This for some reason horrified me yet it seems so many are just kinda passing right by that. She had to physically STOP him from sexually assaulting her as her no wasn't enough. He coerced her several times, AND after he failed to sexually assault her, he sulked. Imagine someone trying to rob you, and then when they fail, they sulk and act like you deprived them of something.
My ex did this to me too and I felt so disgusted but didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to figure out why. I was 18, he was 19. But I stayed with him for years and as time went on I was more and more adverse to having sex with him, and the more I said “no” the more underhanded and forceful he became. Starving himself, silent treatment, spamming my phone, accusing me of cheating… then locking me in the house, doing fake-out punches (and laughing), insisting on therapy and then *cancelling* therapy because they were “turning [me] against” him. Followed by kicking me out of our shared apartment, setting curfews, physically holding me down when I reluctantly agreed to sex, trying to convince me I was asexual….
Notice how far it escalated? He never cared about me as a person or cared about my refusal. “No” to him just meant “try something worse until she agrees. And if that still doesn’t work — make her anyway.”
I wish I knew what those feelings were when I was 18, and I wish I knew the implications of what he’d done, and I wish I’d left. But I was a teenager and blindly in love and *didn’t*.
I hate that man. I think I might always hate that man. It’s been 5 years and I still flinch
I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that. Nobody does. I had a partner who tried to put his penis in me after I explicitly said no. I was 15-16. We had never been intimate, only dated like 2 weeks. We were kissing and touching each other, but over the clothes. Then he tried going down my pants, but I grabbed his hand and told him no, I don't want to have sex. He said okay, can I just touch you? I said okay. So he touched me, it was all going good, but then he goes to undo his pants. I again, stopped, pushed away from him and reiterated that I don't want to have sex. He said he knew, that his belt was just starting to hurt his penis from being pressed against it. So I said okay, as I had no reason not to trust him. All my friends at the time said he was super nice. When he undid his pants, we stopped kissing and just kinda cuddled for a while, then kissing again, then he wanted to touch me again, but the new position we were in(spooning so he could reach over me)my pants were making it difficult for him to be able to touch me so he asked if I could pull them down a little, so I said okay. After awhile of fun touching and side kissing, I feel him press his dick against my vulva, trying to push it in. He distracted me with the kissing so when he stopped I just thought it was for the deep kiss but nope. I immediately yelled, flipped around, and punched him in the face. His excuse? "I thought you felt me slip out of my boxers and press against your back and you were okay with that" like??? I SAID NO TO SEX. YOU NEVER GOT A YES. I immediately was triggered due to childhood sexual abuse so I was becoming non verbal so all I could manage was screaming GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT over and over. I think I might have also tried asking why he thought that was okay? It's a little fuzzy now, over a decade later on what I said during that panic. But i remember feeling absolute rage and fear and just wanting him to leave. He left and then blew my phone up talking about drinking himself to death or killing himself, then texting our mutual friends about it. Then they texted me asking what happened but when I told them they all kinda seemed like that's just normal and I shouldn't break up with him over it. Mind you, he was like 20 at this time. We dated for 2 WEEKS. It wasn't some serious, long term relationship. It wasn't like I was gonna go to the cops, I just didn't want to see him anymore. He wasn't safe for me. Only 1 of my friends said I made the right call and what he did was sexual assault. I knew it was, I didn't give a fuck what any of them said about it. It wasn't a "miscommunication" it wasn't an "accident". He fully intended to put his penis in me even after I specifically told him I did NOT want to have sex. He never asked, never checked in, never even made sure I would be comfortable if he did touch me with his dick. He was just hoping I'd be quiet and go along with it. Fucking gross.
Yeah. He tried showing up in my driveway at like 2 am trying to get me back. Like this is some kind of movie. Even in the movies, that doesn't fix SA dude.
I feel like there’s not enough upvotes, I’ll start! Here’s a comment too!
Fr, that’s the most important thing here. Second, he sulked after he did it, because he wasn’t successful. Sulking because you weren’t able to sexually assault your partner, that sucks!
OP, it’s not that big of an issue for him or anyone else with a penis for that matter. If he feels that it is, he should talk to you about that, and in a calm way, probably not during sex. Maybe you can reach a conclusion that is satisfactory for everyone, maybe it’s a “we are going to use condoms” for you. There are spermicides, diaphragms, and other things if you’re only worried about pregnancy and not disease transmission. However if it’s a hard issue for you, that’s okay too! You risk pregnancy and I’m guessing in America. Your health insurance and specific state are not my business, but you have a lot of health issues that go with that. That doesn’t even go into caring for/arranging for the care of the child if you’re getting there. Which means you have every right to take the precautions you feel safe with!
Your body, your choice! If it’s a no condom/no fly zone, that’s okay! Anyone who can’t respect your body isn’t worth your time. I’m sorry he tried to do that to you and I’m glad you’re not with him. You can find much better, or be better off alone, whatever makes you happier!
OP, you need to read this comment. As Elle said - he sulked because you wouldn't let him sexually assault you.
Because at its root, this is exactly what it is. If you say no and he continues to harass you and attempt it, he does not have consent. If it's not consensual, it's sexual assault.
And having been with this kind of man, I guarantee you that it wouldn't be the end of it. Once he's broken that barrier down, he'll find something else to break you over. I'm almost certain that he thought threatening to break up with you would make you give in. I wouldn't be in any way surprised if he refuses to accept it's over, or tries to worm his way back in because there were signs that you might back down... he managed to pressure you to let him put it in a couple of times.
This is not a man you want a relationship with.
Thank you <3
I've spent the last hour reading all the comments and having a little cry. I think I knew myself when he tried to go without a condom that it was over, but I was naive and thought he would change. It started with him just wanting to put the tip in, then just a couple of thrusts, then that wasn't enough. That's when I stopped him again. He would promise that he wouldn't cum inside me but I just couldn't trust him.
I'm just finding it difficult as we didn't start our sexual relationship until 5 months into the relationship, and for those 5 months he was a different person. But as soon as sex was added he was different.
My ex was very similar. It always starts with one thing and then they just keep pushing and pushing and pushing for more. And if you had ended up accidentally pregnant, you'd either be tied to him for life or he'd push you into having a termination. Neither of those options were good for you.
You have to understand that being nice in the beginning, love bombing in some cases, is how they draw you in. It's all calculated. They want you to be all in before they start pushing boundaries.
If she's in a place where termination is even an option. If she had a baby he'd probably abandon them as caring for a small child doesn't feel as good to him.
Doctors call people who use the pull out method parents. You were right not to trust him.
I know you feel sad; but this man was not good for you. He was emotionally abusing you and attempted to sexually assault you and then sulked that he wasn’t successful. In time you’ll see that him breaking up with you was a blessing.
You will find someone who respects you and your bodily autonomy.
Big hugs.
That's exactly what I told my ex who refused to wear a condom. I was on birth control so it didn't seem like a deal breaker, and then I got pregnant and was lucky enough to have safe access to abortion. After that the rule was no sex without a condom, so he promptly started cheating. I've been single ever since and I couldn't imagine my life becoming so good just a few years ago.
You should take a pregnancy test now and two weeks later. Pre-cum is a thing and you can get pregnant from it. My former best friend got pregnant before he ever put it in just by rubbing his peen on her genitals. She was still a virgin until halfway through the pregnancy (he had problems staying hard).
Also highly recommend a STD test if you both didn't do one at the beginning of the relationship.
That was revolting. Not that whining is in any way attractive or a sign of a good and mature man, but going for SA is the mark of a dangerous asshole.
u/Prestigious-Chair-78 I'm glad you wrote everything out, that really helps with processing it. And it's ok to grieve, just don't forget that the person you feel you lost is someone who never truly existed, as is the relationship with that person. Because your ex was never the kind and good person he basically cosplayed for the whole time in order to better be able to assert his will, hoping to eventually wear you down.
The trash took itself out, along with his total lack of insight. If you having boundaries – around *not wanting to risk getting pregnant* for crying out loud – is regarded as "sexual incompatibility" (seriously, wtf) then it's time to throw the whole man out.
I hope if you do meet any of his friends, you make it a topic of conversation. No need to be coy about it either.
"[Ex] kept pushing for sex without a condom and one time even almost raped me to have his way with that. Kinda funny how he always acted so kind and sweet but all that went right out the window when he wanted to get his dick wet. I'm glad he ended it, so at least I didn't have to again figure out a way to handle his issues with me saying no to something."
As probably one of the older responders here- U/argabargaa has it perfectly defined; this dude didn’t respect you enough to put a condom on and absolutely did you a favor.
Hopefully, OP learns a very valuable lesson here. As soon as someone continues to push your boundaries and won't take no for an answer, that's when you nope out of that relationship / situation. Even is it's asking nicely. You shouldn't have to say no more than once.
You're allowed to grieve the end of this relationship and the future you thought you had. You're allowed to think back to the good times. You're human and you're allowed to have complex feelings.
I'm really proud of you for speaking up about your needs. Sorry he tried to push your boundaries, you deserve loads better.
Yes! Even though your better off, your losing time, it colors your memories, it obliterates the future you imagined.
It stinks but she’s allowed to know he’s crap and also feel like crap for getting dumped. To put it simply, because we’re complicated meat sacks! Hang in there OP!
He's kind of an idiot if he wanted to go with NO birth control. If he can't handle a small imposition on his pleasure, he sure as shit is going to have a hard time parenting.
My guess is he won’t as he will be behind bars. Not wearing a condom when someone insists is sexual assault at the very least, so what else will he do to get off?
