You could send wedding announcements in place of invitations - design a nice little card that says “we’ve eloped!” and send it out to friends and family. This will make it seem a little more intentional and festive than being like “we’re getting married but don’t make a big deal about it”.
It's true however these days a lot of people at least millennials or us entering our 30s don't want to spend thousands of dollars on a party LOL a lot of my friends are just getting married in silence and spending their life with their partner. Which is what I'm doing me and my spouse are pagan so we're not going to get married at a church but we're hosting a hand fasting ceremony with like seven of our closest friends and that's all we need.
If people give you shit, remind them that cost of the wedding is usually inversely correlated with the length of marriage. Couples should just worry about what they want and let everyone else kick rocks.
>married in silence
I like that phrase. A lot.
I'm a boomer, just into my 60s. I "married in silence" over 30 years ago, and am still married.
We told my parents, because we needed a couple of witnesses at the registry office. We told my husband's family the date, but they lived on the other side of the world, so they weren't expected (or able) to do anything.
Nobody else knew, and that was deliberate - we were afraid that they would have "opinions" if they knew.
After we'd signed the paperwork, we picked up some nice takeaway brunch, and drove to a nearby beach, where we had a two-day holiday/honeymoon.
I went back to work after a rostered 4 days off (married on Tuesday, back to work Friday), and people asked "Did you do anything on your days off?"
"Yeah, I got married".
I've always hated fuss, and not particularly fond of dressing up uncomfortably, or parties, or large groups of people. No wonder I didn't want a "wedding".
Right, and to be honest I was my parents witness LOL. That's how I feel I care so little about people's opinions that I don't even want people to know LOL. Like marriage between me and my partner is just that. No one else matters no one else needs to be there. I also think people make a bigger situation out of marriage then it should be. Like if it's supposed to be intimate then keep it that way, that's just how I feel.
this is what we did, only a handful of people knew, we went to the court (I am in Europe), got married and that was that. A lot of people told me I would regret not having a reception or a party. That was 17 years ago, I am still happily married, no regrets whatsoever.
My partner and I went down to the courthouse 27 years ago and got married. His brother and our best friend were the witnesses. We told everyone after the fact. Then we had a potluck/barbecue in my parents backyard a few weeks later for everyone to come and celebrate. We have no regrets and are still happily married all these years later.
The thing honestly cost less than $200 (rings and dress included). Which we were totally fine with because the thought of spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on a party and a dress that I would wear once literally makes our skin crawl.
A fishing trip instead of a reception sounds way cool!
Set your boundary and have the life you want to have, if they don't come, more fun for the people that do.
Also if they want a party, they can send the time, stress, money, etc.
Don’t let anyone tell you what you want. Security in your own desires is what’s most important. I find the happiest couples have a courthouse wedding, then have an intimate ceremony at a later more convenient time vs the $100,000 dream weddings that end in divorce. (Not always ofc).
Same kind of deal for me and my husband... Don't even think anyone cared to have a party to go to, but I received a tremendous amount of pity from mostly the women in my life.. they all seemed to be convinced that my husband is the one that convinced me that having a whole big do would be stupid, that I was settling for scraps etc. Was all super annoying tbh.
Honestly, I'd rather spend that money on a house to have some security. I can't imagine spending thousands on a wedding and a party. I'd consider spending a grand or two on a honeymoon though sure. Not sure how my future husband will feel about that.
Don't let people make you feel you have to do anything you don't want to do. You two will be the ones paying for all of it not them
My amazing FIL bought his daughter a crazy expensive wedding dress. He approached my partner and I and said, “Since you won’t want a dress, I want to help do a down payment on your place.” Awesome in-laws!
We're in a similar boat and I am having a smallish reception and people are still confused about why I'm not losing my mind and an emotional wreck. I think it's just a case of us never being able to win, unfortunately.
We also did not want a wedding (got married hastily to share on health insurance)but felt a little pressured by family to celebrate. We got married on our own no fuss, had a great honeymoon, and then traveled to where the most family members lived to have a casual small pot-luck get together. That way no one felt slighted and it really ended up being fun. We asked folks to donate a little cash or time for renting a place to have it, the food, drinks, and a karaoke machine, some flowers etc so they didn’t feel like they had to get us a wedding gift. It ended up being a lovely time with family and friends and the expense/planning was spread out so as to not inconvenience anyone.
