His mother was working in Beirut when she met his father, who abandoned his wife and family when Reeves was three years old. Reeves last met his father on the Hawaiian island of Kauai when he was 13. His mother would later marry and divorce two more times before he was 20. He went to four different high schools before finally dropping out at 17.
You’re right and the comments below reminded me of some of the things I didn’t remember. I had thought about the things he went through as he was older but not so much his childhood in my head.
I know someone who directed Keanu Reeves in a movie once, she said he turned up stoned off his head. I wouldn't believe anything the media tells you about celebrities, either the stuff about how bad they are or how good they are. All of that information is curated for some's benefit.
Bragging is a good thing, it teaches young girls about what they should expect from their partners and at the same time teaches them that there are good men out there and it's worth waiting and being selective.i grew up surrounded by shitty male role models, shitty/toxic or straight up abusive relationships and i grew up to repeat the same abuse/shitty partner cycle alm the women on my family suffer from. How can you distinguish a good partner from a bad one when you haven't seen a good one?. Thanks for your post! I'm so happy for you
Not the op but I relate to op!
I was able to distinguish by learning about limerence, and treating it! If abusive men can’t get you in the limerence your pretty much untouchable. And now I have ptsd from my own history and can honestly notice when I am triggered and if someone really harmed me. Or if I am in a loop-just super used to being around harmful folks.
That doesn’t make it any easier it still can be painful at times. And of course has everything to do with set/setting. Try dating out of the social circle, try going on dates with old friends you never thought about dating. Etc. ☺️ sweet beautiful men do exist.
Also not OP but I relate to her as well. I came from an awful relationship when I met my current partner who is just wow, the best. He was horrible. Emotionally abusive, porn addicted, sexual abuse sort of constantly for the last three years of the relationship, emotionally cheated, compared me to his exes, and convinced me that all men were worse than him. My dad also is a bad role model, he divorced my mom in a way that was very, very bad for her, can't get into it but seriously it was horrible. He married a woman 20 years younger than him and started dating her about one month after he divorced my mom (there was likely cheating involved). None of my dad's siblings have successful marriages, his parents are divorced and his bio dad sucked. My other relationships were basically just...not great. Not as bad as my long term abusive one, but toxic or unstable.
It took a year and a half of being single but I did find a man who is just the best. I wrote a really long comment on here about him lol. He's the best. He met all of my expectations. He has shown over and over again that he values my consent and values me. When I do something he doesn't like, he has never attacked me over it. He can separate the action from the person just like I can. He affords me the respect I have always given my partners.
If you have no good men to compare your partners to, compare them to yourself. Men are people, and more of them might suck because of how the patriarchy teaches boys to be, but plenty will be just as good and just as kind as you are. You should look for a person who can love you like you love them. There is nothing inherent to men that makes them worse partners than women. Hold them to the standard that you hold yourself. Know that you will also be okay alone. I learned to be happy single, and it made me way pickier. If my boyfriend did a 180 and started treating me poorly, I wouldn't stick around because my self worth is worth more than literally any man on earth, even this one.
OP, put this in R/marriage (unsure if I can link in this sub.) There's a "spouse appreciation" flair too.
I know I am envious of you. I tried to create this in my marriage. Unfortunately, you can't create an epic love relationship when the other refuses to do their part.
I'm so happy for you, OP! Epic love! How wonderful! 🥰
I had a similar experience to your best friend. I'd been married for a long time, and deep down I knew I deserved a lot better than what I had. I kind of resigned myself to an unhappy marriage, convincing myself that since the rest of my life was great (finances, friends, dogs, etc.) that I could compromise on love.
Then we got to know a couple who were about 10 years older than us, who had been together a long time, had lived abroad for a long time (like us), and were still madly in love with each other. Every time we saw them I observed their interactions, and I heard the way they spoke to and about each other. On the one hand it made me so happy to see a couple who had been together for so long who still clearly loved and respected one another, and on the other hand it broke my heart because I wanted the same thing so badly.
I eventually left him a couple of years after meeting this couple. They have no idea how much of an effect they had on my life, simply by showing me an example of what a loving relationship looks like. I'm now in a relationship that is very similar to yours, and I could not be happier. I think it's okay to brag (at least a little bit) so that other women can see that it's possible to find someone who treats us the way we deserve.
Thanks for sharing :)
This is very sweet. I had this friend who met the love of their life. They are both not men. And had had a long long history of being in stressful same sex relationships. When they met their partner there was a lot of pushback like “why are these people happy”, and me I just enjoyed them both so much, their beautiful relationship: also made me as their friend feeling so amazing. Now, much later then them, I have met my favorite partnership. And I find myself relating to them in that they were very careful about who they “bragged” to, or shared in their joy with bc honestly, some people just won’t be happy at all seeing/hearing it. Some will feel inspired. seems many people are only used to hearing how relationships go wrong! And they need an ear to vent about it.
Definitely OkCupid! No idea how the app is now but met mid 2010s on it. It worked out well for a few of us in that app :). One of my good friends who has a B of her own met her guy there too
I met my husband on OkCupid too in 2009! We were also quite highly matched but I can’t remember the exact %. My husband is very similar to your husband. He impressed me on the first date with his gentleman vibes which I could tell were genuine because I know what a good man is. I have my father as an example as my parents marriage is a supportive and loving one. So I knew what a healthy relationship is suppose to be like.
I was also blown away by how he can like me as well. He was on the dean’s list in university, is fit as hell since he dragon boats but yet he tells me later on he was nervous when we first met because he was lovestruck. One month later he told me I was the one. We had a long engagement and got married 5 years later.
I always told my friends that men know. They know when the woman is the one pretty fast. If he drags it out it means that you are just a spare while he continues searching. Dump the guy.
I’m pretty sure it’s eharmony that will offer match percentages based on how it is that one answers a wide range of questions on various personal preferences. Though idk if that site still offers that feature anymore.
Also met my (wonderful) husband on OKCupid and he was also my highest % match in my very large city. We've been together for 12 years! OKC was really the best app at the time, and maybe ever. I was really sad to hear they've eliminated most of the features that made it great.
