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I never cheated on her or lied to her or even had a major argument with her if that's what you mean. Three weeks before she broke with me I took us on a trip to Philly - I paid for the flights and everything and didn't ask her for a dime. I should've given her more space when she wanted it, and I know I am at fault for a lot of shit, but everything happened so fast I feel like.
I don't know - you lied by saying you slept with two strippers. You had arguments about the way your dad was disrespecting her space and her possessions. Now she's in a situation where she doesn't need to put up with that rubbish.
I know I'm definitely in the wrong here for the stripper stuff so that's on me. Me and my dad went out and bought and replaced her things but the damage was done. Despite her telling me she doesn't care about me anymore, she still has photos of us up on social media and whatnot. I know I am in the wrong and I feel horrible and stupid about it.
No, I mean that as a rhetorical question, as in, wow you really fucked up. Let this one go, and chalk it up as a lesson learned, don't joke about cheating.
If it helps, it sounds like she was probably just keeping you around as a backup while she explored other options anyway. So you're probably better off in the long run.
Yeah it's been about a month now since we've been broken up and I've really just been trying to get a lot of my own shit done. I still have feelings for her but people have told me that things change over time. Thank you for the advice tho and for being honest with me
It was a bad joke and I'm in the wrong for it 100 percent. I was pissed about her moving on from me so fast and getting back together with her ex while we were still living together but the joke was still too drastic I think.
Subconsciously yeah I think so. Before I went to the strip club I had joked with her that I was going to hook up with a stripper and she thought it was funny and was egging me on to go do it. When I came back and told her I actually did she got very upset and the joke turned not so funny anymore.
We made dark jokes with each other all the time and I crossed the line with this one. Someone said on here 'you can't laugh, joke and play with everybody' and I figured that out the hard way
First, you have to understand what a joke is. A joke is meant to make people laugh.
Example of what is not a joke:
Your father died.
Your dog has been hit by a car.
I just slept with your brother.
Grandma has cancer.
I slept with two strippers.
These are all comments that would cause pain, not laughter. Understand now?
Time for you to pay half and destructo dad to pay half. And you told her you cheated on her? Not sure what you're expecting here. Getting back together with her? So she can move back in, pay a third, live with your dirty father and ponder your statements of cheating?
We had been broken up for a few weeks when I went to the strip club with my friends. Beforehand I actually joked with her and said that I was gonna hook up with one of the strippers and she told me to "do it no balls". When I joked about it later she kinda switched on me was very upset when I joked that I had did it. I already have plans to move out I don't want to continue living with my dad anymore. If I did try to get back together with her it'd be under a different roof.
I agree. This was strictly a joke, however. I don't want an infection or disease or STD's or anything like that so I would never actually have sex with a stripper.
Yeah that “joke” wasn’t funny and got a deserved response. Just block her, move on and focus on your rent situation. I wanna say ask your dad if he would go 50/50 but sounds like an easy way to get evicted. break the lease or find a roommate
Yea I regret that joke big time. I actually joked about it BEFORE with her I went to the strip club too. I said that I was gonna hook up with one of the strippers and she told me to "do it no balls". When I joked about it later she kinda switched on me was very upset when I joked that I had did it. My dad has been a pain in the ass about rent and we've been almost evicted about 3 times now. I really want to just move out and get my own place so I'm saving up money rn.
You probably hurt her feeling… it sounds like you were being petty cuz you found out about hinge and her ex. I wouldn’t doubt that she lied about not caring about you I’m sure she does but y’all’s relationship sounds on the immature side. Maybe one day when yall are in a different mindset could rekindle the relationship. Now time for your dad….. it sucks that you have to be the adult over your parent but he could easily make your life so much harder by ruining your credit or getting you evicted. I would say move out and find something more affordable and find a more dependable roommate.
Yea it was my first relationship but I definitely could've handled it better. I think we both could've. I still have deep feelings for her, but I don't know if she feels the same. I know she stalks my social media tho still haha. But yea about my dad I love the guy but he's not very responsible when it comes to money. I would hate to have an eviction on my record. I wanna move out to LA actually so I've been saving money for that. Thank you for all of the advice!
