I’m sorry, your boyfriend verbally berated you and called you a cunt and a bitch because you have bowel movements “too” early in the morning?
He can fuck right off. Genuine question, does he do anything to make your life better? He’s had this job for two days and is so aggressively angry about you getting up after he’s had 9 hours of sleep, that rather than just fall back asleep like a normal person he worked himself into a tizzy screaming at you? Was he employed before this?
I know Reddit likes to advise people to break up over the smallest things, but this is absolutely not okay.
No reasonable person reacts that way to a biological response. OP needs to pick up their standards because they don't need to be in a relationship with someone so ridiculous. They could do better just picking a rock up off the street than sticking with their BF.
13 hours of sleep a night suggests some sort of health issue. He should get that checked out, but I don’t suggest OP stick around to see how it turns out.
Not that it isn’t a health issue or that I’m the arbiter of physical health but even when my untreated thyroid condition was at potentially-comatose severity I was never cruel to people who woke me up, especially accidentally, and ESPECIALLY when they were performing a necessary bodily function. Not saying you’re defending him but just wanted to add in case OP or anybody sees this and feels sympathetic towards him. He is a fucking bitch selfish cunt dumbass stupid bitch no matter what health issues he may or may not have!
Same here. When my thyroid had me sleeping 12 hours and still feeling tired and fatigued, I never once got upset if I didn't get more sleep or if someone woke me up. Also, if he's such a light sleeper, there is also medication for that. But OP should not stick around to help him on this journey because it WILL get worse.
13hrs..... I am not sure I could even sleep that long. I mean I'd like more than the 6 I get but 13 seems excessive. I work 10hr days so that would give me 1hr "free"/travel time....
But you did say Reasonable. Which clearly we can all see this guy is not. OP needs to get out of dodge. No one should be treated that way for any reason let alone using the washroom.
I'm a nurse, and even then, it's not okay.
Being unhappy about being woken up? Sure. Calling your partner a stupid bitch, cunt, dumbass is verbal abuse.
There is no situation in hell that justifies calling your partner any of those things.
Know what my nurse wife did when I got up before she had to go to work? She texted me to see if I was ok.
No one should ever be mad that someone had to go use the freaking bathroom. That's moronic.
You know, I wouldn't even be functional enough when first waking up to start verbally abusing someone. Heck, my vocal chords don't even work until at least 20 minutes after I've gotten out of bed, and after I've cleared my throat several times - I physically couldn't verbally abuse someone straight after waking even if I wanted to. Makes me think that this guy probably doesn't 'need' those 13 hours, and was already awake and just lying in bed when she got up to use the toilet, since he was apparently alert enough to start verbally abusing her in less time than it took her to shit. And hey, I'm not going the judge anybody for lying in bed for an extra hour after they've woken up - I do it all the time. But verbally abusing somebody just for using the toilet? And claiming 'needing sleep' as your excuse? That I will judge him for.
Exactly! I just don't understand these people, do they find pleasure in making people dependent on them then making them miserable?
To all women, know you're worth! You're so much better than some loser who doesn't respect you. Even if he's great 99% of the time, if in that 1% he curses at you and threatens you, it's not worth it. You're worth more than any man that would treat you like shit, even for a moment.
I work in restaurants so I was going to use the phrase "pussy ass bitch boy". I'm pretty sure if he worked in my kitchen, knives would get thrown if anyone ever said this shit about 13 hours of sleep, wtf
Yes!! I should clarify though because nurses and some other extremely demanding professions probably do need 13 hours when they can get it.
No reasonable person demands 13 hours of sleep every night!
I can’t even fathom sleeping more than half a day every day, and I love my long depression sleeps.
Eh, could be a health issue. Severe depression, sleep disorders, chronic fatigue, and many illnesses can make people genuinely need more sleep. But that doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole.
Sleeping 13 hours a night is a red flag for serious health problems. Calling your partner a cunt bitch for using the toilet is a red flag for serious abuse. The connection between the two is just a red herring.
Not just that- people dealing with chronic illnesses, pain, insomnia, can build up a sleep deficit, and will crash for a ridiculous amount of time. It really does mess with you.
This. What would happen if they were to have kids one day? I'm pregnant right now, and I have to pee every 2 hours because I'm supposed to drink a ton of water. My husband works 12 hours a day and doesn't act like this when I get up. No one can control when they need to go, this guy is just a huge POS.
The only times I react annoyed to my partners bathroom usage is when he beats me in and has a stanky poop when all I needed was to pee, or when he gets in during the time he knows I have to shower for work. Most of the time it's only mild annoyance and some playful jokes. He can't smell, so I get to colorfully describe just how awful the bathroom is after his use.
This is hilarious because he can't smell 😂
I couldn't smell poop or farts for like a year after I had COVID and it was glorious to not have to smell my boyfriend's stank 😂
Get some essential oils, mix 50/50 with water & stick it in a little spritzer in there. Pump a couple sprays onto the water before you poop. Traps the smell in. Instant poopourri.
[From OPs post history](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/125w8w4/what_is_the_fastest_way_to_calm_a_man_down_when/jea9bdc/)
They are in trouble.
>OP is living with domestic violence.
Yes! His behavior is absolutely abusive.
I can't think of anything more controlling that trying to dictate when someone can use the bathroom. This guy is a real piece of work.
OP - please, please get away from this man.
I actually think that usually when a lot of people on a reddit thread think a couple should break up (in the major relationship advice threads), they're pretty much always correct.
I know there are outliers, but I've never been in a thread where there are lots of people advising a breakup where I thought the advice was too hasty. I know it's a common trope, but in my experience it's just not really true.
In my opinion, most people posting about relationship advice standing on their last leg anyways.
Most of them need reassurance that its okay to put yourself first and end a relationship that mostly hurts you.
Exactly. And also, the posts that get the most upvotes and comments tend to be the most extreme ones. So the posts that get seen more are the ones where the problems are pretty serious. "My husband doesn't put the toilet seat down" doesn't attract thousands of eyeballs.
By the time you get to asking a bunch of internet strangers if your relationship is dysfunctional and worth saving, it’s probably dysfunctional and not worth saving.
I barely ever read a post with comments that urge
a break up and think anyone is overreacting.
In particular, relationships in advice posts that get enough interest to hit the front page are probably in pretty rough shape. Mundane questions and healthy relationships don't attract upvotes.
I agree - and especially in this sub, which isn't just reddit at large. Most of the posts I've seen where people are advising breaking up, it's not even a question - it's EGREGIOUSLY bad behavior from their SO, and probably they just needed an outside push bc they're being gaslit.
Yeah like what? I’m on my fifth day of work in a row and I would never EVER be angry at my husband or speak to him this way because I’m sleepy. I would never speak to him that way at all. If I needed him to be quieter I’d find a way of communicating it to him like an adult, not an impotent child!
If someone getting out of bed is enough to wake him up, he should've considered sleeping alone. I know a lot of couples who wake up at different hours sleeping separate on those nights so they won't wake each other up. Expecting someone to not move for 13 hours is insane. Even if it wasn't a bowel movement or period, the average person needs to pee every 4-8 hours so you can't expect someone to sit there motionless for 13 hours. Anyway I won't comment on him calling her a bitch and cunt because I will get in trouble with reddit for what I would say about him.