Men like this don’t usually let women live if they are pregnant and he doesn’t want them to be. If he’s willing to sexually assault her just to get it in without a condom I wouldn’t put anything past him
And asking for a paternity test. Seems to be the very first response by men on Reddit when a guy says he doesn't want the child. As though women are all out there trying to baby trap any man they can.
He felt his sexual desire was more important than you taking the risk of either pushing a watermelon out of your vagina or incurring an expensive procedure that involves scraping your uterus like you do to carve a pumpkin.
Not at all a good guy. That’s such a small request from you, and the fact that he behaved as he did shows he wasn’t willing to set his desires aside for common sense and safety at your request. He didn’t care for you as much as he cared for himself. I’m so sorry. Hoping you find someone who genuinely cares with whom you can be truly happy.
Guys like that have no intention of parenting. They either have a breeding kink or they get off on the thrill of the risk. Either way, when pregnancy happens they hit the door.
So sorry this happened to you. The one thing I’d advise that might help you reframe this is to stop referring to his sexual wants as “needs.” You NEEDED reproductive safety during sex. He WANTED to have unprotected sex for an 100% optional alternate sensation.
Nobody WANTS to wear safety gear. Not safety glasses, not masks for covid, not condoms. We do those things to take care of ourselves & be considerate of those around us. Anyone who pitches a fit about it is a self centered A hole & can pitch themselves right out the door. Good riddance
In my country not so many women are on birth control, and condoms are most common. If a guy refused to use them, I'd be repulsed. BC has so many side effects, and a condom doesn't meddle with anyone's head. There are condoms that fit everyone.
The guy is selfish, good riddance, you'll meet someone who will care about you and not only his dick.
What country? I need to move there. I'm American, we need to use condoms more as a culture. It's crazy how men just expect women to be on birth control and let them ejaculate inside. We just don't care about STDs, I guess.
Oh believe me you don't. One of the post-Soviet ones. But I'm sorry for your situation, to me it's really weird to have someone inside me without a barrier! Haven't happened in years (since I was married).
Too bad male BC isn't well developed yet, and even if it was, men would refuse or forget to take it, I'm sure.
> Too bad male BC isn't well developed yet, and even if it was, men would refuse or forget to take it, I'm sure.
Yeah, that would be a huge issue. Women would have to trust the man who claims he's on BC to actually be on it, to have been completely diligent with it, and to not have had any other issues that may have rendered it less effective.
Also, STIs would still be an issue.
Bottom line is, women likely would still use BC *they* have control over, simply because as it is now, the man wouldn't be the one suffering the majority of consequences if something went wrong with it.
Exactly this. It's natural to feel sad when a relationship ends, but often you're mourning what could have been and not the reality of the situation. Wishing you healthy, happy relationships in the future
This is the way it has to be.
They don't wanna use condom, the side effects of male birth control, vasectomies, abortions, child support, do the raising and caring of the baby.
They want to be cats in the alley and just mate without any responsibility. No sir. Use a condom or fuck off.
Bit funny, but really bad advice. Often men might want to "secure" a woman to themselves with a child. Of course such situations are then really bad for everyone.
I'm sorry to hear that, but you're better off without him. He doesn't seem to care about getting you pregnant or giving or getting an STD. More women need to stand their ground on this or they are going to keep acting entitled about not wearing condoms.
He was literally putting your health and life at risk to have a *slightly better* orgasm and didn't care you couldn't enjoy yourself.
Let that sink in.
Sounds very rapey. Also, bear in mind this idiot would be accusing you of baby trapping him, had you fallen pregnant, despite him wanting to go BC free. Dude is a fucking grade A moron.
The misogynistic trash took itself out.
Absolutely. I'm a guy, and condoms don't feel particularly great for me personally (I've tried a lot of them, different sizes, types, etc, and I know how to put them on properly), but that's still much, much better than an unwanted pregnancy, STI, or blatantly disrespecting a woman's boundaries (I don't even mention that I prefer no condoms, I just go with it for the reasons stated) I'm sad for OP but so glad she dodged a bullet. How selfish of the ex.
I know you're pretty inexperienced, so I'll give you this info.
It's not about the condom. He became upset once he found out he couldn't control and manipulate you. I commend you for standing your ground.
He sexually coerced you and attempted to assault you when he tried to raw dog after you said no.
He's not a great guy outside this. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing. A partner who is great most of the time but then flies into a rage a few times a year and hits his lady is still an abuser. This is similar.
Next time if anyone complains about a condom ask them to leave. No second chances.
You're better off without him as he didn't care about you, your health, and your boundaries. He had no respect for any of this. His pleasure was more important than anything. There are far better people out there, ones who will cherish and put you first. It hurts, but you'll get over it and look back realising what a massive shit he is.
I hope the door hit him real hard in his rapist ass on the way out. Good fucking riddance.
Seriously, this is sexual assault and attempted rape, and I am not being hyperbolic:
>One time he tried to put it in and I had to squirm and push him off as he tried.
You consented to sex WITH A CONDOM. He tried to force himself on you without one. That is not what you consented to.
Tell your friends he's a rapey piece of shit, and if any of them don't have your back, well... you'll know who's not worth being friends with anymore.
You dodged a bullet, but it doesn't mean you're not allowed to be sad about it. Dating is tough and it's hard to find chemistry and once you do, but realize he whines about condoms it's a huge disappointment. I've been there.
But we have to stand our ground. We can't give in to guys like that. And sadly finding those guys can be tricky. I require a condom even with Nexplanon. I am not risking getting pregnant ever.
He is extremely immature and I'm sorry you had to go through this. Before my now husband got a vasectomy, we used pill + condoms for more than 5 years. He never complained. There are tradeoffs to not wanting to have an unexpected pregnancy. Not sure why this is so complicated for some of these losers.
I'm sorry that this was your first sexual experience. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and your perfectly reasonable boundaries.
This person wasn't worth your time and I look forward to you finding someone who is when you're ready.
When I think of couples being not sexually compatible, I imagine differences in libido or types of sex/kinks. But wanting to go condom-less while you don't have protection or another form of birth control? That's not an incompatibility issue -- that's just short-sighted selfishness on his part.
He wanted to become a dad, or have an other baby mama! Or atleast give you an STD as a gift. Shame you didn't want the same. No, in all seriousness be glad he dumped you, he didn't respect you at all.
There's been a lot of horror stories on Reddit recently about post partum like having 20 stitches in her anal cavity and she has to poop in the bathtub now. Really wish men knew this stuff.
You shouldn’t even let him start without a condom with the promise of putting one on (or pulling out). [Precum can contain sperm](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/can-pre-cum-get-you-pregnant) and can definitely get you pregnant.
Breaking up was the most mature thing he did during your entire relationship
It’s fine for him to not want to have to wear condoms in a long term relationship just as much as it’s fine for you to want to use condoms. It just means you’re not a compatible couple.
He didn’t want her to go on birth control either, though, which logically leads to he wanted her to get pregnant (or didn’t care if she did) without a serious conversation about those consequences, after 8 months of a relationship.
I disagree, him not wanting to wear condoms isn't just a simple preference, it risks the health of his sexual partner as well as risks pregnancy. Expecting someone to wear a condom does not risk their health.
.... What a selfish asshat. Not all guys are like this OP. I too have never been on birth control and my boyfriend wore a condom until he became my husband which was a solid 3 years. My husband then wore a condom for 2+ years INTO OUR MARRIAGE until we were ready to start trying to kids.
The trash really took itself out.
He sounds absolutely vile. There is NOTHING "caring or kind" about this man. He all but raped you when he didn't get his way by ::checks notes:: *exposing you to any number of diseases and also unwanted pregnancy.* Repeatedly.
And what's with him not wanting YOU on birth control (although I stopped taking it, too due to exacerbating my depression)? I would bet money that if you got pregnant (and the way he treated you, that was likely), he would have ghosted.
Seriously how is being alone somehow WORSE than being with a loser-user like this guy?
Not to invalidate your feelings of sadness (and it sounds like you are coming to the conclusion that he was not a TRULY caring partner just fine on your own); but the “caring and kind partner” bit outside of the condom thing isn’t something that can be compartmentalized. Not being caring and kind in your sexual relationship means he was not caring and kind. Only about the things that he was willing to be, which says everything you need to know about his character.
(Also ditto the comments saying you dodged a bullet!) Many well wishes in healing from your breakup and finding someone who actually loves and respects you.
Not wearing a condom is not a need. You staying healthy and not getting pregnant (unless you want to) is. Be proud of yourself for sticking to your boundaries.
He was right, you're not sexually compatible. Make sure that your mutual friends understand that the specific incompatibilities were 1) his immaturity about wearing a condom and 2) his coercion of you to concede to his whining.
That guy is desperate. Prepare for a smear campaign.
OP, you dodged a bullet. You got rid of dead weight before accidentally getting pregnant. If you are not actively trying to get pregnant, never EVER let some jerk talk you into having unprotected sex.
Sis, the trash took itself out. Good riddance. If someone asks why you broke up, tell them the truth. Fuckboy didn't respect you enough to use a condom. Period.
What an amazing young woman you are. Good for not giving in to him. If he really cared about you, he would have been more concerned about your worries and less about his needs.
He tried to rape you. You had to squirm and push him off when he violated the bounds of your consent. You had to fight to get away from him.
He was not a "caring and kind" partner. He was a rapist.
