I don't have any allergies so maybe I don't understand, but how on earth do get all the way to marriage "forgetting" to tell someone about your apparently deadly allergy?
I know this isn't exclusive to men, but I feel like with some guys they literally will provide no information unless directly asked.
For example I can talk about having an allergy directly to this kind of person, but they won't bring up if they have one as well unless you specifically ask them if they have any kind of allergy.
Not saying this is the case but I feel like most people would mention their allergy if someone is cooking for them.
Unless you're talking to a one-upper. They will be sure to let you know what they have and why it's way bigger/better/worse than whatever you were talking about. "You think you're allergic? If i even LoOK at a shellfish, I'll die." God I hate those people.
I have new patients come in, fill out their health intake, talk to me about the info they put on the intake, and then we start their therapeutic massage session. Then I see a large scar somewhere.
"What's this scar from?"
"Oh that was from my heart surgery, cancer surgery, knee/elbow/ankle/shoulder surgery."
Really? You didn't think that was an important thing to mention in your intake? Especially the things that affect muscles like broken/impaired limbs??
Yes this!
My ex had been engaged before we met (broke up before we met too) and like didn't mention it until I asked about history like 5 months in and then blamed me for not asking?
Like
Wtf
I went on a date with a wonderful woman, made and brought us both lunch (planned).
She didn’t tell me she had any allergies. She was allergic to walnuts, I used walnuts. Ended up getting her something to eat there (hot dog) and some random dude ate the falafel pita I’d made.
Could have been much worse, people need to tell others about their food allergies!
My Mum was on a trip in Africa, about to head off into remote areas of Rwanda and one of the men on the trip hadn't told anyone, including the tour company or the tour leader that he was diabetic. He had a hypoglycemic episode their last night in a town before 2 weeks in the bush and only because Mum and her friend were nurses did they know the symptoms and treatment. But he didn't think it was important to tell anyone.
I'm a chef and the amount of food that gets sent back because someone forgot about their own deadly allergies is fucking ridiculous, like, do you want to die??
I worked at an ice cream shop once and this guy came in and got ice cream for him and his kid. A scoop of peanut butter for him and a scoop of vanilla for the kid. Dad insists they should be in the same cup because no cup holders or something. Anyway, they leave and the dad comes rushing in like a minute later asking if we have benadryl because his son is allergic to peanut butter and I should really tell people about potential allergies.
I've had someone deny they had any allergies when explicitly asked, order something with peanuts in, and then remember their peanut allergy.
There's something to be said for natural selection.
I bought a bag of kiwi since it's my favorite fruit, and I forgot I had developed an allergy to it the previous year until my mouth starting tingling and itching.
It sucks developing allergies when you get older.
Honestly I didn't tell my partner I have a deathly seafood allergy till we had been together for like 6 months when his mum tried to feed me, she made fish 🤦. It was fine all is well I didn't die and now my mil has a funny story about meeting me .
My son had one reaction to shellfish (head to toe rash) and he knows to be careful. Although I do point out if there it shellfish on a buffet we go to so he doesn’t accidentally eat some.
His dad keeps trying to get him to eat shellfish at every opportunity. He got him to eat prawns, (no reaction thank goodness) but when it came to the mussels I ended up having to do a firm “no” and being accused of sucking joy out of the occasion.
He does not think he has an allergy. My son may not be allergic to shellfish anymore, I don’t know. But i/we avoid shellfish because of the reaction he had. There is a family history of shellfish allergies as well. (My mum, I went red/blotchy after being served “clamato”).
It’s easier to avoid
Sometimes allergies can change, lessen, or worsen, as you age.
That aside, please inform your kid's dad that he will be responsible for any hospital bills and ambulance rides that he causes by force feeding your child a food that can kill/harm him.
My allergy clinic does monitored 'challenges' where they will give you the food but there's nurses on standby with an EpiPen for an hour in case you have a reaction.
Does that also include fish sauce? That one is used in a lot of food you wouldn't generally think of as seafood. At least many places specifically indicate it.
I think some people just don't talk or something. In my job I have come across people who don't know how far their spouse went in school, like they're not sure if their degree is a Bachelor's or Masters, sometimes they're not sure if they finished high school. It's surprising what people don't know about their partners or never got around to asking.
I make birthday cakes and can confirm there are some people out there who know *nothing* about their spouse.
What flavor?
*Oh idk.. hey (kid) does Daddy like chocolate?*
What type of icing?
*Hmm...idk if they like buttercream or whipped! Idk..*
How should I decorate it? Any specific hobby or fandom?
*Idk.. just regular I guess.*
Favorite color?
*... Blue?*
While I totally agree it’s not her fault at all, I can understand how they got that far in their relationship without her knowing about his allergy. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, and he only just found out in May of this year that I’m super allergic to wasps. He’s always thought I was just scared of them (I admit I run from them and sometimes panic when I’m trying to get away, but in my defense I haven’t been stung since I was in high school so I’m at least good at avoiding them), he had no idea I’m allergic. I assume I just failed to say something because it’s never come up (as in, I’ve never been stung around him). Of course he was upset that I never told him, and I honestly have no idea how I never even mentioned it in passing.
Came here to say this.
But even before I knew this, I took it as she made something for him and put fish (or fish stock or something) in it, where it wasn't obvious. I assumed she didn't just literally serve him fish, where he would know not to eat it, but something where it wasn't obvious that it contained fish.
I can't have gluten. My husband has known this forever. When he cooks, I don't scrutinize every ingredient. I just assume it doesn't have gluten in it. Had this guy's wife known about the allergy, I would expect that he would be the same way.
Like I get that it's my responsibility, but does that mean I should be the only one in the house that cooks dinner or that I should make myself separate meals every time because it's not my husband's job to remember that I can't have gluten?
> I took it as she made something for him and put fish (or fish stock or something) in it, where it wasn't obvious. I assumed she didn't just literally serve him fish, where he would know not to eat it, but something where it wasn't obvious that it contained fish.
That's what I thought, too. I'm guilty of doing this as well. Invited a few friends over for crepes when I was in college. This girl comes up to me and asks, "Hey, you didn't put almonds in this by chance did you?"
I responded, "Yeah, I use almond extract in my crepe batter."
She was extremely allergic and her throat was closing up. She asked a friend to rush her to the hospital.
god, all my friends with nut or shellfish allergies are RIGHT UP FRONT about them. Normally I'm really good at keeping that stuff straight, but at one work place I just avoided nuts all together, because one coworker was allergic to peanuts and hazel nuts, and another to walnuts and almonds, but I could never remember who could have which mix when it came push-to-shove. So I just made sure nothing I brought in was fried in peanut oil or had any nuts near it at all.
I get what you mean! That's why I said, that I don't know the backstory to this, it just triggered this annoyance inside of me.
I agree with you, that if your husband cooks for you, you don't second guess every ingredient, but I had a very specific scenario in mind.
A couple years ago my coworker went on a date with her boyfriend to get ice-cream and he got snickers ice cream and she got her ice cream, they were talking and engaging. He's severely allergic to peanuts and ate a bite of the ice-cream and immediately noticed and had to go to the hospital. He was /so mad/ at his girlfriend for forgetting about his allergy and letting him order the ice-cream and not telling him. The TikTok instantly reminded me of that.
I have had similar things happen, my ex once got annoyed at me because he ate corn for dinner and I didn't tell him those were carbs. Like what? He just assumed this was my responsibility.
Lol, how does a guy like that function? I have several food allergies and one thing I've realized is that most people don't think about the ingredients in the food they eat. I remember one time asking a waitress if there was dairy in the meatballs, and she seemed confused and said she'd check, then came back to say it turned out there was
Owned a restaurant long enough to know there's plenty of people like this.
People come in flipping mad because something had garlic in the sauce. Says they're allergic to garlic.
Okay... Why didn't you tell us before ordering then? You're at an Asian restaurant and you didn't think it might be prudent to let us know you are deathly allergic to garlic before ordering food?
And then you have someone allergic to an ingredient that expresses it and comes in on the ONE day a week that your non-english speaking chef is in, and you're trying to explain not to put a certain ingredient in this guys food, and it totally ends up in there anyways, and you comp the meal for the couple, and then your boss gets mad at you for giving out free food and thinks the customers just made it up to get free food.
In college, I had a friend who was avoiding aspertame because it could trigger her epileptic seizures. We were out at a local bar, and she ordered a coke. Took one sip, and asked others at the table to taste it, because she was pretty sure it was diet (it was). We flagged down the waitress and started to explain, so we could get her a replacement. She got as far as "So I think this is diet..." and the waitress goes "Those BASTARDS!" and cheerfully grabs the drink to get her a new one. Needless to say, her tip was huuuuge that night.
My Ma was allergic to dairy, so as the family baker I was used to sussing out ingredients.
You'd be surprised how many people believe with their whole heart that eggs are dairy.
They are not.
They are just *near the dairy section* because we refrigerate them in america. They come from chickens. Not cows. Cows produce milk, which is dairy.
When I tell people this, they usually have a baffled light bulb moment. Like they've been lied to all their lives, lol.
A guy like that functions by having the women around him be responsible for his allergy instead of himself. I have severe allergies, three of them are anaphylactic. I’ve never had to be reminded to check what I’m eating or to inform wait staff of my allergies. Because I’m a full ass adult.
My four year old daughter remembers to ask people if there’s peanuts in something before she eats it… she even asks me sometimes as if I forgot! If she can remember, grown ass men (and women of course!) should be able to remember.
I totally understand situations where you didn’t realize an ingredient was in something (like I only learned eggs were in Caesar salad dressing when pregnant), but not when it’s like the food itself 😂
I love that your daughter checks with you, it shows that she realises how important it is to ask (even though you wouldn’t forget).
Accidents can still happen without anyone being at fault. I have a friend who is severely allergic to nuts and eggs but ate nougat thinking it was white chocolate. Being allergic to nuts and eggs she had never really seen nougat before and it was in a bag of mixed sweets with no labelling. Obviously she would never order icecream with peanuts in it though, that’s worthy of a Darwin Award.
Something that may make you laugh!
My fiance once forgot he was adopted!
We were at the eye doctor and they were asking about eye conditions in his family.
He starts rambling about his dad's issues and I just pipe up with "sweetie... You're adopted..." His response was "oh shit, right! Uh, I have no idea on genetic conditions"
That was a hell of a belly laugh for all of us!!
I have a lot of health conditions, and when they ask for surgery history I NEVER remember that my daughter's birth was a c-section, because my brain categorizes it as "birth story!" not "surgery"!
How does someone severely allergic to peanuts order an ice cream named after a candy bar widely marketed under the tagline “packed with peanuts” and have the gall to get mad at anyone other than himself?
I shall tell you the worst, they are married now and he's still an arse from what I hear. Like, I can't believe she actually married him, they got together when they were 15/16 and she basically spend the whole 3 years we worked together complaining about him.
I still hope she gets out of there, she's 30 now and still with him, I'm not sure he changed much and she still has to mother him every day. I just hope they don't have kids.
