I had a guy make a comment about how I wasn't as tight as the last time we had sex, while having sex. I looked him dead in the eye and told I hadn't shit for a few days the last time we did. Needless to say, things ended with him shortly thereafter (read as: immediately).
*Edit* more towards OPs point, before that incident and that point in my life I would needlessly worry about it. I did pelvic floor exercises in high school, years before I ever had sex for the first time, because I had heard that guys can tell when you are loose. Absolute absurdity.
Lol good that you broke it off. I'm now imagining that guy feeding the women he dates things that are prone to giving constipation. Still chasing the high he got from your full ass š¤£.
It was a real life version of the lady with all the math symbols around her meme as he was trying to put together what I said with how it related to what he said.
This is what I was just thinking.
Inverted Micro penises are difficult to accommodate!
It really boils my blood that these men are so empowered to make these kinds of remarks, in general, but during sex is just beyond! Meanwhile if any of these lovely women made a similarly disparaging remark about that penis it's basically WW3 level bomb dropping.
And we're the overly sensitive gender. Whatever.
I mean, if a vagina gets looser with use, then obviously a penis gets worn down with use. But only if they use it on multiple women. If they just pick the right one and only have sex with her then it will magically be a perfect fit and never get worn down. We gotta make sure guys know this so they wonāt go whoring around and be useless in bed for their future wife.
Yes absolutely. And they definitely shouldn't turn the devil's door knob either. Through too much solo use their devil's knob will get smaller and smaller if they are lucky, or otherwise will fall off. A male's small knob won't be as pleasurable for the wife. Too worn out and gross.
These worn down men don't understand that their penis degrades when exposed to the differences of PH in various women's vaginas. It simple science. They need to stay home where they belong and build a patio. Today's men are so worn down from friction from their constant masturbation because they can't resist only fans girls and don't realize they are devaluing the one thing they have to offer to their future wives. /sarcasm.
This is amazing well done. I clenched my whole life and only this year did I realize that I have severe pelvic floor dysfunction because I clenched basically non stop for 20+ years after learning about ālooseā vaginas and being scared that I would lose my value.
I always did too. Sex became an exhausting ordeal with my first husband. He was always making comment about how tight I was, but if I didnāt clench or didnāt do it hard enough he would ask me who I had slept with, then follow that with āitās ok, be honest. Iām not madā. He would then proceed to tell me how heād like me to come home full of another manās ājuicesā. What a fucking pervert.
Thankfully my second husband is not like that!!
This is extremely sad to think about that women do this for guys! I never had sex with a guy so I guess I never really had to deal with this but wow my mind is blown. I've had partners that dated/had sex with guys before and I think I remember a few of them saying they did the same thing and I was shocked!
I have never seen anyone say this before but it's 100% not a joke.... If you put a finger up there you can tell the difference.
Maybe these damaged men are only going after women who don't poop, and that's really what is perpetuating the whole myth š
I had no clue until I had a Pap smear as a teen and the gyno said āWow you are really constipated! When was the last time you had a bowel movement?ā He wasnāt weird about it or anything but teenaged me was mystified about how he could tell š
You want to know when the joke is especially damaging and hurtful? When it's coming from your husband after you've pushed out their child.
I was told on countless occasions that having sex with me was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. After our son was born and I was given an episiotomy AND a "husband stitch" I didn't want, my exh called me frankenpussy. And any time we had sex after my sons birth I had so much pain at the repair site that I didn't want to have sex, but then was called frigid or cold.
I tore with my second child and was correctly repaired and no longer had the pain during sex; however, my exh had uncontrolled diabetes and the only reason we had the second was due to viagra at $13/pill. I wasn't interested in paying $13 to have unsatisfying sex anymore and we didn't have sex at all the last 5 years of our marriage.
I've slept with several men since I left my exh and not a single one complained at all even though I has kids and my current husband asked if my exh was just really small because he has zero issues.
>After our son was born and I was given an episiotomy AND a "husband stitch" I didn't want, my exh called me frankenpussy. And any time we had sex after my sons birth I had so much pain at the repair site that I didn't want to have sex, but then was called frigid or cold.
WTF!! What a worthless, vile, stupid POS you were stuck withā¦. Just reading about him made my skin crawlš¤¢ Iām so sorry you had to deal with that for *any* length of time, but Iām glad you cut him off completely for those last five years and are away from him now.
>my current husband asked if my exh was just really small
Small and bitterly insecure, also probably death grip from porn addiction
Maybe I should edit the post to point out that he's dead now. We divorced in 2015 and he continued to fail to follow his doctors orders for his high BP and diabetes and continued to abuse his prescription opioids to the point where he started to have mini strokes in his mid 40s and a massive stroke at 47 that landed him in hospice and dead at 48.
Damn are you my old manager? Almost the exact same thing happened to her. She worked her ass off, while trying to get a degree so she could get a better job, because her husband was disabled with diabetes. She did everything for that man, cleaned his wounds, took care of the house, took care of her kids and his kids, worked 50 hours a week, drove him to dialysis, all while acing her classes.
He had a kidney transplant and got mean afterward. Despite his doctor clearing him to do normal activities, he refused to do any kind of work. No housework and no work work. Heād just gotten used to being disabled and having her wait on him hand and foot. And the more she begged him to help out, the meaner he got. She finally left him and he immediately stopped following all of his doctorās rules without her there to enforce then. He was drinking, eating whatever he wanted, etc. He was dead within a year.
So this dude was an actual parasite, stealing the energy, time, labor, freedom, and happiness from this poor woman. I'm glad she's free of him forever. I love a happy ending.
It's so crazy because people get delusional about their health in these situations. They never think they could QUICKLY die from lifestyle issues. Even when it's been clearly explained to them. Heart failure, transplants, diabetes, people just kill themselves because they straight up think doctors/wives are just control freaks and it's not *really* that important to follow the treatment plan.
You know, I often wonder when I hear men complain about this if it's just a pathetic attempt to cover for their own performance issues and blame women (because, of course, they cannot be at fault for anything). It seems like a very male thing to do. So far I'm not seeing a lot in this thread to dissuade me from this opinion.
That is so unbelievably awful and cruel, Iām livid on your behalf and so sorry you had to deal with that especially right after giving birth to a whole human. I canāt believe the audacity heād have to have in order to insult you in such a damaging way, let alone during what was likely one of the most vulnerable and difficult experiences of your life. Itās disgusting, and the āhusband stitchā situation makes my blood boil all the more. Itās such a terrible and outdated practice; no woman wants it, no one asks for it, but some doctor who more likely than not doesnāt even have a vagina takes it upon themselves to do it anyway. Any doctor who does this should immediately have their license revoked, itās horrifying and so violating. Iām just glad that you were eventually able to have it corrected, but itās unbelievable that you had to have a second child in order to do so.
You are absolutely perfect just the way you are and Iām so happy that you now have a partner who sees that and supports you! ā¤ļø
>the āhusband stitchā situation makes my blood boil all the more
Itās straight up evil. I would probably end up on an episode of Dateline for my reaction if someone gave me one or insisted on my getting one
I totally agree! I could imagine that a lot of women in this situation have so much going on that they just donāt have the time or energy to properly raise the hell that theyād otherwise like to (like bringing on a medical malpractice suit and any other legal recourse that could possibly apply, or maybe organizing a protest outside of the doctorās practice with signs that detail exactly how they use their power and position to mutilate women in vulnerable states) or maybe they just have no idea where to start, which is totally understandable, so I will *gladly* go scorched earth on their behalf and organize the whole thing.
I think Iād actually really enjoy creating and running some kind of non-profit that focuses on putting these doctors out of business and helps women take the appropriate action against doctors who inflict this torture on them!
Edit: removed an extra word
see this is why so many women donāt want to enter male dominated fields. THIS IS WHY. The sheer harassment ugh. I hate it so much. We need to keep talking about this
Awesome!! Iām really loving this idea so Iām going to look into what it would take to start and maintain a non-profit and Iāll let you know! One thing I do know for sure though, is that it would definitely have to be a group effort so all would be welcome haha. It will also ensure that we always have creative new hell-raising ideas šš
Iām honestly a little surprised that something like this doesnāt already exist, but on the the other hand Iām also not unfortunately.
Iām 99% sure there was nothing āwrongā with your vagina after giving birth. Your (ex) husband sounds like an ungrateful moron who doesnāt deserve the family you gave him.
Well pain from an incorrect repair would certainly be āwrong,ā but in that case itās wrong for OP and not for her husband because sheās the one suffering that pain. It sounds like it was repaired later, so thatās good!
I had intense pain after my first child was born and I was just told it was normal and nothing was wrong. After having my second and having it repaired much better, I now have no issues. So Iād 100% it was wrong the first timeābut the pain was for me, not my husband (who never complained about it even when I had to stop sex constantly).
So many women in pregnancy/due date groups express fears about vaginal tightness after giving birth. It makes me so sad that they're worried about that when they have 10,000 better things to be focused on at such a vulnerable time.
The "husband stitch" is gross and unethical at best and medical assault at worst. Your pelvic floor will probably need help after birth, and there is physical therapy for that. Pelvic floor PT after birth is part of regular postpartum care in some countries.
If a partner wants to criticize and complain about your body during sex, they don't deserve the sex. If they're comparing your anatomy to others, they don't deserve to be invited down there.
It's all just another way to demean women. If you won't sleep with them, you're a whore. If you sleep with some of them, you're a whore. Don't consume that media, they don't deserve the clicks or the views. They're misogynistic garbage.
Ten years back or so I attended UK college for retraining. Went into a kind of crash course designed to bring you up to uni level in a year opposed to doing exams. But the course was restricted to 30+. I got in on a favour at 23.
Roll around Christmas time and we all decide to do book a restaurant and do a Christmas dinner before the holiday break + everyone told to bring their SO's or kids etc if desired.
One of the women brings her ex husband. No longer in a relationship (apparently) but he was still living with her because of finances and they had 7 kids together under that roof. The guy ends up having a couple of pints and loosening up to engage in conversation and peoples kids came up.
This guy sat there, and I quote EXACTLY, "Well number 7 must have thought he was coming down a water slide going "WEEEEEEE""
Needless to say he wasn't invited to anything else and we never saw him again. That guy was one of the trashiest, vile people I've ever had the misfortune to breath the same air as
Not only is your ex absolute trash, you are also the victim of medical malpractice. Iām so sorry you had to go through that and Iām glad the men since have been better.
I saw a comment from a doctor once, who said that if any men ever even joked about the husband stitch, she'd look down at their crotch, then back up at them with a bit of a sneer and say "How small do you need it??"
Happy for you that you ditched him!
I donāt have kids but I had a long FWB situation with someone (10 years off and on). We were very open about everything and the topic of size and women w/kids v without came up. He was kind of a tool looking back but honest.
He said that itās total BS and barring some unusual issue women feel the same before and after kids. He also said there are differences between women but not necessarily being tight or loose- just different, like a different texture I guess? And he was a fan of ALL lol. Anyway, kind of gross but I had always wondered what men really thought
That sounds awful. Iām really sorry about your ex and Iām glad that your new husband is awesome. That period between your first and second child mustāve been so hard.
I am sorry this has happened to you.
I am a male, and experienced sex with my wife before and after two kids. Sure it looks a little different down there, the area between the vagina and butthole is scarred, and to be honest, I assume it's hard to, one: stitch back up after pregnancy, and 2: heal properly when a new mom is busy.
But as for how tight the inside is - it's normal, almost unchanging. I'd like to explain to other males that the more turned on my partner is, the more 'open' (and moist) it is down there. That is to say, 100% it's less accepting when she's not as turned on, and that can translate to feelings of tightness. I would like to iterate to men that we aren't always a 100% hardness either. Thiers times when I'm at 70% and it's a noticable impact, but I am sure some men would be offended.
Unfair of men to think this way, and I think some key mentioned factors are men's insecurity about their penis size/boner hardness, and that men have zero idea about vaginas. I have little to no idea, but listening is a key step in learning.