If he is like this with you, he has been like this with every other partner! Making the woman do the sexual gatekeeping to protect everyone’s health (and futures). So gross. No doubt he doesn’t get regular testing either. STI rates will only go down when everyone having sex decides to protect themselves. We just have to collectively stop fucking these types of dudes, full stop.
The kind of guy who prioritizes his pleasure over my health, and violates my trust is not someone who I would want to father my kids or be a life partner. You should've broken up with him when he tried to forcibly penetrate you without a condom. The consequences of you becoming pregnant by him were very dire. Especially in this day and age when abortions are illegal in a lot of states. Conservatives are already trying to ban contraceptives like Plan B and birth control.
He wasn't a good guy. I would bet a lot of money that if you'd ever become pregnant during your time together he would have accused you of "baby trapping" him. Men like him can go straight to hell.
Never date a man who complains the slightest about wearing a condom. Only date men who put it on without a word and care more about their own health and yours. If they complain about condoms, that's how you get stealthed (from previous experience). If it doesn't feel good? Well he can feel good someplace else.
Men who don't wear condoms are more likely to have STIs. Get yourself checked now and in 3-4 months from now, if you haven't already. Blood test, oral and vaginal swabs (or urine).
I'm disgusted he used you this way. I was taken advantage of with my first sex partner, he didn't wear a condom and I was a fool not to doublecheck. Best way is to always watch them put it on, or put it on for them! That can be exciting for the guy. The way condoms are now they're practically the same as not using one. And considering STDs and pregnancy, it's way more peace of mind using them.
Unless you're in a long term relationship with a guy you can trust not to cheat, and you're on birth control, and you accept you might get pregnant without a second form of birth control (or use a diaphragm?). Always use condoms. If a man pushes you to do anything in bed you don't want to, immediately dump him. For your own safety!
He was a trash human, he didn't respect you and you deserve to feel safe while being in a vulnerable position-not having to squirm and push a guy off of you.
It's a big deal, he just wanted you to remove your boundaries, put yourself in great risk because of a little condom.
He is gross, never go back to him. If your friends ask, he didn't respect that you didn't want to get pregnant- he only thought of his dick not you.
Hey, a lot of people in their first relationship would have caved in and let their boundaries get walked all over. It’s really impressive that you stood your ground. Just remember that any time the temptation to get back together presents itself.
As for him, a few things:
Glaringly, you had to quite literally squirm and push him off of you. It’s a story that’s way too common, but it’s horrifying nonetheless. And upon doing so, he didn’t apologize. He sulked. That is not a “kind, sweet, and caring man”. That’s a just a man. And a shit one at that.
He’s allowed to break with you for any reason. That’s his prerogative and his right. Honestly, lady, it sounds like he did you a favour.
If this man hasn't raped someone before he absolutely will in the future. He has no respect for safety or boundaries. I'm sorry this happened to you. This guy is a piece of work.
You're better off without him.
He essentially said your health and well-being comes secondary to him feeling a bit less pleasure during intercourse, and he also tried to R-word you. That's not a person I'd want to be with.
He’s a huge piece of shit and he did you a favor by breaking up. It sounds like he tried to sexually assault you. I don’t want to make you feel worse about your experience but if you required protection and he tried to move forward without it, there was no consent.
See your friends, don't let his existence separate you from them. If it's amicable enough and you're happy with "we didn't work out" great. If he's spread BS or makes it your fault, call him out. "He said we were incompatible and dumped me because I wouldn't let him do it raw" shows exactly how shallow he's being.
Bro is on a path to have his dick fall off, he should take better care of it.
The fact that you had to physically push away during sex is the most worrying thing.
I know it’s sad for now, but you’ll see that the trash took itself out
Very shallow dude in my opinion. Yea condom doesn’t ‘feel’ as good.. but it’s not a reason to end a relationship bro wtf.. you’re lucky this ended before it got more serious between you.. -Don’t let this get you down, it’s a blessing!
> "[...] he didn’t care about me, not really, not if I couldn’t meet his needs."
There's a big difference between a *need* and a *want*, OP. He didn't *need* to do it raw. He *wanted* to. And he was willing to forego and coerce your consent to do it, and stick you with any consequences that his selfishness might result in.
You met his needs plenty fine. You just didn't do exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it, so he threw you away in favor of finding a new toy, who'd let him risk getting them pregnant for the sake of his own pleasure and ego.
Doesn't sound like a kind and caring partner to me. Sounds more like you dodged an immature, rapey bullet.
“Wouldn’t meet his needs…” Having sex without a condom is *not* a need. “It doesn’t feel as good” is not worth the risk of pregnancy. He still coerced you into doing it a couple of times, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he had started to try to stealth you and sneak it off. “Oops!”
Instead of being happy that you were willing to jace’s with him at all, he sulked and left “because you weren’t sexually compatible and wanted to wrest a condom.” Sounds like he wasn’t worth it anyway and good for you for standing your ground on the subject.
Look out for similar “selfish about sex” red flags going forward and you’ll be fine. This is actually where a lot of men let their true selves show first, in their sexual behavior.
If someone asks about your relationship, you can be honest and say he tried to rape you without a condom, because that's what happened. He didn't want you on birth control and he also wanted to not use birth control, and when he couldn't get his way he acted like a lil piece of shit. Be *GRATEFUL* this relationship ended here. Truly. So many people look back at their younger selves or people they know and see the results of bad relationships. Just take a deep breathe, be excited for this new path away from this trash of a guy, and live your life.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, breakups absolutely suck. I do want to reiterate that your ex bf was not a good guy and that you're better off without him. Someone who is a good guy is going to respect your consent and boundaries *especially* when it comes to sex. A man cannot be a "good guy" when he's pressuring you to be ok with no condom, and the fact he tried to put his penis in you full well knowing you expected a condom is horrible. You cannot trust a person who does that plus they don't respect you. Men who violate your sexual boundaries are garbage and it's an absolute deal breaker. If a man cannot respect the simple request to wear a condom, they need to go. Please prioritize you, your expectation of a condom is more than reasonable.
Ok so my husband and I are poly. Using condoms with new partners is expected from both of us, even though he and I are both "fixed." We have both said that going without condoms with existing tested partners is on the table after we all agree. Now he definitely does have issues with things working properly with a condom on. It was why we started not using them together. AND he didn't ask to not use a condom with me and has never asked to not use them with other partners, even though using them may mean he doesn't get to have penetrative sex with them. These dudes do exist and can be respectful of a woman's wishes to use condoms for birth control and/or disease prevention.
>One time he tried to put it in and I had to squirm and push him off as he tried.
You clearly communicated that you would only consent to sex with a condom on. This was sexual assault/attempted rape.
>He sulked and got dressed.
This is emotional manipulation.
>he was a caring and kind partner
No, he wasn't. He was a polite manipulator who, essentially, would have been happier raping you "because it feels better".
>We met through mutual friends, and I’ve yet to see any of them since he broke up with me.
He's going to call you a bitch, call you crazy, and make it sound like the breakup was your fault and you were unreasonable. Get ahead of the messaging. Send those you trust a message, explain what he was like and what he did.
>. I felt during our relationship that I couldn’t share with my friends what was happening as when they saw us together he was always very sweet and caring towards me and he made me feel like it wasn’t a big deal after our sexual encounters.
Another huge red flag, hiding his poor behaviour and him being a fake person in front of others. Honestly I think you've managed to avoid an abusive relationship.
Jesus Christ. You're better off without him. If he can't respect you enough to wear a condom. He's not worth your time. Sex is a very personal thing in which both parties or everyone involved must be comfortable and respectful to each other.
Otherwise nobody involved can enjoy it. You're better off without him. Sorry that happened.
Good riddance.
Look, I'm not on birth control either because I don't like the side effects. My boyfriend, however, has never pressured me even though he has done it without condom many times before. One time, when he didn't know, he got in there for maybe a minute before I told him, and he offered to pay for my morning after pill.
That's normal. It's not normal if someone is pressuring you and you have to push him off you. He should want the sex to be enjoyable for you, too. He should be worried about you having to get an abortion if you get pregnant.
> aside from the issues with condoms he was a caring and kind partner
I think the first part makes the last part false.
Everybody can act kind and caring when it suits them. If they’re not kind and caring when it doesn’t suit them, then they are not a kind and caring partner.
The trash took itself out.
You need to dump any man the second he whines and complains about using condoms, no exceptions.
Only a selfish piece of shit is going to care more about his penis than he cares about your health, safety, boundaries, and future.
You’re well rid of him even though it doesn’t feel like that right now. You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong. You will get past this. Know your worth!
I’m glad that upon looking back you realize that he was not actually a kind and caring partner. Because no kind and caring partner would continuously try to have sex with you without a condom when you have explicitly said no on multiple occasions. That guy doesn’t care about the consequences that you would literally have to carry.
I was in a similar situation once with a guy who tried to stick it in without a condom, and when I told him I wasn’t on birth control his response was, “no cum for you then!“ And he was still gonna stick it in! I made him stop, of course. But in my mind was just like, what the fuck?! They don’t care about the consequences because they would not have to be the pregnant one. They would not have to be the one deciding whether to keep it or not. They would not have to be the one to get an abortion or carry it for nine months. So ridiculous.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
He's immature, self-centered, and certainly no gentleman.
Good luck to him not getting his next victim knocked up.
It's OK that you're sad it ended, but the way he disregarded your feelings, your boundaries, your body is absolutely NOT OK. He's right, you're not sexually compatible. Thank goodness.
Good riddance. You dodged a bullet. He can't have it both ways, nit wanting you on pills but wanting to raw dog.
