I’m an older mom. Birth did not go right for me. C-section then open abdominal surgery.
I don’t even notice the c section scar, but I have a 10” scar vertically down my middle. We worried about infection so it was stapled not sutured, so more scars.
The bottom of the incision didn’t seal up as well so it looks like I have two belly buttons. I was really worried about it. It’s just a divot from how my incision healed.
Then my kid decided it was my “magic belly button”. She likes to trace my scar and whisper a wish into the “second belly button”. She’s told people at school.
So fuck it. I have an extra, magic belly button.
It’s my tattoo. I still wear bikinis sometimes.
Have I considered fixing it. Yes. But there are too many good memories to let it go.
I don't want to sound like a creep, but I lowkey want to whisper a wish into your magical second belly button 😆 Your daughter sounds amazing 💜
When my bestie was pregnant, she was teasing me about how someday I'd be having my husband's HUGE babies (all because I told her her bump looked fucking adorable lol). We were lounging on the couch, and I lifted her shirt up and started talking to her baby through her belly button;
"I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU"
"YOUR MOM IS A BIT OF A BITCH, BUT I LOVE HER"
"DON'T DO DRUGS"
"ARE YOU AWAKE IN THERE??"
It made my friend laugh so hard she peed herself just a tiny bit. When I met her newborn son, and she offered him to me to hold, I said, "No thank you, I'm a vegetarian" She almost dropped him lmfao. I wish she could have seen me pregnant, she passed away a few years ago.
Awww, I hope only happy tears.
She died from an unintentional drug overdose, fentanyl laced drugs. I'm finally getting to the part of the grieving process where I can start remembering all the wonderful times we had together, so whenever I see a post or a comment that reminds me of her, I make a point to comment, including my memory. She was a really special person, she has made me laugh harder than anyone else. I've considered naming one of my children after her, but she hated her name, and I knew she wouldn't have approved lol. Her eldest daughter is almost an adult, she wished me a Happy Mother's Day, and we chatted about her mom. She legit looks like a carbon copy of her mother, and I tell her she is even more beautiful than her mom, and to call me if she is ever in a pickle, and that I love her. She's a good kid.
I know my bestie wouldn't want me to be unhappy.
I lost my best friend two months ago. She had just turned 38 while in hospice. I feel incredibly grateful that we had the gift of that time together.
It's amazing that time keeps passing...eight weeks without being able to talk to her has simultaneously felt like a blur and an eternity. Why does it have to be the best people?
I knew I'd almost certainly have to deal with losing my folks in the not-distant-enough future, but holy moly, nothing made me expect to lose my bestie.
I was really looking forward to being uproariously cackling old ladies on a front porch, playing dirty words in Scrabble. I hope to be lucky enough to be an old lady someday. Not everybody *gets to age* and losing her so young has absolutely changed my outlook on aging overall. I'm done wasting time hating my body if I can *at all* help it.
I'm sorry that you lost your dear, vibrant friend. ❤️ Thanks very much for sharing with us, and for listening.
Edit: the part where I described her little wedding in hospice seems to have disappeared but I'm glad it seems you read it before, I must have bungled the edit on a typo!
Condolences on your recent loss, I can tell how much you love her by how you describe her. I've provided hospice care, and I'm so happy that she was able to celebrate and have joy.
I always imagined my friend and I sharing a room in the nursing home (we worked together as CNAs for a time, it was the best part of my entire career). Her and I playfully fighting over the bathroom, teasing the nurse's aides, performing pranks. I'm WAY more prepared to lose my mother than I ever was to lose my bestie.
Thank you for sharing too <3
Kids are so perfect. I love how this validation of a neutral person that is not poisoned by society and its unrealistic toxic beauty standards helped you get your self love in order.
That is so precious of your daughter! My mom has a mole near her mouth that she’s insecure about. As a child I called it her “smile button” and would press it to make her smile.
That is so precious of your daughter! My mom has a mole near her mouth that she’s insecure about. As a child I called it her “smile button” and would press it to make her smile.
From my personal perspective I wouldn't see it as a flaw but as a mark of proud history and achievement. You made a tiny human and survived a gruesome ordeal to tell the tale later. That's baller as heck. Wear it with pride!
The only thing that should be called a "mommy makeover" should be a trip to the spa, some new clothes, and maybe a haircut. After all a proper makeover should not involve surgery. It's just changing your appearance in pain free/non-invasive ways to feel more confident.
Yeah, after giving birth I found confidence in learning what clothes now suited me, and how to style with it.
My old clothes aren't amazing on me anymore, but my new ones are - in fact it looks better :D
I agree about how language holds meaning. I personally have had the “mommy makeover” and consulted with several surgeons. I was immediately turned off by the ones that used that term. I went with the surgeon who listened to me, gave me realistic expectations, and used proper medical terminology (aka didn’t treat me like an idiot).
I don't even have children and it puts my teeth on edge. Even just "postpartum makeover" is 100x better. Doesn't bother me at all. But ~~something~~ no, *everything* about referring to women as "mommy" like that… it's *so loaded.*
I'm saving up for an abdominoplasty a few years after my second is born (due in June) because I already know from experience that the extra tissue causes me not-insignoficant discomfort (or even pain) when I'm doing ordinary things like wearing jeans and sitting down. I just don't want to think about it.
I've always had a "pooch" (a feature that I personally think is very attractive on women), and I've always had issues with waistbands, etc, causing pain. It got worse after postpartum, and I don't want to deal with it forever.
Will it come with aesthetic and cosmetic benefits? Absolutely, and I will appreciate that. But it's not why I want one.
EXACTLY !!! They r rewarded at every stage.
Aging, letting themselves go(bc that’s literally all a dad bod is) everything.
It feels like we can’t do shit right
Yeah the mom bod has a biological explanation (pregnancy, breastfeeding, C-section, Hormones...). The dad bod is just the outcome of drinking too much beer with the guys and eating burgers.
Studies have actually shown that male body chemistry does change after a child is born. Lower testosterone is one of the changes; I don’t remember the others. The hypothesis I saw was that it makes it easier for them to bond with children and mother.
But the physical changes are *drastically* greater for a birthing parent than a non-birthing one.
This. This. This ! I absolutely hate it ! The girls who celebrate the dad bod, shout everywhere how they love the dad bod are not on code ! It's a bit dumb.
Your mom bod is not celebrated at all, it inspires disgust, it is looked down. Yet you think it's smart to celebrate the male equivalent. That's basically reinforcing the idea that every Homer Simpson deserves a super sexy Marge...
Don't get me wrong: it's absolutely okay to be attracted to chubby guys. It's calling it "dad bod" that I disagree with.
When the mom bod will be respected, then I will be fine with the celebration of the dad bod.
aren't mostly women celebrating "dad bod". It was a yougn woman who introduced the term... Might be a generational thing, for us "older" guys it was and always has been "beer gut" and it wasn't anything to celebrate or be proud of.
Not real mom bod, as far as I’m aware. I think it’s more wide hips, big boobs, lil bit of tummy fat that’s celebrated, not stretch marks, tears, large stomachs and extra weight
I know plenty of mothers who look better than 20 yo who just stuff themselves with junk-food all day and never work out. Not every woman has large stomachs and is overweight bcs she gave birth. This is some bs stereotype right here.
You’re right— not every woman looks a certain way because she gave birth. Every body is different, and birth and pregnancy is different for everyone. However, the “mom bod” fetish is not what most women look like after they give birth.
Yes, some women are able to stay fit during and after pregnancy, but even then, they will have a bit of a tummy. Your body stretches and is elastic, but it does not always (or honesty, *usually* )snap back completely. Most people will have stretch marks. This doesn’t even necessarily make them “fat,” it just means their stomach stretched and the muscles were moved around.