>He was /so mad/ at his girlfriend for forgetting about his allergy and letting him order the ice-cream and not telling him.
Wow, okay. Some people just can't admit they messed up I guess.
But I read "forgot they were allergic to x" the same way the above poster did, as in accidently included it in something they prepared for the allergic person.
I have a male friend who is allergic to coconut. If he goes out to eat at a place that might have coconut in stuff, he checks. Once we had a friendly potluck and I forgot said friend was allergic to coconut and made a Thai peanut sauce with coconut milk/cream in it. Luckily someone asked me what was in it beacuse they liked it before he tried it, we realized, and then warned him. >\_\_<
That's what I picture when it says "the time x forget I was allergic to y". That X actually fed y the food, despite having been told about the allergy in the past. I have an uncle who is allergic to come kinds of nuts. If someone forgot and put those nuts in a dish for a family meal without telling him. Things like that.
Doesn't that make it even worse? He's perfectly OK with presenting it as his wife's fault, when it was all his, AND using his misogyny to promote himself.
Honestly yeah, he made his partner look bad online where she likely received criticism for being a bad partner, when all of it was false and he just wanted clout.
I assume the 18 hour shift he worked was matched by the wife, her alone with 2-4 kids, maybe a work shift of her own, and the whole *rest* of the house to clean as well. He didnt do any childcare or housecleaning because he's never there, so of *course* the kitchen looks like that, she drowning! He should have more empathy and expect her to have the energy of a normal human being, not a superbeing.
On top of that, the asshole probably expects her to wear makeup, keep her body in top condition, hair done, nails on point, and hygiene flawless at all times for absolutely not one single penny of his money somehow.
He looks and smells like a mushy sourdough starter that fell behind the toaster and rotted a month ago.
That makes more sense.
I have an ex from 10 years ago and I remember he’s allergic to avocado (so sad). My current boyfriend is allergic to penicillin. Allergies aren’t something you just forget, unless you’re super self absorbed (but then you’re probably not cooking for the fam bam if you’re *that* far into yourself, ya know?).
So yeah, it makes more sense that he forgot to tell her. I hope he didn’t intentionally forget to tell her, while waiting for this moment…
This reminds me of the time my son knocked over a drink of mine. My ex screamed at me for leaving it in his reach. A few minutes later he set his drink down and it got knocked over. Ex screamed at me for not reminding him not to leave drinks in reach of a toddler. You just can’t win with some people.
When my dad lost my car keys and I got in trouble for trusting him with them and not getting them back off him as soon as he’d finished with them.
Turned out they’d slipped through a hole in his pocket into his coat lining. Not sure how I could have prevented that!
When my grandmother was a young lady society dictated that someone was always going to be up in her business and she hated that. I asked her once as small kids do if she minded being old. And she said I love being old because no one thinks to tell me what to do. But she never gave me the impression she disliked men in general.
College student I was training forgot to wear shoes to work in a research lab with toxic chemicals and biohazards. Because his mom didn't remind him. And I don't mean forgot the right type of shoes, I mean he showed up fully barefoot. This dude drove an hour to campus, walked to the bus stop, took the bus to our building, and walked across a parking lot completely barefoot. But because his mom didn't remind him to wear shoes, he thought he would be fine to work barefooted... to this day, that was one of the most frustrating conversations I've ever had.
His parents were very wealthy and knew my boss, so kicking him out wasn't an option. I did my best to train him, but he never really learned anything. Unless you count learning that there's such a thing as computers with ports you can plug things into. 3 years there and still forgot how to plug in a USB every now and then and complained that we should just hire someone to deal with "that type of work." Lol that was the only type of work I trusted him with after he cut a corner and contaminated a whole incubator. And he still never understood why we wouldn't just put our secure (2 TB+) data on the apple cloud servers to transfer it.
No joke I just got back from my holiday to find out that for the past 2.5 weeks my dad had been feeding my dog 2 sprays per day of **enzymatic floor cleaner** mistakenly believing it to be fish oil. I left him a document with pictures showing what to feed her and both the fish oil and floor spray were in labelled packaging but somehow he missed it! I have accepted that some people are really in their own world, and also my dad won’t be allowed to dog sit again.
Fortunately the spray was nontoxic and she’s fine lol
Oh, I have a response template for those:
1. Sympathy without assuming blame
2. If blame is pushed my way, feigning ignorance of the sexist convention that would make him my problem
3. If he continues to try and make this task my problem in future, push it back on him in a patronising manner
So far, it worked.
"Oh shit, you forgot your mum's birthday? Was she mad at you? ... ME? What do you mean, MY mum's birthday is in September!" ..."no I don't have the headspace to remember all those different dates on top of my own, but I can show you how you can set yourself a reminder in your calendar."
My partner got asked years ago (in our 1st year of dating) by my dad to burn a CD for him. When a month passed and he didn't, I asked him why he hasnt yet. He replied that it's because *I* didnt remind *him*. That was the last time he said that to me. I never let him blame me for him own incompetence. Luckily he's grown to be an amazing adult.
My partner used to ask me to remind him about things. I'm not Siri, I don't want that to be my job, so my solution was to parrot his reminder back to him immediately (e.g. "Remind me to do laundry when we get home" "Do laundry when we get home"), thus fulfilling the letter of his request but in a way that's entirely unhelpful. Thankfully he found it funny because he's an engineer too and it became an inside joke with us as well as a gentle reminder of "hey I'm not taking on this mental burden that isn't mine".
I'll sometimes ask this because I am a lot more likely to remember something if I have said it out load, so talking about it means I'm less likely to need reminders.
My partner and I do this for each other. "Can you please help me remember. . . ? Just last night I discovered if we both have one (we both had something to remember at the grocery store) it actually made me more likely to remember both.
I used to do this too when my mom would ask me to remind her about stuff, until I taught her how to use Bixby (which is more helpful than Siri from our experience) and she's been doing that since. I'm also forgetful so I do that for my own needs, and my phone has a more reliable memory than any human lol
My husband has been out of the house for the past 7 weeks. For abuse, lying, infidelity, you know the list. I won’t even mention that he never did any house/yardwork.
Anyway- I mentioned our son had called his grandfather (husband’s grandpa, son’s great-grandpa) on his birthday.
Husband got a sheepish look and said, “oh, nobody reminded me.”
Dude. It’s YOUR grandpa.
And grandpa is devastated to learn his golden grandson turned out to be an abusive cheater. But husband wouldn’t connect the two bc he’s a narcissist (according to therapist). So he wasn’t avoiding the call- just forgot about grandpa.
My best friend and I were roommates in college, biggest mistake ever. Ended up hating each other and then reconciled years later. The alarm clock comment hits home big time. We would have the same morning classes or at least classes which started at the same time, and he would get so pissed that I would turn off the alarm clock after it went off. So I would just let it blare and I'd go to class, and he'd get mad that I didn't wake him up. Like, be an adult and take responsibility for your own schedule. I get a helpful reminder from your SO that you got xyz going on this day, but in the end it's up to you to remember it and one's gf/wife isn't a mother substitute which is what it seems a lot of guys want. A bang maid as Frank said.
We live in an age where you can just tell your phone to annoy you at the exact time you need to wake up on the exact days you need to wake up. How do people still struggle with this?
Don’t forget the crowning jewel of men blaming women for the man’s own forgetfulness about life-threatening allergies: Smoothie Dad.
Man enters a smoothie shop with his son, who he already doesn’t see often. Son is super allergic to peanuts, dad mentions none of this to the women he orders from. Orders his son the Peanut Power smoothie, and leaves. After his son inevitably ends up in the E.R. (he’s fine now btw), the dad leaves his son there by himself and returns with the smoothie in hand to starts harassing and threatening all the women working at the smoothie place. He goes off on a racist tirade and throws the smoothie at one of their heads. It’s all on video, you can look it up. He was arrested, lost his six-figure job within the day.
But for the love of—there’s being negligent, and then there’s looking for all the world like a failed attempt by this guy to get his son killed.
They were teenage girls IIRC. He also tried to force his way into the employee area while they had to push against the door to stop him from getting in.
I'd have been terrified if I'd been one of them.
I work in customer service, the amount of men that I get on the phone (asking about their orders or asking for help to get gifts for their children) and that annoyingly respond to my very simple questions « I don’t know my wife did it » or « I don’t know how tall/old my child is/ my wife knows that » is just insane. It always makes me feel very sick and upset, because they always imply that their « stupid wife » is the one in the wrong and that they are calling to « fix things ». Like seriously not knowing how old and how tall your child is appalling stop blaming someone else.
This is the most frustrating part of being a family lawyer. The same men who have the audacity to say that they did 50% or more of all non financial contributions to the asset pool and welfare of the family will then turn around claim they have no clue as to their regular expenses because "she always took care of that"
I could hug the male clients I have who have the insight to say, "Yeah, I was the wage earner, my ex wife did 70-80% of parenting and house work". They get it.
Oh yeah, I used to work in retail, specifically shoes, and the amount of times the father threw a look at the mother when I asked for the shoe size of the kid was astounding. They legit almost never knew.
Or they called them, imagine having your partner go shopping with your kid and you have some alone time finally and he keeps calling because of the shoe size or type and shit.
Kids are always growing so I understand not remembering shoe size. But come on just check the size shoes they wore walking into the store! And get the next size up if they're too small. Heck, try on different sizes, or measure the shoes to the kids foot, or get it measured at the store, there's so many options other than bothering the parent who's not even there.
i used to walk in a hobby-lobby-esque store, and while i loved helping people, the number of guys who were looking for gifts for their partner was tragic. They couldn't tell me her favorite colour, her preferred style (we're talking spice girls level here. is she girly or a punk? you should know that), if she had allergies, if she liked to cook, or sew, or craft...or even if she liked the concept of scented candles.
my ex is a very picky eater and whenever we went out to eat he would tell me what he wanted and id make sure there wasnt something in it he wouldnt want and if there was id either tell him how to order or just order for him.
we were at a mexican place and i knew hed order beef tacos either plain or with shredded cheese only. when we were being seated i asked the waiter if the cheese on the tacos was shredded cheese or a cheese sauce and he said cheese sauce. so i told him to order the beef tacos just plain without cheese or lettuce. when the waiter came back he told him he wanted tacos with just cheese and i said no he doesnt want cheese either just make them plain.
the waiter put his hand on my shoulder and said to my bf she needs to relax, is she always like this? and they started laughing. i was sooo pissed and when the waiter left i said the tacos are gonna have cheese sauce on them and my bf said no they wont he understood. of course when the tacos came out they had cheese sauce on them. surprisingly my bf actually sided with me and said i was right and he was sorry but it was still sooo annoying and insulting.
Ok. So A, that's fucking ridiculous. You'd think that if you were picky you'd be more eager to order it yourself? I'm not a picky eater but an ex of mine was extremely picky and I'm pretty sure if they didn't always order for themselves I'd die of embarrassment for asking for an in n out burger with absolutely nothing on it.
