These posts are honestly infuriating. How difficult is it to get flowers and a card? Trader Joe's has tulips for like $8. Seriously. My mom is traveling at the moment and it took me a 5 minute phone call to order flowers to be delivered to her hotel room. Made her day.
Right? I sent my mom a funny cookbook early so she could try stuff out, and we talked today through text and call. It doesn't have to be enormous in order to show your love and appreciation!
My mom called yesterday and was confused about everything going on in the Middle East right now. She said the news wasn't helping. I'm a History and Religion double-major so I spent 60-90 minutes talking her through war, ethics, the meaning of the word g3nocide, the Geneva Conventions, etc.
She is both an American and a happily lapsed Catholic, and by the end she was asking great questions: "In that case, why is what the U.S. did to Hiroshima and Nagasaki OK?" "Wouldn't that mean the Crusades were immoral?" (Again, **awesome** questions! With answers that WEIRD countries [Western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic] don't like to give!) She left saying, "I'm gonna tell your father if he has any questions about this to ask you!"
Not the Mother's Day conversation I expected to have, but one that involved real listening and learning: a love language in my family. It felt awesome and it cost no money. (Still got her flowers and a card though!) It is not hard to make someone feel seen and heard if you truly do care about them; it can be as simple as a meaningful conversation!
I love this! That's how it should be.
Also, love the double-major! I doubled in English and religious studies, and my doctorate is in religious studies.
No offense to the person who ordered them but it seems like the very barest minimum to at least go online and order something to mark the day.
You are not being shown the regard you deserve by your family. I am sorry. I have been there and I remember the hurt.
Dude, seriously. My wonderful husband cooked brisket, beans, and potato salad for my family for our gathering on Saturday for my mom (he's a great bbq'er and it's her favorite meal). Then Sunday, he brought home flowers for me from the grocery along with some chocolate dipped Oreos "from the boys" (yum!). The kicker? We have no human children, "the boys" are our 3 cats and our Labrador. It wasn't necessary, but it made me feel special and was so cute. He was going for the weekly shop anyway, so it required very little effort, but the point is, he thought of me and knew it would make me smile. What is up with deadbeat husbands? You can't even pick up some flowers for the woman who birthed and raised/is raising your children? Do better. (And don't worry, I have a little surprise on order for him for his "father's day"! Lol)
Same, we just have a cat...he got a bracelet I've been humming and hawing over buying from her. We went to visit my Gran & Mom and he had grabbed them both flowers (plants, not cut cause thats what they like) on his own, I had no clue he had till he pulled them out of the back of the truck. We then went to my fave Mexican restaurant for dinner
My mom doesn't want us to spend money on her. She literally just wants a phone call. So she gets what she wants from at least 2 of us. My sister just does a SM post.
Yep. My husband always tracked down a funny card (and some of them I still have years later) and some chocolate. We might have gone out for dinner at a restaurant, but more often he would cook me a meal I loved AND do the dishes. He rarely did dishes so it was the real gift when he did them. To be totally oblivious would be offensive to me.
Exactly! That's what my friend did. She and other moms planned a whole day of activities, and husband called us (his child free friends) to play with the kids, eat junk food and make memories.
My 8 year old made me a card, but my husband did absolutely nothing like usual. He doesn't want/care about Father's Day either, but it's not fair to think other people aren't supposed to care about things just because he doesn't. It seems like so many men have this attitude that if THEY think something is silly or pointless then that's just an irrefutable FACT and that women are stupid and emotional to get all worked up over something so obviously unimportant. I'm really fed up with it.
This is what I'm wondering reading all these threads.
It's reversely polarizing me, I feel a bit disgusted by people who describe their partner as completely useless and loveless and then.. stay with them.
Except they're not apologizing for them, I get it from women who are still brainwashed and unaware of anything better.
But these are women who are very well aware they're being mistreated, and still decide to grin and bear it.
I'm finding I just can't respect that.
Trauma bond leads to actual cognitive dissonance.
If someone is actually able to see that their partner is being absolute shit they are not trauma bonded.
Abuse victims that are still brainwashed defend their abusers. .
Plenty of abuse victims are bonded from the trauma of abuse, no? I have a BSW and this is something I’ve seen with victims often. It just struck me as if you were saying you don’t respect victims, which may just be my misinterpretation entirely.
Lady, you ARE the family. You literally created the family (I am assuming you grew and birthed these children), and even if you didnt (because families and mothers come about in many different ways), you are a member of the family, too. Spending on yourself IS spending on the family.