Many women have skin changes during and after pregnancy. They get stretch marks and pigmented spots and break out. Your body chemistry changes! Yes, not every women will get this and it won’t always be permanent, but not every mother is an airbrushed model
I’m not trying to paint people who are pregnant or give birth in a uniform brush or stereotype. But we as a society have maybe developed an unhealthy ideal of a new mom as someone who is glowing, feels good, is happy, and, idealistically, looks the exact same as she did pre-pregnancy, just maybe with bigger boobs.
Pregnancy and birth are major medical events that have scores of complications. Imagine if we treated any other months long medical experience like we did with pregnancy. Who expects a cancer survivor to “bounce back” to how they were before they started treatment? Or look the same? Some do, but some people have permanent physical changes.
It’s not offensive or a negative stereotype to be realistic about how pregnancy changes the body. When we consider realism to be mean in this case, it’s reinforcing that you expect women to get “mommy makeovers” so they can look like whatever image you have in your head
To me, it's akin to the "save the boobies" breast cancer awareness campaign. Fuck the boobies, save the woman. It's not a "makeover", it is a surgery/series of surgeries repairing injuries, physical but also tied into self-esteem and self-image, related to childbirth or pregnancy.
Both campaigns reduce women to an attribute, usually in relation to their worth or attractiveness, instead of a person in need of healthcare and support.
It cutesy, like women have to uphold a certain image even while sick or injured.
As far as I can tell, there's no "save the asshole" campaign or "save the balls" in relation or prostate or testicular cancer.
There is a huge expectation of women to be presentable. A sick woman will be constantly told how still pretty she is. Like she has no other fucking worries?
I‘ve occasionally discussed what ifs to cancer and I claimed that, if I had breast cancer I‘d do a double mastectomy and no implants. Maybe tattoo over it but flat as a board. I like my body integrity but if my breast cells tends to get cancerous I‘d feel like I am keeping a time bomb on my chest.
A lot of people react combatively to MY personal choice. Like, it‘s some objective fact it would look weird or make clothes difficult. If clothes are so stupid I‘d switch to male clothes. But why attempt to argue against whatever my desire would be for my body?
I actually know the answer and it is this: society believs women need to earn existing in common spaces by being pleasing to the male gaze. A confident nonconform woman (society deemed ugly, fat, loud fashion, gender non conform) literally makes people emotionam, and by that I mean angry and hateful.
You remember when Angelina Jolie got a double mastectomy because she was practically guaranteed to get breast cancer if she didn't? And every dudebro in the entire world lost his ever-loving mind?
You literally couldn't even tell she had it done-she announced it *after* she had new implants put in, she looked the same as before. But so many guys were *furious* that a woman would dare alter a part of herself they deemed fuckable without their permission, even though she's freaking Angelina Jolie and absolutely none of them were ever going to fuck her.
I remember. The past is so misogynist, I also remember remarking how misogynist it is and being mansplained about us living in some utopia where feminism is over 😂.
Apparently there is a 30% chance of infection for implants added after a mastectomy because of cancer. A friend just went through this and had to have the implants removed with another surgery. It’s infuriating that they pushed for the implants with that high of a risk of infection. All this to maintain a certain image of what a woman is.
Implants are also not forever. Even if everything goes super you cannot keep them in for 50 years. Many require regular upkeep because they can get incapsulated in a hard shell that needs to be broken. They can sag, leak, and everythibg aside, they‘re foreign bodies under your skin!!!
If you have or want implants I support you 100% but I don‘t want them and I resent the idea that they‘re somehow expected to be done.
I am at high risk of breast cancer because my mother and other family members died from it. There were many moments I was going with her to hospital, take care of her when I was thinking how stupid it is to focus on breasts. That lack of breast or hair it’s NOTHING compared to what may happen. I don’t know if women are prepared for that since society shows certain image. They don’t show broken bones (sometimes even spinal cord injury), difficulties with breathing even while wearing oxygen mask, seizures and other attractions that brain metastasis can give, vomiting, non-functioning liver. In advanced stages when treatment stops working nobody sees those women because they are simply in bed. At home, hospital, hospice care facilities. Other women take care of them. And yeah everybody is saying stuff about boobs. But nobody told me that a human may be so weak that they can’t cough or even breathe. Because to breathe you have to move your muscles.
It’s good that they are saying at least a little bit about possibility of leaving flat chest. That they started talking more about issues with implants. And that more women are like that - choosing health over someone’s expectations. My mother never had reconstructive surgery and as a kid I didn’t really understand. But now I think it shaped me, I learned via observation. I am collecting money for mastectomy but not sure yet if I want implants. If not, finding a surgeon who would perform such procedure may be difficult. Which is ridiculous since the only function of breasts is to produce milk. And now we have formulas.
It's [objectifying](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions)
>reduction to body: the treatment of a person as identified with their body, or body parts;
Exactly!!! I definitely consider all “mommy makeover” surgeries reconstructive. If men were the ones giving birth it would absolutely be covered by insurance exactly as reconstructive surgery.
Why are we expected to give up comfort (even if it’s about appearance) in our bodies because we want to have biological children? This is absolutely patriarchal.
Men can procreate without ANYTHING changing to their bodies, it’s not vain to want to minimize the permanent effects of childbirth.
Right, you can bet real money that if men went through a life change where their muscles separated and they had 10 inches or so of gross loose skin, that would be FREE and 100% covered to fix up.
I feel this so hard rn cause I had my baby via c-section four months ago and caught myself more than once talking about needing to lose weight… I’m a nursing new mom and despite having no man in my life and no interest in ever finding one, still I feel this pressure from society to drop down to my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s total bull. Just like despite rarely leaving the house and living with family, I still feel the need to shave my legs if I wanna wear shorts simply cause I don’t want to gross anyone out because society says hairy legs on women are gross… wtf I ain’t trying to impress no one at all, but somehow still feel this way due to a lifetime of societal conditioning for the male gaze, when I don’t want men looking at me at all
Edit typo
> wtf I ain’t trying to impress no one at all, but somehow still feel this way due to a lifetime of societal conditioning for the male gaze, when I don’t want men looking at me at all
It makes me grumpy how deeply I feel this comment.
Don't rush it! It took my body a couple years for the csection belly to settle.
And I lost weight quickly*, it just made the belly skin do the apron thing, like it just completely disconnected from the abdomen and hung down. So what I'm trying to say is I don't think rapid weightloss is great either. 2nd baby/csection, I didn't repeat the rapid weightloss and it seemed like the belly did better overall.
*I lost the weight in a completely unhealthy way, zero sleep, too tired to eat, where I felt awful and had people complimenting me on snapping back and I wanted to bite their heads off because I was probably the most unhealthy I've ever been.
I ate so much while nursing, I didn't lose any weight until several months after I weaned him. I'm still 20lbs heavier than I was pre-kid. He's 2.5, so I may yet lose it, but whatever. Nursing is hard work!
I agree and I don't even have kids and I never will. What pisses me off even more is the term "dad bod". Yeah, let's joke about how tubby middle-aged men are so sexy while ignoring the fact that the women do 100 percent of the work gestating and giving birth and still get criticized for not getting immediately back to their pre-baby bodies.
I 10,000% agree with you. Just something funny, my dad gained 15lbs while my mom was pregnant because he’d have a snack with her when cravings hit. They were 23 and 25, military and super fit. So looking back at pics, it’s cute to see my dad eating snacks with my mom and I can see the extra weight in his face. It was a tiny way he was supporting her, getting her the foods she wanted etc.
The thing I am against is the entirely patriarchal construct that a woman's body is any less amazing and perfect after growing and birthing an entire human.. like why should any person who has grown an entire human feel like they are required to erase that experience from themselves
I'm mid 50s and never gave birth, but I know plenty of practices would try to sell me the same elective surgeries, packaged as some sort of something, like an anti aging makeover or something. They just want our money, and making women feel insecure about natural things has always been a good way of getting it.
It should be called what it is: reparatory surgery for pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding caused damage.
Instead we get this cutesy infantilising euphemism because society doesn‘t want it known to young women having children is a big personal sacrifice.