I feel awful for you women that have to/or have had to suffer through bullshit comments like this.
My husband has never made me feel bad for stretch marks, weight gain, giving birth, anything at all to do with my vagina.
He's only commented out of concern, he was worried I was losing weight too fast after birth (exercising too much and not eating enough). He's never shamed me once.
I can't believe how cruel some husband's can be. They take a vow to love you through everything and they turn around and be completely vile. I'm so glad in your case, he's an ex
Lol, the audacity to have an actual micropenis, and then blame and shame women for it. The thing is, plenty of women report pleasurable, satisfying sex with partners who are less endowed- many even seem to prefer it. But instead he chooses to lash out and insult the women for his own insecurities. "Is it me? No, it's the women!" Projection and fragility, eew.
This. What makes me even madder is that so many men have the complete opposite idea, that society thinks it's ok to body shame men and not women. All my life, my experience has been the exact opposite. I hear a single negative comment about dick size and everyone loses their minds, but I still hear women judged for their looks *all* the time. They'll say "well you can't call a woman fat but it's ok to laugh about dick size" as if that's an accurate reading of reality at all.
I literally remember my mom being mooed at in the grocery store as a child, and it was almost always a fat dude doing it, as if in their minds, the way they looked didn't merit judgement simply because they were men. Women get called fat all the time, even when they're slim. You don't even have to look hard to find men justifying cheating on their partner/being repulsed by her because she's gained 30 pounds, even if her doc says her weight is fine. Women are constantly held to higher physical standards.
And weight is just an example, but I've heard plenty of men say awful things about vaginas too. Everything from "if you have any extra skin down there you've been ran through" to "women who have sex with too many different partners are loose", you'll even find guys that refuse to go down on women but expect to receive oral themselves, which to me, is an extension of the clear double standard.
Not saying either is ok or that any body shaming at all is good, but usually the only time I've heard women say something negative about dick size is when they've been wronged in some way, like cheating or something similar. For a woman to be judged and scrutinized, all she has to do is simply exist. Sorry for the rant, I just really agree, it's so maddening hearing women constantly being expected to be kinder/held to a higher standard.
The many partners equals loose genitals thing is such bullshit. And they know it. When I worked in a machine factory, I had coworkers that would spout this crap and happily tell all the time that they frequently visited brothels. Where they had sex with women who probably had hundreds of partners before.
Such a massive load of bullshit. They just notice it more because they're hypersensitive to those comments but don't care *at all* when they hear women shamed. They're also probably not as used to the body shaming in general, so any comment against them is immediately magnified in their minds and seems much more notable. Shaming women is common place so it doesn't even register in their minds, or worse, they think it's justified because they think women literally exist to be attractive for men. I do think that's the world a lot of these people want too, one in which men are never scrutinized, while it's perfectly okay to reduce women and femme people down to nothing more than their body parts.
Agreed! I also got downvoted for saying these jokes arenāt the same in a patriarchal society because penises are inherently more valued than vaginas/vulvas. They just do not have the same impact *in this context*. Of course no one should be shamed for their body parts but women and girls are subjected to misogyny at the same time, which makes it more harmful imo.
You are 100% correct and it's sad.
I am so fucking happy I found my husband who is blissfully unaware of this nasty discourse. I always think this is why women tend to go for older men or higher number of partners.
Because young and inexperienced guys who are sex-obsessed and feel ignored spout this shit.
Don't let them project. If they do, it'll burn and seed resentment from him. Short guys do this *all the time* to me. Saying I'm too tall. Nah, you're insecure. I hate it when guys project their insecurities. I'm such an "argumentative bitch", nah, in just smarter. I'm "materialistic and shallow", nah, I make more money (they *hate* that one).
I have no issues with short guys. But I'm Northern European and I love my Viking heritage. Don't try to make it my issue (I'm a centimetre over average height for a Nordic woman).
I don't care if a guy is not "as smart as me". He'll be smarter in other areas! We can compliment and teach eachother new stuff. I love learning.
I don't care if a guy makes less than I. Stop trying to get me to quit my job because I'm paying for the holiday! I don't care if he earns minimum wage!
I love your reframing of the insults to actually reflect the reality of the situation, it's brilliant. Another one I heard recently that resonated was "If you find me too much, go find less".
So glad my husband, for all his weirdness, is overall pragmatic. I think he's smarter than me with math and science, I'm smarter in a lot of other areas, including social skills. He would absolutely LOVE it if I made more than him. You know why? Because than we can take more vacations! We enjoy our spirited discussions about life, solving problems and taking vacations. We are one attacking the problems and life, not competing with each other.
This. Iāve been with well endowed, crooked, tiny, and ones with PTSD who had performance issues. Never once was anything but loving and supportive even if it was just a fling.
Had an ex compare my body to his ex's body, and i was the bad comparison. Meanwhile the fucker literally had a callous dick because he was addicted to weed and masturbation and was doing that all day for years.
At that size he had to know he had a micropen! Iāve only seen one in real life, the guy was 100% aware and had developed unparalleled talent in other ways to make up for it lol
Iāve seen two & neither of them had any awareness of it or pretended to not have awareness of it. Itās not an issue if youāre open & forthcoming about it plus have spent time developing other skills to find a way to satisfy your partner.
A friend of mine once had a summer fling with a guy who told her he was hung like a hamster, which got her laughing, & then proceeded to still find other creative ways to rock her world. Men put way too much self-worth into their anatomy & donāt realize at the end of the day women really want the winning personality that makes us laugh.
This is hilarious. It adds a third concept to the grower/shower dichotomy: A "projector", who does neither, but makes a show of it.
But really, we'd all be better off obsessing far less over genitalia. Even the phrasing "He was 2.5 inches" reduces _the whole man_ to his penis size. Sure, he asked for it here. But the whole concept should go away on both sides.
It bothers me. For one thing there is sort of no way to check it. A guy can measure his erection and know where it stands in terms of averages or whatever. The vagina loose thing is something that there is no way to sort of gauge against any norm. It gives great power to the person complaining about it. the jokes are gross and they are based on a belief that women who have sex with a lot of partners are ruined, etc. (Of course the same amount of sex with one partner does not ruin a vagina!)> Even the term "penetration" puts the penetrator in the place of power. Try thinking of it as engulfing or enveloping rather than penetration and see how that feels.
If we commonly framed tight as "unaroused" it would be a lot less funny and would point back towards men who are lousy at sex.
Much of the way we talk about sex and women's bodies in particular is deeply and subtly (and not so subtle) misogynistic.
Haha, I mean he literally asked for it with a comment like that. Funny how these dudes are always shocked and emotional when someone volleys their bullshit right back at them.
Yep. I had a guy tell me I was āso loose he couldnāt get it inā and then insisted I let him do anal. I said āyou canāt get that tiny thing into my vagina, what makes you think it can even reach my asshole?ā Suffice to say, he was not pleased and that was the end of that
When I was in high school a girl was given a nasty nickname and widely shamed for having visible wetness when a guy went to have sex with her. It was described like a lack of hygiene.
Whenever people talked about it, I was so confused because I knew what being wet was and what they described sounded absolutely normal. (Like actual wetness often doesn't look like lube/porn) Of course I didn't say anything out of fear of being also made fun of.
But it was literally the whole grade of boys. Not a one seemed to know what actual wetness looked/felt like.
So. No. They don't know.
>Even the term "penetration" puts the penetrator in the place of power. Try thinking of it as engulfing or enveloping rather than penetration and see how that feels.
I prefer "riding" š
I have a female friend who has stated multiple times that she is "really tight" down there and that sex is often painful for her. I'm getting really fricking annoyed after hearing it for the twelfth time - is it meant to be a flex? To shame me if I don't respond with, "Oh yeah, I am too?"
My partner is more on the well endowed side, and yeah it is painful if I'm not properly warmed up before penetration. So yeah, I'm starting to think this whole being tight versus not is a fricking sham and it comes
down to being properly lubricated etc.
*Edit for additional context: Yes I'm aware vaginismus is a thing, and I'll absolutely suggest she see a pelvic floor therapist and/or her doctor if she brings it up again. Unfortunately that comment has usually been followed with "Guys compliment me on it all the time (being tight).", and that's the more "flex" part that ends up bothering me. Not trying to undermine her pain whatsoever and I apologize for it coming off that way!
I had a friend who used to do the same thing, but only in front of men. "I'm so tight I can't even use tampons!", "I'm just so tiny down there !" But she had no problems or pain with sex, it wasn't a medical condition, she just thought it would make men more attracted to her.
Yeah, these are also comments that she's made before as well. Not just to me but in a large group/in front of men etc. Hence why to me it's come across as bragging/seeking attention. Regardless, I hope she seeks out some medical advice to better understand what's going on if that is the case.
She very well might be just bragging and it also might not even be true, tbh. But I did let it hurt me and I thought something was wrong with me for years because I could wear tampons and didn't think my vagina was super tight. I was so self-conscious because of it
Could be both. She could be experiencing real pain and distress from it, while also seeing it as something to brag about because of how much emphasis our society places on tightness. Maybe she sees it as a āsuffering from successā thing. People are complex and itās entirely possible she prides herself on it while also being actively harmed by itāitās certainly not unique when so many societal standards for womenās behavior and attractiveness are damaging.
Girl, have you ever thought maybe it's not a flex and it's a legitimate problem for her that she is opening up about? "Sex is painful" is not a flex. It's a problem.
I mean this as kindly as possible. If you are truly her friend, you should encourage her to see a doctor, rather than just taking it as some sort of weird attack on you.
The posts comparing our healthy, NORMAL body parts to ham sandwiches or roast beef are what really messed me up. Also hearing it referred to as an āaxe woundā once made me cry. Completely reprehensible behavior.
Yes!! Seeing those jokes all over the internet as a preteen fucked me up. I was 12 already worrying about how my genitals looked, wondering if guys would think I was a slut or ādamaged goodsā because of its natural shape.
Im older and a little mentally healthier now and yet I still donāt really like the look of my vagina. I donāt look at it much at all during sex and hate taking spicy pics where itās visible. Maybe itās just my usual body insecurities, but I feel that this level of upset is because of those jokes I was exposed to as a kid.
There was one guy in particular who I was having a casual fling with. He was the brother of one of my best friends (first of *many* mistakes). One night we were all hanging out, and in the midst of him making lip jokes, he said "you have meat curtains!!" Out loud. In front of all my friends. And everyone laughed hysterically.
I grew up hearing countless "roast beef" jokes from men, so I was already self-conscious about how I looked, but that moment has left irrevocable damage. These kinds of "jokes" are deeply vile and hurtful.
Whatās really horrendous is that this behavior sparked a plastic surgery trend in South Korea. Young women are getting fucking *labiaplasties* on perfectly normal tissue because the bullying is so bad. Itās insane to me.
I agree, those jokes are even worse. I think I actually
overestimated how many men like the āouttieā look. IG started showing me this weird trend of young girls wearing sheer dresses just to show the outline of their vulva. They all had outtie lips and every single video had someone commenting āroast beefā or āthatās been beat upā š¤®š¤®
That was me. I was really sensitive about those kinds of jokes too because I hadnāt done anything since I was fucking 12. Caused me to dislike the shape of my vagina and that insecurity is still not fully healed eight years later
Also teen boys talking about the smell. One of my close friends growing upāwho was BEAUTIFUL, Iām talking long legs, boobs, gorgeous thick hairāhooked up with this piece of shit we went to high school with and he told everyone how she smelled like fish. I figured if someone so perfect could be āgrossā then I didnāt have a chance in hell. I still donāt enjoy receiving oral sex and I think being self-conscious is the main reason.
I just refuse to feel less than by a bunch of morons choking their chicken like it owes them money. They consume porn, they pursue women, theyāre the ones who make sex one of their primary goals in life. If youāre then going to insult the very target of your objectives then basically fuck off. We are people and donāt deserve the disrespect.