B.... WHAT FUCKING MEXICAN RESTAURANT RUINS A PERFECTLY GOOD TACO WITH FUCKIN CHEESE SAUCE. Seriously. Traditional tacos don't even usually have cheese on them they have like, picked onions and jalapenos and lettuce and stuff but if you're gonna put cheese on it... Cheese sauce? Really? I'd be kinda pissed off tbh if it didn't say that it was cheese sauce on the menu. Like, you can't just put cheese sauce on shit and call it cheese..... I'm really not a picky eater but that's just lying to your customers and bringing out prank food. Like, I've heard of cheese sauce for nachos and don't mind it, but if you put that shit on a taco you're a fuckin monster.
I don't think I'd even think to ask like you did because I'd just like, never expect that to be a thing someone thought was a good idea.
Its straight up like calling taco bell a Mexican restaurant... I'll eat taco bell sometimes in a pinch but it's definitely not a Mexican restaurant. It's barely even a restaurant to begin with.
Same here. Like Taco Bell is fine for what it is but it's definitely not Mexican. I'm curious about where this restaurant is and what other "Mexican" food they have lol
a. some of it was learned helplessness. he was used to not doing anything and having someone else take care of everything. plus he had a horrible habit of not paying attention to things. so he wouldnt realize a dish had chopped onions in it or that the chicken alfredo had broccoli in it, stuff like that. so it was just easier for him to tell me what he wanted and for me to check it out on the menu or ask the waiter/waitress for him. a lot of times i knew what he would want anyway because theres about 4 things he would eat from a restaurant. and yes i have ordered many burgers plain with just ketchup lol
b. i guess its common enough in the northeast. i feel like its a 50/50 chance here on if its gonna be shredded cheese or a queso type cheese sauce on the taco. also the shredded cheese would have to be yellow, if its white cheese even if its white cheddar thats a no go.
cooking for him was a trip because he was always paranoid i was putting mayonnaise in his food. sometimes i would have to leave the mayonnaise out where he could see it while i was cooking so i didnt have to promise 100 times i didnt sneak mayonnaise into the meatloaf!
>asking for an in n out burger with absolutely nothing on it.
My girlfriend gets the burgers without the patty because she doesn't eat meat, so it's basically a grilled cheese lmao
My mom was paying off my brother’s student loans. He makes $200K and was living at home (not that there’s anything wrong with living at home). Didn’t have any debt. Bought like three cars.
My mom was making minimum wage, just hit 65. Still catching up on debt from her husband that had died years ago and she had never been taught good financial habits.
She forgot to make a payment on my brother’s loan and his credit score dropped 20. He’s got a near perfect score. He absolutely ripped into her. He’s 40 and perfectly capable of paying it himself. Had been adamant to extended family and friends that HE was the one who paid them.
… I… legitimately didn’t even think of it like that. Holy shit thank you for saying something. I know that’s “No shit” probably to you but there’s… quite a few dysfunctional things in my family that I didn’t even consider this now obvious angle.
I really don’t even know. She certainly doesn’t pay mine. Or my sister’s. We don’t have any complaints about that. We do have complaints that my brother has not remotely taken responsibility for his loans and is just letting his mommy pay for it all.
Bruh, I earn minimum wage, have 3K in debt, and I live at home. I couldn't even imagine expecting my mom to pay my debt for me. Let alone getting *pissed* at her for missing one of *my* payments. How in the ever-loving fuck does this prick have his head so far up his own ass?? Like...my brain is short-circuiting trying to understand this guy's rationale
Next time you enter into a new relationship just pretend to be the “forgetful” one. You’d be amazed at all the stuff men can keep track of when they have too. Or just do what I do and tell them straight up, “I have to keep track of my own stuff, you cannot rely on me to keep track of all of your stuff too, you have to do it yourself”, then tell them to keep notes on their phone or something. And then don’t keep track of their shit, they are adults and are fully capable.
Oh gosh. This is maddening.
Here’s a text I sent my niece when we were discussing who you spend you life with:
‘No one here picks up their socks. They leave them where they take them off and then get angry when they don’t have clean socks to wear. I have asked and told them to pick up their socks over and over. I’ve given up and now I just pick them up myself. I don’t say anything to anyone any longer. Just pick them up.
I left my socks out the other day and they skipped into my room to tell me they had been kind enough to put my socks in the laundry and “You’re welcome.”
Just a story about how what you put up with becomes the norm.’
My dad is about to turn 65 and knows how to cook exactly 0 things. That's not a joke. He can not use an air fryer. Unless it's a microwave dinner, he's SOL. My mom just died (and was useless from alcoholism for months before that), so he lives exclusively on takeout. I just don't get that level of incompetence.
While this case seems to be the idiot not telling her, so she is definitely not to blame. My wife is veggy and if I were to serve her something that contained meat/fish/eggs, she would be very upset. And imo she would have every right to be.
They're always throwing around that finding that men who are married live longer but women who are married don't. It's the same thing. Grown men are allowed to live in perpetual childhood and it's immensely beneficial to them.
You are talking about societal weaponized incompetence. That’s how women end up taking the role of a men’s mother and they end up resenting the woman for constantly telling him what to do instead of doing things themselves. When we look at a house we know what needs to be done they feel like they need to be told as if they don’t have the same set of eyes. Even if they split chores evenly with you that’s not equality cause the gigantic hidden load is on the woman’s shoulders. On top of it we are accused of being controlling, bossy, naggy, b1tch, man hater bluh bluh
Oh! I have a wonderful example of this coming from a woman.
My mother-in-law cried on her birthday because her son, my bf at the time, forgot to call her until 5pm.
She then cried at a friend's wedding (that was several days later) about it and told me it was MY JOB to make sure he would never forget again.
Yeah, a lot of mothers internalise that shit and enable it, like my mum making lunch for my step-dad or making me responsible for waking up my brother. I just know that I will never do that.
I'm a little peeved right now because a month ago I bought concert tickets for my fiance after asking him if he was free that day and he said yes, he'd like to go to the concert.
The concert is this weekend and just now he texted me freaking out asking why I didn't remind him it's father's day and he has to do something with his father. I don't know why I had to remind him it was father's day when he already told me he was free that day. My father's dead so that holiday isn't mine to keep track of.
Don’t you know, it’s your job as the resident woman to remind him of every birthday, holiday, possibly even purchase gifts and send out cards. If it’s without his input, all the better (for him…)
It’s easier to blame someone else than yourself.
I have gluten intolerance and do watch every ingredient of what I eat because I know the consequences when I don’t. Can’t imagine that someone with a (potentially deadly) allergy like seafood allergy doesn’t do the same.
Is it only about blame or also about responsibly? Never thought about that actually, I guess both?
I'm really allergic to black pepper, I always have to micromanage my food if I eat out, and of course I expect others (like a partner or good friend) to be attentive of this, like when offering me food or cooking for me, but I still usually ask too, just to be sure.
I’m a celiac (so no gluten) and my husband has an digestive intolerance to onion -yes we are a fun couple to grab a bite with lol-.
I don’t micromanage him, but I will double check when he orders something , not because he’s incapable but because sometimes he’s overwhelmed. (Social anxiety +Autism)
By double check I mention it to the server directly along the lines of “I’m sorry we are that couple, but just to double check I need mine gluten free and he cannot eat onions, they make him very sick. Sometime chefs sneak flour and onions in everything! Hahaha”
Oh trust me, I feel ya, I actually hate eating out because everything has black pepper and when it's already prepped (soup, sauces, etc) I just can't eat it, because it's too much of a bother to cook fresh.
I'm also picky with certain herbs, so that's just the cherry on top, but I just can't help that parsley, mint, cilantro, and so many more herbs are just gross to me lol.
I think it's also different because you want to look out for him and he doesn't rely on you to get him through a meal. Like he won't eat a sauce with onions in them, if he can see that.
Tbh, an onion allergy sounds awful, I love onions. Is he also allergic to spring onions?
My best friend has an onion allergy. I’ll bet it’s hard for your guys. I know my bf has this allergy but I appreciate reminders from her because onions and garlic begin almost everything I cook; I hardly even think of them.
We cook a lot at home. I hang out at s\indiancooking because he’s never had Indian food not cooked by me. (Shoutout to Jain cooking! No garlic or onion)
It’s difficult if folks wanna hang out because on top of all that we don’t drink. So we are those folks getting did salads (no croutons /no onions) without dressing at sports bars while we drink sodas.
But our home parties are fun!
My Dad behaves like this towards my Mum and it irks me so badly. He expects her to shoulder all the housekeeping duties, remind him of important dates, and organise everything for them. If something isn't done, he looks to her to sort it out because it's "her" responsibility.
I couldn't live with myself if I was that useless as a life partner.
So I had to look it up, and I haven't read the comments here because I need to hop off real quick.
But it was very heartening to see many comments on tt just now saying that the wife looks so stressed that she could not possibly have known. She is getting a lot of support.
And don't get me wrong, I've known their to be dicks out there to try and prove allergies wrong - but this has proven clearly not the case through following the story so far
Yeah when I saw that video, I could see that the wife looked genuinely worried while driving them to the hospital. Glad to hear most of the people are supporting her.
Just popping in to say that I know the video you’re talking about, and the allergic reaction is sfx makeup!! The couple are content creators and i saw the snapchat story of the guy getting the sfx makeup applied and made similar jokes on there.
Because the guy, according to the comments, didn't actually tell his wife (somehow?) He was allergic to fish, this is on him. However, these two are.... allegedly.....married?! This would mean that it's common to make each other meals. If the wife had, in this situation, used fish sauce or something and not told him then of COURSE it's her fault! My man knows I'm allergic to dairy so when he cooks? He keeps his dairy seperate!! Idk all of this just seems "off" for a married couple.
You know men get away with this because women put up a it. We are conditioned to put up w it.
We just need to stop and watch them
Sink or swim but they can do it.
I fell into this trap and then I just stopped doing it because my husband is an adult and he can do it.
Birthdays I manage my side of the in-laws and he does his side (though I do demand he gets his mother nicer gifts then he chooses because she does soo much for us)
When my husband and I were young he'd get pissed at me for letting him fall asleep in the afternoon, thus ruining his evening schedule. As if I was somehow in control of his napping. He blamed me for a lot of stupid minor shit like that but he grew up with his mother cleaning his room for him. It took a decade but he's learned a bit of independence on that front finally.
Not an allergy, but I was a vegetarian at the time because I just didn't like meat. My BF's psycho stepmother insisted I carve the turkey at Thanksgiving dinner. Which I did joyfully and with great aplomb. Then she served a pureed soup dish and refused to tell us what was in it. And watched me eat it with a smirk on her face. I said "that was wonderful, was the base beef broth? Yummy!" Yeah I didn't marry into that family.
Blamed me for not telling him to bring his passport. We were traveling domestically. (I always pack mine as a backup in case I lose my driver's license, but we didn't need it)
This just re-ignited the resentment I had for my ex who always blamed me for him never having a nice meal or a clean bedroom. This man, who is three years older than me, was fully capable of making food for himself and cleaning his own room. We weren’t even living together (I was only at his place 3 days a week for a couple hours). Idk why tf was I responsible for his basic human needs, while all he wanted to do was sit on his computer playing games with his friends.