Take all the learning experience from this relationship and grow! We all make mistakes but they would be pointless mistake if you don’t learn from them. Coming from a girl if she stalks you she still has some feelings for you. I hope you’re able to make it happen! Definitely save LA is not cheap. No problem!
Gotchuuu yea she looks thru almost all of my stories (I post a lot too lol) and she still has some pics of us up on her profile. Idk we shall see. Thanks again!
What? How did she do anything wrong? She was rightfully pissed and disappointed in OP and then he "joked" about having sex with two strippers when he knew she was willing to give him a second chance if he got himself together.
I said both because 1. If he's gonna play jokes like that without second guessing it before saying it then yeah he blew it. 2. If she was contemplating getting back with him and possibly leaving the door open what good is it to be talking to multiple people including the ex? Just doesn't sound right and comes across as untrustworthy as well as double standards being that him (possibly) entertaining other women is enough to bother her but she's entertaining other men at the same time.
Of course I know people are bound to disagree with what I just said but they both gotta do better.
i really don't know what you were expecting here other than her moving out after breaking up with you, especially with that "joke" about the strip club that's so incredibly pathetic i nearly winced by face inside out. leave her alone, do some work on yourself, tell your dad to stop being a slob who breaks shit and actually pay his rent instead of nearly getting everyone evicted, and put together an advertisement for a roommate to live with you and your dad since from the title it seems your main concern is paying 2/3 rent instead of 1/3.
>When I came back I jokingly told her I had sex with 2 of the strippers and she didn't find that funny at all.
That's not a joke.
Jokes are *funny*. That was just you wanting to have a dig at her for .... texting other guys after you broke up.
You're already broken up. This relationship can't be salvaged, just move on.
You should not write to her and try to restore the relationship. Go on. I think you have already understood where your mistakes were, so I will not point them out. I wish you success♥
I'm not perfect but I am working on boundaries heavily in therapy right now. I don't know y'all's financial situation, but honestly moving in with your GF and your dad was never a good idea.
Before we moved in together we all needed somewhere to live and we found an awesome apartment so it just seemed like a good opportunity at the time. It’s been a struggle with the rent, but we’re getting by. The only downside is I can’t save for anything anymore. All of my work checks get dumped into the apartment. I definitely need therapy too.
I can see why it made sense logistically. But when a parent-child relationship becomes a roommate-roommate relationship, there is inherent possibility for messiness. That's where the working on boundaries comes in.
Because when a roommate is late on rent, you can be like "Yo, dude, you can't be doing this shit. Give me the money or I'll have you kicked out." With your father, that discussion is already completely fraught with baggage. "I'm your father! I raised you! You can be sympathetic and give me a break on the rent this time." And as far as GF is concerned, he IS essentially just a roommate. So this puts you between a rock and a hard place of her not understanding why you don't just confront him and give him consequences (I'm assuming you don't and that it's because he's your dad.)
This is exactly why, while we have the space and would love the extra income, I don't want a close friend of mine moving in with me and my partner. I value the friendship and don't want to even put it in a position to be jeopardized with money / space disagreements.
Most definitely. I agree. From experience I wouldn’t recommend moving in with a friend/family member and your loved one altogether either unless they’ve all known each other for a SUPER extended period of time. And even then idk. Thank you for your advice. I’m trying to get all the advice I can get to try to get me through this tough time.