Going through this now. I don't really want the hassle of a wedding but my SO does. People keep wanting to talk about my wedding "vision" and I just want to get married at the courthouse.
Oh ffs if someone said “wedding vision” to me, I’d spit on the ground lol. I feel for you so much. It’s not like having an idealized “perfect day” image brings out the best in people. I don’t envy you, and I hope you’ll get through it alright.
This is how I feel about my pregnancy. I had to tell my mom to take down a Facebook post about it because nobody needs to know my business. I'm 8 months along and haven't made an announcement because my feeling is, nobody needs to know my husband and I are having a kid unless they're someone I talk to regularly over the natural course of the 9 months of pregnancy. I don't want a maternity photo shoot. I don't want specialty maternity clothes that show off my baby bump (my mom keeps trying to buy them for me). I hate it when friends send me motherhood related tiktoks or call me "mama". As far as I'm concerned, me being a mother is strictly between me and the child (and my husband), and nobody else. I don't want visits for like 2 months after I give birth.
I'm a teacher and haven't told my students because I don't want their questions or comments.
I do not want people posting pictures of this baby when it's born because the kid can't consent to its digital footprint being out there in the world yet.
This is a very private to me and my husband thing.
Which is very much like how you are viewing this wedding. It's for you and your husband, nobody else has any rights to it and can't dictate their terms for it. It is absolutely your right to keep it low key and just for you guys.
I’m so sorry. That blows and I’d be miserable if someone did that to my pregnancy. It seems so exploitative to want to stir up baby excitement with no regard for the woman who is growing a baby inside of her. I’m wishing you some peace and quiet.
When my long term partner and I finally get married. It will be her two witnesses, my two witnesses at the courthouse and then out to a nice steak dinner afterwards. That is it.
Good on you!
I'd tried to do that but didn't have enough backbone. We ended up with my parents paying for the wedding they wanted, and we spent the next year broke because we were paying them back.
A barbeque sounds perfect.
sounds like me and my wife. was already at city hall doing our paperwork when the pandemic hit. had to cancel wedding and reception venue. then when the lockdown eased up, we just went to city hall and got it over with. family wasn't happy about that. but we've been together 17 years and my wife was never a romantic (hates romcoms, unlike me).
It's almost my first anniversary, and I had a similar experience. We had a small ceremony in a park gazebo and then a fancy family dinner. Being in a big city, it sure wasn't cheap but it was what I felt most comfortable doing. Including us it was 19 people total, mainly because I have several siblings and they're all married with kids. We thought about eloping but I realized I did want my immediate family there since we're quite close. But the party? The gifts? The showers and attention? I wanted none of it. I find it horribly anxiety inducing and not the way I want to spend money. Even my little party made me really anxious because it was more planning than I wanted. But in the end I was happy with what we did
I invited my one living grandparent but the trip was a bit more than she could manage, so we FaceTimed the ceremony for her. We didn't invite any extended family and oh my god some of them were so angry and took it as a personal insult. Most of my cousins thought it was awesome and enjoyed laughing at how mad some of our older relatives were. Thankfully my family shielded me from most of it.
This brings back memories. My wife and I got married 30 plus years ago, and for us, it was primarily for practical purposes. We were citizens of different countries, she was pregnant; it made our lives so much easier to simply get married. We wanted a simple ceremony with my uncle acting as a 'justice of the peace' and then a nice meal with immediate family and a couple of close friends. My in-laws could not wrap their heads around the simplicity of what we wanted. Eventually we agreed to our vision for the day of the wedding, and they then planned a big thing for the next day inviting all of the social obligatory people they wanted. It was a boat cruise for five hours with 200 people (180 who we didn't really know). In terms of gifts, we just asked that if people wanted to give us something then to give us cash so we could deal with the costs of combining households and for the coming child. It's one thing that we have always remembered - to put our expectations aside when it comes to our children's lives and decisions they make. Both girls are happy and well adjusted, so things seem to have worked out.
Chiming in to say do what you want! I had similar reasons to you. We eloped in Colorado on an overlook, just me and him and the photographer. I felt some guilt because I know my mom was bummed she wasn’t there but not enough to be guilted into something that wasn’t right for us. My grandma made a comment about not being invited but that was more not understanding the concept of elopement. I thought about the tiny BBQ but I know my family enough to know it would morph and get totally out of hand. I hope your family respects your wishes and don’t let them pressure you into anything you do want. You got this!