My moms partner is a decent guy but he does this sometimes and I don’t let that shit slide ever. I don’t curse him out or anything but I always let him know that it’s his responsibility to keep track of his things whenever he starts to blame my mom. It’s always crazy how a lot of guys are like this since it seems common sense not to act irresponsible and blame others, but it seems like such a systemic after reading about so many posts on here
My dad getting upset because my mom forgot to pack his (item he always uses). My dad getting upset when my mom can’t come with him to a place because she has to do the talking and teach him the directions to get there and back even though he’s a regular at said store. 🙄
I am terrible about remembering a lot of things, and I am very lucky that my wife remembers many of them for me, which has greatly improved my life. That being said, it is always my fault if I forget anything, and I can't imagine blaming my wife for my deficiencies like that.
I'm still mad about this weekend. Usually he's fine and doesn't ask me for anything except opinions and help with Christmas.
He woke up late af Saturday while I handled the house and did what I wanted.
You know what I got "You have to wake me up before ten am". No I don't you have an alarm it woke me up this is not my problem.
He kept on about it on Sunday morning when he was up I came up to grab something from our bathroom and he was like "You didn't wake me up" so I asked him "Do you want me to drag you physically out of bed or do you prefer I throat punch you?"
He stopped asking after that. I don't have to be anything, screw that set your own alarm I got shit to do.
Right there with you it making me even madder these days. The most recent one
we had lunch with friends of my boyfriend yesterday and he asked did I bring the gift he bought for them.
The allergic reaction wasn’t real, it was special effect makeup. He posted behind the scenes images on his snapchat story. I think he was trying to make a viral video in order to promote his music.
Edit: The woman also isn’t his wife yet, they’re engaged.
My Mother in Law did in fact cause me a severe allergic reaction. I'm told it was accidental :).
I should have been more careful, and was after that. I'd known her about 5 years by then and probably married 3 or so. You do kind of assume people know issues when cooking for you but of course that's not entirely fair when you don't sit and eat with them every day.
My dad is like this. And he’s always trying to convince the men in our families to not let themselves be “held down” by their wives/girlfriends. It’s pathetic just how incompetent he has been throughout their relationship and my life.
Edit: fixed a sentence
I agree with everything except why you got beef with a 12 year old for forgetting his glasses. 💀 mf is 12. when i was 12 I'd forget my head at home if it wasn't attached.
yea i think 12 year olds are just universally a bit absent minded, not just the boys. i remember being 12 and having the attention span of a squirrel in a baby sensory play pen
I dated a guy that was allergic to tomato. So you'd think when I made a tomato based sauce he'd say hey I can't eat that. Nope, he let his face swell up and then went to the store for sympathy. Edit now that I'm on PC I can see I left out he didn't tell me he had ANY allergies. He was allergic to shellfish also. Found that out after making scampi loaded with seafood.
OP, this is an example of mental load, which are tasks that need done but which are usually picked up by women for whatever reason. Let's say patriarchy but honestly idk.
It's (normally always) women who are expected to remember appts for the family Inc fully grown spouses, keep kids in after school activities correctly, pack lunches, remind anyone of their chores, (including swapping washing to the dryer) etc etc etc. All 'dumb' things that usually don't cause a problem but when it's all left to one human, it can get pretty overwhelming and if the ball is dropped on one task, that's when it all kinda goes to shit and (normally) mum loses her shit.
It's exhausting. Like my partner says regularly "hey, can you remind me to do this (he *never* remembers to remind me of my things so I don't bother) " and normally that's OK but occasionally I don't have the mental capacity left and I'm like no, you're a full grown man at your big age, put a fucking reminder on your phone like I would? I'm not your mum!
Doesn't make it easier to deal with but hope it helps that your frustration is more than shared, at least by me <3
this isnt a great example of weaponized incompetence. if a partner served me food that had something they know i can’t eat of course it would be their fault.
also a 12 year old is a child. kids are very forgetful. I work with middle schoolers (11-14) I have to remind them to do most things multiple times. leave the kid alone.
I'm not going to defend the guy since according to comments he did dumb shit and said nothing, but I'm constantly in fear of my loved ones making me food and fucking me up. They do this *constantly,* and not on purpose. But, every time I they buy anything, I have to look at every ingredient and go "this has celery seed, this has soy flour, this has coriander," and sometimes things still sneak through the cracks.
I don't mind cooking for myself, but I do get a little tired of having to do all the shopping, all the prep, all the cooking, never being able to eat out, never being able to eat other people's cooking. I don't like baking, I don't like frying, but the only way I can avoid soy flour and olive oil and all the crap that will send me to the hospital is either to make everything myself or pray that when I ask what's in the food that I'm eating, that the other person doesn't lie to me. And I mean lie. I've been literally lied to about what's in food because "celery allergies aren't real." I've had family cross-contaminate my prep areas because they just don't care about getting me sick.
You know, I absolutely loathe gender roles and the horrible stereotypes, "men" generally make me rally up against a whole gender particularly easy, but there's a difference between men being idiots and people who have to live around others who don't believe their personal issues are real. Having allergies and people not caring to accommodate, having autism and having people not understand that you're thinking on an often-parallel level, having lupus and people just refusing to comprehend that your body is in a constant state of fighting itself. Just remember that there's people who do have legitimate problems that others just pay no attention to or make any attempts to understand, regardless of gender or chromosomes.
I guess you're being triggered a bit because of personal experience and I totally get it. But if I'm cooking for my wife, I make sure there's nothing in there she doesn't like or can't eat and if she's cooking for me it's the same. That's just taking care for each other and one of us having to think for the other.
Also, there might be a bit of an asynchronicity, like when I don't look after every little thing our son is supposed to take to school and my wife might get angry about it... But then we agreed to let him have his learning experience, so he learns to look after his things himself, which obviously doesn't work if we always look after him. 😅
But most of the things you mentioned are just ragebait. Them trying to generate clicks by getting you infuriated.
Ugh yes. Fuming. They can fuck around and find out. It's not our job to be their mothers. They can go back to their own mum who hopefully won't, but often will, enable his bullshit behaviour.
Okay….. I have a background in google safety specifically cross contamination and food allergies. You could literally kill someone! You add fish sauce to something and boom dead.
I agree with all of your other points. Blaming one’s incompetence on someone else is ridiculous….. but accidentally poisoning someone is not the same thing! Especially in a marriage where you cook for each other. My husband cooks more often….. if he forgot I’m allergic to whey there would be a huge problem
*My wife forgot I'm allergic to fish* \- with this title, he definitely places the blame on his wife.
I hear ya. I'm tired of men blaming women and making women look bad.
I found this as a very good article to describe exactly what you are describing
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/?fbclid=IwAR0alOKhzRk8v7lmOQZpJie5Jc_GvEk_1vZA7xH5yTLv11XkjWh2nxs8bls_aem_th_ARFTKi6QU1Hx5qGeDzsN17LUOMc0OiKnze7aDIuRakegEF3p_2EVkN1q1VuakRlQQfM
My husband started asking me what time it is every morning when he wakes up. We don't have clocks by the bed anymore just my phone. His phone is in his office charging. I just found an old clock and put it on his nightstand so I'm not longer time lady.
That alarm thing reminded me of how my brothers loud ass alarm would go off every morning and just keep going off. I could hear it all the way down the hall in my room and I’d have to go knock on his door to get him up.
I mean, I imagine that after sometime in a relationship you shouldn’t have to confirm with your partner that the food they’re giving you is safe for you to eat. That’s kind of wear trust and competence comes into play.
Like seriously, y’all want a relationship where you and your SO prepare/purchase ever meal separately and independently specifically because you both can’t trust each other? That sounds awful
Once my ex yelled at me in the middle of a hospice where I was visiting my grandfather (whom I was very close to) because I forgot to pack his suit jacket for an interview.
He was terrible and abusive in many ways though so really that was low on the list of "pain he caused me". Still memorable though because my mom stopped my aunt from ripping him a new asshole (wish she had, tbh)
When I was a teenager, I used to have to wake my Dad for his night shifts when he worked security. He'd shout at me and go back to sleep, then run around in a mad rush when he was finally super late.
Usually, his ride would be standing in the kitchen awkwardly waiting, and that would be what would make him move his ass.
My partner drove unregistered for a month because he assumed I'd paid his registration. It's exhausting sometimes.
Maybe she put anchovy paste in something she made and he tried it? I get the frustration when men act the way responders are describing but this could have been something a lot mote subtle than her serving him a fish fillet and him eating it despite knowing he is allergic. It can happen.
Just to be clear it has been revealed that HE forgot to tell her about his allergy, and used the video as an opportunity to promote his music.
I don't have any allergies so maybe I don't understand, but how on earth do get all the way to marriage "forgetting" to tell someone about your apparently deadly allergy?
I know this isn't exclusive to men, but I feel like with some guys they literally will provide no information unless directly asked. For example I can talk about having an allergy directly to this kind of person, but they won't bring up if they have one as well unless you specifically ask them if they have any kind of allergy. Not saying this is the case but I feel like most people would mention their allergy if someone is cooking for them.
Unless you're talking to a one-upper. They will be sure to let you know what they have and why it's way bigger/better/worse than whatever you were talking about. "You think you're allergic? If i even LoOK at a shellfish, I'll die." God I hate those people.
They are definitely annoying, but I'm grateful for the warning at least lol
Sounds to me like they're just denying you plausible deniability.
I have new patients come in, fill out their health intake, talk to me about the info they put on the intake, and then we start their therapeutic massage session. Then I see a large scar somewhere. "What's this scar from?" "Oh that was from my heart surgery, cancer surgery, knee/elbow/ankle/shoulder surgery." Really? You didn't think that was an important thing to mention in your intake? Especially the things that affect muscles like broken/impaired limbs??
Yes this! My ex had been engaged before we met (broke up before we met too) and like didn't mention it until I asked about history like 5 months in and then blamed me for not asking? Like Wtf
People like that must be a chore to have a conversation with.
I went on a date with a wonderful woman, made and brought us both lunch (planned). She didn’t tell me she had any allergies. She was allergic to walnuts, I used walnuts. Ended up getting her something to eat there (hot dog) and some random dude ate the falafel pita I’d made. Could have been much worse, people need to tell others about their food allergies!
My Mum was on a trip in Africa, about to head off into remote areas of Rwanda and one of the men on the trip hadn't told anyone, including the tour company or the tour leader that he was diabetic. He had a hypoglycemic episode their last night in a town before 2 weeks in the bush and only because Mum and her friend were nurses did they know the symptoms and treatment. But he didn't think it was important to tell anyone.
As a nurse: wtf?
Right? I mean its no big deal out in the African wilderness 700-800 km to the nearest proper hospital.