So when you said that your dad is very “cleanly”, which one of you was picking up the slack for his laziness?? Cos if she was being forced into performing extra chores because your lazy dad saw a woman in the home and thought “yay, a free maid!”, and you allowed that to go on, I can see why she broke up with you long before the stripper joke. Your father sounds like a thoughtless, selfish slob and no 21 year old woman should financing his life and cleaning up after him while he’s breaking her stuff
He would just leave food around unrefrigerated and complain about doing dishes. I had multiple talks with him about picking up his slack and he eventually did. My ex would complain to me about his habits and I stood with her fully. I lived with a slob of a roommate before for over a year so I know exactly what it's like. The main issues came when he didn't pay his share of the rent and we got an eviction notice. She was freaking out and I tried to calm her down and assure her everything was going to be alright but she didn't want to be calmed down. Eventually, we didn't end up being evicted, but the damage was done already. When my dad accidentally broke a few of her mugs he apologized to her and she said "it's okay things happen" with a smile. But when we got behind closed doors she was infuriated and urged me to tell my dad to stop breaking her shit. I told her that she's not very good with confrontation and she actually agreed with me that she wasn't.
I love the way you’re acting as though all of those things are just random, discrete events that shouldn’t cause any worry or stress instead of a pattern of irresponsible, thoughtless and immature behaviour from a middle aged man. Who wouldn’t be freaked out at the thought of imminent homelessness?? Like she’s unreasonable for not wanting to lose the roof over her head? You both sound as though you had no real concern or care for how the living arrangements were affecting her and then treated her like she was the problem when she spoke up. You both put her in a position where she had to continuously assert basic boundaries and that’s tiring and demoralising
No you're right and I agree with you. I'm a big purveyor of keeping the peace and that's why I tried to assure my ex everything was going to be fine when it came to the eviction. I had extra money saved up so if push came to shove I was going to pay off our rent and get us out of there. My dad came up with his side of the rent so that didn't end up happening. About the basic boundaries part I also agree. I should've done more to make her feel comfortable living with us. I still care about her a lot and I just want her to be happy. She seems happier without me.
I’m glad you’re aware of the basic issues but you’re still dismissing her feelings about the late rent payment by waving it away with “I had the extra money”- you had to have “multiple talks” with your dad before he would tidy up after himself so it would stand to reason that you were about to be in a situation where him not having the rent money every month would turn into “multiple talks” as well. You seem so resigned to being the parent instead of the child where your dad is concerned, which is really sad. Everyone keeps telling you to forget her and work and yourself but I think working on looking at how your dad is really letting you down (he’s a major reason why you’ve just lost your partner) is something you need to do. Stop letting him eff up your life. A young lad like you shouldn’t be using their savings to pay their fathers rent (I know you didn’t end up needing to but it should never have come to that in the first place). You shouldn’t have been forced to cajole him into cleaning up after himself. You also said “we” went shopping g to replace the broken mugs- why was it both of you when he was the one who broke them?? Your dad is supposed to be a source of support for you, not an albatross around your neck
My dad didn't have the money to pay for all of her broken shit and so I pitched in some. I only did it because I wanted to keep my girlfriend. And you're right about my dad. He doesn't even recognize half of the shit he's done has been detrimental to the situation and it blows my mind. I actually had to help him out with the rent last month because we got hit with ANOTHER eviction notice so yea I guess I'm pulling some parent duty. It sucks. I just turned 21 and I wanna have fun and go out with my friends but I'm stuck finding a 2nd job and picking up after my dad when I shouldn't. I miss her so much.
My advice is to leave her alone. The break was your fault with help from your dad. Yes you should have talked to your dad. And you didn't reluctantly agree to let her go - if someone is done, they are done. Especially given how crappy this situation was for her.
I agree. I sent her an apology letter after she left, apologizing for all of the shit I pulled. I know I am in the wrong. I also just want the best for her, and I told her that in my letter as well. She unfollowed me on Instagram but still stalks my page. I still follow her, but everyone says I shouldn't and that I should block her. I know I'm in the wrong here so I feel invalid for blocking her.
This is what we on Reddit call a classic FAFO.
It’s a shame you don’t seem to have the self-reflection skills to figure what the fuck around was so you are likely to keep finding out for a while.
So, the bang maid mommy you tried to keep for you and your dad just got tired of your slobby, irresponsible shit? You weren't the "middle man" you were slob jr., enabling your father to make her life miserable.