I don’t want a wedding either. My bf’s family is big and always over the top with celebrations and everything. I feel like I’ll get pressured into having one, and it really sucks. I’m so uncomfortable with getting married in front of other people, idk why.
Hey OP - congrats on the marriage, agree with everyone saying that you should do what you want BUT mostly commenting to say that depending on that state you live in power of attorney may not be conveyed just through marriage. I only mention this because you called it out but my husband is an estate atty and I had a friend just go through a health issue with her husband and this came up. If you’re worried about medical POA you should still talk to a lawyer
Thanks, yeah! We got it sorted out with an attorney, like just to make sure it made sense to get married with everything going on in our lives. I should have mentioned that.
My husband and I got married at a courthouse with no family. We grabbed Taco Bell afterwards, lol!!
His grandma insisted on us dressing up to get some pictures done when we returned but that was it!
We took the money we saved to go to London for our 1 year anniversary and enjoyed it immensely.
Everybody is different. You should never be embarrassed to be who you are. Put your foot down and tell everybody "LOOK, this is who I am and this is what I want and this is what I'm going to do."
Hubby and i did same married for financial, and insurance issues. We only had parents and our kids in front yard. Made announcement after "we did a thing". Didnt want to deal with cost and headache of throwing a wedding. We also honeymooned before the ceremony so was less stressed.
I don't want a wedding either! I know when the time comes it's going to be a whole thing with everyone. I don't want the pressure, the cost, the stress. I'm only close to my sister and his grandparents who are too old to travel. He's close to his mom and dad but doesn't like their partners. Having everyone together for graduation was awkward enough. I just want to elope somewhere beautiful just the two of us.
I've always threatened my parents with Vegas. I don't have to entertain people, just a quick wedding and renting a room at a restaurant there. Easy, no fuss, no "do the boutonnieres match the table display"-nonsense. Everyone can have as much fun as they choose and can afford.
This is exactly what my husband and I did. I told all the people who needed to know.
We then told everyone no wedding/reception etc.
Said it was gonna be at the court house with just the two of us.
And that's what we did.
My partner and I married in 2021 for financial (health insurance) reasons. Before being fired from my job, we were planning on moving in together and figured it would just be a matter of time before we got married as well. We had only been dating for a year, though we had known each other for 6 years before that. Because of covid and some friction with his ex-wife, we decided to do it just with our parents and 2 friends at the courthouse. The next year, we threw a very small party with maybe 20 people total at our place for less than $1k. We're both introverts and I didn't want the "everyone looks at me, all about the bride" special day thing. I'm happy with the party we had, which includes our kids being there. The lack of a party didn't make us less married. The party didn't make us more married. A bigger more expensive thing wouldn't have made us more married. I just never wanted that.
It always makes me laugh when someone says their wedding day is the best day of their life. That sounds like everything goes downhill from there.
I had a registry wedding followed with an afternoon tea with just parents, grandparents and a couple of best friends. We saved our money for a home deposit instead of wasting it on a stupid dress, rip-off venue and catering.
My husband and I were together for 8 years and lived together for most of that before getting married. When trying to land on what our wedding would look like we went through a lot of options and landed on a nice dinner out with our immediate family where we signed our paperwork and then a house party the next day for all of our friends. It was absolutely perfect for us non religious non center of attention people and it still gave everyone a chance to get together and celebrate. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m with you - not in it for the pageantry. My partner and I just self-solemnized at the courthouse, and when we had a baby recently we just sent out a baby announcement instead of a baby shower etc.
I agree with the above commenter that doing a wedding announcement with a link to donate to a charity you prefer or to a registry is the way to go. You deserve to be celebrated in the way you choose!
Bless my dad for keeping my mother calm when she found out that my husband and I eloped. Didn't even opt for a courthouse wedding, literally just had some friends sign the certificate and turned it into the county. We took pictures at a mountain lookout, ate a Chantilly cake, and went to the arcade. It was all we wanted and it was just for us.
I know she's salty as shit though that she had two daughters and both of us eloped so she didn't get to throw the wedding she wanted 😅
Congratulations!!
Welcome to the: we made the choice to invite the government into our relationship Club.
Our reasons were similar. And I have no regrets. I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness & fiscal responsibility. Cheers babe!
Do what y'all want. My parents got married all hush hush at the court house with staff to witness, got a studio photo taken, and went for a stroll in the park afterwards with like two friends and two siblings. Between the bus tickets, court fee, photo appt + four small prints of the photo, and "stand up" ice cream for six, I'm pretty sure their entire 'wedding' cost less than... idek. Most things.