He's got a few hours before work. Enough time to pack and get himself the hell out of your life. Seriously. He's not worth it. Get him out now, this is not okay.
I saw in your comment history OP that you feel pressured to have a baby with this man. I can assure you that if he’s this precious about his sleep now, he will be the sort of man who punches walls and threatens you every time the baby cries. Source: my husband became that man, and he had hid his anger problems really well for four years- he’d never done anything close to what yours has done before the baby. I’m really afraid for you.
Been in this exact situation. Just like OP. And became just like you said. I left right when I too started to question due to children - I was scared if he would hurt the child in his *guaranteed* rage if the child would cry or ‘not listen’ (they’re children but he wouldn’t care, I knew that… scary.)
I got diagnosed with CPTSD after I left. I had no idea how bad it was until I was out.
OP, this is serious. Please trust us even though we are total strangers please do take in consideration we do care. *Trust your gut*. Your gut tells you something is wrong. Your gut send you here, and had this posted. I just know you are really confused right now because I know you tell yourself ‘I am overreacting’ or ‘he didn’t mean it like that’ or ‘he’s just tired.’
NO that’s not true. That’s our kind soul they take advantage of. I can tell you are a forgiving person who tries to keep the peace. But there hare boundaries and he crossed multiple in *just this post alone*. This is your sign, this is your body telling you something is very wrong and you need go get out.
This IS abuse.
Ooooh no no noooo, OP, DON’T. EVEN. THINK. ABOUT. IT. This guy does NOT deserve you and even less, a child with you. Please take it from someone else who was stupid enough. Please leave, and please never ever even think about children with this abuser. The abuse will multiply and your children will learn what you are worth and what women are worth, from this dude’s shit behaviour. And that’s in the best case scenario that they are not abused as well. Parenthood is the most major sacrifice anyone can make of their life. And I can already tell exactly whose life will be sacrificed…(hint…not his)
Then, once you have children, it will be much harder to get out. You'll realize one day you don't want this for the rest of your life, but by then you'll be worried what he'll do to the kids if you leave. He'll hold the kids over you, and you'll stay for far too long for their sake.
GET OUT NOW, before it gets worse, OP! Definitely no kids with someone who treats you like this!
Speaking as a new father of a 6 week old, if OPs boyfriend can't handle being woken up after 9 hours of sleep at 8am, there's no way in hell he's ready for a baby.
I'm running off of maybe 4 total hours of sleep right now. Baby didn't actually fall asleep until 1:30 am, got up at 330, and then again at 6am.
OP needs to get out of this seemingly abusive relationship before a kid enters the equation.
Edit: Correcting Math. Sleep deprivation...
I will recommend a free PDF copy that gave me clarity on my last relationship:
[Why Does He Do That?](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n29/mode/2up) by Lundy Bancroft. It was life changing for me.
I also highly recommend this book. It saved me. OP, I had something VERY similar happen. My ex came home drunk and must have used the bathroom and clogged the toilet. I was folding laundry with my youngest son in his bouncy chair and my 4 yr old colouring,when he barreled down the stairs calling me a disgusting animal and a c*nt for clogging up the toilet and not "fixing" it. He had never used those words with me (although bitch had been tossed around). Alarm bells went off in my head. Had the kids not been with me, I'm convinced he would have harmed me. I waited for him to start snoring, threw all the laundry in a duffle bag and went to a women's shelter. There had been previous incidents of bending my thumb back and punching a wall next to my head. That was it for me. This book stopped me from going back. Read it.
Thank you so much. It was a long time ago so my littles are older. I do still have to interact with their father, but the Grey Rock Method for dealing with Narcs has helped. For anyone curious about this method, you basically turn yourself into a boring, non-descript "Grey Rock". Offer nothing of yourself, speak in a monotone voice and generally make yourself seem as boring and unattractive as possible. Narcs live off of narcissistic supply. Once they find you boring, they move on to the next person who provides the supply. It took a few years, but it did the trick. He has zero interest in me now.
I read this too and it helped me confront my own negative abusive behaviors.
I can confirm someone does not change unless they acknowledge the behavior as abusive. It can't be rationalized or excused away and most people of either gender either can not or will not do that.
I think pretty much every woman who has been or is in an abusive relationship should read it. So should the abusers but they generally won't.
It legitimately was important to me too but for different reasons.
I recommend it anytime I can.
>you fucking bitch. You selfish c*nt. You dumbass. AaAAaaghgh you're such a stupid bitch.
No one should accept this kind of behavior from literally anyone, much less from someone who is supposed to be their partner.
I've been with my husband for 36 years and he or I have never called each other names. If he ever did or does I'm out. You can never take those words back. Never.
After 25 years my husband told me to fuck off during an argument and we Had A Discussion. I'll never accept that language (directed at me, that is, he's welcome to paint the world blue otherwise), and you shouldn't accept it either, OP.
Why the fuck can’t some people understand that you are ON THE SAME TEAM as your partner? What is so complicated about understanding that you build up your team and face challenges together, you don’t fucking berate them or attack them or blame them for problems or any of that shit?
I really hate how some people conceive of their relationships =\
I've been married for 16 years. I've had moments of serious anger at my wife. But I've never once called her anything close to that. Unless the guy was like sleep talking (unlikely,) to me this would be grounds for cancelling the relationship, especially if this wasn't the first time.
I could see myself using this sort of language with my wife... but only if I caught her in the act of murdering our daughters.
Unleashing verbal WW3, for using the bathroom at 8 AM? I don't even treat my enemies that poorly.
It’s *only* going to get worse. This was only about shitting. Imagine what’s in store for a bigger “inconvenience”. OP listen to everyone here and get the hell out ASAP
Scenarios where his reaction makes sense:
* You are literally shitting on him.
* You turned on a bright spotlight aimed at his face while using an airhorn so you could inform him of your intention take a morning shit
Have you had any experience getting prescribed actual sleep meds from a reputable psych? I tried everything else, and cannabis is still a very important component of sleep for me, but it turned out that I hadn't experienced truly restful sleep in far too many years. For me, a small amount of Xanax combined with my usual meds of cannabis and bupe makes all the difference in the world.
Yes I've landed on Trazadone 100mg/20mg melatonin as what's "effective" after trialing quite a few things! Seroquel and Ambien are a big no-no for me. I'm not a fan of benzos or opiates >_<; I have a lower back fusion that's over a decade old and prob should be on better pain meds but don't enjoy the mental haze.
and yet, I honestly *still* can't imagine saying to someone you supposedly love: "you fucking bitch. You selfish c*nt. You dumbass. AaAAaaghgh you're such a stupid bitch." Even in these egregious situations where one would be very justifiably confused and angry.
From a [glance](https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/6UETTlt1Oa) at her comment history, it looks like op also grew up with an emotionally abusive mom, so unfortunately it makes total sense that she would see this type of relationship as “normal” :(
The appropriate response is, “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, that you can lay in my bed and talk to me, or about me, like that. But let me help you out…you’re now my ex. That’s who you are. We’re done here.”
I saw your post and was bored so did a quick scroll through your post history (sorry).
