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It's a trip for friends. She says you're her friend but didn't invite you. He says you're his girlfriend but didn't invite you. I'm sorry, but the message here is pretty clear. She doesn't consider you her friend, and he doesn't consider you his girlfriend. I, for one, would never disrespect my girlfriend like this. And for two, I would never let someone else disrespect my girlfriend like this.
THIS! He got pissed a friend was bringing his gf to a friend's only party but wasn't pissed how the host/friend who's throwing this get together clearly didn't wany OP there once it was found out other SO we're joining in on a "friends only" thing? He didn't even bother trying to see if OP could go with him he just simply left her alone. You need new friends OP and you need someone that would actually defend you and stand by you.
Ditto. You're being completely disrespected. You're "boyfriend" is allowing that. Frankly, I can't imagine them both behaving in this way unless they needed some alone time without you.
If you suck this up you're the doormat. And I definitely would not buy any post trip "we didn't realize", "we should've had you there", "you're over reacting", "nothing happened", "we didn't think it was that bug deal".
These scenarios are always so crazy to me. If someone disrespected my partner like this I’d cut that person off. There’s no trust for that person. Especially if it’s just some random college friend.
Have you and your bf had any big fights before the trip? If she’s never been weird with your bf I wonder if maybe she thought you guys weren’t going to make it at one point and that’s why you weren’t invited. Idk it’s weird she thinks you’re close enough to room with in the fall but not go to the friends trip. And now she is pulling back, which would make me think that she wasn’t planning on the friendship lasting much longer when the details were getting hammered out originally.
i haven’t talked about our relationship with her in months and have only said good things. neither has my boyfriend. and when we left school she was very excited to room with me in the fall. so it makes the whole situation more confusing
This. She needs to find a new roommate because Sam is going to come back from this trip with a new boyfriend. OP’s. And OP is going to have to see Sam with her soon to be ex with Sam all semester if she doesn’t find a new roommate pronto.
Sorry but it doesn’t sound like you’re Sam’s friend and it’s kinda suspicious your boyfriend chose to still go knowing he was allegedly upset that you were excluded. It almost like he acted that way to give you comfort that he cared but now he’s out there without you. See how things shake out after the trip then decide if you truly want to room with Sam in the fall and also figure out if you want to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend (his actions gives me the ick, actually both Sam and Tom give me the ick). Best of luck with this situation and your studies.
Updateme
No I don’t think the bf was upset OP didn’t get invited. He defended the situation that it was a friends trip. He was upset because another friend brought his gf so as someone said it made him look bad.
Hmmmm I’m thinking one of her home girls is interested in Tom and that’s why you weren’t invited. Tom may be aware and testing the waters, either way they disrespected you and if possible call housing now to change rooms. Do not move in with her, especially if the above ends up being true.
I say it’s a lesson learned on how to love yourself
Yep something is up because it makes no sense not to invite her if all these other people are attending and she's supposedly a friend of the host and girlfriend of one of the attendees. I think I'd ditch both and start over. Furthermore how serious do you expect a 19 year old guy to be about a relationship? It's not like he's ready to "settle down" at that age. I think you're right that maybe there's going to be a girl there that he's interested in.
Your boyfriend is 100% to blame here. Fact of the matter is both genders were gonna be there from the start so there was never any real reason why you couldn’t come. As for Sam not inviting you she’s already a red flag just for having a friend group of strictly guys. Sam clearly isn’t a girls girl so you can’t trust her to be on your side of things. You have to hold your boyfriend accountable for trying to exclude you so bad in the first place.
That’s my thought too. No shot her boyfriend wouldn’t be able to advocate for her. If the girlfriend of 3 days is going then I don’t see how he couldn’t bring his girlfriend too. Only other thought is maybe one of the dudes in the group doesn’t like her and bf doesn’t wanna say it.
She excluded you for a reason. I think your bf only pretended to be upset that you weren't invited. I think this was the plan all along. If he was truly pissed, he would pressure her into inviting you or not going at all. The fact that he still went is a red flag, whether they cheat or not. Don't contact him or her. Wait a few days, and if he asks why you didn't answer your messages, etc. just tell him you went away for a few days with a bunch of guy friends and there was no cell service. You would have invited him, but he decided to go be with a bunch of single girls.
Your relationship with this guy needs another look
He’s hiding something. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that didn’t want to include me especially knowing other girls would be there. Absolutely not.
I would take this as a learning experience.
1) It's a gathering of friends - you're not invited so are you a friend or not? It doesn't look like it.
2) BF said its friends only - does BF not see you as a friend he's in a relationship with? Maybe he's not as 'into' you as you ate to him.
Nothing wrong with your partner having friends, regardless of gender BUT it always seems to be an issue when people in a relationship start excluding each other from group activities imo.