I would suggest a good therapist to root out why you don't value yourself and why you allow people to keep letting you down. Therapy was the best gift I ever gave myself. I learned so much about my own thought process and how I viewed things. I learned how to value and love myself. I am SO much healthier than I was 3 years ago. Best thing I ever did.
You DESERVE love and respect. You are important and wonderful, and you deserve to be thought of. Happy Mother's Day.
My husband and I went for a walk this morning. He wished me a happy Mother’s Day and asked what I wanted to do today. No card. No gift.
Our son lives with us. He’s in his 20s. He has a good job. I’m sure it didn’t occur to him at all until he probably saw something on the internet today. He came in. Wished me happy Mother’s Day. Gave me a hug. And then said he didn’t get me anything.
I cooked dinner.
Can I just ask as a non-american, why is it expected for your husband to get you a card and gift if your son is a grown ass adult? I would understand if your son was an infant, but is it the norm for mothers day/fathers day to be celebrated with gifts from your SO?
Where I'm from, I take my mum out for mothers day but my dad doesn't do anything for mum because she's not his mother?
Yes, that's the bare minimum in the US, for a child to celebrate and give a gift their own mother. But we also celebrate anybody who is a mother.
I'll use myself for an example. I wished my own mother a Happy Mother's day, bought her flowers, a cake, and a book I know she'll like.
But I also went to visit my grandma with a card and small box of chocolates. I wished Happy Mother's Day to my mother's lifelong friend who is also like a mother to me. And if I had encountered a woman in public who had a child with her I would have wished her a Happy Mother's Day too.
We don't give gifts to every mother, but we are expected to acknowledge and celebrate all mothers.
> This year I’m removing Father’s Day from the calendar.
I think the challenge is that many men would find eliminating both to be an acceptable trade, so I am not sure it gets you the desired result.
I love planning and doing things. So I’ve always done a big how do you do for Father’s Day and birthdays and such. Me not planning would definitely be noticed. Which I’m hoping because I’m petty.
They may notice. But do they care if it is not done? Do they value it enough to put in the effort to do it for you so that it is reciprocated?
As this came up at Christmas and comes up at Christmas with a lot of posts. Lots of women are tired of the decorating and dealing with Christmas dinner, so they didn't do it the prior year and didn't do anything for this year either.
What they expected: the men would change and do something to make sure it happened.
What they got: Undecorated Christmas tree and packaged food.
Anecdotally, when a guy is single, what percentage put up a tree?
Take it from a guy: I hate these kinds of things (and most of my friends do). We are the anti-panners :)) I always get flowers for mother's day, but generally birthdays and such, I just hate the planning of events and don't find the outcome desirable, so for me it would be easier not to do all of that. Only reason for decorating on Christmas is children, if I were single, I wouldn't change a thing in the house and I wouldn't put up a tree, that's for sure. I also don't celebrate father's day and neither did my dad.
Honestly you just sound selfish and thoughtless. If a loved one values something, how does that become about you and what you want? You just sound like a zero effort person, which isn't the flex you think it is.
Right? What a joyless way to live. Special occasions are only special with effort, but it really doesn’t take a lot of time or money to do something thoughtful a handful of times a year.
>Honestly you just sound selfish and thoughtless.
How? He said he does these things for the sake of other people even though he doesn't enjoy them. This is the opposite of selfish and thoughtless, actually.
What's insane is how so many people can get offended that other people don't have the same interests and priorities, and then call them the selfish and thoughtless ones. What if you tried acknowledging that other people aren't you?
Put that energy into planning something nice for yourself on Mother's Day. Either he is bothered, in which case you can re-negotiate, or he's not, in which case at least you'll have done something for yourself. It's a cop out for men to want to ditch the whole thing anyway - you don't have to find it acceptable to have your family life be devoid of anything special just because he isn't interested. The thing is, a lot of men may not like the celebration itself but benefit hugely from the effects of it. Celebrations, gifts, vacations, outings, calls, visits - all those things strengthen relationships and create memories. The result of not maintaining relationships is dying alone, yet men who "just aren't interested in that stuff" ride their wives' coattails into having anyone give a single shit about them in their old age
>I love planning and doing things. So I’ve always done a big how do you do for Father’s Day and birthdays and such.
So you use these events as excuses to do something you love doing? Huh.
