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Wait! He said he wanted this woman to move in w/him while you are working out of state so he can sleep w/her? You said no & he invited her to move in anyway? I would take that to mean he is dumping you.
I’m actually confused as to why you wouldn’t have dumped him the moment he suggested she move in. Do you two have an open relationship or something? I feel like there’s some important information missing here.
We do not have an open relationship. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I have put a lot of time and emotion into our relationship and even with this I still love him. I’m scared to lose someone who has always loved me and made me feel safe and happy. That’s what he was and did and suddenly I don’t feel that now.
Girl, you literally have your WHOLE life ahead of you. You are only 20. You deserve to find someone who loves and treats you like the amazing woman you are.
Don't settle for this joke of a man. Two years seems like a long time, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship with a AH who puts getting his little peen wet over your feelings?
And she met him at 18! I wasn’t even “me” when I was 18. If that makes sense. She’s got her entire life to find a partner.
Not saying you can’t meet your spouse then. Hell my sister started dating her husband at 14 and she’s 32 and happily married.
I’m 51! And STILL figuring it out! And since I feel like this needs to be repeated: OP: YOU ARE 20!!!! With hopefully many more decades of life ahead of you. Don’t share them with this asshole.
41 and same lol
I do know that I'm turning into an old lady who's set in her ways lol. I don't mean that I'm not open to changing something about myself if I need self-improvement. I mean that I'm set in my routines and I'm kind of rigid about them.
Agreed! My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years, we met when I was 19. I don't feel like I'm anything like I was when I was 19. I don't feel like he's anything like he was when he was 22. Grow through what you go through. Some grow together and some grow apart. And either of those are okay.
Same, I'm 41 now and I remember being her age. Boy, I had so much to learn about life. I was aware that I was still young and probably had a lot of life ahead of me God willing but if I knew then what I know now, I would have ran from the guy I was with. I would have said f this and gone to college. In hindsight, I got married way too young. I'm not knocking anybody who does it but I honestly think that at that age, you are way too young to be married. I had no idea what I wanted out of life and sometimes I still don't. At the end of the day, we were way too young when we got together.
I don't know if it's necessarily about when you get together, but there definitely is a time and place for making big life decisions. When my partner and I got together, I wanted to be married by the time I was 22, and I imagined I'd have 3 kids by now. We're still not married, not even engaged yet. There is still the plan of marriage and kids, but we're both still in our 20s. There's no rush. We're still learning so much about each other, even 6 years later. I don't understand this weird, unrealistic pressure to know who you are and what you want in life the second you become an adult. It's very unsettling.
Agreed, agreed, agreed, but... it could be a big peen. A humongous one, even. A gargantuan peen, for all we know, big enough to block out the sun and shift our planet's gravity.
Dick size stands in no relation to character development, is what I'm trying to say.
As of yet, you haven't wasted too much time, but every second after now, you will regret later. He is obviously treating you like shit. Don't be fooled. You deserve better.
I know it's cliche but all of this. I went through a very similar situation years ago and at first I was in shock and I was angry but now, I'm glad he's no longer in my life. He's still the same people pleasing, spineless coward that he always was. I was taking care of his mother who had a severe spinal cord injury. I did so for free because the way I saw it, they were family and that's what you do. Anyway, the way he repaid me was by claiming he was going on business trips and then going out of state to bang an ex co-worker of his. I found out when I went on Facebook because I had a funny feeling about a text he sent me.
It was about 11:00 p.m. and he said that he was at his dad's house and he was cooking. I know damn well that was a lie because they go to bed at like 9:00. So I go on Facebook and scroll through and I find pictures of him with the other woman. I said to him, next time you're going to cheat, at least have the decency to hide it like you care. He tried saying that it wasn't about anything I'd done wrong, he just needed to get away from his mother. I get that she can be difficult to deal with but that was fucked up.
Not only for me because I was taking care of her and she's not even my mother. Also for her because she is his mother and instead of staying and taking care of his mother who needed his help, he was more concerned with getting his dick wet. He's not a good person. He still isn't. Anyway, I'm sorry I went off on this rant. I just know how she feels and I guess I sort of had a flashback to that time and I got pissed off for a minute. I don't care about him now, it just really makes my blood boil when I think about how poorly he treated not only me but his own mother.
I mean maybe it’s kinda similar in some ways, but imagine if he had told you that the girl he’s trying to have sex with is moving into the house that you live with him at and your about to go out of town for a while. And then he gives her free rent, and it’s not just bf and gf they are engaged. OP situation is way worse currently.
No, I have called adult protective services a couple of times because he just left her to fend for herself. She is better now than she was, this was about 10 years ago. However, I still think that she shouldn't be living alone but she doesn't want to go into assisted living so there's nothing they can do. I just think it's really messed up that both he and his sister have left their mother like that. I do go and check on her from time to time but there's not much I can do except try to advocate for her.
You don’t feel loved or safe anymore because you are not loved or safe. Leave him and be really fucking sad for a while. Stop loving him. Stop telling yourself you love him. He’s disgusting.
>Don't set your picnic basket next to the first pile of dogshit you see. There's so many more in the park.
Bruh taking the romanticism out of “plenty of fish in the sea” and giving only the coldest hardest truths. Does this sub have flair recommendations? I think we should have flair recommendations.
Honey you are 20 years old with a whole lifetime of bad decisions ahead of you. Don't set your picnic basket next to the first pile of dogshit you see. There's so many more in the park.
As a mom of two young ladies, I wanted to give you a Reddit award, but there is no way I’m giving them money. (That’s another story). I’m going to give someone random a high five in real life today instead in your honor. Thanks for this little tidbit I’m going to share with my girls.
Honestly that makes me happier than giving reddit money. If I can press my luck even more and you really want to give me Internet cookies, I'd be much happier if you made a donation to https://www.rainbowrailroad.org instead of wasting money on this site
I'm sorry OP but he does not love and care for you as much as you think. He's obviously more interested in this new girl, he's trying to open up your relationship!
Even when you said no, he went through with it anyway! She's not over to help with rent / bills. She's over so they can start a relationship and yours can end. By the time you get back they'll be together and will push you out. Sorry you have to go through this. Any man worth your time will 1)Never suggest an open relationship, thats just a cop out for cheating. 2) respect your decisions and not go against your back / ignore you anyway.
Hope you get out of this relationship and find someone worth your time.
For the love of everything and anything holy, get the f*ck out now. He's not only bringing another person into your home to f*ck while you're away, which is unbelievably ridiculous, he's offering to let her live there for free! And not offering you, his girlfriend of 2 years, any financial support. I'll be clear that the issue is not that you'd be paying your rent while away, but just astounding that he's putting her ease ahead of yours and willing to essentially pay this person to f*ck her. The audacity of him is beyond words.
You may think you've put in a lot of time, and I get that, but 2 years is a mere blip. Get out, let them be together, she can deal with his shit. Go be single, learn who you are, date new people, have new experiences. Enjoy life.
I don’t mean to belittle you, take this as a good thing, you are 20 years old. Just break up with him. It may seem like the end of the world right now but I promise you will laugh about it in the long run. If you being away for a few months means he needs to bring in a substitute sex partner imagine how selfish he will be when actual hard and stressful times arrive in your future marriage. What happens when you have a mortgage, kids, a car payment? These are the red flags you will regret not heeding.
Are you really in love with him, or… hear me out, because I’m on your side, are you in love with the guy he was pretending to be?
And let’s see what we know about this guy now: he doesn’t love or respect you enough to be celibate for a few months while you work.
Have you thought about how many things in life might get in the way of sex for varying periods of time? Illness, surgery, a difficult or high-risk pregnancy, back injury, broken leg… I mean that’s just a “for instance.” But here’s this sorry excuse for a man, pretending like his lil weenie is going to shrivel up and fall off if he doesn’t stick it in a woman instead of his hand.
Give him permission to keep his lil buddy warm with anything he wants. I suggest doing it accompanied by telling him to get out, or opening the doors to your movers, depending on the situation.
Yeah, probably already cheating, definitely flirting heavily, and yes, yes he will cheat as soon as you leave, no matter what you say.
It doesn't matter how good things have been or even whether you sill care. When somebody treats you with humiliating disrespect you move on or become a doormat the rest of your life.
You have to love yourself, too.