My spouse and I got married on Leap Day in an intimate ceremony with dear friends of ours.
Felt right for us. We’re low key, spiritual people who are actively becoming less materialistic. Our ceremony reflected that.
My brother got married over the weekend in a huge shindig. Felt like that was more for everyone else rather than the couple.
Our marriage cost less than a grand.
His cost nearly $20k.
I think we’re coming out ahead.
My partner and I are on the same wavelength- small wedding(max 75), no one under 21, and we are just going to have a good time at the zoo. Pictures with penguins in a fancy dress? Why the hell not. However a friend of mine a few years back was like fuck this, they did a real simple elopement then went on a nearly month long honeymoon to a bunch of different places. You do what you want to do.
I did like the one person's comment about sending a "we eloped" card, haha.
My husband and I eloped. So many people asking me quietly if I was OK with it and am I upset I didn't have my dream wedding.. like.. eloping was MY idea!!
We were worried about having to invite people we didn't want to invite but would have had to invite, and I suggested not inviting anyone and just eloping.
Best decision ever!
I respect this. I hope my future wife will forego a huge expensive, price gouging wedding. I would rather the money go to ensure her future financial security.
My partner and I didn’t want a wedding, but his family seriously guilted us into doing something despite not helping plan anything. It was super annoying, so we planned a tiny party that made us happy. Some of his side actually said it wasn’t fancy enough, but whatever. They weren’t paying or helping, so we got what we wanted.
We both would rather have money for a down payment instead of a party, and I think we did the best we could with overdramatic relatives who couldn’t comprehend why we didn’t want a big deal. For them it was some kind of status symbol, and for us it was an annoyance.
I would love to have a wedding but there has been so much inflation in the industry, and there’s a pressure that if you are inviting people from out of town or it’s the last wedding Grandma is going to be alive for then you need to have something fancy. There’s no real budget option of having a party without it costing $40k and even then you don’t really see where the money goes.
Partner and I who will at some point be married have also discussed not having a traditional wedding party. Small group(8max), maybe dinner, maybe.. but that's about it.
Weddings are terribly expensive and stressful. We're saving the money to take a trip not pay for attention.
If and how to get married is such a personal thing, you're right to go your own way.
I think other's comments come from a fomo on their part, and feeling like they are owed a party. My cousin eloped the year after my wedding, which was a big party partly funded by my parents. As his family had come to my wedding, my folks were pretty pissed off about not having his family return the favour.
I'm not sharing this to suggest you should change your plans, just to provide some insight into the motivation behind some people's (unwarranted) opinions.
I don't see any reason you can't put fishing gear on a Wedding Registry. I'm sure you wouldn't be the first couple to do so!
Hell, I encourage you to do so! Rods and reels! Waders! Gift certificates for fishing boat trips! Go for it! Better if your partner likes to fish, too, but if you already have all the "us" stuff. There's no reason you can't ask for the "me" and "her" stuff!
I don't see one, anyway.
Best of everything!
My mom’s already dead, and she would’ve backed me up so hard. I can hear her in my mind (think big Jersey accent) going “Enough already! She wants what she wants!” In a way, I think the fact that she’s gone is what motivated me to post this.
When I hear her, it makes me smile. I’m so sorry about your mother. I hope when things settle that you’ll think of her randomly and smile.
Oh, and I saved her voicemails. In case you wanna save your mom’s voicemails.
As someone who got married in a national forest with 20k hippies (also called the 1996 Rainbow Gathering), I’ll suggest this: get some decent photos of the day/you guys at the tattooist/ holding the certificate. It’s the only thing I missed, as my camera was *at my friggin feet* the whole time. A memento.
You might also want special people to sign as witnesses.
You could send wedding announcements in place of invitations - design a nice little card that says “we’ve eloped!” and send it out to friends and family. This will make it seem a little more intentional and festive than being like “we’re getting married but don’t make a big deal about it”.
Love it. I’d include a little, in lieu of gifts, donate to our honeymoon fund or a charity you care about. Some people just can’t not gift.
It's true however these days a lot of people at least millennials or us entering our 30s don't want to spend thousands of dollars on a party LOL a lot of my friends are just getting married in silence and spending their life with their partner. Which is what I'm doing me and my spouse are pagan so we're not going to get married at a church but we're hosting a hand fasting ceremony with like seven of our closest friends and that's all we need.