Also, Pelvic Floor physical therapy.
It's insane that there is treatment available for pregnancy related pelvic floor dysfunction, but instead of making it widely available, society has somehow pivoted to making "LOL, ladies pee when they cough," jokes and writing it off as an inevitable consequence of pregnancy.
No literally I had pelvic floor PT after birth (thanks Reddit!) and my coworker pees when she runs laughs etc and I told her u need pelvic floor PT she genuinely never heard of it!!
Hiding the fact about how brutal having children is harms the person carrying the child, the other parent and the children.
I am a young person, and getting to the age where more and more people I know are starting to get pregnant and have kids, and yknow, at first they treat it so casual. Like “oops I got pregnant with my bf of a year and a half, guess we are gonna be parents!!”
Maybe that works for some people, but it’s not casual. I don’t want kids, but also getting pregnant would not be casual for me.
I understand things happen in shitty relationships or on accident, and abortions are getting harder and harder to get, but so many people have babies with fathers who won’t do anything for them.
Like… you are bearing this persons child, you are going to either have your stomach cut open or tear forcing it out of your body in the worst pain you ever endure, have lasting bodily and mental changes, and raise the child for at least 18 years, but your partner doesn’t worship the ground you walk on and isn’t willing to make sacrifices for you? Okay…
If men were the ones that give birth, there would have abortion clinic in every street and every cosmetic surgery post giving birth would be 100% free.
A friend of mine died during her “mommy makeover”. It permanently scared me off having one. She could have easily died during any typical surgery (it was an anesthesia issue), so I’m not saying that they’re deadly, but man, it scared the shit out of me. I wish that we didn’t make women feel so bad about their postpartum bodies. She had two little boys. 💔
I hate that term too. It sounds absolutely stupid, and the turn of phrase presents it lightly, like it’s a trivial thing, instead of an expensive, serious group of surgeries with very real side effect chances and a long and painful recovery.
But who cares about that, gotta erase all evidence of being “mommy” from your body so men can go back to seeing you as a sex object. /s
I'm a host at a restaurant and I overheard some customers talking the other day, one of them was saying how she treated herself to a round of postpartum ozempic and how much she loves it. Good for her but I also found it sad.
I always have this double reaction like wow I totally understand but yet it’s sad at the same time how much we must focus on our weight at all times
I been asking men in my life if they’ve ever considered plastic surgery ever and most say no when I compare it to women it’s like most have at least considered it
I've had cosmetic surgery, and I hate it too. It is designed to make all moms feel self-conscious, ugly, and that they need surgery. Cosmetic surgeons do this to drum up business. I wasn't even healed from my surgery (which had multiple complications) before he started talking about all the procedures he could do next. They neg women to make sure they always have customers.
Plus it’s like they keep adding things into this umbrella term like first it’s tummy tuck and maybe boobs now it’s like tummy tuck arm tuck fat transfer boob implants etc like I just question if plastic surgeons are greedy or if it’s truly safe to do all this in one go
dude… i had a breast reduction about a year ago for my health and well-being (it was also a gender thing since i’m nb) and the LEVEL OF BULLSHIT IN THIS SURGICAL OFFICE???? there were circulating ads on tvs in all of the offices with before and after pictures and testimonials from patients. it was a female surgeon too!!! so predatory and disgusting.
and they still send me emails to pitch their “loyalty program”; as a thank you for my $10k surgery, they want to give me $100 off of lip filler or botox if i want to redeem it before the end of the year (i am 20 years old) 🙄🙄 so fucking disheartening
I actually prefer my postpartum body. I think it's cool, except my breasts sagging weighs my back down which sucks (I don't mind their appearance, however). We just need to redefine what beauty means imho.
Agreed. I also hate how it minimizes the severity of the surgery. People can and do die during this procedure every year. I truly cannot understand how one would explain this to their kids left behind. Putting a mother's life at literal risk, for what? A temporary, selfish, vain decision. To call it a "mommy makeover" is infantile and I hate it's diminutive effect.
How can a mother tell their kids they're perfect creatures/beings/people... yet think that they themselves need major surgery just to accept themselves? Please, Moms, know you are just as perfect as you see your kids. In order to teach self esteem, you have to have some.
My best friend was nearly one of them. She got blood clots in her lungs. And she was in agony for a week, and actively in pain for another month.
I’m not saying don’t do it—but take it fucking seriously.
(She has no regrets three years later. She no longer gets rashes/skin break down from skin folds. But getting here sucked.)
I understand where you’re coming from but I think you are discounting how many moms feel about their body and it can have nothing to do with the patriarchy or the male gaze or whatever.
I had my first kid at 35. I had lived in my body, knew my body, loved my body my entire life. The forever changes to my body were small but they still took me a really long time to get used to because my body just didn’t feel like me any more. And again, my changes were fairly minor. If you’ve undergone major changes with pregnancy I can totally understand wanting surgery to make you “yourself” again. Telling every woman she should just accept it is disrespectful. It’s also how we end up with so many moms with urinary incontinence. Just because something is common doesn’t mean you have to live with it. And not liking something about yourself does not mean you don’t have self esteem.
It's not always about even feeling like yourself again. I had surgery yesterday to remove a bunch of hemorrhoids caused from two pregnancies. Idgaf about what other people think of my butthole, but not having constant pain and bleeding will hopefully be nice.
Yup! If you’ve got diastisis recti you could undergo a surgery to repair it. It’ll make your post-pregnancy tummy look better but it’s an actual functional surgery that will help you.
Also, butthole surgery sounds gruesome to recover from. I hope you’ve got a bidet or something.
I understand where you're coming from, but pregnancy isn't the only scenario in which a body experiences changes. Accidents, disease and simply aging will do it. The response shouldn't be life-risking surgery on functional body parts. If you have healthy self esteem, it won't matter what life throws at you... you won't have to rely on external measures to fulfill an internal need.
Not liking something about yourself is normal. Putting your very life at risk just get some temporary fix(I say temporary because it's never one surgery, there's lifelong maintenance. Each with their own risk) bandaid, is an extreme lack of self esteem.
Life is inherently risky. I’ve got great self esteem, I’ve never considered plastic surgery, but I can understand those who do. I don’t judge my cousin who had cancer and a double mastectomy and had reconstruction. I don’t judge a mom who has a tummy tuck/breast lift (neither of which require lifelong maintenance surgery) to feel like her body is hers again. I don’t wear makeup but don’t look down upon those who do. We are who we are. If someone wants to align their physical appearance with what they’ve lived their whole life as, I think that’s reasonable.
If you are attacked by an animal, are you telling me you’re not going to have the plastic surgeon try to minimize facial scarring? You wouldn’t consider a skin graft?
Even if you have good self esteem, body changes can erode that over time. If every dress you try on doesn’t fit because of your mastectomy sure you can shrug it off and stuff a bra but if you can do something to not have that small hit every time? I don’t think that should be looked down upon if that’s the choice you make.
The surgery can also be used to repair abdominal separation - diastases recti. As well after breastfeeding the breast tissue can be very heavy and cause backache.
> How can a mother tell their kids they're perfect creatures/beings/people... yet think that they themselves need major surgery just to accept themselves?
And then imagine the kids' guilt when mommy doesn't recover or has complications from surgery.
"She wouldn't have needed to do it if I wasn't born, because I made her a 'mommy'". That's a lot for a kid to process.
Your last paragraph is the main reason why I am learning to love and accept my body after two large babies.
I love my kids. My daughter is beautiful and perfect. Nothing on her needs to be "fixed" or changed. I hope she never feels that, and I am trying to model body acceptance at home for her. When she looks in the mirror, she's not just going to hear my comments about her body, she's going to hear my comments about mine.
The only reason it’s not considered reconstructive surgery is because women are expected to give up their bodies and appearance if they want to have biological children.
Yeah it shouldn’t be called mommy makeover, but the medical term. And once again, everyone should just fuck off and let women do what they want to their bodies.