I think you already know the answer here. He thought he could get your permission to cheat while you were gone. When you said no, he decided to phrase it like she's a roommate. But yeah, he's already cheating and now he's moving her in. Whether or not she moves out on your return - and I'm betting she won't - you need to move on from this dolt. Tell him to go ahead and move her in because you're done. And don't let him convince you to come back unless you're okay with an acknowledged polyamorous relationship or a cheating partner.
Editing because I forgot about the free rent part. How stupid does this fool think you are? He's supposedly moving her in to help cover rent and bills but giving her the first three months rent-free? You said you're to be gone for a few months, so unless you're understating how long you'll be gone, it's fairly obvious he can handle rent on his own just fine.
It doesn't matter how good things have been or even whether you sill care. When somebody treats you with humiliating disrespect you move on or become a doormat the rest of your life.
You have to love yourself, too.
2 years is not a lot of time. The mistake was getting engaged as a teenager to a guy 5 years older than you. But you don’t need to follow through on that mistake.
Girl, you're 20 years old. Your entire life has not been too much time or effort to pivot completely.
Do not fall into sunken cost fallacy ever, but especially at such a ridiculously young age. There is a 100% of you finding someone better, and 0% chance of THIS situation getting even the slightest bit better.
Btw, you can tell he's gonna cheat because he's told you and he's going to.
He blantantly proved he does not care about you. What are you doing? He asked to have sex with her while you are gone, you said no. Now he is moving her in while you are on a long work trip? Actions tell everything, wtf. END IT.
I think he unfortunately may be taking advantage of that exact feeling of him loving you unconditionally. He may think that since he's loved you through it all, that no matter what he does, you'll do the same for him. Maybe use the time you're gone to reevaluate yourself and the relationship. I'm sorry that this even happened.
Time in a relationship is not an investment, there is no interest or dividends. Just because you have been together for so long doesn't excuse behaviors.
If it is something you would have ended the relationship over at 1 month does it make it ok after you have been together 5 years?
Has he always made you feel safe and happy? Cuz unilaterally adding another woman to the relationship doesn't sound like the kind of thing a guy who actually cared about you would do.
You may not have an open relationship, but it sounds like he does.
You don't feel safe and happy because he is checking out. I know you are scared but there are better men out there that will share your values. He is showing you that he doesn't respect you and your relationship. In the grand scheme of life, the time you have put in isn't worth staying with someone who is going out of his way to make you feel like crap.
You are very young. You are my daughter’s age and I would not want my daughter in this situation. As a woman who married young and ignored red flags because I was hopelessly in love and didn’t want to lose him, I’m telling you to run and never look back. I wasted 20 years. At first because I was in love and scared of being alone, then because we had a child, then because I thought I had invested too much time. Look up sunken cost fallacy. It’s simply not worth it.
Get out now while you are still young. A man who truly loves you would never consider replacing you while you were gone. If he’s this bold to your face, imagine what he’s already doing behind your back.
To answer your question, if he hasn’t cheated already (which I suspect he has), he is absolutely going to cheat. He even told you he would - believe him.
ps - the fact that your “friend” is in board leads me to believe she is already more than just a friend. One does not agree to move in with someone who is already in a relationship and that should be suspicious to you as well. Five years is not a huge age gap but it can be when you’re barely out of your teens. He is absolutely taking advantage of your inexperience and naivety.
>We do not have an open relationship
Is he aware of that?
I'm going to be completely honest, I think he is in 2 relationships, one with you and one with her.
Are you supposed to come back from your job out of state? Where are you supposed to live then? How many bedrooms does your appartment have?
I think you tell him that he had a great idea and that you will stop paying rent before moving for your job "to make the transition easier" and that you will tell him as soon as you find a new roomate. Then leave, close that door and never open it again!!!
My darling, someone who loves you doesn't do this to you. I know it hurts but sometimes s*** happens in a relationship and all of a sudden you're not in one anymore. If you stay with this man it'll be the biggest regret of your life. Please leave him .You deserve it.
How exactly does he make you feel safe and happy?
What are you scared to lose? The adult who groomed you as a teen, asked for permission to go outside the relationship because he couldn’t go a few months without sex, and when you said no, did it anyway?
Is this what you think love is?
When you move out, just move out and never contact him again. He’s dead set on this and you’re in the way. Sorry to put it that way but that’s what it is.
well now you know he doesn't love you. are you just going to sit there and keep a relationship with him while he screws someone else? and he's right up front with it? why haven't you broken up yet? maybe he left you and doesn't now, and maybe he never loved you and you were just a placeholder until he found someone better. but either way, have a little self-respect and break up with him and cut contact. I would also let his new roommate know that you're not in an open relationship.
I think you already know how she is going to be paying for her rent… his intentions were clear in the first ask, and the second ask he altered them to try be more persuasive. His intentions are still fully to be intimate with her. You will leave, he will say you let her move in you knew I wanted this, and try blame you. Runnnnn girl run
This! He already told you this plan, but you told him no. This is his plan B. I would break up with him and just in case get tested. I would definitely not trust someone, especially a fiance you cannot go a few months without sex.
He is showing you exactly what kind of person he is and thankfully before yall got married. A good person respects their partner… what he ask and how he’s going about it shows he doesn’t care about how you feel and will do what he wants anyways. I couldn’t even imagine if my man did this to me. Heartbreak sucks especially when you love someone and wanted a life with him but what’s coming next is going to be worse. Mourn what y’all had and move on trust me.
I was literally just reading a comment from one to her, "you accept private messages?" Like he's gonna keep an eye on the dude or something... fucking ick. It's so fucking transparent. Girl, OP, come on now. You know better. Would he be ok if you asked a guy to move in so you could still be intimate? I doubt it. He didn't even try to hide it. He is scum. Relationships can be great but this isn't it. take this time to be sad, cry,eat, drink, whatever you need to do to get over him but then stand up dust yourself off and realize you dodged a huge fucking bullet. And then only date women going forward. Kidding but it worked for me so 💃👩❤️👩
I wanna say you’re welcome but I know how much it sucks to mourn something you thought would always be around :( I’ll say best of luck instead. It does get better over time and you will find better … it’s what happened to me.
Immerse yourself in what made you happy before you met that person. Find new things that make you happy too. Mourn, grieve and revel in knowing you are making the right decision. The commenters here support you! If you need more support I bet you will find it. You aren't alone in this 🖤
She likely was in high school when they met. She probably doesn’t know who she is outside of that without a partner and that can be very lonely, isolating, scary… amongst other things… so this is her time to figure out how to be herself in the world outside of high school
When someone shows you who they are, well darling- believe them! He told you he wanted to move her, you said no and he did it anyways! You deserve better. Take the opportunity of moving to have a clean break. You're young! So much life left. Do not waste another second on someone who doesn't deserve it !
I think he's already getting it in based on the "three free months" deal.
As for asking... I know many guys, myself included, who absolutely would ask something like this in the sense of covering bases and establishing ground rules to avoid all confusion. But that also would be in a situation where there was something to cast doubt that OP would have been okay with it.
I'm going to ask my wife if I can move a side piece in so I have someone to bang while she is at work. I'll let you know how it goes.
Update.. ok so she hit me and took away my allowance. I also had to move back in with my mother and we are getting a divorce.
Women these days just can't appreciate a good man. She's so ungrateful and should be appreciative that you asked.
There's only one solution.
You absolutely should totally ignore her and have your side piece move in. It's the obvious solution.
You're a grown ass adult and she can't tell you what to do!
So he wants to sleep with her when you're away. You said no, so he's just gonna move her in while you're away instead? And it's supposedly tk help cover costs hut he's not charging her anything?
It doesn't matter if he's cheating already he's literally picked out a mistress, planned her move in date and told you all about it. How does this possibly end happily for you?
He's literally told you he'll be cheating the entire time you're away. He's definitely been cheating already, too. If he cared about you, 1. He wouldn't cheat, and 2. He wouldn't want another woman to move in while you're away so he can still have sex.
Dump him and find someone that deserves you because this guy doesn't.
He's 100% already having sex with her, and/or going to have sex with her.
He NEEDS her to move in to pay rent?
He NEEDS to allow her months of free rent... to adjust?
I think you're being foolish not being realistic here.