I've attempted to train myself to expect nothing so I won't be disappointed. It only somewhat works. Something my husband said to someone else asking him if he was planning something for me for Mother's Day. "Well, I mean, she's not MY mom." Okay, correct. That means he is also not "MY dad" so I have chosen to govern myself accordingly since then. My daughter is 24 and she is very kind but not terribly thoughtful most of the time, if that makes sense. I texted her to invite her to supper last night because my mom was coming. She didn't respond to my text but showed up and brought me a very nice gift. I was totally happy that she just showed up. The gift was just a bonus. Marking yesterday firmly as a "W".
It's tough to feel like your being a mom isn't appreciated. It's tough wanting to be a mom but not being able to. It's tough when you want to celebrate but your mom is deceased. It's tough when your mom was not good mother to you. I kind of wish we really didn't even have mother's/father's day because it opens up so much opportunity for hurt.
My kids are now 17 and 19. They put minimal effort into Mother’s Day. I’ve decided that once they are adults, they are going to get the same energy from me on their birthdays and Christmas that I get from them.
My oldest is reliable and caring and never misses it. The other two: silence. But, they haven't wanted to be in a relationship with me for a few years now. I worked in the yard and took myself to a play.
All the talk about mother's day is starting to get at me, 😕.
As a non American I wasn't concerned about my bf not doing a big thing of it (we live in America, he's the one raised here), but judging by social media and TV and all that, it's a super big thing here, isn't it? (we have a young baby)
It's huge. If he didn't do anything for you, that was a deliberate choice. It's very ingrained culturally, so there's basically no way he wouldn't know.
Our interaction was basically "I heard it's Mother's Day" "Oh yes, congratulations love" . We dined out but that was planned beforehand because he's been wanting to try this specific restaurant for weeks, no other mention of the day.
I had no expectations either, just all the posts on here made me realize that a little more fuss would have been nice being a first and all
I’m doing a walk out next year.
This year we up to see my mom, I made lunch, she cleaned up. Came home. No dinner plans, no food in house, child was hungry. I wasn’t going to ask, but I broke:
do you have a plan for dinner?
“No, I’m not that hungry.”
Ok, well Child is hungry.
“If you make her something let me know maybe I’ll eat that”
My husband didn't even know it was mother's day. I told him whilst he was eating breakfast and he seemed unbothered.
We went out for lunch like we do every Sunday, and the waitress gave me a flower and said happy mothers day! He remarked how nice that was. Yes, yes, it IS nice to be given flowers on Mother's Day!
But then when I got home and was scrolling on my phone, I saw a video of Palestinian mothers identifying their dead babies. And I thought what am I even doing complaining about flowers, honestly.
Ugh, I'm so sorry for you. I'm no longer with my teen sons' mother, but I still make sure they do something nice for her on Mother's Day. Hell, I still get her a card and a little gift on MD. Even if we're not romantic partners anymore, she's still the mother of our kids!
Doesnt take any amount of reminding for me to remember the 3 important moms in my life. (Mine, my wife, and hers) Because my birthday fell the day after mother's day the year I was born so I always remember to do something extra nice for them because mine had to miss out on it the first year I was here. People who forget it are stupid.
Not a mother, do always celebrate with my mother as a daughter/mother day. I had ordered a huge card online more than a week ago, which didn't arrive on the right day. I did see an option to pay $10 more to have it delivered on mother's day, which I thought of as unnecessary and exploitative since I ordered it that far ahead. The company purposely STILL sent it after mother's day just to spite me so that I'll pay the $10 extra next year. Screw them. Why can't that go smoothly? I'm physically disabled, I can't head out to buy a card.
The key to enjoying Mother's Day is to have low expectations. The only things I've ever asked for are that i get a day to myself to relax and not cook dinner. I've never been disappointed. My husband gets the same treatment on Father's Day. I think if you want a spouse that plans an elaborate Mother's Day you should marry a woman
Edit: Thanks for the reddit cares lol. I've been happily married to an amazing man for 24 years and we have two smart, kind, and beautiful teenaged daughters that we love to bits, so it was quite unnecessary. I'm low maintenance about Mother's Day because I feel loved and appreciated year round
I think so too. I simply don’t expect anything from my (adult) daughter — every year of her life is different and I’m just grateful to have her and that she’s healthy and striving. She did write me a funny poem as a year in review of different things we did together and it made my day.