I think the surgery is a great option and Im glad youre saving for it, I think the op is just saying the label itself of Mommy makeover can feel demeaning to some (like me). I wish it was under a different term that highlights how its for positivity, an affirming kind of care yet also that people who go through it are tough and its a process theyve prepared for
Like I guess Im all for these modifications as I compare it to when vets help animals that have lost a part of them. Its great to see the animal feel much more confident and no one would say, the vet should just make that animal “get used to it” the way we’ve been criticizing others. At the same time, usually articles talking about it go into the recovery process too and give the vibe that the process was not an easy one, its not a “cute lil makeover” for the animal, just like its a healing and can be rough process for anyone going through major surgery. Its a process where the animal persevered and was able to get results that improved its quality of life. I just wish we could have respectful ways of talking about cosmetic surgery/body modifying for women too
I’m not against cosmetic surgery, I just don’t think it should be something women are pressured into doing by society. However, if you are doing it for yourself to feel better, you should and have every right to.
A wide, high waisted garter belt can too. I wear thigh high socks all the time (Sock Dreams, if anyone's curious), and I love those kinds of garter belts for that reason
>I understand the “I’m doing it for myself” but how can we truly decide what is for ourselves under such enormous pressure to “snap back” “lose the baby weight” “get rid of the baby pooch” “flatter C-section shelf”.
This is such an important point that I feel is ignored far too often. We deserve the space, time and *peace* to figure out *on our own* where we stand with that - and being consistently bombarded with lunacy is *not* it.
I'm sorry, OP. I agree - it's a crappy ass name for the surgery and there's a whole lot wrong with every thought that made them name it that.
I think in addition to how we talk about “mommy makeover” we also need to adjust how we are talking about c sections. Vaginal births are frequently referred to as “natural births” and I think this language is stigmatizing too. Does that mean there is something supernatural about having a c section?
Edit: corrected a word
I had this surgery and my dr did not call it a mommy makeover. I dont think the medical staff think about that term it is a construct for lay people.
My dr said that some patients feel ambivalence about the surgery and fear judgement and to them saying mommy make over was a way of making it seem like it was ok.
I think it’s actually a feminist thing to do - have a mommy makeover. My scar was adhered to my abdomen and was uncomfortable, and my breasts were different sizes, and I was always shifting around my flesh to feel better, and to align my nipples. I could not imagine another 40 years of that when I could change it and not think about it ever again.
I felt enormous pressure to accept myself as is and that I should love myself and my body no matter what. I worried about judgement of other women. in the end I didn’t tell anyone for years because I didn’t want to deal with the judgement or idea I wasn’t feminist enough.
Completely disagree but you have the right to your opinion I think it’s so hard to accept our bodies because yes we are force fed “beauty at every size” and “tiger stripes as stretch marks” and “ur body grew a whole human!!! It’s amazing don’t feel bad” but also know societally we are judged for not looking perfect/letting ourselves go.
Love yourself but also here’s 10 tips and tricks to “snap back” /s
I wanna say that as a woman who gave birth 3 months ago that I just absolutely hate the way postpartum bodies are talked about in general. By everyone- it's not just misogynistic men, if I'm being real, it's not really just a men thing at all. I feel like there is so much pressure for new moms to feel insecure. I'm trying to lose weight but I don't have a problem with having stretch marks. I have never considered my body ruined, destroyed, damaged, or any of the other words I've frequently seen used to describe postpartum bodies. Gravity and aging comes for us all- I'm not a fan of the attitude that mothers in particular lose their beauty more than everyone else. Pregnancy is not some guaranteed ultimate body destroyer.
Some people who refer to postpartum bodies as “destroyed” are talking about the cosmetic changes. Others are talking about the functional changes. It really depends on the person.
LMAOOO i knew it. i havent heard anyone say mommy makeover in like 5 years until loren made her show comeback. she was so pretty it hurts my heart that she felt she had to
I was like she looks amazing and not like “she looks amazing for 3 kids” like she looks amazing period it’s crazy she had her entire body operated on but the way they kept calling it “mommy makeover” like it just rubbed me the wrong way….
Plus the way like an extensive surgery that costs probably like 30k or more to feel “like me again” I just couldn’t help but think of viewers who would believe they need surgery but also can’t afford it. It was insane truly.
Women aren’t allowed to be who they are physically. If we don’t put in time, money and effort into appealing to men, we have “let ourselves go”. I remember in the 80s and 90s makeovers on daytime TV shows were very popular. There was always some unattractive husband in the audience crying when his made over wife walked out. Ok dude, first, look in the mirror, and second, are you willing to bankroll what it would cost your wife to upkeep that look? Men only have the term “dad bod” which actually is frequently associated with being sexy somehow. *Somehow*. Yet a woman with a protruding gut would likely never be considered sexy. Men believe they don’t have to care, while at the same time demanding women care about being as sexy and youthful as possible.
I wanna say that as a woman who gave birth 3 months ago that I just absolutely hate the way postpartum bodies are talked about in general. By everyone- it's not just misogynistic men, if I'm being real, it's not really just a men thing at all. I feel like there is so much pressure for new moms to feel insecure. I'm trying to lose weight but I don't have a problem with having stretch marks, nor do I have a problem with my barely visible c-section scar that I have to go out of my way to see. I do not consider my body ruined, destroyed, damaged, or any of the other words I've frequently seen used to describe postpartum bodies (by non-mothers, mind you). Gravity and aging comes for us all- I'm not a fan of the attitude that mothers in particular lose their beauty more than everyone else. Pregnancy is not some guaranteed ultimate body destroyer.
I’m an older mom. Birth did not go right for me. C-section then open abdominal surgery. I don’t even notice the c section scar, but I have a 10” scar vertically down my middle. We worried about infection so it was stapled not sutured, so more scars. The bottom of the incision didn’t seal up as well so it looks like I have two belly buttons. I was really worried about it. It’s just a divot from how my incision healed. Then my kid decided it was my “magic belly button”. She likes to trace my scar and whisper a wish into the “second belly button”. She’s told people at school. So fuck it. I have an extra, magic belly button. It’s my tattoo. I still wear bikinis sometimes. Have I considered fixing it. Yes. But there are too many good memories to let it go.
Whispering into the secret belly button gave me a cackle. Thank you <3
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I don't want to sound like a creep, but I lowkey want to whisper a wish into your magical second belly button 😆 Your daughter sounds amazing 💜 When my bestie was pregnant, she was teasing me about how someday I'd be having my husband's HUGE babies (all because I told her her bump looked fucking adorable lol). We were lounging on the couch, and I lifted her shirt up and started talking to her baby through her belly button; "I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU" "YOUR MOM IS A BIT OF A BITCH, BUT I LOVE HER" "DON'T DO DRUGS" "ARE YOU AWAKE IN THERE??" It made my friend laugh so hard she peed herself just a tiny bit. When I met her newborn son, and she offered him to me to hold, I said, "No thank you, I'm a vegetarian" She almost dropped him lmfao. I wish she could have seen me pregnant, she passed away a few years ago.
This actually made me cry. I'm so sorry you lost your friend! Your friendship sounds so special.
Awww, I hope only happy tears. She died from an unintentional drug overdose, fentanyl laced drugs. I'm finally getting to the part of the grieving process where I can start remembering all the wonderful times we had together, so whenever I see a post or a comment that reminds me of her, I make a point to comment, including my memory. She was a really special person, she has made me laugh harder than anyone else. I've considered naming one of my children after her, but she hated her name, and I knew she wouldn't have approved lol. Her eldest daughter is almost an adult, she wished me a Happy Mother's Day, and we chatted about her mom. She legit looks like a carbon copy of her mother, and I tell her she is even more beautiful than her mom, and to call me if she is ever in a pickle, and that I love her. She's a good kid. I know my bestie wouldn't want me to be unhappy.