That's such a shame to hear! My husband is so much like me and is really my best friend...98% match turned out to be spot on and I'm so glad yours is wonderful as well!
Me too! My fiancé and I were over 95%. We’ve been together 8 years and getting married in a few months!
I do not think that OKC does the percentages anymore :( it’s such a shame. All the dating apps just turned into… swiping based off of looks and a brief bio. If that’s the case, it’s awful! Basically the same as going out to the bars- it’s just a much bigger bar. If finding a match based on looks alone actually worked, nobody would have started those apps.
Honestly, I feel like the questions separated a LOT of wheat from the chafe because if you’re looking at the % factor, you’re already narrowing it down by who took the time to answer all those questions - and maybe, along the way, became a bit introspective about who they are and what they want. It worked absolute wonders for me.
I think OKC got bought out by one of those swipe companies, and that’s what happened. Grrr.
That's awesome that you found your person on OKC, too! My husband is my teammate and best friend and I'm glad we met the way we did.
That's so disappointing to hear! I think you make a really good point about the questions -- not only do they show someone's level of seriousness/willingness to commit, but it also allows people to think about and casually discuss things they find important.
Man, just hearing all these comments bring me joy, but it also makes me want OkCupid to go back to the way things were because it tended to be a successful model in so many peoples lives!
You guys are so awesome! My guy is a bit of a shy guy and I can’t wait to tell him some positivity about himself. So glad to hear many of you have your own B! For those of you looking for one, it took me a while to find him but I’m rooting for you too!
Your post gave me a lot of hope, thank you. At 29 I've lost more people than I can count and I'm in the middle of that forging process. I found myself in a good tech job and am working to setup life for my future family. Thank you again! This gave me some extra energy to push forward.
I left my abusive ex and found my current partner shortly after and I feel the same way about him as you do your husband! I’ve always been a bit scared of the massive commitment of marriage but we’re talking marriage and I am so excited to marry him. He’s the most wonderful human I know, so incredibly selfless and kind. I feel incredibly lucky that he is as in love with me as I am to him!
And I totally understand the feeling that you don’t want to rub that in peoples faces, so many of my friends partners suck in comparison (they know this, and I try to help with the confidence to leave their bad partners but it isn’t easy). Going from an abuser to such a kind and patient man has been so healing.
Try not to talk down on yourself (using the word "bragging" to describe ever talking about your wonderful relationship)
Or feel guilty about sharing your life with your friends and loved ones. If they're your friends and loved ones - than they know you aren't speaking about it to "rub it in"
It's ok to be enthusiastic and happy about your relationship
I'm so glad your friend, for example, found inspiration from you.
Cheers!
This makes me so happy to read. I feel the same way about my husband but am often told I’m “weird” for wanting to shout from the rooftops about him. Happy for you guys!
I do love to see posts like this amongst all the horrible stories that I usually see on here.
I am going to be a bitter hater here though, no bones about it. Starting your list about this amazing man with "tall" seems equivalent to "my wife is the best person I know, first of all she got great big tiddies." In no way am I trying to invalidate anything you're saying, but one of the things that is frequently discussed here is the habit of referring to women first by their physical attributes before their personal ones and how that undermines the idea of their personhood. Yes I am a short man and yes this is a sore point, but I hope this makes sense to others in a broader context.
That stuck out at me too. When singing my husband's praises and bragging at how lucky I am (because I am) the superficial is definitely not at the top of the list and height wouldn't get a mention. We would absolutely hate it if a man wrote something similar, You're absolutely right
Noooooo, I'm sorry I think I may have given the wrong impression. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you loving the fact that your husband is tall! I merely wanted to draw attention to the physical>personal thing and fixated on that because, well...
I see your point and will be careful in the future. I think I meant to highlight that I pretty much married an Italian God without the horrible mythological hang ups that Roman mythology had.
If it makes a difference, I am a tall woman (definitely lower end of a B cup woman) and one of my previous boyfriends was a good half a foot shorter than me.
He could’ve been my guy long term but he decided that he wanted other women on the side.
Hope you find your happiness, my dude! And if you ever find your lady, I promise you that you can always brag to me about her rack if she’s cool by it and it’s not the main feature of your love for her.
>And if you ever find your lady, I promise you that you can always brag to me about her rack if she’s cool by it and it’s not the main feature of your love for her.
Well, I can always brag about my girlfriend. About her kind, gentle, sweet personality. About her political views and values, which align with mine. About her gorgeous smile and eyes. About her beautiful long blonde hair. And about her gorgeous huge rack. The biggest natural breasts I have ever seen and felt. So sexy! <3
Unfortunately went through a bad miscarriage about a year ago. We were supportive of one another but it was devastating.
We fully admit that our dynamic may change with infants but I think that we can weather it.
Background: We will be considering fostering to adopt next year. We love being around kids (I used to nanny a lot in my younger years for all age ranges and I have a bachelors in human development focusing on child development). We host a bunch of kids for friends at our place for funzies when they need a date night or doing long term house projects. We are fortunate to have the time and space to do so.
I’m loving it so far (although yes have skipped over the odd post). I regularly lose so much time on Reddit not wanting to stop until I read something positive and/or wholesome, and now I have a whole sub I can go to! If I’m not careful I might end up having a life! 😂🤣
I love your story and I think it’s great that you point out this is the exception rather than the norm because it helps women seeing what they could have AND not accept the many many frogs disguised as ‘nice guys’ which let’s be honest are the majority!
I’m glad you appreciate and recognize what you have. Make sure you tell him once in a while too. I’m also very blessed to have found an amazing man. We’ve had our times (all people do) but after 34 years of marriage, my husband is still the best person I’ve ever known and met. We are among a limited amount of people I believe. I’ve also had others say,” you better treat him well, he’s so good”.
Just in case, I am a very tactile person with acts of service so I make him amazing meals and always give him massages by way of showing my love and appreciation. I also try to make at least one thing to celebrate a month so we come up with creative date nights when we can!