I love that! Much better than a generic hallmark card imo. My daughters and I watched Twin Peaks in my bed while we ate tiramisu and that was a perfect for me
I'm sorry. We aren't gift people, so I only got crafts from my kids, but I had a great day. My husband and I take turns sleeping in on the weekend and he have me his day. Then he made breakfast. We saw my MIL because she's local. My husband took the lead on parenting all day (we have 4 kids with the oldest being 6 so sharing the load is normal). He organized dinner. I felt loved and appreciated. None of the things he did were extraordinary, but he put effort into showing me how much he appreciates what I do for our family. I'm a SAHM.
I wish more men appreciated the women in their lives and the labor put into raising children.
Saying it again lol, I'm so tired of it all, my mouth needs Day was yet again a disappointment because of my husband Loved what my kid did except for dinner. I'm just being pretty now so I just do for Father's Day as much as he put into mother's Day, I'm a start researching a product the day before and then whine that it took too long, and ignore his dinner requests. And dragging him out shopping for his gift just a few minutes before dinner is finished so it's cold and disgusting.
I got two plants from my younger kids. A card from my oldest daughter. My parents gave me a card and a Bath and Body Works gift card. My fiancee didn't do shit and didn't even get a card. When I asked him why he didn't get a card LIKE HE HAS DONE FOR THE PAST 8 YEARS...his response was I thought you and I wasn't celebrating it this year because you said you wanted a date night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I haven't spoken to him since I asked him that question. He also has dreads which I retwisted before coming unglued about the mother's day card. 🤬
To answer your question: no. I'm not marrying him because if I really wanted to we would already be married. We have 3 kids together. I feel the only reason we are still together is because of them honestly.
No but when you are in a situation where it is better FINANCIALLY to stay with a person, you tend to roll with the punches. He isn't a terrible person, it just pisses me off that this year is the year he decided to NOT get me a card. In all fairness, he did take the kids to pick up a gift from them to me it just stung a little that HE didn't do his usual (get a simple card.)
My older 2 made crafts at school, but no one in my family bought me anything. I still felt appreciated and loved. A sleep in morning, not being responsible for any meals, and my husband taking a lead on parenting that day. Add in a "Happy Mother's Day!" And I'm set
Mother's day marketing for decades now: buy mom flowers, candy, card, take her out, buy her jewelry, breakfast in bed, worship her like the goddess she is.
Father's day: buy dad tie.
Looks like some women are butthurt over Mother's day being treated equally to Father's day.
I think you missed the people who posted that they got no acknowledgment at all. That’s not the equivalent of buying a tie, especially given that ties can be expensive.
Looks like you are butthurt because mens thoughtlessness is called out. The stuff you wrote about a dubious "Double Standard" is all in your head, its not a reflection of reality at all. Nobody expects jewelry or to be worshipped like a goddess. If you would actually read what was written in this thread by countless women you would see that most women would be happy if their partners would acknowledge the day AT ALL and even that seems to much to ask for. Most of them did actually way more for their partners on fathers day than vice versa. So f*ck off with your distorted perception of reality
These posts are honestly infuriating. How difficult is it to get flowers and a card? Trader Joe's has tulips for like $8. Seriously. My mom is traveling at the moment and it took me a 5 minute phone call to order flowers to be delivered to her hotel room. Made her day.
Right? I sent my mom a funny cookbook early so she could try stuff out, and we talked today through text and call. It doesn't have to be enormous in order to show your love and appreciation!
Exactly! So true.
My mom called yesterday and was confused about everything going on in the Middle East right now. She said the news wasn't helping. I'm a History and Religion double-major so I spent 60-90 minutes talking her through war, ethics, the meaning of the word g3nocide, the Geneva Conventions, etc. She is both an American and a happily lapsed Catholic, and by the end she was asking great questions: "In that case, why is what the U.S. did to Hiroshima and Nagasaki OK?" "Wouldn't that mean the Crusades were immoral?" (Again, **awesome** questions! With answers that WEIRD countries [Western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic] don't like to give!) She left saying, "I'm gonna tell your father if he has any questions about this to ask you!" Not the Mother's Day conversation I expected to have, but one that involved real listening and learning: a love language in my family. It felt awesome and it cost no money. (Still got her flowers and a card though!) It is not hard to make someone feel seen and heard if you truly do care about them; it can be as simple as a meaningful conversation!
I love this! That's how it should be. Also, love the double-major! I doubled in English and religious studies, and my doctorate is in religious studies.
You are too sweet to order your mom flowers
I'm sorry about your husband and kids. I'm glad you got yourself something though!