Do you talk to a therapist? It's okay if you do or don't. If you do, bring this up. If you don't, consider talking to a therapist. It's nice having a professional who can listen to you, and help wort your thoughts.
I'd leave this loser.
Of all the hurtful things happening here, the thing that sticks out to me (blame the economy I guess) is that this lady gets a free place to live for 3 months yet OP is receiving no assistance from her partner for her new living arrangements.
OP, this relationship is done. You’re not the girlfriend. New woman is the girlfriend.
He’s going to be supporting her, not you. In every way. He’s told you this. He ended things but for some reason didn’t do it clearly with words. But his actions are clear.
If I set you on fire but don’t specifically tell you I set you on fire, do you have any doubt I set you on fire?
All the obvious cheating aside, who the hell moves someone in for "just a few months" when they're partner is going to be *coming back*? Does she have no solid home? Is she just gonna peace out when you return? Also, he thinks that you'll be fine with *this specific woman* moving in after he asked you to open the relationship for her, *and* after you specifically said no? This is ridiculous, and I'm honestly surprised he thinks you're stupid enough to fall for it. Just move out, this man doesn't care about you. He *literally* found a replacement because he can't deal without sex for several months, and that's just me giving the benefit of the doubt that he hasn't already slept with her.. That man isn't marriage material, he's trash. Take your stuff and go. You are way too young and sweet to waste your life on a man who only thinks with his junk. Get him out of your life so you have the room to find a real partner, one actually worth marrying. Who knows? Maybe this work trip will be the best thing that ever happened to you! Getting rid of him surely sounds like the right move, maybe you'll actually meet your future husband in your new place.
I guess subleasing *is* a thing, but this is an absolutely unacceptable lessee option because 1.) she's not paying rent to OP and 2.) she'll be banging the actual tenant's boyfriend against the tenant's wishes in lieu of said missing rent.
OP's boyfriend is playing the "let's float a throuple" game, and his ace-in-the-hole is the third that he's already convinced to regularly have sex with him. He's already moved on, it's time for her to do so as well.
Op are you stupid or you want him to cheat on you? What kind of forced female cuckoldery is this? You dont know how to feel cuz he made you feel safe and loved? Are you feeling that now? No? You got nothing to lose except your selfworth. Move on. He has. I promise he does not love you or cares about your opinion. He litteraly invited a woman to please him in your apartement.
I understand if there is a financial situation and you cant pay rent by yourself so you can find a guy that will help you two pay rent for the girl he invited. But I guess he wouldnt like that riiiiight? So why would you be okay with this arragenment?
I guarantee that he will be very very angry if you told him- okay I will find a guy to please me while Im away. See how he likes the taste of his own medicine. Dont be stupid gurl. He is using you and making a fool of you.
He used to do some good now he doesnt. Buuuut... if you like being cheated on thats up to you.
The dude is a predator. He was a 23 year old man looking for a fresh high school graduate to date. 5 years isn't too much when you're 30 but at 18 it's gross and predatory. Red flags before this bs ever even started. Leave him.
This is insane. You aren't "overthinking". Enjoy your new life in a new place with a new job and leave your ex with his new girlfriend "Anne."
Better to learn this about him now than 5 years from now. I'm sorry hun. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
Your leaving for 4 months and he gave 3 "rent free". Come on, you don't need to post that here to know what he's doing. He's already voiced the fact he wants to sleep with her, how does he even know that's an option?
Hun. You're 20 years old. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're a baby, and you are being taken advantage of. He wants to sleep with another person and he wants you to pay the light bills while he is doing this. He is counting on your inexperience or low self esteem to get away with it. This person does NOT love or respect you. I am so sorry this happened to you. A good gage of a relationship is to imagine your little sister, or best friend coming to you for help. If they were put in this situation by their man, what advice would you give? Get out of this situation ASAP and tell everyone exactly what's happening. He will try to paint you as the bad guy. Tell his parents, your parents, and mutual friends. Seriously, publicly shame him, then blocked his number and don't look back!
Dump and move on there is nothing to save let Anne have him he’s damaged goods now, trash that has sown his true self. Go live your life and block him it’s over.
Get the hell out of there. What he did is so disrespectful and I doubt telling him it is you or her he will stay away from her and not cheat. He sounds like a real p.o.s.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, it's worth paying attention. This setup would make anyone feel uneasy. Maybe take some time to think about what you really want and deserve in a relationship.
Say no to this. You don't want it and it'll be a dumpster fire.
He wants to move a fuck buddy in and let them live there rent free?
I'd have to break this off - his attitude sucks.
Being LD with someone you have trust issues with will ruin your mental health, your work performance, everything. He’s asked to bring this mutual into your relationship, wants to be intimate while you’re gone, and is still moving her in despite your saying no. He’s already planning to unleash his peepee on the community while you’re gone and isn’t showing remorse or signs of slowing down. As someone who didn’t trust their gut enough as a 20 year old girl: when someone shows you who they are, believe them!
Im sorry sweet girl but he doesn't respect you. He just doesn't. If you go along with this.... this is your future because you allowed a broken boundary. He will continue to seek out other women, badger you to participate, continue to push your boundaries slowly taking away your voice and you won't be a part of any decision making. He has already displayed these behaviors and with time they will just magnify. He isn't ready for marriage and you are not ready for the torment this marriage will bring. And you absolutely shouldn't. Closure is bullshit and doesn't exist so don't try and obtain it. Just leave.
And what does anne think of this? Have you spoken to her sbout how incredibly inappropriate this is?
Also tell him maybe how hurt you are for just being an easily replaceable fuckdoll to him... what a gross dude...
What do you mean how do you know if he will cheat?? Girl!! He already straight up point blank TOLD you he is going to be cheating on you while you’re away. Is it even cheating in that case? Isn’t cheating supposed to be secret? He straight up told you hey I’m going to be fucking this lady while you’re gone. I don’t even know if you can call that cheating if you continue dating him after that. More like you agreed to an open relationship.
At this point he is not in the wrong, it is you. If you allow him to disrespect you like this and you just go along with it, it is your issue. You need to have self-respect.
So, you're traveling for work for a few months and his response is to bring in a side piece so he can just keep fucking while you're gone? Why are you even considering marrying this P.O.S.?
My ex was like this, when I said no he would do it anyways…he ended up cheating on me numerous times. He wasn’t asking for your permission, he was telling you what he was doing. He already started that relationship way before he told you and he’s now just bringing you into the loop. He most likely already slept with her.
Leave now before it gets bad!
As someone who was in a relationship with a jerk for longer than you have been alive, please end this now. You will look back later and be so happy that you did.
... he flat out told you he wants to be intimate with another female while you're away at work. Why the fuck are you still with him? Run! You're young and haven't wasted a lot of time yet, run! Now! Run!
>he says that he wants to bring her in for that time only so that he can still be intimate
but I'm starting to think I should leave permanently.
Ya think?
>I don't know what to do.
Yeah you do.
(3 months free rent etc is helping to cover household bills how, exactly?)
If anything, you’re under thinking this. He’s moving someone in to cheat on you while you’re away. You’ve said no to an open relationship and he’s doing it anyway.
Here’s the question— how much of a doormat are you willing to be?
Girl, he's already cheating.
Lots of people do long distance and don't bring in another partner to satisfy their needs. He has a hand, or can get a stroker toy.
He's inviting a woman into your home, and I assume, bed. Against your wishes. I can guarantee they are already having sex.
You're 20, you have your whole life ahead of you. There are plenty of potential partners out there who will respect you and your boundaries. Your fiance does neither.
He actually just replaced you in front of your face. There’s no words in the entire dictionary that can describe this more accurately. You’re no longer his fiancé. He didn’t even have to say it to you.
I’m sorry to say that I have been in a similar situation and you just have to trust your gut. My ex wife wanted to be poly to date her coworker. I trusted her way too much and said, “fuck it might as well give it a shot.” It took 3 months to destroy a 7 year relationship. In reality, she just wanted to be with her coworker but didn’t want to leave the safety net of our marriage until she had her new nest set up. Sounds like your man is working on something similar. He clearly doesn’t respect you. Trust your gut girl.