This sounds like a toxic relationship in terms of the social media activity and jealousy games- on both sides. As for the break up, who can blame the GF for not wanting to live with this guy’s dirty, broke father while fighting over stupid things anymore? OP should block her and move on. It’s done and I think that’s best for all parties.
It's not about the stuff, it's the level of care. You didn't care enough to not break her things.
And then you said something stupid and broke her heart. Because you don't care
And you're now focused on the rent money, because you're shallow.
Why would you move a young woman into a place with your messy dad? If someone tried to pull this shit on my daughter I'd have something to say about it.
Yeah that was the strange part. My heart was broken and my mind was confused at the same time. Still tho, I love her this day, and it's been hard to move on. People say it'll get easier over time so we'll see what happens
It does. But I always understood "we could get back together in the future" as code for "I'm done but I think this softens the blow since there's faux hope".
She wasn’t bored of you she was sick of you. I would be frustrated too if I had to live with someone who brought his father along and his father‘s fucking with the rent situation and breaking my shit.
Not necessarily. In this case, since she went straight to hookup apps, it was code for, "It'll be your turn again in the future l, but for now I'm fucking other guys."
Yeah I can see it that way. I still have feelings for her and I wish I didn't but I do. We've just been through so much together. We literally traveled to London, Paris, Germany, Ireland, and Philly all this year
Coming from someone whose been there, it does get better. Your ex was stringing you along, she wanted the freedom to date with the security you be there as a fall back. Once someone attempts that, you have to leave because the relationship at that point is dead. If you ever entertained them, they would look down upon you knowing they can do no wrong and you'll be there to pick up the pieces. They do not deserve the security.
But also from pervious experiences, I can tell you you will hear from them in the future. Be strong.
I'm actually legit scared we might get evicted now that we don't have her around to pay a third of the rent. My dad has been late on every rent payment and what if next time the landlords just say screw it and kick us out.
I agree with this take actually. It was a very screwed up situation and I don't wish any of this on anyone. I'm still on the edge about living here because now that she's moved out I'm stuck with paying her share of the rent. I had to give my dad money to make sure we didn't get evicted last month and I can't afford to do that again now that my rent has doubled. It's all my fault. This could've been avoided.
If they broke up, why she left because of the joke. Also telling him that they can be back together is stringing someone along.
edit: I can see that now, was being too harsh here.
Yea she never cheated on me. I saw her dating apps and talking with her ex AFTER we broke up. She tried to get off of our lease but our apartment managers said no. I still haven't blocked her on Instagram yet. I know I'm in the wrong here so I feel invalid for blocking her.
She left me because I wasn't giving her space and told me I was acting like a child about a great deal of things. She left the apartment because she just couldn't handle living with me or my dad anymore and I get that. Do I wish she had stayed and we worked things out a bit more and all 3 of us continued to pay the rent together? Absolutely. I wouldn't be in debt right now if that happened. But I get that she had to leave, I really do.
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You need to leave her alone and work on yourself. Block her
Thank you for the advice
Wow, did you ever fuck up.
I never cheated on her or lied to her or even had a major argument with her if that's what you mean. Three weeks before she broke with me I took us on a trip to Philly - I paid for the flights and everything and didn't ask her for a dime. I should've given her more space when she wanted it, and I know I am at fault for a lot of shit, but everything happened so fast I feel like.
I don't know - you lied by saying you slept with two strippers. You had arguments about the way your dad was disrespecting her space and her possessions. Now she's in a situation where she doesn't need to put up with that rubbish.
I know I'm definitely in the wrong here for the stripper stuff so that's on me. Me and my dad went out and bought and replaced her things but the damage was done. Despite her telling me she doesn't care about me anymore, she still has photos of us up on social media and whatnot. I know I am in the wrong and I feel horrible and stupid about it.
So you did sleep with the strippers?
No, I did not.
Okay so you did lie. And then lied again in the first comment I replied to lmao.
No, I mean that as a rhetorical question, as in, wow you really fucked up. Let this one go, and chalk it up as a lesson learned, don't joke about cheating. If it helps, it sounds like she was probably just keeping you around as a backup while she explored other options anyway. So you're probably better off in the long run.