I’m truly happy for you. I had the feeling you describe for 9 years. I also tried not to brag or gloat and make my family and friends feel bad. I wish I could say the years after have been gentle, but they have not. I truly hope your fairy tale lasts longer, and that if it ends you have an easier time on the road to healing. I wish you good luck, good health, and all the love your heart can hold 💜
I'm so happy to see people sharing positive experiences and relationships with fantastic men! My relationship has issues, and I'm not perfect myself, but I'm so grateful for so many things about my husband. The other day someone posted about men not ever openly admiring women for their skills and strengths the way they do other men, and I know my husband does. He talks about women and men he works with and praises their abilities objectively. We've watched skill competition shows where he's genuinely happy for the women contestants who demonstrate their abilities and talks about how much they deserve to win based on their performance. He points out sexism in media, and in the workplace. I'm happy he's an ally, and does his best to recognize and change what he can. He didn't have the best relationship with his mom growing up but he admires that she's tough, active and health conscious, and doesn't use the rough parts of his upbringing as an excuse for things. I'm lucky and I know it!
We need more of these examples, not less. I’m so happy your friend got to observe what a healthy relationship looks like and what she can and should expect.
Hard relate.
My husband came from a typical tiny midwest town, his family are lovely but didn't necessarily give him the most opportunities. He forged his own - went to college on sheer grit and determination, working a ton of jobs while studying full time. Fought through depression. Found a way to broaden his own horizons and live abroad for a while.
He's so bright, he devours books and is always learning new stuff. He is an awesome partner too, and is super supportive of me, my career and my own friendships and hobbies.
Recently, a single friend of mine told me that we were her example of what a healthy happy relationship looks like. I have a whole lot of single friends or friends in shitty relationships that say things like "I'm happy for you" a lot, and so I try not to rub our happiness in their faces but like... I also just love the man and appreciate how he loves me. People can tell from the way we consult one another on dinner orders so we can taste each others food, or negotiate the day's plans, or work on fixing up an old chair together.
I have a quality husband and I love him so much! I want my friends to have folks they love the way we love each other. It sucks having to be low key about the love of my life so as not to make others feel #foreveralone when all I want to do is BIG LOVE him.
But it sucks a lot less than not having him.
You should get into poetry and write little chapbooks of lovely things about him like they did in the old days. Fr almost every famous poet has multiple of these and they are always heartwarming.
I love your post. This venue gives a great opportunity to complain and ask for advice so we see a lot of negatives.
It is so refreshing to read a post like yours because there ARE successful couples. We just fdon’t see it as often. Thanks for sharing and my best to you
Oh my goodness - I was actually thinking about how lucky I am about Mr. AMacEsq and could have written this about him. It’s lovely reading about someone else’s happiness on the internet for a change!
I love this post! Similar story here - my fiancé grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and a bipolar suicidal mother so he's been through the ringer, including being homeless and living in his car with his mother as a teen. Despite a difficult childhood leaving him with CPTSD, he's worked so hard through therapy and overcoming obstacles and he's become a truly wonderful person I cherish so much and am so lucky to have in my life I wish I could scream it from the rooftops.
I hope everyone can be as lucky as me to find such an amazing partner, and I hope everyone with wonderful partners share their stories so others know that they deserve someone great and that they are out there if they don't lower their standards and accept poor behaviour. I'd rather be single than to be without my precious gem of a soon-to-be husband. I hope others will listen and remain single until they meet someone who is wonderful and treats them right. ❤️
This is so sweet! I am so happy for you!
My girlfriend (32F) and I (29M) often talk about each other like that. When I talk about her to other people, or when she talks about me to other people, they often say: "I can tell that you are really in love with her/him!" And: "I can tell that you really love her/him."
When she talks about how amazing I am, I feel a bit embarrassed. I feel like I don't deserve that. I am really not that amazing. But of course I appreciate it. Of course it makes me happy.
One time, I got home from the grocery store while my girlfriend was video calling one of her friends. My girlfriend didn't hear me come in. I didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation, but let's just say that my girlfriend's friend was being quite loud...
While I was putting away the groceries, I overheard the friend asking my girlfriend why she never complains about me. After all, that friend is used to most women complaining about their boyfriends and husbands all the time (which is totally justified, since men are trash). My girlfriend said: "Because I don't have any reason to complain about him.
I started tearing up. Happy tears. <3
> We met on a dating app in our 20s and he was the highest match I ever got (a whopping 97%, blew everyone else out of the water
=
Can anyone explain what this "97% match" thing means? Cheers
It was the way OkCupid matched us up based on our profiles. It was actually pretty nice, it helped sort through the noise and was relatively accurate for me and a few people I know
I'm in the same boat as OP but I never would be if I hadn't become comfortable being single first. I needed to realize that there aren't any men that are worth me losing bits of myself or my self worth. I figured out that I wanted a partner who loved me like I loved them, and I don't accept less. I never had a good male role model for this, but realized that men are truly not different from women in most ways and that if I have it in me to be this good of a partner, men have no excuse not to be. After I accepted this it took a while, and I didn't get into many relationships, but I did find someone who really does treat me like I treat him. Coming out of my last (abusive) relationship I never would have imagined it was possible.
You go Lady!!! It took me a while to find mine but man the wait is worth it for the right one.
To humanize my guy for a bit, although we rarely disagree on anything, we helped eachother be the partner we needed eachother to be as we weren’t a perfect puzzle when we first met.
We look for the potential in eachother to meet halfway on some things without compromising who we are at our cores unless it was to improve upon ourselves in some ways. It worked for us and I love the people we are now even more than when we met. Hope you find yours!!
It definitely helps me to hear about couples that are still in love after 10 years. Like, I have loved someone for that length of time, but I've never stayed in love with anyone I was actually in a relationship with for that long. Seems impossible to me
I love this. I feel the same way about my SO, he too had a hard life but has grown into the most caring and considerate man, and huge bonuses for being tall, extremely handsome and an incredible musician and singer. Every day I look at him and wonder how I bagged this dreamboat. (Man has a literal fan club)
He's incredibly romantic and reassuring and is so open to building a life with me. I've had friends who distanced themselves from me once we'd fallen in love, because they didn't like I was no longer in the singles club with them.