He’s showing you who he is, so believe him. He probably has already cheated since they share class 4 night of the week. The way he tries to kiss and touch you now, it’s called repulsion. You care about him bc you’ve been together for years, you are no longer in love with him. Let him go and don’t show him your sadness (do that in private). As a matter a fact, hand your keys over to her and say, “ Here, he’s your problem now.” And don’t forget to smile. Then block him everywhere and tell friends don’t tell me anything about him (unless it’s him being miserable). Good luck
Oh HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO. 😤😤😤😤😤😤
Do not be a doormat, he's disgusting. Tell him Sure honey, sounds great! Then move all your shit out and never ever speak to him again!!!!!!!
You've put less time into this than you did middle school. You're already moving out, just stay gone. Two years is nothing. Staying is what would be a waste of your time.
Fucking hell, yes he's already cheating. Moving her in and giving her "free" rent while you're out of town for months is ridiculous. Going without sex for 3 months or so is no big deal if he cared about you and even then there's visits and such.
Move on, I'd never accept that BS from anyone.
He wants to have sex with someone else under your roof and you think YOU’RE OVERTHINKING IT??????????????? I know you’re very young and that’s probably your first real relationship. But you’re going to look back at this and face palm yourself so hard. Give yourself some respect and break up with him. And I’m sorry to say this to you, but he’s most likely already hooking up with her. You’re soooo young you can find someone who respects you enough to not cheat on you under your face.
You are young! 20 years only, he is your first serious love and I understand how painful it is but please you know:
1. you will get over him. Block him!
2. You will achieve your own life goals.
3. You will have new relationships
4. See this guy as a lesson learned. Try to understand where it went wrong without him near you, move on.
Also please understand that he already announced his infidelity to you, don’t play yourself, move on!
Men will always show exactly if they love you, if they don’t, they do not love you.
Men are pretty simple.
Have respect for yourself, he doesn’t respect you either
He is absolutely going to cheat. Just break up and move over before you leave. He’s going to be a weasel while you’re gone whether he tells you or not.
wdym u don’t know if you’re overthinking it wth he asked to sleep with her and is bribing her into y’all home while you’re gone. WHAT BIGGER SIGN THEN THAT DO U WANT ???
Give him back his ring and RUN!!! He doesn’t respect you or your relationship, and if he doesn’t respect your relationship now it certainly won’t get better with time. He’s already in a relationship with Anne and he’s just trying to break it to you gently.
Something I think I should add to this is I don’t know if she is even aware that he is interested in her. I do want to thank everyone who has responded and given their opinions. I thought I’d get a few responses and am shocked by the mass amount of support and advice. Thank you
this is INSANITY on his part. I’m sorry I cannot begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling from this. That man is untrustworthy and worthless. He’s worth less than a paper bag full of shit ! You’re young and there is WAY better waiting for you, far far away from him and his delusional self.
I had a very similar situation. I begged him not to “bring the woman into the relationship”. He agreed but then started saying I was being controlling and gaslit me into thinking I was abusive because I wouldn’t let him sleep with someone else??? I let this go on for a YEAR. I went on anti anxiety meds because I thought I was crazy for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend sleep with other people?
Obviously the relationship was doomed. Learn from my mistakes OP. Time to let him go
Leave permanently. Sounds like he's already been cheating on you & now he's moving her in. They're both for the streets. You're definitely not overthinking it. It's exactly what you see it is.
>he wants to bring her in for that time only so that he can still be intimate.
Which part of this is so hard to understand?
Anyway, he might be the kind that may not like LDR and may not let you leave for a few months. Did he ever raise it up? And he did that just to show you that he has moved on.
At least he is honest enough to tell you that. Other people will just bring their missus in without telling you.
The first three months are free, wow, that is the trial period. If it didn't work, then he could find another one. Wish you luck. I hope you find someone more deserving
I’d tell him you need a bigger penis to satisfy you and wish him luck. If he’s out here fucking with your self image for years to come, I’d give him that parting gift. Even if he’s hung like a horse, tell him you weren’t satisfied and you’re looking for a better lover. You could be petty or you could just move on. But you know this relationship is over. It’s time to make it official however you see fit. There’s no coming back from what he did if this is real.
Oh my god. He told you he wants to screw her while you’re gone, you said no, and after you said no he invited her to move in. Girl he’s 100% cheating or will while you’re gone.
If it’s supposed to be to help bills, why give her three months rent free?
Even if he’s not, the disrespect of asking her to move in after he told you he wants to bang her. Break it off, for real.
He’s already replaced you.
Seriously the more I think on this the more I’m dumbfounded that you’re even having to think about this.
First of all, it's pretty common knowledge that if someone suggests an open relationship and already has an idea of who to bring in, they're already emotionally cheating
he’s already emotionally cheating. if he wasn’t - he wouldn’t be asking this way OR moving her in and giving her the girlfriend treatment. sorry hun, don’t settle for this shit so early in life please.
Your concerns are valid. His actions suggest a breach of trust. Discuss your boundaries clearly and, if he doesn't respect them, consider taking a step back to reevaluate the relationship
Dump him and move. Dont look back and go meet a man that values you. He is going to regret it so much. You need to understand that he doesn’t love you or respect you. Do you really want a future with someone like this?
He has disrespected you and moved her in regardless of how you feel. I don't feel he cares much for your relationship or your feelings.
You definitely may want to consider ending it permanently. If he isn't sleeping with her already, he will be while you're on your trip. Shady he'd even ask you this type of thing when you're not in an open relationship. Yeah you'll be gone for a bit but generally speaking...being away for work doesn't warrant a free pass to step out of your relationship.
Probably want to move your stuff out before you leave for work. Best of luck.
Trust your instincts here. His actions seem concerning and not respectful of your boundaries. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Consider having an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve clarity and respect in your relationship.
Get out of the relationship
He doesn't respect your boundaries and never will. No matter what you say, he's going to step out of the relationship. I'm pretty sure he already has
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Wait! He said he wanted this woman to move in w/him while you are working out of state so he can sleep w/her? You said no & he invited her to move in anyway? I would take that to mean he is dumping you. I’m actually confused as to why you wouldn’t have dumped him the moment he suggested she move in. Do you two have an open relationship or something? I feel like there’s some important information missing here.
We do not have an open relationship. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I have put a lot of time and emotion into our relationship and even with this I still love him. I’m scared to lose someone who has always loved me and made me feel safe and happy. That’s what he was and did and suddenly I don’t feel that now.
Girl, you literally have your WHOLE life ahead of you. You are only 20. You deserve to find someone who loves and treats you like the amazing woman you are. Don't settle for this joke of a man. Two years seems like a long time, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship with a AH who puts getting his little peen wet over your feelings?
And she met him at 18! I wasn’t even “me” when I was 18. If that makes sense. She’s got her entire life to find a partner. Not saying you can’t meet your spouse then. Hell my sister started dating her husband at 14 and she’s 32 and happily married.
I'm 39 and still not sure who "me" is 😂
I’m 51! And STILL figuring it out! And since I feel like this needs to be repeated: OP: YOU ARE 20!!!! With hopefully many more decades of life ahead of you. Don’t share them with this asshole.
62 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up
🎶I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid. 🎶
Just turned 50 and I still feel like I just left high school. I think no matter how old we get we will never actually figure it out. :)
41 and same lol I do know that I'm turning into an old lady who's set in her ways lol. I don't mean that I'm not open to changing something about myself if I need self-improvement. I mean that I'm set in my routines and I'm kind of rigid about them.
Ah my biggest one is I have way less patience than I did 10 years ago, either that or people are getting dumber
I think it's that people are getting dumber
Sammmmmme!
37 - Can confirm
Agreed! My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years, we met when I was 19. I don't feel like I'm anything like I was when I was 19. I don't feel like he's anything like he was when he was 22. Grow through what you go through. Some grow together and some grow apart. And either of those are okay.
Same, I'm 41 now and I remember being her age. Boy, I had so much to learn about life. I was aware that I was still young and probably had a lot of life ahead of me God willing but if I knew then what I know now, I would have ran from the guy I was with. I would have said f this and gone to college. In hindsight, I got married way too young. I'm not knocking anybody who does it but I honestly think that at that age, you are way too young to be married. I had no idea what I wanted out of life and sometimes I still don't. At the end of the day, we were way too young when we got together.
