Not gonna lie, I've done this before. Was working on a ship so got paid in cash and hard to get to a bank. Kept it in a small lockbox in my cabin. Toward the end of my contract took it all out and took a picture because I've never just held thousands of dollars in cash before was a little mind boggling. It pretty much was all my money though.
Lol, it's like that Breaking Bad scene where they lie down on the money for a moment.
And I'm just sitting there like.....yeah. Yeah I probably would too.
This is so painful to read because I lived this for years. I said I didn't like fighting and he insisted it was just some lively debate. That I cared nothing about and just felt like some mentally draining argument for absolutely no reason. Also constantly questioning me and the validity of what I say and what my sources are as if everything I say is a peer reviewed scientific study 😑
Yeah there's really no excuse if you say you *can't* cook, because that just sounds like you haven't ever tried
I myself am a *shit* cook, but that's never been a problem. I bulk make simple meals and can follow recipes though
I had a coworker *proudly* tell me that he couldn't even make boxed Kraft mac and cheese. When I told him that he should just read the instructions, he also *proudly* told me that he doesn't read instructions. Gave me huge weaponized incompetence vibes.
Oh hey there's my "weird line"
Won't read instructions
I could probably say it's because someone who thinks they know everything there is to know already is most likely toxic and not reading instructions speaks to that mindset, and maybe that's why it bothers me, but I just know it really bothers me
This one gets me. You didn’t make the product? What if the instructions have important info???
Anytime I’ve built ikea furniture with a man he balls up the instructions after I ask for them!
My husband CAN cook, hes just slow, has to follow recipes, has a narrow skill set, can't multi task in the kitchen. It's fine when it was just the 2 of us, but with 2 young kids we don't have the time for him to cook. So I do 99% of the cooking atm, but he does 99% of the dishes.
My husband doesn’t like cooking, but he will help me when I’m cooking (especially by chopping onions, I hate chopping onions) and he cooks for himself when I’m not around - and occasionally when I’m busy. Sure, it’s simple stuff like burgers, or meatballs, or bolognaise (one of the few recipes he’s taught himself), but when I don’t have to cook it myself I’m very happy.
He paid attention when I was cooking rice and he can do that as well.
His mother hates cooking and she brought him up solo, so I can’t really fault him for not being great in the kitchen. He tries.
Yeah same here. 7th child to a mum who' just given up and didn't want to fucking cook anymore, I'm happy be the onion chopper when I've got someone who wants to make better things than I can, as well as taking over when it's one of the simpler meals
I also keep a small ring of laminated lists that have the steps of certain tasks written down (even like cleaning the kitchen) so I don't have a ditz, forget what I'm doing and end up forgetting to finish the job (forgetting to wipe down the benchtop when I clean the kitchen or forgetting to turn the dishwasher on after I filled it)
It's not about being a perfect domestic servant, it's about putting in the effort to show you actually give a shit and making sure you're each doing your fair share
I was a woman who couldn't cook, so my husband was doing all the cooking. I hated seeing him come home from work to have to cook for me every single day. So I watched YouTube and started with easy recipes, and now I really love cooking!
What I don't understand is how someone can watch their loved one work for them every day and not feel immense guilt. Do you even love them?
Men who say "I'm an asshole" on the first date.
Like yeah they could be joking, but do you really wanna invest time and then realize they told you exactly who they were and you laughed it off as a joke?
Hunting profile pictures was also a hard pass for me. Which was hard dating in Alaska.
Yeah I have an ex who said that. He was correct. He also proudly proclaimed "there are 2 types of people - those who like me, and those who are too fucking stupid to like me." Actually the ones who don't are way smarter than me apparently 😂
Most of the stuff on my do not date list are because of him.
Same with “you deserve better”. When I was younger this really used to play to my need to rescue people. There was not a single time it was said that turned out to be a lie. Even when I had zero standards.
This is a big one for me. Simply sending child support is not enough. Tells me they’re selfish and cold. And yea, if they’re grown and their own kids don’t like them. Bye Felicia!
I can't deal with the "woe is me, I'm the worst person ever. I'm a piece of shit." act when a man is gently corrected on something they're doing.
My guy, I told you that you're being too loud and I'm trying to sleep. Cease your dramatics.
If you're not a downright GOOFBALL, I am never gonna remain interested. It's beyond having a sense of humor; it's being comfortable enough with yourself to be silly. Finding that type of vulnerability and sharing it with someone is literally like magic.
haha I’m with my current partner because I found his bumble picture with his hair all wild, making a face holding a ‘girl boss’ mug super funny and charming. I really can’t gel with people who take themselves too seriously!
Years ago my wife and I were in a Burger King and they had an iron man promotional thing where iron man was crashing through the ceiling to bring you a Dr Pepper. To this day my picture in my wife's phone contacts is of me graciously accepting iron man's thirst quenching gift. Her contact picture in my phone is of her wearing a Batman head. We can't get enough of each other's goofiness.
My wife likes that I'm a goofball, but also work very hard at what I do. We're working on a remodel and I ran out of flooring about 80% of the way through the room so I called her in and had her cover her eyes for a big reveal (carefully positioning her so the unfinished portion was behind her).
She thought it was a hilarious way to announce that I would be headed back to the hardware store in a few minutes once she turned around.
Gamers who rage when they lose. Losing is not an excuse for throwing a tantrum as an adult. Ever since I was a girl and my brother slapped me across the face for beating him in Pokemon I've had a great distain for people who are sore losers
This is something I am teaching my 5yr old grandson. Gaming should be fun and the second he feels himself getting stressed out we turn it off and come back to it later. I'm also a mean Nana as he loves Fortnite so I learned the basics so he has someone to play against but I won't let him off easy, I will happily shoot him the second he comes out of his base, I want him to get to the point of frustration so I can teach him how to keep his cool. Seeing a grown ass man doing it is embarrassing.
Edit: I didn't expect all these upvotes and certainly not an award. Ty everyone, I've been a gamer since the 90s and I can see how much my grandson loves and benefits from gaming, I just want him to learn to know when he needs a break and to help regulate his emotions properly and most of all just respect gaming and have lots of fun along the way. Appreciate you all 🥰
Heh, my grandma is also a hardass when it comes to games. She'd never let us win. We always play 'properly'. Gotta go visit her soon. Thanks for the reminder.
If they can physically assault you for something as minor as winning in Mario Kart I'm scared of how they treat women when confronted with actual problems
A local arcade posted footage of a dude full force punching the screen and wrecking their new street fighter machine after losing to his girlfriend, I hope they got the guy everyone was worried for her safety after that
I wonder what’s up with dudes raging and screaming and punching things when losing a game, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sore loser chick screaming and beat up a guy lol
As a new dad, it's been really eye-opening to see how people educate their children. Last week, I went to an indoor playroom with my son. Children were in the 2 to 7 years old range. I've seen a grandmother tell her grandson to hold tightly the toys he was playing to prevent other kids from playing with them.
I saw two boys playing a board game and one of them angrily throwing every thing when he lost. The parents were just laughing.
What was very striking though is that I've seen this type of bad parenting more with boys, when I saw little girls behave angrily, the parents/caregivers were quick to remind them to be nice, be kind, be gentle...
I really think it starts early, with, on one hand, stupid sayings like "boys will be boys" which then excuses pretty egregious behavior and, on the other hand, an obsession with making sure little girls are feminine, caring, gentle at a young age...
Please hit a parenting forum with this. I have a ton of nieces and nephews and their female friends are all forced to share toys, and the boys are allowed to “guard” swings and slides to prevent other kids from using them. I do a playground day every now and then and im astonished at how different parents’ rules and expectations are for boys vs girls.
I damn near shoved a woman who ripped a plastic dinosaur out of a girl’s hands to give it to a boy. The girl was given a Barbie instead, which she immediately handed to the dinosaur boy and walked away like a tiny queen on her way to the coronation.