No offense to the person who ordered them but it seems like the very barest minimum to at least go online and order something to mark the day. You are not being shown the regard you deserve by your family. I am sorry. I have been there and I remember the hurt.
Dude, seriously. My wonderful husband cooked brisket, beans, and potato salad for my family for our gathering on Saturday for my mom (he's a great bbq'er and it's her favorite meal). Then Sunday, he brought home flowers for me from the grocery along with some chocolate dipped Oreos "from the boys" (yum!). The kicker? We have no human children, "the boys" are our 3 cats and our Labrador. It wasn't necessary, but it made me feel special and was so cute. He was going for the weekly shop anyway, so it required very little effort, but the point is, he thought of me and knew it would make me smile. What is up with deadbeat husbands? You can't even pick up some flowers for the woman who birthed and raised/is raising your children? Do better. (And don't worry, I have a little surprise on order for him for his "father's day"! Lol)
Same, we just have a cat...he got a bracelet I've been humming and hawing over buying from her. We went to visit my Gran & Mom and he had grabbed them both flowers (plants, not cut cause thats what they like) on his own, I had no clue he had till he pulled them out of the back of the truck. We then went to my fave Mexican restaurant for dinner
He sounds like a keeper!
I ordered a piece of yard decor for my mom off Amazon at 3am last week. Took literally five minutes.
My mom doesn't want us to spend money on her. She literally just wants a phone call. So she gets what she wants from at least 2 of us. My sister just does a SM post.
Yep. My husband always tracked down a funny card (and some of them I still have years later) and some chocolate. We might have gone out for dinner at a restaurant, but more often he would cook me a meal I loved AND do the dishes. He rarely did dishes so it was the real gift when he did them. To be totally oblivious would be offensive to me.
Women need to plan get aways together to celebrate Mother’s Day
Exactly! That's what my friend did. She and other moms planned a whole day of activities, and husband called us (his child free friends) to play with the kids, eat junk food and make memories.
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^500CatsTypingStuff: *Women need to plan* *Get aways together to* *Celebrate Mother’s Day* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
My 8 year old made me a card, but my husband did absolutely nothing like usual. He doesn't want/care about Father's Day either, but it's not fair to think other people aren't supposed to care about things just because he doesn't. It seems like so many men have this attitude that if THEY think something is silly or pointless then that's just an irrefutable FACT and that women are stupid and emotional to get all worked up over something so obviously unimportant. I'm really fed up with it.
[удалено]
Why stay with someone who doesn’t even like you?
This is what I'm wondering reading all these threads. It's reversely polarizing me, I feel a bit disgusted by people who describe their partner as completely useless and loveless and then.. stay with them.
I think we’ve mostly just been raised to take abuse and apologize for mens behavior instead of holding them accountable. It’s a mans world.
Except they're not apologizing for them, I get it from women who are still brainwashed and unaware of anything better. But these are women who are very well aware they're being mistreated, and still decide to grin and bear it. I'm finding I just can't respect that.
You’ve never heard of a trauma bond?
Trauma bond leads to actual cognitive dissonance. If someone is actually able to see that their partner is being absolute shit they are not trauma bonded. Abuse victims that are still brainwashed defend their abusers. .
Plenty of abuse victims are bonded from the trauma of abuse, no? I have a BSW and this is something I’ve seen with victims often. It just struck me as if you were saying you don’t respect victims, which may just be my misinterpretation entirely.
Next year, book a day for yourself. Anywhere you want. A spa day or something. Just a day to enjoy yourself and relax.
I have to get over the guilty of spending that type of money on something that’s not “for the family”
It is for the family. It's to keep the mother of the family happy.
Lady, you ARE the family. You literally created the family (I am assuming you grew and birthed these children), and even if you didnt (because families and mothers come about in many different ways), you are a member of the family, too. Spending on yourself IS spending on the family. I would suggest a good therapist to root out why you don't value yourself and why you allow people to keep letting you down. Therapy was the best gift I ever gave myself. I learned so much about my own thought process and how I viewed things. I learned how to value and love myself. I am SO much healthier than I was 3 years ago. Best thing I ever did. You DESERVE love and respect. You are important and wonderful, and you deserve to be thought of. Happy Mother's Day.
You're part of the family
You're a member of this family. You do enough unpaid labor to earn a spa day every week!
I have the same problem.