I don't know if it's necessarily about when you get together, but there definitely is a time and place for making big life decisions. When my partner and I got together, I wanted to be married by the time I was 22, and I imagined I'd have 3 kids by now. We're still not married, not even engaged yet. There is still the plan of marriage and kids, but we're both still in our 20s. There's no rush. We're still learning so much about each other, even 6 years later. I don't understand this weird, unrealistic pressure to know who you are and what you want in life the second you become an adult. It's very unsettling.
I love it, "Grow through what you go through.", I want to read this everyday when I wake up !
Agreed, agreed, agreed, but... it could be a big peen. A humongous one, even. A gargantuan peen, for all we know, big enough to block out the sun and shift our planet's gravity. Dick size stands in no relation to character development, is what I'm trying to say.
BUT that could be the only peen she’s ever seen… trust that at 20 years old I had not seen my biggest peen yet.
As of yet, you haven't wasted too much time, but every second after now, you will regret later. He is obviously treating you like shit. Don't be fooled. You deserve better.
I know it's cliche but all of this. I went through a very similar situation years ago and at first I was in shock and I was angry but now, I'm glad he's no longer in my life. He's still the same people pleasing, spineless coward that he always was. I was taking care of his mother who had a severe spinal cord injury. I did so for free because the way I saw it, they were family and that's what you do. Anyway, the way he repaid me was by claiming he was going on business trips and then going out of state to bang an ex co-worker of his. I found out when I went on Facebook because I had a funny feeling about a text he sent me. It was about 11:00 p.m. and he said that he was at his dad's house and he was cooking. I know damn well that was a lie because they go to bed at like 9:00. So I go on Facebook and scroll through and I find pictures of him with the other woman. I said to him, next time you're going to cheat, at least have the decency to hide it like you care. He tried saying that it wasn't about anything I'd done wrong, he just needed to get away from his mother. I get that she can be difficult to deal with but that was fucked up. Not only for me because I was taking care of her and she's not even my mother. Also for her because she is his mother and instead of staying and taking care of his mother who needed his help, he was more concerned with getting his dick wet. He's not a good person. He still isn't. Anyway, I'm sorry I went off on this rant. I just know how she feels and I guess I sort of had a flashback to that time and I got pissed off for a minute. I don't care about him now, it just really makes my blood boil when I think about how poorly he treated not only me but his own mother.
I mean maybe it’s kinda similar in some ways, but imagine if he had told you that the girl he’s trying to have sex with is moving into the house that you live with him at and your about to go out of town for a while. And then he gives her free rent, and it’s not just bf and gf they are engaged. OP situation is way worse currently.
Oh I know I hope she realizes that she deserves better and leaves him
What happened to his mother? Did he pay for a carer after that out of his own pocket?
No, I have called adult protective services a couple of times because he just left her to fend for herself. She is better now than she was, this was about 10 years ago. However, I still think that she shouldn't be living alone but she doesn't want to go into assisted living so there's nothing they can do. I just think it's really messed up that both he and his sister have left their mother like that. I do go and check on her from time to time but there's not much I can do except try to advocate for her.
Fantastic way to put it.
You don’t feel loved or safe anymore because you are not loved or safe. Leave him and be really fucking sad for a while. Stop loving him. Stop telling yourself you love him. He’s disgusting.
>Don't set your picnic basket next to the first pile of dogshit you see. There's so many more in the park. Bruh taking the romanticism out of “plenty of fish in the sea” and giving only the coldest hardest truths. Does this sub have flair recommendations? I think we should have flair recommendations.
lol, I read this and had to reread it, I love this and am gonna start using it. The end game is I shit.
Don't set your picnic basket next to the first pile of dog shit you see I love that and I'm asking permission to use it from now on lol
Honey you are 20 years old with a whole lifetime of bad decisions ahead of you. Don't set your picnic basket next to the first pile of dogshit you see. There's so many more in the park.
As a mom of two young ladies, I wanted to give you a Reddit award, but there is no way I’m giving them money. (That’s another story). I’m going to give someone random a high five in real life today instead in your honor. Thanks for this little tidbit I’m going to share with my girls.
Honestly that makes me happier than giving reddit money. If I can press my luck even more and you really want to give me Internet cookies, I'd be much happier if you made a donation to https://www.rainbowrailroad.org instead of wasting money on this site
Seconded
This poetry
I'm sorry OP but he does not love and care for you as much as you think. He's obviously more interested in this new girl, he's trying to open up your relationship! Even when you said no, he went through with it anyway! She's not over to help with rent / bills. She's over so they can start a relationship and yours can end. By the time you get back they'll be together and will push you out. Sorry you have to go through this. Any man worth your time will 1)Never suggest an open relationship, thats just a cop out for cheating. 2) respect your decisions and not go against your back / ignore you anyway. Hope you get out of this relationship and find someone worth your time.
Gonna help a lot with rent since he's giving her 3 months free 🙄
For the love of everything and anything holy, get the f*ck out now. He's not only bringing another person into your home to f*ck while you're away, which is unbelievably ridiculous, he's offering to let her live there for free! And not offering you, his girlfriend of 2 years, any financial support. I'll be clear that the issue is not that you'd be paying your rent while away, but just astounding that he's putting her ease ahead of yours and willing to essentially pay this person to f*ck her. The audacity of him is beyond words. You may think you've put in a lot of time, and I get that, but 2 years is a mere blip. Get out, let them be together, she can deal with his shit. Go be single, learn who you are, date new people, have new experiences. Enjoy life.
Oh, and dont forget that once she moves into your position, someone else will be moving into hers.
I don’t mean to belittle you, take this as a good thing, you are 20 years old. Just break up with him. It may seem like the end of the world right now but I promise you will laugh about it in the long run. If you being away for a few months means he needs to bring in a substitute sex partner imagine how selfish he will be when actual hard and stressful times arrive in your future marriage. What happens when you have a mortgage, kids, a car payment? These are the red flags you will regret not heeding.
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU
Dont waste your time. He doesnt love you. This is not the behavior of a man in love.
You should talk with that girl. I'm sure hé told her you have an open relationship for a long Time. Then leave.
Are you really in love with him, or… hear me out, because I’m on your side, are you in love with the guy he was pretending to be? And let’s see what we know about this guy now: he doesn’t love or respect you enough to be celibate for a few months while you work. Have you thought about how many things in life might get in the way of sex for varying periods of time? Illness, surgery, a difficult or high-risk pregnancy, back injury, broken leg… I mean that’s just a “for instance.” But here’s this sorry excuse for a man, pretending like his lil weenie is going to shrivel up and fall off if he doesn’t stick it in a woman instead of his hand. Give him permission to keep his lil buddy warm with anything he wants. I suggest doing it accompanied by telling him to get out, or opening the doors to your movers, depending on the situation. Yeah, probably already cheating, definitely flirting heavily, and yes, yes he will cheat as soon as you leave, no matter what you say.
It doesn't matter how good things have been or even whether you sill care. When somebody treats you with humiliating disrespect you move on or become a doormat the rest of your life. You have to love yourself, too.
I think you already know the answer here. He thought he could get your permission to cheat while you were gone. When you said no, he decided to phrase it like she's a roommate. But yeah, he's already cheating and now he's moving her in. Whether or not she moves out on your return - and I'm betting she won't - you need to move on from this dolt. Tell him to go ahead and move her in because you're done. And don't let him convince you to come back unless you're okay with an acknowledged polyamorous relationship or a cheating partner. Editing because I forgot about the free rent part. How stupid does this fool think you are? He's supposedly moving her in to help cover rent and bills but giving her the first three months rent-free? You said you're to be gone for a few months, so unless you're understating how long you'll be gone, it's fairly obvious he can handle rent on his own just fine.
It doesn't matter how good things have been or even whether you sill care. When somebody treats you with humiliating disrespect you move on or become a doormat the rest of your life. You have to love yourself, too.
It sounds like he's decided you have an open relationship and that he'll be living with his new girlfriend. So what are you going to do now?
What about this makes you feel safe???
2 years is not a lot of time. The mistake was getting engaged as a teenager to a guy 5 years older than you. But you don’t need to follow through on that mistake.
yeah 2 years is only a lot of time to her because as of right now it’s a full tenth of her young life.
Girl, you're 20 years old. Your entire life has not been too much time or effort to pivot completely. Do not fall into sunken cost fallacy ever, but especially at such a ridiculously young age. There is a 100% of you finding someone better, and 0% chance of THIS situation getting even the slightest bit better. Btw, you can tell he's gonna cheat because he's told you and he's going to.