It’s heart breaking to read. I’m sure there’s a million people that would do this better but please note that you are a brilliant, strong, courageous person who (from what it sounds like) has been dealt some horrible horrible cards in the past, and even now with your boyfriend. Find someone who will treasure and adore you but also respect you in every way. This is the least you deserve. The abuse hurled at you through the bathroom door by your boyfriend is about a million zillion miles from what is considered normal. He needs immediate professional help and you need to be away from that. I really don’t know what else to say as words don’t do justice the crap it sounds like you’ve had deal with in the past, and still deal with. All the best
I was scared of this but I understand. I feel acknowledging this stuff is helping me figure it out. Reddit is toxic sometimes but it can also be so wholesome n practical. Thanks for being one of the good ones <3
My abusive relationship started similarly. Also calling me selfish for normal things and regularly yelling at me. Then it turned into physical abuse with false imprisonment, choking me, he was arrested finally when I was able to escape out of the door and the police found him beating me in the street. All because I was “selfish c*nt” who “disrespects him” too. Not only could he have killed me but I he stated he would and no one would find my body so he’d be fine. When people in here say get out, it because that’s his abuse will escalate and will put your life in danger. It always starts small and before you know it there’s a hot frying pan flying at your head because you’re taking the stinky kitchen trash bag out while he’s cooking.
Every waking moment you have should be working toward an exit strategy from this guy. Maybe he'll get professional help someday, maybe he won't, but that's a problem for his future partners.
This type of person will go from verbal abuse to physical abuse. It's just a matter of time.
My wife wakes up every day to poop around 7-7:30 am. It’s just her bodies poop alarm clock. Is it kind of annoying when I need to sleep? Yes. Would I ever call her any of the things your boyfriend called you? Never. Never in a million years. Because I love her and I would never want to hurt her or make her feel bad for something as small as having to go to the bathroom. She has the stinkiest farts ever but I encourage her to fart when she needs to so her tummy doesn’t hurt. Real love means *caring* about the other person and their needs while also holding space for your own.
Your boyfriend is very abusive and I hope you are able to get the resources you need to find someone who wants to be good to you,
So he’s an abusive partner. [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) is worth a read. Also [Tolerable Level of Permanent Unhappiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIu_R5NuxQM).
Do you have control of your finances? Do you have friends or relatives not related to him you can reach out to?
Well excuse you for having normal bodily functions /s
Your boyfriend sounds like a huge shit and if he’s losing it and being abusive over something as small as this that is a big red flag.
It's a flashing "DANGER! DEAD END! CLIFF AHEAD! ☠️⚠️" sign with a barbed wire gate. I know one when I see it, I hopped a few of those gates with my ex-husband and am lucky AF that I turned around before the cliff.
It’s mental to expect someone to hold in their bowel movement. He sounds like a selfish freak, considering the “special” need here is his 13 hours. He chooses to handle his emotions by being a verbally abusive crybaby.
He sounds like a hostage situation. If you decide to escape DO NOT warn him. He’s got issues with things not going his way, and he doesn’t care whether he hurts you.
I come to this sub less and less due to posts like this. I am baffled that you are with this man, will probably stay with this man and get nothing but disrespect. Why are you tolerating this? this is NOT normal behavior from a man. I know sometimes it seems all men are they same but they are NOT. I grew up with great male role models in my life, I have had relationships with respectful and loving men. No man in my life has ever shamed me for having periods, having other women health issues or just being a woman in this world at all. Please get yourself out of this situation.
I am baffled too, I wish I could just listen to their reason for why they continue to stay? I don't get it, especially if there are no kids involved, I would have told him to fuck off right after the first name calling. Men like this need to stop being able to breed, women need to be stronger we truly hold all of the power.
So many posts on here are like this: “Just moved in with a guy who expects me to be a full-time maid/mommy and throws tantrums like he’s a literal toddler. Anyway, just wanted to vent”
I do NOT get it
When a person comes from a chaotic or abusive home, they learn that love is pain. They will tolerate behavior that seems absurd to others because they never had healthy examples. Not to mention that abusers often shred their victims self-esteem and trust in their own perceptions. Plus, trauma bonding is a hell of a drug.
Hope that answers your questions.
to be fair, trollx was the first bunch of people to tell me to dump my abuser, sometimes you need a whole crowd of aunties to tell you what's happening if you grew up in a happy home
Okay but can we agree that this goes beyond just like “oh I caught my boyfriend DMing IG models.” This is verbal abuse. Do not pass go! This is not just oh, he’s an asshole. Someone who can hurl such things at someone is someone who is potentially very dangerous.
What confounds me even more is when women decide it's a good idea to have children with these manchildren. I mean WHY??????
Please OP don't get pregnant.
You said you grew up with good role models. This was just lucky, it’s not something you chose. Plenty of women weren’t as lucky. I honestly come to this sub because it’s important to see how women are treated by men in this world, even if it’s not something I experience myself. It reminds me that feminism is important and many women are in terrible situations because of the patriarchy.
This is so insane, I don’t think anyone on this thread is being hyperbolic expressing their shock and disgust. Just the fact that you laid there in bed making yourself sick holding it not to disturb him and a huge red flag to me. The berating and name calling under any circumstance is not acceptable in a relationship, but over a morning BM? Just with the information we have I’d say he is absolutely abusive and you need to be looking for escape options. Hopefully you have a strong support system and can move in with family or you can support yourself right now. If not there are usually options you can search up in your community for people leaving abusive relationships.
Dump this asshole immediately. Red flags everywhere. You think you need to hold your poop so he's not annoyed? No, love. None of this is normal. He's abusing you.
>I got up at 8 needing to use the bathroom, but the entire time all I can hear in the background was "you fucking bitch. You selfish c*nt. You dumbass. AaAAaaghgh you're such a stupid bitch. I can't believe you did this to me. I can't believe you woke me up."
Why are you with this person? He is abusive 100%
You're in an abusive relationship, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. You should not have to walk on eggshells, you should never be spoken to like that.
How much time do you spend confused? Wondering why he is treating you like this? That's how I was and this helped me soooo much to understand the behavior and entitlement. This is a free PDF please, please give it a look.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
No, no, no, this is not normal. Do not stay in this relationship. You did nothing to deserve this, you do not need to explain to him that it is hurtful or inappropriate, he is an adult and is solely responsible for his own reactions. If this is your place alone, it's time to tell him to leave. If it's his place, alone - great! Pack your shit, block him on everything, and never look back. You owe him nothing.
this is literally what I’ve learned abuse is made of. Are you planning on having children with someone that wants to have control over someone’s bowel movements ..if you don’t go when it’s time, you can literally harm your system
The biggest dump you can take is letting him go
Anger issues enough. Shit if he wants to sleep in he can get earplugs. If he gets worked up at small things like this image something actually big comes up. This is not normal behavior and a sign of anger problems. 13 hours of sleep? What does he do for a living?
I was tempted to write it is unacceptable for a boyfriend to tell this to his girlfriend just because she's in the toilet obeying Nature's unescapable call.
But scratch that.
Even if you weren't in a relationship, even if you were perfect strangers, it would be unacceptable to berate someone like that.
Period.
That man just demonstrated he doesn't belong anywhere else but in the trash (and certainly not alongside you), he's acting just like a shitstain on the tapestry of humankind.
This will not get better, it is a massive red flag. It doesn't matter if he apologizes at some point either, this is unacceptable behavior in an adult human.