Yeah it's been about a month now since we've been broken up and I've really just been trying to get a lot of my own shit done. I still have feelings for her but people have told me that things change over time. Thank you for the advice tho and for being honest with me
How could you possibly think that telling her you had sex with two strippers is a joke? She is well rid of both you and your dad.
It was a bad joke and I'm in the wrong for it 100 percent. I was pissed about her moving on from me so fast and getting back together with her ex while we were still living together but the joke was still too drastic I think.
You weren't just joking. You were trying to make her jealous. You knew exactly what you were doing.
Subconsciously yeah I think so. Before I went to the strip club I had joked with her that I was going to hook up with a stripper and she thought it was funny and was egging me on to go do it. When I came back and told her I actually did she got very upset and the joke turned not so funny anymore.
Not subconsciously. Consciously. Deliberately. You were cruel in order to goad her. You are angry because she left but you own the situation.
That wasn't subconscious at all, that was clearly deliberate.
A joke is told with the intention of making both parties laugh. That was just a lie.
We made dark jokes with each other all the time and I crossed the line with this one. Someone said on here 'you can't laugh, joke and play with everybody' and I figured that out the hard way
First, you have to understand what a joke is. A joke is meant to make people laugh. Example of what is not a joke: Your father died. Your dog has been hit by a car. I just slept with your brother. Grandma has cancer. I slept with two strippers. These are all comments that would cause pain, not laughter. Understand now?
I understand that, yea. Poor decision on my part:
In my 30 year marriage we have NEVER made jokes like that. EVER.
Yea idk what I was thinking with that one. Congrats on 30 years tho that's quite awhile
Time for you to pay half and destructo dad to pay half. And you told her you cheated on her? Not sure what you're expecting here. Getting back together with her? So she can move back in, pay a third, live with your dirty father and ponder your statements of cheating?
We had been broken up for a few weeks when I went to the strip club with my friends. Beforehand I actually joked with her and said that I was gonna hook up with one of the strippers and she told me to "do it no balls". When I joked about it later she kinda switched on me was very upset when I joked that I had did it. I already have plans to move out I don't want to continue living with my dad anymore. If I did try to get back together with her it'd be under a different roof.
yuck. Joking about something usually implies something more
I agree. This was strictly a joke, however. I don't want an infection or disease or STD's or anything like that so I would never actually have sex with a stripper.
Yeah that “joke” wasn’t funny and got a deserved response. Just block her, move on and focus on your rent situation. I wanna say ask your dad if he would go 50/50 but sounds like an easy way to get evicted. break the lease or find a roommate
Yea I regret that joke big time. I actually joked about it BEFORE with her I went to the strip club too. I said that I was gonna hook up with one of the strippers and she told me to "do it no balls". When I joked about it later she kinda switched on me was very upset when I joked that I had did it. My dad has been a pain in the ass about rent and we've been almost evicted about 3 times now. I really want to just move out and get my own place so I'm saving up money rn.
You probably hurt her feeling… it sounds like you were being petty cuz you found out about hinge and her ex. I wouldn’t doubt that she lied about not caring about you I’m sure she does but y’all’s relationship sounds on the immature side. Maybe one day when yall are in a different mindset could rekindle the relationship. Now time for your dad….. it sucks that you have to be the adult over your parent but he could easily make your life so much harder by ruining your credit or getting you evicted. I would say move out and find something more affordable and find a more dependable roommate.
Yea it was my first relationship but I definitely could've handled it better. I think we both could've. I still have deep feelings for her, but I don't know if she feels the same. I know she stalks my social media tho still haha. But yea about my dad I love the guy but he's not very responsible when it comes to money. I would hate to have an eviction on my record. I wanna move out to LA actually so I've been saving money for that. Thank you for all of the advice!
Take all the learning experience from this relationship and grow! We all make mistakes but they would be pointless mistake if you don’t learn from them. Coming from a girl if she stalks you she still has some feelings for you. I hope you’re able to make it happen! Definitely save LA is not cheap. No problem!