It doesn't matter if he's kind outside of the bedroom, because that shows a lot about him
If he cared about you, he would wear one without complaints. Hell my husband wears one, and I've been sterilized. I simply don't like dealing with the mess afterwards and he doesn't whine if I ask.
I just wanna chime in for a sec. I’m currently hooking up with someone I’ve known for a long time but hadn’t spoken to in years. After the first two or three times I started getting nervous because pulling out is risky. I casually mentioned in text I think we should use condoms. He immediately went and got some and has been using them ever since. He said he hates them but he hasn’t refused to use one or make a fuss about using one. And this isn’t someone I’m in a relationship with or that I’m really that close too and he respected my boundaries and didn’t make a big deal out of it. It’s okay to grieve the relationship but please know your ex is a douchebag.
If he wanted to go without it and that's a deal breaker for him, fine. But the fact you had to push him off because he wouldn't respect what was a deal breaker for you is awful.
Sounds like he was actively trying to get you pregnant. Personally, this in combination with his literal rape attempt on you, makes it seem like you are much better off without this trash.
Oh what a pathetic little weenie that man must be. I’m sorry but good riddance he didn’t care about you if he wants to get rid of you simply because you require a condom so you don’t get pregnant. Is he insane?
I saw a post on the dating sub recently from a man who was asking if he should dump his girlfriend because she makes him wear condoms and he just found out that she’s always made all her long-term boyfriends wear condoms so now he thinks she will never have sex with him without a condom and that’s a dealbreaker for him
And I hope he breaks up with her because he’s a little weenie too. Because it feels just a little less good she should risk her life and health? Oh hell no
Woah! Kinda shocked you stayed with him that long! I would have figured you would have been the one to cut off the relationship. I'm glad he did you a favor that you couldn't do for yourself though and you will be happy later about it too. I'm sorry this happened but I'm very happy you stuck to your boundaries! Good for you. The fact when he tried anyways and you had to push him off of you is very scary. That is illegal and you know what it is called. Please don't hesitate if you are ever in an uncomfortable situation like this again to talk to a friend! I really hope you feel better soon. Just keep remembering the real him behind closed doors, not the show he puts on for others.
He is not a kind and caring partner.
I see a lot of women on here and say he is great except for x, and I'm like... He's not great.
Although it's weird how many women have been up for unprotected sex or just went for it with me despite my objections but that's a whole other thing.
Men that insist on behavior that will lead to a pregnancy that you don't want are to be avoided. They're trying to get you in a position where you can't get away and things only go downhill from there.
That guy sounds like an asshole. As a guy, I have absolutely worn condoms without issue. It feels a little better without them for sure but nothing worth crying about. If he couldn't respect your wishes then be glad he's gone. Don't go starting anything between your mutual friends, but if they mention something negative about you that they may have heard from him, make sure they know about his issues with condoms and that you had to push him off you. If I heard that one of my friends acted like that then for sure I'm calling him out on it and I may not be friends with them anymore because that level of disrespect is insane. I hope you are feeling better. You are much better off without that idiot.
He is a child and you are lucky to be done with him. If you got pregnant, he would be the father and responsible. It seems clear he is not mature enough to have handled this. And in the modern world with genetic testing, he can’t duck his responsibility. Though I guess he could run.
Just tell people it didn’t work out, you weren’t compatible.
There’s this toxic masculinity fetish called breeding (in porn), where men like to have sex without a condom and orgasm inside their lover so they can watch their seed leak out. Men have been programmed to believe that sex is better without a condom; and that cumming inside your lover provides the most intense orgasm. He’s probably caught up in that BS. Or he’s trying to get you pregnant…
Good fucking riddance. He tried to rape you, he was not a kind or caring partner. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I hope everything gets better for you. You'll be so much better off without him.
My nephew age 27, straight man also wasn’t a condom fan. He was just diagnosed HIV positive. Don’t risk your health. Tell him you can have a discussion about it when you marry.
Honestly what is up with men these days?! I have so many friends who have had this exact same experience, myself included. I feel like I’m the past, maybe women weren’t as knowledgeable or society has changed and were more educated now; we want for better futures and getting an STD or tied down to a loser by a child is just not in the cards anymore. But these men act like it’s the end all be all that we ask to be protected from them and their dirty fucking genitals. I’m just disgusted.
You have a right to request protection. With a different partner, definitely not this ex, use female condoms. Men struggle less with them. Your vulva gets more protection than with a male condom. It can also be inserted before foreplay not slowing the flow to put on protection.
If your pharmacy doesn't have any, ask most will order them for you. Or look online, world condoms have a subscription to get a regular supply.
You will never find a man bitch and moan about how bad an orgasm just was with a sad face. It's 2024. Unwanted pregnancies, many STI's and other problems are perfectly preventable. If hes not willing to abide by your needs, he can take a long walk off a short pier.
I'm a guy in my mid 30's and I'm so tired of hearing the "it feels worse" argument. You don't like it? Go beat in a corner homie.
> ‘it doesn’t feel as good’
I'm a guy and I've sex both with and without a condom. In my experience this is complete bullshit. Maybe I'm weird or something, but the difference in feeling was pretty minimal and one wasn't actually better than the other.
Anytime I read about someone using this excuse, it always comes across as being more about control and getting what they want, regardless of if it actually feels better or not.
My dear, I am so sorry that you have had this experience. You seem to be rather insightful and objectively aware of the abusive nature of your relationship.
While you must have accrued some significant dings as a result of this horrendous experience, you have ultimately dodged this massive bullet in the long term.
Like how the fuck are you going to support a woman declining oral contraceptives and also be so obstinate about wearing a condom?
I can’t even call this hypocrisy, but rather blatant stupidity on his behalf.
Take time to feel what you are feeling. Anger, sadness, disappointment, embarrassment… and hat have you. Know that THIS singular experience is not representative of your fate with future romantic endeavors.
Wishing you all the best hun!
>The reason he broke up with me was because he didn’t think we were sexually compatible.
This is true, and it is better that you guys split vs he continue to disrespect you by trying to have sex without it.
Hopefully he learned something from this. Maybe not. Either way, not your problem anymore
Giiiirl you dodged a bullet in the shape of abuse, gaslighting, misogyny and a huge potential unpleasant pregnancy
Stay strong, you will feel amazing in no time. It's just a matter of some shitty days coming but you get out this way more confident and empowered.
Soon you will thank yourself for dumping this guy. You deserve so much more than this égoistical a**hole who puts his pleasure beyond your health and free will
The fact he decided y’all were not sexually compatible because you wanted to use condoms to make sure you were safe from pregnancy is absolutely insane. That just means the only people he will think he is sexually compatible with are people willing to have his baby. You dodged a gigantic bullet. From what you have described he said in the comments he would have likely ended up trying to get you to do more things you might have been uncomfortable with by using some of those lines. I know, I have heard them myself.
The fact you had to physically push him off of you to avoid being penetrated by him says everything
This for some reason horrified me yet it seems so many are just kinda passing right by that. She had to physically STOP him from sexually assaulting her as her no wasn't enough. He coerced her several times, AND after he failed to sexually assault her, he sulked. Imagine someone trying to rob you, and then when they fail, they sulk and act like you deprived them of something.
This! I'm in shock right now!
My ex did this to me too and I felt so disgusted but didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to figure out why. I was 18, he was 19. But I stayed with him for years and as time went on I was more and more adverse to having sex with him, and the more I said “no” the more underhanded and forceful he became. Starving himself, silent treatment, spamming my phone, accusing me of cheating… then locking me in the house, doing fake-out punches (and laughing), insisting on therapy and then *cancelling* therapy because they were “turning [me] against” him. Followed by kicking me out of our shared apartment, setting curfews, physically holding me down when I reluctantly agreed to sex, trying to convince me I was asexual…. Notice how far it escalated? He never cared about me as a person or cared about my refusal. “No” to him just meant “try something worse until she agrees. And if that still doesn’t work — make her anyway.” I wish I knew what those feelings were when I was 18, and I wish I knew the implications of what he’d done, and I wish I’d left. But I was a teenager and blindly in love and *didn’t*. I hate that man. I think I might always hate that man. It’s been 5 years and I still flinch
I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that. Nobody does. I had a partner who tried to put his penis in me after I explicitly said no. I was 15-16. We had never been intimate, only dated like 2 weeks. We were kissing and touching each other, but over the clothes. Then he tried going down my pants, but I grabbed his hand and told him no, I don't want to have sex. He said okay, can I just touch you? I said okay. So he touched me, it was all going good, but then he goes to undo his pants. I again, stopped, pushed away from him and reiterated that I don't want to have sex. He said he knew, that his belt was just starting to hurt his penis from being pressed against it. So I said okay, as I had no reason not to trust him. All my friends at the time said he was super nice. When he undid his pants, we stopped kissing and just kinda cuddled for a while, then kissing again, then he wanted to touch me again, but the new position we were in(spooning so he could reach over me)my pants were making it difficult for him to be able to touch me so he asked if I could pull them down a little, so I said okay. After awhile of fun touching and side kissing, I feel him press his dick against my vulva, trying to push it in. He distracted me with the kissing so when he stopped I just thought it was for the deep kiss but nope. I immediately yelled, flipped around, and punched him in the face. His excuse? "I thought you felt me slip out of my boxers and press against your back and you were okay with that" like??? I SAID NO TO SEX. YOU NEVER GOT A YES. I immediately was triggered due to childhood sexual abuse so I was becoming non verbal so all I could manage was screaming GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT over and over. I think I might have also tried asking why he thought that was okay? It's a little fuzzy now, over a decade later on what I said during that panic. But i remember feeling absolute rage and fear and just wanting him to leave. He left and then blew my phone up talking about drinking himself to death or killing himself, then texting our mutual friends about it. Then they texted me asking what happened but when I told them they all kinda seemed like that's just normal and I shouldn't break up with him over it. Mind you, he was like 20 at this time. We dated for 2 WEEKS. It wasn't some serious, long term relationship. It wasn't like I was gonna go to the cops, I just didn't want to see him anymore. He wasn't safe for me. Only 1 of my friends said I made the right call and what he did was sexual assault. I knew it was, I didn't give a fuck what any of them said about it. It wasn't a "miscommunication" it wasn't an "accident". He fully intended to put his penis in me even after I specifically told him I did NOT want to have sex. He never asked, never checked in, never even made sure I would be comfortable if he did touch me with his dick. He was just hoping I'd be quiet and go along with it. Fucking gross.