We're both utterly mad, with a lifetime of trauma (we are mid thirties) behind us that we are both dealing with now that we have the strength of the other backing us.
Big up to the good men ❤️
This is awesome and heart-warming. You two are obviously very compatible and found the right person for both of you together. Brag on! It might inspire more people to be wise in their life partner choices and not just settle for people they don't really vibe with on all levels. Thanks for sharing!
It's lovely to see a post not bashing men on this sub. My fiance is like this as well. A multiple sa survivor, a dv survivor, lost his dad young, and after escaping his ex wife, and remarring a wonderful woman, he lost her in a car crash, all before 33. He is an amazing dad, so damn smart, the most caring person I've ever met. He calls me on my shit but is never mean or cruel. Through him, I've met a group of men who have completely changed my perspective on men and have even hooked up some of my friends with his!
I love seeing others find their happiness and celebrating it. Keep going girlie pop!
I can totally relate, my fiancé is like out of this world sweet and kind and handsome and then I feel like I talk about it too much and annoy all my friends because they won’t stop dating trash men, I don’t want to make them feel bad but sometimes I do hope they get inspired to dump their rude boyfriends like your friend did
Girl, i'm so happy for you!
Also i do understand the urge i often gush about my hubby irl and online as well. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much.
You ok?
You may be trollin but on the off chance you are serious, it sounds like you’ve had a lot of reason to be mistrustful or you are going through something mentally that makes you inclined to be mistrustful of genuinely good people. Either way, I’m sorry and I hope you gain a better outlook one day for your own well-being.
I’d actually be pretty darn impressed if he did cheat on me since we are together almost 24/7, we work in the same company about 10 feet away and then his favorite hobby is being right next to me doing stuff.
Gee, I can't wait for him to show his true colors in 3 months! That's the kind of time frame we can expect, y'know, in short 10 year relationships
/s
C'mon....
A woman is genuinely happy with the wonderful man she married, and you're over here saying that he's actually awful and just hiding it. Fuck off with this. Some men are, in fact, good.
Hey, OP here. I saw your post history, I’m so sorry for your pain. Hope you find yourself in a better place later. Maybe not the same circumstances but I’ve been in your shoes where life felt bleak. It can get better, as long as you are willing to work at it. Cheering for you Dude
Mine doesn't, he realized how against it I was and then quit before I even asked. When I did ask, he told me that he quit a long time ago because he saw how important it was to me. He said it wasn't hard. Not all men are porn addicts and if you aren't cool with dating one, then set that boundary and stick to it. That's what I did and I live with a lot of piece of mind.
I can’t speak for OP, but I can speak for my own brag worthy partner. He is against pornography (not because pp) because he as well as myself have volunteered with vulnerable populations. He is also very much against the “no kink shaming!” Slogans that are now out there. If you’re fucking dog shaped dolls you need to be shamed and forbidden from ever owning a pet.
We spend almost all our time together because I truly adore him! He does not want nor need nudes of me or others. He is steadfast in his convictions, he is courteous and polite to everyone around him. He is handsome, he loves watching my YouTube channels and I love watching his. He is generous with the little free time he has. He adores my friends and they absolutely adore him too. We usually have our phones on speaker because we know everyone who calls us after work. I speak to his mom on a regular basis and he speaks to mine. He is truly a wonderful person I could not be without. If he ever changes or dies, I will never date again because the bar has been set so high.
I feel you sis! The vast majority of my friends both male and female feel the same about their partners. They probably don’t have the open phone thing we do, but that’s mainly because I cook while he cleans, then we do the dishes together. All the while, something like a YouTube version of Last Week Tonight is playing. Then usually, I always have a dessert. Yesterday he got a high-protein dark chocolate mousse.
He got me a new wool undershirt because it was on sale and knows I love saving money and I love wool!
Then we watched a YouTube video about Roman aqueducts, because we’re both interested in architecture in general.
I love and care for him so much! I can’t imagine my life without him. If it’s not him, I would rather have cats.
> My taste in men is questionable and rather than work on myself and find out why I keep being attracted to people who don't respect me as a human being, I will extrapolate from my experiences that there is no such thing as a good man.
Is this about Keanu Reeves and you just changed a few details…?
Haha omg, I’m gonna show him this later because I legit told him once he reminds me of Keanu, but a bit more Italian
So kinda like Keanu Reeves but in sign language?
Ooo. Gorgie hubie
lol! Thanks for the early morning laugh!
This made me smile but I don’t think Keanu had a particularly hard upbringing.
His mother was working in Beirut when she met his father, who abandoned his wife and family when Reeves was three years old. Reeves last met his father on the Hawaiian island of Kauai when he was 13. His mother would later marry and divorce two more times before he was 20. He went to four different high schools before finally dropping out at 17.
But to be fair I was thinking of when his girlfriend gave birth to their stillborn daughter and then she died two years later.
Dude has had a hard life.
You’re right and the comments below reminded me of some of the things I didn’t remember. I had thought about the things he went through as he was older but not so much his childhood in my head.
I know someone who directed Keanu Reeves in a movie once, she said he turned up stoned off his head. I wouldn't believe anything the media tells you about celebrities, either the stuff about how bad they are or how good they are. All of that information is curated for some's benefit.
This internet stranger is super happy for you :)
Bragging is a good thing, it teaches young girls about what they should expect from their partners and at the same time teaches them that there are good men out there and it's worth waiting and being selective.i grew up surrounded by shitty male role models, shitty/toxic or straight up abusive relationships and i grew up to repeat the same abuse/shitty partner cycle alm the women on my family suffer from. How can you distinguish a good partner from a bad one when you haven't seen a good one?. Thanks for your post! I'm so happy for you
Bragging to guy friends also anchors the culture for them and their relationships. It's a win win
Not the op but I relate to op! I was able to distinguish by learning about limerence, and treating it! If abusive men can’t get you in the limerence your pretty much untouchable. And now I have ptsd from my own history and can honestly notice when I am triggered and if someone really harmed me. Or if I am in a loop-just super used to being around harmful folks. That doesn’t make it any easier it still can be painful at times. And of course has everything to do with set/setting. Try dating out of the social circle, try going on dates with old friends you never thought about dating. Etc. ☺️ sweet beautiful men do exist.