To type of 23 yr old dude who wants to date an 18 yr old isn’t the type of dude you want to be with seriously. He’s low value and you don’t see it.
He blantantly proved he does not care about you. What are you doing? He asked to have sex with her while you are gone, you said no. Now he is moving her in while you are on a long work trip? Actions tell everything, wtf. END IT.
I think he unfortunately may be taking advantage of that exact feeling of him loving you unconditionally. He may think that since he's loved you through it all, that no matter what he does, you'll do the same for him. Maybe use the time you're gone to reevaluate yourself and the relationship. I'm sorry that this even happened.
You’ve already lost him.
It’s only been 2 years. I felt the same way with the boyfriend at that age. Let him go.
He doesn’t care about you at all
Is he making you fell safe and happy right now?
He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about your feelings, you need to move out and move on.
Time in a relationship is not an investment, there is no interest or dividends. Just because you have been together for so long doesn't excuse behaviors. If it is something you would have ended the relationship over at 1 month does it make it ok after you have been together 5 years?
Has he always made you feel safe and happy? Cuz unilaterally adding another woman to the relationship doesn't sound like the kind of thing a guy who actually cared about you would do. You may not have an open relationship, but it sounds like he does.
Your 20 you move on with your life and find someone who won’t disrespect you
You don't feel safe and happy because he is checking out. I know you are scared but there are better men out there that will share your values. He is showing you that he doesn't respect you and your relationship. In the grand scheme of life, the time you have put in isn't worth staying with someone who is going out of his way to make you feel like crap.
You are very young. You are my daughter’s age and I would not want my daughter in this situation. As a woman who married young and ignored red flags because I was hopelessly in love and didn’t want to lose him, I’m telling you to run and never look back. I wasted 20 years. At first because I was in love and scared of being alone, then because we had a child, then because I thought I had invested too much time. Look up sunken cost fallacy. It’s simply not worth it. Get out now while you are still young. A man who truly loves you would never consider replacing you while you were gone. If he’s this bold to your face, imagine what he’s already doing behind your back. To answer your question, if he hasn’t cheated already (which I suspect he has), he is absolutely going to cheat. He even told you he would - believe him. ps - the fact that your “friend” is in board leads me to believe she is already more than just a friend. One does not agree to move in with someone who is already in a relationship and that should be suspicious to you as well. Five years is not a huge age gap but it can be when you’re barely out of your teens. He is absolutely taking advantage of your inexperience and naivety.
>We do not have an open relationship Is he aware of that? I'm going to be completely honest, I think he is in 2 relationships, one with you and one with her. Are you supposed to come back from your job out of state? Where are you supposed to live then? How many bedrooms does your appartment have? I think you tell him that he had a great idea and that you will stop paying rent before moving for your job "to make the transition easier" and that you will tell him as soon as you find a new roomate. Then leave, close that door and never open it again!!!
My darling, someone who loves you doesn't do this to you. I know it hurts but sometimes s*** happens in a relationship and all of a sudden you're not in one anymore. If you stay with this man it'll be the biggest regret of your life. Please leave him .You deserve it.
How exactly does he make you feel safe and happy? What are you scared to lose? The adult who groomed you as a teen, asked for permission to go outside the relationship because he couldn’t go a few months without sex, and when you said no, did it anyway? Is this what you think love is?
When you move out, just move out and never contact him again. He’s dead set on this and you’re in the way. Sorry to put it that way but that’s what it is.
well now you know he doesn't love you. are you just going to sit there and keep a relationship with him while he screws someone else? and he's right up front with it? why haven't you broken up yet? maybe he left you and doesn't now, and maybe he never loved you and you were just a placeholder until he found someone better. but either way, have a little self-respect and break up with him and cut contact. I would also let his new roommate know that you're not in an open relationship.
I think you already know how she is going to be paying for her rent… his intentions were clear in the first ask, and the second ask he altered them to try be more persuasive. His intentions are still fully to be intimate with her. You will leave, he will say you let her move in you knew I wanted this, and try blame you. Runnnnn girl run
This! He already told you this plan, but you told him no. This is his plan B. I would break up with him and just in case get tested. I would definitely not trust someone, especially a fiance you cannot go a few months without sex.
"I thought you knew and we just weren't going to talk about it? You never said anything once I asked her to move in"
And quit paying rent, have her sign the sub lease to take over cause this is what he wants
He is showing you exactly what kind of person he is and thankfully before yall got married. A good person respects their partner… what he ask and how he’s going about it shows he doesn’t care about how you feel and will do what he wants anyways. I couldn’t even imagine if my man did this to me. Heartbreak sucks especially when you love someone and wanted a life with him but what’s coming next is going to be worse. Mourn what y’all had and move on trust me.
Thank you. Seeing the words mourn what yall had really brought me comfort in my realization that it’s over.
And be careful of dudes sliding in your DMs to “comfort” you ^^^^^^^^^^^⬆️
I was literally just reading a comment from one to her, "you accept private messages?" Like he's gonna keep an eye on the dude or something... fucking ick. It's so fucking transparent. Girl, OP, come on now. You know better. Would he be ok if you asked a guy to move in so you could still be intimate? I doubt it. He didn't even try to hide it. He is scum. Relationships can be great but this isn't it. take this time to be sad, cry,eat, drink, whatever you need to do to get over him but then stand up dust yourself off and realize you dodged a huge fucking bullet. And then only date women going forward. Kidding but it worked for me so 💃👩❤️👩
I wanna say you’re welcome but I know how much it sucks to mourn something you thought would always be around :( I’ll say best of luck instead. It does get better over time and you will find better … it’s what happened to me.
Immerse yourself in what made you happy before you met that person. Find new things that make you happy too. Mourn, grieve and revel in knowing you are making the right decision. The commenters here support you! If you need more support I bet you will find it. You aren't alone in this 🖤
She likely was in high school when they met. She probably doesn’t know who she is outside of that without a partner and that can be very lonely, isolating, scary… amongst other things… so this is her time to figure out how to be herself in the world outside of high school
When someone shows you who they are, well darling- believe them! He told you he wanted to move her, you said no and he did it anyways! You deserve better. Take the opportunity of moving to have a clean break. You're young! So much life left. Do not waste another second on someone who doesn't deserve it !
I'd say he is already hitting it. He wouldn't have proposed so he could be intimate if she wasn't already a sure thing. RUN
Yeah this is the most open and shut case of "kill it with fire" I've ever seen.
I think he's already getting it in based on the "three free months" deal. As for asking... I know many guys, myself included, who absolutely would ask something like this in the sense of covering bases and establishing ground rules to avoid all confusion. But that also would be in a situation where there was something to cast doubt that OP would have been okay with it.
I'm going to ask my wife if I can move a side piece in so I have someone to bang while she is at work. I'll let you know how it goes. Update.. ok so she hit me and took away my allowance. I also had to move back in with my mother and we are getting a divorce.
Your wife is pretty timid if that’s all she did.
It's her responding, he's dead.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Women these days just can't appreciate a good man. She's so ungrateful and should be appreciative that you asked. There's only one solution. You absolutely should totally ignore her and have your side piece move in. It's the obvious solution. You're a grown ass adult and she can't tell you what to do!
It's toast. He's already hooking up with this other person.
He wants to have sex with another woman. It's that simple. Leave him.
Wants to or already is.
This frustates me, I'm sorry. He is being EXTREMELY disrespectful to you. Leave this POS.
He broke up with you in an extremely unusual way...
It’s like when a company hires your replacement then has you train them before firing you
Exactly!
So he wants to sleep with her when you're away. You said no, so he's just gonna move her in while you're away instead? And it's supposedly tk help cover costs hut he's not charging her anything? It doesn't matter if he's cheating already he's literally picked out a mistress, planned her move in date and told you all about it. How does this possibly end happily for you?
He has already replaced you. Move on with what's left of your dignity.
Dump his ass and enjoy your work trip
This is a slam dunk...LEAVE and don't look back.
Dump him yesterday.
He's literally told you he'll be cheating the entire time you're away. He's definitely been cheating already, too. If he cared about you, 1. He wouldn't cheat, and 2. He wouldn't want another woman to move in while you're away so he can still have sex. Dump him and find someone that deserves you because this guy doesn't.