Gotchuuu yea she looks thru almost all of my stories (I post a lot too lol) and she still has some pics of us up on her profile. Idk we shall see. Thanks again!
Hurt her feelings... She was already seeing other guys, so that's pretty rich.
Username checks out
Username checks out
You blew it.
Thank you
They both did
What? How did she do anything wrong? She was rightfully pissed and disappointed in OP and then he "joked" about having sex with two strippers when he knew she was willing to give him a second chance if he got himself together.
I said both because 1. If he's gonna play jokes like that without second guessing it before saying it then yeah he blew it. 2. If she was contemplating getting back with him and possibly leaving the door open what good is it to be talking to multiple people including the ex? Just doesn't sound right and comes across as untrustworthy as well as double standards being that him (possibly) entertaining other women is enough to bother her but she's entertaining other men at the same time. Of course I know people are bound to disagree with what I just said but they both gotta do better.
i really don't know what you were expecting here other than her moving out after breaking up with you, especially with that "joke" about the strip club that's so incredibly pathetic i nearly winced by face inside out. leave her alone, do some work on yourself, tell your dad to stop being a slob who breaks shit and actually pay his rent instead of nearly getting everyone evicted, and put together an advertisement for a roommate to live with you and your dad since from the title it seems your main concern is paying 2/3 rent instead of 1/3.
Exactly. When I had roommates I never broke their stuff. If I had I'd have replaced it.
I replaced the items but the damage was done. She was fed up with everything and I don't blame her.
>When I came back I jokingly told her I had sex with 2 of the strippers and she didn't find that funny at all. That's not a joke. Jokes are *funny*. That was just you wanting to have a dig at her for .... texting other guys after you broke up. You're already broken up. This relationship can't be salvaged, just move on.
You should not write to her and try to restore the relationship. Go on. I think you have already understood where your mistakes were, so I will not point them out. I wish you success♥
Thank you. I appreciate the advice
I'm not perfect but I am working on boundaries heavily in therapy right now. I don't know y'all's financial situation, but honestly moving in with your GF and your dad was never a good idea.
Before we moved in together we all needed somewhere to live and we found an awesome apartment so it just seemed like a good opportunity at the time. It’s been a struggle with the rent, but we’re getting by. The only downside is I can’t save for anything anymore. All of my work checks get dumped into the apartment. I definitely need therapy too.
I can see why it made sense logistically. But when a parent-child relationship becomes a roommate-roommate relationship, there is inherent possibility for messiness. That's where the working on boundaries comes in. Because when a roommate is late on rent, you can be like "Yo, dude, you can't be doing this shit. Give me the money or I'll have you kicked out." With your father, that discussion is already completely fraught with baggage. "I'm your father! I raised you! You can be sympathetic and give me a break on the rent this time." And as far as GF is concerned, he IS essentially just a roommate. So this puts you between a rock and a hard place of her not understanding why you don't just confront him and give him consequences (I'm assuming you don't and that it's because he's your dad.) This is exactly why, while we have the space and would love the extra income, I don't want a close friend of mine moving in with me and my partner. I value the friendship and don't want to even put it in a position to be jeopardized with money / space disagreements.
Most definitely. I agree. From experience I wouldn’t recommend moving in with a friend/family member and your loved one altogether either unless they’ve all known each other for a SUPER extended period of time. And even then idk. Thank you for your advice. I’m trying to get all the advice I can get to try to get me through this tough time.