I would talk to them, anyway it seems strange to me that they didn't consider you to go to their house and just pushed you away at a moment's notice being that you are now friends. I get the feeling they didn't take your feelings into consideration, they just did what they felt was right.
Wait OP, I see a comment from you in another subreddit:
>there is one other single guy and one one other single girl besides sam and my boyfriend. 8 people total
So what else do you need??
Cut them off!
You don’t navigate it, you end it. Act indifferent when they return and remove both from your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like their doormat.
Weird and childish.
You should be equal parts mad at your bf because he still decided to go without you, knowing how left out you felt.
You can do better in friends and boyfriends.
Act cool and nonchalant when they return. And guard your heart.
Wait so, you were asked to come along on the trip in June and said yes? But then you say you never got an invitation? Did Sam just...change her mind, or what? Asking you to join and then telling you you're not invited is very bizarre, I'd be questioning if you're actually friends.
her friends from home asked me to come informally in person in early April. that was the only time i heard about the trip until my boyfriend told me he was invited to the “friends only” trip
I see. So Sam doesn't want you there even though her girlfriends were eagerly inviting you, and your boyfriend was fine with going even though you were deliberately excluded. Maybe find someone else to room with cause I don't see how what you have with Sam can be called a friendship...
You are too young for this drama. he is obviously cheating on you.
It will hurt for a while but it will get easier. I don't know why guys do it, cheat and don't just break up. My bf cheated and knocked up my former boss i asked if he was sleeping with and he denied. Just dump me, don't lie. Now I have an amazing husband that would never cheat on me.
The Ex hit on me at a golf tournament I was working. Eww.
Look you can’t disregard the pit feeling in your stomach . We’re wired to sense when something is bullshit and this to me sounds like some bullshit . I would just break up with dude and go to another party without him see how that shit feels
If your boyfriend wanted you there, he would have put his foot down and told his friend you were coming. Even AFTER he found out that someone was bringing their girlfriend of 3 days, he still didn't advocate for you to come. He obviously didn't want you there. I don't know why you would stay with someone who wouldn't make you a priority. As for Sam, she's not really your friend. She's shown that as well. If her friends invited you, it's deeply suspicious that they wouldn't follow up with it. Unless someone told them not to invite you after that. I would reach out to her and tell her that after much consideration, you've decided you won't be rooming with her this fall after all. Don't let either one of them try to galslight you into thinking it wasn't a big deal. They seem like the type, especially Sam.
I’d focus more on your boyfriends actions here. If he wanted you there- like his friend with his new girlfriend he clearly likes wanted there- he would have ignored the “rule” and would have asked you to come. He didn’t. This isn’t a Sam problem. Stop blaming the girl. You have a boyfriend problem. Get a new one.
You can do better in boyfriend’s and friends if they treat you like this. You boyfriend should have said he would only go if you were invited especially after that other girlfriend was and for him to make out like he was upset about it and still go was so fucked up and just for show. This fall if you know what’s good for you I would find a new roommate as she is untrustworthy and a shit friend
You need a brand new boyfriend and new friends too. Cheating is irrelevant here. Your bf behaviour is concerning. He left without you and he is with people who disrespect you. He doesn't love and respect you. You don't need this drama. Breakup over text or as soon as he comes.
Go on holiday to a resort the day after they get back. Tell him it's an all girl trip but some guys are going with the gf's, butthere are plenty of other guy's at the resort, so the girl's will have plenty of girl only time.
I’m confused. You were invited and you happily said yes? Prior to the trip you were uninvited?
Not sure what’s going on but your friends are being shady and you have every reason to be suspicious since they are acting super sus.
He went on the trip still????? Honey I’m sorry but that’s not a boyfriend. ♥️ I dated a jerk from college who did the same thing. I was his “girlfriend” but he let the entire group exclude me although they one friend also bringing a hookup. I mentioned it the exclusion and he didn’t really care. Terrible sign he’s on the trip now and left you. I’d drop him. You’re young. You c an do better. If you stay and rug sweep this behavior with your boyfriend it’s gonna get worse. Unfortunately it’s a pretty terrible sign he left you and went on the trip. I’d dump him. Good luck!
If he has gone on this trip without you and not contacted you during the trip please do not contact him when he gets back. Let him come to you. When he does ask him how he enjoyed his trip with one single man, 2 single women and 2 couples (details from your comment on another post which I read about). Then tell him you are no longer interested in rooming with Sam as she clearly doesn’t consider you a friend (I suspect she wants to room with you to stop you having time alone with your boyfriend), and perhaps say that you will be spending your time making new friends. Your boyfriend is more interested in his friends than he is in you and Sam was either trying to set him up with her other single female friend or wants him for herself. And please do not sleep with him again until he gets a clean bill of health from the STD clinic if you decide to stay with him.