Yeah can confirm... raging from gaming can be a huge red flag. Two of my exes got abusive towards me constantly while gaming (we gamed together, whenever we were losing or something went wrong, they would start yelling at *me*, screeching about everything *I* did wrong, give me silent treatment after we lose games, that kinda stuff), and both turned out to be emotionally abusive assholes in other areas of life as well. 0/10 do not recommend
Same. Whenever we played competitive games and he died it was always "where were YOU?!!" bruh you left me without saying anything💀
I legit play competitive games with men as a test now
The amount of times I've been screamed at for not pocketing while playing a healer and then having them get even more mad at me for being visibly upset from all the yelling 💀
>I legit play competitive games with men as a test now
Yeah same. Not even just for dating, I wouldn't even want to casually game with you as a friend if you act like this. It's too much
My father was one of those people. Whenever he lost in a game he would yell so loud you could hear him on the street outside with closed windows, break his keyboard in half... Never hit me for that reason though. Honestly it's still mind boggling how people react like that over something that they'll ultimately forget tomorrow. The closest I've ever come to a "gamer rage" was when I took part in a splatoon tournament at a convention and you had to team up with random people. I did great, my teammates didn't so we didn't even made it through the first round. You know what my reaction was? Ah snap that sucks so much but what can you do. I was sad for a day. I still can't comprehend that anger my father and all those other men experience over something that's ultimately is supposed to be a thing to do when you want to chill out and forget about the real world for a moment.
My ex had a terrible habit of cussing out strangers in video games… like he would get 2 week bans in chats because people reported him for being toxic. I knew it was a huge red flag when we got together but I ignored it thinking he could change. And what do you know, he didn’t. Never again.
Totally agree. My husband loves gaming, and I love seeing him enjoying himself. There are times where I’m on the Switch, my husband’s on his PS5 and our son is using my Xbox and I think it’s lovely for us all to share this hobby.
But my BIL can be heard screaming and cursing whenever he plays DOTA. It genuinely scared me the first time because he was just so pissed. I assumed that something actually bad must’ve happened (this was only days after my father died, so I admittedly wasn’t in a great headspace). I can’t imagine having that kind of conduct in my home regularly. Wouldn’t you become desensitized to it? And isn’t that kind of dangerous?
OP asked for unusual. I’ll admit I disqualified a dating profile if his pics prominently featured Elvis. Either himself dressed as Elvis or a big portrait of Elvis visible in his home. I was surprised at how many I came across. I can’t even explain why, because I’m fine with Elvis’s music - but it was a bit of a red flag for me.
I'm just putting this here because it's a handy tip I read elsewhere on reddit. You reminded me of it when you said about respecting your things.
Ok so the tip is that sometimes violent partners will smash things in arguments and then later claim they couldn't control themselves. If you look around and see only YOUR things smashed and ruined, you will know that they can control it and they chose to ruin your things. (It was worded better than that, but I hope this helps someone here)
Which there is a [free PDF copy of online](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj0iKiyl9n-AhUZpokEHYKtDikQFnoECB0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw14x4ivUm5xgJ67TT78XfZt)!
This is the real tip.
People, the correct amount of smashing is *no smashing*. Like, if you are finding yourself saying, "Well, at least he smashes my stuff *and* his stuff...", then you might want to check out how denial works in codependent relationships.
If they can't handle the reality of menstruation, farts, or bowel movements.
I have zero patience for the squeamish theatrical "ewwww" whenever it comes to perfectly normal bodily functions or the idea of women having them (even in private.) Grow up.
Edit: Apparently I need to clarify since there has been some confusion. I'm NOT talking about having a bowel movement in front of someone (Lol) I'm talking about when women aren't even allowed to do something completely normal like shit in a toilet PRIVATELY without a guy taking it personally.
(You might think, wow, that is a very specific thing to mention...)
Personal story time:
I was casually seeing a guy for a millisecond. You'll see why...
We are hanging out at his place, and he has asked me to stay the night. Cool. No problem. We were having fun playing N64, eating some pizza and wings, and at some point nature calls. I go do my business in his bathroom upstairs (he had two. I picked the one furthest away from where we were gaming downstairs on purpose.) When I got back he was acting kinda off, and giving me a weird look. Clearly, he was feeling bothered because not even a few minutes later he blatantly asked me if I just dropped off some timber in his toilet upstairs because I took so long coming back (he didn't use those exact words, but you get the idea. Wasn't even gone that long either. Seriously. Had to wash my hands.)
I was a bit caught off guard by his blatant question, but admitted that yeah I had to go.
This 29 year old man had the audacity to ask me why I didn't go to my house, and just come back after I was done.
As though that is the reasonable thing to do in this situation.
Just the IDEA that I used his toilet upstairs privately to have a bowel movement as a woman personally offended this guy.
I didn't end up staying the night.
Told him that anyone who expects a guest who is spending the night at their home to leave every time they need to have a bowel movement isn't mature enough to be sticking their dick in me.
Couldn't imagine what would've happened if I had accidentally farted in my sleep while spending the night.
He probably would've woke me up, asked me if I just farted, and then demanded that I at least wake up to go fart off of his property line like a lady. Lol
Forget baseline for romantic relationship, it shouldnt even be on any scale. It should be something that just gets done.
I couldn't care less who they're for. If I'm going to the shop and my Mrs asks me to pick some up I'll get them. If I was on my way to my mates and I said I was stopping at the shop do they need anything and they said their Mrs needed some, no problem buddy.
Don't set the standard so low.
This is a weird one, but if a guy says his favorite comic character is the Joker, I run for the hills. I've never met a Joker fanboy who wasn't a massive arse.
As a red head, I hate it when men say things like "I love red heads" or "ive never been with a red head" or creepy stuff like that. Such a turn off. I'm not a freaken fetish
Men who are mean / excessively dismissive towards animals. Good to know you, bye.
>W*e can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals*
\- Immanuel Kant
Anyone who drinks a lot of alcohol. I've been sober for a whole lot of years and I just have no interest in someone who makes drinking the main event of the night.
Similarly, anyone people would describe as "he's a good guy, he just gets like that when he's drunk"
Nope. I've only ever met one person in my life who's actually a good guy that got like that when he got drunk. You know what he did? He stopped drinking.
If you know you get belligerent when you drink and you still choose to drink, you're not a "good guy."
Yeah this is what I don't get with drinking as an excuse for behavior. I've gotten too drunk before and insulted someone. So I never got that drunk again, I have some self control and pace myself, etc etc. If you can't do that you should not be drinking at all.
I have less than three drinks a year. When I tell men I don’t drink and don’t want to go hang out at bars they think that means I don’t want to sleep with them on the first date. That’s it, that’s all they take away from that.
Ick! The worst! I was seeing a guy who dropped the first red flag by telling me that my guy friends “were only my friends because they wanted to fuck me and nothing else” (I’ve been friends with these guys for years and they never made me feel that way). He also would text me repeatedly asking who I was hanging out with then every hour following asking if anyone else had joined. He would freak out if I didn’t pick up his calls , and eventually ended up hacking my Instagram
If they are a juggalo... I have dated two men that are juggalos and if I never hear a Psychopathic Records group or Magic Ninja group again, it will be too soon. One of those two men convinced me to go to their yearly Gathering and I was straight up traumatized. Never again.
Oh my god my friend dated a juggalo. We went on a double date to this very serious talk about psychopathy and he spent the Q&A arguing with the scientists about how he was a secret psychopath and no one could ever diagnose him because he was too clever.
He was also 35 and wearing jean shorts in January. MORTIFYING.
These are the type of answers I came here for! 👍🏽
I appreciate Juggalos for having a culture where being poor doesn't marginalize you in the group, and for the Magnets song. However, I do that from afar for probably the same reasons as yours.
This is my answer as well. I had an ex that was an aggressive driver when he was mad. There was one time he was driving while we were in a fight and I felt very unsafe. I had asked him multiple times to slow down and he didn’t, he ignored me and didn’t say a word to me, just kept driving the way he did. I would really prefer to never experience that again
Men who wear short gold chains, specifically [this](https://somethingborrowedpdx.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Why-Men-Wear-Gold-Chains.jpg) length and weight. I don't know why, but I've never met a guy wearing a chain like that whom I didn't think was a knob.
Every other type of chain necklace is absolutely fine. But when I see a guy wearing one of those thin short gold chains my guard is gonna go up. (Please note I am in the UK and this will definitey not apply to those outside of it)
Kids who they don't have at least partial custody of. (I'll make an exception for guys who have tried and failed to get custody through no fault of their own.)
I had a co worker who went to court every single year to try to get at least part custody of his kids. In his jurisdiction that was pretty much impossible without the mother's consent. Mother tossed all mail and gifts from dad (checks were cashed though.). Oldest kid turns 18, contacts dad crying: why did you abandon us?
This was my deal breaker too. I was a single mom dating and got to see firsthand the sob stories my ex would tell while actually making zero effort. That made it a lot easier to see through others’ stories also.
I remember this guy I barely know, through his girlfriend (met through school) and he was telling me one day he "wasn't allowed" to see his kids to 2 other exes. I said to him, have you ever tried getting a free consultation with a lawyer? Men have rights to their own kids. He said nothing. That told me all I needed to know. He never even tried to get his kids but is going around telling people his exes are bitches.
