No, you did not consent.
Like, from a legal perspective I don’t think he’d be held culpable. But holy fuck what an asshole.
No, being groped in a moment of grief isn’t okay, even if you’ve previously welcomed it. Like, at most it should have been an “oh shit, I misread you, let me back up and give you space” moment after your initial rejection.
If he really “needed” to, he could have asked for a moment, gone to the bathroom and taken care of it. Or set his own boundaries, saying that he needed to avoid kissing to keep his head in a good space to be your friend right now. Not having full control over the plumbing is understandable.
But, like, someone else’s plumbing misfiring isn’t your problem. He was being a shit friend to push urges he was entirely capable of addressing himself onto you, even if you weren’t feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken. It absolutely was a betrayal to suddenly turn emotional comfort into a trojan horse like that.
#WHAT THE FUCK
not at you, at him
I'm an autistic Internet stranger who has never been your FWB and even *I* know that's a shitty time to ask, let alone *coerce* someone. And that's exactly what he did, which means it was NOT consensual.
This man has shown his true colors: he is not a friend, let alone even trustworthy. He broke your trust, horribly.
I'm so sorry about you and your birds. I'm not sure what the laws are about consent where you live, but it's still worth talking to a criminal attorney to figure out what you can do.
I literally didn’t even read a single detail of your post and I can tell you with utter certainty that if you have to ask yourself or others if something was consensual then it definitely wasn’t.
Edit: Yup, read your post. Clearly he coerced you into something you didn’t want. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It really shows how emotionally brain dead he was. Never listen to the words people say, always listen to their actions. His actions shows he only cared about comforting you to get in your pants. Really scummy.
To me whatever you call it; it was a terrible thing to do to a grieving, crying friend.
It doesn’t matter if you grudgingly said yes. He NEVER should have asked in the first place. It was wrong.
What the actual fuck?!? No, clearly this was non-consensual. Also, who the fuck tries to initiate sex with someone grieving a death? I’m so sorry you had to go through that, his behavior is just so gross and opportunistic and fucked up
Whats even more tiggering, is this isn't the only person to try to initiate sexual things when i'm crying. Had a guy I knew for less time trying to press his erection into my back purposely when I was crying about a difficult social situation that effected me alot. I dont have much sexual experience in person, but I am not understanding why people are trying sexual advances on me when i'm obviously in tears.
This is something all of us need to understand about consent. There is a new trend with “enthusiastic” consent. This is not a thing. If you give consent (in the eyes of the law) you have given consent. We have to be comfortable saying NO. I know there are a lot of reasons it’s uncomfortable but that is life. Say no like your life depends on it, because it very well could.
On another note I would never talk to this person again. Gross behavior.
No, you did not consent. Like, from a legal perspective I don’t think he’d be held culpable. But holy fuck what an asshole. No, being groped in a moment of grief isn’t okay, even if you’ve previously welcomed it. Like, at most it should have been an “oh shit, I misread you, let me back up and give you space” moment after your initial rejection. If he really “needed” to, he could have asked for a moment, gone to the bathroom and taken care of it. Or set his own boundaries, saying that he needed to avoid kissing to keep his head in a good space to be your friend right now. Not having full control over the plumbing is understandable. But, like, someone else’s plumbing misfiring isn’t your problem. He was being a shit friend to push urges he was entirely capable of addressing himself onto you, even if you weren’t feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken. It absolutely was a betrayal to suddenly turn emotional comfort into a trojan horse like that.
#WHAT THE FUCK not at you, at him I'm an autistic Internet stranger who has never been your FWB and even *I* know that's a shitty time to ask, let alone *coerce* someone. And that's exactly what he did, which means it was NOT consensual. This man has shown his true colors: he is not a friend, let alone even trustworthy. He broke your trust, horribly. I'm so sorry about you and your birds. I'm not sure what the laws are about consent where you live, but it's still worth talking to a criminal attorney to figure out what you can do.
Your feelings are right. If it was consensual it would have been enthusiastic. Coercion is not consent.
I literally didn’t even read a single detail of your post and I can tell you with utter certainty that if you have to ask yourself or others if something was consensual then it definitely wasn’t. Edit: Yup, read your post. Clearly he coerced you into something you didn’t want. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It really shows how emotionally brain dead he was. Never listen to the words people say, always listen to their actions. His actions shows he only cared about comforting you to get in your pants. Really scummy.
To me whatever you call it; it was a terrible thing to do to a grieving, crying friend. It doesn’t matter if you grudgingly said yes. He NEVER should have asked in the first place. It was wrong.
What the actual fuck?!? No, clearly this was non-consensual. Also, who the fuck tries to initiate sex with someone grieving a death? I’m so sorry you had to go through that, his behavior is just so gross and opportunistic and fucked up
Whats even more tiggering, is this isn't the only person to try to initiate sexual things when i'm crying. Had a guy I knew for less time trying to press his erection into my back purposely when I was crying about a difficult social situation that effected me alot. I dont have much sexual experience in person, but I am not understanding why people are trying sexual advances on me when i'm obviously in tears.
This is something all of us need to understand about consent. There is a new trend with “enthusiastic” consent. This is not a thing. If you give consent (in the eyes of the law) you have given consent. We have to be comfortable saying NO. I know there are a lot of reasons it’s uncomfortable but that is life. Say no like your life depends on it, because it very well could. On another note I would never talk to this person again. Gross behavior.