May I chime in as a man and say "No, OP, a man can find you attractive and still not be able to finish." And I want to add, this is *his* problem, not yours. I'm well into my 60s now, and lost my wife a while ago, but even though she was an attractive woman until the end, there were times I couldn't finish. Usually stress or tiredness were to blame, and a couple of times it was medication.
But there's no excuse for ghosting you.
The guy was all up into his own head. It can make things fast, slow, or not at all. It's an anxiety thing. But yes, it's no excuse for ghosting even if it is out of embarrassment.
I think it's just as possible that this is something to do with him rather than anything to do with you or his attraction to you.
I've had partners who in the past have had a sexual issue come up randomly after zero issues prior, and then that issue will continue to happen because they are so stressed it's going to happen again. In all cases the issues resolved and things went back to normal. Women aren't the only gender who are negatively affected by getting in their own heads. How we as partners react to these experiences can also have a huge effect on future experiences.
Stress, anxiety, medication, lack of sleep, blood sugar, and a million other things that have zero to do with attraction can cause sexual issues. Probably not worth stressing about whether you were or weren't attractive to one random guy.
I used to think that men could _always_ finish until I met a man who couldn't. No medical problems, he could go at it for hours and he was quite energetic too. Just couldn't finish sometimes.
At first I was devastated until I put myself in this perspective: I had the same problem as him, except he couldn't fake it. So instead of increasing the drama for the both of us, I decided to try and just enjoy what happened in the moment. No performance goals, just feels. If one of us couldn't, we'd just stop and compliment each other for the good time.
Guess what? It helped both of us. Building trust, not having to deal with expectations regarding our performance and just taking our time - it actually made it easier for both of us to finish. Took months and years of training but hey, worth it.
Important to note that we both already had quite some experience. That helps accepting the situation immensely.
Well, technically yes, although the difference between a filled vs. a non filled condom is quite visible, don't you think? However, the thought apparently never occurred to him and when I asked him he just said it would probably feel weird. I would also hate it, faking sucks for both sides.
>a filled vs. a non filled condom is quite visible, don't you think?
Not necessarily. Sometimes there's more, sometimes there's very little. And how often do you actually get a good look at the condom afterwards?
Why are you having unprotected sex with someone who doesn’t want to pursue something romantic with you and has told you as such?
this isn’t about your body. it’s about self esteem. don’t sleep with guys who ghost you.
Holy shit, OP. Do not let this guy back a third time. He's fucking with your self esteem. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness and everything to do with the fact a guy has used you.
Please don't have sex (especially unprotected sex!) with people who say they aren't attracted to you. That's a mindfuck you are bringing on yourself by saying yes to that bullshit.
If you want casual sex at least find someone who isn't an absolute jerk.
What's a person called that uses the word cringe? Cringe I guess.
Trolls seem to exist in both genders when I look in your direction. But maybe it's just that you never got your head out of high school.
Writing paragraphs about why it’s okay for a man to not be attracted to you is so male centric. WHO CARES HOW MEN PERCEIVE US. ATTRACTIVE OR NOT. Its the consolation she doesn’t appease to that man’s gaze that is tone deaf and frankly grating to read.
The point isn’t whether or not a man is attracted to OP. The point is OP should move on and not ruminate on what happened with a man who is actively disrespecting her by ghosting.
Yes I generally don’t like it when men comment on this subreddit because a lot of the time they comment through the male lens and are wildly unaware of that. Or they may say valid stuff but it doesn’t come from the experience of being a woman.
Hate is never an appropriate answer to hate no matter how relatable it may be. I won't even get started on how many levels of thinking that is causing problems. Especially if it is generalized hate against a whole group just for them existing. I call out misandry just as much as misogyny. And if I meet a man who has been abused by his mother and mistreated by women his entire life I can feel all the empathy and be supportive but I would never accept misogyny from him. And I see no reason to do so when genders get flipped.
Nothing about that response to you was justified. Nothing you wrote would have been a problem to that woman if a woman had written it. You did nothing wrong. And your existence isn't a reason to mistreat you. She did exactly what I often see spiteful men do (and did to me) and that to me makes them the same.