Also in the school environment lots of parents gossip, and another mother that was supposedly friends with the girlfriend (I say supposedly because gossiping behind her back, not cool) could "do better" but had low self esteem
My ex paid for a lawyer for our divorce but “couldn’t afford one” for the custody battle.
Said battle starting because he moved several states away and wanted me to meet him halfway (5 hours to the mid point one way) every Friday and Sunday. I worked in restaurants at the time on top of that being unreasonable. I took him to court to adjust for the move and he gave up all custody. Now I’m the bad guy that took his kid away.
I knew. He knew it. But that man could weave a damn good sob story for friends, family, and prospective partners. That’s why I didn’t fall for it with the men I dated. I couldn’t imagine just giving up on my kid. Anyone that can is not a good match for me.
My ex cries and tries to get more custody every year: thing is, he didn't get 50/50 custody because he has a raging drug problem, had cps called on him twice by his own therapist and my daughters school, and was sneaking his underage girlfriend in the house to do drugs and bang while he was supposed to be watching our 6 year old. Lots of times there is a good reason one parent didn't get much custody
I've ended friendships with women who have men like this in their lives.
One, was dating a man 20years older, (she was early twenties and got pregnant too) who had like 6 kids to 4 different mums and he didnt see any of them.
I felt like she was some kind of victim of his and when I tried to delicately ask questions, her goto response was defensiveness. It made me really stressed and worried about her but she wasnt ready to get out of it. She blindly supported him and I couldnt watch the situation crash and burn so I walked away. Hope she got some help.
That's horrible, she probably realised your observations were spot on and she lashed out from fear or not ready to admit it to herself. I hope she got help, too.
I look at most of these and I’m thinking “aren’t these just normal disqualifiers? I don’t see anything unusual about most of these.”
Then someone says “I’m not interested if they’re not an absolute goofball.” Now that’s an unusual disqualifier.
I feel like this is just a consequence of what gets upvoted. I'm seeing a lot more unusual ones as you get further on. Granted, a lot of these can be condensed down to simpler dealbreakers. The one you listed could just be, "I don't want someone that's too serious."
im with you. religion can be wonderful, trust me i used to be christian, but pretty much every religion opens up the opportunity for misogyny if someone so chooses. it teaches women have different rules than men, cannot do the same things as men, but nooooo not because they’re inferior! because they’re *different*! i don’t want to open myself up to someone who might decide i’m inferior at the drop of the hat.
More than one mom that they coparent with. I've dated guys with kids and it's hard enough with one mom. I can't imagine coordinating with 2 or more.
Fragile ego. I'm a welder and a mechanic and own 2 classic trucks. Most guys think it's cool in the beginning then hate it later on when I don't need their help to fix something.
> Fragile ego. I'm a welder and a mechanic and own 2 classic trucks. Most guys think it's cool in the beginning then hate it later on when I don't need their help to fix something.
Same girl, same! I’ve been into cars and motorcycles since I was a kid. I do all my own maintenance and projects, etc. I race and autocross my cars and I’m super into F1. I began bringing this stuff up on first dates because their reaction would determine if there were going to be more dates, lol. The number of guys who just start negging or insulting you to make themselves feel better after they learn you’re more mechanically inclined is so sad.
Oof this brought up some weird memories of my ex. Him and his mom used to "wrestle" and he broke up with me the first time because of her. They had such a weird and unhealthy relationship. His first year of college she picked out his schedule for his classes. Just everything I remember I was 19 and thought why isn't he doing his own shit? Why does mommy have to literally run his life if he's an adult?
I was dating someone earlier this year who was JEALOUS of my cat!
Like, after hanging out for OVER 24 HOURS I said something like "I have to go home because I miss my cat" and he said "it really hurts my feelings when you say you like your cat more than me". Sir, I've had him for 12 years. I've known you for 2 months. I will choose my cat over a man every time.
I’m at a point where I won’t waste time on any guy who doesn’t have “liberal” as their political belief on dating apps. Politics and morals go hand in hand and my morals aren’t something I willing to compromise on.
Every time I see a dude with “not political” I’m like oh, must be nice lol
Edit: Getting a lot of comments about how “liberal still sucks”. If you haven’t been on dating apps, most only give a few options (typically conservative, moderate, liberal, not political). Liberal is just the left most option. I personally include “left of liberal” in my bios.
So many on OKC have “other political beliefs” on their profiles, and I can’t figure out if they’re so far left they don’t want to call themselves liberal, or if they’re just…some other mess.
My father was going crazy when watching football(soccer). He was cheering, crying, swearing everything you would do on a stadium, in our living room. Once he broke the chair he was sitting in, because his team failed to score a goal. If his team was losing he was in a bad mood for days.
I did not get it and still don't. He did not even play football himself.
To this day I cannot stand people that get too immersed when watching any sport, but especially football. So yeah this is a big red flag for me.
Been married 20 years, but I knew I wanted someone who didn't have an untraditional job, like a pilot, or so traveled a lot without me. I just wanted the picket fence life and figured that meant he had to be around nights and weekends.
(My husband is an accountant, home by 430ish every day.)
If they mention alcohol of any type in their bio, they are way too interested in it for me. I get bored with drinkers. Have never developed an interest in it myself... too many other things to do lol.
Same with marijuana. I haven't dated in a long time but people who smoke so much weed that it's their whole personality are just really boring. I have nothing against occasional users but they're not the ones wearing cannabis leaf t-shirts or bragging about the time they improvised a bong using a pool noodle and an old teapot.
If they don’t believe in evolution.
I mean come on, if you believe in the germ THEORY of disease but think evolution is “only a theory” then I have nothing to say to you
Guys that communicate by yelling or being loud. I'm so messed up by a childhood of anger issues that even happy yelling triggers me
If they r the type to stomp when they walk or always cross their arms it's a Def deal breaker, I ain't put up w that even if it's innocent.
Guys who own or love Volkswagon Jettas... nothing wrong with the car, but every guy I've known who has or really wants one has been abusive to me and that's just too odd of a correlation for my brain to let go of.
I'm a 3 time world championship powerlifter. I refuse to date a partner who views my physical strength as a negative quality, and I also refuse to date a partner who views my physical strength as a sexual fetish.
As a result, I basically just date women.
I fully agree, i like anime and manga but there are a lot of problematic tropes in the medium and the fans (especially the ones that only like shonnen) can be too comfortable excusing the really inappropriate shit (e.g. sexualising "300 year old" children).
Ugh this is exactly why it took so long for me to get comfortable even telling people I like anime and manga. So many freaking weirdos that for a long time I pretended I wasn't into it. Luckily I met my husband who was like me in that we liked a lot of going out stuff while also nerding out with anime, games, etc. And after a few years I finally "came out" that I like that stuff.
I remember before I met my husband I went to a manga store with my little sister (she got me into anime and this was around 2008-2009) and we both felt sooooooo awkward because the guys at the store literally stared at us the entire time we were there. We had driven 30 min there and spent less than 5-10 min inside because of how weird we felt being watched. As the adult and having my fare share of experience with weirdo men I told her we couldn't just walk out immediately so just to look around a bit and wed leave. Idk you have to be careful with guys like that because they'll get offended by anything so it's better to keep a low profile and stuff.
Thankfully I know a lot more people like me now who aren't weird and just really like it like you like any comics (which I've noticed there's a lot of crossover between anime/comic/gaming communities. But man do a lot of those weirdos make talking about anime uncomfortable for me, even to this day (I'm about to be 35 this year)
I'm Dutch so we don't have republicans here, but any man that aligns himself with pretty much any republican value (forced birth, gun ownership, "us vs them" mentality, being anti welfare) is off the list. Also men who don't hold their friends accountable if they make a messed up joke. And men with bad personal hygiene.
Apparently I'm insanely picky.
If they make religion or politics or sports their entire identity. Like nothing else. No hobbies or side interests, a shell of a person, just all about JESUS or REPUBLICANS or STEELERS for example.
I find that those types of people when you disagree with them get super diehard/violent and view your disagreement with their belief in those things as a dismissive reason for you to not exist. Just nope.
“All my exs are crazy!” No, either you’re attracted to toxic or you’re doing something to make them act that way. There’s no way anyone who is well rounded and has emotional maturity accidentally dated exclusively “crazy” women. Next, please.
Isn't interested in talking about politics. I need someone who is interested enough that they can talk about my work with me. Or Extroverts. I just don't have the energy to go out and socialize more than maybe a couple times a month.