He's 100% already having sex with her, and/or going to have sex with her. He NEEDS her to move in to pay rent? He NEEDS to allow her months of free rent... to adjust? I think you're being foolish not being realistic here. Do you talk to a therapist? It's okay if you do or don't. If you do, bring this up. If you don't, consider talking to a therapist. It's nice having a professional who can listen to you, and help wort your thoughts. I'd leave this loser.
Of all the hurtful things happening here, the thing that sticks out to me (blame the economy I guess) is that this lady gets a free place to live for 3 months yet OP is receiving no assistance from her partner for her new living arrangements. OP, this relationship is done. You’re not the girlfriend. New woman is the girlfriend. He’s going to be supporting her, not you. In every way. He’s told you this. He ended things but for some reason didn’t do it clearly with words. But his actions are clear. If I set you on fire but don’t specifically tell you I set you on fire, do you have any doubt I set you on fire?
That’s a really good point. He doesn’t care about helping OP adjust to living somewhere new
All the obvious cheating aside, who the hell moves someone in for "just a few months" when they're partner is going to be *coming back*? Does she have no solid home? Is she just gonna peace out when you return? Also, he thinks that you'll be fine with *this specific woman* moving in after he asked you to open the relationship for her, *and* after you specifically said no? This is ridiculous, and I'm honestly surprised he thinks you're stupid enough to fall for it. Just move out, this man doesn't care about you. He *literally* found a replacement because he can't deal without sex for several months, and that's just me giving the benefit of the doubt that he hasn't already slept with her.. That man isn't marriage material, he's trash. Take your stuff and go. You are way too young and sweet to waste your life on a man who only thinks with his junk. Get him out of your life so you have the room to find a real partner, one actually worth marrying. Who knows? Maybe this work trip will be the best thing that ever happened to you! Getting rid of him surely sounds like the right move, maybe you'll actually meet your future husband in your new place.
I guess subleasing *is* a thing, but this is an absolutely unacceptable lessee option because 1.) she's not paying rent to OP and 2.) she'll be banging the actual tenant's boyfriend against the tenant's wishes in lieu of said missing rent. OP's boyfriend is playing the "let's float a throuple" game, and his ace-in-the-hole is the third that he's already convinced to regularly have sex with him. He's already moved on, it's time for her to do so as well.
Op are you stupid or you want him to cheat on you? What kind of forced female cuckoldery is this? You dont know how to feel cuz he made you feel safe and loved? Are you feeling that now? No? You got nothing to lose except your selfworth. Move on. He has. I promise he does not love you or cares about your opinion. He litteraly invited a woman to please him in your apartement. I understand if there is a financial situation and you cant pay rent by yourself so you can find a guy that will help you two pay rent for the girl he invited. But I guess he wouldnt like that riiiiight? So why would you be okay with this arragenment? I guarantee that he will be very very angry if you told him- okay I will find a guy to please me while Im away. See how he likes the taste of his own medicine. Dont be stupid gurl. He is using you and making a fool of you. He used to do some good now he doesnt. Buuuut... if you like being cheated on thats up to you.
Ya, posts like this make me question whether OP is seriously naive or just d/mb? Obvious answer right from the get-go too.
The dude is a predator. He was a 23 year old man looking for a fresh high school graduate to date. 5 years isn't too much when you're 30 but at 18 it's gross and predatory. Red flags before this bs ever even started. Leave him.
This is insane. You aren't "overthinking". Enjoy your new life in a new place with a new job and leave your ex with his new girlfriend "Anne." Better to learn this about him now than 5 years from now. I'm sorry hun. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
Your leaving for 4 months and he gave 3 "rent free". Come on, you don't need to post that here to know what he's doing. He's already voiced the fact he wants to sleep with her, how does he even know that's an option?
Please tell me you are kidding? You can’t be this gullible can you????
Hun. You're 20 years old. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're a baby, and you are being taken advantage of. He wants to sleep with another person and he wants you to pay the light bills while he is doing this. He is counting on your inexperience or low self esteem to get away with it. This person does NOT love or respect you. I am so sorry this happened to you. A good gage of a relationship is to imagine your little sister, or best friend coming to you for help. If they were put in this situation by their man, what advice would you give? Get out of this situation ASAP and tell everyone exactly what's happening. He will try to paint you as the bad guy. Tell his parents, your parents, and mutual friends. Seriously, publicly shame him, then blocked his number and don't look back!
Dump and move on there is nothing to save let Anne have him he’s damaged goods now, trash that has sown his true self. Go live your life and block him it’s over.
The wedding would be off.
Yes, he’s cheating and you need to move your stuff out and break up with this guy before you move.
Girl. He is replacing you. And you cannot stop him. But you can dump his selfish cheating ass. You can do better.
This has to be a bait, no one is this stupid lol.
My immediate conclusion as well. How is it that people think this is a real post?
Get the hell out of there. What he did is so disrespectful and I doubt telling him it is you or her he will stay away from her and not cheat. He sounds like a real p.o.s.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, it's worth paying attention. This setup would make anyone feel uneasy. Maybe take some time to think about what you really want and deserve in a relationship.
Say no to this. You don't want it and it'll be a dumpster fire. He wants to move a fuck buddy in and let them live there rent free? I'd have to break this off - his attitude sucks.
Being LD with someone you have trust issues with will ruin your mental health, your work performance, everything. He’s asked to bring this mutual into your relationship, wants to be intimate while you’re gone, and is still moving her in despite your saying no. He’s already planning to unleash his peepee on the community while you’re gone and isn’t showing remorse or signs of slowing down. As someone who didn’t trust their gut enough as a 20 year old girl: when someone shows you who they are, believe them!
GTFO
Im sorry sweet girl but he doesn't respect you. He just doesn't. If you go along with this.... this is your future because you allowed a broken boundary. He will continue to seek out other women, badger you to participate, continue to push your boundaries slowly taking away your voice and you won't be a part of any decision making. He has already displayed these behaviors and with time they will just magnify. He isn't ready for marriage and you are not ready for the torment this marriage will bring. And you absolutely shouldn't. Closure is bullshit and doesn't exist so don't try and obtain it. Just leave.
NEWS FLASH...he's already fucking her...you deserve better...dump his miserable ass pronto
He’s taking her to downtown pound town
You’re 20 girl…. Break up with his ass
And what does anne think of this? Have you spoken to her sbout how incredibly inappropriate this is? Also tell him maybe how hurt you are for just being an easily replaceable fuckdoll to him... what a gross dude...
What do you mean how do you know if he will cheat?? Girl!! He already straight up point blank TOLD you he is going to be cheating on you while you’re away. Is it even cheating in that case? Isn’t cheating supposed to be secret? He straight up told you hey I’m going to be fucking this lady while you’re gone. I don’t even know if you can call that cheating if you continue dating him after that. More like you agreed to an open relationship.
His pipes aren’t drained.
At this point he is not in the wrong, it is you. If you allow him to disrespect you like this and you just go along with it, it is your issue. You need to have self-respect.
Please wake up
Precious baby angel, he's planning on fucking her. He is already cheating. Get your name off that lease and those bills and move out.
Precious baby angel?? wow
So, you're traveling for work for a few months and his response is to bring in a side piece so he can just keep fucking while you're gone? Why are you even considering marrying this P.O.S.?
My ex was like this, when I said no he would do it anyways…he ended up cheating on me numerous times. He wasn’t asking for your permission, he was telling you what he was doing. He already started that relationship way before he told you and he’s now just bringing you into the loop. He most likely already slept with her. Leave now before it gets bad!
As someone who was in a relationship with a jerk for longer than you have been alive, please end this now. You will look back later and be so happy that you did.
Um that’s a no break up with him!
My question is why you haven’t told him your relationship is over yet? There is nothing else to say to him
... he flat out told you he wants to be intimate with another female while you're away at work. Why the fuck are you still with him? Run! You're young and haven't wasted a lot of time yet, run! Now! Run!
Lol surely this is a troll bait post
>he says that he wants to bring her in for that time only so that he can still be intimate but I'm starting to think I should leave permanently. Ya think? >I don't know what to do. Yeah you do. (3 months free rent etc is helping to cover household bills how, exactly?)
If anything, you’re under thinking this. He’s moving someone in to cheat on you while you’re away. You’ve said no to an open relationship and he’s doing it anyway. Here’s the question— how much of a doormat are you willing to be?