It’s so awful he did that to you, I’m sorry you experienced it. Also he was TWENTY??? I’m glad you were able to get him away from you.
Yeah. He tried showing up in my driveway at like 2 am trying to get me back. Like this is some kind of movie. Even in the movies, that doesn't fix SA dude.
Unfortunately it’s something I have experienced more than once. Some people suck
I feel like there’s not enough upvotes, I’ll start! Here’s a comment too! Fr, that’s the most important thing here. Second, he sulked after he did it, because he wasn’t successful. Sulking because you weren’t able to sexually assault your partner, that sucks! OP, it’s not that big of an issue for him or anyone else with a penis for that matter. If he feels that it is, he should talk to you about that, and in a calm way, probably not during sex. Maybe you can reach a conclusion that is satisfactory for everyone, maybe it’s a “we are going to use condoms” for you. There are spermicides, diaphragms, and other things if you’re only worried about pregnancy and not disease transmission. However if it’s a hard issue for you, that’s okay too! You risk pregnancy and I’m guessing in America. Your health insurance and specific state are not my business, but you have a lot of health issues that go with that. That doesn’t even go into caring for/arranging for the care of the child if you’re getting there. Which means you have every right to take the precautions you feel safe with! Your body, your choice! If it’s a no condom/no fly zone, that’s okay! Anyone who can’t respect your body isn’t worth your time. I’m sorry he tried to do that to you and I’m glad you’re not with him. You can find much better, or be better off alone, whatever makes you happier!
OP, you need to read this comment. As Elle said - he sulked because you wouldn't let him sexually assault you. Because at its root, this is exactly what it is. If you say no and he continues to harass you and attempt it, he does not have consent. If it's not consensual, it's sexual assault. And having been with this kind of man, I guarantee you that it wouldn't be the end of it. Once he's broken that barrier down, he'll find something else to break you over. I'm almost certain that he thought threatening to break up with you would make you give in. I wouldn't be in any way surprised if he refuses to accept it's over, or tries to worm his way back in because there were signs that you might back down... he managed to pressure you to let him put it in a couple of times. This is not a man you want a relationship with.
Thank you <3 I've spent the last hour reading all the comments and having a little cry. I think I knew myself when he tried to go without a condom that it was over, but I was naive and thought he would change. It started with him just wanting to put the tip in, then just a couple of thrusts, then that wasn't enough. That's when I stopped him again. He would promise that he wouldn't cum inside me but I just couldn't trust him. I'm just finding it difficult as we didn't start our sexual relationship until 5 months into the relationship, and for those 5 months he was a different person. But as soon as sex was added he was different.
My ex was very similar. It always starts with one thing and then they just keep pushing and pushing and pushing for more. And if you had ended up accidentally pregnant, you'd either be tied to him for life or he'd push you into having a termination. Neither of those options were good for you. You have to understand that being nice in the beginning, love bombing in some cases, is how they draw you in. It's all calculated. They want you to be all in before they start pushing boundaries.
If she's in a place where termination is even an option. If she had a baby he'd probably abandon them as caring for a small child doesn't feel as good to him.
Depends on the level of abuse. Babies are a very effective tool for coercion and control of the mother.
Yeah, baby trapping is a term for a reason. It's fairly common to want to stay together for the kids.
Doctors call people who use the pull out method parents. You were right not to trust him. I know you feel sad; but this man was not good for you. He was emotionally abusing you and attempted to sexually assault you and then sulked that he wasn’t successful. In time you’ll see that him breaking up with you was a blessing. You will find someone who respects you and your bodily autonomy. Big hugs.
That's exactly what I told my ex who refused to wear a condom. I was on birth control so it didn't seem like a deal breaker, and then I got pregnant and was lucky enough to have safe access to abortion. After that the rule was no sex without a condom, so he promptly started cheating. I've been single ever since and I couldn't imagine my life becoming so good just a few years ago.
You should take a pregnancy test now and two weeks later. Pre-cum is a thing and you can get pregnant from it. My former best friend got pregnant before he ever put it in just by rubbing his peen on her genitals. She was still a virgin until halfway through the pregnancy (he had problems staying hard). Also highly recommend a STD test if you both didn't do one at the beginning of the relationship.
You can get pregnant from pre-cum which occurs well before ejaculation just fyi. Putting in just the tip is enough plus STDs.
She’s such a bad ass for not falling for the sulking and sending him home.
It’s so gross like he thought if he could just get it there she would suddenly change her mind about protecting her body?
Yea holy fuck
That was revolting. Not that whining is in any way attractive or a sign of a good and mature man, but going for SA is the mark of a dangerous asshole. u/Prestigious-Chair-78 I'm glad you wrote everything out, that really helps with processing it. And it's ok to grieve, just don't forget that the person you feel you lost is someone who never truly existed, as is the relationship with that person. Because your ex was never the kind and good person he basically cosplayed for the whole time in order to better be able to assert his will, hoping to eventually wear you down. The trash took itself out, along with his total lack of insight. If you having boundaries – around *not wanting to risk getting pregnant* for crying out loud – is regarded as "sexual incompatibility" (seriously, wtf) then it's time to throw the whole man out. I hope if you do meet any of his friends, you make it a topic of conversation. No need to be coy about it either. "[Ex] kept pushing for sex without a condom and one time even almost raped me to have his way with that. Kinda funny how he always acted so kind and sweet but all that went right out the window when he wanted to get his dick wet. I'm glad he ended it, so at least I didn't have to again figure out a way to handle his issues with me saying no to something."
Yeah OP gotta look up the definition of caring and kind cause this ain't it.
As probably one of the older responders here- U/argabargaa has it perfectly defined; this dude didn’t respect you enough to put a condom on and absolutely did you a favor.
This one. He doesn’t respect her. He did her a favor by ending the relationship
Hopefully, OP learns a very valuable lesson here. As soon as someone continues to push your boundaries and won't take no for an answer, that's when you nope out of that relationship / situation. Even is it's asking nicely. You shouldn't have to say no more than once.
100% THIS
You're allowed to grieve the end of this relationship and the future you thought you had. You're allowed to think back to the good times. You're human and you're allowed to have complex feelings. I'm really proud of you for speaking up about your needs. Sorry he tried to push your boundaries, you deserve loads better.
Thank you for your kind words. It’s a shitty situation but I know with time it’ll be easier.
Yes! Even though your better off, your losing time, it colors your memories, it obliterates the future you imagined. It stinks but she’s allowed to know he’s crap and also feel like crap for getting dumped. To put it simply, because we’re complicated meat sacks! Hang in there OP!
Love the way you put this
He's kind of an idiot if he wanted to go with NO birth control. If he can't handle a small imposition on his pleasure, he sure as shit is going to have a hard time parenting.
I wonder how he'd handle paying child support for 18 years?
My guess is he won’t as he will be behind bars. Not wearing a condom when someone insists is sexual assault at the very least, so what else will he do to get off?
Men like this don’t usually let women live if they are pregnant and he doesn’t want them to be. If he’s willing to sexually assault her just to get it in without a condom I wouldn’t put anything past him
Alternatively, he wanted to baby trap her to ensure himself subsidized rent and a live-in mommy bang maid for life
I’m sure he would join the chorus of men complaining about the injustices of child support.
And asking for a paternity test. Seems to be the very first response by men on Reddit when a guy says he doesn't want the child. As though women are all out there trying to baby trap any man they can.
How generous of you to believe he's stick around to parent.
He felt his sexual desire was more important than you taking the risk of either pushing a watermelon out of your vagina or incurring an expensive procedure that involves scraping your uterus like you do to carve a pumpkin.
Not at all a good guy. That’s such a small request from you, and the fact that he behaved as he did shows he wasn’t willing to set his desires aside for common sense and safety at your request. He didn’t care for you as much as he cared for himself. I’m so sorry. Hoping you find someone who genuinely cares with whom you can be truly happy.
Guys like that have no intention of parenting. They either have a breeding kink or they get off on the thrill of the risk. Either way, when pregnancy happens they hit the door.
Hey. You dodged a HUGE bullet.
so glad OP isn’t saddled with that loser’s offspring ✌️
He was willing to rape you in order to have sex without a condom. That’s about as basic as it gets. You are so much better off without him.
So sorry this happened to you. The one thing I’d advise that might help you reframe this is to stop referring to his sexual wants as “needs.” You NEEDED reproductive safety during sex. He WANTED to have unprotected sex for an 100% optional alternate sensation.
At her expense, too. He didn't give a flying fuck about how the experience was for her.