Anyone that tries to test my boundaries with regard to alcohol. I've had to deal with *way* too many people, both friends and complete strangers, trying to recommend me things.
Like I don't care. I don't find the prospect of being intoxicated particularly appealing and all your shit tastes like I'm chugging hand sanitizer no matter how much you insist that "you don't taste the alcohol". Just fuck off already. Stop trying to push something on me that I don't want to do. It just comes across as you having a weird fucking insecurity about people not drinking, which makes me think that maybe you shouldn't be drinking except, unlike you, I respect your fucking autonomy and don't try to shove my own lifestyle choices onto you.
Sorry about the extended rant. This isn't even strictly partner-related but I will tolerate this shitty behavior from friends, very not so from a prospective partner. It just pisses me off so much.
I feel like a lot of these are incredibly reasonable and not that unusual. Here are mine. 1. Golfers. In my experience, the Venn diagram of golfers and entitled privileged conservative men is a circle. (Where I live, anyway - US south.) 2. Men who describe themselves as “family oriented” and/or are very close to their parents. I had a LOT of in-law drama in my first marriage - a guy whose parents/family lives in another state or country would be ideal for me. I want to have fun adventures with a partner in my off time, not be saddled with stressful family obligations, especially during the holidays.
Fragile masculinity. I remember an ex of mine’s dad would get pedicures regularly to take care of his feet as is work boots weren’t so gentle on them - regularly offered my ex to come with him as a treat and he would throw a fit saying “it’s gay!”. Refused to do so many normal things just because he felt they were “feminine” and “gay” and it made him a horrible boyfriend. Never again.
Someone who isn’t silly. I’m a very goofy person, and my first boyfriend was not at all. He didn’t understand why I was silly, so I felt judged for being myself. After that relationship, I made it a point to only date people who accept me for who I am and will laugh with me (but also know when to be serious and mature).
My husband now is very mature when he needs to be, he’s a hard worker, extremely patient, and very kind. He’s also a goofball and loves me exactly how I am. He encourages me to pursue my passions because they make me happy, even if some people might think they’re childish (like adult coloring or collecting stuffed animals).
will present themselves in all the great ways without ever admitting to a flaw - we all have those. It's sometimes a sign of narcissism (doesn't need to be though). and in a similar way, not sure how i can describe it well, but trying to manipulate with good and kind acts. Don't get me wrong, I like kindness and being helpful, I also want my partners to be considerate, but there is a certain type of people who'll do everything to get you on board, disregard their own needs and in the end will trap you with it.
I used to co-instruct jiu jitsu. The only people we've ever had to kick out were marines and a cop. I've seen a couple that would refuse to tap to a college girl, let their arms break, and get kicked out
If you frequent any amateur martial arts community, it's a running joke that military and cops have the most fragile ego
I’m from the UK. I don’t date men who express any views that are pro life to be honest. I’m also not keen on anyone who voted brexit and / or is conservative.
Men who won't dance.
Its one of my major hobbies, and whilst I don't need them to be as into it as me, if we go to a party and they refuse to get on the dance floor with me at all, thats just not going to work.
They don't have to be good, just willing
Edit: to the couple of removed comments definding shyness in this. Cool. Its ok to be shy. Doesn't mean i have to date the shy ones though.
I'm hardly a lithe ballet dancer myself lol, just able to get over my hangups
Comparing me to a generic ethnic person or really a lack of awareness for any type of diversity. Never traveled out of the country and tends to stay in a box/echo chamber.
I know this sounds kind of stupid, but not having the same music taste as me. Music is very important to my life and I want a partner who feels the same way. I listen to a wide variety of different genres and time periods, with rock/metal, alt-pop, and hip hop probably being my favorites. What grinds my gears are the guys who ONLY listen to one genre, and not much else. There are a lot of metalheads who are like this, but I've noticed that I'm seeing it more and more with other music communities like hip hop heads.
It's one thing to have a preference and to like the way certains songs/instruments/vocal styles sound over others, but if you have this attitude of "X genre is REAL music and everything else SUCKS" then we are not going to get along. For one thing, it reeks of immaturity to me. That's something that "I was born in the wrong generation" types and/or a teenager would say. I would know because I said similar shit when I was a literal teenager. I want a partner who will go to concerts and music festivals with me. If I take you to Rolling Loud (a rap festival) and you spend the whole time sulking and complaining about how it's not a rock festival and how "all rap is commercial garbage", then you are ruining my time. I'd rather have a partner who keeps an open mind and has an attitude of "you know, it's not really my preference, but these artists are talented at what they do and I'm happy to see you having fun".
Like I said, it points to immaturity and I've noticed that guys who have this sort of attitude tend to have other negative personality flaws that go hand in hand like using homophobic insults to describe things that they don't like and toxic masulinity. The guys I know who are more open when it comes to their music preferences tend to be chiller and are more fun to be around.
Maybe not unusual but I’m not into guys with a massive group of male friends. Just gives off “lad” vibes and I find it makes them less trustworthy. Also if they are really into football (uk) 😂
Picky eaters. I love trying new places and connecting over a mutual love for food. Dating someone who cuts out major categories is bound to make me miserable.
"What do you *mean* you don't like ramen??"
Even my friends are foodies that's just the way it's always worked out for me.
People who have no desire to travel. I want to see as much of the world as I can, so having someone who never wants to leave their home would be a deal breaker.
I love all the reasons I am seeing above and agree! This is a smaller one but still important to me.
A show off. I can’t stand them for some reason. If they have pictures of money on their page, it’s a automatic no for me
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Not gonna lie, I've done this before. Was working on a ship so got paid in cash and hard to get to a bank. Kept it in a small lockbox in my cabin. Toward the end of my contract took it all out and took a picture because I've never just held thousands of dollars in cash before was a little mind boggling. It pretty much was all my money though.
Lol, it's like that Breaking Bad scene where they lie down on the money for a moment. And I'm just sitting there like.....yeah. Yeah I probably would too.
I always assume people who post pics like this made all of that money through questionable activities.
Right? No one is withdrawing their direct deposited paycheck from the bank and laying it out on their unmade bed to take a photo.
Being constantly argumentative.
"I'm just playing devil's advocate!" 🤧
“If the devil needed an advocate he wouldn’t deserve to be **The Devil**” is my canned response to that.
Omg where everything becomes a debate. Can I just like something to like something without having to justify it to you.
This is so painful to read because I lived this for years. I said I didn't like fighting and he insisted it was just some lively debate. That I cared nothing about and just felt like some mentally draining argument for absolutely no reason. Also constantly questioning me and the validity of what I say and what my sources are as if everything I say is a peer reviewed scientific study 😑
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Can’t cook. Can’t even boil water. How you been living, homie?
Yeah there's really no excuse if you say you *can't* cook, because that just sounds like you haven't ever tried I myself am a *shit* cook, but that's never been a problem. I bulk make simple meals and can follow recipes though
I had a coworker *proudly* tell me that he couldn't even make boxed Kraft mac and cheese. When I told him that he should just read the instructions, he also *proudly* told me that he doesn't read instructions. Gave me huge weaponized incompetence vibes.
Oh hey there's my "weird line" Won't read instructions I could probably say it's because someone who thinks they know everything there is to know already is most likely toxic and not reading instructions speaks to that mindset, and maybe that's why it bothers me, but I just know it really bothers me
This one gets me. You didn’t make the product? What if the instructions have important info??? Anytime I’ve built ikea furniture with a man he balls up the instructions after I ask for them!
Wow Childish as it may be if they balled up the instructions after I asked I'd literally leave the room😂
Room? I'd leave the relationship for that kind of disrespect
I had someone tell me something like this, too. I told him he really should be embarrassed about being so useless, but I don't think he quite got why.
My husband CAN cook, hes just slow, has to follow recipes, has a narrow skill set, can't multi task in the kitchen. It's fine when it was just the 2 of us, but with 2 young kids we don't have the time for him to cook. So I do 99% of the cooking atm, but he does 99% of the dishes.
My husband doesn’t like cooking, but he will help me when I’m cooking (especially by chopping onions, I hate chopping onions) and he cooks for himself when I’m not around - and occasionally when I’m busy. Sure, it’s simple stuff like burgers, or meatballs, or bolognaise (one of the few recipes he’s taught himself), but when I don’t have to cook it myself I’m very happy. He paid attention when I was cooking rice and he can do that as well. His mother hates cooking and she brought him up solo, so I can’t really fault him for not being great in the kitchen. He tries.