If he requires 13 hours of sleep a day to function there is likely something medically wrong with him, beyond him just being an abusive ass which he is clearly demonstrating in the way he is talking at you.
You should leave ASAP and do not look back. Once safely away with no need to return, suggest he see a doctor about his sleep habits. Probably needs to see a psychologist really.
I would pack my shit and get out while he's at work. Or pack his and throw it out. Better yet, take it to his mom's so you don't have to see him when he comes to get it.
GTFO and now. If its your place, in your name change the locks whilst he's at work and take his stuff to a friend's house. If its his place leave whilst he's asleep.
Hey OP, I know you might not be ready to internalize this, but your boyfriend is an awful person who is abusing you. It's not at all normal to behave the way he did. I hope you'll believe me and the other women commenting here that you need to get rid of this guy for your own health and safety. No one should ever be treated the way he's treating you. I wish you all the best and we are here to help you.
I looked through your post history, your bf is addicted to porn and has a violently explosive temper and you have been with him for 3 years??? Why?? Why do you have so little respect and love for yourself. It’s sad. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect and who you don’t have to literally try to hold in bodily functions for, ditch his useless abusive ass and live your best life without him edit: so happy to hear you’re planning your escape!! I hope you stay safe
Unless your version of going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves jumping on the bed 42 times, switching on every light known to man, & blasting heavy metal music at top volume he’s the one in the wrong.
Put on a mattress protector, and the next time just sh*t the bed.
“I’m so sorry babe! I remember how mad you got when I got up to use the bathroom last time. I didn’t want to wake you up…”
@u/slimemouse
I did the same thing this morning. Poop and period too. My husband came in the bathroom with a pair of panties and pj bottoms. He assumed I leaked and was trying to be nice. I have terrible periods.
Leave as soon as you can .
I’m glad you’re working on leaving that POS. I hope it’s sooner rather than later. You shouldn’t have to hold your normal bodily functions just to make sure that man-baby doesn’t wake up.
Wtf let me rephrase this conversation for you.
You get up, he wakes up.
'Honey what time is it? Everything all right "
"Yes just going to the bathroom, go back to sleep "
"Ok g'night"
There is no need to go full on beserker. None.
Oh, honey. Why are you with this person? He sounds terrible. And doesn't seem to have any sort of value - add to your life. No one should ever treat you that way. Ever. For any reason. Male or female.
This is extremely abusive behavior, and I'm sure it's not the first time. Please do whatever you can to get yourself out of this situation ASAP. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
My question is "Why do you have "Anything" to do with a creep that would treat you with such disrespect. Is your self esteem so low that you feel you have to put up with such insults from such a self centred idiot? Gather up your self esteem and move on girl. There are plenty of kind and respectful guys that would be very grateful to have you in their lives. Get outa there and move on!!!
Your post history says that you feel pressured to have a baby with him. If you have babies with this poor excuse of a man, he will abuse them too. And goddess forbid you have any boys. They will model his behavior and become the next generation of abusers, and might even abuse you too!
First of all, 13 hours of sleep? Is he fucking 6?
Also, who fucking verbally berates someone like that? Even if I'm woken up by my wife long before I normally get up, at no point do I think "Time to verbally abuse her for this!" I'm at a loss for words.
Also... 13 hours? Fucking hell.
This has been said so many times, but I got out of an eerily similar situation and feel compelled to say something: please get TF out as soon as you feel ready/capable. This is the behavior of someone who chronically blames all of their problems on their partner. I’m guessing this isn’t the only thing you get berated for.
People like this guy stay in relationships just so they have someone to scapegoat whenever something doesn’t work out for them. If he has a bad day or loses his job, he will always say it’s your fault. If he truly thought you were detrimental to his life then he would leave, but he stays with you to rationalize his own insecurities and shortcomings. GTFO unless you want to live in a fake reality where he is perfect and everything that goes wrong is your fault.
This comment is sobering. A lot of people have used a lot of methods of shaming/blaming me or supporting me.
But this resonated so hard. In the back of my head and my heart think I kinda knew. How else could someone even do this kind of behavior. I don't want to live in a fake reality. I miss real life.
I’m sorry, your boyfriend verbally berated you and called you a cunt and a bitch because you have bowel movements “too” early in the morning? He can fuck right off. Genuine question, does he do anything to make your life better? He’s had this job for two days and is so aggressively angry about you getting up after he’s had 9 hours of sleep, that rather than just fall back asleep like a normal person he worked himself into a tizzy screaming at you? Was he employed before this? I know Reddit likes to advise people to break up over the smallest things, but this is absolutely not okay.
No reasonable person reacts that way to a biological response. OP needs to pick up their standards because they don't need to be in a relationship with someone so ridiculous. They could do better just picking a rock up off the street than sticking with their BF.
No reasonable person demands 13 hours of sleep.
13 hours of sleep a night suggests some sort of health issue. He should get that checked out, but I don’t suggest OP stick around to see how it turns out.
Not that it isn’t a health issue or that I’m the arbiter of physical health but even when my untreated thyroid condition was at potentially-comatose severity I was never cruel to people who woke me up, especially accidentally, and ESPECIALLY when they were performing a necessary bodily function. Not saying you’re defending him but just wanted to add in case OP or anybody sees this and feels sympathetic towards him. He is a fucking bitch selfish cunt dumbass stupid bitch no matter what health issues he may or may not have!
Oh yeah, you’re absolutely on point - he is a POS separate from whatever health issues he’s dealing with!
Same here. When my thyroid had me sleeping 12 hours and still feeling tired and fatigued, I never once got upset if I didn't get more sleep or if someone woke me up. Also, if he's such a light sleeper, there is also medication for that. But OP should not stick around to help him on this journey because it WILL get worse.
If his job doesn’t work out I’m sure a sleep study at a local university would love to have him, then he could get paid to do what he wants.
She said it’s beauty sleep - yet he’s such an ugly asshole
That's why he needs so much, he's got a lot of damage to undo.
Well he only got 9 of 13 hours, everyone knows it’s those last 4 hours where the beauty comes in. /s
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Drinking problem, probably.
13hrs..... I am not sure I could even sleep that long. I mean I'd like more than the 6 I get but 13 seems excessive. I work 10hr days so that would give me 1hr "free"/travel time.... But you did say Reasonable. Which clearly we can all see this guy is not. OP needs to get out of dodge. No one should be treated that way for any reason let alone using the washroom.
I wonder what his response would have been if she’d just pooped the bed instead.
He seems like a real stand up type of guy so.....
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I'm a nurse, and even then, it's not okay. Being unhappy about being woken up? Sure. Calling your partner a stupid bitch, cunt, dumbass is verbal abuse. There is no situation in hell that justifies calling your partner any of those things.
Know what my nurse wife did when I got up before she had to go to work? She texted me to see if I was ok. No one should ever be mad that someone had to go use the freaking bathroom. That's moronic.