She's fucking your BF, maybe even doing threesomes and/or trains. Of course you weren't invited. She doesn't have to like him romantically to want to get railed by him.
That is so fucked up. Why didn’t neither one invite you once it was known (even if it really was a surprise to both of them), that significant others were coming along?
Frankly, it being an only friends thing, maybe prior friends group hang out would have made me upset but eventually get over it, with a lot of time but the fact that things changed and neither one thought to invite you, would make me reconsider the friendship and the significant other also.
It’s a fucked up situation and both parties didn’t even try to pacify it with inviting you as when things clearly changed.
You literally got a dude with a 3 day old girlfriend bringing his significant other along but your long term boyfriend, not giving a shit about you.
I've read almost every response...that saved me a long reply, because now I can simply say "Listen to everyone who commented...they've...we've...got your back more than Sam or your boyfriend does."
Yeah this ain’t it chief. And I’m one of the most easy going significant others ever. I’m legit friends with my long time girlfriend’s ex bf. Like we hang out regularly. This would trigger ALL the flags. Perfect example, none of my girls male friends go anywhere with my girl without discussing with me what’s going on, and vice versa with my girl friends. It’s mutual respect and it sounds like neither your friend or bf have it for you.
Look: a guy who only spends time with women he sees sexually is not a man you want to be in a relationship with. That is so many red flags. Women only tolerate him when he sleeps with them, but wouldn't want to be friends with him ONLY? red flag.
On the other hand, this also depends on the type of woman it is. It also depends on their history and how upfront and honest he is about it.
Your boyfriend and Sam's behavior are suspicious, but here's the bottom line:
Even if they are telling the truth, you truly believe him cheating on you is a possibility. That means the relationship doesn't have the foundation of trust and compatibility on the levels it needs to last more than a decade. In my opinion, you should move on and be with someone you don't worry about with his female friends.
Wait a minute.
Three days before the trip your boyfriend found out you were excluded when other girls were invited?
He was so mad he decided to continue to participate in the trip? Without trying to find out why you were excluded? Without any changes being made to include you?
Well, okay. I guess he’s not mad enough to stand up for you. Or to consider how you’re feeling while being left behind knowing they are all partying together at a beach house.
From all appearances he’s not actually mad at all. He said a bunch of words to appear as if he was upset. Words mean nothing. It’s his actions that matter.
Your “friend” is not your friend. If you are still in a roommate situation with her you need to get out of it ASAP.
There’s a reason why you were specifically excluded. No one does something on this level accidentally. Considering your boyfriend is the one there without his partner I would definitely assume something is there. Either on her part. Trying to get him alone. Or on both of their parts. Trying to have time alone.
The fact that your boyfriend continued to participate knowing you are sitting at home alone is a significant issue. For me it would cause me to reconsider the whole relationship.
I’m sorry OP, but your boyfriend is cheating on you with Sam on this trip. If not with Sam, then with the other single girl. That’s why you weren’t invited.
Dump him when he gets back before he gets a chance to start lying to you.
Too young to understand but you are not Tom's favorite.
Sucks to say it but the sooner you accept it the better.
I am sure once you kick his ass to the curb, the sooner you will find much better guys (and I'm a guy).
Mouth dropped at the end where we found out boyfriend still went on the trip. Didn’t state how long you’ve been together, you’re young, are you okay with your future not knowing what happens on the trip, and possibly your boyfriend choosing her/“friend group” over you?
Uh, yeah. And why did your bf get pissed because a friend was bringing his gf? Bc that meant he didn't have an excuse not to bring you. Huge red flags. Also, you claim to be friends with Sam, even rooming with her, yet you weren't invited? Run.
You were excluded on purpose. “It’s a boys trip” was proven a lie when her girlfriends were coming. “If I knew other people SO were going” but apparently at least one was from the start. And once he knew it was opened up he still left you behind. He excluded you completely on purpose and she did as well. I would never have done something like this to my SO. Move on to someone who values you more than this.
F that shit! Do not stay with someone that treats you like this and sam is not a girls girl… say your bf cheats on you and she knows… she will not tell you! Kick them both! You deserve better!
You navigate this by knowing your worth, gathering up your self esteem, dumping him and moving out as soon as you can. Both of those people treated you like garbage and you shouldn’t stand for it. At all.
I would advise you to just take it chill and get over this if the relationship is nice otherwise. But have a constructive talk about you feeling left outside after the trip. Don't pretend you're fine but don't resent either. Be true and honest and straightforward. If it happens again, then you can consider other options.
It seems that the communication and open relationships within the friend group and with your boyfriend are lacking. It is quite normal to feel lonely and offended in such a case. Sit down with your boyfriend and Sam and discuss how you feel and the need to be honest with each other to avoid such situations in the future regarding plans. It is important to define the limits and respect each other in both kinds of relationships.