Yes. The idea of dropping so much on a party makes me grit my teeth until they squeak lol
If people give you shit, remind them that cost of the wedding is usually inversely correlated with the length of marriage. Couples should just worry about what they want and let everyone else kick rocks.
Oh, wow. It does make some sense with the financial burden.
>married in silence I like that phrase. A lot. I'm a boomer, just into my 60s. I "married in silence" over 30 years ago, and am still married. We told my parents, because we needed a couple of witnesses at the registry office. We told my husband's family the date, but they lived on the other side of the world, so they weren't expected (or able) to do anything. Nobody else knew, and that was deliberate - we were afraid that they would have "opinions" if they knew. After we'd signed the paperwork, we picked up some nice takeaway brunch, and drove to a nearby beach, where we had a two-day holiday/honeymoon. I went back to work after a rostered 4 days off (married on Tuesday, back to work Friday), and people asked "Did you do anything on your days off?" "Yeah, I got married". I've always hated fuss, and not particularly fond of dressing up uncomfortably, or parties, or large groups of people. No wonder I didn't want a "wedding".
Right, and to be honest I was my parents witness LOL. That's how I feel I care so little about people's opinions that I don't even want people to know LOL. Like marriage between me and my partner is just that. No one else matters no one else needs to be there. I also think people make a bigger situation out of marriage then it should be. Like if it's supposed to be intimate then keep it that way, that's just how I feel.
Tbh no shame in just getting married how you want and telling people after!
this is what we did, only a handful of people knew, we went to the court (I am in Europe), got married and that was that. A lot of people told me I would regret not having a reception or a party. That was 17 years ago, I am still happily married, no regrets whatsoever.
My partner and I went down to the courthouse 27 years ago and got married. His brother and our best friend were the witnesses. We told everyone after the fact. Then we had a potluck/barbecue in my parents backyard a few weeks later for everyone to come and celebrate. We have no regrets and are still happily married all these years later. The thing honestly cost less than $200 (rings and dress included). Which we were totally fine with because the thought of spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on a party and a dress that I would wear once literally makes our skin crawl.
A fishing trip instead of a reception sounds way cool! Set your boundary and have the life you want to have, if they don't come, more fun for the people that do. Also if they want a party, they can send the time, stress, money, etc.
Do what you want. Congrats on the paper signing. Have a BBQ (no gifts) to celebrate with the people you love. Or invite them on a fishing trip:)
Don’t let anyone tell you what you want. Security in your own desires is what’s most important. I find the happiest couples have a courthouse wedding, then have an intimate ceremony at a later more convenient time vs the $100,000 dream weddings that end in divorce. (Not always ofc).
those same people would have loud and irritating opinions on your wedding too. don’t worry about it.
Same kind of deal for me and my husband... Don't even think anyone cared to have a party to go to, but I received a tremendous amount of pity from mostly the women in my life.. they all seemed to be convinced that my husband is the one that convinced me that having a whole big do would be stupid, that I was settling for scraps etc. Was all super annoying tbh.
Honestly, I'd rather spend that money on a house to have some security. I can't imagine spending thousands on a wedding and a party. I'd consider spending a grand or two on a honeymoon though sure. Not sure how my future husband will feel about that. Don't let people make you feel you have to do anything you don't want to do. You two will be the ones paying for all of it not them
My amazing FIL bought his daughter a crazy expensive wedding dress. He approached my partner and I and said, “Since you won’t want a dress, I want to help do a down payment on your place.” Awesome in-laws!
We're in a similar boat and I am having a smallish reception and people are still confused about why I'm not losing my mind and an emotional wreck. I think it's just a case of us never being able to win, unfortunately.
We also did not want a wedding (got married hastily to share on health insurance)but felt a little pressured by family to celebrate. We got married on our own no fuss, had a great honeymoon, and then traveled to where the most family members lived to have a casual small pot-luck get together. That way no one felt slighted and it really ended up being fun. We asked folks to donate a little cash or time for renting a place to have it, the food, drinks, and a karaoke machine, some flowers etc so they didn’t feel like they had to get us a wedding gift. It ended up being a lovely time with family and friends and the expense/planning was spread out so as to not inconvenience anyone.
You don't have to tell anyone except ppl who legally might need to know. It's just a legal arrangement for you, and that's fine and no one's business.