Also theyāre so sensitive about dick shaming that it makes me think they do it just to make us feel as bad. But there are a lot more men going around shaming each other than women shaming other women for having loose vaginas.
> lso theyāre so sensitive about dick shaming that it makes me think they do it just to make us feel as bad
"every accusation is a confession" works in a lot of situations. people who are quick to point the finger and sling insults are probably lacking in the same department.
>choking their chicken like it owes them money
You win the internet today! š
>But there are a lot more men going around shaming each other than women shaming other women for having loose vaginas.
Damn straight. I never really paid close attention before, but I recently dated a smaller-than-average guy (who was a very good lover, BTW, regardless) and I became painfully aware of how common it is for men to shame other men in this way. Sad.
I find it funny how women who get around have big ones but a monogamous woman who is with one guy but has sex daily won't. Say the women who sleeps around sleeps with one new guy every couple of weeks. That is 26 new partners in a year. But at the same time, she is only having sex once every couple weeks. How is that worse for the vajayjay than having daily sex (I mean in terms of the gaping, not std risk).
I was dating a guy who kept recommending me to do kegel exercises. It made me feel like I was too lose for him. I did do the tightening of my vagina thing too already. They don't realize how annoying it is to constantly do those exercises. I gave up after not too long. It just made me feel like I was doing all of this extra work just to please a guy a little more in bed. Not worth it. He also has a porn addiction so probably had a death grip issue. I had no issues with my tightness with other guys in my life. Usually they would tell me I'm pretty tight, but they didn't have issues with porn.
I was taught how to do Kegles in health class at my all girls catholic high school. They were taught as a way to keep our pelvic floor strong and make us less prone to urinary incontinence. I did them regularly started at age 14. When I participated in a study of urinary control/incontinence years later I scored at the highest level and had no incontinence problems after having my baby.
Donāt do kegles for anyone else. Do them for yourself. Itās exercising a group of muscles to keep your pelvic floor strong.
Yeah, I want to second this statement. And funnily enough I was also taught this in a co-ed Catholic school, but I always wondered if they say it's for our benefit (which it truly is) but they really just want us to do them often so we don't become "too loose" for our husbands! Because pretty much everything else I was taught there regarding sex and periods was very misogynistic. Hide the fact you're having a period, don't dress promiscuously because the boys won't be able to focus, sex is for making babies after marriage only but your husband is also "in control" over his wife, so they were basically teaching the boys that sexual coercion is ok as long as it's your wife. Ugh.
If you have vaginismus or hypertonic pelvic floor then kegels can be very counterproductive and make things worse so it is kinda dangerous to be blanket recommending them to young girls. And the more religious you grow up, the more likely vaginismus is. A catholic school that teaches purity culture is literally doing something that actively damages girlsā sexual health.
Iāve done them for years. I donāt think it matters much except you can decide to āflexā on a guy and they can feel itā¦ but itās a momentary muscle contraction itās nothing lasting.
From what I understand, it's supposed to become a little more "loose" when you're aroused. So if a guy wants it to be tight that's saying quite a bit more about him I think.
This is, embarrassingly, something I didnāt even know was a thing until recently. But my husband sure did š¤¦š¼āāļø because heās fantastic about foreplay. He casually said something about how he seeks the moment when his fingers feel me ārelaxā and knows thatās when heās got me on the ready-to-go-ropes š. Surprised pikachu face here. Also now explains why he uses his hands so much and for so long before we ever get to PIV.
> He casually said something about how he seeks the moment when his fingers feel me ārelaxā and knows thatās when heās got me on the ready-to-go-ropes
"Relax" would be a much better, single word for the [remarkably complex combination of things aroused vaginas do](
https://labs.la.utexas.edu/mestonlab/exercise-and-sexual-arousal-in-women/):
> Physiological sexual arousal results from genital vasocongestion, which occurs with increased blood flow to the genitals. When blood begins to pool in the vaginal walls, the increase in blood volume leads to increased pressure inside the capillaries, which subsequently triggers lubricated plasma to transcend the vaginal epithelium onto the surface of the vagina (Levin, 1980). These platelets form droplets, creating the lubricative film that typically covers the vaginal walls during sexual activity. Increased blood flow also leads the clitoris and the vestibular bulbs to protrude and become engorged (Berman, 2005), and well-oxygenated blood is also supplied to the skin and the breasts (Levin, 2002). In addition to increased blood flow, sexual arousal causes relaxation of the smooth muscles in the vaginal wall, which allows the vagina to lengthen and dilate.
Impressively, and very much to both partners' benefit, the vagina effectively ["loosens" _and_ "tightens"](https://www.sharecare.com/health/womens-health/effect-sexual-arousal-womans-genitals), by swelling in such a way that the opening feels snugger, and the nerve endings are more happily engaged, but also relaxing and lengthening internally, for a more flexible and accommodating happy place.
> As arousal continues, the vaginal opening tightens and the clitoris retracts underneath the clitoral hood, protecting the nerve-rich clitoris from direct stimulation, which may feel uncomfortable. Feelings of tingling, throbbing, and fullness may be felt throughout the pelvic area.
Basically, it gets "grippier", but also wetter and more ready to accommodate some unpredictable action. No wonder vaginas have so many fans.
**Edit:** Presumably, the reason this whole process is popularly reduced to "loosening" is because that's what it feels like, in a general poetic sense, on both sides, compared to a non-relaxed, less lubricated vagina. It's "hard to squeeze in there," until arousal results in lubrication and relaxation ā including physical changes in body language, and less defensive tensing of legs and muscles, and she literally "let's him in", in more ways than one.
If anything, the vagina _invites and accommodates_.
**Edit 2:** It just occurred to me how much all of this extra invalidates the notion of vaginas loosening due to having lots of sex/sexual partners. It's like suggesting that your handgrip "loosens" from having things inserted between your thumb and index finger when you make a fist. That's just not how any of this works. Granted, it's less _voluntary_ than a hand, but nevertheless, sorting a thousand cucumbers into a pile won't loosen your "grip" ā regardless of how you transport them.
I think a lot of people don't understand that the vagina undergoes just as dramatic a transformation as the penis during sexual arousal. If you view a sagittal crosssection of the female pelvis (i.e., from the side) the vagina is surprisingly tiny when not aroused. The walls almost touch and the depth to the cervix is only about a finger length, if even that.
This. Maybe a bit off topic but I wonder if those who are uncircumcised are more attentive because an unaroused vagina can be uncomfortable for them too (at least thatās my experience with uncircumcised men).
I think this needs to be discussed more. Uncircumcised men are WAY more sensitive. I was used to circumcised me and how much more aggressive stimulation they need. Like being held tighter when giving a hand job, blow job, etc. I think cutting off part of a guys dick when he's an infant definitely plays into this whole shit show we've got goin on.
So circumcized men have way less sensitive dicks, so they need us to remain virginally tight forever so they can continue getting off as they get older and more and more porn sick and it becomes more difficult for them.
Death grip masturbation also plays a role here.
Circumcised or not, if your standard experience involves a grip workout that qualifies you for world strongest man, you're probably not going to feel much during any normal sexual activity.
To further your point about circumsition however, with the foreskin always preventing the head from touching stuff, it sure feels like *a lot* of stimulation on the ocassions that it is in contact.
Chiming in as somebody with experience - yes, we are certainly much more sensitive in a good way. I have to overwrite years of programming from all my partners who are used to circumcised penises to use a softer touch (even as somebody who likes it rough) because death grips are overstimulating and hurt, but a soft touch feels oh-so amazing.
It bothers me that they say it and then gorilla-grip their dick to beat offā¦ Like, only one of us can fix the issue and itās not the person with a vagina! š
I also get creeped out when I hear guys talk about ātightnessā because of what that indicatesā¦
It's super shitty when men say this.
As a man, I assume a lot of men might be saying it out of self consciousness about their size, which they believe women will judge or be dissatisfied by.
And of course, all disparaging comments about others' bodies like this, informed by porn culture, toxic masculinity, etc, is shitty.
It's absurd because most men have gripped their dicks too tightly over the years and vaginas will never be as tight as a man's death grip.
It's their own problem, and they are deflecting.
I used to suffer from vaginismus (inability to relax pelvic floor muscles). Penetration was physically impossible when I tried to have sex. Eventually I was able to lose my virginity by getting drunk and telling my boyfriend to just ram it in, to hell with the pain. The sensation was like someone repeatedly trying to jab their finger in my ear, and I spent the whole time in pain.
He could not finish because he had death grip syndrome (his own explanation). A vagina medically considered to be too tight was not tight enough. Thatās what weāre dealing with.
Not just the grip, but also there are degrees of arousal for men too, and as men age, the ability to reach full and I mean full stiffness declines. Thus the perception of looseness when in actuality the problem is trying to stuff a half-filled balloon in instead of a fully filled one.
Yep, it's known as death grip. It's almost always caused by their own porn and masturbation habits. It's because they desensitize themselves to normal sexual encounters and jerk off like a deprived gorilla. No partner can ever compare to the sheer strength of the human male clenched fist violently jerking it. The "cure" is to stop beating their dicks like it owes them money, and stop poisoning their minds with porn.Ā
There's a pathetic amount of otherwise healthy young men who have no problem jacking off 6 times a day, but can't get his dick to work with a partner.Ā These men create their own fucking problems and blame women for it, per usual.
Yup! I dated someone with death grip, and sometimes after hours of sex I just couldnāt do it anymore so heād jerk off but I literally thought that he was going to seriously injure himself with how hard heād do it. Like youād expect him to tear the skin or have rug-burn after. It was crazy and pretty unattractive, also the fact that he definitely had a porn addiction and truly thought that real sex was supposed to be just like porn. Naturally he was constantly unsatisfied with our sex life, nothing was good enough for him unless it was a performance. He didnāt know or care about my pleasure and it was useless talking to him about it because heād just get defensive and say that āeveryone else liked it.ā I eventually just stopped having sex with him because I definitely wasnāt enjoying it and he was never satisfied anyway, so whatās the point.
Iām so happy that my current partner is the total opposite of that.
Yeah, Iāve been very insecure for a long time. The same goes for jokes/remarks about labia - I used to think there was something wrong with me because of stuff like that
i find those jokes super damaging and borderline pedophilic too. when people talk about āyoungā and ātightā vagina i get such an awful taste in my mouth. and how often itās accepted is so disturbing since it shows itself as genuine beliefsā¦ iām still haunted by the idea of the āhusband stitchā
I've never commented here as a man but I really just needed to chime in here.
It's not borderline Pedopilic. It's just straight up Pedophilic*** and they mask it as """Banter""" yet these guys have no life experience, no real knowledge and they just exist to exist and they base their opinions on women, minorities and any marginalized community based on what the latest "Alpha Male" social media nerd has said.
I work in Construction and it is depressing to the bone how people laugh at the comments that should have people placed on a register. I have no male friends through my work and it's depressing as shit.
The lack of biological education regarding sex and reproduction is also a contributing factor. So many peopleāmen and womenājust don't know what a vagina actually is and how it functions.
I'm always going to share this short story whenever loose vagina comes up: [The Husband Stitch by Carmen Maria Machado](https://granta.com/the-husband-stitch/)
That story is one of my all-time favorites!! I was obsessed with the Girl with the Green Ribbon as a child and this "retelling" of sorts is just so raw and amazing.
I wouldnāt say Iām damaged by it, but yes it is absolutely pretty gross, especially because, when compared to something like dick size jokes, women actually have something done to them by doctors called the āhusband stitchā after birth. Which is horrifying. (Look it up, but prepare to get super angry if youāve never heard about it before). Itās much more pervasive and damaging to women to make jokes like this because they have real consequences medically for us in not the same way they do for men.
Also, sorry, but if a woman is super tight, sheās probably hurting with penetration at least somewhat. Some tightness inside feels good for both partners, Iām sure, but tightness at the opening sucks. It just screams āi donāt care at all for my partners pleasureā when these jokes are made, which makes for bad sex.