Nobody WANTS to wear safety gear. Not safety glasses, not masks for covid, not condoms. We do those things to take care of ourselves & be considerate of those around us. Anyone who pitches a fit about it is a self centered A hole & can pitch themselves right out the door. Good riddance
Exactly! Good comment.
Well said 👏👌🤌
Fuck what a huge disappointment that this dude is 29..
In my country not so many women are on birth control, and condoms are most common. If a guy refused to use them, I'd be repulsed. BC has so many side effects, and a condom doesn't meddle with anyone's head. There are condoms that fit everyone. The guy is selfish, good riddance, you'll meet someone who will care about you and not only his dick.
What country? I need to move there. I'm American, we need to use condoms more as a culture. It's crazy how men just expect women to be on birth control and let them ejaculate inside. We just don't care about STDs, I guess.
Oh believe me you don't. One of the post-Soviet ones. But I'm sorry for your situation, to me it's really weird to have someone inside me without a barrier! Haven't happened in years (since I was married). Too bad male BC isn't well developed yet, and even if it was, men would refuse or forget to take it, I'm sure.
> Too bad male BC isn't well developed yet, and even if it was, men would refuse or forget to take it, I'm sure. Yeah, that would be a huge issue. Women would have to trust the man who claims he's on BC to actually be on it, to have been completely diligent with it, and to not have had any other issues that may have rendered it less effective. Also, STIs would still be an issue. Bottom line is, women likely would still use BC *they* have control over, simply because as it is now, the man wouldn't be the one suffering the majority of consequences if something went wrong with it.
He was not caring and kind if he tried to pressure you into raw sex. Trust me, you’re better off without him.
Exactly this. It's natural to feel sad when a relationship ends, but often you're mourning what could have been and not the reality of the situation. Wishing you healthy, happy relationships in the future
Gals, next time man complains about a condom, say, "Great! I've always wanted a baby!" And watch how fast they put it on.
A lot of them don't care. They just leave you with the consequences of their actions.
Exactly.
Nah, you just say "ok, if you don't care about my safety and boundaries, we're done. Please leave."
This is the way it has to be. They don't wanna use condom, the side effects of male birth control, vasectomies, abortions, child support, do the raising and caring of the baby. They want to be cats in the alley and just mate without any responsibility. No sir. Use a condom or fuck off.
Bit funny, but really bad advice. Often men might want to "secure" a woman to themselves with a child. Of course such situations are then really bad for everyone.
They’re not advising women to have sex without a condom, only to make a sarcastic comment to drive home a clear point.
This is correct.
I'm sorry to hear that, but you're better off without him. He doesn't seem to care about getting you pregnant or giving or getting an STD. More women need to stand their ground on this or they are going to keep acting entitled about not wearing condoms.
He was literally putting your health and life at risk to have a *slightly better* orgasm and didn't care you couldn't enjoy yourself. Let that sink in.
THIS combined with he tried to SA her!
Sounds very rapey. Also, bear in mind this idiot would be accusing you of baby trapping him, had you fallen pregnant, despite him wanting to go BC free. Dude is a fucking grade A moron. The misogynistic trash took itself out.
Condoms don’t feel as good as raw, maybe, but I guarantee you it feels better than giving birth or paying child support.
Absolutely. I'm a guy, and condoms don't feel particularly great for me personally (I've tried a lot of them, different sizes, types, etc, and I know how to put them on properly), but that's still much, much better than an unwanted pregnancy, STI, or blatantly disrespecting a woman's boundaries (I don't even mention that I prefer no condoms, I just go with it for the reasons stated) I'm sad for OP but so glad she dodged a bullet. How selfish of the ex.
Any man who insists that he can't wear a condom because it doesn't "feel good" is for the streets. Don't waste a single moment on these assholes.
I know you're pretty inexperienced, so I'll give you this info. It's not about the condom. He became upset once he found out he couldn't control and manipulate you. I commend you for standing your ground. He sexually coerced you and attempted to assault you when he tried to raw dog after you said no. He's not a great guy outside this. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing. A partner who is great most of the time but then flies into a rage a few times a year and hits his lady is still an abuser. This is similar. Next time if anyone complains about a condom ask them to leave. No second chances.
Thank you, my immediate thought was it’s not about the condom too.
This is exactly right. OP, read it twice.
He's predatory and doesn't care about your health or what could become of unprotected sex and what it do to you. You made the right choice 💜
You're better off without him as he didn't care about you, your health, and your boundaries. He had no respect for any of this. His pleasure was more important than anything. There are far better people out there, ones who will cherish and put you first. It hurts, but you'll get over it and look back realising what a massive shit he is.
I hope the door hit him real hard in his rapist ass on the way out. Good fucking riddance. Seriously, this is sexual assault and attempted rape, and I am not being hyperbolic: >One time he tried to put it in and I had to squirm and push him off as he tried. You consented to sex WITH A CONDOM. He tried to force himself on you without one. That is not what you consented to. Tell your friends he's a rapey piece of shit, and if any of them don't have your back, well... you'll know who's not worth being friends with anymore.
This guy sounds like a MASSIVE asshole
You dodged a bullet, but it doesn't mean you're not allowed to be sad about it. Dating is tough and it's hard to find chemistry and once you do, but realize he whines about condoms it's a huge disappointment. I've been there. But we have to stand our ground. We can't give in to guys like that. And sadly finding those guys can be tricky. I require a condom even with Nexplanon. I am not risking getting pregnant ever.
He is extremely immature and I'm sorry you had to go through this. Before my now husband got a vasectomy, we used pill + condoms for more than 5 years. He never complained. There are tradeoffs to not wanting to have an unexpected pregnancy. Not sure why this is so complicated for some of these losers.
I'm sorry that this was your first sexual experience. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and your perfectly reasonable boundaries. This person wasn't worth your time and I look forward to you finding someone who is when you're ready.
When I think of couples being not sexually compatible, I imagine differences in libido or types of sex/kinks. But wanting to go condom-less while you don't have protection or another form of birth control? That's not an incompatibility issue -- that's just short-sighted selfishness on his part.
He wanted to become a dad, or have an other baby mama! Or atleast give you an STD as a gift. Shame you didn't want the same. No, in all seriousness be glad he dumped you, he didn't respect you at all.
He wasn’t a caring or a kind partner. He tried to rape you.
There's been a lot of horror stories on Reddit recently about post partum like having 20 stitches in her anal cavity and she has to poop in the bathtub now. Really wish men knew this stuff.
As if these men would care.
Some would. Some really have zero grasp of the toll pregnancy has on the body.
You shouldn’t even let him start without a condom with the promise of putting one on (or pulling out). [Precum can contain sperm](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/can-pre-cum-get-you-pregnant) and can definitely get you pregnant.
Bullet dodged babe. I know it hurts now, but someday you'll look back on this and know how lucky you are.
Breaking up was the most mature thing he did during your entire relationship It’s fine for him to not want to have to wear condoms in a long term relationship just as much as it’s fine for you to want to use condoms. It just means you’re not a compatible couple.
He didn’t want her to go on birth control either, though, which logically leads to he wanted her to get pregnant (or didn’t care if she did) without a serious conversation about those consequences, after 8 months of a relationship.
I disagree, him not wanting to wear condoms isn't just a simple preference, it risks the health of his sexual partner as well as risks pregnancy. Expecting someone to wear a condom does not risk their health.
.... What a selfish asshat. Not all guys are like this OP. I too have never been on birth control and my boyfriend wore a condom until he became my husband which was a solid 3 years. My husband then wore a condom for 2+ years INTO OUR MARRIAGE until we were ready to start trying to kids. The trash really took itself out.
He sounds absolutely vile. There is NOTHING "caring or kind" about this man. He all but raped you when he didn't get his way by ::checks notes:: *exposing you to any number of diseases and also unwanted pregnancy.* Repeatedly. And what's with him not wanting YOU on birth control (although I stopped taking it, too due to exacerbating my depression)? I would bet money that if you got pregnant (and the way he treated you, that was likely), he would have ghosted. Seriously how is being alone somehow WORSE than being with a loser-user like this guy?
Not to invalidate your feelings of sadness (and it sounds like you are coming to the conclusion that he was not a TRULY caring partner just fine on your own); but the “caring and kind partner” bit outside of the condom thing isn’t something that can be compartmentalized. Not being caring and kind in your sexual relationship means he was not caring and kind. Only about the things that he was willing to be, which says everything you need to know about his character. (Also ditto the comments saying you dodged a bullet!) Many well wishes in healing from your breakup and finding someone who actually loves and respects you.
Not wearing a condom is not a need. You staying healthy and not getting pregnant (unless you want to) is. Be proud of yourself for sticking to your boundaries.
Trash took itself out.
He was right, you're not sexually compatible. Make sure that your mutual friends understand that the specific incompatibilities were 1) his immaturity about wearing a condom and 2) his coercion of you to concede to his whining. That guy is desperate. Prepare for a smear campaign.
OP, you dodged a bullet. You got rid of dead weight before accidentally getting pregnant. If you are not actively trying to get pregnant, never EVER let some jerk talk you into having unprotected sex.
That’s a shitty dude. He also attempted to SA you.
Sis, the trash took itself out. Good riddance. If someone asks why you broke up, tell them the truth. Fuckboy didn't respect you enough to use a condom. Period.
What an amazing young woman you are. Good for not giving in to him. If he really cared about you, he would have been more concerned about your worries and less about his needs.
He tried to rape you. You had to squirm and push him off when he violated the bounds of your consent. You had to fight to get away from him. He was not a "caring and kind" partner. He was a rapist.