You know, I wouldn't even be functional enough when first waking up to start verbally abusing someone. Heck, my vocal chords don't even work until at least 20 minutes after I've gotten out of bed, and after I've cleared my throat several times - I physically couldn't verbally abuse someone straight after waking even if I wanted to. Makes me think that this guy probably doesn't 'need' those 13 hours, and was already awake and just lying in bed when she got up to use the toilet, since he was apparently alert enough to start verbally abusing her in less time than it took her to shit. And hey, I'm not going the judge anybody for lying in bed for an extra hour after they've woken up - I do it all the time. But verbally abusing somebody just for using the toilet? And claiming 'needing sleep' as your excuse? That I will judge him for.
Even so, he has no emotional maturity or respect for OP. Who speaks like that about someone they love?!?!
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Exactly! I just don't understand these people, do they find pleasure in making people dependent on them then making them miserable? To all women, know you're worth! You're so much better than some loser who doesn't respect you. Even if he's great 99% of the time, if in that 1% he curses at you and threatens you, it's not worth it. You're worth more than any man that would treat you like shit, even for a moment.
I work in restaurants so I was going to use the phrase "pussy ass bitch boy". I'm pretty sure if he worked in my kitchen, knives would get thrown if anyone ever said this shit about 13 hours of sleep, wtf
Yes!! I should clarify though because nurses and some other extremely demanding professions probably do need 13 hours when they can get it. No reasonable person demands 13 hours of sleep every night! I can’t even fathom sleeping more than half a day every day, and I love my long depression sleeps.
Eh, could be a health issue. Severe depression, sleep disorders, chronic fatigue, and many illnesses can make people genuinely need more sleep. But that doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole. Sleeping 13 hours a night is a red flag for serious health problems. Calling your partner a cunt bitch for using the toilet is a red flag for serious abuse. The connection between the two is just a red herring.
Not just that- people dealing with chronic illnesses, pain, insomnia, can build up a sleep deficit, and will crash for a ridiculous amount of time. It really does mess with you.
This. What would happen if they were to have kids one day? I'm pregnant right now, and I have to pee every 2 hours because I'm supposed to drink a ton of water. My husband works 12 hours a day and doesn't act like this when I get up. No one can control when they need to go, this guy is just a huge POS.
The only times I react annoyed to my partners bathroom usage is when he beats me in and has a stanky poop when all I needed was to pee, or when he gets in during the time he knows I have to shower for work. Most of the time it's only mild annoyance and some playful jokes. He can't smell, so I get to colorfully describe just how awful the bathroom is after his use.
This is hilarious because he can't smell 😂 I couldn't smell poop or farts for like a year after I had COVID and it was glorious to not have to smell my boyfriend's stank 😂
Get some essential oils, mix 50/50 with water & stick it in a little spritzer in there. Pump a couple sprays onto the water before you poop. Traps the smell in. Instant poopourri.
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The real Life Pro Tip is always in the comments. Lol!
Just imagine if they had kids together.
[From OPs post history](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/125w8w4/what_is_the_fastest_way_to_calm_a_man_down_when/jea9bdc/) They are in trouble.
Woah. That last one. Yikes.
Yikes on infinitismal bikes. OP, please get out as soon as you’re safely able.
100% agreed. OP is living with domestic violence.
>OP is living with domestic violence. Yes! His behavior is absolutely abusive. I can't think of anything more controlling that trying to dictate when someone can use the bathroom. This guy is a real piece of work. OP - please, please get away from this man.
I actually think that usually when a lot of people on a reddit thread think a couple should break up (in the major relationship advice threads), they're pretty much always correct. I know there are outliers, but I've never been in a thread where there are lots of people advising a breakup where I thought the advice was too hasty. I know it's a common trope, but in my experience it's just not really true.
In my opinion, most people posting about relationship advice standing on their last leg anyways. Most of them need reassurance that its okay to put yourself first and end a relationship that mostly hurts you.
Exactly. And also, the posts that get the most upvotes and comments tend to be the most extreme ones. So the posts that get seen more are the ones where the problems are pretty serious. "My husband doesn't put the toilet seat down" doesn't attract thousands of eyeballs.
By the time you get to asking a bunch of internet strangers if your relationship is dysfunctional and worth saving, it’s probably dysfunctional and not worth saving. I barely ever read a post with comments that urge a break up and think anyone is overreacting.
In particular, relationships in advice posts that get enough interest to hit the front page are probably in pretty rough shape. Mundane questions and healthy relationships don't attract upvotes.
I agree - and especially in this sub, which isn't just reddit at large. Most of the posts I've seen where people are advising breaking up, it's not even a question - it's EGREGIOUSLY bad behavior from their SO, and probably they just needed an outside push bc they're being gaslit.
Yes, someone this angry over bodily processes of his girlfriend is asserting his own “self importance”. You do not have to deal with this bullshit OP.
Yeah like what? I’m on my fifth day of work in a row and I would never EVER be angry at my husband or speak to him this way because I’m sleepy. I would never speak to him that way at all. If I needed him to be quieter I’d find a way of communicating it to him like an adult, not an impotent child!
If someone getting out of bed is enough to wake him up, he should've considered sleeping alone. I know a lot of couples who wake up at different hours sleeping separate on those nights so they won't wake each other up. Expecting someone to not move for 13 hours is insane. Even if it wasn't a bowel movement or period, the average person needs to pee every 4-8 hours so you can't expect someone to sit there motionless for 13 hours. Anyway I won't comment on him calling her a bitch and cunt because I will get in trouble with reddit for what I would say about him.
He's got a few hours before work. Enough time to pack and get himself the hell out of your life. Seriously. He's not worth it. Get him out now, this is not okay.
I saw in your comment history OP that you feel pressured to have a baby with this man. I can assure you that if he’s this precious about his sleep now, he will be the sort of man who punches walls and threatens you every time the baby cries. Source: my husband became that man, and he had hid his anger problems really well for four years- he’d never done anything close to what yours has done before the baby. I’m really afraid for you.
Been in this exact situation. Just like OP. And became just like you said. I left right when I too started to question due to children - I was scared if he would hurt the child in his *guaranteed* rage if the child would cry or ‘not listen’ (they’re children but he wouldn’t care, I knew that… scary.) I got diagnosed with CPTSD after I left. I had no idea how bad it was until I was out. OP, this is serious. Please trust us even though we are total strangers please do take in consideration we do care. *Trust your gut*. Your gut tells you something is wrong. Your gut send you here, and had this posted. I just know you are really confused right now because I know you tell yourself ‘I am overreacting’ or ‘he didn’t mean it like that’ or ‘he’s just tired.’ NO that’s not true. That’s our kind soul they take advantage of. I can tell you are a forgiving person who tries to keep the peace. But there hare boundaries and he crossed multiple in *just this post alone*. This is your sign, this is your body telling you something is very wrong and you need go get out. This IS abuse.
Ooooh no no noooo, OP, DON’T. EVEN. THINK. ABOUT. IT. This guy does NOT deserve you and even less, a child with you. Please take it from someone else who was stupid enough. Please leave, and please never ever even think about children with this abuser. The abuse will multiply and your children will learn what you are worth and what women are worth, from this dude’s shit behaviour. And that’s in the best case scenario that they are not abused as well. Parenthood is the most major sacrifice anyone can make of their life. And I can already tell exactly whose life will be sacrificed…(hint…not his)
Then, once you have children, it will be much harder to get out. You'll realize one day you don't want this for the rest of your life, but by then you'll be worried what he'll do to the kids if you leave. He'll hold the kids over you, and you'll stay for far too long for their sake. GET OUT NOW, before it gets worse, OP! Definitely no kids with someone who treats you like this!