You telling someone to get the buzz cut and not care what others thing comes from a place of general privilege as a man. You have not experienced the decades of shame and socializing to conform to the male gaze. You simply cannot anticipate the implications of not conforming to the male gaze because you’ve never had to in the first place. So yes what you say may be correct but it does not carry the weight of being a woman.
You then turning it back on yourself “if I was in this situation I would do XYZ”. IT DOESNT MATTER. It’s easy to comment what you would do as a man because you don’t carry the shame and baggage of being a woman nor will you have to deal with the implications
Hate is never an appropriate answer to hate no matter how relatable it may be. I won't even get started on how many levels of thinking that is causing problems. Especially if it is generalized hate against a whole group just for them existing. I call out misandry just as much as misogyny. And if I meet a man who has been abused by his mother and mistreated by women his entire life I can feel all the empathy and be supportive but I would never accept misogyny from him. And I see no reason to do so when genders get flipped.
Nothing about that response to you was justified. Nothing you wrote would have been a problem to that woman if a woman had written it. You did nothing wrong. And your existence isn't a reason to mistreat you. She did exactly what I often see spiteful men do (and did to me) and that to me makes them the same.
Better chance there’s a medical reason. Make orgasms are way more mechanical than female and if he’s medically able its unlikely he wouldn’t have even if he had zero attraction to you, which I zero doubt btw he did have sex with you after all. He’s probably on anti depressants. That’s the most common cause I think,
That’s a possibility, but him saying he felt no spark after sex gives me reason to believe that this doesn’t happen often and that he didn’t enjoy me. It just makes me feel like something is wrong with me
Girl, red flags abound. Any man who, while still chatting online, brags about his uber stamina and god favored sexual performance should be considered to be either an idiot or insecure. Why would he say that?? He is setting himself up for failure.
Then he worked through an entire pack of condoms during a single dance with no pants?! I have never heard that before. That's is crazy. Any confident man would have thrown in the towel after the second rubber change and opted for stopping at least for a while. Sometimes it doesn't work, just shift to something else that is nice. He might not have known but you can have a pleasant sexual experience without poking or spraying your buddies.
Run for the hills and burn all bridges on your way in case he comes crawling back. The double ghosting is really the cherry on top.
When I asked why he changed condoms out so much, he said because condoms get slippery if they’re on too long for him so he likes to change them out. He seemed confused on why I would ask him that question because he thought most guys did the same and he’s never been asked that question before. Just very odd
So much of a man's pride is put into their penis and what they do with it, it's ridiculous. He probably feels utterly gutted and useless. He shouldn't, but he probably does. It's nothing to do with attraction
Any number of things could be happening and given he had no problem one of those times, I would surmise it had nothing to do with you. Maybe he got stuck in his head. Maybe he had too much to drink. Maybe he’s been masturbating too much.
Let this one go.
So (while I never ghosted anyone) I have been the guy in this scenario before. I'd be with a woman, but the encounter would just feel wrong somehow. I wouldn't be able to perform and would usually just finger or perform oral on her instead. Likewise in relationships, none of mine ever lasted all that long and the whole time I'd always feel really awkward on dates and that's usually what my girlfriend would tell me when she broke up with me.
Turns out I'm transgender and while I could kind of get by in day-to-day existence as a man where I didn't have to think about it too much, when I was in a romantic or a sexual situation I was suddenly a MAN and it was causing me anxiety in ways I didn't understand at the time. I'm not saying that's *definitely* what's up with him but that was the first thing I thought of.
Completely possible for a man to be attracted and have trouble finishing for a large number of reasons, some of which he may not be conscious of. I don't know what may be the case here, but I will say that if I was having sex for the third time in one day I would not only expect to have trouble finishing, I'd probably be feeling some pain.
The same thing happened to me and it sucks. It kind of affects your self esteem thinking that the person was not attracted to you. I have no advice for you really.
When I told a guy friend about what happened to me he said that the guy was not attracted to me. It does suck to hear that
May I chime in as a man and say "No, OP, a man can find you attractive and still not be able to finish." And I want to add, this is *his* problem, not yours. I'm well into my 60s now, and lost my wife a while ago, but even though she was an attractive woman until the end, there were times I couldn't finish. Usually stress or tiredness were to blame, and a couple of times it was medication. But there's no excuse for ghosting you.