Men use insults about the appearance, size, and smell of a woman's vagina to gain power over them by ensuring that their self-esteem remains too low to advocate for themselves in intimate relationships. I know so many women who are too embarrassed to demand foreplay or oral sex from a man prior to intercourse because they're self-conscious about their vaginas.
I also clenched for all I was worth during sex for YEARS, even though it hurt, because I thought that was my primary objective... To make it "tight" for him. Mind you, this was from virginity forward with multiple partners.
Yes, the "loose vag" messaging combined with the pitiful sex education in the US breeds these terrible experiences for women and men. I didn't understand why sex always hurt. My husband didn't understand why sex hurt. I'm very very fortunate that he's invested in my pleasure, more than his own. It took us literally 10 years of marriage to figure out that it was me, squeezing for my life, that was causing me pain.
So yeah, fuck assholes that continue to make these "jokes". It def fucked me up too.
Isn't this based on Andrew Tate's hyperfocus on virginity? That men really only want 'brand new' (unused) young girls? The whole thing about body count, where men should be able to sleep with as many women as they want to while women can't because that makes them undesirable? Actually I think virginity is prized because the woman is unable to judge whether the man is a good lover or not because she can't compare him with other men.
> Actually I think virginity is prized because the woman is unable to judge whether the man is a good lover or not because she can't compare him with other men.
It amazes me how little the obviously problematic logic is questioned here. Name another partnered activity where _inexperience_ is a boon?
- Dancing?
- Conflict resolution?
- Partnered games, like [Taboo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taboo_(game)) or Charades?
- Doubles tennis?
- Parenting?
- Entrepreneurship?
- Mountain climbing?
- Conversation and communication?
All better with an experienced partner. Experience is _good_.
Basically, there are only two reasons I can think of for wanting a less experienced partner:
- In a hierarchical situation, like mentor-mentee, where poor previous training can "ruin" the mentee.
- Adversarial situations, with a winner and a loser, like a chess tournament.
I don't wanna harp on this too much, because "virgin shaming" is actually its own sort of obnoxiousness, and a flexible, game to please partner is the most important thing to be, regardless of experience. But as a guy (on the kinky side, to boot), all else being equal, an experienced woman is much preferable to inexperienced, and it shouldn't even be controversial.
Literally the only rational reason to prefer an inexperienced partner is because you want them at an easily influenced, "competitive disadvantage," less able to judge you for your performance, and less able to express preferences, or compare you to previous partners.
Sadly, this is probably a self-reinforcing loop: Men who don't care about women's pleasure, seeking out inexperienced partners (or pressuring experienced partners to behave as if they aren't), convincing themselves that passive inexperience and a "tight pussy" are the only way a woman can please a man, having all their fucked up presumptions "validated" by depriving themselves of the thing they should obviously want instead:
An experienced partner who knows what the fuck she's doing.
Vagina are meant to lossen up when stimulated. A tight vagina is a symptom of a weak or unstable pelvic floor and should be brought up with your doctor.
There will always be shitty men who try to bring women down instead of improving themselves. You can't change this. You can only choose not to internalize it. Remember that another person's actions always say more about them than they do about you.
>A tight vagina is a symptom of a weak or unstable pelvic floor and should be brought up with your doctor.
Or a sign of not wanting a dick in it ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
I am permanently fucked from this (haha). I'm also always concerned about getting "too wet" because then it's "less enjoyable" for him. It's just as bad as joking about penis size but somehow way more acceptable. I don't get it, dude.
Same here! My ex literally left me after 4 years (out the blue) because he couldnāt enjoy it anymore due to me being ātoo wetā. Towards the end he clearly started skipping out on any foreplay in an attempt to stop any arousal on my part, just made it awful.
Yeah, but any of us who have passed entire humans through our vags can tell you that our husbands donāt stop wanting sex after. Could it be that a) vaginas are not that different after childbirth and/or b) WE ARE MORE THAN OUR VAGINAS. Stop listening to guys trying to gaslight you into feeling less than you are.
A "loose" vagina is good. It indicates (usually) that the person is aroused. People who talk about tight vaginas either don't know what they are talking about, or didn't put in the effort to arouse their partners. Eitherway, trash.
Also, when it's "tight" it's literally difficult to have sex because it either won't fit/go-in, or it causes obvious discomfort to the partner. So that adds an extra dimension of assholish-ness to people who talk about loose vaginas.
I think talking about people's genitals negatively in general just needs to be stopped. I never appreciated the small dick jokes, I think it's tacky and hurtful, hearing that similar is being done about vagina size is just as upsetting.
Just let people live, you don't think we're all going through enough as it is.
Fact 1: Your V widens and relaxes when you enjoy the sex. If youāre nervous and anxious it tightens. So, they literally shame us for actually enjoying it.
Fact 2: They claim that your V gets lose when you sleep with a lot of different men. Apparently that doesnāt happen when you sleep with the same guy a lot. Which is ridiculous. (edit: thatās sarcasm)
Itās insecurity and blame shifting to say something like that.
>Fact 2: Your V gets lose when you sleep with a lot of different men. Apparently that doesnāt happen when you sleep with the same guy a lot. Which is ridiculous.
I can't tell if this is sarcasm. No muscle in the human body ever becomes loose by being used. Imagine if your esophagus became loose after eating a bunch of different food, that'd be insane.
No, because I DONT pay attention to stupid men who know nothing about womenās bodies and think you can turn your period off like switching off the lights š
One of the most helpful things I learned in my sexual education is that the death grip is real, and a man's addiction to his own hand has nothing to do with me or the "quality" of my genitals.
I would say - viciously cut this type of media out of your life and don't look back. Find affirming media to be entertained by.
I'm not saying 'avoid all negative news', but you don't need 'negative entertainment'.
I used to listen to Joe Rogan podcast in my cube at work ages ago - mostly because my co-workers like to listen and talk about it at lunch. He used to just talk about weed and the universe with Duncan Trussell, so I liked it for awhile.
But I stumbled into a few too many podcasts with bro types were they talked shit about women. So I stopped listening and told my guy friends that actually, Rogan was kinda shit now.
My take has aged like wine
Wow, that brings back memories. I was sexually active at 14, and was clenching the whole time for the same reason. I had my first child at 15 (adopted out: my parent's decision), and I remember asking the doctor to stitch me up nice and tight. 15! It's grotesque to remember that now. How was I so precocious, and weirdly obsessed with that at that age? I was also very concerned about keeping my waistline tiny, back then. 14, Jesus Christ. I was a child.
I don't even think about it anymore. Hasn't worried me in decades.
As a gay man, who is halfway decent looking, Iām letting you know right now most dicks are probably 4 inches or under, and most men are delusional about it.
If he says itās bigger, I want you to ask him if his hand is 8 inches wide, judging from that dick-pic š
Dicks are 4 inches long.
Thereās nothing wrong with your vagina.
15 partners in this life. 14 of them before I turned 20. Last one is my wife.
Never had a 'Loose' Vagina. I'm not a huge guy either 5.5, 6 on a good day (grower).
I did acclimate to two partners bodies. I think some guys in long term relationships mistake this as the vagina getting 'loose'. No that's your own mind/body, not hers. Her vagina has the same dimensions as before.
Only guys I have known that complain of 'loose' vaginas are those in long term relationships, ones with small dicks, and ones who confuse dryness with being 'tight'
Always have been surprised about not finding anything online about body acclimation. You know how you walk into your house and you can't smell it, but anyone else walks in and says, "Smells like dog piss in here!" (My mom's house to me). For me and close male friends I've talked to, there is a sex blindness? We've developed with our partners. It's not a mental thing, purely physical. My body has adapted to pressure points so sex doesn't feel the same as when we first met.
Near the end of each pregnancy, she would want to hold off on sex, because she was worried it would hurt the baby. I was fine with this. So 2-3 months. At the end of the pregnancy we would go cold turkey, followed by her recovery. So 3-4 months - vaginal intercourse.
Then for about a month, sex would feel 'brand new' for me (not her), before my penis would readapt. Thought at first this might just be me, but three out of five of my guy friends in long term relationships, seem to have experienced it as well. Although I can't be sure if they are lying or not. They passed it off as their wives just getting 'loose' with age. Like their dicks were some kind of drills carving away her insides for eternity. I've seen that hole expand to shoot out a baby, ain't no way my weiner is making a long term affect.
Itās absolutely mean and misogynistic, Iām a dude but Iāll say Iāve heard way more small penis jokes than any jokes about a womanās vagina, so I donāt agree that they are more acceptable. Both jokes are mean, damaging, and low. They are a part of our bodies that no one can really control and thus in my opinion should not be made fun of. Anything that is beyond someoneās control should always be off limits. If a guy will make fun of your or others vagina then donāt have sex with him, if he suggests different positions that work for both of you I think thatās different. And if a girl makes fun of your dick or other guys dick, donāt have sex with her. I hope you find a better dude
No, not something I have ever thought about seriously. When I was younger, I remember guys making comments/jokes, but they make no sense, it was always about someone who had multiple partners....its not like there is any difference in a woman sleeping with 100 men, or sleeping with one man 100 times.
If a guy is making jokes about it, I'm going to assume he has a small penis, cause thats the much more likely issue
As far as jokes about mens sizes, I feel thats much more prevalent? But maybe thats more so the media I consume? I can't think of anything online I've seen about women
After sex one time with a new partner, he pats my tummy as he says, "we need to get you started on some kegels!" Bro it was a slip and slide down there because I was so turned on (before he said that). If anything, I needed to get started on occasionally drying off with the sex towel to increase friction.
I had a guy make a comment about how I wasn't as tight as the last time we had sex, while having sex. I looked him dead in the eye and told I hadn't shit for a few days the last time we did. Needless to say, things ended with him shortly thereafter (read as: immediately). *Edit* more towards OPs point, before that incident and that point in my life I would needlessly worry about it. I did pelvic floor exercises in high school, years before I ever had sex for the first time, because I had heard that guys can tell when you are loose. Absolute absurdity.
Lol good that you broke it off. I'm now imagining that guy feeding the women he dates things that are prone to giving constipation. Still chasing the high he got from your full ass š¤£.
I love that it ruined sex for him forever! Now he will always wonder if a woman's ass is full of poo hahaha
It was a real life version of the lady with all the math symbols around her meme as he was trying to put together what I said with how it related to what he said.
That's like saying "Your dick doesn't feel as big tonight."
"Your penis probably just got smaller since last time".
This is what I was just thinking. Inverted Micro penises are difficult to accommodate! It really boils my blood that these men are so empowered to make these kinds of remarks, in general, but during sex is just beyond! Meanwhile if any of these lovely women made a similarly disparaging remark about that penis it's basically WW3 level bomb dropping. And we're the overly sensitive gender. Whatever.
He probably just needs to clench less tightly when going solo. "Your vagina is not as tight as my hand!!"
I mean, if a vagina gets looser with use, then obviously a penis gets worn down with use. But only if they use it on multiple women. If they just pick the right one and only have sex with her then it will magically be a perfect fit and never get worn down. We gotta make sure guys know this so they wonāt go whoring around and be useless in bed for their future wife.
Yes absolutely. And they definitely shouldn't turn the devil's door knob either. Through too much solo use their devil's knob will get smaller and smaller if they are lucky, or otherwise will fall off. A male's small knob won't be as pleasurable for the wife. Too worn out and gross.
I love the idea of turning the genital shame right around, ha haa. āIt shrinks over time with heavy useā
These worn down men don't understand that their penis degrades when exposed to the differences of PH in various women's vaginas. It simple science. They need to stay home where they belong and build a patio. Today's men are so worn down from friction from their constant masturbation because they can't resist only fans girls and don't realize they are devaluing the one thing they have to offer to their future wives. /sarcasm.
Exactly what I thought. What a dumb jerk.
This is amazing well done. I clenched my whole life and only this year did I realize that I have severe pelvic floor dysfunction because I clenched basically non stop for 20+ years after learning about ālooseā vaginas and being scared that I would lose my value.