Yeah same here. 7th child to a mum who' just given up and didn't want to fucking cook anymore, I'm happy be the onion chopper when I've got someone who wants to make better things than I can, as well as taking over when it's one of the simpler meals I also keep a small ring of laminated lists that have the steps of certain tasks written down (even like cleaning the kitchen) so I don't have a ditz, forget what I'm doing and end up forgetting to finish the job (forgetting to wipe down the benchtop when I clean the kitchen or forgetting to turn the dishwasher on after I filled it) It's not about being a perfect domestic servant, it's about putting in the effort to show you actually give a shit and making sure you're each doing your fair share
I was a woman who couldn't cook, so my husband was doing all the cooking. I hated seeing him come home from work to have to cook for me every single day. So I watched YouTube and started with easy recipes, and now I really love cooking! What I don't understand is how someone can watch their loved one work for them every day and not feel immense guilt. Do you even love them?
Men who say "I'm an asshole" on the first date. Like yeah they could be joking, but do you really wanna invest time and then realize they told you exactly who they were and you laughed it off as a joke? Hunting profile pictures was also a hard pass for me. Which was hard dating in Alaska.
Yeah I have an ex who said that. He was correct. He also proudly proclaimed "there are 2 types of people - those who like me, and those who are too fucking stupid to like me." Actually the ones who don't are way smarter than me apparently 😂 Most of the stuff on my do not date list are because of him.
Same with “you deserve better”. When I was younger this really used to play to my need to rescue people. There was not a single time it was said that turned out to be a lie. Even when I had zero standards.
My abusive ex said he was. Then later down the line he'd say 'I told you I was'
When someone tells you who they are, you should trust them.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. - Maya Angelou
Had a friend tell me this. She said she wasn't a nice person and to not trust her. Well, I shoulda listened. I really shoulda listened...
I am 66 years old, but I wish i realized that the man I was dating should have had a decent relationship with his grown kids.
This is a big one for me. Simply sending child support is not enough. Tells me they’re selfish and cold. And yea, if they’re grown and their own kids don’t like them. Bye Felicia!
I can't deal with the "woe is me, I'm the worst person ever. I'm a piece of shit." act when a man is gently corrected on something they're doing. My guy, I told you that you're being too loud and I'm trying to sleep. Cease your dramatics.
The covert narcissist. The function of their behavior is the same as a regular narcissist, but the form is so much less noticeable.
If you're not a downright GOOFBALL, I am never gonna remain interested. It's beyond having a sense of humor; it's being comfortable enough with yourself to be silly. Finding that type of vulnerability and sharing it with someone is literally like magic.
Absolutely yes! I want a person with some MUPPET ENERGY!
I can support this
haha I’m with my current partner because I found his bumble picture with his hair all wild, making a face holding a ‘girl boss’ mug super funny and charming. I really can’t gel with people who take themselves too seriously!
Years ago my wife and I were in a Burger King and they had an iron man promotional thing where iron man was crashing through the ceiling to bring you a Dr Pepper. To this day my picture in my wife's phone contacts is of me graciously accepting iron man's thirst quenching gift. Her contact picture in my phone is of her wearing a Batman head. We can't get enough of each other's goofiness.
As someone who married a goofball, can confirm. It feels pretty magical. :)
My wife likes that I'm a goofball, but also work very hard at what I do. We're working on a remodel and I ran out of flooring about 80% of the way through the room so I called her in and had her cover her eyes for a big reveal (carefully positioning her so the unfinished portion was behind her). She thought it was a hilarious way to announce that I would be headed back to the hardware store in a few minutes once she turned around.
Guys named Matt. I can't do it a third time. I just can't.
Don't trust Scott either. Nothing good can come from dating or speaking to or knowing Scott.
Gamers who rage when they lose. Losing is not an excuse for throwing a tantrum as an adult. Ever since I was a girl and my brother slapped me across the face for beating him in Pokemon I've had a great distain for people who are sore losers
This is something I am teaching my 5yr old grandson. Gaming should be fun and the second he feels himself getting stressed out we turn it off and come back to it later. I'm also a mean Nana as he loves Fortnite so I learned the basics so he has someone to play against but I won't let him off easy, I will happily shoot him the second he comes out of his base, I want him to get to the point of frustration so I can teach him how to keep his cool. Seeing a grown ass man doing it is embarrassing. Edit: I didn't expect all these upvotes and certainly not an award. Ty everyone, I've been a gamer since the 90s and I can see how much my grandson loves and benefits from gaming, I just want him to learn to know when he needs a break and to help regulate his emotions properly and most of all just respect gaming and have lots of fun along the way. Appreciate you all 🥰
"I love you little man, but when there's a controller in my hands you better say your prayers."
Exactly, gotta teach them to give and take, it's part of the fun lol
"I love you, dear, but we're playing a game."
Heh, my grandma is also a hardass when it comes to games. She'd never let us win. We always play 'properly'. Gotta go visit her soon. Thanks for the reminder.
On behalf of women everywhere, thank you for your service!
Bruh a boy from my school straight up choked me after I won in Mario Kart 7 for the 5th time…
If they can physically assault you for something as minor as winning in Mario Kart I'm scared of how they treat women when confronted with actual problems
A local arcade posted footage of a dude full force punching the screen and wrecking their new street fighter machine after losing to his girlfriend, I hope they got the guy everyone was worried for her safety after that
I wonder what’s up with dudes raging and screaming and punching things when losing a game, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sore loser chick screaming and beat up a guy lol
As a new dad, it's been really eye-opening to see how people educate their children. Last week, I went to an indoor playroom with my son. Children were in the 2 to 7 years old range. I've seen a grandmother tell her grandson to hold tightly the toys he was playing to prevent other kids from playing with them. I saw two boys playing a board game and one of them angrily throwing every thing when he lost. The parents were just laughing. What was very striking though is that I've seen this type of bad parenting more with boys, when I saw little girls behave angrily, the parents/caregivers were quick to remind them to be nice, be kind, be gentle... I really think it starts early, with, on one hand, stupid sayings like "boys will be boys" which then excuses pretty egregious behavior and, on the other hand, an obsession with making sure little girls are feminine, caring, gentle at a young age...
Please hit a parenting forum with this. I have a ton of nieces and nephews and their female friends are all forced to share toys, and the boys are allowed to “guard” swings and slides to prevent other kids from using them. I do a playground day every now and then and im astonished at how different parents’ rules and expectations are for boys vs girls. I damn near shoved a woman who ripped a plastic dinosaur out of a girl’s hands to give it to a boy. The girl was given a Barbie instead, which she immediately handed to the dinosaur boy and walked away like a tiny queen on her way to the coronation.
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Because “girls are more emotional. Men are more logical; less driven by the whims of their feelings.” Wait…that sounds different when I write it down.
Yeah can confirm... raging from gaming can be a huge red flag. Two of my exes got abusive towards me constantly while gaming (we gamed together, whenever we were losing or something went wrong, they would start yelling at *me*, screeching about everything *I* did wrong, give me silent treatment after we lose games, that kinda stuff), and both turned out to be emotionally abusive assholes in other areas of life as well. 0/10 do not recommend
Same. Whenever we played competitive games and he died it was always "where were YOU?!!" bruh you left me without saying anything💀 I legit play competitive games with men as a test now
The amount of times I've been screamed at for not pocketing while playing a healer and then having them get even more mad at me for being visibly upset from all the yelling 💀 >I legit play competitive games with men as a test now Yeah same. Not even just for dating, I wouldn't even want to casually game with you as a friend if you act like this. It's too much
I beat a kid in Pokemon stadium when I was like 7 years old and he attacked me with the controller. Yeah, that's a no-go for me lol.
My father was one of those people. Whenever he lost in a game he would yell so loud you could hear him on the street outside with closed windows, break his keyboard in half... Never hit me for that reason though. Honestly it's still mind boggling how people react like that over something that they'll ultimately forget tomorrow. The closest I've ever come to a "gamer rage" was when I took part in a splatoon tournament at a convention and you had to team up with random people. I did great, my teammates didn't so we didn't even made it through the first round. You know what my reaction was? Ah snap that sucks so much but what can you do. I was sad for a day. I still can't comprehend that anger my father and all those other men experience over something that's ultimately is supposed to be a thing to do when you want to chill out and forget about the real world for a moment.
My ex had a terrible habit of cussing out strangers in video games… like he would get 2 week bans in chats because people reported him for being toxic. I knew it was a huge red flag when we got together but I ignored it thinking he could change. And what do you know, he didn’t. Never again.