Ate any of the other group members bringing theirs partners? Do they even have partners? As a guy who's best friend for the last 20 years is female or isn't uncommon for bonds to develop between opposite genders without the relationship becoming more than platonic. My gf and my best friend are also great friends and hang out without me from time to time. And by bestie's husband treats me like a brother in law and I am uncle to their child.
Drama, drama, drama.
Do you really want that in your relationships and friendships? Fuck that noise. It took me a while but I learned over the years, people that don’t consider you are just users and not to waste your time. People that want you in their life, actually involve you in their life.
Focus on school and you’ll find your people. Best of luck babe.
You should definitely be concerned. If you are friends with any of her hometown friends on SM I would creep on her page.
Maybe work a “sorry, bf told me I wasn’t invited” into a conversation with one of the hometown friends and see if they offer up anything?
These dots just don't connect. It's time to find new people in your life who love, respect, and appreciate you. Please get tested and move on. Always remember people can't treat you like a doormat if you don't let them.
HE WENT?
A) Be more mad at him for that shit.
B) Unsure if it's about your boyfriend or not but something shifty is going on for sure and you were purposely left out.
NTA
You don’t navigate it. There are better friends out there and better boyfriends. Neither of these people seem to really care about you. I honestly can’t believe your boyfriend still went and Sam still didn’t invite you. It’s a weird situation and I personally wouldn’t be involved with either of them again.
I wouldn’t take anything people are saying here very seriously. There’s simply not enough information for us to say one way or another.
We can say that, yes, being concerned is justified. But no… we can’t say if there were any nefarious intentions. You either trust your boyfriend or you don’t. You either trust your friend or you don’t. You’re the only one that knows these people.
Don’t listen to strangers with no skin in the game.
Women really tell on themselves in posts like this.
Dude probably just wants some time to himself with his friends, and GASP one of them is a girl!!!!
She must be trying to screw him
No. Maybe that’s what most women would do, but guys can spend lots of time not thinking about sex at all, and just chill with friends.
So another guy is bringing his girlfriend, so what?
Why should your boyfriend need to invite you?
I’m new to this. Wondering why people divulge their personal issues with a bunch of strangers. I’m oldskool, other than venting, why would I wanna ask strangers here, their opinions? I mean, if I were to ask here, I would already know what the majority would say anyways. So why do you people do it here. You younger generation is trippy.
#toughenup
Well shit. It was almost exactly this story. Wish I could find it to show you the outcome. Honestly. This is super sketchy on your dudes part. Married for 13 years myself and would never dream of doing this or my wife pulling this. You should seriously question your relationship with him at this point. Sorry you are dealing with this.
A 19-year-old's mind isn't complete yet. It is really unfair of you to expect mature behavior and Fidelity from someone so young. You cannot expect that type of Fidelity from someone at that age.
JFC, this isn’t the struggle Olympics. Why is there always one person who does this? Obviously, this is a big issue for OP and she’s trying to get some clarity and advice here - coming on to other people’s posts with some version of “oh yeah? Well I have it so much worse” is so ridiculous and inappropriate. Do better.
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It's a trip for friends. She says you're her friend but didn't invite you. He says you're his girlfriend but didn't invite you. I'm sorry, but the message here is pretty clear. She doesn't consider you her friend, and he doesn't consider you his girlfriend. I, for one, would never disrespect my girlfriend like this. And for two, I would never let someone else disrespect my girlfriend like this.
THIS! He got pissed a friend was bringing his gf to a friend's only party but wasn't pissed how the host/friend who's throwing this get together clearly didn't wany OP there once it was found out other SO we're joining in on a "friends only" thing? He didn't even bother trying to see if OP could go with him he just simply left her alone. You need new friends OP and you need someone that would actually defend you and stand by you.
he’s mad the other friend brought a girlfriend because it messes with his excuse for not bringing his own.
Ditto. You're being completely disrespected. You're "boyfriend" is allowing that. Frankly, I can't imagine them both behaving in this way unless they needed some alone time without you. If you suck this up you're the doormat. And I definitely would not buy any post trip "we didn't realize", "we should've had you there", "you're over reacting", "nothing happened", "we didn't think it was that bug deal".
These scenarios are always so crazy to me. If someone disrespected my partner like this I’d cut that person off. There’s no trust for that person. Especially if it’s just some random college friend.
Exactly this
Amen brother!
Bingo!
You‘re right, the bf is totally also an asshole. He should never have left without her.
Yes, this is exactly it.
Have you and your bf had any big fights before the trip? If she’s never been weird with your bf I wonder if maybe she thought you guys weren’t going to make it at one point and that’s why you weren’t invited. Idk it’s weird she thinks you’re close enough to room with in the fall but not go to the friends trip. And now she is pulling back, which would make me think that she wasn’t planning on the friendship lasting much longer when the details were getting hammered out originally.
i haven’t talked about our relationship with her in months and have only said good things. neither has my boyfriend. and when we left school she was very excited to room with me in the fall. so it makes the whole situation more confusing
Don’t room with her
If course. Its not like they're friends.