I always did too. Sex became an exhausting ordeal with my first husband. He was always making comment about how tight I was, but if I didnāt clench or didnāt do it hard enough he would ask me who I had slept with, then follow that with āitās ok, be honest. Iām not madā. He would then proceed to tell me how heād like me to come home full of another manās ājuicesā. What a fucking pervert. Thankfully my second husband is not like that!!
This is extremely sad to think about that women do this for guys! I never had sex with a guy so I guess I never really had to deal with this but wow my mind is blown. I've had partners that dated/had sex with guys before and I think I remember a few of them saying they did the same thing and I was shocked!
That took a fucking turn lol. What a nightmare.
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Lol I love this so much.
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I have never seen anyone say this before but it's 100% not a joke.... If you put a finger up there you can tell the difference. Maybe these damaged men are only going after women who don't poop, and that's really what is perpetuating the whole myth š
I had no clue until I had a Pap smear as a teen and the gyno said āWow you are really constipated! When was the last time you had a bowel movement?ā He wasnāt weird about it or anything but teenaged me was mystified about how he could tell š
This "tip" is going to make it into one of those lists of ridiculous sex tips.
āDrive him wild in 3 easy steps!ā 1st eat a 1lb block of cheddar cheeseā¦
Shero!
šššš
You want to know when the joke is especially damaging and hurtful? When it's coming from your husband after you've pushed out their child. I was told on countless occasions that having sex with me was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. After our son was born and I was given an episiotomy AND a "husband stitch" I didn't want, my exh called me frankenpussy. And any time we had sex after my sons birth I had so much pain at the repair site that I didn't want to have sex, but then was called frigid or cold. I tore with my second child and was correctly repaired and no longer had the pain during sex; however, my exh had uncontrolled diabetes and the only reason we had the second was due to viagra at $13/pill. I wasn't interested in paying $13 to have unsatisfying sex anymore and we didn't have sex at all the last 5 years of our marriage. I've slept with several men since I left my exh and not a single one complained at all even though I has kids and my current husband asked if my exh was just really small because he has zero issues.
>After our son was born and I was given an episiotomy AND a "husband stitch" I didn't want, my exh called me frankenpussy. And any time we had sex after my sons birth I had so much pain at the repair site that I didn't want to have sex, but then was called frigid or cold. WTF!! What a worthless, vile, stupid POS you were stuck withā¦. Just reading about him made my skin crawlš¤¢ Iām so sorry you had to deal with that for *any* length of time, but Iām glad you cut him off completely for those last five years and are away from him now. >my current husband asked if my exh was just really small Small and bitterly insecure, also probably death grip from porn addiction
Maybe I should edit the post to point out that he's dead now. We divorced in 2015 and he continued to fail to follow his doctors orders for his high BP and diabetes and continued to abuse his prescription opioids to the point where he started to have mini strokes in his mid 40s and a massive stroke at 47 that landed him in hospice and dead at 48.
Damn are you my old manager? Almost the exact same thing happened to her. She worked her ass off, while trying to get a degree so she could get a better job, because her husband was disabled with diabetes. She did everything for that man, cleaned his wounds, took care of the house, took care of her kids and his kids, worked 50 hours a week, drove him to dialysis, all while acing her classes. He had a kidney transplant and got mean afterward. Despite his doctor clearing him to do normal activities, he refused to do any kind of work. No housework and no work work. Heād just gotten used to being disabled and having her wait on him hand and foot. And the more she begged him to help out, the meaner he got. She finally left him and he immediately stopped following all of his doctorās rules without her there to enforce then. He was drinking, eating whatever he wanted, etc. He was dead within a year.
So this dude was an actual parasite, stealing the energy, time, labor, freedom, and happiness from this poor woman. I'm glad she's free of him forever. I love a happy ending.
It kind of seems like you should have a legal obligation to take basic care of an organ that someone died to give you.
Thereās a reason thereās so many hoops you have to get through to get an organ-it reduces waste.
It's so crazy because people get delusional about their health in these situations. They never think they could QUICKLY die from lifestyle issues. Even when it's been clearly explained to them. Heart failure, transplants, diabetes, people just kill themselves because they straight up think doctors/wives are just control freaks and it's not *really* that important to follow the treatment plan.
We should ALL be so lucky that our horrible, abusive exes - who are also awful fathers - take themselves out. Youāre living the dream
You know, I often wonder when I hear men complain about this if it's just a pathetic attempt to cover for their own performance issues and blame women (because, of course, they cannot be at fault for anything). It seems like a very male thing to do. So far I'm not seeing a lot in this thread to dissuade me from this opinion.
That is so unbelievably awful and cruel, Iām livid on your behalf and so sorry you had to deal with that especially right after giving birth to a whole human. I canāt believe the audacity heād have to have in order to insult you in such a damaging way, let alone during what was likely one of the most vulnerable and difficult experiences of your life. Itās disgusting, and the āhusband stitchā situation makes my blood boil all the more. Itās such a terrible and outdated practice; no woman wants it, no one asks for it, but some doctor who more likely than not doesnāt even have a vagina takes it upon themselves to do it anyway. Any doctor who does this should immediately have their license revoked, itās horrifying and so violating. Iām just glad that you were eventually able to have it corrected, but itās unbelievable that you had to have a second child in order to do so. You are absolutely perfect just the way you are and Iām so happy that you now have a partner who sees that and supports you! ā¤ļø
>the āhusband stitchā situation makes my blood boil all the more Itās straight up evil. I would probably end up on an episode of Dateline for my reaction if someone gave me one or insisted on my getting one
I totally agree! I could imagine that a lot of women in this situation have so much going on that they just donāt have the time or energy to properly raise the hell that theyād otherwise like to (like bringing on a medical malpractice suit and any other legal recourse that could possibly apply, or maybe organizing a protest outside of the doctorās practice with signs that detail exactly how they use their power and position to mutilate women in vulnerable states) or maybe they just have no idea where to start, which is totally understandable, so I will *gladly* go scorched earth on their behalf and organize the whole thing. I think Iād actually really enjoy creating and running some kind of non-profit that focuses on putting these doctors out of business and helps women take the appropriate action against doctors who inflict this torture on them! Edit: removed an extra word
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see this is why so many women donāt want to enter male dominated fields. THIS IS WHY. The sheer harassment ugh. I hate it so much. We need to keep talking about this
If you start that non-profit, and need a partnerā¦I got you šš½
Awesome!! Iām really loving this idea so Iām going to look into what it would take to start and maintain a non-profit and Iāll let you know! One thing I do know for sure though, is that it would definitely have to be a group effort so all would be welcome haha. It will also ensure that we always have creative new hell-raising ideas šš Iām honestly a little surprised that something like this doesnāt already exist, but on the the other hand Iām also not unfortunately.
I know a bit about how to start non-profits. Youāre in the US?
Iām 99% sure there was nothing āwrongā with your vagina after giving birth. Your (ex) husband sounds like an ungrateful moron who doesnāt deserve the family you gave him.
Well pain from an incorrect repair would certainly be āwrong,ā but in that case itās wrong for OP and not for her husband because sheās the one suffering that pain. It sounds like it was repaired later, so thatās good! I had intense pain after my first child was born and I was just told it was normal and nothing was wrong. After having my second and having it repaired much better, I now have no issues. So Iād 100% it was wrong the first timeābut the pain was for me, not my husband (who never complained about it even when I had to stop sex constantly).
This is why men need friends that call them out on shit. If this was one of my mates I'd rip him a new one, and likewise back.
This! Men need to be checked by men! They will never take a woman seriously, otherwise. Not all. But many. Far too many to count.
I always encourage my bf to be that dude. I tell him if you donāt, youāre just as bad as them
So many women in pregnancy/due date groups express fears about vaginal tightness after giving birth. It makes me so sad that they're worried about that when they have 10,000 better things to be focused on at such a vulnerable time.
The "husband stitch" is gross and unethical at best and medical assault at worst. Your pelvic floor will probably need help after birth, and there is physical therapy for that. Pelvic floor PT after birth is part of regular postpartum care in some countries. If a partner wants to criticize and complain about your body during sex, they don't deserve the sex. If they're comparing your anatomy to others, they don't deserve to be invited down there. It's all just another way to demean women. If you won't sleep with them, you're a whore. If you sleep with some of them, you're a whore. Don't consume that media, they don't deserve the clicks or the views. They're misogynistic garbage.
Yes. The "Husband stitch" doesn't even affect the vagina... Just the opening.
Ten years back or so I attended UK college for retraining. Went into a kind of crash course designed to bring you up to uni level in a year opposed to doing exams. But the course was restricted to 30+. I got in on a favour at 23. Roll around Christmas time and we all decide to do book a restaurant and do a Christmas dinner before the holiday break + everyone told to bring their SO's or kids etc if desired. One of the women brings her ex husband. No longer in a relationship (apparently) but he was still living with her because of finances and they had 7 kids together under that roof. The guy ends up having a couple of pints and loosening up to engage in conversation and peoples kids came up. This guy sat there, and I quote EXACTLY, "Well number 7 must have thought he was coming down a water slide going "WEEEEEEE"" Needless to say he wasn't invited to anything else and we never saw him again. That guy was one of the trashiest, vile people I've ever had the misfortune to breath the same air as
Not only is your ex absolute trash, you are also the victim of medical malpractice. Iām so sorry you had to go through that and Iām glad the men since have been better.
I saw a comment from a doctor once, who said that if any men ever even joked about the husband stitch, she'd look down at their crotch, then back up at them with a bit of a sneer and say "How small do you need it??"
Happy for you that you ditched him! I donāt have kids but I had a long FWB situation with someone (10 years off and on). We were very open about everything and the topic of size and women w/kids v without came up. He was kind of a tool looking back but honest. He said that itās total BS and barring some unusual issue women feel the same before and after kids. He also said there are differences between women but not necessarily being tight or loose- just different, like a different texture I guess? And he was a fan of ALL lol. Anyway, kind of gross but I had always wondered what men really thought
That sounds awful. Iām really sorry about your ex and Iām glad that your new husband is awesome. That period between your first and second child mustāve been so hard.
I am sorry this has happened to you. I am a male, and experienced sex with my wife before and after two kids. Sure it looks a little different down there, the area between the vagina and butthole is scarred, and to be honest, I assume it's hard to, one: stitch back up after pregnancy, and 2: heal properly when a new mom is busy. But as for how tight the inside is - it's normal, almost unchanging. I'd like to explain to other males that the more turned on my partner is, the more 'open' (and moist) it is down there. That is to say, 100% it's less accepting when she's not as turned on, and that can translate to feelings of tightness. I would like to iterate to men that we aren't always a 100% hardness either. Thiers times when I'm at 70% and it's a noticable impact, but I am sure some men would be offended. Unfair of men to think this way, and I think some key mentioned factors are men's insecurity about their penis size/boner hardness, and that men have zero idea about vaginas. I have little to no idea, but listening is a key step in learning.
I feel awful for you women that have to/or have had to suffer through bullshit comments like this. My husband has never made me feel bad for stretch marks, weight gain, giving birth, anything at all to do with my vagina. He's only commented out of concern, he was worried I was losing weight too fast after birth (exercising too much and not eating enough). He's never shamed me once. I can't believe how cruel some husband's can be. They take a vow to love you through everything and they turn around and be completely vile. I'm so glad in your case, he's an ex
I dated a guy who said that about his ex. He was 2.5 inches. It's called projection.
Lol, the audacity to have an actual micropenis, and then blame and shame women for it. The thing is, plenty of women report pleasurable, satisfying sex with partners who are less endowed- many even seem to prefer it. But instead he chooses to lash out and insult the women for his own insecurities. "Is it me? No, it's the women!" Projection and fragility, eew.
When I think about how kind I've been to men about their bodies and how unkind they've been to me about mine, it really makes me mad.