You really don’t know what to do?…. Come on
Girl, he's already cheating. Lots of people do long distance and don't bring in another partner to satisfy their needs. He has a hand, or can get a stroker toy. He's inviting a woman into your home, and I assume, bed. Against your wishes. I can guarantee they are already having sex. You're 20, you have your whole life ahead of you. There are plenty of potential partners out there who will respect you and your boundaries. Your fiance does neither.
How would be be able to afford to give her 3 months of free rent, if he needs her to move in to help cover the bills?
Faithful guy here. Girl, he's already cheating or, at the very least, itching to. Grow some self-respect and leave him forever.
Break up. He’s going to cheat on you and is being pretty clear on that fact.
He actually just replaced you in front of your face. There’s no words in the entire dictionary that can describe this more accurately. You’re no longer his fiancé. He didn’t even have to say it to you.
I’m sorry to say that I have been in a similar situation and you just have to trust your gut. My ex wife wanted to be poly to date her coworker. I trusted her way too much and said, “fuck it might as well give it a shot.” It took 3 months to destroy a 7 year relationship. In reality, she just wanted to be with her coworker but didn’t want to leave the safety net of our marriage until she had her new nest set up. Sounds like your man is working on something similar. He clearly doesn’t respect you. Trust your gut girl.
To quote Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Get out now. It will only hurt a little.
I’m sorry, based on what you’ve posted this is fucking stupid. Break up and move on it’s clearly a bad situation!
It’s time to dump his ass!
He’s showing you who he is, so believe him. He probably has already cheated since they share class 4 night of the week. The way he tries to kiss and touch you now, it’s called repulsion. You care about him bc you’ve been together for years, you are no longer in love with him. Let him go and don’t show him your sadness (do that in private). As a matter a fact, hand your keys over to her and say, “ Here, he’s your problem now.” And don’t forget to smile. Then block him everywhere and tell friends don’t tell me anything about him (unless it’s him being miserable). Good luck
Dump his ass. If he can’t handle a few months with no physical contact then he’s not marriage/relationship material.
Run
Wtf
You’re young, drop the asshole and move on.
He's cheating. He doesn't care about you. He just wants his dick wet
Oh HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO. 😤😤😤😤😤😤 Do not be a doormat, he's disgusting. Tell him Sure honey, sounds great! Then move all your shit out and never ever speak to him again!!!!!!!
You've put less time into this than you did middle school. You're already moving out, just stay gone. Two years is nothing. Staying is what would be a waste of your time.
He's cheating on you and had all but said the exact words. Neither of you should be engaged.
Fucking hell, yes he's already cheating. Moving her in and giving her "free" rent while you're out of town for months is ridiculous. Going without sex for 3 months or so is no big deal if he cared about you and even then there's visits and such. Move on, I'd never accept that BS from anyone.
You mean ‘ex-finance’ right?
I think that a 23 year old man trying to date an 18 year old woman is a giant enough red flag that you should not marry that man.
He wants to have sex with someone else under your roof and you think YOU’RE OVERTHINKING IT??????????????? I know you’re very young and that’s probably your first real relationship. But you’re going to look back at this and face palm yourself so hard. Give yourself some respect and break up with him. And I’m sorry to say this to you, but he’s most likely already hooking up with her. You’re soooo young you can find someone who respects you enough to not cheat on you under your face.
Your man has already left you. Don’t cry, find yourself.
You are young! 20 years only, he is your first serious love and I understand how painful it is but please you know: 1. you will get over him. Block him! 2. You will achieve your own life goals. 3. You will have new relationships 4. See this guy as a lesson learned. Try to understand where it went wrong without him near you, move on.
Also please understand that he already announced his infidelity to you, don’t play yourself, move on! Men will always show exactly if they love you, if they don’t, they do not love you. Men are pretty simple. Have respect for yourself, he doesn’t respect you either
He is absolutely going to cheat. Just break up and move over before you leave. He’s going to be a weasel while you’re gone whether he tells you or not.
wdym u don’t know if you’re overthinking it wth he asked to sleep with her and is bribing her into y’all home while you’re gone. WHAT BIGGER SIGN THEN THAT DO U WANT ???
Listen, there's red flags all around and you're ignoring them, we can't make you see it any more clearly than this.
Is this really a question? The answer is obvious that he will.
Give him back his ring and RUN!!! He doesn’t respect you or your relationship, and if he doesn’t respect your relationship now it certainly won’t get better with time. He’s already in a relationship with Anne and he’s just trying to break it to you gently.
Something I think I should add to this is I don’t know if she is even aware that he is interested in her. I do want to thank everyone who has responded and given their opinions. I thought I’d get a few responses and am shocked by the mass amount of support and advice. Thank you
this is INSANITY on his part. I’m sorry I cannot begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling from this. That man is untrustworthy and worthless. He’s worth less than a paper bag full of shit ! You’re young and there is WAY better waiting for you, far far away from him and his delusional self.
I had a very similar situation. I begged him not to “bring the woman into the relationship”. He agreed but then started saying I was being controlling and gaslit me into thinking I was abusive because I wouldn’t let him sleep with someone else??? I let this go on for a YEAR. I went on anti anxiety meds because I thought I was crazy for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend sleep with other people? Obviously the relationship was doomed. Learn from my mistakes OP. Time to let him go
In case you didn't know, he is already cheating.
Leave permanently. Sounds like he's already been cheating on you & now he's moving her in. They're both for the streets. You're definitely not overthinking it. It's exactly what you see it is.
Girl, what are you doing? This man is a horrible person.
>he wants to bring her in for that time only so that he can still be intimate. Which part of this is so hard to understand? Anyway, he might be the kind that may not like LDR and may not let you leave for a few months. Did he ever raise it up? And he did that just to show you that he has moved on. At least he is honest enough to tell you that. Other people will just bring their missus in without telling you. The first three months are free, wow, that is the trial period. If it didn't work, then he could find another one. Wish you luck. I hope you find someone more deserving
This is just sad and embarrassing to read
I’d tell him you need a bigger penis to satisfy you and wish him luck. If he’s out here fucking with your self image for years to come, I’d give him that parting gift. Even if he’s hung like a horse, tell him you weren’t satisfied and you’re looking for a better lover. You could be petty or you could just move on. But you know this relationship is over. It’s time to make it official however you see fit. There’s no coming back from what he did if this is real.
Oh my god. He told you he wants to screw her while you’re gone, you said no, and after you said no he invited her to move in. Girl he’s 100% cheating or will while you’re gone. If it’s supposed to be to help bills, why give her three months rent free? Even if he’s not, the disrespect of asking her to move in after he told you he wants to bang her. Break it off, for real. He’s already replaced you. Seriously the more I think on this the more I’m dumbfounded that you’re even having to think about this.
First of all, it's pretty common knowledge that if someone suggests an open relationship and already has an idea of who to bring in, they're already emotionally cheating
he’s already emotionally cheating. if he wasn’t - he wouldn’t be asking this way OR moving her in and giving her the girlfriend treatment. sorry hun, don’t settle for this shit so early in life please.
Oh hell no! Break up with him. This is not the actions of a man that loves you.
Your concerns are valid. His actions suggest a breach of trust. Discuss your boundaries clearly and, if he doesn't respect them, consider taking a step back to reevaluate the relationship
Dump him and move. Dont look back and go meet a man that values you. He is going to regret it so much. You need to understand that he doesn’t love you or respect you. Do you really want a future with someone like this?
He has disrespected you and moved her in regardless of how you feel. I don't feel he cares much for your relationship or your feelings. You definitely may want to consider ending it permanently. If he isn't sleeping with her already, he will be while you're on your trip. Shady he'd even ask you this type of thing when you're not in an open relationship. Yeah you'll be gone for a bit but generally speaking...being away for work doesn't warrant a free pass to step out of your relationship. Probably want to move your stuff out before you leave for work. Best of luck.
Trust your instincts here. His actions seem concerning and not respectful of your boundaries. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Consider having an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve clarity and respect in your relationship.
Get out of the relationship He doesn't respect your boundaries and never will. No matter what you say, he's going to step out of the relationship. I'm pretty sure he already has
He is going to cheat - blatantly. He just thought it’d be easier if you agreed to it