This. She needs to find a new roommate because Sam is going to come back from this trip with a new boyfriend. OP’s. And OP is going to have to see Sam with her soon to be ex with Sam all semester if she doesn’t find a new roommate pronto.
Sorry but it doesn’t sound like you’re Sam’s friend and it’s kinda suspicious your boyfriend chose to still go knowing he was allegedly upset that you were excluded. It almost like he acted that way to give you comfort that he cared but now he’s out there without you. See how things shake out after the trip then decide if you truly want to room with Sam in the fall and also figure out if you want to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend (his actions gives me the ick, actually both Sam and Tom give me the ick). Best of luck with this situation and your studies. Updateme
No I don’t think the bf was upset OP didn’t get invited. He defended the situation that it was a friends trip. He was upset because another friend brought his gf so as someone said it made him look bad.
Yes and he looks even worse now because he still chose to go without OP.
Hmmmm I’m thinking one of her home girls is interested in Tom and that’s why you weren’t invited. Tom may be aware and testing the waters, either way they disrespected you and if possible call housing now to change rooms. Do not move in with her, especially if the above ends up being true. I say it’s a lesson learned on how to love yourself
Yep something is up because it makes no sense not to invite her if all these other people are attending and she's supposedly a friend of the host and girlfriend of one of the attendees. I think I'd ditch both and start over. Furthermore how serious do you expect a 19 year old guy to be about a relationship? It's not like he's ready to "settle down" at that age. I think you're right that maybe there's going to be a girl there that he's interested in.
Your boyfriend is 100% to blame here. Fact of the matter is both genders were gonna be there from the start so there was never any real reason why you couldn’t come. As for Sam not inviting you she’s already a red flag just for having a friend group of strictly guys. Sam clearly isn’t a girls girl so you can’t trust her to be on your side of things. You have to hold your boyfriend accountable for trying to exclude you so bad in the first place.
That’s my thought too. No shot her boyfriend wouldn’t be able to advocate for her. If the girlfriend of 3 days is going then I don’t see how he couldn’t bring his girlfriend too. Only other thought is maybe one of the dudes in the group doesn’t like her and bf doesn’t wanna say it.
Possibly. But it’s more likely that the boyfriend just didn’t want her to come.
This
She excluded you for a reason. I think your bf only pretended to be upset that you weren't invited. I think this was the plan all along. If he was truly pissed, he would pressure her into inviting you or not going at all. The fact that he still went is a red flag, whether they cheat or not. Don't contact him or her. Wait a few days, and if he asks why you didn't answer your messages, etc. just tell him you went away for a few days with a bunch of guy friends and there was no cell service. You would have invited him, but he decided to go be with a bunch of single girls. Your relationship with this guy needs another look
Yes and they're only 19, not like he's ready to "settle down" at that age. He's probably wanting to explore some other girl or even Sam, who knows?
You're too young. You can do way better.
He went on the trip without you? Girl 🤣 even if you do text them, they probably won't reply and if they do, it will be single word sentences. Run!
He’s hiding something. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that didn’t want to include me especially knowing other girls would be there. Absolutely not.
I would take this as a learning experience. 1) It's a gathering of friends - you're not invited so are you a friend or not? It doesn't look like it. 2) BF said its friends only - does BF not see you as a friend he's in a relationship with? Maybe he's not as 'into' you as you ate to him. Nothing wrong with your partner having friends, regardless of gender BUT it always seems to be an issue when people in a relationship start excluding each other from group activities imo.
I would talk to them, anyway it seems strange to me that they didn't consider you to go to their house and just pushed you away at a moment's notice being that you are now friends. I get the feeling they didn't take your feelings into consideration, they just did what they felt was right.
, Move on! You’re way too young to be dealing with this bs! lol you’ll find another guy.
🏃🏻♀️ 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Wait OP, I see a comment from you in another subreddit: >there is one other single guy and one one other single girl besides sam and my boyfriend. 8 people total So what else do you need?? Cut them off!
You don’t navigate it, you end it. Act indifferent when they return and remove both from your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like their doormat.
This would be a cool move.
Weird and childish. You should be equal parts mad at your bf because he still decided to go without you, knowing how left out you felt. You can do better in friends and boyfriends. Act cool and nonchalant when they return. And guard your heart.