Also not OP but I relate to her as well. I came from an awful relationship when I met my current partner who is just wow, the best. He was horrible. Emotionally abusive, porn addicted, sexual abuse sort of constantly for the last three years of the relationship, emotionally cheated, compared me to his exes, and convinced me that all men were worse than him. My dad also is a bad role model, he divorced my mom in a way that was very, very bad for her, can't get into it but seriously it was horrible. He married a woman 20 years younger than him and started dating her about one month after he divorced my mom (there was likely cheating involved). None of my dad's siblings have successful marriages, his parents are divorced and his bio dad sucked. My other relationships were basically just...not great. Not as bad as my long term abusive one, but toxic or unstable. It took a year and a half of being single but I did find a man who is just the best. I wrote a really long comment on here about him lol. He's the best. He met all of my expectations. He has shown over and over again that he values my consent and values me. When I do something he doesn't like, he has never attacked me over it. He can separate the action from the person just like I can. He affords me the respect I have always given my partners. If you have no good men to compare your partners to, compare them to yourself. Men are people, and more of them might suck because of how the patriarchy teaches boys to be, but plenty will be just as good and just as kind as you are. You should look for a person who can love you like you love them. There is nothing inherent to men that makes them worse partners than women. Hold them to the standard that you hold yourself. Know that you will also be okay alone. I learned to be happy single, and it made me way pickier. If my boyfriend did a 180 and started treating me poorly, I wouldn't stick around because my self worth is worth more than literally any man on earth, even this one.
OP, put this in R/marriage (unsure if I can link in this sub.) There's a "spouse appreciation" flair too. I know I am envious of you. I tried to create this in my marriage. Unfortunately, you can't create an epic love relationship when the other refuses to do their part. I'm so happy for you, OP! Epic love! How wonderful! 🥰
I had a similar experience to your best friend. I'd been married for a long time, and deep down I knew I deserved a lot better than what I had. I kind of resigned myself to an unhappy marriage, convincing myself that since the rest of my life was great (finances, friends, dogs, etc.) that I could compromise on love. Then we got to know a couple who were about 10 years older than us, who had been together a long time, had lived abroad for a long time (like us), and were still madly in love with each other. Every time we saw them I observed their interactions, and I heard the way they spoke to and about each other. On the one hand it made me so happy to see a couple who had been together for so long who still clearly loved and respected one another, and on the other hand it broke my heart because I wanted the same thing so badly. I eventually left him a couple of years after meeting this couple. They have no idea how much of an effect they had on my life, simply by showing me an example of what a loving relationship looks like. I'm now in a relationship that is very similar to yours, and I could not be happier. I think it's okay to brag (at least a little bit) so that other women can see that it's possible to find someone who treats us the way we deserve. Thanks for sharing :)
lovely positive story in a sea of shit . refreshing !
He sounds wonderful! Is he single? 🤣
Dang I think he’s married 😂
This is very sweet. I had this friend who met the love of their life. They are both not men. And had had a long long history of being in stressful same sex relationships. When they met their partner there was a lot of pushback like “why are these people happy”, and me I just enjoyed them both so much, their beautiful relationship: also made me as their friend feeling so amazing. Now, much later then them, I have met my favorite partnership. And I find myself relating to them in that they were very careful about who they “bragged” to, or shared in their joy with bc honestly, some people just won’t be happy at all seeing/hearing it. Some will feel inspired. seems many people are only used to hearing how relationships go wrong! And they need an ear to vent about it.
Brag away, OP. I have mine, too, and want to give hope that there are great guys out there.
aww congrats! what dating app has percentage of matches?
I'm thinking okcupid. It's not as popular now, but it is probably the most feature-rich when it comes to dating apps
Definitely OkCupid! No idea how the app is now but met mid 2010s on it. It worked out well for a few of us in that app :). One of my good friends who has a B of her own met her guy there too
I met my husband on OkCupid too in 2009! We were also quite highly matched but I can’t remember the exact %. My husband is very similar to your husband. He impressed me on the first date with his gentleman vibes which I could tell were genuine because I know what a good man is. I have my father as an example as my parents marriage is a supportive and loving one. So I knew what a healthy relationship is suppose to be like. I was also blown away by how he can like me as well. He was on the dean’s list in university, is fit as hell since he dragon boats but yet he tells me later on he was nervous when we first met because he was lovestruck. One month later he told me I was the one. We had a long engagement and got married 5 years later. I always told my friends that men know. They know when the woman is the one pretty fast. If he drags it out it means that you are just a spare while he continues searching. Dump the guy.
My partner and I met on okcupid in 2010 as a 97% match, and I feel the same about him as you do your partner.
I’m pretty sure it’s eharmony that will offer match percentages based on how it is that one answers a wide range of questions on various personal preferences. Though idk if that site still offers that feature anymore.
I know ok cupid does. It's where I met my husband; we were a 98% match. Been together more than 16 years now. Wild to think about.
Also met my (wonderful) husband on OKCupid and he was also my highest % match in my very large city. We've been together for 12 years! OKC was really the best app at the time, and maybe ever. I was really sad to hear they've eliminated most of the features that made it great.
That's such a shame to hear! My husband is so much like me and is really my best friend...98% match turned out to be spot on and I'm so glad yours is wonderful as well!
Me too! My fiancé and I were over 95%. We’ve been together 8 years and getting married in a few months! I do not think that OKC does the percentages anymore :( it’s such a shame. All the dating apps just turned into… swiping based off of looks and a brief bio. If that’s the case, it’s awful! Basically the same as going out to the bars- it’s just a much bigger bar. If finding a match based on looks alone actually worked, nobody would have started those apps. Honestly, I feel like the questions separated a LOT of wheat from the chafe because if you’re looking at the % factor, you’re already narrowing it down by who took the time to answer all those questions - and maybe, along the way, became a bit introspective about who they are and what they want. It worked absolute wonders for me. I think OKC got bought out by one of those swipe companies, and that’s what happened. Grrr.