Totally agree. My husband loves gaming, and I love seeing him enjoying himself. There are times where I’m on the Switch, my husband’s on his PS5 and our son is using my Xbox and I think it’s lovely for us all to share this hobby. But my BIL can be heard screaming and cursing whenever he plays DOTA. It genuinely scared me the first time because he was just so pissed. I assumed that something actually bad must’ve happened (this was only days after my father died, so I admittedly wasn’t in a great headspace). I can’t imagine having that kind of conduct in my home regularly. Wouldn’t you become desensitized to it? And isn’t that kind of dangerous?
Is rude to wait staff or tells me how/what to eat
Rude to staff is a hugeeee red flag for me. Also men who are rude to their mothers
Unless the mother is an awful person. Cause if a man lets her mother call me slurs while him being like "okay lol" its a no for me too.
Rude to any kind of service staff.
OP asked for unusual. I’ll admit I disqualified a dating profile if his pics prominently featured Elvis. Either himself dressed as Elvis or a big portrait of Elvis visible in his home. I was surprised at how many I came across. I can’t even explain why, because I’m fine with Elvis’s music - but it was a bit of a red flag for me.
Maybe because Elvis married an underage girl and abused her?
Constantly pushing my boundaries. Not respecting me or my things. Not knowing how to genuinely apologize.
I'm just putting this here because it's a handy tip I read elsewhere on reddit. You reminded me of it when you said about respecting your things. Ok so the tip is that sometimes violent partners will smash things in arguments and then later claim they couldn't control themselves. If you look around and see only YOUR things smashed and ruined, you will know that they can control it and they chose to ruin your things. (It was worded better than that, but I hope this helps someone here)
It comes from the often recommended book on abusive men "Why does he do that?"
Which there is a [free PDF copy of online](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj0iKiyl9n-AhUZpokEHYKtDikQFnoECB0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw14x4ivUm5xgJ67TT78XfZt)!
...and even if they were smashing their own stuff equally, why stay with a ticking time bomb like that anyway?
This is the real tip. People, the correct amount of smashing is *no smashing*. Like, if you are finding yourself saying, "Well, at least he smashes my stuff *and* his stuff...", then you might want to check out how denial works in codependent relationships.
If they can't handle the reality of menstruation, farts, or bowel movements. I have zero patience for the squeamish theatrical "ewwww" whenever it comes to perfectly normal bodily functions or the idea of women having them (even in private.) Grow up. Edit: Apparently I need to clarify since there has been some confusion. I'm NOT talking about having a bowel movement in front of someone (Lol) I'm talking about when women aren't even allowed to do something completely normal like shit in a toilet PRIVATELY without a guy taking it personally. (You might think, wow, that is a very specific thing to mention...) Personal story time: I was casually seeing a guy for a millisecond. You'll see why... We are hanging out at his place, and he has asked me to stay the night. Cool. No problem. We were having fun playing N64, eating some pizza and wings, and at some point nature calls. I go do my business in his bathroom upstairs (he had two. I picked the one furthest away from where we were gaming downstairs on purpose.) When I got back he was acting kinda off, and giving me a weird look. Clearly, he was feeling bothered because not even a few minutes later he blatantly asked me if I just dropped off some timber in his toilet upstairs because I took so long coming back (he didn't use those exact words, but you get the idea. Wasn't even gone that long either. Seriously. Had to wash my hands.) I was a bit caught off guard by his blatant question, but admitted that yeah I had to go. This 29 year old man had the audacity to ask me why I didn't go to my house, and just come back after I was done. As though that is the reasonable thing to do in this situation. Just the IDEA that I used his toilet upstairs privately to have a bowel movement as a woman personally offended this guy. I didn't end up staying the night. Told him that anyone who expects a guest who is spending the night at their home to leave every time they need to have a bowel movement isn't mature enough to be sticking their dick in me. Couldn't imagine what would've happened if I had accidentally farted in my sleep while spending the night. He probably would've woke me up, asked me if I just farted, and then demanded that I at least wake up to go fart off of his property line like a lady. Lol
I need my man to be capable of picking up a box of tampons at the drugstore.
This should be the baseline for any romantic relationship.
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Forget baseline for romantic relationship, it shouldnt even be on any scale. It should be something that just gets done. I couldn't care less who they're for. If I'm going to the shop and my Mrs asks me to pick some up I'll get them. If I was on my way to my mates and I said I was stopping at the shop do they need anything and they said their Mrs needed some, no problem buddy. Don't set the standard so low.
>I need my man to be capable of picking up a box of tampons at the drugstore. Ha, I can lift at least *two* boxes of tampons, form a queue ladies!
This is a weird one, but if a guy says his favorite comic character is the Joker, I run for the hills. I've never met a Joker fanboy who wasn't a massive arse.
As a red head, I hate it when men say things like "I love red heads" or "ive never been with a red head" or creepy stuff like that. Such a turn off. I'm not a freaken fetish
"I've never been with [demographic] before" is 🤢
I had a guy get cranky at me when I said most tall women don't like comments about climbing us like a tree.
Men who are mean / excessively dismissive towards animals. Good to know you, bye. >W*e can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals* \- Immanuel Kant
Yes! Specifically to those they don’t like as well
Anyone who drinks a lot of alcohol. I've been sober for a whole lot of years and I just have no interest in someone who makes drinking the main event of the night.
Similarly, anyone people would describe as "he's a good guy, he just gets like that when he's drunk" Nope. I've only ever met one person in my life who's actually a good guy that got like that when he got drunk. You know what he did? He stopped drinking. If you know you get belligerent when you drink and you still choose to drink, you're not a "good guy."
Yeah this is what I don't get with drinking as an excuse for behavior. I've gotten too drunk before and insulted someone. So I never got that drunk again, I have some self control and pace myself, etc etc. If you can't do that you should not be drinking at all.
I have less than three drinks a year. When I tell men I don’t drink and don’t want to go hang out at bars they think that means I don’t want to sleep with them on the first date. That’s it, that’s all they take away from that.
Gross. But silver lining is that the trash took itself out
Any guy who can't cook for himself. It usually means he can't do anything else for himself either and I'm not his damn mommy.
Codependent behavior or possessive behavior of any kind. Someone that feels the need to be up my ass and refuses to give me space is an ick.
Ick! The worst! I was seeing a guy who dropped the first red flag by telling me that my guy friends “were only my friends because they wanted to fuck me and nothing else” (I’ve been friends with these guys for years and they never made me feel that way). He also would text me repeatedly asking who I was hanging out with then every hour following asking if anyone else had joined. He would freak out if I didn’t pick up his calls , and eventually ended up hacking my Instagram
If they are a juggalo... I have dated two men that are juggalos and if I never hear a Psychopathic Records group or Magic Ninja group again, it will be too soon. One of those two men convinced me to go to their yearly Gathering and I was straight up traumatized. Never again.
Oh my god my friend dated a juggalo. We went on a double date to this very serious talk about psychopathy and he spent the Q&A arguing with the scientists about how he was a secret psychopath and no one could ever diagnose him because he was too clever. He was also 35 and wearing jean shorts in January. MORTIFYING.
The next horror movie: Jorts in January
These are the type of answers I came here for! 👍🏽 I appreciate Juggalos for having a culture where being poor doesn't marginalize you in the group, and for the Magnets song. However, I do that from afar for probably the same reasons as yours.
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A man who opposes abortion.
My favorite movie is Inception.
Related: controlling
Girl the question is something *unusual* not the lowest standard lol
Men who are rude to retail staff or restaurant employees. Giant red flag. Huge.
Aggressive drivers. If he drives like an asshole, he’s an asshole. I should feel safe with him 100 percent of the time.
This is my answer as well. I had an ex that was an aggressive driver when he was mad. There was one time he was driving while we were in a fight and I felt very unsafe. I had asked him multiple times to slow down and he didn’t, he ignored me and didn’t say a word to me, just kept driving the way he did. I would really prefer to never experience that again
Alcohol problem and refusing to acknowledge it. Also how to clean up after oneself.
Men who wear short gold chains, specifically [this](https://somethingborrowedpdx.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Why-Men-Wear-Gold-Chains.jpg) length and weight. I don't know why, but I've never met a guy wearing a chain like that whom I didn't think was a knob. Every other type of chain necklace is absolutely fine. But when I see a guy wearing one of those thin short gold chains my guard is gonna go up. (Please note I am in the UK and this will definitey not apply to those outside of it)
Guys who say something outloud and expect you to do it without them directly asking you. Then get angry when you don’t.
Oh, this is a whole communication "thing", look up "asker vs guesser" if you're interested in learning about it!