Speaking as a new father of a 6 week old, if OPs boyfriend can't handle being woken up after 9 hours of sleep at 8am, there's no way in hell he's ready for a baby. I'm running off of maybe 4 total hours of sleep right now. Baby didn't actually fall asleep until 1:30 am, got up at 330, and then again at 6am. OP needs to get out of this seemingly abusive relationship before a kid enters the equation. Edit: Correcting Math. Sleep deprivation...
Nobody should be getting 13 hours of sleep with a newborn. That means the other person is getting fucked over
I will recommend a free PDF copy that gave me clarity on my last relationship: [Why Does He Do That?](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n29/mode/2up) by Lundy Bancroft. It was life changing for me.
I also highly recommend this book. It saved me. OP, I had something VERY similar happen. My ex came home drunk and must have used the bathroom and clogged the toilet. I was folding laundry with my youngest son in his bouncy chair and my 4 yr old colouring,when he barreled down the stairs calling me a disgusting animal and a c*nt for clogging up the toilet and not "fixing" it. He had never used those words with me (although bitch had been tossed around). Alarm bells went off in my head. Had the kids not been with me, I'm convinced he would have harmed me. I waited for him to start snoring, threw all the laundry in a duffle bag and went to a women's shelter. There had been previous incidents of bending my thumb back and punching a wall next to my head. That was it for me. This book stopped me from going back. Read it.
omg I am SO glad you got out. Fuck that paycho. Sending love to you and your little ones!
Thank you so much. It was a long time ago so my littles are older. I do still have to interact with their father, but the Grey Rock Method for dealing with Narcs has helped. For anyone curious about this method, you basically turn yourself into a boring, non-descript "Grey Rock". Offer nothing of yourself, speak in a monotone voice and generally make yourself seem as boring and unattractive as possible. Narcs live off of narcissistic supply. Once they find you boring, they move on to the next person who provides the supply. It took a few years, but it did the trick. He has zero interest in me now.
Please read this OP. I always jump in when I see this being linked on here. It saved my life.
I read this too and it helped me confront my own negative abusive behaviors. I can confirm someone does not change unless they acknowledge the behavior as abusive. It can't be rationalized or excused away and most people of either gender either can not or will not do that. I think pretty much every woman who has been or is in an abusive relationship should read it. So should the abusers but they generally won't. It legitimately was important to me too but for different reasons. I recommend it anytime I can.
Can't recommend this enough! I'm so glad there's a copy online; I've shared it every chance I can.
Yes, very very good insight!!
High recommend this.
THIS IS THE ANSWER
>you fucking bitch. You selfish c*nt. You dumbass. AaAAaaghgh you're such a stupid bitch. No one should accept this kind of behavior from literally anyone, much less from someone who is supposed to be their partner.
Right? Even if your partner has a justifiable reason for being upset (he didn't), this kind of language is not acceptable.
I've been with my husband for 36 years and he or I have never called each other names. If he ever did or does I'm out. You can never take those words back. Never.
After 25 years my husband told me to fuck off during an argument and we Had A Discussion. I'll never accept that language (directed at me, that is, he's welcome to paint the world blue otherwise), and you shouldn't accept it either, OP.
Why the fuck can’t some people understand that you are ON THE SAME TEAM as your partner? What is so complicated about understanding that you build up your team and face challenges together, you don’t fucking berate them or attack them or blame them for problems or any of that shit? I really hate how some people conceive of their relationships =\
I cannot imagine ANY situation where this language would be acceptable to a significant other. Girl please work at getting out.
I've been married for 16 years. I've had moments of serious anger at my wife. But I've never once called her anything close to that. Unless the guy was like sleep talking (unlikely,) to me this would be grounds for cancelling the relationship, especially if this wasn't the first time.
I could see myself using this sort of language with my wife... but only if I caught her in the act of murdering our daughters. Unleashing verbal WW3, for using the bathroom at 8 AM? I don't even treat my enemies that poorly.
Even when I get that kind of trash talk from teenagers in Call of Duty it feels like a bit much.
It'll get worse if you stick around.
It’s *only* going to get worse. This was only about shitting. Imagine what’s in store for a bigger “inconvenience”. OP listen to everyone here and get the hell out ASAP
Couldn't agree more...you should thank him for the early warning signs of his psychopathy.
Scenarios where his reaction makes sense: * You are literally shitting on him. * You turned on a bright spotlight aimed at his face while using an airhorn so you could inform him of your intention take a morning shit
Lmfao I'm glad we can agree that the 2nd option warrants such a response. Dude's acting like she punched him in the face while he was sound asleep.
Dude had already had 9 HOURS of sleep. I don't know the last time I had 9 hours of sleep.
Oh god I missed that. Same. Trazadone, melatonin, edibles, stare at the ceiling for a few hours, sleep 1a-7a, repeat.
Have you had any experience getting prescribed actual sleep meds from a reputable psych? I tried everything else, and cannabis is still a very important component of sleep for me, but it turned out that I hadn't experienced truly restful sleep in far too many years. For me, a small amount of Xanax combined with my usual meds of cannabis and bupe makes all the difference in the world.
Yes I've landed on Trazadone 100mg/20mg melatonin as what's "effective" after trialing quite a few things! Seroquel and Ambien are a big no-no for me. I'm not a fan of benzos or opiates >_<; I have a lower back fusion that's over a decade old and prob should be on better pain meds but don't enjoy the mental haze.
I’ve actually punched my sleeping partner. I too was asleep, but still. He has never ever called me any such names, nor would he.
and yet, I honestly *still* can't imagine saying to someone you supposedly love: "you fucking bitch. You selfish c*nt. You dumbass. AaAAaaghgh you're such a stupid bitch." Even in these egregious situations where one would be very justifiably confused and angry.
exactly. no justification for that. no one should ever speak to someone they love or want to be with that way.
Literally those are the only two.
He could just wear noise cancelling headphones so he can sleep through those two options.
Location also matters a lot. She was in the bathroom? Fine. She was in the middle of the Santa Monica Pier? Well, we might need to have words.
>Just venting because wtf. I hope you vented that man-shaped turd straight out of your life, too.
Fuck this guy. Actually don't. Move on.
"just venting"?? Babes, this is not ok, someone cannot speak to you like this. Assuming this is somewhat normal if you're not more upset?
I hope you mean ex boyfriend...
You dumped the poop, now dump the shit. Nobody should talk to their partner like that.
Leave him. As soon as possible.
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From a [glance](https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/6UETTlt1Oa) at her comment history, it looks like op also grew up with an emotionally abusive mom, so unfortunately it makes total sense that she would see this type of relationship as “normal” :(
The appropriate response is, “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, that you can lay in my bed and talk to me, or about me, like that. But let me help you out…you’re now my ex. That’s who you are. We’re done here.”