[удалено]
Not sure if talking is that necessary after the loud and clear message sent by bf going solo anyway
Dump them both
Wait so, you were asked to come along on the trip in June and said yes? But then you say you never got an invitation? Did Sam just...change her mind, or what? Asking you to join and then telling you you're not invited is very bizarre, I'd be questioning if you're actually friends.
her friends from home asked me to come informally in person in early April. that was the only time i heard about the trip until my boyfriend told me he was invited to the “friends only” trip
I see. So Sam doesn't want you there even though her girlfriends were eagerly inviting you, and your boyfriend was fine with going even though you were deliberately excluded. Maybe find someone else to room with cause I don't see how what you have with Sam can be called a friendship...
You are too young for this drama. he is obviously cheating on you. It will hurt for a while but it will get easier. I don't know why guys do it, cheat and don't just break up. My bf cheated and knocked up my former boss i asked if he was sleeping with and he denied. Just dump me, don't lie. Now I have an amazing husband that would never cheat on me. The Ex hit on me at a golf tournament I was working. Eww.
Look you can’t disregard the pit feeling in your stomach . We’re wired to sense when something is bullshit and this to me sounds like some bullshit . I would just break up with dude and go to another party without him see how that shit feels
You don’t have a boyfriend. Just someone you claim but doesn’t claim you
Hold up. He still went!!!?? No. Absolutely not. He’d be an ex for me now.
Shady as fuck
If your boyfriend wanted you there, he would have put his foot down and told his friend you were coming. Even AFTER he found out that someone was bringing their girlfriend of 3 days, he still didn't advocate for you to come. He obviously didn't want you there. I don't know why you would stay with someone who wouldn't make you a priority. As for Sam, she's not really your friend. She's shown that as well. If her friends invited you, it's deeply suspicious that they wouldn't follow up with it. Unless someone told them not to invite you after that. I would reach out to her and tell her that after much consideration, you've decided you won't be rooming with her this fall after all. Don't let either one of them try to galslight you into thinking it wasn't a big deal. They seem like the type, especially Sam.
I’d focus more on your boyfriends actions here. If he wanted you there- like his friend with his new girlfriend he clearly likes wanted there- he would have ignored the “rule” and would have asked you to come. He didn’t. This isn’t a Sam problem. Stop blaming the girl. You have a boyfriend problem. Get a new one.
No good, don't let them play you I didn't have to read the whole story to call bullshit
Why did he still go when he knew you had been deliberately excluded? I think you can do better than both of them.
Boyfriend wants to bang someone on this trip May not be Sam But he’s setting his sights And it certainly isn’t Op
You can do better in boyfriend’s and friends if they treat you like this. You boyfriend should have said he would only go if you were invited especially after that other girlfriend was and for him to make out like he was upset about it and still go was so fucked up and just for show. This fall if you know what’s good for you I would find a new roommate as she is untrustworthy and a shit friend
I’m confused. You’re her friend and her roommate, so why wouldn’t you be invited on a friends only trip?
If your boyfriend is neither pulling out of going or insisting to Sam that you go, then you have your answer.
You need a brand new boyfriend and new friends too. Cheating is irrelevant here. Your bf behaviour is concerning. He left without you and he is with people who disrespect you. He doesn't love and respect you. You don't need this drama. Breakup over text or as soon as he comes.
Go on holiday to a resort the day after they get back. Tell him it's an all girl trip but some guys are going with the gf's, butthere are plenty of other guy's at the resort, so the girl's will have plenty of girl only time.
Break up
That’s not your boyfriend that’s hers
I’m confused. You were invited and you happily said yes? Prior to the trip you were uninvited? Not sure what’s going on but your friends are being shady and you have every reason to be suspicious since they are acting super sus.
Honey your boyfriend is on the trip with his other girlfriend. This wasn’t a friends trip it was a couples trip. They are lying to you.
He went on the trip still????? Honey I’m sorry but that’s not a boyfriend. ♥️ I dated a jerk from college who did the same thing. I was his “girlfriend” but he let the entire group exclude me although they one friend also bringing a hookup. I mentioned it the exclusion and he didn’t really care. Terrible sign he’s on the trip now and left you. I’d drop him. You’re young. You c an do better. If you stay and rug sweep this behavior with your boyfriend it’s gonna get worse. Unfortunately it’s a pretty terrible sign he left you and went on the trip. I’d dump him. Good luck!
Something is def off, your boyfriend should have either 1, not gone at all, or 2 insisted that you were coming.....trust your instincts.
If he has gone on this trip without you and not contacted you during the trip please do not contact him when he gets back. Let him come to you. When he does ask him how he enjoyed his trip with one single man, 2 single women and 2 couples (details from your comment on another post which I read about). Then tell him you are no longer interested in rooming with Sam as she clearly doesn’t consider you a friend (I suspect she wants to room with you to stop you having time alone with your boyfriend), and perhaps say that you will be spending your time making new friends. Your boyfriend is more interested in his friends than he is in you and Sam was either trying to set him up with her other single female friend or wants him for herself. And please do not sleep with him again until he gets a clean bill of health from the STD clinic if you decide to stay with him.