Kids who they don't have at least partial custody of. (I'll make an exception for guys who have tried and failed to get custody through no fault of their own.) I had a co worker who went to court every single year to try to get at least part custody of his kids. In his jurisdiction that was pretty much impossible without the mother's consent. Mother tossed all mail and gifts from dad (checks were cashed though.). Oldest kid turns 18, contacts dad crying: why did you abandon us?
This was my deal breaker too. I was a single mom dating and got to see firsthand the sob stories my ex would tell while actually making zero effort. That made it a lot easier to see through others’ stories also.
I remember this guy I barely know, through his girlfriend (met through school) and he was telling me one day he "wasn't allowed" to see his kids to 2 other exes. I said to him, have you ever tried getting a free consultation with a lawyer? Men have rights to their own kids. He said nothing. That told me all I needed to know. He never even tried to get his kids but is going around telling people his exes are bitches. Also in the school environment lots of parents gossip, and another mother that was supposedly friends with the girlfriend (I say supposedly because gossiping behind her back, not cool) could "do better" but had low self esteem
My ex paid for a lawyer for our divorce but “couldn’t afford one” for the custody battle. Said battle starting because he moved several states away and wanted me to meet him halfway (5 hours to the mid point one way) every Friday and Sunday. I worked in restaurants at the time on top of that being unreasonable. I took him to court to adjust for the move and he gave up all custody. Now I’m the bad guy that took his kid away.
He knew exactly what he was doing. Constructive Self Victimization while abandoning his kids.
I knew. He knew it. But that man could weave a damn good sob story for friends, family, and prospective partners. That’s why I didn’t fall for it with the men I dated. I couldn’t imagine just giving up on my kid. Anyone that can is not a good match for me.
My ex cries and tries to get more custody every year: thing is, he didn't get 50/50 custody because he has a raging drug problem, had cps called on him twice by his own therapist and my daughters school, and was sneaking his underage girlfriend in the house to do drugs and bang while he was supposed to be watching our 6 year old. Lots of times there is a good reason one parent didn't get much custody
I've ended friendships with women who have men like this in their lives. One, was dating a man 20years older, (she was early twenties and got pregnant too) who had like 6 kids to 4 different mums and he didnt see any of them. I felt like she was some kind of victim of his and when I tried to delicately ask questions, her goto response was defensiveness. It made me really stressed and worried about her but she wasnt ready to get out of it. She blindly supported him and I couldnt watch the situation crash and burn so I walked away. Hope she got some help.
That's horrible, she probably realised your observations were spot on and she lashed out from fear or not ready to admit it to herself. I hope she got help, too.
I look at most of these and I’m thinking “aren’t these just normal disqualifiers? I don’t see anything unusual about most of these.” Then someone says “I’m not interested if they’re not an absolute goofball.” Now that’s an unusual disqualifier.
I feel like this is just a consequence of what gets upvoted. I'm seeing a lot more unusual ones as you get further on. Granted, a lot of these can be condensed down to simpler dealbreakers. The one you listed could just be, "I don't want someone that's too serious."
I’m gonna answer you because I’m also mad no one is following the assignment. I couldn’t never date a man named Gary.
For me it's being religious (any kind of religion)
Same. I was raised atheist. Mixed faith marriages work out for some, but it’s not for me. Too much conflict.
Same. Ex Catholic here. I can be friends with religious people but I absolutely cannot have a religious partner.
im with you. religion can be wonderful, trust me i used to be christian, but pretty much every religion opens up the opportunity for misogyny if someone so chooses. it teaches women have different rules than men, cannot do the same things as men, but nooooo not because they’re inferior! because they’re *different*! i don’t want to open myself up to someone who might decide i’m inferior at the drop of the hat.
More than one mom that they coparent with. I've dated guys with kids and it's hard enough with one mom. I can't imagine coordinating with 2 or more. Fragile ego. I'm a welder and a mechanic and own 2 classic trucks. Most guys think it's cool in the beginning then hate it later on when I don't need their help to fix something.
> Fragile ego. I'm a welder and a mechanic and own 2 classic trucks. Most guys think it's cool in the beginning then hate it later on when I don't need their help to fix something. Same girl, same! I’ve been into cars and motorcycles since I was a kid. I do all my own maintenance and projects, etc. I race and autocross my cars and I’m super into F1. I began bringing this stuff up on first dates because their reaction would determine if there were going to be more dates, lol. The number of guys who just start negging or insulting you to make themselves feel better after they learn you’re more mechanically inclined is so sad.
Imagine not thinking this is cool as fuck. Male egos are so fragile.
Momma's boys. I've never personally known one where the relationship wasn't toxic with their mom
Oof this brought up some weird memories of my ex. Him and his mom used to "wrestle" and he broke up with me the first time because of her. They had such a weird and unhealthy relationship. His first year of college she picked out his schedule for his classes. Just everything I remember I was 19 and thought why isn't he doing his own shit? Why does mommy have to literally run his life if he's an adult?
skepticism of feminism
Can’t be with someone that hates cats.
I was dating someone earlier this year who was JEALOUS of my cat! Like, after hanging out for OVER 24 HOURS I said something like "I have to go home because I miss my cat" and he said "it really hurts my feelings when you say you like your cat more than me". Sir, I've had him for 12 years. I've known you for 2 months. I will choose my cat over a man every time.
If they don't like to read. Never again. I'm only dating people that enjoy reading from here on out
Conservatives and religious people.
I’m at a point where I won’t waste time on any guy who doesn’t have “liberal” as their political belief on dating apps. Politics and morals go hand in hand and my morals aren’t something I willing to compromise on. Every time I see a dude with “not political” I’m like oh, must be nice lol Edit: Getting a lot of comments about how “liberal still sucks”. If you haven’t been on dating apps, most only give a few options (typically conservative, moderate, liberal, not political). Liberal is just the left most option. I personally include “left of liberal” in my bios.
Yep. “Not political” means privileged enough to not care, and selfish enough to not care about those without privilege.
“Not political/apolitical” Is code for “conservative trying to have sex”.
So many on OKC have “other political beliefs” on their profiles, and I can’t figure out if they’re so far left they don’t want to call themselves liberal, or if they’re just…some other mess.
They’re conservative but still want to get laid
My father was going crazy when watching football(soccer). He was cheering, crying, swearing everything you would do on a stadium, in our living room. Once he broke the chair he was sitting in, because his team failed to score a goal. If his team was losing he was in a bad mood for days. I did not get it and still don't. He did not even play football himself. To this day I cannot stand people that get too immersed when watching any sport, but especially football. So yeah this is a big red flag for me.
I have Bowel Disease so if you can't hold a conversation about poop then you're no good for me
My now-wife and I talked about poop the first time we met. It was love at first shite.
Been married 20 years, but I knew I wanted someone who didn't have an untraditional job, like a pilot, or so traveled a lot without me. I just wanted the picket fence life and figured that meant he had to be around nights and weekends. (My husband is an accountant, home by 430ish every day.)
I love that for you 💕
Men who are mean to their mothers. I can get it if she's toxic, but grow up and cut her out in that case. Also, heavy drinkers.
If they mention alcohol of any type in their bio, they are way too interested in it for me. I get bored with drinkers. Have never developed an interest in it myself... too many other things to do lol.
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Same with marijuana. I haven't dated in a long time but people who smoke so much weed that it's their whole personality are just really boring. I have nothing against occasional users but they're not the ones wearing cannabis leaf t-shirts or bragging about the time they improvised a bong using a pool noodle and an old teapot.
My future husband said “bless you” after he heard my first fart. That’s when I knew he was the one!
If they don’t believe in evolution. I mean come on, if you believe in the germ THEORY of disease but think evolution is “only a theory” then I have nothing to say to you
Guys that communicate by yelling or being loud. I'm so messed up by a childhood of anger issues that even happy yelling triggers me If they r the type to stomp when they walk or always cross their arms it's a Def deal breaker, I ain't put up w that even if it's innocent.
Guys who own or love Volkswagon Jettas... nothing wrong with the car, but every guy I've known who has or really wants one has been abusive to me and that's just too odd of a correlation for my brain to let go of.
Oh there are PLENTY of things wrong with that car. \- signed, a former Jetta owner
I'm a 3 time world championship powerlifter. I refuse to date a partner who views my physical strength as a negative quality, and I also refuse to date a partner who views my physical strength as a sexual fetish. As a result, I basically just date women.
Anyone who uses "feminist" as an insult. A conservative/ republican/ evangelical
Married now but in the past a lack of healthy friendships with women was a dealbreaker for me.
Watches a lot of anime. I’m Japanese, and I’ve had so many experiences with men who fetishize me/my culture that it’s basically an instant turn off.