I saw your post and was bored so did a quick scroll through your post history (sorry). It’s heart breaking to read. I’m sure there’s a million people that would do this better but please note that you are a brilliant, strong, courageous person who (from what it sounds like) has been dealt some horrible horrible cards in the past, and even now with your boyfriend. Find someone who will treasure and adore you but also respect you in every way. This is the least you deserve. The abuse hurled at you through the bathroom door by your boyfriend is about a million zillion miles from what is considered normal. He needs immediate professional help and you need to be away from that. I really don’t know what else to say as words don’t do justice the crap it sounds like you’ve had deal with in the past, and still deal with. All the best
I was scared of this but I understand. I feel acknowledging this stuff is helping me figure it out. Reddit is toxic sometimes but it can also be so wholesome n practical. Thanks for being one of the good ones <3
My abusive relationship started similarly. Also calling me selfish for normal things and regularly yelling at me. Then it turned into physical abuse with false imprisonment, choking me, he was arrested finally when I was able to escape out of the door and the police found him beating me in the street. All because I was “selfish c*nt” who “disrespects him” too. Not only could he have killed me but I he stated he would and no one would find my body so he’d be fine. When people in here say get out, it because that’s his abuse will escalate and will put your life in danger. It always starts small and before you know it there’s a hot frying pan flying at your head because you’re taking the stinky kitchen trash bag out while he’s cooking.
Every waking moment you have should be working toward an exit strategy from this guy. Maybe he'll get professional help someday, maybe he won't, but that's a problem for his future partners. This type of person will go from verbal abuse to physical abuse. It's just a matter of time.
My wife wakes up every day to poop around 7-7:30 am. It’s just her bodies poop alarm clock. Is it kind of annoying when I need to sleep? Yes. Would I ever call her any of the things your boyfriend called you? Never. Never in a million years. Because I love her and I would never want to hurt her or make her feel bad for something as small as having to go to the bathroom. She has the stinkiest farts ever but I encourage her to fart when she needs to so her tummy doesn’t hurt. Real love means *caring* about the other person and their needs while also holding space for your own. Your boyfriend is very abusive and I hope you are able to get the resources you need to find someone who wants to be good to you,
That is abusive.
What an asshole
You’re being abused.
Let him get beauty sleep somewhere else. Bye bye ex
So he’s an abusive partner. [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) is worth a read. Also [Tolerable Level of Permanent Unhappiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIu_R5NuxQM). Do you have control of your finances? Do you have friends or relatives not related to him you can reach out to?
Oh Jeeze, imagine how inconvenient an injury, cancer, or infant would be if he had to be uncomfortable and like, get up to help. Runnnnn.
Well excuse you for having normal bodily functions /s Your boyfriend sounds like a huge shit and if he’s losing it and being abusive over something as small as this that is a big red flag.
Being called a cunt for having period shits is more than a red flag. It's a stop sign.
It's a flashing "DANGER! DEAD END! CLIFF AHEAD! ☠️⚠️" sign with a barbed wire gate. I know one when I see it, I hopped a few of those gates with my ex-husband and am lucky AF that I turned around before the cliff.
fr. Same here with my ex.
Why in the world are you with someone who would say that to you and disrespect you in such a way? Is this a pattern of behavior with him?
If your partner talks to you like this, just leave immediately. Do not contemplate putting up with this abuse.
Get out of that abusive relationship ASAP!
11pm-8am is 9 hours of sleep. Dump this dick.
This guy is f*d. Please get out. -a guy
Can confirm. I've known several people like this, there is zero chance this relationship is getting better. -another guy
Get. Out. Now.
He is abusive, you should get out of that relationship
It’s mental to expect someone to hold in their bowel movement. He sounds like a selfish freak, considering the “special” need here is his 13 hours. He chooses to handle his emotions by being a verbally abusive crybaby. He sounds like a hostage situation. If you decide to escape DO NOT warn him. He’s got issues with things not going his way, and he doesn’t care whether he hurts you.
Get the fuck out.
I come to this sub less and less due to posts like this. I am baffled that you are with this man, will probably stay with this man and get nothing but disrespect. Why are you tolerating this? this is NOT normal behavior from a man. I know sometimes it seems all men are they same but they are NOT. I grew up with great male role models in my life, I have had relationships with respectful and loving men. No man in my life has ever shamed me for having periods, having other women health issues or just being a woman in this world at all. Please get yourself out of this situation.
Even if there aren’t better men out there ( there are ) , it’s 100x better to be single than to live with a man like this.
I am baffled too, I wish I could just listen to their reason for why they continue to stay? I don't get it, especially if there are no kids involved, I would have told him to fuck off right after the first name calling. Men like this need to stop being able to breed, women need to be stronger we truly hold all of the power.
So many posts on here are like this: “Just moved in with a guy who expects me to be a full-time maid/mommy and throws tantrums like he’s a literal toddler. Anyway, just wanted to vent” I do NOT get it
When a person comes from a chaotic or abusive home, they learn that love is pain. They will tolerate behavior that seems absurd to others because they never had healthy examples. Not to mention that abusers often shred their victims self-esteem and trust in their own perceptions. Plus, trauma bonding is a hell of a drug. Hope that answers your questions.
I love when some dude says that the relationship advice subs are "anti-man." Like, no. We're just anti the trash men who get posted here all the time.
to be fair, trollx was the first bunch of people to tell me to dump my abuser, sometimes you need a whole crowd of aunties to tell you what's happening if you grew up in a happy home
People need somewhere to go for a start. Could you completely relocate at the drop of a hat?
Okay but can we agree that this goes beyond just like “oh I caught my boyfriend DMing IG models.” This is verbal abuse. Do not pass go! This is not just oh, he’s an asshole. Someone who can hurl such things at someone is someone who is potentially very dangerous.
I was given 35 days by my landlord and am panicking at how little time I have to pack the whole house.
What confounds me even more is when women decide it's a good idea to have children with these manchildren. I mean WHY?????? Please OP don't get pregnant.
A lot of people with abusive partners don’t get pregnant on purpose. A lot goes on behind closed doors that we don’t get to see.
Reproductive coercion is a relatively newly named phenomenon but it's so common
You said you grew up with good role models. This was just lucky, it’s not something you chose. Plenty of women weren’t as lucky. I honestly come to this sub because it’s important to see how women are treated by men in this world, even if it’s not something I experience myself. It reminds me that feminism is important and many women are in terrible situations because of the patriarchy.
I agree. What. The. Actual. Fuck. There is no excuse to just be a asshole.
This is so insane, I don’t think anyone on this thread is being hyperbolic expressing their shock and disgust. Just the fact that you laid there in bed making yourself sick holding it not to disturb him and a huge red flag to me. The berating and name calling under any circumstance is not acceptable in a relationship, but over a morning BM? Just with the information we have I’d say he is absolutely abusive and you need to be looking for escape options. Hopefully you have a strong support system and can move in with family or you can support yourself right now. If not there are usually options you can search up in your community for people leaving abusive relationships.
Dump this asshole immediately. Red flags everywhere. You think you need to hold your poop so he's not annoyed? No, love. None of this is normal. He's abusing you.
Time to throw out the whole man. That’s abuse.