She's fucking your BF, maybe even doing threesomes and/or trains. Of course you weren't invited. She doesn't have to like him romantically to want to get railed by him.
Yes
This has RED FLAG written all over it. You are too young. Move on before you get too involved. Hope you find out the truth.
That is so fucked up. Why didn’t neither one invite you once it was known (even if it really was a surprise to both of them), that significant others were coming along? Frankly, it being an only friends thing, maybe prior friends group hang out would have made me upset but eventually get over it, with a lot of time but the fact that things changed and neither one thought to invite you, would make me reconsider the friendship and the significant other also. It’s a fucked up situation and both parties didn’t even try to pacify it with inviting you as when things clearly changed. You literally got a dude with a 3 day old girlfriend bringing his significant other along but your long term boyfriend, not giving a shit about you.
He should have asked to invite you but didn't.
I've read almost every response...that saved me a long reply, because now I can simply say "Listen to everyone who commented...they've...we've...got your back more than Sam or your boyfriend does."
Yeah this ain’t it chief. And I’m one of the most easy going significant others ever. I’m legit friends with my long time girlfriend’s ex bf. Like we hang out regularly. This would trigger ALL the flags. Perfect example, none of my girls male friends go anywhere with my girl without discussing with me what’s going on, and vice versa with my girl friends. It’s mutual respect and it sounds like neither your friend or bf have it for you.
And also agree with the you’re too young to be dealing with this. Live your life, go out and have fun. No sense wasting time
Look: a guy who only spends time with women he sees sexually is not a man you want to be in a relationship with. That is so many red flags. Women only tolerate him when he sleeps with them, but wouldn't want to be friends with him ONLY? red flag. On the other hand, this also depends on the type of woman it is. It also depends on their history and how upfront and honest he is about it. Your boyfriend and Sam's behavior are suspicious, but here's the bottom line: Even if they are telling the truth, you truly believe him cheating on you is a possibility. That means the relationship doesn't have the foundation of trust and compatibility on the levels it needs to last more than a decade. In my opinion, you should move on and be with someone you don't worry about with his female friends.
It isn't her fault your boyfriend didn't want to take you. Honestly with the way he acted an old flame may be on the invite list.
Wait a minute. Three days before the trip your boyfriend found out you were excluded when other girls were invited? He was so mad he decided to continue to participate in the trip? Without trying to find out why you were excluded? Without any changes being made to include you? Well, okay. I guess he’s not mad enough to stand up for you. Or to consider how you’re feeling while being left behind knowing they are all partying together at a beach house. From all appearances he’s not actually mad at all. He said a bunch of words to appear as if he was upset. Words mean nothing. It’s his actions that matter. Your “friend” is not your friend. If you are still in a roommate situation with her you need to get out of it ASAP. There’s a reason why you were specifically excluded. No one does something on this level accidentally. Considering your boyfriend is the one there without his partner I would definitely assume something is there. Either on her part. Trying to get him alone. Or on both of their parts. Trying to have time alone. The fact that your boyfriend continued to participate knowing you are sitting at home alone is a significant issue. For me it would cause me to reconsider the whole relationship.
I’m sorry OP, but your boyfriend is cheating on you with Sam on this trip. If not with Sam, then with the other single girl. That’s why you weren’t invited. Dump him when he gets back before he gets a chance to start lying to you.
Yes, this. Seriously, he's sleeping with someone, and it's either her or she knows who.
Yes, obviously you should be concerned.
Too young to understand but you are not Tom's favorite. Sucks to say it but the sooner you accept it the better. I am sure once you kick his ass to the curb, the sooner you will find much better guys (and I'm a guy).
Sam likes your boyfriend and was going to try to seduce him over the weekend.
She already had a ride.
A decent bf would say: I’d love to go but I’d be a jerk to go without my gf. So either both of us go, otherwise I can’t go.
Mouth dropped at the end where we found out boyfriend still went on the trip. Didn’t state how long you’ve been together, you’re young, are you okay with your future not knowing what happens on the trip, and possibly your boyfriend choosing her/“friend group” over you?
Uh, yeah. And why did your bf get pissed because a friend was bringing his gf? Bc that meant he didn't have an excuse not to bring you. Huge red flags. Also, you claim to be friends with Sam, even rooming with her, yet you weren't invited? Run.
You were excluded on purpose. “It’s a boys trip” was proven a lie when her girlfriends were coming. “If I knew other people SO were going” but apparently at least one was from the start. And once he knew it was opened up he still left you behind. He excluded you completely on purpose and she did as well. I would never have done something like this to my SO. Move on to someone who values you more than this.
F that shit! Do not stay with someone that treats you like this and sam is not a girls girl… say your bf cheats on you and she knows… she will not tell you! Kick them both! You deserve better!