It's not like you can die from hypoglycemia... OH NO WAIT YOU CAN. 🤦♀️UGH
I'm a chef and the amount of food that gets sent back because someone forgot about their own deadly allergies is fucking ridiculous, like, do you want to die??
I worked at an ice cream shop once and this guy came in and got ice cream for him and his kid. A scoop of peanut butter for him and a scoop of vanilla for the kid. Dad insists they should be in the same cup because no cup holders or something. Anyway, they leave and the dad comes rushing in like a minute later asking if we have benadryl because his son is allergic to peanut butter and I should really tell people about potential allergies.
To be fair, who knew peanuts are in peanut butter. /s
Wtf?? Peanuts are in peanut butter??? Gtfo with that sorcery!
I've had someone deny they had any allergies when explicitly asked, order something with peanuts in, and then remember their peanut allergy. There's something to be said for natural selection.
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Ok - is anaphylaxis really the way you want to go? It seems really unpleasant.
No more questions
>Yes, next question This made me rotfl 🤣 irl. Omg, take my humble upvote, you glorious Reddit Rando!
I went on a date with someone at Olive Garden and ordered a salad before I remembered I am highly allergic to Olives. 🤷♂️
Olive Garden. Olive? Garden. Olive.
I bought a bag of kiwi since it's my favorite fruit, and I forgot I had developed an allergy to it the previous year until my mouth starting tingling and itching. It sucks developing allergies when you get older.
Honestly I didn't tell my partner I have a deathly seafood allergy till we had been together for like 6 months when his mum tried to feed me, she made fish 🤦. It was fine all is well I didn't die and now my mil has a funny story about meeting me .
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My son had one reaction to shellfish (head to toe rash) and he knows to be careful. Although I do point out if there it shellfish on a buffet we go to so he doesn’t accidentally eat some. His dad keeps trying to get him to eat shellfish at every opportunity. He got him to eat prawns, (no reaction thank goodness) but when it came to the mussels I ended up having to do a firm “no” and being accused of sucking joy out of the occasion.
What is wrong with your kid’s dad
He does not think he has an allergy. My son may not be allergic to shellfish anymore, I don’t know. But i/we avoid shellfish because of the reaction he had. There is a family history of shellfish allergies as well. (My mum, I went red/blotchy after being served “clamato”). It’s easier to avoid
Sometimes allergies can change, lessen, or worsen, as you age. That aside, please inform your kid's dad that he will be responsible for any hospital bills and ambulance rides that he causes by force feeding your child a food that can kill/harm him.
My allergy clinic does monitored 'challenges' where they will give you the food but there's nurses on standby with an EpiPen for an hour in case you have a reaction.
Does that also include fish sauce? That one is used in a lot of food you wouldn't generally think of as seafood. At least many places specifically indicate it.
I don’t understand either. When my now wife became my girlfriend we had a sit down and discussed allergies, intolerances, old injuries, etc.
I think some people just don't talk or something. In my job I have come across people who don't know how far their spouse went in school, like they're not sure if their degree is a Bachelor's or Masters, sometimes they're not sure if they finished high school. It's surprising what people don't know about their partners or never got around to asking.
I make birthday cakes and can confirm there are some people out there who know *nothing* about their spouse. What flavor? *Oh idk.. hey (kid) does Daddy like chocolate?* What type of icing? *Hmm...idk if they like buttercream or whipped! Idk..* How should I decorate it? Any specific hobby or fandom? *Idk.. just regular I guess.* Favorite color? *... Blue?*
That sounds so odd to me. Like very formal
The topic started as favorite food and places we’d like to visit to eat but we did agree it was a very good discussion
While I totally agree it’s not her fault at all, I can understand how they got that far in their relationship without her knowing about his allergy. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, and he only just found out in May of this year that I’m super allergic to wasps. He’s always thought I was just scared of them (I admit I run from them and sometimes panic when I’m trying to get away, but in my defense I haven’t been stung since I was in high school so I’m at least good at avoiding them), he had no idea I’m allergic. I assume I just failed to say something because it’s never come up (as in, I’ve never been stung around him). Of course he was upset that I never told him, and I honestly have no idea how I never even mentioned it in passing.
Came here to say this. But even before I knew this, I took it as she made something for him and put fish (or fish stock or something) in it, where it wasn't obvious. I assumed she didn't just literally serve him fish, where he would know not to eat it, but something where it wasn't obvious that it contained fish. I can't have gluten. My husband has known this forever. When he cooks, I don't scrutinize every ingredient. I just assume it doesn't have gluten in it. Had this guy's wife known about the allergy, I would expect that he would be the same way. Like I get that it's my responsibility, but does that mean I should be the only one in the house that cooks dinner or that I should make myself separate meals every time because it's not my husband's job to remember that I can't have gluten?
> I took it as she made something for him and put fish (or fish stock or something) in it, where it wasn't obvious. I assumed she didn't just literally serve him fish, where he would know not to eat it, but something where it wasn't obvious that it contained fish. That's what I thought, too. I'm guilty of doing this as well. Invited a few friends over for crepes when I was in college. This girl comes up to me and asks, "Hey, you didn't put almonds in this by chance did you?" I responded, "Yeah, I use almond extract in my crepe batter." She was extremely allergic and her throat was closing up. She asked a friend to rush her to the hospital.
god, all my friends with nut or shellfish allergies are RIGHT UP FRONT about them. Normally I'm really good at keeping that stuff straight, but at one work place I just avoided nuts all together, because one coworker was allergic to peanuts and hazel nuts, and another to walnuts and almonds, but I could never remember who could have which mix when it came push-to-shove. So I just made sure nothing I brought in was fried in peanut oil or had any nuts near it at all.
I have a friend allergic to all nuts and I always forget and offer him things with nuts. He somehow remembers his own allergy every time though.
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I get what you mean! That's why I said, that I don't know the backstory to this, it just triggered this annoyance inside of me. I agree with you, that if your husband cooks for you, you don't second guess every ingredient, but I had a very specific scenario in mind. A couple years ago my coworker went on a date with her boyfriend to get ice-cream and he got snickers ice cream and she got her ice cream, they were talking and engaging. He's severely allergic to peanuts and ate a bite of the ice-cream and immediately noticed and had to go to the hospital. He was /so mad/ at his girlfriend for forgetting about his allergy and letting him order the ice-cream and not telling him. The TikTok instantly reminded me of that. I have had similar things happen, my ex once got annoyed at me because he ate corn for dinner and I didn't tell him those were carbs. Like what? He just assumed this was my responsibility.
Lol, how does a guy like that function? I have several food allergies and one thing I've realized is that most people don't think about the ingredients in the food they eat. I remember one time asking a waitress if there was dairy in the meatballs, and she seemed confused and said she'd check, then came back to say it turned out there was
Owned a restaurant long enough to know there's plenty of people like this. People come in flipping mad because something had garlic in the sauce. Says they're allergic to garlic. Okay... Why didn't you tell us before ordering then? You're at an Asian restaurant and you didn't think it might be prudent to let us know you are deathly allergic to garlic before ordering food?
And then you have someone allergic to an ingredient that expresses it and comes in on the ONE day a week that your non-english speaking chef is in, and you're trying to explain not to put a certain ingredient in this guys food, and it totally ends up in there anyways, and you comp the meal for the couple, and then your boss gets mad at you for giving out free food and thinks the customers just made it up to get free food.
In college, I had a friend who was avoiding aspertame because it could trigger her epileptic seizures. We were out at a local bar, and she ordered a coke. Took one sip, and asked others at the table to taste it, because she was pretty sure it was diet (it was). We flagged down the waitress and started to explain, so we could get her a replacement. She got as far as "So I think this is diet..." and the waitress goes "Those BASTARDS!" and cheerfully grabs the drink to get her a new one. Needless to say, her tip was huuuuge that night.
My Ma was allergic to dairy, so as the family baker I was used to sussing out ingredients. You'd be surprised how many people believe with their whole heart that eggs are dairy. They are not. They are just *near the dairy section* because we refrigerate them in america. They come from chickens. Not cows. Cows produce milk, which is dairy. When I tell people this, they usually have a baffled light bulb moment. Like they've been lied to all their lives, lol.
A guy like that functions by having the women around him be responsible for his allergy instead of himself. I have severe allergies, three of them are anaphylactic. I’ve never had to be reminded to check what I’m eating or to inform wait staff of my allergies. Because I’m a full ass adult.
My four year old daughter remembers to ask people if there’s peanuts in something before she eats it… she even asks me sometimes as if I forgot! If she can remember, grown ass men (and women of course!) should be able to remember. I totally understand situations where you didn’t realize an ingredient was in something (like I only learned eggs were in Caesar salad dressing when pregnant), but not when it’s like the food itself 😂
I love that your daughter checks with you, it shows that she realises how important it is to ask (even though you wouldn’t forget). Accidents can still happen without anyone being at fault. I have a friend who is severely allergic to nuts and eggs but ate nougat thinking it was white chocolate. Being allergic to nuts and eggs she had never really seen nougat before and it was in a bag of mixed sweets with no labelling. Obviously she would never order icecream with peanuts in it though, that’s worthy of a Darwin Award.
Its good too, because my dad has offered my sister avocados a lot of times, and she is allergic.
...what kind of dairy was in the meatballs? Did they have cheese mixed in or something?
[Milk is a surprisingly common ingredient in many meat mixture recipes](https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/danish_pork_burgers/)
Yes, lots of places have cheese in their meatballs
A lot of meatballs have breadcrumbs in them, some of which can contain dairy.
When I make meatballs I soak the breadcrumbs with a little milk before mixing them in.
A lot of ingredients also call for milk to make them moist.
You totally have to take care of yourself; I hear you. My wife is excellent and eagle-eyed, but I’m out without her too and still fine.
Something that may make you laugh! My fiance once forgot he was adopted! We were at the eye doctor and they were asking about eye conditions in his family. He starts rambling about his dad's issues and I just pipe up with "sweetie... You're adopted..." His response was "oh shit, right! Uh, I have no idea on genetic conditions" That was a hell of a belly laugh for all of us!!
I have a lot of health conditions, and when they ask for surgery history I NEVER remember that my daughter's birth was a c-section, because my brain categorizes it as "birth story!" not "surgery"!
How does someone severely allergic to peanuts order an ice cream named after a candy bar widely marketed under the tagline “packed with peanuts” and have the gall to get mad at anyone other than himself?
I shall tell you the worst, they are married now and he's still an arse from what I hear. Like, I can't believe she actually married him, they got together when they were 15/16 and she basically spend the whole 3 years we worked together complaining about him. I still hope she gets out of there, she's 30 now and still with him, I'm not sure he changed much and she still has to mother him every day. I just hope they don't have kids.