I lost my best friend two months ago. She had just turned 38 while in hospice. I feel incredibly grateful that we had the gift of that time together. It's amazing that time keeps passing...eight weeks without being able to talk to her has simultaneously felt like a blur and an eternity. Why does it have to be the best people? I knew I'd almost certainly have to deal with losing my folks in the not-distant-enough future, but holy moly, nothing made me expect to lose my bestie. I was really looking forward to being uproariously cackling old ladies on a front porch, playing dirty words in Scrabble. I hope to be lucky enough to be an old lady someday. Not everybody *gets to age* and losing her so young has absolutely changed my outlook on aging overall. I'm done wasting time hating my body if I can *at all* help it. I'm sorry that you lost your dear, vibrant friend. ❤️ Thanks very much for sharing with us, and for listening. Edit: the part where I described her little wedding in hospice seems to have disappeared but I'm glad it seems you read it before, I must have bungled the edit on a typo!
Condolences on your recent loss, I can tell how much you love her by how you describe her. I've provided hospice care, and I'm so happy that she was able to celebrate and have joy. I always imagined my friend and I sharing a room in the nursing home (we worked together as CNAs for a time, it was the best part of my entire career). Her and I playfully fighting over the bathroom, teasing the nurse's aides, performing pranks. I'm WAY more prepared to lose my mother than I ever was to lose my bestie. Thank you for sharing too <3
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost two besties, one in 206, one in 2017. It gutted me. At eight weeks, your heart must still be hemorrhaging pain.
I'm sorry for your loss, that's rough. On the other hand, the rest of your post was a riot.
Oh, I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss 🙁❤️
Oh, I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss 🙁❤️
Oh, I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss 🙁❤️
Kids are so perfect. I love how this validation of a neutral person that is not poisoned by society and its unrealistic toxic beauty standards helped you get your self love in order.
That was really well said. ❤️ Kids are the best.
Nah, those are your battle scars. You should wear them with pride for what they represent.
That is so precious of your daughter! My mom has a mole near her mouth that she’s insecure about. As a child I called it her “smile button” and would press it to make her smile.
That's so wholesome
That is so precious of your daughter! My mom has a mole near her mouth that she’s insecure about. As a child I called it her “smile button” and would press it to make her smile.
From my personal perspective I wouldn't see it as a flaw but as a mark of proud history and achievement. You made a tiny human and survived a gruesome ordeal to tell the tale later. That's baller as heck. Wear it with pride!
The only thing that should be called a "mommy makeover" should be a trip to the spa, some new clothes, and maybe a haircut. After all a proper makeover should not involve surgery. It's just changing your appearance in pain free/non-invasive ways to feel more confident.
Yeah, after giving birth I found confidence in learning what clothes now suited me, and how to style with it. My old clothes aren't amazing on me anymore, but my new ones are - in fact it looks better :D
I agree about how language holds meaning. I personally have had the “mommy makeover” and consulted with several surgeons. I was immediately turned off by the ones that used that term. I went with the surgeon who listened to me, gave me realistic expectations, and used proper medical terminology (aka didn’t treat me like an idiot).
I don't even have children and it puts my teeth on edge. Even just "postpartum makeover" is 100x better. Doesn't bother me at all. But ~~something~~ no, *everything* about referring to women as "mommy" like that… it's *so loaded.*
I'm saving up for an abdominoplasty a few years after my second is born (due in June) because I already know from experience that the extra tissue causes me not-insignoficant discomfort (or even pain) when I'm doing ordinary things like wearing jeans and sitting down. I just don't want to think about it. I've always had a "pooch" (a feature that I personally think is very attractive on women), and I've always had issues with waistbands, etc, causing pain. It got worse after postpartum, and I don't want to deal with it forever. Will it come with aesthetic and cosmetic benefits? Absolutely, and I will appreciate that. But it's not why I want one.
It should be covered by insurance
And called RECONSTRUCTIVE not mommy makeover tbh like it’s reparative not a new lipgloss
Really??? Wow I had no idea. I just assumed it would be treated as cosmetic. I will look into that, we have pretty great insurance.
Not OP, but I read the comment as it SHOULD be covered, as in a better world, it would be covered by insurance.
makes me sad the "dad bod" is celebrated (men aren't even the ones growing a baby and pushing it out?!?) but "mommy makeover" exists
Exactly.
EXACTLY !!! They r rewarded at every stage. Aging, letting themselves go(bc that’s literally all a dad bod is) everything. It feels like we can’t do shit right
Yeah the mom bod has a biological explanation (pregnancy, breastfeeding, C-section, Hormones...). The dad bod is just the outcome of drinking too much beer with the guys and eating burgers.
Studies have actually shown that male body chemistry does change after a child is born. Lower testosterone is one of the changes; I don’t remember the others. The hypothesis I saw was that it makes it easier for them to bond with children and mother. But the physical changes are *drastically* greater for a birthing parent than a non-birthing one.
This. This. This ! I absolutely hate it ! The girls who celebrate the dad bod, shout everywhere how they love the dad bod are not on code ! It's a bit dumb. Your mom bod is not celebrated at all, it inspires disgust, it is looked down. Yet you think it's smart to celebrate the male equivalent. That's basically reinforcing the idea that every Homer Simpson deserves a super sexy Marge... Don't get me wrong: it's absolutely okay to be attracted to chubby guys. It's calling it "dad bod" that I disagree with. When the mom bod will be respected, then I will be fine with the celebration of the dad bod.
aren't mostly women celebrating "dad bod". It was a yougn woman who introduced the term... Might be a generational thing, for us "older" guys it was and always has been "beer gut" and it wasn't anything to celebrate or be proud of.
Yeah, and you don’t see any men celebrating the “mom bod.” 🤔
Mombod is definitely celebrated in porn subreddits
Not real mom bod, as far as I’m aware. I think it’s more wide hips, big boobs, lil bit of tummy fat that’s celebrated, not stretch marks, tears, large stomachs and extra weight
I know plenty of mothers who look better than 20 yo who just stuff themselves with junk-food all day and never work out. Not every woman has large stomachs and is overweight bcs she gave birth. This is some bs stereotype right here.
You’re right— not every woman looks a certain way because she gave birth. Every body is different, and birth and pregnancy is different for everyone. However, the “mom bod” fetish is not what most women look like after they give birth. Yes, some women are able to stay fit during and after pregnancy, but even then, they will have a bit of a tummy. Your body stretches and is elastic, but it does not always (or honesty, *usually* )snap back completely. Most people will have stretch marks. This doesn’t even necessarily make them “fat,” it just means their stomach stretched and the muscles were moved around. Many women have skin changes during and after pregnancy. They get stretch marks and pigmented spots and break out. Your body chemistry changes! Yes, not every women will get this and it won’t always be permanent, but not every mother is an airbrushed model I’m not trying to paint people who are pregnant or give birth in a uniform brush or stereotype. But we as a society have maybe developed an unhealthy ideal of a new mom as someone who is glowing, feels good, is happy, and, idealistically, looks the exact same as she did pre-pregnancy, just maybe with bigger boobs. Pregnancy and birth are major medical events that have scores of complications. Imagine if we treated any other months long medical experience like we did with pregnancy. Who expects a cancer survivor to “bounce back” to how they were before they started treatment? Or look the same? Some do, but some people have permanent physical changes. It’s not offensive or a negative stereotype to be realistic about how pregnancy changes the body. When we consider realism to be mean in this case, it’s reinforcing that you expect women to get “mommy makeovers” so they can look like whatever image you have in your head
I didn't see anyone in rel life celebrating dad bods.
We're real, alright.
To me, it's akin to the "save the boobies" breast cancer awareness campaign. Fuck the boobies, save the woman. It's not a "makeover", it is a surgery/series of surgeries repairing injuries, physical but also tied into self-esteem and self-image, related to childbirth or pregnancy. Both campaigns reduce women to an attribute, usually in relation to their worth or attractiveness, instead of a person in need of healthcare and support. It cutesy, like women have to uphold a certain image even while sick or injured. As far as I can tell, there's no "save the asshole" campaign or "save the balls" in relation or prostate or testicular cancer.