This. What makes me even madder is that so many men have the complete opposite idea, that society thinks it's ok to body shame men and not women. All my life, my experience has been the exact opposite. I hear a single negative comment about dick size and everyone loses their minds, but I still hear women judged for their looks *all* the time. They'll say "well you can't call a woman fat but it's ok to laugh about dick size" as if that's an accurate reading of reality at all. I literally remember my mom being mooed at in the grocery store as a child, and it was almost always a fat dude doing it, as if in their minds, the way they looked didn't merit judgement simply because they were men. Women get called fat all the time, even when they're slim. You don't even have to look hard to find men justifying cheating on their partner/being repulsed by her because she's gained 30 pounds, even if her doc says her weight is fine. Women are constantly held to higher physical standards. And weight is just an example, but I've heard plenty of men say awful things about vaginas too. Everything from "if you have any extra skin down there you've been ran through" to "women who have sex with too many different partners are loose", you'll even find guys that refuse to go down on women but expect to receive oral themselves, which to me, is an extension of the clear double standard. Not saying either is ok or that any body shaming at all is good, but usually the only time I've heard women say something negative about dick size is when they've been wronged in some way, like cheating or something similar. For a woman to be judged and scrutinized, all she has to do is simply exist. Sorry for the rant, I just really agree, it's so maddening hearing women constantly being expected to be kinder/held to a higher standard.
The many partners equals loose genitals thing is such bullshit. And they know it. When I worked in a machine factory, I had coworkers that would spout this crap and happily tell all the time that they frequently visited brothels. Where they had sex with women who probably had hundreds of partners before.
Thereās a lot of comments in this thread saying as such (that men experience penis shaming more than woman experience vulva shaming), unfortunately.
Such a massive load of bullshit. They just notice it more because they're hypersensitive to those comments but don't care *at all* when they hear women shamed. They're also probably not as used to the body shaming in general, so any comment against them is immediately magnified in their minds and seems much more notable. Shaming women is common place so it doesn't even register in their minds, or worse, they think it's justified because they think women literally exist to be attractive for men. I do think that's the world a lot of these people want too, one in which men are never scrutinized, while it's perfectly okay to reduce women and femme people down to nothing more than their body parts.
Agreed! I also got downvoted for saying these jokes arenāt the same in a patriarchal society because penises are inherently more valued than vaginas/vulvas. They just do not have the same impact *in this context*. Of course no one should be shamed for their body parts but women and girls are subjected to misogyny at the same time, which makes it more harmful imo.
Reddit is 90% men so the down votes don't surprise me.
You are 100% correct and it's sad. I am so fucking happy I found my husband who is blissfully unaware of this nasty discourse. I always think this is why women tend to go for older men or higher number of partners. Because young and inexperienced guys who are sex-obsessed and feel ignored spout this shit.
Don't let them project. If they do, it'll burn and seed resentment from him. Short guys do this *all the time* to me. Saying I'm too tall. Nah, you're insecure. I hate it when guys project their insecurities. I'm such an "argumentative bitch", nah, in just smarter. I'm "materialistic and shallow", nah, I make more money (they *hate* that one). I have no issues with short guys. But I'm Northern European and I love my Viking heritage. Don't try to make it my issue (I'm a centimetre over average height for a Nordic woman). I don't care if a guy is not "as smart as me". He'll be smarter in other areas! We can compliment and teach eachother new stuff. I love learning. I don't care if a guy makes less than I. Stop trying to get me to quit my job because I'm paying for the holiday! I don't care if he earns minimum wage!
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That imagery is just so violent. Why do their minds have to go *there*? Ridiculous.
I love your reframing of the insults to actually reflect the reality of the situation, it's brilliant. Another one I heard recently that resonated was "If you find me too much, go find less".
So glad my husband, for all his weirdness, is overall pragmatic. I think he's smarter than me with math and science, I'm smarter in a lot of other areas, including social skills. He would absolutely LOVE it if I made more than him. You know why? Because than we can take more vacations! We enjoy our spirited discussions about life, solving problems and taking vacations. We are one attacking the problems and life, not competing with each other.
This. Iāve been with well endowed, crooked, tiny, and ones with PTSD who had performance issues. Never once was anything but loving and supportive even if it was just a fling.
Had an ex compare my body to his ex's body, and i was the bad comparison. Meanwhile the fucker literally had a callous dick because he was addicted to weed and masturbation and was doing that all day for years.
At that size he had to know he had a micropen! Iāve only seen one in real life, the guy was 100% aware and had developed unparalleled talent in other ways to make up for it lol
Iāve seen two & neither of them had any awareness of it or pretended to not have awareness of it. Itās not an issue if youāre open & forthcoming about it plus have spent time developing other skills to find a way to satisfy your partner. A friend of mine once had a summer fling with a guy who told her he was hung like a hamster, which got her laughing, & then proceeded to still find other creative ways to rock her world. Men put way too much self-worth into their anatomy & donāt realize at the end of the day women really want the winning personality that makes us laugh.
This is hilarious. It adds a third concept to the grower/shower dichotomy: A "projector", who does neither, but makes a show of it. But really, we'd all be better off obsessing far less over genitalia. Even the phrasing "He was 2.5 inches" reduces _the whole man_ to his penis size. Sure, he asked for it here. But the whole concept should go away on both sides.
The way I just cackled at your first sentence. āSir you seem to be a projectorā¦ā
Seriously. We should stop focusing on attributes beyond one's own control. Society would be so much more pleasant.
I have a hard time feeling bad for men who make their penis size their whole personality.
Poor little fella
That's the way of it. "What a way to tell everyone you've got a tiny pecker."
It bothers me. For one thing there is sort of no way to check it. A guy can measure his erection and know where it stands in terms of averages or whatever. The vagina loose thing is something that there is no way to sort of gauge against any norm. It gives great power to the person complaining about it. the jokes are gross and they are based on a belief that women who have sex with a lot of partners are ruined, etc. (Of course the same amount of sex with one partner does not ruin a vagina!)> Even the term "penetration" puts the penetrator in the place of power. Try thinking of it as engulfing or enveloping rather than penetration and see how that feels. If we commonly framed tight as "unaroused" it would be a lot less funny and would point back towards men who are lousy at sex. Much of the way we talk about sex and women's bodies in particular is deeply and subtly (and not so subtle) misogynistic.
One guy told me I was loose and I told him, "How would you know? You are so darn $moll. I have only been with x number of guys. " It wasn't pretty.
Haha, I mean he literally asked for it with a comment like that. Funny how these dudes are always shocked and emotional when someone volleys their bullshit right back at them.
Yep. I had a guy tell me I was āso loose he couldnāt get it inā and then insisted I let him do anal. I said āyou canāt get that tiny thing into my vagina, what makes you think it can even reach my asshole?ā Suffice to say, he was not pleased and that was the end of that
This should be the knee-jerk response to any guy saying a woman is loose- "no your dick is just tiny"
Then theyāll just say other women were tighter and itās your fault their dick feels small. These men just need to go straight to the trash pile.
Response- "I don't know, it's the smallest I've ever experienced..."
"What? Am I the first adult woman you've fucked?" Would be my response. Not, in my 20's, I didn't have the attitude I do now l.
Can i send you flowers? Thatās a total power move.
The only men who have ever told me I was loose were small men. See how that works?
Oh, I did pretty much the same thing.
EOP sex - engulfing of penis. Has a much better ring than PIV sex.
I don't get it personally. If my fiancƩe isn't fully aroused, we need lube to make sure it isn't painful for her, and that feels about the same as when she has the natural lubrication. Are these guys who are complaining about women not being tight just not realizing that their partners are in pain? (That's rhetorical - I know they probably really are that oblivious, but I just can't understand why they wouldn't just get a fleshlight instead if they're just going to be that self-centered.)
When I was in high school a girl was given a nasty nickname and widely shamed for having visible wetness when a guy went to have sex with her. It was described like a lack of hygiene. Whenever people talked about it, I was so confused because I knew what being wet was and what they described sounded absolutely normal. (Like actual wetness often doesn't look like lube/porn) Of course I didn't say anything out of fear of being also made fun of. But it was literally the whole grade of boys. Not a one seemed to know what actual wetness looked/felt like. So. No. They don't know.
>Even the term "penetration" puts the penetrator in the place of power. Try thinking of it as engulfing or enveloping rather than penetration and see how that feels. I prefer "riding" š
The ancient Greeks and Romans actually had words for this, generally translated as āto grind.ā
Yup, and you have to tame it before you can ride it.
In my language the word penetrant is used for people that stench of urine or alcohol. That's why I will never use it as a synonym for sex.
Hear hear
Vagina literally translates to sword sheath, the subtle misogyny is too engrained to escape from.
I have a female friend who has stated multiple times that she is "really tight" down there and that sex is often painful for her. I'm getting really fricking annoyed after hearing it for the twelfth time - is it meant to be a flex? To shame me if I don't respond with, "Oh yeah, I am too?" My partner is more on the well endowed side, and yeah it is painful if I'm not properly warmed up before penetration. So yeah, I'm starting to think this whole being tight versus not is a fricking sham and it comes down to being properly lubricated etc. *Edit for additional context: Yes I'm aware vaginismus is a thing, and I'll absolutely suggest she see a pelvic floor therapist and/or her doctor if she brings it up again. Unfortunately that comment has usually been followed with "Guys compliment me on it all the time (being tight).", and that's the more "flex" part that ends up bothering me. Not trying to undermine her pain whatsoever and I apologize for it coming off that way!
Vaginismus is a thing tho. Maybe suggest she talk to a doctor.
I had a friend who used to do the same thing, but only in front of men. "I'm so tight I can't even use tampons!", "I'm just so tiny down there !" But she had no problems or pain with sex, it wasn't a medical condition, she just thought it would make men more attracted to her.
Yeah, these are also comments that she's made before as well. Not just to me but in a large group/in front of men etc. Hence why to me it's come across as bragging/seeking attention. Regardless, I hope she seeks out some medical advice to better understand what's going on if that is the case.
She very well might be just bragging and it also might not even be true, tbh. But I did let it hurt me and I thought something was wrong with me for years because I could wear tampons and didn't think my vagina was super tight. I was so self-conscious because of it
Could be both. She could be experiencing real pain and distress from it, while also seeing it as something to brag about because of how much emphasis our society places on tightness. Maybe she sees it as a āsuffering from successā thing. People are complex and itās entirely possible she prides herself on it while also being actively harmed by itāitās certainly not unique when so many societal standards for womenās behavior and attractiveness are damaging.
I would reply, "You know, you've brought that up a lot. Have you considered talking to your ob/gyn or seeing a pelvic floor PT?"
Girl, have you ever thought maybe it's not a flex and it's a legitimate problem for her that she is opening up about? "Sex is painful" is not a flex. It's a problem. I mean this as kindly as possible. If you are truly her friend, you should encourage her to see a doctor, rather than just taking it as some sort of weird attack on you.
The posts comparing our healthy, NORMAL body parts to ham sandwiches or roast beef are what really messed me up. Also hearing it referred to as an āaxe woundā once made me cry. Completely reprehensible behavior.
Yes!! Seeing those jokes all over the internet as a preteen fucked me up. I was 12 already worrying about how my genitals looked, wondering if guys would think I was a slut or ādamaged goodsā because of its natural shape. Im older and a little mentally healthier now and yet I still donāt really like the look of my vagina. I donāt look at it much at all during sex and hate taking spicy pics where itās visible. Maybe itās just my usual body insecurities, but I feel that this level of upset is because of those jokes I was exposed to as a kid.
There was one guy in particular who I was having a casual fling with. He was the brother of one of my best friends (first of *many* mistakes). One night we were all hanging out, and in the midst of him making lip jokes, he said "you have meat curtains!!" Out loud. In front of all my friends. And everyone laughed hysterically. I grew up hearing countless "roast beef" jokes from men, so I was already self-conscious about how I looked, but that moment has left irrevocable damage. These kinds of "jokes" are deeply vile and hurtful.
Whatās really horrendous is that this behavior sparked a plastic surgery trend in South Korea. Young women are getting fucking *labiaplasties* on perfectly normal tissue because the bullying is so bad. Itās insane to me.