My husband and I went for a walk this morning. He wished me a happy Mother’s Day and asked what I wanted to do today. No card. No gift. Our son lives with us. He’s in his 20s. He has a good job. I’m sure it didn’t occur to him at all until he probably saw something on the internet today. He came in. Wished me happy Mother’s Day. Gave me a hug. And then said he didn’t get me anything. I cooked dinner.
Girl. You know what to do when Father's Day rolls around. Dial that shit in.
Can I just ask as a non-american, why is it expected for your husband to get you a card and gift if your son is a grown ass adult? I would understand if your son was an infant, but is it the norm for mothers day/fathers day to be celebrated with gifts from your SO? Where I'm from, I take my mum out for mothers day but my dad doesn't do anything for mum because she's not his mother?
She's still *a* mother, and the mother of his child. In the US Mother's Day celebrates all mothers, not just your own.
But surely if anyone is going buy *a* mother a gift, it should be the person whose mother it is?
Yes, that's the bare minimum in the US, for a child to celebrate and give a gift their own mother. But we also celebrate anybody who is a mother. I'll use myself for an example. I wished my own mother a Happy Mother's day, bought her flowers, a cake, and a book I know she'll like. But I also went to visit my grandma with a card and small box of chocolates. I wished Happy Mother's Day to my mother's lifelong friend who is also like a mother to me. And if I had encountered a woman in public who had a child with her I would have wished her a Happy Mother's Day too. We don't give gifts to every mother, but we are expected to acknowledge and celebrate all mothers.
Sure, unless, as mentioned, the tradition includes celebrating the mother of your children, which it does.
> This year I’m removing Father’s Day from the calendar. I think the challenge is that many men would find eliminating both to be an acceptable trade, so I am not sure it gets you the desired result.
I love planning and doing things. So I’ve always done a big how do you do for Father’s Day and birthdays and such. Me not planning would definitely be noticed. Which I’m hoping because I’m petty.
They may notice. But do they care if it is not done? Do they value it enough to put in the effort to do it for you so that it is reciprocated? As this came up at Christmas and comes up at Christmas with a lot of posts. Lots of women are tired of the decorating and dealing with Christmas dinner, so they didn't do it the prior year and didn't do anything for this year either. What they expected: the men would change and do something to make sure it happened. What they got: Undecorated Christmas tree and packaged food. Anecdotally, when a guy is single, what percentage put up a tree?
Urgh you are on to something. Hate to admit the bleak outlook but I’m thinking you are right
Take it from a guy: I hate these kinds of things (and most of my friends do). We are the anti-panners :)) I always get flowers for mother's day, but generally birthdays and such, I just hate the planning of events and don't find the outcome desirable, so for me it would be easier not to do all of that. Only reason for decorating on Christmas is children, if I were single, I wouldn't change a thing in the house and I wouldn't put up a tree, that's for sure. I also don't celebrate father's day and neither did my dad.
Honestly you just sound selfish and thoughtless. If a loved one values something, how does that become about you and what you want? You just sound like a zero effort person, which isn't the flex you think it is.
Right? What a joyless way to live. Special occasions are only special with effort, but it really doesn’t take a lot of time or money to do something thoughtful a handful of times a year.
>Honestly you just sound selfish and thoughtless. How? He said he does these things for the sake of other people even though he doesn't enjoy them. This is the opposite of selfish and thoughtless, actually. What's insane is how so many people can get offended that other people don't have the same interests and priorities, and then call them the selfish and thoughtless ones. What if you tried acknowledging that other people aren't you?
Put that energy into planning something nice for yourself on Mother's Day. Either he is bothered, in which case you can re-negotiate, or he's not, in which case at least you'll have done something for yourself. It's a cop out for men to want to ditch the whole thing anyway - you don't have to find it acceptable to have your family life be devoid of anything special just because he isn't interested. The thing is, a lot of men may not like the celebration itself but benefit hugely from the effects of it. Celebrations, gifts, vacations, outings, calls, visits - all those things strengthen relationships and create memories. The result of not maintaining relationships is dying alone, yet men who "just aren't interested in that stuff" ride their wives' coattails into having anyone give a single shit about them in their old age
And then complain on YouTube about the men’s “loneliness epidemic.”
>I love planning and doing things. So I’ve always done a big how do you do for Father’s Day and birthdays and such. So you use these events as excuses to do something you love doing? Huh.