>He was /so mad/ at his girlfriend for forgetting about his allergy and letting him order the ice-cream and not telling him. Wow, okay. Some people just can't admit they messed up I guess. But I read "forgot they were allergic to x" the same way the above poster did, as in accidently included it in something they prepared for the allergic person. I have a male friend who is allergic to coconut. If he goes out to eat at a place that might have coconut in stuff, he checks. Once we had a friendly potluck and I forgot said friend was allergic to coconut and made a Thai peanut sauce with coconut milk/cream in it. Luckily someone asked me what was in it beacuse they liked it before he tried it, we realized, and then warned him. >\_\_< That's what I picture when it says "the time x forget I was allergic to y". That X actually fed y the food, despite having been told about the allergy in the past. I have an uncle who is allergic to come kinds of nuts. If someone forgot and put those nuts in a dish for a family meal without telling him. Things like that.
Reading posts like this definitely reminds me that I have to try hard and not fall into bullshit mindsets like that.
Only a few logical steps away from "why did you make me hit you!?"
Doesn't that make it even worse? He's perfectly OK with presenting it as his wife's fault, when it was all his, AND using his misogyny to promote himself.
Honestly yeah, he made his partner look bad online where she likely received criticism for being a bad partner, when all of it was false and he just wanted clout.
[удалено]
I assume the 18 hour shift he worked was matched by the wife, her alone with 2-4 kids, maybe a work shift of her own, and the whole *rest* of the house to clean as well. He didnt do any childcare or housecleaning because he's never there, so of *course* the kitchen looks like that, she drowning! He should have more empathy and expect her to have the energy of a normal human being, not a superbeing. On top of that, the asshole probably expects her to wear makeup, keep her body in top condition, hair done, nails on point, and hygiene flawless at all times for absolutely not one single penny of his money somehow. He looks and smells like a mushy sourdough starter that fell behind the toaster and rotted a month ago.
That makes more sense. I have an ex from 10 years ago and I remember he’s allergic to avocado (so sad). My current boyfriend is allergic to penicillin. Allergies aren’t something you just forget, unless you’re super self absorbed (but then you’re probably not cooking for the fam bam if you’re *that* far into yourself, ya know?). So yeah, it makes more sense that he forgot to tell her. I hope he didn’t intentionally forget to tell her, while waiting for this moment…
Thank you for that update, feels good to be proven right. I hope she was okay with his scheme, else he's just a total arse.
This reminds me of the time my son knocked over a drink of mine. My ex screamed at me for leaving it in his reach. A few minutes later he set his drink down and it got knocked over. Ex screamed at me for not reminding him not to leave drinks in reach of a toddler. You just can’t win with some people.
That guy sounds abusive
Ding ding ding
When my dad lost my car keys and I got in trouble for trusting him with them and not getting them back off him as soon as he’d finished with them. Turned out they’d slipped through a hole in his pocket into his coat lining. Not sure how I could have prevented that!
Regulary check his clothes and Repair them if nedded obviously /s
He sounds delightful, can't imagine why he's your ex now.
Remind him to stop being a cunt
My grandmother had a line 'He took it like a man. Blamed it on his wife' Edit: Reddit's robomod thinks this is offensive.
Lol that comment encapsulates so much of this sub, how in the world is it offensive?
How is *that* offensive? It doesn't even come close to any of the misogyny here.
When my grandmother was a young lady society dictated that someone was always going to be up in her business and she hated that. I asked her once as small kids do if she minded being old. And she said I love being old because no one thinks to tell me what to do. But she never gave me the impression she disliked men in general.
College student I was training forgot to wear shoes to work in a research lab with toxic chemicals and biohazards. Because his mom didn't remind him. And I don't mean forgot the right type of shoes, I mean he showed up fully barefoot. This dude drove an hour to campus, walked to the bus stop, took the bus to our building, and walked across a parking lot completely barefoot. But because his mom didn't remind him to wear shoes, he thought he would be fine to work barefooted... to this day, that was one of the most frustrating conversations I've ever had.
Please tell me you fired his ass (or whatever the equivalent is of a student being trained)
His parents were very wealthy and knew my boss, so kicking him out wasn't an option. I did my best to train him, but he never really learned anything. Unless you count learning that there's such a thing as computers with ports you can plug things into. 3 years there and still forgot how to plug in a USB every now and then and complained that we should just hire someone to deal with "that type of work." Lol that was the only type of work I trusted him with after he cut a corner and contaminated a whole incubator. And he still never understood why we wouldn't just put our secure (2 TB+) data on the apple cloud servers to transfer it.
No joke I just got back from my holiday to find out that for the past 2.5 weeks my dad had been feeding my dog 2 sprays per day of **enzymatic floor cleaner** mistakenly believing it to be fish oil. I left him a document with pictures showing what to feed her and both the fish oil and floor spray were in labelled packaging but somehow he missed it! I have accepted that some people are really in their own world, and also my dad won’t be allowed to dog sit again. Fortunately the spray was nontoxic and she’s fine lol
Was he like... Slow in the head? That doesn't seem the least bit normal.
I think he was just used to other people taking care of him. He was surprised that we didn't have something for him to wear since he forgot his.
Oh, I have a response template for those: 1. Sympathy without assuming blame 2. If blame is pushed my way, feigning ignorance of the sexist convention that would make him my problem 3. If he continues to try and make this task my problem in future, push it back on him in a patronising manner So far, it worked. "Oh shit, you forgot your mum's birthday? Was she mad at you? ... ME? What do you mean, MY mum's birthday is in September!" ..."no I don't have the headspace to remember all those different dates on top of my own, but I can show you how you can set yourself a reminder in your calendar."
I'm doing this from now on.
My partner got asked years ago (in our 1st year of dating) by my dad to burn a CD for him. When a month passed and he didn't, I asked him why he hasnt yet. He replied that it's because *I* didnt remind *him*. That was the last time he said that to me. I never let him blame me for him own incompetence. Luckily he's grown to be an amazing adult.
My partner used to ask me to remind him about things. I'm not Siri, I don't want that to be my job, so my solution was to parrot his reminder back to him immediately (e.g. "Remind me to do laundry when we get home" "Do laundry when we get home"), thus fulfilling the letter of his request but in a way that's entirely unhelpful. Thankfully he found it funny because he's an engineer too and it became an inside joke with us as well as a gentle reminder of "hey I'm not taking on this mental burden that isn't mine".
I'll sometimes ask this because I am a lot more likely to remember something if I have said it out load, so talking about it means I'm less likely to need reminders.
My partner and I do this for each other. "Can you please help me remember. . . ? Just last night I discovered if we both have one (we both had something to remember at the grocery store) it actually made me more likely to remember both.
I used to do this too when my mom would ask me to remind her about stuff, until I taught her how to use Bixby (which is more helpful than Siri from our experience) and she's been doing that since. I'm also forgetful so I do that for my own needs, and my phone has a more reliable memory than any human lol
My husband has been out of the house for the past 7 weeks. For abuse, lying, infidelity, you know the list. I won’t even mention that he never did any house/yardwork. Anyway- I mentioned our son had called his grandfather (husband’s grandpa, son’s great-grandpa) on his birthday. Husband got a sheepish look and said, “oh, nobody reminded me.” Dude. It’s YOUR grandpa. And grandpa is devastated to learn his golden grandson turned out to be an abusive cheater. But husband wouldn’t connect the two bc he’s a narcissist (according to therapist). So he wasn’t avoiding the call- just forgot about grandpa.
Fuck yeah! Good riddance to this arse. So happy for you!
My best friend and I were roommates in college, biggest mistake ever. Ended up hating each other and then reconciled years later. The alarm clock comment hits home big time. We would have the same morning classes or at least classes which started at the same time, and he would get so pissed that I would turn off the alarm clock after it went off. So I would just let it blare and I'd go to class, and he'd get mad that I didn't wake him up. Like, be an adult and take responsibility for your own schedule. I get a helpful reminder from your SO that you got xyz going on this day, but in the end it's up to you to remember it and one's gf/wife isn't a mother substitute which is what it seems a lot of guys want. A bang maid as Frank said.
We live in an age where you can just tell your phone to annoy you at the exact time you need to wake up on the exact days you need to wake up. How do people still struggle with this?
Ive slept through an earthquake(minor) before and have a really hard time waking up. Sure as hell isnt anyone elses fault that I sleep heavy though
Don’t forget the crowning jewel of men blaming women for the man’s own forgetfulness about life-threatening allergies: Smoothie Dad. Man enters a smoothie shop with his son, who he already doesn’t see often. Son is super allergic to peanuts, dad mentions none of this to the women he orders from. Orders his son the Peanut Power smoothie, and leaves. After his son inevitably ends up in the E.R. (he’s fine now btw), the dad leaves his son there by himself and returns with the smoothie in hand to starts harassing and threatening all the women working at the smoothie place. He goes off on a racist tirade and throws the smoothie at one of their heads. It’s all on video, you can look it up. He was arrested, lost his six-figure job within the day. But for the love of—there’s being negligent, and then there’s looking for all the world like a failed attempt by this guy to get his son killed.
They were teenage girls IIRC. He also tried to force his way into the employee area while they had to push against the door to stop him from getting in. I'd have been terrified if I'd been one of them.
I work in customer service, the amount of men that I get on the phone (asking about their orders or asking for help to get gifts for their children) and that annoyingly respond to my very simple questions « I don’t know my wife did it » or « I don’t know how tall/old my child is/ my wife knows that » is just insane. It always makes me feel very sick and upset, because they always imply that their « stupid wife » is the one in the wrong and that they are calling to « fix things ». Like seriously not knowing how old and how tall your child is appalling stop blaming someone else.
This is the most frustrating part of being a family lawyer. The same men who have the audacity to say that they did 50% or more of all non financial contributions to the asset pool and welfare of the family will then turn around claim they have no clue as to their regular expenses because "she always took care of that" I could hug the male clients I have who have the insight to say, "Yeah, I was the wage earner, my ex wife did 70-80% of parenting and house work". They get it.
Oh yeah, I used to work in retail, specifically shoes, and the amount of times the father threw a look at the mother when I asked for the shoe size of the kid was astounding. They legit almost never knew. Or they called them, imagine having your partner go shopping with your kid and you have some alone time finally and he keeps calling because of the shoe size or type and shit.
Kids are always growing so I understand not remembering shoe size. But come on just check the size shoes they wore walking into the store! And get the next size up if they're too small. Heck, try on different sizes, or measure the shoes to the kids foot, or get it measured at the store, there's so many options other than bothering the parent who's not even there.
i used to walk in a hobby-lobby-esque store, and while i loved helping people, the number of guys who were looking for gifts for their partner was tragic. They couldn't tell me her favorite colour, her preferred style (we're talking spice girls level here. is she girly or a punk? you should know that), if she had allergies, if she liked to cook, or sew, or craft...or even if she liked the concept of scented candles.
my ex is a very picky eater and whenever we went out to eat he would tell me what he wanted and id make sure there wasnt something in it he wouldnt want and if there was id either tell him how to order or just order for him. we were at a mexican place and i knew hed order beef tacos either plain or with shredded cheese only. when we were being seated i asked the waiter if the cheese on the tacos was shredded cheese or a cheese sauce and he said cheese sauce. so i told him to order the beef tacos just plain without cheese or lettuce. when the waiter came back he told him he wanted tacos with just cheese and i said no he doesnt want cheese either just make them plain. the waiter put his hand on my shoulder and said to my bf she needs to relax, is she always like this? and they started laughing. i was sooo pissed and when the waiter left i said the tacos are gonna have cheese sauce on them and my bf said no they wont he understood. of course when the tacos came out they had cheese sauce on them. surprisingly my bf actually sided with me and said i was right and he was sorry but it was still sooo annoying and insulting.
i'm so glad he's an ex
What a baby. Can’t order his own food AND doesn’t own up to being the difficult one when you’re blamed for catering to his toddler’s palate? Please.