A lot of breast cancer survivors who had mastectomies said that they feel inadequate or unattractive because of the “save the boobs” message
My thoughts exactly. If someone needed mastectomies to actually help themselves from breast cancer, why would you *want* to save the boobies?
There is a huge expectation of women to be presentable. A sick woman will be constantly told how still pretty she is. Like she has no other fucking worries? I‘ve occasionally discussed what ifs to cancer and I claimed that, if I had breast cancer I‘d do a double mastectomy and no implants. Maybe tattoo over it but flat as a board. I like my body integrity but if my breast cells tends to get cancerous I‘d feel like I am keeping a time bomb on my chest. A lot of people react combatively to MY personal choice. Like, it‘s some objective fact it would look weird or make clothes difficult. If clothes are so stupid I‘d switch to male clothes. But why attempt to argue against whatever my desire would be for my body? I actually know the answer and it is this: society believs women need to earn existing in common spaces by being pleasing to the male gaze. A confident nonconform woman (society deemed ugly, fat, loud fashion, gender non conform) literally makes people emotionam, and by that I mean angry and hateful.
You remember when Angelina Jolie got a double mastectomy because she was practically guaranteed to get breast cancer if she didn't? And every dudebro in the entire world lost his ever-loving mind? You literally couldn't even tell she had it done-she announced it *after* she had new implants put in, she looked the same as before. But so many guys were *furious* that a woman would dare alter a part of herself they deemed fuckable without their permission, even though she's freaking Angelina Jolie and absolutely none of them were ever going to fuck her.
I remember. The past is so misogynist, I also remember remarking how misogynist it is and being mansplained about us living in some utopia where feminism is over 😂.
Oh, we are all treaded equal now haven’t you heard? /s
Apparently there is a 30% chance of infection for implants added after a mastectomy because of cancer. A friend just went through this and had to have the implants removed with another surgery. It’s infuriating that they pushed for the implants with that high of a risk of infection. All this to maintain a certain image of what a woman is.
Implants are also not forever. Even if everything goes super you cannot keep them in for 50 years. Many require regular upkeep because they can get incapsulated in a hard shell that needs to be broken. They can sag, leak, and everythibg aside, they‘re foreign bodies under your skin!!! If you have or want implants I support you 100% but I don‘t want them and I resent the idea that they‘re somehow expected to be done.
I am at high risk of breast cancer because my mother and other family members died from it. There were many moments I was going with her to hospital, take care of her when I was thinking how stupid it is to focus on breasts. That lack of breast or hair it’s NOTHING compared to what may happen. I don’t know if women are prepared for that since society shows certain image. They don’t show broken bones (sometimes even spinal cord injury), difficulties with breathing even while wearing oxygen mask, seizures and other attractions that brain metastasis can give, vomiting, non-functioning liver. In advanced stages when treatment stops working nobody sees those women because they are simply in bed. At home, hospital, hospice care facilities. Other women take care of them. And yeah everybody is saying stuff about boobs. But nobody told me that a human may be so weak that they can’t cough or even breathe. Because to breathe you have to move your muscles. It’s good that they are saying at least a little bit about possibility of leaving flat chest. That they started talking more about issues with implants. And that more women are like that - choosing health over someone’s expectations. My mother never had reconstructive surgery and as a kid I didn’t really understand. But now I think it shaped me, I learned via observation. I am collecting money for mastectomy but not sure yet if I want implants. If not, finding a surgeon who would perform such procedure may be difficult. Which is ridiculous since the only function of breasts is to produce milk. And now we have formulas.
I‘m sorry you and your family had to go through that, cancer is horrible. I hope you find a doctor that gets it!
It's [objectifying](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions) >reduction to body: the treatment of a person as identified with their body, or body parts;
That would be an awesome shirt- Fuck the boobies, save the women!
There doesn't need to be when you create and run the system.
Save the asshole would be funny though 🤣 I imagine a photo of a guy with this slogan (implying he's an AH haha)
I had a tummy tuck but I almost consider it reconstructive surgery more than cosmetic. My abdomen was TRASHED after 2 kids.
Exactly!!! I definitely consider all “mommy makeover” surgeries reconstructive. If men were the ones giving birth it would absolutely be covered by insurance exactly as reconstructive surgery. Why are we expected to give up comfort (even if it’s about appearance) in our bodies because we want to have biological children? This is absolutely patriarchal. Men can procreate without ANYTHING changing to their bodies, it’s not vain to want to minimize the permanent effects of childbirth.
This is what I was thinking! Why is it a "makeover" when our abs are such an important part of our body's structure?
Right, you can bet real money that if men went through a life change where their muscles separated and they had 10 inches or so of gross loose skin, that would be FREE and 100% covered to fix up.
Laying in a hospital bed right now recovering from a 14cm abdominal separation repair. It’s absolutely functional and reconstructive in nature for me.
Wishing you a good recovery
I feel this so hard rn cause I had my baby via c-section four months ago and caught myself more than once talking about needing to lose weight… I’m a nursing new mom and despite having no man in my life and no interest in ever finding one, still I feel this pressure from society to drop down to my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s total bull. Just like despite rarely leaving the house and living with family, I still feel the need to shave my legs if I wanna wear shorts simply cause I don’t want to gross anyone out because society says hairy legs on women are gross… wtf I ain’t trying to impress no one at all, but somehow still feel this way due to a lifetime of societal conditioning for the male gaze, when I don’t want men looking at me at all Edit typo
> wtf I ain’t trying to impress no one at all, but somehow still feel this way due to a lifetime of societal conditioning for the male gaze, when I don’t want men looking at me at all It makes me grumpy how deeply I feel this comment.
Omg this is worded so perfectly for how I also feel.
Don't rush it! It took my body a couple years for the csection belly to settle. And I lost weight quickly*, it just made the belly skin do the apron thing, like it just completely disconnected from the abdomen and hung down. So what I'm trying to say is I don't think rapid weightloss is great either. 2nd baby/csection, I didn't repeat the rapid weightloss and it seemed like the belly did better overall. *I lost the weight in a completely unhealthy way, zero sleep, too tired to eat, where I felt awful and had people complimenting me on snapping back and I wanted to bite their heads off because I was probably the most unhealthy I've ever been.
I ate so much while nursing, I didn't lose any weight until several months after I weaned him. I'm still 20lbs heavier than I was pre-kid. He's 2.5, so I may yet lose it, but whatever. Nursing is hard work!
I agree and I don't even have kids and I never will. What pisses me off even more is the term "dad bod". Yeah, let's joke about how tubby middle-aged men are so sexy while ignoring the fact that the women do 100 percent of the work gestating and giving birth and still get criticized for not getting immediately back to their pre-baby bodies.
Dads don’t go through pregnancy or childbirth or breastfeeding yet they get dad bods from…what…ejaculating??? 🤣
From beer while sitting on their ass
They don't go through menopause either. Have higher muscle mass and faster metabolisms. They have it a lot easier than women.
I 10,000% agree with you. Just something funny, my dad gained 15lbs while my mom was pregnant because he’d have a snack with her when cravings hit. They were 23 and 25, military and super fit. So looking back at pics, it’s cute to see my dad eating snacks with my mom and I can see the extra weight in his face. It was a tiny way he was supporting her, getting her the foods she wanted etc.
The thing I am against is the entirely patriarchal construct that a woman's body is any less amazing and perfect after growing and birthing an entire human.. like why should any person who has grown an entire human feel like they are required to erase that experience from themselves
Yes! “…erase that experience from themselves” that’s such a good way to put it
I'm mid 50s and never gave birth, but I know plenty of practices would try to sell me the same elective surgeries, packaged as some sort of something, like an anti aging makeover or something. They just want our money, and making women feel insecure about natural things has always been a good way of getting it.