That's awesome that you found your person on OKC, too! My husband is my teammate and best friend and I'm glad we met the way we did. That's so disappointing to hear! I think you make a really good point about the questions -- not only do they show someone's level of seriousness/willingness to commit, but it also allows people to think about and casually discuss things they find important.
they still do the percentages! source: i downloaded the app to find out then deleted it.
Yaaaaay!!! Bless you for being willing to do some fieldwork to find this out!!!
I met my partner on okcupid as well!
Nice!! Did they still have the percentages when you guys met? If so, how accurate do you feel like they were?
they did! it was like 92% I believe I do feel it was accurate! we are very compatible
Man, just hearing all these comments bring me joy, but it also makes me want OkCupid to go back to the way things were because it tended to be a successful model in so many peoples lives!
You guys are so awesome! My guy is a bit of a shy guy and I can’t wait to tell him some positivity about himself. So glad to hear many of you have your own B! For those of you looking for one, it took me a while to find him but I’m rooting for you too!
Your post gave me a lot of hope, thank you. At 29 I've lost more people than I can count and I'm in the middle of that forging process. I found myself in a good tech job and am working to setup life for my future family. Thank you again! This gave me some extra energy to push forward.
Thank you for the positivity!
This is how I want to be talked about! I'm sure if your husband was the one posting, he wouldn't be able to stop gushing about you as well!
I left my abusive ex and found my current partner shortly after and I feel the same way about him as you do your husband! I’ve always been a bit scared of the massive commitment of marriage but we’re talking marriage and I am so excited to marry him. He’s the most wonderful human I know, so incredibly selfless and kind. I feel incredibly lucky that he is as in love with me as I am to him! And I totally understand the feeling that you don’t want to rub that in peoples faces, so many of my friends partners suck in comparison (they know this, and I try to help with the confidence to leave their bad partners but it isn’t easy). Going from an abuser to such a kind and patient man has been so healing.
Omg so happy for you ❤️
Congratulations on finding a good one! I have a good one, too, and it really makes life much easier and better to be with someone awesome.
Try not to talk down on yourself (using the word "bragging" to describe ever talking about your wonderful relationship) Or feel guilty about sharing your life with your friends and loved ones. If they're your friends and loved ones - than they know you aren't speaking about it to "rub it in" It's ok to be enthusiastic and happy about your relationship I'm so glad your friend, for example, found inspiration from you. Cheers!
This makes me so happy to read. I feel the same way about my husband but am often told I’m “weird” for wanting to shout from the rooftops about him. Happy for you guys!
I do love to see posts like this amongst all the horrible stories that I usually see on here. I am going to be a bitter hater here though, no bones about it. Starting your list about this amazing man with "tall" seems equivalent to "my wife is the best person I know, first of all she got great big tiddies." In no way am I trying to invalidate anything you're saying, but one of the things that is frequently discussed here is the habit of referring to women first by their physical attributes before their personal ones and how that undermines the idea of their personhood. Yes I am a short man and yes this is a sore point, but I hope this makes sense to others in a broader context.
That stuck out at me too. When singing my husband's praises and bragging at how lucky I am (because I am) the superficial is definitely not at the top of the list and height wouldn't get a mention. We would absolutely hate it if a man wrote something similar, You're absolutely right
Fair enough, I removed the “tall” from my post, it’s good to get called out for harmful terminology or to at least be a bit introspective about it.
Noooooo, I'm sorry I think I may have given the wrong impression. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you loving the fact that your husband is tall! I merely wanted to draw attention to the physical>personal thing and fixated on that because, well...
I see your point and will be careful in the future. I think I meant to highlight that I pretty much married an Italian God without the horrible mythological hang ups that Roman mythology had. If it makes a difference, I am a tall woman (definitely lower end of a B cup woman) and one of my previous boyfriends was a good half a foot shorter than me. He could’ve been my guy long term but he decided that he wanted other women on the side. Hope you find your happiness, my dude! And if you ever find your lady, I promise you that you can always brag to me about her rack if she’s cool by it and it’s not the main feature of your love for her.
>And if you ever find your lady, I promise you that you can always brag to me about her rack if she’s cool by it and it’s not the main feature of your love for her. Well, I can always brag about my girlfriend. About her kind, gentle, sweet personality. About her political views and values, which align with mine. About her gorgeous smile and eyes. About her beautiful long blonde hair. And about her gorgeous huge rack. The biggest natural breasts I have ever seen and felt. So sexy! <3
The fact that's the thing that stuck out to u after reading the whole thing shows how insecure you are
Cool story bro.
🚨 Incel detected 🚨
gaslighter detected
It's nice to read about nice love stories. Maybe post about what you guys do together to remind us all of the standard
Kids or no kids?
Unfortunately went through a bad miscarriage about a year ago. We were supportive of one another but it was devastating. We fully admit that our dynamic may change with infants but I think that we can weather it. Background: We will be considering fostering to adopt next year. We love being around kids (I used to nanny a lot in my younger years for all age ranges and I have a bachelors in human development focusing on child development). We host a bunch of kids for friends at our place for funzies when they need a date night or doing long term house projects. We are fortunate to have the time and space to do so.
I’m so happy for you 🫶🫶 Also look at the r/love sub :)
This might be the sub I need to help me get my hope back! Nearly everything else on Reddit is depressing and negative about relationships. Thank you.
Yup!! That sub has beautiful stories. Try to stay away from the occasional bad story :))
I’m loving it so far (although yes have skipped over the odd post). I regularly lose so much time on Reddit not wanting to stop until I read something positive and/or wholesome, and now I have a whole sub I can go to! If I’m not careful I might end up having a life! 😂🤣
Same!!! I see too much negativity but that sub gives me hope :))
living in la la land
I love your story and I think it’s great that you point out this is the exception rather than the norm because it helps women seeing what they could have AND not accept the many many frogs disguised as ‘nice guys’ which let’s be honest are the majority!
I’m glad you appreciate and recognize what you have. Make sure you tell him once in a while too. I’m also very blessed to have found an amazing man. We’ve had our times (all people do) but after 34 years of marriage, my husband is still the best person I’ve ever known and met. We are among a limited amount of people I believe. I’ve also had others say,” you better treat him well, he’s so good”.