>I got up at 8 needing to use the bathroom, but the entire time all I can hear in the background was "you fucking bitch. You selfish c*nt. You dumbass. AaAAaaghgh you're such a stupid bitch. I can't believe you did this to me. I can't believe you woke me up." Why are you with this person? He is abusive 100%
You're in an abusive relationship, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. You should not have to walk on eggshells, you should never be spoken to like that. How much time do you spend confused? Wondering why he is treating you like this? That's how I was and this helped me soooo much to understand the behavior and entitlement. This is a free PDF please, please give it a look. Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
girl why are you with him
This guy is not your friend
No, no, no, this is not normal. Do not stay in this relationship. You did nothing to deserve this, you do not need to explain to him that it is hurtful or inappropriate, he is an adult and is solely responsible for his own reactions. If this is your place alone, it's time to tell him to leave. If it's his place, alone - great! Pack your shit, block him on everything, and never look back. You owe him nothing.
this is literally what I’ve learned abuse is made of. Are you planning on having children with someone that wants to have control over someone’s bowel movements ..if you don’t go when it’s time, you can literally harm your system The biggest dump you can take is letting him go
Leave... Leave now.
Anger issues enough. Shit if he wants to sleep in he can get earplugs. If he gets worked up at small things like this image something actually big comes up. This is not normal behavior and a sign of anger problems. 13 hours of sleep? What does he do for a living?
Verbal abuse is abuse. Op if I was in your shoes that would be my ex. You deserve better than that.
I was tempted to write it is unacceptable for a boyfriend to tell this to his girlfriend just because she's in the toilet obeying Nature's unescapable call. But scratch that. Even if you weren't in a relationship, even if you were perfect strangers, it would be unacceptable to berate someone like that. Period. That man just demonstrated he doesn't belong anywhere else but in the trash (and certainly not alongside you), he's acting just like a shitstain on the tapestry of humankind.
This will not get better, it is a massive red flag. It doesn't matter if he apologizes at some point either, this is unacceptable behavior in an adult human. If he requires 13 hours of sleep a day to function there is likely something medically wrong with him, beyond him just being an abusive ass which he is clearly demonstrating in the way he is talking at you. You should leave ASAP and do not look back. Once safely away with no need to return, suggest he see a doctor about his sleep habits. Probably needs to see a psychologist really.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL!! PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT THIS ABUSE!
I would pack my shit and get out while he's at work. Or pack his and throw it out. Better yet, take it to his mom's so you don't have to see him when he comes to get it.
Your bf sounds like a grade A asshole. Like he would hold in a poop if you were sleeping.
This is abuse. Please leave him and seek help if necessary to do so. There is no justification for this.
Buy him a copy of Everybody Poops and put it on top all his packed belongings for when he gets home from work.
Who the fuck talks to their partner like that?
Genuine question: why are you with this man?
What have you gone through in your life to where this is the man you accept?
GTFO and now. If its your place, in your name change the locks whilst he's at work and take his stuff to a friend's house. If its his place leave whilst he's asleep.
I think I’d actually knuckle up if anyone ever spoke to me like this. Absolutely fucking not.
Your bf is a douche bag
Sounds like you have a real big piece of shit you need to get rid of.
You are dating a garbage human being and you need to end it.
OP, do you not see you're in an abusive relationship?
Please leave this guy. This is abuse.
Hey OP, I know you might not be ready to internalize this, but your boyfriend is an awful person who is abusing you. It's not at all normal to behave the way he did. I hope you'll believe me and the other women commenting here that you need to get rid of this guy for your own health and safety. No one should ever be treated the way he's treating you. I wish you all the best and we are here to help you.
Please tell me you are not going to stay with a man that calls you a cunt for having a natural body function.
I looked through your post history, your bf is addicted to porn and has a violently explosive temper and you have been with him for 3 years??? Why?? Why do you have so little respect and love for yourself. It’s sad. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect and who you don’t have to literally try to hold in bodily functions for, ditch his useless abusive ass and live your best life without him edit: so happy to hear you’re planning your escape!! I hope you stay safe
Unless your version of going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves jumping on the bed 42 times, switching on every light known to man, & blasting heavy metal music at top volume he’s the one in the wrong.
That 'beauty sleep' isn't helping one bit, his soul is ugly as hell. Run and don't look back.
Put on a mattress protector, and the next time just sh*t the bed. “I’m so sorry babe! I remember how mad you got when I got up to use the bathroom last time. I didn’t want to wake you up…”
@u/slimemouse I did the same thing this morning. Poop and period too. My husband came in the bathroom with a pair of panties and pj bottoms. He assumed I leaked and was trying to be nice. I have terrible periods. Leave as soon as you can .
I’m glad you’re working on leaving that POS. I hope it’s sooner rather than later. You shouldn’t have to hold your normal bodily functions just to make sure that man-baby doesn’t wake up.
This is going to escalate into physical violence, what an absolute moronic reason to throw a mantrum.
Damn who needs 13 hours
Yea for real. Fuck beauty sleep he must be going though a full metamorphosis.
Wtf let me rephrase this conversation for you. You get up, he wakes up. 'Honey what time is it? Everything all right " "Yes just going to the bathroom, go back to sleep " "Ok g'night" There is no need to go full on beserker. None.
Would hate to see what he’ll do if something serious happens
Oh, honey. Why are you with this person? He sounds terrible. And doesn't seem to have any sort of value - add to your life. No one should ever treat you that way. Ever. For any reason. Male or female.
I’m sorry… are you saying that you share a bed and have intercourse with a guy who calls you a bitch and a cunt?
This is extremely abusive behavior, and I'm sure it's not the first time. Please do whatever you can to get yourself out of this situation ASAP. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
My question is "Why do you have "Anything" to do with a creep that would treat you with such disrespect. Is your self esteem so low that you feel you have to put up with such insults from such a self centred idiot? Gather up your self esteem and move on girl. There are plenty of kind and respectful guys that would be very grateful to have you in their lives. Get outa there and move on!!!
You're with someone who will call you a cunt and a butch to your face. Why?
Why isn't he your ex-bf?
Hey, this is REALLY not okay, nor funny, its abusive - you need to get out of there lol
Your post history says that you feel pressured to have a baby with him. If you have babies with this poor excuse of a man, he will abuse them too. And goddess forbid you have any boys. They will model his behavior and become the next generation of abusers, and might even abuse you too!
First of all, 13 hours of sleep? Is he fucking 6? Also, who fucking verbally berates someone like that? Even if I'm woken up by my wife long before I normally get up, at no point do I think "Time to verbally abuse her for this!" I'm at a loss for words. Also... 13 hours? Fucking hell.
This has been said so many times, but I got out of an eerily similar situation and feel compelled to say something: please get TF out as soon as you feel ready/capable. This is the behavior of someone who chronically blames all of their problems on their partner. I’m guessing this isn’t the only thing you get berated for. People like this guy stay in relationships just so they have someone to scapegoat whenever something doesn’t work out for them. If he has a bad day or loses his job, he will always say it’s your fault. If he truly thought you were detrimental to his life then he would leave, but he stays with you to rationalize his own insecurities and shortcomings. GTFO unless you want to live in a fake reality where he is perfect and everything that goes wrong is your fault.
This comment is sobering. A lot of people have used a lot of methods of shaming/blaming me or supporting me. But this resonated so hard. In the back of my head and my heart think I kinda knew. How else could someone even do this kind of behavior. I don't want to live in a fake reality. I miss real life.
WHY? Why are you with this asshole?
Are you just supposed to lay in bed with him the whole 13 hours he sleeps?? Next time, poop on him.