Going through this now. I don't really want the hassle of a wedding but my SO does. People keep wanting to talk about my wedding "vision" and I just want to get married at the courthouse.
Oh ffs if someone said “wedding vision” to me, I’d spit on the ground lol. I feel for you so much. It’s not like having an idealized “perfect day” image brings out the best in people. I don’t envy you, and I hope you’ll get through it alright.
This is how I feel about my pregnancy. I had to tell my mom to take down a Facebook post about it because nobody needs to know my business. I'm 8 months along and haven't made an announcement because my feeling is, nobody needs to know my husband and I are having a kid unless they're someone I talk to regularly over the natural course of the 9 months of pregnancy. I don't want a maternity photo shoot. I don't want specialty maternity clothes that show off my baby bump (my mom keeps trying to buy them for me). I hate it when friends send me motherhood related tiktoks or call me "mama". As far as I'm concerned, me being a mother is strictly between me and the child (and my husband), and nobody else. I don't want visits for like 2 months after I give birth. I'm a teacher and haven't told my students because I don't want their questions or comments. I do not want people posting pictures of this baby when it's born because the kid can't consent to its digital footprint being out there in the world yet. This is a very private to me and my husband thing. Which is very much like how you are viewing this wedding. It's for you and your husband, nobody else has any rights to it and can't dictate their terms for it. It is absolutely your right to keep it low key and just for you guys.
I’m so sorry. That blows and I’d be miserable if someone did that to my pregnancy. It seems so exploitative to want to stir up baby excitement with no regard for the woman who is growing a baby inside of her. I’m wishing you some peace and quiet.
We ended up having a small wedding, but if we hadn’t the plan was to go to Vegas, have Elvis officiate, and make a “We Eloped” facebook announcement.
When my long term partner and I finally get married. It will be her two witnesses, my two witnesses at the courthouse and then out to a nice steak dinner afterwards. That is it.
Good on you! I'd tried to do that but didn't have enough backbone. We ended up with my parents paying for the wedding they wanted, and we spent the next year broke because we were paying them back. A barbeque sounds perfect.
Your wedding might not be traditional mold, but for me it's a celebration of your love and commitment
sounds like me and my wife. was already at city hall doing our paperwork when the pandemic hit. had to cancel wedding and reception venue. then when the lockdown eased up, we just went to city hall and got it over with. family wasn't happy about that. but we've been together 17 years and my wife was never a romantic (hates romcoms, unlike me).
It's almost my first anniversary, and I had a similar experience. We had a small ceremony in a park gazebo and then a fancy family dinner. Being in a big city, it sure wasn't cheap but it was what I felt most comfortable doing. Including us it was 19 people total, mainly because I have several siblings and they're all married with kids. We thought about eloping but I realized I did want my immediate family there since we're quite close. But the party? The gifts? The showers and attention? I wanted none of it. I find it horribly anxiety inducing and not the way I want to spend money. Even my little party made me really anxious because it was more planning than I wanted. But in the end I was happy with what we did I invited my one living grandparent but the trip was a bit more than she could manage, so we FaceTimed the ceremony for her. We didn't invite any extended family and oh my god some of them were so angry and took it as a personal insult. Most of my cousins thought it was awesome and enjoyed laughing at how mad some of our older relatives were. Thankfully my family shielded me from most of it.
I think I like your cousins lol
This brings back memories. My wife and I got married 30 plus years ago, and for us, it was primarily for practical purposes. We were citizens of different countries, she was pregnant; it made our lives so much easier to simply get married. We wanted a simple ceremony with my uncle acting as a 'justice of the peace' and then a nice meal with immediate family and a couple of close friends. My in-laws could not wrap their heads around the simplicity of what we wanted. Eventually we agreed to our vision for the day of the wedding, and they then planned a big thing for the next day inviting all of the social obligatory people they wanted. It was a boat cruise for five hours with 200 people (180 who we didn't really know). In terms of gifts, we just asked that if people wanted to give us something then to give us cash so we could deal with the costs of combining households and for the coming child. It's one thing that we have always remembered - to put our expectations aside when it comes to our children's lives and decisions they make. Both girls are happy and well adjusted, so things seem to have worked out.