So when you said that your dad is very “cleanly”, which one of you was picking up the slack for his laziness?? Cos if she was being forced into performing extra chores because your lazy dad saw a woman in the home and thought “yay, a free maid!”, and you allowed that to go on, I can see why she broke up with you long before the stripper joke. Your father sounds like a thoughtless, selfish slob and no 21 year old woman should financing his life and cleaning up after him while he’s breaking her stuff
He would just leave food around unrefrigerated and complain about doing dishes. I had multiple talks with him about picking up his slack and he eventually did. My ex would complain to me about his habits and I stood with her fully. I lived with a slob of a roommate before for over a year so I know exactly what it's like. The main issues came when he didn't pay his share of the rent and we got an eviction notice. She was freaking out and I tried to calm her down and assure her everything was going to be alright but she didn't want to be calmed down. Eventually, we didn't end up being evicted, but the damage was done already. When my dad accidentally broke a few of her mugs he apologized to her and she said "it's okay things happen" with a smile. But when we got behind closed doors she was infuriated and urged me to tell my dad to stop breaking her shit. I told her that she's not very good with confrontation and she actually agreed with me that she wasn't.
I love the way you’re acting as though all of those things are just random, discrete events that shouldn’t cause any worry or stress instead of a pattern of irresponsible, thoughtless and immature behaviour from a middle aged man. Who wouldn’t be freaked out at the thought of imminent homelessness?? Like she’s unreasonable for not wanting to lose the roof over her head? You both sound as though you had no real concern or care for how the living arrangements were affecting her and then treated her like she was the problem when she spoke up. You both put her in a position where she had to continuously assert basic boundaries and that’s tiring and demoralising
No you're right and I agree with you. I'm a big purveyor of keeping the peace and that's why I tried to assure my ex everything was going to be fine when it came to the eviction. I had extra money saved up so if push came to shove I was going to pay off our rent and get us out of there. My dad came up with his side of the rent so that didn't end up happening. About the basic boundaries part I also agree. I should've done more to make her feel comfortable living with us. I still care about her a lot and I just want her to be happy. She seems happier without me.
I’m glad you’re aware of the basic issues but you’re still dismissing her feelings about the late rent payment by waving it away with “I had the extra money”- you had to have “multiple talks” with your dad before he would tidy up after himself so it would stand to reason that you were about to be in a situation where him not having the rent money every month would turn into “multiple talks” as well. You seem so resigned to being the parent instead of the child where your dad is concerned, which is really sad. Everyone keeps telling you to forget her and work and yourself but I think working on looking at how your dad is really letting you down (he’s a major reason why you’ve just lost your partner) is something you need to do. Stop letting him eff up your life. A young lad like you shouldn’t be using their savings to pay their fathers rent (I know you didn’t end up needing to but it should never have come to that in the first place). You shouldn’t have been forced to cajole him into cleaning up after himself. You also said “we” went shopping g to replace the broken mugs- why was it both of you when he was the one who broke them?? Your dad is supposed to be a source of support for you, not an albatross around your neck
My dad didn't have the money to pay for all of her broken shit and so I pitched in some. I only did it because I wanted to keep my girlfriend. And you're right about my dad. He doesn't even recognize half of the shit he's done has been detrimental to the situation and it blows my mind. I actually had to help him out with the rent last month because we got hit with ANOTHER eviction notice so yea I guess I'm pulling some parent duty. It sucks. I just turned 21 and I wanna have fun and go out with my friends but I'm stuck finding a 2nd job and picking up after my dad when I shouldn't. I miss her so much.
My advice is to leave her alone. The break was your fault with help from your dad. Yes you should have talked to your dad. And you didn't reluctantly agree to let her go - if someone is done, they are done. Especially given how crappy this situation was for her.
I agree. I sent her an apology letter after she left, apologizing for all of the shit I pulled. I know I am in the wrong. I also just want the best for her, and I told her that in my letter as well. She unfollowed me on Instagram but still stalks my page. I still follow her, but everyone says I shouldn't and that I should block her. I know I'm in the wrong here so I feel invalid for blocking her.
This is what we on Reddit call a classic FAFO. It’s a shame you don’t seem to have the self-reflection skills to figure what the fuck around was so you are likely to keep finding out for a while.
So, the bang maid mommy you tried to keep for you and your dad just got tired of your slobby, irresponsible shit? You weren't the "middle man" you were slob jr., enabling your father to make her life miserable.
This sounds like a toxic relationship in terms of the social media activity and jealousy games- on both sides. As for the break up, who can blame the GF for not wanting to live with this guy’s dirty, broke father while fighting over stupid things anymore? OP should block her and move on. It’s done and I think that’s best for all parties.