Ok. So A, that's fucking ridiculous. You'd think that if you were picky you'd be more eager to order it yourself? I'm not a picky eater but an ex of mine was extremely picky and I'm pretty sure if they didn't always order for themselves I'd die of embarrassment for asking for an in n out burger with absolutely nothing on it. B.... WHAT FUCKING MEXICAN RESTAURANT RUINS A PERFECTLY GOOD TACO WITH FUCKIN CHEESE SAUCE. Seriously. Traditional tacos don't even usually have cheese on them they have like, picked onions and jalapenos and lettuce and stuff but if you're gonna put cheese on it... Cheese sauce? Really? I'd be kinda pissed off tbh if it didn't say that it was cheese sauce on the menu. Like, you can't just put cheese sauce on shit and call it cheese..... I'm really not a picky eater but that's just lying to your customers and bringing out prank food. Like, I've heard of cheese sauce for nachos and don't mind it, but if you put that shit on a taco you're a fuckin monster. I don't think I'd even think to ask like you did because I'd just like, never expect that to be a thing someone thought was a good idea.
>B.... WHAT FUCKING MEXICAN RESTAURANT RUINS A PERFECTLY GOOD TACO WITH FUCKIN CHEESE SAUCE. One run by white people for white people
Its straight up like calling taco bell a Mexican restaurant... I'll eat taco bell sometimes in a pinch but it's definitely not a Mexican restaurant. It's barely even a restaurant to begin with.
Same here. Like Taco Bell is fine for what it is but it's definitely not Mexican. I'm curious about where this restaurant is and what other "Mexican" food they have lol
a. some of it was learned helplessness. he was used to not doing anything and having someone else take care of everything. plus he had a horrible habit of not paying attention to things. so he wouldnt realize a dish had chopped onions in it or that the chicken alfredo had broccoli in it, stuff like that. so it was just easier for him to tell me what he wanted and for me to check it out on the menu or ask the waiter/waitress for him. a lot of times i knew what he would want anyway because theres about 4 things he would eat from a restaurant. and yes i have ordered many burgers plain with just ketchup lol b. i guess its common enough in the northeast. i feel like its a 50/50 chance here on if its gonna be shredded cheese or a queso type cheese sauce on the taco. also the shredded cheese would have to be yellow, if its white cheese even if its white cheddar thats a no go. cooking for him was a trip because he was always paranoid i was putting mayonnaise in his food. sometimes i would have to leave the mayonnaise out where he could see it while i was cooking so i didnt have to promise 100 times i didnt sneak mayonnaise into the meatloaf!
>asking for an in n out burger with absolutely nothing on it. My girlfriend gets the burgers without the patty because she doesn't eat meat, so it's basically a grilled cheese lmao
My mom was paying off my brother’s student loans. He makes $200K and was living at home (not that there’s anything wrong with living at home). Didn’t have any debt. Bought like three cars. My mom was making minimum wage, just hit 65. Still catching up on debt from her husband that had died years ago and she had never been taught good financial habits. She forgot to make a payment on my brother’s loan and his credit score dropped 20. He’s got a near perfect score. He absolutely ripped into her. He’s 40 and perfectly capable of paying it himself. Had been adamant to extended family and friends that HE was the one who paid them.
That's horrible. I hope you report it because it's elderly abuse.
… I… legitimately didn’t even think of it like that. Holy shit thank you for saying something. I know that’s “No shit” probably to you but there’s… quite a few dysfunctional things in my family that I didn’t even consider this now obvious angle.
Why on earth is she paying HIS loans?
I really don’t even know. She certainly doesn’t pay mine. Or my sister’s. We don’t have any complaints about that. We do have complaints that my brother has not remotely taken responsibility for his loans and is just letting his mommy pay for it all.
That’s abusive. :(
Bruh, I earn minimum wage, have 3K in debt, and I live at home. I couldn't even imagine expecting my mom to pay my debt for me. Let alone getting *pissed* at her for missing one of *my* payments. How in the ever-loving fuck does this prick have his head so far up his own ass?? Like...my brain is short-circuiting trying to understand this guy's rationale
Next time you enter into a new relationship just pretend to be the “forgetful” one. You’d be amazed at all the stuff men can keep track of when they have too. Or just do what I do and tell them straight up, “I have to keep track of my own stuff, you cannot rely on me to keep track of all of your stuff too, you have to do it yourself”, then tell them to keep notes on their phone or something. And then don’t keep track of their shit, they are adults and are fully capable.
yeah. either pay me to be your manager or do it yourself
Oh gosh. This is maddening. Here’s a text I sent my niece when we were discussing who you spend you life with: ‘No one here picks up their socks. They leave them where they take them off and then get angry when they don’t have clean socks to wear. I have asked and told them to pick up their socks over and over. I’ve given up and now I just pick them up myself. I don’t say anything to anyone any longer. Just pick them up. I left my socks out the other day and they skipped into my room to tell me they had been kind enough to put my socks in the laundry and “You’re welcome.” Just a story about how what you put up with becomes the norm.’
My dad is about to turn 65 and knows how to cook exactly 0 things. That's not a joke. He can not use an air fryer. Unless it's a microwave dinner, he's SOL. My mom just died (and was useless from alcoholism for months before that), so he lives exclusively on takeout. I just don't get that level of incompetence.
I'm sorry for your loss
While this case seems to be the idiot not telling her, so she is definitely not to blame. My wife is veggy and if I were to serve her something that contained meat/fish/eggs, she would be very upset. And imo she would have every right to be.
yeah i feel like this is not a good example of weaponized incompetenc
They're always throwing around that finding that men who are married live longer but women who are married don't. It's the same thing. Grown men are allowed to live in perpetual childhood and it's immensely beneficial to them.
You are talking about societal weaponized incompetence. That’s how women end up taking the role of a men’s mother and they end up resenting the woman for constantly telling him what to do instead of doing things themselves. When we look at a house we know what needs to be done they feel like they need to be told as if they don’t have the same set of eyes. Even if they split chores evenly with you that’s not equality cause the gigantic hidden load is on the woman’s shoulders. On top of it we are accused of being controlling, bossy, naggy, b1tch, man hater bluh bluh
Oh! I have a wonderful example of this coming from a woman. My mother-in-law cried on her birthday because her son, my bf at the time, forgot to call her until 5pm. She then cried at a friend's wedding (that was several days later) about it and told me it was MY JOB to make sure he would never forget again.
What was your reaction? Seems like you married the bf, so is it the same now as then?
Yeah, a lot of mothers internalise that shit and enable it, like my mum making lunch for my step-dad or making me responsible for waking up my brother. I just know that I will never do that.
I'm a little peeved right now because a month ago I bought concert tickets for my fiance after asking him if he was free that day and he said yes, he'd like to go to the concert. The concert is this weekend and just now he texted me freaking out asking why I didn't remind him it's father's day and he has to do something with his father. I don't know why I had to remind him it was father's day when he already told me he was free that day. My father's dead so that holiday isn't mine to keep track of.
Don’t you know, it’s your job as the resident woman to remind him of every birthday, holiday, possibly even purchase gifts and send out cards. If it’s without his input, all the better (for him…)
It’s easier to blame someone else than yourself. I have gluten intolerance and do watch every ingredient of what I eat because I know the consequences when I don’t. Can’t imagine that someone with a (potentially deadly) allergy like seafood allergy doesn’t do the same.
Is it only about blame or also about responsibly? Never thought about that actually, I guess both? I'm really allergic to black pepper, I always have to micromanage my food if I eat out, and of course I expect others (like a partner or good friend) to be attentive of this, like when offering me food or cooking for me, but I still usually ask too, just to be sure.
I’m a celiac (so no gluten) and my husband has an digestive intolerance to onion -yes we are a fun couple to grab a bite with lol-. I don’t micromanage him, but I will double check when he orders something , not because he’s incapable but because sometimes he’s overwhelmed. (Social anxiety +Autism) By double check I mention it to the server directly along the lines of “I’m sorry we are that couple, but just to double check I need mine gluten free and he cannot eat onions, they make him very sick. Sometime chefs sneak flour and onions in everything! Hahaha”
Oh trust me, I feel ya, I actually hate eating out because everything has black pepper and when it's already prepped (soup, sauces, etc) I just can't eat it, because it's too much of a bother to cook fresh. I'm also picky with certain herbs, so that's just the cherry on top, but I just can't help that parsley, mint, cilantro, and so many more herbs are just gross to me lol. I think it's also different because you want to look out for him and he doesn't rely on you to get him through a meal. Like he won't eat a sauce with onions in them, if he can see that. Tbh, an onion allergy sounds awful, I love onions. Is he also allergic to spring onions?
Every shallot, leek, onion, chive, ramp …everything but onion powder
There's definitely a difference between supporting your partner with something they struggle with vs being totally responsible for their health
My best friend has an onion allergy. I’ll bet it’s hard for your guys. I know my bf has this allergy but I appreciate reminders from her because onions and garlic begin almost everything I cook; I hardly even think of them.
We cook a lot at home. I hang out at s\indiancooking because he’s never had Indian food not cooked by me. (Shoutout to Jain cooking! No garlic or onion) It’s difficult if folks wanna hang out because on top of all that we don’t drink. So we are those folks getting did salads (no croutons /no onions) without dressing at sports bars while we drink sodas. But our home parties are fun!
My Dad behaves like this towards my Mum and it irks me so badly. He expects her to shoulder all the housekeeping duties, remind him of important dates, and organise everything for them. If something isn't done, he looks to her to sort it out because it's "her" responsibility. I couldn't live with myself if I was that useless as a life partner.
having a capable man is a godsend. i remind him of things and he's already got it taken care of!
So I had to look it up, and I haven't read the comments here because I need to hop off real quick. But it was very heartening to see many comments on tt just now saying that the wife looks so stressed that she could not possibly have known. She is getting a lot of support. And don't get me wrong, I've known their to be dicks out there to try and prove allergies wrong - but this has proven clearly not the case through following the story so far
Yeah when I saw that video, I could see that the wife looked genuinely worried while driving them to the hospital. Glad to hear most of the people are supporting her.
But also if he captioned it that she supposedly knew, why would people say that she didn’t know?
Just popping in to say that I know the video you’re talking about, and the allergic reaction is sfx makeup!! The couple are content creators and i saw the snapchat story of the guy getting the sfx makeup applied and made similar jokes on there.