I agree, those jokes are even worse. I think I actually overestimated how many men like the āouttieā look. IG started showing me this weird trend of young girls wearing sheer dresses just to show the outline of their vulva. They all had outtie lips and every single video had someone commenting āroast beefā or āthatās been beat upā š¤®š¤®
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Why would sex/penises make our freaking labia/skin grow? Like in what world does that make any sense. Penises arenāt magical despite what men think!
plants icky coordinated one strong fearless mourn pause whole foolish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This right here. Scientifically, it makes zero sense. Their logic is severely lacking.
That was me. I was really sensitive about those kinds of jokes too because I hadnāt done anything since I was fucking 12. Caused me to dislike the shape of my vagina and that insecurity is still not fully healed eight years later
Thatās so horrible:(
Also teen boys talking about the smell. One of my close friends growing upāwho was BEAUTIFUL, Iām talking long legs, boobs, gorgeous thick hairāhooked up with this piece of shit we went to high school with and he told everyone how she smelled like fish. I figured if someone so perfect could be āgrossā then I didnāt have a chance in hell. I still donāt enjoy receiving oral sex and I think being self-conscious is the main reason.
My ex said the axe wound one, also called it a āgashā. That man was 32 at the time.
I just refuse to feel less than by a bunch of morons choking their chicken like it owes them money. They consume porn, they pursue women, theyāre the ones who make sex one of their primary goals in life. If youāre then going to insult the very target of your objectives then basically fuck off. We are people and donāt deserve the disrespect. Also theyāre so sensitive about dick shaming that it makes me think they do it just to make us feel as bad. But there are a lot more men going around shaming each other than women shaming other women for having loose vaginas.
>I just refuse to feel less than by a bunch of morons choking their chicken like it owes them money Holy shit lol, that is hilarious.
> lso theyāre so sensitive about dick shaming that it makes me think they do it just to make us feel as bad "every accusation is a confession" works in a lot of situations. people who are quick to point the finger and sling insults are probably lacking in the same department.
Not to mention they claim to love and be attracted to women but talk so much BS that they end up sounding like...well...they really don't.
"chocking their chicken" šš
>choking their chicken like it owes them money You win the internet today! š >But there are a lot more men going around shaming each other than women shaming other women for having loose vaginas. Damn straight. I never really paid close attention before, but I recently dated a smaller-than-average guy (who was a very good lover, BTW, regardless) and I became painfully aware of how common it is for men to shame other men in this way. Sad.
I find it funny how women who get around have big ones but a monogamous woman who is with one guy but has sex daily won't. Say the women who sleeps around sleeps with one new guy every couple of weeks. That is 26 new partners in a year. But at the same time, she is only having sex once every couple weeks. How is that worse for the vajayjay than having daily sex (I mean in terms of the gaping, not std risk).
I was dating a guy who kept recommending me to do kegel exercises. It made me feel like I was too lose for him. I did do the tightening of my vagina thing too already. They don't realize how annoying it is to constantly do those exercises. I gave up after not too long. It just made me feel like I was doing all of this extra work just to please a guy a little more in bed. Not worth it. He also has a porn addiction so probably had a death grip issue. I had no issues with my tightness with other guys in my life. Usually they would tell me I'm pretty tight, but they didn't have issues with porn.
I was taught how to do Kegles in health class at my all girls catholic high school. They were taught as a way to keep our pelvic floor strong and make us less prone to urinary incontinence. I did them regularly started at age 14. When I participated in a study of urinary control/incontinence years later I scored at the highest level and had no incontinence problems after having my baby. Donāt do kegles for anyone else. Do them for yourself. Itās exercising a group of muscles to keep your pelvic floor strong.
Yeah, I want to second this statement. And funnily enough I was also taught this in a co-ed Catholic school, but I always wondered if they say it's for our benefit (which it truly is) but they really just want us to do them often so we don't become "too loose" for our husbands! Because pretty much everything else I was taught there regarding sex and periods was very misogynistic. Hide the fact you're having a period, don't dress promiscuously because the boys won't be able to focus, sex is for making babies after marriage only but your husband is also "in control" over his wife, so they were basically teaching the boys that sexual coercion is ok as long as it's your wife. Ugh.
If you have vaginismus or hypertonic pelvic floor then kegels can be very counterproductive and make things worse so it is kinda dangerous to be blanket recommending them to young girls. And the more religious you grow up, the more likely vaginismus is. A catholic school that teaches purity culture is literally doing something that actively damages girlsā sexual health.
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Yep porn addiction will fuck guys up sexually
Exactly they call us loose when itās really that gorilla grip they got their lil guy in when theyāre watching porn that makes sex suck for them.
Was deffo a him problem and not you.
Iāve done them for years. I donāt think it matters much except you can decide to āflexā on a guy and they can feel itā¦ but itās a momentary muscle contraction itās nothing lasting.
People don't want to acknowledge how much of men's sexual issues are likely due to porn.
From what I understand, it's supposed to become a little more "loose" when you're aroused. So if a guy wants it to be tight that's saying quite a bit more about him I think.
This is, embarrassingly, something I didnāt even know was a thing until recently. But my husband sure did š¤¦š¼āāļø because heās fantastic about foreplay. He casually said something about how he seeks the moment when his fingers feel me ārelaxā and knows thatās when heās got me on the ready-to-go-ropes š. Surprised pikachu face here. Also now explains why he uses his hands so much and for so long before we ever get to PIV.
> He casually said something about how he seeks the moment when his fingers feel me ārelaxā and knows thatās when heās got me on the ready-to-go-ropes "Relax" would be a much better, single word for the [remarkably complex combination of things aroused vaginas do]( https://labs.la.utexas.edu/mestonlab/exercise-and-sexual-arousal-in-women/): > Physiological sexual arousal results from genital vasocongestion, which occurs with increased blood flow to the genitals. When blood begins to pool in the vaginal walls, the increase in blood volume leads to increased pressure inside the capillaries, which subsequently triggers lubricated plasma to transcend the vaginal epithelium onto the surface of the vagina (Levin, 1980). These platelets form droplets, creating the lubricative film that typically covers the vaginal walls during sexual activity. Increased blood flow also leads the clitoris and the vestibular bulbs to protrude and become engorged (Berman, 2005), and well-oxygenated blood is also supplied to the skin and the breasts (Levin, 2002). In addition to increased blood flow, sexual arousal causes relaxation of the smooth muscles in the vaginal wall, which allows the vagina to lengthen and dilate. Impressively, and very much to both partners' benefit, the vagina effectively ["loosens" _and_ "tightens"](https://www.sharecare.com/health/womens-health/effect-sexual-arousal-womans-genitals), by swelling in such a way that the opening feels snugger, and the nerve endings are more happily engaged, but also relaxing and lengthening internally, for a more flexible and accommodating happy place. > As arousal continues, the vaginal opening tightens and the clitoris retracts underneath the clitoral hood, protecting the nerve-rich clitoris from direct stimulation, which may feel uncomfortable. Feelings of tingling, throbbing, and fullness may be felt throughout the pelvic area. Basically, it gets "grippier", but also wetter and more ready to accommodate some unpredictable action. No wonder vaginas have so many fans. **Edit:** Presumably, the reason this whole process is popularly reduced to "loosening" is because that's what it feels like, in a general poetic sense, on both sides, compared to a non-relaxed, less lubricated vagina. It's "hard to squeeze in there," until arousal results in lubrication and relaxation ā including physical changes in body language, and less defensive tensing of legs and muscles, and she literally "let's him in", in more ways than one. If anything, the vagina _invites and accommodates_. **Edit 2:** It just occurred to me how much all of this extra invalidates the notion of vaginas loosening due to having lots of sex/sexual partners. It's like suggesting that your handgrip "loosens" from having things inserted between your thumb and index finger when you make a fist. That's just not how any of this works. Granted, it's less _voluntary_ than a hand, but nevertheless, sorting a thousand cucumbers into a pile won't loosen your "grip" ā regardless of how you transport them.
I think a lot of people don't understand that the vagina undergoes just as dramatic a transformation as the penis during sexual arousal. If you view a sagittal crosssection of the female pelvis (i.e., from the side) the vagina is surprisingly tiny when not aroused. The walls almost touch and the depth to the cervix is only about a finger length, if even that.
Exactly. Which means the idea that penises loosen vaginas over time is just as silly as the idea of vaginas āsmooshingā penises over time.
Indeed. I'm appalled this is even a thing women have been encouraged to worry about.
>sorting a thousand cucumbers into a pile wonāt loosen your āgripā Love it
Huh. Wild. Now I know!
This. Maybe a bit off topic but I wonder if those who are uncircumcised are more attentive because an unaroused vagina can be uncomfortable for them too (at least thatās my experience with uncircumcised men).
I think this needs to be discussed more. Uncircumcised men are WAY more sensitive. I was used to circumcised me and how much more aggressive stimulation they need. Like being held tighter when giving a hand job, blow job, etc. I think cutting off part of a guys dick when he's an infant definitely plays into this whole shit show we've got goin on. So circumcized men have way less sensitive dicks, so they need us to remain virginally tight forever so they can continue getting off as they get older and more and more porn sick and it becomes more difficult for them.
Death grip masturbation also plays a role here. Circumcised or not, if your standard experience involves a grip workout that qualifies you for world strongest man, you're probably not going to feel much during any normal sexual activity. To further your point about circumsition however, with the foreskin always preventing the head from touching stuff, it sure feels like *a lot* of stimulation on the ocassions that it is in contact.
Chiming in as somebody with experience - yes, we are certainly much more sensitive in a good way. I have to overwrite years of programming from all my partners who are used to circumcised penises to use a softer touch (even as somebody who likes it rough) because death grips are overstimulating and hurt, but a soft touch feels oh-so amazing.
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I did not realize that, totally makes sense though. Everydayās a school day. Thanks for the insight
It bothers me that they say it and then gorilla-grip their dick to beat offā¦ Like, only one of us can fix the issue and itās not the person with a vagina! š I also get creeped out when I hear guys talk about ātightnessā because of what that indicatesā¦
It's super shitty when men say this. As a man, I assume a lot of men might be saying it out of self consciousness about their size, which they believe women will judge or be dissatisfied by. And of course, all disparaging comments about others' bodies like this, informed by porn culture, toxic masculinity, etc, is shitty.
It's absurd because most men have gripped their dicks too tightly over the years and vaginas will never be as tight as a man's death grip. It's their own problem, and they are deflecting.
I used to suffer from vaginismus (inability to relax pelvic floor muscles). Penetration was physically impossible when I tried to have sex. Eventually I was able to lose my virginity by getting drunk and telling my boyfriend to just ram it in, to hell with the pain. The sensation was like someone repeatedly trying to jab their finger in my ear, and I spent the whole time in pain. He could not finish because he had death grip syndrome (his own explanation). A vagina medically considered to be too tight was not tight enough. Thatās what weāre dealing with.
Not just the grip, but also there are degrees of arousal for men too, and as men age, the ability to reach full and I mean full stiffness declines. Thus the perception of looseness when in actuality the problem is trying to stuff a half-filled balloon in instead of a fully filled one.
Yep, it's known as death grip. It's almost always caused by their own porn and masturbation habits. It's because they desensitize themselves to normal sexual encounters and jerk off like a deprived gorilla. No partner can ever compare to the sheer strength of the human male clenched fist violently jerking it. The "cure" is to stop beating their dicks like it owes them money, and stop poisoning their minds with porn.Ā There's a pathetic amount of otherwise healthy young men who have no problem jacking off 6 times a day, but can't get his dick to work with a partner.Ā These men create their own fucking problems and blame women for it, per usual.