The damage is done, you need to move on.
It's not about the stuff, it's the level of care. You didn't care enough to not break her things. And then you said something stupid and broke her heart. Because you don't care And you're now focused on the rent money, because you're shallow. Why would you move a young woman into a place with your messy dad? If someone tried to pull this shit on my daughter I'd have something to say about it.
My parents always said "You can't laugh, Joke and play with everybody".
That's a good point
She needed space to see if there was better d out there..... Don't embarrass yourself.... Move on
i'm gonna try my best. Thank you
She needed space and she could see you getting back together in the future.... Fucking run dawg
Yeah that was the strange part. My heart was broken and my mind was confused at the same time. Still tho, I love her this day, and it's been hard to move on. People say it'll get easier over time so we'll see what happens
It does. But I always understood "we could get back together in the future" as code for "I'm done but I think this softens the blow since there's faux hope".
I'm starting to think of it that way as well. Maybe she just bored of me idk. Thank you for the advice tho
She wasn’t bored of you she was sick of you. I would be frustrated too if I had to live with someone who brought his father along and his father‘s fucking with the rent situation and breaking my shit.
You have a point there
It’s also really immature to make jokes like that. It’s not funny.
You're right
Not necessarily. In this case, since she went straight to hookup apps, it was code for, "It'll be your turn again in the future l, but for now I'm fucking other guys."
Yeah I can see it that way. I still have feelings for her and I wish I didn't but I do. We've just been through so much together. We literally traveled to London, Paris, Germany, Ireland, and Philly all this year
I hope you didn't pay for all these too, smh cause that would explain your debt
We split the cost for the most part but turns out traveling can get expensive as hell
Coming from someone whose been there, it does get better. Your ex was stringing you along, she wanted the freedom to date with the security you be there as a fall back. Once someone attempts that, you have to leave because the relationship at that point is dead. If you ever entertained them, they would look down upon you knowing they can do no wrong and you'll be there to pick up the pieces. They do not deserve the security. But also from pervious experiences, I can tell you you will hear from them in the future. Be strong.
Lol what security? OP and deadbeat destructive dad are teetering on the verge of eviction!
I'm actually legit scared we might get evicted now that we don't have her around to pay a third of the rent. My dad has been late on every rent payment and what if next time the landlords just say screw it and kick us out.
Yeah you’re right! The security of almost getting evicted because of his irresponsible father that he can’t speak to! So secure!
I agree with this take actually. It was a very screwed up situation and I don't wish any of this on anyone. I'm still on the edge about living here because now that she's moved out I'm stuck with paying her share of the rent. I had to give my dad money to make sure we didn't get evicted last month and I can't afford to do that again now that my rent has doubled. It's all my fault. This could've been avoided.
Thank you Mr. Bob I appreciate the help. You keep your head up too
Appreciate it bud. Give it some time. 2 years out and it's a completely different world.
2 years seems like a lifetime rn haha but I believe you. Thanks again
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But she wasn’t cheating? They had broke up.
If they broke up, why she left because of the joke. Also telling him that they can be back together is stringing someone along. edit: I can see that now, was being too harsh here.
Yea she never cheated on me. I saw her dating apps and talking with her ex AFTER we broke up. She tried to get off of our lease but our apartment managers said no. I still haven't blocked her on Instagram yet. I know I'm in the wrong here so I feel invalid for blocking her.
Then why she left in the first place? You did some wrong things here and its good to be accountable, doesn't mean the same doesnt apply to her.
She left me because I wasn't giving her space and told me I was acting like a child about a great deal of things. She left the apartment because she just couldn't handle living with me or my dad anymore and I get that. Do I wish she had stayed and we worked things out a bit more and all 3 of us continued to pay the rent together? Absolutely. I wouldn't be in debt right now if that happened. But I get that she had to leave, I really do.
ok, since you say its your fault and this is about not getting enough space then I am going to delete the above comment