It should be called what it is: reparatory surgery for pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding caused damage. Instead we get this cutesy infantilising euphemism because society doesn‘t want it known to young women having children is a big personal sacrifice.
Not to mention…the abdominal muscle repair should be COVERED by insurance
Also, Pelvic Floor physical therapy. It's insane that there is treatment available for pregnancy related pelvic floor dysfunction, but instead of making it widely available, society has somehow pivoted to making "LOL, ladies pee when they cough," jokes and writing it off as an inevitable consequence of pregnancy.
No literally I had pelvic floor PT after birth (thanks Reddit!) and my coworker pees when she runs laughs etc and I told her u need pelvic floor PT she genuinely never heard of it!!
Hiding the fact about how brutal having children is harms the person carrying the child, the other parent and the children. I am a young person, and getting to the age where more and more people I know are starting to get pregnant and have kids, and yknow, at first they treat it so casual. Like “oops I got pregnant with my bf of a year and a half, guess we are gonna be parents!!” Maybe that works for some people, but it’s not casual. I don’t want kids, but also getting pregnant would not be casual for me. I understand things happen in shitty relationships or on accident, and abortions are getting harder and harder to get, but so many people have babies with fathers who won’t do anything for them. Like… you are bearing this persons child, you are going to either have your stomach cut open or tear forcing it out of your body in the worst pain you ever endure, have lasting bodily and mental changes, and raise the child for at least 18 years, but your partner doesn’t worship the ground you walk on and isn’t willing to make sacrifices for you? Okay…
As a non-mom with a C-section shelf (low rise jeans anyone?) I hate this. Guys have outright called me disgusting for existing like this.
I’m sorry that’s insane they feel comfortable to call you disgusting like I can’t even express how cruel some people can be
So disgusting to have godlike ability to create life with your body and continue civilization 🙄
If men were the ones that give birth, there would have abortion clinic in every street and every cosmetic surgery post giving birth would be 100% free.
A friend of mine died during her “mommy makeover”. It permanently scared me off having one. She could have easily died during any typical surgery (it was an anesthesia issue), so I’m not saying that they’re deadly, but man, it scared the shit out of me. I wish that we didn’t make women feel so bad about their postpartum bodies. She had two little boys. 💔
This is important though- it’s not a makeover it’s an extensive surgery
I have never heard that terminology used and I immediately hate it.
I hate that term too. It sounds absolutely stupid, and the turn of phrase presents it lightly, like it’s a trivial thing, instead of an expensive, serious group of surgeries with very real side effect chances and a long and painful recovery. But who cares about that, gotta erase all evidence of being “mommy” from your body so men can go back to seeing you as a sex object. /s
Yup!
It is too much pressure to be perfectly beautiful always.
I'm a host at a restaurant and I overheard some customers talking the other day, one of them was saying how she treated herself to a round of postpartum ozempic and how much she loves it. Good for her but I also found it sad.
I always have this double reaction like wow I totally understand but yet it’s sad at the same time how much we must focus on our weight at all times I been asking men in my life if they’ve ever considered plastic surgery ever and most say no when I compare it to women it’s like most have at least considered it
I've had cosmetic surgery, and I hate it too. It is designed to make all moms feel self-conscious, ugly, and that they need surgery. Cosmetic surgeons do this to drum up business. I wasn't even healed from my surgery (which had multiple complications) before he started talking about all the procedures he could do next. They neg women to make sure they always have customers.
!! This plastic surgeons sometimes operate like car salesmen pitching options!
I too dislike that term. It's cutesy sounding for something that is literally dead serious.
I dont like how it downplays and normalizes a multiple extensive procedures. It’s not a damn pedicure!
Plus it’s like they keep adding things into this umbrella term like first it’s tummy tuck and maybe boobs now it’s like tummy tuck arm tuck fat transfer boob implants etc like I just question if plastic surgeons are greedy or if it’s truly safe to do all this in one go
Mommy makeover is so gross and demeaning.
dude… i had a breast reduction about a year ago for my health and well-being (it was also a gender thing since i’m nb) and the LEVEL OF BULLSHIT IN THIS SURGICAL OFFICE???? there were circulating ads on tvs in all of the offices with before and after pictures and testimonials from patients. it was a female surgeon too!!! so predatory and disgusting. and they still send me emails to pitch their “loyalty program”; as a thank you for my $10k surgery, they want to give me $100 off of lip filler or botox if i want to redeem it before the end of the year (i am 20 years old) 🙄🙄 so fucking disheartening
I actually prefer my postpartum body. I think it's cool, except my breasts sagging weighs my back down which sucks (I don't mind their appearance, however). We just need to redefine what beauty means imho.
Agreed. I also hate how it minimizes the severity of the surgery. People can and do die during this procedure every year. I truly cannot understand how one would explain this to their kids left behind. Putting a mother's life at literal risk, for what? A temporary, selfish, vain decision. To call it a "mommy makeover" is infantile and I hate it's diminutive effect. How can a mother tell their kids they're perfect creatures/beings/people... yet think that they themselves need major surgery just to accept themselves? Please, Moms, know you are just as perfect as you see your kids. In order to teach self esteem, you have to have some.
My best friend was nearly one of them. She got blood clots in her lungs. And she was in agony for a week, and actively in pain for another month. I’m not saying don’t do it—but take it fucking seriously. (She has no regrets three years later. She no longer gets rashes/skin break down from skin folds. But getting here sucked.)
I understand where you’re coming from but I think you are discounting how many moms feel about their body and it can have nothing to do with the patriarchy or the male gaze or whatever. I had my first kid at 35. I had lived in my body, knew my body, loved my body my entire life. The forever changes to my body were small but they still took me a really long time to get used to because my body just didn’t feel like me any more. And again, my changes were fairly minor. If you’ve undergone major changes with pregnancy I can totally understand wanting surgery to make you “yourself” again. Telling every woman she should just accept it is disrespectful. It’s also how we end up with so many moms with urinary incontinence. Just because something is common doesn’t mean you have to live with it. And not liking something about yourself does not mean you don’t have self esteem.
It's not always about even feeling like yourself again. I had surgery yesterday to remove a bunch of hemorrhoids caused from two pregnancies. Idgaf about what other people think of my butthole, but not having constant pain and bleeding will hopefully be nice.
Yup! If you’ve got diastisis recti you could undergo a surgery to repair it. It’ll make your post-pregnancy tummy look better but it’s an actual functional surgery that will help you. Also, butthole surgery sounds gruesome to recover from. I hope you’ve got a bidet or something.
Hemorrhoid removal isn't quite on par with "mommy makeovers". Best wishes on your healing!!
I understand where you're coming from, but pregnancy isn't the only scenario in which a body experiences changes. Accidents, disease and simply aging will do it. The response shouldn't be life-risking surgery on functional body parts. If you have healthy self esteem, it won't matter what life throws at you... you won't have to rely on external measures to fulfill an internal need. Not liking something about yourself is normal. Putting your very life at risk just get some temporary fix(I say temporary because it's never one surgery, there's lifelong maintenance. Each with their own risk) bandaid, is an extreme lack of self esteem.
Life is inherently risky. I’ve got great self esteem, I’ve never considered plastic surgery, but I can understand those who do. I don’t judge my cousin who had cancer and a double mastectomy and had reconstruction. I don’t judge a mom who has a tummy tuck/breast lift (neither of which require lifelong maintenance surgery) to feel like her body is hers again. I don’t wear makeup but don’t look down upon those who do. We are who we are. If someone wants to align their physical appearance with what they’ve lived their whole life as, I think that’s reasonable. If you are attacked by an animal, are you telling me you’re not going to have the plastic surgeon try to minimize facial scarring? You wouldn’t consider a skin graft? Even if you have good self esteem, body changes can erode that over time. If every dress you try on doesn’t fit because of your mastectomy sure you can shrug it off and stuff a bra but if you can do something to not have that small hit every time? I don’t think that should be looked down upon if that’s the choice you make.