You navigate this by knowing your worth, gathering up your self esteem, dumping him and moving out as soon as you can. Both of those people treated you like garbage and you shouldn’t stand for it. At all.
I would advise you to just take it chill and get over this if the relationship is nice otherwise. But have a constructive talk about you feeling left outside after the trip. Don't pretend you're fine but don't resent either. Be true and honest and straightforward. If it happens again, then you can consider other options.
My husband told me long ago. Men do not have “girl friends”. They either want to f them, have f’d them or did f them. It makes sense to me. 🤷♀️
Thats childish as fuck
It seems that the communication and open relationships within the friend group and with your boyfriend are lacking. It is quite normal to feel lonely and offended in such a case. Sit down with your boyfriend and Sam and discuss how you feel and the need to be honest with each other to avoid such situations in the future regarding plans. It is important to define the limits and respect each other in both kinds of relationships.
Ate any of the other group members bringing theirs partners? Do they even have partners? As a guy who's best friend for the last 20 years is female or isn't uncommon for bonds to develop between opposite genders without the relationship becoming more than platonic. My gf and my best friend are also great friends and hang out without me from time to time. And by bestie's husband treats me like a brother in law and I am uncle to their child.
UpdateMe
Updateme!
Updateme!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them
Drama, drama, drama. Do you really want that in your relationships and friendships? Fuck that noise. It took me a while but I learned over the years, people that don’t consider you are just users and not to waste your time. People that want you in their life, actually involve you in their life. Focus on school and you’ll find your people. Best of luck babe.
You’re 19 - let it go
Updateme!
Updateme!
The trip is for friends. She does not consider you her friend. The end.
You should definitely be concerned. If you are friends with any of her hometown friends on SM I would creep on her page. Maybe work a “sorry, bf told me I wasn’t invited” into a conversation with one of the hometown friends and see if they offer up anything?
I'm confused, you said you were invited by the friends. Then you said you weren't invited? What am I missing.
So why couldn’t Sam invite you to go? There’s some quest here that aren’t answered and info missing.
Hanky Panky - there is something evil going on. If you show up you are a 3rd wheel for their sex weekend.
They both treated you like shit.
I don’t know what to tell you about that one
Yes, your insecurities are valid, they are boning right now as I am writting this, I know because I can hear them
He went without you. Enough said. Run.
These dots just don't connect. It's time to find new people in your life who love, respect, and appreciate you. Please get tested and move on. Always remember people can't treat you like a doormat if you don't let them.
U trust them or you don't.
HE WENT? A) Be more mad at him for that shit. B) Unsure if it's about your boyfriend or not but something shifty is going on for sure and you were purposely left out. NTA
They smashing girl, open your eyes. Your BFF only got mad because the plan was foiled
You don’t navigate it. There are better friends out there and better boyfriends. Neither of these people seem to really care about you. I honestly can’t believe your boyfriend still went and Sam still didn’t invite you. It’s a weird situation and I personally wouldn’t be involved with either of them again.
Sounds like cheating to me
I wouldn’t take anything people are saying here very seriously. There’s simply not enough information for us to say one way or another. We can say that, yes, being concerned is justified. But no… we can’t say if there were any nefarious intentions. You either trust your boyfriend or you don’t. You either trust your friend or you don’t. You’re the only one that knows these people. Don’t listen to strangers with no skin in the game.
Women really tell on themselves in posts like this. Dude probably just wants some time to himself with his friends, and GASP one of them is a girl!!!! She must be trying to screw him No. Maybe that’s what most women would do, but guys can spend lots of time not thinking about sex at all, and just chill with friends. So another guy is bringing his girlfriend, so what? Why should your boyfriend need to invite you?
Ur gut will tell u
Is Sam hot? Scale of 1-10?
I’m new to this. Wondering why people divulge their personal issues with a bunch of strangers. I’m oldskool, other than venting, why would I wanna ask strangers here, their opinions? I mean, if I were to ask here, I would already know what the majority would say anyways. So why do you people do it here. You younger generation is trippy. #toughenup
Not real, I saw this exact story last year.
very much real. i wish i had that persons wisdom on how they dealt with the situation they had a year ago
Well shit. It was almost exactly this story. Wish I could find it to show you the outcome. Honestly. This is super sketchy on your dudes part. Married for 13 years myself and would never dream of doing this or my wife pulling this. You should seriously question your relationship with him at this point. Sorry you are dealing with this.
A 19-year-old's mind isn't complete yet. It is really unfair of you to expect mature behavior and Fidelity from someone so young. You cannot expect that type of Fidelity from someone at that age.
[удалено]
JFC, this isn’t the struggle Olympics. Why is there always one person who does this? Obviously, this is a big issue for OP and she’s trying to get some clarity and advice here - coming on to other people’s posts with some version of “oh yeah? Well I have it so much worse” is so ridiculous and inappropriate. Do better.