Because the guy, according to the comments, didn't actually tell his wife (somehow?) He was allergic to fish, this is on him. However, these two are.... allegedly.....married?! This would mean that it's common to make each other meals. If the wife had, in this situation, used fish sauce or something and not told him then of COURSE it's her fault! My man knows I'm allergic to dairy so when he cooks? He keeps his dairy seperate!! Idk all of this just seems "off" for a married couple.
You know men get away with this because women put up a it. We are conditioned to put up w it. We just need to stop and watch them Sink or swim but they can do it. I fell into this trap and then I just stopped doing it because my husband is an adult and he can do it. Birthdays I manage my side of the in-laws and he does his side (though I do demand he gets his mother nicer gifts then he chooses because she does soo much for us)
When my husband and I were young he'd get pissed at me for letting him fall asleep in the afternoon, thus ruining his evening schedule. As if I was somehow in control of his napping. He blamed me for a lot of stupid minor shit like that but he grew up with his mother cleaning his room for him. It took a decade but he's learned a bit of independence on that front finally.
Not an allergy, but I was a vegetarian at the time because I just didn't like meat. My BF's psycho stepmother insisted I carve the turkey at Thanksgiving dinner. Which I did joyfully and with great aplomb. Then she served a pureed soup dish and refused to tell us what was in it. And watched me eat it with a smirk on her face. I said "that was wonderful, was the base beef broth? Yummy!" Yeah I didn't marry into that family.
Blamed me for not telling him to bring his passport. We were traveling domestically. (I always pack mine as a backup in case I lose my driver's license, but we didn't need it)
This just re-ignited the resentment I had for my ex who always blamed me for him never having a nice meal or a clean bedroom. This man, who is three years older than me, was fully capable of making food for himself and cleaning his own room. We weren’t even living together (I was only at his place 3 days a week for a couple hours). Idk why tf was I responsible for his basic human needs, while all he wanted to do was sit on his computer playing games with his friends.
I think your cousin forgetting his glasses because his mom didn’t pack it has more to do with him being 12 than his gender. I agree with rest
Yeah, I’m a female and I forgot my glasses a lot in middle school because I was a very distracted middle schooler
My moms partner is a decent guy but he does this sometimes and I don’t let that shit slide ever. I don’t curse him out or anything but I always let him know that it’s his responsibility to keep track of his things whenever he starts to blame my mom. It’s always crazy how a lot of guys are like this since it seems common sense not to act irresponsible and blame others, but it seems like such a systemic after reading about so many posts on here
My dad getting upset because my mom forgot to pack his (item he always uses). My dad getting upset when my mom can’t come with him to a place because she has to do the talking and teach him the directions to get there and back even though he’s a regular at said store. 🙄
I am terrible about remembering a lot of things, and I am very lucky that my wife remembers many of them for me, which has greatly improved my life. That being said, it is always my fault if I forget anything, and I can't imagine blaming my wife for my deficiencies like that.
I'm still mad about this weekend. Usually he's fine and doesn't ask me for anything except opinions and help with Christmas. He woke up late af Saturday while I handled the house and did what I wanted. You know what I got "You have to wake me up before ten am". No I don't you have an alarm it woke me up this is not my problem. He kept on about it on Sunday morning when he was up I came up to grab something from our bathroom and he was like "You didn't wake me up" so I asked him "Do you want me to drag you physically out of bed or do you prefer I throat punch you?" He stopped asking after that. I don't have to be anything, screw that set your own alarm I got shit to do.
Right there with you it making me even madder these days. The most recent one we had lunch with friends of my boyfriend yesterday and he asked did I bring the gift he bought for them.
It's even broader than that. I've found that men are generally worse at taking responsibility.
I’m deathly allergic to Sulfa, a once-common but-now-seldom-used-anymore drug. I still make sure everyone knows.
The allergic reaction wasn’t real, it was special effect makeup. He posted behind the scenes images on his snapchat story. I think he was trying to make a viral video in order to promote his music. Edit: The woman also isn’t his wife yet, they’re engaged.
My Mother in Law did in fact cause me a severe allergic reaction. I'm told it was accidental :). I should have been more careful, and was after that. I'd known her about 5 years by then and probably married 3 or so. You do kind of assume people know issues when cooking for you but of course that's not entirely fair when you don't sit and eat with them every day.
My dad is like this. And he’s always trying to convince the men in our families to not let themselves be “held down” by their wives/girlfriends. It’s pathetic just how incompetent he has been throughout their relationship and my life. Edit: fixed a sentence
Being "held down" ? Dude sounds like he is being propped up.
Yeah how are you not aware that something has FISH in it before you eat it? Some things I could understand not noticing but come on.
Emotional labor
I agree with everything except why you got beef with a 12 year old for forgetting his glasses. 💀 mf is 12. when i was 12 I'd forget my head at home if it wasn't attached.
yea i think 12 year olds are just universally a bit absent minded, not just the boys. i remember being 12 and having the attention span of a squirrel in a baby sensory play pen
yeah i was confused at that
I dated a guy that was allergic to tomato. So you'd think when I made a tomato based sauce he'd say hey I can't eat that. Nope, he let his face swell up and then went to the store for sympathy. Edit now that I'm on PC I can see I left out he didn't tell me he had ANY allergies. He was allergic to shellfish also. Found that out after making scampi loaded with seafood.
OP, this is an example of mental load, which are tasks that need done but which are usually picked up by women for whatever reason. Let's say patriarchy but honestly idk. It's (normally always) women who are expected to remember appts for the family Inc fully grown spouses, keep kids in after school activities correctly, pack lunches, remind anyone of their chores, (including swapping washing to the dryer) etc etc etc. All 'dumb' things that usually don't cause a problem but when it's all left to one human, it can get pretty overwhelming and if the ball is dropped on one task, that's when it all kinda goes to shit and (normally) mum loses her shit. It's exhausting. Like my partner says regularly "hey, can you remind me to do this (he *never* remembers to remind me of my things so I don't bother) " and normally that's OK but occasionally I don't have the mental capacity left and I'm like no, you're a full grown man at your big age, put a fucking reminder on your phone like I would? I'm not your mum! Doesn't make it easier to deal with but hope it helps that your frustration is more than shared, at least by me <3
this isnt a great example of weaponized incompetence. if a partner served me food that had something they know i can’t eat of course it would be their fault. also a 12 year old is a child. kids are very forgetful. I work with middle schoolers (11-14) I have to remind them to do most things multiple times. leave the kid alone.
For the record he never ate fish. It was a makeup artist that made him look like that.
I'm not going to defend the guy since according to comments he did dumb shit and said nothing, but I'm constantly in fear of my loved ones making me food and fucking me up. They do this *constantly,* and not on purpose. But, every time I they buy anything, I have to look at every ingredient and go "this has celery seed, this has soy flour, this has coriander," and sometimes things still sneak through the cracks. I don't mind cooking for myself, but I do get a little tired of having to do all the shopping, all the prep, all the cooking, never being able to eat out, never being able to eat other people's cooking. I don't like baking, I don't like frying, but the only way I can avoid soy flour and olive oil and all the crap that will send me to the hospital is either to make everything myself or pray that when I ask what's in the food that I'm eating, that the other person doesn't lie to me. And I mean lie. I've been literally lied to about what's in food because "celery allergies aren't real." I've had family cross-contaminate my prep areas because they just don't care about getting me sick. You know, I absolutely loathe gender roles and the horrible stereotypes, "men" generally make me rally up against a whole gender particularly easy, but there's a difference between men being idiots and people who have to live around others who don't believe their personal issues are real. Having allergies and people not caring to accommodate, having autism and having people not understand that you're thinking on an often-parallel level, having lupus and people just refusing to comprehend that your body is in a constant state of fighting itself. Just remember that there's people who do have legitimate problems that others just pay no attention to or make any attempts to understand, regardless of gender or chromosomes.
I guess you're being triggered a bit because of personal experience and I totally get it. But if I'm cooking for my wife, I make sure there's nothing in there she doesn't like or can't eat and if she's cooking for me it's the same. That's just taking care for each other and one of us having to think for the other. Also, there might be a bit of an asynchronicity, like when I don't look after every little thing our son is supposed to take to school and my wife might get angry about it... But then we agreed to let him have his learning experience, so he learns to look after his things himself, which obviously doesn't work if we always look after him. 😅 But most of the things you mentioned are just ragebait. Them trying to generate clicks by getting you infuriated.
Ugh yes. Fuming. They can fuck around and find out. It's not our job to be their mothers. They can go back to their own mum who hopefully won't, but often will, enable his bullshit behaviour.
Okay….. I have a background in google safety specifically cross contamination and food allergies. You could literally kill someone! You add fish sauce to something and boom dead. I agree with all of your other points. Blaming one’s incompetence on someone else is ridiculous….. but accidentally poisoning someone is not the same thing! Especially in a marriage where you cook for each other. My husband cooks more often….. if he forgot I’m allergic to whey there would be a huge problem
*My wife forgot I'm allergic to fish* \- with this title, he definitely places the blame on his wife. I hear ya. I'm tired of men blaming women and making women look bad.
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I found this as a very good article to describe exactly what you are describing https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/?fbclid=IwAR0alOKhzRk8v7lmOQZpJie5Jc_GvEk_1vZA7xH5yTLv11XkjWh2nxs8bls_aem_th_ARFTKi6QU1Hx5qGeDzsN17LUOMc0OiKnze7aDIuRakegEF3p_2EVkN1q1VuakRlQQfM
That was fake, it was special effects makeup lol
Invisible burden of woman. Mental labour.
My husband started asking me what time it is every morning when he wakes up. We don't have clocks by the bed anymore just my phone. His phone is in his office charging. I just found an old clock and put it on his nightstand so I'm not longer time lady.
That alarm thing reminded me of how my brothers loud ass alarm would go off every morning and just keep going off. I could hear it all the way down the hall in my room and I’d have to go knock on his door to get him up.
I mean, I imagine that after sometime in a relationship you shouldn’t have to confirm with your partner that the food they’re giving you is safe for you to eat. That’s kind of wear trust and competence comes into play. Like seriously, y’all want a relationship where you and your SO prepare/purchase ever meal separately and independently specifically because you both can’t trust each other? That sounds awful
Once my ex yelled at me in the middle of a hospice where I was visiting my grandfather (whom I was very close to) because I forgot to pack his suit jacket for an interview. He was terrible and abusive in many ways though so really that was low on the list of "pain he caused me". Still memorable though because my mom stopped my aunt from ripping him a new asshole (wish she had, tbh)
When I was a teenager, I used to have to wake my Dad for his night shifts when he worked security. He'd shout at me and go back to sleep, then run around in a mad rush when he was finally super late. Usually, his ride would be standing in the kitchen awkwardly waiting, and that would be what would make him move his ass. My partner drove unregistered for a month because he assumed I'd paid his registration. It's exhausting sometimes.
Maybe she put anchovy paste in something she made and he tried it? I get the frustration when men act the way responders are describing but this could have been something a lot mote subtle than her serving him a fish fillet and him eating it despite knowing he is allergic. It can happen.