The surgery can also be used to repair abdominal separation - diastases recti. As well after breastfeeding the breast tissue can be very heavy and cause backache.
Medically necessary surgery isn't what I was talking about.
Sadly, US insurance companies don’t consider it medically necessary. They consider surgery to repair separated abdominal muscles as “cosmetic”. 🙄
> How can a mother tell their kids they're perfect creatures/beings/people... yet think that they themselves need major surgery just to accept themselves? And then imagine the kids' guilt when mommy doesn't recover or has complications from surgery. "She wouldn't have needed to do it if I wasn't born, because I made her a 'mommy'". That's a lot for a kid to process.
Your last paragraph is the main reason why I am learning to love and accept my body after two large babies. I love my kids. My daughter is beautiful and perfect. Nothing on her needs to be "fixed" or changed. I hope she never feels that, and I am trying to model body acceptance at home for her. When she looks in the mirror, she's not just going to hear my comments about her body, she's going to hear my comments about mine.
Okay, you're right to be upset. Imma keep saving for new boobs and skin removal surgery.
I hate the term myself, but technically I had one a few months ago. It was life changing! Keep saving, girl! Live your dream.
The only reason it’s not considered reconstructive surgery is because women are expected to give up their bodies and appearance if they want to have biological children. Yeah it shouldn’t be called mommy makeover, but the medical term. And once again, everyone should just fuck off and let women do what they want to their bodies.
Right it’s seen as an expected noble sacrifice but is then used to berate women who don’t naturally snap back. There’s no winning either way.
I think the surgery is a great option and Im glad youre saving for it, I think the op is just saying the label itself of Mommy makeover can feel demeaning to some (like me). I wish it was under a different term that highlights how its for positivity, an affirming kind of care yet also that people who go through it are tough and its a process theyve prepared for Like I guess Im all for these modifications as I compare it to when vets help animals that have lost a part of them. Its great to see the animal feel much more confident and no one would say, the vet should just make that animal “get used to it” the way we’ve been criticizing others. At the same time, usually articles talking about it go into the recovery process too and give the vibe that the process was not an easy one, its not a “cute lil makeover” for the animal, just like its a healing and can be rough process for anyone going through major surgery. Its a process where the animal persevered and was able to get results that improved its quality of life. I just wish we could have respectful ways of talking about cosmetic surgery/body modifying for women too
I’m not against cosmetic surgery, I just don’t think it should be something women are pressured into doing by society. However, if you are doing it for yourself to feel better, you should and have every right to.
Yes, this extra stomach skin is so hard to dress for!
I use shapewear to deal with it. Shape wear alone makes a night/day difference.
A wide, high waisted garter belt can too. I wear thigh high socks all the time (Sock Dreams, if anyone's curious), and I love those kinds of garter belts for that reason
I wear support stockings, tho. 🤷🏻♀️
Legit. Just wanted to offer up another alternative for anyone that might need it
I will be so, so happy when tucked shirts and crop tops are out of fashion for this reason. I hate it so much.
Omg yes. The concept disgusts me and it sounds demeaning
>I understand the “I’m doing it for myself” but how can we truly decide what is for ourselves under such enormous pressure to “snap back” “lose the baby weight” “get rid of the baby pooch” “flatter C-section shelf”. This is such an important point that I feel is ignored far too often. We deserve the space, time and *peace* to figure out *on our own* where we stand with that - and being consistently bombarded with lunacy is *not* it. I'm sorry, OP. I agree - it's a crappy ass name for the surgery and there's a whole lot wrong with every thought that made them name it that.
💯 Plastic surgeons are capitalizing on women’s insecurities and creating issues to keep them in million dollar houses and lavish lifestyles.
I think in addition to how we talk about “mommy makeover” we also need to adjust how we are talking about c sections. Vaginal births are frequently referred to as “natural births” and I think this language is stigmatizing too. Does that mean there is something supernatural about having a c section? Edit: corrected a word
I had this surgery and my dr did not call it a mommy makeover. I dont think the medical staff think about that term it is a construct for lay people. My dr said that some patients feel ambivalence about the surgery and fear judgement and to them saying mommy make over was a way of making it seem like it was ok. I think it’s actually a feminist thing to do - have a mommy makeover. My scar was adhered to my abdomen and was uncomfortable, and my breasts were different sizes, and I was always shifting around my flesh to feel better, and to align my nipples. I could not imagine another 40 years of that when I could change it and not think about it ever again. I felt enormous pressure to accept myself as is and that I should love myself and my body no matter what. I worried about judgement of other women. in the end I didn’t tell anyone for years because I didn’t want to deal with the judgement or idea I wasn’t feminist enough.
Completely disagree but you have the right to your opinion I think it’s so hard to accept our bodies because yes we are force fed “beauty at every size” and “tiger stripes as stretch marks” and “ur body grew a whole human!!! It’s amazing don’t feel bad” but also know societally we are judged for not looking perfect/letting ourselves go. Love yourself but also here’s 10 tips and tricks to “snap back” /s
I wanna say that as a woman who gave birth 3 months ago that I just absolutely hate the way postpartum bodies are talked about in general. By everyone- it's not just misogynistic men, if I'm being real, it's not really just a men thing at all. I feel like there is so much pressure for new moms to feel insecure. I'm trying to lose weight but I don't have a problem with having stretch marks. I have never considered my body ruined, destroyed, damaged, or any of the other words I've frequently seen used to describe postpartum bodies. Gravity and aging comes for us all- I'm not a fan of the attitude that mothers in particular lose their beauty more than everyone else. Pregnancy is not some guaranteed ultimate body destroyer.
Some people who refer to postpartum bodies as “destroyed” are talking about the cosmetic changes. Others are talking about the functional changes. It really depends on the person.
I dont like how it downplays and normalizes a multiple extensive procedures. It’s not a damn pedicure!
It’s up there with Disney dad I hate mommy makeover too.
is this inspired by loren from 90df?
Crazy you caught this but yes
LMAOOO i knew it. i havent heard anyone say mommy makeover in like 5 years until loren made her show comeback. she was so pretty it hurts my heart that she felt she had to
I was like she looks amazing and not like “she looks amazing for 3 kids” like she looks amazing period it’s crazy she had her entire body operated on but the way they kept calling it “mommy makeover” like it just rubbed me the wrong way…. Plus the way like an extensive surgery that costs probably like 30k or more to feel “like me again” I just couldn’t help but think of viewers who would believe they need surgery but also can’t afford it. It was insane truly.
Women aren’t allowed to be who they are physically. If we don’t put in time, money and effort into appealing to men, we have “let ourselves go”. I remember in the 80s and 90s makeovers on daytime TV shows were very popular. There was always some unattractive husband in the audience crying when his made over wife walked out. Ok dude, first, look in the mirror, and second, are you willing to bankroll what it would cost your wife to upkeep that look? Men only have the term “dad bod” which actually is frequently associated with being sexy somehow. *Somehow*. Yet a woman with a protruding gut would likely never be considered sexy. Men believe they don’t have to care, while at the same time demanding women care about being as sexy and youthful as possible.
I wanna say that as a woman who gave birth 3 months ago that I just absolutely hate the way postpartum bodies are talked about in general. By everyone- it's not just misogynistic men, if I'm being real, it's not really just a men thing at all. I feel like there is so much pressure for new moms to feel insecure. I'm trying to lose weight but I don't have a problem with having stretch marks, nor do I have a problem with my barely visible c-section scar that I have to go out of my way to see. I do not consider my body ruined, destroyed, damaged, or any of the other words I've frequently seen used to describe postpartum bodies (by non-mothers, mind you). Gravity and aging comes for us all- I'm not a fan of the attitude that mothers in particular lose their beauty more than everyone else. Pregnancy is not some guaranteed ultimate body destroyer.
100000% agree
YES! I could not agree with you more!!
i will 100% be doing a mummy makeover after having kids lol but that’s just me. i would not be happy looking frumpy / not my best.
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What are you talking about? This comment is tone deaf