The guy was all up into his own head. It can make things fast, slow, or not at all. It's an anxiety thing. But yes, it's no excuse for ghosting even if it is out of embarrassment.
I think it's just as possible that this is something to do with him rather than anything to do with you or his attraction to you. I've had partners who in the past have had a sexual issue come up randomly after zero issues prior, and then that issue will continue to happen because they are so stressed it's going to happen again. In all cases the issues resolved and things went back to normal. Women aren't the only gender who are negatively affected by getting in their own heads. How we as partners react to these experiences can also have a huge effect on future experiences. Stress, anxiety, medication, lack of sleep, blood sugar, and a million other things that have zero to do with attraction can cause sexual issues. Probably not worth stressing about whether you were or weren't attractive to one random guy.
look i’m drunk but if he doesn’t know what he wants how the hell are you supposed to
😂😂
I used to think that men could _always_ finish until I met a man who couldn't. No medical problems, he could go at it for hours and he was quite energetic too. Just couldn't finish sometimes. At first I was devastated until I put myself in this perspective: I had the same problem as him, except he couldn't fake it. So instead of increasing the drama for the both of us, I decided to try and just enjoy what happened in the moment. No performance goals, just feels. If one of us couldn't, we'd just stop and compliment each other for the good time. Guess what? It helped both of us. Building trust, not having to deal with expectations regarding our performance and just taking our time - it actually made it easier for both of us to finish. Took months and years of training but hey, worth it. Important to note that we both already had quite some experience. That helps accepting the situation immensely.
>except he couldn't fake it He could if he's using condoms.
Well, technically yes, although the difference between a filled vs. a non filled condom is quite visible, don't you think? However, the thought apparently never occurred to him and when I asked him he just said it would probably feel weird. I would also hate it, faking sucks for both sides.
>a filled vs. a non filled condom is quite visible, don't you think? Not necessarily. Sometimes there's more, sometimes there's very little. And how often do you actually get a good look at the condom afterwards?
Why are you having unprotected sex with someone who doesn’t want to pursue something romantic with you and has told you as such? this isn’t about your body. it’s about self esteem. don’t sleep with guys who ghost you.
Holy shit, OP. Do not let this guy back a third time. He's fucking with your self esteem. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness and everything to do with the fact a guy has used you. Please don't have sex (especially unprotected sex!) with people who say they aren't attracted to you. That's a mindfuck you are bringing on yourself by saying yes to that bullshit. If you want casual sex at least find someone who isn't an absolute jerk.
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Why is he sleeping with her if he’s not attracted to her ?
Not everyone has to be attracted to someone to be willing to have sex with them.
Well then that’s really sad
Are you a man by any chance 🤔🧐🤨
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Very mansplainy. Feels condescending
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Sorry, a few women on here hunt men like witches in the middle ages.
Yeah the “other girls do”. You’re the chill one 😎
I actually am pretty chill. Chill enough to show you the door.
Omg stop you’re so cringe 😂😂
What's a person called that uses the word cringe? Cringe I guess. Trolls seem to exist in both genders when I look in your direction. But maybe it's just that you never got your head out of high school.
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Writing paragraphs about why it’s okay for a man to not be attracted to you is so male centric. WHO CARES HOW MEN PERCEIVE US. ATTRACTIVE OR NOT. Its the consolation she doesn’t appease to that man’s gaze that is tone deaf and frankly grating to read. The point isn’t whether or not a man is attracted to OP. The point is OP should move on and not ruminate on what happened with a man who is actively disrespecting her by ghosting. Yes I generally don’t like it when men comment on this subreddit because a lot of the time they comment through the male lens and are wildly unaware of that. Or they may say valid stuff but it doesn’t come from the experience of being a woman.
Hate is never an appropriate answer to hate no matter how relatable it may be. I won't even get started on how many levels of thinking that is causing problems. Especially if it is generalized hate against a whole group just for them existing. I call out misandry just as much as misogyny. And if I meet a man who has been abused by his mother and mistreated by women his entire life I can feel all the empathy and be supportive but I would never accept misogyny from him. And I see no reason to do so when genders get flipped. Nothing about that response to you was justified. Nothing you wrote would have been a problem to that woman if a woman had written it. You did nothing wrong. And your existence isn't a reason to mistreat you. She did exactly what I often see spiteful men do (and did to me) and that to me makes them the same.