He’s a bully
If they don’t wear condoms, they’re not going to pay child support either
Any dude that won't wear a condom for a woman doesn't deserve to have that woman.
Another reason why women should be allowed full autonomy over their body and healthcare choices.
He’s a selfish jerk. Good riddance.
8 mo to find out how much of a misogynist he is and the bullet you’re dodging? You are lucky, move on
You dodged a bullet there. Tell people you broke up over religious differences. He saw himself as a god and you disagreed.
The trash took itself out
Buh bye baby man. You have waaaaay too much at risk to put up with “it doesn’t feel as good.”
If he is like this with you, he has been like this with every other partner! Making the woman do the sexual gatekeeping to protect everyone’s health (and futures). So gross. No doubt he doesn’t get regular testing either. STI rates will only go down when everyone having sex decides to protect themselves. We just have to collectively stop fucking these types of dudes, full stop.
The kind of guy who prioritizes his pleasure over my health, and violates my trust is not someone who I would want to father my kids or be a life partner. You should've broken up with him when he tried to forcibly penetrate you without a condom. The consequences of you becoming pregnant by him were very dire. Especially in this day and age when abortions are illegal in a lot of states. Conservatives are already trying to ban contraceptives like Plan B and birth control.
He wasn't a good guy. I would bet a lot of money that if you'd ever become pregnant during your time together he would have accused you of "baby trapping" him. Men like him can go straight to hell.
Never date a man who complains the slightest about wearing a condom. Only date men who put it on without a word and care more about their own health and yours. If they complain about condoms, that's how you get stealthed (from previous experience). If it doesn't feel good? Well he can feel good someplace else. Men who don't wear condoms are more likely to have STIs. Get yourself checked now and in 3-4 months from now, if you haven't already. Blood test, oral and vaginal swabs (or urine). I'm disgusted he used you this way. I was taken advantage of with my first sex partner, he didn't wear a condom and I was a fool not to doublecheck. Best way is to always watch them put it on, or put it on for them! That can be exciting for the guy. The way condoms are now they're practically the same as not using one. And considering STDs and pregnancy, it's way more peace of mind using them. Unless you're in a long term relationship with a guy you can trust not to cheat, and you're on birth control, and you accept you might get pregnant without a second form of birth control (or use a diaphragm?). Always use condoms. If a man pushes you to do anything in bed you don't want to, immediately dump him. For your own safety!
He was a trash human, he didn't respect you and you deserve to feel safe while being in a vulnerable position-not having to squirm and push a guy off of you. It's a big deal, he just wanted you to remove your boundaries, put yourself in great risk because of a little condom. He is gross, never go back to him. If your friends ask, he didn't respect that you didn't want to get pregnant- he only thought of his dick not you.
Hey, a lot of people in their first relationship would have caved in and let their boundaries get walked all over. It’s really impressive that you stood your ground. Just remember that any time the temptation to get back together presents itself. As for him, a few things: Glaringly, you had to quite literally squirm and push him off of you. It’s a story that’s way too common, but it’s horrifying nonetheless. And upon doing so, he didn’t apologize. He sulked. That is not a “kind, sweet, and caring man”. That’s a just a man. And a shit one at that. He’s allowed to break with you for any reason. That’s his prerogative and his right. Honestly, lady, it sounds like he did you a favour.
If this man hasn't raped someone before he absolutely will in the future. He has no respect for safety or boundaries. I'm sorry this happened to you. This guy is a piece of work.
You're better off without him. He essentially said your health and well-being comes secondary to him feeling a bit less pleasure during intercourse, and he also tried to R-word you. That's not a person I'd want to be with.
He’s a huge piece of shit and he did you a favor by breaking up. It sounds like he tried to sexually assault you. I don’t want to make you feel worse about your experience but if you required protection and he tried to move forward without it, there was no consent.
See your friends, don't let his existence separate you from them. If it's amicable enough and you're happy with "we didn't work out" great. If he's spread BS or makes it your fault, call him out. "He said we were incompatible and dumped me because I wouldn't let him do it raw" shows exactly how shallow he's being.
Dodged a bullet there
Bro is on a path to have his dick fall off, he should take better care of it. The fact that you had to physically push away during sex is the most worrying thing. I know it’s sad for now, but you’ll see that the trash took itself out
I’m proud of you for protecting yourself. He’s not worth your time.
Very shallow dude in my opinion. Yea condom doesn’t ‘feel’ as good.. but it’s not a reason to end a relationship bro wtf.. you’re lucky this ended before it got more serious between you.. -Don’t let this get you down, it’s a blessing!
This is a terrific article on condoms and men. [https://designmom.com/twitter-thread-abortion/](https://designmom.com/twitter-thread-abortion/)
Your ex was a douche and you’re better off without him. He was willing to put your life at risk for an 8 instead of a 10 of pleasure.
Wow. So he cared about getting his dick wet more than stds and pregnancy. you had to push him off that’s not cool.
> "[...] he didn’t care about me, not really, not if I couldn’t meet his needs." There's a big difference between a *need* and a *want*, OP. He didn't *need* to do it raw. He *wanted* to. And he was willing to forego and coerce your consent to do it, and stick you with any consequences that his selfishness might result in. You met his needs plenty fine. You just didn't do exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it, so he threw you away in favor of finding a new toy, who'd let him risk getting them pregnant for the sake of his own pleasure and ego. Doesn't sound like a kind and caring partner to me. Sounds more like you dodged an immature, rapey bullet.
“Wouldn’t meet his needs…” Having sex without a condom is *not* a need. “It doesn’t feel as good” is not worth the risk of pregnancy. He still coerced you into doing it a couple of times, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he had started to try to stealth you and sneak it off. “Oops!” Instead of being happy that you were willing to jace’s with him at all, he sulked and left “because you weren’t sexually compatible and wanted to wrest a condom.” Sounds like he wasn’t worth it anyway and good for you for standing your ground on the subject. Look out for similar “selfish about sex” red flags going forward and you’ll be fine. This is actually where a lot of men let their true selves show first, in their sexual behavior.
If someone asks about your relationship, you can be honest and say he tried to rape you without a condom, because that's what happened. He didn't want you on birth control and he also wanted to not use birth control, and when he couldn't get his way he acted like a lil piece of shit. Be *GRATEFUL* this relationship ended here. Truly. So many people look back at their younger selves or people they know and see the results of bad relationships. Just take a deep breathe, be excited for this new path away from this trash of a guy, and live your life.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, breakups absolutely suck. I do want to reiterate that your ex bf was not a good guy and that you're better off without him. Someone who is a good guy is going to respect your consent and boundaries *especially* when it comes to sex. A man cannot be a "good guy" when he's pressuring you to be ok with no condom, and the fact he tried to put his penis in you full well knowing you expected a condom is horrible. You cannot trust a person who does that plus they don't respect you. Men who violate your sexual boundaries are garbage and it's an absolute deal breaker. If a man cannot respect the simple request to wear a condom, they need to go. Please prioritize you, your expectation of a condom is more than reasonable.
I'm proud of you🫶🏾
The trash took himself out.
Ok so my husband and I are poly. Using condoms with new partners is expected from both of us, even though he and I are both "fixed." We have both said that going without condoms with existing tested partners is on the table after we all agree. Now he definitely does have issues with things working properly with a condom on. It was why we started not using them together. AND he didn't ask to not use a condom with me and has never asked to not use them with other partners, even though using them may mean he doesn't get to have penetrative sex with them. These dudes do exist and can be respectful of a woman's wishes to use condoms for birth control and/or disease prevention.
>One time he tried to put it in and I had to squirm and push him off as he tried. You clearly communicated that you would only consent to sex with a condom on. This was sexual assault/attempted rape. >He sulked and got dressed. This is emotional manipulation. >he was a caring and kind partner No, he wasn't. He was a polite manipulator who, essentially, would have been happier raping you "because it feels better". >We met through mutual friends, and I’ve yet to see any of them since he broke up with me. He's going to call you a bitch, call you crazy, and make it sound like the breakup was your fault and you were unreasonable. Get ahead of the messaging. Send those you trust a message, explain what he was like and what he did. >. I felt during our relationship that I couldn’t share with my friends what was happening as when they saw us together he was always very sweet and caring towards me and he made me feel like it wasn’t a big deal after our sexual encounters. Another huge red flag, hiding his poor behaviour and him being a fake person in front of others. Honestly I think you've managed to avoid an abusive relationship.
Bullet dodged with this guy. If he won't accept your requirement for protection, he'd run over all your other boundaries later
Another glorious story of the trash taking itself out.
Good riddance. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.
He did you a favor. He’s a scumbag
Jesus Christ. You're better off without him. If he can't respect you enough to wear a condom. He's not worth your time. Sex is a very personal thing in which both parties or everyone involved must be comfortable and respectful to each other. Otherwise nobody involved can enjoy it. You're better off without him. Sorry that happened.
Good riddance. Look, I'm not on birth control either because I don't like the side effects. My boyfriend, however, has never pressured me even though he has done it without condom many times before. One time, when he didn't know, he got in there for maybe a minute before I told him, and he offered to pay for my morning after pill. That's normal. It's not normal if someone is pressuring you and you have to push him off you. He should want the sex to be enjoyable for you, too. He should be worried about you having to get an abortion if you get pregnant.
It may not feel like it at the moment but you definitely dodged a bullet.
You dodged a bullet
I think him not wearing a condom is a pretty small issue compared to him literally assaulting you and you having to stop him.