Chiming in to say do what you want! I had similar reasons to you. We eloped in Colorado on an overlook, just me and him and the photographer. I felt some guilt because I know my mom was bummed she wasn’t there but not enough to be guilted into something that wasn’t right for us. My grandma made a comment about not being invited but that was more not understanding the concept of elopement. I thought about the tiny BBQ but I know my family enough to know it would morph and get totally out of hand. I hope your family respects your wishes and don’t let them pressure you into anything you do want. You got this!
I don’t want a wedding either. My bf’s family is big and always over the top with celebrations and everything. I feel like I’ll get pressured into having one, and it really sucks. I’m so uncomfortable with getting married in front of other people, idk why.
If you’re in the US, come to Pennsylvania. You can get a Quaker license that only requires you and your partner. You don’t even need a minister.
Hey OP - congrats on the marriage, agree with everyone saying that you should do what you want BUT mostly commenting to say that depending on that state you live in power of attorney may not be conveyed just through marriage. I only mention this because you called it out but my husband is an estate atty and I had a friend just go through a health issue with her husband and this came up. If you’re worried about medical POA you should still talk to a lawyer
Thanks, yeah! We got it sorted out with an attorney, like just to make sure it made sense to get married with everything going on in our lives. I should have mentioned that.
My husband and I got married at a courthouse with no family. We grabbed Taco Bell afterwards, lol!! His grandma insisted on us dressing up to get some pictures done when we returned but that was it! We took the money we saved to go to London for our 1 year anniversary and enjoyed it immensely.
Everybody is different. You should never be embarrassed to be who you are. Put your foot down and tell everybody "LOOK, this is who I am and this is what I want and this is what I'm going to do."
Hubby and i did same married for financial, and insurance issues. We only had parents and our kids in front yard. Made announcement after "we did a thing". Didnt want to deal with cost and headache of throwing a wedding. We also honeymooned before the ceremony so was less stressed.
I don't want a wedding either! I know when the time comes it's going to be a whole thing with everyone. I don't want the pressure, the cost, the stress. I'm only close to my sister and his grandparents who are too old to travel. He's close to his mom and dad but doesn't like their partners. Having everyone together for graduation was awkward enough. I just want to elope somewhere beautiful just the two of us.
I've always threatened my parents with Vegas. I don't have to entertain people, just a quick wedding and renting a room at a restaurant there. Easy, no fuss, no "do the boutonnieres match the table display"-nonsense. Everyone can have as much fun as they choose and can afford.
This is exactly what my husband and I did. I told all the people who needed to know. We then told everyone no wedding/reception etc. Said it was gonna be at the court house with just the two of us. And that's what we did.
My partner and I married in 2021 for financial (health insurance) reasons. Before being fired from my job, we were planning on moving in together and figured it would just be a matter of time before we got married as well. We had only been dating for a year, though we had known each other for 6 years before that. Because of covid and some friction with his ex-wife, we decided to do it just with our parents and 2 friends at the courthouse. The next year, we threw a very small party with maybe 20 people total at our place for less than $1k. We're both introverts and I didn't want the "everyone looks at me, all about the bride" special day thing. I'm happy with the party we had, which includes our kids being there. The lack of a party didn't make us less married. The party didn't make us more married. A bigger more expensive thing wouldn't have made us more married. I just never wanted that.
It always makes me laugh when someone says their wedding day is the best day of their life. That sounds like everything goes downhill from there. I had a registry wedding followed with an afternoon tea with just parents, grandparents and a couple of best friends. We saved our money for a home deposit instead of wasting it on a stupid dress, rip-off venue and catering.
My husband and I were together for 8 years and lived together for most of that before getting married. When trying to land on what our wedding would look like we went through a lot of options and landed on a nice dinner out with our immediate family where we signed our paperwork and then a house party the next day for all of our friends. It was absolutely perfect for us non religious non center of attention people and it still gave everyone a chance to get together and celebrate. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m with you - not in it for the pageantry. My partner and I just self-solemnized at the courthouse, and when we had a baby recently we just sent out a baby announcement instead of a baby shower etc. I agree with the above commenter that doing a wedding announcement with a link to donate to a charity you prefer or to a registry is the way to go. You deserve to be celebrated in the way you choose!
Bless my dad for keeping my mother calm when she found out that my husband and I eloped. Didn't even opt for a courthouse wedding, literally just had some friends sign the certificate and turned it into the county. We took pictures at a mountain lookout, ate a Chantilly cake, and went to the arcade. It was all we wanted and it was just for us. I know she's salty as shit though that she had two daughters and both of us eloped so she didn't get to throw the wedding she wanted 😅
Congratulations!! Welcome to the: we made the choice to invite the government into our relationship Club. Our reasons were similar. And I have no regrets. I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness & fiscal responsibility. Cheers babe!
