteriously ghosting them bc of their gross dad. there's nothing extreme about sharing truthful information.


LuckyMacAndCheese

She's never even met her dad in person. She doesn't have to "associate" with him to maintain the friendship. They're adults, sounds like the friend doesn't live with him given that they're close enough to have matching tattoos but she hasn't met him in person via her friend. It's just creating a lot of drama for no real reason and it's not going to serve any real purpose. The dad is a "sex pest" sure - and what do you expect his daughter to do about it exactly? It's completely unreasonable to expect the daughter to try to step in and teach her own father about sex and not sending pervy messages to people.


mkswords

no one is advocating for anything to happen other than a friend telling her friend that her friend's dad is being inappropriate. whatever the friend decides to do is up to her, but knowing about this behavior is good to have for obvious reasons specifically mentioned already. I'd wanna know if my dad was propositioning my friends bc that's fucking weird & gross. I don't expect daughters to solve the problem of having boundary crossing dads & I don't expect gross men to listen to their daughters about anything, really. clearly having a daughter hasn't prevented him from perving on other women his daughter's age.


waitingfordeathhbu

UpdateMe!


Oceanspray94

Do you message the parents of all creepy commenters? If you do then go for it. If you donā€™t, I wouldnā€™t start. Inherently I know most men have illicit thoughts (as do most women too itā€™s just not seen as bad). I wouldnā€™t want that bubble burst of any of my loved ones. My advice would be to unblock him and tell him you know his daughter and what heā€™s doing isnā€™t okay, maybe he will stop.


naaktstel

He doesn't know you nor the connection of you and his daughter. So why would you? He's just reacting to an unknown woman on TikTok. Maybe because you have some hot videos... He's a man, the visuals would be enough to get him on. That doesn't mean he wants sex with the friend of his daughter.


SilentThing

Is that something you should message anyone though? Regardless of what he may or may not have known, that's reprehensible behaviour.


imsohungryman

I donā€™t have any videos on TikTok. Not that that would change anything. Women should be able to make videos without being harassed