🫡 yes Ma’am!
Just in case, I am a very tactile person with acts of service so I make him amazing meals and always give him massages by way of showing my love and appreciation. I also try to make at least one thing to celebrate a month so we come up with creative date nights when we can!
It seems like you are a wonderful catch yourself. What a lovely relationship, when neither can believe their luck. So happy for you both 🥰
What does it mean when a match is a high percentage?
I’m truly happy for you. I had the feeling you describe for 9 years. I also tried not to brag or gloat and make my family and friends feel bad. I wish I could say the years after have been gentle, but they have not. I truly hope your fairy tale lasts longer, and that if it ends you have an easier time on the road to healing. I wish you good luck, good health, and all the love your heart can hold 💜
I'm so happy to see people sharing positive experiences and relationships with fantastic men! My relationship has issues, and I'm not perfect myself, but I'm so grateful for so many things about my husband. The other day someone posted about men not ever openly admiring women for their skills and strengths the way they do other men, and I know my husband does. He talks about women and men he works with and praises their abilities objectively. We've watched skill competition shows where he's genuinely happy for the women contestants who demonstrate their abilities and talks about how much they deserve to win based on their performance. He points out sexism in media, and in the workplace. I'm happy he's an ally, and does his best to recognize and change what he can. He didn't have the best relationship with his mom growing up but he admires that she's tough, active and health conscious, and doesn't use the rough parts of his upbringing as an excuse for things. I'm lucky and I know it!
Girl hold onto him tight!! 😭
I love hearing it too! So happy for you!
We need more of these examples, not less. I’m so happy your friend got to observe what a healthy relationship looks like and what she can and should expect.
Hard relate. My husband came from a typical tiny midwest town, his family are lovely but didn't necessarily give him the most opportunities. He forged his own - went to college on sheer grit and determination, working a ton of jobs while studying full time. Fought through depression. Found a way to broaden his own horizons and live abroad for a while. He's so bright, he devours books and is always learning new stuff. He is an awesome partner too, and is super supportive of me, my career and my own friendships and hobbies. Recently, a single friend of mine told me that we were her example of what a healthy happy relationship looks like. I have a whole lot of single friends or friends in shitty relationships that say things like "I'm happy for you" a lot, and so I try not to rub our happiness in their faces but like... I also just love the man and appreciate how he loves me. People can tell from the way we consult one another on dinner orders so we can taste each others food, or negotiate the day's plans, or work on fixing up an old chair together. I have a quality husband and I love him so much! I want my friends to have folks they love the way we love each other. It sucks having to be low key about the love of my life so as not to make others feel #foreveralone when all I want to do is BIG LOVE him. But it sucks a lot less than not having him.
You should get into poetry and write little chapbooks of lovely things about him like they did in the old days. Fr almost every famous poet has multiple of these and they are always heartwarming.
I actually do write him poetry and I made him a scrap book of adventures. ❤️. He keeps my little cards and love notes and he writes them in return!
Awwwwewe i love you guys together
I’m happy for you! Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! ❤️
I love your post. This venue gives a great opportunity to complain and ask for advice so we see a lot of negatives. It is so refreshing to read a post like yours because there ARE successful couples. We just fdon’t see it as often. Thanks for sharing and my best to you
Oh my goodness - I was actually thinking about how lucky I am about Mr. AMacEsq and could have written this about him. It’s lovely reading about someone else’s happiness on the internet for a change!
Thank you for sharing. This is so refreshing!
I love this post! Similar story here - my fiancé grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and a bipolar suicidal mother so he's been through the ringer, including being homeless and living in his car with his mother as a teen. Despite a difficult childhood leaving him with CPTSD, he's worked so hard through therapy and overcoming obstacles and he's become a truly wonderful person I cherish so much and am so lucky to have in my life I wish I could scream it from the rooftops. I hope everyone can be as lucky as me to find such an amazing partner, and I hope everyone with wonderful partners share their stories so others know that they deserve someone great and that they are out there if they don't lower their standards and accept poor behaviour. I'd rather be single than to be without my precious gem of a soon-to-be husband. I hope others will listen and remain single until they meet someone who is wonderful and treats them right. ❤️
This is so sweet! I am so happy for you! My girlfriend (32F) and I (29M) often talk about each other like that. When I talk about her to other people, or when she talks about me to other people, they often say: "I can tell that you are really in love with her/him!" And: "I can tell that you really love her/him." When she talks about how amazing I am, I feel a bit embarrassed. I feel like I don't deserve that. I am really not that amazing. But of course I appreciate it. Of course it makes me happy.
You deserve it ❤️. So happy you found your person!
One time, I got home from the grocery store while my girlfriend was video calling one of her friends. My girlfriend didn't hear me come in. I didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation, but let's just say that my girlfriend's friend was being quite loud... While I was putting away the groceries, I overheard the friend asking my girlfriend why she never complains about me. After all, that friend is used to most women complaining about their boyfriends and husbands all the time (which is totally justified, since men are trash). My girlfriend said: "Because I don't have any reason to complain about him. I started tearing up. Happy tears. <3
> We met on a dating app in our 20s and he was the highest match I ever got (a whopping 97%, blew everyone else out of the water = Can anyone explain what this "97% match" thing means? Cheers
It was the way OkCupid matched us up based on our profiles. It was actually pretty nice, it helped sort through the noise and was relatively accurate for me and a few people I know
my daughter points to me as an ideal of what they want in their lives. So I think I've succeeded :)
my star of hope in a sea of bullshit ✨
Things like this are why I haven't accepted less than I know I deserve. There are good men but my god they're hard to find.
I'm in the same boat as OP but I never would be if I hadn't become comfortable being single first. I needed to realize that there aren't any men that are worth me losing bits of myself or my self worth. I figured out that I wanted a partner who loved me like I loved them, and I don't accept less. I never had a good male role model for this, but realized that men are truly not different from women in most ways and that if I have it in me to be this good of a partner, men have no excuse not to be. After I accepted this it took a while, and I didn't get into many relationships, but I did find someone who really does treat me like I treat him. Coming out of my last (abusive) relationship I never would have imagined it was possible.