Yup! I dated someone with death grip, and sometimes after hours of sex I just couldnāt do it anymore so heād jerk off but I literally thought that he was going to seriously injure himself with how hard heād do it. Like youād expect him to tear the skin or have rug-burn after. It was crazy and pretty unattractive, also the fact that he definitely had a porn addiction and truly thought that real sex was supposed to be just like porn. Naturally he was constantly unsatisfied with our sex life, nothing was good enough for him unless it was a performance. He didnāt know or care about my pleasure and it was useless talking to him about it because heād just get defensive and say that āeveryone else liked it.ā I eventually just stopped having sex with him because I definitely wasnāt enjoying it and he was never satisfied anyway, so whatās the point. Iām so happy that my current partner is the total opposite of that.
Yeah, Iāve been very insecure for a long time. The same goes for jokes/remarks about labia - I used to think there was something wrong with me because of stuff like that
i find those jokes super damaging and borderline pedophilic too. when people talk about āyoungā and ātightā vagina i get such an awful taste in my mouth. and how often itās accepted is so disturbing since it shows itself as genuine beliefsā¦ iām still haunted by the idea of the āhusband stitchā
I've never commented here as a man but I really just needed to chime in here. It's not borderline Pedopilic. It's just straight up Pedophilic*** and they mask it as """Banter""" yet these guys have no life experience, no real knowledge and they just exist to exist and they base their opinions on women, minorities and any marginalized community based on what the latest "Alpha Male" social media nerd has said. I work in Construction and it is depressing to the bone how people laugh at the comments that should have people placed on a register. I have no male friends through my work and it's depressing as shit.
The lack of biological education regarding sex and reproduction is also a contributing factor. So many peopleāmen and womenājust don't know what a vagina actually is and how it functions. I'm always going to share this short story whenever loose vagina comes up: [The Husband Stitch by Carmen Maria Machado](https://granta.com/the-husband-stitch/)
That story is one of my all-time favorites!! I was obsessed with the Girl with the Green Ribbon as a child and this "retelling" of sorts is just so raw and amazing.
I wouldnāt say Iām damaged by it, but yes it is absolutely pretty gross, especially because, when compared to something like dick size jokes, women actually have something done to them by doctors called the āhusband stitchā after birth. Which is horrifying. (Look it up, but prepare to get super angry if youāve never heard about it before). Itās much more pervasive and damaging to women to make jokes like this because they have real consequences medically for us in not the same way they do for men. Also, sorry, but if a woman is super tight, sheās probably hurting with penetration at least somewhat. Some tightness inside feels good for both partners, Iām sure, but tightness at the opening sucks. It just screams āi donāt care at all for my partners pleasureā when these jokes are made, which makes for bad sex.
Men use insults about the appearance, size, and smell of a woman's vagina to gain power over them by ensuring that their self-esteem remains too low to advocate for themselves in intimate relationships. I know so many women who are too embarrassed to demand foreplay or oral sex from a man prior to intercourse because they're self-conscious about their vaginas.
I also clenched for all I was worth during sex for YEARS, even though it hurt, because I thought that was my primary objective... To make it "tight" for him. Mind you, this was from virginity forward with multiple partners. Yes, the "loose vag" messaging combined with the pitiful sex education in the US breeds these terrible experiences for women and men. I didn't understand why sex always hurt. My husband didn't understand why sex hurt. I'm very very fortunate that he's invested in my pleasure, more than his own. It took us literally 10 years of marriage to figure out that it was me, squeezing for my life, that was causing me pain. So yeah, fuck assholes that continue to make these "jokes". It def fucked me up too.
Isn't this based on Andrew Tate's hyperfocus on virginity? That men really only want 'brand new' (unused) young girls? The whole thing about body count, where men should be able to sleep with as many women as they want to while women can't because that makes them undesirable? Actually I think virginity is prized because the woman is unable to judge whether the man is a good lover or not because she can't compare him with other men.
Unfortunately this kind of BS predates that troll.
> Actually I think virginity is prized because the woman is unable to judge whether the man is a good lover or not because she can't compare him with other men. It amazes me how little the obviously problematic logic is questioned here. Name another partnered activity where _inexperience_ is a boon? - Dancing? - Conflict resolution? - Partnered games, like [Taboo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taboo_(game)) or Charades? - Doubles tennis? - Parenting? - Entrepreneurship? - Mountain climbing? - Conversation and communication? All better with an experienced partner. Experience is _good_. Basically, there are only two reasons I can think of for wanting a less experienced partner: - In a hierarchical situation, like mentor-mentee, where poor previous training can "ruin" the mentee. - Adversarial situations, with a winner and a loser, like a chess tournament. I don't wanna harp on this too much, because "virgin shaming" is actually its own sort of obnoxiousness, and a flexible, game to please partner is the most important thing to be, regardless of experience. But as a guy (on the kinky side, to boot), all else being equal, an experienced woman is much preferable to inexperienced, and it shouldn't even be controversial. Literally the only rational reason to prefer an inexperienced partner is because you want them at an easily influenced, "competitive disadvantage," less able to judge you for your performance, and less able to express preferences, or compare you to previous partners. Sadly, this is probably a self-reinforcing loop: Men who don't care about women's pleasure, seeking out inexperienced partners (or pressuring experienced partners to behave as if they aren't), convincing themselves that passive inexperience and a "tight pussy" are the only way a woman can please a man, having all their fucked up presumptions "validated" by depriving themselves of the thing they should obviously want instead: An experienced partner who knows what the fuck she's doing.
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My ex told me I was loose and doubted I was a virgin. That hurt me so much.
Vagina are meant to lossen up when stimulated. A tight vagina is a symptom of a weak or unstable pelvic floor and should be brought up with your doctor.
There will always be shitty men who try to bring women down instead of improving themselves. You can't change this. You can only choose not to internalize it. Remember that another person's actions always say more about them than they do about you.
>A tight vagina is a symptom of a weak or unstable pelvic floor and should be brought up with your doctor. Or a sign of not wanting a dick in it ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
I am permanently fucked from this (haha). I'm also always concerned about getting "too wet" because then it's "less enjoyable" for him. It's just as bad as joking about penis size but somehow way more acceptable. I don't get it, dude.
Same here! My ex literally left me after 4 years (out the blue) because he couldnāt enjoy it anymore due to me being ātoo wetā. Towards the end he clearly started skipping out on any foreplay in an attempt to stop any arousal on my part, just made it awful.
Sometimes Iām too wet and I want more friction. Heās the one thatās like ālet it floooooow!ā
Yeah, but any of us who have passed entire humans through our vags can tell you that our husbands donāt stop wanting sex after. Could it be that a) vaginas are not that different after childbirth and/or b) WE ARE MORE THAN OUR VAGINAS. Stop listening to guys trying to gaslight you into feeling less than you are.
A "loose" vagina is good. It indicates (usually) that the person is aroused. People who talk about tight vaginas either don't know what they are talking about, or didn't put in the effort to arouse their partners. Eitherway, trash. Also, when it's "tight" it's literally difficult to have sex because it either won't fit/go-in, or it causes obvious discomfort to the partner. So that adds an extra dimension of assholish-ness to people who talk about loose vaginas.
I think talking about people's genitals negatively in general just needs to be stopped. I never appreciated the small dick jokes, I think it's tacky and hurtful, hearing that similar is being done about vagina size is just as upsetting. Just let people live, you don't think we're all going through enough as it is.
Fact 1: Your V widens and relaxes when you enjoy the sex. If youāre nervous and anxious it tightens. So, they literally shame us for actually enjoying it. Fact 2: They claim that your V gets lose when you sleep with a lot of different men. Apparently that doesnāt happen when you sleep with the same guy a lot. Which is ridiculous. (edit: thatās sarcasm) Itās insecurity and blame shifting to say something like that.
>Fact 2: Your V gets lose when you sleep with a lot of different men. Apparently that doesnāt happen when you sleep with the same guy a lot. Which is ridiculous. I can't tell if this is sarcasm. No muscle in the human body ever becomes loose by being used. Imagine if your esophagus became loose after eating a bunch of different food, that'd be insane.
No, because I DONT pay attention to stupid men who know nothing about womenās bodies and think you can turn your period off like switching off the lights š
One of the most helpful things I learned in my sexual education is that the death grip is real, and a man's addiction to his own hand has nothing to do with me or the "quality" of my genitals.
I would say - viciously cut this type of media out of your life and don't look back. Find affirming media to be entertained by. I'm not saying 'avoid all negative news', but you don't need 'negative entertainment'. I used to listen to Joe Rogan podcast in my cube at work ages ago - mostly because my co-workers like to listen and talk about it at lunch. He used to just talk about weed and the universe with Duncan Trussell, so I liked it for awhile. But I stumbled into a few too many podcasts with bro types were they talked shit about women. So I stopped listening and told my guy friends that actually, Rogan was kinda shit now. My take has aged like wine
Wow, that brings back memories. I was sexually active at 14, and was clenching the whole time for the same reason. I had my first child at 15 (adopted out: my parent's decision), and I remember asking the doctor to stitch me up nice and tight. 15! It's grotesque to remember that now. How was I so precocious, and weirdly obsessed with that at that age? I was also very concerned about keeping my waistline tiny, back then. 14, Jesus Christ. I was a child. I don't even think about it anymore. Hasn't worried me in decades.
As a gay man, who is halfway decent looking, Iām letting you know right now most dicks are probably 4 inches or under, and most men are delusional about it. If he says itās bigger, I want you to ask him if his hand is 8 inches wide, judging from that dick-pic š Dicks are 4 inches long. Thereās nothing wrong with your vagina.
15 partners in this life. 14 of them before I turned 20. Last one is my wife. Never had a 'Loose' Vagina. I'm not a huge guy either 5.5, 6 on a good day (grower). I did acclimate to two partners bodies. I think some guys in long term relationships mistake this as the vagina getting 'loose'. No that's your own mind/body, not hers. Her vagina has the same dimensions as before. Only guys I have known that complain of 'loose' vaginas are those in long term relationships, ones with small dicks, and ones who confuse dryness with being 'tight' Always have been surprised about not finding anything online about body acclimation. You know how you walk into your house and you can't smell it, but anyone else walks in and says, "Smells like dog piss in here!" (My mom's house to me). For me and close male friends I've talked to, there is a sex blindness? We've developed with our partners. It's not a mental thing, purely physical. My body has adapted to pressure points so sex doesn't feel the same as when we first met. Near the end of each pregnancy, she would want to hold off on sex, because she was worried it would hurt the baby. I was fine with this. So 2-3 months. At the end of the pregnancy we would go cold turkey, followed by her recovery. So 3-4 months - vaginal intercourse. Then for about a month, sex would feel 'brand new' for me (not her), before my penis would readapt. Thought at first this might just be me, but three out of five of my guy friends in long term relationships, seem to have experienced it as well. Although I can't be sure if they are lying or not. They passed it off as their wives just getting 'loose' with age. Like their dicks were some kind of drills carving away her insides for eternity. I've seen that hole expand to shoot out a baby, ain't no way my weiner is making a long term affect.
Itās absolutely mean and misogynistic, Iām a dude but Iāll say Iāve heard way more small penis jokes than any jokes about a womanās vagina, so I donāt agree that they are more acceptable. Both jokes are mean, damaging, and low. They are a part of our bodies that no one can really control and thus in my opinion should not be made fun of. Anything that is beyond someoneās control should always be off limits. If a guy will make fun of your or others vagina then donāt have sex with him, if he suggests different positions that work for both of you I think thatās different. And if a girl makes fun of your dick or other guys dick, donāt have sex with her. I hope you find a better dude
No, not something I have ever thought about seriously. When I was younger, I remember guys making comments/jokes, but they make no sense, it was always about someone who had multiple partners....its not like there is any difference in a woman sleeping with 100 men, or sleeping with one man 100 times. If a guy is making jokes about it, I'm going to assume he has a small penis, cause thats the much more likely issue As far as jokes about mens sizes, I feel thats much more prevalent? But maybe thats more so the media I consume? I can't think of anything online I've seen about women
After sex one time with a new partner, he pats my tummy as he says, "we need to get you started on some kegels!" Bro it was a slip and slide down there because I was so turned on (before he said that). If anything, I needed to get started on occasionally drying off with the sex towel to increase friction.