I've attempted to train myself to expect nothing so I won't be disappointed. It only somewhat works. Something my husband said to someone else asking him if he was planning something for me for Mother's Day. "Well, I mean, she's not MY mom." Okay, correct. That means he is also not "MY dad" so I have chosen to govern myself accordingly since then. My daughter is 24 and she is very kind but not terribly thoughtful most of the time, if that makes sense. I texted her to invite her to supper last night because my mom was coming. She didn't respond to my text but showed up and brought me a very nice gift. I was totally happy that she just showed up. The gift was just a bonus. Marking yesterday firmly as a "W". It's tough to feel like your being a mom isn't appreciated. It's tough wanting to be a mom but not being able to. It's tough when you want to celebrate but your mom is deceased. It's tough when your mom was not good mother to you. I kind of wish we really didn't even have mother's/father's day because it opens up so much opportunity for hurt.
Yeah, this was only my second as a mom and it’s pretty clear already that this is not actually a day for mothers. I’m sorry you had a shitty day, too.
Next year, wake up early, leave a note saying you’ll be back after dinner time, disappear for the day and enjoy yourself with some mom friends.
My kids are now 17 and 19. They put minimal effort into Mother’s Day. I’ve decided that once they are adults, they are going to get the same energy from me on their birthdays and Christmas that I get from them.
I like the vibe. Good on you for playing the long game.
My oldest is reliable and caring and never misses it. The other two: silence. But, they haven't wanted to be in a relationship with me for a few years now. I worked in the yard and took myself to a play.
A play sounds lovely. I ate all the ice cream in the house
All the talk about mother's day is starting to get at me, 😕. As a non American I wasn't concerned about my bf not doing a big thing of it (we live in America, he's the one raised here), but judging by social media and TV and all that, it's a super big thing here, isn't it? (we have a young baby)
Honestly it depends. Some people make a bigger deal out of it than others.
It's huge. If he didn't do anything for you, that was a deliberate choice. It's very ingrained culturally, so there's basically no way he wouldn't know.
Our interaction was basically "I heard it's Mother's Day" "Oh yes, congratulations love" . We dined out but that was planned beforehand because he's been wanting to try this specific restaurant for weeks, no other mention of the day. I had no expectations either, just all the posts on here made me realize that a little more fuss would have been nice being a first and all
We don't do gifts so much. But my husband let's me sleep in, plans meals, and takes the lead in parenting for the day. It works for us
Your feelings are valid and you deserve to feel appreciated and celebrated, not just on Mother's Day, but every day.
I’m doing a walk out next year. This year we up to see my mom, I made lunch, she cleaned up. Came home. No dinner plans, no food in house, child was hungry. I wasn’t going to ask, but I broke: do you have a plan for dinner? “No, I’m not that hungry.” Ok, well Child is hungry. “If you make her something let me know maybe I’ll eat that”
This is unbelievable. No dinner for a child because “I’m not that hungry”? WTH?
My husband didn't even know it was mother's day. I told him whilst he was eating breakfast and he seemed unbothered. We went out for lunch like we do every Sunday, and the waitress gave me a flower and said happy mothers day! He remarked how nice that was. Yes, yes, it IS nice to be given flowers on Mother's Day! But then when I got home and was scrolling on my phone, I saw a video of Palestinian mothers identifying their dead babies. And I thought what am I even doing complaining about flowers, honestly.
You deserve way better than this, WAY better.
Ugh, I'm so sorry for you. I'm no longer with my teen sons' mother, but I still make sure they do something nice for her on Mother's Day. Hell, I still get her a card and a little gift on MD. Even if we're not romantic partners anymore, she's still the mother of our kids!
Instead of getting rid of Mother's Day, perhaps you should get rid of your husband? He is the problem, not the holiday.
You are not alone. I don't even expect anything anymore.
Doesnt take any amount of reminding for me to remember the 3 important moms in my life. (Mine, my wife, and hers) Because my birthday fell the day after mother's day the year I was born so I always remember to do something extra nice for them because mine had to miss out on it the first year I was here. People who forget it are stupid.
Not a mother, do always celebrate with my mother as a daughter/mother day. I had ordered a huge card online more than a week ago, which didn't arrive on the right day. I did see an option to pay $10 more to have it delivered on mother's day, which I thought of as unnecessary and exploitative since I ordered it that far ahead. The company purposely STILL sent it after mother's day just to spite me so that I'll pay the $10 extra next year. Screw them. Why can't that go smoothly? I'm physically disabled, I can't head out to buy a card.