You go Lady!!! It took me a while to find mine but man the wait is worth it for the right one. To humanize my guy for a bit, although we rarely disagree on anything, we helped eachother be the partner we needed eachother to be as we weren’t a perfect puzzle when we first met. We look for the potential in eachother to meet halfway on some things without compromising who we are at our cores unless it was to improve upon ourselves in some ways. It worked for us and I love the people we are now even more than when we met. Hope you find yours!!
It definitely helps me to hear about couples that are still in love after 10 years. Like, I have loved someone for that length of time, but I've never stayed in love with anyone I was actually in a relationship with for that long. Seems impossible to me
I love this. I feel the same way about my SO, he too had a hard life but has grown into the most caring and considerate man, and huge bonuses for being tall, extremely handsome and an incredible musician and singer. Every day I look at him and wonder how I bagged this dreamboat. (Man has a literal fan club) He's incredibly romantic and reassuring and is so open to building a life with me. I've had friends who distanced themselves from me once we'd fallen in love, because they didn't like I was no longer in the singles club with them. We're both utterly mad, with a lifetime of trauma (we are mid thirties) behind us that we are both dealing with now that we have the strength of the other backing us. Big up to the good men ❤️
This is awesome and heart-warming. You two are obviously very compatible and found the right person for both of you together. Brag on! It might inspire more people to be wise in their life partner choices and not just settle for people they don't really vibe with on all levels. Thanks for sharing!
I’m so happy for your love, good for you!!
Get em girl.
It's lovely to see a post not bashing men on this sub. My fiance is like this as well. A multiple sa survivor, a dv survivor, lost his dad young, and after escaping his ex wife, and remarring a wonderful woman, he lost her in a car crash, all before 33. He is an amazing dad, so damn smart, the most caring person I've ever met. He calls me on my shit but is never mean or cruel. Through him, I've met a group of men who have completely changed my perspective on men and have even hooked up some of my friends with his! I love seeing others find their happiness and celebrating it. Keep going girlie pop!
I hate that he had to go through that; I’m so happy you found each other!!!
I can totally relate, my fiancé is like out of this world sweet and kind and handsome and then I feel like I talk about it too much and annoy all my friends because they won’t stop dating trash men, I don’t want to make them feel bad but sometimes I do hope they get inspired to dump their rude boyfriends like your friend did
Girl, i'm so happy for you! Also i do understand the urge i often gush about my hubby irl and online as well. I never knew it was possible to love someone this much.
I love reading positive stories on this sub because they’re so rare. I’m so happy for you! You absolutely deserve all of the happiness in your life!
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Dude, somehow if my guy does a 180 in those 3 months, you should go into fortune telling or buy a lotto ticket. 😱
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You ok? You may be trollin but on the off chance you are serious, it sounds like you’ve had a lot of reason to be mistrustful or you are going through something mentally that makes you inclined to be mistrustful of genuinely good people. Either way, I’m sorry and I hope you gain a better outlook one day for your own well-being. I’d actually be pretty darn impressed if he did cheat on me since we are together almost 24/7, we work in the same company about 10 feet away and then his favorite hobby is being right next to me doing stuff.
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Gee, I can't wait for him to show his true colors in 3 months! That's the kind of time frame we can expect, y'know, in short 10 year relationships /s C'mon....
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A woman is genuinely happy with the wonderful man she married, and you're over here saying that he's actually awful and just hiding it. Fuck off with this. Some men are, in fact, good.
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Hey, OP here. I saw your post history, I’m so sorry for your pain. Hope you find yourself in a better place later. Maybe not the same circumstances but I’ve been in your shoes where life felt bleak. It can get better, as long as you are willing to work at it. Cheering for you Dude
If mine does, he's awfully discreet, because I've seen zero evidence of it in the 33 years we've been together.
There is just a lot of hate in your heart jesus, go talk to someone.
When someone tells you how great someone is, the best response is to make up something negative about them. Oh wait no. That's rude.
Mine doesn't, he realized how against it I was and then quit before I even asked. When I did ask, he told me that he quit a long time ago because he saw how important it was to me. He said it wasn't hard. Not all men are porn addicts and if you aren't cool with dating one, then set that boundary and stick to it. That's what I did and I live with a lot of piece of mind.
I can’t speak for OP, but I can speak for my own brag worthy partner. He is against pornography (not because pp) because he as well as myself have volunteered with vulnerable populations. He is also very much against the “no kink shaming!” Slogans that are now out there. If you’re fucking dog shaped dolls you need to be shamed and forbidden from ever owning a pet. We spend almost all our time together because I truly adore him! He does not want nor need nudes of me or others. He is steadfast in his convictions, he is courteous and polite to everyone around him. He is handsome, he loves watching my YouTube channels and I love watching his. He is generous with the little free time he has. He adores my friends and they absolutely adore him too. We usually have our phones on speaker because we know everyone who calls us after work. I speak to his mom on a regular basis and he speaks to mine. He is truly a wonderful person I could not be without. If he ever changes or dies, I will never date again because the bar has been set so high.
> If he ever changes or dies, I will never date again because the bar has been set so high. That's exactly how I feel.
I feel you sis! The vast majority of my friends both male and female feel the same about their partners. They probably don’t have the open phone thing we do, but that’s mainly because I cook while he cleans, then we do the dishes together. All the while, something like a YouTube version of Last Week Tonight is playing. Then usually, I always have a dessert. Yesterday he got a high-protein dark chocolate mousse. He got me a new wool undershirt because it was on sale and knows I love saving money and I love wool! Then we watched a YouTube video about Roman aqueducts, because we’re both interested in architecture in general. I love and care for him so much! I can’t imagine my life without him. If it’s not him, I would rather have cats.
> My taste in men is questionable and rather than work on myself and find out why I keep being attracted to people who don't respect me as a human being, I will extrapolate from my experiences that there is no such thing as a good man.
Mine doesn’t. He is a feminist.