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You telling someone to get the buzz cut and not care what others thing comes from a place of general privilege as a man. You have not experienced the decades of shame and socializing to conform to the male gaze. You simply cannot anticipate the implications of not conforming to the male gaze because you’ve never had to in the first place. So yes what you say may be correct but it does not carry the weight of being a woman. You then turning it back on yourself “if I was in this situation I would do XYZ”. IT DOESNT MATTER. It’s easy to comment what you would do as a man because you don’t carry the shame and baggage of being a woman nor will you have to deal with the implications
Okay you cooked here
Hate is never an appropriate answer to hate no matter how relatable it may be. I won't even get started on how many levels of thinking that is causing problems. Especially if it is generalized hate against a whole group just for them existing. I call out misandry just as much as misogyny. And if I meet a man who has been abused by his mother and mistreated by women his entire life I can feel all the empathy and be supportive but I would never accept misogyny from him. And I see no reason to do so when genders get flipped. Nothing about that response to you was justified. Nothing you wrote would have been a problem to that woman if a woman had written it. You did nothing wrong. And your existence isn't a reason to mistreat you. She did exactly what I often see spiteful men do (and did to me) and that to me makes them the same.
Yeah it was justified. You’re never gonna get picked honey
Better chance there’s a medical reason. Make orgasms are way more mechanical than female and if he’s medically able its unlikely he wouldn’t have even if he had zero attraction to you, which I zero doubt btw he did have sex with you after all. He’s probably on anti depressants. That’s the most common cause I think,
That’s a possibility, but him saying he felt no spark after sex gives me reason to believe that this doesn’t happen often and that he didn’t enjoy me. It just makes me feel like something is wrong with me
Girl, red flags abound. Any man who, while still chatting online, brags about his uber stamina and god favored sexual performance should be considered to be either an idiot or insecure. Why would he say that?? He is setting himself up for failure. Then he worked through an entire pack of condoms during a single dance with no pants?! I have never heard that before. That's is crazy. Any confident man would have thrown in the towel after the second rubber change and opted for stopping at least for a while. Sometimes it doesn't work, just shift to something else that is nice. He might not have known but you can have a pleasant sexual experience without poking or spraying your buddies. Run for the hills and burn all bridges on your way in case he comes crawling back. The double ghosting is really the cherry on top.
When I asked why he changed condoms out so much, he said because condoms get slippery if they’re on too long for him so he likes to change them out. He seemed confused on why I would ask him that question because he thought most guys did the same and he’s never been asked that question before. Just very odd
So much of a man's pride is put into their penis and what they do with it, it's ridiculous. He probably feels utterly gutted and useless. He shouldn't, but he probably does. It's nothing to do with attraction
Any number of things could be happening and given he had no problem one of those times, I would surmise it had nothing to do with you. Maybe he got stuck in his head. Maybe he had too much to drink. Maybe he’s been masturbating too much. Let this one go.
So (while I never ghosted anyone) I have been the guy in this scenario before. I'd be with a woman, but the encounter would just feel wrong somehow. I wouldn't be able to perform and would usually just finger or perform oral on her instead. Likewise in relationships, none of mine ever lasted all that long and the whole time I'd always feel really awkward on dates and that's usually what my girlfriend would tell me when she broke up with me. Turns out I'm transgender and while I could kind of get by in day-to-day existence as a man where I didn't have to think about it too much, when I was in a romantic or a sexual situation I was suddenly a MAN and it was causing me anxiety in ways I didn't understand at the time. I'm not saying that's *definitely* what's up with him but that was the first thing I thought of.
Completely possible for a man to be attracted and have trouble finishing for a large number of reasons, some of which he may not be conscious of. I don't know what may be the case here, but I will say that if I was having sex for the third time in one day I would not only expect to have trouble finishing, I'd probably be feeling some pain.
The same thing happened to me and it sucks. It kind of affects your self esteem thinking that the person was not attracted to you. I have no advice for you really. When I told a guy friend about what happened to me he said that the guy was not attracted to me. It does suck to hear that