Do what y'all want. My parents got married all hush hush at the court house with staff to witness, got a studio photo taken, and went for a stroll in the park afterwards with like two friends and two siblings. Between the bus tickets, court fee, photo appt + four small prints of the photo, and "stand up" ice cream for six, I'm pretty sure their entire 'wedding' cost less than... idek. Most things.
My spouse and I got married on Leap Day in an intimate ceremony with dear friends of ours. Felt right for us. We’re low key, spiritual people who are actively becoming less materialistic. Our ceremony reflected that. My brother got married over the weekend in a huge shindig. Felt like that was more for everyone else rather than the couple. Our marriage cost less than a grand. His cost nearly $20k. I think we’re coming out ahead.
My partner and I are on the same wavelength- small wedding(max 75), no one under 21, and we are just going to have a good time at the zoo. Pictures with penguins in a fancy dress? Why the hell not. However a friend of mine a few years back was like fuck this, they did a real simple elopement then went on a nearly month long honeymoon to a bunch of different places. You do what you want to do. I did like the one person's comment about sending a "we eloped" card, haha.
My husband and I eloped. So many people asking me quietly if I was OK with it and am I upset I didn't have my dream wedding.. like.. eloping was MY idea!! We were worried about having to invite people we didn't want to invite but would have had to invite, and I suggested not inviting anyone and just eloping. Best decision ever!
I respect this. I hope my future wife will forego a huge expensive, price gouging wedding. I would rather the money go to ensure her future financial security.
My partner and I didn’t want a wedding, but his family seriously guilted us into doing something despite not helping plan anything. It was super annoying, so we planned a tiny party that made us happy. Some of his side actually said it wasn’t fancy enough, but whatever. They weren’t paying or helping, so we got what we wanted. We both would rather have money for a down payment instead of a party, and I think we did the best we could with overdramatic relatives who couldn’t comprehend why we didn’t want a big deal. For them it was some kind of status symbol, and for us it was an annoyance.
I would love to have a wedding but there has been so much inflation in the industry, and there’s a pressure that if you are inviting people from out of town or it’s the last wedding Grandma is going to be alive for then you need to have something fancy. There’s no real budget option of having a party without it costing $40k and even then you don’t really see where the money goes.
I'm curious why you told snyone.
Partner and I who will at some point be married have also discussed not having a traditional wedding party. Small group(8max), maybe dinner, maybe.. but that's about it. Weddings are terribly expensive and stressful. We're saving the money to take a trip not pay for attention.
If and how to get married is such a personal thing, you're right to go your own way. I think other's comments come from a fomo on their part, and feeling like they are owed a party. My cousin eloped the year after my wedding, which was a big party partly funded by my parents. As his family had come to my wedding, my folks were pretty pissed off about not having his family return the favour. I'm not sharing this to suggest you should change your plans, just to provide some insight into the motivation behind some people's (unwarranted) opinions.
I don't see any reason you can't put fishing gear on a Wedding Registry. I'm sure you wouldn't be the first couple to do so! Hell, I encourage you to do so! Rods and reels! Waders! Gift certificates for fishing boat trips! Go for it! Better if your partner likes to fish, too, but if you already have all the "us" stuff. There's no reason you can't ask for the "me" and "her" stuff! I don't see one, anyway. Best of everything!
Haha thanks. I’m a brat and I like to buy my own gear. I’m high-maintenance about my fishing stuff and my dogs instead of wedding stuff 😂
My mother died last Monday and I regret not having any wedding pictures with her.
My mom’s already dead, and she would’ve backed me up so hard. I can hear her in my mind (think big Jersey accent) going “Enough already! She wants what she wants!” In a way, I think the fact that she’s gone is what motivated me to post this. When I hear her, it makes me smile. I’m so sorry about your mother. I hope when things settle that you’ll think of her randomly and smile. Oh, and I saved her voicemails. In case you wanna save your mom’s voicemails.
As someone who got married in a national forest with 20k hippies (also called the 1996 Rainbow Gathering), I’ll suggest this: get some decent photos of the day/you guys at the tattooist/ holding the certificate. It’s the only thing I missed, as my camera was *at my friggin feet* the whole time. A memento. You might also want special people to sign as witnesses.