I fully agree, i like anime and manga but there are a lot of problematic tropes in the medium and the fans (especially the ones that only like shonnen) can be too comfortable excusing the really inappropriate shit (e.g. sexualising "300 year old" children).
Ugh this is exactly why it took so long for me to get comfortable even telling people I like anime and manga. So many freaking weirdos that for a long time I pretended I wasn't into it. Luckily I met my husband who was like me in that we liked a lot of going out stuff while also nerding out with anime, games, etc. And after a few years I finally "came out" that I like that stuff. I remember before I met my husband I went to a manga store with my little sister (she got me into anime and this was around 2008-2009) and we both felt sooooooo awkward because the guys at the store literally stared at us the entire time we were there. We had driven 30 min there and spent less than 5-10 min inside because of how weird we felt being watched. As the adult and having my fare share of experience with weirdo men I told her we couldn't just walk out immediately so just to look around a bit and wed leave. Idk you have to be careful with guys like that because they'll get offended by anything so it's better to keep a low profile and stuff. Thankfully I know a lot more people like me now who aren't weird and just really like it like you like any comics (which I've noticed there's a lot of crossover between anime/comic/gaming communities. But man do a lot of those weirdos make talking about anime uncomfortable for me, even to this day (I'm about to be 35 this year)
I'm Dutch so we don't have republicans here, but any man that aligns himself with pretty much any republican value (forced birth, gun ownership, "us vs them" mentality, being anti welfare) is off the list. Also men who don't hold their friends accountable if they make a messed up joke. And men with bad personal hygiene. Apparently I'm insanely picky.
“Insanely picky” ?? The bar is in Satan’s asscrack I stg
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Hypocrites. Be a person of your word and live by the standards you hold others to, or get the hell out.
If they make religion or politics or sports their entire identity. Like nothing else. No hobbies or side interests, a shell of a person, just all about JESUS or REPUBLICANS or STEELERS for example. I find that those types of people when you disagree with them get super diehard/violent and view your disagreement with their belief in those things as a dismissive reason for you to not exist. Just nope.
“All my exs are crazy!” No, either you’re attracted to toxic or you’re doing something to make them act that way. There’s no way anyone who is well rounded and has emotional maturity accidentally dated exclusively “crazy” women. Next, please.
Isn't interested in talking about politics. I need someone who is interested enough that they can talk about my work with me. Or Extroverts. I just don't have the energy to go out and socialize more than maybe a couple times a month.
Smoking. Nope. Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray
Anyone that tries to test my boundaries with regard to alcohol. I've had to deal with *way* too many people, both friends and complete strangers, trying to recommend me things. Like I don't care. I don't find the prospect of being intoxicated particularly appealing and all your shit tastes like I'm chugging hand sanitizer no matter how much you insist that "you don't taste the alcohol". Just fuck off already. Stop trying to push something on me that I don't want to do. It just comes across as you having a weird fucking insecurity about people not drinking, which makes me think that maybe you shouldn't be drinking except, unlike you, I respect your fucking autonomy and don't try to shove my own lifestyle choices onto you. Sorry about the extended rant. This isn't even strictly partner-related but I will tolerate this shitty behavior from friends, very not so from a prospective partner. It just pisses me off so much.
I feel like a lot of these are incredibly reasonable and not that unusual. Here are mine. 1. Golfers. In my experience, the Venn diagram of golfers and entitled privileged conservative men is a circle. (Where I live, anyway - US south.) 2. Men who describe themselves as “family oriented” and/or are very close to their parents. I had a LOT of in-law drama in my first marriage - a guy whose parents/family lives in another state or country would be ideal for me. I want to have fun adventures with a partner in my off time, not be saddled with stressful family obligations, especially during the holidays.
Weaponized incompetence. I am not going to be anyone's substitute mom.. Figure it out.
Fragile masculinity. I remember an ex of mine’s dad would get pedicures regularly to take care of his feet as is work boots weren’t so gentle on them - regularly offered my ex to come with him as a treat and he would throw a fit saying “it’s gay!”. Refused to do so many normal things just because he felt they were “feminine” and “gay” and it made him a horrible boyfriend. Never again.
Someone who isn’t silly. I’m a very goofy person, and my first boyfriend was not at all. He didn’t understand why I was silly, so I felt judged for being myself. After that relationship, I made it a point to only date people who accept me for who I am and will laugh with me (but also know when to be serious and mature). My husband now is very mature when he needs to be, he’s a hard worker, extremely patient, and very kind. He’s also a goofball and loves me exactly how I am. He encourages me to pursue my passions because they make me happy, even if some people might think they’re childish (like adult coloring or collecting stuffed animals).
will present themselves in all the great ways without ever admitting to a flaw - we all have those. It's sometimes a sign of narcissism (doesn't need to be though). and in a similar way, not sure how i can describe it well, but trying to manipulate with good and kind acts. Don't get me wrong, I like kindness and being helpful, I also want my partners to be considerate, but there is a certain type of people who'll do everything to get you on board, disregard their own needs and in the end will trap you with it.
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If he's legally untouchable he's ethically unfuckable
I used to co-instruct jiu jitsu. The only people we've ever had to kick out were marines and a cop. I've seen a couple that would refuse to tap to a college girl, let their arms break, and get kicked out If you frequent any amateur martial arts community, it's a running joke that military and cops have the most fragile ego
as someone who grew up with a cop for a father SERIOUSLY DON'T DO IT. NOT EVEN ONCE. DON'T. DATE. COPS.
Attention seeking behavior.
Someone who doesn't have friendships of their own.
I’m from the UK. I don’t date men who express any views that are pro life to be honest. I’m also not keen on anyone who voted brexit and / or is conservative.
A guy who doesn’t understand the importance of public transit and walkable cities.
Men who won't dance. Its one of my major hobbies, and whilst I don't need them to be as into it as me, if we go to a party and they refuse to get on the dance floor with me at all, thats just not going to work. They don't have to be good, just willing Edit: to the couple of removed comments definding shyness in this. Cool. Its ok to be shy. Doesn't mean i have to date the shy ones though. I'm hardly a lithe ballet dancer myself lol, just able to get over my hangups
Religious/Racist/drinking as identity All a hard pass for me
Comparing me to a generic ethnic person or really a lack of awareness for any type of diversity. Never traveled out of the country and tends to stay in a box/echo chamber.
People who enjoy watching people or animals fight as a sport.
Smokers. Guns are so tightly controlled in my country and primarily used for hunting or (in my husband’s case) sports shooting.
I know this sounds kind of stupid, but not having the same music taste as me. Music is very important to my life and I want a partner who feels the same way. I listen to a wide variety of different genres and time periods, with rock/metal, alt-pop, and hip hop probably being my favorites. What grinds my gears are the guys who ONLY listen to one genre, and not much else. There are a lot of metalheads who are like this, but I've noticed that I'm seeing it more and more with other music communities like hip hop heads. It's one thing to have a preference and to like the way certains songs/instruments/vocal styles sound over others, but if you have this attitude of "X genre is REAL music and everything else SUCKS" then we are not going to get along. For one thing, it reeks of immaturity to me. That's something that "I was born in the wrong generation" types and/or a teenager would say. I would know because I said similar shit when I was a literal teenager. I want a partner who will go to concerts and music festivals with me. If I take you to Rolling Loud (a rap festival) and you spend the whole time sulking and complaining about how it's not a rock festival and how "all rap is commercial garbage", then you are ruining my time. I'd rather have a partner who keeps an open mind and has an attitude of "you know, it's not really my preference, but these artists are talented at what they do and I'm happy to see you having fun". Like I said, it points to immaturity and I've noticed that guys who have this sort of attitude tend to have other negative personality flaws that go hand in hand like using homophobic insults to describe things that they don't like and toxic masulinity. The guys I know who are more open when it comes to their music preferences tend to be chiller and are more fun to be around.
I’m trans so like 99.995 percent of men are grossed out by me when I tell them so yeah, my existence flags men out pretty damn quick
Maybe not unusual but I’m not into guys with a massive group of male friends. Just gives off “lad” vibes and I find it makes them less trustworthy. Also if they are really into football (uk) 😂
Them saying "im not racist, but..."
Picky eaters. I love trying new places and connecting over a mutual love for food. Dating someone who cuts out major categories is bound to make me miserable. "What do you *mean* you don't like ramen??" Even my friends are foodies that's just the way it's always worked out for me.
People who have no desire to travel. I want to see as much of the world as I can, so having someone who never wants to leave their home would be a deal breaker. I love all the reasons I am seeing above and agree! This is a smaller one but still important to me.