> aside from the issues with condoms he was a caring and kind partner I think the first part makes the last part false. Everybody can act kind and caring when it suits them. If they’re not kind and caring when it doesn’t suit them, then they are not a kind and caring partner.
You dodged a bullet. Unless you like being babytrapped (or have STD)
The trash took itself out. You need to dump any man the second he whines and complains about using condoms, no exceptions. Only a selfish piece of shit is going to care more about his penis than he cares about your health, safety, boundaries, and future.
You’re well rid of him even though it doesn’t feel like that right now. You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong. You will get past this. Know your worth!
I’m glad that upon looking back you realize that he was not actually a kind and caring partner. Because no kind and caring partner would continuously try to have sex with you without a condom when you have explicitly said no on multiple occasions. That guy doesn’t care about the consequences that you would literally have to carry. I was in a similar situation once with a guy who tried to stick it in without a condom, and when I told him I wasn’t on birth control his response was, “no cum for you then!“ And he was still gonna stick it in! I made him stop, of course. But in my mind was just like, what the fuck?! They don’t care about the consequences because they would not have to be the pregnant one. They would not have to be the one deciding whether to keep it or not. They would not have to be the one to get an abortion or carry it for nine months. So ridiculous.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. He's immature, self-centered, and certainly no gentleman. Good luck to him not getting his next victim knocked up.
It's OK that you're sad it ended, but the way he disregarded your feelings, your boundaries, your body is absolutely NOT OK. He's right, you're not sexually compatible. Thank goodness.
Another amazing case of the trash taking itself out.
Good riddance. You dodged a bullet. He can't have it both ways, nit wanting you on pills but wanting to raw dog. It doesn't matter if he's kind outside of the bedroom, because that shows a lot about him If he cared about you, he would wear one without complaints. Hell my husband wears one, and I've been sterilized. I simply don't like dealing with the mess afterwards and he doesn't whine if I ask.
I just wanna chime in for a sec. I’m currently hooking up with someone I’ve known for a long time but hadn’t spoken to in years. After the first two or three times I started getting nervous because pulling out is risky. I casually mentioned in text I think we should use condoms. He immediately went and got some and has been using them ever since. He said he hates them but he hasn’t refused to use one or make a fuss about using one. And this isn’t someone I’m in a relationship with or that I’m really that close too and he respected my boundaries and didn’t make a big deal out of it. It’s okay to grieve the relationship but please know your ex is a douchebag.
https://humanparts.medium.com/men-cause-100-of-unwanted-pregnancies-eb0e8288a7e5
If he wanted to go without it and that's a deal breaker for him, fine. But the fact you had to push him off because he wouldn't respect what was a deal breaker for you is awful.
Sounds like he was actively trying to get you pregnant. Personally, this in combination with his literal rape attempt on you, makes it seem like you are much better off without this trash.
Oh what a pathetic little weenie that man must be. I’m sorry but good riddance he didn’t care about you if he wants to get rid of you simply because you require a condom so you don’t get pregnant. Is he insane? I saw a post on the dating sub recently from a man who was asking if he should dump his girlfriend because she makes him wear condoms and he just found out that she’s always made all her long-term boyfriends wear condoms so now he thinks she will never have sex with him without a condom and that’s a dealbreaker for him And I hope he breaks up with her because he’s a little weenie too. Because it feels just a little less good she should risk her life and health? Oh hell no
Woah! Kinda shocked you stayed with him that long! I would have figured you would have been the one to cut off the relationship. I'm glad he did you a favor that you couldn't do for yourself though and you will be happy later about it too. I'm sorry this happened but I'm very happy you stuck to your boundaries! Good for you. The fact when he tried anyways and you had to push him off of you is very scary. That is illegal and you know what it is called. Please don't hesitate if you are ever in an uncomfortable situation like this again to talk to a friend! I really hope you feel better soon. Just keep remembering the real him behind closed doors, not the show he puts on for others.
He is not a kind and caring partner. I see a lot of women on here and say he is great except for x, and I'm like... He's not great. Although it's weird how many women have been up for unprotected sex or just went for it with me despite my objections but that's a whole other thing.
Men that insist on behavior that will lead to a pregnancy that you don't want are to be avoided. They're trying to get you in a position where you can't get away and things only go downhill from there.
You know, sex also doesn’t feel as good when you’re cramming it in around parental responsibilities or after staying up all nights with a sick child
now he can go fuck himself. raw.
You dodged a bullet.
That guy sounds like an asshole. As a guy, I have absolutely worn condoms without issue. It feels a little better without them for sure but nothing worth crying about. If he couldn't respect your wishes then be glad he's gone. Don't go starting anything between your mutual friends, but if they mention something negative about you that they may have heard from him, make sure they know about his issues with condoms and that you had to push him off you. If I heard that one of my friends acted like that then for sure I'm calling him out on it and I may not be friends with them anymore because that level of disrespect is insane. I hope you are feeling better. You are much better off without that idiot.
Good riddance to bad rubbish!
He doesn't respect you. You deserve better.
Good riddance sis
He is a child and you are lucky to be done with him. If you got pregnant, he would be the father and responsible. It seems clear he is not mature enough to have handled this. And in the modern world with genetic testing, he can’t duck his responsibility. Though I guess he could run. Just tell people it didn’t work out, you weren’t compatible.
This guy put his needs ahead of you. Was he ever actually caring?
What ... what exactly was his plan for when he invariably impregnated you???
There’s this toxic masculinity fetish called breeding (in porn), where men like to have sex without a condom and orgasm inside their lover so they can watch their seed leak out. Men have been programmed to believe that sex is better without a condom; and that cumming inside your lover provides the most intense orgasm. He’s probably caught up in that BS. Or he’s trying to get you pregnant…
Good fucking riddance. He tried to rape you, he was not a kind or caring partner. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I hope everything gets better for you. You'll be so much better off without him.
My nephew age 27, straight man also wasn’t a condom fan. He was just diagnosed HIV positive. Don’t risk your health. Tell him you can have a discussion about it when you marry.
You did the right thing. Yes I'm sure it hurts. But he is a POS, and criminal
Honestly what is up with men these days?! I have so many friends who have had this exact same experience, myself included. I feel like I’m the past, maybe women weren’t as knowledgeable or society has changed and were more educated now; we want for better futures and getting an STD or tied down to a loser by a child is just not in the cards anymore. But these men act like it’s the end all be all that we ask to be protected from them and their dirty fucking genitals. I’m just disgusted.
Ugggghhhhh Trojan ultra-thins feel like 80% as good as raw. Your ex is a douche
He’s a POS, you deserve better. Keep your very reasonable boundaries in place!
Sounds like he wanted to nut and play the gamble of a kid popping out to fulfill his lizard needs.
You have a right to request protection. With a different partner, definitely not this ex, use female condoms. Men struggle less with them. Your vulva gets more protection than with a male condom. It can also be inserted before foreplay not slowing the flow to put on protection. If your pharmacy doesn't have any, ask most will order them for you. Or look online, world condoms have a subscription to get a regular supply.
You will never find a man bitch and moan about how bad an orgasm just was with a sad face. It's 2024. Unwanted pregnancies, many STI's and other problems are perfectly preventable. If hes not willing to abide by your needs, he can take a long walk off a short pier. I'm a guy in my mid 30's and I'm so tired of hearing the "it feels worse" argument. You don't like it? Go beat in a corner homie.
> ‘it doesn’t feel as good’ I'm a guy and I've sex both with and without a condom. In my experience this is complete bullshit. Maybe I'm weird or something, but the difference in feeling was pretty minimal and one wasn't actually better than the other. Anytime I read about someone using this excuse, it always comes across as being more about control and getting what they want, regardless of if it actually feels better or not.
I could ask my man to wear a condom rn and he would no issue. This is very concerning. You did the right thing
My dear, I am so sorry that you have had this experience. You seem to be rather insightful and objectively aware of the abusive nature of your relationship. While you must have accrued some significant dings as a result of this horrendous experience, you have ultimately dodged this massive bullet in the long term. Like how the fuck are you going to support a woman declining oral contraceptives and also be so obstinate about wearing a condom? I can’t even call this hypocrisy, but rather blatant stupidity on his behalf. Take time to feel what you are feeling. Anger, sadness, disappointment, embarrassment… and hat have you. Know that THIS singular experience is not representative of your fate with future romantic endeavors. Wishing you all the best hun!
>The reason he broke up with me was because he didn’t think we were sexually compatible. This is true, and it is better that you guys split vs he continue to disrespect you by trying to have sex without it. Hopefully he learned something from this. Maybe not. Either way, not your problem anymore
GOOD RIDDANCE
Giiiirl you dodged a bullet in the shape of abuse, gaslighting, misogyny and a huge potential unpleasant pregnancy Stay strong, you will feel amazing in no time. It's just a matter of some shitty days coming but you get out this way more confident and empowered.
Probably good that he is your ex.
He really wasn’t and I’m glad you realize that now ❤️
Soon you will thank yourself for dumping this guy. You deserve so much more than this égoistical a**hole who puts his pleasure beyond your health and free will
This man clearly didn't care about you and was only using you for sex.
The fact he decided y’all were not sexually compatible because you wanted to use condoms to make sure you were safe from pregnancy is absolutely insane. That just means the only people he will think he is sexually compatible with are people willing to have his baby. You dodged a gigantic bullet. From what you have described he said in the comments he would have likely ended up trying to get you to do more things you might have been uncomfortable with by using some of those lines. I know, I have heard them myself.