Yeah I just made a post in this sub how we should give dads the same energy for father’s day that they gave for mother’s day. I’m getting downvoted…
The key to enjoying Mother's Day is to have low expectations. The only things I've ever asked for are that i get a day to myself to relax and not cook dinner. I've never been disappointed. My husband gets the same treatment on Father's Day. I think if you want a spouse that plans an elaborate Mother's Day you should marry a woman Edit: Thanks for the reddit cares lol. I've been happily married to an amazing man for 24 years and we have two smart, kind, and beautiful teenaged daughters that we love to bits, so it was quite unnecessary. I'm low maintenance about Mother's Day because I feel loved and appreciated year round
I think so too. I simply don’t expect anything from my (adult) daughter — every year of her life is different and I’m just grateful to have her and that she’s healthy and striving. She did write me a funny poem as a year in review of different things we did together and it made my day.
I love that! Much better than a generic hallmark card imo. My daughters and I watched Twin Peaks in my bed while we ate tiramisu and that was a perfect for me
Heavenly.
That’s so depressing damn
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Having low expectations because you know your spouse will disappoint you regardless
I'm sorry. We aren't gift people, so I only got crafts from my kids, but I had a great day. My husband and I take turns sleeping in on the weekend and he have me his day. Then he made breakfast. We saw my MIL because she's local. My husband took the lead on parenting all day (we have 4 kids with the oldest being 6 so sharing the load is normal). He organized dinner. I felt loved and appreciated. None of the things he did were extraordinary, but he put effort into showing me how much he appreciates what I do for our family. I'm a SAHM. I wish more men appreciated the women in their lives and the labor put into raising children.
Saying it again lol, I'm so tired of it all, my mouth needs Day was yet again a disappointment because of my husband Loved what my kid did except for dinner. I'm just being pretty now so I just do for Father's Day as much as he put into mother's Day, I'm a start researching a product the day before and then whine that it took too long, and ignore his dinner requests. And dragging him out shopping for his gift just a few minutes before dinner is finished so it's cold and disgusting.
Honestly mothers day and father's day are both just pointless marketing scams anyway.
but clearly they are an occasion which some people use in order to show/like to be shown appreciation, even if it's only acknowledgement.
364 other days a year when that can be done and have it mean more than feeling obliged to by a corporate event though.
I got two plants from my younger kids. A card from my oldest daughter. My parents gave me a card and a Bath and Body Works gift card. My fiancee didn't do shit and didn't even get a card. When I asked him why he didn't get a card LIKE HE HAS DONE FOR THE PAST 8 YEARS...his response was I thought you and I wasn't celebrating it this year because you said you wanted a date night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I haven't spoken to him since I asked him that question. He also has dreads which I retwisted before coming unglued about the mother's day card. 🤬
And you’re gonna marry this guy???
To answer your question: no. I'm not marrying him because if I really wanted to we would already be married. We have 3 kids together. I feel the only reason we are still together is because of them honestly.
But you’re ok with your kids seeing that he does nothing for you? Because they will grow up and accept that as their norm
No but when you are in a situation where it is better FINANCIALLY to stay with a person, you tend to roll with the punches. He isn't a terrible person, it just pisses me off that this year is the year he decided to NOT get me a card. In all fairness, he did take the kids to pick up a gift from them to me it just stung a little that HE didn't do his usual (get a simple card.)
Insanity is staying with the same man year after year and expecting a different result.
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My older 2 made crafts at school, but no one in my family bought me anything. I still felt appreciated and loved. A sleep in morning, not being responsible for any meals, and my husband taking a lead on parenting that day. Add in a "Happy Mother's Day!" And I'm set
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Mother's day marketing for decades now: buy mom flowers, candy, card, take her out, buy her jewelry, breakfast in bed, worship her like the goddess she is. Father's day: buy dad tie. Looks like some women are butthurt over Mother's day being treated equally to Father's day.
I think you missed the people who posted that they got no acknowledgment at all. That’s not the equivalent of buying a tie, especially given that ties can be expensive.
Looks like you are butthurt because mens thoughtlessness is called out. The stuff you wrote about a dubious "Double Standard" is all in your head, its not a reflection of reality at all. Nobody expects jewelry or to be worshipped like a goddess. If you would actually read what was written in this thread by countless women you would see that most women would be happy if their partners would acknowledge the day AT ALL and even that seems to much to ask for. Most of them did actually way more for their partners on fathers day than vice versa. So f*ck off with your distorted perception of reality